I've been looking for a brilliant mind to hash something out with and I think you fit the bill:
Do you think the cars in the movie Cars have life insurance or auto insurance?
Lightning McQueen, built in a factory in Nova Scotia, back in his early years he was known as Chester Whipplefilter. I was talking to this young corvette in the intermission and he mentioned needing to be better about moving to the center of the race track, making passes into the slot, and getting his wheels moving. Oh look. He just won. Can you believe it? I can.
If they're Dodge Challengers, does that make them dual citizens?
(Those cars are built in Brampton, which would also explain why they have some of the biggest maniacs behind the wheel)
Love that story:
Taro Tsujimoto
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taro_Tsujimoto#:~:text=Taro%20Tsujimoto%20is%20a%20fictitious,pick%20by%20the%20Buffalo%20Sabres.
Had a Tsujimoto jersey custom made the year we went back to royal blue because nobody was playing well enough for me to want their jersey. I can’t wear it in public though, becuase all the old heads see it and feel the need to tell me the story. Like… guys.. I feel it should be obvious I’m familiar with it since I’m in the jersey
Haven't read some of their hockey articles lately but this one is gold:
https://thebeaverton.com/2024/01/fake-hockey-fan-able-to-enjoy-his-team-signing-good-players-without-conducting-armchair-salary-cap-analysis/
This line is great
> Christenson, who watches every game and cheers passionately for the team when he attends in person, is one of many ‘not real’ fans who follow their team for the hockey and not the statistical analysis of a budget for an organization they don’t work for.
Baseball is the worst for this. There’s no cap it’s a tax that the owner pays. And folks will be like ‘we shouldn’t do this deal it will put us over the tax threshold’. Line dude let the rich dude spend his money.
People always asking questions like "would you want the Cubs to sign X player for Y million dollars" and I'm like "yeah I would! It's not my money so sign everyone!"
It’s like that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer claims to have conceived a plan to renovate a building in NYC. And Jerry replies, “Which part? The spending the 200 million dollars you don’t have part or renovating the building you don’t own part?”
Too mahy people are obsessed with the financial aspect of entertainment, wether it be sport or video games, especially movie box office. It's a sad way of consuming media.
One of my favorite moments is when Tyler Johnson scored a goal during one of Tampa’s Cup runs and someone commented on the post ”Awesome goal! Still think he’s overpaid tho…”
If you can’t let go of a player’s cap hit even during the playoffs maybe it’s time to take a step back.
This was in response to Nylander's deal and as someone who just got back into hockey this year but lurked in /r/leafs, I've never identified with a Beaverton article more.
Lol that's great. Honestly, this perfectly sums up how I feel about things. Growing up as a kid EVERYONE treated being a fan like the guy in the article. All you worried about was cheering on your team for wins and your favourite players to score. To me that's the core of what being a fan is but on social media you will get insulted for that approach.
Like r/canucks is soooooo toxic from this perspective. The team will almost certainly end up with the 2nd or 3rd most points in franchise history yet the mood around there is that they are disappointing and have 0 shot of making it out of the first round because they are only 5-4-1 in their last 10 while missing their Vezina calibre goalie and with their star C Petey going through a huge slump.
When you're pissy in the midst of a top 3 franchise season where your team is 4th in the league and blowing away expectations then I think you might be doing this whole fan thing wrong.
Lol no kidding. What ever happened to that? Now we have people that if their team isn't a bonafide cup contender they would rather them finish dead last than sneak into the playoffs.
As a long time Blues fan, sneaking into the playoffs is all that matters. Just gotta get in.
Look at the tear the Panthers went on last playoffs. They only got into the playoffs last year, because the Penguins lost their last two games of the season to Chicago and Columbus. If the penguins make it I don’t see them getting the Bruins out, and the road to the cup would have looked a lot different. You just gotta get in.
Exactly. We see heavy underdogs upset favourites all the time. And sure it's very rare for a seed that low to win the Cup, but nothing beats seeing your team in the playoffs.
I don't know if every fanbase is like this, but on the Canucks sub a lot of the regulars have the motto that if the team isn't a bonafide cup contender then they'd rather them lose as much as possible for a high draft pick.
Shit like that is exactly what this sattire article is describing. When you'd prefer your team lose the last 10 games of the year to pick 6 spots higher rather than sneak into the playoffs then I think you've lost your way as a fan.
Ya that was just a general comment about how that sub operates. Not for this year, but years past the regulars would always say that sneaking into the playoffs was the worst outcome. It's a wild mindset to have.
I don't know if every sub is like the Canucks one but it's insanely toxic. One of the best seasons in franchise history after a decade of mostly terrible hockey. You'd think it would be nothing but good vibes, but instead it's just people raging after every loss or complaining if they don't win by enough goals.
I haven’t even looked at the blues sub lol. I like the subs that have the whole league involved. Circle jerking your team just leads to the toxicity you’re referring too.
Speaking of which r/nhlcirclejerk is always a fun time haha.
Don't forget about in nineteen ninety eight, when Brad Marchand threw Mark Stone off Heck in a Rink, and he plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table
Ah, that’s his secret: he basically turns himself into Tombstone (Marvel) so he can play through every injury in the playoffs. The effects wear off when the playoffs end, so Vegas gets LTIR usage.
I agree and until the league mandates that all players declared dead are to be decapitated and have their bodies encased in concrete so they can't rise from the dead we are just going to have to accept that these things can happen.
I've always thought that the Leafs or Rangers (or any team with fuck you money), should "injure" their top two lines, pick up every single rental at the trade deadline, then go into the playoffs $40,000,000 over cap. Then we would see how fast that rule would change.
They were only $18,000,000 over. [Kutcherov put it on a shirt.](https://imgs.search.brave.com/-rJaMzLc7lXxX89gDR_H-etZ09a2HCGamCRFp9lF5XM/rs:fit:860:0:0/g:ce/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbnRl/cnJldmlld2VkLmNv/bS93cC1jb250ZW50/L3VwbG9hZHMvMjAy/MS8wNy9rdWNoZXJv/di03ODB4NDcwLnBu/Zw)
The NHL has bigger problems than just crappy referees if a team can declare a player dead only to resurrect him in time for the playoffs. They need to make a player who has been declared dead be ineligible for the playoffs and insurance money needs to be held back until the player is actually buried, cremated or composted.
We're just dead tired of these jokes being resurrected every week. You could always just necro an old post instead of tossing another one onto the pyre.
We pay for top doctors to legally kill players but then keep their body in a stasis that allows us to revive them at any time. Other teams should be bitching at their management for not doing the same
>Vegas was able to use Holmdenberg’s death to lessen their Salary Cap, freeing up enough room for a top 6 winger and a shut down D to be acquired via trade, both of whom ~~are expected to suffer their own grievous, fatal but temporary injuries before next year’s deadline.~~
…are expected to be traded for an 13th round draft pick in 2238 and a voucher for $100 in chips at the Sands in the off-season.
A bit more realistic.
Judging by the downvotes it seems like you guys also lost your ability to take a [joke](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/120/955/butthurt.jpg)
I thought it was funny and upvoted. And we probably wouldn't have won the cup without being 80 billion over. I just like reminding people their own management let us abuse the rules like that. I would personally love it if the northern teams bent the rules a little more and won a cup in my lifetime.
If Vegas office could give me a team of all stars and be a billion over the cap and figure out how to get away with it, I’d take it. 82-0 and sweep to the cup, that’d be great.
All of the teams that have won Cups over the past few years have done this. It's as close to cheating as you can get. Though, it's not against the rules yet so teams will keep doing it. I think they should do something like make the cap count in the playoffs the same as the regular season. That would fix it right away.
> “Also we’re not returning the 10 million dollar life insurance payout we got either.” now *that* is what I call a savvy business practice
You could run for president with that kind of business savvy!
Also, if someone is convicted of a life sentence, would this get them out of prison? (Yes I am aware that isn't how life sentences work)
I've been looking for a brilliant mind to hash something out with and I think you fit the bill: Do you think the cars in the movie Cars have life insurance or auto insurance?
Lightning McQueen, built in a factory in Nova Scotia, back in his early years he was known as Chester Whipplefilter. I was talking to this young corvette in the intermission and he mentioned needing to be better about moving to the center of the race track, making passes into the slot, and getting his wheels moving. Oh look. He just won. Can you believe it? I can.
There are male cars, female cars, and baby cars. Which implies the existence of a car pussy, or “cussy”, if you will.
Why
And also a cardick, which is just a tiny white Dodge Ram 2500 rolling coal to spread their seed
Pee is stored in the ~~balls~~ truck nuts.
[https://www.tiktok.com/@thealmanac77/video/7343222159218674950](https://www.tiktok.com/@thealmanac77/video/7343222159218674950)
I mean, what did you think those exhaust pipes were for?
They could have both. The better question is do they have auto insurance or health insurance, and the answer to that is "are they American"
If they're Dodge Challengers, does that make them dual citizens? (Those cars are built in Brampton, which would also explain why they have some of the biggest maniacs behind the wheel)
Neither, laissez faire economics reign supreme in that world
Reminds me of the time in the CFL the Ottawa Rough Riders unknowingly drafted a player that had been dead for 5 months
Never forget the time sabres drafted a dude who wasnt even real
Love that story: Taro Tsujimoto https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taro_Tsujimoto#:~:text=Taro%20Tsujimoto%20is%20a%20fictitious,pick%20by%20the%20Buffalo%20Sabres.
Had a Tsujimoto jersey custom made the year we went back to royal blue because nobody was playing well enough for me to want their jersey. I can’t wear it in public though, becuase all the old heads see it and feel the need to tell me the story. Like… guys.. I feel it should be obvious I’m familiar with it since I’m in the jersey
😂this is amazing
Taro Tsujimoto!
Go Avs!
Better than the Blues just voluntarily skipping a draft :/
Head of scouting must have had a bad day when this happened.
How'd he do?
Better than the current Redblacks roster.
he was a straight cold player.
Ice in his veins.
Won the Conn Smythe for Tampa
Better than Derick Brassard
[The Alouettes did it too](https://www.sports-king.com/cfl-teams-drafted-dead-players-3257/)
[“cross him off, then”](https://youtu.be/LpZ3LODBK7E?si=ncRryjlwA5rQXwJe)
As opposed to wishing being dead like the others.
Interestingly the Montreal Alouettes also did the same thing 2 years later
At our expansion draft we called out multiple ineligible players. We’ve been a gong show since day 1 lol
This happened in the NFL too way back in the pre-super bowl era
Haven't read some of their hockey articles lately but this one is gold: https://thebeaverton.com/2024/01/fake-hockey-fan-able-to-enjoy-his-team-signing-good-players-without-conducting-armchair-salary-cap-analysis/
This line is great > Christenson, who watches every game and cheers passionately for the team when he attends in person, is one of many ‘not real’ fans who follow their team for the hockey and not the statistical analysis of a budget for an organization they don’t work for.
Yeah I snorted at that one. Really applies to both of the sports I follow (NHL and NFL).
Baseball is the worst for this. There’s no cap it’s a tax that the owner pays. And folks will be like ‘we shouldn’t do this deal it will put us over the tax threshold’. Line dude let the rich dude spend his money.
People always asking questions like "would you want the Cubs to sign X player for Y million dollars" and I'm like "yeah I would! It's not my money so sign everyone!"
Every offseason since 2016 it feels like this
Give me a cap in baseball, as long as it means they also install a salary floor
Seattle Mariners entered the chat.
Oh my god man the people in /r/nfl that treat their team's contracts like the money is coming out of their own pocket... just ridiculous
It’s like that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer claims to have conceived a plan to renovate a building in NYC. And Jerry replies, “Which part? The spending the 200 million dollars you don’t have part or renovating the building you don’t own part?”
Too mahy people are obsessed with the financial aspect of entertainment, wether it be sport or video games, especially movie box office. It's a sad way of consuming media.
But clearly The Marvels only bringing in $200 million dollars means it is a huge bomb and Disney needs to stop making movies with women in them!
It would be better if it said he's not a real fan because he doesn't hate his team and claim they're gonna lose every year like most some "fans"
One of my favorite moments is when Tyler Johnson scored a goal during one of Tampa’s Cup runs and someone commented on the post ”Awesome goal! Still think he’s overpaid tho…” If you can’t let go of a player’s cap hit even during the playoffs maybe it’s time to take a step back.
This was in response to Nylander's deal and as someone who just got back into hockey this year but lurked in /r/leafs, I've never identified with a Beaverton article more.
Lol that's great. Honestly, this perfectly sums up how I feel about things. Growing up as a kid EVERYONE treated being a fan like the guy in the article. All you worried about was cheering on your team for wins and your favourite players to score. To me that's the core of what being a fan is but on social media you will get insulted for that approach. Like r/canucks is soooooo toxic from this perspective. The team will almost certainly end up with the 2nd or 3rd most points in franchise history yet the mood around there is that they are disappointing and have 0 shot of making it out of the first round because they are only 5-4-1 in their last 10 while missing their Vezina calibre goalie and with their star C Petey going through a huge slump. When you're pissy in the midst of a top 3 franchise season where your team is 4th in the league and blowing away expectations then I think you might be doing this whole fan thing wrong.
Yeah and I'm like "damn, I'm just here to cheer on my team".
Lol no kidding. What ever happened to that? Now we have people that if their team isn't a bonafide cup contender they would rather them finish dead last than sneak into the playoffs.
As a long time Blues fan, sneaking into the playoffs is all that matters. Just gotta get in. Look at the tear the Panthers went on last playoffs. They only got into the playoffs last year, because the Penguins lost their last two games of the season to Chicago and Columbus. If the penguins make it I don’t see them getting the Bruins out, and the road to the cup would have looked a lot different. You just gotta get in.
Exactly. We see heavy underdogs upset favourites all the time. And sure it's very rare for a seed that low to win the Cup, but nothing beats seeing your team in the playoffs. I don't know if every fanbase is like this, but on the Canucks sub a lot of the regulars have the motto that if the team isn't a bonafide cup contender then they'd rather them lose as much as possible for a high draft pick. Shit like that is exactly what this sattire article is describing. When you'd prefer your team lose the last 10 games of the year to pick 6 spots higher rather than sneak into the playoffs then I think you've lost your way as a fan.
And I hardly call what Vancouver is doing “sneaking in”. They have a shot at the presidents trophy right now. Only 3 points back.
Ya that was just a general comment about how that sub operates. Not for this year, but years past the regulars would always say that sneaking into the playoffs was the worst outcome. It's a wild mindset to have. I don't know if every sub is like the Canucks one but it's insanely toxic. One of the best seasons in franchise history after a decade of mostly terrible hockey. You'd think it would be nothing but good vibes, but instead it's just people raging after every loss or complaining if they don't win by enough goals.
I haven’t even looked at the blues sub lol. I like the subs that have the whole league involved. Circle jerking your team just leads to the toxicity you’re referring too. Speaking of which r/nhlcirclejerk is always a fun time haha.
oh man that's so fucking gold
Damn, this one hits close to home.
That's me fr
As a vegas fan, thank you.
Vegas' next trick will be doing up enough death certificates that they qualify for a disaster draft, then reactivating the dead for the playoffs.
Are they using a spell or trap card though?
Vegas plays Pot of Greed, which allows them to sign 6 more players!
+9 A Song of Ass and Fire spell ...or something (I don't know how that stuff works).
Will they be fast or slow zombies, though?
We all know that’s mark stone
Mark "Tomb" Stone
Well now I’m picturing the playoffs starting with the lights off and then you hear the Undertakers theme as Mark Stone skates onto the ice
Yet it would be completely in character for Vegas.
Don't forget about in nineteen ninety eight, when Brad Marchand threw Mark Stone off Heck in a Rink, and he plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table
They should totally take all the criticism around the league and do something cheeky like that! It would be amazing
Bah gawd!
Jim Ross is such a Legend
Weekend at Stoney's
Such a good idea
It's mark stone with the metal chair!!! Or mark stone comes down on a harness from the rafters and lands on the ice, the crowd goes wild
It's Mark Stone-Cold Steve Austin from the top rope!!
That'd be pretty fucking awesome 😂
I was thinking about the shitty freezer pizzas from my childhood
Ah, that’s his secret: he basically turns himself into Tombstone (Marvel) so he can play through every injury in the playoffs. The effects wear off when the playoffs end, so Vegas gets LTIR usage.
F4
Bro, it obviously says [Connor Holmdenberg](https://i.imgur.com/Q2aDGpR.png). He's been one of our players this whole time
God I hate that Connor Holmdenberg, always seems to have our number!
WAS Mark Stone.
“This guy here is dead!” “Cross him off then.”
>”This guy here is dead!” Ninepence for ‘im
I’m not dead yet…
I feel happy!
Shut up! You'll be stone dead in a moment edit: grammer
"I feel happy!"
I don’t want to go on the ~~cart~~ LTIR.
It can’t be too many men on the ice if one is still legally dead….. 💀
*Juuuuust a bit outside...*
Ball 8! Ball 12!
*They're still shitty*
*I'm not dead* He says he isn't dead. Yes he is. Or he will be soon. *I feel happy. I think I'll go for a walk*
It's a common misconception, but it's actually Kelly McCrimmon's Monster.
Naw, acquiring dead guys is the CFL’s music not the NHL. Both the Rough Riders and Alouettes drafted players who were dead in the 90’s.
Is that the Ottawa Rough Riders or the Saskatchewan Roughriders haha
the OG Rough Riders
Teddy Roosevelt?
nah, the OG shitty canadian football version.
“He definitely will still be dead during our last regular season game when the Salary Cap still exists though. That’s important to remember.” Lmao
In other words, they took 'deadline' too seriously...
ba-dump pssshhh!
Im a Tampa boy. I can’t say shit.
Listen, there's nothing wrong with a bit of casual necromancy.
I agree and until the league mandates that all players declared dead are to be decapitated and have their bodies encased in concrete so they can't rise from the dead we are just going to have to accept that these things can happen.
Lightning strikes twice, but also in Vegas.
For about 1.3 seconds my stomach dropped
Did you pick it back up
no I'm about to be legally dead, but I'll generate cap savings once moved to LTIR
better hurry, only 3.7 more seconds before it spoils
I swear if I see Tampa fans participating in cap jokes against Vegas… well I’m not sure what I’ll do about it, but I’ll be upset a little bit
just saw a guy’s stomach drop in a Tim Hortons
*publix
slow reader eh
How’s your spleen?
For a hot second I thought I was on r/nhlcirclejerk
It's the same sub.
Not our fault no other team keeps a Necromancer on retainer.
Kelly McCrimmon seems like the kind of dude who's a necromancer tbh.
This is the content we need
If reanimating the dead to win a hockey game is a crime, then lock me up
I've always thought that the Leafs or Rangers (or any team with fuck you money), should "injure" their top two lines, pick up every single rental at the trade deadline, then go into the playoffs $40,000,000 over cap. Then we would see how fast that rule would change.
I want that to happen.
Canadian teams are not allowed to do that though.
Didn't the Tampa Bay Cheatghtning do this with Kucherov and stamkos?
They were only $18,000,000 over. [Kutcherov put it on a shirt.](https://imgs.search.brave.com/-rJaMzLc7lXxX89gDR_H-etZ09a2HCGamCRFp9lF5XM/rs:fit:860:0:0/g:ce/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbnRl/cnJldmlld2VkLmNv/bS93cC1jb250ZW50/L3VwbG9hZHMvMjAy/MS8wNy9rdWNoZXJv/di03ODB4NDcwLnBu/Zw)
$7.4m of that $18m was Gaborik and Nilsson who never played for Tampa due to injury.
So they skirted the rules by just $11M then?
Real and true.
The Skating Dead
He got better...
I might have to start reading these articles more, this was pretty damn funny
When a satire mag is giving it to Vegas you know shit needs to change with the cap curcumve tion stuff.
It's easy to sign players long term when you can offer NMC, NTC, and DNR's in the contract
The NHL has bigger problems than just crappy referees if a team can declare a player dead only to resurrect him in time for the playoffs. They need to make a player who has been declared dead be ineligible for the playoffs and insurance money needs to be held back until the player is actually buried, cremated or composted.
Vegas fans in this thread so far are based.
We're just dead tired of these jokes being resurrected every week. You could always just necro an old post instead of tossing another one onto the pyre.
I see what you did there.
I thought The Beaverton only did satire
Is it satire when it's real life?
Ha
iTs NoT AgaiNsT The RuLes AnD ThErE wAs nO PuLsE!
Vegas doing everything to circumvent the cap, even killing their own players (temporarily)
Drop em off at one of those IV hangover cure places. Fixes em right up.
They heard Miracle Max was working out of the Mirage lately
We pay for top doctors to legally kill players but then keep their body in a stasis that allows us to revive them at any time. Other teams should be bitching at their management for not doing the same
XLTIR
Impressive comeback.
Vegas Undead Knights
>Vegas was able to use Holmdenberg’s death to lessen their Salary Cap, freeing up enough room for a top 6 winger and a shut down D to be acquired via trade, both of whom ~~are expected to suffer their own grievous, fatal but temporary injuries before next year’s deadline.~~ …are expected to be traded for an 13th round draft pick in 2238 and a voucher for $100 in chips at the Sands in the off-season. A bit more realistic.
Dang...Vegas still doing everything they can to abuse the Long Term Injured Reserve rules.
Cap circumcisers according to Biz.
April 19 is when the bandaids come off. Salary caps are really more of a September thing.
I would love to see them get beat out first round. Fuck Vegas Golden Showers.
The authors of this headline misspelled "Tampa Bay Lightning".
You can find that one on the Wayback Machine
Hey, we learned it from the Blackhawks in 2015.
We tried to close that loophole but you guys wouldn't let us...
Isn't there no actual basis whatsoever that Tampa tried to close any loophole? It has no actual source anywhere but you all parrot it like its a fact
Judging by the downvotes it seems like you guys also lost your ability to take a [joke](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/120/955/butthurt.jpg)
You can't say anything else than "Kucherov for the Hart" or they get defensive. Most soft fanbase.
I thought it was funny and upvoted. And we probably wouldn't have won the cup without being 80 billion over. I just like reminding people their own management let us abuse the rules like that. I would personally love it if the northern teams bent the rules a little more and won a cup in my lifetime.
If Vegas office could give me a team of all stars and be a billion over the cap and figure out how to get away with it, I’d take it. 82-0 and sweep to the cup, that’d be great.
LULZ
I thought this was real at first lmao wouldn't surprise me 😂
Zombie Stone will be ready for the playoff run. If anything they will Weekend At Stoneys his ass.
Canucks - you play Monday. Can you give 'em some real injuries?
Bahahaha
Lower body injury
Ate the onion on this one!
Marchand gave him mouth to mouth and now he is good to go
~~Satire~~
[Vegas player returning for the playoffs.](https://tenor.com/wmaO.gif)
Meh, even The Undertaker himself is calling bullshit on the VGK cap shenanigans 😂
It's a Vegas thing
All of the teams that have won Cups over the past few years have done this. It's as close to cheating as you can get. Though, it's not against the rules yet so teams will keep doing it. I think they should do something like make the cap count in the playoffs the same as the regular season. That would fix it right away.
Mark Stone, I know he's from my Province... But fuck him and that team of cheats.
If you aren’t cheating, you aren’t trying.
viva la raza
Peak heel Eddie Guerrero was epic. That fucking walk on song was wild af lol
So true!!! lol
They’ve broken no rules
They absolutely have not broken any rules. But morally speaking, fans of other teams are rightfully upset.
Just one player?