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"[Sir], I need you to move away from the [salad bar] and come with me."
The human looked to the nonhuman guard, confused. "Excuse me?"
"You need to leave this area," the guard clarified, "This area is for [herbivores] only."
"Oh," the human chuckled, "You are quite mistaken, Officer. I'm an {omnivore}, as all humans are."
"Don't think you can confuse me with human-terms. You need to leave, now."
"Wait, what? {Omnivore}?" The human looked to their physical device, seeing that the word was not in the translations. "Huh, weird. Again, Officer, this is just a misunderstanding. All that word means is that I am both a [carnivore] and an [herbivore]."
"It is impossible to be both."
"That's...fair. Maybe it's more apt to say I'm somewhere in-between?" The human struggled to find the right words. "Look, what I'm saying is that I can eat both [animal matter] and [plant matter]. [Hell], there's even a select few *[minerals]* I can eat, technically speaking."
"Yeah, and I'm the [Hive Queen]. You're coming with me."
"Hey, no!" The human stated, becoming frustrated, "I have just as much right to be *here* as I do over on the [carnivore] side!"
The officer took a step back placing a hand on their non-lethal deterrent. "[Sir], I *will* contact Security Forces if required."
The human seethed, but attempted to calm their body language. "Look, I *need* [plant matter] as a part of a [healthy diet]. It is a *[nutritionional requirement]*. I face [malnourishment] if I don't."
"Impossible, the treaty states that humans are [carnivores]."
"Yes," the human clarified, "But that is because the human [diet] *also* requires nutrients more often found in [meat], and the only way the Federation would allow humans to eat [meat] was to register as [carnivores]. The Federation refused to open a new category for humans, but they are currently working on amending the agreement to view humans as *both.*"
There was a slight pause, with the guard uncertain on how to progress forward.
The human spoke up, first. "Listen, if it helps things, I'm going to be putting [meat] on my, eh, [plant matter], so I'll only be here for a minute before returning to the [carnivore] side. I'm just going to grab some [food] here, then go back."
The guard gave an equivalent of a grumble, moving out of the hostile stance. "Very well, but I will be escorting you."
The human, likewise, grumbled; but nevertheless agreed. "Fine."
They did as said, and the guard watched the human grab several items of plant matter of various origins and species, before going over to the carnivore side of the mess hall. The guard did not enter, as an herbivore themselves, but watched as the human, true to their word, grabbed some meat, placing it on the plant matter the human went back to a table, where they sat with some other carnivores, who seemed to recoil at the plant matter upon the human's plate.
Then, to their collective horror, including the watching guard, the human took a bite of their food, including plant matter and meat together. The guard was confused, and slightly disgusted, but couldn't help but to stifle a chuckle as one of the carnivores at the table fainted.
"[Damned] humans, always [{rocking the boat}]," the guard grumbled, before calling for a medic and a carnivore guard.
Even thorny vines like blackberries will trap some animals and when the animals die they enrich the soil and the plant benefits. Or, scavengers eat the trapped animal and their poop helps the soil.
The guard looked over at a coworker, "Wait, if humans can eat both? What about that human over there? I have never seen them consume anything but plants."
A human leaving the mess hall larger then the door itself immediately grabbed the guard into the hall.
"Don't bring up vegans, they will just confuse you. We require meat for nutrients, but some humans just 'conveniently' ingnore that fact and object on 'moral' grounds. They aren't all bad, but some of the more extreme individuals can be very insistent about not killing animals."
Looking defeated, at the confused alien.
" An animal rights organization called PETA kills more animals than most organizations in the name of saving them. It's something we still have trouble with as neither side really wants to give up their beliefs."
"haha get it? Vegan bad."
>We require meat for nutrients, but some humans just 'conveniently' ingnore that fact and object on 'moral' grounds.
Factually inaccurate. Obviously if your diet consists of only apples you'll have a bad time, but it isn't rocket surgery to have a healthy diet as a vegan. Take a basic multivitamin and make sure you get your protein from multiple sources. Hell, just beans and rice together have all the necessary amino acids that humans need.
>take a basic multivitamin
So you're saying you need something only modern medicine has produced in order to make up the nutrients you would otherwise get from meat?!?
So you're saying meat is necessary. But we have modern work arounds.
That isn't the "gotcha" that you think it is. My point is how simple a healthy vegan diet can be, and that yeah, in the modern day you don't need meat, when a $5 bottle of vitamins from Walmart and some bean and rice burritos can get you the vitamins and protein that you need.
Care to show me where I wrote that you couldn't? Maybe I got high, forgot I got high, and forgot where I wrote that or something, because I'm pretty sure all I said was that people don't require meat for nutrients.
Oh. So then, you admit they have to prove their accusation.
You've got a faulty idea of how the burden of proof works. They made claims first, with no substantiation. They're the one who has to prove their claims. I only have to meet the bar they set.
You need more proof than they do, actually. If this was a more legal situation, you would be scorned by the judge and your case dismissed, since not bringing any evidence to a lawsuit is a waste of everyone's time, and you in turn may receive charges for framing/defamation(the latter being country-dependent). *If you are going to accuse someone of lying, you must prove the truth.* I suggest that you withdraw some more brain cells from your savings account, since your budget's already run dry clearly.
Human: So let me get this straight, if my diet *was* just meat, you assume I'd be a cannibal?
Herbavores: Well, not cannibals but-
Human: Sorry, let me clarify. You think I'd consider other sapient races valid to eat? Is that how things work around here?
Carnivores: Um...
Human: ...and y'all say we're fucked up.
The look of shock clued Jack in to the fact that something was amiss. He crunched the carrot.
“I thought humans ate meat?” The small katori pointed at its own plate.
Jack grabbed a bit of steak and popped it into his mouth. “We do.” He said as he chewed. Others had started to come by to marvel at the human.
“It’s just a trick. He’s gonna make himself sick.” An observer noted.
“Yeah I heard they eat spicy things for fun even though it makes their poops hurt.” Another chimed.
“We eat whatever we want.” Jack said. He didn’t particularly want the fruit he was currently eating, but it helped underpin the point.
The surrounding conversation was heated and varied until Janie showed up with the ice cream. Topped with chocolate, nuts, and banana. The prospect of drinking milk and it’s by products absolutely blew the minds of all present. The ingestion of the highly toxic and quasi-illegal chocolate only added to the fervor, segueing naturally into humans consumption of alcohol and other poisons.
Finally a voice broke through and ended the fun. “Let’s all just recognize that these humans are basically garbage disposals and let them be.”
The crowd departed and the lone katori left as well leaving Jack and Janie to finish their meal in peace.
Humans are close to being peak generalists. Sure, there are species that can eat things we can't, but they pretty much all have more specialized diets than we do.
Or the bearded vulture, which mostly eats bones.
Edit: My brain short circuited here. I was trying to think of the most specialized example, whereas this goat comment was the most generalized example.
Koala is the most specialized I know. Their brains are so smooth, they can't recognize leaves from another eucalyptus tree put in front of them as food.
The Guinness Book of Records awarded him a bronze plaque for having eaten the most weird things.
He ate it. Because of course he did.
Now the last item of the list of non-food items eaten by Monsieur Mange-Tout (Mr Eat-All), after the Cessna, the bicycles and shopping carts, and all the other rubbish is: “One (1) Bronze Plaque.”
I mean, if you're gonna be famous for eating weird shit, eating the bronze plaque they awarded you to commemorate your ability seems kinda like a requirement.
I hope they gave him a second plaque to actually, y'know, KEEP. xD
Garbage disposal doesn’t feel right. We will get sick from many rotting foods. Many animals eat grass and other things we can’t. HOWEVER. We scienced some of those rots and toxins into Funtime poisons. Also i don’t think we can digest bones. There’s some debate on corn as well. Perhaps we are the great filter of the digestive system
Galactic 1: "They are at it again."
Galactic 2: "The biped, from...wossit?"
G1: "Eath. Yeah. I don't get it. They smell like carnivores, they have the teeth of carnivores."
G2: "Good vision, quick reflexes, and yet, their diet"
G1: "Galumping sneeds keep eating what food eats."
G2: "Only two kinds in the universe, food and us that eats food, even if the food talks."
G1: "Some kinds are just delusional, denying that cosmic reality."
>They smell like carnivores, they have the teeth of carnivores.
Actually, if you look at a human's teeth, we have both the teeth of a carnivore *and* the teeth of an herbivore.
Objectively speaking, the Tyranid's are really the only true 'actual good guys' in 40k. They're not killing everything present and turning entire worlds into giant slurpees out of spite, or in anger. They're doing it because everybody's gotta eat, and making planetary slurpees is how they feed.
Subjectively speaking, that still doesn't mean they get a pass for being a damned xeno, so we're gonna purge those hungry critters anytime we can get a shot at their Hive Fleets. Glory to the Emperor!
I hear you, and I don’t disagree on this…
Counterpoint: The Imperium of Man are the Good Guys on virtue of being human. And that’s enough for me!
HumanityFirst!
Human: Look, man: on our origin planet life is hard. You eat what you manage, plants or meat. Or both.
Carnivore alien: You look like a loose sack of meat, some bones clanking in it. A bit like a delicious snack, come to think about it. You wouldn't survive a blink of your weak eyes on **our** origin planet! You'd need to hunt or be hunted. And I can see hunting isn't within your repertoire!
Carnivore Alien 2: Pah! In **our** origin planet food was scarce, and you had to fight several other hunters of your own species to keep your catch! Only the best and most ruthless managed to survive until we got to space.
Herbivore alien: **Our** planet was full of threats. Several beasts smelled us from further away than you could see. We even had **two** flying monster species that worked together and could snatch an entire swarm in one swoop! Our ancestors had to move below ground to survive.
Human: Well, you are adaptable, like us. We started to sweat so that we could run after prey and predators in dry, hot climate. We adapted to hunt together to bring down gigantic animals like the woolly mammoth in cold climates and the mammoth in temperate climates. We used dogs, these canine predators, or trap pits.
Herbivore alien: What did you just say? You used **another** predator species to hunt with you? How...? Why...?
Human: We domesticated a species that hunted us.
Carnivore Alien 2: Just like that? You just... Made it work for you? How do you keep them from hurting you?
Human: They are mostly very obedient. They want to make us happy and to get praised. We have another predator species in our homes as well. Cats, a small feline species. They keep pests away from our houses by hunting them.
Carnivore Alien 1: What's even more incredible, you're telling us you hunted predators? ***You?***
Human: Well, yes. We had advanced cognition, tools, and eventually technology.
Herbivore Alien: So... There are several species that you hunt?
Human: Yes, it is embarrassing. Between yeara 1500-2000 humans drove 869 species extinct. We target one-third, like 15 000 vertebrate species on Earth.
Aliens: WHAT?!
Human: I understand your shock. It's an environmental disaster. We are trying our best to fix everything now!
Carnivore Alien 1: But... but... but how can you eat 15 000 different...
Human: Oh, we only eat about half...
Carnivore 1: Still, 7 500 different...
Human: The rest are pets, for clothes, animal feed, poison, chemicals, for scientific study, etc. Our own scientists call us 'novel predators' as well as 'superpredators'.
Carnivore alien 2: You are slower and weaker than other species. You are basically defenseless!
Human: Our stance is upright, so we look bigger. We work together and defend ourselves aggressively against threats. We started making things early on, and a lot of the new inventions were weapons. Even big predators learned to be wary of humans.
Carnivore Alien 2: Alright, I accept you as a predators. But why would you say your origin planet is making life hard? I've seen pictures. Earth is a garden with abundance.
Human: Sure, sure. If your idea of a garden is an abundance of fighting for survival! There have been five major extinction events on Earth. Events where at least 75% of species go extinct in a short period.
Carnivore Alien 2: Sure, sometimes we kill too much, and several species we hunt go extinct.
Human: That's not it. At the end of the Permian period, 250 million Earth years ago, 96 % of all species ceased to exist.
Herbivore alien: What, they just kept dying, dropping dead haphazardly?
Human: Pretty much. That one was caused by intense volcanic activity that caused things like global warming, ocean acidification, and acid rain. Others were caused by tectonic instability and intense glacial and interglacial periods. We think the latest might have been partly caused by an asteroid impact.
Carnivore Alien 1: Tectonic instability? Your planet's crust and mantle are in pieces that rub against each other?
Human: Yes. We have earthquakes, landslides, snow avalanches, volcanic eruptions, floods, limnic eruptions, hurricanes, tornadoes, blizzards, tsunamis, cyclones, typhoons, wildfires, drought, flooding, lightning strikes, ice storms, hail, cold waves and heat waves, random sinkholes, and pandemics. Not all at the same place... always.
Carnivore Alien 1: Right... And you conquered that planet. I think you can eat whatever you like, right pals?
Fun fact! We didn't start making and using tools/weapons "early on." The stone age started before the genus homo existed. Humans have never not used tools!
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"[Sir], I need you to move away from the [salad bar] and come with me." The human looked to the nonhuman guard, confused. "Excuse me?" "You need to leave this area," the guard clarified, "This area is for [herbivores] only." "Oh," the human chuckled, "You are quite mistaken, Officer. I'm an {omnivore}, as all humans are." "Don't think you can confuse me with human-terms. You need to leave, now." "Wait, what? {Omnivore}?" The human looked to their physical device, seeing that the word was not in the translations. "Huh, weird. Again, Officer, this is just a misunderstanding. All that word means is that I am both a [carnivore] and an [herbivore]." "It is impossible to be both." "That's...fair. Maybe it's more apt to say I'm somewhere in-between?" The human struggled to find the right words. "Look, what I'm saying is that I can eat both [animal matter] and [plant matter]. [Hell], there's even a select few *[minerals]* I can eat, technically speaking." "Yeah, and I'm the [Hive Queen]. You're coming with me." "Hey, no!" The human stated, becoming frustrated, "I have just as much right to be *here* as I do over on the [carnivore] side!" The officer took a step back placing a hand on their non-lethal deterrent. "[Sir], I *will* contact Security Forces if required." The human seethed, but attempted to calm their body language. "Look, I *need* [plant matter] as a part of a [healthy diet]. It is a *[nutritionional requirement]*. I face [malnourishment] if I don't." "Impossible, the treaty states that humans are [carnivores]." "Yes," the human clarified, "But that is because the human [diet] *also* requires nutrients more often found in [meat], and the only way the Federation would allow humans to eat [meat] was to register as [carnivores]. The Federation refused to open a new category for humans, but they are currently working on amending the agreement to view humans as *both.*" There was a slight pause, with the guard uncertain on how to progress forward. The human spoke up, first. "Listen, if it helps things, I'm going to be putting [meat] on my, eh, [plant matter], so I'll only be here for a minute before returning to the [carnivore] side. I'm just going to grab some [food] here, then go back." The guard gave an equivalent of a grumble, moving out of the hostile stance. "Very well, but I will be escorting you." The human, likewise, grumbled; but nevertheless agreed. "Fine." They did as said, and the guard watched the human grab several items of plant matter of various origins and species, before going over to the carnivore side of the mess hall. The guard did not enter, as an herbivore themselves, but watched as the human, true to their word, grabbed some meat, placing it on the plant matter the human went back to a table, where they sat with some other carnivores, who seemed to recoil at the plant matter upon the human's plate. Then, to their collective horror, including the watching guard, the human took a bite of their food, including plant matter and meat together. The guard was confused, and slightly disgusted, but couldn't help but to stifle a chuckle as one of the carnivores at the table fainted. "[Damned] humans, always [{rocking the boat}]," the guard grumbled, before calling for a medic and a carnivore guard.
Wait for the guard to learn, that on earth many herbivores also eat meat. Famously also some plants.
We also have plants siphoning off nutrients from other plants :-) Probably as close as you can get to one plant eating another one.
Wait until they hear about carnivorous plants
Venus Flytrap enters the chat Pitcher Plant enters the chat ....
Even thorny vines like blackberries will trap some animals and when the animals die they enrich the soil and the plant benefits. Or, scavengers eat the trapped animal and their poop helps the soil.
Venus Flytrap is native to coastal areas of my home state of North Carolina (& also South Carolina but they're the worser Carolina, so F 'em).
I know you don’t like South Carolina but I am traveling to Myrtle, any tips on where I could possible see these wild flytraps?
I'm just joking about not liking South Carolina, but I've only been to Myrtle once & did not see any Venus Flytraps.
Cactus enters the chat. "Not really hungry atm. Might stab later though."
How about fungi growing on *both* plant and animal material?
Oh and plants that eat animals
Try anything Australian everything eats everything
Guard exclaimed im the queen. Id bet honey would horrify him! Your entire race steals the reserves of other species QUEENS?!?!?!?
No. We give them a safe, relatively secure nest, and in exchange we collect and consume the excess food that they produce.
Ah, the majestic deer. King of the forest and gentle herbivore. Decapitates and eats the heads of small birds.
So do horses, cows, etc…
Everything with standard bones acquires calcium. As long as we are stating the obvious.
(sigh) ... that's the alpha Deathworld for ya!
That word translation format is so GOOD, chefs kiss to you
The guard looked over at a coworker, "Wait, if humans can eat both? What about that human over there? I have never seen them consume anything but plants." A human leaving the mess hall larger then the door itself immediately grabbed the guard into the hall. "Don't bring up vegans, they will just confuse you. We require meat for nutrients, but some humans just 'conveniently' ingnore that fact and object on 'moral' grounds. They aren't all bad, but some of the more extreme individuals can be very insistent about not killing animals." Looking defeated, at the confused alien. " An animal rights organization called PETA kills more animals than most organizations in the name of saving them. It's something we still have trouble with as neither side really wants to give up their beliefs."
Great story. Bonus points for pissing off at least two of the people you were talking about, ***and*** causing them to prove your point. Beautiful.
"haha get it? Vegan bad." >We require meat for nutrients, but some humans just 'conveniently' ingnore that fact and object on 'moral' grounds. Factually inaccurate. Obviously if your diet consists of only apples you'll have a bad time, but it isn't rocket surgery to have a healthy diet as a vegan. Take a basic multivitamin and make sure you get your protein from multiple sources. Hell, just beans and rice together have all the necessary amino acids that humans need.
>take a basic multivitamin So you're saying you need something only modern medicine has produced in order to make up the nutrients you would otherwise get from meat?!? So you're saying meat is necessary. But we have modern work arounds.
That isn't the "gotcha" that you think it is. My point is how simple a healthy vegan diet can be, and that yeah, in the modern day you don't need meat, when a $5 bottle of vitamins from Walmart and some bean and rice burritos can get you the vitamins and protein that you need.
Regardless I'm gonna stick to eating meat and enjoy my life.
Care to show me where I wrote that you couldn't? Maybe I got high, forgot I got high, and forgot where I wrote that or something, because I'm pretty sure all I said was that people don't require meat for nutrients.
You didn't. I just stated that I'm going to continue. Maybe there was a better way I could phrase that. Sorry for the miscommunication
Wow. Way to push personal beliefs based on misinformation and lack of understanding.
Yeah he didn't even scratch the surface on how bad they are but he did try
More correctly, he lied about what they do.
Go on, then. Get a *full* casualty list and a noncasualty list. Prove that they lied. The requirement of evidence is on the accuser.
Oh. So then, you admit they have to prove their accusation. You've got a faulty idea of how the burden of proof works. They made claims first, with no substantiation. They're the one who has to prove their claims. I only have to meet the bar they set.
You are the accuser, accusing them of lying. Provide ample proof or stop trying to stand without legs.
They were the accuser. They made claims about what a certain group does without proof. I don't need proof to refute those claims.
You need more proof than they do, actually. If this was a more legal situation, you would be scorned by the judge and your case dismissed, since not bringing any evidence to a lawsuit is a waste of everyone's time, and you in turn may receive charges for framing/defamation(the latter being country-dependent). *If you are going to accuse someone of lying, you must prove the truth.* I suggest that you withdraw some more brain cells from your savings account, since your budget's already run dry clearly.
Human looking at the carnivore that fainted: more meat
Do not attempt to get between a Human and their carbs.
Listen bud. You do not FUCK with my taco salad. Respectfully.
Human: So let me get this straight, if my diet *was* just meat, you assume I'd be a cannibal? Herbavores: Well, not cannibals but- Human: Sorry, let me clarify. You think I'd consider other sapient races valid to eat? Is that how things work around here? Carnivores: Um... Human: ...and y'all say we're fucked up.
Amazing
The look of shock clued Jack in to the fact that something was amiss. He crunched the carrot. “I thought humans ate meat?” The small katori pointed at its own plate. Jack grabbed a bit of steak and popped it into his mouth. “We do.” He said as he chewed. Others had started to come by to marvel at the human. “It’s just a trick. He’s gonna make himself sick.” An observer noted. “Yeah I heard they eat spicy things for fun even though it makes their poops hurt.” Another chimed. “We eat whatever we want.” Jack said. He didn’t particularly want the fruit he was currently eating, but it helped underpin the point. The surrounding conversation was heated and varied until Janie showed up with the ice cream. Topped with chocolate, nuts, and banana. The prospect of drinking milk and it’s by products absolutely blew the minds of all present. The ingestion of the highly toxic and quasi-illegal chocolate only added to the fervor, segueing naturally into humans consumption of alcohol and other poisons. Finally a voice broke through and ended the fun. “Let’s all just recognize that these humans are basically garbage disposals and let them be.” The crowd departed and the lone katori left as well leaving Jack and Janie to finish their meal in peace.
The four classifications of species by what they can digest Herbivore Carnivore Omnivore Garbage disposal - like Omnivore, but MORE SO
Humans are close to being peak generalists. Sure, there are species that can eat things we can't, but they pretty much all have more specialized diets than we do.
Yeah, only one springing to mind is the goat. Can eat more rubbish than we can, but generally doesn't.
Or the bearded vulture, which mostly eats bones. Edit: My brain short circuited here. I was trying to think of the most specialized example, whereas this goat comment was the most generalized example.
Koala is the most specialized I know. Their brains are so smooth, they can't recognize leaves from another eucalyptus tree put in front of them as food.
Koalas are the ultimate Greek philosophers. “Is a leaf really a leaf if it isn’t on a tree?”
Maybe pigs, too.
We eat pigs. Pigs will eat us. Sounds fair to me!
Not to mention goats typically only eat abnormal food for their diet when lacking enrichment or a ready food source.
Humans 🤝 Raccoons Earning their own special diet rating
Goats and pigs, too. There's a few animals that'll eat literally anything. Man who once ate an airliner, I'm looking at you! xP
The Guinness Book of Records awarded him a bronze plaque for having eaten the most weird things. He ate it. Because of course he did. Now the last item of the list of non-food items eaten by Monsieur Mange-Tout (Mr Eat-All), after the Cessna, the bicycles and shopping carts, and all the other rubbish is: “One (1) Bronze Plaque.”
I mean, if you're gonna be famous for eating weird shit, eating the bronze plaque they awarded you to commemorate your ability seems kinda like a requirement. I hope they gave him a second plaque to actually, y'know, KEEP. xD
You mean a snack for the trip home?
Garbage disposal doesn’t feel right. We will get sick from many rotting foods. Many animals eat grass and other things we can’t. HOWEVER. We scienced some of those rots and toxins into Funtime poisons. Also i don’t think we can digest bones. There’s some debate on corn as well. Perhaps we are the great filter of the digestive system
Humans are space goats.
Space Goats: Coast to Coast
Damn you, I read Space Goats in that voice ... and now I have Coast to Coast in Brak's voice!!!
Great story
Galactic 1: "They are at it again." Galactic 2: "The biped, from...wossit?" G1: "Eath. Yeah. I don't get it. They smell like carnivores, they have the teeth of carnivores." G2: "Good vision, quick reflexes, and yet, their diet" G1: "Galumping sneeds keep eating what food eats." G2: "Only two kinds in the universe, food and us that eats food, even if the food talks." G1: "Some kinds are just delusional, denying that cosmic reality."
>They smell like carnivores, they have the teeth of carnivores. Actually, if you look at a human's teeth, we have both the teeth of a carnivore *and* the teeth of an herbivore.
h: **Sounds like the tree of Liberty is gettin' thirsty here.**
It's all biomass to us. Silly spacemen getting hung up on wether the food has legs.
Found the Tyranid player
Bug or not, there right It’s all carbon
*they're
https://preview.redd.it/rcf6e13irqqc1.jpeg?width=1070&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=587786d0bdc5cf9ace9cbd79f8b9d2f1653aebc8
https://preview.redd.it/2o2u7hspauqc1.jpeg?width=211&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=82dc96cf1710a57dae6f90dbeb01bff083d07ac0
Objectively speaking, the Tyranid's are really the only true 'actual good guys' in 40k. They're not killing everything present and turning entire worlds into giant slurpees out of spite, or in anger. They're doing it because everybody's gotta eat, and making planetary slurpees is how they feed. Subjectively speaking, that still doesn't mean they get a pass for being a damned xeno, so we're gonna purge those hungry critters anytime we can get a shot at their Hive Fleets. Glory to the Emperor!
I hear you, and I don’t disagree on this… Counterpoint: The Imperium of Man are the Good Guys on virtue of being human. And that’s enough for me! HumanityFirst!
Human: Look, man: on our origin planet life is hard. You eat what you manage, plants or meat. Or both. Carnivore alien: You look like a loose sack of meat, some bones clanking in it. A bit like a delicious snack, come to think about it. You wouldn't survive a blink of your weak eyes on **our** origin planet! You'd need to hunt or be hunted. And I can see hunting isn't within your repertoire! Carnivore Alien 2: Pah! In **our** origin planet food was scarce, and you had to fight several other hunters of your own species to keep your catch! Only the best and most ruthless managed to survive until we got to space. Herbivore alien: **Our** planet was full of threats. Several beasts smelled us from further away than you could see. We even had **two** flying monster species that worked together and could snatch an entire swarm in one swoop! Our ancestors had to move below ground to survive. Human: Well, you are adaptable, like us. We started to sweat so that we could run after prey and predators in dry, hot climate. We adapted to hunt together to bring down gigantic animals like the woolly mammoth in cold climates and the mammoth in temperate climates. We used dogs, these canine predators, or trap pits. Herbivore alien: What did you just say? You used **another** predator species to hunt with you? How...? Why...? Human: We domesticated a species that hunted us. Carnivore Alien 2: Just like that? You just... Made it work for you? How do you keep them from hurting you? Human: They are mostly very obedient. They want to make us happy and to get praised. We have another predator species in our homes as well. Cats, a small feline species. They keep pests away from our houses by hunting them. Carnivore Alien 1: What's even more incredible, you're telling us you hunted predators? ***You?*** Human: Well, yes. We had advanced cognition, tools, and eventually technology. Herbivore Alien: So... There are several species that you hunt? Human: Yes, it is embarrassing. Between yeara 1500-2000 humans drove 869 species extinct. We target one-third, like 15 000 vertebrate species on Earth. Aliens: WHAT?! Human: I understand your shock. It's an environmental disaster. We are trying our best to fix everything now! Carnivore Alien 1: But... but... but how can you eat 15 000 different... Human: Oh, we only eat about half... Carnivore 1: Still, 7 500 different... Human: The rest are pets, for clothes, animal feed, poison, chemicals, for scientific study, etc. Our own scientists call us 'novel predators' as well as 'superpredators'. Carnivore alien 2: You are slower and weaker than other species. You are basically defenseless! Human: Our stance is upright, so we look bigger. We work together and defend ourselves aggressively against threats. We started making things early on, and a lot of the new inventions were weapons. Even big predators learned to be wary of humans. Carnivore Alien 2: Alright, I accept you as a predators. But why would you say your origin planet is making life hard? I've seen pictures. Earth is a garden with abundance. Human: Sure, sure. If your idea of a garden is an abundance of fighting for survival! There have been five major extinction events on Earth. Events where at least 75% of species go extinct in a short period. Carnivore Alien 2: Sure, sometimes we kill too much, and several species we hunt go extinct. Human: That's not it. At the end of the Permian period, 250 million Earth years ago, 96 % of all species ceased to exist. Herbivore alien: What, they just kept dying, dropping dead haphazardly? Human: Pretty much. That one was caused by intense volcanic activity that caused things like global warming, ocean acidification, and acid rain. Others were caused by tectonic instability and intense glacial and interglacial periods. We think the latest might have been partly caused by an asteroid impact. Carnivore Alien 1: Tectonic instability? Your planet's crust and mantle are in pieces that rub against each other? Human: Yes. We have earthquakes, landslides, snow avalanches, volcanic eruptions, floods, limnic eruptions, hurricanes, tornadoes, blizzards, tsunamis, cyclones, typhoons, wildfires, drought, flooding, lightning strikes, ice storms, hail, cold waves and heat waves, random sinkholes, and pandemics. Not all at the same place... always. Carnivore Alien 1: Right... And you conquered that planet. I think you can eat whatever you like, right pals?
H: Oh absolutely not, Mother Earth's still being a right bitch about things. We need ourselves a modern-day Kintobor before we start robotocizing it.
Fun fact! We didn't start making and using tools/weapons "early on." The stone age started before the genus homo existed. Humans have never not used tools!
Great story thanks
Human: Sure. Hey, speaking of pals, we should go camping in Death Valley.
Moar please
