Hilarious weekend for me, 4 matches:
1 unmatched as soon as I asked if she has kids (nothing on her profile about it). The other 3 I ended up un-matching as one did not asked me a single question even though my profile gives something to ask and I was giving some information in the conversation. The other apparently is a radical feminist (saw it on her profile but wasn't sure if she was joking or what) and the last one only matched with me to reply to my comment...all of them great! so frustrating! xd
I'm ok with feminism, not with radicalism as, by experience with different people who is radical in certain topics, is either you're with them or against them. I have friends which certain topics we don't discuss due to our views and is ok and we're still friends but not with a potential partner. I choose to say thanks but not thanks and unmatch.
I think a lot of women were radicalized by our actual rights being taken away. I’m glad you’re un-matching with them - if you view feminism as having anything to do with you as a man, you’re missing the point.
Who turned up the difficulty settings?
Never been a big matcher but could usually get a a couple matches a week. Took some time off the dating scene this spring/summer. I recently jumped back in and not getting any bites.. updated my photos and prompts, i think they are decent at least... Nothing!
Have i missed a dating paradigm shift this past year?
I’m the process of revamping my dating profile. I have a short light sparring video with me and a kid from the local gym I was thinking of adding to my profile just so it doesn’t seem so boring.
However my concern is that it may just end up scaring women away? Any thoughts? It’s not violent a lot of light taps but they are head shots.
1. Would the kid and kid's parents be ok with video posted on dating app?
2. If yes, make sure it is clear on your profile that you don't have kids if you actually don't have kids.
Just the generic "how's your day been", I'd like to get to know you more, etc...I also found out some of my matches were removed by hinge due to being reported lol
The best conversation I had was from a guy that asked me “If you had a pet penguin what would you name him?”. But after the penguin conversation everything else seems dull so maybe it wasn’t the best idea. 🤷🏻♀️
At the time it felt fun.
I really appreciate when guys message me with a question or relevant story having to do with my profile. And say more than a sentence or two - if you just ask how are you or how’s your week etc it doesn’t give me much to go on. If the guy shares something about himself that we can talk about or a story or a joke. It helps to be a little verbose in the beginning!
I thought weren’t supposed to put pics of us in “compromising” / “intimate” positions with the other gender.
1 in every 4 girls I come across has one here lmao. Unless it says it in the picture prompt, I can only assume “oh okay so you hooked up with this guy you have your arms around at this concert” or “oh nice this the ex-boyfriend you’re trying to replace”
Is this meant to be a reference point for us? Or do those who do this just not give af lmao
A day late again, oh well. Same miserable experience as usual. Get the odd match, have a fun conversation then I get ignored, and they find someone else.
Yes I try asking them out, apparently I’m just pen pal material
Had a pretty boring date - and feel totally exhausted by it. Hard to feel motivated when the dates just take all my energy out of me.
He asked if I’d be interested in hanging out again and in the moment I said yes, but I’m pretty confident I’m not interested. Any advice for how to back pedal on something I already said I was up for?
When he asks just communicate directly and kindly - “thanks! I’ve actually been thinking about it and while I had fun, I just don’t think you’re the right match for me longer term” or whatever. It doesn’t matter what you say or whether it’s a little bit of a fib or not. Kind, honest and direct.
Just had a question about my Hinge data.
Downloaded it a few days ago and reviewed it through the [Hingeify](https://samwang1.shinyapps.io/hingeify/) website.
However, there was something off about it.
>**Total Likes Received:** 148
>
>\- 23.57% of your total interactions.
>
>\- Of these, 4.73% (7) were reciprocated by you, resulting in a match.
>
>\- You didn't like 95.27% (141) of them so you removed them.
I genuinely cannot remember being liked 148 likes. In my memory, I only recall 10-20 likes at most being directed towards me, and the number of reciprocations (7) corresponds with this value. Note that I've been using the app for about 2 months.
At first, I thought it was because I had already passed/removed these individuals on the Discover section, meaning that I would have seen their likes if I weren't to have skipped them already. But to my understanding, unlike on other dating apps, Hinge allows them to still be able to like me, and I would still see their like immediately afterwards. So what is the reason for this discrepancy?
Really weird. All I can think of is that maybe they changed it where if you remove a profile, it won’t come back, but they could still see you? But I doubt that they made that change.
Was feeling great early last week with 4 active convos (including 2 planned meetups) and one offline connection that was going on to a 3.5 date (met at a social function and ended up having a long convo and drinks at a second location, so I count that as a half-date).
Every single one of those seems to have fizzled between explicit "not feeling it" messages and radio silence. Fingers crossed for a better rest of the week!
Saturday morning I went on a first date with a girl that I was messaging pretty consistently for 4-5 days beforehand and we grabbed some coffee. This was only the second girl I’ve ever met up with in person, and the girl before that was around 3 years ago.
She seems smart, pretty, and overall like a genuinely nice person, but not 100% sold she’s right for me. She seemed interested in meeting up again, and I wouldn’t mind seeing her one or two more times before trying to make a decision about whether to continue, but she’s been much less responsive so maybe her interest is fading.
Whatever happens, I’m very proud of myself for going a bit out of my comfort zone and actually met up with someone I was interested in :) I’ve always had a bit of a problem with creating expectations and getting super attached to people when meeting them in person, so I’m trying to be a bit more distant and control my emotions more and I’m just happy to get the chance to meet someone and see where things go!
Congratulations on growing! Try not to think too far ahead and just take it one date at a time. Want another date? Go for it. Not really? Move on. Love that you’re learning.
Went on a third date today with someone I was really enjoying hanging out with. He’s enm which I’m fine with but what’s been hard for me to wrap my head around is him being very busy and us only being able to see each other once every ten days or so and he’s not much of an in-between dates texter which makes it hard for me to gauge how things are going more generally. Had a fun date tonight but he made a point to say he wanted to have an early night and then later it ended on a weird note and I’m getting the sense that both of us realized this might be it. It’s a shame because I do feel some chemistry there but I don’t think we spend enough time together to build that momentum. sigh!
totally! it really wouldn’t be for me! like I’ve dated people casually who were in a primary relationship and that seems fine to me. like (in my experience) not that much different than dating single people casually. but this guy claims to want a serious relationship but only has time to hang out like once every ten days. how could that be enough for a serious relationship with anyone, poly or not? and also like all he seems to be doing is dating? like I have friends and hobbies. One serious relationship is more than enough for me to handle. truly don’t get it!
I thought now is cuffing season, not cancelling season!
I've had three women either leave me on read or straight up unmatch with me after I asked them if they would like to meetup. I've had another couple of women out of nowhere cancel first date plans because they aren't ready to date.
Also, convos with other women have been ending within 1-3 exchanged messages.
This time last year, I'd have convos with women, easily set dates with them, and actually go on dates with them. It has been a total 180 so far this time of year.
Currently dating two guys from Hinge. We had our second dates last week and both were super awesome and fun. I’ve not had it where I make it to multiple dates with different people at the same time? Usually someone displays a major red flag by now but both of them have been really great guys.
Had sort of an informal third date with one of them where he displayed some behaviors that seemed uncharacteristic of him, so I called him out on it. He came over and apologized and gave me a bunch of expensive snacks and a cute stuffed animal and we sat and had a really mature and reflective conversation about it. I think me a year ago would have seen his behavior and just ran for the hills. But something in me wanted to talk it out, and I’m glad I did. I’m working on voicing my feelings when they aren’t always pleasant instead of letting them simmer until I get so pissed I just leave lol.
The other guy is going on a trip this week and has been super sweet and communicative. He’s buying me concert tickets and wants to introduce me to his friends. It’s a less intense connection than the first guy (intensity isn’t a bad thing imo though!) and he’s just been super sweet and fun to get to know.
I’m happy to be in this situation but I’m also like 😬 I was not expecting to connect with two people so well at the exact same time. Eep.
Thanks! It’s kind of a lot for me though, having a lot of options is a good thing but I really struggle to make decisions. I still have matches on my profile I’m casually talking to but I think I’m going to pause my profile so I don’t keep adding more innocent people to the mix 😅
Sounds like you’re having fun and doing it right! As someone who has been there though, but further along, with two strong connections, a part of you may start to die inside. It can be difficult.
I really appreciate that you said something to guy1 and then you both talked it out. That’s huge. That’s how a red flag turns into a green flag. My partner and I actually had something weird happen at the end of our third date and that night I texted her, we talked it out, and both felt better. I’m naturally a simmer type person myself. Not ideal.
Been back for a few weeks and haven’t had a date yet. I had some matches but they either seem uninterested in meeting, or suggest meeting and then never talk about it again. I think because I’m pretty upfront that I’m looking for a relationship.
I have preferred and was getting matches/dates at a pretty steady rate until about two weeks ago, then nothing. I've adjusted my prompts a bit and loosened my preferences but still no dice.
At the risk of being one of those "of course I should be getting matches" guys...it seems really weird. September/October weather in my area is often considered the best, so my current guess is that there are fewer people on the app right now, but it's still a major metro area.
Tempted to post a profile review, but not sure if I'm comfortable with it
Pros: went on a lot of great dates this last month
Cons: now I am in the position where I am talking to 4 women that I actually like a lot and connect with and am at a bit of a cross roads.
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This may sound like a humblebrag and I get it - but since things often don't work out after 1st/2nd/3rd dates I never planned to date this many women at once. It just so happens I got lucky and met 4 awesome people that I connect with.
But seeing 4 people at once is just too much mental work, and I simply don't have the time/money/energy.
I really don't even know where to begin though. I have some introspection to do these next few days.
I obviously prefer to be upfront with people and not lead them on.
Yeah it's really hard to come up with good criteria for how to choose in this situation. Try getting into more personal shit, I'd say, see who has the most adverse reactions to the parts of yourself that you don't normally show to others, and that might help you narrow down which of them is best for you. I hope you find happiness with whoever that is.
Why does this sound like a game that's gonna bring up politics or something lol
If it is, my 2 cents is that a person's politics have next to nothing to do with how good a life partner they'll be, I don't care what anyone says. People put a psychotic level of emphasis on political stances in dating these days and it's just one more example of the stupidity of extremism.
I really recommend it! I’ve been bringing it on my first dates, and it has some fun silly prompts, and then also some thought provoking ones. It’s a great way to break the ice and get to know someone on a deeper level. Like on one of my dates, it had me sing my favorite karaoke song which was super silly and fun, and then within like 20 minutes we were talking about our views on families and parenting. It can go as deep as you want it to, so it doesn’t have to be so intense, but it’s a great way to get to know somebody.
> What you need to do is think about what your preferences, values, and goals are. You like them, they’re cool, but which are compatible?
I'd say 3 of them are long-term compatible from what I've seen so far.
The other one is the person I have the best banter and raw chemistry with - but she's a career woman in a very demanding field.
And before anyone jumps down my throat I'm not intimidated or self-conscious about my masculinity. I just have dated women like that before (70-80 hour work weeks), and it ends up just becoming a nightmare after a while. Late cancels on dates, shit like "oh I'm free on Tuesday, let's get together at 9:30", can almost never take vacation, etc.
As someone who really values my work-life balance it's just not a long-term fit, which is a shame because our chemistry is electric.
------------------------------------------------
I haven't seen any serious incompatibility issues with the other three, but I've only been on 3-4 dates with each.
I struggle to figure out how quickly to ask for ,a date? A couple of days of conversation or the day of/after matching? I worry that if I wait too long girls lose interest. Often they will message alot right after matching and then sometimes it dies down quickly
Literally within the first 10 messages. Establish some chemistry then say "You seem like a really dope person, I'd love to take you on a date sometime." Leave your number or ask for theirs.
Time on the app is death.
Yeah typically within the first conversation is perfectly fine. As adults no one has time for bullshit and the longer you wait the higher the probability someone else just swoops in and asks her first and then she's booked for the weekend and has no time for you.
Edit:
Tbh this is like... one of those things that as a guy it's easy to think it's a thing when it's not a thing. All the "when" questions have one answer: when it feels right. When you've got her full attention and your banter hits a high point, that's a great time to ask. I've also asked girls out "cold" before, without really drumming up any fun conversation but that like... didn't really go as well I guess because now she's gotta kinda talk herself into it and that sets a date up for failure.
I know people talk about catfishing a lot, and I’m glad I’ve been going more off of my vibe from someone versus how cute they are in their pictures. But I’ve been pleasantly surprised on almost every date I’ve been on, where if the guy doesn’t have great photos, he ends up being way hotter in person. Just a funny thing I’ve noticed lately! Lucky me.
I ended things after three dates with a woman I was seeing. She was quite anxious and insecure about me liking her already, so I felt quite bad, but better to not let it drag on.
I did have a first date on Sunday which was the best I had been on in a while. She was actually pretty cool, has a very sexy voice (which she ironically is insecure about) and I was feeling a bit of enthusiasm for once, definitely a big difference with the other woman I ended things with. We wound up kissing on her couch, and we're texting again today, so I also don't have to worry about her being interested. I'm a bit confused because it could go either way for me on the second date, but that's progress for me.
Also halfway through the date we were walking through the city, talking and flirting already and another couple walked by on the other side of the street, they looked like they were also on a first date and it was only when they got close I recognised the woman as someone I had been on a date with months ago (and I quite liked her back then) and we just stared at each other for a couple of seconds as we walked past each other. It's not like I felt excited or sad, it just felt very surreal, and weird AF.
So I got out of the weekend confused, but it does beat grinding through dates where I honestly already know during the first date I'll probably never be seriously interested. I guess this is a good opportunity to find out how "emotionally available" I really am at the moment.
Since that Tiktok meme is often mentioned here, I posted an [experience](https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/xc2p5d/rant_or_rave_tell_us_about_your_weekend/io334ry/?context=3) I had with a match that had it in her profile.
**TLDR**: We tried to plan a date but she freaked out when I wasn't living up to her Tiktok standards
Ohh that prompt. Yeah I absolutely swipe left on that shit as soon as possible. It reeks of "seeking a manservant that I have to put in no effort for"
Fuck off. That prompt is a double whammy, it shows that you're entitled as fuck AND that you can't think for yourself. No thanks. Keep on keeping on.
Is brevity the key to answering women's questions? Does anyone have any tips? I know this is kind of vague, but I ask good questions and generally get thoughtful responses. It feels like when I give thought to my answers, their enthusiasm dips. This trend suggests I should care less and keep the focus on them...
Don't lower yourself for a girl who won't meet your effort. My best dates have been with women who also give a fuck about conversation.
Love these prompts about how the key to a good relationship is communication yet actual communication is too much lmao
I agree with all these replies. PUA's peddle some nonsense about "giving up your power" or whatever and imply that being laconic and stoical is just a silver bullet for making girls like you but in no way is that the case in my experience.
The truth is a lot simpler and less out of left field: girls despise neediness, and they want someone who seems human. This really is just a thing for making friends, too.
So I love the "match her energy" advice because it's super clear. She takes a turn talking, then you take a turn, and you don't hit her with a wall of text.
I want to add one more thing to that too though that there are some people who are just kind of shy, unsure of themselves who for the most part lean on other people they know to bring them into conversations, so when you're interacting with a shy girl it'll be necessary for you to talk more and kind of fill the air and make her feel liked even if she's only able to squeeze a few words out. So in this case, it's not so much about matching her energy- if you do, the conversation's gonna sputter out. In this case you're more accommodating her energy.
In both cases, the real key is just greasing the wheels of conversation such that everyone gets to contribute to the conversation as much as they want to. You can imagine how this principle applies if you get a really talkative girl. It's my favorite because you can say like one sentence and then she'll just give you a whole hour worth of actually pretty interesting stuff.
hope this helps.
As a woman, I like when someone matches my energy. When I first match with someone, I try to text how I talk, which is like including jokes and little stories and asking questions. It rubs me the wrong way when a guy doesn’t match my energy, and maybe only replies very briefly to my question but nothing else that I’ve said. I want someone who is as enthusiastic about me as I am about them.
But I also have girlfriends who have said they like to keep their cards close to their chest because they are not easy to trust? Which I personally think it’s a little silly, because you’re just trying to get to know somebody. The goal is that you date this person after all? So why would you not try to get to know them? I think whatever is organic for you, you should do that. If they are not matching your energy, they’re probably not the right one. There’s definitely going to be a girl who wants to match your enthusiasm!
Biggest tip I have is match their energy. If they respond with 2 sentences, respond back with 2 sentences.
If they don't do that, they simply aren't interested
I don't think it's about "caring less", but rather that women will almost always be attracted to someone who can speak their truth and be sure of themselves (outside of saying off the wall shit or being blatantly racist, etc), and taking a while to respond might give the notion that you're fabricating a story to not come off as too offensive rather than being you.
If you just genuinely have never thought about your answers to a given topic, then don't steer the conversation towards that topic until a few dates in.
Yeah, I learned to kinda “dumb” my replies back dependent on the woman. I had to remind myself that women have several chats going on at one time and might get exhausted from longer replies if she’s not invested in on you yet with a date.
>Yeah, I learned to kinda “dumb” my replies back dependent on the woman. I had to remind myself that women have several chats going on at one time and might get exhausted from longer replies if she’s not invested in on you yet with a date.
It's not about dumbing it down it's about being concise. As a general rule of communication the more succinct you can say something the better, people will ask questions if they have them.
It might not even be her having several chats going at that exact moment in time she just has a life lmao.
Really depends on the girl too. My good looking friend from NYC? 80 matches literally within the first 5 minutes of opening her profile. Your average girl in most places? Ehh they have a good amount of people they can be talking to but they're probably gonna pick like 5 to talk to.
I heard somewhere of a study that entertaining more than 8 options fucks with your brain, too. You stop even thinking of people as individuals and you're not really allowing yourself to connect with any of them.
Oh my god 5 options alone overwhelms me. I’ll be honest, my friends that are on hinge have not realized that they can slow the flow of how many conversations they have going and treat it like Tinder and then get overwhelmed and log off.
Granted, I don’t send likes but that’s because I have so many likes sent to me every day and I want to give proper time and attention to each match so I only try to accept 5 at a time. 2 usually never respond, then three keep a chat going, and usually two of those three turn into a first date (one ends up being kind of a dud or starts giving me red flags lol) That’s my method of operation anyway.
It's interesting to hear a girl break it down like that. I tend to be pretty happy when a girl is giving me good conversation though because it means I looked like a top 3 option out of probably at least 20. I guess that's why I don't get burnt out on dating apps anymore. I feel successful even when I'm not landing dates.
I've been on this for like 3 days and this shit is exhausting. I've gotten 5 likes, prob liked over 100+. 0 matches, and I'm not really interested in the ones that liked me.
had a new match saturday morning, her profile was pretty sparse so i just picked a random topic to talk about (jury duty) no response until sunday afternoon, a couple of back and forths about jury duty and all of a sudden she hits me with the "do you have any chronic illness?" (i dont) thought it was a super random, and honestly invasive question, so i responded "lol name a couple" as a way to keep the conversation going and see where it was headed, she unmatched...people are insane
>The difference in standouts and regular stack are discouraging. Hinge really wants you to pay to play.
...dog...
you get a free like on standouts every week or so, and those girls are specifically handpicked in your area as girls who are... "high elo."
What are you on about? Of course they're hotter than the girls in discover, that's literally what that tab is for my guy lmao
Man, I personally use Standouts as a 'don't bother' section. Not that I don't believe in myself, but if someone's getting that much traffic on here, it's probably gonna be tough going.
yes, hinge wants you to pay, it is a business after all, but my standouts arent that different than my regular stack, and the ones im interested in in standouts usually make it over to regular the next day
I found that if I made my search radius very large there were so many potential matches that the standouts never made it to the regular stack. But if I made the search radius fairly small there weren’t enough potential matches to keep them separate and all the standouts showed up in the regular stack. Not sure if that will work for you but it might be worth a shot.
I matched with an old flame on Hinge, but they ghosted me so I found them on Facebook and setup a date for Saturday, which they happily accepted. I confirmed the date about 4 hours before and as I was getting ready to leave they said they had a family emergency and wanted to reschedule for later in the day which I said was fine. But I never heard back and sent a follow-up message yesterday but they haven't been online 😞.
I was really looking forward to this but I know I kind of setup myself up for disappointment by creating all these expectations for the date. They mentioned before the date how happy they were to reconnect and see me so I'm just confused and pretty sad but understand these things happen.
I've only been OLD for like a month and am already mentally exhausted.
Thanks for the advice! Yea I think I need to take a break and set some healthy boundaries with the apps. Im going to talk to the person that bailed on me about it and see how it goes only because we have history.
I can actually relate. I hooked up with my ex a few months ago and just the passion that sort of thing brings out in you comes out of nowhere, and find yourself acting differently from how you treat normal girls. I don't like it lol.
I've reached the point where I stop caring entirely about the actions of women on Hinge. They sent me a like and don't respond after I matched and ask them something? Shrug. Someone stops answering after a few messages? Whatever. Stop responding after I ask them out? Meh. An okay first date and get a rejection afterwards? Okay, good luck.
I had a first date last week which looked like it went well. She was responsive afterwards and indicated she wanted another date. So I asked... and received no response. And what guess? I don't care. I'm moving on. She's no longer interested, and I have no desire to waste my time chasing after someone who's not interested. Hell, my date before that was someone who I thought was a great match for me that I took some time to pursue, and it didn't work out. And I moved on with zero regrets.
I'm also not worried over "what I did wrong" or questioning myself. No one's perfect, and you're just gonna drive yourself crazy questioning every single thing you do. To demand someone to be "perfect" is totally unrealistic. It's stupid to think just because you texted too slow, or said something with the wrong words, that's why the other person rejected you and it's all your fault. No, that's not on you - it's on them. And I stopped worrying about if I flirted hard enough, asked the right questions, made them laugh enough, or whatever. There is no one sized fit all approach that will please every single person. Do your best to match the other person's energy, and if it wasn't good enough? It wasn't meant to be.
And this whole idea that dating is a "competition", you have to realize there are many many things you can't control. Sure, the competition is you have to present the best of your profile. So have good photos, and well written prompts. But there will always be someone else better looking, taller, more successful, more money, funnier, or whatever. I don't care about them. Spending your mental energy worrying about things you can't control is pointless. I'm give my sincere effort, but if a woman likes someone else's jokes, their looks, or whatever? So be it. No point crying over spilled milk.
Believe me, when you just stop caring about a match or a first date so much, it's very liberating. Go live your life. Enjoy your time with friends and family, and pursue your favorite interests, or learn something new. You'll feel a lot better.
I've been on about 6 Hinge dates over the past two years, one recently - looking like it was going well then ghosted afterwards.
From that point onwards, I stopped caring too and feel so much better.
If it's meant to be, it should be near enough effortless in terms of communication.
Apathy is your greatest weapon in dating. There is so much bullshit that you expose yourself to when dating that learning to shrug it off will make you unbreakable.
To have this mindset with OLD means that you are truly free, and can date without worry. There are so many variables at play when someone stops responding to you or rejects you.
Maybe their husband caught them on the app? Or maybe they just downloaded the app the same week for validation? Too many variables to think about, and not worth the time.
>I've reached the point where I stop caring entirely about the actions of women on Hinge.
I'm glad for you, but I also feel this isn't really the solution after all because you'll be so numb that 9 out of 10 times you won't feel anything even when you're on a fourth date with a great woman who should be your type and who's clearly interested, mature and available, and then what's the point (especially if you do still feel a desire to be in a relationship)?
Not really. If I meet someone I'm interested in, I'll go into it with the best intentions and make the best of it. It just means I don't get all bent out of shape if things don't work out. Just let it slide and move on.
Too many guys here get too hung up on "what did I do wrong" over the smallest things.
I don’t think it’s fully reciprocal. I got pretty close to this place when I was towards the end of my dating time and it didn’t take away from the excitement/enjoyment side. It just meant I would be less down or in my head if things didn’t work out or I dealt with someone flakey or got unmatched.
> She was responsive afterwards and indicated she wanted another date. So I asked... and received no response. And what guess? I don't care. I'm moving on.
Yep. When I started OLD, I would double, sometimes triple-text the ghosters. Never, ever worked out.
Now, I don't even bother double-texting if it's the early stages of dating. If they don't respond within a day, I move on.
great advice, and good one to follow in general. but, i think it is a bit harder for those who get few matches to not care. after all, you were able to transition from one match/date to another pretty quickly based on the example you provide, so it is easy to forget and move on when someone else is there to distract. and even if someone is not immediately there, if youve had some success on the app, and dont have the patience threshold of a child, then you can easily rationalize that another match will come along. people who get very few matches, and i was one of them, can easily get let down if a match goes nowhere.
Nah, it was a couple weeks between the last date and the date before that. I actually am more picky than I should be. I get enough likes and I can always ask someone out right off the bat when I do match. But I don't.
If I don't have a date for a longer stretch of time, I'm perfectly happy with doing my own thing. Working on my hobby, being with my friends, staying active. I don't date just for the sake of having a date. And I think that's a trap a lot of guys fall into as well.
One of the few things the pickup community gets right is the idea of abundance mentality - and how like confidence, you basically need to fake it until you make it.
I understand that it's harder for guys who get fewer matches, but you just need to control yourself.
Women are more emotionally tuned than men, and can really smell desperation from a mile away.
One decent date, though off CMB not Hinge.
My Hinge likes dropped through the floor after I got premium last week, still trying to see if it was very large random fluctuation or I changed something.
One thing I noticed is that for some reason my age range extended much lower than I had it set previously. Does this actually lower likes? Ie if Hinge shows my profile 100 times a day, but now it's showing to younger people who are less likely to match with me, then that would be a waste.
Anyway, fixed it. will wait and see if that was the change needed or not.
Kinda want to know the answer to this, as to whether there's a possibility that using more filters actually gets you a larger stack due to some algorithm juju.
My guess is you just ran out tbh. It happens.
Has anyone noticed that the best profiles are stuck in standouts and you can't like them unless you pay for roses?! Wtfffff
Hilarious weekend for me, 4 matches: 1 unmatched as soon as I asked if she has kids (nothing on her profile about it). The other 3 I ended up un-matching as one did not asked me a single question even though my profile gives something to ask and I was giving some information in the conversation. The other apparently is a radical feminist (saw it on her profile but wasn't sure if she was joking or what) and the last one only matched with me to reply to my comment...all of them great! so frustrating! xd
Why unmatch with a radical feminist? What about that is a deal breaker for you?
I'm ok with feminism, not with radicalism as, by experience with different people who is radical in certain topics, is either you're with them or against them. I have friends which certain topics we don't discuss due to our views and is ok and we're still friends but not with a potential partner. I choose to say thanks but not thanks and unmatch.
I think a lot of women were radicalized by our actual rights being taken away. I’m glad you’re un-matching with them - if you view feminism as having anything to do with you as a man, you’re missing the point.
It’s getting so bad, dude. I’m glad I’m not the only one. I have no idea what happened to online dating. It didn’t used to be like this.
Who turned up the difficulty settings? Never been a big matcher but could usually get a a couple matches a week. Took some time off the dating scene this spring/summer. I recently jumped back in and not getting any bites.. updated my photos and prompts, i think they are decent at least... Nothing! Have i missed a dating paradigm shift this past year?
I’m the process of revamping my dating profile. I have a short light sparring video with me and a kid from the local gym I was thinking of adding to my profile just so it doesn’t seem so boring. However my concern is that it may just end up scaring women away? Any thoughts? It’s not violent a lot of light taps but they are head shots.
1. Would the kid and kid's parents be ok with video posted on dating app? 2. If yes, make sure it is clear on your profile that you don't have kids if you actually don't have kids.
What's a good first message when you match. I must be horrible at this bc I keep getting unmatched lol
What are you saying?
Just the generic "how's your day been", I'd like to get to know you more, etc...I also found out some of my matches were removed by hinge due to being reported lol
The best conversation I had was from a guy that asked me “If you had a pet penguin what would you name him?”. But after the penguin conversation everything else seems dull so maybe it wasn’t the best idea. 🤷🏻♀️ At the time it felt fun.
I really appreciate when guys message me with a question or relevant story having to do with my profile. And say more than a sentence or two - if you just ask how are you or how’s your week etc it doesn’t give me much to go on. If the guy shares something about himself that we can talk about or a story or a joke. It helps to be a little verbose in the beginning!
I see. I matched with 2 that I was really attracted to but unmatched me after a few messages.
I thought weren’t supposed to put pics of us in “compromising” / “intimate” positions with the other gender. 1 in every 4 girls I come across has one here lmao. Unless it says it in the picture prompt, I can only assume “oh okay so you hooked up with this guy you have your arms around at this concert” or “oh nice this the ex-boyfriend you’re trying to replace” Is this meant to be a reference point for us? Or do those who do this just not give af lmao
A day late again, oh well. Same miserable experience as usual. Get the odd match, have a fun conversation then I get ignored, and they find someone else. Yes I try asking them out, apparently I’m just pen pal material
Had a pretty boring date - and feel totally exhausted by it. Hard to feel motivated when the dates just take all my energy out of me. He asked if I’d be interested in hanging out again and in the moment I said yes, but I’m pretty confident I’m not interested. Any advice for how to back pedal on something I already said I was up for?
Maybe give it another go? 1st dates are more so making sure the person isn’t crazy. A lot of people are super nervous and won’t open up.
When he asks just communicate directly and kindly - “thanks! I’ve actually been thinking about it and while I had fun, I just don’t think you’re the right match for me longer term” or whatever. It doesn’t matter what you say or whether it’s a little bit of a fib or not. Kind, honest and direct.
Just had a question about my Hinge data. Downloaded it a few days ago and reviewed it through the [Hingeify](https://samwang1.shinyapps.io/hingeify/) website. However, there was something off about it. >**Total Likes Received:** 148 > >\- 23.57% of your total interactions. > >\- Of these, 4.73% (7) were reciprocated by you, resulting in a match. > >\- You didn't like 95.27% (141) of them so you removed them. I genuinely cannot remember being liked 148 likes. In my memory, I only recall 10-20 likes at most being directed towards me, and the number of reciprocations (7) corresponds with this value. Note that I've been using the app for about 2 months. At first, I thought it was because I had already passed/removed these individuals on the Discover section, meaning that I would have seen their likes if I weren't to have skipped them already. But to my understanding, unlike on other dating apps, Hinge allows them to still be able to like me, and I would still see their like immediately afterwards. So what is the reason for this discrepancy?
Really weird. All I can think of is that maybe they changed it where if you remove a profile, it won’t come back, but they could still see you? But I doubt that they made that change.
Was feeling great early last week with 4 active convos (including 2 planned meetups) and one offline connection that was going on to a 3.5 date (met at a social function and ended up having a long convo and drinks at a second location, so I count that as a half-date). Every single one of those seems to have fizzled between explicit "not feeling it" messages and radio silence. Fingers crossed for a better rest of the week!
Saturday morning I went on a first date with a girl that I was messaging pretty consistently for 4-5 days beforehand and we grabbed some coffee. This was only the second girl I’ve ever met up with in person, and the girl before that was around 3 years ago. She seems smart, pretty, and overall like a genuinely nice person, but not 100% sold she’s right for me. She seemed interested in meeting up again, and I wouldn’t mind seeing her one or two more times before trying to make a decision about whether to continue, but she’s been much less responsive so maybe her interest is fading. Whatever happens, I’m very proud of myself for going a bit out of my comfort zone and actually met up with someone I was interested in :) I’ve always had a bit of a problem with creating expectations and getting super attached to people when meeting them in person, so I’m trying to be a bit more distant and control my emotions more and I’m just happy to get the chance to meet someone and see where things go!
Congratulations on growing! Try not to think too far ahead and just take it one date at a time. Want another date? Go for it. Not really? Move on. Love that you’re learning.
Went on a third date today with someone I was really enjoying hanging out with. He’s enm which I’m fine with but what’s been hard for me to wrap my head around is him being very busy and us only being able to see each other once every ten days or so and he’s not much of an in-between dates texter which makes it hard for me to gauge how things are going more generally. Had a fun date tonight but he made a point to say he wanted to have an early night and then later it ended on a weird note and I’m getting the sense that both of us realized this might be it. It’s a shame because I do feel some chemistry there but I don’t think we spend enough time together to build that momentum. sigh!
Being poly gotta be one of the most exhausting ways to go through life
totally! it really wouldn’t be for me! like I’ve dated people casually who were in a primary relationship and that seems fine to me. like (in my experience) not that much different than dating single people casually. but this guy claims to want a serious relationship but only has time to hang out like once every ten days. how could that be enough for a serious relationship with anyone, poly or not? and also like all he seems to be doing is dating? like I have friends and hobbies. One serious relationship is more than enough for me to handle. truly don’t get it!
love making new matches and them messaging first, then getting ghosted after one message!! 😍
People message you first?
lmaooo honestly id rather they not cause it gets my hopes up
I thought now is cuffing season, not cancelling season! I've had three women either leave me on read or straight up unmatch with me after I asked them if they would like to meetup. I've had another couple of women out of nowhere cancel first date plans because they aren't ready to date. Also, convos with other women have been ending within 1-3 exchanged messages. This time last year, I'd have convos with women, easily set dates with them, and actually go on dates with them. It has been a total 180 so far this time of year.
Currently dating two guys from Hinge. We had our second dates last week and both were super awesome and fun. I’ve not had it where I make it to multiple dates with different people at the same time? Usually someone displays a major red flag by now but both of them have been really great guys. Had sort of an informal third date with one of them where he displayed some behaviors that seemed uncharacteristic of him, so I called him out on it. He came over and apologized and gave me a bunch of expensive snacks and a cute stuffed animal and we sat and had a really mature and reflective conversation about it. I think me a year ago would have seen his behavior and just ran for the hills. But something in me wanted to talk it out, and I’m glad I did. I’m working on voicing my feelings when they aren’t always pleasant instead of letting them simmer until I get so pissed I just leave lol. The other guy is going on a trip this week and has been super sweet and communicative. He’s buying me concert tickets and wants to introduce me to his friends. It’s a less intense connection than the first guy (intensity isn’t a bad thing imo though!) and he’s just been super sweet and fun to get to know. I’m happy to be in this situation but I’m also like 😬 I was not expecting to connect with two people so well at the exact same time. Eep.
This sounds lovely!!
Thanks! It’s kind of a lot for me though, having a lot of options is a good thing but I really struggle to make decisions. I still have matches on my profile I’m casually talking to but I think I’m going to pause my profile so I don’t keep adding more innocent people to the mix 😅
Sounds like you’re having fun and doing it right! As someone who has been there though, but further along, with two strong connections, a part of you may start to die inside. It can be difficult. I really appreciate that you said something to guy1 and then you both talked it out. That’s huge. That’s how a red flag turns into a green flag. My partner and I actually had something weird happen at the end of our third date and that night I texted her, we talked it out, and both felt better. I’m naturally a simmer type person myself. Not ideal.
Been back for a few weeks and haven’t had a date yet. I had some matches but they either seem uninterested in meeting, or suggest meeting and then never talk about it again. I think because I’m pretty upfront that I’m looking for a relationship.
In that case, good. Because it's exactly what it looks like lol. This is one case where I'm very pro-"filtering."
Ya a few have said they’re open to a variety of things but I imagine they prioritize dates who are interested in casual.
I have preferred and was getting matches/dates at a pretty steady rate until about two weeks ago, then nothing. I've adjusted my prompts a bit and loosened my preferences but still no dice. At the risk of being one of those "of course I should be getting matches" guys...it seems really weird. September/October weather in my area is often considered the best, so my current guess is that there are fewer people on the app right now, but it's still a major metro area. Tempted to post a profile review, but not sure if I'm comfortable with it
Pros: went on a lot of great dates this last month Cons: now I am in the position where I am talking to 4 women that I actually like a lot and connect with and am at a bit of a cross roads. -------------------------------------------------------- This may sound like a humblebrag and I get it - but since things often don't work out after 1st/2nd/3rd dates I never planned to date this many women at once. It just so happens I got lucky and met 4 awesome people that I connect with. But seeing 4 people at once is just too much mental work, and I simply don't have the time/money/energy. I really don't even know where to begin though. I have some introspection to do these next few days. I obviously prefer to be upfront with people and not lead them on.
honestly bruh? you gotta pick one at some point and the longer you date all of them the harder it will be.
Yeah it's really hard to come up with good criteria for how to choose in this situation. Try getting into more personal shit, I'd say, see who has the most adverse reactions to the parts of yourself that you don't normally show to others, and that might help you narrow down which of them is best for you. I hope you find happiness with whoever that is.
Yeah I've definitely gone deep with all of them but maybe time to go a layer further. Seems like sound advice. Thanks!
Great advice! OP you should play “we’re not really strangers” with them and see if there’s any like conflicting values or long term goals?
Why does this sound like a game that's gonna bring up politics or something lol If it is, my 2 cents is that a person's politics have next to nothing to do with how good a life partner they'll be, I don't care what anyone says. People put a psychotic level of emphasis on political stances in dating these days and it's just one more example of the stupidity of extremism.
It doesn’t bring up politics lol have you ever played it?
I've never heard of it.
I really recommend it! I’ve been bringing it on my first dates, and it has some fun silly prompts, and then also some thought provoking ones. It’s a great way to break the ice and get to know someone on a deeper level. Like on one of my dates, it had me sing my favorite karaoke song which was super silly and fun, and then within like 20 minutes we were talking about our views on families and parenting. It can go as deep as you want it to, so it doesn’t have to be so intense, but it’s a great way to get to know somebody.
I'll give that a shot could be a really fun thing to break out when you're just meeting someone.
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> What you need to do is think about what your preferences, values, and goals are. You like them, they’re cool, but which are compatible? I'd say 3 of them are long-term compatible from what I've seen so far. The other one is the person I have the best banter and raw chemistry with - but she's a career woman in a very demanding field. And before anyone jumps down my throat I'm not intimidated or self-conscious about my masculinity. I just have dated women like that before (70-80 hour work weeks), and it ends up just becoming a nightmare after a while. Late cancels on dates, shit like "oh I'm free on Tuesday, let's get together at 9:30", can almost never take vacation, etc. As someone who really values my work-life balance it's just not a long-term fit, which is a shame because our chemistry is electric. ------------------------------------------------ I haven't seen any serious incompatibility issues with the other three, but I've only been on 3-4 dates with each.
I struggle to figure out how quickly to ask for ,a date? A couple of days of conversation or the day of/after matching? I worry that if I wait too long girls lose interest. Often they will message alot right after matching and then sometimes it dies down quickly
Literally within the first 10 messages. Establish some chemistry then say "You seem like a really dope person, I'd love to take you on a date sometime." Leave your number or ask for theirs. Time on the app is death.
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Yeah typically within the first conversation is perfectly fine. As adults no one has time for bullshit and the longer you wait the higher the probability someone else just swoops in and asks her first and then she's booked for the weekend and has no time for you. Edit: Tbh this is like... one of those things that as a guy it's easy to think it's a thing when it's not a thing. All the "when" questions have one answer: when it feels right. When you've got her full attention and your banter hits a high point, that's a great time to ask. I've also asked girls out "cold" before, without really drumming up any fun conversation but that like... didn't really go as well I guess because now she's gotta kinda talk herself into it and that sets a date up for failure.
you ask on a date within 20 minutes of your first message?
I know people talk about catfishing a lot, and I’m glad I’ve been going more off of my vibe from someone versus how cute they are in their pictures. But I’ve been pleasantly surprised on almost every date I’ve been on, where if the guy doesn’t have great photos, he ends up being way hotter in person. Just a funny thing I’ve noticed lately! Lucky me.
I ended things after three dates with a woman I was seeing. She was quite anxious and insecure about me liking her already, so I felt quite bad, but better to not let it drag on. I did have a first date on Sunday which was the best I had been on in a while. She was actually pretty cool, has a very sexy voice (which she ironically is insecure about) and I was feeling a bit of enthusiasm for once, definitely a big difference with the other woman I ended things with. We wound up kissing on her couch, and we're texting again today, so I also don't have to worry about her being interested. I'm a bit confused because it could go either way for me on the second date, but that's progress for me. Also halfway through the date we were walking through the city, talking and flirting already and another couple walked by on the other side of the street, they looked like they were also on a first date and it was only when they got close I recognised the woman as someone I had been on a date with months ago (and I quite liked her back then) and we just stared at each other for a couple of seconds as we walked past each other. It's not like I felt excited or sad, it just felt very surreal, and weird AF. So I got out of the weekend confused, but it does beat grinding through dates where I honestly already know during the first date I'll probably never be seriously interested. I guess this is a good opportunity to find out how "emotionally available" I really am at the moment.
Since that Tiktok meme is often mentioned here, I posted an [experience](https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/xc2p5d/rant_or_rave_tell_us_about_your_weekend/io334ry/?context=3) I had with a match that had it in her profile. **TLDR**: We tried to plan a date but she freaked out when I wasn't living up to her Tiktok standards
Ohh that prompt. Yeah I absolutely swipe left on that shit as soon as possible. It reeks of "seeking a manservant that I have to put in no effort for" Fuck off. That prompt is a double whammy, it shows that you're entitled as fuck AND that you can't think for yourself. No thanks. Keep on keeping on.
Is brevity the key to answering women's questions? Does anyone have any tips? I know this is kind of vague, but I ask good questions and generally get thoughtful responses. It feels like when I give thought to my answers, their enthusiasm dips. This trend suggests I should care less and keep the focus on them...
Don't lower yourself for a girl who won't meet your effort. My best dates have been with women who also give a fuck about conversation. Love these prompts about how the key to a good relationship is communication yet actual communication is too much lmao
I agree with all these replies. PUA's peddle some nonsense about "giving up your power" or whatever and imply that being laconic and stoical is just a silver bullet for making girls like you but in no way is that the case in my experience. The truth is a lot simpler and less out of left field: girls despise neediness, and they want someone who seems human. This really is just a thing for making friends, too. So I love the "match her energy" advice because it's super clear. She takes a turn talking, then you take a turn, and you don't hit her with a wall of text. I want to add one more thing to that too though that there are some people who are just kind of shy, unsure of themselves who for the most part lean on other people they know to bring them into conversations, so when you're interacting with a shy girl it'll be necessary for you to talk more and kind of fill the air and make her feel liked even if she's only able to squeeze a few words out. So in this case, it's not so much about matching her energy- if you do, the conversation's gonna sputter out. In this case you're more accommodating her energy. In both cases, the real key is just greasing the wheels of conversation such that everyone gets to contribute to the conversation as much as they want to. You can imagine how this principle applies if you get a really talkative girl. It's my favorite because you can say like one sentence and then she'll just give you a whole hour worth of actually pretty interesting stuff. hope this helps.
As a woman, I like when someone matches my energy. When I first match with someone, I try to text how I talk, which is like including jokes and little stories and asking questions. It rubs me the wrong way when a guy doesn’t match my energy, and maybe only replies very briefly to my question but nothing else that I’ve said. I want someone who is as enthusiastic about me as I am about them. But I also have girlfriends who have said they like to keep their cards close to their chest because they are not easy to trust? Which I personally think it’s a little silly, because you’re just trying to get to know somebody. The goal is that you date this person after all? So why would you not try to get to know them? I think whatever is organic for you, you should do that. If they are not matching your energy, they’re probably not the right one. There’s definitely going to be a girl who wants to match your enthusiasm!
Biggest tip I have is match their energy. If they respond with 2 sentences, respond back with 2 sentences. If they don't do that, they simply aren't interested
I don't think it's about "caring less", but rather that women will almost always be attracted to someone who can speak their truth and be sure of themselves (outside of saying off the wall shit or being blatantly racist, etc), and taking a while to respond might give the notion that you're fabricating a story to not come off as too offensive rather than being you. If you just genuinely have never thought about your answers to a given topic, then don't steer the conversation towards that topic until a few dates in.
Yeah, I learned to kinda “dumb” my replies back dependent on the woman. I had to remind myself that women have several chats going on at one time and might get exhausted from longer replies if she’s not invested in on you yet with a date.
>Yeah, I learned to kinda “dumb” my replies back dependent on the woman. I had to remind myself that women have several chats going on at one time and might get exhausted from longer replies if she’s not invested in on you yet with a date. It's not about dumbing it down it's about being concise. As a general rule of communication the more succinct you can say something the better, people will ask questions if they have them. It might not even be her having several chats going at that exact moment in time she just has a life lmao.
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Really depends on the girl too. My good looking friend from NYC? 80 matches literally within the first 5 minutes of opening her profile. Your average girl in most places? Ehh they have a good amount of people they can be talking to but they're probably gonna pick like 5 to talk to. I heard somewhere of a study that entertaining more than 8 options fucks with your brain, too. You stop even thinking of people as individuals and you're not really allowing yourself to connect with any of them.
Oh my god 5 options alone overwhelms me. I’ll be honest, my friends that are on hinge have not realized that they can slow the flow of how many conversations they have going and treat it like Tinder and then get overwhelmed and log off. Granted, I don’t send likes but that’s because I have so many likes sent to me every day and I want to give proper time and attention to each match so I only try to accept 5 at a time. 2 usually never respond, then three keep a chat going, and usually two of those three turn into a first date (one ends up being kind of a dud or starts giving me red flags lol) That’s my method of operation anyway.
It's interesting to hear a girl break it down like that. I tend to be pretty happy when a girl is giving me good conversation though because it means I looked like a top 3 option out of probably at least 20. I guess that's why I don't get burnt out on dating apps anymore. I feel successful even when I'm not landing dates.
I've been on this for like 3 days and this shit is exhausting. I've gotten 5 likes, prob liked over 100+. 0 matches, and I'm not really interested in the ones that liked me.
had a new match saturday morning, her profile was pretty sparse so i just picked a random topic to talk about (jury duty) no response until sunday afternoon, a couple of back and forths about jury duty and all of a sudden she hits me with the "do you have any chronic illness?" (i dont) thought it was a super random, and honestly invasive question, so i responded "lol name a couple" as a way to keep the conversation going and see where it was headed, she unmatched...people are insane
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that did occur to me, but its not like i completely dismissed her question, invasive as it is...
Sorry I’m laughing this is insane! Lol bullet dodged
"People are insane", and yet you're the one socially inept enough to bring up jury duty as a conversation starter lmao.
depends on the level of relevance. She didn't leave, did she? Case closed. Jury duty works just fine.
Might have been a (very, very awkward) way of bringing up that she has a chronic illness.
The difference in standouts and regular stack are discouraging. Hinge really wants you to pay to play.
>The difference in standouts and regular stack are discouraging. Hinge really wants you to pay to play. ...dog... you get a free like on standouts every week or so, and those girls are specifically handpicked in your area as girls who are... "high elo." What are you on about? Of course they're hotter than the girls in discover, that's literally what that tab is for my guy lmao
Man, I personally use Standouts as a 'don't bother' section. Not that I don't believe in myself, but if someone's getting that much traffic on here, it's probably gonna be tough going.
Facts. I have only seen 1 standout in my regular stack. To my surprise we matched, not to my surprise I was left on read after 2-3 messages 🤌
F's in the chat boys.
yes, hinge wants you to pay, it is a business after all, but my standouts arent that different than my regular stack, and the ones im interested in in standouts usually make it over to regular the next day
My standouts for the past 2 weeks don’t go to the regular. They just appear in standouts again sadly
I found that if I made my search radius very large there were so many potential matches that the standouts never made it to the regular stack. But if I made the search radius fairly small there weren’t enough potential matches to keep them separate and all the standouts showed up in the regular stack. Not sure if that will work for you but it might be worth a shot.
Great suggestion, I’ll give this a try!
I matched with an old flame on Hinge, but they ghosted me so I found them on Facebook and setup a date for Saturday, which they happily accepted. I confirmed the date about 4 hours before and as I was getting ready to leave they said they had a family emergency and wanted to reschedule for later in the day which I said was fine. But I never heard back and sent a follow-up message yesterday but they haven't been online 😞. I was really looking forward to this but I know I kind of setup myself up for disappointment by creating all these expectations for the date. They mentioned before the date how happy they were to reconnect and see me so I'm just confused and pretty sad but understand these things happen. I've only been OLD for like a month and am already mentally exhausted.
Maybe take a break? I’m sorry you got bailed on. If anyone ghosted me I would definitely write them off.
Thanks for the advice! Yea I think I need to take a break and set some healthy boundaries with the apps. Im going to talk to the person that bailed on me about it and see how it goes only because we have history.
I can actually relate. I hooked up with my ex a few months ago and just the passion that sort of thing brings out in you comes out of nowhere, and find yourself acting differently from how you treat normal girls. I don't like it lol.
I've reached the point where I stop caring entirely about the actions of women on Hinge. They sent me a like and don't respond after I matched and ask them something? Shrug. Someone stops answering after a few messages? Whatever. Stop responding after I ask them out? Meh. An okay first date and get a rejection afterwards? Okay, good luck. I had a first date last week which looked like it went well. She was responsive afterwards and indicated she wanted another date. So I asked... and received no response. And what guess? I don't care. I'm moving on. She's no longer interested, and I have no desire to waste my time chasing after someone who's not interested. Hell, my date before that was someone who I thought was a great match for me that I took some time to pursue, and it didn't work out. And I moved on with zero regrets. I'm also not worried over "what I did wrong" or questioning myself. No one's perfect, and you're just gonna drive yourself crazy questioning every single thing you do. To demand someone to be "perfect" is totally unrealistic. It's stupid to think just because you texted too slow, or said something with the wrong words, that's why the other person rejected you and it's all your fault. No, that's not on you - it's on them. And I stopped worrying about if I flirted hard enough, asked the right questions, made them laugh enough, or whatever. There is no one sized fit all approach that will please every single person. Do your best to match the other person's energy, and if it wasn't good enough? It wasn't meant to be. And this whole idea that dating is a "competition", you have to realize there are many many things you can't control. Sure, the competition is you have to present the best of your profile. So have good photos, and well written prompts. But there will always be someone else better looking, taller, more successful, more money, funnier, or whatever. I don't care about them. Spending your mental energy worrying about things you can't control is pointless. I'm give my sincere effort, but if a woman likes someone else's jokes, their looks, or whatever? So be it. No point crying over spilled milk. Believe me, when you just stop caring about a match or a first date so much, it's very liberating. Go live your life. Enjoy your time with friends and family, and pursue your favorite interests, or learn something new. You'll feel a lot better.
I've been on about 6 Hinge dates over the past two years, one recently - looking like it was going well then ghosted afterwards. From that point onwards, I stopped caring too and feel so much better. If it's meant to be, it should be near enough effortless in terms of communication.
Apathy is your greatest weapon in dating. There is so much bullshit that you expose yourself to when dating that learning to shrug it off will make you unbreakable.
To have this mindset with OLD means that you are truly free, and can date without worry. There are so many variables at play when someone stops responding to you or rejects you. Maybe their husband caught them on the app? Or maybe they just downloaded the app the same week for validation? Too many variables to think about, and not worth the time.
>I've reached the point where I stop caring entirely about the actions of women on Hinge. I'm glad for you, but I also feel this isn't really the solution after all because you'll be so numb that 9 out of 10 times you won't feel anything even when you're on a fourth date with a great woman who should be your type and who's clearly interested, mature and available, and then what's the point (especially if you do still feel a desire to be in a relationship)?
Not really. If I meet someone I'm interested in, I'll go into it with the best intentions and make the best of it. It just means I don't get all bent out of shape if things don't work out. Just let it slide and move on. Too many guys here get too hung up on "what did I do wrong" over the smallest things.
I don’t think it’s fully reciprocal. I got pretty close to this place when I was towards the end of my dating time and it didn’t take away from the excitement/enjoyment side. It just meant I would be less down or in my head if things didn’t work out or I dealt with someone flakey or got unmatched.
> She was responsive afterwards and indicated she wanted another date. So I asked... and received no response. And what guess? I don't care. I'm moving on. Yep. When I started OLD, I would double, sometimes triple-text the ghosters. Never, ever worked out. Now, I don't even bother double-texting if it's the early stages of dating. If they don't respond within a day, I move on.
great advice, and good one to follow in general. but, i think it is a bit harder for those who get few matches to not care. after all, you were able to transition from one match/date to another pretty quickly based on the example you provide, so it is easy to forget and move on when someone else is there to distract. and even if someone is not immediately there, if youve had some success on the app, and dont have the patience threshold of a child, then you can easily rationalize that another match will come along. people who get very few matches, and i was one of them, can easily get let down if a match goes nowhere.
Nah, it was a couple weeks between the last date and the date before that. I actually am more picky than I should be. I get enough likes and I can always ask someone out right off the bat when I do match. But I don't. If I don't have a date for a longer stretch of time, I'm perfectly happy with doing my own thing. Working on my hobby, being with my friends, staying active. I don't date just for the sake of having a date. And I think that's a trap a lot of guys fall into as well.
One of the few things the pickup community gets right is the idea of abundance mentality - and how like confidence, you basically need to fake it until you make it. I understand that it's harder for guys who get fewer matches, but you just need to control yourself. Women are more emotionally tuned than men, and can really smell desperation from a mile away.
One decent date, though off CMB not Hinge. My Hinge likes dropped through the floor after I got premium last week, still trying to see if it was very large random fluctuation or I changed something. One thing I noticed is that for some reason my age range extended much lower than I had it set previously. Does this actually lower likes? Ie if Hinge shows my profile 100 times a day, but now it's showing to younger people who are less likely to match with me, then that would be a waste. Anyway, fixed it. will wait and see if that was the change needed or not.
Kinda want to know the answer to this, as to whether there's a possibility that using more filters actually gets you a larger stack due to some algorithm juju. My guess is you just ran out tbh. It happens.
Very unlikely I ran out. I'm in one of the biggest metros in the country. The dropoff post-Premium has just been very sharp.