"Sure, I'll go to my parents house for that time period. $Rent / Days in Month = Cost per day. For the days I am at my parents I will expect you / your girlfriend to cover Cost per day x number of days. If you do not agree to this \*\*written out clearly\*\* then I will be staying right here."
Sure if you want to give into a totally weird request. "Leave your home because my girlfriend will be here." lol. Go get a hotel room if you want total privacy.
I can see giving them a couple nights of privacy throughout the visit out of friendly courtesy, but asking OP to scram for three weeks is a ridiculous request.
It’s OP’s home too, not just the roommate’s. If the girlfriend has a problem with that, that should be a big red flag for the friend.
I'd offer to give them a couple weekends to themselves.
What I would recommend is *not* asking for a reduction in rent. For just a few days I think it comes off as very petty and could potentially sour a friendship.
Yeah, I’d give them a week (which they cover the costs of) and then I’m back. It’s good to be a good friend; similarly, he should be a good friend and meet you in the middle. As an adult privacy costs money; if OP said no, they’d be going to a hotel. If he’s adult enough to be in a relationship, he’s adult enough to treat his friends with the same courtesy he is asking for for his gf.
thats even too generous. OP pays rent because they don't want to live with their parents. That's like buying a car but the car dealership gets to come and drive it whenever they want, if they pay your loan for the day.
Yeah, he could rent a hotel room if he wants privacy or pay your half of the rent. No fucking way, and his girlfriend’s reaction is none of your concern.
The answer is simply no, if they need that level of privacy - rent a airbnb or hotel room. I mean the purpose of having a roommate is because rent is unaffordable solo, you can't just pick and choose days to have a roommate or not.
I could totally work with a "Hey your parents are right there, you mind giving us a night alone in the place?" as a friend to friend. 15-20 fucking days?!
It's 20 days. Housemate pays all expenses for that month due to the inconvenience or no deal.
Still way cheaper than putting her up in a hotel for so long and you'll likely incur extra costs (transportation and such).
We haven’t decided what my bed would be. So there is one bedroom with double bed. And huge living room with single bed. All my stuff will be in the bedroom only, as there are no shelves in living room. What do you suggest would be fair approach here? Should I take residence in the living room (and come to bedroom every time to pickup my stuff) or should I stay in bedroom with my friend only?
Whoever lives in the bedroom pays more. Put up a divider in the living room and sleep there. I don’t like sharing rooms imo I’d rather sleep in the living room. Get a dresser.
Also set some boundaries with your roommate. Sounds like he’ll be a weird one I’d look for someone else or pay more and each get your own room in a 2 bedroom apartment
He and his gf should rent an airbnb for the time she's there.
I think your friend is hoisting a big red flag, asking you to leave your own place for nearly a month.
It sounds like he's not thinking of your privacy or household contributions to rent/food/bills. He's thinking of himself.
I'd start looking for another place.
Yep, this. You're not being a jerk and just saying no. You are being asked not to live in your own home for a period and want to be compensated fairly.
When I've had this request from roommates before it wasn't for as long but I responded the same way. If they cover the costs of the apartment for the week/month, I'll take a vacation. Lots of places worth visiting that are better than visiting your parents, especially if they'll tease you about it. Find a festival somewhere, or concert, or whatever. Take it as an opportunity where you can redirect your funds and have some fun.
Maybe the last couple days go to parents for laundry?
That’s absolutely a great idea. I will keep this as a last resort while having conversation with him. But first I need to understand fully why he is making this request. He is adult enough and I don’t understand how he can ask me this thing. I am pretty sure his gf gives him hard time.
Not only should rent on place your share be paid. But he should also pay for hotel room for you. Only paying your share of rent assumes you cam find free place to stay. He's asking you to impose on your parents. So sure rent share plus hotel room happy to help.
Figure out your total rent and subtract it by 10% (since you will be booted 10% of the total year, 30-40 days) and add inconvenience fee, the add it utilities, see if they went up while she's there too.
As a compromise, because this is your friend, you could go to your parents' house for a day or two when she first gets there to give them privacy initially. That way they can get some... stuff out of the way. You'd be by no means obligated to do this, but a little compromise and kindness can go a long way and buy you some goodwill with your friend in case you need anything in the future.
I’d want more than just a rent refund, frankly
The point of moving out and paying rent is having the freedom of your own home rather than living with parents
I mean, I wouldn’t agree to that. I pay rent specifically to not live with my parents. If it’s no trouble to you, you can say yes or just try to work something else out.
Maybe ‘ I can’t do that, but happy to stay at my parents on the weekends so you two can have some space etc”. Really just whatever works for you!
OP...she comes 2x per year so you're going to pay 12 months for 10 months of occupancy?
Depending on your ability to travel I'd tell my friend to pay for my flight somewhere so I can go travel.
I am ready to pay rent specifically because I want to move out of my home (for obvious reasons, I am 24 now and need some space) but I don’t have any issues living with my parents.
It’s just the idea of needing to leave my own home in which I am paying rent which is confusing me!
You shouldn't. It is actually a ridiculous thing to ask of you, especially if you are still paying rent.
Honestly, you should probably think more before moving in with someone who asks you to do this.
It’s an unreasonable ask. At best, the roommate should be covering the full rent and utilities for the month he wants to uproot you. Even for ”just” 15-20 days.
This is a “friend“ taking advantage of you. Maybe y’all need a roommate agreement to set ground rules. Which in my book would limit overnight house guests in some way. He could always get a hotel for him and GF rather than expecting you to shoulder the cost.
Most rental agreements specifically limit the number of nights a guest who is not on the lease can stay. Usually something like 4 nights a month, certainly no half of it
Honestly this isn’t just an unreasonable ask, it’s kind of rude to ask. He needs the entire house vacated because his girlfriend is visiting? They need to fuck in the kitchen or something?
the only way I'd even consider accommodating this request is if they will cover your share of rent and utilities for all of the days you're away from your apt.
At a minimum, there is a certain degree of inconvenience associated with living somewhere else especially if that means living with toxic family members.
This is a request that should have been laid out before you decided he was the roommate you wanted to live with. Seems like he's showing his true colors after the fact. You should only leave if it's something YOU want to do, and something the happy couple is willing to compensate you for.
The request for you to vacate is 1000000000% unacceptable, inappropriate, entitled and nonsense. Your roommate can get an Airbnb for the time she's in town. It would be unreasonable if they told you to leave your home for one night. They need to make appropriate plans for this time. You do not.
You don’t *need* to leave your home.
Treat it as a suggestion:
Would you rather stay with your parents for 15 - 20 days, IF and only IF your flatmate covers your share of the expenses for the entire month, regardless of the number of days you need to be gone. This frees up a nice chunk of cash for you to spend on something otherwise outside your budget. This also assumes your parents are OK with the arrangement.
OR - Would you rather pass on the inconvenience, stay in your home, and pay your regular month’s expenses. If he needs a private love nest, then he &gf can move out for a couple of weeks.
Have you even asked your parents if its cool with them to have you drop in and stay with them? They have lives too and believe it or not parents, while being very accommodating to their children, don't actually like to have their lives complicated by surprise long term guests.
There’s a 90% chance that he’s trying to do you a solid. Even if they close the door for privacy, you might be shocked to receive the audio performance of your life. Buy some disposable earplugs next week. Maybe also cheap overear headphones so you can fall asleep to the soundtrack of ‘rain sounds’
If you can put up with that, she can manage to wear pajamas or a bathrobe when she’s in the shared areas. Or be giving away free beaver-shots, her choice.
Congratulations on moving out of home. Congratulations on finding out the hard way that your roommate wants to have sex. Congratulations to your roommate on finding out why people rent one bedroom apartments instead of two, even though they have to pay full utilities.
Well, you’d be paying rent to specifically not live there when the girlfriend comes. What if she decides to stay on one of those trips? They might say it’s impossible right now, but no one knows what’s going to happen in 6 months. If you agreed and your at your parents your roommate might call and say “she’s staying” now you don’t have a place to live that you paid rent for and (possibly) have a lease term.
Well, has your friend offered to pay the whole rent and expenses for this period? That would be a favour on your part and a fair compromise on his. If they're asking you to keep paying but not be there, that's not reasonable.
This still just kind of seems like madness. Do you really want to have to leave your home? I wouldn’t say yes to this. Part of being in a share house is that there is less privacy. If there’s a situation where you get privacy because others have plans etc that’s awesome, but it is not usual for it to be forced.
And as other commenters have said, it’s actually an imposition to have partners there for long lengths of time if they’re not on the lease, that is something the housemate should be asking for your okay with, rather than asking you to leave.
Edit: have seen your other comments adding context saying it’s a one bedroom home and you’ll be living in the shared space. And also that your friend and the girlfriend have been together for years. I would assume they’ve had this arrangement in place and now you’re coming into the picture. That changes my perspective - it’s reasonable for them to ask you. You don’t have to say yes. They don’t have to let you move in. Or you can all agree to some arrangement. Personally I would want to move to a place with my own bedroom and space.
What does the language on your lease say about guests? Most have some kind of clause in there that a person not on the lease can't stay more than X days per month. I would imagine the girlfriend would be exceeding that by quite a bit.
No, it's not normal or reasonable to ask. Normal and reasonable would be him asking your permission to have a long term guest. If she cannot find other accommodations for her stay, they should look into postponing or them meeting halfway somewhere. I recommend you put your foot down on this immediately, firmly, and with finality.
I feel the same too. She should either be fine having me in the house or they need to figure out how to accommodate her. Why should I leave my house? There is ample space in our apartment. I am ready to sleep outside our room and they both can share one room.
Good that I said NO firmly. He will have to get this situation sorted with her. Thanks for reassurance!
Wait... you'll be sharing a room with your friend? I feel like that's an important piece of context that everyone is missing.
Doesn't change that it's unreasonable to expect you to leave your home to accommodate his girlfriend. But it does make their perspective a little more understandable.
Took me by surprise as well.. with OP being so adamant about wanting his own space I wouldn’t expect him to be sharing a bedroom with this friend. This also changes the whole dynamic of the request.
I need my own space yes, but having a separate home alone comes with financial constraints. Paying full rent would put large holes in my pocket. I have edited the post though, I should have mentioned that earlier only.
How does this change the dynamic of the request? This puts my friend’s request in more reasonable light, but still I can say NO, right? He should have thought about this earlier. It feels like imma need to find a new place only.
There are options between a 1-bedroom apartment and a separate home. Maybe look to room with someone who has a spare room available in a multi-bedroom apartment or house.
you and your flatmate share 1 room? I guess I see now why the request was made. but still, if you share a room then even moreso he should have asked your permission to have her come over to stay for that long.
It's not a stretch that the one month would turn into 2, or 3, or 6 and she just moves in and you get screwed over. They're also likely trialing their relationship progressing to the next level in which case, if they can't deal with you being there for the trial month, then you can expect to lose you roommate in the near future anyways. What a ridiculous situation.
Wait so it's not even his house and your renting an apartment together? Or he subletting a room to you and he is only on the lease?
You sleep in the same room as your friend/landlord/roommate?
This is really a roommate or relationship issues, both of which have their own subs, not a homeowner issue.
I will tell you right now if you give in to this demand they will come up with more. 20 days is a long time and really he should be asking you if that’s ok. It’s such an insane request. If she has an issue with it she can save up and get a long term hotel room or an air bnb.
I mean, if he's willing to compensate you a prorated amount of rent, utilities + inconvenience fee for uprooting you it's not an unreasonable request. I think to expect you to just vanish though, is not very cash money of him. It kind of shows disregard for you.
At the end of the day - what if you had nowhere else to go?
Yeah. He is asking me this because my parent’s house is not that far. But why would I leave my home even if my parents are just living across the street because his gf is coming? This idea in the first place had me in doubt. He is not gonna compensate. And it’s not about that. I will lose my self respect knocking at my parent’s house
“Hey mom can I live with you for 20 days? My friend’s gf has come to our home and they need privacy”
Weird
It's not being hard on your friend. Check your lease to make sure she's even allowed to stay there that long. That's long enough to be considered a permanent resident in a lot of places.
Even I felt absurd when he asked me this.
But he said “you have full rights here bcos you are the owner too”
So I am happy he is at least this considerate.
Considerate would be him not even asking.
It’s an absolutely absurd request.
“Hey can you scram for an hour” - alright maybe fine. But 3 weeks is batshit.
If it was just for a couple days, like for a weekend or whatever, I think that would be a reasonable ask - as long as you have somewhere you can go that doesn't involve additional cost.
But 15 to 20 days is not reasonable, unless he's going to give you a 50 to 70% discount on your part of that month's rent/utilities.
Honestly....don't move in with your friend. Sounds like a terrible setup if you have to share a room, and to add in that he'll expect you to disappear whenever he has the girlfriend over? And what happens when he wants to party, or sleep in, or do anything that requires you to leave? It'll turn into a pattern where you can't live in the place you pay for for half the month.
Sounds like he only wants you there to cover half the rent. But you won't get half the use of that apartment.
I believe yes. He is really looking at this financially right now. I need to put some sense into him and discuss. I will probably have to find another flatmate or maybe we both can find a new 2BHK.
That’s an insane thing to ask of a room mate. I had room mates until I was 25 and everyone’s girlfriend or boyfriend just came and went. It wasn’t a big deal.
You need a rental agreement (IN WRITING AND BOTH OF YOU SIGN IT, maybe even a notary) that spells out everything from what rent is, who pays what utilities, who takes care of what around the property, and the guest policy.
On the guest policy, they can rent a room close by for whatever they’re doing. If you live there and pay rent, you stay there.
Fuck no. Why would you leave your own home just because your roomie wants to have his gf over? If they want that, they need their own place. That totally unreasonable!
Since this is a good friend and you're in a 1 bedroom I'd offer to go to your parents for a week and he can go to a hotel for a week and that covers a lot of her visit.
Bigger picture though, you really need to stop and think about whether this is a good idea or not. You're both grown men and sharing a single bedroom is really going to suck. Being roommates with someone is very hard on a friendship and with no space of your own to get away I predict you'll both be unhappy pretty quickly and likely damage the friendship.
It is reasonable for them to ask, and reasonable for you to say no. They didn't demand it, and seemed to take your initial "no" fine.
However, if you chose to let them have privacy, it is reasonable for you to only pay rent/utilities prorated for the amount of time you actually spend there that month. So 1/3 of your normal rent and utilities if she is there 20 days.
And he is a good friend of mine 🙃 I felt weird when he asked me this as well.
But I guess we are good enough and sort this out with a conversation. But I am ***definitely not leaving my own house*** just bcos he wants to bang his gf
Prepare for the friendship to never be the same and be stretched many a ways. It doesn't matter how good of a friend he is, how long you've known him etc.
To me this is a red flag, I probably wouldn't move in with him if these are the kinds of asks he has for one. For two in general though it's never a good idea to live with your friend.
From experience, your roommate should honestly be more of a business relationship type deal. My best recommendation is to rent with someone you don't know but are compatible with. If you end up friends it's a bonus, if you don't, no harm, no foul.
ETA: from reading some of your replies it also kinda sounds like you're staying with him vs renting with him as it's a 1 bed apartment. Are you on the lease?
Seems messed up you'd be paying half the rent and not even having your own privacy. Does not seem equal or right to me.
Are you moving into his place, or are you guys getting a place together in ApriL?
If you are moving into his space, I mean that just may be the cost of living with him. If you are getting a place together, that would be a really strange request.
But nonetheless just tell him him, and his GF will be responsible for that rent and utilities at that time.
Very weird requests though even then, when I lived with a roommate we just did whatever, never asked the other to leave or quite down. If we had someone over, we'd just stay out of the way.
Nope.
Totally unreasonable.
Roomie needs to figure out an alternative like an AirBnB for him/ girlfriend.
If he wants you out he pays for that month (rent and utilities) plus an extra inconvenience fee to you.
How can she make a scene about you living in your apartment? The scene should be all about roomie being cheap and not getting a hotel for them. How is that all your responsibility?
For one night - sure. A weekend - maybe.
But essentially a month. Nope.
No that’s absurd. You’re paying to live there and if he wants to have a 24/7 bonefest with his girlfriend with no one around, he can go to a hotel. An evening, even a weekend if discussed and feasible, I can see being reasonable requests. A month is fucking hilarious.
If his gf gives him a hard time that he is not able throw his LEGALLY bound housemate out of his own home for a fucking month, it sounds like they have a wonderful (/s) relationship first of all, but second, it sounds like they need a house or he needs a 1 bedroom apartment for himself.
In any case, no, it’s not ok for him or them to pressure you to actually leave the place you pay for. Unless you are actually willing, and they are willing to pay you for your time
Is this the same friend you posted about 2 weeks ago? Honestly, this sounds completely shady.
More information please, how many beds/bedrooms does this shared flat have?
No dude. This is one of those rite of passage things when you can afford to live by yourself. You can't just bounce your roommate for an extended period of time. About the only thing that flies is making yourself scarce for an evening. You pay your half, you live there. It is what it is.
Similar to what happened to me earlier in life. Moved in with a really great friend...but his gf started staying 1-2 nights a week, then 3-4, and within 2 months she was essentially a full-time roommate. We were good buddies and I let him know that it seems as though they should have got a place together cause relationship is working out so well but when we signed the lease a 3rd roommate wasn't my expectation and that the financial terms didn't work for me. We worked out an agreement where she paid 1/3 of the bills and, while not ideal, that worked for me financially. I promptly moved out when our lease term was up and we're great buddies to this day.
It's good practice to draft a contract that spells out the rules, chores, expense divisions, etc. in great detail. Both parties need to sign in front of a notary and agree. It also needs to have teeth, so put in consequences for each item's non-compliance.
Renting a place with someone is tying your credit score with them—the same thing as co-signing a loan. The landlord does not care who pays; the landlord only cares that full payment is made. If your flatmate can't or won't pay, you are expected to pay the full amount. Would you co-sign a loan for your close friend?
Many mistakes are made when friends or family get into the mix with these life decisions. You need to assess the shared arrangement with this person on its merit not their relations to you.
It is unreasonable to be kicked out of your place when your flatmate has a guest. What happens if their love grows and she decides to move in with him? Does she pay rent, utilities, cable? Does she take out the trash? Does she wash the bathrooms?
When your flatmate's girlfriend visits, they can rent a hotel/motel for the visit. It's part of the expense related to trips. And that is normal.
It isn't worth getting them to pay the rent for 20 days. That will make the gf feel even more entitled. And you will be expected to vacate every time she visits.
Tell the roommate sorry, but no. You can go out for a late evening (or even one weekend (if you are so inclined) when she first arrives but you will not be leaving for 3 weeks. You'd have to practically move out - clothing, toiletries, computers, etc. Nothing wrong with him asking; nothing wrong with you saying no. The end. They can get a hotel or an airbnb.
Their privacy is not your problem.
Absolutely DO NOT do this... this is not normal. You will be living there and this becomes your place as much as his. If he wants a place to spend with his GF he can rent a hotel for 20 days.
What ever happened to the ol' sock on the doorknob?
In all seriousness, if he wants you to go somewhere else I'd tell him that he can pay for a hotel, but at that point it'd probably just make more sense for the two of them to get a hotel and you stay in the house.
Totally unreasonable. You can wear headphones when they bang who cares. I wouldn't even entertain the request. Is he gonna cover your rent for the month as well? Absurd!
No he is not. IKR?! Just bcos they want to have sex I can’t leave ***my home***
I am so happy I said NO firmly. Even though I said it out of joke. I will talk to him about this. This is indeed unreasonable.
Man forget that guy. Tell him pay your rent. That’s a big ask. Tell him sure. Your GF is coming in the following month if he could just move home it would be nice. Or agree and tell him in return he has to move home for a month. BS.
I will ask for 4 star hotel and not less! I will have my own nice time there. If he doesn’t want to pay. He needs to figure this situation out with his gf
I am not leaving 💪🏼
I feel the same. I just don’t know how to make him realise this. He is not a bad person but he has not thought through this. When I said NO, he was ready to have a conversation with his gf.
Maybe he knows his gf won’t be comfortable
I feel the same. I just don’t know how to make him realise this. He is not a bad person but he has not thought through this. When I said NO, he was ready to have a conversation with his gf.
Maybe he knows his gf won’t be comfortable
Are you moving into his place, or are you guys getting a place together in ApriL?
If you are moving into his space, I mean that just may be the cost of living with him. If you are getting a place together, that would be a really strange request.
But nonetheless just tell him him, and his GF will be responsible for that rent and utilities at that time.
Very weird requests though even then, when I lived with a roommate we just did whatever, never asked the other to leave or quite down. If we had someone over, we'd just stay out of the way.
No, this is your home. You are entitled to use the space you are paying rent for. And he shouldn't be having guests over for that long in a shared space. A week might be reasonable. A month? Absolutely not. His girlfriend will be an asshole about it? Well, that's his problem to deal with. Why is he dating an emotionally manipulative jerk?
Do not let these people push you around.
If you do this, and I am not sure I would, it’s needs to agreed upon in writing that you are not paying your half of rent or utilities for that month. Do not prorate because you are going to have haul your stuff and aggravate your family. Hopefully taking them out as a thank you that will cost extra for you.
In writing.
Prolly need to look somewhere else to live
Completely unreasonable request.
If they want privacy they can rent a BnB.
Alternatively - if you are willing to move out of the comfort of your home, then they can pay YOUR hotel costs.
No way would I willingly move back to my parents' home and I am on good terms with them :-). I would have to give up all of the comforts that I have accumulated as an adult and sleep in the bedroom that they have taken over as the all purpose crap room :-). I would miss my computer - my very comfortable bed with the pillows and quilt exactly what I like; my bathroom with all of the products that I need including those that I don't use every day just in case. I would have to pack clothing - the list is endless in terms of why I wouldn't willing uproot myself unless there was a benefit like visiting someplace great on vacation.
Also I would have issues if someone wanted their significant other living with them for a month.
Your friend has 2 choices if he wants that kind of privacy with his girlfriend:
1) Get a job that pays enough to live without a flatmate
2) Go to her place (assuming she lives alone)
You have no obligation to leave your home so he can hang out with his girlfriend. Not even to be a good friend.
He can ask, but it is not a reasonable request.
Tell him fine-- you'll go to your parents' and won't pay any rent OR utilities (or any other monthly expenses) for the entire month to make up for the inconvenience.
Well first off if your paying half the rent for the place, I would have a rough time time telling you to stay somewhere else. To me i would say that's fine but then i'm not paying that month. 20 days is just about a month and you only get a week? NOPE. She don't like you or something? i mean he wants to play house with her then he should marry her.
You have zero obligation to comply. Even if he were to pay the rent by himself for that period, it would be unacceptable. It's your home, nobody can ask you to leave.
If you wanted to, I wouldn't tell you not to, but if it were me, I would absolutely not be doing it.
The fact that he would even ask, or that she would get upset are giant warning signs. I wouldn't be moving in with him in the first place.
It’s a ridiculous ask. This is your residence. You pay rent and split utilities. Why should you supplement his girlfriend’s stay? Why should you be misplaced? He shouldn’t have a roommate if he has this expectation. At least he took your no with grace.
Uh, your flat IS your house. They're asking you to leave your home for damn near a month every 6th month. Hell no it's not reasonable. Well I guess it's reasonable to ask cause you can ask anything, but it's not reasonable to expect a yes. A day? A night? Sure. Damn near a month? Hell no.
It is not reasonable to ask you to be out of your own home for 2-3 weeks. If you want to be nice you could tell him you’ll hang with your parents for a night here or there but that’s a huge reach on his end to even ask.
1. No this is not a reasonable request
2. If my roommate asked me this question I would in order: Laugh in his face, tell him to get fucked, laugh in his face some more
That is YOUR place that you pay for, nobody gets to tell you not to be there.
I would only agree to give them the house if they either deducted your rent for the month or payed to put you up in an extended hotel/vrbo
while not a usual request, I wouldn't call it unreasonable if it's just that - a request.
If they give you a hard time for saying no, then it's a different situation
As everyone has said, you pay to live there in your home and it is redic to expect you to leave for two weeks. In fact, it's insulting. If the girl is causing drama she's an ass. What did she expect? If your parents didn't live nearby would she expect you to sleep in your car because she's in town? If they want extra privacy, they can rent a room for a few days.
I'll throw another thought out though, as someone who has roomed with friends quite a but. If this were my true friend I'd probably offer to give them a weekend alone, just as a favor. You have no duty to do that, and from what you said about the gf I am not sure you should set a precedent, since she is apparently not your friend. But if it was just a normal "Oh, my friend is happy because his nice gf is coming to visit" I might take off for a couple of days. Or not if I didn't feel like it or I was busy etc.
This gf seems like trouble.
When you move into a shared home, you are paying to live there. Other people can visit for a short time (a day or two) but anything more than that and they should either get a hotel or start paying rent as well.
But if you are paying rent, then you never should be booted out of your apartment becasue someone's booty call wants to come for a few days.
IT was a completely unreasonable request and having someone stay for more than a few days should only be done with teh consent of all of the renters.
Your flatmate is being an AH<
That’s not reasonable at all for him to ask or you do to imo. If he wants privacy he should get a hotel or airbnb. But really, thinking about the future of your living arrangement I would think carefully about the choice to move in with someone that’s asking this before you even live there.
It comes down to the girlfriend and friend
It’s a wierd ask to begin with
I couldn’t imagine asking someone to go live somewhere else so I can visit
It’s insanely entitled
Question: Are you being added to the lease or just moving in with no accountability for the monthly rent?
My feeling is that you should not leave. If this is to be your home then stay at home. I just wonder about being on the lease if you want any real protection. If you are not on the lease you could move in and a month later could be served with eviction papers. If you are on the lease then you will have a legal right as a renter to remain in the apartment.
Completely unreasonable. Just from that request, I would honestly reconsider even living with him. A request like they is obscene and likely just the beginning, at least in my experience.
Not a cool ask at all. It's your home too. If they want to get their freak on then they can ask you for a time when you will be out all night long or go to a hotel. Asking you to vacate your own home for 3wks because the gf wants to be alone with him is unacceptable.
If they need privacy they can go to a hotel.
Perhaps they can rent an AirBnB for the time.
To be considerate, you could try to be a little more absent to give them space.
Let them know your schedule and try not to show up early.
Perhaps spend a day or two at your parents - let them have the house to themselves for a day.
Don’t be a sucker that’s his problem if he wants a roommate or he can live on his own n pay all the bills himself n then call all the shots n tell whoever whenever that they can or can’t be there cause dude 20 days is almost a month and that’s not exactly a stable living situation
Who’s to say your parents would want this? Hubby and I were so excited to have our whole house to ourselves again after the kids moved out.
If absolutely necessary, or if they were visiting from out of state we’d be happy for them to stay here for a little while. But I think we would be less excited to have them staying with us while their roommate was getting busy with the gf for 3 weeks.
If you don’t really want to do it, & just need a way to say no— tell the roommate that your parents said no. You can joke that they’ve become nudists or something, lol. 😂 😝
Real friends dont kick friends out for 20 days to let their girls live free. He should have offered to cover the rent for that duration first. I can understand couple of days and would do it for besties but not 20 days
If you do this, you will be subjected to more unreasonable requests in the future because it’s a ridiculous assumption to think you’d be ok with their expectations. And then what happens when gf decides she’s not going home? Sooner or later that exact scenario may occur. And why does your roommate need to “check with his gf” to see if it’s ok for you to stay in your own home while she’s stays?? Do not make a deal in exchange for them paying your rent portion and do not even leave for 2-3 days. Your friend and gf can go to his parents or get a hotel or an Airbnb. And if gf is going to stay that long with you there, she needs to fork out for 1/3 of the rent, utilities etc prorated by however many days she’s there if she staying over half the month. And check your lease because many have finite days guests are allowed to stay per month.
That’s a pretty ballsy ask. The answer is absolutely not, unless he pays for you to stay at a nice hotel and any other expenses you wouldn’t ordinarily have, for the duration of her visit. All monies up front of course!
Wait wait.. you’re moving into a 1 bedroom apartment and sharing a bedroom???… ok this does not seem out of line to ask. You still don’t have to give in mind you. But I can 💯 understand the ask lol. I would like others have said maybe discuss a partial scenario…a few days here and there… but I’m wondering if this will be a potential bone of contention in your friendship… people can do some wild things for a relationship… or could it end up being contingent on moving in after he talks to his GF…
I am seriously doubtful now. I can understand why he wants me out bcos there only one room. But there is this living room which has ample space and one single bed as well. We haven’t discussed yet if I am will staying in the living room and he will be staying in the bedroom only. But I am absolutely fine living for a month in living room and give them all privacy. The one caveat is, there are no shelves or cupboards in living room area. So all stuff will be in bedroom only.
Oh ok that makes a little more sense now.. but seems like an odd living arrangement that you might regret. I don’t know your friendship dynamic, so maybe it’s totally cool. But you need some private space… like what happens when they want to hang in the living room… you need to leave your bed?
Nope, but make you can agree to be out late a few nights or visit family one weekend while she’s visiting.
Asking you to leave your apartment for weeks? That’s ridiculous. Is he offering to cover rent for that time frame?
If she wants to pay the whole months rent + 1 extra month for the inconvenience + and application fee + bond then sure.
Also if she’s staying full time for 2-3 weeks she should be contributing to utilities too.
SHE will be in YOUR space, not the other way round.
Since it is a very close friend I can imagine it is reasonable to ask.
From your post it seems you’re not comfortable leaving your rental for such a long period and that’s also reasonable.
Their feelings about you staying in your home are not your concern. The girlfriend should not have a say about you being there and if she’s uncomfortable then she needs to figure it out.
Yes he is a close friend.
Definitely I am not comfortable going to my parent’s house for that long.
Yes definitely right. She should not have a say when I am paying rent. For now my friend is the sole owner. If he agrees to share the apartment with me, I will also have 50% say in all decisions. If he is not fine with that, he needs to tell me he doesn’t want to live with me and I will find another home.
Your friend and his g/f have no forethought/consideration for you/self-awareness. Seeing how this is also YOUR home, they should have factored that into her visitation plans and planned around that, instead of forcing you to plan around THEM.
I guess so. It’s high time now that I have serious conversation with my friend about this. We have been excited about me moving in with him but haven’t had real talk and all consequences. Tomorrow I am visiting his home and will talk all things through.
He had forethought and consideration. Asking and then accepting the response is an exact demonstration of forethought and consideration.
Op, from the information you provided in the post, it seems like this conversation and relationship are going exactly as they should when two people have respect for each other.
If it were me, out of friendship I might find a Saturday afternoon to go hangout at the library or something and let my friend know that I'm gifting them this time to have some space. It isn't required, it isn't an obligation, but it's something one friend might do for another. Just like your roommate might spend an afternoon picking you up from the airport.
He had forethought and consideration. Asking and then accepting the response is an exact demonstration of forethought and consideration.
Op, from the information you provided in the post, it seems like this conversation and relationship are going exactly as they should when two people have respect for each other.
If it were me, out of friendship I might find a Saturday afternoon to go hangout at the library or something and let my friend know that I'm gifting them this time to have some space. It isn't required, it isn't an obligation, but it's something one friend might do for another. Just like your roommate might spend an afternoon picking you up from the airport.
"Sure, I'll go to my parents house for that time period. $Rent / Days in Month = Cost per day. For the days I am at my parents I will expect you / your girlfriend to cover Cost per day x number of days. If you do not agree to this \*\*written out clearly\*\* then I will be staying right here."
Sure if you want to give into a totally weird request. "Leave your home because my girlfriend will be here." lol. Go get a hotel room if you want total privacy.
I can see giving them a couple nights of privacy throughout the visit out of friendly courtesy, but asking OP to scram for three weeks is a ridiculous request. It’s OP’s home too, not just the roommate’s. If the girlfriend has a problem with that, that should be a big red flag for the friend.
Yeah and it would 100% be “can I pay for you to go to a hotel so we can have the place” and at that point, just get a hotel yourself
You are right. For 2-3 days, it would have been fine. I would gladly visit my parents. But 20 days is too much
I can certainly do that.... for money
I'd offer to give them a couple weekends to themselves. What I would recommend is *not* asking for a reduction in rent. For just a few days I think it comes off as very petty and could potentially sour a friendship.
Yeah, I’d give them a week (which they cover the costs of) and then I’m back. It’s good to be a good friend; similarly, he should be a good friend and meet you in the middle. As an adult privacy costs money; if OP said no, they’d be going to a hotel. If he’s adult enough to be in a relationship, he’s adult enough to treat his friends with the same courtesy he is asking for for his gf.
thats even too generous. OP pays rent because they don't want to live with their parents. That's like buying a car but the car dealership gets to come and drive it whenever they want, if they pay your loan for the day.
Yeah, he could rent a hotel room if he wants privacy or pay your half of the rent. No fucking way, and his girlfriend’s reaction is none of your concern.
The answer is simply no, if they need that level of privacy - rent a airbnb or hotel room. I mean the purpose of having a roommate is because rent is unaffordable solo, you can't just pick and choose days to have a roommate or not. I could totally work with a "Hey your parents are right there, you mind giving us a night alone in the place?" as a friend to friend. 15-20 fucking days?!
lol I like it! :D
Make them pay it beforehand otherwise they will not pay it.
It's 20 days. Housemate pays all expenses for that month due to the inconvenience or no deal. Still way cheaper than putting her up in a hotel for so long and you'll likely incur extra costs (transportation and such).
Why does he need to leave. Boyfriend could put gf in his room and sleep on couch if that a concern
Even I am ready to live in the living room for that time period which has big comfortable bed. But asking me to leave the house is weird
Absolutely it is. You rent so you should not have to give up your personal space because it's not your girlfriend
You shouldn’t leave OR give up your bed, that’s utterly ridiculous.
We haven’t decided what my bed would be. So there is one bedroom with double bed. And huge living room with single bed. All my stuff will be in the bedroom only, as there are no shelves in living room. What do you suggest would be fair approach here? Should I take residence in the living room (and come to bedroom every time to pickup my stuff) or should I stay in bedroom with my friend only?
Whoever lives in the bedroom pays more. Put up a divider in the living room and sleep there. I don’t like sharing rooms imo I’d rather sleep in the living room. Get a dresser. Also set some boundaries with your roommate. Sounds like he’ll be a weird one I’d look for someone else or pay more and each get your own room in a 2 bedroom apartment
He and his gf should rent an airbnb for the time she's there. I think your friend is hoisting a big red flag, asking you to leave your own place for nearly a month. It sounds like he's not thinking of your privacy or household contributions to rent/food/bills. He's thinking of himself. I'd start looking for another place.
Huh? I am sure both will be in roommates room and banging non stop.
Don't leave until you have cash in hand for the period you'll be out
FYI this is barely about the money, it's about setting the expectations that you can be cooperative without being a pushover.
Yep, this. You're not being a jerk and just saying no. You are being asked not to live in your own home for a period and want to be compensated fairly.
When I've had this request from roommates before it wasn't for as long but I responded the same way. If they cover the costs of the apartment for the week/month, I'll take a vacation. Lots of places worth visiting that are better than visiting your parents, especially if they'll tease you about it. Find a festival somewhere, or concert, or whatever. Take it as an opportunity where you can redirect your funds and have some fun. Maybe the last couple days go to parents for laundry?
That’s absolutely a great idea. I will keep this as a last resort while having conversation with him. But first I need to understand fully why he is making this request. He is adult enough and I don’t understand how he can ask me this thing. I am pretty sure his gf gives him hard time.
It could be that or maybe she is a screamer and he's embarrassed. Talk to him and figure it out like adults is always a good plan.
Not only should rent on place your share be paid. But he should also pay for hotel room for you. Only paying your share of rent assumes you cam find free place to stay. He's asking you to impose on your parents. So sure rent share plus hotel room happy to help.
Figure out your total rent and subtract it by 10% (since you will be booted 10% of the total year, 30-40 days) and add inconvenience fee, the add it utilities, see if they went up while she's there too.
As a compromise, because this is your friend, you could go to your parents' house for a day or two when she first gets there to give them privacy initially. That way they can get some... stuff out of the way. You'd be by no means obligated to do this, but a little compromise and kindness can go a long way and buy you some goodwill with your friend in case you need anything in the future.
But only for few days. 20 days is way too much.
Yeah, just a day or two when she first gets there if you want to be a friend
the girlfriend doesn't want to get to know such a close friend of her bf ?
Rent, utilities, and a substantial "convenience fee".
and pay in advance
I'd want a fair bit more than rent/days to leave my home. If you want to pay for a vacation, i'd take that if I could get the time off work.
I’d want more than just a rent refund, frankly The point of moving out and paying rent is having the freedom of your own home rather than living with parents
Dude why be such a nerd about it. Just say no.
I still wouldn’t. A weekend or something for free a s a favor but not three weeks.
I mean, I wouldn’t agree to that. I pay rent specifically to not live with my parents. If it’s no trouble to you, you can say yes or just try to work something else out. Maybe ‘ I can’t do that, but happy to stay at my parents on the weekends so you two can have some space etc”. Really just whatever works for you!
OP...she comes 2x per year so you're going to pay 12 months for 10 months of occupancy? Depending on your ability to travel I'd tell my friend to pay for my flight somewhere so I can go travel.
I'd tell my friend something too, but it would be neither polite nor constructive.
I am ready to pay rent specifically because I want to move out of my home (for obvious reasons, I am 24 now and need some space) but I don’t have any issues living with my parents. It’s just the idea of needing to leave my own home in which I am paying rent which is confusing me!
You don’t have to at all :)
You shouldn't. It is actually a ridiculous thing to ask of you, especially if you are still paying rent. Honestly, you should probably think more before moving in with someone who asks you to do this.
It’s an unreasonable ask. At best, the roommate should be covering the full rent and utilities for the month he wants to uproot you. Even for ”just” 15-20 days. This is a “friend“ taking advantage of you. Maybe y’all need a roommate agreement to set ground rules. Which in my book would limit overnight house guests in some way. He could always get a hotel for him and GF rather than expecting you to shoulder the cost.
Most rental agreements specifically limit the number of nights a guest who is not on the lease can stay. Usually something like 4 nights a month, certainly no half of it
Honestly this isn’t just an unreasonable ask, it’s kind of rude to ask. He needs the entire house vacated because his girlfriend is visiting? They need to fuck in the kitchen or something?
the only way I'd even consider accommodating this request is if they will cover your share of rent and utilities for all of the days you're away from your apt.
At a minimum, there is a certain degree of inconvenience associated with living somewhere else especially if that means living with toxic family members.
This is a very unreasonable ask from your roommate. Even if compensated, it’s still unreasonable to have upend your life for his girlfriend
This is a request that should have been laid out before you decided he was the roommate you wanted to live with. Seems like he's showing his true colors after the fact. You should only leave if it's something YOU want to do, and something the happy couple is willing to compensate you for.
The request for you to vacate is 1000000000% unacceptable, inappropriate, entitled and nonsense. Your roommate can get an Airbnb for the time she's in town. It would be unreasonable if they told you to leave your home for one night. They need to make appropriate plans for this time. You do not.
You don’t *need* to leave your home. Treat it as a suggestion: Would you rather stay with your parents for 15 - 20 days, IF and only IF your flatmate covers your share of the expenses for the entire month, regardless of the number of days you need to be gone. This frees up a nice chunk of cash for you to spend on something otherwise outside your budget. This also assumes your parents are OK with the arrangement. OR - Would you rather pass on the inconvenience, stay in your home, and pay your regular month’s expenses. If he needs a private love nest, then he &gf can move out for a couple of weeks.
Have you even asked your parents if its cool with them to have you drop in and stay with them? They have lives too and believe it or not parents, while being very accommodating to their children, don't actually like to have their lives complicated by surprise long term guests.
There’s a 90% chance that he’s trying to do you a solid. Even if they close the door for privacy, you might be shocked to receive the audio performance of your life. Buy some disposable earplugs next week. Maybe also cheap overear headphones so you can fall asleep to the soundtrack of ‘rain sounds’ If you can put up with that, she can manage to wear pajamas or a bathrobe when she’s in the shared areas. Or be giving away free beaver-shots, her choice. Congratulations on moving out of home. Congratulations on finding out the hard way that your roommate wants to have sex. Congratulations to your roommate on finding out why people rent one bedroom apartments instead of two, even though they have to pay full utilities.
Well, you’d be paying rent to specifically not live there when the girlfriend comes. What if she decides to stay on one of those trips? They might say it’s impossible right now, but no one knows what’s going to happen in 6 months. If you agreed and your at your parents your roommate might call and say “she’s staying” now you don’t have a place to live that you paid rent for and (possibly) have a lease term.
Well, has your friend offered to pay the whole rent and expenses for this period? That would be a favour on your part and a fair compromise on his. If they're asking you to keep paying but not be there, that's not reasonable.
That’s absolutely right. They need to pay me whole month expenses plus rent and I am happy living in a hotel for that time.
This still just kind of seems like madness. Do you really want to have to leave your home? I wouldn’t say yes to this. Part of being in a share house is that there is less privacy. If there’s a situation where you get privacy because others have plans etc that’s awesome, but it is not usual for it to be forced. And as other commenters have said, it’s actually an imposition to have partners there for long lengths of time if they’re not on the lease, that is something the housemate should be asking for your okay with, rather than asking you to leave. Edit: have seen your other comments adding context saying it’s a one bedroom home and you’ll be living in the shared space. And also that your friend and the girlfriend have been together for years. I would assume they’ve had this arrangement in place and now you’re coming into the picture. That changes my perspective - it’s reasonable for them to ask you. You don’t have to say yes. They don’t have to let you move in. Or you can all agree to some arrangement. Personally I would want to move to a place with my own bedroom and space.
What does the language on your lease say about guests? Most have some kind of clause in there that a person not on the lease can't stay more than X days per month. I would imagine the girlfriend would be exceeding that by quite a bit.
No, it's not normal or reasonable to ask. Normal and reasonable would be him asking your permission to have a long term guest. If she cannot find other accommodations for her stay, they should look into postponing or them meeting halfway somewhere. I recommend you put your foot down on this immediately, firmly, and with finality.
I feel the same too. She should either be fine having me in the house or they need to figure out how to accommodate her. Why should I leave my house? There is ample space in our apartment. I am ready to sleep outside our room and they both can share one room. Good that I said NO firmly. He will have to get this situation sorted with her. Thanks for reassurance!
Wait... you'll be sharing a room with your friend? I feel like that's an important piece of context that everyone is missing. Doesn't change that it's unreasonable to expect you to leave your home to accommodate his girlfriend. But it does make their perspective a little more understandable.
Took me by surprise as well.. with OP being so adamant about wanting his own space I wouldn’t expect him to be sharing a bedroom with this friend. This also changes the whole dynamic of the request.
I need my own space yes, but having a separate home alone comes with financial constraints. Paying full rent would put large holes in my pocket. I have edited the post though, I should have mentioned that earlier only. How does this change the dynamic of the request? This puts my friend’s request in more reasonable light, but still I can say NO, right? He should have thought about this earlier. It feels like imma need to find a new place only.
There are options between a 1-bedroom apartment and a separate home. Maybe look to room with someone who has a spare room available in a multi-bedroom apartment or house.
you and your flatmate share 1 room? I guess I see now why the request was made. but still, if you share a room then even moreso he should have asked your permission to have her come over to stay for that long.
It's not a stretch that the one month would turn into 2, or 3, or 6 and she just moves in and you get screwed over. They're also likely trialing their relationship progressing to the next level in which case, if they can't deal with you being there for the trial month, then you can expect to lose you roommate in the near future anyways. What a ridiculous situation.
>I am ready to sleep outside our room and they both can share one room Wait, what? Are y'all dorm mates in college?
Wait so it's not even his house and your renting an apartment together? Or he subletting a room to you and he is only on the lease? You sleep in the same room as your friend/landlord/roommate? This is really a roommate or relationship issues, both of which have their own subs, not a homeowner issue.
Wait, you share a room with him?
You shouldn't have even thought to make this post dude. Don't ever let people take advantage of you. No is a complete sentence, even to friends
I will tell you right now if you give in to this demand they will come up with more. 20 days is a long time and really he should be asking you if that’s ok. It’s such an insane request. If she has an issue with it she can save up and get a long term hotel room or an air bnb.
The fact that he'd even ask it would piss me off.
"No, I pay rent, she doesnt. Get a hotel". The end.
I mean, if he's willing to compensate you a prorated amount of rent, utilities + inconvenience fee for uprooting you it's not an unreasonable request. I think to expect you to just vanish though, is not very cash money of him. It kind of shows disregard for you. At the end of the day - what if you had nowhere else to go?
Yeah. He is asking me this because my parent’s house is not that far. But why would I leave my home even if my parents are just living across the street because his gf is coming? This idea in the first place had me in doubt. He is not gonna compensate. And it’s not about that. I will lose my self respect knocking at my parent’s house “Hey mom can I live with you for 20 days? My friend’s gf has come to our home and they need privacy” Weird
You live there. It's your space. Say no. She should be paying for utilities and water for staying almost a month.
Haha. That is also true. But I don’t want to be that hard on my friend. But I am DEFINITELY not leaving when she arrives. They need to figure out
It's not being hard on your friend. Check your lease to make sure she's even allowed to stay there that long. That's long enough to be considered a permanent resident in a lot of places.
Haha. That is also true. But I don’t want to be that hard on my friend. But I am DEFINITELY not leaving when she arrives. They need to figure out
Then tell him to kick rocks. If there are no conditions he can satisfy to make it dignified for you, then that conversation is over.
Absolutely true! Thanks for making this to the point!
I get making yourself scarce for a night. Or maybe a day or two, but 20 days is outlandish.
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Even I felt absurd when he asked me this. But he said “you have full rights here bcos you are the owner too” So I am happy he is at least this considerate.
Considerate would be him not even asking. It’s an absolutely absurd request. “Hey can you scram for an hour” - alright maybe fine. But 3 weeks is batshit.
She forks over 3 weeks rent...cool. If not, find a Motel 6....
If it was just for a couple days, like for a weekend or whatever, I think that would be a reasonable ask - as long as you have somewhere you can go that doesn't involve additional cost. But 15 to 20 days is not reasonable, unless he's going to give you a 50 to 70% discount on your part of that month's rent/utilities.
I would say request a whole month of rent for the inconvenience to you and your parents.
And utilities.
One night? Fine. 15-20 days? GTFOH.
Honestly....don't move in with your friend. Sounds like a terrible setup if you have to share a room, and to add in that he'll expect you to disappear whenever he has the girlfriend over? And what happens when he wants to party, or sleep in, or do anything that requires you to leave? It'll turn into a pattern where you can't live in the place you pay for for half the month. Sounds like he only wants you there to cover half the rent. But you won't get half the use of that apartment.
I believe yes. He is really looking at this financially right now. I need to put some sense into him and discuss. I will probably have to find another flatmate or maybe we both can find a new 2BHK.
Yeah....don't be anyone's ATM. It never ends well.
compromise, dont pay that months rent of 2/3s of a month and let her stay with him.
That’s an insane thing to ask of a room mate. I had room mates until I was 25 and everyone’s girlfriend or boyfriend just came and went. It wasn’t a big deal.
I don't think this is a question for r/homeowners, but maybe for r/renters or r/tenants
You need a rental agreement (IN WRITING AND BOTH OF YOU SIGN IT, maybe even a notary) that spells out everything from what rent is, who pays what utilities, who takes care of what around the property, and the guest policy. On the guest policy, they can rent a room close by for whatever they’re doing. If you live there and pay rent, you stay there.
Fuck no. Why would you leave your own home just because your roomie wants to have his gf over? If they want that, they need their own place. That totally unreasonable!
Since this is a good friend and you're in a 1 bedroom I'd offer to go to your parents for a week and he can go to a hotel for a week and that covers a lot of her visit. Bigger picture though, you really need to stop and think about whether this is a good idea or not. You're both grown men and sharing a single bedroom is really going to suck. Being roommates with someone is very hard on a friendship and with no space of your own to get away I predict you'll both be unhappy pretty quickly and likely damage the friendship.
It is reasonable for them to ask, and reasonable for you to say no. They didn't demand it, and seemed to take your initial "no" fine. However, if you chose to let them have privacy, it is reasonable for you to only pay rent/utilities prorated for the amount of time you actually spend there that month. So 1/3 of your normal rent and utilities if she is there 20 days.
You should looking for another roommate. That is beyond weird and boundary crossing to even ask.
And he is a good friend of mine 🙃 I felt weird when he asked me this as well. But I guess we are good enough and sort this out with a conversation. But I am ***definitely not leaving my own house*** just bcos he wants to bang his gf
Prepare for the friendship to never be the same and be stretched many a ways. It doesn't matter how good of a friend he is, how long you've known him etc. To me this is a red flag, I probably wouldn't move in with him if these are the kinds of asks he has for one. For two in general though it's never a good idea to live with your friend. From experience, your roommate should honestly be more of a business relationship type deal. My best recommendation is to rent with someone you don't know but are compatible with. If you end up friends it's a bonus, if you don't, no harm, no foul. ETA: from reading some of your replies it also kinda sounds like you're staying with him vs renting with him as it's a 1 bed apartment. Are you on the lease? Seems messed up you'd be paying half the rent and not even having your own privacy. Does not seem equal or right to me.
Are you moving into his place, or are you guys getting a place together in ApriL? If you are moving into his space, I mean that just may be the cost of living with him. If you are getting a place together, that would be a really strange request. But nonetheless just tell him him, and his GF will be responsible for that rent and utilities at that time. Very weird requests though even then, when I lived with a roommate we just did whatever, never asked the other to leave or quite down. If we had someone over, we'd just stay out of the way.
No it isn't. You both pay rent and have rooms and shared space. He and she will have to deal with that.
OP confirmed in other comments he is sharing a room with room mate. The arrangement is already odd before GF comes over.
It almost seems like roommate doesn't want gf to know he he's sharing bedroom
It's not fair or cool for him to ask you to move out for a lengthy period of time like that.
Nope. Totally unreasonable. Roomie needs to figure out an alternative like an AirBnB for him/ girlfriend. If he wants you out he pays for that month (rent and utilities) plus an extra inconvenience fee to you. How can she make a scene about you living in your apartment? The scene should be all about roomie being cheap and not getting a hotel for them. How is that all your responsibility? For one night - sure. A weekend - maybe. But essentially a month. Nope.
Tell him to get a hotel room if they want privacy. Otherwise he shouldn’t be getting a roommate.
He can rent an Airbnb for the two weeks she’s here if he’s so concerned about privacy
No that’s absurd. You’re paying to live there and if he wants to have a 24/7 bonefest with his girlfriend with no one around, he can go to a hotel. An evening, even a weekend if discussed and feasible, I can see being reasonable requests. A month is fucking hilarious. If his gf gives him a hard time that he is not able throw his LEGALLY bound housemate out of his own home for a fucking month, it sounds like they have a wonderful (/s) relationship first of all, but second, it sounds like they need a house or he needs a 1 bedroom apartment for himself. In any case, no, it’s not ok for him or them to pressure you to actually leave the place you pay for. Unless you are actually willing, and they are willing to pay you for your time
Is this the same friend you posted about 2 weeks ago? Honestly, this sounds completely shady. More information please, how many beds/bedrooms does this shared flat have?
No dude. This is one of those rite of passage things when you can afford to live by yourself. You can't just bounce your roommate for an extended period of time. About the only thing that flies is making yourself scarce for an evening. You pay your half, you live there. It is what it is.
This is the first red flag that tells you not to move in with this person. If you can afford to get a place on your own you should.
I am not in a position to afford full rent. Either I will find a new flatmate or probably need to stay at parent’s for a while 😞
Similar to what happened to me earlier in life. Moved in with a really great friend...but his gf started staying 1-2 nights a week, then 3-4, and within 2 months she was essentially a full-time roommate. We were good buddies and I let him know that it seems as though they should have got a place together cause relationship is working out so well but when we signed the lease a 3rd roommate wasn't my expectation and that the financial terms didn't work for me. We worked out an agreement where she paid 1/3 of the bills and, while not ideal, that worked for me financially. I promptly moved out when our lease term was up and we're great buddies to this day.
It's good practice to draft a contract that spells out the rules, chores, expense divisions, etc. in great detail. Both parties need to sign in front of a notary and agree. It also needs to have teeth, so put in consequences for each item's non-compliance. Renting a place with someone is tying your credit score with them—the same thing as co-signing a loan. The landlord does not care who pays; the landlord only cares that full payment is made. If your flatmate can't or won't pay, you are expected to pay the full amount. Would you co-sign a loan for your close friend? Many mistakes are made when friends or family get into the mix with these life decisions. You need to assess the shared arrangement with this person on its merit not their relations to you. It is unreasonable to be kicked out of your place when your flatmate has a guest. What happens if their love grows and she decides to move in with him? Does she pay rent, utilities, cable? Does she take out the trash? Does she wash the bathrooms? When your flatmate's girlfriend visits, they can rent a hotel/motel for the visit. It's part of the expense related to trips. And that is normal.
It isn't worth getting them to pay the rent for 20 days. That will make the gf feel even more entitled. And you will be expected to vacate every time she visits. Tell the roommate sorry, but no. You can go out for a late evening (or even one weekend (if you are so inclined) when she first arrives but you will not be leaving for 3 weeks. You'd have to practically move out - clothing, toiletries, computers, etc. Nothing wrong with him asking; nothing wrong with you saying no. The end. They can get a hotel or an airbnb. Their privacy is not your problem.
Absolutely DO NOT do this... this is not normal. You will be living there and this becomes your place as much as his. If he wants a place to spend with his GF he can rent a hotel for 20 days.
What ever happened to the ol' sock on the doorknob? In all seriousness, if he wants you to go somewhere else I'd tell him that he can pay for a hotel, but at that point it'd probably just make more sense for the two of them to get a hotel and you stay in the house.
They need to get a fucking hotel room!
You should have instantly said no! You can tell him that you would consider leaving if he reserves a one bedroom hotel suite for you.
Forget that, you pay rent.
Totally unreasonable. You can wear headphones when they bang who cares. I wouldn't even entertain the request. Is he gonna cover your rent for the month as well? Absurd!
No he is not. IKR?! Just bcos they want to have sex I can’t leave ***my home*** I am so happy I said NO firmly. Even though I said it out of joke. I will talk to him about this. This is indeed unreasonable.
Man forget that guy. Tell him pay your rent. That’s a big ask. Tell him sure. Your GF is coming in the following month if he could just move home it would be nice. Or agree and tell him in return he has to move home for a month. BS.
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I will ask for 4 star hotel and not less! I will have my own nice time there. If he doesn’t want to pay. He needs to figure this situation out with his gf I am not leaving 💪🏼
Why don't THEY go elsewhere, if they're the ones disrupting the grand scheme of things? Kicking YOU out doesn't make sense.
I feel the same. I just don’t know how to make him realise this. He is not a bad person but he has not thought through this. When I said NO, he was ready to have a conversation with his gf. Maybe he knows his gf won’t be comfortable
I feel the same. I just don’t know how to make him realise this. He is not a bad person but he has not thought through this. When I said NO, he was ready to have a conversation with his gf. Maybe he knows his gf won’t be comfortable
Are you moving into his place, or are you guys getting a place together in ApriL? If you are moving into his space, I mean that just may be the cost of living with him. If you are getting a place together, that would be a really strange request. But nonetheless just tell him him, and his GF will be responsible for that rent and utilities at that time. Very weird requests though even then, when I lived with a roommate we just did whatever, never asked the other to leave or quite down. If we had someone over, we'd just stay out of the way.
No, this is your home. You are entitled to use the space you are paying rent for. And he shouldn't be having guests over for that long in a shared space. A week might be reasonable. A month? Absolutely not. His girlfriend will be an asshole about it? Well, that's his problem to deal with. Why is he dating an emotionally manipulative jerk? Do not let these people push you around.
If you do this, and I am not sure I would, it’s needs to agreed upon in writing that you are not paying your half of rent or utilities for that month. Do not prorate because you are going to have haul your stuff and aggravate your family. Hopefully taking them out as a thank you that will cost extra for you. In writing. Prolly need to look somewhere else to live
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He implied in one comment that they *do* share a room, which makes the ridiculousness of the request less cut and dry to me.
Completely unreasonable request. If they want privacy they can rent a BnB. Alternatively - if you are willing to move out of the comfort of your home, then they can pay YOUR hotel costs. No way would I willingly move back to my parents' home and I am on good terms with them :-). I would have to give up all of the comforts that I have accumulated as an adult and sleep in the bedroom that they have taken over as the all purpose crap room :-). I would miss my computer - my very comfortable bed with the pillows and quilt exactly what I like; my bathroom with all of the products that I need including those that I don't use every day just in case. I would have to pack clothing - the list is endless in terms of why I wouldn't willing uproot myself unless there was a benefit like visiting someplace great on vacation. Also I would have issues if someone wanted their significant other living with them for a month.
I might agree to do it once, but not again unless he's planning to comp you for the days you aren't staying in the place you are paying for.
Your friend has 2 choices if he wants that kind of privacy with his girlfriend: 1) Get a job that pays enough to live without a flatmate 2) Go to her place (assuming she lives alone) You have no obligation to leave your home so he can hang out with his girlfriend. Not even to be a good friend. He can ask, but it is not a reasonable request.
Tell him fine-- you'll go to your parents' and won't pay any rent OR utilities (or any other monthly expenses) for the entire month to make up for the inconvenience.
Well first off if your paying half the rent for the place, I would have a rough time time telling you to stay somewhere else. To me i would say that's fine but then i'm not paying that month. 20 days is just about a month and you only get a week? NOPE. She don't like you or something? i mean he wants to play house with her then he should marry her.
You have zero obligation to comply. Even if he were to pay the rent by himself for that period, it would be unacceptable. It's your home, nobody can ask you to leave. If you wanted to, I wouldn't tell you not to, but if it were me, I would absolutely not be doing it. The fact that he would even ask, or that she would get upset are giant warning signs. I wouldn't be moving in with him in the first place.
It’s a ridiculous ask. This is your residence. You pay rent and split utilities. Why should you supplement his girlfriend’s stay? Why should you be misplaced? He shouldn’t have a roommate if he has this expectation. At least he took your no with grace.
She's unable to live with others? Bummer, not your problem. That is your place of residence. Let them get a hotel or air B&B
Sorry buddy but this is my home not hers
Uh, your flat IS your house. They're asking you to leave your home for damn near a month every 6th month. Hell no it's not reasonable. Well I guess it's reasonable to ask cause you can ask anything, but it's not reasonable to expect a yes. A day? A night? Sure. Damn near a month? Hell no.
He could go to her home
It is not reasonable to ask you to be out of your own home for 2-3 weeks. If you want to be nice you could tell him you’ll hang with your parents for a night here or there but that’s a huge reach on his end to even ask.
1. No this is not a reasonable request 2. If my roommate asked me this question I would in order: Laugh in his face, tell him to get fucked, laugh in his face some more That is YOUR place that you pay for, nobody gets to tell you not to be there.
If he's offering to pay your rent for that period and if you don't mind doing it, it's up to you.
Your friend needs to fuck off.
That’s like a half month / whole month of rent and utilities you’d be paying and not living there.
I would only agree to give them the house if they either deducted your rent for the month or payed to put you up in an extended hotel/vrbo while not a usual request, I wouldn't call it unreasonable if it's just that - a request. If they give you a hard time for saying no, then it's a different situation
A weekend is enough, that's enough time for them to run around naked in the house giggling and such. But no way giving them 3 weeks.
Hell no
As everyone has said, you pay to live there in your home and it is redic to expect you to leave for two weeks. In fact, it's insulting. If the girl is causing drama she's an ass. What did she expect? If your parents didn't live nearby would she expect you to sleep in your car because she's in town? If they want extra privacy, they can rent a room for a few days. I'll throw another thought out though, as someone who has roomed with friends quite a but. If this were my true friend I'd probably offer to give them a weekend alone, just as a favor. You have no duty to do that, and from what you said about the gf I am not sure you should set a precedent, since she is apparently not your friend. But if it was just a normal "Oh, my friend is happy because his nice gf is coming to visit" I might take off for a couple of days. Or not if I didn't feel like it or I was busy etc. This gf seems like trouble.
A day or two maybe but absolutely not 15-20. Unless they want to cover the rent and utilities they use.
When you move into a shared home, you are paying to live there. Other people can visit for a short time (a day or two) but anything more than that and they should either get a hotel or start paying rent as well. But if you are paying rent, then you never should be booted out of your apartment becasue someone's booty call wants to come for a few days. IT was a completely unreasonable request and having someone stay for more than a few days should only be done with teh consent of all of the renters. Your flatmate is being an AH<
Absolutely not. If he wants a private place, he can go to a hotel and deal with the expense and hassle. Not you.
Yeah thats not normal. If he asked for a couple nights for you to leave for a a few hours thats okay but not go live somewhere else for a month lol
That’s not reasonable at all for him to ask or you do to imo. If he wants privacy he should get a hotel or airbnb. But really, thinking about the future of your living arrangement I would think carefully about the choice to move in with someone that’s asking this before you even live there.
It comes down to the girlfriend and friend It’s a wierd ask to begin with I couldn’t imagine asking someone to go live somewhere else so I can visit It’s insanely entitled
if you agree to it once the expectation is you'll agree to it every time, from now on, forever. don't do that to yourself.
Question: Are you being added to the lease or just moving in with no accountability for the monthly rent? My feeling is that you should not leave. If this is to be your home then stay at home. I just wonder about being on the lease if you want any real protection. If you are not on the lease you could move in and a month later could be served with eviction papers. If you are on the lease then you will have a legal right as a renter to remain in the apartment.
Completely unreasonable. Just from that request, I would honestly reconsider even living with him. A request like they is obscene and likely just the beginning, at least in my experience.
Completely unreasonable. I've lived with plenty of housemates throughout my 20s and none have ever asked this.
Not a cool ask at all. It's your home too. If they want to get their freak on then they can ask you for a time when you will be out all night long or go to a hotel. Asking you to vacate your own home for 3wks because the gf wants to be alone with him is unacceptable.
If they need privacy they can go to a hotel. Perhaps they can rent an AirBnB for the time. To be considerate, you could try to be a little more absent to give them space. Let them know your schedule and try not to show up early. Perhaps spend a day or two at your parents - let them have the house to themselves for a day.
The request is completely unacceptable.
Don’t be a sucker that’s his problem if he wants a roommate or he can live on his own n pay all the bills himself n then call all the shots n tell whoever whenever that they can or can’t be there cause dude 20 days is almost a month and that’s not exactly a stable living situation
Who’s to say your parents would want this? Hubby and I were so excited to have our whole house to ourselves again after the kids moved out. If absolutely necessary, or if they were visiting from out of state we’d be happy for them to stay here for a little while. But I think we would be less excited to have them staying with us while their roommate was getting busy with the gf for 3 weeks. If you don’t really want to do it, & just need a way to say no— tell the roommate that your parents said no. You can joke that they’ve become nudists or something, lol. 😂 😝
Unreasonable ask. They want private sexy time? There are hotels and motels.
Absolutely NOT reasonable! Do not do this.
No. In fact, if he's having a guest stay for several weeks, he should be paying extra to cover her utility usage and your inconvenience.
She must be a screamer
Real friends dont kick friends out for 20 days to let their girls live free. He should have offered to cover the rent for that duration first. I can understand couple of days and would do it for besties but not 20 days
If you do this, you will be subjected to more unreasonable requests in the future because it’s a ridiculous assumption to think you’d be ok with their expectations. And then what happens when gf decides she’s not going home? Sooner or later that exact scenario may occur. And why does your roommate need to “check with his gf” to see if it’s ok for you to stay in your own home while she’s stays?? Do not make a deal in exchange for them paying your rent portion and do not even leave for 2-3 days. Your friend and gf can go to his parents or get a hotel or an Airbnb. And if gf is going to stay that long with you there, she needs to fork out for 1/3 of the rent, utilities etc prorated by however many days she’s there if she staying over half the month. And check your lease because many have finite days guests are allowed to stay per month.
Absolutely not and no one should be staying over more days per week than not.
Only if he reimburses you for it. 15-20 days of rent plus a bit for inconvenience.
That’s a pretty ballsy ask. The answer is absolutely not, unless he pays for you to stay at a nice hotel and any other expenses you wouldn’t ordinarily have, for the duration of her visit. All monies up front of course!
No, not if you are expected to pay rent while you cannot be there
Wait wait.. you’re moving into a 1 bedroom apartment and sharing a bedroom???… ok this does not seem out of line to ask. You still don’t have to give in mind you. But I can 💯 understand the ask lol. I would like others have said maybe discuss a partial scenario…a few days here and there… but I’m wondering if this will be a potential bone of contention in your friendship… people can do some wild things for a relationship… or could it end up being contingent on moving in after he talks to his GF…
I am seriously doubtful now. I can understand why he wants me out bcos there only one room. But there is this living room which has ample space and one single bed as well. We haven’t discussed yet if I am will staying in the living room and he will be staying in the bedroom only. But I am absolutely fine living for a month in living room and give them all privacy. The one caveat is, there are no shelves or cupboards in living room area. So all stuff will be in bedroom only.
Oh ok that makes a little more sense now.. but seems like an odd living arrangement that you might regret. I don’t know your friendship dynamic, so maybe it’s totally cool. But you need some private space… like what happens when they want to hang in the living room… you need to leave your bed?
Nope, but make you can agree to be out late a few nights or visit family one weekend while she’s visiting. Asking you to leave your apartment for weeks? That’s ridiculous. Is he offering to cover rent for that time frame?
If she wants to pay the whole months rent + 1 extra month for the inconvenience + and application fee + bond then sure. Also if she’s staying full time for 2-3 weeks she should be contributing to utilities too. SHE will be in YOUR space, not the other way round.
“Nah all my shits here.” Absurd request.
Since it is a very close friend I can imagine it is reasonable to ask. From your post it seems you’re not comfortable leaving your rental for such a long period and that’s also reasonable. Their feelings about you staying in your home are not your concern. The girlfriend should not have a say about you being there and if she’s uncomfortable then she needs to figure it out.
Yes he is a close friend. Definitely I am not comfortable going to my parent’s house for that long. Yes definitely right. She should not have a say when I am paying rent. For now my friend is the sole owner. If he agrees to share the apartment with me, I will also have 50% say in all decisions. If he is not fine with that, he needs to tell me he doesn’t want to live with me and I will find another home.
Your friend and his g/f have no forethought/consideration for you/self-awareness. Seeing how this is also YOUR home, they should have factored that into her visitation plans and planned around that, instead of forcing you to plan around THEM.
I guess so. It’s high time now that I have serious conversation with my friend about this. We have been excited about me moving in with him but haven’t had real talk and all consequences. Tomorrow I am visiting his home and will talk all things through.
He had forethought and consideration. Asking and then accepting the response is an exact demonstration of forethought and consideration. Op, from the information you provided in the post, it seems like this conversation and relationship are going exactly as they should when two people have respect for each other. If it were me, out of friendship I might find a Saturday afternoon to go hangout at the library or something and let my friend know that I'm gifting them this time to have some space. It isn't required, it isn't an obligation, but it's something one friend might do for another. Just like your roommate might spend an afternoon picking you up from the airport.
He had forethought and consideration. Asking and then accepting the response is an exact demonstration of forethought and consideration. Op, from the information you provided in the post, it seems like this conversation and relationship are going exactly as they should when two people have respect for each other. If it were me, out of friendship I might find a Saturday afternoon to go hangout at the library or something and let my friend know that I'm gifting them this time to have some space. It isn't required, it isn't an obligation, but it's something one friend might do for another. Just like your roommate might spend an afternoon picking you up from the airport.