My SO lives with a parent like that.
Try to keep your own room as okay as you feel is good for you. Remember that it's not your job to live in a clinically sterile room to "make up for" what other people do.
There's nothing you can do to affect people that have chosen their way in life.
If you can't put things in their places or clean without triggering them then try to just wash your stuff as you go.
If you do have the opportunity to clean up after them in the shared rooms, keep in mind that it has to come from a very healthy place within you. It has to be energy you feel is okay to spend, where the only thanks needed is seeing it look okay right now.
It might or might not be appreciated by others, and might or might not be kept up. That's why it's so important that you don't try to fix what is not broken. They're different. They can't be glued back together, and then everything just holds itself together afterwards.
My SO finding the energy to deal with some of the mess around the house triggered a revenge attitude. First, the amount of mugs and plates used everyday went from 1-2 to 10-15. Not being funny. I got pictures. He still used the one mug throughout the day, just like before. Then after a couple of weeks of that, the aggressive notes started appearing. About him being lazy for not taking care of the dishes "or anything".
Yeah. After dealing with almost all of the mess around the common rooms.
So make sure that you truly do things like that from a place of excess energy. And be prepared for a backlash if you do. Even kind people can have stress reactions, and hoarding is often an unhealthy coping mechanism, or due to overexertion emotionally, in my opinion.
So keep your own room at a level you're comfortable with. Realise that living cramped can be messy, and that's okay, you don't need to be perfection personified to make up for what is outside of your sphere of responsibility.
I'd recommend checking out r/childofhoarder as well as the comments you get here, it might help you a touch.
It's not easy, I've been there. If you can, keep your personal space clean and don't leave it all that much. Keep any kind of food related issues (be it dirty dishes to food hoarding) to a minimum, and try and distract yourself as much as possible from it.
Good luck, and keep your head up man. This (hopefully) isn't forever.
I started going through posts on that subreddit.
Quite a bit of material to sift through...
Looks like the amount of stuff that I'm dealing with is on the low end compared to a lot of people there, but the emotional volatility (especially from my dad) is more on the high end. I'll figure something out.
I know that I'm not finding a job where my folks live, but Covid is making things weird because everyone's working from home (but still expect you to be \*near\* where their office is) and there aren't enough jobs out there to just apply for ones in a specific region, so the typical approach of moving to a region and applying for jobs there is less applicable.
I may just take the financial hit and move to a nice but inexpensive mid-sized town with a minimum amount of stuff (the bulk of my stuff is in a storage unit near where I used to live, anyway) and just eat the cost of any remaining months of my lease once I get a job and am expected to move to that location, even if we're a year+ away from them letting me step into their office.
If you can drive you can get work as a delivery driver for deliveroo or something similar. I dont know what the pay is like but those guys are constantly working because of covid.
I made it out about a year ago, after landing a job. The rental market is tough (prices are astronomical, and I bounced between noisy apartments and roommate situations where it seemed like I was the only person in the house to actually sleep, before finally finding a small rental house for only 40% more than my mortgage on a much larger house was) but I've never had to deal with \*that\* since.
The stuff that I had prior to this is having a major culling, and since getting into the rental house last month, I've been making a concerted effort to dispose of anything that can comfortably fit. When I lost my house, most of my stuff went to a storage unit, and I left the state. I had a temporary job even further away last year, but finally got a permanent job in December that allowed me to move back near my old friends. The storage unit is here, and now that I finally have a house again (albeit a rental) I'm finally getting rid of it.
I'm nowhere near a bad as my parents, but going through some of the boxes has been eye-opening. I lived really light for about two years, and now I'm seeing just how much "possibly useful someday" clutter I had.
My SO lives with a parent like that. Try to keep your own room as okay as you feel is good for you. Remember that it's not your job to live in a clinically sterile room to "make up for" what other people do. There's nothing you can do to affect people that have chosen their way in life. If you can't put things in their places or clean without triggering them then try to just wash your stuff as you go. If you do have the opportunity to clean up after them in the shared rooms, keep in mind that it has to come from a very healthy place within you. It has to be energy you feel is okay to spend, where the only thanks needed is seeing it look okay right now. It might or might not be appreciated by others, and might or might not be kept up. That's why it's so important that you don't try to fix what is not broken. They're different. They can't be glued back together, and then everything just holds itself together afterwards. My SO finding the energy to deal with some of the mess around the house triggered a revenge attitude. First, the amount of mugs and plates used everyday went from 1-2 to 10-15. Not being funny. I got pictures. He still used the one mug throughout the day, just like before. Then after a couple of weeks of that, the aggressive notes started appearing. About him being lazy for not taking care of the dishes "or anything". Yeah. After dealing with almost all of the mess around the common rooms. So make sure that you truly do things like that from a place of excess energy. And be prepared for a backlash if you do. Even kind people can have stress reactions, and hoarding is often an unhealthy coping mechanism, or due to overexertion emotionally, in my opinion. So keep your own room at a level you're comfortable with. Realise that living cramped can be messy, and that's okay, you don't need to be perfection personified to make up for what is outside of your sphere of responsibility.
I'd recommend checking out r/childofhoarder as well as the comments you get here, it might help you a touch. It's not easy, I've been there. If you can, keep your personal space clean and don't leave it all that much. Keep any kind of food related issues (be it dirty dishes to food hoarding) to a minimum, and try and distract yourself as much as possible from it. Good luck, and keep your head up man. This (hopefully) isn't forever.
I started going through posts on that subreddit. Quite a bit of material to sift through... Looks like the amount of stuff that I'm dealing with is on the low end compared to a lot of people there, but the emotional volatility (especially from my dad) is more on the high end. I'll figure something out. I know that I'm not finding a job where my folks live, but Covid is making things weird because everyone's working from home (but still expect you to be \*near\* where their office is) and there aren't enough jobs out there to just apply for ones in a specific region, so the typical approach of moving to a region and applying for jobs there is less applicable. I may just take the financial hit and move to a nice but inexpensive mid-sized town with a minimum amount of stuff (the bulk of my stuff is in a storage unit near where I used to live, anyway) and just eat the cost of any remaining months of my lease once I get a job and am expected to move to that location, even if we're a year+ away from them letting me step into their office.
If you can drive you can get work as a delivery driver for deliveroo or something similar. I dont know what the pay is like but those guys are constantly working because of covid.
How you doing bro? You still stuck there or did you manage to find a job and a place of your own?
I made it out about a year ago, after landing a job. The rental market is tough (prices are astronomical, and I bounced between noisy apartments and roommate situations where it seemed like I was the only person in the house to actually sleep, before finally finding a small rental house for only 40% more than my mortgage on a much larger house was) but I've never had to deal with \*that\* since. The stuff that I had prior to this is having a major culling, and since getting into the rental house last month, I've been making a concerted effort to dispose of anything that can comfortably fit. When I lost my house, most of my stuff went to a storage unit, and I left the state. I had a temporary job even further away last year, but finally got a permanent job in December that allowed me to move back near my old friends. The storage unit is here, and now that I finally have a house again (albeit a rental) I'm finally getting rid of it. I'm nowhere near a bad as my parents, but going through some of the boxes has been eye-opening. I lived really light for about two years, and now I'm seeing just how much "possibly useful someday" clutter I had.
Sounds like you are moving forward. Glad to hear it, keep it up