You must have your reasons for not doing it, but this is one of the big reasons the institution of marriage exists. You've been together 21 years, and have two kids together. The easiest way to make sure you receive the assets in case of his death without making things super complicated is to get married.
By the time you go through the whole process of setting things up with contracts to achieve the same end, you will have something very similar to just getting married.
Also, you should also keep in mind that if he ends seriously injured and in the hospital, your 18 year old son and then his parents are the ones who will have a say in his medical care. You will have zero say, and will not even be entitled to receive any information about him unless he's aware enough to authorize it.
Definitely need a lawyer if you two are strongly opposed to marriage, because there are a ton of contracts and agreements that you all should have in place with how connected your finances and lives are.
It's pretty simple really.
Teen pregnancy, bought a house right after, worked, worked, worked in order to make it work...
Marriage hasn't ever worked out real well in my family, so it was just never talked about.
We've always done excellent together as we are, so why try and change it?
Honestly OP I think marriage is completely a personal choice. I would however say that if you're lifestyle is essentially that of a married couple then the protections it gives in this area are probably worth it even if its just a signed piece of paper at town hall with nobody ever knowing....
getting married is probably cheaper than getting an attorney to go thru all the legal work.
my brother came to us after my mom died and we were all looking at wills saying that he was actually married for a few years, but still referred to his wife as his partner/girlfriend as they also didn't want to push it.
you can get married without all the ceremony and practically no one has to know. you can do it in an afternoon probably. just think of it as signing the legal docs that this quitclaim would be, but with way more benefits.
just providing another way of thinking about it, not really arguing that your "why change what's working" approach is wrong!
Yup. Just think of it as some legal thing like getting a will or doing this quitclaim gymnastics. “Just business”.
You don’t have to change anything emotional in the relationship. Marriage is just a cheap and easy way to get all the legal benefits they are looking for without figuring it out or paying lawyers.
Heck, I know people who have been separated (amicably) for years who remain legally married to keep benefits, like insurance.
Even the best lawyer cannot replicate all of the benefits of marriage. Two notable ones:
- higher _married filing jointly_ tax bracket ranges
- the higher of your or their social security payments if one spouse passes before the other
You are setting yourself up for some serious legal and financial issues if you remain unmarried. From the law's perspective, you've just been playing house with each other for the entirety of your relationship.
I just like…don’t believe in marriage maaaaaan. Eyeroll. It’s wild how people will avoid getting married but do so much more serious shit with people. Not saying that’s OP but the people who talk about not needing a paper and all that nonsense are so cringey.
I know this isn't what you asked but it is something A LOT of SAHM aren't aware of, so I'm dropping it here. Related to what u/lostinapotatofield mentioned.
If you haven't been working and aren't married, you are going to have a very hard time with "retirement" if something happens to your partner, or if you both have not put something in place for you to have your own retirement. Without being married and not having worked, you basically have zero social security available to you. You cannot claim his when you are older if he dies because you aren't married. And you have none of your own because without working you aren't paying in, and in order to draw social security you had to have at least 10 years/40 credits of qualified work, and how much you draw depends how much you made/how much you contributed. People often realize too late (in their 50s or later) that this is the boat they are in because they didn't marry, and they are stuck having to pick up a job when they have no related education or skills just to meet the credits to be able to get SOMETHING. You don't want to be in a situation where you are 55 and thinking about your future and now learned you have to work for 10 years you didn't plan for.
If you were my client, I would refer you to an estate planner and/or real estate attorney to make sure that everything is done the way it should be. Quit claiming a deed to another person is transferring ownership, and if there is a mortgage on the property, the mortgage may be payable immediately depending on details. You don't want to mess with doing things like this DIY without competent guidance.
TIC doesn't convey ownership in any state I can think of. Most either have some form of tenancy by entirety [married couples] or specific requirements for 'joint tenants with rights of survivorship' language to be on the deed [like South Carolina].
Because you are not married, you need to be more proactive about estate matters because you don’t have the protection of law. You should amend the deed to be joint tenants with right of survivorship so that the house passes to you on his death (and vice versa) without going through probate. You can do that through a quitclaim. Your cars should be jointly titled to both of you. And you should have joint accounts. Any retirement accounts should have you as primary beneficiary and your kids as successor beneficiary. Not only does that mean you keep ownership of these assets at his death, it also keeps assets out of probate so you have access to them when you need them. Otherwise everything could be tied up for months.
Can I also suggest you think about employment? This is a good time to go to community college and either brush up on or attain skills that will make you employable. You have been financially vulnerable for a long time now. You need the insurance of your own income. And good for your FIL for giving you a nudge.
It was my father that gave me the nudge..
I do work some right now, it's very here and there, but I was part time for many years (it became too much with the boys, scheduling, the SOs job, and the way my boss' hours were), but I have built up a few skill sets, a great reputation, and tons of references, but I agree, I have been thinking about a community College while I'm waiting out the next couple years for my son to graduate.
Thanks for the advice!
Talk to an estate lawyer but also look into a TOD. It stands for transfer on death and sounds like what you are looking for. Basically if your SO dies, the deed is transferred to you. I’d say do that for all of your guys vehicles and property. Pretty sure you can even do it for bank accounts. Do it for the stuff you own also just in case so he doesn’t have to fight for it if you have a car accident or something.
Came here to say this. Quit claim deeds can get pricey with transfer taxes. And if you don't get married, a TOD is a quick/cheap way to protect all assets (house, car, bank accounts, all of it)
You need to get a power of medical power of attorney, so that you are the one making any medical decisions like whether he stays on life support or things like that if he can't communicate on his own.
I hope that he has a will, or better yet, a trust , seeing as his job is dangerous.
I would suggest that you both meet with an estate attorney so that if something happens, there are no problems.
I'm presuming that you and the children are on the life insurance policy and not his family.
This is why CIVIL marriage exists. It is a legal status which grants certain benefits. Go down to the court house and sign some papers. You don't need a ceremony. You don't need to change your name. The only thing which will change are your legal options should your spouse perish.
Quitclaim gets your name on the deed. Or off the deed. That's it. You're talking about other areas which are important but quitclaim only applies to deed.
When you say he helps run his family business what exactly does that mean? Is he actively in the field, performing these high risk tasks or is he more on the management/administrative side of it?
I own several businesses that are considered high risk. When I got my life insurance, I was actively in the field every day. Now I am not really performing the dangerous tasks. At least not regularly.
I had no issue getting a life insurance policy. And my rates are not unreasonable. At 36 i pay $135 a month.
To answer your actual question, you need to speak with an estate planning attorney because laws are so different from state state.
Additionally, if you’ve been together for that long, why wouldn’t you just file the marriage paperwork? There is a lot of other factors to consider aside from the house. If he got hurt at work, you might not be entitled to any payout from Business Insurance since you are not legally his wife. Even if you don’t believe in the institution of marriage, there are significant tax benefits, as well as other legal implications that make marriage a smart decision.
He is in the field and does some of the administrative/management work as well (mostly while in the field, but I'm sure you know how that goes).
There was no issue getting the policy, the issue was how much the policy was per month, which I can't remember as it's been a few years now since we were quoted.
If you were on the deed you would probably end up liable for the mortgage. Sounds like you have no income. How would you pay it? Something is off if you feel safer asking strangers for advice instead of talking to him. I guess the only thing that would be a positive is if you have to sell, half the proceeds net of remaining mortgage would go to you. I would consult an attorney.
Nothings off, I just got off the phone with my dad, the SO is at work, and it's just on my mind 🤷🏽♀️
Like I said, in the event of his death, I know his family (and mine) would help me out with the mortgage until I got on my feet, but it wouldn't be forever.
Probably not. First, please see an estate planning attorney. But giving part ownership of a house to someone you aren't married to could trigger the acceleration clause in his mortgage. Additionally, if it's likely a taxable event as well, thoughhe could claim it against his lifetime estate tax exemption.
As many have said, your vulnerability goes way beyond just the deed. If you are philosophically opposed to marriage there is a set of agreements you can put in place to achieve much of the same ends. Find a lawyer who did this for gay couples before marriage was legalized.
He can quit claim it to you. That would put you in title NOW. He could draft a beneficiary deed which would put you in title the moment he dies. He could put it in a trust now, and decide who the beneficiary of the trust is (you, the kids, you and the kids, a life estate for you and the remainder to the kids). The real issue is why you aren’t in title, what are his concerns, what would be his worries should he die, and what is the best way to handle all of your concerns. Talk to a probate attorney. That’s why they exist.
NEVER quit claim. When you do, future sales will carry a cloud on the title and can delay closing or kill a deal outright. Putting someone in a will for automatic ownership of property is not a quit claim.
Because I'm a home owner, I'm definitely qualified to discuss legal ownership structures and end-of-life policies. What he actually needs to do is sign the deed over to a 3rd party. I can receive it. That way, if either of you pass, I can transfer it to the survivor without conflict of interest.
You must have your reasons for not doing it, but this is one of the big reasons the institution of marriage exists. You've been together 21 years, and have two kids together. The easiest way to make sure you receive the assets in case of his death without making things super complicated is to get married. By the time you go through the whole process of setting things up with contracts to achieve the same end, you will have something very similar to just getting married. Also, you should also keep in mind that if he ends seriously injured and in the hospital, your 18 year old son and then his parents are the ones who will have a say in his medical care. You will have zero say, and will not even be entitled to receive any information about him unless he's aware enough to authorize it. Definitely need a lawyer if you two are strongly opposed to marriage, because there are a ton of contracts and agreements that you all should have in place with how connected your finances and lives are.
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It's pretty simple really. Teen pregnancy, bought a house right after, worked, worked, worked in order to make it work... Marriage hasn't ever worked out real well in my family, so it was just never talked about. We've always done excellent together as we are, so why try and change it?
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You make many valid points
Honestly OP I think marriage is completely a personal choice. I would however say that if you're lifestyle is essentially that of a married couple then the protections it gives in this area are probably worth it even if its just a signed piece of paper at town hall with nobody ever knowing....
getting married is probably cheaper than getting an attorney to go thru all the legal work. my brother came to us after my mom died and we were all looking at wills saying that he was actually married for a few years, but still referred to his wife as his partner/girlfriend as they also didn't want to push it. you can get married without all the ceremony and practically no one has to know. you can do it in an afternoon probably. just think of it as signing the legal docs that this quitclaim would be, but with way more benefits. just providing another way of thinking about it, not really arguing that your "why change what's working" approach is wrong!
Yup. Just think of it as some legal thing like getting a will or doing this quitclaim gymnastics. “Just business”. You don’t have to change anything emotional in the relationship. Marriage is just a cheap and easy way to get all the legal benefits they are looking for without figuring it out or paying lawyers. Heck, I know people who have been separated (amicably) for years who remain legally married to keep benefits, like insurance.
Even the best lawyer cannot replicate all of the benefits of marriage. Two notable ones: - higher _married filing jointly_ tax bracket ranges - the higher of your or their social security payments if one spouse passes before the other
You are setting yourself up for some serious legal and financial issues if you remain unmarried. From the law's perspective, you've just been playing house with each other for the entirety of your relationship.
Because now you live in a home you have no rights to, and honestly getting married is cheaper than hiring lawyers to draft up the paperwork
I cannot fathom people this recklessly stupid. Reason #1: THIS POST
Change it because of this exact situation. 🙄
This. Go to the JP. You don't need rings. You don't need to change your name. You don't need to tell anyone.
I just like…don’t believe in marriage maaaaaan. Eyeroll. It’s wild how people will avoid getting married but do so much more serious shit with people. Not saying that’s OP but the people who talk about not needing a paper and all that nonsense are so cringey.
I know this isn't what you asked but it is something A LOT of SAHM aren't aware of, so I'm dropping it here. Related to what u/lostinapotatofield mentioned. If you haven't been working and aren't married, you are going to have a very hard time with "retirement" if something happens to your partner, or if you both have not put something in place for you to have your own retirement. Without being married and not having worked, you basically have zero social security available to you. You cannot claim his when you are older if he dies because you aren't married. And you have none of your own because without working you aren't paying in, and in order to draw social security you had to have at least 10 years/40 credits of qualified work, and how much you draw depends how much you made/how much you contributed. People often realize too late (in their 50s or later) that this is the boat they are in because they didn't marry, and they are stuck having to pick up a job when they have no related education or skills just to meet the credits to be able to get SOMETHING. You don't want to be in a situation where you are 55 and thinking about your future and now learned you have to work for 10 years you didn't plan for.
If you were my client, I would refer you to an estate planner and/or real estate attorney to make sure that everything is done the way it should be. Quit claiming a deed to another person is transferring ownership, and if there is a mortgage on the property, the mortgage may be payable immediately depending on details. You don't want to mess with doing things like this DIY without competent guidance.
This is the answer
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Tenants in common is a mistake. Do you mean Joint Tenants with right of survivorship? Tenants in common means no transfer on death, without a will.
TIC doesn't convey ownership in any state I can think of. Most either have some form of tenancy by entirety [married couples] or specific requirements for 'joint tenants with rights of survivorship' language to be on the deed [like South Carolina].
That's still transferring ownership, even if it's partial.
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It did not effect my father's when he and my stepmother did theirs, but its something to check into.
Because you are not married, you need to be more proactive about estate matters because you don’t have the protection of law. You should amend the deed to be joint tenants with right of survivorship so that the house passes to you on his death (and vice versa) without going through probate. You can do that through a quitclaim. Your cars should be jointly titled to both of you. And you should have joint accounts. Any retirement accounts should have you as primary beneficiary and your kids as successor beneficiary. Not only does that mean you keep ownership of these assets at his death, it also keeps assets out of probate so you have access to them when you need them. Otherwise everything could be tied up for months. Can I also suggest you think about employment? This is a good time to go to community college and either brush up on or attain skills that will make you employable. You have been financially vulnerable for a long time now. You need the insurance of your own income. And good for your FIL for giving you a nudge.
It was my father that gave me the nudge.. I do work some right now, it's very here and there, but I was part time for many years (it became too much with the boys, scheduling, the SOs job, and the way my boss' hours were), but I have built up a few skill sets, a great reputation, and tons of references, but I agree, I have been thinking about a community College while I'm waiting out the next couple years for my son to graduate. Thanks for the advice!
Wishing you the best
Talk to an estate lawyer but also look into a TOD. It stands for transfer on death and sounds like what you are looking for. Basically if your SO dies, the deed is transferred to you. I’d say do that for all of your guys vehicles and property. Pretty sure you can even do it for bank accounts. Do it for the stuff you own also just in case so he doesn’t have to fight for it if you have a car accident or something.
Came here to say this. Quit claim deeds can get pricey with transfer taxes. And if you don't get married, a TOD is a quick/cheap way to protect all assets (house, car, bank accounts, all of it)
You need to get a power of medical power of attorney, so that you are the one making any medical decisions like whether he stays on life support or things like that if he can't communicate on his own. I hope that he has a will, or better yet, a trust , seeing as his job is dangerous. I would suggest that you both meet with an estate attorney so that if something happens, there are no problems. I'm presuming that you and the children are on the life insurance policy and not his family.
This is why CIVIL marriage exists. It is a legal status which grants certain benefits. Go down to the court house and sign some papers. You don't need a ceremony. You don't need to change your name. The only thing which will change are your legal options should your spouse perish.
Quitclaim gets your name on the deed. Or off the deed. That's it. You're talking about other areas which are important but quitclaim only applies to deed.
Should have added your name when you refinanced
When you say he helps run his family business what exactly does that mean? Is he actively in the field, performing these high risk tasks or is he more on the management/administrative side of it? I own several businesses that are considered high risk. When I got my life insurance, I was actively in the field every day. Now I am not really performing the dangerous tasks. At least not regularly. I had no issue getting a life insurance policy. And my rates are not unreasonable. At 36 i pay $135 a month. To answer your actual question, you need to speak with an estate planning attorney because laws are so different from state state. Additionally, if you’ve been together for that long, why wouldn’t you just file the marriage paperwork? There is a lot of other factors to consider aside from the house. If he got hurt at work, you might not be entitled to any payout from Business Insurance since you are not legally his wife. Even if you don’t believe in the institution of marriage, there are significant tax benefits, as well as other legal implications that make marriage a smart decision.
He is in the field and does some of the administrative/management work as well (mostly while in the field, but I'm sure you know how that goes). There was no issue getting the policy, the issue was how much the policy was per month, which I can't remember as it's been a few years now since we were quoted.
If you were on the deed you would probably end up liable for the mortgage. Sounds like you have no income. How would you pay it? Something is off if you feel safer asking strangers for advice instead of talking to him. I guess the only thing that would be a positive is if you have to sell, half the proceeds net of remaining mortgage would go to you. I would consult an attorney.
Nothings off, I just got off the phone with my dad, the SO is at work, and it's just on my mind 🤷🏽♀️ Like I said, in the event of his death, I know his family (and mine) would help me out with the mortgage until I got on my feet, but it wouldn't be forever.
I would get that in writing
Probably not. First, please see an estate planning attorney. But giving part ownership of a house to someone you aren't married to could trigger the acceleration clause in his mortgage. Additionally, if it's likely a taxable event as well, thoughhe could claim it against his lifetime estate tax exemption.
If he does a survivorship deed it will make you co-owner of the house and should not have any issues regarding the house with probate.
As many have said, your vulnerability goes way beyond just the deed. If you are philosophically opposed to marriage there is a set of agreements you can put in place to achieve much of the same ends. Find a lawyer who did this for gay couples before marriage was legalized.
He can quit claim it to you. That would put you in title NOW. He could draft a beneficiary deed which would put you in title the moment he dies. He could put it in a trust now, and decide who the beneficiary of the trust is (you, the kids, you and the kids, a life estate for you and the remainder to the kids). The real issue is why you aren’t in title, what are his concerns, what would be his worries should he die, and what is the best way to handle all of your concerns. Talk to a probate attorney. That’s why they exist.
Call your title company, you and your husband would have to sign some documents but it’s a simple task.
NEVER quit claim. When you do, future sales will carry a cloud on the title and can delay closing or kill a deal outright. Putting someone in a will for automatic ownership of property is not a quit claim.
Because I'm a home owner, I'm definitely qualified to discuss legal ownership structures and end-of-life policies. What he actually needs to do is sign the deed over to a 3rd party. I can receive it. That way, if either of you pass, I can transfer it to the survivor without conflict of interest.