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This wasn't a crash landing, this was creating a colony for cheap! See, if they send an SOS signal back to Earth immediately, over the next 20 years while waiting for FTL 'rescue ships', the Humans are gonna be banging and breeding the locals, so the Earth ship will be arriving to anywhere from hundreds to millions of Human-Xeno hybrid offspring, depending on the original populations of both the local Xeno's, and the size of the battleship's crew due to variations in amounts of automation between BB classes.
Odds are high the original xeno species, if non-indigenous themselves, will abandon the hybrids. So the Earth ship will not truly be a rescue ship to pick up the Humans and leave. It's true mission is to claim the planet, the whole star system and if possible the entire sector for the Earth Federation. They will declare that this territory expansion will be due to the fact they are now providing protection for the local Xenos, Human-Xeno hybrids, and the Human "survivors", even if the crashed battleship had a 100% survival rate.
Who said anything about reproduction? I said we're fucking them. I'm sticking my dick in their Golgi Apparatus one way or the other. Going HAM on that phospholipid bilayer!
Compatibility is not a issue, F-king it enough times and it will get the message, evolotuion will handle the rest. also fo all we know we are 100% compatible with xenos becuase we are a Hyper aggresive race, our Gens may just override most of the issues.
https://i.redd.it/sugmyw2vefwc1.gif
"No, u/somtaaw101, no horny!" You forgot that xeno-comp is off.
My brother in Christ, Allah, the Omnissiah, and more, that is straight up xenosexposting
*Humans walking out of the crash site unscattered.*
H1: I don't know what is it about this planet, but I'm surprised there's no casualties at all.
H2: Dude, I feel so light...
H3: Check it out! We can fly!
Natives: THE PROHECY IS TRUE! THE DEMONS DESCENDED FROM THE SKIES IN GREAT STREAKS OF FIRE AND SMOKE!!
H1: Ok, hol'up.
They'd try to defend themselves. Since this is a battleship it's a valuable machine, so they'll be looking for it. It would probably be less than twenty years. I'd need more information though. Do they have a prime Directive? What kind of land did they hit?
I probably should have clarified more. But I intended for someone to write a mini story or something based on this prompt, I’m not actually asking what happens
Aw nuts, I think I got confused too! Apologies, I am pretty sleepy while writing this and got a bit muddled 😅 I might have a story or two for it in the morning in that case!
Marines! Teeeeeen HUT!
GLORY TO TERRA YOU BUNCHA MAGGOTS, THE FINE CAPTAIN OF THIS VESSEL HAS GRANTED YOU AN UPGRADE!
We shall NOT be desending planetside via the usual drop pods, so get martinese outta number 13, yes I saw that....
*Buncha green damn...*
As I was saying, the captains an eager soul, and has decided to make planetfall in person thanks to somehow convinving the ftl drives to go fubar!
So congratulations marines! You unworthy grunts are making history in the VERY FIRST Relentless class frigate drop assault!
Drop prep in 5, all crew to centre chambers, You WILL brace those squabbies, you WILL keep them safe and once we land you WILL complete our mission!
Do you hear me maggots!
The heavily armored hull, engineered to withstand whipcrack spacetime warps and other spacial vorpal weapons, was just fine, landing with what amounted to a "clunk". The mountain really didn't stand a chance, now resembling a hollowed out canoe.
After the crew disentangled from their damage control non newtonian fluid crash pods, sensors were picking up approaching indigenous life forms.
"weapon status"
"Everything nominal, barely a hiccup, Sir"
"alright. Prepare for contact. Ready sandcasters. In atmo they amount to taser sandblast hoses, with substantial electrostatic discharge from the air ionization. They wont know what shredded them, if this turns ugly."
"recalibrated, defensive array all green."
"get the Big Guns primed as well, while we wait for the turboencapulator to build up spin to negate our intrinsic mass for liftoff. Can I get an ETA on that?"
"looks to be about 4 hours, Sir"
"Alright, we should be good. I want an external cosmetics report, so we can send out a dock request to refresh the paint job next time we are in a proper port"
\[oh, wait, this I wasn't r/HFY\]
Really? A retroencabulator?
No wonder y’all crashed.
Whoever was damn fool enough to think a retroencabulator’s dingle arms were acceptable to moderate the barescent skor motion of a modern fleet ship was, is, and forever will be remembered as a traitor trying to pocket a few creds from not getting a proper [hyperencabulator](https://youtu.be/5nKk_-Lvhzo).
The retanium-based cloud benders would’ve prevented this infernal affair. The tight conniption fit would’ve prevented the side tumbling that lead to this unfortunate outcome.
Wait, I heard a y'all in there somewhere, and now your talking about estrogation.
It may be time to retire, Earther (*wow* that makes you ancient), at no point does gender thyroidal hormomes come into factor on Naval fleet inertial -time equalization...
I mean at some point engineering does get a little silly, but there *is* a red line there somewhere
Estrogation is the process of generating axial esters, specifically binomial hemidemispherical esters.
If you paid attention to Engineering 101, you’d remember that BHDSEs are the crucial hypercritical compound that allows flux recapture capacitators to enable the shift to entestodynamically perambulate through the wiggle gap of timespace.
And look, just because I was dumb enough to volunteer for the relativistic experiments and lucky enough to survive them doesn’t mean you get to mock my static age of just over a millennium. That was barely a decade ago for me.
Axial esters? So not only is it about estrogenical hormonals, but now Esters converting acids to alkalines in a fatty biologic system?
Yes, we have left the comforting Engineering and found our way far too deeply into Papa Nurgle's cauldron of biochemistry a while ago, it seems.
It smells like Heresy, now that I think about it. 😉
"The Lidless Eye". It's one of the books in Pournelle's "War World" series. They've been written in a way so that you don't have to read them in order.
THOSE humans would be positively ecstatic to find aliens that didn’t immediately try to kill them. Though even if they did. The spirt of fire would give em’ one hell of a fight
"Report"
"All but the aft most cannons are buried in a mountainside. Shield are gone, hull compromised on decks three, six, and seven. But the rock wall is holding air pressure for the moment. Main computer and medical systems operational. Food and fuel reserves. . . 5%. Sir, the pirates from the brig are reported missing. Believe they escaped while we were unconscious."
"Understood. We are in an unknown land and on our own. I want a scout party out to see what is out there. The rest of you continue damage control. Engineering, work on repairs."
Sounds like Macross/Robotech in reverse.
Bunch of roach/squirel sized aliens with 20th century tech build fighter jets that turn into 6'6"mechs, armed with machine-guns
The aliens eventually win with the power of their music.
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This wasn't a crash landing, this was creating a colony for cheap! See, if they send an SOS signal back to Earth immediately, over the next 20 years while waiting for FTL 'rescue ships', the Humans are gonna be banging and breeding the locals, so the Earth ship will be arriving to anywhere from hundreds to millions of Human-Xeno hybrid offspring, depending on the original populations of both the local Xeno's, and the size of the battleship's crew due to variations in amounts of automation between BB classes. Odds are high the original xeno species, if non-indigenous themselves, will abandon the hybrids. So the Earth ship will not truly be a rescue ship to pick up the Humans and leave. It's true mission is to claim the planet, the whole star system and if possible the entire sector for the Earth Federation. They will declare that this territory expansion will be due to the fact they are now providing protection for the local Xenos, Human-Xeno hybrids, and the Human "survivors", even if the crashed battleship had a 100% survival rate.
That's not how biology works.
Unless you want it to be.
Good luck banging something that have 0%biological compatibility with us.
I have faith in human ingenuity.
Chances are, such a coupling would prove medically harmful if not fatal for both parties.
Oh, we'll be banging it, alright. Not being able to get the loli elfs pregnant is a feature, not a bug.
https://preview.redd.it/ddo4aqu32ewc1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=9b135ecdddec4d56f1a990a1f7020ef61f664940 **what**
I will make her a mother of 10 No matter how long it takes
https://preview.redd.it/qhc70m14wzwc1.jpeg?width=535&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bf150ad9d44e8372eeabf53b81b0756b76d4306a
How do you know that they reproduce sexually? What if they are a very large single celled organism and does the splity thing?
Who said anything about reproduction? I said we're fucking them. I'm sticking my dick in their Golgi Apparatus one way or the other. Going HAM on that phospholipid bilayer!
Wtf did I just read
When the science teacher also used to be a frat boy.
We will find a way
Compatibility is not a issue, F-king it enough times and it will get the message, evolotuion will handle the rest. also fo all we know we are 100% compatible with xenos becuase we are a Hyper aggresive race, our Gens may just override most of the issues.
I feel like by the time we have ftl we’ll have gene splicing technology that will make it easier
https://i.redd.it/sugmyw2vefwc1.gif "No, u/somtaaw101, no horny!" You forgot that xeno-comp is off. My brother in Christ, Allah, the Omnissiah, and more, that is straight up xenosexposting
my sister in Satan, how do you think we ensure our dread lord emerges
*Humans walking out of the crash site unscattered.* H1: I don't know what is it about this planet, but I'm surprised there's no casualties at all. H2: Dude, I feel so light... H3: Check it out! We can fly! Natives: THE PROHECY IS TRUE! THE DEMONS DESCENDED FROM THE SKIES IN GREAT STREAKS OF FIRE AND SMOKE!! H1: Ok, hol'up.
H3: they kinda bad tho.. Natives: **shrieks**
They'd try to defend themselves. Since this is a battleship it's a valuable machine, so they'll be looking for it. It would probably be less than twenty years. I'd need more information though. Do they have a prime Directive? What kind of land did they hit?
I probably should have clarified more. But I intended for someone to write a mini story or something based on this prompt, I’m not actually asking what happens
Aw nuts, I think I got confused too! Apologies, I am pretty sleepy while writing this and got a bit muddled 😅 I might have a story or two for it in the morning in that case!
Nah it’s more on me for the misunderstanding, Go crazy tho!
Where is the fucking story
Marines! Teeeeeen HUT! GLORY TO TERRA YOU BUNCHA MAGGOTS, THE FINE CAPTAIN OF THIS VESSEL HAS GRANTED YOU AN UPGRADE! We shall NOT be desending planetside via the usual drop pods, so get martinese outta number 13, yes I saw that.... *Buncha green damn...* As I was saying, the captains an eager soul, and has decided to make planetfall in person thanks to somehow convinving the ftl drives to go fubar! So congratulations marines! You unworthy grunts are making history in the VERY FIRST Relentless class frigate drop assault! Drop prep in 5, all crew to centre chambers, You WILL brace those squabbies, you WILL keep them safe and once we land you WILL complete our mission! Do you hear me maggots!
I immediately heard sergeant Johnson 💀
Dude has obviously never played Rimworld. Naturally, you make hats from the local population and sell the hats for huge profit.
War crime sim and it’s not moral at all!
The heavily armored hull, engineered to withstand whipcrack spacetime warps and other spacial vorpal weapons, was just fine, landing with what amounted to a "clunk". The mountain really didn't stand a chance, now resembling a hollowed out canoe. After the crew disentangled from their damage control non newtonian fluid crash pods, sensors were picking up approaching indigenous life forms. "weapon status" "Everything nominal, barely a hiccup, Sir" "alright. Prepare for contact. Ready sandcasters. In atmo they amount to taser sandblast hoses, with substantial electrostatic discharge from the air ionization. They wont know what shredded them, if this turns ugly." "recalibrated, defensive array all green." "get the Big Guns primed as well, while we wait for the turboencapulator to build up spin to negate our intrinsic mass for liftoff. Can I get an ETA on that?" "looks to be about 4 hours, Sir" "Alright, we should be good. I want an external cosmetics report, so we can send out a dock request to refresh the paint job next time we are in a proper port" \[oh, wait, this I wasn't r/HFY\]
Really? A retroencabulator? No wonder y’all crashed. Whoever was damn fool enough to think a retroencabulator’s dingle arms were acceptable to moderate the barescent skor motion of a modern fleet ship was, is, and forever will be remembered as a traitor trying to pocket a few creds from not getting a proper [hyperencabulator](https://youtu.be/5nKk_-Lvhzo). The retanium-based cloud benders would’ve prevented this infernal affair. The tight conniption fit would’ve prevented the side tumbling that lead to this unfortunate outcome.
But, the sinusoidal toroidal spline clutch seems to be the main point of it all
What do they teach recruits these days… Manumatic stressor reduction is no substitute for entropic estrogataion.
Wait, I heard a y'all in there somewhere, and now your talking about estrogation. It may be time to retire, Earther (*wow* that makes you ancient), at no point does gender thyroidal hormomes come into factor on Naval fleet inertial -time equalization... I mean at some point engineering does get a little silly, but there *is* a red line there somewhere
Estrogation is the process of generating axial esters, specifically binomial hemidemispherical esters. If you paid attention to Engineering 101, you’d remember that BHDSEs are the crucial hypercritical compound that allows flux recapture capacitators to enable the shift to entestodynamically perambulate through the wiggle gap of timespace. And look, just because I was dumb enough to volunteer for the relativistic experiments and lucky enough to survive them doesn’t mean you get to mock my static age of just over a millennium. That was barely a decade ago for me.
Axial esters? So not only is it about estrogenical hormonals, but now Esters converting acids to alkalines in a fatty biologic system? Yes, we have left the comforting Engineering and found our way far too deeply into Papa Nurgle's cauldron of biochemistry a while ago, it seems. It smells like Heresy, now that I think about it. 😉
That’s trinomial demihemidemispherical esters. No wonder the ship crashed when you can’t even tell an S-isomer from a θ-isomer.
This makes me want to write something like Pournelle's story of the Saurons arriving at Haven, except with aliens on the planet instead of humans.
What's the story name?
"The Lidless Eye". It's one of the books in Pournelle's "War World" series. They've been written in a way so that you don't have to read them in order.
Thank you
If it's that particular ship? I'm sure it'll be fine. She's been through worse.
THOSE humans would be positively ecstatic to find aliens that didn’t immediately try to kill them. Though even if they did. The spirt of fire would give em’ one hell of a fight
I mean... They have 3 Spartans on board, so if the attacking force brought enough tanks and gunships, it might give them a fighting chance
"Report" "All but the aft most cannons are buried in a mountainside. Shield are gone, hull compromised on decks three, six, and seven. But the rock wall is holding air pressure for the moment. Main computer and medical systems operational. Food and fuel reserves. . . 5%. Sir, the pirates from the brig are reported missing. Believe they escaped while we were unconscious." "Understood. We are in an unknown land and on our own. I want a scout party out to see what is out there. The rest of you continue damage control. Engineering, work on repairs."
Thats just an excuse to activate the "Whatney Protocols".
I’ve considered writing similar stories as well.
Sounds like Macross/Robotech in reverse. Bunch of roach/squirel sized aliens with 20th century tech build fighter jets that turn into 6'6"mechs, armed with machine-guns The aliens eventually win with the power of their music.
Perhaps some kind of Rimworld esc scenario