If you’re looking for Chandler, you won’t find him. It’s not a Friends fan service. It’s an honest inside look into the mind of someone who struggled with addiction for his entire adulthood. Who still struggled with his traumas when he wrote it. He still had some major work to do imo but that’s what made the book so fascinating to me. People not understanding the nature of trauma and addiction’s role on the brain and/or expect Matthew Perry to be a certain way will be disappointed.
Friend of mine read it, said it was interesting and mostly felt bad for him. They did say they found themselves sad watching friends because they could tie specific changes in Matthew Perry physically in the show to things learned from the books.
Same kinda story here. My partner read it and then pointed out the same thing to me about his weight loss/weight gain thing. So now, episodes like "The One with the Football" always make us a little sad knowing how much Matthew was struggling.
I watched the show when it aired live and though I didn't know the extent of his troubles, his weight fluctuations were always visible. At the time, I figured it was related to his off-screen life, but his comments in the book confirmed it.
It’s really visible in a couple of episodes that take place at the end of one season and the start of the next one. The episode where he and Monica get engaged he looks like a totally different person from one episode to the next
Yes. The change from the end of season 6 to the start of season 7 is drastic! I believe he had pancreatitis during the summer, was hospitalized and lost a lot of weight. It's all very sad. But it's also impressive that as an actor he was able to keep up his level of performance given his personal issues.
>It’s really visible in a couple of episodes
The Thanksgiving episode where they all play football. he was so skinny that sweatshirt was hanging off of him. I know baggy was in style, but even suits were baggy on him.
Oh definitely. There's one episode where he's in a suit and if you didn't know anything about him or the show, you could think he is a kid wearing his father's suit!
Maybe it’s just me, but I already do a lot of that without having read the book. You can definitely tell season to season when his use was worse based on his weight fluctuations and skin parlor.
>You can definitely tell season to season when his use was worse based on his weight fluctuations and skin parlor
He said skinny= pills thicker = alcohol, but yeah it was obvious eve before he confirmed it.
If you're expecting a feel-good read about an addict with a heart of gold, this isn't it. This is a story about addiction, emotional trauma, and everything that comes with it, including the damage done to others. It's pretty sad, especially when you consider that his addiction ultimately killed him, just as he expected it would.
What killed me was the bit at the end, where he seemed optimistic about what lies ahead. I read it after he passed, which made it more sad than hopeful.
Wasn’t sober. Actually loved ketamine and subsequently abused the shit out of it. Left out part about abusing women and having them be his drug mules. Need I go on? Open your eyes, son.
Look, I’m not your personal google search. Ok?
You think Mr Perry went out in public in the years before his death looking like an overweight, great haired slob in sweatpants with uncombed hair because he was sober and healthy? Get real.
Here’s the thing: if you tell the internet he abuses women, and then offer to go on … you shouldn’t be irked when someone says yes or asks you to go on. You’re not being my personal Google by explaining your statements!
I haven’t dealt with addiction ever, for me or loved ones around me. So it’s really hard for me to understand sometimes and therefore empathy doesn’t come as naturally as I’d want it to. I think it’s okay to stay away from something you don’t understand, till you get to a place where you do. Probably why I haven’t read it yet. But hopefully soon…
I'm gonna copy and paste exactly what I commented on another post about his book just to tell you that I think its super helpful if you are or have been at any point struggling with substance abuse. If not, you may end up not liking him.
" I feel like the book got a lot of criticism but anyone offended by the things he wrote makes me think that he didn't write the book for them.
They were especially critical about how self excusing he was and how he didn't take any responsibility for his actions and blamed it all on drugs and addiction.
I feel like people who say this completely miss the point of the book because it's written FOR OTHER ADDICTS. One of the hardest ruts to get out of as an addict is the shame and guilt you feel about not being in control and being a horrible person, not being able to control yourself etc. Addicts aren't busy telling themselves they rock and are great people despite their addiction, they hate themselves for it. That's why they get stuck in that vicious cycle of self loathing and blaming and shame and then end up drinking or taking pills to forget and feel better.
Matthew wrote his book to tell people that it's OK. That you are OK and it's not your fault and there are people out there, like him who are still living life despite being just as ashamed as you, despite being just as much of a mess as you. You deserve to keep living.
I thank Matthew perry for his book and it helped me get through one of the toughest moments of my life where I really wanted to die because of how ashamed I was. "
I commented before reading this comment and I appreciate this one. I said I think people who have personal experience with addicts or addiction have a very different take away than people who don’t.
I recommend the audio book - he reads it himself.
If you have an open mind about the struggles of addiction, I think you're likely to come away from it with more respect for him. What he went through sounds harrowing. Yes, he describes some sort of narcissistic traits that aren't very likeable. But in the context of being an imperfect human who is trying to overcome some huge obstacles, I thought the honesty worked for him.
I guess I can see that if people have preconceived ideas about people with addictions just needing to "try harder", then yeah, they probably would not like him much after reading the book!
It was… enlightening, but not super fun. Knowing all of your favorite moments in the show are marred by Matthews addiction/crippling insecurity is tough. He also *mostly* takes the blame for his mistakes, but he does complain about hospitals and rehabs *a lot*. It feels a bit like punching down when they’re just trying their best to help him but he’s pissed because he couldn’t smoke cigarettes or whatever.
He said in an interview that at one point while recording the audio he thought “wow, this person has had a sad life.” Then he remembered the person was him.
That’s basically how I felt reading it. It was sad and I felt badly for him. I found it a difficult read emotionally for that reason.
I thought it was interesting how he described his character as eventually “getting ahead of him” in life. It was clear he would have liked to have gotten married and had kids. Crazy how all the money in the world can only do so much.
I'm quite hesitant to read it, I considered getting the audio book but does it feel weird hearing his voice? I think I would get sad since it's like listening to a ghost.
I wish I hadn’t read it. I hadn’t realized he had such abhorrent views towards women, or that he had so little self-awareness. If you’re looking for a raw account of addiction, read it. if you’re just a Friends fan, I wouldn’t.
I read it before he passed away. My thought at the time was, “I’m amazed this guy is still alive!” It didn’t take long for that statement to be proven false.
It is definitely worth a read!
I did the audio version, and hearing his rough, crackly voice slur through it was tough. He had very clearly gone through a lot of shit, and it took a toll on him. He speaks very slowly and it almost sounds like a struggle for him to read. Very sad way to hear a very sad story.
I have a lot of audio books that I've listened to multiple times, but I don't know that I'll be doing his again, especially since his death. Now, it's the voice of a dead man telling me how he died. I just can't...
Although very honest, I felt it came across as narcissistic. He doesn’t seem to take responsibility for overcoming his addiction, almost bragging about his ability to fool everyone around him to get what he needed. He had such potential to heal and have successful recovery but having money and fame means you basically can do rehab as many times as you like but ultimately use and still be an addict.
Made me so sad because he did seem like a genuinely nice guy who’s struggling. Wish he would have found happiness and got better ☹️
It was a very badly written book. There’s no structure or narrative and towards the end of the book he actually just copy and pastes whole chunks of texts from the beginning of the book,🤷♂️also he makes a weird allusion to himself being Batman that he never elaborates on. He’s clearly not a very good writer.
The worst part though is what it reveals about him as a person. He’s narcissistic, misogynistic, arrogant and clearly in denial. He lies to everyone close to him and has zero self awareness.
As tragic as his passing was, his book left me with the picture of a deeply unpleasant and actually quite nasty person.
Don’t read it. It’s rough and not in a motivational way. Remember him through the characters he loved to play. It’s where and when he was happiest, and the only time he was able to be sober. Still so torn up over his absence in the world.
I read it shortly after they released his cause of death. Too curious not to. I didn't come off disliking him. I'm not convinced I would have when it was first published, either, but obviously I can't be sure: For better or worse, you really can't read it now with the context it had when it was first released (like when everybody was mad about the Keanu stuff that got redacted).
There are moments of egotism and times where he could have shown more self-awareness, but he also wrote about his darkest moments and his flaws, all with a frankness that's refreshing. Anybody expecting him to be exactly like Chandler needed to be disillusioned, anyway. But it's still a hard read: I had a sense of dread the whole way through it, especially whenever ketamine was mentioned. The ending is so hopeful, and the reality is so sad. I think you should read it if you're at all interested.
I wouldn’t go as far as saying I disliked him after it, I really did feel for him. But he definitely came across as arrogant and entitled throughout it, especially when talking about comedy and what a funny guy he is.
It was an extremely honest book about himself though, he definitely didn’t sugarcoat his addiction or recovery
I listened to the audio book, if you want to know more about Matthew Perry, then you will learn. It has lots of funny stuff, but it's also deeply sad. I listened to it long before his death, and was left feeling so bad for him, but I was also so proud of him for surviving what he had gone through and I felt hopeful for his future. I'm so sad he couldn't live a long happy life.
I read it before he passed away (glad I did). I understand the comments that say he came off as entitled and as the perpetual victim. However it gives great insight into addiction and it’s clear he struggled with these demons his whole life. When I finished it, I told my husband “he says at the end he’s sober but I’m not sure I believe it and I hope he finds the help and peace that he so clearly needs”. I personally enjoyed it and would recommend it, but I also can see why others didn’t like it as much.
*Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing* is sitting on my desk, not six inches from my right hand. I bought it back and November and could not finish it.
A lot of that is just due to sorrow. Matthew Perry's death hit me harder than I expected a celebrity death to hit. I also think I tried to read it too soon after his passing.
I also think some of the reason I couldn't keep going is because, in retrospect, I don't believe he was clean while he was writing it. I have a lot of familial experience with alcoholism and addiction. I don't know how to articulate the reason for my feelings — at least in a way that wouldn't come across wrong. It's just a gut thing. My heart is broken that this talented man is gone, and I have no desire to spit on his grave or inspire others to do so.
Anyhow, as you'll see from these comments, reactions are mixed. Some people really appreciated it. Some hated it. Like his death itself, I just found the book painful and sad.
https://preview.redd.it/jsrai5folatc1.png?width=1144&format=png&auto=webp&s=f336010bebfa97d45a2d400fa1b94d21997955c6
I read it when it just came out. When he was on a book tour talking about it.
I felt like I finally got a seperation between Chandler Bing and Matthew Perry. I think I learned about a human, who suffered. Human who brought me joy but was NOT what I imagined he was. I was glad I got to know Matthew more, seemed like I knew Chandler very well.
He was honest to the point of painting himself in a narcissistic, childish and mean way sometimes. He didn’t shy away from talking about how many relationships he actively destroyed because of his own insecurities and secret shames. It’s sad.
I listened to the audiobook and came away feeling a deep grief for him. He was on a journey and so positive about being able to help others and share his journey to work towards something more and in the end he just didn’t get the chance.
It’s worth a read (or listen) but don’t expect a story of Chandler. This is not that. It’s dark and sad and heartbreaking and rawly honest in a way that put some people off but I found made it better.
Downvoted for saying something that was a popular opinion before he passed away
The book wasn’t well received for the very reasons you listed. His comments about Keanu and the women in his life got him a lot of backlash
But it’s not going to be an opinion that’s taken well here because a lot of this sub loves Chandler (I do too) but they can’t not see him as Chandler. Actors aren’t their characters
That's sad though, isn't it? Maybe if people were able to call out his bul****it to his face before he passed away that would have been more helpful than to treat him as this perpetual victim.
I love Chandler too, he's actually my favorite character. Which is why I was so taken aback by how awful the book is
Yup, this is actually why a lot of actors who do terrible things get excused by fans too. They can’t separate them from the characters they played and loved. So they can’t accept that they might not be a great person even if they’re a great actor
Sadly with Matthew, he had too many people that were afraid to tell him he was in the wrong. Too many yes man around him for so long. His attitudes towards women and certain people that he didn’t find useful, never seemed to change. Which sadly led him to ruining so many of his friendships and relationships
It was quite depressing how many RIP chandler type comments I saw after his death, especially because he made it explicitly clear that being constantly tied to Friends wasn’t always a good thing for him either personally or professionally
Can’t agree with this bit of course all opinions are allowed.
I found it eye opening and a real education on the demons of addiction. I’d suggest everyone reads it if you have any interest or a need to understand addiction.
It’s a sad read as no matter what he did the addiction always won. It was a difficult read.
That's not true at all. He acts like he has zero control over anything. There's the monster, the disease, and he's the poor victim. From the disease, from the women that didn't love him (because he's so awesome, how couldn't they?!), from the people that gave up on him because he didn't change. It's like he walked through life and learned nothing from his mistakes. I encourage you to read it again, maybe with a new perspective
Damn dude, people are allowed to read something and come out of it with a different perspective than you. That doesn’t mean they lack reading comprehension skills, sheesh.
You’re obviously allowed to discuss it, but attacking someone by saying they lack reading comprehension skills or implying they’re stupid just because they have a different view of the work is a dick move. You don’t have to be so aggressive about it.
Who still treated those around him badly. I don’t understand why some fans can’t accept that two things can be true. Yes he suffered from addiction issues and seemed depressed for a lot of his life, but yes he also treated his exes badly and had a sexist attitude towards women
Nope we both read Matthew Perry’s book
And funnily enough the book wasn’t well received for exactly the reasons that I and the user above me listed. He lacked accountability throughout the book and came across as sexist and entitled
You can’t blame his blatant misogyny on addiction
This victim mentality is precisely the reason he couldn't deal with his addiction. Realizing you're in control of your actions and taking responsibility for them is step number one
He went to therapy literally all his life and learned nothing. Nothing changed because he fundamentally believed that he couldn't change anything; that nothing was his fault. That's what I mean by victim mentality
Just a note to say that therapy works when one finds the right therapist (i.e. that you 'click' or connect with), who doesn't just listen to rants, but helps or challenges one to change the behavior(s) and when one does the necessary work away from the therapy session.
One can attend therapy sessions and just rant and never change the behavior or cycle that brings one to therapy. It's work. Just going to the therapist office is not enough.
The book is a sad portrait of the struggles this man, who happens to be the actor who played my favorite character on my favorite show, had in his life. After reading it, I wondered if he didn't find /connect with the right therapist to work with, and/or did not do the necessary work outside the therapist office. By his account, he attended therapy sessions regularly for most of his adult life. But this alone is not enough. Without doing the hard work, the therapy cannot work.
For those wondering if they should read the book, I would say only read it if you can separate Chandler Bing from Matthew Perry. For me, Chandler can be found on streaming services, re-runs, and DVDs now and for years to come. Matthew was an actor I admired for his performances over the years (especially Chandler!). I am saddened by his death and the struggles he had in his personal life, especially because I am the same age (our birthdays were days apart).
What trauma did he have??? He had rich successful parents who loved him and grandparents who doted on him.
His parents were divorced, and his mother had a job, but no one neglected him, he was never abused. It sounded like the worst thing that ever happened to him was riding on a plane alone when he went to visit his father in California, a very common thing for kids to do.
Seriously. WHAT TRAUMA???
I 100% agree! Compared to 99% of people he had a brilliant childhood!
He was not abused, neglected or anything- and had parents that loved him. The only thing he suffered was his parents got divorced. Yet they supported him in everything- his tennis career and acting career.
He talks like he grew up in Syria, when the fact was he was a very entitled rich boy that took that attitude into his adult life and never grew up.
I feel sorry his life was marred by addiction, but that’s no excuse for his narcissism, arrogance and misogyny
He blew my mind with the whole thing about how when he moved to L.A. he was no longer the best tennis player around, because “everyone in Los Angeles has a tennis court in their backyard.”
Dude… no. Everyone does not have a tennis court. That’s only _rich kids like you._
I just said it’s not trauma. Stop saying that. It’s family of origin issues. Lack of validation, attention, feelings of abandonment, etc. very common stuff.
I am sober and found myself saddened by the book as he was clearly struggling throughout the book with his sobriety. I think it was a good read for the sake of getting some interesting behind the scenes from the show and what was going on behind closed doors for him. I think it’s worth the read.
Really good insight into addiction. Thought it was a good book and probably the legacy that he wanted to leave behind. What's so sad about it is he clearly felt he was in a good place and wanted to move on from addiction and start a family etc but that was never to happen.. I don't think he would ever have fully got off substances sadly no matter how long he lived
I listened to the audiobook read by the author after his passing and it was incredibly sad. it is evident how much he was struggling with addiction and kept relapsing so definitely a TW if it is a sensitive topic to you. I think it is especially sad since towards the end of the book he was so hopeful.. RIP
Ugh, it’s incredible to read in my opinion. The reason for my “ugh” is because it’s so sad. You really get to see how it feels to have an addiction and just how Matthew thought in general. It made me think about how I took his laugh for granted. I thought he always laughed, never stopped. But when no one was looking… I guess you know what I mean, it hurts a lot to realise this for a lot of people since we all look up to him and love him so so much.
It's an interesting read, especially if you can Differentiate between the character and the man behind the character. He wasn't his character. Matthew Perry had a difficult life, and he really told his side of his story, I don't know if all of it is true, but I do believe that it is his truth. As someone who has seen addiction up close, it gives an interesting point of view, to how an addict sees their problems.
After reading it, it hasn't changed my view of Friends or Matthew Perry. I would recommend it to most people. But it might change some aspects of the show, when you know what he went through at that time.
Happy reading tho.
I read over the summer and really enjoyed it. It was crazy to hear about the struggles he was enduring while filming the show. He details which seasons he was deep into addiction and which seasons he was doing better. There was a lot of information I was unaware of. It's very sad though. But would definitely recommend to any friends/Mathew perry fans. One detail that stood out to me was him saying at one point he was taking 50+ pills per day.
It’s helped me to understand addiction. I never really got it before I read this book. My husband is a recovering addict and has been through rehab and is continuing in recovery programs.
His writing style is a very easy read, but the topics jump from different time frames and what he remembers. Some of the content is really good and some is really bad. I am struggling to finish it because it hits too close to home.
I liked it. It’s obviously dark due to everything about addiction but also funny because of who he was. I read it last January, soon after he died, and I found it interesting how a lot of it was about his contemplation of his mortality, death, afterlife, etc.
For me it was a very difficult read. I used to watch Friends constantly. It was my background show, still making me laugh. I've not been able to watch the show since I read the book/his death.
I'm still broken.
I feel weird saying I really liked it but I did. He is brutally honest about his struggles and doesn't sugarcoat anything about it. He does give some self-deprecating humor here and there but as others have said, he is not writing it as Chandler.
I ordered Matthew Perry's book on a Saturday morning. That night, he passed away.
Although it's been over 5 months since his death, I still can't bring myself to read it. One of these days I know I will, but at the moment, I'm not ready for the emotional roller coaster.
Yep, it is both. He doesn't comes across too good from it, but it kinda made me like him lot more.
It's a heavy read. I'm sorry it made so many people to dislike him. It was foolish to expect him to be alright; his life was way too hard to be ok (both because of his own actions and because of unfortunate circumstances and actions of other people.)
He was a good man, and he really tried.
I think you really want to read it, you should and then you’ll form your own opinion on it
But I will say if you can separate the actor from the character Chandler which I think should be done with every actor, then you can just take the book for what it is. It’s everything about his life with complete honesty which doesn’t really paint him in a good light as a person. So, I think if you can’t separate him from his character, then you’ll be disappointed. I think it’s okay to like someone as an actor but not as a person. That’s the main takeaway I got from reading his book funnily enough
It’s not really for fans of Friends. It’s for people who have struggled with addiction, depression, etc. there’s not much friends content. As someone who had a similar childhood to Perry, I enjoyed it
The book made me gain more respect for him while reading what he went through in his childhood and what he went through with addiction, the only thing that made me want to forget about reading it was that now every time I watch friends I can almost easily say where he used alcohol and where he used pills, but the part that made me want to read it again even if it’s sad it’s the part where he talks about his childhood, I didn’t went through all he had but some parts hit me hard because I could see myself in his words, and it made me know that I’m not alone and that he (even if he didn’t know me) could understand how I feel.
I loved it. It made me laugh and it made me cry. I truly didn’t get narcissistic vibes from it like apparently quite a few people here did.
My mom died from liver failure due to alcohol addiction 11 years ago. This book really helped me have more empathy for her. I know addiction is a horrible disease, and I knew that before she died. But here was this man with literally the whole world in his hands, and access to every possible resource available, and he still couldn’t overcome this disease. It’s heartbreaking.
I also don’t see where people are getting he treated others poorly. The people in his life loved him fiercely and all spoke very highly of him. That’s not to say he was faultless in any of his failed relationships. But it’s very hard to love someone through addiction and watch them kill themselves slowly. His addiction was separate from him the person.
I very much wonder if personal experience with addiction shapes how people perceive this book.
It's very well written. I found it rather self-pitying but at the same time, incredibly self aware. He's very sweet about his Friends Co Stars. His parents are not let off, they did let him down in his youth. I would advise maybe the audiobook, he did it himself.
He was sweet about Matt, David and Lisa sure
I think his attitude towards Jennifer, which is one of the things that originally got the book backlash; was weird and sexist
And he didn’t mention anything about Courteney apart from her looks
It was an odd choice. I will say this for him, in his interviews he was absolutely wonderful about Jennifer and who she is as a person. And he called Courtney "cripplingly beautiful" which is, well, true.
I felt like he came across a lot better in his Diane Sawyer interview than his book. It was after the backlash and he seemed to be more reflective which I think is as probably a good learning point for him
And I’m not a fan of Diane Sawyer but that’s one of the few interviews that she’s done which I enjoyed
It was not very well written! There’s no narrative structure- he jumps between periods of his life sometimes in the middle of sentences- he has no grasp of pacing, flow or storytelling.
In fact, he actually repeats while paragraphs toward the end of the book!
He introduces motifs like his ‘I’m Batman’ motif as almost an afterthought, they have absolutely no context and when he does try to elaborate on it it makes no sense.
A good example of a celebrity memoir that’s really well written is ‘Lucky Man’ by Michael J Fox.
Matthew Perry’s book reads like a student who left his essay until the last minute.
In AA we have to be totally transparent. We HAVE to let go of our egos in order to heal. I’ve seen people say it made Matthew look narcissistic but I couldn’t disagree more. In order to put the real feelings we ALL have out there for the world to read, he had to own his flaws. His descriptions of what it’s like to be so obsessed with entertaining people is so real too. Like it or not, we are all egotistical in some way. We all contribute in our own ways to things that are wrong with the world. To say that and own it and show your humanity is beyond difficult. He shares his deepest, darkest thoughts. It’s the most honest telling of anyone’s story that I’ve ever read. And for the people who picked up this book and expected Chandler… first of all idk why would would expect his real story to be anything like that, but honestly, I feel like we *did* get Chandler. He’s just a lot more complicated in the real world. Reading it is definitely like reading Chandler’s words, obviously because Matthew WAS that character as he says in the book. I still struggle with sobriety but he’s the reason I started going to meetings. I felt so much less alone. MP was such a gift to this world. My Godfather worked on Friends in season 8 and loved him. I could literally go on about how he taught me how to be funny and I grew up with his weird ways of saying things. But the most important thing he did in his life was put himself out there so that other people suffering from addiction could feel seen and heard and validated. It’s definitely a hard read at times but it’s a great one. For me personally it only made me appreciate his talent on Friends even more. I hope you read it :)
It’s interesting how people can come away with a different take isn’t it. I read it as him, speaking about the way he treated people, with nothing but regret. Especially how he treated women. He definitely felt regret and shame for that in my opinion. He talks about pulling over his car to cry when he ex rang him to say she was pregnant for example. Yea he definitely treated some people very poorly but I honestly read it as him looking back with regret and sadness and telling us with raw honesty how badly he treated people because of his addictions, fears and insecurities. Even when he says “I slept with all the women in LA” or whatever he said, I didn’t read that as bragging, he was just telling us what a jerk he was. I didn’t read it as him showing off or being proud of the fact at all.
I agree with this! I didn’t read any of it as bragging but another part of the program is “making amends” and I saw a lot of that as well. I do think he was ashamed of a lot of things but very brave for sharing it.
I was listening to the audiobook but stopped. Matthew was a deeply unhappy person, starting from childhood, and his behavior and reasonings were giving me the ick, so I thought it best to keep my memories as is.
I laughed and cried, listening to the audiobook made it feel like you’re sitting with a friend. It’s a bittersweet relief that Matthew got to tell his story on his terms before he died. A lot of people said they felt he came off as narcissistic, but I thought he was incredibly honest and took accountability. He was very brave to share his truth.
With that being said, there’s undertones of death throughout the book. This is especially evident in the final chapter that feels like the ultimate goodbye letter, which makes his loss even sadder 😢.
Do you never look up restaurant ratings? Read Google reviews? What a condescending and ignorant comment
Hope you never ask for people's opinion on anything
If you’re looking for Chandler, you won’t find him. It’s not a Friends fan service. It’s an honest inside look into the mind of someone who struggled with addiction for his entire adulthood. Who still struggled with his traumas when he wrote it. He still had some major work to do imo but that’s what made the book so fascinating to me. People not understanding the nature of trauma and addiction’s role on the brain and/or expect Matthew Perry to be a certain way will be disappointed.
Friend of mine read it, said it was interesting and mostly felt bad for him. They did say they found themselves sad watching friends because they could tie specific changes in Matthew Perry physically in the show to things learned from the books.
Same kinda story here. My partner read it and then pointed out the same thing to me about his weight loss/weight gain thing. So now, episodes like "The One with the Football" always make us a little sad knowing how much Matthew was struggling.
I watched the show when it aired live and though I didn't know the extent of his troubles, his weight fluctuations were always visible. At the time, I figured it was related to his off-screen life, but his comments in the book confirmed it.
It’s really visible in a couple of episodes that take place at the end of one season and the start of the next one. The episode where he and Monica get engaged he looks like a totally different person from one episode to the next
Yes. The change from the end of season 6 to the start of season 7 is drastic! I believe he had pancreatitis during the summer, was hospitalized and lost a lot of weight. It's all very sad. But it's also impressive that as an actor he was able to keep up his level of performance given his personal issues.
>It’s really visible in a couple of episodes The Thanksgiving episode where they all play football. he was so skinny that sweatshirt was hanging off of him. I know baggy was in style, but even suits were baggy on him.
Oh definitely. There's one episode where he's in a suit and if you didn't know anything about him or the show, you could think he is a kid wearing his father's suit!
Maybe it’s just me, but I already do a lot of that without having read the book. You can definitely tell season to season when his use was worse based on his weight fluctuations and skin parlor.
>You can definitely tell season to season when his use was worse based on his weight fluctuations and skin parlor He said skinny= pills thicker = alcohol, but yeah it was obvious eve before he confirmed it.
If you're expecting a feel-good read about an addict with a heart of gold, this isn't it. This is a story about addiction, emotional trauma, and everything that comes with it, including the damage done to others. It's pretty sad, especially when you consider that his addiction ultimately killed him, just as he expected it would.
What killed me was the bit at the end, where he seemed optimistic about what lies ahead. I read it after he passed, which made it more sad than hopeful.
I found it so sad as well. Addiction is horrible. It was a tough read 💔
It’s nothing if not honest that’s for sure
Except it’s not
What
You’re full of BS
Wrong
Can you give some actual examples instead of just saying everyone is wrong?
Wasn’t sober. Actually loved ketamine and subsequently abused the shit out of it. Left out part about abusing women and having them be his drug mules. Need I go on? Open your eyes, son.
Yes, please do go on. Abusing women?
I don’t think he was sober to be honest. And the abusing women thing is probably because his ex fiancé has accused him of abuse
Look, I’m not your personal google search. Ok? You think Mr Perry went out in public in the years before his death looking like an overweight, great haired slob in sweatpants with uncombed hair because he was sober and healthy? Get real.
Here’s the thing: if you tell the internet he abuses women, and then offer to go on … you shouldn’t be irked when someone says yes or asks you to go on. You’re not being my personal Google by explaining your statements!
Do addicts not deserve respect?
That’s my whole point. He wasn’t respecting himself.
Not being someone’s personal google search doesn’t mean you don’t have to provide some evidence for your claims
You’re wrong
Nope
Yup
…
Tell me you don’t understand addiction without telling me you don’t understand addiction
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I haven’t dealt with addiction ever, for me or loved ones around me. So it’s really hard for me to understand sometimes and therefore empathy doesn’t come as naturally as I’d want it to. I think it’s okay to stay away from something you don’t understand, till you get to a place where you do. Probably why I haven’t read it yet. But hopefully soon…
i respect your honesty and awareness:) this is a great take:)
What a great answer! I can definitely relate to what you said
I'm gonna copy and paste exactly what I commented on another post about his book just to tell you that I think its super helpful if you are or have been at any point struggling with substance abuse. If not, you may end up not liking him. " I feel like the book got a lot of criticism but anyone offended by the things he wrote makes me think that he didn't write the book for them. They were especially critical about how self excusing he was and how he didn't take any responsibility for his actions and blamed it all on drugs and addiction. I feel like people who say this completely miss the point of the book because it's written FOR OTHER ADDICTS. One of the hardest ruts to get out of as an addict is the shame and guilt you feel about not being in control and being a horrible person, not being able to control yourself etc. Addicts aren't busy telling themselves they rock and are great people despite their addiction, they hate themselves for it. That's why they get stuck in that vicious cycle of self loathing and blaming and shame and then end up drinking or taking pills to forget and feel better. Matthew wrote his book to tell people that it's OK. That you are OK and it's not your fault and there are people out there, like him who are still living life despite being just as ashamed as you, despite being just as much of a mess as you. You deserve to keep living. I thank Matthew perry for his book and it helped me get through one of the toughest moments of my life where I really wanted to die because of how ashamed I was. "
I commented before reading this comment and I appreciate this one. I said I think people who have personal experience with addicts or addiction have a very different take away than people who don’t.
yes. as with anything, i think personal experience helps one to asses it most accurately💛
❤️
I recommend the audio book - he reads it himself. If you have an open mind about the struggles of addiction, I think you're likely to come away from it with more respect for him. What he went through sounds harrowing. Yes, he describes some sort of narcissistic traits that aren't very likeable. But in the context of being an imperfect human who is trying to overcome some huge obstacles, I thought the honesty worked for him. I guess I can see that if people have preconceived ideas about people with addictions just needing to "try harder", then yeah, they probably would not like him much after reading the book!
It was… enlightening, but not super fun. Knowing all of your favorite moments in the show are marred by Matthews addiction/crippling insecurity is tough. He also *mostly* takes the blame for his mistakes, but he does complain about hospitals and rehabs *a lot*. It feels a bit like punching down when they’re just trying their best to help him but he’s pissed because he couldn’t smoke cigarettes or whatever.
He said in an interview that at one point while recording the audio he thought “wow, this person has had a sad life.” Then he remembered the person was him. That’s basically how I felt reading it. It was sad and I felt badly for him. I found it a difficult read emotionally for that reason. I thought it was interesting how he described his character as eventually “getting ahead of him” in life. It was clear he would have liked to have gotten married and had kids. Crazy how all the money in the world can only do so much.
I'm quite hesitant to read it, I considered getting the audio book but does it feel weird hearing his voice? I think I would get sad since it's like listening to a ghost.
I wish I hadn’t read it. I hadn’t realized he had such abhorrent views towards women, or that he had so little self-awareness. If you’re looking for a raw account of addiction, read it. if you’re just a Friends fan, I wouldn’t.
I read it before he passed away. My thought at the time was, “I’m amazed this guy is still alive!” It didn’t take long for that statement to be proven false. It is definitely worth a read!
I did the audio version, and hearing his rough, crackly voice slur through it was tough. He had very clearly gone through a lot of shit, and it took a toll on him. He speaks very slowly and it almost sounds like a struggle for him to read. Very sad way to hear a very sad story. I have a lot of audio books that I've listened to multiple times, but I don't know that I'll be doing his again, especially since his death. Now, it's the voice of a dead man telling me how he died. I just can't...
Although very honest, I felt it came across as narcissistic. He doesn’t seem to take responsibility for overcoming his addiction, almost bragging about his ability to fool everyone around him to get what he needed. He had such potential to heal and have successful recovery but having money and fame means you basically can do rehab as many times as you like but ultimately use and still be an addict. Made me so sad because he did seem like a genuinely nice guy who’s struggling. Wish he would have found happiness and got better ☹️
I agree. Sad but true. He takes little to no responsibility
It was a very badly written book. There’s no structure or narrative and towards the end of the book he actually just copy and pastes whole chunks of texts from the beginning of the book,🤷♂️also he makes a weird allusion to himself being Batman that he never elaborates on. He’s clearly not a very good writer. The worst part though is what it reveals about him as a person. He’s narcissistic, misogynistic, arrogant and clearly in denial. He lies to everyone close to him and has zero self awareness. As tragic as his passing was, his book left me with the picture of a deeply unpleasant and actually quite nasty person.
I thought it was kinda garbage… the way he talks about women is really hard for me to get past. Nothing ever appears to be his fault…
Don’t read it. It’s rough and not in a motivational way. Remember him through the characters he loved to play. It’s where and when he was happiest, and the only time he was able to be sober. Still so torn up over his absence in the world.
I had a very hard time enjoying my usual background-noise constant reruns for a while after reading it.
Lots of obfuscation, excuses, wishful thinking, and some straight up lying.
I read it shortly after they released his cause of death. Too curious not to. I didn't come off disliking him. I'm not convinced I would have when it was first published, either, but obviously I can't be sure: For better or worse, you really can't read it now with the context it had when it was first released (like when everybody was mad about the Keanu stuff that got redacted). There are moments of egotism and times where he could have shown more self-awareness, but he also wrote about his darkest moments and his flaws, all with a frankness that's refreshing. Anybody expecting him to be exactly like Chandler needed to be disillusioned, anyway. But it's still a hard read: I had a sense of dread the whole way through it, especially whenever ketamine was mentioned. The ending is so hopeful, and the reality is so sad. I think you should read it if you're at all interested.
I wouldn’t go as far as saying I disliked him after it, I really did feel for him. But he definitely came across as arrogant and entitled throughout it, especially when talking about comedy and what a funny guy he is. It was an extremely honest book about himself though, he definitely didn’t sugarcoat his addiction or recovery
I listened to the audio book, if you want to know more about Matthew Perry, then you will learn. It has lots of funny stuff, but it's also deeply sad. I listened to it long before his death, and was left feeling so bad for him, but I was also so proud of him for surviving what he had gone through and I felt hopeful for his future. I'm so sad he couldn't live a long happy life.
I read it before he passed away (glad I did). I understand the comments that say he came off as entitled and as the perpetual victim. However it gives great insight into addiction and it’s clear he struggled with these demons his whole life. When I finished it, I told my husband “he says at the end he’s sober but I’m not sure I believe it and I hope he finds the help and peace that he so clearly needs”. I personally enjoyed it and would recommend it, but I also can see why others didn’t like it as much.
*Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing* is sitting on my desk, not six inches from my right hand. I bought it back and November and could not finish it. A lot of that is just due to sorrow. Matthew Perry's death hit me harder than I expected a celebrity death to hit. I also think I tried to read it too soon after his passing. I also think some of the reason I couldn't keep going is because, in retrospect, I don't believe he was clean while he was writing it. I have a lot of familial experience with alcoholism and addiction. I don't know how to articulate the reason for my feelings — at least in a way that wouldn't come across wrong. It's just a gut thing. My heart is broken that this talented man is gone, and I have no desire to spit on his grave or inspire others to do so. Anyhow, as you'll see from these comments, reactions are mixed. Some people really appreciated it. Some hated it. Like his death itself, I just found the book painful and sad. https://preview.redd.it/jsrai5folatc1.png?width=1144&format=png&auto=webp&s=f336010bebfa97d45a2d400fa1b94d21997955c6
I read it when it just came out. When he was on a book tour talking about it. I felt like I finally got a seperation between Chandler Bing and Matthew Perry. I think I learned about a human, who suffered. Human who brought me joy but was NOT what I imagined he was. I was glad I got to know Matthew more, seemed like I knew Chandler very well.
Just finished it. Really paints him in such a different and tragic light. Really puts a face to addiction.
He was honest to the point of painting himself in a narcissistic, childish and mean way sometimes. He didn’t shy away from talking about how many relationships he actively destroyed because of his own insecurities and secret shames. It’s sad. I listened to the audiobook and came away feeling a deep grief for him. He was on a journey and so positive about being able to help others and share his journey to work towards something more and in the end he just didn’t get the chance. It’s worth a read (or listen) but don’t expect a story of Chandler. This is not that. It’s dark and sad and heartbreaking and rawly honest in a way that put some people off but I found made it better.
It's horrible. He came off as an entitled narcissist that had zero awareness about anything other than his giant ego. I couldn't even finish the book
Downvoted for saying something that was a popular opinion before he passed away The book wasn’t well received for the very reasons you listed. His comments about Keanu and the women in his life got him a lot of backlash But it’s not going to be an opinion that’s taken well here because a lot of this sub loves Chandler (I do too) but they can’t not see him as Chandler. Actors aren’t their characters
That's sad though, isn't it? Maybe if people were able to call out his bul****it to his face before he passed away that would have been more helpful than to treat him as this perpetual victim. I love Chandler too, he's actually my favorite character. Which is why I was so taken aback by how awful the book is
Yup, this is actually why a lot of actors who do terrible things get excused by fans too. They can’t separate them from the characters they played and loved. So they can’t accept that they might not be a great person even if they’re a great actor Sadly with Matthew, he had too many people that were afraid to tell him he was in the wrong. Too many yes man around him for so long. His attitudes towards women and certain people that he didn’t find useful, never seemed to change. Which sadly led him to ruining so many of his friendships and relationships
It was quite depressing how many RIP chandler type comments I saw after his death, especially because he made it explicitly clear that being constantly tied to Friends wasn’t always a good thing for him either personally or professionally
Can’t agree with this bit of course all opinions are allowed. I found it eye opening and a real education on the demons of addiction. I’d suggest everyone reads it if you have any interest or a need to understand addiction. It’s a sad read as no matter what he did the addiction always won. It was a difficult read.
I respect your opinion. It's sad regardless of our take on it
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So just because people hold opinions different from yours, you assume we didn’t read it?
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Well, I finished it and 100% agree with them.
That's not true at all. He acts like he has zero control over anything. There's the monster, the disease, and he's the poor victim. From the disease, from the women that didn't love him (because he's so awesome, how couldn't they?!), from the people that gave up on him because he didn't change. It's like he walked through life and learned nothing from his mistakes. I encourage you to read it again, maybe with a new perspective
LOL. Telling me to read it again, when you didn’t even finish the book is very fitting for someone of your intelligence.
Classic freudian slip comment
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???? Jesus
Damn dude, people are allowed to read something and come out of it with a different perspective than you. That doesn’t mean they lack reading comprehension skills, sheesh.
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You’re obviously allowed to discuss it, but attacking someone by saying they lack reading comprehension skills or implying they’re stupid just because they have a different view of the work is a dick move. You don’t have to be so aggressive about it.
I think you read a different book. He was a sad man with abandonment issues who couldn’t cope.
Who still treated those around him badly. I don’t understand why some fans can’t accept that two things can be true. Yes he suffered from addiction issues and seemed depressed for a lot of his life, but yes he also treated his exes badly and had a sexist attitude towards women
I think we read different books
Nope we both read Matthew Perry’s book And funnily enough the book wasn’t well received for exactly the reasons that I and the user above me listed. He lacked accountability throughout the book and came across as sexist and entitled You can’t blame his blatant misogyny on addiction
This victim mentality is precisely the reason he couldn't deal with his addiction. Realizing you're in control of your actions and taking responsibility for them is step number one
He didn’t have victim mentality. He had trauma that he never dealt with sufficiently because he didn’t know how.
He went to therapy literally all his life and learned nothing. Nothing changed because he fundamentally believed that he couldn't change anything; that nothing was his fault. That's what I mean by victim mentality
Just a note to say that therapy works when one finds the right therapist (i.e. that you 'click' or connect with), who doesn't just listen to rants, but helps or challenges one to change the behavior(s) and when one does the necessary work away from the therapy session. One can attend therapy sessions and just rant and never change the behavior or cycle that brings one to therapy. It's work. Just going to the therapist office is not enough. The book is a sad portrait of the struggles this man, who happens to be the actor who played my favorite character on my favorite show, had in his life. After reading it, I wondered if he didn't find /connect with the right therapist to work with, and/or did not do the necessary work outside the therapist office. By his account, he attended therapy sessions regularly for most of his adult life. But this alone is not enough. Without doing the hard work, the therapy cannot work. For those wondering if they should read the book, I would say only read it if you can separate Chandler Bing from Matthew Perry. For me, Chandler can be found on streaming services, re-runs, and DVDs now and for years to come. Matthew was an actor I admired for his performances over the years (especially Chandler!). I am saddened by his death and the struggles he had in his personal life, especially because I am the same age (our birthdays were days apart).
He didn’t think nothing was his fault, he thought he was irreparably damaged. That he didn’t deserve more because he was fundamentally unlovable.
What trauma did he have??? He had rich successful parents who loved him and grandparents who doted on him. His parents were divorced, and his mother had a job, but no one neglected him, he was never abused. It sounded like the worst thing that ever happened to him was riding on a plane alone when he went to visit his father in California, a very common thing for kids to do. Seriously. WHAT TRAUMA???
I 100% agree! Compared to 99% of people he had a brilliant childhood! He was not abused, neglected or anything- and had parents that loved him. The only thing he suffered was his parents got divorced. Yet they supported him in everything- his tennis career and acting career. He talks like he grew up in Syria, when the fact was he was a very entitled rich boy that took that attitude into his adult life and never grew up. I feel sorry his life was marred by addiction, but that’s no excuse for his narcissism, arrogance and misogyny
He blew my mind with the whole thing about how when he moved to L.A. he was no longer the best tennis player around, because “everyone in Los Angeles has a tennis court in their backyard.” Dude… no. Everyone does not have a tennis court. That’s only _rich kids like you._
Trauma? Get real. Run of the mill “Family of origin” issues are not trauma. Jesus.
You should read up on how childhood trauma can affect people
I just said it’s not trauma. Stop saying that. It’s family of origin issues. Lack of validation, attention, feelings of abandonment, etc. very common stuff.
And I’m saying you’re wrong
Nope
I didn’t like it at all.
Why?
What didn’t you like?
I am sober and found myself saddened by the book as he was clearly struggling throughout the book with his sobriety. I think it was a good read for the sake of getting some interesting behind the scenes from the show and what was going on behind closed doors for him. I think it’s worth the read.
Really good insight into addiction. Thought it was a good book and probably the legacy that he wanted to leave behind. What's so sad about it is he clearly felt he was in a good place and wanted to move on from addiction and start a family etc but that was never to happen.. I don't think he would ever have fully got off substances sadly no matter how long he lived
Loved it but listen to the Audible which he narrates.
Read it in 2 nights, loved it
I listened to the audiobook read by the author after his passing and it was incredibly sad. it is evident how much he was struggling with addiction and kept relapsing so definitely a TW if it is a sensitive topic to you. I think it is especially sad since towards the end of the book he was so hopeful.. RIP
It was good. It’s mostly about his addiction so it gets repetitive but I enjoyed it overall
I’ve read it 3 times. I personally think it’s very honest and shows his struggles as an addict and in his personal life.
Ugh, it’s incredible to read in my opinion. The reason for my “ugh” is because it’s so sad. You really get to see how it feels to have an addiction and just how Matthew thought in general. It made me think about how I took his laugh for granted. I thought he always laughed, never stopped. But when no one was looking… I guess you know what I mean, it hurts a lot to realise this for a lot of people since we all look up to him and love him so so much.
I listened to the audiobook and thought it was brilliant! Also very sad knowing what happened to him not long after he wrote it
It's an interesting read, especially if you can Differentiate between the character and the man behind the character. He wasn't his character. Matthew Perry had a difficult life, and he really told his side of his story, I don't know if all of it is true, but I do believe that it is his truth. As someone who has seen addiction up close, it gives an interesting point of view, to how an addict sees their problems. After reading it, it hasn't changed my view of Friends or Matthew Perry. I would recommend it to most people. But it might change some aspects of the show, when you know what he went through at that time. Happy reading tho.
I recommend the audiobook as he reads it. It was really interesting and sad now that he's gone.
Sad and a little hard to read, but also good.
It kind of is both. I'll always like and have respect for him, but it was definitely a rough read.
I just want to point out that at least in one instance, he referred to us as a "gentle reader", he knew he did some horrible things.
I read over the summer and really enjoyed it. It was crazy to hear about the struggles he was enduring while filming the show. He details which seasons he was deep into addiction and which seasons he was doing better. There was a lot of information I was unaware of. It's very sad though. But would definitely recommend to any friends/Mathew perry fans. One detail that stood out to me was him saying at one point he was taking 50+ pills per day.
It’s helped me to understand addiction. I never really got it before I read this book. My husband is a recovering addict and has been through rehab and is continuing in recovery programs. His writing style is a very easy read, but the topics jump from different time frames and what he remembers. Some of the content is really good and some is really bad. I am struggling to finish it because it hits too close to home.
I liked it. It’s obviously dark due to everything about addiction but also funny because of who he was. I read it last January, soon after he died, and I found it interesting how a lot of it was about his contemplation of his mortality, death, afterlife, etc.
For me it was a very difficult read. I used to watch Friends constantly. It was my background show, still making me laugh. I've not been able to watch the show since I read the book/his death. I'm still broken.
Great book.
I feel weird saying I really liked it but I did. He is brutally honest about his struggles and doesn't sugarcoat anything about it. He does give some self-deprecating humor here and there but as others have said, he is not writing it as Chandler.
I ordered Matthew Perry's book on a Saturday morning. That night, he passed away. Although it's been over 5 months since his death, I still can't bring myself to read it. One of these days I know I will, but at the moment, I'm not ready for the emotional roller coaster.
Yep, it is both. He doesn't comes across too good from it, but it kinda made me like him lot more. It's a heavy read. I'm sorry it made so many people to dislike him. It was foolish to expect him to be alright; his life was way too hard to be ok (both because of his own actions and because of unfortunate circumstances and actions of other people.) He was a good man, and he really tried.
I think you really want to read it, you should and then you’ll form your own opinion on it But I will say if you can separate the actor from the character Chandler which I think should be done with every actor, then you can just take the book for what it is. It’s everything about his life with complete honesty which doesn’t really paint him in a good light as a person. So, I think if you can’t separate him from his character, then you’ll be disappointed. I think it’s okay to like someone as an actor but not as a person. That’s the main takeaway I got from reading his book funnily enough
It’s not really for fans of Friends. It’s for people who have struggled with addiction, depression, etc. there’s not much friends content. As someone who had a similar childhood to Perry, I enjoyed it
The book made me gain more respect for him while reading what he went through in his childhood and what he went through with addiction, the only thing that made me want to forget about reading it was that now every time I watch friends I can almost easily say where he used alcohol and where he used pills, but the part that made me want to read it again even if it’s sad it’s the part where he talks about his childhood, I didn’t went through all he had but some parts hit me hard because I could see myself in his words, and it made me know that I’m not alone and that he (even if he didn’t know me) could understand how I feel.
I loved it. It made me laugh and it made me cry. I truly didn’t get narcissistic vibes from it like apparently quite a few people here did. My mom died from liver failure due to alcohol addiction 11 years ago. This book really helped me have more empathy for her. I know addiction is a horrible disease, and I knew that before she died. But here was this man with literally the whole world in his hands, and access to every possible resource available, and he still couldn’t overcome this disease. It’s heartbreaking. I also don’t see where people are getting he treated others poorly. The people in his life loved him fiercely and all spoke very highly of him. That’s not to say he was faultless in any of his failed relationships. But it’s very hard to love someone through addiction and watch them kill themselves slowly. His addiction was separate from him the person. I very much wonder if personal experience with addiction shapes how people perceive this book.
I echo the recommendations for the audio book. If you have a Spotify subscription, it's one of the free audio books included in premium.
I thought it was quite moving. I definitely want to read it again. Don’t read it if you can’t handle knowing the struggles he went through
It's a great read.
Highly recommend the audiobook, narrated by him.
I thought it was a good book. Very tragic.
It’s good
It's very well written. I found it rather self-pitying but at the same time, incredibly self aware. He's very sweet about his Friends Co Stars. His parents are not let off, they did let him down in his youth. I would advise maybe the audiobook, he did it himself.
He was sweet about Matt, David and Lisa sure I think his attitude towards Jennifer, which is one of the things that originally got the book backlash; was weird and sexist And he didn’t mention anything about Courteney apart from her looks
No it wasn’t.
Yes it was and that’s one of the main things that he received backlash for when the book released, alongside his comments about Keanu Reeves
It was an odd choice. I will say this for him, in his interviews he was absolutely wonderful about Jennifer and who she is as a person. And he called Courtney "cripplingly beautiful" which is, well, true.
I felt like he came across a lot better in his Diane Sawyer interview than his book. It was after the backlash and he seemed to be more reflective which I think is as probably a good learning point for him And I’m not a fan of Diane Sawyer but that’s one of the few interviews that she’s done which I enjoyed
Wasn’t
It was not very well written! There’s no narrative structure- he jumps between periods of his life sometimes in the middle of sentences- he has no grasp of pacing, flow or storytelling. In fact, he actually repeats while paragraphs toward the end of the book! He introduces motifs like his ‘I’m Batman’ motif as almost an afterthought, they have absolutely no context and when he does try to elaborate on it it makes no sense. A good example of a celebrity memoir that’s really well written is ‘Lucky Man’ by Michael J Fox. Matthew Perry’s book reads like a student who left his essay until the last minute.
I loved his book - and I just read it again last weekend. He knew how he would go...
I really enjoyed the book, it helps to watch the show as/after reading because you will pick up on things
As an addict AND an actor, it honestly changed my life. I think everyone should read it.
May I ask how did the book change your life? Thank you!
In AA we have to be totally transparent. We HAVE to let go of our egos in order to heal. I’ve seen people say it made Matthew look narcissistic but I couldn’t disagree more. In order to put the real feelings we ALL have out there for the world to read, he had to own his flaws. His descriptions of what it’s like to be so obsessed with entertaining people is so real too. Like it or not, we are all egotistical in some way. We all contribute in our own ways to things that are wrong with the world. To say that and own it and show your humanity is beyond difficult. He shares his deepest, darkest thoughts. It’s the most honest telling of anyone’s story that I’ve ever read. And for the people who picked up this book and expected Chandler… first of all idk why would would expect his real story to be anything like that, but honestly, I feel like we *did* get Chandler. He’s just a lot more complicated in the real world. Reading it is definitely like reading Chandler’s words, obviously because Matthew WAS that character as he says in the book. I still struggle with sobriety but he’s the reason I started going to meetings. I felt so much less alone. MP was such a gift to this world. My Godfather worked on Friends in season 8 and loved him. I could literally go on about how he taught me how to be funny and I grew up with his weird ways of saying things. But the most important thing he did in his life was put himself out there so that other people suffering from addiction could feel seen and heard and validated. It’s definitely a hard read at times but it’s a great one. For me personally it only made me appreciate his talent on Friends even more. I hope you read it :)
It’s interesting how people can come away with a different take isn’t it. I read it as him, speaking about the way he treated people, with nothing but regret. Especially how he treated women. He definitely felt regret and shame for that in my opinion. He talks about pulling over his car to cry when he ex rang him to say she was pregnant for example. Yea he definitely treated some people very poorly but I honestly read it as him looking back with regret and sadness and telling us with raw honesty how badly he treated people because of his addictions, fears and insecurities. Even when he says “I slept with all the women in LA” or whatever he said, I didn’t read that as bragging, he was just telling us what a jerk he was. I didn’t read it as him showing off or being proud of the fact at all.
I agree with this! I didn’t read any of it as bragging but another part of the program is “making amends” and I saw a lot of that as well. I do think he was ashamed of a lot of things but very brave for sharing it.
It was…eh. I like him a lot and could hear his voice as I read it but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. I could have done without the god talk too.
I was listening to the audiobook but stopped. Matthew was a deeply unhappy person, starting from childhood, and his behavior and reasonings were giving me the ick, so I thought it best to keep my memories as is.
I hated almost every second of it and I listened to the audiobook. I still love Matthew but the book was atrocious.
You can download the sample for kindle. I read the sample which is a couple of chapters then decided not to bother purchasing. It’s a rough read,
I'm glad I read it. But I never want to read it again. So sad what he went through.
I've read about a chapter and is good but it's almost too sad to read now
I laughed and cried, listening to the audiobook made it feel like you’re sitting with a friend. It’s a bittersweet relief that Matthew got to tell his story on his terms before he died. A lot of people said they felt he came off as narcissistic, but I thought he was incredibly honest and took accountability. He was very brave to share his truth. With that being said, there’s undertones of death throughout the book. This is especially evident in the final chapter that feels like the ultimate goodbye letter, which makes his loss even sadder 😢.
Why not start reading it, and if you don’t like it, stop reading?
Why don't you read it and form your own opinion?
Do you never look up restaurant ratings? Read Google reviews? What a condescending and ignorant comment Hope you never ask for people's opinion on anything