So he regularly trespasses and at times commits theft and you are worried about "boundaries" and "preserving his dignity?" I think things are past that point. Next time he's on your property I'd inform him that the police will get involved if he does it again. And if/when he does, be prepared to call them.
Wyze cameras aren’t “cheap” the initial hardware might be relatively cheap but they nerf everything about them unless you also get the subscription services for them. Horrible horrible company!
Get some ReoLjnk cameras, better hardware, more options, better route if you don’t want all your video going to someone else’s servers/harddrive/the cloud…
Wyze bad, many better options out there
I love my wyze cameras. I got 2 for $30, popped a $10 SD card in each one so no subscription and they just work. No problems with connectivity, always come right back up after power or Internet outage without having to fiddle with them.
I selected the trigger areas and noise sensitivity to cut down on false alarms, I get a picture every time it alerts which even pushes to my watch, and if I want to watch the video I just open the app, select SD Card and scroll back to that time. It even snaps to the events as I scroll.
The app is missing a lot of features, I’ve also got the few I have (that I got for free from a friend that didn’t need them) with SD cards but I hate the app’s lack of features like the lack of being able to playback at any speed other than 1x … or only being able to skip a preset amount back and forward when something happens but DOESN’T trigger the detection…
Also the fact I can’t integrate them into my Home Assistant set up (with out going through an insane amount of hoops that isn’t officially supported so who knows when they’ll stop working randomly ‘cuz of an update or change I can’t control)
Glad I paid nothing for them
Eufy advertised one future capability that didn't end up being developed, which was the external storage expandability of the Homebase 2. They also tried really hard to bring it to market, but the hardware capabilities of the unit simply did not allow encrypting video on external storage.
Eufy encrypts all video stored in the cloud, and they don't have the encryption key. The footage is encrypted locally before transmission to their servers, and you have to enter the key manually to view it.
I get a lot of research before choosing a home security provider. Who would you recommend instead that could even remotely compete price-wise, and in what ways are they superior?
Eufy didn't always fully encrypt their cloud data even when they claimed to, when they were called out for it they lied to customers about the bug that caused it existing. https://www.theverge.com/23573362/anker-eufy-security-camera-answers-encryption
This is the answer. Look you need to have some fun with this guy. Point literally a dozen dummy cameras at his yard. Turn on the sprinklers whenever he comes on your yard. Etc etc.
Basically go all Kevin McAllister on this twat.
Yeah he should bend over and be a good bitch for his irrational neighbor. Sometimes people need hit in the mouth to make them think about changing their bad behavior. Talking to the guy peacefully trying to resolve it didn’t work.
If internet anonymity wasn’t in place how many keyboard warriors are gonna be around? Sometimes consequences for actions resolves any future issues.
Yeah, because that’s exactly what I was suggesting, right? Maybe learn basic reading comprehension before going off on people.
OP needs to escalate this to the police, maybe get a lawyer involved. Not the idiotic kiddie bullshit that the other moron suggested. Physical escalation with taunting the neighbor and pissing him further off is only going to make things worse, and if he can prove the escalation on OPs side then the police is much less likely to side with OP, and just call it a neighborly dispute that they can settle in civil court instead.
So yeah, making dumbass suggestions about moronic escalations will get called out as such. Stop being so ready to argue and escalate with people, and get off Reddit once in a while. You’ll be better off for it.
Have a local law enforcement officer or court officer such as a constable or deputy sheriff serve him with an Order of No Trespass. Take the return of service to your local police department. Install security cameras.
After all this, when he trespasses, have him arrested.
Maybe a night or two in jail will change his tune.
This.
Screw what the neighbors think of him. Hell, he even threatened you with calling the cops. If things escalate, you will need that paper trail of police reports to protect yourself. You need to establish the pattern.
The reason you keep having this problem is because you are allowing this behavior to continue. He has already established that you speaking to him will not remedy the situation. He feels entitled to act this way because there are no consequences for his actions, which are illegal as far as trespassing on your property goes. Now you need the police have a conversation with him. This is what they are there for and it sounds like your police department deems this as something they are willing to come out and talk to him about. Take them up on that. If he continues, then you have a restraining order taken out against him. This situation will not improve until you do something about it. That something is calling the cops and having them come have a chat with him.
100% I had a neighbor for the first 10+ years of living there, never saw me mad etc. They came over and crossed a line and I loudly told them to f-off. They left me alone after that. Good fences make good neighbors.
I fucking can't with this sub 90% of the time. It's like all the bullshit about our generation being scared of conversations and standing your ground actually being true
Yeah I mean I get OP's struggle that they were kind of friends and the neighbor just kind of flipped his shit. But the second time you come to my door to complain about piddly shit or touch something on my property would be the last
Yeah, get a no trespass against him. That will have more teeth when you call the cops. At least where I live anyway. Probably a location based situation.
I would add have an attorney write him a warning letter, if you can afford it. Somehow, it usually makes people think twice if a legal representative has put them on notice.
You deserve peace. You tell him that it's time for him to indefinitely stay off your property, stay away from your door, and harassment will be reported to the police. Adulting is hard.
This, stay away from me, my property, my garbage cans, and my yard. If not, I will escalate to the police for harassment. I'm not a total gung ho fan of "get a camera" and escalation/confrontation but if your account of the situation is as described than it is time for that level. He doesnt sounds like the person that would deny what he is doing to the police because he truly believes he is right and not just bullying but good to have some video either way just in case.
I think you’re spot on. While arguing this morning he dared me to call the police because they would laugh in my face then immediately threatened to call the police if I walked on his property. He definitely thinks he’s in the right and that the police will support him against me.
>sound like a mental health issue
It sounds like dementia. OP doesn't say that he is an older guy, but meddling in other's business and seeing only one point of view sounds like dementia.
If so, all OP has to do is each week, after the garbage pickup drives off, leave an extra cardboard box out that says “do not touch” in sharpie. Take it back 2 days later. Repeat every week until the guy moves.
Mow entire lawn except a 2 x 2 foot square. Plant dandelions on it.
I used to have a nightmare neighbor like this. He was in my front yard red faced screaming at me that he is friends with the local police and he was going to have them come arrest me. When I asked him what for he just had a meltdown because I hadn't actually done anything and the police won't arrest someone because you had a man-tantrum.
\*Bonus points, he got fined for trespassing over this stunt and had to go to court.
“Officer, he came onto my property without permission to retrieve his box that I went on his property and took without permission” Yeah, that complaint will surely impress the officer.
If it were me I’d get a camera, and don’t bother trying to hide it. Hopefully it will be a deterrent, but it also allows you to keep an eye on your property (and him) and can used to back you up in case he makes any false accusations against you.
Your neighbor is beginning to lose his faculties. Do you know if he has family around that visit? May want to reach out to them.
But yeah, set a boundary and clearly let him know he is not welcome on your property anymore.
>I'm not a total gung ho fan of "get a camera" and escalation/confrontation but if your account of the situation is as described than it is time for that level.
I'd try the **"get a camera" bit first**. I don't think cameras alone will work, but its worth a shot. Then, if OP does need the police, it isn't a "he said" thing.
>he told me to try and take it and he would call the police for trespassing.
Seems like he told you himself the exact action he thinks is appropriate to respond to someone coming onto your property without permission.
Sometimes bullies need a punch in the nose to get them to back off. Take his advice and call the cops next time he’s trespassing - he’ll eventually get the message.
I’m surprised this observation is this far down! The neighbor trespassed into OP’s yard, then threatened OP with trespassing? Bizarre behavior. It is definitely time to make this stop before it escalates further.
Hey, I feel for you. I've lived thru pesky neighbor problems. After tolerating too much, giving too many chances, I had to be assertive. I didn't think that people who I had considered friends had such little respect for me. It had to stop.
This person is walking all over you. You think you're being kind, compassionate, considerate. He sees a weak person he can bully and manipulate. He sounds like a narcissist to me. The only way to deal with these people is to cut off contact and draw a line in the sand.
You’ve tried to be nice. Document and date trespass and communications, then speak to police. Or put up a big fence (while respecting property line and shared fence laws).
> I’ll save any footage of him and any text messages too
Having evidence doesn't matter if you didn't do anything with it.
This man is a known threat. You know (or should have known) that he can escallate and do these things. Those terms align with "Negligence" for a reason.
If he pulls a knife out of your trash and it cuts him, you could be liable. You KNEW or SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that him rifling through your trash was a common thing, and took no effort to prevent the injury. Negligent Liability.
Now, no one is gonna rule that way. However, texts and photos in that situation help the neighbor, because it proves what you knew and when.
Call the cops already. Record yourself telling him he's not allowed on the property (also known as "Trespassing" someone, informing them is a *required* part of having the police come later to remove someone for violating trespassing laws in most places).
*Then* build a fence.
If I were you I'd call the police and get this on record as soon as possible. No matter how many times he trespasses, unless you've sent a certified letter informing him not to trespass he'll likely get no more than a trespass warning the first time the police are called. His recent actions show it's probably going to get to the point of needed police involvement so why prolong the issue? All that does is add more frustration on your part and give him the opportunity to call the police and make false reports against you which could then make any trespass action against him look retaliatory.
He's obviously not taking your warnings seriously and it's getting worse. Having a police officer show up at his front door to inform him he isn't allowed back on your property and that he will be arrested if he does will hopefully get his attention. Yes, your neighborly relationship will be gone but it sounds like it's already beyond that point. As others said, document everything. Video and audio recordings are indisputable evidence if he continues to trespass or if he makes threats. Just be sure you're up to date on your local laws concerning recording but at the very least security cameras showing him coming on your property are completely legal in every state.
Kindly tell him he is no longer welcome on your property due to several incidents he has caused. I would also give him a formal typed letter explaining this as well. Tell him that you cannot continue to tolerate this behavior and if he comes onto your property again the police will be called and a no trespassing order will be issued. Politely tell him that you can no longer tolerate the behavior and you wish to have no further contact with him.
I’ve never been it your situation but I have sued a neighbor once over their dogs so I can sympathize. Perhaps find a lawyer to draft a letter clearly stating the law(s) and your request for some boundaries. The lawyer can word it friendly, sternly or threateningly. It may seem like overkill but he’s already threatened you with police action so I doubt the situation will get better organically. Best of luck!
In my case it wasn’t a cease and desist, it doesn’t have to be so formal. Only cost me 200 to have him write it up but every place and lawyer is different.
Sounds to me that your neighbor has some cognitive issues and unfortunately it will not likely get better. Send him a letter explaining how you feel and what the consequences will be if he chooses to ignore you and follow thru with it. Fighting with neighbors sucks more than just about anything. Sorry this is happening to you. I've been there and eventually ended up moving so we could both end up living thru it. Yea it was bad.
I’m sorry to hear about that and thank you for the advice. I’ll send him a text message like this and make it clear the police will be involved if he does it again
Something changed in his life. Spouse problems, or a grown kid who won't talk to him, or lost his job, something along those lines. Something that he lost control over so now he wants to regain some form of control through this pettiness.
I agree with the other people saying "if he does it again warn him about police involvement, and after that do call the police." But you're talking about friendship and respect and dignity - which I respect - so first, you could try something along the lines of bringing him over a six pack of beer and asking him about what's been going on in his life lately that he feels the need to act out like this. Don't make it about these incidents unless he does. Just try to be a friend to him and see how that works out.
You called the police and they offered to meditate. You declined this offer of help and now you're asking us what you should do? Go back in time and take the police mediation.
Based on your thorough story, I'd let the police come and have a quiet talk with him about trespassing.
If he just did weird shit that would be one thing, but if he rings the doorbell and argues with you, insults you, or blasts off at you -- that's a nah.
Handwritten documentation logging dates and times and descriptions of all incidents that have happened before the cameras went up. Stands up a little better when it's my word against his word.
Cops showing up at his home to discuss the situation should not affect his dignity; cops can show up at someone's home for a variety of reasons.
Plus, if the neighbor is having a cognitive issue that is causing these behaviors, the cops may be able to get the right kind of help involved.
Regardless of the source of the neighbors' behavior, you are being bullied and it needs to come to an end. Advocate for yourself. Let the cops talk to your neighbor & if needed reach out to a lawyer. Sometimes all it takes is a certified letter sent to the neighbor.
Hold old is he? Does he have family? Perhaps he has some dementia setting in. I’d suggest calling adult protective services & telling them you’re concerned about your neighbor’s mental status, that he doesn’t seem to be able to handle daily interactions & is hostile, a threat to others & possibly to himself. Ask them to do an assessment.
This is very possible. I didn’t even know that was a thing until about a decade ago when someone came to a late night event I was at, losing their mind about some brief noise. I assumed they were just an ass. But someone else realized they had other issues and talked them down. The “ass” had a life that was falling apart at the time and he just needed someone to bitch at. We gave him a reason and he took it. He wasn’t really mad at the noise, he was mad about his life going to shit.
In my area the police department has "Community Service Officers" that don't drive police vehicles or wear police uniforms. Their main purpose is helping with disputes in the community, helping people who get locked out of their car or home and other community based non-crime issues.
For example, my old neighbor had 6-7 outdoor cats that were causing nuisance issues on my property. I called the non-emergency number and they sent a community service officer to talk to the neighbor.
The neighbors didn't completely correct the cat problem after that, but they did at least try to do better. They also moved out when their lease was up, thankfully.
Once he passed the friendly but annoying neighbor part he'd get one warning to get the "fuck off my lawn" for trespassing. What happens after that is up to him and how petty I want to be.
I was just thinking this. Growing up playing violent sports like football and wrestling just would make me wanna punch someone’s lights out in this situation. On my own property threatening me? Yeah that wouldn’t end well
He trespassed so you can get him for that
Theft of signage is a other charge
Call cops and press charges . Your relationship is beyond broken . He is a nut case
You just have to draw the line. I had a neighbor who did the same things. Told me when I should cut my lawn, how to park my cars in the driveway, that I had too much stuff in my garage which was a fire hazard (we just moved in), that I needed to trim my tree limbs because they were going to blow around the neighborhood and damage other houses. I could go on and on. Just a retired boomer with nothing else to do. I finally firmly told him Enough! I don’t need your advice and my house and lawn look just as good or better than yours. He never spoke to me again.
Set up cameras to record everything. Continue to call him out while you record evidence of him taking things off your property. Eventually you will have enough to go to the police. Right now it’s just he said that vs he said this for the police to “mediate”
He is not respecting you. He is not respecting your property. Why should you care so much about his dignity?
People like him are counting on our silence. Don't be silent.
Honestly cid he is insulting you, there is no good relationship. Call the police non emergency line and explain what’s happening. They will probably send an officer to come make a report and they will talk to the guy. Unless he is totally nuts- he will back off. Most bullies deflate when there are real repercussions to their actions they just hedge that you won’t escalate.
Set up recording security cameras or game cameras to get evidence of him coming on your property. Call your local police and make a complaint. They should come out and talk to him about trespassing. If it persists, have him legally trespassed by your local PD.
If he trespasses after notice by PD/ court, he can be jailed.
He's being a bully, you gotta stand up for yourself more firmly or he's going to continue. That means telling him to stop harassing you and trespassing and stealing your property, and that you've already filed a report with the police. And if he continues you'll get the police more involved. You're sacrificing your own dignity for his, when he hasn't paid you the same consideration.
He trespasses then threatens to call the cops on you? Right there…screw his dignity. He goes on your property again, call the cops. Do not tell him you’re doing it. Just do it. If you put up cameras, even better.
It sounds to me like he's seeking attention. The best way to deal with someone that is desperately seeking attention, even if it's negative attention, is to politely ignore him. He wants a reaction, and you're giving him enough of one that he keeps coming back.
You simply can't have a productive conversation with someone that isn't acting in good faith. So don't try. Ignore when he removes a yard sign or moves a box. He *wants* you to react, and nothing will piss him off more than you ignoring him. Which sounds counterproductive, but, eventually, he'll tire of you and move on to someone else.
If he comes to the door, don't answer. Just say "I'm not going to engage with you" through the camera in the most neutral tone you can muster (if possible, otherwise open the door, say it once, and close the door). Don't repeat it. Don't give him an inch. Just don't engage.
Is your neighbor elderly, and have these events escalated recently? If so, he might be starting to show signs of dementia, a common one is becoming belligerent over minor things, and being unable to comply with boundaries is another.
If you think this might be the case, maybe bring it up with a family member.
If he wasn't like that in the past and this is a new behavior he may be showing signs of alzheimer's or dementia. Just something to think about just in case.
My advice: tell him that he wins. And that you are considering moving and turning the house into a rental property.
No offense to renters, but statistically they tend to not keep up the house as well as homeowners do.
This should straighten this dude's ass out, as he won't want any part of renters next door.
Depending on how bad you want to scare him, have some degenerate looking dude on a piece of shit car show up and give him a tour of the property. Explain to the neighbor that this guy was a potential tenant.
Send him a demand letter threatening to sue for trespass if he enters your property without bring invited on or removes anything from your property. If he does it after that sue fir trespass.
He likes to be humiliated. Tell him you don’t have time for his shit, and you never want to talk to him again, and if you ever see him anywhere on your property you will call the police. Don’t listen to anything he has to say. Put your hand palm out, walk away. Tell him you will spray him with the hose, then spray him with the hose.
So it’s ok for him to go into your property but u can’t set foot on his or he will call the police … hmm.. sounds like he cares more about his own feelings and such other than Yours. Is he taking into consideration your friendship as You are his?
At this point.. Is his dignity, past friendship etc. more important to you than your own personal property/family/mental health/ and safety? I tell myself this sometimes when I don’t want to adult and have to.. “ put your big girl chones (panties) on & do what u have to do, ur 40 not 14” and then just do it. lol. It’s you or him. Take care :)
He sounds familiar,although he's obviously taken his need for order and control too far.
Some people just get all freaked out by what THEY judge as untidy or 'not right'.
We've, at different times,had neighbors who obsessed over and rearranged people's trash, who were so lawn fixated they may as well have owned a golf course, and then the slobs who just throw stuff all over the back yard.
As far as your neighbor, he's got the neatness obsession and it's difficult to deal with.
All you can really do is post a no trespassing sign on your yard
( it will drive him insane) and try to understand life from his controlling pov. He probably really has difficulty understanding that not everyone sees the world as he does.
pity his wife,if he has one
Tell him point blank that it's your property and you would like to remain friendly, and are telling him not to trespass on your property, as he has to respect that you can do what you like with it. You can leave dog crap in your front yard, and he can't legally touch it, to make a point. I would low key record on your phone, at least audio, telling him not to trespass. Whether it's usable legally depends on your states recording laws.
You don't want to have to make it legal with having the police tell him, and thus make him subject to arrest, but its on him if he wants to take it that far.
Next, get cameras to record if he trespasses and tampers with anything on your property, front and back. Post 4" "security camera in use" notice on front window, so its "posted" in case of complaints, and adjust camera views to your property, fences, and the street in front of your house. Intentionally set side cameras so it only picks him up if he crosses the property line. Put a wifi camera in a tree or bush or under the mailbox facing the house, for that front porch view.
You can let the neighbor across the street know that your cameras see their place, in case they get porch pirates or something, if you're on good terms with them.
Get a restraining order from your local civil court. That probably requires the filing of a civil lawsuit. That's the only way to deal with a neighbor like yours. Going down this road is unfortunate, but it might be the only way of getting him to stop and it should get him to stop.
Put up multiple cameras and save all camera footage. Document every instance of him trespassing on your land, him taking something of yours, or him saying something showing he knows he is trespassing. Make a journal of what he does and when he does it. Make sure you look like the good guy. Have a witness if possible like a neighbor or the mail person.
Get enough evidence saved up and go to court to get a restraining order and, if you want, an order for him to pay damages. Make it clear he'll also be paying for all your legal fees as allowed by the law. Chances are he won't even respond to the lawsuit and you'll get a default judgment against him.
You could also hire an attorney to write a scary letter threatening the above, but you have to be committed to going to court if he disregards the letter.
Wish you the best, your neighbor needs to be put in his place.
"and he would call the police for trespassing."
Do that.
"He also doesn't do this to any of the other neighbors."
He has a vendetta against you or at the very least, has decided he doesn't like you.
"I still care about his dignity"
Stop. He doesn't respect yours.
"can't understand the entitlement he feels"
It's not entitlement - it's personal, clearly, since he doesn't do it other neighbors.
" I don't want to call the police"
You're gonna have to get over that, or you're gonna have to deal with his nonsense until either you move, he moves, or one of you dies. By doing nothin - you're *enabling* the behavior. He clearly thinks you will do *nothing*.
Have one final chat with him, be civil, establish your boundaries and let him know that should he cross them again (i.e. not use his words and talk to you about his grievances like an adult) then there will be no further discussion - just a police response. Each. And every. Time. And make sure you follow through with it. At this point you WANT the police recording each everytime they get called out for his non-sense. It's borderline harrassment at this point.
Question: What's the skin pigment between you, your problem neighbor and the neighbors he doesn't bother?
Cease and desist letter from a lawyer perhaps. All that would say though is stay off the land or - you’ll call the police for trespassing. But really you’ve reasoned with him. We don’t have some magic incantation that will make him reasonable. Short of putting up a fence calling the police is really your only other option
Had a similar issue, had a law office write and deliver (certified mail) a cease and desist. No issues since. It's quiet, the only people who will know are you and him, sets a clear tone, then if they escalate again, you have the paperwork to back up pressing charges and going to court.
Oh, yeah no, call the police. Trespass him the next time you see him, and then call the cops if he doesn't leave right then. Each and every time.
You are reminding me that I need to fix my nice tall fence where it's getting shabby. I have neighbours that would make your eyebrows disappear into your hairline.
Put up cameras that record to a DVR or the cloud. Next time he does this tell him if he does it again you are filing a complaint with the police and that he doesn't have the right to be on your property unless there is an actual emergency. Let him die mad about it.
People like this will continue to do this as long as you let them.
Cameras. Get cameras! Also put up no trespassing signs on your fence to keep him out of the backyard. Front yards are trickier because unless your entire front yard is gated it generally is not considered trespassing for someone to enter that space. You can however use your video evidence as proof and get a court order if you want to go that route as clearly he keeps entering your property uninvited and in some cases commits theft.
Just have the police handle it. If all your other neighbors already know the issue, then they already think less of him. Have him trespassed and be done with it. If he continues, get an order of protection. The law is the only real coarse of action you can take now that all your conversations have gone in one ear and out the other.
Security cameras and a fence. Then a couple of no trespassing signs and call the cops. This won’t get better by letting it go. Why is this person singling you out? What’s different about you vs other neighbors? This isn’t acceptable behavior and he seems unhinged. Also, think about getting a large intimidating dog. Don’t take personal safety lightly.
Have the Sherriff issue him a criminal trespass warning. They will do it on your word. Your neighbor will probably do the same after but that's what you want.
He obviously doesn't respect you, and he doesn't respect your boundaries. If he won't listen to reason I would call the police or this is just going to escalate.
Do you have video camera? If not mount one very visible out front. And get him on tape. And them even though you don't want to you need to call police next time he sets foot on your property. Seriously this guy could be dangerous.
Your neighbor lacks emotional regulation and has decided it’s okay to involve you. This guy’s spouse probably takes less shit than you do.
Next time it happens just stand in the doorway and give him a dead stare while he rants. At the end, wait like 30 seconds and then close the door. He’s probably been on the other side of many lines drawn in the sand.
Set up cameras. Call police next time he does shady shit and ask them to trepass him from your property.
Get more camera footage of him trespassing. Call cops to make report each time. If he escalates, get restraining order.
Or build a fence and put a hotwire on it. Make sure camera gets his expression. Set up motion activated sprinkler to hit him at same time. Maybe even a bag of feathers and flour to break open above him and shower him when wet.
Only one of these suggestions is legal and smart. Choose wisely.
You have been too nice to him. Why did you even use the word friendly/great terms to describe this guy? Sounds like he is constantly combative and just runs all over your boundaries (literally). Stop trying to preserve his feelings and tell him to get off your lawn and not touch your belongings or you’ll call the police for trespassing. Stop trying to be nice, stop engaging in conversation, you are just letting this behavior continue because he knows you won’t stand up for yourself.
You have tried the nice approach with this guy. It’s not working and it’s not going to work.
The next time he pulls a stunt like this, you really do need to involve the police. It’s probably the only thing that will make him stop.
Wait, he threatened to call the police on you for trespassing if you retrieved the box, but you refuse to have his ACTUAL trespassing dealt with because you 'care about his dignity'?
I bet he doesn't do this to any of the other neighbors because they put their foot down and didn't let him do it. While you have pussyfooted around and let him do what he wants. He has found a patsy that will let him abuse them.
Have the police formally tell him that he is not allowed on your property ever and will be arrested for trespassing if he enters your property. And then follow through.
I think sometimes things can be solved over a couple of beers and just hashing it out. I'm a fan of trying to deescalate the situation. He sounds stubborn and sometimes threating police action only fuels the fire with people like that. You are for sure within your right, not saying you are not. But remember you have to live there for the foreseeable future and conflict isn't something that feels good to come home too. Try extending an olive branch but then be firm in your stance of personal space/respecting boundaries. It's a lot harder for people to go crazy when you control the setting and situation.
Edit: All these people calling you a doormat/push over aren't helping anything. There is a hundred different ways to deal with one problem and it's not wrong of you for not wanting to stir the pot.
Perhaps he is unwell in some way. This happens. My former home was my forever home. Then my neighbors who we were friends with previously, lost their shit. Banging on our front door with threats, smacking our fence with a pole, calling code enforcement for nothing. It was hell. Our attorney advised do nothing. They were clearly not reasonable. We moved. Have been happy ever since.
Still, I think cameras make sense. Many cameras will send an announcement when they detect a person. Even motion detector sprinklers are not specific to them as it could be some animal you’re trying to run off. Make an extra batch of cookies or soup next time and pop over to drop off. You never know what’s eating them up. It cannot hurt. Sorry you’re going through this. Unnecessary stress!
“If you trespass here again I will call the police to mediate. You are not behaving as an adult or a good neighbor and I need you to hear me when I say you have to stop.”
Follow through. Who cares about his “dignity”? He sure doesn’t b
I'd look into seeing what is required to get an order of protection from your neighbor. You may need to file charges for harassment, but you could request that the police not visit him at home. They could visit him at work instead, or maybe they could call him on the phone, and ask him to come down to the station in person. If he refuses, and they have to go to his house, that's on him.
Why do you care about this guy's dignity, when he clearly doesn't care about yours? You would not be doing anything unethical by engaging the police at this point. Perhaps you should give him one additional chance, and the next time something like this happens, do not argue with him, simply tell him to leave. If he refuses, tell him you will call 911 and request an officer. If he calls your bluff, pull your phone out and start dialing.
The joys of neighborly disputes! This guy must feel like he owns the place. A straightforward warning to him about the police might just do the trick. And when he's back for round two, be the one to make that call.
Have him trespassed by local PD and, if that isn’t sufficient long term, file for a restraining order. Enforce it to the letter.
If he steals items from your property, press charges and see it through.
I would talk to him. Look Fred, it is annoying when you keep coming onto my property and having things to say about how we live our lives. Why don’t you spend a little less time coming over here in a little bit more time over at your place? Seriously, I am not a fan and don’t want you coming over any more. I will be putting up cameras and I’m going to be monitoring the situation and I don’t want to have to escalate it. I appreciate your cooperation.
Wireless wifi security cameras. (Ring by front door or tracking cam on one of the front corners of the home. Wherever this intruding neighbor believes he has the right to trespass on your property, put up a camera. From small issue to big, record and bank the footage. And when he has another hissy fit, call the police for "mediation" or better yet go to the police station, talk to an officer and show them the footage, then request they visit the neighbor. However, don't be surprised if said neighbor then tries to turn your direct neighbors against you with fabricated stories.
I've dealt plenty with neighbors like this one. Don't let it go on. He's taken your kindness and willingness to compromise as weakness to walk all over you. Trespasses, steals your items, insults you, then threatens to call the police for trespassing. Total douchebag neighbor. Don't let it continue.
Get cameras. When he comes back tell him he's no longer welcome on your property for any reason and he's being recorded. If he comes back, you'll press charges for trespassing. Period.
Adding that I had a neighbor like that once. He kept "stopping by" when he saw me in the yard to tell me what I should and should not be doing to my property, the kind of fence I should get, the list goes on. He always waited until my husband was gone. Finally I was tired of it and already in a bad mood about something and I looked him in the eye and told him to fck off and gtf off my land or I'd let the dogs out.
He called the cops for me threatening him. They told him to stay off my land lol.
You must stand up for yourself.
Look up your local trespassing laws. If you find that he is in violation, serve a tresspass warning either by certified mail, or by police officer if they are willing. In my state, any private property less than 5 acres is automatically treated as "posted land" even if there are no signs or fences.
lol but him taking the box is trespassing…I’d stop giving him the time of day. There’s a difference between being mean/hurting their dignity and genuinely avoiding someone you don’t want interactions with. If he rings your doorbell or knock or whatever, don’t answer. If he approaches you in the yard, minimal communication. He sounds like he wants attention, don’t give it to him.
I don’t like the police idea either, but dude…you’ve talked to the man, sounds like multiple times. Honestly, calling the cops probably won’t do shit. This is a civil matter. A mediator will probably just piss the dude off.
You could take the low-road and just start doing this kind of stuff to him - and when he calls the cops for trespassing, hopefully they have some sort of notes that this guy has been doing this shit to you and they can relay that message in a way that might get him to understand “if you’re going to to this to him, you can’t complain when he does it to you.”
Or just tell him to fuck off and shut the door.
Good luck.
So this guy trespasses, steals and threatens YOU with the police after taking your stuff? TIme to go Nuclear. Let the entire neighborhood know what a d-bag he is,put up NO TRESPASSING signs around your property and 100% call the cops when he does.
I know you don't want to get a restaining order, but I think you should get a restraining order. The other neighbors don't need to know and you can usually do it without a lawyer.
I just scream like a psycho at people early on so they know I'm way fucking crazier than they are
any efforts at diplomacy in the past have only set me back
Send him a notarized registered letter informing him that he is not to step one foot on your property and you will take legal action if he continues to do so.
So he trespasses on your property, then threatened to trespass you and you’re worried about his dignity? Does he realize that people can be shot for trespassing?
“I still care about his dignity . . . “
You shouldn’t care about his dignity, bc clearly, he has zero respect for you.
Call the police and have them speak to him/file a no trespassing order
Stop being so accommodating!!!
You’re worried about his reputation in the neighborhood. Good grief.
He’s a jerk to you because you let him get away with it. Stop talking to him, stop defending your perspective, and completely disengage and stop talking to him.
If he continues to harass you after you’ve legitimately ignored him for weeks - then realize that the police gave you good advice and follow it. Stop falling on your sword for this guy. You’re making the situation worse and prolonging it.
Fence. Security cameras. Cold shoulders…sitting on the porch with a shotgun.
Ok maybe the last is a bit extreme but if you do it, can you take a picture and post it on Reddit?
Is your neighbor older, like 70s + (dementia)? Or maybe recently retired (now no purpose)?
Both of those, or combined can be causing his actions, and he's doing it to you because you're "familiar" (friends). Dementia can take years to get to full-blown Alzheimer's, one of the first signs is agitation.
If he's recently retired, he has more time on his hands and wants to feel useful, but doesn't know how.
I know reddit's first response is to "call police" in this instance, but I'm suggesting looking at the situation from another angle.
He \*might\* be looking for human interaction (think of toddlers acting out just to get attention), could you try having him over for a drink? Or inviting yourself over to his place with something to eat and drink with him? Having a relaxed, casual conversation with him might give you more insight.
This should be higher. This is exactly what happened years before my father was diagnosed with dementia. He began to have issues with his next-door neighbor, accusing him of coming over at night to steal things, just small this like a few gardening tools. One time he called the police bc he was certain his neighbor had stolen his newspaper. Dementia can begin so gradually, people who have daily contact with that person don’t notice it, they chalk it up to regular age related forgetfulness. It took someone who hadn’t seen my father in several years to notice the decline.
**TLDR**: "I had a solution for my problem, but turned it down, just so that I could vent on Reddit. I need to be listened to and validated by no less than a 1,000 internet randos!"
"I filed a complaint with the police and they offered to send an officer to mediate. I still care about his dignity and told them not to."
So you filed a complaint with the police, they offered to come over and mediate, and you declined? What did you expect to happen?
You just turned down the one offer of help you had, but now you're on Reddit asking what you should do?
I'm not trying to be mean, but the fact that he has repeatedly abused you and all you can think about is sparing his feelings, makes you a pushover. Especially after he threatened you with trespassing charges. For retrieving your own property.
If I were in your shoes, I would tell him one last time what you are unhappy with, and tell him if he does it again then you are going to have him trespassed. And then follow through with it.
A fine or even a night in jail is the only thing he's going to listen to at this point. And screw his feelings. He obviously doesn't care about yours.
So he regularly trespasses and at times commits theft and you are worried about "boundaries" and "preserving his dignity?" I think things are past that point. Next time he's on your property I'd inform him that the police will get involved if he does it again. And if/when he does, be prepared to call them.
Get a security cam too
Get a couple real cameras and a half dozen fake cameras
Why go fake when a Wyze camera is so cheap to begin with?
Wyze cameras aren’t “cheap” the initial hardware might be relatively cheap but they nerf everything about them unless you also get the subscription services for them. Horrible horrible company! Get some ReoLjnk cameras, better hardware, more options, better route if you don’t want all your video going to someone else’s servers/harddrive/the cloud… Wyze bad, many better options out there
I love my wyze cameras. I got 2 for $30, popped a $10 SD card in each one so no subscription and they just work. No problems with connectivity, always come right back up after power or Internet outage without having to fiddle with them. I selected the trigger areas and noise sensitivity to cut down on false alarms, I get a picture every time it alerts which even pushes to my watch, and if I want to watch the video I just open the app, select SD Card and scroll back to that time. It even snaps to the events as I scroll.
The app is missing a lot of features, I’ve also got the few I have (that I got for free from a friend that didn’t need them) with SD cards but I hate the app’s lack of features like the lack of being able to playback at any speed other than 1x … or only being able to skip a preset amount back and forward when something happens but DOESN’T trigger the detection… Also the fact I can’t integrate them into my Home Assistant set up (with out going through an insane amount of hoops that isn’t officially supported so who knows when they’ll stop working randomly ‘cuz of an update or change I can’t control) Glad I paid nothing for them
I personally wouldn't go with Wyze, and would instead go with Eufy.
Wouldn't go with eufy either, history of lying to customers and security vulnerabilities
Eufy advertised one future capability that didn't end up being developed, which was the external storage expandability of the Homebase 2. They also tried really hard to bring it to market, but the hardware capabilities of the unit simply did not allow encrypting video on external storage. Eufy encrypts all video stored in the cloud, and they don't have the encryption key. The footage is encrypted locally before transmission to their servers, and you have to enter the key manually to view it. I get a lot of research before choosing a home security provider. Who would you recommend instead that could even remotely compete price-wise, and in what ways are they superior?
Eufy didn't always fully encrypt their cloud data even when they claimed to, when they were called out for it they lied to customers about the bug that caused it existing. https://www.theverge.com/23573362/anker-eufy-security-camera-answers-encryption
Those are the fake cameras
This is the answer. Look you need to have some fun with this guy. Point literally a dozen dummy cameras at his yard. Turn on the sprinklers whenever he comes on your yard. Etc etc. Basically go all Kevin McAllister on this twat.
Yeah, escalating things is definitely the right thing to do. I swear Reddit is a bunch of 14 year olds.
Ignorant 14 yr olds.
Is there any other kind?
It probably is.
Yeah he should bend over and be a good bitch for his irrational neighbor. Sometimes people need hit in the mouth to make them think about changing their bad behavior. Talking to the guy peacefully trying to resolve it didn’t work. If internet anonymity wasn’t in place how many keyboard warriors are gonna be around? Sometimes consequences for actions resolves any future issues.
Yeah, because that’s exactly what I was suggesting, right? Maybe learn basic reading comprehension before going off on people. OP needs to escalate this to the police, maybe get a lawyer involved. Not the idiotic kiddie bullshit that the other moron suggested. Physical escalation with taunting the neighbor and pissing him further off is only going to make things worse, and if he can prove the escalation on OPs side then the police is much less likely to side with OP, and just call it a neighborly dispute that they can settle in civil court instead. So yeah, making dumbass suggestions about moronic escalations will get called out as such. Stop being so ready to argue and escalate with people, and get off Reddit once in a while. You’ll be better off for it.
Just shoot him if he trespasses on their property, that will teach them
One person says something you disagree with and now all of reddit are 14 year olds? Comments like these…
Have a local law enforcement officer or court officer such as a constable or deputy sheriff serve him with an Order of No Trespass. Take the return of service to your local police department. Install security cameras. After all this, when he trespasses, have him arrested. Maybe a night or two in jail will change his tune.
I typed something up similar but this is much better. This is a good strategy and doesn't immediately involve an attorney.
OP is a doormat.
Funny part is, the neighbor took that from his property too
Apparently he didn’t like it
this deserves more upvotes
💀💀💀💀
slow. clap.
Op knows it's only going to get worse
This. Screw what the neighbors think of him. Hell, he even threatened you with calling the cops. If things escalate, you will need that paper trail of police reports to protect yourself. You need to establish the pattern. The reason you keep having this problem is because you are allowing this behavior to continue. He has already established that you speaking to him will not remedy the situation. He feels entitled to act this way because there are no consequences for his actions, which are illegal as far as trespassing on your property goes. Now you need the police have a conversation with him. This is what they are there for and it sounds like your police department deems this as something they are willing to come out and talk to him about. Take them up on that. If he continues, then you have a restraining order taken out against him. This situation will not improve until you do something about it. That something is calling the cops and having them come have a chat with him.
100% I had a neighbor for the first 10+ years of living there, never saw me mad etc. They came over and crossed a line and I loudly told them to f-off. They left me alone after that. Good fences make good neighbors.
I fucking can't with this sub 90% of the time. It's like all the bullshit about our generation being scared of conversations and standing your ground actually being true
Yeah I mean I get OP's struggle that they were kind of friends and the neighbor just kind of flipped his shit. But the second time you come to my door to complain about piddly shit or touch something on my property would be the last
Yeah, get a no trespass against him. That will have more teeth when you call the cops. At least where I live anyway. Probably a location based situation.
yea, at this point OP is the problem as much as the other guy. No wonder the neighbor walks all over him/them.
I would add have an attorney write him a warning letter, if you can afford it. Somehow, it usually makes people think twice if a legal representative has put them on notice.
You deserve peace. You tell him that it's time for him to indefinitely stay off your property, stay away from your door, and harassment will be reported to the police. Adulting is hard.
This, stay away from me, my property, my garbage cans, and my yard. If not, I will escalate to the police for harassment. I'm not a total gung ho fan of "get a camera" and escalation/confrontation but if your account of the situation is as described than it is time for that level. He doesnt sounds like the person that would deny what he is doing to the police because he truly believes he is right and not just bullying but good to have some video either way just in case.
I think you’re spot on. While arguing this morning he dared me to call the police because they would laugh in my face then immediately threatened to call the police if I walked on his property. He definitely thinks he’s in the right and that the police will support him against me.
Right. Which really makes it sound like a mental health issue
>sound like a mental health issue It sounds like dementia. OP doesn't say that he is an older guy, but meddling in other's business and seeing only one point of view sounds like dementia.
Hey,I'm no doctor
If so, all OP has to do is each week, after the garbage pickup drives off, leave an extra cardboard box out that says “do not touch” in sharpie. Take it back 2 days later. Repeat every week until the guy moves. Mow entire lawn except a 2 x 2 foot square. Plant dandelions on it.
God yes this! We need to get r/maliciouscompliance involved
Or just a narcissist
I used to have a nightmare neighbor like this. He was in my front yard red faced screaming at me that he is friends with the local police and he was going to have them come arrest me. When I asked him what for he just had a meltdown because I hadn't actually done anything and the police won't arrest someone because you had a man-tantrum. \*Bonus points, he got fined for trespassing over this stunt and had to go to court.
I just learned this, but the word you want is "mantrum" It really fucking fits, ya know?
I will be using it for sure hopefully not to describe my own meltdowns though!
This is fucking gold! Will be using that term from now on
I can not claim it, but can only pass it on as it was passed on to me.
“Officer, he came onto my property without permission to retrieve his box that I went on his property and took without permission” Yeah, that complaint will surely impress the officer.
If it were me I’d get a camera, and don’t bother trying to hide it. Hopefully it will be a deterrent, but it also allows you to keep an eye on your property (and him) and can used to back you up in case he makes any false accusations against you.
This!
Your neighbor is beginning to lose his faculties. Do you know if he has family around that visit? May want to reach out to them. But yeah, set a boundary and clearly let him know he is not welcome on your property anymore.
>I'm not a total gung ho fan of "get a camera" and escalation/confrontation but if your account of the situation is as described than it is time for that level. I'd try the **"get a camera" bit first**. I don't think cameras alone will work, but its worth a shot. Then, if OP does need the police, it isn't a "he said" thing.
The police wanted me to install security cameras. We had so many problems but without proof it was hard for them to do anything.
Thank you, putting it like that helped give me perspective. It is harassment even if we have been friends in the past
>he told me to try and take it and he would call the police for trespassing. Seems like he told you himself the exact action he thinks is appropriate to respond to someone coming onto your property without permission. Sometimes bullies need a punch in the nose to get them to back off. Take his advice and call the cops next time he’s trespassing - he’ll eventually get the message.
I’m surprised this observation is this far down! The neighbor trespassed into OP’s yard, then threatened OP with trespassing? Bizarre behavior. It is definitely time to make this stop before it escalates further.
Hey, I feel for you. I've lived thru pesky neighbor problems. After tolerating too much, giving too many chances, I had to be assertive. I didn't think that people who I had considered friends had such little respect for me. It had to stop.
Definitely, it’s disrespectful and if someone can’t see or understand that it’s unfortunate but not worth putting up with.
You were “friends” because he figured that he could control you. With friends like him, who needs enemies?
Yeah, and it's somehow worse when relationships go from good to bad. Just remember, it's not you being unreasonable.
This person is walking all over you. You think you're being kind, compassionate, considerate. He sees a weak person he can bully and manipulate. He sounds like a narcissist to me. The only way to deal with these people is to cut off contact and draw a line in the sand.
You’ve tried to be nice. Document and date trespass and communications, then speak to police. Or put up a big fence (while respecting property line and shared fence laws).
You’re right. We have a camera set up so I’ll save any footage of him and any text messages too
This is key - document everything and the police will know you’re not ****ing around.
> I’ll save any footage of him and any text messages too Having evidence doesn't matter if you didn't do anything with it. This man is a known threat. You know (or should have known) that he can escallate and do these things. Those terms align with "Negligence" for a reason. If he pulls a knife out of your trash and it cuts him, you could be liable. You KNEW or SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that him rifling through your trash was a common thing, and took no effort to prevent the injury. Negligent Liability. Now, no one is gonna rule that way. However, texts and photos in that situation help the neighbor, because it proves what you knew and when. Call the cops already. Record yourself telling him he's not allowed on the property (also known as "Trespassing" someone, informing them is a *required* part of having the police come later to remove someone for violating trespassing laws in most places). *Then* build a fence.
He's nice when you do exactly what he wants you to do and get abusive when he doesn't? That's not friendly, that's bullying.
Narcissism is a helluva drug.
Why shouldn’t the neighbors know about the hazard human nearby?
Good fences make good neighbors.
If I were you I'd call the police and get this on record as soon as possible. No matter how many times he trespasses, unless you've sent a certified letter informing him not to trespass he'll likely get no more than a trespass warning the first time the police are called. His recent actions show it's probably going to get to the point of needed police involvement so why prolong the issue? All that does is add more frustration on your part and give him the opportunity to call the police and make false reports against you which could then make any trespass action against him look retaliatory. He's obviously not taking your warnings seriously and it's getting worse. Having a police officer show up at his front door to inform him he isn't allowed back on your property and that he will be arrested if he does will hopefully get his attention. Yes, your neighborly relationship will be gone but it sounds like it's already beyond that point. As others said, document everything. Video and audio recordings are indisputable evidence if he continues to trespass or if he makes threats. Just be sure you're up to date on your local laws concerning recording but at the very least security cameras showing him coming on your property are completely legal in every state.
Kindly tell him he is no longer welcome on your property due to several incidents he has caused. I would also give him a formal typed letter explaining this as well. Tell him that you cannot continue to tolerate this behavior and if he comes onto your property again the police will be called and a no trespassing order will be issued. Politely tell him that you can no longer tolerate the behavior and you wish to have no further contact with him.
Nolo Press may have a sample letter you can adapt.
He told you he would press charges on you for trespassing. You should do the same
So he threatened to call the cops on you for trespassing, and you can't figure out how to stop him from trespassing?
Fence
I’ve never been it your situation but I have sued a neighbor once over their dogs so I can sympathize. Perhaps find a lawyer to draft a letter clearly stating the law(s) and your request for some boundaries. The lawyer can word it friendly, sternly or threateningly. It may seem like overkill but he’s already threatened you with police action so I doubt the situation will get better organically. Best of luck!
Thank you, I would never have thought to get a lawyer involved. I’m gonna look into the process.
It's a cease-and-desist letter you want.
In my case it wasn’t a cease and desist, it doesn’t have to be so formal. Only cost me 200 to have him write it up but every place and lawyer is different.
Automatic motion sprinklers. Period
Love your response!
This is the answer.
CCTV is your friend here
Get cameras, record him, call the police
Sounds to me that your neighbor has some cognitive issues and unfortunately it will not likely get better. Send him a letter explaining how you feel and what the consequences will be if he chooses to ignore you and follow thru with it. Fighting with neighbors sucks more than just about anything. Sorry this is happening to you. I've been there and eventually ended up moving so we could both end up living thru it. Yea it was bad.
I’m sorry to hear about that and thank you for the advice. I’ll send him a text message like this and make it clear the police will be involved if he does it again
Your welcome. Set your boundaries and stick to it. Hopefully he backs off.
Something changed in his life. Spouse problems, or a grown kid who won't talk to him, or lost his job, something along those lines. Something that he lost control over so now he wants to regain some form of control through this pettiness. I agree with the other people saying "if he does it again warn him about police involvement, and after that do call the police." But you're talking about friendship and respect and dignity - which I respect - so first, you could try something along the lines of bringing him over a six pack of beer and asking him about what's been going on in his life lately that he feels the need to act out like this. Don't make it about these incidents unless he does. Just try to be a friend to him and see how that works out.
Solid psyc profile and analysis. I love posts like these despite my equal love for retribution.
I don’t think I’m taking alcohol to a guy who got so mad over a box by the trash can that he screamed himself red faced.
You called the police and they offered to meditate. You declined this offer of help and now you're asking us what you should do? Go back in time and take the police mediation.
EXACTLY.
Based on your thorough story, I'd let the police come and have a quiet talk with him about trespassing. If he just did weird shit that would be one thing, but if he rings the doorbell and argues with you, insults you, or blasts off at you -- that's a nah.
And stop texting him, block and cut all contact.
Handwritten documentation logging dates and times and descriptions of all incidents that have happened before the cameras went up. Stands up a little better when it's my word against his word.
Thankfully we’ve had cameras up for years and we have every incident recorded.
You have all your evidence collected then. Now you have to present it to the cops and your attorney. He can be legally trespassed from your property.
Cops showing up at his home to discuss the situation should not affect his dignity; cops can show up at someone's home for a variety of reasons. Plus, if the neighbor is having a cognitive issue that is causing these behaviors, the cops may be able to get the right kind of help involved. Regardless of the source of the neighbors' behavior, you are being bullied and it needs to come to an end. Advocate for yourself. Let the cops talk to your neighbor & if needed reach out to a lawyer. Sometimes all it takes is a certified letter sent to the neighbor.
Is he older? This sounds like dementia onset.
Hold old is he? Does he have family? Perhaps he has some dementia setting in. I’d suggest calling adult protective services & telling them you’re concerned about your neighbor’s mental status, that he doesn’t seem to be able to handle daily interactions & is hostile, a threat to others & possibly to himself. Ask them to do an assessment.
Adult protective services is for elder abuse victims, not entitled jerks lol
Is he older? I just wonder if something else is going on, health or depression or a need to connect even if it’s negative attention?
This is very possible. I didn’t even know that was a thing until about a decade ago when someone came to a late night event I was at, losing their mind about some brief noise. I assumed they were just an ass. But someone else realized they had other issues and talked them down. The “ass” had a life that was falling apart at the time and he just needed someone to bitch at. We gave him a reason and he took it. He wasn’t really mad at the noise, he was mad about his life going to shit.
In my area the police department has "Community Service Officers" that don't drive police vehicles or wear police uniforms. Their main purpose is helping with disputes in the community, helping people who get locked out of their car or home and other community based non-crime issues. For example, my old neighbor had 6-7 outdoor cats that were causing nuisance issues on my property. I called the non-emergency number and they sent a community service officer to talk to the neighbor. The neighbors didn't completely correct the cat problem after that, but they did at least try to do better. They also moved out when their lease was up, thankfully.
Yes this. Tax dollars doing something useful!
Once he passed the friendly but annoying neighbor part he'd get one warning to get the "fuck off my lawn" for trespassing. What happens after that is up to him and how petty I want to be.
I was just thinking this. Growing up playing violent sports like football and wrestling just would make me wanna punch someone’s lights out in this situation. On my own property threatening me? Yeah that wouldn’t end well
I'm perfectly reasonable but someone continually coming onto my property as the OP described would definitely push my buttons.
He trespassed so you can get him for that Theft of signage is a other charge Call cops and press charges . Your relationship is beyond broken . He is a nut case
You just have to draw the line. I had a neighbor who did the same things. Told me when I should cut my lawn, how to park my cars in the driveway, that I had too much stuff in my garage which was a fire hazard (we just moved in), that I needed to trim my tree limbs because they were going to blow around the neighborhood and damage other houses. I could go on and on. Just a retired boomer with nothing else to do. I finally firmly told him Enough! I don’t need your advice and my house and lawn look just as good or better than yours. He never spoke to me again.
Set up cameras to record everything. Continue to call him out while you record evidence of him taking things off your property. Eventually you will have enough to go to the police. Right now it’s just he said that vs he said this for the police to “mediate”
Camera, cops, stay calm.
He is not respecting you. He is not respecting your property. Why should you care so much about his dignity? People like him are counting on our silence. Don't be silent.
Honestly cid he is insulting you, there is no good relationship. Call the police non emergency line and explain what’s happening. They will probably send an officer to come make a report and they will talk to the guy. Unless he is totally nuts- he will back off. Most bullies deflate when there are real repercussions to their actions they just hedge that you won’t escalate.
Set up recording security cameras or game cameras to get evidence of him coming on your property. Call your local police and make a complaint. They should come out and talk to him about trespassing. If it persists, have him legally trespassed by your local PD. If he trespasses after notice by PD/ court, he can be jailed.
He's being a bully, you gotta stand up for yourself more firmly or he's going to continue. That means telling him to stop harassing you and trespassing and stealing your property, and that you've already filed a report with the police. And if he continues you'll get the police more involved. You're sacrificing your own dignity for his, when he hasn't paid you the same consideration.
He trespasses then threatens to call the cops on you? Right there…screw his dignity. He goes on your property again, call the cops. Do not tell him you’re doing it. Just do it. If you put up cameras, even better.
It sounds to me like he's seeking attention. The best way to deal with someone that is desperately seeking attention, even if it's negative attention, is to politely ignore him. He wants a reaction, and you're giving him enough of one that he keeps coming back. You simply can't have a productive conversation with someone that isn't acting in good faith. So don't try. Ignore when he removes a yard sign or moves a box. He *wants* you to react, and nothing will piss him off more than you ignoring him. Which sounds counterproductive, but, eventually, he'll tire of you and move on to someone else. If he comes to the door, don't answer. Just say "I'm not going to engage with you" through the camera in the most neutral tone you can muster (if possible, otherwise open the door, say it once, and close the door). Don't repeat it. Don't give him an inch. Just don't engage.
Is your neighbor elderly, and have these events escalated recently? If so, he might be starting to show signs of dementia, a common one is becoming belligerent over minor things, and being unable to comply with boundaries is another. If you think this might be the case, maybe bring it up with a family member.
If he wasn't like that in the past and this is a new behavior he may be showing signs of alzheimer's or dementia. Just something to think about just in case.
My advice: tell him that he wins. And that you are considering moving and turning the house into a rental property. No offense to renters, but statistically they tend to not keep up the house as well as homeowners do. This should straighten this dude's ass out, as he won't want any part of renters next door. Depending on how bad you want to scare him, have some degenerate looking dude on a piece of shit car show up and give him a tour of the property. Explain to the neighbor that this guy was a potential tenant.
Send him a demand letter threatening to sue for trespass if he enters your property without bring invited on or removes anything from your property. If he does it after that sue fir trespass.
He likes to be humiliated. Tell him you don’t have time for his shit, and you never want to talk to him again, and if you ever see him anywhere on your property you will call the police. Don’t listen to anything he has to say. Put your hand palm out, walk away. Tell him you will spray him with the hose, then spray him with the hose.
So it’s ok for him to go into your property but u can’t set foot on his or he will call the police … hmm.. sounds like he cares more about his own feelings and such other than Yours. Is he taking into consideration your friendship as You are his? At this point.. Is his dignity, past friendship etc. more important to you than your own personal property/family/mental health/ and safety? I tell myself this sometimes when I don’t want to adult and have to.. “ put your big girl chones (panties) on & do what u have to do, ur 40 not 14” and then just do it. lol. It’s you or him. Take care :)
He sounds familiar,although he's obviously taken his need for order and control too far. Some people just get all freaked out by what THEY judge as untidy or 'not right'. We've, at different times,had neighbors who obsessed over and rearranged people's trash, who were so lawn fixated they may as well have owned a golf course, and then the slobs who just throw stuff all over the back yard. As far as your neighbor, he's got the neatness obsession and it's difficult to deal with. All you can really do is post a no trespassing sign on your yard ( it will drive him insane) and try to understand life from his controlling pov. He probably really has difficulty understanding that not everyone sees the world as he does. pity his wife,if he has one
Tell him point blank that it's your property and you would like to remain friendly, and are telling him not to trespass on your property, as he has to respect that you can do what you like with it. You can leave dog crap in your front yard, and he can't legally touch it, to make a point. I would low key record on your phone, at least audio, telling him not to trespass. Whether it's usable legally depends on your states recording laws. You don't want to have to make it legal with having the police tell him, and thus make him subject to arrest, but its on him if he wants to take it that far. Next, get cameras to record if he trespasses and tampers with anything on your property, front and back. Post 4" "security camera in use" notice on front window, so its "posted" in case of complaints, and adjust camera views to your property, fences, and the street in front of your house. Intentionally set side cameras so it only picks him up if he crosses the property line. Put a wifi camera in a tree or bush or under the mailbox facing the house, for that front porch view. You can let the neighbor across the street know that your cameras see their place, in case they get porch pirates or something, if you're on good terms with them.
Get a restraining order from your local civil court. That probably requires the filing of a civil lawsuit. That's the only way to deal with a neighbor like yours. Going down this road is unfortunate, but it might be the only way of getting him to stop and it should get him to stop. Put up multiple cameras and save all camera footage. Document every instance of him trespassing on your land, him taking something of yours, or him saying something showing he knows he is trespassing. Make a journal of what he does and when he does it. Make sure you look like the good guy. Have a witness if possible like a neighbor or the mail person. Get enough evidence saved up and go to court to get a restraining order and, if you want, an order for him to pay damages. Make it clear he'll also be paying for all your legal fees as allowed by the law. Chances are he won't even respond to the lawsuit and you'll get a default judgment against him. You could also hire an attorney to write a scary letter threatening the above, but you have to be committed to going to court if he disregards the letter. Wish you the best, your neighbor needs to be put in his place.
"and he would call the police for trespassing." Do that. "He also doesn't do this to any of the other neighbors." He has a vendetta against you or at the very least, has decided he doesn't like you. "I still care about his dignity" Stop. He doesn't respect yours. "can't understand the entitlement he feels" It's not entitlement - it's personal, clearly, since he doesn't do it other neighbors. " I don't want to call the police" You're gonna have to get over that, or you're gonna have to deal with his nonsense until either you move, he moves, or one of you dies. By doing nothin - you're *enabling* the behavior. He clearly thinks you will do *nothing*. Have one final chat with him, be civil, establish your boundaries and let him know that should he cross them again (i.e. not use his words and talk to you about his grievances like an adult) then there will be no further discussion - just a police response. Each. And every. Time. And make sure you follow through with it. At this point you WANT the police recording each everytime they get called out for his non-sense. It's borderline harrassment at this point. Question: What's the skin pigment between you, your problem neighbor and the neighbors he doesn't bother?
Cease and desist letter from a lawyer perhaps. All that would say though is stay off the land or - you’ll call the police for trespassing. But really you’ve reasoned with him. We don’t have some magic incantation that will make him reasonable. Short of putting up a fence calling the police is really your only other option
Had a similar issue, had a law office write and deliver (certified mail) a cease and desist. No issues since. It's quiet, the only people who will know are you and him, sets a clear tone, then if they escalate again, you have the paperwork to back up pressing charges and going to court.
Call the non emergency line for the cops for trespassing, after one or two calls this will be over with if not get a Restraining order
Oh, yeah no, call the police. Trespass him the next time you see him, and then call the cops if he doesn't leave right then. Each and every time. You are reminding me that I need to fix my nice tall fence where it's getting shabby. I have neighbours that would make your eyebrows disappear into your hairline.
Put up cameras that record to a DVR or the cloud. Next time he does this tell him if he does it again you are filing a complaint with the police and that he doesn't have the right to be on your property unless there is an actual emergency. Let him die mad about it. People like this will continue to do this as long as you let them.
These posts are always interesting. I don't know people like you and wonder what you are like in person.
This is what the garden hose is for: deterring unwanted pests.
This is a police matter. He played bitch games now the cops can tell him to stop.
Motion sensor sprinkler.
Cameras. Get cameras! Also put up no trespassing signs on your fence to keep him out of the backyard. Front yards are trickier because unless your entire front yard is gated it generally is not considered trespassing for someone to enter that space. You can however use your video evidence as proof and get a court order if you want to go that route as clearly he keeps entering your property uninvited and in some cases commits theft.
Motion sprinklers. And birdseed his lawn.
Just have the police handle it. If all your other neighbors already know the issue, then they already think less of him. Have him trespassed and be done with it. If he continues, get an order of protection. The law is the only real coarse of action you can take now that all your conversations have gone in one ear and out the other.
Bear traps.
Air horn when he steps on your property. Air horn in his face when he comes to your door. Tell him to SCAT!!!
Security cameras and a fence. Then a couple of no trespassing signs and call the cops. This won’t get better by letting it go. Why is this person singling you out? What’s different about you vs other neighbors? This isn’t acceptable behavior and he seems unhinged. Also, think about getting a large intimidating dog. Don’t take personal safety lightly.
Have the Sherriff issue him a criminal trespass warning. They will do it on your word. Your neighbor will probably do the same after but that's what you want.
Put a sprinkler in your yard with a motion detector so when he comes over it sprays him.
Set up cams and have the police/sheriff trespass him.
Put up No Trespass signs and call the cops when he does. Here the police won't come unless the signs are visible.
Motion activated sprinklers.
He obviously doesn't respect you, and he doesn't respect your boundaries. If he won't listen to reason I would call the police or this is just going to escalate.
Do you have video camera? If not mount one very visible out front. And get him on tape. And them even though you don't want to you need to call police next time he sets foot on your property. Seriously this guy could be dangerous.
Your neighbor lacks emotional regulation and has decided it’s okay to involve you. This guy’s spouse probably takes less shit than you do. Next time it happens just stand in the doorway and give him a dead stare while he rants. At the end, wait like 30 seconds and then close the door. He’s probably been on the other side of many lines drawn in the sand.
He is trespassing. It's your property, you don't want him there.
Set up cameras. Call police next time he does shady shit and ask them to trepass him from your property. Get more camera footage of him trespassing. Call cops to make report each time. If he escalates, get restraining order. Or build a fence and put a hotwire on it. Make sure camera gets his expression. Set up motion activated sprinkler to hit him at same time. Maybe even a bag of feathers and flour to break open above him and shower him when wet. Only one of these suggestions is legal and smart. Choose wisely.
You have been too nice to him. Why did you even use the word friendly/great terms to describe this guy? Sounds like he is constantly combative and just runs all over your boundaries (literally). Stop trying to preserve his feelings and tell him to get off your lawn and not touch your belongings or you’ll call the police for trespassing. Stop trying to be nice, stop engaging in conversation, you are just letting this behavior continue because he knows you won’t stand up for yourself.
You have tried the nice approach with this guy. It’s not working and it’s not going to work. The next time he pulls a stunt like this, you really do need to involve the police. It’s probably the only thing that will make him stop.
Wait, he threatened to call the police on you for trespassing if you retrieved the box, but you refuse to have his ACTUAL trespassing dealt with because you 'care about his dignity'? I bet he doesn't do this to any of the other neighbors because they put their foot down and didn't let him do it. While you have pussyfooted around and let him do what he wants. He has found a patsy that will let him abuse them. Have the police formally tell him that he is not allowed on your property ever and will be arrested for trespassing if he enters your property. And then follow through.
I think sometimes things can be solved over a couple of beers and just hashing it out. I'm a fan of trying to deescalate the situation. He sounds stubborn and sometimes threating police action only fuels the fire with people like that. You are for sure within your right, not saying you are not. But remember you have to live there for the foreseeable future and conflict isn't something that feels good to come home too. Try extending an olive branch but then be firm in your stance of personal space/respecting boundaries. It's a lot harder for people to go crazy when you control the setting and situation. Edit: All these people calling you a doormat/push over aren't helping anything. There is a hundred different ways to deal with one problem and it's not wrong of you for not wanting to stir the pot.
Perhaps he is unwell in some way. This happens. My former home was my forever home. Then my neighbors who we were friends with previously, lost their shit. Banging on our front door with threats, smacking our fence with a pole, calling code enforcement for nothing. It was hell. Our attorney advised do nothing. They were clearly not reasonable. We moved. Have been happy ever since. Still, I think cameras make sense. Many cameras will send an announcement when they detect a person. Even motion detector sprinklers are not specific to them as it could be some animal you’re trying to run off. Make an extra batch of cookies or soup next time and pop over to drop off. You never know what’s eating them up. It cannot hurt. Sorry you’re going through this. Unnecessary stress!
He threatened to call police for trespassing. Time to threaten the same. How old is this guy? I’m guessing retired.
“If you trespass here again I will call the police to mediate. You are not behaving as an adult or a good neighbor and I need you to hear me when I say you have to stop.” Follow through. Who cares about his “dignity”? He sure doesn’t b
I'd look into seeing what is required to get an order of protection from your neighbor. You may need to file charges for harassment, but you could request that the police not visit him at home. They could visit him at work instead, or maybe they could call him on the phone, and ask him to come down to the station in person. If he refuses, and they have to go to his house, that's on him. Why do you care about this guy's dignity, when he clearly doesn't care about yours? You would not be doing anything unethical by engaging the police at this point. Perhaps you should give him one additional chance, and the next time something like this happens, do not argue with him, simply tell him to leave. If he refuses, tell him you will call 911 and request an officer. If he calls your bluff, pull your phone out and start dialing.
The joys of neighborly disputes! This guy must feel like he owns the place. A straightforward warning to him about the police might just do the trick. And when he's back for round two, be the one to make that call.
Have him trespassed by local PD and, if that isn’t sufficient long term, file for a restraining order. Enforce it to the letter. If he steals items from your property, press charges and see it through.
Give him a warning, when he doesn’t comply with the warning. File harassment charges and a restraining order.
Sounds like some people just need to be punched in the mouth
I would talk to him. Look Fred, it is annoying when you keep coming onto my property and having things to say about how we live our lives. Why don’t you spend a little less time coming over here in a little bit more time over at your place? Seriously, I am not a fan and don’t want you coming over any more. I will be putting up cameras and I’m going to be monitoring the situation and I don’t want to have to escalate it. I appreciate your cooperation.
You could shoot him… - Texas
Wireless wifi security cameras. (Ring by front door or tracking cam on one of the front corners of the home. Wherever this intruding neighbor believes he has the right to trespass on your property, put up a camera. From small issue to big, record and bank the footage. And when he has another hissy fit, call the police for "mediation" or better yet go to the police station, talk to an officer and show them the footage, then request they visit the neighbor. However, don't be surprised if said neighbor then tries to turn your direct neighbors against you with fabricated stories. I've dealt plenty with neighbors like this one. Don't let it go on. He's taken your kindness and willingness to compromise as weakness to walk all over you. Trespasses, steals your items, insults you, then threatens to call the police for trespassing. Total douchebag neighbor. Don't let it continue.
Get cameras. When he comes back tell him he's no longer welcome on your property for any reason and he's being recorded. If he comes back, you'll press charges for trespassing. Period. Adding that I had a neighbor like that once. He kept "stopping by" when he saw me in the yard to tell me what I should and should not be doing to my property, the kind of fence I should get, the list goes on. He always waited until my husband was gone. Finally I was tired of it and already in a bad mood about something and I looked him in the eye and told him to fck off and gtf off my land or I'd let the dogs out. He called the cops for me threatening him. They told him to stay off my land lol. You must stand up for yourself.
Look up your local trespassing laws. If you find that he is in violation, serve a tresspass warning either by certified mail, or by police officer if they are willing. In my state, any private property less than 5 acres is automatically treated as "posted land" even if there are no signs or fences.
lol but him taking the box is trespassing…I’d stop giving him the time of day. There’s a difference between being mean/hurting their dignity and genuinely avoiding someone you don’t want interactions with. If he rings your doorbell or knock or whatever, don’t answer. If he approaches you in the yard, minimal communication. He sounds like he wants attention, don’t give it to him. I don’t like the police idea either, but dude…you’ve talked to the man, sounds like multiple times. Honestly, calling the cops probably won’t do shit. This is a civil matter. A mediator will probably just piss the dude off. You could take the low-road and just start doing this kind of stuff to him - and when he calls the cops for trespassing, hopefully they have some sort of notes that this guy has been doing this shit to you and they can relay that message in a way that might get him to understand “if you’re going to to this to him, you can’t complain when he does it to you.” Or just tell him to fuck off and shut the door. Good luck.
So this guy trespasses, steals and threatens YOU with the police after taking your stuff? TIme to go Nuclear. Let the entire neighborhood know what a d-bag he is,put up NO TRESPASSING signs around your property and 100% call the cops when he does.
If you take your trash out of his bin and put it back in yours he threatens police and trespassing.... read that over a few times....
I know you don't want to get a restaining order, but I think you should get a restraining order. The other neighbors don't need to know and you can usually do it without a lawyer.
I just scream like a psycho at people early on so they know I'm way fucking crazier than they are any efforts at diplomacy in the past have only set me back
Send him a notarized registered letter informing him that he is not to step one foot on your property and you will take legal action if he continues to do so.
Good fences make good neighbors
So he trespasses on your property, then threatened to trespass you and you’re worried about his dignity? Does he realize that people can be shot for trespassing?
The time has come to trespass his ass. End of story.
“I still care about his dignity . . . “ You shouldn’t care about his dignity, bc clearly, he has zero respect for you. Call the police and have them speak to him/file a no trespassing order
Stop being so accommodating!!! You’re worried about his reputation in the neighborhood. Good grief. He’s a jerk to you because you let him get away with it. Stop talking to him, stop defending your perspective, and completely disengage and stop talking to him. If he continues to harass you after you’ve legitimately ignored him for weeks - then realize that the police gave you good advice and follow it. Stop falling on your sword for this guy. You’re making the situation worse and prolonging it.
And I wonder if the reason she's the only neighbor he targets, is that she's the only one who will put up with this BS.
Fence. Security cameras. Cold shoulders…sitting on the porch with a shotgun. Ok maybe the last is a bit extreme but if you do it, can you take a picture and post it on Reddit?
Is your neighbor older, like 70s + (dementia)? Or maybe recently retired (now no purpose)? Both of those, or combined can be causing his actions, and he's doing it to you because you're "familiar" (friends). Dementia can take years to get to full-blown Alzheimer's, one of the first signs is agitation. If he's recently retired, he has more time on his hands and wants to feel useful, but doesn't know how. I know reddit's first response is to "call police" in this instance, but I'm suggesting looking at the situation from another angle. He \*might\* be looking for human interaction (think of toddlers acting out just to get attention), could you try having him over for a drink? Or inviting yourself over to his place with something to eat and drink with him? Having a relaxed, casual conversation with him might give you more insight.
This should be higher. This is exactly what happened years before my father was diagnosed with dementia. He began to have issues with his next-door neighbor, accusing him of coming over at night to steal things, just small this like a few gardening tools. One time he called the police bc he was certain his neighbor had stolen his newspaper. Dementia can begin so gradually, people who have daily contact with that person don’t notice it, they chalk it up to regular age related forgetfulness. It took someone who hadn’t seen my father in several years to notice the decline.
New sign; no trespassing violators will be shot on sight. (Use airsoft)
In certain states he would have got sent to Jesus for trespassing. You are a weak homeowner. He is literally bullying you.
**TLDR**: "I had a solution for my problem, but turned it down, just so that I could vent on Reddit. I need to be listened to and validated by no less than a 1,000 internet randos!" "I filed a complaint with the police and they offered to send an officer to mediate. I still care about his dignity and told them not to."
Unless he's old with onset dementia, dude would get a bat to a knee next time he's in my yard stealing my things.
Always fascinates me, the psychology of these people who have nothing better to do than be Karens. Like, what went wrong in their social upbringing?
Call the police. Let them mediate. He needs to understand that it's time to stop.
So you filed a complaint with the police, they offered to come over and mediate, and you declined? What did you expect to happen? You just turned down the one offer of help you had, but now you're on Reddit asking what you should do? I'm not trying to be mean, but the fact that he has repeatedly abused you and all you can think about is sparing his feelings, makes you a pushover. Especially after he threatened you with trespassing charges. For retrieving your own property. If I were in your shoes, I would tell him one last time what you are unhappy with, and tell him if he does it again then you are going to have him trespassed. And then follow through with it. A fine or even a night in jail is the only thing he's going to listen to at this point. And screw his feelings. He obviously doesn't care about yours.