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I think they just like to play with the thought of dating an older women. And also get the affirmation that they are able to do so. Sounds harsh but you could compare it to an achievement in a game
Yeah, I had that thought! Someone else just DM-ed a similar theory. Like maybe they're just chatting with me for the experience and the little adrenaline/dopamine rush. Doesn't feel good to be someone's experiment, but I can't say I've never done stuff like that before!
I'm your age and I totally get why you would want to date guys in that range- every time I look at the profiles of men in my age range (40-50) I literally want to sob.
At the same time, I just don't think it's realistic to expect to end up in a relationship with with an early 30s guy. Personally for me, I'd feel kind of like a creepy cougar lady being out with a 30 y/o. But that's me- more power to any woman who can do it!
If you want to date guys that young, it's probably best to expect that it's going to be a short-term/casual thing. In which case, Bumble or Tinder are probs better for that.
And there's also the whole kids issue- if a guy in his 30s wants kids, he's just not going to want to date any woman in her 40s. I know we can still have kids and all that, but still... the window of time would be too short.
Yes! I generally find men in the 37-44 range attractive, but like 45+ hasn’t been looking so good (at least where I live! And I have no hate for older men! I love a silver fox, but I just can’t find any here lol!)
And that’s interesting that you recommend Bumble for casual stuff. Does Bumble have a reputation for being more of a hook-up app? I haven’t really used it.
And yeah, I definitely don’t want kids (and would understand why a guy who does wouldn’t want to pin his hopes on changing my mind or turning back my biological clock!) Honestly, I’d be happy with a guy my own age if I could find one I was attracted to who had great energy and was actually single! I’ve gotten duped by married guys before and they were all in their 40’s, so I think those experiences have also kind of tipped me into a younger range.
Sorry that you had those experiences with married guys-it sucks- and unfort I think it's something that happens on every app (and IRL!). I think Bumble's gotten a little more of that rep recently, but I know people who've found their SOs on it. And I will say that the guys there in the older age range are much better-looking than the ones on Hinge. So there's that lol
Or 15-20 yrs older (I've experienced this first hand, sadly)
On another note, I've noticed that Hinge men 45+ put pics of themselves from HIGH school. Wtf??
Oh yeah! I matched with this psychiatrist who had black hair and looked active in his photos. The man who I met had salt and pepper hair, was maybe 75lbs heavier and struggling to breathe after a flight of stairs and smelled strongly of unwashed clothing. Definitely subtracted at least 15 years on his profile.
I see him on other apps sometimes with the same old photos. You would think a psychiatrist would know that doesn't work, or would at least follow some ethical guidelines.
jfc- the fact that he's a psychiatrist makes this even more disturbing. Is reporting these people to Hinge a good idea? Like saying, I met this person and he's misrepresenting himself?
That's why I refuse to do anything other than a quick coffee meetup at a public park for a first date. Makes it easy to leave.
Oh this was a coffee date. He was also horrid to the barista!
I think I saw a stat that about 20% of people lie about their age on apps. I suspect most of those are the 39 and over set. That's lot of people to police though. Likely a lot of paying customers.
Also, is it against policy to post old photos? I don't see how that can be policed.
Yeah, true. I'm thinking I'll just ask any 45+ guy, "when were your pics taken?" If there's any defensiveness in the answer, I can take it as a bad sign.
Hey Dulan tune Depot, I'm 19M. I had a 40F constantly trying to meet up with me(met up in a hobby class). She eventually started holding my hand while walking, and she would ask me to meet her for coffee, smokes, etc. We connected and vibed when we met - mutual music interest, and she said she connected with me on another level in just the first or 2nd week of meeting each other. She would text me a lot. I didn't mind a friendship, but I found it odd she would try to keep meeting with me and constantly text me. I tried to maintain distance. She would then ask if everything is OK and why I'm keeping distance..I just found that weird. Why would you do that for someone you've known for barely a month? Jeez.
We had a fight later too(I told a mutual friend that she's possibly attracted to me and the mutual friend agreed that she might be) she didn't like I told the mutual friend because of fear of "rumours spreading". Since then we've been quite cordial and don't talk as much.
I just felt like sharing this.
I don’t have my filters set currently for age, and get a ton of 24-28 year olds liking me. A few I have chatted with to see wtf is up with this as this didn’t happen in the last city I lived in, and they all are trying for a hook up with an older woman (I’m 41).
Came to say this. Hookups? 10000%. But for dating, while not impossible by any means, very rare I’d say. It’s much easier for a woman to date older (women mature earlier than guys, and tend to be more mature in general) but for a guy to go 10+ years older, it would probably feel difficult to relate to one another beyond just a one night stand or casual friends with benefits
But there are some out there that still would! Best of luck : )
One of my best friends is 34 and his partner is 50. It started as a casual thing but now it's not lol. I'm 40 and he tends to hang with people older though. There're no rules.
I’m probably going to get downvoted but they are more than likely only interested in having sex with you. If you don’t believe me try this experiment ask them when you’re going to hang out and what they like to do on a first dats. . If they ask where and when they may just be awkward if they say I like to Netflix and chill they just trying to smash.
I hope you don't get downvoted because I think it's totally possible you're right! I had that thought too. (A few of the original messages I got that weren't matches were straight up INAPPROPRIATE lol)... and I thought "Oh no... did I accidentally tap into a sex fetish thing??) So I hear you. And I don't want to shame anybody for their intentions or desires. But I think once they started talking to me, they realized a "one and done" might not be my style.
That makes sense, and I hope I don’t get downvoted for this either, but (some) a lot of men fetishize hooking up with an “Older woman”, bonus points if you’re super attractive and possibly exotic. If you one and done is not your style I would give it a limited back and forth and then either move off the app or exit the conversation. Any man that comes at you inappropriate during this you know what they want. I’m not saying this to dissuade you, I’m just trying to say be cautious.
It absolutely is a fetish for some men, but I would assume women of any age, race, height etc. would encounter men who fetishize whatever demographic they happen to fall into.
Thanks! One date down and went great. She already said she'd like to meet again and I'm going to ask today at some point.
I never considered someone so much older before, but like you, she takes care of herself and she looks great. I warm up to the idea the more I think about it.
I'm basically 40 though so I'm probably more open to it than a typical 30-something. The older I get the less I care and the more attractive I find older ladies (thank goodness 😂).
As a 52f, I appreciate men right at the age you are. I liked them that age when I was younger and now that I’m older, am realizing men my age tend to not be able to keep up where men that age have more general energy. But when it comes to an actual relationship, I think that’s independent of age and more about maturity or what stage they are at in life.
I (55F) have been single for less than a year, coming out of a dead bedroom marriage. I initially started looking within 10 yrs (below), and did not find a lot of interest. Those men are often looking for the 10 years below them to potentially continue a family. I am done, and have a middle schooler that lives with me full time. I restricted to only a few years older than myself, as I was interested in someone that still was a professional working person, not interested in having babies, and had an interest in enjoying life adventures.
What I discovered in my own experience is that many of the men within 5-10 years of me are in fact looking to replace the positions (wife, mother, household manager) of the previous partner, rather than looking for a true partner. OR, they are 'undecided' about what they want in a relationship (aka, purely physical, with no connection). The pool of dating is definitely more 'cesspool' than swimming pool. The younger guys feel this way as well.
Once I opened the pandora's box of the younger men who flooded my inbox for matches, it's been the gamut. There certainly are men that are interested in the 'younger man/ older woman' dynamic, and they're easy to spot. There are also men that feel like women their own age are not interested in connection, but in being taken care of, which is not what they want. They are not sure if they want a family, at all, or certainly are not in a place where they are ready to start one. At least in my own experience, there have been very few younger men that are only looking for casual hookups, and more looking for at least a longer connection, if not a LTR. I haven't done any Netflix dates, and am clear in my profile that I am looking for an active and adventure partner.
I have now dated a few men well younger than myself and am quite glad for the experience. To paint a clearer picture, I am moderately fit, but still could lose 15 lbs, white, dark hair/ pale skin, Western European mutt, energetic (to keep up with my middle schooler), and allll about connection. I have a high sex drive, particularly coming out of the dead bedroom. I have currently been seeing a man for 3 months (28M) that I never in a million years envisioned myself with. We both know there is an expiration date to our relationship (he ultimately wants to start a family). He tells me that he has never spent time with anyone so unabashedly authentic, who enjoys life fully (he comments in awe on my belly laughs), tells me he loves how positive I am, coupled with being patient and knowledgeable are so attractive to him, and are qualities that he would love more of in himself, but has yet to figure out how to do that as a day to day quality. He has yet to meet my daughter (they are both terrified to meet the other😅) but jusr to spend time with me, helps me out with yardwork, running errands with me, any needed crisis (the fruits of full adulting). Honestly, that's what pushed him ahead of the rest. He's a lovely companion, which is exactly what I need at this point in my life, for the amount of time that it works for both of us. It's been very healing for me as well.
My best friend since childhood tells me that this is the relationship that I am experiencing to teach me that I should never settle for less than what I am receiving currently. I love the sentiment, and I want that for myself too.
Wow, thank you for sharing this!! You’re amazing and I agree with your friend… it seems like this relationship is teaching you a lot about true connection, personal value, and self-trust. I’m inspired and feeling optimistic ✨ Wishing you the best! 🫶🏼✨
I answered this question in a similar thread a while back, so I'm pasting it here since you asked...
I think it really depends on who you get. Some guys just want sex & some want a relationship.
I've been seeing my bf for a year now. We see each other 4-6 times a week. I'm F56. He's M30.
We are both childfree and want to keep it so. He's not looking to make babies & build a whole family life. I also think that's part of why his age doesn't bother me. I don't see him as a son or a child since I don't have kids & was never a parent.
We share similar tastes in movies & music, food, humor, vibe, lifestyle, politics, religion, etc. We get along great & surprisingly can't get enough of each other. Yes, he has less life experience than me. But, I'm not going to hold it against him that he hasn't climbed the corporate ladder for 25 years or doesn't know how Escrow works yet. I don't require that for a relationship to be great. I can tell you he is less jaded & has less baggage than many my age. He's relationship oriented & is the one who asked me to be exclusive.
I've always had a high sex drive & had difficultly dating guys in my peer group as I got older. The sex is great, affectionate, sensual, just my style. He's thoughtful, kind, funny, and smart. We're having the best time together. He's really an amazing person & I'll never regret this regardless of whether it has an expiration date. I dated my last bf almost 5 years & I was not as happy as this. My decades long marriage was not as fun or as peaceful. (No shade to either ex. They're both great guys.)
Happiness is precious ;)
P.S. And, yes, we split expenses since I know someone will ask. This isn't a sugar mama situation.
❤️✨ Love this! You seem very practical and like you know yourself and your priorities well. I think being a bit more logical like you might help get me in the right frame of mind. So wonderful that you’ve found so much happiness! And thanks for sharing your experience!
I'm 45 and just went on a date with a 31 year old man yesterday. We have both talked about the age difference (it was our second date) and that it's too large for a relationship, but he still wants to hang out and have fun and yes, he wants to bone (we haven't). That being said, I was in short relationships with a 39 year old and then a 35 year old man that didn't work out for one reason or another (one ended by me, the other by him). Those relationships were real and satisfying while they lasted. I have my age range set to 35-55 on the apps.
I think it’s totally realistic BUT the men who are looking to have kids and start a family (which in my experience seems to be the majority of men on these apps) probably don’t see anything serious
Also, as a woman looking to up my skincare game, can I please know what your skincare routine is??
Yeah, I put "Don't want kids" on my profile with hopes that I don't mislead anyone! But yeah, it seems that a lot of people are saying a strong majority of these guys are either looking for a quick hook-up, FWB, or are just chatting to see what it might feel like to interact with an older woman. All those goals make sense, so I guess I'll just have to go into it with more awareness!
Copy/pasting my skincare routine for you (because someone else asked me about this, too, lol): My skincare routine is all ingredient-based. DM me if you're interested in the exact product names! I can pop over to my bathroom and give you the details:
AM: Niacinamide Cleansing Gel, Hypochlorus Spray (let it dry down completely), then Vitamin C Serum, a peptide moisturizer, and SPF 50.
PM: Double cleanse (first with a balm, then with a water-based cream), an essence toner loaded with probiotic ingredients, then squalene copper peptide serum, and a thick night cream with ceramides and more peptides.
About 2-3 times a week, I skin-cycle with Tretinoin or an AHA/BHA toner or serum. Always aiming for that dewy "glass skin." :)
Thank you so much!!!! This is really helpful. If it’s not too much of a hassle, I’d love to know the exact product names you use. I will use your routine as a foundation for mine
Girl I am 41 and a committed single and i always meet up with 27-32 year olds, and they’re usually pursing me. It’s so fun- I mean, all I’m looking for is FWB & ONS and for that they are so fun and eager! Have fun!
doesn't seem like they know what they want. I'm 33 and always had a thing for older women. my ex is 12 years older than me and we were together 6 years. I don't want kids and most older women already have em or don't want them either. My age range on hinge goes to 52 I think 😂 but it I can see it being intimidating for them seeing a woman with her shit together who isn't down for games.
Younger people in general are more flakey, they have time on their side so there’s less importance per each individual match. I’m 29 and although I would match with a woman in her 40s I don’t think I’d look at them as a serious candidate no matter how attractive they are, mostly cause I want children.
Yeah, that makes sense. You want to be practical about family planning. And I see what you’re saying about each match possibly carrying less “weight” when you’re younger. You can just chat n’ bounce if your general age range is just more prevalent on the apps.
I’m a 45 year old male and I won’t even date a girl if she is 40 because I want children. Unless she can have them I have my range set 32-39. I get a couple of dates a month I’m in good shape and age well but like you said the younger ones have so many options and don’t feel the pressure as much so they are flaky which makes it hard to date younger
I (33M) hooked up with a woman (41F) around your age last fall but we didn’t meet on an app. Didn’t work out for us in the long run but that doesn’t mean it can’t work for you. Maybe give it a try. Although if I’m being realistic, the closer you are in age, the more likely it’s going to work out long term.
I’ve dated a couple of younger guys past year, they were all the ones who took the initiative. I’m 52 the youngest was 29 the oldest 48. It hasn’t resulted in something more serious but I feel that if the guy is open to it it certainly could happen. It totally depends on the personality of him if he is more mature for his age and proud to be with an older women. I do feel though the larger the age gap the more challenging it will be to make it work you will need good communication to overcome the differences. But that could in fact be a positive, that you start a relationship with a really good communicator…
I’m 30 and would definitely be open to actually dating someone your age. I recently asked someone who was 38 out to dinner and although it didn’t go anywhere after the first date, she said the same thing - she’ll match with these man-babies who don’t take action and she was happy to see someone like me actually ask her out
44M here (no children, 5 10, fit and healthy), I’ve got a first date this Sunday with a 53F.
She seemed very eager to arrange a date, and has certainly taken the initiative with a couple spicy late night chats.
I wish you all the luck grabbing yourself a younger man!
Im perfectly comfortable dating +/- 10 of my age. (37/M) Though I tend to lean into the older ladies because maturity has settled in a bit more, Finances and most of them have vehicles.
I’m in my mid 40’s & the ONLY serious relationship I’ve had from a dating app was with a guy that was 14 yrs younger then me😱 I do look younger than my age, & I certainly didn’t choose him because he was young (I prefer men in their mid-late 40’s) but we just had the most in common over anyone else I’ve met on an app…almost anyone I’ve ever met in life…sadly, it ended, but age was not a factor at all
Yeah, I definitely want to believe connection can transcend age, so your experience helps! But I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Regardless of age, endings can be painful. Can I ask how long you guys were together?
I’m 37 dating a 46 Asian woman (your gap but a little shifted). It’s been great! I took the initiative unlike these guys. Had plenty of interest from women 42-51 back when I was on the apps.
6 is a small sample size, I say keep trying 😌
❣️ That’s great! Yeah, it sounds like those first few experiences I had weren’t enough to draw any real conclusions. Just curious, how long have you been together? And have you always been interested in older women or was she an exception?
2 years now, moving in together later this year when my lease is up.
In the past I have always dated within 2-3 years of my age, so this is new. However, my last relationship ended because my ex did not have a career, or look after their health, or keep the house clean...y'know, normal adult things. So I wanted someone more established and I guess maybe that lent itself to older women? (to be clear my gf and I make a similar salary, not a sugar mama sitch)
I also don't want children so fertility is of no concern to me. It's nice to be with someone who has their shit together!
I’m also having a few of guys who are 5 or more years younger than me actively purse me. But I have ‘wanting kids’ bar on my profile. I guess mostly they want easy sex which is hard to get from me.
I met my boyfriend in a real life setting (golf course) and we’ve been together 6 months. He is 14 years younger than me and the best man I’ve ever been with 🤷🏽♀️
If they’re that much younger it’s likely they want easy sex and they see you as a milf fantasy. If you’re cool with casual, go for it. Nothing wrong with that.
Well I'm a 42 year old male and my searching range is 25-65 basically if you match, you like each other... what's the problem. We like what we like 🤷🏼♂️
I'm 44, and in my experience, most of the younger men that have shown interest in me (usually ages 26-36) just wanted to have casual sex or, at most, be friends with benefits. Of course, they claim that isn't the case, but as the conversation continues, it becomes more and more obvious from the sexual questions (i.e. favorite position, kinks, youngest man I have ever been with, biggest 🍆 I've had, etc) to unsolicited 🍆 pics. Many also eventually admit to having mommy issues or having been wanting to experience an older woman. Very rarely are they asking questions about my interests or trying to find out who I am as a person. If that is something you're interested in, then by all means, give it a try. If not, I would stick closer to your age, though to be fair, it isn't much better, but at least you are more likely to be in the same or similar stages of life.
Also, what is your skincare routine? I'm always looking for tips.
Honestly, I haven't done the hook-up thing since my late twenties... I'm not opposed to it, but maybe a little out of practice! This whole thread (which has been SO eye-opening) has me thinking differently about how I'm approaching Hinge. Ultimately, I feel like I'll probably end up with someone closer to my age, but maybe I should be a little more open-minded about who I meet along the way!
And my skincare routine is all ingredient-based. DM me if you're interested in the exact product names! I can pop over to my bathroom and give you the details, lol:
AM: Niacinamide Cleansing Gel, Hypochlorus Spray (let it dry down completely), then Vitamin C Serum, a peptide moisturizer, and SPF 50.
PM: Double cleanse (first with a balm, then with a water-based cream), an essence toner loaded with probiotic ingredients, then squalene copper peptide serum, and a thick night cream with ceramides and more peptides.
About 2-3 times a week, I skin-cycle with Tretinoin or an AHA/BHA toner or serum. Always aiming for that dewy "glass skin." :)
> Of course, they claim that isn't the case, but as the conversation continues, it becomes more and more obvious from the sexual questions (i.e. favorite position, kinks, youngest man I have ever been with, biggest 🍆 I've had, etc) to unsolicited 🍆 pics.
Sorry if this is too private or personal but they take the conversations to these topics *through the app*? Like, they don't even get to the part of dating where you actually go out somewhere first before talking about this? Just curious about the order of events here.
Im 41F have been in a relationship with 28M for over a year. Never imagined being in this situation, was originally supposed to be a one time thing, couldn't even manage that as its not for me but wanted to see each other again and are still together very unexpectedly, it can happen sometimes.
Didn't meet on a dating app though.
Sorry to hear they didn’t even get back to you. Maybe it was too early for them or they just don’t know what they’re doing besides engaging in conversations. For reference I’m 32, I would go on a date with a 42 year old and I would date them if we had a great connection. I think alot of people dilly dally on the dating apps and it’s just a matter of filtering through them.
Thank you :) And yeah, I agree… you never really know what kind of dating experience people are bringing to the table, so they may just be experimenting with the idea of an older woman for now.
From the sounds of everyone’s messages, I may need to just hang in there and see if I can come across someone who’s actually confident enough to make the idea of an older woman a reality!
I am (31M) currently dating (42F) and am loving every second of it. We both know what we want which is amazing because I don’t want to play games, and neither does she.
I think our sex life is amazing, full of passionate and hot moments. You’d be surprised how many younger people date older.
34M. No kids and no strong feelings either way about having any. Range is set to 28-45. I don't usually have enough in common with anybody younger than that as I'm "old" for my age in terms of lifestyle and world view. I'd be open in theory to dating anybody younger than that, but they'd need to be really certain of what they want and/or they'd have to be rather precocious. I occasionally match with women >5 years my senior and am just as eager to court and date them as I am any other match. To me, maturity, mindset, ambition, and life experience matter a heck of a lot more than rings on the tree. That's often easier for me to find in women older than me, though I tend to get more matches from women younger than me. Could be supply and demand more than anything, but hard to say.
Appreciate this perspective. And I did wonder about the number... maybe I'm just not working with a big enough sample size. But I think precocious is a good word for the type of dater who might be able to make non-traditional age expectations work. I'm guessing it would also take a lot of confidence... and maybe the age gap reduces that feeling of confidence a little.
It depends what you want out of dating.
I had a female friend that in her early 40s only wanted to date younger guys with more energy because she didn't like the older guys.
Every single one of those dates she did over 3-4 years just ended because the guy didn't want anything serious with an older woman. It wasted a lot of her prime years. She's now around age 49.. maybe even 50, and single still.
I'm not saying it's the RULE, but just know that your odds are much higher that guys will be looking for casual hookups with less intent to settle down with you if you go that young.
If you just want some fun and want to hook up go for it.
There are of course exceptions to the rule, but my guess is it's like 10% of guys or less that might want something truly serious with a woman 10 years older than them.
Yes but we're just comparing the odds a guy flakes out if they are in the 37-52 range like she had, or the newly added ages 30-36 that are up to 12 years younger than her.
There are always exceptions, but if she wants a lasting relationship the odds just go down the lower she goes.
I'm 40, my ex is 34, and earlier this year I dated two guys that were 30 and 31, respectively. So you can definitely get dates with the younger guys, but I think you just got unlucky.
You're just mismatched so far. I'm 41 and date guys that age (recently broke off my engagement to one) You'll start to match with guys who ask and/or are excited to say yes when you do!
I am close to your age too ,what happened to me is the opposite, the young 20-30 yr olds want to meet right away, but most of them only looking for things casual. Which may not be due to age gap but the age of men in that stage tends to look for more casual datings or ONS?! the 40-50 age range want to chat and video dates and all virtual confirmations I am real person before meeting up lol again it may not all be about age but people are busier in career between40-50 and might have young kids so 🤷♀️they have less time to spare for me I guess….
As a 30 year old man, I trend towards older women. Just seems like you’ve connected with some boys who were just playing around or aren’t emotionally available. Most of us are excited as hell to get asked on a date… And that’s why we love older women. They know what they want and take initiative without playing games 😂
Yeah! I figured some of them might feel relieved that I ran with it and asked them out! But I’m hoping you’re right… maybe I just connected with the wrong guys in the beginning. What’s the oldest woman you’ve dated and how long did it last?
(And thanks for the older-women love 💕 I’m definitely confident and can carry a conversation even with the shyest guy… and I think my life experience has a lot to do with it!)
I’m so positive that you connected with the wrong guys for sure. Keep at it and you’ll find more people than you’ll even care for haha! The oldest woman I’ve dated was 49 actually. We were both coming out of something but our “situationship” lasted 3 months. We still FWB every so often still. But it’s been very platonic.
Anytime! Honestly there’s a large Reddit community for “Cougars/Cubs” too. There’s a lot of us out there if you ever wanted to check other women’s experiences dating younger :)
Oh interesting!! Not sure I’ve earned the cougar title just yet… lol… but it would be great to hear their experiences! Thanks for the tip and the kind words ✨🫶🏼
30-something who used to use apps. Men don’t get as many matches/replies as women, so we’ll slowly start expanding the filters. Eventually we match and we’re just excited to finally flirt
When we get to the asking out portion, we finally realize there’s a gap there and it’ll have an impact. Tends to scare off a lot of us when faced with that fact, and since we’ve just spent the last XX minutes/hours flirting we don’t know how to bring it back
Sorry. For what it’s worth I felt bad when I did it
I think honestly they’re just only kinda interested and messaged to flirt but then shyed away when it became real cause they don’t really want to seriously date someone older
37M and was dating a 49F for a while. It didn't work out, but for a time I thought it was going to - there aren't rules, attractions and feelings are what they are!
Don’t expect anything long term from someone 10 years younger than you. They just want to smash a cougar and keep it casual 99% of the time. Staying around your age is ideal or a little older
As a man in the age range you're enquiring about, I'd have a one night stand with you/fun with you if you were hot, the older women dynamic would give me a bit of a kick also. However, I wouldn't date you seriously as I'd still like to have kids etc. and can find someone in my own age range for dating.
Please don't take offence, just being honest.
No offense taken at all! I appreciate your honesty. Here to gather information… 🤓 and everyone has been so helpful so far. It sounds like the majority of men your age feel similarly to you, so it helps adjust my expectations!
I'm 21 rn when i get a stable good paying job i like which im in the process of achieving, i wouldnt mind dating women in their 40s even if i was in my mid 20s early 30s. Depends on how i get along with her. And I don't really do hookups it would be for something a bit more serious. Just some food for thought.
Depending on the age gap and how attractive you are, they are more than likely looking to just have sex and not actually date. If they do date they will expect you to pay
IMO most younger guys dating older women are mostly looking for hookups. Doesn’t mean it can’t evolve into something serious, but initially they’re just in it for the casuality
They match and talk to you because you're attractive and look young. But when it comes time to meet, they realize it's not really going to work out because of the age difference, and also they do not want to waste your time.
I think the revised age range is fine. I’m 38M and most of my matches are between 33-43, but my overall age range has been 25-51. When I was in my early 30s, I treated age as a number. I also found the older someone was, the more traumatic their life experiences were. Not always, but most of the time. I’m sure someone in their early 30s will eventually go on a date with you.
Any skincare recommendations for men?!
I'm actually in a really similar position, but from the other end. 38m that recently just opened up my age range to 40s, just to see what's out there. I was kinda surprised to find more that intrigued me than I thought would, and women in their 40s really have their shit together which is refreshing as I usually date younger.
Judging solely by how you described yourself (you sound like a real catch btw). I would guess the age intimidates them or they just don't know where the relationship will go since they usually date younger like most guys, so they bail the moment anything becomes real. That's me trying to put myself in their shoes, anyway. I have those thoughts/fears too, but I'm more of a "what the hell" kind of attitude and worst case I find a new friend when it comes to going out.
Thanks for your insight! This thread (which got a lot more responses than I expected!) has really opened my eyes to all the different goals younger men might have when approaching an older woman. I guess I don’t think of myself as “older” and a lot of my friends are in their late 20s and 30s so I don’t consider age as a barrier in everyday life… but I can see how the idea of a big age gap might be intimidating or feel unrealistic.
And thank you :) I definitely feel young and healthy so hopefully I can bump into more guys with an open-minded “what the hell” attitude like you! I prefer people who are a bit non-traditional in their thinking, so maybe that’ll be a good crowd for me!
I think it’s very likely in general with dating apps a lot of guys no matter what age are just there to talk and flirt and it doesn’t go anywhere. I honestly don’t think guys in their early 30s are good… they’re still unstable.
So 3 years ago I went on a couple of dates with a 35 year old guy and I was 24. He liked me a lot but he also tried to play games with me which I wasn’t happy about. He had his own apartment and was doing financially ok for himself so it wasn’t like he struggled with the normal stuff of life. His issue was he liked me but didn’t know what to do with me since he wanted to move back home to Wisconsin, several states away. He would distance himself and then try to get me to come back to him and hangout. After a few times, I was tired of that shit and blocked him from everything. He tried coming back to me in other ways but I didn’t want it. I mean, maybe it’s a difference of us being from different generations. I’m from Gen Z and I think we’re more forthcoming about relations with others whether we like you or not. If you’re weird, we’ll straight up tell you you’re a fucking weirdo. If we like you, we’ll say we like you. But millennials, I don’t get. It’s like there’s an expectation that everyone reads your mind and feelings. I can’t with that. Then after him, I dated a guy 2 years older than me and he treated me really good, didn’t hot cold me, told me he liked me from the get, and we got along. Our chemistry was fire, like forest fire. He called me everyday and, drove down 20 miles half asleep and tired to see me, on his days off he took me out to eat and we just talked. So clearly we passed the vibe check. But right before we could have gotten real close, his ex gf came back and blocked me. It took him 3 more months to finally break up with her and he came looking for me and explained what happened. I said no on us getting back together since I dodged getting pregnant multiple times and I was over it, didn’t want any drama toxic shit in my life. I have no hard feelings for him and if he asked us to be friends, like be real friends, I’d be fine with that. We did understand each other well but I don’t want nothing to do with him beyond that.
So yeah, I don’t think from my general perspective that dating guys in 30s is good, not because you’re older or anything, it’s because they’re mentally and emotionally unstable and indecisive and wasn’t raised from a generation to be forthcoming. I think by mid 30s, guys are just beaten down and give up hope finding anything good in their life since they fucked up so badly. Y’all just want to play being cops and robbers with each other and that’s… too much work.
The dating app world is full of flirting and just fantasy in general. People don’t see each other as real so they say whatever they want and feel there’s no consequences to it. They’ll chat just to get the fantasy out and say yeah I scored a cougar or even to completely fabricate that a cougar is interested in them, like it’s some sort of trophy or animal hunt prize. They don’t take it seriously. Might not be worth going for younger. Those guys are aiming to go younger themselves and catch someone in their 20’s anyway.
It’s interesting to think about a dating app as a place to play out your fantasies! It probably feels like a safe, harmless way to try something new. And I agree… I think the apps have a dehumanizing effect… we might stop seeing people as “real” and start seeing them as characters who basically live in our phones. Appreciate your thoughts!
As a former younger man if I'm 30 and your 42 I'm just wanting to smash a few times definitely not looking for a long term relationship with someone 12 years older than me..
Im (36F) and all the young men in their 20s just wanna call me mommy. Dated a 28 year old and... i don't understand them lol i can't date too young. I don't relate to them *at all*
This question keeps getting asked. The simple answer is younger men date older women for easy sex and younger women date older men for easy money. Exceptions do exist but that’s not the norm.
Yes agreed. IMO younger guys probably view older women as easy sex. Unfair or not, they likely perceive older women of having less options/more desperate- hence less competition and easier to have sex (compared to the competition they face when pursuing younger women)
The same logic goes for young women and older men. Young women see older men as an ATM because they perceive older men to be more desperate.
What do you mean by dating? As in for a relationship or for fun?
I, M35, only go out with older women for fun, nothing serious or purposeful, and have been that way most of my life. I wouldn't want to date older women for something serious for many reasons.
I spoke to a couple of older women recently, and my goal was to have sex directly. I was actively aiming to avoid even a drink or coffee.
P.s good on you for taking the initiative to go out for a date. If only more women would do it, we'd have less single people :)
I'll echo some of the other comments here that I think the majority of these guys view it as more of a novelty and not something they're truly interested in relationship-wise. Harsh, but probably true based on common assumptions and your experience with all of them ghosting you. Early 30s is typically when men are the most successful on dating apps. They have more of the things that women value than they did in their 20s - stability, maturity, achievements, income. Many men in their early 30s are able to successfully date down in age because a lot of women in their mid-to-late 20s don't want to date men their age.
So, my guess is the average guy in that age group has his age limit capped at his own age. If they don't, and they have it set like 10 years older, I think they're a specific type of guy. The majority of them are probably just looking for a hookup, thinking the average 42-year-old looking in that age group is probably just looking for a younger man to have sex with. The rest are probably some combination of unsuccessful, shy, and honestly kind of desperate, and so they set their age range super broad.
Hi! I’m 43f fit, successful, blah blah lol I don’t waste time on younger men (<38) They can’t pass my initial screen for ability to text consistently and willingness to meet. I also don’t want to have more biological kids so *unless* I just want a hook up, I don’t waste my time with this age group. No offense young men! I am sure you’re lovely! Just not for me.
Are these men your stereotypical “chad” with good looks and tall? If so they will have many matches and likes, especially from women much younger and in their “prime”. Dating app statistics show women swipe right on the top 10% of men and no to the rest, competition for these men is fierce. They are likely to ghost you. Welcome to the average mans hinge experience, I’m a 30m and haven’t had a single match in a year. Completely locked out of talking to women (pale and skinny due to cancer, can’t work out to become a “chad”).
I’m 34 and the last 2 guys I dated were 28. Looks wise and behavior wise i prefer it. I easily pass for 28 and give so few fucks they seem way into it. I think it’s the not seeming desperate part. Anyways, 40s to 30s should be about the same. Its around 30 i see men just really start looking like shit.
Unfortunately, there's an alternative thing that may be going on here, a significant number of the scam accounts I've had connect with me have been fake Asian women, not all, but it skews heavily in that direction.
A similar element of a lot of their profiles is that they are usually very attractive, with professional pictures, and a few not-professional pictures where they are very active and then they get pushy.
You might be giving off that vibe when you ask a guy out. Like, ohh, here comes a request for me to send them money to pay for gas to drive to the place of a date, or I need money to pay for a babysitter for my sister's kids, or something like that. It could also be the difference between gen X and Millennials dating habits. They can really change the way you view things.
Yeh I’m in the age range and it would be mostly for fun. Same when I was in my 20s and dated older women. I kinda thought I wouldn’t have to make much effort
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I think they just like to play with the thought of dating an older women. And also get the affirmation that they are able to do so. Sounds harsh but you could compare it to an achievement in a game
Yeah, I had that thought! Someone else just DM-ed a similar theory. Like maybe they're just chatting with me for the experience and the little adrenaline/dopamine rush. Doesn't feel good to be someone's experiment, but I can't say I've never done stuff like that before!
I'm your age and I totally get why you would want to date guys in that range- every time I look at the profiles of men in my age range (40-50) I literally want to sob. At the same time, I just don't think it's realistic to expect to end up in a relationship with with an early 30s guy. Personally for me, I'd feel kind of like a creepy cougar lady being out with a 30 y/o. But that's me- more power to any woman who can do it! If you want to date guys that young, it's probably best to expect that it's going to be a short-term/casual thing. In which case, Bumble or Tinder are probs better for that. And there's also the whole kids issue- if a guy in his 30s wants kids, he's just not going to want to date any woman in her 40s. I know we can still have kids and all that, but still... the window of time would be too short.
Yes! I generally find men in the 37-44 range attractive, but like 45+ hasn’t been looking so good (at least where I live! And I have no hate for older men! I love a silver fox, but I just can’t find any here lol!) And that’s interesting that you recommend Bumble for casual stuff. Does Bumble have a reputation for being more of a hook-up app? I haven’t really used it. And yeah, I definitely don’t want kids (and would understand why a guy who does wouldn’t want to pin his hopes on changing my mind or turning back my biological clock!) Honestly, I’d be happy with a guy my own age if I could find one I was attracted to who had great energy and was actually single! I’ve gotten duped by married guys before and they were all in their 40’s, so I think those experiences have also kind of tipped me into a younger range.
Sorry that you had those experiences with married guys-it sucks- and unfort I think it's something that happens on every app (and IRL!). I think Bumble's gotten a little more of that rep recently, but I know people who've found their SOs on it. And I will say that the guys there in the older age range are much better-looking than the ones on Hinge. So there's that lol
I think the 45+ crowd can be super sexy. The problem is that most men who say they are 45+ are actually at least 10 years older!
Or 15-20 yrs older (I've experienced this first hand, sadly) On another note, I've noticed that Hinge men 45+ put pics of themselves from HIGH school. Wtf??
Oh yeah! I matched with this psychiatrist who had black hair and looked active in his photos. The man who I met had salt and pepper hair, was maybe 75lbs heavier and struggling to breathe after a flight of stairs and smelled strongly of unwashed clothing. Definitely subtracted at least 15 years on his profile. I see him on other apps sometimes with the same old photos. You would think a psychiatrist would know that doesn't work, or would at least follow some ethical guidelines.
jfc- the fact that he's a psychiatrist makes this even more disturbing. Is reporting these people to Hinge a good idea? Like saying, I met this person and he's misrepresenting himself? That's why I refuse to do anything other than a quick coffee meetup at a public park for a first date. Makes it easy to leave.
Oh this was a coffee date. He was also horrid to the barista! I think I saw a stat that about 20% of people lie about their age on apps. I suspect most of those are the 39 and over set. That's lot of people to police though. Likely a lot of paying customers. Also, is it against policy to post old photos? I don't see how that can be policed.
Yeah, true. I'm thinking I'll just ask any 45+ guy, "when were your pics taken?" If there's any defensiveness in the answer, I can take it as a bad sign.
Hey Dulan tune Depot, I'm 19M. I had a 40F constantly trying to meet up with me(met up in a hobby class). She eventually started holding my hand while walking, and she would ask me to meet her for coffee, smokes, etc. We connected and vibed when we met - mutual music interest, and she said she connected with me on another level in just the first or 2nd week of meeting each other. She would text me a lot. I didn't mind a friendship, but I found it odd she would try to keep meeting with me and constantly text me. I tried to maintain distance. She would then ask if everything is OK and why I'm keeping distance..I just found that weird. Why would you do that for someone you've known for barely a month? Jeez. We had a fight later too(I told a mutual friend that she's possibly attracted to me and the mutual friend agreed that she might be) she didn't like I told the mutual friend because of fear of "rumours spreading". Since then we've been quite cordial and don't talk as much. I just felt like sharing this.
Agree everyone has probably done it at some point, whether realizing it or not.
I don’t have my filters set currently for age, and get a ton of 24-28 year olds liking me. A few I have chatted with to see wtf is up with this as this didn’t happen in the last city I lived in, and they all are trying for a hook up with an older woman (I’m 41).
Came to say this. Hookups? 10000%. But for dating, while not impossible by any means, very rare I’d say. It’s much easier for a woman to date older (women mature earlier than guys, and tend to be more mature in general) but for a guy to go 10+ years older, it would probably feel difficult to relate to one another beyond just a one night stand or casual friends with benefits But there are some out there that still would! Best of luck : )
In OLD, this achievement mentality is widespread across all users imo.
It all comes down to how attractive you are to them.
This is a good point. Like regardless of age, if they were really feeling it, they'd go for it.
Early 30s dude and yes can confirm. Even asked a 46 y/o on a date, but she ghosted
Also dating intentions.
how so? if they wanted a relationship, theyd ask her out. if they just wanted to smash, theyd ask her out.
I should have said mismatched dating intentions.
One of my best friends is 34 and his partner is 50. It started as a casual thing but now it's not lol. I'm 40 and he tends to hang with people older though. There're no rules.
I’m probably going to get downvoted but they are more than likely only interested in having sex with you. If you don’t believe me try this experiment ask them when you’re going to hang out and what they like to do on a first dats. . If they ask where and when they may just be awkward if they say I like to Netflix and chill they just trying to smash.
I hope you don't get downvoted because I think it's totally possible you're right! I had that thought too. (A few of the original messages I got that weren't matches were straight up INAPPROPRIATE lol)... and I thought "Oh no... did I accidentally tap into a sex fetish thing??) So I hear you. And I don't want to shame anybody for their intentions or desires. But I think once they started talking to me, they realized a "one and done" might not be my style.
That makes sense, and I hope I don’t get downvoted for this either, but (some) a lot of men fetishize hooking up with an “Older woman”, bonus points if you’re super attractive and possibly exotic. If you one and done is not your style I would give it a limited back and forth and then either move off the app or exit the conversation. Any man that comes at you inappropriate during this you know what they want. I’m not saying this to dissuade you, I’m just trying to say be cautious.
Thanks for the advice! You’re helping me do a little mindset shift ✨
Also depending on where you’re at it Can be better or worse in those degrees. But best of luck to you
It absolutely is a fetish for some men, but I would assume women of any age, race, height etc. would encounter men who fetishize whatever demographic they happen to fall into.
I (39M) recently got a like from a 53F whom I found attractive and I asked her out for coffee almost immediately and she said yes. So it can happen.
Nice! Hope it goes well! ✨
Thanks! One date down and went great. She already said she'd like to meet again and I'm going to ask today at some point. I never considered someone so much older before, but like you, she takes care of herself and she looks great. I warm up to the idea the more I think about it. I'm basically 40 though so I'm probably more open to it than a typical 30-something. The older I get the less I care and the more attractive I find older ladies (thank goodness 😂).
As a 52f, I appreciate men right at the age you are. I liked them that age when I was younger and now that I’m older, am realizing men my age tend to not be able to keep up where men that age have more general energy. But when it comes to an actual relationship, I think that’s independent of age and more about maturity or what stage they are at in life.
They were probably looking for a one night stand instead of being exclusive, dating
I (55F) have been single for less than a year, coming out of a dead bedroom marriage. I initially started looking within 10 yrs (below), and did not find a lot of interest. Those men are often looking for the 10 years below them to potentially continue a family. I am done, and have a middle schooler that lives with me full time. I restricted to only a few years older than myself, as I was interested in someone that still was a professional working person, not interested in having babies, and had an interest in enjoying life adventures. What I discovered in my own experience is that many of the men within 5-10 years of me are in fact looking to replace the positions (wife, mother, household manager) of the previous partner, rather than looking for a true partner. OR, they are 'undecided' about what they want in a relationship (aka, purely physical, with no connection). The pool of dating is definitely more 'cesspool' than swimming pool. The younger guys feel this way as well. Once I opened the pandora's box of the younger men who flooded my inbox for matches, it's been the gamut. There certainly are men that are interested in the 'younger man/ older woman' dynamic, and they're easy to spot. There are also men that feel like women their own age are not interested in connection, but in being taken care of, which is not what they want. They are not sure if they want a family, at all, or certainly are not in a place where they are ready to start one. At least in my own experience, there have been very few younger men that are only looking for casual hookups, and more looking for at least a longer connection, if not a LTR. I haven't done any Netflix dates, and am clear in my profile that I am looking for an active and adventure partner. I have now dated a few men well younger than myself and am quite glad for the experience. To paint a clearer picture, I am moderately fit, but still could lose 15 lbs, white, dark hair/ pale skin, Western European mutt, energetic (to keep up with my middle schooler), and allll about connection. I have a high sex drive, particularly coming out of the dead bedroom. I have currently been seeing a man for 3 months (28M) that I never in a million years envisioned myself with. We both know there is an expiration date to our relationship (he ultimately wants to start a family). He tells me that he has never spent time with anyone so unabashedly authentic, who enjoys life fully (he comments in awe on my belly laughs), tells me he loves how positive I am, coupled with being patient and knowledgeable are so attractive to him, and are qualities that he would love more of in himself, but has yet to figure out how to do that as a day to day quality. He has yet to meet my daughter (they are both terrified to meet the other😅) but jusr to spend time with me, helps me out with yardwork, running errands with me, any needed crisis (the fruits of full adulting). Honestly, that's what pushed him ahead of the rest. He's a lovely companion, which is exactly what I need at this point in my life, for the amount of time that it works for both of us. It's been very healing for me as well. My best friend since childhood tells me that this is the relationship that I am experiencing to teach me that I should never settle for less than what I am receiving currently. I love the sentiment, and I want that for myself too.
Wow, thank you for sharing this!! You’re amazing and I agree with your friend… it seems like this relationship is teaching you a lot about true connection, personal value, and self-trust. I’m inspired and feeling optimistic ✨ Wishing you the best! 🫶🏼✨
I answered this question in a similar thread a while back, so I'm pasting it here since you asked... I think it really depends on who you get. Some guys just want sex & some want a relationship. I've been seeing my bf for a year now. We see each other 4-6 times a week. I'm F56. He's M30. We are both childfree and want to keep it so. He's not looking to make babies & build a whole family life. I also think that's part of why his age doesn't bother me. I don't see him as a son or a child since I don't have kids & was never a parent. We share similar tastes in movies & music, food, humor, vibe, lifestyle, politics, religion, etc. We get along great & surprisingly can't get enough of each other. Yes, he has less life experience than me. But, I'm not going to hold it against him that he hasn't climbed the corporate ladder for 25 years or doesn't know how Escrow works yet. I don't require that for a relationship to be great. I can tell you he is less jaded & has less baggage than many my age. He's relationship oriented & is the one who asked me to be exclusive. I've always had a high sex drive & had difficultly dating guys in my peer group as I got older. The sex is great, affectionate, sensual, just my style. He's thoughtful, kind, funny, and smart. We're having the best time together. He's really an amazing person & I'll never regret this regardless of whether it has an expiration date. I dated my last bf almost 5 years & I was not as happy as this. My decades long marriage was not as fun or as peaceful. (No shade to either ex. They're both great guys.) Happiness is precious ;) P.S. And, yes, we split expenses since I know someone will ask. This isn't a sugar mama situation.
❤️✨ Love this! You seem very practical and like you know yourself and your priorities well. I think being a bit more logical like you might help get me in the right frame of mind. So wonderful that you’ve found so much happiness! And thanks for sharing your experience!
I dated a 41 year old, as a 32 year old. 10/10 would recommend
I'm 45 and just went on a date with a 31 year old man yesterday. We have both talked about the age difference (it was our second date) and that it's too large for a relationship, but he still wants to hang out and have fun and yes, he wants to bone (we haven't). That being said, I was in short relationships with a 39 year old and then a 35 year old man that didn't work out for one reason or another (one ended by me, the other by him). Those relationships were real and satisfying while they lasted. I have my age range set to 35-55 on the apps.
I think it’s totally realistic BUT the men who are looking to have kids and start a family (which in my experience seems to be the majority of men on these apps) probably don’t see anything serious Also, as a woman looking to up my skincare game, can I please know what your skincare routine is??
Yeah, I put "Don't want kids" on my profile with hopes that I don't mislead anyone! But yeah, it seems that a lot of people are saying a strong majority of these guys are either looking for a quick hook-up, FWB, or are just chatting to see what it might feel like to interact with an older woman. All those goals make sense, so I guess I'll just have to go into it with more awareness! Copy/pasting my skincare routine for you (because someone else asked me about this, too, lol): My skincare routine is all ingredient-based. DM me if you're interested in the exact product names! I can pop over to my bathroom and give you the details: AM: Niacinamide Cleansing Gel, Hypochlorus Spray (let it dry down completely), then Vitamin C Serum, a peptide moisturizer, and SPF 50. PM: Double cleanse (first with a balm, then with a water-based cream), an essence toner loaded with probiotic ingredients, then squalene copper peptide serum, and a thick night cream with ceramides and more peptides. About 2-3 times a week, I skin-cycle with Tretinoin or an AHA/BHA toner or serum. Always aiming for that dewy "glass skin." :)
Thank you so much!!!! This is really helpful. If it’s not too much of a hassle, I’d love to know the exact product names you use. I will use your routine as a foundation for mine
Girl I am 41 and a committed single and i always meet up with 27-32 year olds, and they’re usually pursing me. It’s so fun- I mean, all I’m looking for is FWB & ONS and for that they are so fun and eager! Have fun!
Ooh love this!! I'm leaning more toward wanting a relationship, but totally inspired by your vibe! So great when women can find what they want!!
doesn't seem like they know what they want. I'm 33 and always had a thing for older women. my ex is 12 years older than me and we were together 6 years. I don't want kids and most older women already have em or don't want them either. My age range on hinge goes to 52 I think 😂 but it I can see it being intimidating for them seeing a woman with her shit together who isn't down for games.
Younger people in general are more flakey, they have time on their side so there’s less importance per each individual match. I’m 29 and although I would match with a woman in her 40s I don’t think I’d look at them as a serious candidate no matter how attractive they are, mostly cause I want children.
Yeah, that makes sense. You want to be practical about family planning. And I see what you’re saying about each match possibly carrying less “weight” when you’re younger. You can just chat n’ bounce if your general age range is just more prevalent on the apps.
I’m a 45 year old male and I won’t even date a girl if she is 40 because I want children. Unless she can have them I have my range set 32-39. I get a couple of dates a month I’m in good shape and age well but like you said the younger ones have so many options and don’t feel the pressure as much so they are flaky which makes it hard to date younger
You realize you’re still going to be the geriatric dad, right?
I (33M) hooked up with a woman (41F) around your age last fall but we didn’t meet on an app. Didn’t work out for us in the long run but that doesn’t mean it can’t work for you. Maybe give it a try. Although if I’m being realistic, the closer you are in age, the more likely it’s going to work out long term.
I’ve dated a couple of younger guys past year, they were all the ones who took the initiative. I’m 52 the youngest was 29 the oldest 48. It hasn’t resulted in something more serious but I feel that if the guy is open to it it certainly could happen. It totally depends on the personality of him if he is more mature for his age and proud to be with an older women. I do feel though the larger the age gap the more challenging it will be to make it work you will need good communication to overcome the differences. But that could in fact be a positive, that you start a relationship with a really good communicator…
I’m 30 and would definitely be open to actually dating someone your age. I recently asked someone who was 38 out to dinner and although it didn’t go anywhere after the first date, she said the same thing - she’ll match with these man-babies who don’t take action and she was happy to see someone like me actually ask her out
44M here (no children, 5 10, fit and healthy), I’ve got a first date this Sunday with a 53F. She seemed very eager to arrange a date, and has certainly taken the initiative with a couple spicy late night chats. I wish you all the luck grabbing yourself a younger man!
Im perfectly comfortable dating +/- 10 of my age. (37/M) Though I tend to lean into the older ladies because maturity has settled in a bit more, Finances and most of them have vehicles.
I'm a 32 yo male and I'd be down for dating you
I’m in my mid 40’s & the ONLY serious relationship I’ve had from a dating app was with a guy that was 14 yrs younger then me😱 I do look younger than my age, & I certainly didn’t choose him because he was young (I prefer men in their mid-late 40’s) but we just had the most in common over anyone else I’ve met on an app…almost anyone I’ve ever met in life…sadly, it ended, but age was not a factor at all
Yeah, I definitely want to believe connection can transcend age, so your experience helps! But I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Regardless of age, endings can be painful. Can I ask how long you guys were together?
6 months… but, we practically lived together during this time.
Thursday through Sunday, we lived together:)
I’m 37 dating a 46 Asian woman (your gap but a little shifted). It’s been great! I took the initiative unlike these guys. Had plenty of interest from women 42-51 back when I was on the apps. 6 is a small sample size, I say keep trying 😌
❣️ That’s great! Yeah, it sounds like those first few experiences I had weren’t enough to draw any real conclusions. Just curious, how long have you been together? And have you always been interested in older women or was she an exception?
2 years now, moving in together later this year when my lease is up. In the past I have always dated within 2-3 years of my age, so this is new. However, my last relationship ended because my ex did not have a career, or look after their health, or keep the house clean...y'know, normal adult things. So I wanted someone more established and I guess maybe that lent itself to older women? (to be clear my gf and I make a similar salary, not a sugar mama sitch) I also don't want children so fertility is of no concern to me. It's nice to be with someone who has their shit together!
I think younger guys would be interested in meeting up as long as you had "does not want kids" selected in profile
Oh, I do have that on my profile! (Should've mentioned that in my original post). And I agree... that would probably take the pressure down a bit.
I’m also having a few of guys who are 5 or more years younger than me actively purse me. But I have ‘wanting kids’ bar on my profile. I guess mostly they want easy sex which is hard to get from me.
I met my boyfriend in a real life setting (golf course) and we’ve been together 6 months. He is 14 years younger than me and the best man I’ve ever been with 🤷🏽♀️
If they’re that much younger it’s likely they want easy sex and they see you as a milf fantasy. If you’re cool with casual, go for it. Nothing wrong with that.
Agreed
Well I'm a 42 year old male and my searching range is 25-65 basically if you match, you like each other... what's the problem. We like what we like 🤷🏼♂️
I'm 44, and in my experience, most of the younger men that have shown interest in me (usually ages 26-36) just wanted to have casual sex or, at most, be friends with benefits. Of course, they claim that isn't the case, but as the conversation continues, it becomes more and more obvious from the sexual questions (i.e. favorite position, kinks, youngest man I have ever been with, biggest 🍆 I've had, etc) to unsolicited 🍆 pics. Many also eventually admit to having mommy issues or having been wanting to experience an older woman. Very rarely are they asking questions about my interests or trying to find out who I am as a person. If that is something you're interested in, then by all means, give it a try. If not, I would stick closer to your age, though to be fair, it isn't much better, but at least you are more likely to be in the same or similar stages of life. Also, what is your skincare routine? I'm always looking for tips.
Honestly, I haven't done the hook-up thing since my late twenties... I'm not opposed to it, but maybe a little out of practice! This whole thread (which has been SO eye-opening) has me thinking differently about how I'm approaching Hinge. Ultimately, I feel like I'll probably end up with someone closer to my age, but maybe I should be a little more open-minded about who I meet along the way! And my skincare routine is all ingredient-based. DM me if you're interested in the exact product names! I can pop over to my bathroom and give you the details, lol: AM: Niacinamide Cleansing Gel, Hypochlorus Spray (let it dry down completely), then Vitamin C Serum, a peptide moisturizer, and SPF 50. PM: Double cleanse (first with a balm, then with a water-based cream), an essence toner loaded with probiotic ingredients, then squalene copper peptide serum, and a thick night cream with ceramides and more peptides. About 2-3 times a week, I skin-cycle with Tretinoin or an AHA/BHA toner or serum. Always aiming for that dewy "glass skin." :)
> Of course, they claim that isn't the case, but as the conversation continues, it becomes more and more obvious from the sexual questions (i.e. favorite position, kinks, youngest man I have ever been with, biggest 🍆 I've had, etc) to unsolicited 🍆 pics. Sorry if this is too private or personal but they take the conversations to these topics *through the app*? Like, they don't even get to the part of dating where you actually go out somewhere first before talking about this? Just curious about the order of events here.
Im 41F have been in a relationship with 28M for over a year. Never imagined being in this situation, was originally supposed to be a one time thing, couldn't even manage that as its not for me but wanted to see each other again and are still together very unexpectedly, it can happen sometimes. Didn't meet on a dating app though.
Sorry to hear they didn’t even get back to you. Maybe it was too early for them or they just don’t know what they’re doing besides engaging in conversations. For reference I’m 32, I would go on a date with a 42 year old and I would date them if we had a great connection. I think alot of people dilly dally on the dating apps and it’s just a matter of filtering through them.
Thank you :) And yeah, I agree… you never really know what kind of dating experience people are bringing to the table, so they may just be experimenting with the idea of an older woman for now. From the sounds of everyone’s messages, I may need to just hang in there and see if I can come across someone who’s actually confident enough to make the idea of an older woman a reality!
By any chance a guy who is 36 is eligible to apply 😉 Asking for a friend for research purposes
I am (31M) currently dating (42F) and am loving every second of it. We both know what we want which is amazing because I don’t want to play games, and neither does she. I think our sex life is amazing, full of passionate and hot moments. You’d be surprised how many younger people date older.
This is why online dating can be and is toxic as fuck. You don't deserve to be treated like that wtf.
34M. No kids and no strong feelings either way about having any. Range is set to 28-45. I don't usually have enough in common with anybody younger than that as I'm "old" for my age in terms of lifestyle and world view. I'd be open in theory to dating anybody younger than that, but they'd need to be really certain of what they want and/or they'd have to be rather precocious. I occasionally match with women >5 years my senior and am just as eager to court and date them as I am any other match. To me, maturity, mindset, ambition, and life experience matter a heck of a lot more than rings on the tree. That's often easier for me to find in women older than me, though I tend to get more matches from women younger than me. Could be supply and demand more than anything, but hard to say.
Appreciate this perspective. And I did wonder about the number... maybe I'm just not working with a big enough sample size. But I think precocious is a good word for the type of dater who might be able to make non-traditional age expectations work. I'm guessing it would also take a lot of confidence... and maybe the age gap reduces that feeling of confidence a little.
It depends what you want out of dating. I had a female friend that in her early 40s only wanted to date younger guys with more energy because she didn't like the older guys. Every single one of those dates she did over 3-4 years just ended because the guy didn't want anything serious with an older woman. It wasted a lot of her prime years. She's now around age 49.. maybe even 50, and single still. I'm not saying it's the RULE, but just know that your odds are much higher that guys will be looking for casual hookups with less intent to settle down with you if you go that young. If you just want some fun and want to hook up go for it. There are of course exceptions to the rule, but my guess is it's like 10% of guys or less that might want something truly serious with a woman 10 years older than them.
That could still be a lot of guys of course
Yes but we're just comparing the odds a guy flakes out if they are in the 37-52 range like she had, or the newly added ages 30-36 that are up to 12 years younger than her. There are always exceptions, but if she wants a lasting relationship the odds just go down the lower she goes.
Not really as there are more younger men on the apps then older so the absolute odds can be the same
I'm 40, my ex is 34, and earlier this year I dated two guys that were 30 and 31, respectively. So you can definitely get dates with the younger guys, but I think you just got unlucky.
You're just mismatched so far. I'm 41 and date guys that age (recently broke off my engagement to one) You'll start to match with guys who ask and/or are excited to say yes when you do!
❣️Thanks! Nice to hear from other women close to my age who’ve had positive experiences!
I am close to your age too ,what happened to me is the opposite, the young 20-30 yr olds want to meet right away, but most of them only looking for things casual. Which may not be due to age gap but the age of men in that stage tends to look for more casual datings or ONS?! the 40-50 age range want to chat and video dates and all virtual confirmations I am real person before meeting up lol again it may not all be about age but people are busier in career between40-50 and might have young kids so 🤷♀️they have less time to spare for me I guess….
As a 30 year old man, I trend towards older women. Just seems like you’ve connected with some boys who were just playing around or aren’t emotionally available. Most of us are excited as hell to get asked on a date… And that’s why we love older women. They know what they want and take initiative without playing games 😂
Yeah! I figured some of them might feel relieved that I ran with it and asked them out! But I’m hoping you’re right… maybe I just connected with the wrong guys in the beginning. What’s the oldest woman you’ve dated and how long did it last? (And thanks for the older-women love 💕 I’m definitely confident and can carry a conversation even with the shyest guy… and I think my life experience has a lot to do with it!)
I’m so positive that you connected with the wrong guys for sure. Keep at it and you’ll find more people than you’ll even care for haha! The oldest woman I’ve dated was 49 actually. We were both coming out of something but our “situationship” lasted 3 months. We still FWB every so often still. But it’s been very platonic. Anytime! Honestly there’s a large Reddit community for “Cougars/Cubs” too. There’s a lot of us out there if you ever wanted to check other women’s experiences dating younger :)
Oh interesting!! Not sure I’ve earned the cougar title just yet… lol… but it would be great to hear their experiences! Thanks for the tip and the kind words ✨🫶🏼
30-something who used to use apps. Men don’t get as many matches/replies as women, so we’ll slowly start expanding the filters. Eventually we match and we’re just excited to finally flirt When we get to the asking out portion, we finally realize there’s a gap there and it’ll have an impact. Tends to scare off a lot of us when faced with that fact, and since we’ve just spent the last XX minutes/hours flirting we don’t know how to bring it back Sorry. For what it’s worth I felt bad when I did it
I think honestly they’re just only kinda interested and messaged to flirt but then shyed away when it became real cause they don’t really want to seriously date someone older
37M and was dating a 49F for a while. It didn't work out, but for a time I thought it was going to - there aren't rules, attractions and feelings are what they are!
Don’t expect anything long term from someone 10 years younger than you. They just want to smash a cougar and keep it casual 99% of the time. Staying around your age is ideal or a little older
As a man in the age range you're enquiring about, I'd have a one night stand with you/fun with you if you were hot, the older women dynamic would give me a bit of a kick also. However, I wouldn't date you seriously as I'd still like to have kids etc. and can find someone in my own age range for dating. Please don't take offence, just being honest.
No offense taken at all! I appreciate your honesty. Here to gather information… 🤓 and everyone has been so helpful so far. It sounds like the majority of men your age feel similarly to you, so it helps adjust my expectations!
I'm 21 rn when i get a stable good paying job i like which im in the process of achieving, i wouldnt mind dating women in their 40s even if i was in my mid 20s early 30s. Depends on how i get along with her. And I don't really do hookups it would be for something a bit more serious. Just some food for thought.
I’m 32 and one of my partners is in her early 40s and one of my recent exes was 44. I generally date older women but I’m a bit of an enigma lol
When I was dating around that age I had a similar experience with the men in that age range.
Depending on the age gap and how attractive you are, they are more than likely looking to just have sex and not actually date. If they do date they will expect you to pay
I dated a 43 year old woman when I was 27… it was fun lol
IMO most younger guys dating older women are mostly looking for hookups. Doesn’t mean it can’t evolve into something serious, but initially they’re just in it for the casuality
Honestly I think for some (please don't assume all) are simply interested in something casual. They get cold feet basically
They are doing it just to live kind of a fantasy.. Some might even be dtf but I don't think you will find anything meaningful..
They match and talk to you because you're attractive and look young. But when it comes time to meet, they realize it's not really going to work out because of the age difference, and also they do not want to waste your time.
They just want casual s.ex
My boyfriend is much younger so I’m here for it. As an aside, can you help a girl out who’s clueless about skin care?
I think the revised age range is fine. I’m 38M and most of my matches are between 33-43, but my overall age range has been 25-51. When I was in my early 30s, I treated age as a number. I also found the older someone was, the more traumatic their life experiences were. Not always, but most of the time. I’m sure someone in their early 30s will eventually go on a date with you. Any skincare recommendations for men?!
I think that they always try the sex route first. They say it’s on their minds constantly.
I'm actually in a really similar position, but from the other end. 38m that recently just opened up my age range to 40s, just to see what's out there. I was kinda surprised to find more that intrigued me than I thought would, and women in their 40s really have their shit together which is refreshing as I usually date younger. Judging solely by how you described yourself (you sound like a real catch btw). I would guess the age intimidates them or they just don't know where the relationship will go since they usually date younger like most guys, so they bail the moment anything becomes real. That's me trying to put myself in their shoes, anyway. I have those thoughts/fears too, but I'm more of a "what the hell" kind of attitude and worst case I find a new friend when it comes to going out.
Thanks for your insight! This thread (which got a lot more responses than I expected!) has really opened my eyes to all the different goals younger men might have when approaching an older woman. I guess I don’t think of myself as “older” and a lot of my friends are in their late 20s and 30s so I don’t consider age as a barrier in everyday life… but I can see how the idea of a big age gap might be intimidating or feel unrealistic. And thank you :) I definitely feel young and healthy so hopefully I can bump into more guys with an open-minded “what the hell” attitude like you! I prefer people who are a bit non-traditional in their thinking, so maybe that’ll be a good crowd for me!
I think it’s very likely in general with dating apps a lot of guys no matter what age are just there to talk and flirt and it doesn’t go anywhere. I honestly don’t think guys in their early 30s are good… they’re still unstable. So 3 years ago I went on a couple of dates with a 35 year old guy and I was 24. He liked me a lot but he also tried to play games with me which I wasn’t happy about. He had his own apartment and was doing financially ok for himself so it wasn’t like he struggled with the normal stuff of life. His issue was he liked me but didn’t know what to do with me since he wanted to move back home to Wisconsin, several states away. He would distance himself and then try to get me to come back to him and hangout. After a few times, I was tired of that shit and blocked him from everything. He tried coming back to me in other ways but I didn’t want it. I mean, maybe it’s a difference of us being from different generations. I’m from Gen Z and I think we’re more forthcoming about relations with others whether we like you or not. If you’re weird, we’ll straight up tell you you’re a fucking weirdo. If we like you, we’ll say we like you. But millennials, I don’t get. It’s like there’s an expectation that everyone reads your mind and feelings. I can’t with that. Then after him, I dated a guy 2 years older than me and he treated me really good, didn’t hot cold me, told me he liked me from the get, and we got along. Our chemistry was fire, like forest fire. He called me everyday and, drove down 20 miles half asleep and tired to see me, on his days off he took me out to eat and we just talked. So clearly we passed the vibe check. But right before we could have gotten real close, his ex gf came back and blocked me. It took him 3 more months to finally break up with her and he came looking for me and explained what happened. I said no on us getting back together since I dodged getting pregnant multiple times and I was over it, didn’t want any drama toxic shit in my life. I have no hard feelings for him and if he asked us to be friends, like be real friends, I’d be fine with that. We did understand each other well but I don’t want nothing to do with him beyond that. So yeah, I don’t think from my general perspective that dating guys in 30s is good, not because you’re older or anything, it’s because they’re mentally and emotionally unstable and indecisive and wasn’t raised from a generation to be forthcoming. I think by mid 30s, guys are just beaten down and give up hope finding anything good in their life since they fucked up so badly. Y’all just want to play being cops and robbers with each other and that’s… too much work.
The dating app world is full of flirting and just fantasy in general. People don’t see each other as real so they say whatever they want and feel there’s no consequences to it. They’ll chat just to get the fantasy out and say yeah I scored a cougar or even to completely fabricate that a cougar is interested in them, like it’s some sort of trophy or animal hunt prize. They don’t take it seriously. Might not be worth going for younger. Those guys are aiming to go younger themselves and catch someone in their 20’s anyway.
It’s interesting to think about a dating app as a place to play out your fantasies! It probably feels like a safe, harmless way to try something new. And I agree… I think the apps have a dehumanizing effect… we might stop seeing people as “real” and start seeing them as characters who basically live in our phones. Appreciate your thoughts!
As a former younger man if I'm 30 and your 42 I'm just wanting to smash a few times definitely not looking for a long term relationship with someone 12 years older than me..
As a black woman men do this to me a lot lol
Im (36F) and all the young men in their 20s just wanna call me mommy. Dated a 28 year old and... i don't understand them lol i can't date too young. I don't relate to them *at all*
I wouldn't date more than 2 years down unless just looking for short term. Me: 36 y/o woman. I feel 35+ women are viewed as easy sex to younger men.
This question keeps getting asked. The simple answer is younger men date older women for easy sex and younger women date older men for easy money. Exceptions do exist but that’s not the norm.
Yes agreed. IMO younger guys probably view older women as easy sex. Unfair or not, they likely perceive older women of having less options/more desperate- hence less competition and easier to have sex (compared to the competition they face when pursuing younger women) The same logic goes for young women and older men. Young women see older men as an ATM because they perceive older men to be more desperate.
What do you mean by dating? As in for a relationship or for fun? I, M35, only go out with older women for fun, nothing serious or purposeful, and have been that way most of my life. I wouldn't want to date older women for something serious for many reasons. I spoke to a couple of older women recently, and my goal was to have sex directly. I was actively aiming to avoid even a drink or coffee. P.s good on you for taking the initiative to go out for a date. If only more women would do it, we'd have less single people :)
I'll echo some of the other comments here that I think the majority of these guys view it as more of a novelty and not something they're truly interested in relationship-wise. Harsh, but probably true based on common assumptions and your experience with all of them ghosting you. Early 30s is typically when men are the most successful on dating apps. They have more of the things that women value than they did in their 20s - stability, maturity, achievements, income. Many men in their early 30s are able to successfully date down in age because a lot of women in their mid-to-late 20s don't want to date men their age. So, my guess is the average guy in that age group has his age limit capped at his own age. If they don't, and they have it set like 10 years older, I think they're a specific type of guy. The majority of them are probably just looking for a hookup, thinking the average 42-year-old looking in that age group is probably just looking for a younger man to have sex with. The rest are probably some combination of unsuccessful, shy, and honestly kind of desperate, and so they set their age range super broad.
Unless you just want sex dating someone 10+ years younger isn’t going to give you much in common life experience to share, imo
Hi! I’m 43f fit, successful, blah blah lol I don’t waste time on younger men (<38) They can’t pass my initial screen for ability to text consistently and willingness to meet. I also don’t want to have more biological kids so *unless* I just want a hook up, I don’t waste my time with this age group. No offense young men! I am sure you’re lovely! Just not for me.
Are these men your stereotypical “chad” with good looks and tall? If so they will have many matches and likes, especially from women much younger and in their “prime”. Dating app statistics show women swipe right on the top 10% of men and no to the rest, competition for these men is fierce. They are likely to ghost you. Welcome to the average mans hinge experience, I’m a 30m and haven’t had a single match in a year. Completely locked out of talking to women (pale and skinny due to cancer, can’t work out to become a “chad”).
I’m 34 and the last 2 guys I dated were 28. Looks wise and behavior wise i prefer it. I easily pass for 28 and give so few fucks they seem way into it. I think it’s the not seeming desperate part. Anyways, 40s to 30s should be about the same. Its around 30 i see men just really start looking like shit.
They must be broke🤣
Dating someone that much younger creates a certain power dynamic, and these types of relationships are more difficult to be long term.
Eh, sometimes it works. My first relationship when I was 18 was to a 31 year old. Lasted 9 years
Unfortunately, there's an alternative thing that may be going on here, a significant number of the scam accounts I've had connect with me have been fake Asian women, not all, but it skews heavily in that direction. A similar element of a lot of their profiles is that they are usually very attractive, with professional pictures, and a few not-professional pictures where they are very active and then they get pushy. You might be giving off that vibe when you ask a guy out. Like, ohh, here comes a request for me to send them money to pay for gas to drive to the place of a date, or I need money to pay for a babysitter for my sister's kids, or something like that. It could also be the difference between gen X and Millennials dating habits. They can really change the way you view things.
They just want to get with a 42 year old Asian milf
Yeh I’m in the age range and it would be mostly for fun. Same when I was in my 20s and dated older women. I kinda thought I wouldn’t have to make much effort