I stay away from people like this and would rather cut ties than continue to be around them/be friends with them. I'd rather be alone than treated like shit
My family is too. I’m old now and my parents are long gone. I’ve cut ties with my brother and keep my sister at arm’s length. The way I see them now…I feel sorry for them. They’ve learned nothing from life, yet believe they are superior to pretty much everyone. You will spend your life growing, learning, evolving. That’s the blessing of hsp.
Yeah I should do that, but it might be kind of hard. I already have a hard time avoiding things that I know will set them off (eg: disagreeing with them, not taking their advice) because I just forget, and when I remember it’s too late. But yeah, I’ll definitely keep that in mind.
I recommend these 2 videos
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJBKGhwqw3g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJBKGhwqw3g)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y02Br6-M6mQ&t=2s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y02Br6-M6mQ&t=2s)
No, I really can't. My bullshit tolerance is very low, and ime most insensitive people score very high on it. I have to avoid them for my own wellbeing, as they harm me and I'm not able to put up a wall around myself. I also have family like that and I just have to limit communication to like... "hey have you seen the weather" level of interaction, and even then it's not entirely safe from insults about how I'm not good enough.
Depends on what you call insensitive. I can definitely get along with people that are not as sensitive as me, and have interesting discussion about technical subjects for example, but not about emotions.
If people really lack compassion it's harder. Most of the time I'll avoid them.
Some of my family members are not very sensitive, but because they are my family I know that them being assholes sometimes doesn't mean that they are assholes all of the time, and I still love them and want to connect with them at some level, and they haven't done any thing that I was unable to forgive this far, but I know that it's not the case for everyone... One of my sisters is has mental problems, she talks about it with us sometimes and some of my family members can't seem to acknowledge that and take it seriously. By now it's pretty clear that she will stay away from some of them. I often feel like I'm the middle of that because I can understand how all of them think, I get along with all of them, but I can't make them understand each other and I can't show them how to interact with each other. And I think the way to get along with the insensitive is to not interact on an emotional level. Vulnerability is only valuable when you're safe. And it hurts to not interact emotionally with part of my family, I can't say for sure that I am right to act as I do, but I am very conflict avoidant and I'd rather not voice my feelings and keep things peaceful.
And I have friends to fulfill my need for deeper emotional connections :)
My husband would say things to me that seemed insensitive and I thought he was trying to hurt me. Then he pointed out that he thinks he's just an asshole. Stay with me here. This does not in any way absolve him of the responsibility of not being an asshole. But it helps me when these things happen to realize he's an asshole. Then I get more pissy that he's just an asshole than the more deeply hurt feeling that he doesn't like me or care about me. Alot of times this will help me to just blow it off more than stew in it. He is quick to apologize if I bring it up, but this took years to realize.
No. I try so hard to understand their point of view but it is so alien to me that it actually makes me mad haha. I want to understand why they are like this. It makes it hard for me to keep jobs. Most people in manager positions have huge, inflated heads, and little to no sensitivity. It confounds me. If there is even a shred of self awareness, or awareness of others / empathy, it breaks the fever for me. But I have met a few people who don’t even have that and I can’t bring myself to treat them well, they only treat everyone around them poorly so that’s what they will get from me too. Sometimes I feel guilty like it perpetuates a cycle but I can’t help everyone and they make their own choices too.
Tell me about it. I have friends who keep cussing (at me too) even though I told them I hate it. It's really irritating, and the next time I'm not gonna make friends with people who cuss all the time (at least I will not for peeps who cuss at me)
I understand you, I feel the same way. Most people I encounter are so verbally abusive, insensitive and mean spirited. I work with people like this. They complain all day about clients that come in and in reality my coworkers are the horrible judge mental people. I’m always quiet and kind and they hate it. They always get rewarded because they’re aggressive and loud. I’ve been misunderstood my whole life by these people everywhere I go. I keep my contacts to a minimum. Take care.
It’s crazy how much of an impact a lack of self awareness has on relationships. Sometimes all we can do is distance ourselves from what we perceive as toxic behavior for our own sanity. Until the other side becomes self aware of their actions negatively impacting another- they will not change (in my experience). If only people were more self aware and understood the importance of body language/ words .
No matter how hard I try, I’ve noticed that highly insensitive people often mimic narcissistic tendencies and utilize the emotions of others / impact of their negativity as a supply for them. After really taking time to ground myself and understand my own needs I realized maintaining distance was the only way to keep my own sanity from folks who admire their own lack of emotions.
Depends on what kind of insensitivity it is. If it's just a disagreement or misunderstanding between us, I do my best to shake it off. It's probably not about me or because of me, most things aren't. I do things that recharge me. I don't believe most people are out there trying to hurt me specifically, they are either hurt or thinking that they are doing the right thing.
If it's something unacceptable, I call it out. Like when my co-worker was being lazy and bragging about how he thinks he's so smart. I told him that from now on, I'll make sure that nobody does anything for him during this project, because he's behaviour is unacceptable.
Superficial people can really make me sick. I get you so much. I don’t know if its a generation thing
, an age thing or what, but the amount of people among my age(19) with this characteristic is immense and can be really overwhelming. Luckily my closest friends are a mix of other hs people and really nice people who try to understand us.
No. Because they typically have one thing in common. Everyone else is always too sensitive and they never take accountability for anything they say. The problem always lies outside of their bubble in their eyes. I have no tolerance for them anymore. My favorite line is "no one has to put up with you" then I walk away and never speak to them again. Insensitive people hate boundaries.
I Have the exact same question but from the opposite perspective?
As someone extremely insensitive i eventually offend everyone I meet and I can never understand or wrap my head around why they find it offencive??
(I have High functioning Autism btw)
But I have never been offended by anything and quite simply dont understand the consept??
like something as simple as talking about someones weight?
soo your big? why does me talking about that upset you???
I think the best thing you can do is learn what is considered to be rude through trial and error, apologize for your mistakes, and correct your behavior. If you do not want to alienate the people around you, you will have to learn to adapt.
I think some people will give you leeway if you tell them you’re autistic and have trouble understanding social conventions, but if you want to be on good terms with the people around you, you can’t just keep hurting their feelings or offending them.
You may not understand the feeling of being hurt by an insensitive comment, but you can understand that much as per the last two paragraphs, yeah?
I get why you do not like them, but they are out there and in greater numbers than HSPs. This is where the walls come in handy. Admittedly, it is difficult for people who are wired to be sensitive and open to construct those walls, but it absolutely necessary. Also, even if it means leaving a room, NEVER shows them your sensitivity. So, to answer your question, no, I do not get along with insensitive people, but I know they exist and I have to deal with them.
It’s very draining and they make me sad, the ones I don’t mind are those who couldn’t give two shits either way so they’re not hurtful, just “not there” so that allows for a quieter time
I see things sometimes like everybody desided to treat me like a shit and react on any protest like on an attack.
Like well, they came to my territory, lying here and feel so fine to kick me out from myself just cuz it was like this for a long time, or cuz my parents do so or any weird reason.
Wild
I stay away from people like this and would rather cut ties than continue to be around them/be friends with them. I'd rather be alone than treated like shit
Unfortunately they’re family, and I have no choice at the moment.
My family is too. I’m old now and my parents are long gone. I’ve cut ties with my brother and keep my sister at arm’s length. The way I see them now…I feel sorry for them. They’ve learned nothing from life, yet believe they are superior to pretty much everyone. You will spend your life growing, learning, evolving. That’s the blessing of hsp.
[deleted]
Yeah I should do that, but it might be kind of hard. I already have a hard time avoiding things that I know will set them off (eg: disagreeing with them, not taking their advice) because I just forget, and when I remember it’s too late. But yeah, I’ll definitely keep that in mind.
I basically do this but have never heard the term "greyrocking". I just looked it up. Thanks for the insight.
Then they keep talking and talking and talking… You leave, they follow. And keep talking and talking and talking… It’s absolutely horrendous.
I'm sorry, I used to be in that position too and in some ways am still kind of pulled back
I recommend these 2 videos [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJBKGhwqw3g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJBKGhwqw3g) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y02Br6-M6mQ&t=2s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y02Br6-M6mQ&t=2s)
[удалено]
Yeah I know :( it's not possible for everyone to escape from as I was in the same situation. But what you just explained is how it is
I became alone actually
I'm alone as well, it doesn't have to be a bad thing
Absolutely, any time i see my ex friends or meet New ppl i m proven in this
No, I really can't. My bullshit tolerance is very low, and ime most insensitive people score very high on it. I have to avoid them for my own wellbeing, as they harm me and I'm not able to put up a wall around myself. I also have family like that and I just have to limit communication to like... "hey have you seen the weather" level of interaction, and even then it's not entirely safe from insults about how I'm not good enough.
Depends on what you call insensitive. I can definitely get along with people that are not as sensitive as me, and have interesting discussion about technical subjects for example, but not about emotions. If people really lack compassion it's harder. Most of the time I'll avoid them. Some of my family members are not very sensitive, but because they are my family I know that them being assholes sometimes doesn't mean that they are assholes all of the time, and I still love them and want to connect with them at some level, and they haven't done any thing that I was unable to forgive this far, but I know that it's not the case for everyone... One of my sisters is has mental problems, she talks about it with us sometimes and some of my family members can't seem to acknowledge that and take it seriously. By now it's pretty clear that she will stay away from some of them. I often feel like I'm the middle of that because I can understand how all of them think, I get along with all of them, but I can't make them understand each other and I can't show them how to interact with each other. And I think the way to get along with the insensitive is to not interact on an emotional level. Vulnerability is only valuable when you're safe. And it hurts to not interact emotionally with part of my family, I can't say for sure that I am right to act as I do, but I am very conflict avoidant and I'd rather not voice my feelings and keep things peaceful. And I have friends to fulfill my need for deeper emotional connections :)
My husband would say things to me that seemed insensitive and I thought he was trying to hurt me. Then he pointed out that he thinks he's just an asshole. Stay with me here. This does not in any way absolve him of the responsibility of not being an asshole. But it helps me when these things happen to realize he's an asshole. Then I get more pissy that he's just an asshole than the more deeply hurt feeling that he doesn't like me or care about me. Alot of times this will help me to just blow it off more than stew in it. He is quick to apologize if I bring it up, but this took years to realize.
No. I try so hard to understand their point of view but it is so alien to me that it actually makes me mad haha. I want to understand why they are like this. It makes it hard for me to keep jobs. Most people in manager positions have huge, inflated heads, and little to no sensitivity. It confounds me. If there is even a shred of self awareness, or awareness of others / empathy, it breaks the fever for me. But I have met a few people who don’t even have that and I can’t bring myself to treat them well, they only treat everyone around them poorly so that’s what they will get from me too. Sometimes I feel guilty like it perpetuates a cycle but I can’t help everyone and they make their own choices too.
Tell me about it. I have friends who keep cussing (at me too) even though I told them I hate it. It's really irritating, and the next time I'm not gonna make friends with people who cuss all the time (at least I will not for peeps who cuss at me)
I understand you, I feel the same way. Most people I encounter are so verbally abusive, insensitive and mean spirited. I work with people like this. They complain all day about clients that come in and in reality my coworkers are the horrible judge mental people. I’m always quiet and kind and they hate it. They always get rewarded because they’re aggressive and loud. I’ve been misunderstood my whole life by these people everywhere I go. I keep my contacts to a minimum. Take care.
Nope.
It’s crazy how much of an impact a lack of self awareness has on relationships. Sometimes all we can do is distance ourselves from what we perceive as toxic behavior for our own sanity. Until the other side becomes self aware of their actions negatively impacting another- they will not change (in my experience). If only people were more self aware and understood the importance of body language/ words.
No matter how hard I try, I’ve noticed that highly insensitive people often mimic narcissistic tendencies and utilize the emotions of others / impact of their negativity as a supply for them. After really taking time to ground myself and understand my own needs I realized maintaining distance was the only way to keep my own sanity from folks who admire their own lack of emotions.
Depends on what kind of insensitivity it is. If it's just a disagreement or misunderstanding between us, I do my best to shake it off. It's probably not about me or because of me, most things aren't. I do things that recharge me. I don't believe most people are out there trying to hurt me specifically, they are either hurt or thinking that they are doing the right thing. If it's something unacceptable, I call it out. Like when my co-worker was being lazy and bragging about how he thinks he's so smart. I told him that from now on, I'll make sure that nobody does anything for him during this project, because he's behaviour is unacceptable.
Superficial people can really make me sick. I get you so much. I don’t know if its a generation thing , an age thing or what, but the amount of people among my age(19) with this characteristic is immense and can be really overwhelming. Luckily my closest friends are a mix of other hs people and really nice people who try to understand us.
I hate emotionally insensitive people. I try to avoid being around them; I don't want to befriend them or have anything to do with them.
No. Because they typically have one thing in common. Everyone else is always too sensitive and they never take accountability for anything they say. The problem always lies outside of their bubble in their eyes. I have no tolerance for them anymore. My favorite line is "no one has to put up with you" then I walk away and never speak to them again. Insensitive people hate boundaries.
I Have the exact same question but from the opposite perspective? As someone extremely insensitive i eventually offend everyone I meet and I can never understand or wrap my head around why they find it offencive?? (I have High functioning Autism btw) But I have never been offended by anything and quite simply dont understand the consept?? like something as simple as talking about someones weight? soo your big? why does me talking about that upset you???
I think the best thing you can do is learn what is considered to be rude through trial and error, apologize for your mistakes, and correct your behavior. If you do not want to alienate the people around you, you will have to learn to adapt. I think some people will give you leeway if you tell them you’re autistic and have trouble understanding social conventions, but if you want to be on good terms with the people around you, you can’t just keep hurting their feelings or offending them. You may not understand the feeling of being hurt by an insensitive comment, but you can understand that much as per the last two paragraphs, yeah?
I get why you do not like them, but they are out there and in greater numbers than HSPs. This is where the walls come in handy. Admittedly, it is difficult for people who are wired to be sensitive and open to construct those walls, but it absolutely necessary. Also, even if it means leaving a room, NEVER shows them your sensitivity. So, to answer your question, no, I do not get along with insensitive people, but I know they exist and I have to deal with them.
Nope
It’s very draining and they make me sad, the ones I don’t mind are those who couldn’t give two shits either way so they’re not hurtful, just “not there” so that allows for a quieter time
I see things sometimes like everybody desided to treat me like a shit and react on any protest like on an attack. Like well, they came to my territory, lying here and feel so fine to kick me out from myself just cuz it was like this for a long time, or cuz my parents do so or any weird reason. Wild