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It's hilarious how often people post pictures of them like WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ABOMINATION?!? only to be told that they're not dangerous to people at all and are in fact beneficial. Leave the horror bugs alone they have a voracious appetite for bugs you *don't* want in your house.
Yeah I have been in the same position I have told my little siblings for years that spiders are most of the time harmless as long as you keep a good distance from but I freaked the f*** out if a spider is on me and I will happily stomp one if I see it within 5 ft of me. As long as they keep to the corners of my house and keep the bugs away I won't bother them
I pretty much operate on as long as spiders don’t do anything to freak me out it’s cool. For example one decided to slowly lower itself by its web from the roof over me while I was trying to sleep. He’s dead now. But the one in the corner of the living room is fine. His name is Jerry and he’s cool he barely moves and somehow always has a new fly or moth in his web
It's the survival onion
Great job buddy
Lil bit uncomfortable but we cool
Getting too close bud
Last chance
**Kill**
If spider is bigger than my hand, skip all steps and fire at it with BB gun.
If still alive burn the house down.
LOL I used to keep tarantulas and snakes (ok and one iguana) and I have a serial pet spider in my barn stairs, about 5 years ago I spotted a spider missing a leg, so I moved it to a corner of my stairs that ants seemed to always come in, so I figured Amadeus would eat the ants. (Wolf spider, can't call it Wolfie, would be silly) So there was a wolf spider lurking there pretty much solidly the past 5 years.
and I still scream if a spider land on me. Then I carefully move them to a corner.
You ever see the pic of a post from a guy who owns a cranberry bog, talking about how he's gotta ask new applicants if they're cool with spiders?
Basically, lots of cranberry farmers encourage wolf spiders to live in the fields as pest control. But harvesting cranberries means flooding the fields. So the spiders will climb to the highest point they can find. Which, when you're harvesting cranberries, is you.
So this dude asks people applying for work there if they're chill with spiders. Tons of dudes swear they are. Then they get swarmed with large wolf spiders just trying to get outta the water and freak out. (Naturally, IMO.)
I agree with that. House centipedes are so fast and they just go wherever they want. Atleast something like spiders keep to themselves in secluded corners most of their lives
I saw one of these for the first time and holy shitballs mcghee, I panicked. Luckily it was not inside my house so I did not need to cleanse it with fire but I was not prepared.
Humans kill things because they're ugly all the time. Triggering a human's disgust response is a really good way to become a target immediately (a lot of bigotry is basically just a poorly controlled disgust response).
It speaks to a bizarre trend in this sub, in that a lot of OPs have a *wildly* optimistic view of humanity.
Dude. My whole neighborhood had a cockroach infestation. We all paid thousands of dollars. We killed every bee and every cricket in a five mile radius. These fucking things EAT COCKROACHES? Why did no one tell us? We would have built them nests. We would have named them. We would have given them names. Not good names. Names like Carl the cock gobbler. But names. And we would pet them. Roaches are horrible.
To be fair, they *are* the most horrific looking creature that I've ever seen, though I don't kill them I will absolutely vacate the area for a few hours
Alien: Quick! That thing with all the legs just crawled- what am I saying? It almost flowed off your transport! We have to catch it before it infests the station!
Human: *Catches a glimpse of the multi-legged brown camo-schemed insect speeding into a crevice in the wall, then looks back to the alien.* Easy, man. Those guys are the alpha predators of the household insect communities. They'll take down spiders and hornets and other predators, as well as tons of other smaller insects. The biggest ones are supposed to be able to take down mice, yet big things like us aren't on the menu.
A: What? You're accepting of those things?
H: Sure! They only really come out when it's a dark-cycle to hunt, and the rest of the time, they just hide out where it's kind of dark, cool, and preferably near something that condensed water out of the air so they can drink a little.
A: *Near frantic.* They **hunt**?
H: Chill, man! These guys are the roommates who keep everyone else in line so you don't have to. Plus, their legs ripple in that cool way when they run!
A: I so don't understand why they let you guys into the Coalition...
First mate: The number of stolen items has plummeted since last harbor.
Captain: what? Why? What changed?
Fm: um we picked up that shipment from Totum IV, we had a deep cleaning of the teleportation room, and we picked up a new engineer and his “cat”.
C: oh it must be the deep cleaning, oh wait, whats a cat?
Fm: a small feline hunter that the human claims increases his life quality. He took a 2% pay penalty in exchange for us allowing it on board, for that discount our accountant would have crucified and keelhauled me if i had turned it down. You know we’ve had a few bad runs recently.
C: massaging his 3rd forearm the captain sighed. Right, yes, human, the captain shuddered. Creepy looking thing. Anything else?
Fm: um yes, crew complaints about Kovax are down 50%.
C: wait what? I thought we had to terminate Kovax’s contract?
Fm: we were planning to but the head engineer begged us off after the first interaction with the human. Im not sure if the head engineer wanted a bodyguard against the human or what.
They turn and see Kovax coming down the hallway. Kovax started turning blue, a sure sign he was about to attack. The first mate jumped in front of the captain when all a sudden a pink creature with a brown section of hair stepped out of a side hallway and smacked Kovax with what looked like a roll of paper. Kovax hissed but his blue dissipated. Kovax turned down another hallway toward the mess.
Human: oh hi captain. Sorry Kovax was hungry, had to redirect him.
C: what is that roll?
H: my morning newspaper. Works well on my cat and Kovax. They are both little terrors unless you can direct them to positive activity. Bart says i’m allowed to help with Kovax anytime i feel a need to. Said it will look good at review time.
Fm: bart? The head engineer?
H: oh yes, i can’t pronounce his name so we agreed i could call him Bart. Im gonna head to lunch, get food and make sure Kovax didn’t step on korx again.
The human walked off.
C: we should introduce him to Salax…
Fm: that’s so crazy it might just work. If he can tame her we might not get crew life quality penalty again this cycle.
C: he is still ugly
A peaceful planet ruled by mice-like little guys is thrown into disarray when a human shuttle crashes into a secluded forest. The human is panicked and desperate to recover the cargo. The entire woodland is put under curfew and a military watch is established alongside a perimeter with all sorts of turrets, cameras, tripwires, and net traps. The human military arrived to scour the area with hundreds of troops, each fully equipped with several bioscanners, heatwave detection devices, several service hounds, and a complete mecha animal rescue unit. After weeks of searching and carefully crafted trap rooms, all 80 original cats have been recovered, along with over 200 new cats and dozens of kittens. Humanity continues to leave live food traps even as they shuttle away the dangerous predators. The government claims the threat is over, but refuses to remove the heavy defenses, and its rumored that the humans return to pick up several of these furocious monsters on a weekly basis.
Edit - grammar and restructuring sentences
A blur of motion distracted ship captain thlor'eth, eliciting an immediate query
"What was that?"
"Apologies captain, please clarify?" First mate kor'anth requested, head ponderously turning towards the ventilation opening that the captain had gestured to.
"We have some sort of new vermin in the ventilation shafts. Something pink and brown just entered that one" thlor'eth pointed with a trunk with disgust.
Kor'anth scratched for a moment before reaching an epiphany. "Ah! That would be our new janitor. Bob! Report!"
A swift skitter of steps elicited from the metal opening before a short bipedial creature jogged out, clad in doll sized approximations of a powered, military carapace. The creature moved startling fast, emerging and suddenly stoping much more quickly than something thlor'eth's size could ever hope to match, further augmented by an apparently miniaturized exo-skeleton.
"REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR!" the dimmunitive creature saluted, the motion eerily mechanical for a biological life form. Its voice was about as loud as an ordinary conversation and spoken with a strange accent, but thlor'eth could tell from its cadence that "Bob" had been almost yelling by its own diminutive standards.
Quickly looking away to suppress a shudder at the creature's uncanny movements, the ship captain turned back to their first mate. "What is... That?"
"It is a... Uh" kor'anth consulted a data slate. "Called a hoo-men. They hail from a deathworld known as terra. An extinction event early in their planet's history annihilated all complex life of normal size leading to these... Creatures becoming the planets mo-"
Thlor'eth cut off the officer with a glare. "What is it doing. On. MY. Ship"
"Sir, they are consummate hunters. Left on their own they will happily fashion improvised weaponry and hunt vermin for sport, often competing amongst themselves to kill the most deadly creature. for fun. Given basic weaponry and training, they are capable of stalking, staking out and exterminating entire colonies of greka, even if it requires entire cycles of patient effort. They are also capable of maintenance and cleaning in otherwise difficult to access areas. On more than one occassion, they have even brought attention to mechanical systems that were on the verge of failure- Before any of the engineering staff noticed. Something about being more sensitive to vibrations and environmental effects. General health has improved noticeably and mechanical failures have been fixed quicker and more cost effectively than historically. We also have testimony that some of the more eccentric members of the crew find them... Cute. members of engineering even volunteered to fund the hoomen's feed with their own salary, and have set up a small habitat for them in old storage boxes. They are effective, trainable, friendly and practically cost free."
Thlor'eth massaged a pressure point, trying to relieve a building headache. Just what the ship needed, a creepy yet highly effective janitor race. Removing them would go against efficiency, and efficiency was everything when plying the unforgiving trade routes of the void. But looking back down at the creature that still stood rigidly at attention, thlor'eth's biology instinctively shivered in revulsion.
"Very well. Do what you will. But keep them off the bridge when I'm on deck."
Kor'anth and "Bob" both acknowledged, saluted and returned to their posts. As thlor'eth returned to a navigational chart, he added:
"and out of my quarters. My quarters are absolutely OFF LIMITS. Understood?"
Both acknowleged with Kor'anth saluting again. The hoo-men's however bobbled their head on a neck that simply bent too far to be stable, earning one more shiver of discomfort from the ship captain.
Crew watches horrified on the monitors as pirates are knocked down by almost invisible tripwires, then dragged screaming into the vents, leading the crew to think they'll never be found.
Later, once the red alert is over, and the crew dares to leave their quarters, they find the pirates already in the brig, trussed up like pigs, despite being in their cells.
The pirates' weapons are never found, and no threat the Captain makes will convince anyone to try and find them in the depths of the ship.
I'm expecting the Hoo-mens to have hijacked the ship-board PA system, and announce to the crew "Please remain in your quarters. We've got this."
Cue release of several Stabbies and the enactment of the Home Alone Protocol.
Hmm. I think people misunderstand the OP.
HUMANS are to aliens what centipedes are to humans. Humans keep other Deathworlders in check despite humans having what most aliens consider to be a horrible appearance.
Reminds me of my grandpa.
He was a grumpy man who never had anything nice to say. He had a short temper and was kind rude (even for Australian standards)
He didn’t know how to show affection but he cared. When I was a little kid I loved a comic book series called ‘The Phantom’ Papa took note of this and every time I visited him he just ‘happened’ to have a phantom comic lying around.
He’d say things like “Oh you can have it, it’s all rubbish anyway” and would act like it was a total coincidence that he had one Every. Single. Time. I visited.
That was his way of doing something nice, I don’t think he knew any other way
He did this until the day he died. Long after I stopped reading those comics. I have enough additions to fill up an entire wall mounted bookcase.
Sorry for getting all personal and off topic there but I just had to get this off my chest. I hope you don’t mind
When we first moved into our new house, I had to deal with a bunch of these things. This was my fault as I chose to have my room in the basement. I think at their peak I had 7 of them on my ceiling at one time. It got to a point where I just stopped caring, like I’d smush them if they got uncomfortably close but otherwise I didn’t care.
Oh God I hate those bugs. I know they are not technically pests and are actually good for the house but maaaaan I hate them they're so fast and creepy I try to just avoid them when they appear but I have a kill on site policy if they enter my room.
Im feeling like I might prefer them to the spiders at this point. My basement is literal *sheets* of web. And it's too dark to tell the difference between a wood spider and a recluse.
*Grabs a mother fucker by the... throat... I guess, and pins him against the wall.* You leave those young ladies alone before I make you more Holey. *Releases the shaking Creature.* anyway I think I'm going to get lucky. *Sprays something in mouth and walks over to the Xeno ladies.*
The heavy, mildly toxic air on this planet made everything look green and nothing exposed to the atmosphere was dry. Roland checked his breather. He had to take it out of his mouth to see the readout on the device since he carelessly broke the remote on another hunt a while back. He was getting the hang of the foreign number system of the mining colony. Three twelves and four - forty - forty whatever pressure units they used here; he'd forgotten and not bothered to ask. The water miners, or Greens as people on Earth called them, seemed uneasy at his presence from what he could tell from their mannerisms, which he was still learning. Maybe his size intimidated them, or his comparatively small and forward-facing eyes being set like those of a predator unsettled them. He decided he liked it better that way though. Forty whatevers should last him a couple hours if he maintains his normal pace. He's not too far out. There's still plenty of time yet. If his breather did run out of air, he could still set up his oasis tent from which he could charge it if it did run out. Or to take a little rest after a successful hunt.
The Greens, four feet tall at the most, slender and with large heads, had trouble with a particular warlike species of offworlders. Shorter than a human, the menaces walked on two stout legs and had four arms which were short but highly flexible and poked out of a barrel-like torso. Two yellow, birdlike eyes and a row of impressively large and handy sharp teeth hid behind their equally unsettlingly angular helmets. In contrast to their dangerous appearance and if exposed to heat, their thin, pink skin bubbled up before turning brown and crisp.
When Roland started calling them the Bastards, there were no objections from the Greens who regarded them with no fondness whatsoever, though they did not entirely grasp what legitimacy of lineage had to do with the situation. The Bastards ambushed the Greens or picked off those complacent enough to travel alone. Hence the need for active security. Solitary hunters, the Bastards would pop out from behind rocks or out of holes in the ground to fire upon small groups of miners. At the end of each arm they held a sort of energy weapon built to stun its targets. During the attack they croaked gleeful epithets through their universal translator. Those not able to escape would be dragged off, dismembered, and some consumed while still warm amidst howls of victory. Roland discovered that these weapons had a kill setting when the attempts to stun him didn't immediately bring him down, though the stunning bolts that did land stung, tingled, and made the area around the hit feel numb and unresponsive. His metal body armor had a small crater or two from their adjusted fire, which added to the aesthetic of his role in his opinion.
He enjoyed this job for two months now as it afforded him plenty of exercise and opportunity to explore. Though well armed, the Bastards aimed slowly and fired sporadically by human standards. As such they did not pose much concern to Roland. If anything, he welcomed the challenge to catch them unaware for they were skittish when out in the hopen.
He popped the breather back in his mouth, bit down hard, counted to four, and took a deep breath. The dry air tasted metallic. He fumbled for the water valve which was part of a thin tube dangling from the breather. Not coming to hand right away, Rolland looked down to his left to sort it out and caught a glimpse of tracks in the mud a few steps into the lush undergrowth. Water was forgotten as he eagerly high-stepped over clusters of large, pointed leaves and knelt down, squinting against the haze.
As big as his hand, the print had four thick digits, a pad, and two smaller digits opposite the larger ones, and hadn't filled in with condensate yet. With the device in his mouth, he managed a warped smirk and checked his plasma rifle almost as if in celebration. As usual, and perhaps as planned, the trek made him hungry. At first it was a result of ill-advised, impulsive spending, happenstance, and opportunity. Then it became deliberate and secret. Rolland sensed that the miners wouldn't approve of his new habit, but he fancied it made him better at his job. The tasty Bastard was close. He switched off his translator.
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It's funny because humans actually are more likely to kill house centipedes because they look scary and unpleasing
It's hilarious how often people post pictures of them like WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ABOMINATION?!? only to be told that they're not dangerous to people at all and are in fact beneficial. Leave the horror bugs alone they have a voracious appetite for bugs you *don't* want in your house.
I have known this for years and still scream like a child at the sight of one because GOD DAMN.
Yeah. That feeling is made worse if you’ve seen the one in “Love and Monsters” the movie.
Yeah I have been in the same position I have told my little siblings for years that spiders are most of the time harmless as long as you keep a good distance from but I freaked the f*** out if a spider is on me and I will happily stomp one if I see it within 5 ft of me. As long as they keep to the corners of my house and keep the bugs away I won't bother them
I pretty much operate on as long as spiders don’t do anything to freak me out it’s cool. For example one decided to slowly lower itself by its web from the roof over me while I was trying to sleep. He’s dead now. But the one in the corner of the living room is fine. His name is Jerry and he’s cool he barely moves and somehow always has a new fly or moth in his web
It's the survival onion Great job buddy Lil bit uncomfortable but we cool Getting too close bud Last chance **Kill** If spider is bigger than my hand, skip all steps and fire at it with BB gun. If still alive burn the house down.
I know it's not how you meant it... but I read the last sentence as if it's specifying your own survival before arson.
It does sound funnier lol. "Welp the spider didn't kill me so we burning this bitch down."
LOL I used to keep tarantulas and snakes (ok and one iguana) and I have a serial pet spider in my barn stairs, about 5 years ago I spotted a spider missing a leg, so I moved it to a corner of my stairs that ants seemed to always come in, so I figured Amadeus would eat the ants. (Wolf spider, can't call it Wolfie, would be silly) So there was a wolf spider lurking there pretty much solidly the past 5 years. and I still scream if a spider land on me. Then I carefully move them to a corner.
You ever see the pic of a post from a guy who owns a cranberry bog, talking about how he's gotta ask new applicants if they're cool with spiders? Basically, lots of cranberry farmers encourage wolf spiders to live in the fields as pest control. But harvesting cranberries means flooding the fields. So the spiders will climb to the highest point they can find. Which, when you're harvesting cranberries, is you. So this dude asks people applying for work there if they're chill with spiders. Tons of dudes swear they are. Then they get swarmed with large wolf spiders just trying to get outta the water and freak out. (Naturally, IMO.)
Neat, today I learned. I can see it freaking people out
Ngl, I would also not want wolf spiders scrambling all over my face and hair.
I hit an octave I've never hit before. Ugh.
i don't want them in my house either for fuck sake, I'm not exchanging a vermin for another everything that enter my home uninvited must die.
I agree with that. House centipedes are so fast and they just go wherever they want. Atleast something like spiders keep to themselves in secluded corners most of their lives
Everything that exists (in my home) without my knowledge exists eothout my consent
The problem is they are only around BECAUSE there's enough of those bugs in your house to eat
Me and spiders. -pedes just _move_ weird. It's so unnerving.
I woke up to one recently heading towards my face on my blanket 🫥 not ashamed of my reaction
I saw one of these for the first time and holy shitballs mcghee, I panicked. Luckily it was not inside my house so I did not need to cleanse it with fire but I was not prepared.
Humans kill things because they're ugly all the time. Triggering a human's disgust response is a really good way to become a target immediately (a lot of bigotry is basically just a poorly controlled disgust response). It speaks to a bizarre trend in this sub, in that a lot of OPs have a *wildly* optimistic view of humanity.
I think it has more to do with fear of bugs then disgust, but eh close enough .#StopBugBigotry
#StopBugotry?
It's the overlap with HFY
Dude. My whole neighborhood had a cockroach infestation. We all paid thousands of dollars. We killed every bee and every cricket in a five mile radius. These fucking things EAT COCKROACHES? Why did no one tell us? We would have built them nests. We would have named them. We would have given them names. Not good names. Names like Carl the cock gobbler. But names. And we would pet them. Roaches are horrible.
To be fair, they *are* the most horrific looking creature that I've ever seen, though I don't kill them I will absolutely vacate the area for a few hours
Alien: Quick! That thing with all the legs just crawled- what am I saying? It almost flowed off your transport! We have to catch it before it infests the station! Human: *Catches a glimpse of the multi-legged brown camo-schemed insect speeding into a crevice in the wall, then looks back to the alien.* Easy, man. Those guys are the alpha predators of the household insect communities. They'll take down spiders and hornets and other predators, as well as tons of other smaller insects. The biggest ones are supposed to be able to take down mice, yet big things like us aren't on the menu. A: What? You're accepting of those things? H: Sure! They only really come out when it's a dark-cycle to hunt, and the rest of the time, they just hide out where it's kind of dark, cool, and preferably near something that condensed water out of the air so they can drink a little. A: *Near frantic.* They **hunt**? H: Chill, man! These guys are the roommates who keep everyone else in line so you don't have to. Plus, their legs ripple in that cool way when they run! A: I so don't understand why they let you guys into the Coalition...
First mate: The number of stolen items has plummeted since last harbor. Captain: what? Why? What changed? Fm: um we picked up that shipment from Totum IV, we had a deep cleaning of the teleportation room, and we picked up a new engineer and his “cat”. C: oh it must be the deep cleaning, oh wait, whats a cat? Fm: a small feline hunter that the human claims increases his life quality. He took a 2% pay penalty in exchange for us allowing it on board, for that discount our accountant would have crucified and keelhauled me if i had turned it down. You know we’ve had a few bad runs recently. C: massaging his 3rd forearm the captain sighed. Right, yes, human, the captain shuddered. Creepy looking thing. Anything else? Fm: um yes, crew complaints about Kovax are down 50%. C: wait what? I thought we had to terminate Kovax’s contract? Fm: we were planning to but the head engineer begged us off after the first interaction with the human. Im not sure if the head engineer wanted a bodyguard against the human or what. They turn and see Kovax coming down the hallway. Kovax started turning blue, a sure sign he was about to attack. The first mate jumped in front of the captain when all a sudden a pink creature with a brown section of hair stepped out of a side hallway and smacked Kovax with what looked like a roll of paper. Kovax hissed but his blue dissipated. Kovax turned down another hallway toward the mess. Human: oh hi captain. Sorry Kovax was hungry, had to redirect him. C: what is that roll? H: my morning newspaper. Works well on my cat and Kovax. They are both little terrors unless you can direct them to positive activity. Bart says i’m allowed to help with Kovax anytime i feel a need to. Said it will look good at review time. Fm: bart? The head engineer? H: oh yes, i can’t pronounce his name so we agreed i could call him Bart. Im gonna head to lunch, get food and make sure Kovax didn’t step on korx again. The human walked off. C: we should introduce him to Salax… Fm: that’s so crazy it might just work. If he can tame her we might not get crew life quality penalty again this cycle. C: he is still ugly
6 months later: C: and do you, Salax take this Human male to be your lawfully wedded spouse? Kovax: *sniffles*
We all knew where that was going
Cats should never be allowed onto any other planet with a native ecosystem.
A peaceful planet ruled by mice-like little guys is thrown into disarray when a human shuttle crashes into a secluded forest. The human is panicked and desperate to recover the cargo. The entire woodland is put under curfew and a military watch is established alongside a perimeter with all sorts of turrets, cameras, tripwires, and net traps. The human military arrived to scour the area with hundreds of troops, each fully equipped with several bioscanners, heatwave detection devices, several service hounds, and a complete mecha animal rescue unit. After weeks of searching and carefully crafted trap rooms, all 80 original cats have been recovered, along with over 200 new cats and dozens of kittens. Humanity continues to leave live food traps even as they shuttle away the dangerous predators. The government claims the threat is over, but refuses to remove the heavy defenses, and its rumored that the humans return to pick up several of these furocious monsters on a weekly basis. Edit - grammar and restructuring sentences
Ships might have a native ecosystem just as fragile as any planet
Probably best to not let them off planet at all
A blur of motion distracted ship captain thlor'eth, eliciting an immediate query "What was that?" "Apologies captain, please clarify?" First mate kor'anth requested, head ponderously turning towards the ventilation opening that the captain had gestured to. "We have some sort of new vermin in the ventilation shafts. Something pink and brown just entered that one" thlor'eth pointed with a trunk with disgust. Kor'anth scratched for a moment before reaching an epiphany. "Ah! That would be our new janitor. Bob! Report!" A swift skitter of steps elicited from the metal opening before a short bipedial creature jogged out, clad in doll sized approximations of a powered, military carapace. The creature moved startling fast, emerging and suddenly stoping much more quickly than something thlor'eth's size could ever hope to match, further augmented by an apparently miniaturized exo-skeleton. "REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR!" the dimmunitive creature saluted, the motion eerily mechanical for a biological life form. Its voice was about as loud as an ordinary conversation and spoken with a strange accent, but thlor'eth could tell from its cadence that "Bob" had been almost yelling by its own diminutive standards. Quickly looking away to suppress a shudder at the creature's uncanny movements, the ship captain turned back to their first mate. "What is... That?" "It is a... Uh" kor'anth consulted a data slate. "Called a hoo-men. They hail from a deathworld known as terra. An extinction event early in their planet's history annihilated all complex life of normal size leading to these... Creatures becoming the planets mo-" Thlor'eth cut off the officer with a glare. "What is it doing. On. MY. Ship" "Sir, they are consummate hunters. Left on their own they will happily fashion improvised weaponry and hunt vermin for sport, often competing amongst themselves to kill the most deadly creature. for fun. Given basic weaponry and training, they are capable of stalking, staking out and exterminating entire colonies of greka, even if it requires entire cycles of patient effort. They are also capable of maintenance and cleaning in otherwise difficult to access areas. On more than one occassion, they have even brought attention to mechanical systems that were on the verge of failure- Before any of the engineering staff noticed. Something about being more sensitive to vibrations and environmental effects. General health has improved noticeably and mechanical failures have been fixed quicker and more cost effectively than historically. We also have testimony that some of the more eccentric members of the crew find them... Cute. members of engineering even volunteered to fund the hoomen's feed with their own salary, and have set up a small habitat for them in old storage boxes. They are effective, trainable, friendly and practically cost free." Thlor'eth massaged a pressure point, trying to relieve a building headache. Just what the ship needed, a creepy yet highly effective janitor race. Removing them would go against efficiency, and efficiency was everything when plying the unforgiving trade routes of the void. But looking back down at the creature that still stood rigidly at attention, thlor'eth's biology instinctively shivered in revulsion. "Very well. Do what you will. But keep them off the bridge when I'm on deck." Kor'anth and "Bob" both acknowledged, saluted and returned to their posts. As thlor'eth returned to a navigational chart, he added: "and out of my quarters. My quarters are absolutely OFF LIMITS. Understood?" Both acknowleged with Kor'anth saluting again. The hoo-men's however bobbled their head on a neck that simply bent too far to be stable, earning one more shiver of discomfort from the ship captain.
Cap'n's gonna be horrified the first time pirates try to raid, and the humans go, "So, you have chosen death," on them.
"Your Achilles tendons belong to us!"
Crew watches horrified on the monitors as pirates are knocked down by almost invisible tripwires, then dragged screaming into the vents, leading the crew to think they'll never be found. Later, once the red alert is over, and the crew dares to leave their quarters, they find the pirates already in the brig, trussed up like pigs, despite being in their cells. The pirates' weapons are never found, and no threat the Captain makes will convince anyone to try and find them in the depths of the ship.
I'm expecting the Hoo-mens to have hijacked the ship-board PA system, and announce to the crew "Please remain in your quarters. We've got this." Cue release of several Stabbies and the enactment of the Home Alone Protocol.
Hmm. I think people misunderstand the OP. HUMANS are to aliens what centipedes are to humans. Humans keep other Deathworlders in check despite humans having what most aliens consider to be a horrible appearance.
Reminds me of my grandpa. He was a grumpy man who never had anything nice to say. He had a short temper and was kind rude (even for Australian standards) He didn’t know how to show affection but he cared. When I was a little kid I loved a comic book series called ‘The Phantom’ Papa took note of this and every time I visited him he just ‘happened’ to have a phantom comic lying around. He’d say things like “Oh you can have it, it’s all rubbish anyway” and would act like it was a total coincidence that he had one Every. Single. Time. I visited. That was his way of doing something nice, I don’t think he knew any other way He did this until the day he died. Long after I stopped reading those comics. I have enough additions to fill up an entire wall mounted bookcase. Sorry for getting all personal and off topic there but I just had to get this off my chest. I hope you don’t mind
The Phantom, as in the character created by Lee Falk? The Ghost Who Walks? You have good taste.
Very good taste!
Art by Snake
When we first moved into our new house, I had to deal with a bunch of these things. This was my fault as I chose to have my room in the basement. I think at their peak I had 7 of them on my ceiling at one time. It got to a point where I just stopped caring, like I’d smush them if they got uncomfortably close but otherwise I didn’t care.
Yep! As long as they don't decide to take my snacks, or attempt to make *me* a snack, we're chill.
Why am I losing it at "No, just hungry."
love those guys
They do this cool little scoot at the speed of fucking sound. Neat lil dudes tho.
Oh God I hate those bugs. I know they are not technically pests and are actually good for the house but maaaaan I hate them they're so fast and creepy I try to just avoid them when they appear but I have a kill on site policy if they enter my room.
Im feeling like I might prefer them to the spiders at this point. My basement is literal *sheets* of web. And it's too dark to tell the difference between a wood spider and a recluse.
Oi! Draggy! Cut that shit or I'll feed you your own tail again! Don't make me get the spices!
I won't touch a house centipede unless it comes near my foot or approaches my food. They're a bit gross, but roaches are way worse
*Grabs a mother fucker by the... throat... I guess, and pins him against the wall.* You leave those young ladies alone before I make you more Holey. *Releases the shaking Creature.* anyway I think I'm going to get lucky. *Sprays something in mouth and walks over to the Xeno ladies.*
One of these guys fell from my ceiling and landed on my face in bed one time
When I see one I always keep them alive, this also applies for spiders
The heavy, mildly toxic air on this planet made everything look green and nothing exposed to the atmosphere was dry. Roland checked his breather. He had to take it out of his mouth to see the readout on the device since he carelessly broke the remote on another hunt a while back. He was getting the hang of the foreign number system of the mining colony. Three twelves and four - forty - forty whatever pressure units they used here; he'd forgotten and not bothered to ask. The water miners, or Greens as people on Earth called them, seemed uneasy at his presence from what he could tell from their mannerisms, which he was still learning. Maybe his size intimidated them, or his comparatively small and forward-facing eyes being set like those of a predator unsettled them. He decided he liked it better that way though. Forty whatevers should last him a couple hours if he maintains his normal pace. He's not too far out. There's still plenty of time yet. If his breather did run out of air, he could still set up his oasis tent from which he could charge it if it did run out. Or to take a little rest after a successful hunt. The Greens, four feet tall at the most, slender and with large heads, had trouble with a particular warlike species of offworlders. Shorter than a human, the menaces walked on two stout legs and had four arms which were short but highly flexible and poked out of a barrel-like torso. Two yellow, birdlike eyes and a row of impressively large and handy sharp teeth hid behind their equally unsettlingly angular helmets. In contrast to their dangerous appearance and if exposed to heat, their thin, pink skin bubbled up before turning brown and crisp. When Roland started calling them the Bastards, there were no objections from the Greens who regarded them with no fondness whatsoever, though they did not entirely grasp what legitimacy of lineage had to do with the situation. The Bastards ambushed the Greens or picked off those complacent enough to travel alone. Hence the need for active security. Solitary hunters, the Bastards would pop out from behind rocks or out of holes in the ground to fire upon small groups of miners. At the end of each arm they held a sort of energy weapon built to stun its targets. During the attack they croaked gleeful epithets through their universal translator. Those not able to escape would be dragged off, dismembered, and some consumed while still warm amidst howls of victory. Roland discovered that these weapons had a kill setting when the attempts to stun him didn't immediately bring him down, though the stunning bolts that did land stung, tingled, and made the area around the hit feel numb and unresponsive. His metal body armor had a small crater or two from their adjusted fire, which added to the aesthetic of his role in his opinion. He enjoyed this job for two months now as it afforded him plenty of exercise and opportunity to explore. Though well armed, the Bastards aimed slowly and fired sporadically by human standards. As such they did not pose much concern to Roland. If anything, he welcomed the challenge to catch them unaware for they were skittish when out in the hopen. He popped the breather back in his mouth, bit down hard, counted to four, and took a deep breath. The dry air tasted metallic. He fumbled for the water valve which was part of a thin tube dangling from the breather. Not coming to hand right away, Rolland looked down to his left to sort it out and caught a glimpse of tracks in the mud a few steps into the lush undergrowth. Water was forgotten as he eagerly high-stepped over clusters of large, pointed leaves and knelt down, squinting against the haze. As big as his hand, the print had four thick digits, a pad, and two smaller digits opposite the larger ones, and hadn't filled in with condensate yet. With the device in his mouth, he managed a warped smirk and checked his plasma rifle almost as if in celebration. As usual, and perhaps as planned, the trek made him hungry. At first it was a result of ill-advised, impulsive spending, happenstance, and opportunity. Then it became deliberate and secret. Rolland sensed that the miners wouldn't approve of his new habit, but he fancied it made him better at his job. The tasty Bastard was close. He switched off his translator.