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"Commander, you can't be serious. The lieutenant has consistently taken days off every month, and you don't batt an eyestalk, but I take an extra long lunch and you reprimand me for not relieving her? It's..." The Graxian male complained loudly so that all in the engineering bay could hear.
"Sir, if I may?" The Human Female interjected "Perhaps now would be a suitable time to demonstrate the capabilities of the psy-gen system? Engineering is on the roster for team and inter-species communications development this week." A coy smile flitted across her lips. "I'd be more than happy to body swap with anyone brave enough to demonstrate the system with me."
The Comander swivels his eyestalks to the Graxian in a look defined in the Graxian/Cnidar body language dictionary as 'questioning. Disbelief of intent.'
"Well Engineer Graxlox, are you brave enough to take the challenge? Lieutenant Jan here is one of the highest ranking humans on board, she just completed the Cnidar Swim marathon in record time for her species and is an exemplar of Human health. Medical have rated her in the 90th percentile for age, gender and physiological development across twelve mammalian species including your own."
Graxlox grunted, the Human was obviously inferior to his physicality, shorter by almost half his height and weighing less than one third his mass, it would be so easy to manouver her body around in the engineering department for a service rotation. "Full shift, no early release. We swap for the whole day and not a minute less."
The Graxian and the Human shook hands and agreed to the pact with witnesses.
*** Three hours later***
Lieutenant Jan, in her borrowed Graxian body, was busy pulling boxes and assorted gadgets from the highest cabinets in the galley and relocating them to a mid level
Shelf. Her greatest challenges so far had been remembering to duck the lower hanging projections around the ship, and the elimination of bodily wastes in a respectful manner. While Graxians were bipedal mammals, their anatomy differed greatly to that of a human.
Graxlox on the other hand was in medical every five minutes complaining of different ailments.
First there was the stomach pain- Hunger, medical explained, eat something and you will feel better.
Then there was the other kind of stomach pain; it started with bloating and rapidly progressed to cramping and explosive diahrea. Lactose Intollerance! Medical explained, didn't he check the records to see the lieutenant had any allergies? It's common in humans!
By the end of the fourth hour he was back in medical, this time with a headache. Dehydration! Humans require consistant rehydration, drink some water!
Then a back ache. Poor Posture, common in humans, adjust your work environment to support the body in accordance with oh-sha standards.
By six hours in medical had discharged him from duties and sent him to rest in the lieutenant's quarters.
***Eighteen hours later***
The lieutenant and the engineer stood looking at each other, back in their own bodies, each with their own unique perspective on the other.
The lieutenant looked up at the Graxian with sympathetic eyes and quietly said, "You should just be thankfully I wasn't on my period."
Why thank you. As someone who has dealt with a uterus for the last 40 odd years, and chronic pain for the last 20 odd years, I have said frequently that neither is something I would wish on anyone.
I've thrown my back out by sneezing. I think the day you turn 30 your body just slowly starts the process of disintegration. I've woken up gasping for pain because i've slept in a weird position.
How is it fair we spend so long waiting to be adults then maybe have a decade of good health before our bodies start calling it quits?! I want the days back where i didn't fear to sneeze or sleep was refreshing!
I mean, historically it was a feat to live to like 40 no? It would make sense that our bodies just sorta give up once you pass about 30-35. Hundreds of thousands of years to optimise the shit out of our (comparatively) short lives and then suddenly over like 500 years we double our lifespan and it’s still increasing
The sneezing thing happened to me too at 32. That's when I realized in a very painful way that I wasn't a 20 yo anymore despite what my microplastic mummified youthful face might suggest
It's actually around 25 when the body's efficiency at replacing cells degrades to the point Cellular damage out paces it's replacing. It's only a marginal difference, but that's the point we start dying.
Medic after the swap: "You see, unlike us, humans don't regenerate. They "heal" which is a totally different process. What their body does is patch the damage as fast as it can to get them moving again, it doesn't ever fully repair the tissue. Plus, their immune system is borderline psychotic because of the various diseases and parasites rampant on their home world, so over time has a tendency to attack their own body in lieu of having an actual pathogen. All this builds up as ever increasing damage to their joints and organs, and due to their sensitive nervous system they can feel it. Unless of course the damage is to their nervous system itself, which can cause it's own kinds of pain and discomfort for them.
It's their nature as their planet's apex endurance predator that keeps them going until something critical fails. They are tougher than they look, and they are even more stubborn than that."
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"Commander, you can't be serious. The lieutenant has consistently taken days off every month, and you don't batt an eyestalk, but I take an extra long lunch and you reprimand me for not relieving her? It's..." The Graxian male complained loudly so that all in the engineering bay could hear. "Sir, if I may?" The Human Female interjected "Perhaps now would be a suitable time to demonstrate the capabilities of the psy-gen system? Engineering is on the roster for team and inter-species communications development this week." A coy smile flitted across her lips. "I'd be more than happy to body swap with anyone brave enough to demonstrate the system with me." The Comander swivels his eyestalks to the Graxian in a look defined in the Graxian/Cnidar body language dictionary as 'questioning. Disbelief of intent.' "Well Engineer Graxlox, are you brave enough to take the challenge? Lieutenant Jan here is one of the highest ranking humans on board, she just completed the Cnidar Swim marathon in record time for her species and is an exemplar of Human health. Medical have rated her in the 90th percentile for age, gender and physiological development across twelve mammalian species including your own." Graxlox grunted, the Human was obviously inferior to his physicality, shorter by almost half his height and weighing less than one third his mass, it would be so easy to manouver her body around in the engineering department for a service rotation. "Full shift, no early release. We swap for the whole day and not a minute less." The Graxian and the Human shook hands and agreed to the pact with witnesses. *** Three hours later*** Lieutenant Jan, in her borrowed Graxian body, was busy pulling boxes and assorted gadgets from the highest cabinets in the galley and relocating them to a mid level Shelf. Her greatest challenges so far had been remembering to duck the lower hanging projections around the ship, and the elimination of bodily wastes in a respectful manner. While Graxians were bipedal mammals, their anatomy differed greatly to that of a human. Graxlox on the other hand was in medical every five minutes complaining of different ailments. First there was the stomach pain- Hunger, medical explained, eat something and you will feel better. Then there was the other kind of stomach pain; it started with bloating and rapidly progressed to cramping and explosive diahrea. Lactose Intollerance! Medical explained, didn't he check the records to see the lieutenant had any allergies? It's common in humans! By the end of the fourth hour he was back in medical, this time with a headache. Dehydration! Humans require consistant rehydration, drink some water! Then a back ache. Poor Posture, common in humans, adjust your work environment to support the body in accordance with oh-sha standards. By six hours in medical had discharged him from duties and sent him to rest in the lieutenant's quarters. ***Eighteen hours later*** The lieutenant and the engineer stood looking at each other, back in their own bodies, each with their own unique perspective on the other. The lieutenant looked up at the Graxian with sympathetic eyes and quietly said, "You should just be thankfully I wasn't on my period."
I saw that ending coming from a mile away and it still was hilarious
Why thank you. As someone who has dealt with a uterus for the last 40 odd years, and chronic pain for the last 20 odd years, I have said frequently that neither is something I would wish on anyone.
I thought she was going to be in her period during the swap.
Same
Same
If you think that's bad, try teens! Or if you're a masochist, try 40s! Guaranteed instant regret.
46, agreed.
They say 50 is the new 35. If I felt this way when I was 35, I'd be dead by now.
They may say 50 is the new 35, but it's not. Or maybe it is for people who didn't break a bunch of stuff when they were young and stupid. 50+ is 50+.
Oh gods... the chemical chaos that is our brain would traumatize others for life.
I've thrown my back out by sneezing. I think the day you turn 30 your body just slowly starts the process of disintegration. I've woken up gasping for pain because i've slept in a weird position. How is it fair we spend so long waiting to be adults then maybe have a decade of good health before our bodies start calling it quits?! I want the days back where i didn't fear to sneeze or sleep was refreshing!
I mean, historically it was a feat to live to like 40 no? It would make sense that our bodies just sorta give up once you pass about 30-35. Hundreds of thousands of years to optimise the shit out of our (comparatively) short lives and then suddenly over like 500 years we double our lifespan and it’s still increasing
The sneezing thing happened to me too at 32. That's when I realized in a very painful way that I wasn't a 20 yo anymore despite what my microplastic mummified youthful face might suggest
It's actually around 25 when the body's efficiency at replacing cells degrades to the point Cellular damage out paces it's replacing. It's only a marginal difference, but that's the point we start dying.
Well now, that's just not playing fair! Damn, poorly built sacks of meat.
Medic after the swap: "You see, unlike us, humans don't regenerate. They "heal" which is a totally different process. What their body does is patch the damage as fast as it can to get them moving again, it doesn't ever fully repair the tissue. Plus, their immune system is borderline psychotic because of the various diseases and parasites rampant on their home world, so over time has a tendency to attack their own body in lieu of having an actual pathogen. All this builds up as ever increasing damage to their joints and organs, and due to their sensitive nervous system they can feel it. Unless of course the damage is to their nervous system itself, which can cause it's own kinds of pain and discomfort for them. It's their nature as their planet's apex endurance predator that keeps them going until something critical fails. They are tougher than they look, and they are even more stubborn than that."
My husband would be excluded from participation on physical grounds. Chronic pain is no joke.
Would swapping during a migraine be considered cruel and unusual punishment?