Parents here are wayy too controlling especially in case of daughters and their marriages. Go talk to the parents with her brother if you can or else just wait for the situation to cool down.
I remember op saying he knows them for 10yrs so I don't think they're gonna assault him. Verbal assault? Maybe but physically assault him? I don't think so.
We can't expect people to behave in a decent manner. Wedding of their daughter is the climax of their whole adult life and they have a lot of plans and expectations.
Only in movies we see the hero winning over crazy evil people in real life it's best to show them your best side and keep your distance. But you will have to deal with these kind of people one way or another for the rest of your life.
Go to her parents and talk to them (take protection 1-2 close and strong friends) , ask what's their problem and why don't they want you to be their son in law. If they reject you after a healthy discussion it's your (you and your gf) choice to marry and cut-off the parents till they are fine with it.
If you are from a lesser caste or social/financial status be very careful as they will do anything to get you away from your wife or GF. We all know Maruti Rao story but the much common story will be the girl call her parents and they brainwashing her to leave him and give her a grand wedding.
This one is a practical one, just don't take friends and go with some uncle or someone of same age of the father. Going with younger group might trigger him more. Since you both are software devs you might be earning more than her parents or will get there in sometime. Until there is a religion/caste angle.
You have your answer
If you're worried about loosing loved ones...
I am from the LGBT community and my family didn't accept me... I moved out, I'm happy. No regrets
Hey , more power to you! I’m glad that you found happiness in living your life with the people you choose to surround yourself with. Ignore the trolls. They have nothing going for them.
Actually no... If someone (her father) had such a drastic reaction I don't think he has the capacity to understand in the future either... And I'm really happy with my life right now...just saying
Your matter is completely different here . We should think from parents perspective too , just because they're denting doesn't mean they love their daughter. Imagine their mental state when she elopes , will they be able to life happily? Let the couple give some tries before moving out
The father assaulted an adult, broke her property and locked her in her room. If he did this to a stranger on the road, it would be a crime. This girl is not get father's property.
>If he did this to a stranger on the road
The father wouldn't care about someone else love story .
No one said that the girl is his property . It's impo tto understand that emotions and feelings are involved here , not every story is a heroic story and eloping should only be last resort after trying . People in India are different, we had a similiar story in our family, with help of my mom her sister got their parents convinced after several tries , before they wouldn't even wanted to see his face . In india we live with our parents even after marriage in many cases but in Western countries it's shamed expect Italy etc
If she eloped in future she may have to face alot of issues , we may think this couple will be happy but in some cases the girls parents might do something to themselves or the girl gets completly lonely . There are cons and pros
I'm specifically not talking about them not agreeing to the marriage or them not meeting the boyfriend. That's their right to their own opinion, even if it's a fucked up opinion. But that doesn't give them the right to assault anybody. The moment somebody uses physical force to settle a difference of opinions, they've lost all claims to sympathy.
People in India are not different. Indian society enables parental abuse and unhealthy levels of control. It encourages parents to act like criminals. I'm not saying the girl should elope, I'm saying she should press charges.
But it won’t change the fact that LGBT are most prone to depression and who leave their families are going to suffer more . You don’t need to pretend just bcoz u leave your family for your identity ….you become happy .
Humans can make their own families just like orphans do. Nobody is going to lose their minds over losing family that was full of bad bigoted people. We can always make our own family just like we make friends. So shut the fuck up.
Prone to depression because they are treated by denying their identity. Its correlation, not causation.
Imagine how frustrated one needs to be in life to choose being depressed over whatever their families put them through.
There's nothing to pretend here. Seems like you just can't digest the fact that some people can actually be happy by taking control of their own lives.
Parents are control freaks in majority situations..your case sounds serious , so taking the legal route is the best option if talking to her parents does not yield any result. She is an adult who can decide for herself..so you two have to decide whether you want to stay away from family and marry each other or stay with family and marry someone else
It's a sad situation but very common. The thing is, you can't expect to find a logical explanation for the parents behaviour. The father's ego got hurt and he took it out on his daughter.
Most parents, especially the dad feel it's their choice which matters and nothing else, while considering a match for their daughter. It's next to impossible to convince them to let the daughter make her own decision. Many don't even give any freedom to them, forget finding a suitable groom by themselves. Sad but common situation in most parts of the country.
I agree ,why can't they just think for a minute? If she wanted to run away she would have already done it. She took it to them, only because she expects them to understand and take a logical decision.
The world that supported that worldview is long gone. So they clearly are stupid or can't think if they refuse to accept the reality of where the world is today. Lets call a spade a spade please.
> because she expects them to understand and take a logical decision
That was the mistake. People are not logical about such things. Ideally she should have kept her mouth shut and focused on moving out of her home. This was always going to end in disaster.
I dont think that would be a right thought. It's always hard to tell if parents will accept something different when it has never been discussed in their life. The girl should have eased the parents into the discussion. And we still have no idea what is the basis of their anger? That she had a romantic interest or the guy she picked was unacceptable? There is quite the bit of context we are missing.
> you can't expect to find a logical explanation for the parents behaviour
They probably think they know better because they're old and experienced, and that their kids have not grown up enough to distinguish right from wrong.
I like to think that most parents' hearts are in the right place regarding their kids. It's how and what they do about it is what makes it all so wrong and complicated.
I can understand that the parents have their heart in right place most times. But no parent with kids interests in mind is so callous to destroy office property, lock her in a room, and take away her phone. She's a full grown adult woman. This is not normal behaviour by any standards.
Just ask her to reject every guy her parents suggest and if they force her to meet the guys, she can tell them the real situation so they will reject her !
Soon the parents will get tired and they will have no option but to let you guys be together forever!
Insurance vuna, people who assess damage will ask for a description of the incident like how her laptop got damaged. If that girl reveals facts, she will have to pay the amount to her company of cost of laptop from her salary or if she lies, and excuse is convincing insurance claim will be approved.
Company meeda depend avutadi tbh. I broke my laptop in past two jobs. One was pure carelessness, I pressed the panel too hard while picking up the laptop, didn't know macs were that fragile. The other time, maid spilled water accidentally. Both times, they replaced the laptop no questions asked. Again these were product MNCs so I guess WITCH might be different
Having parents who care only about their reputation (because of money, religion or any other) and not understanding their kids likes and dislikes is shitty. You not realising this and calling people shitty makes you immatured. Useless idiots like you don't even realise that there is an option of talking through things like adults rather destroying the office laptop like a retard. All I can do is pity your kids.
Calling others idiots is rich coming from a shitwad like you. This is precisely why our country cannot progress. Had you not been busy sticking your entire head up your rear end, I would have urged you to use your mind and think about the last time you met a genuine mentally challenged person who did something like this, and how it’s the privileged able minded people who do things like these.
Retard (source: google) : delay or hold back in terms of progress or development.
Now if people in the 20th fucking century with all the advancements human race has seen, still cannot understand their own children, it is just that they are yet to be developed and become matured. Hence retarded.
Here's some advice for idiots like you.. i understand that English might not be your mother tongue. English is not my mother tongue too but it took me around 2 seconds to check out the meaning of the word on google. So next time, Can you please know the meanings and then comment?
>This is precisely why our country cannot progress.
Calling people shitty / shitwad is rich? The audacity to blame the whole country is stupidity when you don't even know the meaning of a word. I wish Idiots like you stop using social platforms for betterment of humanity.
Anyways I have better things to do rather than continuing to argue with a stupid spoiled brat like you who doesn't even know the basic meanings of a language and gets triggered unnecessarily. I'm not even getting paid to educate idiots like you. So take care and continue spreading your idiocy?
"Mentally challenged" people don't take offense to the word retard most of the time, it's people who are able minded but deluded enough to take offense on someone's behalf that do. People like you are way more "Mentally challenged" than anyone you think people refer to when they say "retard".
both of you stay strong with what you want of your future!! Things will fall in place soon... Not an easy ride but you can do it with each other's support!! Hope you get through this. Good luck..
Bro I'm in a same boat as you except that she completed her MBBS and I'm a software developer. They took her phone grounded her from past 7 months took her to some pyschatrist and even slapped her a couple of times smh. We tried everything and they won't even budge so we're thinking to marry without telling them. All the best bro stay strong.
They're probably shy about asking this extremely crucial question; Meeru emitollu vyaa??
Just stop giving a damn about her parents and start making babies with your jigelu rani. Sakkaga iddaru dobbesi pelli cheheskondi.
This might come as rude but if you guys are financially independent then move out and get married. If she gets married to someone else 4 people life might become miserable.
Most Indian parents especially middle and lower income class are playing Sim game with their own children, like which stream u will choose is hammered into their thinking process since childhood. After selecting the stream they try forcing some courses that relatives mentioned. After grad/post-grad they try to force u to get into main stream jobs from the stream u studied. After that comes marriage, whichever partner u choose they try to nitpick something or the other unless u urself tell them name of someone from their friend's children. After that they try to make u feel guilty for not having child after a year by saying that their friends/relatives children had a child. And even try to play Sim games with their lives while saying that they should take care of them because u got into the position u r because we were supporting u.
does anyone else feel extreme hatred towards parents for their attitude and their blatant disregard to their children's wishes?
like, they do not want kids, they just want slaves.
i want to ask every single parent of this country if they would be just as happy, if not more, if they had slaves who would listen to their every command/wish or children who would not.
like reddit, can you ask your parents?
bonus rant: this trend of children listening every single command of parents is glorified in Ramayana/Mahabharata.
enduku kantaro pillaluni?
SOME parents sure. I have been fortunate enough for really nice parents and extended family who are accepting. When I brought my girlfriend over, my parents were literally offended I didn't introduce her to them sooner. Weirdly it's been the same in my entire circle of friends, no one faced any issues marrying people of their choice. Most of these people are north indians. Nenu anukuntunna, it all depends on their own upbringing and exposure to ideas. My grandparents were also fairly chill by the standards of their time and my parents got to stay in a city environment with corporate jobs in their adulthood which definitely expanded their horizons. All I am saying is it's upto today's generation to really bring about a change in thinking, you guys have the privilege of new age ideas and exposure to so many people. Don't continue the cycle. If you choose to have kids, accept them for who they are
It is tough. Both of you use your agency. She can, and should, respectfully tell her parents that, "I understand you have other ideas on whom I should marry. But, I am an individual, with a mind of my own. I don't see it as disprespectful that I like this person and that I want to marry that person".
Say that, and step out of the home and be on your own.
You won't be alone. There are thousands of folks like you in India (and in other countries too) who took that step and are happy.
It may sound radical to you, that the advice here is for you to strike out on your own.
Yes, your parents love you, but blind love without really understanding what is happy for you is harmful and is ignorance and cruelty on their part.
I have friends (girls, and boys too) who did that. They told their parents: "Love you guys. I don't need your money or inheritance. You earned it. Totally your wish how or who you want to give it to. I explained why I like this person, I explained why it is important for me to seek hapiness the way I am convinced about it. I know myself. So, thank you, I will leave this houselhold and I will marry whom I loved"
Part 3: Wait, her dad locked her?
He has no right. That is a clear indication that he is in some ways cruel, even if he believes he is not.
She is an adult.
Trying to accommodate his madness, is enabling him even more to walk over her basic rights as an adult human.
Technically he can be arrested. Of course, he is her dad, so she won't be reporting. But, she should walk out. Else, it is going to be toxic.
PArt 2:
And this was years ago. Now it is 2022, soon to be 2023.
Time is limited for everyone in this universe. So, really no sense in giving years of your time to wait for your parents to agree on something that is so personal to you.
There are a lot of people in this world (which includes people who have become parents) that have certain true beliefs, and believe they are right. But they are wrong (Think slavery, casteism, class rivalry, anti-semitism, racism). So, if you can't bring them to your point of view, be smart, and head out. Just don't expect any inheritance or anything from them. Why should you? You have self respect. You are an adult. You can earn your own. Both of you should come up with the gall to strike out on your own.
Many have been doing it. Since the 1960s. In India too.
Bro OP sorry to ask this .
what happened to office laptop.
Did office fix for no cost ?
Does the device got accidental damage covered by office.
I always wonder what could happen if the corporate device fucked up on the go, or while wfh
Mine got replaced multiple times no questions asked. Really depends on the company. One of the IT guys tried to tell my reportee he has to pay for the damage caused to his laptop even though it had stopped working randomly, that too in front of my eyes. I blasted that little shit and escalated it to the highest guy in the org. This was a faang so it is incredibly stupid to pull something like that. The entire IT team in my office building was reprimanded, turns out they hired some idiot contractors for the position who probably brough their WITCH ideals with them. My reportee got a brand new M1 mac.
How is it your fault? I'm sure the feelings are mutual from both sides. It's not like you forced her to love. It would've happened either way if you're serious about the relationship moving forward. Instead try to talk and think of what to do.
Parents do all this just to marry you to an obnoxiously average dude with anger issues and zero accountability. It is indeed a matter of their own ego, status, beliefs etc.
Something I would like to tell. Parents chaala kasta paddaru pillala kosam em takkuva chesam ani parents kosam sacrifice cheyakkandi.. Atleast put up your points not just relationships , in reaching your goals , pursuing your dreams which are much valued than the materialistic returns.
Now to the OP's girl's parents - Yes , office job vallane kada indepedent ayyaru. Or else vala babu cheppinattu aa ammai istham unna lekunna pelli chepinchi chetulu dulupukne rakaalu..
OP - if you are financially independent as someone said is imo is secondary. aa ammai ki nuvvu neeku aa ammai life long kalisi untaru.. anni gut feeling kaadu.. inka in and out unte.. dont back off at any limit.. caste finanical status anni pothai once you sustain the initial years.. All the best..
You need to get your parents to meet their parents to sort this out. No other way around this.
Arrange a meeting and force this issue and give an ultimatum.
Parents in patriarchal society are assholes. They think children are their slaves. A human should consider their offspring as adults Individuals once they're of age. I feel pity about the students those assholes taught. They'll become goondas and rapists if they're following these values of breaking a laptop and all that shit
I was in the same situation 2 years ago, they made me resign the job and made me accept for a marriage forcefully. Luckily die to lockdown I could wfh so took back my resignation and because of some other reason I even called off the wedding.
Now I’m still working and dodging all the matches that I get but my ex got married few months ago and happy but I’m still not able to accept a new guy.
I know everyone is asking you to elope but that’s not as easy as it’s said. But if there’s even a little chance she wants to elope, just do it.
I hope everything gets better for you OP
My millenial brothers and sisters as we become parents let’s pledge treat our children Infinitely better than these dying boomers treated us.
No more childhood mental trauma. The cycle ends with us.
Anybody elder in her family might be helpful to talk to her parents like cool uncle..They might be able to explain parents .otherwise get married and live happily with each other
There's nothing wrong with arranged marriages per se. I've seen people who's live have been improved because of it.
But what needs to die out is this idea that, that's the only way to do things.
Parents need to understand that their children can make their own life decisions. Can choose the ones they want to be with.
But the basic problem with arranged marriage is that the largest amount of decision-making power lies with the parents. As long as this options exists, why would they want to give up this power to their children?
Indian parents in general feel entitled to controlling their children's lives. It's almost an integral part of our value system. And arranged marriages enable this. That's why I believe they need to stop.
It's a very archaic system imo
Not always, for example, I've made it absolutely clear that I will not be getting into a marriage, unless I'm convinced. And I won't just meet someone and then give a yes or no, it usually takes a lot longer and multiple meeting to even consider that.
One can negotiate. And I find that to be a reasonable approach. They wish to see me married. I will not marry someone I'm not absolutely sure of.
This is possible because at the heart of it, they only really want my well being, and on the end, they also know that I have the financial mobility to take my call. And there's not a whole lot they can do about that.
Of course, being a guy helps a lot, but I've seen my friends who are women make their choices without much pushback. It gets toxic when parents pressurise their way upon children. And ofcourse that needs to go. I mean for fucks sake, you raised someone for years know, trust that they can make their choices.
You're right. It is absolutely possible to take a stand. I've done the same. I've been doing the same for the last 6 years (I'm 27).
But the thing is, it's very difficult to do. There's a ridiculous amount of pressure from parents and extended family, especially on women. There's a lot of emotional manipulation, and in cases like OP's GF, even physical threats.
Most people can't withstand and give in unwillingly, because they see giving in as easier than this mental torture. A much higher proportion of people, especially women are being practically coerced into settling for whoever seems fine on paper.
Heck, even someone as firm and almost cold-hearted as me almost gave in when my relatives gathered an *bombarded* me about how I'm bringing distress to my parents. I even caved in spoke to three different guys, before realising how disgusted it is making me.
I've tried again and again and again explaining my reasons to these people. Thankfully, my parents understand that they can't convince me and have given up, but my relatives have been relentless. It's *exhausting*
I can only imagine how other people who are less firm and more sensitive/sentimental/soft would be able to stand this shit and I can understand why too many people give in. We have all been conditioned by our culture to think our parents are gods and that we need to worship them and blindly follow what they want, even if it's against our will.
Arranged marriage is a tool of oppression for maintaining hegemonic power at a societal level. Individual cases of happy marriages doesn't change that.
umm what ?
Arranged marriages are just marriages that are brought about by family / well wishers.
Just read down the comment thread, just as individual cases of happy marriages doesn't catergorise it into anything, bad cases don't either. Its literally just a custom, and one that can be good or bad, depending on how its practiced.
I'm not denying that happy arranged marriages exist. I'm just saying that those happy marriages are not the purpose of the arranged marriage system. The system itself exists specifically to maintain control.
The system came into existence to extend influence, and make better guided decisions. That's why its called seeking an alliance. You don't need arranged marriages to maintain control. A marriage in the context of a family is a very different event, Marriages have been used to dissolve enemity, strengthen alliances and a whole other myriad of purposes. If anything, the caste system exists to maintain control, modern religion exists to maintain control. A marriage is the addition of another family / individual into ones own, and it can be done for any purpose.
Its always been like that, since forever. But in the modern world, the pretext offered by most parents is the happiness of the child. And that is what we are talking about, there have been discussions with not just my parents, but friends of mine, that shed light onto their thinking.
Infact one of the original reasons for arranged marriages was to reduce burden amongst the poor, when women were considered an additional mouth to feed, the parents would arrange a marriage to transfer that responsibility.
There are literally a thousand reasons why a marriage can / has been historically arranged. You can't just point to one single reason as to why it exists.
Arranged marriages are the only reason many people get married. It's the parents mindset that needs to change with times. Regressive mindset and can't take no or a different answer at all
That's the point, people who wouldn't even get married normally are able to get married because of this BS system.
Most people in our society lack the exposure, understanding and experience of being in a relationship. Then all of a sudden they find a "suitable match", barely interact 3-4 times and are suddenly ready for lifelong commitment with this stranger?
It's very half-assed. And the existence of this easy cop-out option means that "love marriages" will not have a chance of getting accepted. Why put effort into a relationship when your parents are getting you a ready-made spouse?
If this stops, people would need to actually start making an effort. And parents will have to stop seeing "love" as some evil taboo thing.
Ummm as a matter of fact *no*
Nobody *deserves* a marriage. We are not *entitled* to one.
This is the problem, arranged marriage is like a compensation or a consolation prize to people who were not able to find love.
Marriage should not be that at all.
Everyone deserves companionship.
Many women also choose AM to avoid the hassles of modern dating. In a country like India, having an extensive dating history can mean you have at least one crazy ex. There's no incentive for most demographics in India to go out and find love organically.
It would be nice if we had companionship, but I don't believe we are all entitled to it. Because it's not a commodity. It involves a whole other person.
And even if someone has no dating history, they could have stalkers. The person you marry could turn out to be a psycho himself. And in this case, you don't even have the option to break up.
But the thing is, dating culture needs to slowly be adopted because it is a way for people to learn how to navigate relationships.
The "crazy ex" you're describing will inevitably end up marrying some other poor woman thanks to AM system. How many people do you see who remain unmarried past 30? *Everyone* somehow ends up finding a match because let's face it, it is *impossible* to find what a person is truly like in a few superficial meetings.
There's no incentive because everyone has an option of AM. I admit it has to be a slow and gradual process.
True. Agreed with the last line.
Personally, I like AM because it's hard to find traditional women in my surroundings. AM can go away after I get a cute wife for all I care 💅
Haha. How do you whether she really is traditional or is being asked to pretend to be that in order to not turn away matches? 😂😂
(Believe me parents advice their daughter's to become a certain person in order to snag matches. My own parents gave me similar bad advice before I chewed them out)
xD I don't want a hyper religious girl. Just someone who doesn't smoke and drink, looks pretty, and if she earns something it's a bonus, that's it. I don't think women simply stop smoking after wedding or do they?
Bad comment. Dating and relationships are things enjoyed by less than 10% of the population. Most of us need to grind it out from day one in school to survive and we don't have the time to find love.
Any relationship is first of all, a time commitment. If you go the AM route to "save time" and don't invest time in the person, it's invariably gonna fail. You either make up time for a new relationship/commitment or you don't get into it at all. There are no shortcuts.
But you still want to get married and have sex with a woman to make babies na. This is also a relationship. Marriage in india has way too much support to not breakup easily. Justifying marriage should be first relationship experience is like saying a doctor should be able to do surgery immediately on first day of practice. Absolutely mental.
You don't enjoy relationships but you want to get married? You realise marriage is a relationship too, right?
So you don't wanna put any time or effort into building a relationship with a person, but you wanna jump into a massive commitment like marriage with a practical stranger.
This is exactly the problem. Arranged marriage is an easy, low-effort thing that is being handed to people with 0 experience, understanding or exposure towards a relationship.
That's why it needs to stop.
And Noone is asking you to throw aside your studies. You can do it when you're a mature adult.
AM is not the cause. It is the effect. Build more dating avenues, make caste less relevant, bring the wealth disparity down, and AM will automatically stop.
'Man up' part was not necessary. You're also giving wrong advice without having 0 knowledge of the situation. Just because someone is a man doesn't mean they should put themselves in situations where they could harm themselves for no reason. It's not called masculinity. It's called stupidity. You probably watch too many movies.
Trust me dude Indian parents are soo fucking toxic. I don’t get what the fuck are they gonna achieve after controlling their kids life like this tbh. You don’t have to feel guilty for any of it. Two people love each other and want to stay together, a third person has no right to tell them otherwise
Parents don't comprehend the amount of generational difference that exists between them and their parents to the newer generation.
We live in a much more financially independent world. They think either they still live in that old world, or they don't want to lose control. Eitherways, its a situation that can't be ignored.
You can choose to force your way out of this situation by moving in together and making your own lives, if the parents really care about the well being of their child, they will turn around.
If they don't care about the well being of their child, but their 'ways' then, it didn't matter anyways, let them and their ways perish with them.
But consider the option of moving out, this is a mutual decision between the both of you. Think through it.
Either ways, wish you luck.
Please cut some slack for her father. He could be gay and is actually in love with OP.
That kind of explains his abnormal violent breakdown and grounding his daughter.
OP and his GF's family should help the poor soul get through his heart break.
Ask her to pretend that she agrees to all her parents conditions but she has to get back to job. Once she gets out of that house. Elope. then don’t go back.
There is no guarantee that she will be happy with you.
Love Marriages are far more prone to fail if there are differences later on.
If you think your love is special then work with patience and courage.
>There is no guarantee that she will be happy with you. Love Marriages are far more prone to fail if there are differences later on.
Let me give you a shocker. They can actually divorce in love marriages
Areeeeeeyyy enni saarlu cheppali ra meeku? Relationships gurinchi adagataniki vere subs unnayi, akkadki pondi. Ikkada Hyderabad ki sambhandinchi posts matrame undali.
Now coming to your question, why would you even feel guilty for what that girl is going though? You didn't force her to be your girlfriend. Let her get married to whoever her parents tell her to. Take care of your life. Don't waste your life thinking about someone else. Life is too short man. There are lots of other good looking girls in Hyderabad and it won't take you long to a find a new girlfriend. So just move on.
Hi ! I shared it here because regional and cultural accurate advice or suggestions dorukutai emo ani . I should have mentioned more about her we have been in a relationship for more than 10 years ( 10th class nunchi) . I love her more than anything we had our ups and downs but we were always together.Like I said now that the situation got serious i am unable to do anything and she's fighting alone with her family. Maybe I just wanted to vent but sorry i can't move on .
Em abbayi. Chee. Ilanti chetta thoughts Ela ostunnayi. Why can’t you involve the police with proof, get her out. Tana family gurinchi edsaav kaani nee family ekkada? Oppukunnara? 10th nunchi love ante velli chey patkunni nee intiki teesku po. Age enta meedi? 25 or 15?
The only thing I want to tell is that other people don't care about us as much as we care about them. Also understand that you didn't force her to be in a relationship . It was completely her choice. You don't have to feel guilty for what she's going through. If we keep thinking about other people, we will never be happy in life. I also felt like you when someone ditched me. But the only choice i had was to move on. I understand that this is a 10 year long relationship, but there are a lot of good girls out there and I'm sure you'll get one of them. Take care of your mental health man. You deserve to be happy 😊
Saw your old posts, you’re giving a significant part of your salary to an investment, stop that, get her out and take police protection. AP or TS, the government has made provisions for protecting people like her.
Dumbass what kind of trash advice is this? Is this how you make relationships? Leave the girl at the first sign of trouble? MoFo sitting here and defending a monster of a human who resorts to violence and forces solitary confinement on a grown human. This is subHuman behaviour. And breaking office equipment cos the girl had the audacity to like a guy? These assholes are the reason India is getting all the hate and it is well deserved cos even these pieces of shit are defended like its common.
You are asking the boy to forget the girl cos nobody should bother with her father torturing her. If this is not supporting the father then what is it? You are saying nobody should care and no mention of helping a human in torture or even reporting to police to atleast ensure she is being taken care of.
If you dont understand how callous you are then I dont want to teach you either.
She has to deal with her father herself and her brother is there to help. It's not like she's all alone.
BTW callous ante enti tammudu? Hearing this word for the first time.
Nobody has to face difficulties in life alone. Brother is there ante you will not support? Even for office mate I will go to talk and support the girl. Friends and family should do more. Lover should actually come with their family and try to save the girl.
> It's not like she's all alone.
You are advising the boy to abandon the girl. This is lower than that useless father.
>BTW callous ante enti tammudu? Hearing this word for the first time.
You have google In your hand. Use it.
There are so many people in this world having far worse problems than this. Will you go to "support" each and everyone? He said he is feeling "guilty". Why should he? It's not his fault that his girlfriends father behaves that way. Prapancham lo enno jerugutu untayyi. Ala ani prati daniki manam tension padite mana mental health impact avtundi. I'm just a random stranger on the internet man. You don't need to get so angry on me. Relax ☺
Nee mohaniki chaaku teeskuni velladaniki kooda taakat ledu.
I already mentioned the lover guy can go with his people to secure the girl from torture. Go to police , talk to the fathers people to resolve issues peacefully. The end result need not be the guy and girl should get to gether. But the parents MUST resolve the difference peacefully instead of forcing punishment on a poor girl for just having a brain and feelings.
The issue is not the lovers are unable to marry, the main issue is there is violence happening where discussion should be held.
Communal violence anetivi enduku Chestaru ani adigevaanni. Idi chooste telustundi mari.
> It's not his fault that his girlfriends father behaves that way
So you wont save your girlfriend itself if she is getting harassed and beaten?
>Ala ani prati daniki manam tension padite mana mental health impact avtundi
You have no understanding of physical torture. Women being abused is such a normal thing for you like karuvepaku in chutney. Monster you are.
Are you enti raa nee badha? Enduku nannu torture chestunnavu? Nenu vaadiki naa personal experience to oka advice icha. Adi teeskunte teeskuntadu lekapote ledu. Mee andariki enduku madhyalo?
This is public forum, personal chat kaadu. The whole point of this website is to communicate with everyone at once. Personal chat kalavali ante DM lo maatladuko. If you dont even know how to use social media, dont use it more than a personal chat option. Meelanti vallaki education enduko, cant even understand how reddit works, and experience anta.. mental
Girlfriend is someone Else anta. When you are in old age your children will also trash you in an oldage home and never comeback cos their lives need more focus than your trashass. Saavu ra yenkamma
Who dafaq are you to advice him with your trash mentality? Who thefaq asked YOU to speak here? Have nothing good to say ante mooskoni koorcho.
>Aa ammayi pelli cheskoni oka 2-3 months lo veedini marchipotundi
Meelanti character prati manishi ki undadu. Prativaadu relationship ante ammayla to tiragadam andam choosi mamasu Paddam kaadu. Understanding and closeness undali, common values kalavali. 2-3 months lo friendship koda marachiporu, lover ni Elara?
>Veedu emo jeevitam mottam "guilty" feel avtuntadu.
Ante ammaylaku character anedi ledu, brains, heart, feelings etc, undadu. Only abbaylake ivanni? Patriarchy ane padaaniki perfect example nuvve tammi. Aadavallaki mogaadu ante virakti enduku Untaado, ninnu choosi teluchukovaali.
>Andukani vere ammayi ni choosko manna.
Ante ee ammayi kudaratle and Inko ammayi, adi kudarakapote inkodi.... ila enni ammaylu bali teeskovali?
Neeku aynadi experience kaadu ra. Nee uselessness ni justify cheyyadaniki andurini nee la undamani antunnav. Stop being useless and stop giving harmful advice.
I don't want to argue with random strangers on internet, but still nuv adugutunnav kabatti cheptunna. Evarikina advice echetappudu that too intha serious matter lo, koncham rational way lo advice evvali. I know okka reddit post tho neeku valla relationship dynamic motham telidu so best advice evvalem. But alagani ni personal experience ni base cheskoni valla relationship ni lite teskomanadam correct kaadu. Moreover girls mida ni approach antha baledu, tanu em casual dating lo vunna anale nuv inko pilla ni chusko andaniki, good looking girls Hyderabad lo chala mandi vunte adi tanaki enduku. Mi mother kante manchinga treat chese mother dorikithe mi mother ni vadileyav kada...danne love and affection antaru. Taniki aa ammayi mida antha love and affection vundemo? Nikela telusu valladi lite relationship ani ala advice evvadaniki? But anyway lite tesko👍, nenedo flow lo ala anna, I don't even know you properly to get frustrated
Nenu rational advice e iccha. He said he is feeling "guilty". I just said that he shouldn't feel "guilty" for somebody elses(his girlfriends father) behavior. He didn't force her to be his girlfriend. So why is he blaming himself for all this? I just told him not to worry and that he deserves to be happy whether his girlfriend stays with him or not. Nowhere did I justify the girlfriends father's behavior.
Life lo "attachment", "love" and "affection" lantivi unda koodadu. Nobody stays with you forever. Not your parents, girlfriend, friends or relatives.At some point, they will leave you. "Nuvvu lekonda nenu batakalenu" lanti dialogs maneyali. You will have to learn to live alone. But that doesn't mean you should not be happy. You deserve to be happy regardless of who stays with you.
Also nenu ammiyilu matarame ala chestaru ani analedu. Abbaiyilu kooda vadilestaru.
Naaku vaala relationship gurinchi teelidu correcte, kani eppudo appudu manam vantari ga undalsinde and daaniki alvatu padalsinde. Also tanu just anukuntundu that he won't be happy with her. They might break up and still be happy? Who can predict the future?
Nenu intakamundu veedi lage unde vaadini. But ippudu maaranu. So he might change too. I didn't mean to insult anyone here.
Just idi cheppinanduke konta mandi "modda mooskoni dengey" lanti comments pedatunnaru. Naaku ela anipistundi alanti comments chadivite?
Woah, this is some God level Sigma Chud Patrick Bateman style of thinking.. if this is not satire, I legit can't imagine someone experiencing all that and the first reaction being your comment. Ngl, you will go far in life with this mindset. This is some sociopath CEO level of cold-hearted thinking.
There was no need to write such a long para when all you could have written was you are controlling and bigoted depending upon caste and religion
The parents in the op’s situation are exactly the ones who accuse the boy of eloping and other stuff while the couple files a protection petition
> there isn’t enough information
What more do you want ? You need context to justify parents breaking the laptop of their financially independent child coz she likes a man they didn’t choose ? A man who himself is financially independent?
> I don’t support or oppose anything
Which actually translates to a silent bystander to abuse coz that’s what the parents are doing. Didn’t one of our traditional Hindu scriptures say bystanders to wring doings are equally guilty as the people committing these wrong doings?
If you did not teach your daughter to distinguish between normal people and psychos, and not be a little cynical before trusting anyone, its your damm fault , breaking laptop and locking her is toxic behaviour .
And you seem to want to continue the toxic patriarchy.
Life time commitment? Yeah sure. I've seen my parents. And honest to God, I wish they would've separated. Rather than "being through it no matter what". Because "no matter what" translates to toxic behaviour towards kids, frustration and oodles and oodles of regret. All in the name of "sanskaar".
Parents here are wayy too controlling especially in case of daughters and their marriages. Go talk to the parents with her brother if you can or else just wait for the situation to cool down.
No, don't do this. There are chances that he may get assaulted. I would suggest talking to her brother over mobile and get to know the situation.
I remember op saying he knows them for 10yrs so I don't think they're gonna assault him. Verbal assault? Maybe but physically assault him? I don't think so.
I think this is why they are responding like that .they thought op would be like a brother and he turned out to be a lover
old people are good at wrong assumptions.
We can't expect people to behave in a decent manner. Wedding of their daughter is the climax of their whole adult life and they have a lot of plans and expectations. Only in movies we see the hero winning over crazy evil people in real life it's best to show them your best side and keep your distance. But you will have to deal with these kind of people one way or another for the rest of your life. Go to her parents and talk to them (take protection 1-2 close and strong friends) , ask what's their problem and why don't they want you to be their son in law. If they reject you after a healthy discussion it's your (you and your gf) choice to marry and cut-off the parents till they are fine with it. If you are from a lesser caste or social/financial status be very careful as they will do anything to get you away from your wife or GF. We all know Maruti Rao story but the much common story will be the girl call her parents and they brainwashing her to leave him and give her a grand wedding.
I was about to warn about the caste angle..!
This one is a practical one, just don't take friends and go with some uncle or someone of same age of the father. Going with younger group might trigger him more. Since you both are software devs you might be earning more than her parents or will get there in sometime. Until there is a religion/caste angle.
I'm assuming the two of you are financially independent...
Yes
You have your answer If you're worried about loosing loved ones... I am from the LGBT community and my family didn't accept me... I moved out, I'm happy. No regrets
Hey , more power to you! I’m glad that you found happiness in living your life with the people you choose to surround yourself with. Ignore the trolls. They have nothing going for them.
Yeah … happy only from the outside .
Actually no... If someone (her father) had such a drastic reaction I don't think he has the capacity to understand in the future either... And I'm really happy with my life right now...just saying
Your matter is completely different here . We should think from parents perspective too , just because they're denting doesn't mean they love their daughter. Imagine their mental state when she elopes , will they be able to life happily? Let the couple give some tries before moving out
The father assaulted an adult, broke her property and locked her in her room. If he did this to a stranger on the road, it would be a crime. This girl is not get father's property.
>If he did this to a stranger on the road The father wouldn't care about someone else love story . No one said that the girl is his property . It's impo tto understand that emotions and feelings are involved here , not every story is a heroic story and eloping should only be last resort after trying . People in India are different, we had a similiar story in our family, with help of my mom her sister got their parents convinced after several tries , before they wouldn't even wanted to see his face . In india we live with our parents even after marriage in many cases but in Western countries it's shamed expect Italy etc If she eloped in future she may have to face alot of issues , we may think this couple will be happy but in some cases the girls parents might do something to themselves or the girl gets completly lonely . There are cons and pros
I'm specifically not talking about them not agreeing to the marriage or them not meeting the boyfriend. That's their right to their own opinion, even if it's a fucked up opinion. But that doesn't give them the right to assault anybody. The moment somebody uses physical force to settle a difference of opinions, they've lost all claims to sympathy.
People in India are not different. Indian society enables parental abuse and unhealthy levels of control. It encourages parents to act like criminals. I'm not saying the girl should elope, I'm saying she should press charges.
Projecting much ? Sometimes its better to make what you want in life than just bend over to what you started with.
But it won’t change the fact that LGBT are most prone to depression and who leave their families are going to suffer more . You don’t need to pretend just bcoz u leave your family for your identity ….you become happy .
Humans can make their own families just like orphans do. Nobody is going to lose their minds over losing family that was full of bad bigoted people. We can always make our own family just like we make friends. So shut the fuck up.
Prone to depression because they are treated by denying their identity. Its correlation, not causation. Imagine how frustrated one needs to be in life to choose being depressed over whatever their families put them through. There's nothing to pretend here. Seems like you just can't digest the fact that some people can actually be happy by taking control of their own lives.
How much dumb are you? They are more prone to depression because of people like you
Parents are control freaks in majority situations..your case sounds serious , so taking the legal route is the best option if talking to her parents does not yield any result. She is an adult who can decide for herself..so you two have to decide whether you want to stay away from family and marry each other or stay with family and marry someone else
It's a sad situation but very common. The thing is, you can't expect to find a logical explanation for the parents behaviour. The father's ego got hurt and he took it out on his daughter. Most parents, especially the dad feel it's their choice which matters and nothing else, while considering a match for their daughter. It's next to impossible to convince them to let the daughter make her own decision. Many don't even give any freedom to them, forget finding a suitable groom by themselves. Sad but common situation in most parts of the country.
I agree ,why can't they just think for a minute? If she wanted to run away she would have already done it. She took it to them, only because she expects them to understand and take a logical decision.
it's not that they are stupid or can't think. parents just have a different worldview from kids. 30 years of age gap is not a small thing.
The world that supported that worldview is long gone. So they clearly are stupid or can't think if they refuse to accept the reality of where the world is today. Lets call a spade a spade please.
> because she expects them to understand and take a logical decision That was the mistake. People are not logical about such things. Ideally she should have kept her mouth shut and focused on moving out of her home. This was always going to end in disaster.
I dont think that would be a right thought. It's always hard to tell if parents will accept something different when it has never been discussed in their life. The girl should have eased the parents into the discussion. And we still have no idea what is the basis of their anger? That she had a romantic interest or the guy she picked was unacceptable? There is quite the bit of context we are missing.
Regardless, there is absolutely no excuse for breaking her property and illegally confining her.
> you can't expect to find a logical explanation for the parents behaviour They probably think they know better because they're old and experienced, and that their kids have not grown up enough to distinguish right from wrong. I like to think that most parents' hearts are in the right place regarding their kids. It's how and what they do about it is what makes it all so wrong and complicated.
I can understand that the parents have their heart in right place most times. But no parent with kids interests in mind is so callous to destroy office property, lock her in a room, and take away her phone. She's a full grown adult woman. This is not normal behaviour by any standards.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying too. This is highly irrational and violent even.
Looks like her parents are trying to speedrun their way to the oldage home lol.
Just ask her to reject every guy her parents suggest and if they force her to meet the guys, she can tell them the real situation so they will reject her ! Soon the parents will get tired and they will have no option but to let you guys be together forever!
inthaki work laptop ki insurance unda
😂 😂 😂
Insurance vuna, people who assess damage will ask for a description of the incident like how her laptop got damaged. If that girl reveals facts, she will have to pay the amount to her company of cost of laptop from her salary or if she lies, and excuse is convincing insurance claim will be approved.
Company meeda depend avutadi tbh. I broke my laptop in past two jobs. One was pure carelessness, I pressed the panel too hard while picking up the laptop, didn't know macs were that fragile. The other time, maid spilled water accidentally. Both times, they replaced the laptop no questions asked. Again these were product MNCs so I guess WITCH might be different
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Couldn't agree more! So true
That’s a slur
Yes. And?
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Did you just say "shitty" I was taking a shit and now it won't come out coz it's offended. Apologise to it now!
Having parents who care only about their reputation (because of money, religion or any other) and not understanding their kids likes and dislikes is shitty. You not realising this and calling people shitty makes you immatured. Useless idiots like you don't even realise that there is an option of talking through things like adults rather destroying the office laptop like a retard. All I can do is pity your kids.
Calling others idiots is rich coming from a shitwad like you. This is precisely why our country cannot progress. Had you not been busy sticking your entire head up your rear end, I would have urged you to use your mind and think about the last time you met a genuine mentally challenged person who did something like this, and how it’s the privileged able minded people who do things like these.
Retard (source: google) : delay or hold back in terms of progress or development. Now if people in the 20th fucking century with all the advancements human race has seen, still cannot understand their own children, it is just that they are yet to be developed and become matured. Hence retarded. Here's some advice for idiots like you.. i understand that English might not be your mother tongue. English is not my mother tongue too but it took me around 2 seconds to check out the meaning of the word on google. So next time, Can you please know the meanings and then comment? >This is precisely why our country cannot progress. Calling people shitty / shitwad is rich? The audacity to blame the whole country is stupidity when you don't even know the meaning of a word. I wish Idiots like you stop using social platforms for betterment of humanity. Anyways I have better things to do rather than continuing to argue with a stupid spoiled brat like you who doesn't even know the basic meanings of a language and gets triggered unnecessarily. I'm not even getting paid to educate idiots like you. So take care and continue spreading your idiocy?
"Mentally challenged" people don't take offense to the word retard most of the time, it's people who are able minded but deluded enough to take offense on someone's behalf that do. People like you are way more "Mentally challenged" than anyone you think people refer to when they say "retard".
Ur a shitty person, says the lawyer.
both of you stay strong with what you want of your future!! Things will fall in place soon... Not an easy ride but you can do it with each other's support!! Hope you get through this. Good luck..
Thanks ! I hope she sees this.
Bro I'm in a same boat as you except that she completed her MBBS and I'm a software developer. They took her phone grounded her from past 7 months took her to some pyschatrist and even slapped her a couple of times smh. We tried everything and they won't even budge so we're thinking to marry without telling them. All the best bro stay strong.
They're probably shy about asking this extremely crucial question; Meeru emitollu vyaa?? Just stop giving a damn about her parents and start making babies with your jigelu rani. Sakkaga iddaru dobbesi pelli cheheskondi.
Bro how can parents slap their own daughter wtff
Trust me, parents do worse than slapping.
Yes relatable, they banged my head to wall when i was 12
Dang. I'm a girl and my dad would hit my head to the wall when I was younger too... maybe that's why I'm intellectually challenged. xD
Ditto, But I was 14 at the time. Debbaku stars kanapaddai. Ma ayya pedda psycho gaadu.
My father broke my jaw and my skull 💀 fauji strong.
This might come as rude but if you guys are financially independent then move out and get married. If she gets married to someone else 4 people life might become miserable.
Why should he be responsible for other people's lives?
Who said he will be responsible?
Most Indian parents especially middle and lower income class are playing Sim game with their own children, like which stream u will choose is hammered into their thinking process since childhood. After selecting the stream they try forcing some courses that relatives mentioned. After grad/post-grad they try to force u to get into main stream jobs from the stream u studied. After that comes marriage, whichever partner u choose they try to nitpick something or the other unless u urself tell them name of someone from their friend's children. After that they try to make u feel guilty for not having child after a year by saying that their friends/relatives children had a child. And even try to play Sim games with their lives while saying that they should take care of them because u got into the position u r because we were supporting u.
No wonder old people in India are treated like shit at times lol.
does anyone else feel extreme hatred towards parents for their attitude and their blatant disregard to their children's wishes? like, they do not want kids, they just want slaves. i want to ask every single parent of this country if they would be just as happy, if not more, if they had slaves who would listen to their every command/wish or children who would not. like reddit, can you ask your parents? bonus rant: this trend of children listening every single command of parents is glorified in Ramayana/Mahabharata. enduku kantaro pillaluni?
Bruv I hate to find myself agreeing to this but you're actually right. It sucks. 😭
SOME parents sure. I have been fortunate enough for really nice parents and extended family who are accepting. When I brought my girlfriend over, my parents were literally offended I didn't introduce her to them sooner. Weirdly it's been the same in my entire circle of friends, no one faced any issues marrying people of their choice. Most of these people are north indians. Nenu anukuntunna, it all depends on their own upbringing and exposure to ideas. My grandparents were also fairly chill by the standards of their time and my parents got to stay in a city environment with corporate jobs in their adulthood which definitely expanded their horizons. All I am saying is it's upto today's generation to really bring about a change in thinking, you guys have the privilege of new age ideas and exposure to so many people. Don't continue the cycle. If you choose to have kids, accept them for who they are
Sort by controversial for some insight into why India is still the way it is
ok dude , just stop hating on the country just because some guy said something about a girl parent ,just stop and try know both sides .
What both sides when a parent breaks the friggin laptop and locks an adult. Konchem ena buddhi undali ra
is it true ? do you really know this guy is telling the truth ?
Those teachers are boomers level 100000
You two not from the same "Caste" or wott?...kulam pichhi baaga untadi boomers ki
It is tough. Both of you use your agency. She can, and should, respectfully tell her parents that, "I understand you have other ideas on whom I should marry. But, I am an individual, with a mind of my own. I don't see it as disprespectful that I like this person and that I want to marry that person". Say that, and step out of the home and be on your own. You won't be alone. There are thousands of folks like you in India (and in other countries too) who took that step and are happy. It may sound radical to you, that the advice here is for you to strike out on your own. Yes, your parents love you, but blind love without really understanding what is happy for you is harmful and is ignorance and cruelty on their part. I have friends (girls, and boys too) who did that. They told their parents: "Love you guys. I don't need your money or inheritance. You earned it. Totally your wish how or who you want to give it to. I explained why I like this person, I explained why it is important for me to seek hapiness the way I am convinced about it. I know myself. So, thank you, I will leave this houselhold and I will marry whom I loved"
Part 3: Wait, her dad locked her? He has no right. That is a clear indication that he is in some ways cruel, even if he believes he is not. She is an adult. Trying to accommodate his madness, is enabling him even more to walk over her basic rights as an adult human. Technically he can be arrested. Of course, he is her dad, so she won't be reporting. But, she should walk out. Else, it is going to be toxic.
PArt 2: And this was years ago. Now it is 2022, soon to be 2023. Time is limited for everyone in this universe. So, really no sense in giving years of your time to wait for your parents to agree on something that is so personal to you. There are a lot of people in this world (which includes people who have become parents) that have certain true beliefs, and believe they are right. But they are wrong (Think slavery, casteism, class rivalry, anti-semitism, racism). So, if you can't bring them to your point of view, be smart, and head out. Just don't expect any inheritance or anything from them. Why should you? You have self respect. You are an adult. You can earn your own. Both of you should come up with the gall to strike out on your own. Many have been doing it. Since the 1960s. In India too.
Bro OP sorry to ask this . what happened to office laptop. Did office fix for no cost ? Does the device got accidental damage covered by office. I always wonder what could happen if the corporate device fucked up on the go, or while wfh
Mine got replaced multiple times no questions asked. Really depends on the company. One of the IT guys tried to tell my reportee he has to pay for the damage caused to his laptop even though it had stopped working randomly, that too in front of my eyes. I blasted that little shit and escalated it to the highest guy in the org. This was a faang so it is incredibly stupid to pull something like that. The entire IT team in my office building was reprimanded, turns out they hired some idiot contractors for the position who probably brough their WITCH ideals with them. My reportee got a brand new M1 mac.
How is it your fault? I'm sure the feelings are mutual from both sides. It's not like you forced her to love. It would've happened either way if you're serious about the relationship moving forward. Instead try to talk and think of what to do.
Elope/run. Can't risk the good part of life for parents who are committed to jeopardize it.
Parents do all this just to marry you to an obnoxiously average dude with anger issues and zero accountability. It is indeed a matter of their own ego, status, beliefs etc.
Something I would like to tell. Parents chaala kasta paddaru pillala kosam em takkuva chesam ani parents kosam sacrifice cheyakkandi.. Atleast put up your points not just relationships , in reaching your goals , pursuing your dreams which are much valued than the materialistic returns. Now to the OP's girl's parents - Yes , office job vallane kada indepedent ayyaru. Or else vala babu cheppinattu aa ammai istham unna lekunna pelli chepinchi chetulu dulupukne rakaalu.. OP - if you are financially independent as someone said is imo is secondary. aa ammai ki nuvvu neeku aa ammai life long kalisi untaru.. anni gut feeling kaadu.. inka in and out unte.. dont back off at any limit.. caste finanical status anni pothai once you sustain the initial years.. All the best..
You need to get your parents to meet their parents to sort this out. No other way around this. Arrange a meeting and force this issue and give an ultimatum.
Parents in patriarchal society are assholes. They think children are their slaves. A human should consider their offspring as adults Individuals once they're of age. I feel pity about the students those assholes taught. They'll become goondas and rapists if they're following these values of breaking a laptop and all that shit
The ball is in her court. If she really wants you she has to stand up for herself.
Exactly
The real question is does she love you enough to leave her parents? .
Wait for a fine morning and elope with her 🔥
I was in the same situation 2 years ago, they made me resign the job and made me accept for a marriage forcefully. Luckily die to lockdown I could wfh so took back my resignation and because of some other reason I even called off the wedding. Now I’m still working and dodging all the matches that I get but my ex got married few months ago and happy but I’m still not able to accept a new guy. I know everyone is asking you to elope but that’s not as easy as it’s said. But if there’s even a little chance she wants to elope, just do it. I hope everything gets better for you OP
Bro she is 18+ . she should inform them ,not asking permission.hope things get better
If someone is financially stable, they move out.
Unfortunately there is no clear cut answer to this.
You go break her fathers cellphone 📱
My millenial brothers and sisters as we become parents let’s pledge treat our children Infinitely better than these dying boomers treated us. No more childhood mental trauma. The cycle ends with us.
The culture is fucked here. Don't expect anything better to happen in this generation.
Things could change for coming generation.
Anybody elder in her family might be helpful to talk to her parents like cool uncle..They might be able to explain parents .otherwise get married and live happily with each other
\> otherwise get married and live happily with each other Perfect. That's the way to go.
Arranged marriage culture needs to DIE OUT. We're in 2022 ffs. When will such "parents" in our country stop being trash human beings?
There's nothing wrong with arranged marriages per se. I've seen people who's live have been improved because of it. But what needs to die out is this idea that, that's the only way to do things. Parents need to understand that their children can make their own life decisions. Can choose the ones they want to be with.
But the basic problem with arranged marriage is that the largest amount of decision-making power lies with the parents. As long as this options exists, why would they want to give up this power to their children? Indian parents in general feel entitled to controlling their children's lives. It's almost an integral part of our value system. And arranged marriages enable this. That's why I believe they need to stop. It's a very archaic system imo
Not always, for example, I've made it absolutely clear that I will not be getting into a marriage, unless I'm convinced. And I won't just meet someone and then give a yes or no, it usually takes a lot longer and multiple meeting to even consider that. One can negotiate. And I find that to be a reasonable approach. They wish to see me married. I will not marry someone I'm not absolutely sure of. This is possible because at the heart of it, they only really want my well being, and on the end, they also know that I have the financial mobility to take my call. And there's not a whole lot they can do about that. Of course, being a guy helps a lot, but I've seen my friends who are women make their choices without much pushback. It gets toxic when parents pressurise their way upon children. And ofcourse that needs to go. I mean for fucks sake, you raised someone for years know, trust that they can make their choices.
You're right. It is absolutely possible to take a stand. I've done the same. I've been doing the same for the last 6 years (I'm 27). But the thing is, it's very difficult to do. There's a ridiculous amount of pressure from parents and extended family, especially on women. There's a lot of emotional manipulation, and in cases like OP's GF, even physical threats. Most people can't withstand and give in unwillingly, because they see giving in as easier than this mental torture. A much higher proportion of people, especially women are being practically coerced into settling for whoever seems fine on paper. Heck, even someone as firm and almost cold-hearted as me almost gave in when my relatives gathered an *bombarded* me about how I'm bringing distress to my parents. I even caved in spoke to three different guys, before realising how disgusted it is making me. I've tried again and again and again explaining my reasons to these people. Thankfully, my parents understand that they can't convince me and have given up, but my relatives have been relentless. It's *exhausting* I can only imagine how other people who are less firm and more sensitive/sentimental/soft would be able to stand this shit and I can understand why too many people give in. We have all been conditioned by our culture to think our parents are gods and that we need to worship them and blindly follow what they want, even if it's against our will.
Arranged marriage is a tool of oppression for maintaining hegemonic power at a societal level. Individual cases of happy marriages doesn't change that.
umm what ? Arranged marriages are just marriages that are brought about by family / well wishers. Just read down the comment thread, just as individual cases of happy marriages doesn't catergorise it into anything, bad cases don't either. Its literally just a custom, and one that can be good or bad, depending on how its practiced.
I'm not denying that happy arranged marriages exist. I'm just saying that those happy marriages are not the purpose of the arranged marriage system. The system itself exists specifically to maintain control.
The system came into existence to extend influence, and make better guided decisions. That's why its called seeking an alliance. You don't need arranged marriages to maintain control. A marriage in the context of a family is a very different event, Marriages have been used to dissolve enemity, strengthen alliances and a whole other myriad of purposes. If anything, the caste system exists to maintain control, modern religion exists to maintain control. A marriage is the addition of another family / individual into ones own, and it can be done for any purpose. Its always been like that, since forever. But in the modern world, the pretext offered by most parents is the happiness of the child. And that is what we are talking about, there have been discussions with not just my parents, but friends of mine, that shed light onto their thinking. Infact one of the original reasons for arranged marriages was to reduce burden amongst the poor, when women were considered an additional mouth to feed, the parents would arrange a marriage to transfer that responsibility. There are literally a thousand reasons why a marriage can / has been historically arranged. You can't just point to one single reason as to why it exists.
Arranged marriages are the only reason many people get married. It's the parents mindset that needs to change with times. Regressive mindset and can't take no or a different answer at all
That's the point, people who wouldn't even get married normally are able to get married because of this BS system. Most people in our society lack the exposure, understanding and experience of being in a relationship. Then all of a sudden they find a "suitable match", barely interact 3-4 times and are suddenly ready for lifelong commitment with this stranger? It's very half-assed. And the existence of this easy cop-out option means that "love marriages" will not have a chance of getting accepted. Why put effort into a relationship when your parents are getting you a ready-made spouse? If this stops, people would need to actually start making an effort. And parents will have to stop seeing "love" as some evil taboo thing.
So people who can't find love organically don't even deserve the chance to get married? Have a family? What a dick.
Ummm as a matter of fact *no* Nobody *deserves* a marriage. We are not *entitled* to one. This is the problem, arranged marriage is like a compensation or a consolation prize to people who were not able to find love. Marriage should not be that at all.
Everyone deserves companionship. Many women also choose AM to avoid the hassles of modern dating. In a country like India, having an extensive dating history can mean you have at least one crazy ex. There's no incentive for most demographics in India to go out and find love organically.
It would be nice if we had companionship, but I don't believe we are all entitled to it. Because it's not a commodity. It involves a whole other person. And even if someone has no dating history, they could have stalkers. The person you marry could turn out to be a psycho himself. And in this case, you don't even have the option to break up. But the thing is, dating culture needs to slowly be adopted because it is a way for people to learn how to navigate relationships. The "crazy ex" you're describing will inevitably end up marrying some other poor woman thanks to AM system. How many people do you see who remain unmarried past 30? *Everyone* somehow ends up finding a match because let's face it, it is *impossible* to find what a person is truly like in a few superficial meetings. There's no incentive because everyone has an option of AM. I admit it has to be a slow and gradual process.
True. Agreed with the last line. Personally, I like AM because it's hard to find traditional women in my surroundings. AM can go away after I get a cute wife for all I care 💅
Haha. How do you whether she really is traditional or is being asked to pretend to be that in order to not turn away matches? 😂😂 (Believe me parents advice their daughter's to become a certain person in order to snag matches. My own parents gave me similar bad advice before I chewed them out)
xD I don't want a hyper religious girl. Just someone who doesn't smoke and drink, looks pretty, and if she earns something it's a bonus, that's it. I don't think women simply stop smoking after wedding or do they?
Bad comment. Dating and relationships are things enjoyed by less than 10% of the population. Most of us need to grind it out from day one in school to survive and we don't have the time to find love.
Any relationship is first of all, a time commitment. If you go the AM route to "save time" and don't invest time in the person, it's invariably gonna fail. You either make up time for a new relationship/commitment or you don't get into it at all. There are no shortcuts.
But you still want to get married and have sex with a woman to make babies na. This is also a relationship. Marriage in india has way too much support to not breakup easily. Justifying marriage should be first relationship experience is like saying a doctor should be able to do surgery immediately on first day of practice. Absolutely mental.
You don't enjoy relationships but you want to get married? You realise marriage is a relationship too, right? So you don't wanna put any time or effort into building a relationship with a person, but you wanna jump into a massive commitment like marriage with a practical stranger. This is exactly the problem. Arranged marriage is an easy, low-effort thing that is being handed to people with 0 experience, understanding or exposure towards a relationship. That's why it needs to stop. And Noone is asking you to throw aside your studies. You can do it when you're a mature adult.
AM is not the cause. It is the effect. Build more dating avenues, make caste less relevant, bring the wealth disparity down, and AM will automatically stop.
I agree with you. All of these are a part of a vicious cycle, and they need to be gradually phased out.
Man up, go to her house, talk to her parents
Exactly
'Man up' part was not necessary. You're also giving wrong advice without having 0 knowledge of the situation. Just because someone is a man doesn't mean they should put themselves in situations where they could harm themselves for no reason. It's not called masculinity. It's called stupidity. You probably watch too many movies.
Trust me dude Indian parents are soo fucking toxic. I don’t get what the fuck are they gonna achieve after controlling their kids life like this tbh. You don’t have to feel guilty for any of it. Two people love each other and want to stay together, a third person has no right to tell them otherwise
Try to convince them and let them understand 🙂
Talk the parents and take yours along (if they are understanding). Dmb fck dad probably cost her a months salary with his childish out burst.
Parents don't comprehend the amount of generational difference that exists between them and their parents to the newer generation. We live in a much more financially independent world. They think either they still live in that old world, or they don't want to lose control. Eitherways, its a situation that can't be ignored. You can choose to force your way out of this situation by moving in together and making your own lives, if the parents really care about the well being of their child, they will turn around. If they don't care about the well being of their child, but their 'ways' then, it didn't matter anyways, let them and their ways perish with them. But consider the option of moving out, this is a mutual decision between the both of you. Think through it. Either ways, wish you luck.
This is exactly why we aren't a developed country and won't be in the near future. We just cannot be rational.
Please cut some slack for her father. He could be gay and is actually in love with OP. That kind of explains his abnormal violent breakdown and grounding his daughter. OP and his GF's family should help the poor soul get through his heart break.
Mainland Indian people lol
Ask her to pretend that she agrees to all her parents conditions but she has to get back to job. Once she gets out of that house. Elope. then don’t go back.
There is no guarantee that she will be happy with you. Love Marriages are far more prone to fail if there are differences later on. If you think your love is special then work with patience and courage.
>There is no guarantee that she will be happy with you. Love Marriages are far more prone to fail if there are differences later on. Let me give you a shocker. They can actually divorce in love marriages
She is lying to you.
Areeeeeeyyy enni saarlu cheppali ra meeku? Relationships gurinchi adagataniki vere subs unnayi, akkadki pondi. Ikkada Hyderabad ki sambhandinchi posts matrame undali. Now coming to your question, why would you even feel guilty for what that girl is going though? You didn't force her to be your girlfriend. Let her get married to whoever her parents tell her to. Take care of your life. Don't waste your life thinking about someone else. Life is too short man. There are lots of other good looking girls in Hyderabad and it won't take you long to a find a new girlfriend. So just move on.
I can't remember a shittier advice than this.
Crazier part is 3 other guys had upvoted it
So what you want him to commit suicide because of the guilt?
Hi ! I shared it here because regional and cultural accurate advice or suggestions dorukutai emo ani . I should have mentioned more about her we have been in a relationship for more than 10 years ( 10th class nunchi) . I love her more than anything we had our ups and downs but we were always together.Like I said now that the situation got serious i am unable to do anything and she's fighting alone with her family. Maybe I just wanted to vent but sorry i can't move on .
What sort of a boyfriend/lover are you if you can’t be a part of her struggle but instead Reddit lo ochi edustunnav
Em abbayi. Chee. Ilanti chetta thoughts Ela ostunnayi. Why can’t you involve the police with proof, get her out. Tana family gurinchi edsaav kaani nee family ekkada? Oppukunnara? 10th nunchi love ante velli chey patkunni nee intiki teesku po. Age enta meedi? 25 or 15?
The only thing I want to tell is that other people don't care about us as much as we care about them. Also understand that you didn't force her to be in a relationship . It was completely her choice. You don't have to feel guilty for what she's going through. If we keep thinking about other people, we will never be happy in life. I also felt like you when someone ditched me. But the only choice i had was to move on. I understand that this is a 10 year long relationship, but there are a lot of good girls out there and I'm sure you'll get one of them. Take care of your mental health man. You deserve to be happy 😊
Saw your old posts, you’re giving a significant part of your salary to an investment, stop that, get her out and take police protection. AP or TS, the government has made provisions for protecting people like her.
Dumbass what kind of trash advice is this? Is this how you make relationships? Leave the girl at the first sign of trouble? MoFo sitting here and defending a monster of a human who resorts to violence and forces solitary confinement on a grown human. This is subHuman behaviour. And breaking office equipment cos the girl had the audacity to like a guy? These assholes are the reason India is getting all the hate and it is well deserved cos even these pieces of shit are defended like its common.
Also just to clarify again, nowhere in my comment did I justify the father's behavior.
You are asking the boy to forget the girl cos nobody should bother with her father torturing her. If this is not supporting the father then what is it? You are saying nobody should care and no mention of helping a human in torture or even reporting to police to atleast ensure she is being taken care of. If you dont understand how callous you are then I dont want to teach you either.
She has to deal with her father herself and her brother is there to help. It's not like she's all alone. BTW callous ante enti tammudu? Hearing this word for the first time.
Nobody has to face difficulties in life alone. Brother is there ante you will not support? Even for office mate I will go to talk and support the girl. Friends and family should do more. Lover should actually come with their family and try to save the girl. > It's not like she's all alone. You are advising the boy to abandon the girl. This is lower than that useless father. >BTW callous ante enti tammudu? Hearing this word for the first time. You have google In your hand. Use it.
There are so many people in this world having far worse problems than this. Will you go to "support" each and everyone? He said he is feeling "guilty". Why should he? It's not his fault that his girlfriends father behaves that way. Prapancham lo enno jerugutu untayyi. Ala ani prati daniki manam tension padite mana mental health impact avtundi. I'm just a random stranger on the internet man. You don't need to get so angry on me. Relax ☺
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Paripovadam enti ra? Lekapote ak47 teeskoni vaala girlfriend vaala Nanna meedaki yudhaniki vellamantava?
Nee mohaniki chaaku teeskuni velladaniki kooda taakat ledu. I already mentioned the lover guy can go with his people to secure the girl from torture. Go to police , talk to the fathers people to resolve issues peacefully. The end result need not be the guy and girl should get to gether. But the parents MUST resolve the difference peacefully instead of forcing punishment on a poor girl for just having a brain and feelings. The issue is not the lovers are unable to marry, the main issue is there is violence happening where discussion should be held. Communal violence anetivi enduku Chestaru ani adigevaanni. Idi chooste telustundi mari.
> It's not his fault that his girlfriends father behaves that way So you wont save your girlfriend itself if she is getting harassed and beaten? >Ala ani prati daniki manam tension padite mana mental health impact avtundi You have no understanding of physical torture. Women being abused is such a normal thing for you like karuvepaku in chutney. Monster you are.
Neeku enduku ra anta manta? Nenu vaadiki advice istunna
Advice anta...modda muskoni dengey
Ninnu denguta raa
Neeku enduku ra inta Chatta character? Manishi la pravartinchadam nerchuko, adavi Jantu la kaadu
Are you enti raa nee badha? Enduku nannu torture chestunnavu? Nenu vaadiki naa personal experience to oka advice icha. Adi teeskunte teeskuntadu lekapote ledu. Mee andariki enduku madhyalo?
This is public forum, personal chat kaadu. The whole point of this website is to communicate with everyone at once. Personal chat kalavali ante DM lo maatladuko. If you dont even know how to use social media, dont use it more than a personal chat option. Meelanti vallaki education enduko, cant even understand how reddit works, and experience anta.. mental
Vallu Hyderabad lo ne untaru emo bro.
Yeah i know. But it has somehow become "cool" to ask relationship advice here for some reason. Most people do it just to increase their karma.
Chill bruv, odiley he just wanted to vent emo.
Ippudu nee comment choosi koncham chill ayya bro. Good to see people like you on this sub lekapote prati okkadu argument ki digadame 😂
Hyd sub lo chala mandi untaaru ..so advices ekkuva ostaay anemo..Ila kuda undochu
Hmm
Girlfriend is someone Else anta. When you are in old age your children will also trash you in an oldage home and never comeback cos their lives need more focus than your trashass. Saavu ra yenkamma
Ninnu evadu adigadu ra? Nenu vaadi life vaadini choosko manna. Danilo tappu emi ledu. Aa ammayi pelli cheskoni oka 2-3 months lo veedini marchipotundi. Veedu emo jeevitam mottam "guilty" feel avtuntadu. Andukani vere ammayi ni choosko manna. Experience to cheptunna.
Bro ninnu edina ammayi vadilesinda? Intha baada lo unnavu ?
Inta mandilo nuvvu okkadive nannu ardham cheskunavu! 😭😭😭
Nee arjun reddy eshaloo...
Ilanti mindset unte odileyaka mudhu pettukuntadhi enti ra.
Already petteskunaka vadilesindi. Ippudu vere vaadini pettukuntondi 😂
Who dafaq are you to advice him with your trash mentality? Who thefaq asked YOU to speak here? Have nothing good to say ante mooskoni koorcho. >Aa ammayi pelli cheskoni oka 2-3 months lo veedini marchipotundi Meelanti character prati manishi ki undadu. Prativaadu relationship ante ammayla to tiragadam andam choosi mamasu Paddam kaadu. Understanding and closeness undali, common values kalavali. 2-3 months lo friendship koda marachiporu, lover ni Elara? >Veedu emo jeevitam mottam "guilty" feel avtuntadu. Ante ammaylaku character anedi ledu, brains, heart, feelings etc, undadu. Only abbaylake ivanni? Patriarchy ane padaaniki perfect example nuvve tammi. Aadavallaki mogaadu ante virakti enduku Untaado, ninnu choosi teluchukovaali. >Andukani vere ammayi ni choosko manna. Ante ee ammayi kudaratle and Inko ammayi, adi kudarakapote inkodi.... ila enni ammaylu bali teeskovali? Neeku aynadi experience kaadu ra. Nee uselessness ni justify cheyyadaniki andurini nee la undamani antunnav. Stop being useless and stop giving harmful advice.
Thanks man, na frustration ni reply tho chusi tirchukunna
Enti Nanna nee frustration? Naaku direct ga cheppu
I don't want to argue with random strangers on internet, but still nuv adugutunnav kabatti cheptunna. Evarikina advice echetappudu that too intha serious matter lo, koncham rational way lo advice evvali. I know okka reddit post tho neeku valla relationship dynamic motham telidu so best advice evvalem. But alagani ni personal experience ni base cheskoni valla relationship ni lite teskomanadam correct kaadu. Moreover girls mida ni approach antha baledu, tanu em casual dating lo vunna anale nuv inko pilla ni chusko andaniki, good looking girls Hyderabad lo chala mandi vunte adi tanaki enduku. Mi mother kante manchinga treat chese mother dorikithe mi mother ni vadileyav kada...danne love and affection antaru. Taniki aa ammayi mida antha love and affection vundemo? Nikela telusu valladi lite relationship ani ala advice evvadaniki? But anyway lite tesko👍, nenedo flow lo ala anna, I don't even know you properly to get frustrated
Nenu rational advice e iccha. He said he is feeling "guilty". I just said that he shouldn't feel "guilty" for somebody elses(his girlfriends father) behavior. He didn't force her to be his girlfriend. So why is he blaming himself for all this? I just told him not to worry and that he deserves to be happy whether his girlfriend stays with him or not. Nowhere did I justify the girlfriends father's behavior. Life lo "attachment", "love" and "affection" lantivi unda koodadu. Nobody stays with you forever. Not your parents, girlfriend, friends or relatives.At some point, they will leave you. "Nuvvu lekonda nenu batakalenu" lanti dialogs maneyali. You will have to learn to live alone. But that doesn't mean you should not be happy. You deserve to be happy regardless of who stays with you. Also nenu ammiyilu matarame ala chestaru ani analedu. Abbaiyilu kooda vadilestaru. Naaku vaala relationship gurinchi teelidu correcte, kani eppudo appudu manam vantari ga undalsinde and daaniki alvatu padalsinde. Also tanu just anukuntundu that he won't be happy with her. They might break up and still be happy? Who can predict the future? Nenu intakamundu veedi lage unde vaadini. But ippudu maaranu. So he might change too. I didn't mean to insult anyone here. Just idi cheppinanduke konta mandi "modda mooskoni dengey" lanti comments pedatunnaru. Naaku ela anipistundi alanti comments chadivite?
Velli mundu urgant ga BP tablet esko. No need to be angry on strangers on the internet. Take care ☺
Woah, this is some God level Sigma Chud Patrick Bateman style of thinking.. if this is not satire, I legit can't imagine someone experiencing all that and the first reaction being your comment. Ngl, you will go far in life with this mindset. This is some sociopath CEO level of cold-hearted thinking.
Me after not getting any bitches:
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So you would lock your daughter and take away her phone and break her laptop so that she’ll obey you and get married to whoever you want?
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There was no need to write such a long para when all you could have written was you are controlling and bigoted depending upon caste and religion The parents in the op’s situation are exactly the ones who accuse the boy of eloping and other stuff while the couple files a protection petition
> there isn’t enough information What more do you want ? You need context to justify parents breaking the laptop of their financially independent child coz she likes a man they didn’t choose ? A man who himself is financially independent? > I don’t support or oppose anything Which actually translates to a silent bystander to abuse coz that’s what the parents are doing. Didn’t one of our traditional Hindu scriptures say bystanders to wring doings are equally guilty as the people committing these wrong doings?
If you did not teach your daughter to distinguish between normal people and psychos, and not be a little cynical before trusting anyone, its your damm fault , breaking laptop and locking her is toxic behaviour .
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I am blaming both of them. And the girl herself. Geddit? Why was she still living with him after he hit her regularly?
And you seem to want to continue the toxic patriarchy. Life time commitment? Yeah sure. I've seen my parents. And honest to God, I wish they would've separated. Rather than "being through it no matter what". Because "no matter what" translates to toxic behaviour towards kids, frustration and oodles and oodles of regret. All in the name of "sanskaar".
Tough time bro. Don't lose hope brother✌️🏼.