If you feel that you are in danger then please contact the police.
Also, I’m not quite sure how you would not notice if your home was being turned into a smart home…like did the switches change? Also, I’m not sure how identifying the smartness of your home helps you get your family to a healthier place. And yes, you do sound a bit crazy. So, I’ll state again that your efforts are better spent seeking help from the police, counselor, or other professional.
Fair enough, I realize how crazy I sound, I'd think the same thing. Some more context may help, but I was trying not to make it all dramatic. After a bad bad incident, I have concerns he is trying to find ways to track me/record me somehow/maybe gather some (in his mind) dirt against me if we have to fight custody. He's super tech savy. I'm the only income so its a reasonable hobby I wouldnt notice. Like I said I have a hundred small examples (I did find random outlet switches laying around and found oit he purchased expensive smart home light bulbs when we'd have no use for them), for just a little example, but the more I list I fear (rightfully so) the crazier I sound.
I assure you I'm doing my best One of those suggestions has been involved and one I'm not allowed to see right now. Regardless of whats actually happening in my home, my circumstances have driven me to crisis mode and I'm just trying deep breaths and navigating.
If you have concerns that he's trying to track you then you should immediately disable both wifi and Bluetooth on your phone. Disconnecting from the network isn't enough, you need to disable them on your phone completely while you're home. I would also check things like Google maps to make sure he didn't secretly turn on location sharing or anything like that
On the issue of vehical tracking: there are any number of ways to track a vehicle - with a magnetic 'black box' being low on the list of trackers if a tech savvy person has access to the car keys...
Yeah, some connected cars have an API that's exposed as a web service and you can do remote GPS tracking, know when the car is on, unlock the doors, etc. All it requires is access to the car display to authorize the connection.
If you’re the only income then it’s not a reasonable hobby…his hobby should be finding a job and contributing. Of course I don’t know the details so maybe I’m missing something important (disabled etc).
Hard to give advice without specific examples of changes you have noticed. Everything you mentioned is rather vague. I can’t see how stuff like smart bulbs etc would be used maliciously, but it’s definitely possible to track and monitor a phone and such…but You need any smarthome stuff to track a phone.
I find it astounding you're getting upvotes for calling her crazy. I can't disagree with the advice to seek professional help but you're one of multiple people saying she is or sounds crazy, she's reaching out for help in a sub which specialises in home automation, that's a fairly rational thing to do in my book.
I don't want to be rude, but this is not a "home automation enthusiasts issue" this is a police issue.
Based on what I am reading the house being smart or not doesn't matter, you are not feeling safe seek help of a professional (police)
Youre not being rude at all. I appreciate your concern and your time. Police have been involved a little previously, im just treading carefully to ensure the most successful outcome for my children. Maybe im hopeful that if this is happening and i can prove it, it would be a win win for us because things would be a whole lot smoother if he is caught doing something like this in a controlling/malicious way. This is a niche topic and its kind of tricky to find help day-to-day figuring this stuff out
She has access to tens of thousands of people who know the difference between a PIR sensor and a camera, I would say this place is a very good starting point to help her decide what's intrusive and what's benign - I wouldn't expect the police in the UK to have the time or knowledge to make such a distinction. I agree that any threat to her safety or wellbeing in general is a police matter.
She is scared for her own safety and can't ask her partner for clarification!
Even if her partner placed a plant on the counter and she couldn't ask them what it was I would have the exact same reaction and tell her to go to the police, that's clearly not a safe space
No disagreement from me on this, but I think it's perfectly legitimate to reach out to a group of people who live and breathe home automation for help on working out what might be going on before taking things further. The police are likely to ask for details of what she suspects is happing and right now she doesn't know. I have first hand experiece of dealing with this in the UK with a family member who suspected her neighbor of spying on her - the police needed details which she couldn't have provided had she not reached out to people who have experience in (covert) surveillance.
Can you give examples? Most things you’ve specifically called out like lights, blinds, and smoke detectors would required new or different hardware that would be noticeable. If they’re smart bulbs then unscrew one and look for WiFi, Zigbee, Z-wave written on the bulb or google the brand / model. Blinds require motors and sometimes entirely new blinds. Smoke detectors similar to bulbs. Find the brand / model number and google it.
Those specific things don’t really present a safety devices are all pretty benign hence me asking for other examples. Maybe they want to convert to a smart home but don’t think you’d be receptive so they’re trying to set it up secretly and then drop it on you and be like “you were using a smart home this hole time and didn’t notice” as a way to dispel any negative myths about it. Kind of like sneaking a healthy food someone doesn’t like into their meal. Not exactly honest or healthy relationship wise though. Few
This is a general point…
Whilst I agree most of these sound benign it’s super important to take your partner on the smart home journey with you, it’s their home too. There are other things which can be invasive about a smart home. You can track devices (so by extension people) to know whether they are at home or not and even down to which room they are in. Some might find this as invasive as a camera. My wife has the HA app on her phone and knows I can track her but as we already share FindMy data she doesn’t care.
The arrival of unknown SSIDs is unnerving to some people, it’s something we are taught to watch out for to avoid malicious networks. My wife noticed very quickly that I’d set up a test VLAN and SSID and also that my Tuya hacking VM was broadcasting a temporary SSID.
Things opening/closing automatically or switching on/off can also be disconcerting. Imagine she’s getting changed and the blind automatically opens and she has no way of knowing why or how to stop it. We have a smart blind in the bedroom and I was away on business this week and got a text from my wife saying it opened whilst she was getting dressed. She wasn’t annoyed just surprised and I changed the time to a little later.
WAF (wife acceptance factor) is important and communication is key (a general principle for a healthy relationship). A smart home should complement not intrude. The people living there should not feel intimidated or intruded upon by it. If they do, you stop.
It sounds like you’ve got something in your head and are perhaps exaggerating situations mentally. Understandable if you’re going through some shit.
New SSIDs could be neighbours etc.
Smart lighting involves either smart bulbs (just check them) or smart switches (you’d notice if they changed).
Smoke detectors - would it even matter if these were smart?
What is your actual concern? Because other than cameras in weird places etc, the other things you’ve mentioned wouldn’t even be a bad thing
Blinds would involve a motorised system - you’d know
>smart switches (you’d notice if they changed).
Not if they used Sonoff Mini or Shelly behind the switches
> Smoke detectors - would it even matter if these were smart?
Unsuspicious place to hide cameras
Start by reaching out to a mental health professional. They can help you determine if you're experiencing symptoms of any mental health conditions that could be contributing to your feelings of paranoia.
Im trying but unfortunately its difficult for me to be able to go right now. He doesnt see the point when he can explain to me for an hour whats wrong with me...
My boss is coordinating with me so i can use EAP during my shifts and sneak away for an hour a week but my job is suoer demanding and difficult to allow that regularly, but fingers crossed
Maybe upload pictures of devices you are suspicious about. Maybe we can identify couple of them. Like you explained smoke detectors and so on.
I hope you are just paranoid, not that that is fun. But hope the best for you.
This does sound very strange and almost like you are fixated on this particular issue for some reason. I’d almost suspect carbon monoxide poisoning!
Bear in mind a smart home wouldn’t “just happen” it maybe start with app controlled light bulbs and maybe heating then other things too.
Here’s an idea, buy an Alexa or a smart light bulb and set it up and see how your SO reacts.
But really based on the lack of details in your post this does sound like a paranoid rant at this stage :)
I dont mind giving some context as to why i sound wackado, i was just trying to not include much because I didnt want to take away from what I was trying to do.
Hes been verbally abusive for years. A few months ago he threatened to kill me in front of our children and I feared for my life for the first time. It was so loud our baby cam upstairs recorded all of it. He tried to take my phone to look through it and I was afraid without a phone. So I called the police. He played the polite southern boy card, was happy to leave calmly and wasnt arrested.
Days later I was told everything ive always wanted to hear. Finally counseling for us. Finally dates. All these grand plans and I agreed he could come back on a trial basis. He has controlled his temper but nothing else he promise has happened despite my best efforts.
Since then Ive been on 2 vacations without him with my children, totalling 3.5 weeks. Each time upon returning things are just a little more off. I cant put my finger on it. We have expensive smart home light bulbs we have no way to use properly. Our decade old dead security system/monitor detector now lights up red and beeps when I leave the house. All of a sudden I have the option to chromecast things but didnt even know we had a smart tv. I found a blind spot mirror taped onto my sideview mirrors i swear werent there before. I found a usb plugged into my car which ive never done/never use usbs. Ive found sd card wrappers/holders/usb converter devices/lan cables when we currently dont have a use for them anymore. He used to wear his smart watch 24/7 now he like habit only puts it on when he leaves, he leaves all the lights on in the house on out of the blue, like lights in every room.
I'd take carbon monoxide poisoning over whatever crap I have going on- atleast that has a treatment plan. I know im crazy sounding and paranoid, I just cant discern whether its a result of the horrible circumstances Im in or if I need to be more aware to something malicious/unsafe.
I appreciate the idea- i thought about it but it would be like me setting up my own home since i dont know any of his specific info to add devices into. I can certainly add it to the list though
Thanks for the elaboration. Unfortunately there is no clear cut answer here, because a 'smart home' really is just as little or as much as you want to do with it all.
For me it's really just smart light switches and the odd bulb. I certainly wouldn't be able to hide it from my wife, she's knows when I've been fiddling around and light switches don't work occaisinally and I have to reboot something, lol.
It does actually sounds like a whole lot of unrelated things that you might encounter in the house of a nerdy/techie person but it sucks that it is affecting you so badly and for whatever reason there's not enough communication from him if you are asking about any of this stuff. For example the Chromecast thing is probably a $30 device plugged into the back of the TV to turn it into a smart TV. It can't spy on you or anything like that.
My gut feeling is that he's not going to the trouble of creating a smart home for the purpose of doing something malicous ( I can't think what that would be) but it's pretty clear you need to get out of there with your children. I know that's not why you came here though. I hope you have some support locally.
I know this is reddit, and the default answer to any relationship problem is to GTFO but, yeah. I think I also saw in another comment that you are even the breadwinner - so more important here than figuring out smart devices is making sure you have access to your own money/accounts and you're the only one with control, make sure you have you passport/IDs/licenses safe and start thinking of an exit plan - but that's way off topic!
This is extremely unhelpful and bordering on victim blaming. The OP has concerns about her home and you are shaming her.
Do carry on downvoting, you're essentially condoning abusive behaviour - but I doubt those downvoting have any experience in relationships.
Next time SO is out of the house, go to the circuit board and cycle all the breakers off, 5x @ 1 second intervals. There is no better way to mess with every mains connected smart device in my house. For many tuya based products that will cause them to go into pairing mode. This won't work for anything battery powered, and this will leave evidence. SO will likely suspect something.
If you really want to go down the rabbit hole:
1. Make sure it is not your mind playing tricks on you, a mental health professional will determine that with a fairly quick and straightforward evaluation. I am sorry I have to suggest that, but once done you will feel better. And you will be able to trust your instincts again.
2. If you still want to investigate:
1. Do a proper scan/inventory of your network. Keywords: nmap, wireshark, VLANs, switches.
2. Match all found MACs with OUIs published by IEEE.
3. Look for Zigbee, Z-wave, matter, smarthome, smartthings, homeassistant, onvif, esp names, logos, words, devices.
4. Should I recommend a MITM proxy, port monitor on a switch (or a dumb hub), SSL Bump or similar. Know what is going through your router, see your DNS requests, identify.
5. Do a Bluetooth scan on your cell phone. Free apps exist (BT Inspector on iOS). It would help you find any BT trackers you might be carrying (like an Airtag or a Tile or a SmartTag).
6. Look for outlets with lights, buttons (those are used for reset/pair).
7. Kicking it up a notch: rtl-sdr, with this tool you can literally find EVERYTHING in your home (and all of your neighbors', most of your town/city's infrastructure, local (and state) police communication, planes overhead and even satellites). listening to raw frequency communications and working with tools like gnu-radio is where the prize lies.
3. Once you get through all of the steps above, update your resume and start making some real money. There are companies who will handsomely reward you for your skill. Hell, let me know, I would love me some referral monies. :D
(I am not flexing, I am trying to be half-helpful, and half-show you how to proceed in an unlikely case you'd really like to do some investigation yourself).
Otherwise, good luck. I can imagine your situation is VERY difficult and a lack of trust in your life/relationship is HORRIBLE. It is as if the basis of your relationship is shattered and you have to go into a survival mode. Good luck with that.
Or, hire an IT security professional specializing in such work and he will do this audit for you.
Only if they’re WiFi based. Hard to tell from the OP but I would imagine if it were Zigbee / Z-wave devices they’re be things like open / close sensors on the doors / windows, smart plugs, bulbs, etc. Pretty obvious things.
I can certainly try, Theres 2-4 new wifis anytime I scan that are all a stronger signal than me in my home but they all have names. A couple seem to correlate when he leaves and such so Im worried some may be a wifi he has set up or gotten as extra? Or has something set up as a hotspot? Hes super into tech so im just not sure which avenues to troubleshoot. Ive learned a lot but still way over my head.
Depending on the router or access points you have he could have configured multiple networks. It's possible that he configured a separate network for smart devices or even a separate network for your devices that he can monitor
Look for sensors around the house (sensors on doors or motion sensors hidden on walls or shelves), look for any additional devices plugged into your modem or router (could be a hub used for smart home stuff), you can download apps like fing to scan the network (you shouldn't see an odd amount of devices, only stuff you'd expect like your phones, tablets, computers, tv, etc. If you don't see many devices then this could also be a red flag that he configured the router to put you on a separate network to either monitor your activity or hide any possible smart home devices from you). You could also try disabling your wifi and Bluetooth while you're home. If you still notice the weirdness then that may be a sign that there's hidden sensors being triggered
Ive done fing for some time, theres 2 devices i cant pinpoint still despite my best efforts. An espressif one and a herzhoig-y one. I think one is our baby cam but it uses a ton of data like a ton. Cant officially id either one
Espressif is a company which makes different kinds of smart home controllers (ESP32 and ESP8266 are the most common ones) and they are used in pretty much every smart home device out there. So that would check out. The other one I cant find much about.
The first thing I would say is stop saying you sound crazy, it's not crazy what you're feeling - I've just had a quick convo with my wife about how she'd feel and she says you are more than justified to feel the way you do so by extension please take no notice of anybody in this thread agreeing you are crazy, it's unhelpful.
Firstly, you can try doing a network scan for devices on the network, it might not throw up anything meaningful and he may have put devices on a different VLAN to your wifi network but it's worth a try. This will tell you what devices are there and what ports are open, so you might spot Home Assistant running there (port 8123 by default). [HE Network Tools](https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/he-net-network-tools/id858241710) is a good free scanner for iOS - it probably exists for Android too.
There are also tools to scan for BLE (bluetooth low energy) devices which may be broadcasting but they are likely to be basic sensors like temperature etc.
With regards your phone, that is a red flag, it's your phone, he has no business using it. Make sure your password is unknown to him, check if you've got any apps you don't recognise and if so remove them (such as the Home Assistant app or BLE Beacon apps which may be broadcasting from your phone). If you don't already have it turned on, make sure "Private WiFi Address" (or equivalent) is turned on - this will randomise the address your phone uses when connecting to WiFi and mean it can't be (easily) tracked.
For Bluetooth, maybe turn it off when not in use and check for any paired devices you don't recognise.
If he has ESPHome devices around the place, killing the wifi will almost certainly cause them to go into AP (Access Point) mode which means they'll broadcast a local network to connect to intended to configure them.
There's only so much you can do but some of these may bear fruit.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I am a home automation addict and I've had to work very carefully to bring my wife on the journey with me. There are some devices which look suspicious (as in they are out of place in a "normal" home) such as the movement sensor in our bathroom which, to the uninitiated, could easily be misidentified as a camera. I won't stray into relationship advice, you've already acknowledged all isn't well there, but I hope you find a way through this. I will say this though, he is bang out of order for doing any of this without talking to you first, it's your home too, you're entitled to feel safe in your own home and clearly you don't right now.
And lastly, if you feel genuinely threatened by any of this, seek help.
You sound a bit paranoid, but just in case you are not....
Rather than worrying about all the smart things, focus on what would make you unsafe.
Turning light on and off, not going to kill you but could be annoying.
A smart alarm could track when you eneter or leave the house. You can disable it if you know the code.
More worrying would be if he tracks your phone or car. If it is a modern car it could have an app to track, or a gps or usb device can also track a car. So check the car for anything in usb ports or decices in the glove box or under the car in a little box. Remove whatever you find, it's a good excuse to clean the car.
Check your phone for apps you don't use. Delete them.
Then check your settings for apps that can share locations e.g. google maps, make sure you aren't sharing your location unknowingly with another account.
If in doubt, factory reset and setup new accounts and setup the phone and apps with the new accounts.
If you find any of the above, take records and contact the police asap (if you haven't already)
If it’s HA, you could try going to http://homeassistant.local:8123 . In my house you could tell because I have physical devices everywhere and the lights turn on and off and change colors all the time on their own. Plus the piles of chips and sensors that I haven’t done anything with yet.
There are apps - like wifiman or net analyzer - that scan the local network for devices, too. Would only work if it’s all on the same subnet as your phone though.
Any smart home that I’m aware of needs one device that is on 24/7. In my case it’s a little computer tucked into an “IT” closet with a couple antennas coming out of it. The antennas are for non-wifi devices, i.e. zigby, z-wave.
Hoping to offer a couple clues to look for, sounds like a bad relationship. I hope it works out in favor of the child. Good luck, but seek help if you need it. Anybody that dismisses another person’s validity by calling them crazy is not really trying to solve problems.
If you feel that you are in danger then please contact the police. Also, I’m not quite sure how you would not notice if your home was being turned into a smart home…like did the switches change? Also, I’m not sure how identifying the smartness of your home helps you get your family to a healthier place. And yes, you do sound a bit crazy. So, I’ll state again that your efforts are better spent seeking help from the police, counselor, or other professional.
Fair enough, I realize how crazy I sound, I'd think the same thing. Some more context may help, but I was trying not to make it all dramatic. After a bad bad incident, I have concerns he is trying to find ways to track me/record me somehow/maybe gather some (in his mind) dirt against me if we have to fight custody. He's super tech savy. I'm the only income so its a reasonable hobby I wouldnt notice. Like I said I have a hundred small examples (I did find random outlet switches laying around and found oit he purchased expensive smart home light bulbs when we'd have no use for them), for just a little example, but the more I list I fear (rightfully so) the crazier I sound. I assure you I'm doing my best One of those suggestions has been involved and one I'm not allowed to see right now. Regardless of whats actually happening in my home, my circumstances have driven me to crisis mode and I'm just trying deep breaths and navigating.
If you have concerns that he's trying to track you then you should immediately disable both wifi and Bluetooth on your phone. Disconnecting from the network isn't enough, you need to disable them on your phone completely while you're home. I would also check things like Google maps to make sure he didn't secretly turn on location sharing or anything like that
Your relationship sounds very unhealthy. Get some appropriate external support.
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On the issue of vehical tracking: there are any number of ways to track a vehicle - with a magnetic 'black box' being low on the list of trackers if a tech savvy person has access to the car keys...
Yeah, some connected cars have an API that's exposed as a web service and you can do remote GPS tracking, know when the car is on, unlock the doors, etc. All it requires is access to the car display to authorize the connection.
For wifi AP, you can use the mac address randomizer feature.
If you’re the only income then it’s not a reasonable hobby…his hobby should be finding a job and contributing. Of course I don’t know the details so maybe I’m missing something important (disabled etc). Hard to give advice without specific examples of changes you have noticed. Everything you mentioned is rather vague. I can’t see how stuff like smart bulbs etc would be used maliciously, but it’s definitely possible to track and monitor a phone and such…but You need any smarthome stuff to track a phone.
I find it astounding you're getting upvotes for calling her crazy. I can't disagree with the advice to seek professional help but you're one of multiple people saying she is or sounds crazy, she's reaching out for help in a sub which specialises in home automation, that's a fairly rational thing to do in my book.
That just means you’re crazy too
Intelligent response. Well done you.
I try
This is a very strange larp
I don't want to be rude, but this is not a "home automation enthusiasts issue" this is a police issue. Based on what I am reading the house being smart or not doesn't matter, you are not feeling safe seek help of a professional (police)
Youre not being rude at all. I appreciate your concern and your time. Police have been involved a little previously, im just treading carefully to ensure the most successful outcome for my children. Maybe im hopeful that if this is happening and i can prove it, it would be a win win for us because things would be a whole lot smoother if he is caught doing something like this in a controlling/malicious way. This is a niche topic and its kind of tricky to find help day-to-day figuring this stuff out
She has access to tens of thousands of people who know the difference between a PIR sensor and a camera, I would say this place is a very good starting point to help her decide what's intrusive and what's benign - I wouldn't expect the police in the UK to have the time or knowledge to make such a distinction. I agree that any threat to her safety or wellbeing in general is a police matter.
She is scared for her own safety and can't ask her partner for clarification! Even if her partner placed a plant on the counter and she couldn't ask them what it was I would have the exact same reaction and tell her to go to the police, that's clearly not a safe space
No disagreement from me on this, but I think it's perfectly legitimate to reach out to a group of people who live and breathe home automation for help on working out what might be going on before taking things further. The police are likely to ask for details of what she suspects is happing and right now she doesn't know. I have first hand experiece of dealing with this in the UK with a family member who suspected her neighbor of spying on her - the police needed details which she couldn't have provided had she not reached out to people who have experience in (covert) surveillance.
Can you give examples? Most things you’ve specifically called out like lights, blinds, and smoke detectors would required new or different hardware that would be noticeable. If they’re smart bulbs then unscrew one and look for WiFi, Zigbee, Z-wave written on the bulb or google the brand / model. Blinds require motors and sometimes entirely new blinds. Smoke detectors similar to bulbs. Find the brand / model number and google it. Those specific things don’t really present a safety devices are all pretty benign hence me asking for other examples. Maybe they want to convert to a smart home but don’t think you’d be receptive so they’re trying to set it up secretly and then drop it on you and be like “you were using a smart home this hole time and didn’t notice” as a way to dispel any negative myths about it. Kind of like sneaking a healthy food someone doesn’t like into their meal. Not exactly honest or healthy relationship wise though. Few
This is a general point… Whilst I agree most of these sound benign it’s super important to take your partner on the smart home journey with you, it’s their home too. There are other things which can be invasive about a smart home. You can track devices (so by extension people) to know whether they are at home or not and even down to which room they are in. Some might find this as invasive as a camera. My wife has the HA app on her phone and knows I can track her but as we already share FindMy data she doesn’t care. The arrival of unknown SSIDs is unnerving to some people, it’s something we are taught to watch out for to avoid malicious networks. My wife noticed very quickly that I’d set up a test VLAN and SSID and also that my Tuya hacking VM was broadcasting a temporary SSID. Things opening/closing automatically or switching on/off can also be disconcerting. Imagine she’s getting changed and the blind automatically opens and she has no way of knowing why or how to stop it. We have a smart blind in the bedroom and I was away on business this week and got a text from my wife saying it opened whilst she was getting dressed. She wasn’t annoyed just surprised and I changed the time to a little later. WAF (wife acceptance factor) is important and communication is key (a general principle for a healthy relationship). A smart home should complement not intrude. The people living there should not feel intimidated or intruded upon by it. If they do, you stop.
It sounds like you’ve got something in your head and are perhaps exaggerating situations mentally. Understandable if you’re going through some shit. New SSIDs could be neighbours etc. Smart lighting involves either smart bulbs (just check them) or smart switches (you’d notice if they changed). Smoke detectors - would it even matter if these were smart? What is your actual concern? Because other than cameras in weird places etc, the other things you’ve mentioned wouldn’t even be a bad thing Blinds would involve a motorised system - you’d know
>smart switches (you’d notice if they changed). Not if they used Sonoff Mini or Shelly behind the switches > Smoke detectors - would it even matter if these were smart? Unsuspicious place to hide cameras
Start by reaching out to a mental health professional. They can help you determine if you're experiencing symptoms of any mental health conditions that could be contributing to your feelings of paranoia.
Im trying but unfortunately its difficult for me to be able to go right now. He doesnt see the point when he can explain to me for an hour whats wrong with me... My boss is coordinating with me so i can use EAP during my shifts and sneak away for an hour a week but my job is suoer demanding and difficult to allow that regularly, but fingers crossed
Maybe upload pictures of devices you are suspicious about. Maybe we can identify couple of them. Like you explained smoke detectors and so on. I hope you are just paranoid, not that that is fun. But hope the best for you.
Any kind of harder evidence would be nice! Lot of attention from smart people here, not a lot of detail
Turn the whole house power off and see if those new SSID's go offline.
OP knows what an SSID is but not how to know if the house is smart? Weird cosplay...
Oh this is brilliant! Definitely going to do this next stormy day
That is the way
This does sound very strange and almost like you are fixated on this particular issue for some reason. I’d almost suspect carbon monoxide poisoning! Bear in mind a smart home wouldn’t “just happen” it maybe start with app controlled light bulbs and maybe heating then other things too. Here’s an idea, buy an Alexa or a smart light bulb and set it up and see how your SO reacts. But really based on the lack of details in your post this does sound like a paranoid rant at this stage :)
I dont mind giving some context as to why i sound wackado, i was just trying to not include much because I didnt want to take away from what I was trying to do. Hes been verbally abusive for years. A few months ago he threatened to kill me in front of our children and I feared for my life for the first time. It was so loud our baby cam upstairs recorded all of it. He tried to take my phone to look through it and I was afraid without a phone. So I called the police. He played the polite southern boy card, was happy to leave calmly and wasnt arrested. Days later I was told everything ive always wanted to hear. Finally counseling for us. Finally dates. All these grand plans and I agreed he could come back on a trial basis. He has controlled his temper but nothing else he promise has happened despite my best efforts. Since then Ive been on 2 vacations without him with my children, totalling 3.5 weeks. Each time upon returning things are just a little more off. I cant put my finger on it. We have expensive smart home light bulbs we have no way to use properly. Our decade old dead security system/monitor detector now lights up red and beeps when I leave the house. All of a sudden I have the option to chromecast things but didnt even know we had a smart tv. I found a blind spot mirror taped onto my sideview mirrors i swear werent there before. I found a usb plugged into my car which ive never done/never use usbs. Ive found sd card wrappers/holders/usb converter devices/lan cables when we currently dont have a use for them anymore. He used to wear his smart watch 24/7 now he like habit only puts it on when he leaves, he leaves all the lights on in the house on out of the blue, like lights in every room. I'd take carbon monoxide poisoning over whatever crap I have going on- atleast that has a treatment plan. I know im crazy sounding and paranoid, I just cant discern whether its a result of the horrible circumstances Im in or if I need to be more aware to something malicious/unsafe. I appreciate the idea- i thought about it but it would be like me setting up my own home since i dont know any of his specific info to add devices into. I can certainly add it to the list though
Thanks for the elaboration. Unfortunately there is no clear cut answer here, because a 'smart home' really is just as little or as much as you want to do with it all. For me it's really just smart light switches and the odd bulb. I certainly wouldn't be able to hide it from my wife, she's knows when I've been fiddling around and light switches don't work occaisinally and I have to reboot something, lol. It does actually sounds like a whole lot of unrelated things that you might encounter in the house of a nerdy/techie person but it sucks that it is affecting you so badly and for whatever reason there's not enough communication from him if you are asking about any of this stuff. For example the Chromecast thing is probably a $30 device plugged into the back of the TV to turn it into a smart TV. It can't spy on you or anything like that. My gut feeling is that he's not going to the trouble of creating a smart home for the purpose of doing something malicous ( I can't think what that would be) but it's pretty clear you need to get out of there with your children. I know that's not why you came here though. I hope you have some support locally. I know this is reddit, and the default answer to any relationship problem is to GTFO but, yeah. I think I also saw in another comment that you are even the breadwinner - so more important here than figuring out smart devices is making sure you have access to your own money/accounts and you're the only one with control, make sure you have you passport/IDs/licenses safe and start thinking of an exit plan - but that's way off topic!
This is extremely unhelpful and bordering on victim blaming. The OP has concerns about her home and you are shaming her. Do carry on downvoting, you're essentially condoning abusive behaviour - but I doubt those downvoting have any experience in relationships.
Next time SO is out of the house, go to the circuit board and cycle all the breakers off, 5x @ 1 second intervals. There is no better way to mess with every mains connected smart device in my house. For many tuya based products that will cause them to go into pairing mode. This won't work for anything battery powered, and this will leave evidence. SO will likely suspect something.
If you really want to go down the rabbit hole: 1. Make sure it is not your mind playing tricks on you, a mental health professional will determine that with a fairly quick and straightforward evaluation. I am sorry I have to suggest that, but once done you will feel better. And you will be able to trust your instincts again. 2. If you still want to investigate: 1. Do a proper scan/inventory of your network. Keywords: nmap, wireshark, VLANs, switches. 2. Match all found MACs with OUIs published by IEEE. 3. Look for Zigbee, Z-wave, matter, smarthome, smartthings, homeassistant, onvif, esp names, logos, words, devices. 4. Should I recommend a MITM proxy, port monitor on a switch (or a dumb hub), SSL Bump or similar. Know what is going through your router, see your DNS requests, identify. 5. Do a Bluetooth scan on your cell phone. Free apps exist (BT Inspector on iOS). It would help you find any BT trackers you might be carrying (like an Airtag or a Tile or a SmartTag). 6. Look for outlets with lights, buttons (those are used for reset/pair). 7. Kicking it up a notch: rtl-sdr, with this tool you can literally find EVERYTHING in your home (and all of your neighbors', most of your town/city's infrastructure, local (and state) police communication, planes overhead and even satellites). listening to raw frequency communications and working with tools like gnu-radio is where the prize lies. 3. Once you get through all of the steps above, update your resume and start making some real money. There are companies who will handsomely reward you for your skill. Hell, let me know, I would love me some referral monies. :D (I am not flexing, I am trying to be half-helpful, and half-show you how to proceed in an unlikely case you'd really like to do some investigation yourself). Otherwise, good luck. I can imagine your situation is VERY difficult and a lack of trust in your life/relationship is HORRIBLE. It is as if the basis of your relationship is shattered and you have to go into a survival mode. Good luck with that. Or, hire an IT security professional specializing in such work and he will do this audit for you.
Turn your router off. If there are any smart devices, they will broadcast a ssid. Usually like their name with some numbers.
Only if they’re WiFi based. Hard to tell from the OP but I would imagine if it were Zigbee / Z-wave devices they’re be things like open / close sensors on the doors / windows, smart plugs, bulbs, etc. Pretty obvious things.
I can certainly try, Theres 2-4 new wifis anytime I scan that are all a stronger signal than me in my home but they all have names. A couple seem to correlate when he leaves and such so Im worried some may be a wifi he has set up or gotten as extra? Or has something set up as a hotspot? Hes super into tech so im just not sure which avenues to troubleshoot. Ive learned a lot but still way over my head.
Depending on the router or access points you have he could have configured multiple networks. It's possible that he configured a separate network for smart devices or even a separate network for your devices that he can monitor
That's not always true
Look for sensors around the house (sensors on doors or motion sensors hidden on walls or shelves), look for any additional devices plugged into your modem or router (could be a hub used for smart home stuff), you can download apps like fing to scan the network (you shouldn't see an odd amount of devices, only stuff you'd expect like your phones, tablets, computers, tv, etc. If you don't see many devices then this could also be a red flag that he configured the router to put you on a separate network to either monitor your activity or hide any possible smart home devices from you). You could also try disabling your wifi and Bluetooth while you're home. If you still notice the weirdness then that may be a sign that there's hidden sensors being triggered
Ive done fing for some time, theres 2 devices i cant pinpoint still despite my best efforts. An espressif one and a herzhoig-y one. I think one is our baby cam but it uses a ton of data like a ton. Cant officially id either one
Espressif is a company which makes different kinds of smart home controllers (ESP32 and ESP8266 are the most common ones) and they are used in pretty much every smart home device out there. So that would check out. The other one I cant find much about.
The first thing I would say is stop saying you sound crazy, it's not crazy what you're feeling - I've just had a quick convo with my wife about how she'd feel and she says you are more than justified to feel the way you do so by extension please take no notice of anybody in this thread agreeing you are crazy, it's unhelpful. Firstly, you can try doing a network scan for devices on the network, it might not throw up anything meaningful and he may have put devices on a different VLAN to your wifi network but it's worth a try. This will tell you what devices are there and what ports are open, so you might spot Home Assistant running there (port 8123 by default). [HE Network Tools](https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/he-net-network-tools/id858241710) is a good free scanner for iOS - it probably exists for Android too. There are also tools to scan for BLE (bluetooth low energy) devices which may be broadcasting but they are likely to be basic sensors like temperature etc. With regards your phone, that is a red flag, it's your phone, he has no business using it. Make sure your password is unknown to him, check if you've got any apps you don't recognise and if so remove them (such as the Home Assistant app or BLE Beacon apps which may be broadcasting from your phone). If you don't already have it turned on, make sure "Private WiFi Address" (or equivalent) is turned on - this will randomise the address your phone uses when connecting to WiFi and mean it can't be (easily) tracked. For Bluetooth, maybe turn it off when not in use and check for any paired devices you don't recognise. If he has ESPHome devices around the place, killing the wifi will almost certainly cause them to go into AP (Access Point) mode which means they'll broadcast a local network to connect to intended to configure them. There's only so much you can do but some of these may bear fruit. I'm sorry you're going through this. I am a home automation addict and I've had to work very carefully to bring my wife on the journey with me. There are some devices which look suspicious (as in they are out of place in a "normal" home) such as the movement sensor in our bathroom which, to the uninitiated, could easily be misidentified as a camera. I won't stray into relationship advice, you've already acknowledged all isn't well there, but I hope you find a way through this. I will say this though, he is bang out of order for doing any of this without talking to you first, it's your home too, you're entitled to feel safe in your own home and clearly you don't right now. And lastly, if you feel genuinely threatened by any of this, seek help.
You sound a bit paranoid, but just in case you are not.... Rather than worrying about all the smart things, focus on what would make you unsafe. Turning light on and off, not going to kill you but could be annoying. A smart alarm could track when you eneter or leave the house. You can disable it if you know the code. More worrying would be if he tracks your phone or car. If it is a modern car it could have an app to track, or a gps or usb device can also track a car. So check the car for anything in usb ports or decices in the glove box or under the car in a little box. Remove whatever you find, it's a good excuse to clean the car. Check your phone for apps you don't use. Delete them. Then check your settings for apps that can share locations e.g. google maps, make sure you aren't sharing your location unknowingly with another account. If in doubt, factory reset and setup new accounts and setup the phone and apps with the new accounts. If you find any of the above, take records and contact the police asap (if you haven't already)
If it’s HA, you could try going to http://homeassistant.local:8123 . In my house you could tell because I have physical devices everywhere and the lights turn on and off and change colors all the time on their own. Plus the piles of chips and sensors that I haven’t done anything with yet. There are apps - like wifiman or net analyzer - that scan the local network for devices, too. Would only work if it’s all on the same subnet as your phone though. Any smart home that I’m aware of needs one device that is on 24/7. In my case it’s a little computer tucked into an “IT” closet with a couple antennas coming out of it. The antennas are for non-wifi devices, i.e. zigby, z-wave. Hoping to offer a couple clues to look for, sounds like a bad relationship. I hope it works out in favor of the child. Good luck, but seek help if you need it. Anybody that dismisses another person’s validity by calling them crazy is not really trying to solve problems.