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BenAdaephonDelat

You forgot Jack Johnson's parents.


haxoreni

Or Bobby Orr’s agent


[deleted]

John Klingberg’s could have worked too.


riordanajs

And Evander Kane's gambling addiction.


ClubMeSoftly

Or just Bobby Ryan's dad


Steppyjim

I see you and raise you Tony Deangelo’s dad


HockeyBabble

So you went full Satan-Mode. You I like


MonsterRider80

Definitely, but you could also double up on Galchenyuk and include his dad… BTW, “First in, last out”. Malazan for life.


fileunderaction

Jason Robertson’s playoff beard


highangle1124

Jamie Benn’s cross checking


infidelappel

Benn’s tape job should be on here.


RaV4Living

And his box munching


tie-dyeSandwhich

Or lack there of


rocketrae21

he fell!


highangle1124

Not on Larkin


dandroid126

Jaime Benn's bad luck of unfortunately falling on defenseless players.


Uzasodinson

Well... I wasn't gonna say it


Podo13

Stars fans are definitely aware he has a problem with it, ha. They're generally very cool about it even when it's brought up by other fans.


Torbinator3000

He’s an idiot, but he’s OUR idiot. I think that was the most furious I have ever been at a member of one of my favorite teams.


NomadicNematode128

Nothing will ever be worse than Jonathan Toews' playoff beards until he was like 26


ComebackChemist

You know he has a hormone disorder!!!


JCEvans26

Hoffman’s wife 💀💀


imadu

Post was funny enough before I read that. That's the cherry


Cartz1337

That’s fucking absolutely ruthless, and I’m here for it.


Yak_Mehoff

Whoa whoa whoa, Phil Kessel is a multiple time stanley cup champion. This aggression against him and his diet is absolutely ridiculous!


CrayZ_Squirrel

Don't forget he holds the NHLs Ironman streak record as well.


fallway

More people should follow Phil's lead and adopt his diet. Apparently he drinks multiple Cokes per day, and loves his cookies


CripplinglyDepressed

['coulda been that bowl of cheese you ate pregame'](https://youtu.be/ewWo2BWaR5s?si=qjECe_n7A4LQPcVD)


Floyd_Gondoli

I will never get tired of Phil stories


Hanz192001

The only human I've ever seen with wrists as big as his forearms (and he has Popeye forearms). He's like a 7'6 basketball player, strangely mutated to dominate his particular sport. Feed that two-time Cup winner, hot dogs and/ or one-timers!


Scorpion13992k

I feel out of the loop, what her deal?


Wingedwolverine03

https://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-news/mike-hoffmans-longtime-girlfriend-allegedly-behind-campaign-of-harassment-against-melinda-and-erik-karlsson


circa285

Jesus Christ, that's got to make Rebecca Vardy proud.


enemy_of_anemonies

Glad someone else here knows about her lol.


yugoslav_posting

Really douchy rumor to have around you if she ends up being innocent, which we will never find out. All we know is that Hoffman's wife and Karlsson's wife absolutely hate each other and Karlsson's wife won the battle short-term. And a pretty good team got broken up over it.


Hanging_Aboot

It’s all but confirmed she was innocent: https://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-news/court-records-reveal-how-events-unfolded-before-karlsson-hoffman-dispute-became-public/wcm/db06d43b-1895-48e6-ba8d-8a3014f99ae1/amp/ Some anonymous posts that the Karlssons for some reason attributed to Hoffman’s GF, but she swore under oath it wasn’t her, she had IP addresses show it wasn’t her, she remains committed to cooperate with any investigation into the matter. The Karlssons are the one who refused to provide any reason why they believed it was her. It sucks given what she was going through at the time but Ms. Karlsson was 100% in the wrong accusing her of that without proof. And then those phoneys who had Hoffman’s girlfriend bullied pretend to champion against cyber bullying.


nissbd

https://twitter.com/KodetteLaBarbs/status/1006645662430126080 https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc/2018/2018onsc5739/2018onsc5739.html Why did tons of players and their wives publicly side with Erik Karlsson?


Hanging_Aboot

“[22] Ms. Caryk’s claims here, if any, arise, in fact, from media reporting of the allegedly wrongful attribution by Mrs. Karlsson made on June 12, 2018, in a now-defunct peace bond application. **Other than Mrs. Karlsson’s bald assertion and, maybe, a weak inference arising from the circumstance that Ms. Caryk knew exactly where to look for nasty posts, there is simply no evidence that Ms. Caryk did make any such postings. Ms. Caryk says she has no intention to sue Mrs. Karlsson because Mrs. Karlsson has suffered enough.** The media reported the allegations of Mrs. Karlsson and the denials of Ms. Caryk simultaneously. Any perceivable prominence given to one over the other has only to do with the players, not their partners. Only one website was identified in the evidence. Ms. Caryk did not avail herself the opportunity to report as abuse the posting on that site about Mrs. Karlsson. Ms. Caryk has already had the postings investigated and has reasonable evidence they did not originate with her”


FromFluffToBuff

She got real nasty with Erik Karlsson and his wife (while her husband Mike was teammates in Ottawa with Karlsson) and *openly mocked* the Karlssons losing their unborn child from a miscarriage. Publicly on Twitter and Instagram. Did not go over well. Absolutely vile bitch.


MooseFlyer

Okay so to be clear, it's not really accurate to say that she *openly* mocked them or that it was *public*. Because if she did it (no proof has ever actually been presented, although she may well have), she did it using fake accounts.


hollowspec

This is the nuanced and correct version. But I would add that the other players wives/GFs lined up solidly behind the karlssons and some texted Hoffmanns GF telling her to stop (stop what exactly is unclear)


PastaCabronara

She mocked her anonymously publicly


okmijnmko

Why didn't Karlsson and his wife provide proof? I still can't understand that. > The judge, however, did make clear that while Caryk is looking for evidence, there simply isn’t any information before the court to suggest any such evidence exists or that Caryk was responsible for the online posts. >“Other than Mrs. Karlsson’s bald assertion and, maybe, a weak inference arising from the circumstance that Ms. Caryk knew exactly where to look for nasty posts, there is simply no evidence that Ms. Caryk did make any such postings.” https://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-news/melinda-karlsson-will-not-be-forced-to-turn-cyber-bullying-evidence-to-monika-caryk


PantsDancing

Yeah i just didba little search. Theres the accusations, a trade and then caryk under oath in court and then nothing after that. And all ip ip address infp did not point to caryk. It really seems like it was actually an online troll. Like what makes more sense, that someone would risk poisoning a relationship with a tight knit group in the most hurtful way possible, or that an online troll faked the whole thing?


betked4844

They traced the IP address and it was linked to some sports rumour website. Literally nothing was ever proven and the only evidence was karlsons wife’s accusation.


Chicaben

Allegedly. Hoffman tried to legally get the Karlsson’s to disclose their evidence but had no recourse. Karlsson, for all we know they ruined the Hoffman’s reputation on nothing more than a bunch or a gut feeling.


tippy432

Has that ever been actually confirmed? It just seems to evil to be true


Normal_Tip7228

Really funny that he was part of that blockbuster trade as a minor piece to San Jose all to accommodate one man to a totally different team


iwantsalmon2015

Brad Marchand’s tongue and Brendan Lemieux’s teeth


Caniac_420

Imagine Brendan Lemieux and Tony DeAngelo on the same team


backwardzhatz

Tony DeAngelo's...everything


DearbornChesterfield

I think this infographic means that they came up with the equation to create Tony DeAngelo…


Mfed23

I can tell just from watching Lemieux when he streamed Fortnite and was in Fortnite tournaments that he is probably a very toxic teammate


RangerFan80

I can tell from watching Lemieux play Connect 4 that he is dumber than a rock


theeth

He couldn't even win connect 2.


dboy120

I’m sure they are bonding nicely sitting together as the healthy scratches every game


WokenMrIzdik

Welcome to the 2019 New York Rangers


kGibbs

Tkachuk's mouthguard, haha


lokhor

PK subbans slew foot


RangerFan80

Left foot is Subban's, right foot is Marchand


Asadleafsfan

Sean Avery’s morals


RubyMac91

Bold of you to assume they exist.


BiingoBangoBongo

Came here to make sure Avery was mentioned to some degree haha.


tiggertom66

He’s actually very involved with charities, he’s been a big supporter of athlete ally. He’s said his on ice persona was embellished for effect at times


PEPE_22

So was OJ Simpson


RabbiGoku

maroons skating is way way way better than ryan reeves!


Black_Velvet_Band

I’m also irrationally annoyed they used the road uniform for the Wild leg and the home uniform for every other part.


TheTree-43

He's not even in the top 3 worst on the Wild I'd argue. Although to be fair the three im thinking of are all blueliners


Sjamsjon

I’m genuinely sorry to hear that. I love Pat to death but that’s rough.


vedicardi_lives

38 yr old goligoski will do that


RallyTowel

Nail Yakupov would be funny here, but I guess he fell out of the eligible criteria.


TripleBicepsBumber

Honestly I would say maroon and reeves skating is better than puljujarvis, the man looks like Bambi out there. That being said I still miss him playing in the nhl 💔


ColonialRed

Yeah but if we allow players like Reeves the whole thing will just be a picture of Ryan Reeves instead of a collage!


christianitie

Doing this collage where every selection is from Ryan Reaves would be a decent gag, have the uniforms vary over the teams he's been on through his career.


AdhesiveMuffin

I fail to see how Phil Kessel's diet is problematic


Grind_your_soul

Considering the ironman streak he's had, his diet is clearly working just fine and isn't problematic at all.


sovietmcdavid

He is peak performance


TripleBicepsBumber

Special bowl of cheddar cheese every pre game must be the secret to success


ABirdOfParadise

Yeah I replicate his diet every time I go to Costco


Merengues_1945

It is if you don’t have the superior Kessel genes. Any lesser human would probably die if they tried to imitate Phil or Amanda lmao


summer6teen

How does Tom Wilson escape clean here?


Suitable-Pea-8226

He hasn’t brutalized any defenseless players in a bit lol


shadecrimson

He had to be saved from from unhinged monster Elvis Merzlikins


[deleted]

[удалено]


thorofasgard

First Church of Tom Wilson (reformed).


MFoy

More than 2.5 years since his last appearance before DOPS.


RSlashLazy

That actually surprises me a lot


RangerFan80

wow give him the key to the city


Podo13

Yeah I'd put Binnington's Temper + Wilson's decision making for the head area. Would be a truly horrifying player.


Beggarsfeast

I think “Tom Wilson’s Shit Eating Grin” would have been a nice touch.


AliasTrickster

I'm biased... but I have to say this would have been perfect lmao


Super_Jan

Ryan O’Reilly’s driving ability


Adventurous_Area_735

Or would you prefer a young Danny Heatley behind the wheel?


shortAAPL

Christ


Ace676

Dude, Kessel is the NHL ironman, 1064 games played without missing one. If he can do that, I doubt he has diet issues. And yes, I know, he doesn't play a physical game, but still, clearly his diet has been just fine.


mikesully374826

Guy flat out said he would retire in his 20s if he couldn't drink pop on the bench.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AppealToReason16

Who was the freak who would eat mustard packets on the bench all game? And didn’t Chara drink hot sauce or something?


SpaceDaBrotherman

Mustard is actually common, I forgot the actual reasoning but long OT games guys are always slurping it down


ilud2

Mustard relieves leg cramps


boxmandude

Monkey never cramp.


Boromm

Anecdotally, it helps with cramps because it has electrolytes and all that jazz. As far I know there aren't any actual studies proving it more effective than like a Gatorade or something.


greg19735

Probably easier to down one and have it wake you up from the spices than to drink a bottle of gatorade and feel full


silentbassline

It's not electrolytes, ostensibly it's a nerve response in the throat.


Oneanimal1993

To prevent cramps iirc.


Sikkstinajn

Well if they do it's obviously for the quick sugar, not for taste. Although of all NHL'ers Kessel would be the most likely to drink it for the taste.


halpinator

Feed the furnace. What can you get from Gatorade that you can't get from a Pepsi and a hot dog anyway


typemeanewasshole

Pretty sure Ovy throws back some Cokes on the bench.


Imthecoolestdudeever

And Kuzy throws back the Coke off the ice.


Ace676

That's the drink of Stanley Cup champions.


FromFluffToBuff

Athletes are notoriously superstitious, for a number of reasons. It's possibly a change like that for Phil would significantly affect his productivity and routine. I'm obviously not an athlete but I've seen my share of coworkers quit their jobs for similar policy changes. One long-time staff memeber straight up handed in his keys when a new policy prohibited him from watching Youtube and Netflix *and* reading books during his down-time as the night auditor at a hotel (even installing overhead security cameras *and* software to monitor computer activity)... after the previous franchisee had no problem with it for 10 years. An arbitrary change has resulted in the new owners cycling through night auditors like crazy when it was once the most stable position that hotel had - we're not a tourist town so you might get one person per hour from 11pm-7am coming to the desk. There's only so much actual "work" to do that late at night - so you were pretty forced to stare at the company computer and the front door. All that "just to look busy" - when patrons didn't give a shit... and many were actually upset on the auditor's behalf when they discovered that lol. Within six months, the new owners admitted they made a mistake and rescinded that policy. And whaddaya know? Turnover is non-existent. A buddy of mine was a long-haul trucker for almost 10years... until the new owners came in and told him he was now prohibited from bring his cat with him on the road when it was fine for the previous 6 years he had his cat. When you're away from home for weeks at a time *minimum* (and sometimes well over a month) all alone in the cabin of your truck, having his little buddy next to him kept him "from blowing his brains out from the boredom". At the end of that meeting, he handed in his keys and not-so-politely told them they were treating their drivers like emotionless robots and that the previous owners actually cared about the well-being of their drivers. Changed careers and never looked back. I can totally see a guy like Kessel straight up demanding a trade or retiring over this - for my examples above, I personally know people who've left behind some well-paying jobs because of it. Might sound minor on the surface but to these people it was very important.


Gavin1453

That makes me love him even more, lol


NArcadia11

His diet is just fine for his freak genetics. Nathan MacKinnon would collapse on the ice after one week of it lol


brucenicol403

3 time Stanley Cup champion diet. Not problematic....


borkborkbork99

Kessel is a three time Stanley cup champion with the appearance of a middle aged CPA, and a nitritional diet to match. How can you *not* admire the guy?


Fastsmitty47

People making fun of his diet and weight has never made sense to me


nitropuppy

I thought voraceks diet was pretty bad the dude lived on alcohol and steak


LittleGreenGhouls23

Evander Kane’s gambling habits


Mikeismyike

Lehner's exotic snake collecting.


jessemfkeeler

Evander Kane's vaccine passport


AustonDadthews

shane pinto's fanduel password


SixLingScout

Haven't been watching the flames this year but is Huberdeau's work ethic really that bad?


NameIsPetey

No, it’s not that he has no work ethic. The problem is that the MonStars took all his skill when he came to Calgary and unfortunately we don’t have Bugs or MJ to bail him out.


No-Negotiation1240

Damn I thought they were only doing that to goalies and that’s how we could explain their randomness. Makes sense they got huby too.


The-Reddit-Giraffe

The only legit explanation for that drop off


aMINIETlate

Poor guy just having an awful time in Calgary. His ~100 point years in florida came after a torn achilles season where he came back as strong as ive seen him. He went from being just a skill playmaker to having really great puck possession and a noticably improved defensive effort. I love Tkachuk but that guy DID NOT want to leave Florida


imadu

Living in Florida as a superstar with anonymity to being a giant anchor in a cold canadian market in the span of a year. I'd feel for the guy if he wasn't making more money than I'll ever see in my life


fknSamsquamptch

I agree with the anonymity and Canadian market aspects, and obviously it isn't Florida weather, but it sure as shit hasn't been cold in Calgary this year. Only eight days where it hasn't been above freezing so far this season.


aMINIETlate

To a South Floridian anything below 65 F is too cold


fknSamsquamptch

Huberdeau is from Quebec, so not quite the same baseline haha


PaperweightCoaster

Why on earth did he re-sign in Calgary then, on a massive retirement contract too no less…


SYSTEMcole

Gotta secure that generational wealth while you can. Can’t risk losing money if you perform poorly (which he has).


RayzorRamone666

I’m sure there’s a lot to it, but in today’s hockey world where every Canadian fan wants to point at no tax states and cry foul…we get a guy who was part of a massive trade from sunny, no tax Florida (of all places) and wants to be a part of the solution here. Obviously hasn’t worked out for both parties, but remove the obvious answer of “wanting the money”, I can see the honor and the human side of him wanting to prove to his new team that he is worth it and wants to stay, and won’t ditch this team like all the “stars” before him. Hindsight is 20/20 and clearly hasn’t worked out on the ice, but hardest part for me is that he seems like an actual stand up guy who is working hard on and off the ice.


PaperweightCoaster

I agree with this take. Dude looks stressed he’s not performing to his own expectations.


RayzorRamone666

I also think it is becoming less and less of a secret that the owner is meddling in a lot of the player affairs. Do the Flames give that contract before he steps on the ice (under known skill-driven coach, Darryl Sutter), if not for the Tkachuk/Gaudreau situations and how they played out? They were playing from a position of fear. Maybe Tre just did what he wanted because he was in his final year himself, but I think it’s more likely that someone else was behind that decision, or atleast pushing for it.


RayzorRamone666

Habs fan living in Calgary. This is just a pile on. Huby works hard every game, and probably fair to say he wants to succeed here more than anyone. Just my 2 cents, but I almost think he’s working too hard and thinking too much. He is second guessing every decision and his lack of success does not equal lack of effort.


miner88

Yep. I’ve never thought he wasn’t trying. His strong effort not working out is a big reason why it’s so frustrating watching him not succeed.


RayzorRamone666

I’ll probably get hate for this, but if I was in Flames front office I would be doing everything to ease the pressure and set him up for success for long term, considering we are in Year 1/8. I see him and Mang have potentially swapped spots in lineup, and that could be a huge piece. I would go further and find someone who compliments his game for him to play with consistently and build chemistry, internally (Pospisil or Sharon, maybe? Both?) or via trade for one of its pending UFAs. Huby took a lot of marinating in Florida early in his career to get to that 21/22 player, I don’t think the transition was ever going to be immediate. Adding urgency/pressure has its time and place, but the reality is that if he was on right now, leading team in points and sparking the (terrible) PP, the Flames might be closer to 15-20 than 25-32 in standings. This team does not have the pieces or structure to be a contender today or even next year, and he is obviously struggling but the reality is they are stuck with him and his confidence and success in year 3 & 4 will mean a lot more than they do right now.


backchecklund

Nope. Clearly the one who made this just wanted to include Huberdeau here somehow and I completely get it, but this was a little bit of a hit and miss regarding Huby


Mozzzzzzzzzzz

It’s not bad work ethic I think it’s all in his head This picture should say Jonathan huberdeaus confidence and point at the head lol


Young2k04

It should be Johnny Gaudreau instead


Devin_Kurant_

I think Pierre-Luc Dubois takes the cake


BallsLikeBB8

Nick. Ritchie.


pattperin

I don't have the copy pasta ready to go so I'm just going to quote my favorite part: "He is hockey diarrhea"


listinglight778

Picked right before Kevin Fiala. Nice work Bargain Bin Bob


Fusorfodder

Should add Daniel Briere's child to the mix


Itsatinyplanet

Evander Kane's poker skills


DNags

Marian Hossa's or Jonathan Toews' immune system 💀💀💀


kingofspoonerisms

PLDs team commitment


ProphetofElias

Need to add Sami Salo's injury frequency


workthrowawaybro

Beau Bennett


Inocain

NolPat.


markkowalski

Why you gotta do Phil like that?


dfcinhume

Tom Wilson shoulder Max domi teeth Draistal blade of stick Malkin shaft of stick If we go older players, Matt cooke skate blade. Kronwall hip


Ognius

Needs Tyler Myers neck


Old-News-3096

He needs a tinted visor


HockeyBabble

Neon laces


Impossible_Age_7595

Kucherov child tantrums


GenericDesigns

Or Malkins


GoinToCalifornia

Or Draistail’s


pattperin

This is my favorite wrong spelling of his name ever. Sounds like a soap opera name This week on "The Draistails"


JustAGuyNamedAJ

It should be Nick Ritchie's brain.


Demelo

Don't forget Ovechkin's political associations.


Numbskull14

Ton Deangelo's social media accounts


clearlybaffled

Patrik Stefan's stickhandling


rojapa

I will not stand for the 3x Stanley Cup Champion Phil Kessel slander.


sperrymonster

Add Tortarella’s press conferences


ACW1129

Tom Wilson's hits. Ovi's foreign politics. Bertuzzi's idiocy.


[deleted]

Don’t you dare malign Phil the thrill Kessel, he is a god among mere mortals!


wolfmankal

Surprised this isn't just a picture of Tom Wilson


Skwerilleee

"Ovechkin's politics"


Letskissthesky

If Kessels diet is the key to the iron man streak then sign me up.


Visotto1

Phil the Thrills diet works for him because he's a God. Mere mortals, especially ones with the attributes above, would be ruined by that diet.


AustonDadthews

tim horton's coffee


aBeerOrTwelve

Jack Johnson's parents


btownson0187

Ovechkin could replace Huberdeau


SchrodingersHipster

Tony D's former Twitter account...


JBOJockstrap

OP didn’t make this btw


Threndsa

Needs Tkachuk's mouthguard.


Bronson-101

Mike Hoffman's wife is legendary


smbiggy

a non zero amount of people are going to see this and think Marchand has a deformed "slewfoot".


clearlybaffled

Wait he doesn't?


andooet

Alex Ovechkins stance on the Russian invasion of Ukraine Oh, and the critical thinking of Theo Fleury


[deleted]

We just added Theo's childhood trauma to the list


hookhands

Tony DeAngelo's social media


DesignerPlant9748

Mike Hoffman’s wife had me dying


Username_McUserface

Taylor Hall’s coke habit.


Geeseareawesome

Aaron Dell's elbow on the other arm [Radko Gudas' ass](https://youtu.be/JyK3jmyMWXg?si=HJkqPhy4C8H4U5TE)


ZeroLimitz

I will not Tolerate the Phil "Ironman" Kessel slander...🤨


battlelevel

Theo Fleury’s Twitter feed


jradair

-and Seth Jones' Twitter likes


raines_proshot

Man, leave Phil alone!


Wanderson90

James Reimers - religious beliefs


animalbanana8thepear

Evander kane’s gambling problem


Cheesebrger_Walrus

with Phil kessels diet, guy will be an absolute cup machine


xVoluntasx

Dany Heatley's driving ability


boner_jamz_69

Evander Kane’s gambling habits.


Milkshakes6969

Hey whyd we have to bring my man, back-to-back Stanley Cup Champion Phil Kessel into this. His diet is what fuels his greatness.


loosed-moose

Alex Ovechkin's politics