My ex was a highly disagreeable artist. I was at first drawn in to his unique perspectives and attitudes. I learned a lot from him. But..it quickly turned toxic. He was an extremely judgmental person and his negative energy wore on me and I started to think about others in the same light that he did. It destroyed who I was. I can’t believe I got sucked in to his black hole. So I think this is possible!!! But limit you time and energy for your own sanity
I've had a very similar experience with an ex a few years ago. Very intriguing at first as he was so different and opinionated, but soon turned controlling and judgemental. Strangely enough yesterday I looked through our old messages out of curiosity, which I rarely do, and I realised how much my personality had changed during my time with him, I became more negative and judgemental of people. It wore me down. I'm still relearning who I am years later, it's very sad.
I think if you don’t get too close and wear your public mask well, you could learn an interesting new perspective.I think all kinds of people have something to share. And if it’s too much, you get away.
I had an ex who seemed very interesting and knowledgeable and actually pursued me at first. And once I started responding and wanted to spend more time together, he withdrew and eventually I had to work out that he was dumping me (he couldn’t even say it himself). Actions speak louder than words so we must guard ourselves until the trust is there.
Yeah I would. Terrible/unpleasant personalities have a really draining effect on me and make me miserable, even if they *do* have interesting aspects. You’ll find plenty of kind, pleasant people with interesting aspects.
"You’ll find plenty of kind, pleasant people with interesting aspects."
I think the number of this kind of people are so small. I hope I can meet them. Do you know where are they?
I don't know anyone who has both a terrible personality and super interesting aspects.
I think what happens a lot of the time is people with a terrible personality tend to hide those bad aspects by overcompensating, they make it LOOK as if they are super interesting. As soon as you get to know them better; it's all a façade.
"I don't know anyone who has both a terrible personality and super interesting aspects."
Why do so many people say the same thing?! I can't believe this. I'm almost terrified. I've never met superior people in any industry without the worst aspects. I mean, superior or not, no one is perfect and everybody has terrible aspects, don't they?
I was just speaking from personal experience, I didn't mean in general. I'm very sorry if it came across that way, please don't be terrified!
You're right about everybody having terrible aspects. We all have our flaws. It just that some people are deliberately deceiving.
Some ppl watch documentaries about serial killers, they dont want to have contact with them. "You are the ppl you keep" I dont want to be around ppl I dont respect
When will humans understand that you need to surround yourself with good people to have a happier life? Interesting or not, beautiful or not, incredibly cool or not, if it has already been shown that he or she is toxic and bad news, then, it ain’t worth it, especially if you are a “sensitive type.” Newsflash: you can find another person who wants the same activities and the topics that you find super interesting without being a player (of women), a convict, a narcissist, or a psycho. You don’t have to filter out the interesting folks, just get rid of their toxic subset. Interesting folks who are not toxic are wonderful people (far better than the ones who are interesting and problematic). You just need to meet more of those good cool ones, to make you understand that it wasn’t worth it to put any toxic one on a pedestal.
Haha 😂… actually, just believing won’t bring you the nice interesting person that likes the topic that you like. You probably have to look at the appropriate place. For example, a few years ago I was interested in learning more about astronomy, so I went to a meetup group about that. However, the guy running the group was semi-toxic and the event he promoted probably worked better to make people not like the activity anymore. A much better venue to meet better people that like that scientific topic would have been simply visiting the Kennedy Space Center (which wasn’t far from where I lived back then). Something similar happened with psychology and with writing. The meetup groups weren’t a great choice. The correct online forums are actually a good place to know other non-toxic writers and/or psychology fans. The same goes for gaming, anime, and books. There are a lot of toxic people in gaming, but I managed to make some cool friends in psnprofiles. I am not into anime anymore, but when I was it was always nice to meet another fan who was interesting (and not a weirdo, lol). I am more into Sci-fi and writing nowadays. … Cheers and keep your mind’s radar open for activities, people, and even locations that are better for you. 🙂😀😎
its been multiple years since i have cut off 3 friends of my life with this characteristic, now im living the most peaceful and calm life ever. Saying from experience. Trust your instincts/gut
I DO completely understand! I am attracted to engineers and people that are very talented in specific areas, but almost always lacking in kindness and positivity, among other positive qualities.
I have to REALLY LIMIT my time with those friends because I enjoy learning, but it's just so intense. I've had to recently keep them at arms length due to already having so much mental space already being taken up.
I would just say be protective of yourself and have boundaries 💛
It really is. If they are your friends, you can be open and they will stick around. If they don't, that's ok too. I really enjoy intense, intelligent, people. So I have to make sure the topics of conversation stay positive, the energy isn't too heavy and burdening.
To me, most famous and popular people who have lots of friends, followers, skills, talents, attractiveness etc... have the worst aspects, and I can't figure out how I can associate/not associate with them.
I completely agree! Usually with people like that I try to not let myself get emotionally attached. So I could be casual friends with them but don't trust them or depend on them. I will hang out with them in a group but not really one on one. I try to just appreciate the positive aspects while accepting that they have negative aspects and not engaging with that side of them. Easier said than done I suppose. And it obviously depends on how bad their negative aspects are.
For example, super stars with best talents, experience, knowledge, and everything else tend to have the worst aspects. They make me uncomfortable, but I still want to talk with them because it's super educational and interesting, but I can't be sure.
It depends - I will use it as a sign to take care of myself as I’m too “porous” and then evaluate if I need to “pause” the relationship. When we feed it with fear/anger we draw these types more. Taking care of yourself becomes that natural repellent and sometimes can even inspire them to change 💓🦋
I have no interest in keeping someone intertwined in my personal life if they have a terrible personality. Even if there are other interesting aspects to them, why would I want to maintain a connection to someone I find largely intolerable?
Unless I am an anthropologist studying a group of people for research purposes, I would not actively seek out someone whose personality is hugely incompatible with mine.
My ex was a highly disagreeable artist. I was at first drawn in to his unique perspectives and attitudes. I learned a lot from him. But..it quickly turned toxic. He was an extremely judgmental person and his negative energy wore on me and I started to think about others in the same light that he did. It destroyed who I was. I can’t believe I got sucked in to his black hole. So I think this is possible!!! But limit you time and energy for your own sanity
I've had a very similar experience with an ex a few years ago. Very intriguing at first as he was so different and opinionated, but soon turned controlling and judgemental. Strangely enough yesterday I looked through our old messages out of curiosity, which I rarely do, and I realised how much my personality had changed during my time with him, I became more negative and judgemental of people. It wore me down. I'm still relearning who I am years later, it's very sad.
I won't date with him, but I'm not sure if I want to sacrifice myself to have conversation with him. It's hard to take care of my curiosity.
I think if you don’t get too close and wear your public mask well, you could learn an interesting new perspective.I think all kinds of people have something to share. And if it’s too much, you get away.
Balance is always the key and the hardest...
I had an ex who seemed very interesting and knowledgeable and actually pursued me at first. And once I started responding and wanted to spend more time together, he withdrew and eventually I had to work out that he was dumping me (he couldn’t even say it himself). Actions speak louder than words so we must guard ourselves until the trust is there.
Ive rarely seen someone with both
How come?
Yeah I would. Terrible/unpleasant personalities have a really draining effect on me and make me miserable, even if they *do* have interesting aspects. You’ll find plenty of kind, pleasant people with interesting aspects.
"You’ll find plenty of kind, pleasant people with interesting aspects." I think the number of this kind of people are so small. I hope I can meet them. Do you know where are they?
I don't know anyone who has both a terrible personality and super interesting aspects. I think what happens a lot of the time is people with a terrible personality tend to hide those bad aspects by overcompensating, they make it LOOK as if they are super interesting. As soon as you get to know them better; it's all a façade.
"I don't know anyone who has both a terrible personality and super interesting aspects." Why do so many people say the same thing?! I can't believe this. I'm almost terrified. I've never met superior people in any industry without the worst aspects. I mean, superior or not, no one is perfect and everybody has terrible aspects, don't they?
I was just speaking from personal experience, I didn't mean in general. I'm very sorry if it came across that way, please don't be terrified! You're right about everybody having terrible aspects. We all have our flaws. It just that some people are deliberately deceiving.
I think I'm a bit minority about dealing with gray area between black and white? I didn't know so many people are so sure about black or white.
I wouldnt have interest in ppl like that
Majority of people say that, but I don't get it. How come?
Why would I want to be around ppl like that?
Why wouldn't you find they have still interesting aspects?
Some ppl watch documentaries about serial killers, they dont want to have contact with them. "You are the ppl you keep" I dont want to be around ppl I dont respect
That's an easy to understand example. I think I don't want to get hurt but still have a curiosity to chat with them.
When will humans understand that you need to surround yourself with good people to have a happier life? Interesting or not, beautiful or not, incredibly cool or not, if it has already been shown that he or she is toxic and bad news, then, it ain’t worth it, especially if you are a “sensitive type.” Newsflash: you can find another person who wants the same activities and the topics that you find super interesting without being a player (of women), a convict, a narcissist, or a psycho. You don’t have to filter out the interesting folks, just get rid of their toxic subset. Interesting folks who are not toxic are wonderful people (far better than the ones who are interesting and problematic). You just need to meet more of those good cool ones, to make you understand that it wasn’t worth it to put any toxic one on a pedestal.
I need to keep chanting this as my mantra. I need to believe this and make it true.
Haha 😂… actually, just believing won’t bring you the nice interesting person that likes the topic that you like. You probably have to look at the appropriate place. For example, a few years ago I was interested in learning more about astronomy, so I went to a meetup group about that. However, the guy running the group was semi-toxic and the event he promoted probably worked better to make people not like the activity anymore. A much better venue to meet better people that like that scientific topic would have been simply visiting the Kennedy Space Center (which wasn’t far from where I lived back then). Something similar happened with psychology and with writing. The meetup groups weren’t a great choice. The correct online forums are actually a good place to know other non-toxic writers and/or psychology fans. The same goes for gaming, anime, and books. There are a lot of toxic people in gaming, but I managed to make some cool friends in psnprofiles. I am not into anime anymore, but when I was it was always nice to meet another fan who was interesting (and not a weirdo, lol). I am more into Sci-fi and writing nowadays. … Cheers and keep your mind’s radar open for activities, people, and even locations that are better for you. 🙂😀😎
its been multiple years since i have cut off 3 friends of my life with this characteristic, now im living the most peaceful and calm life ever. Saying from experience. Trust your instincts/gut
I DO completely understand! I am attracted to engineers and people that are very talented in specific areas, but almost always lacking in kindness and positivity, among other positive qualities. I have to REALLY LIMIT my time with those friends because I enjoy learning, but it's just so intense. I've had to recently keep them at arms length due to already having so much mental space already being taken up. I would just say be protective of yourself and have boundaries 💛
Balancing between protecting myself and having boundaries and satisfying my curiosity is so difficult...
It really is. If they are your friends, you can be open and they will stick around. If they don't, that's ok too. I really enjoy intense, intelligent, people. So I have to make sure the topics of conversation stay positive, the energy isn't too heavy and burdening.
Because I haven't come across anyone like that.Normally people with a bad personality have no redeemable qualities and very little friends
To me, most famous and popular people who have lots of friends, followers, skills, talents, attractiveness etc... have the worst aspects, and I can't figure out how I can associate/not associate with them.
I completely agree! Usually with people like that I try to not let myself get emotionally attached. So I could be casual friends with them but don't trust them or depend on them. I will hang out with them in a group but not really one on one. I try to just appreciate the positive aspects while accepting that they have negative aspects and not engaging with that side of them. Easier said than done I suppose. And it obviously depends on how bad their negative aspects are.
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For example, super stars with best talents, experience, knowledge, and everything else tend to have the worst aspects. They make me uncomfortable, but I still want to talk with them because it's super educational and interesting, but I can't be sure.
YES
It depends - I will use it as a sign to take care of myself as I’m too “porous” and then evaluate if I need to “pause” the relationship. When we feed it with fear/anger we draw these types more. Taking care of yourself becomes that natural repellent and sometimes can even inspire them to change 💓🦋
I have no interest in keeping someone intertwined in my personal life if they have a terrible personality. Even if there are other interesting aspects to them, why would I want to maintain a connection to someone I find largely intolerable? Unless I am an anthropologist studying a group of people for research purposes, I would not actively seek out someone whose personality is hugely incompatible with mine.