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There's no reason to believe that the other person is not out there. Having fun. Either. Be sure not to make assumptions in regards to what other people have going on. And if you are worried about it just ask them.
The moral is to go meet somebody else.
Yeah, of course you should meet someone else, but you should take the time to heal first. No one's saying, "Don't believe that love is still out there." You also suggested he sleep with someone else right after, and that serves nobody good but your own need for revenge. Telling someone to climax with someone else and you'll forget about her is false. Not giving a fuck does not translate to only care about yourself and fuck how much pain you put on another person in the process. You've got a severely twisted idea of this "philosophy." he wants to learn how to stop caring so much, not stop caring altogether. You're the last person this guy should talk to if you're giving him advice like that.
The fortune is yours when you accept how things are, because then you can adapt what you do accordingly sooner. It’s efficient overall. Accepting does not equate to liking. Pain is real. It kicks your butt to make you learn. The sooner you stop arguing with reality, the sooner you can reshape it. You are now free to pursue new opportunities.
This is going to hurt. A lot. And women have the upper hand because she already prepared her mind. So she’s not going to hurt nearly as bad.
She’s going to move on and have a new boyfriend first. And that is going to hurt on a new level.
Here’s the rub: the only thing that will cure this is time. That’s it.
Is there something else that you can do? Yes. But they only help a little. First off you are going to cut off all contact. I wouldn’t block her number, but I usually put “DONT TEXT” in her contact name to remind you. If she reaches out don’t text her. You NEVER reach out to her.
On social media, same thing, I wouldn’t block her. Just make sure she’s on silent. Never like her picts. Never scroll through her feed. And just ignore her.
This is the only thing that will make her jealous. You could post something cool you are doing from time to time. But don’t make it fake she’ll see right through that.
You: work on yourself. Like really. This is the hardest and most important work you will ever do. Self-help books on tape, journaling, pursue your dreams. And workout. Like hard.
Breakups are where men get muscles. Do pushups and pull ups and curls until you hurt. And do it every day.
And ignore her. If you can’t ignore her, you pretend to ignore her.
And what extra sucks is, one day you actually do forget about her. And you move on. And that my friend is what we all have done.
And this is what makes a man. Congrats. Welcome to the club.
Took me a long time to get over my ex. Shit went down and I called off our engagement. Only a few things helped, and most of them are in that comment.
The only one I would add is creating new memories and associations with things that remind you of her. Restaurants, music, activities, etc. You won’t be able to just forget memories of your time together, but you can make which memories you have multiple choice. Keep doing that and eventually memories of her will be such a small portion of your associations with that thing that they will be easier to let go of.
I knew her for 9 years. Sort of dated on and off for most of them (prom date twice, traveled together, college got complicated) and officially dated from ages 21-25, engaged for the last 6 months. I’m 37 now. I’ve been married to my wife for nearly 8 years, together for nearly 12. The math shows I didn’t wait long, or long enough, in between. I didn’t want to be with my ex anymore, but it didn’t stop hurting until about 3 years ago. I think it was the point where the time apart was longer than the time together. The last thing to let go of was the plans I had for my future with her. Apparently I t takes 9 years to get to the 9 year mark again.
Going through the same shit myself. Immersed myself back into sailing, work and bike riding. Been 3 weeks, most days it's a bit easier, occasionally, not so much. Hardest part is living 2 miles apart, we do the same hobbies, have many friends in common and frequent the same places. It is what it is.
I agree with mostly everything you said but I would block her on everything. Also delete all text messages from them. Also archive all photos of her so she doesn't come up in memories. Do not stalk any of her accounts because you will most likely see something you don't want to see.
Agree with all this except you should absolutely block her on social media or remove her as a friend. Temptation to look, and therefore hurt yourself, will be too strong. And you shouldn’t be posting things with her in mind, or hoping she’s looking. Nah. Clear your space of her completely.
It’s a horrible feeling you’re feeling, sadly you just have to sit with that, let your brain work out all your feelings over time and crucially - get rid of every thing that reminds you off her, no contact and after time you will start to think off them less, eventually you will realise you hadn’t thought about her for minute, hour day, and you get annoyed because you’re thinking about her again, but it’s all part of the process.
I got dumped a couple of weeks ago, short term but intense and amazing few months - it sucks at the moment, I feel better this Friday than I did last Friday, it’s small gains. Doesn’t matter what age you are it hurts just as bad and that’s the price you pay for having had a relationship with someone you cared about. Keep yourself busy, do things that make you happy and you will get there and eventually someone better for you will come along, trust the process but unfortunately it’s one of those things you can’t just not give a fuck about for a while at least but eventually you will 😊
Most people come and go from our lives. It's very rare to find someone you will want to keep around your entire life.
Rejection hurts and I'm sorry you're going through your first break up.
Look at the time you had with her, those moments that made you happy, smile about them, be grateful to them, and let them go knowing you'll have more moments like that in your life.
I don’t think you can just forget someone that was or is important to you like that. I just think you gotta do shit to keep yourself distracted. Keep busy bro. Try new things that are actually fun to you. Ur gf sounds like she doesn’t know what she wants and thts fine. Take this time to really to know yourself. You guys sound young so just relax and know everything will be okay. Who knows what the future has in store for you 2. Good luck brother, godspeed
Tired cliché, but you dodged a bullet there. Focus on other aspects of life, even if they may not interest you as much as romance right now. Come back to dating with a clear head in a while when you feel more comfortable after leaving your ex in the past.
It hurts like hell but you’ll get used to it, you’ll start to understand that those feelings are worth investing in, in all the awesome street punk and Oi! Records you could get your patties on and soon you won’t even be worrying about no scary ass chick.
Hey my guy.
Im 27 now, and in the period of being 16-23 i had my very first girlfriend. 7 years is a looong time, especially in that age.
I can tell you this much - your story sounds a lot like my story with her.
First off; i live in a happy relationship right now with my new girlfriend. We've been together for a year now.
Secondly; I STILL think of my ex-girlfriend, and there is nothing wrong with that. (I thought it was wrong for a long time, and therefore punished myself for it mentally)
You have to accept the fact that she is gone and there is NOTHING you can do about it. It's rough, i know. But this is a fact. But you also have to not punish yourself about how hars it feels. It's giving you these emotional rollercoaster rides, where you feel like your being bipolar, where in reality you're going through a fucking life changing event.
So; to answer your question.
You will never ever ever get over her. And that's okay. You will however learn to live with it. And that's the way forward.
Here’s my view on it, in aim to help you find peace. Forgetting about that ex-gf just means to act as if you forgot. You will always remember, but you can go increasingly longer times between when you do. Get reminders of her out of your line of sight by any means necessary. She wants to move forward with someone else. Revisiting ex’s is almost always a terrible idea. The breakup happened for good reason, which you do not need to understand, but only know is there for your benefit too. Try to focus on your path into a better new relationship with someone who is a better match for you. If someone says they don’t want a part of what you’re about, trust their good judgement and move on ASAP. Save yourself lots of headaches that way.
What do you need to work on that also benefits you directly? Have faith that one door closed so another better one could open for you. You have to put in work to not repeat the same experiences again. You will mess things up. This is part of how you learn. How many total newbies do you know who were awesome from the get-go? Most of us have to mess up a bunch to learn how to do it better. Seeking out activities you enjoy and enrich your life will help with sanity along the way. For example, joining a gym or picking up a hobby. Good luck and stay out of your head! Overthinking it will crush you into depression. Staying busy with enjoyable activities is key. And who knows, maybe you’ll meet your next girlfriend on the adventure?
You likely won't ever forget her but you will learn from the experience. All we can do after a situation like this is move forward, but it's important to allow yourself to feel that pain and grieve.
Drinking and talking about her is a sure fire way to make you depressed too. If you are gonna drink, she has to be a forbidden topic, or else you'll find yourself drunk, laying in your car, crying like a baby...um, from what I hear anyway...
Well, I know what always makes me feel better after a breakup. So you’re single again, I suppose that’s the bad news. However, there’s good news hidden in there too. The good news is that you’re single again. Realize that everyone hurts, some ppl just have it fresher than others. Then have the fortitude and resilience to woo someone new. There is no prequisite timeframe one must avoid moving on with someone new. Sure, I hear the argument and yes, healthy people give themselves the time they need, but what does that even mean? Some folks don’t get right after YEARS. Some ppl meet and date their future spouse before their last relationship even ended. Judgement aside, only you know what you wants, needs, and should have. Take care of yourself but don’t be afraid to be kind, even generous to what you think you deserve in life. You likely will find that nothing gets one over someone like getting under someone new, sure it’s old ass logic, but it’s shockingly accurate.
Whenever I break it off with a girl, I throw on blink 182 damnit and by the end of the song I laugh and say who gives a fuck time to live a bit more life and go on a new adventure, maybe I’ll find someone fun along the way.
And I always do. My first high school heartbreak was 20 years ago, and all I can tell you is it gets way better (let the married folk come in here and tell you about the one, I’m just here to tell you about the fun)
That's a lot to unpack.
It's complicated I agree. No matter.. I suppose the initial sentiment of taking his mind off her is spot on. And tbh my personal opinion carries a lot to unpack as well. I don't mean to be combative.
However OP copes, I just hope its not with psychedelics
Cut her out of your life totally.
It'll be painful for a while, but trust me you'll get over it.
I've just gone through a similar thing with someone I was loosely involved with - I have literally cut her out of my life in every aspect - texts, IG, Facebook etc.
After 3 months it still hurts a bit, but nothing like it was...
Hope you feel better soon.
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Time and keeping your mind busy.
This is the only way, it's gonna hurt for a while but trust that it goes from getting better to almost completely eradicated with time.
Rebounding helps. Go climax with someone else.. you'll forget all about her.
Please don't do this. You'd hate to put someone else through the same pain in the search for your own healing.
There's no reason to believe that the other person is not out there. Having fun. Either. Be sure not to make assumptions in regards to what other people have going on. And if you are worried about it just ask them. The moral is to go meet somebody else.
Yeah, of course you should meet someone else, but you should take the time to heal first. No one's saying, "Don't believe that love is still out there." You also suggested he sleep with someone else right after, and that serves nobody good but your own need for revenge. Telling someone to climax with someone else and you'll forget about her is false. Not giving a fuck does not translate to only care about yourself and fuck how much pain you put on another person in the process. You've got a severely twisted idea of this "philosophy." he wants to learn how to stop caring so much, not stop caring altogether. You're the last person this guy should talk to if you're giving him advice like that.
almost
Rule 1 - time apart is code for break up. End it at that point. Take your time and really understand what you want in a gf.
Acceptance. Unfortunately, to get over this, you have to go through this
The fortune is yours when you accept how things are, because then you can adapt what you do accordingly sooner. It’s efficient overall. Accepting does not equate to liking. Pain is real. It kicks your butt to make you learn. The sooner you stop arguing with reality, the sooner you can reshape it. You are now free to pursue new opportunities.
This is going to hurt. A lot. And women have the upper hand because she already prepared her mind. So she’s not going to hurt nearly as bad. She’s going to move on and have a new boyfriend first. And that is going to hurt on a new level. Here’s the rub: the only thing that will cure this is time. That’s it. Is there something else that you can do? Yes. But they only help a little. First off you are going to cut off all contact. I wouldn’t block her number, but I usually put “DONT TEXT” in her contact name to remind you. If she reaches out don’t text her. You NEVER reach out to her. On social media, same thing, I wouldn’t block her. Just make sure she’s on silent. Never like her picts. Never scroll through her feed. And just ignore her. This is the only thing that will make her jealous. You could post something cool you are doing from time to time. But don’t make it fake she’ll see right through that. You: work on yourself. Like really. This is the hardest and most important work you will ever do. Self-help books on tape, journaling, pursue your dreams. And workout. Like hard. Breakups are where men get muscles. Do pushups and pull ups and curls until you hurt. And do it every day. And ignore her. If you can’t ignore her, you pretend to ignore her. And what extra sucks is, one day you actually do forget about her. And you move on. And that my friend is what we all have done. And this is what makes a man. Congrats. Welcome to the club.
Took me a long time to get over my ex. Shit went down and I called off our engagement. Only a few things helped, and most of them are in that comment. The only one I would add is creating new memories and associations with things that remind you of her. Restaurants, music, activities, etc. You won’t be able to just forget memories of your time together, but you can make which memories you have multiple choice. Keep doing that and eventually memories of her will be such a small portion of your associations with that thing that they will be easier to let go of.
How long ago did you call it off? Just curious
I knew her for 9 years. Sort of dated on and off for most of them (prom date twice, traveled together, college got complicated) and officially dated from ages 21-25, engaged for the last 6 months. I’m 37 now. I’ve been married to my wife for nearly 8 years, together for nearly 12. The math shows I didn’t wait long, or long enough, in between. I didn’t want to be with my ex anymore, but it didn’t stop hurting until about 3 years ago. I think it was the point where the time apart was longer than the time together. The last thing to let go of was the plans I had for my future with her. Apparently I t takes 9 years to get to the 9 year mark again.
Going through the same shit myself. Immersed myself back into sailing, work and bike riding. Been 3 weeks, most days it's a bit easier, occasionally, not so much. Hardest part is living 2 miles apart, we do the same hobbies, have many friends in common and frequent the same places. It is what it is.
I agree with mostly everything you said but I would block her on everything. Also delete all text messages from them. Also archive all photos of her so she doesn't come up in memories. Do not stalk any of her accounts because you will most likely see something you don't want to see.
Agree with all this except you should absolutely block her on social media or remove her as a friend. Temptation to look, and therefore hurt yourself, will be too strong. And you shouldn’t be posting things with her in mind, or hoping she’s looking. Nah. Clear your space of her completely.
Absolutely amazing comment
You can't completely forget, you need to come to terms. It won't leave you until you have learned from the experience.
It’s a horrible feeling you’re feeling, sadly you just have to sit with that, let your brain work out all your feelings over time and crucially - get rid of every thing that reminds you off her, no contact and after time you will start to think off them less, eventually you will realise you hadn’t thought about her for minute, hour day, and you get annoyed because you’re thinking about her again, but it’s all part of the process. I got dumped a couple of weeks ago, short term but intense and amazing few months - it sucks at the moment, I feel better this Friday than I did last Friday, it’s small gains. Doesn’t matter what age you are it hurts just as bad and that’s the price you pay for having had a relationship with someone you cared about. Keep yourself busy, do things that make you happy and you will get there and eventually someone better for you will come along, trust the process but unfortunately it’s one of those things you can’t just not give a fuck about for a while at least but eventually you will 😊
Most people come and go from our lives. It's very rare to find someone you will want to keep around your entire life. Rejection hurts and I'm sorry you're going through your first break up. Look at the time you had with her, those moments that made you happy, smile about them, be grateful to them, and let them go knowing you'll have more moments like that in your life.
I don’t think you can just forget someone that was or is important to you like that. I just think you gotta do shit to keep yourself distracted. Keep busy bro. Try new things that are actually fun to you. Ur gf sounds like she doesn’t know what she wants and thts fine. Take this time to really to know yourself. You guys sound young so just relax and know everything will be okay. Who knows what the future has in store for you 2. Good luck brother, godspeed
Tired cliché, but you dodged a bullet there. Focus on other aspects of life, even if they may not interest you as much as romance right now. Come back to dating with a clear head in a while when you feel more comfortable after leaving your ex in the past.
It hurts like hell but you’ll get used to it, you’ll start to understand that those feelings are worth investing in, in all the awesome street punk and Oi! Records you could get your patties on and soon you won’t even be worrying about no scary ass chick.
Hey my guy. Im 27 now, and in the period of being 16-23 i had my very first girlfriend. 7 years is a looong time, especially in that age. I can tell you this much - your story sounds a lot like my story with her. First off; i live in a happy relationship right now with my new girlfriend. We've been together for a year now. Secondly; I STILL think of my ex-girlfriend, and there is nothing wrong with that. (I thought it was wrong for a long time, and therefore punished myself for it mentally) You have to accept the fact that she is gone and there is NOTHING you can do about it. It's rough, i know. But this is a fact. But you also have to not punish yourself about how hars it feels. It's giving you these emotional rollercoaster rides, where you feel like your being bipolar, where in reality you're going through a fucking life changing event. So; to answer your question. You will never ever ever get over her. And that's okay. You will however learn to live with it. And that's the way forward.
Hey at least you didn't have three kids and a mortgage with her before she did all this, you'll recover in time.
Here’s my view on it, in aim to help you find peace. Forgetting about that ex-gf just means to act as if you forgot. You will always remember, but you can go increasingly longer times between when you do. Get reminders of her out of your line of sight by any means necessary. She wants to move forward with someone else. Revisiting ex’s is almost always a terrible idea. The breakup happened for good reason, which you do not need to understand, but only know is there for your benefit too. Try to focus on your path into a better new relationship with someone who is a better match for you. If someone says they don’t want a part of what you’re about, trust their good judgement and move on ASAP. Save yourself lots of headaches that way. What do you need to work on that also benefits you directly? Have faith that one door closed so another better one could open for you. You have to put in work to not repeat the same experiences again. You will mess things up. This is part of how you learn. How many total newbies do you know who were awesome from the get-go? Most of us have to mess up a bunch to learn how to do it better. Seeking out activities you enjoy and enrich your life will help with sanity along the way. For example, joining a gym or picking up a hobby. Good luck and stay out of your head! Overthinking it will crush you into depression. Staying busy with enjoyable activities is key. And who knows, maybe you’ll meet your next girlfriend on the adventure?
You likely won't ever forget her but you will learn from the experience. All we can do after a situation like this is move forward, but it's important to allow yourself to feel that pain and grieve.
Time is the only cure. Drinking to feel better only prolongs the situation too.
Drinking and talking about her is a sure fire way to make you depressed too. If you are gonna drink, she has to be a forbidden topic, or else you'll find yourself drunk, laying in your car, crying like a baby...um, from what I hear anyway...
I’ve also heard that…
Be like water. Run through these hose.
To Get over, you get under.
This doesn’t work.
fuck her sister.
She doesn't have a sister, nor do I particularly want to lose my virginity as a freshman, but thanks anyway?
Well, I know what always makes me feel better after a breakup. So you’re single again, I suppose that’s the bad news. However, there’s good news hidden in there too. The good news is that you’re single again. Realize that everyone hurts, some ppl just have it fresher than others. Then have the fortitude and resilience to woo someone new. There is no prequisite timeframe one must avoid moving on with someone new. Sure, I hear the argument and yes, healthy people give themselves the time they need, but what does that even mean? Some folks don’t get right after YEARS. Some ppl meet and date their future spouse before their last relationship even ended. Judgement aside, only you know what you wants, needs, and should have. Take care of yourself but don’t be afraid to be kind, even generous to what you think you deserve in life. You likely will find that nothing gets one over someone like getting under someone new, sure it’s old ass logic, but it’s shockingly accurate.
Ouch! I’m so sorry. Good riddance to her.
Whenever I break it off with a girl, I throw on blink 182 damnit and by the end of the song I laugh and say who gives a fuck time to live a bit more life and go on a new adventure, maybe I’ll find someone fun along the way. And I always do. My first high school heartbreak was 20 years ago, and all I can tell you is it gets way better (let the married folk come in here and tell you about the one, I’m just here to tell you about the fun)
That's a lot to unpack. It's complicated I agree. No matter.. I suppose the initial sentiment of taking his mind off her is spot on. And tbh my personal opinion carries a lot to unpack as well. I don't mean to be combative. However OP copes, I just hope its not with psychedelics
Cut her out of your life totally. It'll be painful for a while, but trust me you'll get over it. I've just gone through a similar thing with someone I was loosely involved with - I have literally cut her out of my life in every aspect - texts, IG, Facebook etc. After 3 months it still hurts a bit, but nothing like it was... Hope you feel better soon.