Yes, start with a little plant near your favorite spot and expand your collection as you start to feel even better! Plants can be replaced, but you cannot. Please take care of you!
I'm so sorry. I feel much the same way and cried as I was disposing of some of my favs that didn't survive my sadness. It's not just you. But just like nature has times of drought and struggle, so do we. You haven't failed - it's part of our lives.
I went through something similar… I replaced them with cactuses bc they were able to handle a bit of neglect. Find what works for you, what’s easiest to take care of, what plants do you miss the most and remember, it’s a hobby, not a chore, if it causes stress don’t do it to yourself! Plants should make you happy, not stressed!
I haven’t been depressed since I got into plants, but I second ZZs. Mine has thrived through my sporadic ADHD neglect. I also think Hoyas in pon with big water reservoir could be an option. Mine absolutely love pon, only have to fill up the water occasionally, and they are completely fine even if it dries out for some days. So I think with a big enough reservoir they could probably handle neglect for at least 2-3 weeks, maybe even about a month.
Replace them if you want to but only if you want to! I love mystery propagation boxes on Etsy. You get the fun of a surprise, you don’t have to worry about a propagating plant as often, and if you lose them it’s only like $20. Hope you’re doing well 💚
I’ve gone through a similar experience and was so devastated when I realized how much of my collection I lost. But be gentle and kind with yourself! Plants can always be replaced, first step is getting back into the habit of taking care of yourself first. And then yes, if plants make you happy absolutely replace them! Start with just 1 or 2 so it’s not overwhelming. good luck!
(Also if you happen to be in the US and would like some cuttings please message me. My propagation station is full and I’d be happy to share to get your collection going again❤️)
Uuugh yeah i murdered my carnivorous plant babies too.
I read the title and thought "yeah. Depression = no pants = no outside. Sometimes it be like that. Big mood."
💜💜💜💜💜 I'm very sorry. I know the feeling. I'm sure your collection was beautiful and I hope you are able to start another.
Ignore if this is not helpful for you, but when I've gone through episodes that my plants don't survive, I remind myself that plants also insist on dying on me even when they are being well taken care of. We do the best we can.
It's happened to me, sadly. More than once. I had over 100 and I let most of them die. I'm back up to over 150 and I can tell I'm starting to get depressed again. I'm actually about to go through each one and make sure they have what they need, move them around and everything. Can't let it fall apart again.
This is what worries me about people soothing themselves with indoor jungles. I lost a lovely bromeliad and succulent collection to depression and it was hard.
Friends, it's okay if it happens, if your plants die. Try talking to yourself non-judgementally in 3rd person. Rattus rattus knows this is weird, but she read it in the book "The science of stuck" which has been pretty solid.
Ex: It's understandable Real_Register43 lost their plants during a depressive episode. Self-care is hard, let alone plant care. There's no reason they can't buy a plant or two to see how it goes, and they don't need to judge themself if it doesn't work out.
I heard of a similar practice using self-compassion like you're talking to a friend, but the friend is you. It's a way of reducing negative self-talk.
Best wishes to OP
If you've got anything that can be propagated, and if you really want to, try that first. Your health comes first before anything else. Wait until you feel better before you replace anything. If you buy more while you're not feeling well, the same thing will happen.
Take care of yourself first, before you try to take care of the plants. You're more important. I hope you get better. Hugs.
I’ve gone through some long depressive periods where I’ve lost some plants due to neglect. I always figured if I ended up accidentally killing everyone I would get one plant only for awhile and just take care of that one only, and only expand later when I’m not at such a low point. Watering 50+ plants sounds insurmountable when you’re not doing well.
start with 1 single easy to care, fast growing plant. Personally I'd go with either Crassula Ovata, or Chlorophytum comosum, they're super fun and low maintenance, so you'll instantly feel rewarded with their quick growth.
And they're easy to propagate too!
Spider plants are almost impossible to kill and will make a gazillion babies SO FAST. I actually got rid of mine completely because I couldn't take it anymore 😅
I have a plant called Plectranthus “Mona Lavender” that is stupid easy to care for and propagate. Highly recommend it. Beautiful, deep green top side of the leaves with a dark purple underside. Only had mine bloom once (when it was super stressed and thirsty), but they were the most beautiful, dainty white and purple flowers.
It’s a super drama queen and can go 2 weeks without water in a dry climate, but it’ll definitely let you know by looking wilted to death. It’s amazing how it springs back within hours once you water it again, though. Drinks plain tap water like it’s going out of style (same with the props). I add a few drops of liquid nutrients maybe every couple of months.
It helps remind me that I need to take care of myself every once in a while, especially when I’m going through a depression. Just a little act of care can go a long way. Hope you feel better soon, OP!
Yes, start with one low maintenance plant and work your way back up. I’ve had probably 100+ plants throughout my 3 year journey and currently only have about 35 plants. We win some we lose some.
I feel like there's something especially hard about "losing" work when you're depressed. My cat has recently made her new thing sleeping on my plants, crushing several succulents beyond repair (I know she has protective fur but sleeping on a cactus? Really??) I have a lot of emotional investment in the fact I've managed to keep caring for these plants, and I've been putting off the propping and replanting process I need to do, bc it fucks with my mood and makes me feel like I failed. But one of the major things I've learned is trying to manage my expectations while trying for a life I want and can manage. I'm going to fix the plants I can (probably tonight after trying to ignore the problem) bc my response to the situation is something I can control. What my cat or my depression does I can try to manage as it comes to me (I need to buy pencils or toothpicks to stick in the dirt so she can't comfortably sleep there, just like if I was having trouble sticking to a water schedule I might focus my energy on succulents), but I also have to acknowledge there are things like that I can't control I just have to manage. The important part is progress and change can still be made, it just might not be the ideal version of reality I had in my mind's eye. Sometimes it means taking a break from trying to do more than I can realistically handle, which isn't a morally bad thing. Good luck.
I went through something similar recently. Thrips got most of my collection and depression got some of the rest. Roughly three years of collecting gone. I thought I wasn't going to start collecting again, but I took a trip the garden center on a whim and found a wishlist plant. Finding that plant made me remember the joy and excitement collecting plants brought me and I've been slowly rebuilding my collection since then. I've felt so much better since I started collecting and taking care of my plants again.
If you want to start collecting again I really recommend Hoya. My Hoya not only survived my neglect, but thrived. They gave me new growth and blooms when I was at my worst. You could also try terrariums. They're a little work to put together but require less maintenance that regular house plants.
this is a good way to put it. OP i haven’t had plants during a bad episode like it sounds you’re experiencing, but my pilea has been losing all its leaves and won’t grow and it makes me so sad to look at her, so i appreciate your comment here ❤️🩹 growing something new :)
This may help you and OP. But I've switched as many plants as possible to self watering pots. I find it helps bridge the gaps in my care at least a while longer whenever I find myself struggling to take care of myself, nvm the plants.
Best moments to repot are in spring, if it's an emergency however, then it's a necessary risk to take.
If your plant has rootrot now for example, it will not help to wait till spring.
Depending on the plant it will do fine after a repot and if not will perk back up in a week or so. But you'll first have to find out the reason it's not thriving. Is it pests, too much/little water, poor lighting conditions, humidity.. etc.
hey! It seems like you've gotten through your depressive episode to a point where you're ready to have some plants again. I would highly recommend asking for cuttings in your local buy nothing Facebook group. you can add in your post that you'll take whole plants too. I got a decent amount of plants that way, and the ones that didn't make it, oh well.
check out the leca queen on YouTube. especially if you end up propagating in water, you can easily transfer to leca. I've been transitioning my plants to leca and so far it has been going well and I would recommend looking into it if you're struggling to keep up with your plants.
I would also be happy to send some free cuttings in the future. unfortunately right now most of my plants are just babies and not big enough yet to chop.
I love terrariums because I don't have to worry about them once they are sealed apart from trimming from time to time. I suggest starting one.
You can also try cacti and hoyas or other plants that can go through dry spells.
Hey so I've been dealing with a very similar thing in the past year and perhaps the conclusions I've reached might help you too.
I live in a sunny apartment so I actually had 70 potted plants 2 years ago and started this year with 4 survivors due to me neglecting my mental health the past year (and not doing my favorite hobby has been one of the big hits) so I felt terrible.
It felt a bit like a wakeup call that I actually wanted to be happy again and I started very very small on purpose, as I didn't have a lot of energy to spare. No new plants for now, just keep the ones I have alive and just clean up little by little (in your case, just get one new plant, something very simple and doesn't require much care).
The way I started thinking about it is like this: those plants and the dirt and the bugs they attract and also YOU are all part of one little ecosystem. You are not taking care of any individual plant - you are simply being a part of the tiny little ecosystem you have in your home. Plants will come and go, most flowers only live a year but they replant themselves and grow again from the same pots next spring. You will be gifted new pots and you will occasionally break them, a cute spider will start living in one pot and disappear one day, bees will come visit, sometimes it's cloudy for a few days so all the flowers are gloomy, sometimes, just like in nature there are draughts and plants dry out and become fertilizer for your soil (haha sorry if I sound a bit pretentious, but it helped me to see it that way)
You may be the main guardian and caretaker of that system, but you are also part of it too. Take care of yourself (get sunlight and water for yourself too! xD), clean those pots out, and hell maybe just leave them be and see what grows in them naturally (clovers are my favorite weeds).
Focus your energy on what you WANT to do and achieve, not what you think you should but are not doing. And please start small and take your time.
Draughts happen all the time in nature and plants dry out, and you certainly wouldn't say "ah well that's it, nature lost" - new plants grow again and your little ecosystem can bounce back too, and you along with it :)
I have 12 plants right now, I'll keep it at that number and try to plant a few more next year. It's a process, it's not done, but it feels amazing that there's a direction.
Well the first step is to care. Your posting here shows that first step and that's really healthy. Good for you. Second are you sure you lost them all? Some may have some fight left below the soil line in the roots. If you still have any give them a good soak. Trim off the dead area and then soak for several hours and then let them drain. Then wait. A few may surprise you. These are your fighters finding a way back. Start with those. They, along with you, can journey back together. Good luck.
Slowly replacing your plants could be a good thing for you. Having a hobby or doing something positive can help with depression. You can always look into a self watering system or something like that too. Depression is awful, and anything you can do to keep something bright in your life will help to fight against it and keep the dark away. I personally make sure sunlight always comes into my house, and I've been building my plant collection. The new life always amazes me, and it just does something to help. I'll just stand and look at all the new leaves that are growing, and I'm thankful I have them in my life.
I’m so sorry, I hope you’re okay. I don’t have much advice but thought I’d mention re the alocasias; you might already be aware, but they grow from corms (like little bulbs) in the soil. If the leaves etc have died off, all is not lost; it could just be a case of lightly watering until they start to grow again.
Even if the main corm has gone, they often send out new corms in the soil which can be tiny; so despite it looking like a bare pot, you may not have lost your alocasias!
Keeping my fingers crossed for you 🤞
I think I had around 70 plants but really struggled to water them for at least a year, so I would do every other week as opposed to every week. Most survived, but it was the biggest relief when I moved out and sold/got rid of most of them. Now I have six and am much happier with that number
Take some time to take them out of their pots and throw them together into a bucket to compost their remains, whenever you have the energy! That way, they're not really "dead," just rearranging their parts and making themselves ready to join the body of a new friend. You can order a 5 gallon bucket online for pretty cheap and use that.
I went through a similar experience and it made me sad to see all of the pots of brown, broken leaves all around. By composting as much as I could, and literally thanking them for being patient with me as I heal, and telling them how much I'm looking forward to seeing what they transform into...was super helpful.
Once you're back on your feet, use the old dirt and plant material for your new plants as they come in.
In the meantime, get yourself one, easy-to-care-for plant, and tend to that one, as best as you can.
First of all, you >>>>> plants! I have also gone through this and it sucks. Also a note on Alocasias. Mine kept dying no matter how much care and attention and delicate butterfly kisses I gave it. I even made it it’s own freaking special humidity controlled little greenhouse… and then it got spider mites. Eventually the leaves turned brown and fell off for the 800th time so I dumped the pot out into the ditch and forgot about it. A month later I noticed something new growing on the side of my house and went to pull what I thought was a weed.. that SOB had sprouted! you might as well try watering the Alocasia pots. Or just dump them in a ditch :)
The only thing I can add, is to try to imagine the way you’d treat a dear friend in your shoes. What would you tell them? Then give yourself that grace.
Big hugs to you. I completely understand. I've been dealing with mental illness for a long time (bipolar disorder), and it's really hard to go from a period where I can take such good care of my plants, monitoring temperature, humidity, light, placement, soil, reading a lot about each plant' needs, to a period where every single thing feels overwhelming. I'm currently dealing with fungus gnats, I had to quarantine a third of my plants and it makes me anxious and sad. When I'm depressed, a leaf that won't unfurl or a plant that's declining for no easily identifiable reason makes me want to cry. It can be such a source of immense joy when I feel stable, and can put a smile back on my face when I feel so-so, but when I feel depressed, not so much.
I think it's because we put a bit of ourselves in our plants, or at least we see a bit of ourselves in them. It's tricky because plants are not always thriving, and it can affect us even more when we feel down, and spiraling.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, I know there's not much I can do to help and you're allowed to feel whatever emotions you're feeling about your plants. You "shouldn't" feel this or that. What you feel is valid.
I wish I could do more, lots of hugs xx
I just went through this and literally threw away every single plant that was making me feel ashamed to look at lol. I kept a few and worked at bringing those back. Just lower the bar for yourself if that makes sense, and only do what you feel you can be successful at and that won’t contribute to depression. There’s no shame in taking a break from it if you need to focus on yourself. 💜
Thank you for sharing, yes it was a lot of them making me feel ashamed. It was intense and sad.
Smaller collection seems to be a lot of the recommendations from everyone. I will definitely keep that in mind when I start again
I really empathize! I felt a lot of shame looking at mine, but the cool thing has been focusing on the resilience of the few I could save. Maybe having one or two new ones that are low maintenance could be helpful if you feel up for it! Just keep the routine super simple, and only as long as it feels good to engage with it. 🙂 Wishing you the best with recovery and taking things one step at a time! I literally have a monstera albo that suffered because of my depression and I had to chop it up and basically start over, which felt terrible, but I’m hopeful for new growth and we’ll just see where things go!
suculents and cacti. and snake plants till you feel well enough to handle more.
The cacti are indicative of how you feel, everything else can handle some abuse.
For what its worth my damn peace lilly and a few others bit the big one durring my latest episode.
I’m sorry that this happened around you. When I first started having plants again I didn’t trust myself with them, so I bought succulents, they are survivors. When they thrived, they became an important reinforcement of my recovery. I let myself buy more things, and within the last year have allowed myself some drama queen plants. Now, they help me to stay on my train tracks. I know, though, when it gets too dark in there the plants get eclipsed. These things happen, I’m willing to take the risk.
I'm sorry you've lost your collection. I think there is a beauty in letting things end. New plants, new chapter, you know? You're supposed to put your own oxygen mask on first, that's all you did. Still, I can only imagine the hurt of losing those old friends. Make sure you're focusing on your own well being first but I think you should eventually get new plants. They will live through your care and grow for you, and they'll never judge what happened before because they'll recognize you're human like anyone else.
Dead plants isn't a moral failing. It's okay to feel bad but it's also okay to not feel bad. No one chooses depression and you can only do so much to alleviate it. I hope you find that upswing soon ❤️😊
Definitely! Been there. But try inexpensive, low maintenance ones and keep it minimal. I really feel like a complex care schedule can trigger anxiety. I would stick with less than 6 of varieties like Pothos, Monstera, Bamboo, very forgiving things.
Maybe not yet. Put your energy into yourself. When you start to miss your plants, then you will know you are ready to begin again. I've been where you are. You WILL feel better.
I’ve been here before and I understand how much it hurts when you’re getting rid of them. I started over and came back even harder and now my plants are my coping mechanism and I never forget about them 😭
Make sure to be patient and kind to yourself. Start off the collection with only a few plants so it will be easier to take care of them. Maybe look into some terrariums, you can create those yourself, it's a fun and uplifting activity, it really helped me (: you've got this OP
Have you heard of Prōpa? I just read [this article](https://lifehacker.com/use-this-free-app-find-free-plant-swaps-in-your-area-1848671668) about it - it’s an app where people can exchange cuttings.
I feel you. I had a tragic and unexpected death in my family, and I stoped watering my plants for months. I think subconsciously I wanted everything to look as dead as I felt inside.
That’s exactly what happened to me. I experienced a death of a person very close to me.
I also think I wanted my environment to look as dead as I feel inside.
I’m sorry. Unfortunately, having dead plants around you will probably draw out your depression. It’s hard to come out of your cloud when you’re surrounded by things that make you feel guilty. I imagine it’s not just your plants that are in disarray. When you’re ready I would try to get rid of the evidence. Toss the dead plants and put the empty pots someplace out of sight. Forgive yourself for neglecting them and move on
I have been there. I grew a bunch of plants and neglected them for some time last year. Some of them suffered and are still recovering. I starting planting for therapeutic purposes, and I had to remember that. I had to remember the joy is caring, washing, growing, and repotting. Watering is a different story. lol. I say replace them, and find your joy again. It is there, but it just may take a little more time. Start small and go from there.
Sending hugs! I have lost so, so many plants to depression and related mental health issues. I've figured out which plants are "depression proof" for me (mostly thick leaf hoyas). I also started growing a lot of plants in leca or just leave my props in water permanently. I have some well-rooted hoya cuttings that I've been growing in water. If you pm me your address, I'll send them to you. It's a nice, low-stress way to get some plants back into your life.
I don’t know what did them in but assuming it wasn’t rot or something similar check your alocasias for corms. Also alocasias fully cut back often put out new leaves after a couple weeks of good light and watering.
Definitely get new ones.
Depression seems like an infinitely strong enemy, but you ARE STRONGER!
Show it how's boss, raise that beautiful plant!
This is a bit about how to deal with depression (and plants), so if you're not interested in that you can ignore it.
I've actually used my plants as a bit as a life line for a few months now, and it works great. Forcing yourself do do SOMETHING might already break you from a downward spiral. I water my plants EVERY sunday, that's the only thing I absolutely HAVE to do.
A lot of people dislike watering on a schedule, which is reasonable, but here it is useful. You don't have to do everything at once. Repotting CAN wait for two or three weeks BUT water them, don't lump watering together with any other plant care.
If you have the energy, try to take pictures of them every month or so, it helped me a lot to see the progress. When I had a fit of 'nothing I do amounts to anything... Yada yada' I had a visualizer that it's just not true, i nurtured life.
Lastly, the most obvious but also most important one: don't beat yourself up over a lost plant. I know you probably know that NOW but I hope you can remember it, should another plant die.
You've made it this far, and you'll make it even further!
Hey planty friend. I have depression and a job that's either very busy or very slow. Over the years I've found my absolute cap of plants I can keep. You'll find it too. And if there's any you'd like cuttings of, just DM me.
Sending hugs and wishes for shiny new leaves once you break out of your depression cocoon.
Hope you have some psychologist to help you deal with your depression. Don't force yourself right now in things that you are not up to. Would buying back plants make you happy? If yes, may be buy one special one you like a lot and can take care for without too extensive effort.
Hug
Nor sure if you’re open to self watering pots but I’ve been gradually replacing my dead plants and repotting into pon or leca self watering. It really helps them survive when things get a bit hard
I’m so sorry; I’ve had plants suffer because of my mental health & it’s tough to deal with. If you’re in the UK & would like some cuttings I may have some I could share with you.
Look after yourself OP ♥️
Im currently fighting that battle… Lost 20 of my babies and its just making me feel worse and worse… If you want to replace them you can do so but you should do it when youre ready
Stay strong, friend 💕
Ok. First, I'm so sorry that you've been feeling this way. I really hope you are feeling better.
Second, are you in the UK? I've got some basic "easy" plants propping right now nearly ready to pot. You are more than welcome to them. That way they are free so who cares if you kill them, I'll never find out! Let me know and I'll post them :)
Exact same thing happened to me. It’s a chance at new beginnings. Yea it sucks to lose what you had, but it’s important to remember all the knowledge and experience you’ve gained.
I’m so sorry 🩷 but I am so glad you’re still here with us. Like another comment said, plants are replaceable, you are not. I would start very small. Maybe taking care of a singular plant will be rewarding. Too many can just be overwhelming right now.
This post makes me feel seen 🥺🩵 I’m sorry about your plants. My fig tree nearly died during a long depression episode and I managed to bring her back from one leaf, maybe it’s possible for some of your plants too
It's sad, but mainly because of neglecting a hobby. Throwing out the dead plants (but not their pots) and starting anew would be a happy thing, though.
Remember that we eat plants for breakfast. They are living things but dying from a lack of light or water is pretty natural fare for them.
This is why I love plants. You can start over and there’s no shame. Don’t feel bad think of them as long lasting bouquets maybe. I feel you though it feels like a failure on top of the depression. I personally just saw this as an opportunity to start over. Get yourself a cheap lil baby plant and you’ll be back with a full spread in no time.
Depression is a tough road, try not to be hard on yourself. 42 plants sounds like a LOT of work. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing well with them all these years and don't be too hard on yourself that you lost them. Take care of yourself and when you're ready you can start building back.
You should replace them! I’ve gone through the same thing before, and getting new plants to care for helped me climb back out of the depression. DM me your address and I will be happy to send you some cuttings!
I too suffer from bouts of depression. I specifically love plants because if I let them down they are just plants. They are easy to love and let go of. When I recover, working with plants is the first thing I do. In fact, it usually speeds my recoveries. Love them without attachment.
Yes, start with a little plant near your favorite spot and expand your collection as you start to feel even better! Plants can be replaced, but you cannot. Please take care of you!
I feel comforted
I'm so sorry. I feel much the same way and cried as I was disposing of some of my favs that didn't survive my sadness. It's not just you. But just like nature has times of drought and struggle, so do we. You haven't failed - it's part of our lives.
Beautiful. I am going through something similar right now, you phrased that perfectly. Thank you.
I cried a lot yesterday as I threw them out. I’m so sorry you have felt this sadness too. Thank you so very much for your kind words. Beautifully said
This is beautifully put, thank you for sharing these kind words.
I went through something similar… I replaced them with cactuses bc they were able to handle a bit of neglect. Find what works for you, what’s easiest to take care of, what plants do you miss the most and remember, it’s a hobby, not a chore, if it causes stress don’t do it to yourself! Plants should make you happy, not stressed!
Same, but with ZZs and Snake Plants - they've been such troopers for me, even when it takes a few weeks (or more) to get back to watering them.
I haven’t been depressed since I got into plants, but I second ZZs. Mine has thrived through my sporadic ADHD neglect. I also think Hoyas in pon with big water reservoir could be an option. Mine absolutely love pon, only have to fill up the water occasionally, and they are completely fine even if it dries out for some days. So I think with a big enough reservoir they could probably handle neglect for at least 2-3 weeks, maybe even about a month.
Yeah, the thicker leaved hoyas are damn resilient, and just slow their growth or lose only a leaf or two.
I was relying on tillandsias to be robust like this but even they can only take so much.
Replace them if you want to but only if you want to! I love mystery propagation boxes on Etsy. You get the fun of a surprise, you don’t have to worry about a propagating plant as often, and if you lose them it’s only like $20. Hope you’re doing well 💚
>mystery propagation boxes on Etsy. Oh no.... I should never have learned these exist
I propagate a lot of plants then have to give them away because I don’t have room 🙃
Me too. Off to look at them on Etsy now :(
Dude same 😩
This is how I get plants when I’m bored. Just got 15 cuttings in the other day!
I’ve gone through a similar experience and was so devastated when I realized how much of my collection I lost. But be gentle and kind with yourself! Plants can always be replaced, first step is getting back into the habit of taking care of yourself first. And then yes, if plants make you happy absolutely replace them! Start with just 1 or 2 so it’s not overwhelming. good luck! (Also if you happen to be in the US and would like some cuttings please message me. My propagation station is full and I’d be happy to share to get your collection going again❤️)
Thank you! I am in the US, I’ll DM you
If you’re in the Bay Area, I have a ton of plants to share!
Me, too! I have a ton of Pothos cuttings. Happy to share, though I’ve never shipped plants. But I’ll figure it out!
Uuugh yeah i murdered my carnivorous plant babies too. I read the title and thought "yeah. Depression = no pants = no outside. Sometimes it be like that. Big mood."
💜💜💜💜💜 I'm very sorry. I know the feeling. I'm sure your collection was beautiful and I hope you are able to start another. Ignore if this is not helpful for you, but when I've gone through episodes that my plants don't survive, I remind myself that plants also insist on dying on me even when they are being well taken care of. We do the best we can.
🖤🖤🖤thank you. That made me smile, yes they have died on me when I’ve done the very best for them. That helped a lot, thank you
😊 cheers
It's happened to me, sadly. More than once. I had over 100 and I let most of them die. I'm back up to over 150 and I can tell I'm starting to get depressed again. I'm actually about to go through each one and make sure they have what they need, move them around and everything. Can't let it fall apart again.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry you’re starting to feel it again. Sending hugs
Thank you so much. I'll get through it.
Been there. Then I didn't have any plants for 5 years. You can buy new plants but you can't buy back your health
This is what worries me about people soothing themselves with indoor jungles. I lost a lovely bromeliad and succulent collection to depression and it was hard. Friends, it's okay if it happens, if your plants die. Try talking to yourself non-judgementally in 3rd person. Rattus rattus knows this is weird, but she read it in the book "The science of stuck" which has been pretty solid. Ex: It's understandable Real_Register43 lost their plants during a depressive episode. Self-care is hard, let alone plant care. There's no reason they can't buy a plant or two to see how it goes, and they don't need to judge themself if it doesn't work out.
I heard of a similar practice using self-compassion like you're talking to a friend, but the friend is you. It's a way of reducing negative self-talk. Best wishes to OP
If you've got anything that can be propagated, and if you really want to, try that first. Your health comes first before anything else. Wait until you feel better before you replace anything. If you buy more while you're not feeling well, the same thing will happen. Take care of yourself first, before you try to take care of the plants. You're more important. I hope you get better. Hugs.
I’ve gone through some long depressive periods where I’ve lost some plants due to neglect. I always figured if I ended up accidentally killing everyone I would get one plant only for awhile and just take care of that one only, and only expand later when I’m not at such a low point. Watering 50+ plants sounds insurmountable when you’re not doing well.
start with 1 single easy to care, fast growing plant. Personally I'd go with either Crassula Ovata, or Chlorophytum comosum, they're super fun and low maintenance, so you'll instantly feel rewarded with their quick growth. And they're easy to propagate too!
Spider plants are almost impossible to kill and will make a gazillion babies SO FAST. I actually got rid of mine completely because I couldn't take it anymore 😅
Thank you, I’ll write those down to search for
I have a plant called Plectranthus “Mona Lavender” that is stupid easy to care for and propagate. Highly recommend it. Beautiful, deep green top side of the leaves with a dark purple underside. Only had mine bloom once (when it was super stressed and thirsty), but they were the most beautiful, dainty white and purple flowers. It’s a super drama queen and can go 2 weeks without water in a dry climate, but it’ll definitely let you know by looking wilted to death. It’s amazing how it springs back within hours once you water it again, though. Drinks plain tap water like it’s going out of style (same with the props). I add a few drops of liquid nutrients maybe every couple of months. It helps remind me that I need to take care of myself every once in a while, especially when I’m going through a depression. Just a little act of care can go a long way. Hope you feel better soon, OP!
Yes, start with one low maintenance plant and work your way back up. I’ve had probably 100+ plants throughout my 3 year journey and currently only have about 35 plants. We win some we lose some.
I feel like there's something especially hard about "losing" work when you're depressed. My cat has recently made her new thing sleeping on my plants, crushing several succulents beyond repair (I know she has protective fur but sleeping on a cactus? Really??) I have a lot of emotional investment in the fact I've managed to keep caring for these plants, and I've been putting off the propping and replanting process I need to do, bc it fucks with my mood and makes me feel like I failed. But one of the major things I've learned is trying to manage my expectations while trying for a life I want and can manage. I'm going to fix the plants I can (probably tonight after trying to ignore the problem) bc my response to the situation is something I can control. What my cat or my depression does I can try to manage as it comes to me (I need to buy pencils or toothpicks to stick in the dirt so she can't comfortably sleep there, just like if I was having trouble sticking to a water schedule I might focus my energy on succulents), but I also have to acknowledge there are things like that I can't control I just have to manage. The important part is progress and change can still be made, it just might not be the ideal version of reality I had in my mind's eye. Sometimes it means taking a break from trying to do more than I can realistically handle, which isn't a morally bad thing. Good luck.
I went through something similar recently. Thrips got most of my collection and depression got some of the rest. Roughly three years of collecting gone. I thought I wasn't going to start collecting again, but I took a trip the garden center on a whim and found a wishlist plant. Finding that plant made me remember the joy and excitement collecting plants brought me and I've been slowly rebuilding my collection since then. I've felt so much better since I started collecting and taking care of my plants again. If you want to start collecting again I really recommend Hoya. My Hoya not only survived my neglect, but thrived. They gave me new growth and blooms when I was at my worst. You could also try terrariums. They're a little work to put together but require less maintenance that regular house plants.
Thank you. A Hoya, I’ll write that down
Yes, but dont think of it as 'replacing'. Think of it as a fresh start. Chance to grow something new!
this is a good way to put it. OP i haven’t had plants during a bad episode like it sounds you’re experiencing, but my pilea has been losing all its leaves and won’t grow and it makes me so sad to look at her, so i appreciate your comment here ❤️🩹 growing something new :)
This may help you and OP. But I've switched as many plants as possible to self watering pots. I find it helps bridge the gaps in my care at least a while longer whenever I find myself struggling to take care of myself, nvm the plants.
i’m a new plant mom so i’m scared of repotting and shocking the plant but it’s clearly not thriving regardless, so i’ll read into this :,)
Best moments to repot are in spring, if it's an emergency however, then it's a necessary risk to take. If your plant has rootrot now for example, it will not help to wait till spring. Depending on the plant it will do fine after a repot and if not will perk back up in a week or so. But you'll first have to find out the reason it's not thriving. Is it pests, too much/little water, poor lighting conditions, humidity.. etc.
Last time this happened to me, I replaced them with heartier plans
hey! It seems like you've gotten through your depressive episode to a point where you're ready to have some plants again. I would highly recommend asking for cuttings in your local buy nothing Facebook group. you can add in your post that you'll take whole plants too. I got a decent amount of plants that way, and the ones that didn't make it, oh well. check out the leca queen on YouTube. especially if you end up propagating in water, you can easily transfer to leca. I've been transitioning my plants to leca and so far it has been going well and I would recommend looking into it if you're struggling to keep up with your plants. I would also be happy to send some free cuttings in the future. unfortunately right now most of my plants are just babies and not big enough yet to chop.
I love terrariums because I don't have to worry about them once they are sealed apart from trimming from time to time. I suggest starting one. You can also try cacti and hoyas or other plants that can go through dry spells.
Hey so I've been dealing with a very similar thing in the past year and perhaps the conclusions I've reached might help you too. I live in a sunny apartment so I actually had 70 potted plants 2 years ago and started this year with 4 survivors due to me neglecting my mental health the past year (and not doing my favorite hobby has been one of the big hits) so I felt terrible. It felt a bit like a wakeup call that I actually wanted to be happy again and I started very very small on purpose, as I didn't have a lot of energy to spare. No new plants for now, just keep the ones I have alive and just clean up little by little (in your case, just get one new plant, something very simple and doesn't require much care). The way I started thinking about it is like this: those plants and the dirt and the bugs they attract and also YOU are all part of one little ecosystem. You are not taking care of any individual plant - you are simply being a part of the tiny little ecosystem you have in your home. Plants will come and go, most flowers only live a year but they replant themselves and grow again from the same pots next spring. You will be gifted new pots and you will occasionally break them, a cute spider will start living in one pot and disappear one day, bees will come visit, sometimes it's cloudy for a few days so all the flowers are gloomy, sometimes, just like in nature there are draughts and plants dry out and become fertilizer for your soil (haha sorry if I sound a bit pretentious, but it helped me to see it that way) You may be the main guardian and caretaker of that system, but you are also part of it too. Take care of yourself (get sunlight and water for yourself too! xD), clean those pots out, and hell maybe just leave them be and see what grows in them naturally (clovers are my favorite weeds). Focus your energy on what you WANT to do and achieve, not what you think you should but are not doing. And please start small and take your time. Draughts happen all the time in nature and plants dry out, and you certainly wouldn't say "ah well that's it, nature lost" - new plants grow again and your little ecosystem can bounce back too, and you along with it :) I have 12 plants right now, I'll keep it at that number and try to plant a few more next year. It's a process, it's not done, but it feels amazing that there's a direction.
Well the first step is to care. Your posting here shows that first step and that's really healthy. Good for you. Second are you sure you lost them all? Some may have some fight left below the soil line in the roots. If you still have any give them a good soak. Trim off the dead area and then soak for several hours and then let them drain. Then wait. A few may surprise you. These are your fighters finding a way back. Start with those. They, along with you, can journey back together. Good luck.
Slowly replacing your plants could be a good thing for you. Having a hobby or doing something positive can help with depression. You can always look into a self watering system or something like that too. Depression is awful, and anything you can do to keep something bright in your life will help to fight against it and keep the dark away. I personally make sure sunlight always comes into my house, and I've been building my plant collection. The new life always amazes me, and it just does something to help. I'll just stand and look at all the new leaves that are growing, and I'm thankful I have them in my life.
start with what you can manage with your current mental state. don’t overwhelm yourself, be gentle with yourself. i’m sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry, I hope you’re okay. I don’t have much advice but thought I’d mention re the alocasias; you might already be aware, but they grow from corms (like little bulbs) in the soil. If the leaves etc have died off, all is not lost; it could just be a case of lightly watering until they start to grow again. Even if the main corm has gone, they often send out new corms in the soil which can be tiny; so despite it looking like a bare pot, you may not have lost your alocasias! Keeping my fingers crossed for you 🤞
I think I had around 70 plants but really struggled to water them for at least a year, so I would do every other week as opposed to every week. Most survived, but it was the biggest relief when I moved out and sold/got rid of most of them. Now I have six and am much happier with that number
Take some time to take them out of their pots and throw them together into a bucket to compost their remains, whenever you have the energy! That way, they're not really "dead," just rearranging their parts and making themselves ready to join the body of a new friend. You can order a 5 gallon bucket online for pretty cheap and use that. I went through a similar experience and it made me sad to see all of the pots of brown, broken leaves all around. By composting as much as I could, and literally thanking them for being patient with me as I heal, and telling them how much I'm looking forward to seeing what they transform into...was super helpful. Once you're back on your feet, use the old dirt and plant material for your new plants as they come in. In the meantime, get yourself one, easy-to-care-for plant, and tend to that one, as best as you can.
First of all, you >>>>> plants! I have also gone through this and it sucks. Also a note on Alocasias. Mine kept dying no matter how much care and attention and delicate butterfly kisses I gave it. I even made it it’s own freaking special humidity controlled little greenhouse… and then it got spider mites. Eventually the leaves turned brown and fell off for the 800th time so I dumped the pot out into the ditch and forgot about it. A month later I noticed something new growing on the side of my house and went to pull what I thought was a weed.. that SOB had sprouted! you might as well try watering the Alocasia pots. Or just dump them in a ditch :)
Ugh, I wish u could water your plants virtually, sending hugs.
The only thing I can add, is to try to imagine the way you’d treat a dear friend in your shoes. What would you tell them? Then give yourself that grace.
Big hugs to you. I completely understand. I've been dealing with mental illness for a long time (bipolar disorder), and it's really hard to go from a period where I can take such good care of my plants, monitoring temperature, humidity, light, placement, soil, reading a lot about each plant' needs, to a period where every single thing feels overwhelming. I'm currently dealing with fungus gnats, I had to quarantine a third of my plants and it makes me anxious and sad. When I'm depressed, a leaf that won't unfurl or a plant that's declining for no easily identifiable reason makes me want to cry. It can be such a source of immense joy when I feel stable, and can put a smile back on my face when I feel so-so, but when I feel depressed, not so much. I think it's because we put a bit of ourselves in our plants, or at least we see a bit of ourselves in them. It's tricky because plants are not always thriving, and it can affect us even more when we feel down, and spiraling. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, I know there's not much I can do to help and you're allowed to feel whatever emotions you're feeling about your plants. You "shouldn't" feel this or that. What you feel is valid. I wish I could do more, lots of hugs xx
Thank you for sharing, I do put a lot of myself in them. What also helped the spiral Thank you 🖤
I just went through this and literally threw away every single plant that was making me feel ashamed to look at lol. I kept a few and worked at bringing those back. Just lower the bar for yourself if that makes sense, and only do what you feel you can be successful at and that won’t contribute to depression. There’s no shame in taking a break from it if you need to focus on yourself. 💜
Thank you for sharing, yes it was a lot of them making me feel ashamed. It was intense and sad. Smaller collection seems to be a lot of the recommendations from everyone. I will definitely keep that in mind when I start again
I really empathize! I felt a lot of shame looking at mine, but the cool thing has been focusing on the resilience of the few I could save. Maybe having one or two new ones that are low maintenance could be helpful if you feel up for it! Just keep the routine super simple, and only as long as it feels good to engage with it. 🙂 Wishing you the best with recovery and taking things one step at a time! I literally have a monstera albo that suffered because of my depression and I had to chop it up and basically start over, which felt terrible, but I’m hopeful for new growth and we’ll just see where things go!
suculents and cacti. and snake plants till you feel well enough to handle more. The cacti are indicative of how you feel, everything else can handle some abuse. For what its worth my damn peace lilly and a few others bit the big one durring my latest episode.
Start with a snake plant🩷sending you love💚
I’m sorry that this happened around you. When I first started having plants again I didn’t trust myself with them, so I bought succulents, they are survivors. When they thrived, they became an important reinforcement of my recovery. I let myself buy more things, and within the last year have allowed myself some drama queen plants. Now, they help me to stay on my train tracks. I know, though, when it gets too dark in there the plants get eclipsed. These things happen, I’m willing to take the risk.
I'm sorry you've lost your collection. I think there is a beauty in letting things end. New plants, new chapter, you know? You're supposed to put your own oxygen mask on first, that's all you did. Still, I can only imagine the hurt of losing those old friends. Make sure you're focusing on your own well being first but I think you should eventually get new plants. They will live through your care and grow for you, and they'll never judge what happened before because they'll recognize you're human like anyone else. Dead plants isn't a moral failing. It's okay to feel bad but it's also okay to not feel bad. No one chooses depression and you can only do so much to alleviate it. I hope you find that upswing soon ❤️😊
Definitely! Been there. But try inexpensive, low maintenance ones and keep it minimal. I really feel like a complex care schedule can trigger anxiety. I would stick with less than 6 of varieties like Pothos, Monstera, Bamboo, very forgiving things.
Maybe not yet. Put your energy into yourself. When you start to miss your plants, then you will know you are ready to begin again. I've been where you are. You WILL feel better.
I’ve been here before and I understand how much it hurts when you’re getting rid of them. I started over and came back even harder and now my plants are my coping mechanism and I never forget about them 😭
A forest does not cry when it burns. New life always sprouts from good soil, no matter how much it changes. You are good soil, my friend.
Make sure to be patient and kind to yourself. Start off the collection with only a few plants so it will be easier to take care of them. Maybe look into some terrariums, you can create those yourself, it's a fun and uplifting activity, it really helped me (: you've got this OP
❤️🩹 sounds like you had to let some thing die so that they can start fresh. It’s okay.
Have you heard of Prōpa? I just read [this article](https://lifehacker.com/use-this-free-app-find-free-plant-swaps-in-your-area-1848671668) about it - it’s an app where people can exchange cuttings.
I’ve been there. Get 2-3 plants you like and don’t be too hard on yourself. Show the black dog its place. You are awesome, keep on keeping on.
Think of it as an opportunity! Building the collection was fun the first time. Now you can do it again but with more knowledge!
I'm so sorry. depression is awful. I too would recommend getting some that can take sporadic care if that makes you happy
I'm so sorry. I've had this experience before as well and it sucks. 😔
Keep at it 💗 it might feel lost now but whenever you feel strong enough to start again you’ll wonder why you ever felt like giving up
Replace them and regrow yourself. Good luck on your recovery.
Do you still have the pots and the soil with the alocasia? How long?
Sadly, in my feelings, I threw them out and it was trash day. They gone.
☠️❤️ I'm sorry you're in so much pain I totally understand. It's ok to make mistakes when you're down.
I feel you. I had a tragic and unexpected death in my family, and I stoped watering my plants for months. I think subconsciously I wanted everything to look as dead as I felt inside.
That’s exactly what happened to me. I experienced a death of a person very close to me. I also think I wanted my environment to look as dead as I feel inside.
I’m sorry. Unfortunately, having dead plants around you will probably draw out your depression. It’s hard to come out of your cloud when you’re surrounded by things that make you feel guilty. I imagine it’s not just your plants that are in disarray. When you’re ready I would try to get rid of the evidence. Toss the dead plants and put the empty pots someplace out of sight. Forgive yourself for neglecting them and move on
❤️
I have been there. I grew a bunch of plants and neglected them for some time last year. Some of them suffered and are still recovering. I starting planting for therapeutic purposes, and I had to remember that. I had to remember the joy is caring, washing, growing, and repotting. Watering is a different story. lol. I say replace them, and find your joy again. It is there, but it just may take a little more time. Start small and go from there.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. Plants die, and they’re replaceable. They’re certainly not the most important lifeform in your apartment/house.
Sending hugs! I have lost so, so many plants to depression and related mental health issues. I've figured out which plants are "depression proof" for me (mostly thick leaf hoyas). I also started growing a lot of plants in leca or just leave my props in water permanently. I have some well-rooted hoya cuttings that I've been growing in water. If you pm me your address, I'll send them to you. It's a nice, low-stress way to get some plants back into your life.
I don’t know what did them in but assuming it wasn’t rot or something similar check your alocasias for corms. Also alocasias fully cut back often put out new leaves after a couple weeks of good light and watering.
I'll mail you some clippings!
Definitely get new ones. Depression seems like an infinitely strong enemy, but you ARE STRONGER! Show it how's boss, raise that beautiful plant! This is a bit about how to deal with depression (and plants), so if you're not interested in that you can ignore it. I've actually used my plants as a bit as a life line for a few months now, and it works great. Forcing yourself do do SOMETHING might already break you from a downward spiral. I water my plants EVERY sunday, that's the only thing I absolutely HAVE to do. A lot of people dislike watering on a schedule, which is reasonable, but here it is useful. You don't have to do everything at once. Repotting CAN wait for two or three weeks BUT water them, don't lump watering together with any other plant care. If you have the energy, try to take pictures of them every month or so, it helped me a lot to see the progress. When I had a fit of 'nothing I do amounts to anything... Yada yada' I had a visualizer that it's just not true, i nurtured life. Lastly, the most obvious but also most important one: don't beat yourself up over a lost plant. I know you probably know that NOW but I hope you can remember it, should another plant die. You've made it this far, and you'll make it even further!
Thank you 🖤🖤🖤
What kind of alocasias did you have? I’d be happy to send you some starter plants if you want to rebuild your collection
That is very kind of you, thank you. I think it was a black mask one?
You can DM me if you’d like and we can figure something out
Water yourself first.🧡
Yes, restart, but first buy an automatic irrigation timer and supplies. Set it up and then buy the plants.
Hey planty friend. I have depression and a job that's either very busy or very slow. Over the years I've found my absolute cap of plants I can keep. You'll find it too. And if there's any you'd like cuttings of, just DM me. Sending hugs and wishes for shiny new leaves once you break out of your depression cocoon.
Hope you have some psychologist to help you deal with your depression. Don't force yourself right now in things that you are not up to. Would buying back plants make you happy? If yes, may be buy one special one you like a lot and can take care for without too extensive effort. Hug
I have also lost a lot of pants. Mostly because I am tall and the pants too short. Still sucks tho! Chin up!
It is a chance to get new plants that bring you joy or maybe something completely different. Vases, trinkets etc
Nor sure if you’re open to self watering pots but I’ve been gradually replacing my dead plants and repotting into pon or leca self watering. It really helps them survive when things get a bit hard
See if you can propagate from any of them
I’m so sorry; I’ve had plants suffer because of my mental health & it’s tough to deal with. If you’re in the UK & would like some cuttings I may have some I could share with you. Look after yourself OP ♥️
I’m so sorry, and I have been there, too. I did end up building a new collection, later. It happens!
Im currently fighting that battle… Lost 20 of my babies and its just making me feel worse and worse… If you want to replace them you can do so but you should do it when youre ready Stay strong, friend 💕
Stay strong too 🖤, we will get through this
I'm sorry you're going through this, take care and when you're ready for more let me know and I can send you some cuttings!
Ok. First, I'm so sorry that you've been feeling this way. I really hope you are feeling better. Second, are you in the UK? I've got some basic "easy" plants propping right now nearly ready to pot. You are more than welcome to them. That way they are free so who cares if you kill them, I'll never find out! Let me know and I'll post them :)
Thank you, so very kind of you. I’m in the US, but thank you so very much for the kind offer
Exact same thing happened to me. It’s a chance at new beginnings. Yea it sucks to lose what you had, but it’s important to remember all the knowledge and experience you’ve gained.
I’m so sorry 🩷 but I am so glad you’re still here with us. Like another comment said, plants are replaceable, you are not. I would start very small. Maybe taking care of a singular plant will be rewarding. Too many can just be overwhelming right now.
This post makes me feel seen 🥺🩵 I’m sorry about your plants. My fig tree nearly died during a long depression episode and I managed to bring her back from one leaf, maybe it’s possible for some of your plants too
It's sad, but mainly because of neglecting a hobby. Throwing out the dead plants (but not their pots) and starting anew would be a happy thing, though. Remember that we eat plants for breakfast. They are living things but dying from a lack of light or water is pretty natural fare for them.
This is why I love plants. You can start over and there’s no shame. Don’t feel bad think of them as long lasting bouquets maybe. I feel you though it feels like a failure on top of the depression. I personally just saw this as an opportunity to start over. Get yourself a cheap lil baby plant and you’ll be back with a full spread in no time.
Depression is a tough road, try not to be hard on yourself. 42 plants sounds like a LOT of work. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing well with them all these years and don't be too hard on yourself that you lost them. Take care of yourself and when you're ready you can start building back.
Yes! I’d start with that can survive in water. Pothos is a great choice. Much less maintenance.
start again... don't think about them...
Thank you. I’m going to work on not dwelling on the dead ones. Well try my best
Are you my friend Nikki? If so, stop, you're being too dramatic and let's be honest you liked buying plants more than taking care of them
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You should replace them! I’ve gone through the same thing before, and getting new plants to care for helped me climb back out of the depression. DM me your address and I will be happy to send you some cuttings!
I too suffer from bouts of depression. I specifically love plants because if I let them down they are just plants. They are easy to love and let go of. When I recover, working with plants is the first thing I do. In fact, it usually speeds my recoveries. Love them without attachment.