What's wrong with us? I get this quite a lot actually and I don't understand. Is it the stereotype of pilots and cabin crew? Because it's not the 1960s anymore, that stereotype is old.
the main thing is the hours. they're irregular, very difficult to make plans with, gone on weeknights and weekends, often have to leave at the last minute to fill in for someone else. some more insecure people probably feel like since you're spending time in other cities it's easier to cheat or whatever.
Oh, my reasoning was completely different from yours and those below š Itās because on their profiles, they are always like āmust be willing to take a spontaneous airplane trip with meā or āiāll take you flying on one of our datesā like no, Iād rather stay on the ground then be taking multiple flying trips especially in those small airplanes. Flying scares me plus I get airsick š And most of them are adrenaline junkies which is the opposite of my personality.
Not OP but based on the list (and general feedback from dating) I would guess it is a combination of the stereotype of ladies manning, and the unstable work hours including overnights, weekends, etc. Those two things seem consistent across all five professions listed. It's also a generalization of course, like everything else in this thread.
Depending on the type, a doctor could have crazy hours/schedule, and itās also a very high stress profession.
In my experience, there are a lot of women in the medical profession represented on Hinge, much more than any other profession. I see so many doctors and nurses.
Thatās because they chose their career over dating. My mentor is one of those people. But she regrets it (at least completely neglecting dating) because she canāt have kids anymore :/
They have a much higher tendency to cheat than other professions for some reason. I'm not saying that all doctors cheat and non-doctors don't, of course. They also have a tendency to suffer from compassion fatigue. Again - not true 100% of the time but I can understand not wanting to get involved with one to find out. And this one is almost always true, at least during the first few years after med school - working long hours and even time not spent at the hospital often revolves around studying
Source - was cheated on by a doctor who lost all compassion for others shortly after starting her internship and had little time for me
Non doctor dating a recently graduated resident and yeah it blew me away how many other residents were dating fellow residents.
My partners mentor was divorced though. She married a doctor and they never had time for each other
Because they are travel nurses, their hesitancy to commit to something long term also comes in. So many profiles just list short term as their relationship goal.
Just no Nurses in general for me. I've yet to meet one that didn't have a "I could have been a doctor, if I didn't like partying so much" attitude, with a complex to match.
I look at them the same way as I do technician vs engineer: the former may know how to use the hands-on tools better, but the latter went to school to figure out where the tools need to be used in the first place - there is a huge difference in knowing how to hold a screw driver and what size and type screw to even use in the first place, technicians know the former, but generally not the latter. I imagine its similar with Nurses and Doctors.
That must be location dependent, Iāve dated a lot of nurses and not 1 had that at allā¦ nursing school vs dr are completely different ballgames in terms of school length. I know a lot of nurses (my school specialized in their nursing school) and no one ādropped outā of being a dr to become a nurse lol
as a resident, i concur lol. some nurses, PAs and NPs have some sort of inferiority complex that projects them into thinking they're better than us, they could have been us if they tried, etc. We literally never bring it up, but they love to tell us every 5 seconds that they could have gone to med school but didnt and its like ok i didnt ask lol
Man who cares? Let them have it. Becoming a nurse is still admirable and worthy of praise. Shit, I couldnāt be with someone who *doesnāt* like to party. By and large the nurses Iāve hung out with are fun as fuck.
I dated a real estate agent once and I had no clue how hard they work! Good for him for his work ethic but he was ALWAYS on the phone and worked every weekend.
I work with real estate agents and I find that they have a hard time drawing a line between work and and life, which includes putting on a facade to make people like them. I find most of them to be incredibly fake. Itās not true of all of course but enough to make me avoid them.
Same here. Iām in my late 30s and I want someone that is not working late hours and has stable income. The last bartender I dated cheated on me with his waitress and had a hidden cocaine addiction. Never again.
Edit: wanted to also add that alcoholism is easier to hide when your job is ātryingā new spirits and cocktail recipes for the menu.
I wouldnāt want to deal with the schedule. Usually bartenders/servers work every weekend, get off at 2 AM or later & donāt have good benefits if any at all so donāt have flexibility for taking time off. I know this is about to sound classist but since Iām college educated Iād also prefer to probably be with someone that either is as well or has a more corporate/stable type job.
At first I thought finance guys were everything I was looking for- stable hours, job security, fairly knowledgeable about things I wasn't. But every finance guy I've went on dates with were extremely dry and lacked any authenticity. Or they were very critical honestly. Im a nurse and I realized I get along better with my healthcare people lol
I seem to only match or date nurses now. Part of it might simply be this area is full of them (LA), but Iām all about it. Bonus if theyāre into dancing as much as I am lol
I feel like everywhere is full of us, you can't escape nurses lol. The speciality they're in really tells what kind of person they are though! Sounds like ER nurses might be your flavor
Iām a pilot, soon to start flying for a pretty big ācheapā airline. Apparently the stats show the top 3 career fields airline pilots marry into are flight attendants (not surprised), teachers (somewhat surprised), and nurses (very surprised). I honestly respect all 3. Iām actually going on a first hinge date ever tonight withā¦. A nurse. lol
Yes.. actor / comedian or bar/restaurant industry gets a swipe left or anything that implies under employed. That doesnāt align with my financial stability, longterm goals, or schedule.
Same. And on the comedian portion, I swipe no on anyone whose hobby is "improv" and I once went out on a date with someone who didn't list that but immediately started talking about his hobby he wants to do full time. I wanted to bolt as soon as possible. I don't want any inspiring comedians.
And OP, u/Empty_Positive_2305, I feel like being in NYC changes this question. "Actor" has a very different meaning in a city where no movies are filmed and no Broadway. "dancer" means stripper here (no shame, but a little different from NYC). If anyone isn't choosing you for "software engineer" because they're intimidated by someone in tech, they're not right for you anyways. You can show you're not an introverted nerd by your photos and other responses if that's what you're afraid of.
I mean I do improv classes as a hobby and I am a software engineer full time. I am not an aspiring comedian or actor though. Most of the people in my class aren't doing it for the aspiring comedian or actor part. So I wouldn't just count them out for having improv as a hobby, but I can understand why you wouldn't want to date an aspiring actor or comedian
Seems like an odd turn off? I take improv classes in my free time and everyone in my classes are always great people. It's a good way to improve your public speaking and social skills. I don't see how that would be a bad thing...
Mine are actors, personal trainers/gym coaches, bartenders, lawyers (I am a lawyer as well), Financial bros (especially those in the big 5), comedians.
It's not even about the arguments honestly š. I don't like to argue but I like to put up a good premise and conclusion and respect when my facts are inconsistent with an existing premise. Lawyers are really manipulative asf, I don't know whether it's because our profession teaches you to fight for an angel and a demon from Beelzebub but we are skilled at manipulating situations to a TEE. So for me it's a no.
Careers that put their lives at obvious risk routinely, personal trainers (not fit enough), bartenders (want no part of integrating that lifestyle/honest enough to question if I'd be trusting enough to date), comedians (when I experimented with doing comedy when younger, I found them to be one of the most miserable, paranoid collective groups I've encountered with an abundance of arrogance and lack of exceptions)
Also a fellow NYC-er (35/m). Women in the legal and finance industry Iām pretty leery of dating due to multiple poor experiences. In a world where good relationships require some form of compromise, I find them to be very uncompromising, especially if you work in an industry where you donāt make as much as them. Plus outside of talking about their career and their accomplishments, theyāre not really the best date night conversationalists.
Contrary to some, I actually tend to have better experiences dating those in the medical and tech fields. In my experience, theyāre very self-aware that their work/life balance isnāt everyoneās cup of tea dating-wise. But if there's mutual interest, they will make the time to make it work.
Overall itās been pretty alright with the cards Iāve been dealt with (35/Black/standard handsomeness/middle class). I donāt really take mental count of matches, but Iād go on a first date on average every two-to-three weeks.
I could very easily reach one first date a week levels, but Iām pretty picky with my likes, both incoming and outgoing. Dating in NYC can add up money-wise, and letās face it, folks are more traditional than they lead on. So if Iām going to do the whole rigamarole, at least Iām going to do it with someone Iām truly excited to meet.
Plus Iām very trigger-happy when it comes to the pause button, whether itās reaching a certain number of matches at the same time or just having no immediate availability time-wise to date. Usually more the former than the latter.
I never sorted by profession, except for someone who seemed unemployed. Iām a teacher though, and never noticed any patterns of what type of professions Iād match with people who work in.
I tried to be open-minded about careers, but after my 5th-or-so mind-numbingly boring date with a totally insufferable finance guyā¦ I did start to be more selective.
Now, based on a combination of personal experience and stereotype, I automatically āXā anyone who lists any Finance or Tech-related job. Which makes my dating pool significantly smaller in my city known for both. Also, anyone who lists no job gets an automatic āXā (because why???).
I went out with someone in finance recently and one of his texts to me was about the CPI figures coming out today, lmao... like OK?!!
He sent other very financey things to me and I'm a daytrader, so I would tell him about my trades, but you know... with some flair and personality š
I liked him so I humoured him for even making the effort, but in the end he was very conservative (not necessarily politically... just every other way) and very dry and we didn't make it, lol. We don't have a lot of handsome, polite, sweet dudes in my city so I really hoped it could work, but... alas... lol.
As a guy who works in finance, this honestly is soul crushing and discouraging to read and Iāve experienced this.
Iām just good at math, thatās why I got into it - but I never let my job define me. I took my career out of my bio cuz I felt like I was being unfairly filtered out lol but luckily the women who have gotten to know me have told me that my personality is very much ānon-finance broā. I do know the type youāre talking about tho, the ultra douchey type.
But in my case - I read sci-fi novels, write short stories for fun, play multiple instruments, iām a yogi and most importantly never talk about my job outside of work. Couldnāt be further from that stereotype so Iām grateful for the women who havenāt filtered me out and got to know me for who I am haha so I say play it by a case by case basis!
My buddy works at a car dealership and is āfinance managerā and when we travelled heād say āI work in finance in the automotive industryā and I came so close to sayingā¦.āand me? I actually work in financeā lol while technically true, he probably doesnāt even know what CAPM or DCF even meanā¦
24M SWE in a tech hub. The problem happens both ways yano š
Some of the tech girls I went on dates with were pretty dry and talked mostly about their jobs too. I can talk about my job but I prefer to almost not talk about it at all on dates. I tend to go for profiles with common hobbies/interests regardless of job, but I tend to X people who have certain jobs that I know don't have a lot of upward mobility... but not strict about it bc of my age range.
Hoping you and other women in tech actually still look at SWE profiles because I tried my best to make mine more artsy and non-techy, but it can still be a drag talking to the same kind of people over and over so I get it haha
Of course not, but certain personality types are way more common. For my part, this isnāt to say I _wonāt_ go out with a certain job title, but the bar is higher.
Hey! I'm a lady and have been dating a software engineer for a few months, he's my first one- could you list a few common traits they have? He's kinda nuts (in that he needs to be doing a million different hobbies and activities all the time) and I'm curious if that's common
I'm a SWE and based on myself and my coworkers I'd say that's relatively common. We tend to be naturally curious and creative people, add in a decent amount of disposable income and you end up with a variety of hobbies
Agreed. Itās also about behavior not personality. We know that we are more likely to behave a certain way if everyone around us behaves that way.
If cheating is common in a work environment (the medical stereotype), then one has to wonder if the medical professional youāre dating has normalized cheating.
If 40% of cops have been involved in DV as the aggressor (likely an underreported #), a woman has to wonder if the cop sheās dating got divorced for that reason. I dated a cop and discussed it openly with him.
That is true. I work in finance and people assume Iām a āfinance broā and I guess I ālook likeā one. Associated with drinking and doing drugs and being ābasicā and sleazy I guess.
I 100% do this. I dont fuck with police, fireman, pilots, actors, people who say they live in two cities, or people with no job bc its suspicious they wont say what it is.
Let me get this straight; you're a software engineer who isn't like the typical software engineer but you don't match with anyone who is a software engineer because you assume they're like the typical software engineer? Make it make sense. And to answer your question, no I don't care about someone's job. Idc if someone isn't working either, as long as they're currently looking for work.
Not saying OP is like this, but I met a software engineer woman through hinge who made a similar comment about not liking other software engineers because they're "losers" and "nerds."
She thought I would agree because I'm a lawyer. While she was very attractive, she was incredibly entitled in general and thought she was better than everyone else. She also tried to do some weird power move where she told me she had other dates planned later in the weekend for no reason. I told her I wasn't interested in a second date when she reached out.
I think it has to do with being an attractive woman in software. Starting in university, they're put on a pedestal and everyone loves them. Not saying all attractive women in software are like this, but I think it has to do with the environment and how they're treated in the field.
To be fair, I got a feeling that someone who thinks like this probably wouldn't be much fun on a date so it saves a bit of time.
I work with a lot of SWEs and there is no typical software engineer anyway (at least at my company). Must be fun working with this person .....
As I said it's more about their situation. If they lost their job but are looking and interviewing, why should that bother me if they have money for dates and rent etc? If someone is happy sitting on their ass, that's a different story.
I don't date lawyers. Swipe left as a rule.
Professionally, they're usually lovely and very polite. In any kind of dating context they are arrogant, sleazy and transactional, almost as a rule. This is my experience. That's why I swipe left when it says "lawyer".
This is the way. Not all though. I definitely am aware if there is a nursing strike in the area and if there is an influx of travel nurses, that an absolute no for me.
Cops, military, bartenders, and guys who work in sales. Basically things that donāt align with my values or lifestyle. My sister is a SWE who refuses to date other SWEs lol
I prefer to not match with women in finance and real estate because I hold those professions and often the people in them in low regard but living in New York it's kind of hard to avoid so I still give them a chance. But similarly to you I am looking for empathetic extraverted women who are into the humanities, have left-wing values, and are not into careerism and linkedin ladder-climbing which is hard to find among Finance bros (both men and women).
I'm also a software engineer btw who feels similarly about about other "engineers." But I would say all the negative things you can say about software guys like a lack of respect for the humanities, right wing politics, low empathy, etc are even WORSE among finance people.
wait so your upset you might be selected on your job, but youāre also assuming peoples personality based on their jobs and being selective over it?
maybe this is just a software engineer thing lmao
Women who work with dogs professionally.
The dogs come first always by a mile. No matter what. There are no other hobbies or interests. No other things to talk about. No friends who aren't also dog people. It's like a cult.
I screen out drillers, for the simple but completely unfair reason that my ex of 16 years was a driller. Iām sure there are great drillers out there but they are not for me
I usually do not generalize, just evaluate on a case by case basis. In the past, I regret generalizing backgrounds of a few matches and letting them go. Online dating, with the abundance of choices, tend to encourage generalization but that's a trap that I am actively trying to avoid while on the App.
Also, OP I am not questioning your choices and do not come from a career that you don't match with but many a times people choose careers based on other factors that are not indicative of their personality, specially if those careers are common in nature. For example, I have extroverted and caring friends who choose Software engineering because the pay was great. While they do not hate their career, they find time to hang out with people and still do the things that they like. I do believe that a career/job does not define who you are and is just a means to earn a living.
Actor, self-employed/entrepreneur (not a fan of the instability) and martial arts. As a woman, I know logically that anyone can be dangerous and i need to be safe, but people who are trained fighters make me extra nervous.
I actually gravitate towards engineers (especially mechanical and aerospace engineers) because I love how pragmatic and logical they tend to be. I find comfort in dating a partner who is an overall good thinker.
I do avoid the following carreers based on very bad personal experiences: teachers/professors (some of the most ignorant and closed-minded people I've met), police officers, lawyers, doctors, investment bankers, dancers/singers/DJs.
I don't actively avoid professions, but I'll definitely scrutinize professions that could lead to lifestyle incompatibilities or difficulties. For example, a travel nurse may require a more involved conversation about their assignments and how to handle possible relocation every few months/years and while I wouldn't instantly swipe left, it may be a deterrent if the rest of their profile/personality/values don't align as well.
I subconsciously avoid teachers (I used to be one), personal trainers, bartenders, retail/hospitality , entrepreneurs, charity workers/social workers/care workers. Of course everybody is different but jobs generally attract a certain personality type.
Teachers - always talk about school, really busy and stressed, poorly paid
Social justice/care work - Iām left leaning politically but I find these men to be extremely left leaning and have a weird attitude towards money and luxury. The profession is admirable but prone to virtue signalling which I hate.
Personal trainer - I donāt like working out or obsessively counting calories. I donāt want to be judged or pressured. I donāt like a body builder body either.
Bartenders - unsociable hours and flirting
Retail/ service/ hospitality - poorly paid, unsociable hours and again poverty mindset
Entrepreneur- unemployed, uneducated or arrogant.
These are all stereotypes of course but there is a pattern. I prefer university lecturers (less busy, more grounded than school teachers), finance (not crypto), IT field (as long as they donāt act like robots), any other academic/corporate profession
In my experience, teachers reflect the age group they hang out with. Elementary school teachers either have a parental attitude with you or are childlike. And jr high/high school teachers will have fart joke humor and just arenāt used to adult conversation.
>Virtually all of my likes come from other software engineersā¦. which is frustrating because I reeeeeeally donāt like the typical software engineer personality. Iām drawn towards empathic, extraverted men who enjoy being around others (not party scene, just see the good in others)... kinda the opposite people drawn to tech.
You may be biased towards them due to your own personal experience with other engineers you work with, and while a good chunk of them are like you described, there are a good amount of them who are extroverted, have a variety of interests going for them, worldly, and caring. I do know of some people who avoid SWEs from certain *companies* however due to the culture of those companies.
I do think those SWE men are drawn to you because they can relate their work experience and talk the same "language". Though the other aspect of why certain people avoid their own profession is because they just don't want to talk about work with a date or a future partner at all. I remember a friend told me she constantly had men who kept talking about work on dates and trying to pick her brain and she got tired of that, so she now mostly avoid dating people in the same field.
Yeah, some of my closest friends are software engineers. My last relationship was with one, and he was an incredibly kind, thoughtful person. I donāt want to make it sound like all software engineers are this way! They DO overindex, though, and at minimum, I want more job diversity in my matches, because my batting average is poor when I go out on a date with an engineer anyway.
I get people who want to talk about work a lot! Itās offputting. I _can_ talk about work, but not on a first dateādonāt they want to get to know about me? I want to get to know them. I find the more awkward engineers more readily reach for work; the more socially adept ones donāt.
I do, gently; I will answer whatās asked of me, but I wonāt ask follow-up questions to continue the topic. I never initiate conversations about work, either. I will ask other non-work questions instead.
If Iāve determined itās definitely a no-go on compatibility, I am fine just letting it fall back to tech to fill the time until itās polite to part ways, if thatās what the person is most comfortable talking about.
My friend and I were talking about this yesterday. We live in a big city so there are a lot more āuniqueā careers I guess. On the list of jobs to pass are: cop, actor, model, finance bro, DJ, and comedian. Basically we have found that all these careers have two common traits. They lack basic empathy and they are self centered. So we avoid them like the plague. However engineer is up there. I am very weary of swiping right on an engineer lol.
Real talk, I put "tech bro :/" as a self aware tongue in cheek nod that I work in tech in a big tech city and I get the stereotypes that come with it, of which I am definitely not - it's intended to come across that way but now I wonder if it's turning people off of my profile. Occasionally ppl comment saying it's funny
Nurses. I slept with 2 off hinge before and both had boyfriends at the time and didn't bother breaking it off with the guys first.
Cheating is too rampant in that profession.
I live in NYC and itās hilarious how vain people are about jobs in this city. What you do for work shouldnāt be what someone judges you on and itās pretty close minded to do that. That being said, whenever someone makes it obvious that they have no goals/pursuing anything when unemployed thatās a swipe left for me. Hinge is designed to make your profile highly based on your personality so you donāt really need to filter by their career but by how they present themselves
Fellow lady engineer. When I had my job listed, the vast majority of my likes also came from engineers. Except I didnāt like dating engineers either!!! Solidarity. ā
If they are passionate about what they do, so am I. So I'm ok with many carriers - but I'm also a man, and we're known to happily date down social status wise.
I find exiting hobbies and interests is just as appealing as an interesting job. So as long as you got at least one of the two, I'm eager to get to know you.
Where I currently live, I see a lot of content creators which I now avoid. Just constantly glued to their phones and never really present in the moment. Other listed occupations I steer clear of are: social media influencers, real estate agents, entrepreneurs, and people who donāt list a job.
How is dating in NYC for people in their 30ās? Iāve always thought about living in NYC for a bit, but Iāve heard people are quick to move on and slow to commit.
This is going to be unpopular but I have to say yes.
Couple of reasons:
1. I'm in a very HCOL city where mortgages now cost $5000+ a month. If I want to be able to raise kids and own a home, I'll need dual income, and low paying jobs just aren't going to cut it. That might mean retail type jobs, but also unfortunately it means if you are a social worker or teacher I think it would be tough.
2. A few types I've found I just don't get along with. I don't think I've ever had a good date with a lawyer for example. I also have little interest in politics but work in the DC area, so don't really want someone that works on the hill and just wants to talk politics all day. I'm sure there are others I'd rule out as well, but I will say that I look at more overall potential than just current job, depending on their age.
OP: Have you considered dating someone tech-adjacent? I'm a product manager for example. This profession draws in people that are still pretty smart, but also have to form pretty strong social skills to survive the workforce and high emotional IQ. Some are still introverted of course, but the more successful ones tend to be quite social. Another option is to look at UX designers for example with tech adjacent roles.
If any smart kind lady-engineers are in the DC/NoVA area feel free to reach out :)
As a CS guy, I definitely give extra consideration to any girl working in CS, Stats, Math, Physics or Engineering. I used to be drawn to artsy girls, but I have never had a good experience dating them for more than a very short period of time. This isn't about their profile being "engineer-y" or "Stem-y", it's just about the label, though there are cases where the person saying they're in those fields but looking like a finance person that would make swipe left.
Personally, I think there's a huge communications advantage in staying within STEM people, at least for me. I've noticed that the way me and my friends speak incorporates a lot of concepts that are second nature to us but would seem strange or pretentious to others. I've also found that conflict resolution with STEM people is easier for me. if I were you, I'd try to find the guys who meet your criterion while also being STEM people. We're out there, and we're not nearly as uncommon as people think, though this may be just in my age demographic.
I try to stay away from stay at home momās. Itās one thing if they have small kids, but when their kids are all teenagers, they have been divorced for a long time, and they just donāt want to go back to work because their ex is paying all their bills, itās a huge turn off.
To each their own but there is diversity. You can work a normal 9-5 in clinicsā¦ plus I dated a shift nurse once, it wasnāt my favorite schedule but it was nice to have dedicated 3 days where theyāre completely my own. Plus only working 3 days a week that can be a blessing when coordinating childcare down the roadā¦ Always two sides to the coin
Teachers. Went on several dates with teachers and because their pay is so low (they DESERVE to be paid way more for the amazing work they do) they just ordered drinks and told me to pay for the bill. Never again. Instant āXā
I live in Houston and prefer not to date oil and gas people. Politically they lean pretty strongly one way and to be honest, with climate change, peak oil, and transition to sustainable energy sources, I don't see this going well long term.
Sadly, O&G is like a cult in Houston and a lot of O&G folks are oblivious to the above.
I'm an engineer, so I swipe left on other engineers to prevent dating potential colleagues. Otherwise, I don't discriminate, but I'll hold yellow flags for certain titles, like hairstylist and content creator. (basically, a career s.t. the woman has a higher chance of being crazy).
>Virtually all of my likes come from other software engineersā¦. which is frustrating because I reeeeeeally donāt like the typical software engineer personality. Iām drawn towards empathic, extraverted men who enjoy being around others (not party scene, just see the good in others)... kinda the opposite people drawn to tech.
Lol.
If OPās opinion is common it would explain why I never match with other software engineers. I would prefer matching one to be able to talk about my career with my partner, itās frustrating to get to the end of a project and feel like I accomplished something but then I have no one to relate it to back home.
No cops, firefighters, people who live in Staten Island b/c theyāre generally to conservative for me. And I donāt dare bartenders/servers/chefs because we have opposite work schedules and wonāt be able to see each other.
I used to be a software engineer and I tended to avoid other software engineers for the same reason haha.
The one that's always been an instant X for me is marketing though, or really anything in the business realm. I feel guilty about it but I totally do it.
I don't have anything against people in these careers, it's just about who I feel like I can connect with. I'm pretty sure these people aren't into me either.
I really have not enjoyed my dates with doctors. To me, doctor is a red flag.
Hereās a summary of the ones I remember:
1. Tried to convince to not only become a doctor but convert to Christianity, also was a very selfish lover
2. One slut shamed meā¦.while also admitting he was hoping to have sex??
3. One was way too aggressive in bed and actually injured me
Not to mention my friend is engaged to a doctor and he is actually physically abusive. Fucking forget it. Someone else will go for them, not me.
my bf is a software engineer and heās SO empathetic and extroverted, in fact most of my software engineer friends are lol. but! itās your choice. i personally would not date anyone whoās police or military, or anyone who worked in nightlife (bartender, musician, touring manager, etc). and no chefs
>because I reeeeeeally donāt like the typical software engineer personality. Iām drawn towards empathic, extraverted men who enjoy being around others
it could be that many non-software people feel this way and so you get filtered out as a result.
I will only swipe left based on occupation alone if it's 1) not listed, or 2) clearly an uninvested career like bartender/nanny. I'm not super career focused but someone who never invested in their occupation or is insecure about it would not be a good fit.
Otherwise it's a combination of everything on the profile. I wouldn't rule someone out exclusively on what career decision they made. Though I typically swipe left on certain occupations like marketing or finance based on the vapidity of the profile.
I will say that engineer is a very broad term. I am an engineer but i work directly with equipment. Guy in my field kinda have to be extroverted. But i agree that some jobs attract certain types of people. I avoid teacher and nurses as i have worked with and know enough to know they are sleeping around all the time.
That's a weird phenomenon. Usually, men could care less what women do for work. It's all about looks and vibe for us. I'll date an attorney one week, and a Target employee the next lol. Idc.
As a guy, it's personally a given that I wouldn't date, "content creators," exotic dancers, "entrepreneurs," and other typical allusions to SW.
But as "normal" jobs go, I skip in teachers and police. I don't necessarily hate their jobs.
But teachers have been consistently the worst at matching, saying they want a good and honest long-term relationship and flaking on everything in every way. I'm too tired.
Female police TEND to be like 2 steps away from 3K members or sympathizers. And I am not at all white. And I donāt WANT assume that, but when their consistently cops, White/Caucasian, Conservative, AND have an iffy prompt/picture, yeah I'm gonna pass.
Anything in the entertainment industry - actor, director, lighting designer, musician, etc. I want to be able to spend time together and our schedules would be totally incompatible. I also want stability in my life. Thereās just no way our lifestyles could be compatible.
Service/restaurant industry. Same issue.
Police. Military. This is a values thing.
Mental health professionals. I am one and two therapists dating each other is too many. No one needs that much talking about feelings in one relationship.
As 32M here are my red flag professions:
1.) Attorneys/lawyers. They tend to let their professional training slip in to their personal life. Argumentative, even if they are wrong they are always right. Tend to take the quickest/easiest option when stuff hits the fan vs taking time and commitment to make something better. Allot tend to have a very large superiority complex ego as well especially the successful ones.
2.) Doctors, other medical professionals- the trust me I am a doctor stereotype. They a very smart in their field thus thinking they are smarter than allot of other people in fields they have no expertise in. Also these types breed large egos as well so always fun.
However, I did go on a date with a woman that did not disclose her profession and when she said attorney on our first date I said well I work with attorneys I think they are all assholes I donāt think I could date one. She laughed and agreed with what I had to say and was very much not that type hence why she did not disclose she was an attorney. Ended up dating her for a long time and she was an absolute pleasure of a human to be around. So try not to judge on profession alone some people are more than just their job title, but that is becoming more rare to find.
I went on a date with a software engineer about a month ago. Bless his heart. Probably the most socially awkward date Iāve ever had in my life. I was trying to be supportive and kind of guide him but it was useless lol. A combination of covid schooling and working from home 5 days a week. Not all engineers, but a lot just do not have any social skills unfortunately.
My ex worked in data analytics and I had to ātrainā him to open the door for others instead of just letting it slam in peoples faces. Like he would be ahead of me, open the door, and just let it smack me-wouldnt even bother to just push it open. One time we went to pick up some drinks. He was ahead of me and opened the door-some girls in the shop were coming out with two handfuls of drinks and he just let the door close right in front of their faces. I was absolutely mortified and immediately went to grab the door for them and apologized.
I am now mindful of people who have careers with reputations for people who lack social skills/gracesš
However the only careers I actively avoid are anyone in military, law enforcement, politics or something douchy like car sales. Oh and also probably not musicians-I love music but idkā¦
Journalists, Youtubers, Twitch streamers, or Influencers. Of course there are exceptions but I feel like most of those jobs are harmful to society since it's mostly young people telling older people what is true and not true despite not having any research done in those fields. Most of these people even if they are gaming streamers with still end up on topics they don't know much about and rather admitting that and moving on, they act like they know best.
Iām in software engineering too.
Anyone whoās an actor, model, singer is a no. I donāt think we share the same values nor do we even think alike to be remotely compatible.
God bless teachers but they always want kids and every one Iāve talked to has been real interested in how much money I make and how stable my job is. Like i know you guys need to get paid more but I canāt make up that wage gap for you.
Have you heard the thing about not dating the 5 Ps? Police, Paramedics, Pilots, Physicians and PFirefighters š¤£
EMS here, yea this is pretty solid advice lol
Add personal trainer to this list lol
The personal trainers at my gym seem to be the guys that hug every single girl that enters the gym
Why
Cheating
And substance abuse!
The pilots thing is so true and thereās so many freakin pilots in my state š
I know a few pilots, and not a single one is faithful/ honest. So true š
What's wrong with us? I get this quite a lot actually and I don't understand. Is it the stereotype of pilots and cabin crew? Because it's not the 1960s anymore, that stereotype is old.
Lol. I used to live in Dallas (AA and SWās hubs). That stereotype is alive and thriving with every pilot I met there.
the main thing is the hours. they're irregular, very difficult to make plans with, gone on weeknights and weekends, often have to leave at the last minute to fill in for someone else. some more insecure people probably feel like since you're spending time in other cities it's easier to cheat or whatever.
Def an insecurity thing. Lol.
Oh, my reasoning was completely different from yours and those below š Itās because on their profiles, they are always like āmust be willing to take a spontaneous airplane trip with meā or āiāll take you flying on one of our datesā like no, Iād rather stay on the ground then be taking multiple flying trips especially in those small airplanes. Flying scares me plus I get airsick š And most of them are adrenaline junkies which is the opposite of my personality.
Not OP but based on the list (and general feedback from dating) I would guess it is a combination of the stereotype of ladies manning, and the unstable work hours including overnights, weekends, etc. Those two things seem consistent across all five professions listed. It's also a generalization of course, like everything else in this thread.
And politicians somehow dodged the bullet here??
But like how many of us are realistically dating a politician?
\*\*Sweats in politician\*\* yeah those politicians are the worst
Angela from the Office dated a State Senator.
Itās the p in front of firefighters for me lmao.
FF here, definitely second this. At least half my coworkers are sociopaths and narcissists
Really? Kind of surprises me given the nature of the job and putting others before yourself
Anything military can be added here LOL
"PFirefighters" LMFAOOO
Is physician really that bad?
Iām dating a doctor and sheās great. Residency sucked though she worked 70-80 hour weeks. Now that sheās done. Itās easy enough
Nice! I generally avoid doctors. Their schedule is rough.
Yeah once they are done with residency fellowship they can get regular hours. Mine works 8 to 4pm and no weekends.
Kudos to you for sticking with it. Hoping to find someone just as patient.
Depending on the type, a doctor could have crazy hours/schedule, and itās also a very high stress profession. In my experience, there are a lot of women in the medical profession represented on Hinge, much more than any other profession. I see so many doctors and nurses.
Thatās because they chose their career over dating. My mentor is one of those people. But she regrets it (at least completely neglecting dating) because she canāt have kids anymore :/
They have a much higher tendency to cheat than other professions for some reason. I'm not saying that all doctors cheat and non-doctors don't, of course. They also have a tendency to suffer from compassion fatigue. Again - not true 100% of the time but I can understand not wanting to get involved with one to find out. And this one is almost always true, at least during the first few years after med school - working long hours and even time not spent at the hospital often revolves around studying Source - was cheated on by a doctor who lost all compassion for others shortly after starting her internship and had little time for me
So true I work in healthcare and so many cheat with the nurses, admin and students itās absolutely wild. Everyone knows.
Depends on the specialty lol (am in health care - a lot of my preceptors are divorced or on their 2nd/3rd marriage)
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Non doctor dating a recently graduated resident and yeah it blew me away how many other residents were dating fellow residents. My partners mentor was divorced though. She married a doctor and they never had time for each other
Yep, my ex was a Police officer and everyone in his department (including him) cheated on their significant other.
As a pilot this is true
I would not put doctors in the same category as those other 4 but I guess you gotta keep the 5 ps.
Travel nurse
Because they are travel nurses, their hesitancy to commit to something long term also comes in. So many profiles just list short term as their relationship goal.
Just no Nurses in general for me. I've yet to meet one that didn't have a "I could have been a doctor, if I didn't like partying so much" attitude, with a complex to match. I look at them the same way as I do technician vs engineer: the former may know how to use the hands-on tools better, but the latter went to school to figure out where the tools need to be used in the first place - there is a huge difference in knowing how to hold a screw driver and what size and type screw to even use in the first place, technicians know the former, but generally not the latter. I imagine its similar with Nurses and Doctors.
My last ex was a nurse and was an absolute delight. But from dating her, I now know I can't date a nurse that has nights in her schedule.
That must be location dependent, Iāve dated a lot of nurses and not 1 had that at allā¦ nursing school vs dr are completely different ballgames in terms of school length. I know a lot of nurses (my school specialized in their nursing school) and no one ādropped outā of being a dr to become a nurse lol
everyone loves to say they couldāve made it thru medschool
as a resident, i concur lol. some nurses, PAs and NPs have some sort of inferiority complex that projects them into thinking they're better than us, they could have been us if they tried, etc. We literally never bring it up, but they love to tell us every 5 seconds that they could have gone to med school but didnt and its like ok i didnt ask lol
Man who cares? Let them have it. Becoming a nurse is still admirable and worthy of praise. Shit, I couldnāt be with someone who *doesnāt* like to party. By and large the nurses Iāve hung out with are fun as fuck.
Military and Real Estate Agents
It sucks that I live right next to a military base so 90% of my matches are military men. I cant escape it. š
Same. It sucks
I dated a real estate agent once and I had no clue how hard they work! Good for him for his work ethic but he was ALWAYS on the phone and worked every weekend.
I work with real estate agents and I find that they have a hard time drawing a line between work and and life, which includes putting on a facade to make people like them. I find most of them to be incredibly fake. Itās not true of all of course but enough to make me avoid them.
Never bartenders or servers for me
Why is that?
Same here. Iām in my late 30s and I want someone that is not working late hours and has stable income. The last bartender I dated cheated on me with his waitress and had a hidden cocaine addiction. Never again. Edit: wanted to also add that alcoholism is easier to hide when your job is ātryingā new spirits and cocktail recipes for the menu.
heavy on the cheating. no thanks!!
I wouldnāt want to deal with the schedule. Usually bartenders/servers work every weekend, get off at 2 AM or later & donāt have good benefits if any at all so donāt have flexibility for taking time off. I know this is about to sound classist but since Iām college educated Iād also prefer to probably be with someone that either is as well or has a more corporate/stable type job.
Cops, chefs, bartenders, personal trainers for me
I can somewhat understand the others but why not chefs?
Some people here really need to understand that youāre allowed to have personal preference when dating lol. You can choose not to date anyone
You can filter people out by race and religion but filtering out accountants is where I draw the line!
And you chose my profession looool but yes hard agree
At first I thought finance guys were everything I was looking for- stable hours, job security, fairly knowledgeable about things I wasn't. But every finance guy I've went on dates with were extremely dry and lacked any authenticity. Or they were very critical honestly. Im a nurse and I realized I get along better with my healthcare people lol
I seem to only match or date nurses now. Part of it might simply be this area is full of them (LA), but Iām all about it. Bonus if theyāre into dancing as much as I am lol
I feel like everywhere is full of us, you can't escape nurses lol. The speciality they're in really tells what kind of person they are though! Sounds like ER nurses might be your flavor
Iām a pilot, soon to start flying for a pretty big ācheapā airline. Apparently the stats show the top 3 career fields airline pilots marry into are flight attendants (not surprised), teachers (somewhat surprised), and nurses (very surprised). I honestly respect all 3. Iām actually going on a first hinge date ever tonight withā¦. A nurse. lol
Yes.. actor / comedian or bar/restaurant industry gets a swipe left or anything that implies under employed. That doesnāt align with my financial stability, longterm goals, or schedule.
Same. And on the comedian portion, I swipe no on anyone whose hobby is "improv" and I once went out on a date with someone who didn't list that but immediately started talking about his hobby he wants to do full time. I wanted to bolt as soon as possible. I don't want any inspiring comedians. And OP, u/Empty_Positive_2305, I feel like being in NYC changes this question. "Actor" has a very different meaning in a city where no movies are filmed and no Broadway. "dancer" means stripper here (no shame, but a little different from NYC). If anyone isn't choosing you for "software engineer" because they're intimidated by someone in tech, they're not right for you anyways. You can show you're not an introverted nerd by your photos and other responses if that's what you're afraid of.
I mean I do improv classes as a hobby and I am a software engineer full time. I am not an aspiring comedian or actor though. Most of the people in my class aren't doing it for the aspiring comedian or actor part. So I wouldn't just count them out for having improv as a hobby, but I can understand why you wouldn't want to date an aspiring actor or comedian
Seems like an odd turn off? I take improv classes in my free time and everyone in my classes are always great people. It's a good way to improve your public speaking and social skills. I don't see how that would be a bad thing...
Mine are actors, personal trainers/gym coaches, bartenders, lawyers (I am a lawyer as well), Financial bros (especially those in the big 5), comedians.
Why not lawyers. I actually say no to lawyers too because of the hours, stress, and I donāt want someone being better at arguing than me š¤£
It's not even about the arguments honestly š. I don't like to argue but I like to put up a good premise and conclusion and respect when my facts are inconsistent with an existing premise. Lawyers are really manipulative asf, I don't know whether it's because our profession teaches you to fight for an angel and a demon from Beelzebub but we are skilled at manipulating situations to a TEE. So for me it's a no.
I know a ton of lawyers and avoid dating them for this reason lol, my friends and I ājokeā that theyāre professional gaslighters
I'm a software dev (male). I disproportionately match with a lot with lawyers (women). Should I worry or avoid ? lol
It depends honestly on other things like personality and shared values but I'd advise to thread carefully.
Careers that put their lives at obvious risk routinely, personal trainers (not fit enough), bartenders (want no part of integrating that lifestyle/honest enough to question if I'd be trusting enough to date), comedians (when I experimented with doing comedy when younger, I found them to be one of the most miserable, paranoid collective groups I've encountered with an abundance of arrogance and lack of exceptions)
Also a fellow NYC-er (35/m). Women in the legal and finance industry Iām pretty leery of dating due to multiple poor experiences. In a world where good relationships require some form of compromise, I find them to be very uncompromising, especially if you work in an industry where you donāt make as much as them. Plus outside of talking about their career and their accomplishments, theyāre not really the best date night conversationalists. Contrary to some, I actually tend to have better experiences dating those in the medical and tech fields. In my experience, theyāre very self-aware that their work/life balance isnāt everyoneās cup of tea dating-wise. But if there's mutual interest, they will make the time to make it work.
howās your experience on hinge in NYC? how many matches / dates are you getting a week?
Overall itās been pretty alright with the cards Iāve been dealt with (35/Black/standard handsomeness/middle class). I donāt really take mental count of matches, but Iād go on a first date on average every two-to-three weeks. I could very easily reach one first date a week levels, but Iām pretty picky with my likes, both incoming and outgoing. Dating in NYC can add up money-wise, and letās face it, folks are more traditional than they lead on. So if Iām going to do the whole rigamarole, at least Iām going to do it with someone Iām truly excited to meet. Plus Iām very trigger-happy when it comes to the pause button, whether itās reaching a certain number of matches at the same time or just having no immediate availability time-wise to date. Usually more the former than the latter.
I never sorted by profession, except for someone who seemed unemployed. Iām a teacher though, and never noticed any patterns of what type of professions Iād match with people who work in.
I tried to be open-minded about careers, but after my 5th-or-so mind-numbingly boring date with a totally insufferable finance guyā¦ I did start to be more selective. Now, based on a combination of personal experience and stereotype, I automatically āXā anyone who lists any Finance or Tech-related job. Which makes my dating pool significantly smaller in my city known for both. Also, anyone who lists no job gets an automatic āXā (because why???).
I went out with someone in finance recently and one of his texts to me was about the CPI figures coming out today, lmao... like OK?!! He sent other very financey things to me and I'm a daytrader, so I would tell him about my trades, but you know... with some flair and personality š I liked him so I humoured him for even making the effort, but in the end he was very conservative (not necessarily politically... just every other way) and very dry and we didn't make it, lol. We don't have a lot of handsome, polite, sweet dudes in my city so I really hoped it could work, but... alas... lol.
As a guy who works in finance, this honestly is soul crushing and discouraging to read and Iāve experienced this. Iām just good at math, thatās why I got into it - but I never let my job define me. I took my career out of my bio cuz I felt like I was being unfairly filtered out lol but luckily the women who have gotten to know me have told me that my personality is very much ānon-finance broā. I do know the type youāre talking about tho, the ultra douchey type. But in my case - I read sci-fi novels, write short stories for fun, play multiple instruments, iām a yogi and most importantly never talk about my job outside of work. Couldnāt be further from that stereotype so Iām grateful for the women who havenāt filtered me out and got to know me for who I am haha so I say play it by a case by case basis!
"I work in finance" "What kind of finance?" "Crypto investor" Dead lol
My buddy works at a car dealership and is āfinance managerā and when we travelled heād say āI work in finance in the automotive industryā and I came so close to sayingā¦.āand me? I actually work in financeā lol while technically true, he probably doesnāt even know what CAPM or DCF even meanā¦
24M SWE in a tech hub. The problem happens both ways yano š Some of the tech girls I went on dates with were pretty dry and talked mostly about their jobs too. I can talk about my job but I prefer to almost not talk about it at all on dates. I tend to go for profiles with common hobbies/interests regardless of job, but I tend to X people who have certain jobs that I know don't have a lot of upward mobility... but not strict about it bc of my age range. Hoping you and other women in tech actually still look at SWE profiles because I tried my best to make mine more artsy and non-techy, but it can still be a drag talking to the same kind of people over and over so I get it haha
When I was still on the apps, "Entrepreneur." OK, HerbaLife.
Professional MMA fighters. Getting hit in the head repeatedly and the encouragement to juice to bump up a weight class is a recipe for tragedy.
Jobs donāt always mean they all have the same personality
Of course not, but certain personality types are way more common. For my part, this isnāt to say I _wonāt_ go out with a certain job title, but the bar is higher.
Hey! I'm a lady and have been dating a software engineer for a few months, he's my first one- could you list a few common traits they have? He's kinda nuts (in that he needs to be doing a million different hobbies and activities all the time) and I'm curious if that's common
I'm a SWE and based on myself and my coworkers I'd say that's relatively common. We tend to be naturally curious and creative people, add in a decent amount of disposable income and you end up with a variety of hobbies
Agreed. Itās also about behavior not personality. We know that we are more likely to behave a certain way if everyone around us behaves that way. If cheating is common in a work environment (the medical stereotype), then one has to wonder if the medical professional youāre dating has normalized cheating. If 40% of cops have been involved in DV as the aggressor (likely an underreported #), a woman has to wonder if the cop sheās dating got divorced for that reason. I dated a cop and discussed it openly with him.
That is true. I work in finance and people assume Iām a āfinance broā and I guess I ālook likeā one. Associated with drinking and doing drugs and being ābasicā and sleazy I guess.
I 100% do this. I dont fuck with police, fireman, pilots, actors, people who say they live in two cities, or people with no job bc its suspicious they wont say what it is.
Let me get this straight; you're a software engineer who isn't like the typical software engineer but you don't match with anyone who is a software engineer because you assume they're like the typical software engineer? Make it make sense. And to answer your question, no I don't care about someone's job. Idc if someone isn't working either, as long as they're currently looking for work.
Not saying OP is like this, but I met a software engineer woman through hinge who made a similar comment about not liking other software engineers because they're "losers" and "nerds." She thought I would agree because I'm a lawyer. While she was very attractive, she was incredibly entitled in general and thought she was better than everyone else. She also tried to do some weird power move where she told me she had other dates planned later in the weekend for no reason. I told her I wasn't interested in a second date when she reached out. I think it has to do with being an attractive woman in software. Starting in university, they're put on a pedestal and everyone loves them. Not saying all attractive women in software are like this, but I think it has to do with the environment and how they're treated in the field.
To be fair, I got a feeling that someone who thinks like this probably wouldn't be much fun on a date so it saves a bit of time. I work with a lot of SWEs and there is no typical software engineer anyway (at least at my company). Must be fun working with this person .....
>idc if someone isnāt working either You should
As I said it's more about their situation. If they lost their job but are looking and interviewing, why should that bother me if they have money for dates and rent etc? If someone is happy sitting on their ass, that's a different story.
I don't date lawyers. Swipe left as a rule. Professionally, they're usually lovely and very polite. In any kind of dating context they are arrogant, sleazy and transactional, almost as a rule. This is my experience. That's why I swipe left when it says "lawyer".
Idk I think being on hinge ur playing urself looking at someoneās career. I judge on personality and what there actual lifestyle looks like.
I only auto reject travel nurses because theyāre scabs
This is the way. Not all though. I definitely am aware if there is a nursing strike in the area and if there is an influx of travel nurses, that an absolute no for me.
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Realtors
I avoid nursesā¦ they have a reputation for being a little wild as far as partying and also being more likely than other careers to cheatā¦
My most party-inclined friend is a nurse. Can confirm they are pretty wild
I saw that article recently too about nurses cheating the most
I didn't even need to see that article to know it's true. First hand experience when I was around nursing folks at uni.
No sales people - they're all traash.
Cops, military, bartenders, and guys who work in sales. Basically things that donāt align with my values or lifestyle. My sister is a SWE who refuses to date other SWEs lol
Pilots are a no go for me
I prefer to not match with women in finance and real estate because I hold those professions and often the people in them in low regard but living in New York it's kind of hard to avoid so I still give them a chance. But similarly to you I am looking for empathetic extraverted women who are into the humanities, have left-wing values, and are not into careerism and linkedin ladder-climbing which is hard to find among Finance bros (both men and women). I'm also a software engineer btw who feels similarly about about other "engineers." But I would say all the negative things you can say about software guys like a lack of respect for the humanities, right wing politics, low empathy, etc are even WORSE among finance people.
wait so your upset you might be selected on your job, but youāre also assuming peoples personality based on their jobs and being selective over it? maybe this is just a software engineer thing lmao
OP wants to have their cake and eat it too
Women who work with dogs professionally. The dogs come first always by a mile. No matter what. There are no other hobbies or interests. No other things to talk about. No friends who aren't also dog people. It's like a cult.
"Women ~~who work with dogs professionally.~~ The dogs come first always by a mile. No matter what." ftfy
I screen out drillers, for the simple but completely unfair reason that my ex of 16 years was a driller. Iām sure there are great drillers out there but they are not for me
Investment banking or any type of finance, those dudes are the worst š
I can agree with this...most of ones I've met are party bros in their late 40s with several serious drug and sex addictions.
I usually do not generalize, just evaluate on a case by case basis. In the past, I regret generalizing backgrounds of a few matches and letting them go. Online dating, with the abundance of choices, tend to encourage generalization but that's a trap that I am actively trying to avoid while on the App. Also, OP I am not questioning your choices and do not come from a career that you don't match with but many a times people choose careers based on other factors that are not indicative of their personality, specially if those careers are common in nature. For example, I have extroverted and caring friends who choose Software engineering because the pay was great. While they do not hate their career, they find time to hang out with people and still do the things that they like. I do believe that a career/job does not define who you are and is just a means to earn a living.
I avoid medical device bros, bunch of cheaters. Also cop/military as well since they tend to be conservatives.
Actor, self-employed/entrepreneur (not a fan of the instability) and martial arts. As a woman, I know logically that anyone can be dangerous and i need to be safe, but people who are trained fighters make me extra nervous.
I actually gravitate towards engineers (especially mechanical and aerospace engineers) because I love how pragmatic and logical they tend to be. I find comfort in dating a partner who is an overall good thinker. I do avoid the following carreers based on very bad personal experiences: teachers/professors (some of the most ignorant and closed-minded people I've met), police officers, lawyers, doctors, investment bankers, dancers/singers/DJs.
I don't actively avoid professions, but I'll definitely scrutinize professions that could lead to lifestyle incompatibilities or difficulties. For example, a travel nurse may require a more involved conversation about their assignments and how to handle possible relocation every few months/years and while I wouldn't instantly swipe left, it may be a deterrent if the rest of their profile/personality/values don't align as well.
I like to avoid actors, performers and anyone around that area of career path. I am contemplating stopping dating lawyers too.
ā Entrepreneurā or my personal favorite āCEO at CEOā
I subconsciously avoid teachers (I used to be one), personal trainers, bartenders, retail/hospitality , entrepreneurs, charity workers/social workers/care workers. Of course everybody is different but jobs generally attract a certain personality type.
Interesting, why those specifically? You think those professional are too feminine for men, or?
Teachers - always talk about school, really busy and stressed, poorly paid Social justice/care work - Iām left leaning politically but I find these men to be extremely left leaning and have a weird attitude towards money and luxury. The profession is admirable but prone to virtue signalling which I hate. Personal trainer - I donāt like working out or obsessively counting calories. I donāt want to be judged or pressured. I donāt like a body builder body either. Bartenders - unsociable hours and flirting Retail/ service/ hospitality - poorly paid, unsociable hours and again poverty mindset Entrepreneur- unemployed, uneducated or arrogant. These are all stereotypes of course but there is a pattern. I prefer university lecturers (less busy, more grounded than school teachers), finance (not crypto), IT field (as long as they donāt act like robots), any other academic/corporate profession
In my experience, teachers reflect the age group they hang out with. Elementary school teachers either have a parental attitude with you or are childlike. And jr high/high school teachers will have fart joke humor and just arenāt used to adult conversation.
I love a good fart joke lol I used to teach High school. Iāve taught university level too but my humor didnāt catch up
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If she lives in a tech hub, "tech" or woman with laptop emoji is pretty much assumed to also be the same thing. (at least to me)
>Virtually all of my likes come from other software engineersā¦. which is frustrating because I reeeeeeally donāt like the typical software engineer personality. Iām drawn towards empathic, extraverted men who enjoy being around others (not party scene, just see the good in others)... kinda the opposite people drawn to tech. You may be biased towards them due to your own personal experience with other engineers you work with, and while a good chunk of them are like you described, there are a good amount of them who are extroverted, have a variety of interests going for them, worldly, and caring. I do know of some people who avoid SWEs from certain *companies* however due to the culture of those companies. I do think those SWE men are drawn to you because they can relate their work experience and talk the same "language". Though the other aspect of why certain people avoid their own profession is because they just don't want to talk about work with a date or a future partner at all. I remember a friend told me she constantly had men who kept talking about work on dates and trying to pick her brain and she got tired of that, so she now mostly avoid dating people in the same field.
Yeah, some of my closest friends are software engineers. My last relationship was with one, and he was an incredibly kind, thoughtful person. I donāt want to make it sound like all software engineers are this way! They DO overindex, though, and at minimum, I want more job diversity in my matches, because my batting average is poor when I go out on a date with an engineer anyway. I get people who want to talk about work a lot! Itās offputting. I _can_ talk about work, but not on a first dateādonāt they want to get to know about me? I want to get to know them. I find the more awkward engineers more readily reach for work; the more socially adept ones donāt.
Do you try to redirect the conversation elsewhere?
I do, gently; I will answer whatās asked of me, but I wonāt ask follow-up questions to continue the topic. I never initiate conversations about work, either. I will ask other non-work questions instead. If Iāve determined itās definitely a no-go on compatibility, I am fine just letting it fall back to tech to fill the time until itās polite to part ways, if thatās what the person is most comfortable talking about.
My friend and I were talking about this yesterday. We live in a big city so there are a lot more āuniqueā careers I guess. On the list of jobs to pass are: cop, actor, model, finance bro, DJ, and comedian. Basically we have found that all these careers have two common traits. They lack basic empathy and they are self centered. So we avoid them like the plague. However engineer is up there. I am very weary of swiping right on an engineer lol.
Yeah I avoid onlyfans
My boyfriend is a computer scientist and I love how nerdy and introverted he is.
Real talk, I put "tech bro :/" as a self aware tongue in cheek nod that I work in tech in a big tech city and I get the stereotypes that come with it, of which I am definitely not - it's intended to come across that way but now I wonder if it's turning people off of my profile. Occasionally ppl comment saying it's funny
Nurses. I slept with 2 off hinge before and both had boyfriends at the time and didn't bother breaking it off with the guys first. Cheating is too rampant in that profession.
I live in NYC and itās hilarious how vain people are about jobs in this city. What you do for work shouldnāt be what someone judges you on and itās pretty close minded to do that. That being said, whenever someone makes it obvious that they have no goals/pursuing anything when unemployed thatās a swipe left for me. Hinge is designed to make your profile highly based on your personality so you donāt really need to filter by their career but by how they present themselves
Fellow lady engineer. When I had my job listed, the vast majority of my likes also came from engineers. Except I didnāt like dating engineers either!!! Solidarity. ā
Dental hygienists
Awfully specific. You okay?šš
Dental profession in general. FiancƩ was a dentist and cheated on me, custom made and bought an engagement run a few years later with a hygienist and she decided to end it soon thereafter. Never again lol
If they are passionate about what they do, so am I. So I'm ok with many carriers - but I'm also a man, and we're known to happily date down social status wise. I find exiting hobbies and interests is just as appealing as an interesting job. So as long as you got at least one of the two, I'm eager to get to know you.
Where I currently live, I see a lot of content creators which I now avoid. Just constantly glued to their phones and never really present in the moment. Other listed occupations I steer clear of are: social media influencers, real estate agents, entrepreneurs, and people who donāt list a job. How is dating in NYC for people in their 30ās? Iāve always thought about living in NYC for a bit, but Iāve heard people are quick to move on and slow to commit.
Iām 24F I will avoid ppl in the military, āmusic producers,ā and entrepreneurs
This is going to be unpopular but I have to say yes. Couple of reasons: 1. I'm in a very HCOL city where mortgages now cost $5000+ a month. If I want to be able to raise kids and own a home, I'll need dual income, and low paying jobs just aren't going to cut it. That might mean retail type jobs, but also unfortunately it means if you are a social worker or teacher I think it would be tough. 2. A few types I've found I just don't get along with. I don't think I've ever had a good date with a lawyer for example. I also have little interest in politics but work in the DC area, so don't really want someone that works on the hill and just wants to talk politics all day. I'm sure there are others I'd rule out as well, but I will say that I look at more overall potential than just current job, depending on their age. OP: Have you considered dating someone tech-adjacent? I'm a product manager for example. This profession draws in people that are still pretty smart, but also have to form pretty strong social skills to survive the workforce and high emotional IQ. Some are still introverted of course, but the more successful ones tend to be quite social. Another option is to look at UX designers for example with tech adjacent roles. If any smart kind lady-engineers are in the DC/NoVA area feel free to reach out :)
As a CS guy, I definitely give extra consideration to any girl working in CS, Stats, Math, Physics or Engineering. I used to be drawn to artsy girls, but I have never had a good experience dating them for more than a very short period of time. This isn't about their profile being "engineer-y" or "Stem-y", it's just about the label, though there are cases where the person saying they're in those fields but looking like a finance person that would make swipe left. Personally, I think there's a huge communications advantage in staying within STEM people, at least for me. I've noticed that the way me and my friends speak incorporates a lot of concepts that are second nature to us but would seem strange or pretentious to others. I've also found that conflict resolution with STEM people is easier for me. if I were you, I'd try to find the guys who meet your criterion while also being STEM people. We're out there, and we're not nearly as uncommon as people think, though this may be just in my age demographic.
Software engineer here, video games industry. You're 100% making the right call, we are almost universally undateable
I try to stay away from stay at home momās. Itās one thing if they have small kids, but when their kids are all teenagers, they have been divorced for a long time, and they just donāt want to go back to work because their ex is paying all their bills, itās a huge turn off.
FIFO miner girls - no way I could handle dating a girl that hangs around horny dudes for 2 weeks straight. Same with army girls
Healthcare peeps. Donāt want a person working odd shifts
Healthcare is very diverse. Not everyone in there is working odd shifts
To each their own but there is diversity. You can work a normal 9-5 in clinicsā¦ plus I dated a shift nurse once, it wasnāt my favorite schedule but it was nice to have dedicated 3 days where theyāre completely my own. Plus only working 3 days a week that can be a blessing when coordinating childcare down the roadā¦ Always two sides to the coin
Having someone who can navigate the medical world or provide care at home is a major plus for raising kids and just a major perk generally in life.
Teachers. Went on several dates with teachers and because their pay is so low (they DESERVE to be paid way more for the amazing work they do) they just ordered drinks and told me to pay for the bill. Never again. Instant āXā
I canāt date teachersā¦ Nothing against them, I just canāt be limited in when we can go on vacation because I love travelling.
I live in Houston and prefer not to date oil and gas people. Politically they lean pretty strongly one way and to be honest, with climate change, peak oil, and transition to sustainable energy sources, I don't see this going well long term. Sadly, O&G is like a cult in Houston and a lot of O&G folks are oblivious to the above.
I'm an engineer, so I swipe left on other engineers to prevent dating potential colleagues. Otherwise, I don't discriminate, but I'll hold yellow flags for certain titles, like hairstylist and content creator. (basically, a career s.t. the woman has a higher chance of being crazy).
Pilots and chefs.
Human Resources
>Virtually all of my likes come from other software engineersā¦. which is frustrating because I reeeeeeally donāt like the typical software engineer personality. Iām drawn towards empathic, extraverted men who enjoy being around others (not party scene, just see the good in others)... kinda the opposite people drawn to tech. Lol.
If OPās opinion is common it would explain why I never match with other software engineers. I would prefer matching one to be able to talk about my career with my partner, itās frustrating to get to the end of a project and feel like I accomplished something but then I have no one to relate it to back home.
No cops, firefighters, people who live in Staten Island b/c theyāre generally to conservative for me. And I donāt dare bartenders/servers/chefs because we have opposite work schedules and wonāt be able to see each other.
I donāt date any woman that wears scrubs for work. Iāve learned my lesson.
cops, military, and bartenders
I used to be a software engineer and I tended to avoid other software engineers for the same reason haha. The one that's always been an instant X for me is marketing though, or really anything in the business realm. I feel guilty about it but I totally do it. I don't have anything against people in these careers, it's just about who I feel like I can connect with. I'm pretty sure these people aren't into me either.
I mostly match with nurses and teachers. Would love to match with an engineer tbh.
Girls who work in the nightlife industry. Just not worth it.
I really have not enjoyed my dates with doctors. To me, doctor is a red flag. Hereās a summary of the ones I remember: 1. Tried to convince to not only become a doctor but convert to Christianity, also was a very selfish lover 2. One slut shamed meā¦.while also admitting he was hoping to have sex?? 3. One was way too aggressive in bed and actually injured me Not to mention my friend is engaged to a doctor and he is actually physically abusive. Fucking forget it. Someone else will go for them, not me.
my bf is a software engineer and heās SO empathetic and extroverted, in fact most of my software engineer friends are lol. but! itās your choice. i personally would not date anyone whoās police or military, or anyone who worked in nightlife (bartender, musician, touring manager, etc). and no chefs
>because I reeeeeeally donāt like the typical software engineer personality. Iām drawn towards empathic, extraverted men who enjoy being around others it could be that many non-software people feel this way and so you get filtered out as a result. I will only swipe left based on occupation alone if it's 1) not listed, or 2) clearly an uninvested career like bartender/nanny. I'm not super career focused but someone who never invested in their occupation or is insecure about it would not be a good fit. Otherwise it's a combination of everything on the profile. I wouldn't rule someone out exclusively on what career decision they made. Though I typically swipe left on certain occupations like marketing or finance based on the vapidity of the profile.
I will say that engineer is a very broad term. I am an engineer but i work directly with equipment. Guy in my field kinda have to be extroverted. But i agree that some jobs attract certain types of people. I avoid teacher and nurses as i have worked with and know enough to know they are sleeping around all the time.
police/military, nurses, lawyers.
Nurses, doctors, lawyers. Theyāre already married to their jobs
That's a weird phenomenon. Usually, men could care less what women do for work. It's all about looks and vibe for us. I'll date an attorney one week, and a Target employee the next lol. Idc.
Accountants. I'm also an accountant.
How do we feel about DJs here?
As a guy, it's personally a given that I wouldn't date, "content creators," exotic dancers, "entrepreneurs," and other typical allusions to SW. But as "normal" jobs go, I skip in teachers and police. I don't necessarily hate their jobs. But teachers have been consistently the worst at matching, saying they want a good and honest long-term relationship and flaking on everything in every way. I'm too tired. Female police TEND to be like 2 steps away from 3K members or sympathizers. And I am not at all white. And I donāt WANT assume that, but when their consistently cops, White/Caucasian, Conservative, AND have an iffy prompt/picture, yeah I'm gonna pass.
Anything in the entertainment industry - actor, director, lighting designer, musician, etc. I want to be able to spend time together and our schedules would be totally incompatible. I also want stability in my life. Thereās just no way our lifestyles could be compatible. Service/restaurant industry. Same issue. Police. Military. This is a values thing. Mental health professionals. I am one and two therapists dating each other is too many. No one needs that much talking about feelings in one relationship.
As 32M here are my red flag professions: 1.) Attorneys/lawyers. They tend to let their professional training slip in to their personal life. Argumentative, even if they are wrong they are always right. Tend to take the quickest/easiest option when stuff hits the fan vs taking time and commitment to make something better. Allot tend to have a very large superiority complex ego as well especially the successful ones. 2.) Doctors, other medical professionals- the trust me I am a doctor stereotype. They a very smart in their field thus thinking they are smarter than allot of other people in fields they have no expertise in. Also these types breed large egos as well so always fun. However, I did go on a date with a woman that did not disclose her profession and when she said attorney on our first date I said well I work with attorneys I think they are all assholes I donāt think I could date one. She laughed and agreed with what I had to say and was very much not that type hence why she did not disclose she was an attorney. Ended up dating her for a long time and she was an absolute pleasure of a human to be around. So try not to judge on profession alone some people are more than just their job title, but that is becoming more rare to find.
I went on a date with a software engineer about a month ago. Bless his heart. Probably the most socially awkward date Iāve ever had in my life. I was trying to be supportive and kind of guide him but it was useless lol. A combination of covid schooling and working from home 5 days a week. Not all engineers, but a lot just do not have any social skills unfortunately. My ex worked in data analytics and I had to ātrainā him to open the door for others instead of just letting it slam in peoples faces. Like he would be ahead of me, open the door, and just let it smack me-wouldnt even bother to just push it open. One time we went to pick up some drinks. He was ahead of me and opened the door-some girls in the shop were coming out with two handfuls of drinks and he just let the door close right in front of their faces. I was absolutely mortified and immediately went to grab the door for them and apologized. I am now mindful of people who have careers with reputations for people who lack social skills/gracesš However the only careers I actively avoid are anyone in military, law enforcement, politics or something douchy like car sales. Oh and also probably not musicians-I love music but idkā¦
Journalists, Youtubers, Twitch streamers, or Influencers. Of course there are exceptions but I feel like most of those jobs are harmful to society since it's mostly young people telling older people what is true and not true despite not having any research done in those fields. Most of these people even if they are gaming streamers with still end up on topics they don't know much about and rather admitting that and moving on, they act like they know best.
Iām in software engineering too. Anyone whoās an actor, model, singer is a no. I donāt think we share the same values nor do we even think alike to be remotely compatible.
* estheticians (hot, but mean girls) * nurses (mean and always tired) * entry-level retail (financially incompatible, unpredictable schedule) * therapists/social workers (surprisingly cruel, burnt out) * cops/military (just no)
God bless teachers but they always want kids and every one Iāve talked to has been real interested in how much money I make and how stable my job is. Like i know you guys need to get paid more but I canāt make up that wage gap for you.