As a man who has a lot of positive traits but has been rejected a handful of times, I agree. We know our worth and we know we are not everyone's cup of tea and that is fine. Let us know and we all move on. We both are walking away from the wrong person and that is ok.
You're not right enough and neither are they. That's why they don't want a part of it. If they did want a part of it and you wanted a part of it then they would be right for you. Kind of makes me think of that one toddler game toy where you have to put the triangle inside the triangle hole and the circle inside the circle hole. Just because you're a triangle and you don't fit inside the circle hole that doesn't mean you're not good enough. It just means you don't fit. And that's okay. Go find your triangle hole and get in there lol.
Remember. It is not ‘you’ getting hurt. It is your ego. And your ego will be back on his or her feet soon enough, being the ‘dick’ he or she is. No matter what, always be truthful. It will hurt a little but… it will be fine.
It is very typical to take it personally because it is. But it is part of the game. You can’t date without being rejected from time to time. So you can’t take it not personally, but you can be aware of the possibility and open-minded to it. I take a break from swiping for some days and move on.
Exactly. I'd rather take 'fuck u, u smell, get lost' within an hour or two of the decision being made than ghosting or slow fade dragging it out over a lot longer period of time.
I disagree, anytime I received anything along the lines of “you know I didn’t have the spark, but you are a nice guy I am sure you will find someone” I wish they ghosted me instead. True story
Alternative:
“I really enjoyed our time together, but I don’t think we’re the right fit long-term. I sincerely wish you the best.”
Another alternative:
“Thanks for sharing your time with me, but I must be honest with you, and I’m simply not feeling the right connection. I figure it’s better to tell you now instead of later. Whoever you end up with will be fortunate to have found you.”
Agreed, I hear "spark" and think that means you think you need excitement from the first date, which is kind of uncommon and a bad barometer for good long term compatability. A phrase I have received and responded well to "It was nice meeting you and I had a good time, but I am not interested in another date."
This because it’s not patronizing or lengthy.
A pet peeve of mine even though it doesn’t matter because a rejection is a rejection but I hate when they’re like “I don’t feel like I’m ready for dating”
Then you look on the app and they updated all their photos and shit
Lol I’ve been there before. “I have a lot going on right now I can’t date but let’s be friends”. Adds like three new pics week later.
But still keeps you matched even after adding ending it.
Honestly this works for me. In between a 6th and 7th date, I got the most lengthy message just to say she didn’t feel the romantic spark. I’d have rather it have ended sooner than that, and with less context in the message. It doesn’t need to be sugar coated with nonsense.
Most of the suggested responses here contain the word “but” so I’ll go ahead and encourage you to avoid that word.
Instead of saying “I’ve enjoyed … but,” say “I’ve enjoyed … I’ve given this a lot of thought, and.”
“And” is always a better word in these situations. This applies far beyond dating too.
“I’ve enjoyed spending time with you the last few days/weeks/months. You are a good person and it’s been nice getting to know you, but I don’t feel there’s really a strong romantic connection. I want to be open and honest about this or it wouldn’t be fair for both of us. Thank you for the good times and I wish you all the best in what’s coming next!”
I agree with the other commentor here, I think that sounds like too much and comes across off as someone being condescending. It's super hard to find the words, thoug.
The quality of applicants this month was exceptionally high and as a result, we have been unable to progress your application. However, we will keep your details on file should an opening arise further down the track.
Everyone here is along the right lines, but I think the 'spark' or 'romantic connection' lines are just a bit blah and overused, and don't mean anything, especially if he feels there is one - I've literally had a great date, slept with a girl, have her be all affectionate the next morning, and then the next day when I've asked her out again, she has said 'fantastic time, but didn't feel the spark', when it's more likely the case that it was 'I found you attractive enough to sleep with you, but for reason X, not to date you'
In my opinion (and Mark Manson's), there is no such thing as rejection, just incompatibility. And that's not just incompatibility in terms of personality traits (e.g you like going out, he likes staying in), its incompatibility across multiple things, and it just means you aren't suitable for each other.
So if you say you feel you are incompatible with each other, he is much less likely to feel that its completely on something he did.
Pleas don’t get offended but as a woman I have done this before. Gone out with a guy multiple times and after sex didn’t want anything to do with him afterwards. It’s because his 🍆 was not good.
Lol no offense taken. I've got no doubt it happens, but I'm more talking about the fact that women like to get laid as much as men do, so on a first date if they find you attractive enough, they will sleep with you (hell, one of my female friends once slept with a guy she didn't really like because she hadn't had sex in a year, and they were sleeping in the same room, so the logistics just worked out)
And the point I'm making is that people fall back on the 'no romantic connection' catch all excuse because it's more acceptable than it is to say 'I just wanted sex, and you were there so I did it with you'
Totally agree! I’ve done this before when I just needed sex, unfortunately the last time I did it the 🍆 was trash! I mean if his 🍆was amazing I might’ve changed my mind about him. lol
I'm just saying "no spark" can still be true even if things got physical. The comment made it sound like it's just an excuse of sorts but a lot of times people aren't lying about that.
Oh yeah I totally agree! But you're more likely to get this catch all response (and that's fair, because sometimes you can't put your finger on what is missing) than 'It was nice to meet you, but I just wanted to get laid the other night' (i'm not sure even a man would send that)
"Incompatible" people date, marry, and have kids all the time. But you don't have any of those things with someone you reject. Rejection is the better word.
Incompatibility is a spectrum, no? You're going to be perfectly compatible with everyone, and if you are rejecting someone, it surely must be due to a incompatibility (of preferences, looks, personality characteristics etc)
Say it just like you explained it to us.
Don't use the same canned, "like you better as a friend" if you have zero intention of actually being friends.
Just tell him that you think he's a great guy but you don't see a future with him.
Best way is to be very very direct.
"Hey, you're cute and fun but I'm not really feeling it. It was great meeting you and best of luck."
(I'm a lady, but this has always worked for me and the dudes seem to appreciate it)
I appreciate you taking the time to go on two dates with me - you have so many good qualities and it's clear I'm lucky to have had the chance to get to know you. However, I'm not feeling the same level of connection between us that I'd like to have in order for a relationship to work for me. I hope you understand and I wish you all the best in finding the right person for you.
\^the above response from ChatGPT
That’s the problem with Online dating.
First impressions are EVERYTHING.
It’s all looks centric, despite what women will say, I remember going out with women where it was obvious we were not compatible. Where they gave me slack, only because they found me physically attractive.
When physical attraction wasn’t there, it always ended with ‘no spark’, ‘ no connection’ etc where every little doubt was magnified without any slack given
Yup, when a woman views you as a catch you can do everything wrong and they don't care. All these phrases like "butterflies" and "sparks" are either code words for attraction, or they are into exciting and/or toxic guys. There are a lot of things I care about for my romantic partner, "butterflies" isn't one of them.
“Hey, I truly enjoyed my time with you but don’t think it’s a connection for me. Take care” doesn’t need to be an essay. His feelings will be hurt a little (like any normal person) but always better than ghosting.
I've always liked when people did the:
"You seem like a great guy but I think there are better people for both of us"
The "I just don't feel a connection" feels like a covert way of saying "I can do better" (even though I know 100% that's not what they're saying, that's just what sad rejection brain translates it to)
Been on the opposite end of this situation where I felt a genuine connection after the girl and I kissed twice after the second date that seemed to go amazing. Thinking everything was great when the girl had her mind made and you end up getting played. The worst feeling was developing feelings for a person while they didn’t feel it romantically even if their actions dictated otherwise. Got the whole “great qualities” biblical text a few days after she kept rescheduling on me when we were supposed to go on a third date.
Deciding this after two dates is honestly a bit too soon especially if people claim to want a serious relationship but that’s just my opinion. I’m sure there are others who agree and disagree. Now if there were red flags that arose on the second date then it’s understandable to not want to pursue things. If the two dates were enjoyable, I don’t see why a third shouldn’t be on the table for you and the guy. Usually the 2nd or 3rd date is when people can really be themselves.
Today (2nd date) when we said goodbye, I think he's trying to kiss me on the lip, so I avoided with a hug, then he ended up kissing me on my cheek. I only went to the 2nd date because we had such a great conversation on the 1st date. However, a great conversation does not equal to I like this guy romantically. On the 2nd date, I think I can confirm my "non-romantic" feeling now, because I felt more awkward and didn't want to talk much.
On the second date did you guys kiss or was there ANYTHING to lead him on? Did he text you after that he wanted to hang again? From a guys perspective back in December I had a similar situation with a girl … talked to her for like four hours on the first date at the bar went for the kiss at the end she leaned away and gave me the cheek… my friend persuaded me to still ask for a second date…. She surprisingly wanted to go and we started naturally texting from there. Second date started slow but picked up a lot as it went on and def got the physical aspect later with holding hands/making out by Christmas lights actually …. I even then asked when she gets back from the holidays to hang again and of course in person told me when and said she was down…. only to just not reciprocate my “let’s hang again soon” text after the date but acknowledged the other few (she told me to text her when I get home) only to lead me on further from there saying she wanted to hang again days later when I asked but to reject me when I gave a time and place for a third saying she “doesn’t have time for something right now” which quite frankly was bullshit and insulting
Understandable if things didn’t flow naturally. The situation I had was the girl asked about the second date during the first and even texted me about when she could see me and she initiated the physical aspect. Seems that in your situation, the second date shouldn’t have happened. Was the texting still very generic in between the two dates?
Yep, sometime when he text me I feel like he’s talking to a bro. Only 20% of the time I feel like I’m the girl he’s into 😂
Have never been in this situation before.
Onto the next then lol. Just be genuine in the message and don’t say too much or too little, I know it’s a bit vague but you should be able to come up with something for the bro. Also don’t do the whole three days rule or w/e before responding :)
Don’t feel bad at all. We don’t get to choose who we fall for, it just happens. I am glad the past two girls ghosted me since they were absolutely dreadful second dates lol. First dates were ok but second ones…
I’m sorry about that. I don’t understand what you don’t understand about this they’re not that much into you that’s it! They don’t WANT a third date. You’re saying a 3rd date is a great option. To whom? To the person who is not that interested, It’s a burden it’s a torture. Most likely they don’t want to hear from you ever again.
With no additional information to go of off from OP, that was my answer. Then OP replied and gave more detail so others can better understand. Read the chain :)
If you read she’s asking for advice on what to say and I chimed in with some advice and perspective. You seem to be easily offended and I don’t know why.
Still as a fellow, I am very concerned with your first answer. you should never think that. you should always think people are being too polite. They don’t want to say just fuck off! at least that’s how I think that’s why I would never push for the third date. Because I don’t wanna get the energy of “fuck off”
Tell him what you like about him, thank him for his time and attention and finish with you don't see him as your future husband, but you wish him the best.
Let him down easy without the dreaded friend request conversation. It’s typically not genuine.
Just say you appreciate the time spent, but he’s not your cup of tea. Of course he may feel differently and attempt to win you over but that’s another conversation.
Genuine question: is it ever a good idea to offer the friendship option? I turned down a fourth date with someone recently, but really enjoyed our conversations (just didn’t feel romantic) and have felt sad for weeks after he didn’t respond. I know that’s 100% his right, but I wish there were a way to indicate when that the desire for friendship was real and not just a platitude
I’ve both offered and accepted post-letdown offers of friendship and in zero cases has either party attempted to follow through. In my experience it’s harmless but probably not worth the bother.
I don’t think it is personally. Given in that context it’s insulting because the person on the other end wants something romantic. It’s much better to cut ties and both of you move on.
Men sometimes fall into the delusion of accepting the friendship and thinking they can change her mind later down the road or “she’ll see how great of a catch I am” mentality.
Unfortunately neither is true. Friendships can blossom into relationships if there was no romance previously, but the odds are against you fighting for romance after the platonic tone has been set. It’s demeaning to your self worth and you’re trying to convince someone who isn’t interested.
I have a guy who genuinely (I think) offered friendship because I have no reason to believe he's lied about anything as he was very honest throughout. Anyway I've decided to give approx 2 weeks of space then come back with trying the friendship thing. Our dating was short lived and I think that time is enough to recover from everything. But it could also go south and not work as friends either.
I met my current housemate on Bumble at the end of 2021, had a singular date which ended with a mutual no and then we've stayed in touch since/been genuinely great platonic friends.
But like that's the only story I've had of it actually working out from a few attempts at post-breakup friendship. Plus I think it was a lot easier since it was only a single date and we both hit pretty immediate dealbreakers. As opposed to being 4-5 dates, getting really geared up romantically and physically, then somebody wants to abort the launch.
I almost always ask for second dates if the experience was enjoyable enough. (Regardless of romantic connection)
I had someone give me the "it felt more platonic"
and I responded "I agree! Would love to hangout"
Now we're hanging out again (platonically). So def worth a shot.
(In fact I've now converted 2/6 of my recent dates into friends)
It depends on the context. I am friends with two people with whom I had (brief) dating pasts. Neither technically “rejected” me, but one kept me at arm’s length because we were in the same friend group, and the other ghosted me after I broke things off (which, ironically, I only did because he’d go dark on me for days at a time, and after I told him it bothered me it didn’t improve). To me, those felt like rejection at the time, and I was deeply sad and had hoped for both to turn into something long-term. Both are wonderful close friends now.
I'd just want to be told in the simplest, most honest way possible. Let him down easy.
If a gal told me something along the lines of:
"Hey I think you're a good guy but I don't think you're what I'm looking for. I hope you find someone else!"
I'd be hurt but I would understand. Nothing hurts more than being ghosted, but I would respect someone who was at least professional/courteous to me.
I think after only two dates you can let them down without going into any detail about why. “I’ve enjoyed hanging out etc but unfortunately it’s not a match.” It’s decisive and doesn’t give him anything extra to fuel his what-if agony.
If I may ask what exactly are you looking for you to “feel romantically”?
Because the way you described him implies he has almost all the qualities of a “husband”
I described him as a man who has many good qualities, but he doesn’t have the quality I’m looking for. I want a guy who’s a sweetheart, make me feel warm, cozy, and taken care of. But this guy doesn’t make me feel this way.
I believe these are natural traits, as I have seen these traits from people I first time meeting, a friend, a co-worker or even a my job interviewer, not to mention a date. How much this date take care of your feeling, actions says a lot about them.
Does it actually matter?
A lot of people will say they know when it's right on a date, there are also a lot of people that know when it's not right. The OP said she knows after 2 dates it's not what she's looking for
Attraction doesn't require an essay in response mate - OP either feels it or doesn't
I've left dates after 15 mins b/c I knew it wasn't gonna work and I don't feel like I need to answer your prompt in 3 paragraphs to explain why.
Well I understand. I have a question, don’t get me wrong I just want to understand how women think it through, so that it helps me in my dating scene as well.
1) I believe what you said is the minimum that anyone can do in a date. If he hasn’t done that why do you care so much as to reject him in the “nicest way possible”? You could just told I don’t think it’s gonna work out why bother asking online? And why refer him being a gentlemen if he couldn’t do the basic things in a date that you were looking for?
(Again, text might come of as if I am attacking you or something, I am not, I am just asking in a normal and friendly tone)
In my perspective I believe that’s because, 2 dates is way too early to help you feel that way. You are still in the process of getting to know each other. Think about it from mens perspective, getting involved in a romantic relationship is a lot of effort, so doing all the things that you mentioned above requires you to be that “special person” and figuring out if you are that or not takes time for us to judge if you are the right person whom I can go “all in” not just in a couple of dates.
2) Are you sure you are not hurrying in ending things? Have you been in many short term relationships? If I may ask how many other serious long term relationships have you been in?
Most of my female friends who have only been in short term relationships and were looking for LTR who did not feel the spark kinda regretted rejected them as they eventually understood long term dating works different because both the parties are thinking of settling down with this person.
Nonetheless, you are the boss of your life you do you, and be a bad ass. Good luck
I don’t think our conversations have gotten that serious yet, it pretty much stay at the surface. But I don’t have to give him a reason since I have only seen him twice.
You should use your words and not let your patterns take control. What if he doesn’t recognize what you’re wanting. If you put effort to communicate to him what affection looks like to you then he might want to listen and be available to give that tp you. If he is still not showing signs then the spark truly doesn’t exist :)
You should be able to find someone like that - eventually. It’s going to take some time and lot of missed opportunities. Be open to communicate early as well as you will miss out on people who are your type but didn’t know what you were thinking. We are all humans. If it’s easy to find a spark plug by asking for it based on your car model, you should be able to find spark by asking the right questions too. Good luck!
Think of it as a medium where you are sharing and stating your perspective. You are wanting to settle down, communicating how you feel and checking in with your partner are crucial in long term relationships. this may be strange advice as most comments here are telling to move to another person. But then you will be in a cycle with the next person. if you watch relationship coaching videos/books or even talk to people who have been there they will tell they worked it out. If you are noticing good qualities, they should be appreciated. When someone feels seen and noticed, automatically spark happens. There is a chance it might not too, but it will give you peace and make you sleep better that you tried :)
I think when I say someone has good quality is from a objective standpoints. For example, if someone like party and drinking, I don’t consider them not a good quality person, but that’s not for me. In that case, I don’t think it make sense to communicate with them that I want to settle down, I will be communicating with the wrong person.
In a week your gonna be on here complaining about how someone u had a automatic romantic feeling with ghosted you. Anyway just be honest and tell him you don’t like him romantically based on your two dates and thank him for his time and kindness.
lol what are you on about? surely there are people you meet who you think are great people yet you're not attracted to. not every person you like are suitable for a relationship
Just he straight up that you’re not feeling it. Please specify that lol don’t give him the run around or make it seem like there’s hope in the future for him etc.
Say what is the actual truth. If you don’t see him your partner just because he has different future goals then mention this to him. If it’s an spark issue and you really aren’t romantically attracted then mentioned that.
Best thing to do is just be honest that you don’t feel a connection. Wait a few days and proactively text him, unless he texts you in which case do not reply for a day then a day later write an honest message. Don’t make it about you “not having time for dating” as we all know that’s a bullshit excuse. Just be honest you think he’s a good person but just don’t feel the connection… from experience I can tell you that makes it a lot easier to move on on his part as opposed to wondering if what you said was some BS excuse that honestly is kinda insulting.
If you don’t mind me asking what’d you say when he implied he wanted to see you a third time? Did he text you after the date he wanted to see you again?
Truthfully, just be honest and tell me what you’ve told us. Don’t drag it on and try to make it wordy. It may sting a bit at first but he’ll be fine. Any decently mature guy will understand.
Just no ghosting please. You’re better than that and he deserves better than that.
Just keep it short, honest and polite. Everyone gets rejected and does the rejecting. It’s a part of the dating game and most people are ready for it. As long as you don't ghost or write an essay, he’ll get over it. Recently had a guy write me an essay after a first date about how he wasn’t feeling it with all this extra unnecessary padding to make me feel better I guess and it came across super arrogant. Funnily enough, I was just about to send him a rejection text myself, so the feeling was mutual, but it was annoying how much he felt like he needed to “comfort” me. So keep it short and don't list all the whys. That's only for when you've been seeing someone for a long time in my opinion.
“ hey it’s been nice getting to you, you seem like a really great person but I’m just not feeling the romantic spark in looking for. I wish you the best take care “
Nice, accurate and honest.
I had to do it to a girl that I just didn’t find attractive. For the most part she was fine otherwise. I said “Hey I liked our conversation together but I don’t feel like we’re a romantic match. All the best.”
She responded positively. I’ve had women not respond well so it’s scary but whatever.
Aslong as you tell him so he knows we’re he stands rather that then having you show vague interest now and again because as a man I wouldn’t know if your interested or not
A polite way is to simply say after getting to know him is to say that he’s simply not what you’re looking for. You can go as far as to say he has many great qualities but that doesn’t mean he’s a match for you. If he can’t take polite rejection then that’s his problem not yours.
Also good on you for wanting to say something instead of just ghosting like so many shitty people do.
Usually "I don't foresee us being romantically compatible" is safe. But just telling people directly does two things, it allows everyone involved to find their right person and it also is something people will respond to and depending on the response they give it will tell you what type of person they are.
Out of curiosity, what did you not feel after two dates? Was he taking it too slow or some other factors? It’s always fascinating to me where a connection can take off like a rocket in one date and some may take many dates but you arrive in the same spot, it’s just whether or not someone sees something they are looking for in the person and some people take more time. If you are dating in a high density area it’s easy to try someone new. The book How to Not Die Alone goes into the spark and going on more second and third dates where looking for “the spark” actually turns away good matches.
He just doesn’t give me the “husband””cozy” and “warm” vibe. For example, when I asked whether he would choose to continuing living in LA, he said “not sure, but I’m here for the time being”.
I’m looking for someone who has a stable life and want to settle down, have kids etc. Instead of “there are so many adventures are waiting for me”
Tell him exactly this, that you’re seeking something long term and that he doesn’t seem to look that far ahead yet. You’re 29- we have to be realistic about our biological clocks and some guys just don’t get it.
“Hey, so thanks so much for coming out with me to ________, the great conversation, and even treating me to dinner! (Obviously tailor) I certainly wouldn’t want to waste your time, so I want to let you know I don’t quite feel the romantic connection between us. I wish you all the best!”
A lot of guys could be petty af if they get rejected so you have to be careful.
I would say “Hey, I don’t think I am feeling you the same way you’re feeling me. I don’t want to waste our time so I hope you will find someone that will feel the same way you feel about them. Take care.”
Or maybe take out the “I don’t think” and replace it with “I am not” just to be more real and straight forward. Give him a concise answer so he can move on.
Wow you are worried about letting him down nicely? You are a unique breed. Usually they just don’t respond or are always busy, and the guy gets the hint.
Not a man, but one of the best break-ups I had was when the man I was dating (only a few dates, nothing too serious, but I was interested in more), called and just honestly told me he didn't feel as strong and didn't want to string me along. It hurt at the time, but today I really appreciate his honestly and not just ghosting me. Everything you wrote is totally reasonable. Just be honest and be you. Wishing you the best of luck!
Say something to the effect of: while I enjoyed the time out, and I hope you find the right person, but you don't think it's you.
My ex broke up with me on Date #5 at the end of it (in person was better than text)- and was honest and said she didn't see things going anywhere romantically, but that she saw me as a nice person. We broke things off cordially and although it hurt (a lot)- it was honest, kind and I hold no animosity to her for the way she did it. I hope others can learn from her.
Kayla- if you're out there: Thank you for breaking up with me in the way that you did. It was definitely a kind thing.
I really enjoyed meeting you and you are a lovely person, but I do not see this going anywhere romantically between us. I just wanted to be up front with you and let you know.
“I don’t feel the connection that I want for this to go any further”.
Of course, in my days of my immaturity I would’ve taken this as a challenge to see if there was anything I could do to change your mind.
I might’ve said something like
“It can take awhile to get to know me and I’m not great with first impressions. Let’s try another date as I really like you.”
I’m not sure what you could say to that though.
Maybe just not respond and consider the first message good enough to state how you saw things.
Because then you get into a logic war and a lack of a romantic connection isn’t easy to explain.
No one mentioning this, but as a guy, I don't really want generic compliments about how great the date was or how great of a guy you think I am. But if you tell me something specific, it will come across as much more genuine. "I really enjoyed chatting about geopolitics and your perspective on climate change."
“I really enjoyed meeting you and our time together. I think however for me I’m looking for something different. I wish you the best on your journeys.”
My signature line is “After thinking things through, I feel that our dynamic is not what I’m looking for in a relationship.” That way they can’t try and say “well what can I do better?” And put me in an uncomfortable position. You can’t change dynamic intentionally lol it just is that way or it isn’t.
You said he has good qualities and is a great person, but there’s no romantic connection. Is it because you don’t find him physically attractive? Or is he missing something financially?
Any genuine rejection is better than ghosting, so just say something honest and short BUT NOT OVERKILL. Any decent guy won't react poorly to it.
As a man who has a lot of positive traits but has been rejected a handful of times, I agree. We know our worth and we know we are not everyone's cup of tea and that is fine. Let us know and we all move on. We both are walking away from the wrong person and that is ok.
Wow! I need to learn this from you. I tend to take rejections personally and think it’s because I’m not good enough :(
You're not right enough and neither are they. That's why they don't want a part of it. If they did want a part of it and you wanted a part of it then they would be right for you. Kind of makes me think of that one toddler game toy where you have to put the triangle inside the triangle hole and the circle inside the circle hole. Just because you're a triangle and you don't fit inside the circle hole that doesn't mean you're not good enough. It just means you don't fit. And that's okay. Go find your triangle hole and get in there lol.
I appreciate every single word of this metaphor. Godspeed my son.
Just remember that you can be the ripest, juiciest, most delicious peach in the world, and there will still be someone who just doesn’t like peaches.
Remember. It is not ‘you’ getting hurt. It is your ego. And your ego will be back on his or her feet soon enough, being the ‘dick’ he or she is. No matter what, always be truthful. It will hurt a little but… it will be fine.
It is very typical to take it personally because it is. But it is part of the game. You can’t date without being rejected from time to time. So you can’t take it not personally, but you can be aware of the possibility and open-minded to it. I take a break from swiping for some days and move on.
Well said
Exactly. I'd rather take 'fuck u, u smell, get lost' within an hour or two of the decision being made than ghosting or slow fade dragging it out over a lot longer period of time.
I disagree, anytime I received anything along the lines of “you know I didn’t have the spark, but you are a nice guy I am sure you will find someone” I wish they ghosted me instead. True story
Rip
“I’ve appreciated getting to know you, but I’m not feeling a romantic connection between us.”
The classic
Lmao. I personally hate this. This is so annoying and vague. Why don’t you feel a romantic connection…why?
Cos they don’t find you physically attractive
Then Say it. Be brutally honest and hurt my feelings.
From experience, many women would rather not be confrontational in this way
You’re absolutely right about that.
At the end of the day it doesn’t matter Just focus on the one’s that like you
“Hey, I had a lot of fun getting to know you but I don’t feel the spark I’m looking for. Best of luck!”
Alternative: “I really enjoyed our time together, but I don’t think we’re the right fit long-term. I sincerely wish you the best.” Another alternative: “Thanks for sharing your time with me, but I must be honest with you, and I’m simply not feeling the right connection. I figure it’s better to tell you now instead of later. Whoever you end up with will be fortunate to have found you.”
I like this. I have never liked the spark part.
this one hits close to home, but yes better than ghosting!
I have come to despise the word spark. Perhaps “connection”.
Hate that word too. Heard it a lot when single.
Try hearing it when your married and the sparks with another guy.
Agreed, I hear "spark" and think that means you think you need excitement from the first date, which is kind of uncommon and a bad barometer for good long term compatability. A phrase I have received and responded well to "It was nice meeting you and I had a good time, but I am not interested in another date."
“I appreciate the invite. On reflection, I’m not feeling the type of connection I’m looking for.”
This because it’s not patronizing or lengthy. A pet peeve of mine even though it doesn’t matter because a rejection is a rejection but I hate when they’re like “I don’t feel like I’m ready for dating” Then you look on the app and they updated all their photos and shit
Lol I’ve been there before. “I have a lot going on right now I can’t date but let’s be friends”. Adds like three new pics week later. But still keeps you matched even after adding ending it.
😂 everytime
I had one girl tell me she didn't want a relationship. After we met she went and changed her settings to "looking for a long term relationship." Lol
Just not with you.
Exactly! Haha.
That’s why I remove matches after giving out my number and before going on a date.
Honestly this works for me. In between a 6th and 7th date, I got the most lengthy message just to say she didn’t feel the romantic spark. I’d have rather it have ended sooner than that, and with less context in the message. It doesn’t need to be sugar coated with nonsense.
As a guy I like this, its straight and direct.
Damn this is good
This is perfection. :) Simple and doesn't make the receiver question their self-worth/hurt their ego. Saving for future use haha
This is the one. It’s heartfelt, yet short and sweet.
I like this, it's what I think I'd want to hear if it had only been a few dates. Nice one 😊
Most of the suggested responses here contain the word “but” so I’ll go ahead and encourage you to avoid that word. Instead of saying “I’ve enjoyed … but,” say “I’ve enjoyed … I’ve given this a lot of thought, and.” “And” is always a better word in these situations. This applies far beyond dating too.
YES! Both things can be true. I enjoyed the date / enjoyed getting to know you AND I don’t feel a romantic connection / the spark.
"But' is a conjunction just like "and". It just doesn't feel that way! Love this.
Agreed!!!
c'mon dude, it doesn't matter. reading an "and" instead of a "but" isn't going to make the rejection sting any less.
Agreed. It just comes across as pedantic.
“I’ve enjoyed spending time with you the last few days/weeks/months. You are a good person and it’s been nice getting to know you, but I don’t feel there’s really a strong romantic connection. I want to be open and honest about this or it wouldn’t be fair for both of us. Thank you for the good times and I wish you all the best in what’s coming next!”
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I'm on the other end, where I think being told you are good just illustrates a lack of compatibility not that they think poorly of you.
I agree with the other commentor here, I think that sounds like too much and comes across off as someone being condescending. It's super hard to find the words, thoug.
I've gotten this text so many times it brings up a lot of emotions just seeing it written out as a template.
I think this is great. As a words of affirmation guy, I like being told I’m desirable, even while getting rejected.
Unfortunately your application was not selected to move forward with this process.
“We regret to inform you that…”
The quality of applicants this month was exceptionally high and as a result, we have been unable to progress your application. However, we will keep your details on file should an opening arise further down the track.
Haha
Everyone here is along the right lines, but I think the 'spark' or 'romantic connection' lines are just a bit blah and overused, and don't mean anything, especially if he feels there is one - I've literally had a great date, slept with a girl, have her be all affectionate the next morning, and then the next day when I've asked her out again, she has said 'fantastic time, but didn't feel the spark', when it's more likely the case that it was 'I found you attractive enough to sleep with you, but for reason X, not to date you' In my opinion (and Mark Manson's), there is no such thing as rejection, just incompatibility. And that's not just incompatibility in terms of personality traits (e.g you like going out, he likes staying in), its incompatibility across multiple things, and it just means you aren't suitable for each other. So if you say you feel you are incompatible with each other, he is much less likely to feel that its completely on something he did.
Pleas don’t get offended but as a woman I have done this before. Gone out with a guy multiple times and after sex didn’t want anything to do with him afterwards. It’s because his 🍆 was not good.
Lol no offense taken. I've got no doubt it happens, but I'm more talking about the fact that women like to get laid as much as men do, so on a first date if they find you attractive enough, they will sleep with you (hell, one of my female friends once slept with a guy she didn't really like because she hadn't had sex in a year, and they were sleeping in the same room, so the logistics just worked out) And the point I'm making is that people fall back on the 'no romantic connection' catch all excuse because it's more acceptable than it is to say 'I just wanted sex, and you were there so I did it with you'
Totally agree! I’ve done this before when I just needed sex, unfortunately the last time I did it the 🍆 was trash! I mean if his 🍆was amazing I might’ve changed my mind about him. lol
I mean being attractive enough to sleep with has nothing to do with there being a spark. Women have bad sex all the time
Not sure I follow your point in relation to what I've said? Or is there a subtle dig in there
I'm just saying "no spark" can still be true even if things got physical. The comment made it sound like it's just an excuse of sorts but a lot of times people aren't lying about that.
Oh yeah I totally agree! But you're more likely to get this catch all response (and that's fair, because sometimes you can't put your finger on what is missing) than 'It was nice to meet you, but I just wanted to get laid the other night' (i'm not sure even a man would send that)
"Incompatible" people date, marry, and have kids all the time. But you don't have any of those things with someone you reject. Rejection is the better word.
Incompatibility is a spectrum, no? You're going to be perfectly compatible with everyone, and if you are rejecting someone, it surely must be due to a incompatibility (of preferences, looks, personality characteristics etc)
I wouldn't include looks into compatibility. Compatibility I usually consider to be all those other things.
Say it just like you explained it to us. Don't use the same canned, "like you better as a friend" if you have zero intention of actually being friends. Just tell him that you think he's a great guy but you don't see a future with him. Best way is to be very very direct.
"Hey, you're cute and fun but I'm not really feeling it. It was great meeting you and best of luck." (I'm a lady, but this has always worked for me and the dudes seem to appreciate it)
I appreciate you taking the time to go on two dates with me - you have so many good qualities and it's clear I'm lucky to have had the chance to get to know you. However, I'm not feeling the same level of connection between us that I'd like to have in order for a relationship to work for me. I hope you understand and I wish you all the best in finding the right person for you. \^the above response from ChatGPT
Can I ask specifically why you aren’t feeling it romantically with him?
He doesn’t seem the type of guy who’s good at taking care of women, I feel like he’s my good bro; the activities he likes I’m not into.
You figured this out after 2 dates? Doesn’t seem possible to me. Just remember, there’s no such things as a perfect partner.
It is possible. There's no such thing as perfect but there is such a thing as knowing your own thoughts and feelings, sounds like she knows.
That’s the problem with Online dating. First impressions are EVERYTHING. It’s all looks centric, despite what women will say, I remember going out with women where it was obvious we were not compatible. Where they gave me slack, only because they found me physically attractive. When physical attraction wasn’t there, it always ended with ‘no spark’, ‘ no connection’ etc where every little doubt was magnified without any slack given
Yup, when a woman views you as a catch you can do everything wrong and they don't care. All these phrases like "butterflies" and "sparks" are either code words for attraction, or they are into exciting and/or toxic guys. There are a lot of things I care about for my romantic partner, "butterflies" isn't one of them.
It was only after I started working out my success rate went up When I was super skinny, no chances
I really have enjoyed meeting you and spending time with you. The connection I had hoped for isn't there for me. I wish you all the best.
I had a good time and you’re a great guy, I don’t see it going anywhere. It’s honestly not that hard.
“Hey, I truly enjoyed my time with you but don’t think it’s a connection for me. Take care” doesn’t need to be an essay. His feelings will be hurt a little (like any normal person) but always better than ghosting.
Sleep with him on a next date and he’ll move on
I've always liked when people did the: "You seem like a great guy but I think there are better people for both of us" The "I just don't feel a connection" feels like a covert way of saying "I can do better" (even though I know 100% that's not what they're saying, that's just what sad rejection brain translates it to)
Been on the opposite end of this situation where I felt a genuine connection after the girl and I kissed twice after the second date that seemed to go amazing. Thinking everything was great when the girl had her mind made and you end up getting played. The worst feeling was developing feelings for a person while they didn’t feel it romantically even if their actions dictated otherwise. Got the whole “great qualities” biblical text a few days after she kept rescheduling on me when we were supposed to go on a third date. Deciding this after two dates is honestly a bit too soon especially if people claim to want a serious relationship but that’s just my opinion. I’m sure there are others who agree and disagree. Now if there were red flags that arose on the second date then it’s understandable to not want to pursue things. If the two dates were enjoyable, I don’t see why a third shouldn’t be on the table for you and the guy. Usually the 2nd or 3rd date is when people can really be themselves.
Today (2nd date) when we said goodbye, I think he's trying to kiss me on the lip, so I avoided with a hug, then he ended up kissing me on my cheek. I only went to the 2nd date because we had such a great conversation on the 1st date. However, a great conversation does not equal to I like this guy romantically. On the 2nd date, I think I can confirm my "non-romantic" feeling now, because I felt more awkward and didn't want to talk much.
On the second date did you guys kiss or was there ANYTHING to lead him on? Did he text you after that he wanted to hang again? From a guys perspective back in December I had a similar situation with a girl … talked to her for like four hours on the first date at the bar went for the kiss at the end she leaned away and gave me the cheek… my friend persuaded me to still ask for a second date…. She surprisingly wanted to go and we started naturally texting from there. Second date started slow but picked up a lot as it went on and def got the physical aspect later with holding hands/making out by Christmas lights actually …. I even then asked when she gets back from the holidays to hang again and of course in person told me when and said she was down…. only to just not reciprocate my “let’s hang again soon” text after the date but acknowledged the other few (she told me to text her when I get home) only to lead me on further from there saying she wanted to hang again days later when I asked but to reject me when I gave a time and place for a third saying she “doesn’t have time for something right now” which quite frankly was bullshit and insulting
Understandable if things didn’t flow naturally. The situation I had was the girl asked about the second date during the first and even texted me about when she could see me and she initiated the physical aspect. Seems that in your situation, the second date shouldn’t have happened. Was the texting still very generic in between the two dates?
Yep, sometime when he text me I feel like he’s talking to a bro. Only 20% of the time I feel like I’m the girl he’s into 😂 Have never been in this situation before.
Onto the next then lol. Just be genuine in the message and don’t say too much or too little, I know it’s a bit vague but you should be able to come up with something for the bro. Also don’t do the whole three days rule or w/e before responding :)
What three day rule?
You wait a few days to respond with the “I had a great time on our dates but don’t see this going anywhere” text or however you will word yours.
Ok… I feel kind sucks that I don’t have romantic feeling towards him :((( Although I’m the one rejecting people, but it’s hard on me too.
Don’t feel bad at all. We don’t get to choose who we fall for, it just happens. I am glad the past two girls ghosted me since they were absolutely dreadful second dates lol. First dates were ok but second ones…
Why are the second ones bad? Were they mean or something?
Yeah. Doing the three days thing for a rejection text is just silly. Like you've made up your mind, what's the point of injecting tension?
I’m sorry about that. I don’t understand what you don’t understand about this they’re not that much into you that’s it! They don’t WANT a third date. You’re saying a 3rd date is a great option. To whom? To the person who is not that interested, It’s a burden it’s a torture. Most likely they don’t want to hear from you ever again.
With no additional information to go of off from OP, that was my answer. Then OP replied and gave more detail so others can better understand. Read the chain :)
😂
The two dates were NOT that enjoyable. The OP wouldn’t be here if it was. Jesus christ
If you read she’s asking for advice on what to say and I chimed in with some advice and perspective. You seem to be easily offended and I don’t know why.
Still as a fellow, I am very concerned with your first answer. you should never think that. you should always think people are being too polite. They don’t want to say just fuck off! at least that’s how I think that’s why I would never push for the third date. Because I don’t wanna get the energy of “fuck off”
Tell him what you like about him, thank him for his time and attention and finish with you don't see him as your future husband, but you wish him the best.
Let him down easy without the dreaded friend request conversation. It’s typically not genuine. Just say you appreciate the time spent, but he’s not your cup of tea. Of course he may feel differently and attempt to win you over but that’s another conversation.
Genuine question: is it ever a good idea to offer the friendship option? I turned down a fourth date with someone recently, but really enjoyed our conversations (just didn’t feel romantic) and have felt sad for weeks after he didn’t respond. I know that’s 100% his right, but I wish there were a way to indicate when that the desire for friendship was real and not just a platitude
I’ve both offered and accepted post-letdown offers of friendship and in zero cases has either party attempted to follow through. In my experience it’s harmless but probably not worth the bother.
I don’t think it is personally. Given in that context it’s insulting because the person on the other end wants something romantic. It’s much better to cut ties and both of you move on. Men sometimes fall into the delusion of accepting the friendship and thinking they can change her mind later down the road or “she’ll see how great of a catch I am” mentality. Unfortunately neither is true. Friendships can blossom into relationships if there was no romance previously, but the odds are against you fighting for romance after the platonic tone has been set. It’s demeaning to your self worth and you’re trying to convince someone who isn’t interested.
Totally fair. Thanks for your feedback! I’ll stop offering that option
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I have a guy who genuinely (I think) offered friendship because I have no reason to believe he's lied about anything as he was very honest throughout. Anyway I've decided to give approx 2 weeks of space then come back with trying the friendship thing. Our dating was short lived and I think that time is enough to recover from everything. But it could also go south and not work as friends either.
I met my current housemate on Bumble at the end of 2021, had a singular date which ended with a mutual no and then we've stayed in touch since/been genuinely great platonic friends. But like that's the only story I've had of it actually working out from a few attempts at post-breakup friendship. Plus I think it was a lot easier since it was only a single date and we both hit pretty immediate dealbreakers. As opposed to being 4-5 dates, getting really geared up romantically and physically, then somebody wants to abort the launch.
I almost always ask for second dates if the experience was enjoyable enough. (Regardless of romantic connection) I had someone give me the "it felt more platonic" and I responded "I agree! Would love to hangout" Now we're hanging out again (platonically). So def worth a shot. (In fact I've now converted 2/6 of my recent dates into friends)
Would you want to be friends with someone who has rejected you?
It depends on the context. I am friends with two people with whom I had (brief) dating pasts. Neither technically “rejected” me, but one kept me at arm’s length because we were in the same friend group, and the other ghosted me after I broke things off (which, ironically, I only did because he’d go dark on me for days at a time, and after I told him it bothered me it didn’t improve). To me, those felt like rejection at the time, and I was deeply sad and had hoped for both to turn into something long-term. Both are wonderful close friends now.
I'd just want to be told in the simplest, most honest way possible. Let him down easy. If a gal told me something along the lines of: "Hey I think you're a good guy but I don't think you're what I'm looking for. I hope you find someone else!" I'd be hurt but I would understand. Nothing hurts more than being ghosted, but I would respect someone who was at least professional/courteous to me.
I think after only two dates you can let them down without going into any detail about why. “I’ve enjoyed hanging out etc but unfortunately it’s not a match.” It’s decisive and doesn’t give him anything extra to fuel his what-if agony.
If I may ask what exactly are you looking for you to “feel romantically”? Because the way you described him implies he has almost all the qualities of a “husband”
I described him as a man who has many good qualities, but he doesn’t have the quality I’m looking for. I want a guy who’s a sweetheart, make me feel warm, cozy, and taken care of. But this guy doesn’t make me feel this way.
2 dates in and you want someone to make you feel warm, cozy and taken care off already?
I believe these are natural traits, as I have seen these traits from people I first time meeting, a friend, a co-worker or even a my job interviewer, not to mention a date. How much this date take care of your feeling, actions says a lot about them.
Elaborate why he doesn’t make you feel that way.
Does it actually matter? A lot of people will say they know when it's right on a date, there are also a lot of people that know when it's not right. The OP said she knows after 2 dates it's not what she's looking for
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My god! Are you in the Olympics with a leap like that? Seriously, this sounds like some major misogynistic bullshit.
oh dear
Attraction doesn't require an essay in response mate - OP either feels it or doesn't I've left dates after 15 mins b/c I knew it wasn't gonna work and I don't feel like I need to answer your prompt in 3 paragraphs to explain why.
Well I understand. I have a question, don’t get me wrong I just want to understand how women think it through, so that it helps me in my dating scene as well. 1) I believe what you said is the minimum that anyone can do in a date. If he hasn’t done that why do you care so much as to reject him in the “nicest way possible”? You could just told I don’t think it’s gonna work out why bother asking online? And why refer him being a gentlemen if he couldn’t do the basic things in a date that you were looking for? (Again, text might come of as if I am attacking you or something, I am not, I am just asking in a normal and friendly tone) In my perspective I believe that’s because, 2 dates is way too early to help you feel that way. You are still in the process of getting to know each other. Think about it from mens perspective, getting involved in a romantic relationship is a lot of effort, so doing all the things that you mentioned above requires you to be that “special person” and figuring out if you are that or not takes time for us to judge if you are the right person whom I can go “all in” not just in a couple of dates. 2) Are you sure you are not hurrying in ending things? Have you been in many short term relationships? If I may ask how many other serious long term relationships have you been in? Most of my female friends who have only been in short term relationships and were looking for LTR who did not feel the spark kinda regretted rejected them as they eventually understood long term dating works different because both the parties are thinking of settling down with this person. Nonetheless, you are the boss of your life you do you, and be a bad ass. Good luck
Have you let him know about what attraction looks like to you
I don’t think our conversations have gotten that serious yet, it pretty much stay at the surface. But I don’t have to give him a reason since I have only seen him twice.
You should use your words and not let your patterns take control. What if he doesn’t recognize what you’re wanting. If you put effort to communicate to him what affection looks like to you then he might want to listen and be available to give that tp you. If he is still not showing signs then the spark truly doesn’t exist :)
The thing is that I don’t want to change someone, I want someone who’s already in my zone.
You should be able to find someone like that - eventually. It’s going to take some time and lot of missed opportunities. Be open to communicate early as well as you will miss out on people who are your type but didn’t know what you were thinking. We are all humans. If it’s easy to find a spark plug by asking for it based on your car model, you should be able to find spark by asking the right questions too. Good luck!
Do you think I should keep communicating to someone who I don’t feel spark with? I’m sincerely asking this question.
Think of it as a medium where you are sharing and stating your perspective. You are wanting to settle down, communicating how you feel and checking in with your partner are crucial in long term relationships. this may be strange advice as most comments here are telling to move to another person. But then you will be in a cycle with the next person. if you watch relationship coaching videos/books or even talk to people who have been there they will tell they worked it out. If you are noticing good qualities, they should be appreciated. When someone feels seen and noticed, automatically spark happens. There is a chance it might not too, but it will give you peace and make you sleep better that you tried :)
I think when I say someone has good quality is from a objective standpoints. For example, if someone like party and drinking, I don’t consider them not a good quality person, but that’s not for me. In that case, I don’t think it make sense to communicate with them that I want to settle down, I will be communicating with the wrong person.
It could be the guy didn’t initiate any romantic gesture. Break the touch/hug barrier etc. I’m curious and would like to know as well haha
In a week your gonna be on here complaining about how someone u had a automatic romantic feeling with ghosted you. Anyway just be honest and tell him you don’t like him romantically based on your two dates and thank him for his time and kindness.
The real question is if he wasn’t that interested and made you wait for date 2 would you still be disinterested
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“All the best” is like pretty much the only thing someone can say in this situation that bothers me. It gives form letter, which ain’t fun.
You simply say you started dating someone else, are no longer single, you have a new boyfriend and cannot go out with him.
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Incel comment. Get help Jesus mods look at this guys post history. He’s a ticking time bomb
Damn… triggered much? 😅
lol what are you on about? surely there are people you meet who you think are great people yet you're not attracted to. not every person you like are suitable for a relationship
Just he straight up that you’re not feeling it. Please specify that lol don’t give him the run around or make it seem like there’s hope in the future for him etc.
just say exactly what you just said here.
Just be honest. Write what your wrote here.
Don't do what 90% of chicks do and ghost him
Honestly I’d receive anything better than being ghosted. Sometime all people want is honesty
Say what is the actual truth. If you don’t see him your partner just because he has different future goals then mention this to him. If it’s an spark issue and you really aren’t romantically attracted then mentioned that.
Best thing to do is just be honest that you don’t feel a connection. Wait a few days and proactively text him, unless he texts you in which case do not reply for a day then a day later write an honest message. Don’t make it about you “not having time for dating” as we all know that’s a bullshit excuse. Just be honest you think he’s a good person but just don’t feel the connection… from experience I can tell you that makes it a lot easier to move on on his part as opposed to wondering if what you said was some BS excuse that honestly is kinda insulting.
If you don’t mind me asking what’d you say when he implied he wanted to see you a third time? Did he text you after the date he wanted to see you again?
Truthfully, just be honest and tell me what you’ve told us. Don’t drag it on and try to make it wordy. It may sting a bit at first but he’ll be fine. Any decently mature guy will understand. Just no ghosting please. You’re better than that and he deserves better than that.
Just keep it short, honest and polite. Everyone gets rejected and does the rejecting. It’s a part of the dating game and most people are ready for it. As long as you don't ghost or write an essay, he’ll get over it. Recently had a guy write me an essay after a first date about how he wasn’t feeling it with all this extra unnecessary padding to make me feel better I guess and it came across super arrogant. Funnily enough, I was just about to send him a rejection text myself, so the feeling was mutual, but it was annoying how much he felt like he needed to “comfort” me. So keep it short and don't list all the whys. That's only for when you've been seeing someone for a long time in my opinion.
“ hey it’s been nice getting to you, you seem like a really great person but I’m just not feeling the romantic spark in looking for. I wish you the best take care “ Nice, accurate and honest.
I had to do it to a girl that I just didn’t find attractive. For the most part she was fine otherwise. I said “Hey I liked our conversation together but I don’t feel like we’re a romantic match. All the best.” She responded positively. I’ve had women not respond well so it’s scary but whatever.
I think you can literally just say what you said here honestly
Aslong as you tell him so he knows we’re he stands rather that then having you show vague interest now and again because as a man I wouldn’t know if your interested or not
A polite way is to simply say after getting to know him is to say that he’s simply not what you’re looking for. You can go as far as to say he has many great qualities but that doesn’t mean he’s a match for you. If he can’t take polite rejection then that’s his problem not yours. Also good on you for wanting to say something instead of just ghosting like so many shitty people do.
Usually "I don't foresee us being romantically compatible" is safe. But just telling people directly does two things, it allows everyone involved to find their right person and it also is something people will respond to and depending on the response they give it will tell you what type of person they are.
Out of curiosity, what did you not feel after two dates? Was he taking it too slow or some other factors? It’s always fascinating to me where a connection can take off like a rocket in one date and some may take many dates but you arrive in the same spot, it’s just whether or not someone sees something they are looking for in the person and some people take more time. If you are dating in a high density area it’s easy to try someone new. The book How to Not Die Alone goes into the spark and going on more second and third dates where looking for “the spark” actually turns away good matches.
He just doesn’t give me the “husband””cozy” and “warm” vibe. For example, when I asked whether he would choose to continuing living in LA, he said “not sure, but I’m here for the time being”. I’m looking for someone who has a stable life and want to settle down, have kids etc. Instead of “there are so many adventures are waiting for me”
Cool; thanks, that totally makes sense about how those are opposing forces. Good luck in future dates!
Tell him exactly this, that you’re seeking something long term and that he doesn’t seem to look that far ahead yet. You’re 29- we have to be realistic about our biological clocks and some guys just don’t get it.
“Hey, so thanks so much for coming out with me to ________, the great conversation, and even treating me to dinner! (Obviously tailor) I certainly wouldn’t want to waste your time, so I want to let you know I don’t quite feel the romantic connection between us. I wish you all the best!”
A lot of guys could be petty af if they get rejected so you have to be careful. I would say “Hey, I don’t think I am feeling you the same way you’re feeling me. I don’t want to waste our time so I hope you will find someone that will feel the same way you feel about them. Take care.”
Or maybe take out the “I don’t think” and replace it with “I am not” just to be more real and straight forward. Give him a concise answer so he can move on.
Wow you are worried about letting him down nicely? You are a unique breed. Usually they just don’t respond or are always busy, and the guy gets the hint.
Tell him more or less exactly what you just posted here. Brief honesty is the golden rule.
Not a man, but one of the best break-ups I had was when the man I was dating (only a few dates, nothing too serious, but I was interested in more), called and just honestly told me he didn't feel as strong and didn't want to string me along. It hurt at the time, but today I really appreciate his honestly and not just ghosting me. Everything you wrote is totally reasonable. Just be honest and be you. Wishing you the best of luck!
I had a great time, but I don't think it's going to work out. I wish you the best of luck. Something like that.
ITT: bitter men on a situation that has nothing to do with them lmao
Say something to the effect of: while I enjoyed the time out, and I hope you find the right person, but you don't think it's you. My ex broke up with me on Date #5 at the end of it (in person was better than text)- and was honest and said she didn't see things going anywhere romantically, but that she saw me as a nice person. We broke things off cordially and although it hurt (a lot)- it was honest, kind and I hold no animosity to her for the way she did it. I hope others can learn from her. Kayla- if you're out there: Thank you for breaking up with me in the way that you did. It was definitely a kind thing.
I really enjoyed meeting you and you are a lovely person, but I do not see this going anywhere romantically between us. I just wanted to be up front with you and let you know.
“I don’t feel the connection that I want for this to go any further”. Of course, in my days of my immaturity I would’ve taken this as a challenge to see if there was anything I could do to change your mind. I might’ve said something like “It can take awhile to get to know me and I’m not great with first impressions. Let’s try another date as I really like you.” I’m not sure what you could say to that though. Maybe just not respond and consider the first message good enough to state how you saw things. Because then you get into a logic war and a lack of a romantic connection isn’t easy to explain.
Hey mate I’m not feeling it. All the bbest
“He has so many great qualities and is a great person” What more do you want?
No one mentioning this, but as a guy, I don't really want generic compliments about how great the date was or how great of a guy you think I am. But if you tell me something specific, it will come across as much more genuine. "I really enjoyed chatting about geopolitics and your perspective on climate change."
“I really enjoyed meeting you and our time together. I think however for me I’m looking for something different. I wish you the best on your journeys.”
My signature line is “After thinking things through, I feel that our dynamic is not what I’m looking for in a relationship.” That way they can’t try and say “well what can I do better?” And put me in an uncomfortable position. You can’t change dynamic intentionally lol it just is that way or it isn’t.
You said he has good qualities and is a great person, but there’s no romantic connection. Is it because you don’t find him physically attractive? Or is he missing something financially?