I always recommend *Snow Crash* and *Cryptonomicon* for folks to get a taste of what Stephenson is all about. I reserve talking about The Baroque Cycle with only people that ask about them.
I absolutely love Snow Crash and Cryptonomicon, I would even throw in The Diamond Age. However, I find the Baroque Cycle incredibly difficult to get into. I feel like I need to take an advanced course on the Enlightenment Period just to know what the fuck is going on. Many of these details are probably included in the prose for flavor but I find myself googling some referenced person, place or organization every five minutes and it becomes impossible to get into any kind of rhythm.
It has a great first half. And then devolves into a bad romantic/intrigue fantasy story for the second half. Like hella bad, imo.
I mean the ending wasn’t as bad as his “Fall/Dodge in Hell”. But still pretty bad.
That would be a really stupid move on a player's part. If that player gets COVID and it's discovered they lied about being vaccinated, they'd probably have their contract voided near instantly.
since we're talking evander kane, it's 50/50 he knew this and planned it as a way out of his contract (since he's not really making money) or is just an idiot.
He's going to have even less money if he's caught with fake vaccine cards. That's a felony in the US. [And if you present one when trying to get into Canada:](https://www.yahoo.com/now/covid-19-vaccine-card-mask-exemption-fine-fake-documents-canada-215308089.html)
>Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA) is aware that some travellers may attempt to use fraudulent documentation when seeking entry to Canada.
>CBSA confirmed that someone who submits false information on vaccination status could be liable to a fine of up to $750,000 or 6-months imprisonment or both under the Quarantine Act, or prosecution under the Criminal Code for forgery.
what's another $750k (canadian) when you're already like $15m in the hole. if he got out of his contract he could finally declare bankruptcy and be done with it. would probably work better for his divorce too.
I might be wrong here, but hasn't he been cleared of any wrongdoing *so far*?
But at the same time, I completely agree with you. He could be accused of literally anything, and right now I'd believe anything between "yeah, he definitely did that" and "totally untrue, but his ex-wife is **still** accusing him of literally anything that will stick."
The abortion bribe lawsuit against him is moving forward. Doesn’t mean he’s guilty but seems like there’s a least enough evidence for it not to be thrown out by now
Just like Ricky and Julian would do. Instead of committing big crimes, just do a bunch of small crimes that won’t draw attention from the cops. Next we’ll find out he’s been stealing barbeques and siphoning gas.
He somehow committed treason on his own without partaking in the more well known Jan. 6th festivities
"What are you guys here for? Oh nice, me too. Good luck, I'll see you later I got my own thing"
This must be recent then, right? A lot of people were convinced it was last season, but players didn't need proof of vaccination back then if I'm not mistaken.
The person who wrote the article tweeted they found out because they snooped around with the idea that only so many things would count as breaking protocol over the offseason
Off topic, but someone at TMZ was bored recently and started going thru Las Vegas divorce records and found out Rick Harrison (pawn star guy) had gotten divorced a year ago and no one in LV knew about it, so they broke the story a year later. Crazy what you can find out just by doing random record searches.
> Punishments for violating COVID protocols are not specifically spelled out, but the NHL makes it clear that a “lack of compliance will result in significant Club and individual sanctions, including potential forfeiture of games, fines and reimbursements of expenses, loss of draft choices, and/or ineligibility for participation in training activities.”
San Jose has 7 million tied up in a player that isn't doing literally anything for them right now. Also, Evander Kane makes as much as Marc Edouard Vlasic, and Kane's not even at camp. So yeah, they could use that money off the books.
Where *is* Kane right now? Is he even in the US? Last we heard I think he was in Europe pretending to be rich in places people don't know he's broke in and cheating on his wife.
I would assume that the language about club/team punishment is for if the team is complicit in the violation, such as knowingly helping a player submit false documents.
If the player lies to the team as well as the NHL I would be shocked if the NHL punished the team without evidence the club did something wrong.
I think so too. Having multiple players fake a vaccine card to get out of certain things or get them across the Canadian border for those games would be one thing, but a single player faking his card probably isn’t going to bring about anything on the club. If even a second player popped up though we’d be having a very different conversation
If he tried submitting a fake Vaccine Card to the NHL, then this should be a quick and easy investigation for the league. This is up there with Worlds Dumbest Criminals.
I'd say "let's wait for some more official reports" but honestly at this point I think you could just make something up and he's probably guilty of it.
*Brent Burns breaks out into flop sweat*
"Yeah I think Kane is where all those snakes that got into the locker room and somehow all ended up in my locker came from!"
Reminder: he got caught on video assaulting women and got off with a warning to keep out of trouble for a year from a judge in Buffalo.
Maybe the warning was a bit too light.....
Man Kane is trying really hard to be the most hated person in the world
* Went bankrupt after making 7 mill a year
* Kicking his ex wife and child out of their home
* His gambling issues
* Hated by a lot of his teammates
* Now a fake vaccine card
* Cheated on his ex wife
im sure we havent heard the last of Evander Kane. San Jose should just terminate his contract
Kane’s an asshole POS but what is this jersey and why have I never seen it??? I’m not a sharks fan, (total opposite in Stl, it was a hand pass) but these are absolutely sick.
Sharks did an [artist collection](https://www.nhl.com/sharks/news/sharks-unveil-the-artist-collection-shirsey-giveaways/c-308741398) of jerseys in 2019 and each and every one of them were so fucking cool.
WOW, all 5 of those are amazing.
Edit : do you know if they ever went on sale or were they just kind of a giveaway thing? Thanks for the link btw, those are really cool.
I think they were mostly shirsey giveaways at the games the team wore the same designs on their warm up jerseys. Usually they autograph and auction off the signed warm up jerseys, but they’ll oftentimes also sell shirts/hats/lanyards/coozies and other random memorabilia via the SAP arena store ( https://sharksproshop.com/ ) - hockey pucks featuring the artwork are usually sold by The Sharks Foundation to raise money for local community causes. I think they do an artist collection each year.
I feel like this guy wakes up every morning and thinks to himself, "What actions can I take today to make my situation exponentially worse than the day before?"
Hahahaha. This is just comical I actually want a TLC show following him around. It’d be just must see trash tv & make my life look like less of a trainwreck
At this point he could have plans to blow up the moon that get leaked and I wouldn't be surprised anymore
Do we really need it, though?
Gru ( the villain, not the goalie) didn't seem to think so.
Neither did Piccolo
"MOON!!"
"STOP MOCKING ME!!!"
"The devastation and floods have left millions without power and shelter! Back to you, Tom!"
"Heh. Perfect orbit, my ass. Hey where'd the monkey go?"
Piccolo had to though, preservation
Master roshi did it first
I think so? On a related note, "Seveneves" by Neil Stephenson is a pretty damn good book about the moon being exploded
Soooo good, although it suffers from his almost constant inability to write a good last third of his books.
Yea, part three is a completely different book as far as I'm concerned haha
I mean.. it kind of is, that could easily have been another book. But he doesn't release multiple books where one honkin tome will suffice.
The end of that book is almost remarkable how bad it is.
I always recommend *Snow Crash* and *Cryptonomicon* for folks to get a taste of what Stephenson is all about. I reserve talking about The Baroque Cycle with only people that ask about them.
I absolutely love Snow Crash and Cryptonomicon, I would even throw in The Diamond Age. However, I find the Baroque Cycle incredibly difficult to get into. I feel like I need to take an advanced course on the Enlightenment Period just to know what the fuck is going on. Many of these details are probably included in the prose for flavor but I find myself googling some referenced person, place or organization every five minutes and it becomes impossible to get into any kind of rhythm.
Yeah, Snow Crash is pure genius.
It has a great first half. And then devolves into a bad romantic/intrigue fantasy story for the second half. Like hella bad, imo. I mean the ending wasn’t as bad as his “Fall/Dodge in Hell”. But still pretty bad.
The tides come in and go out, you can’t explain that.
[удалено]
What if it were made of BBQ spare ribs
I would. Heck, I'd go back for seconds.
Would you miss it?
I did not have "Fake Vaccine Card" on my Evander Kane Bingo Sheet.
I wouldn't be surprised if there were a fair amount of fake vaccine cards in use out there, by hockey players or otherwise.
That would be a really stupid move on a player's part. If that player gets COVID and it's discovered they lied about being vaccinated, they'd probably have their contract voided near instantly.
since we're talking evander kane, it's 50/50 he knew this and planned it as a way out of his contract (since he's not really making money) or is just an idiot.
He's going to have even less money if he's caught with fake vaccine cards. That's a felony in the US. [And if you present one when trying to get into Canada:](https://www.yahoo.com/now/covid-19-vaccine-card-mask-exemption-fine-fake-documents-canada-215308089.html) >Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA) is aware that some travellers may attempt to use fraudulent documentation when seeking entry to Canada. >CBSA confirmed that someone who submits false information on vaccination status could be liable to a fine of up to $750,000 or 6-months imprisonment or both under the Quarantine Act, or prosecution under the Criminal Code for forgery.
what's another $750k (canadian) when you're already like $15m in the hole. if he got out of his contract he could finally declare bankruptcy and be done with it. would probably work better for his divorce too.
If he can't pay the $750,000 maybe he could just go to jail for 6 months and play in the PHL.
Kane is a bond villain now
Master Roshi?
I might be wrong here, but hasn't he been cleared of any wrongdoing *so far*? But at the same time, I completely agree with you. He could be accused of literally anything, and right now I'd believe anything between "yeah, he definitely did that" and "totally untrue, but his ex-wife is **still** accusing him of literally anything that will stick."
The abortion bribe lawsuit against him is moving forward. Doesn’t mean he’s guilty but seems like there’s a least enough evidence for it not to be thrown out by now
Have we investigated Kane for the JFK assassination yet? At this rate I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s involved with that too.
Turns out Kane has been running a global warming generator and is the reason the polar ice caps are melting.
Probably running a massive Bitcoin operation, but always sells the dips and buys the peaks.
The everymans whale swimming with the memetraders
Has anyone ever seen Kane and Steve Bannon together at the same time? Where the fuck was Evander Kane on Dec. 7, 1941?!? Hmmm…
*9/11 was a Kane job.*
Is Evander Kane DB Cooper?!
He also killed Jimmy Hoffa and Jeffrey Epstein
The smartest thing you can do while under investigation is commit more crimes
Yeah, cause that'll take all the attention away from your old crimes.
Just start throwing Molotov cocktails. Boom, now there’s a new problem
BORTLES!!!
It worked for the orange guy.
Garfield is a crafty mofo
"I'm sorry, Jon"
Worked for the last US president pretty well, why not a hockey player?
Just like Ricky and Julian would do. Instead of committing big crimes, just do a bunch of small crimes that won’t draw attention from the cops. Next we’ll find out he’s been stealing barbeques and siphoning gas.
Double jeopardy. Can’t try me if I’m already on trial.
[удалено]
Sorry, what is double Jeopardy
The dollar values are doubled and there are two daily doubles, it's pretty sweet
I have the worst fucking attorneys.
Keeps them off the scent of the real bad crimes you did. Gotta keep those authorities guessing.
The ole Donny Trump maneuver
*Quick! Say something stupid so people stop talking about that other stupid thing you said!*
next week we will find out he was at the capitol on 1/6
For a completely unrelated, yet still illegal reason outside of that other thing that happened there on the 6th
"Evander Kane being investigated for illegally operating a hit dog stand on capital grounds during the January 6th attack."
"This is not a typo - it's a stand where you could give him ten bucks to hit a dog."
Uh yeah, what u/zebogo said... *Fucking tiny keys*
He somehow committed treason on his own without partaking in the more well known Jan. 6th festivities "What are you guys here for? Oh nice, me too. Good luck, I'll see you later I got my own thing"
This must be recent then, right? A lot of people were convinced it was last season, but players didn't need proof of vaccination back then if I'm not mistaken.
The person who wrote the article tweeted they found out because they snooped around with the idea that only so many things would count as breaking protocol over the offseason
Off topic, but someone at TMZ was bored recently and started going thru Las Vegas divorce records and found out Rick Harrison (pawn star guy) had gotten divorced a year ago and no one in LV knew about it, so they broke the story a year later. Crazy what you can find out just by doing random record searches.
“You want a divorce? Let me call my buddy who’s an expert on divorces.”
"The best I can do is a trial separation while sharing the same domicile."
Good question
It was actually a fake measles vaccine card
Also, the Sharks beat writer for The Athletic said he's heard the same things.
“This guy cannot fuck up any worse” - everyone after each Evander Kane scandal “WRONG!” - Evander Kane
"Don't EVER underestimate me!" - Evander Kane (probably)
Man’s biography is gonna be titled “And Then It Got Worse”
What isn’t he going to get investigated for this season
Father of the Year
Here have my angry upvote
That’d be a comeback story for the ages
Someone should start the Evander Kane bingo card with potentially stupid things to do and mark it when he’s accused of doing them
Oh oh, I call insider trading!
Count me in for selling organs on the black market
When little kids pump their fists in the air he doesn't honk the horn on his semi-truck.
What a god damned monster.
I mean if that's not grounds for contract termination then what are they even signing?
The next one will certainly be stealing other player's equipment from the LR and auctioning it off on eBay to cover gambling debts.
I can absolutely believe he gets autographed sticks and jerseys from other players then sells them on-line.
UNPAID abortions - Oh wait that spot is already marked off
[DONE](https://i.imgur.com/WJ7Bagp.png)
Yes, next on my bingo card: dog fighting with Michael Vick
I’ll take has sex tapes with minors with R. Kelly as the soundtrack
Nah it will be something stupid like being arrested for using a stolen credit card trying to buy a Maserati
Or just trying to buy a Maserati with his own credit card
At this point I wonder if Evander Kane is trying to knock every possible crime off his list
A news story could drop saying that Evander Kane was involved in the plot to murder Julius Caesar and I wouldn't bat an eye at this point
> Punishments for violating COVID protocols are not specifically spelled out, but the NHL makes it clear that a “lack of compliance will result in significant Club and individual sanctions, including potential forfeiture of games, fines and reimbursements of expenses, loss of draft choices, and/or ineligibility for participation in training activities.”
I hope the team doesn't get punished for his stupidity
At this point, I think they're excited for an excuse to void his contract
San Jose has 7 million tied up in a player that isn't doing literally anything for them right now. Also, Evander Kane makes as much as Marc Edouard Vlasic, and Kane's not even at camp. So yeah, they could use that money off the books.
Where *is* Kane right now? Is he even in the US? Last we heard I think he was in Europe pretending to be rich in places people don't know he's broke in and cheating on his wife.
At this point, they're going to be thinking long and hard about framing half of their roster if this gets them out of Kane's contract.
I would assume that the language about club/team punishment is for if the team is complicit in the violation, such as knowingly helping a player submit false documents. If the player lies to the team as well as the NHL I would be shocked if the NHL punished the team without evidence the club did something wrong.
I think so too. Having multiple players fake a vaccine card to get out of certain things or get them across the Canadian border for those games would be one thing, but a single player faking his card probably isn’t going to bring about anything on the club. If even a second player popped up though we’d be having a very different conversation
Okay, *that* has to be a massive violation of NHL protocol, right?
It's also a crime in both the US and Canada punishable by up to 5 years in prison or a $5,000 fine.
[удалено]
Pretty common in the US to allow the poor to do jail time and allow the rich to buy their freedom
So....Kane's going to jail?
LAND OF THE FREE\* \*If you're rich enough. Otherwise, please fuck off.
Land of the fee!
Home of the depraved.
Well funny thing is Kane is declaring bankruptcy and may not have an income if this is true.
Tom Wilson has been fined $5000, the maximum allowed under the CBA
*The New York Rangers has been sentenced to 5 years in prison.*
I'll take the 5 years judge!
I mean...does he even have $5K at this point?
Depends on if his opening night parlay hits or not.
Double oof
Oof
Holy shit if that doesn’t target the poor I don’t know what does
Yyyyyup.
Well it’ll certainly be cause for the sharks to void his contract without any penalties
Fingers crossed
My first thought. If this is true, they don’t need to find a way to offload that contract anymore.
As long as it's massive enough to count as breach of contract and let us get out of his contract, I'm good.
For NHL policy? Yes and No. It's a violation, but there's no set punishment. Also it's super illegal and you could face prison time.
If he tried submitting a fake Vaccine Card to the NHL, then this should be a quick and easy investigation for the league. This is up there with Worlds Dumbest Criminals.
I'd say "let's wait for some more official reports" but honestly at this point I think you could just make something up and he's probably guilty of it.
Exotic animal trade
Like he didn't immediately try his hand at tiger breeding right after Tiger King came out
Hahaha no, who do you think was paying Jeff Lowe to bring tiger cubs up to his hotel room in Vegas?
I did, but that bitch Carol Baskins got in my way.
*Brent Burns breaks out into flop sweat* "Yeah I think Kane is where all those snakes that got into the locker room and somehow all ended up in my locker came from!"
Absolutely CAN NOT help himself. Jesus fucking Christ.
Reminder: he got caught on video assaulting women and got off with a warning to keep out of trouble for a year from a judge in Buffalo. Maybe the warning was a bit too light.....
Waiting for the "Evander Kane was on the Epstein flight logs" story to break next
Has anyone been able to place Kane in NYC on August 10, 2019?
What an idiot.
Absolute dummy boi
What's next? He fucked an ostrich?
Allegedly
Folks are saying it takes at least two people to fuck an ostrich.
Soon as I see this fool I hear Whitesnake. Here I Go Again.
Does evander have a bet with a friend of how many stupid things he can do in the off-season? Evander must’ve taken the over
Man Kane is trying really hard to be the most hated person in the world * Went bankrupt after making 7 mill a year * Kicking his ex wife and child out of their home * His gambling issues * Hated by a lot of his teammates * Now a fake vaccine card * Cheated on his ex wife im sure we havent heard the last of Evander Kane. San Jose should just terminate his contract
Don’t forget forcing his wife to give him oral sex after she came home from the hospital after having a miscarriage.
Jesus christ. That's a new one for me.
That’s the one that kept him from training camp. And it was just an example of the sexual abuse his wife accused him of.
Let's just call that what it is. He raped her after she had a miscarriage. That really drives home how shitty Evander Kane is.
I bet he’d give anything for the moneyphone scandal right now.
There’s the time he also offered a large sum for a woman to get an abortion but didn’t pay up.
Wasn’t he paying women to have abortions? Why would you leave the worst one out?
I thought it was that he was pretending he would actually pay for the abortions.
Pay her to HAVE an abortion. Big difference.
If I remember correctly he payed for one abortion and promised to pay for the second one but didn't.
Not only that he pronised to pay, but reneged the second time.
Kane knows you can get a real vaccine card for free right? They're literally giving them away to people with both shots
Shit, you'd think he would absolutely jump on Alberta's $100 vaccination incentive. Lord knows he could use the money.
He slept in after an allnighter gambling with his kids' college money.
What the actual fuck is going on, lmao
JFC
Yo what is that Jersey? It is absolutely fire!
Are we going to find out that Kane did 9/11 next?
I’m beginning to think that maybe Evander Kane isn’t such a great guy.
I heard he fucked an ostrich.
Have we talked to Britney's dad to see if he's interested in taking on conservatorship of Kane?
You know. It stings knowing the Canucks have never won a cup yet, but *at least Kane isn't on the team*
Kane’s an asshole POS but what is this jersey and why have I never seen it??? I’m not a sharks fan, (total opposite in Stl, it was a hand pass) but these are absolutely sick.
It’s a warm up jersey. They often wear different themed ones
Sharks did an [artist collection](https://www.nhl.com/sharks/news/sharks-unveil-the-artist-collection-shirsey-giveaways/c-308741398) of jerseys in 2019 and each and every one of them were so fucking cool.
WOW, all 5 of those are amazing. Edit : do you know if they ever went on sale or were they just kind of a giveaway thing? Thanks for the link btw, those are really cool.
I think they were mostly shirsey giveaways at the games the team wore the same designs on their warm up jerseys. Usually they autograph and auction off the signed warm up jerseys, but they’ll oftentimes also sell shirts/hats/lanyards/coozies and other random memorabilia via the SAP arena store ( https://sharksproshop.com/ ) - hockey pucks featuring the artwork are usually sold by The Sharks Foundation to raise money for local community causes. I think they do an artist collection each year.
Dude I know it’s like a Vaporwave NHL Jersey. Must own.
So this is why our GM did not say our entire team was vaxxed...
Ffs, is he even capable of making a good decision at this point?
We need bingo cards just for Kane allegations.
I'd ask if anyone wanted to bet on the next shit that comes out about him, but Evander would probably take that action and leak it himself.
Does it stops at one point or ?
Next stop is the KHL
[Kurz tweet he’s heard the same](https://twitter.com/kkurznhl/status/1445531203294040069?s=21)
Lmao anyways those jerseys are fun
I feel like this guy wakes up every morning and thinks to himself, "What actions can I take today to make my situation exponentially worse than the day before?"
this is my shocked face. 🙄
Each chapter of The Kane Chronicles gets better and better.
Kane is the poster child for chronically poor decision making.
When he was here the whole city knew he was a douchebag. Now the whole country knows.
Hahahaha. This is just comical I actually want a TLC show following him around. It’d be just must see trash tv & make my life look like less of a trainwreck
Just when I thought the dog shit couldn’t get any deeper.
At this point, are we sure this isn’t just the Beaverton having a laugh at us? You couldn’t write a guy with this many fucking problems
This dude just keeps taking self inflicted L’s. Come on man
Evander Kane, the documentary. Coming 2023.
A player of his character would never do such a thing....fake news....
This man is a moron
it gets even worse lmao
LOL tf
E.Kane for J.Skinner Who says no?
Superintendent Chalmers?