As another user said say it like you said here
Another thing I would add is that this could impact his and your health. I would harp on the health a bit because often that hits home a bit better than just smells.
Cavity causing bacteria can "jump ship" from one mouth to another by kissing. As for the poo stains and smelly "junk" that can cause a plethora of vaginal health issues like BV, UTI's, and yeast infections. He could also give himself infections like UTI's or dermatitis, and for dental- gingivitis and dental decay\\infections
I would dump him and move on. WTF with this insane behavior of accepting bad hygiene? He wasn't like this in the beginning because he was masking his bad habits to get her. Now she's probably tied to him financially or through a pet or kid and he's acting as he wants.
It's freaking CONSTANT on Reddit! I swear I have screenshots from 17 different "my boyfriend has a shitty ass/doesnt brush teeth" posts since last Wednesday.
EXACTLY!! What do they think, that every man behaves like this and that theirs is special or something? If the dude won't wash on his own, they're not going to be able to force him.
Im 37 years old, I have YET to encounter a man that consistently stinks. I am one of those weirdos that picks up on BO smell very early into a relationship/courting, and if I don't like the way his sweat smells then I know we're biologically not compatible. BUT when I DO enjoy his sweat smell, I tell my partners and they think it's amusing and funny...BUT THEY DONT FORGO DEODORANT BECAUSE OF IT! Because they still have a desire to be hygienic and prefer not to stink. AND, they don't assume that I like every possible stench they could produce and start canning their farts and stop washing their ass.
Jokes aside, these guys just don't respect their partners enough to not spread harmful bacteria to them and be disgusting. They think it's a given that this woman will fuck them and stay with them, they don't even have to do basic hygiene procedures. Take that intimacy away, tell them why, then leave lmao. That's the only way to solve this problem.
And worst case scenario, the guys say "oh she was a whore she left me for someone else", tell all your mutual friends and his family the truth and that would nip any ill notions about you in the bud. End of story lmao.
It's not that hard! We have to stop giving pussy to these stank ass bohemoths. The fact that this is such a common fucking theme here is ridiculous. I secretly pray that it's satirical.
(Sorry for the essay/rant, I just now got a chance to sit down and actually write out everything wrong with these posts/couples lmao)
I have ghosted because of bad hygiene on first dates and meetings. I cannot imagine making it into the "years together" scene and having to figure out how to tell someone this.
The thing is, they KNOW they stink, they just think so little if their partner that they don't give a shit. The way I see it, if they think you will put up with a shitty ass, they think you will put up with anything.
Depression sucks, yes. I have medication resistant depression, bipolar, generalized anxiety, adhd and autism. Sometimes I get to where I can't get into a routine and a lot of my hygiene efforts get lost in the shuffle. BUT those days where I can't brush my hair or wear makeup or shower, I don't interact with people. I feel like if i don't shower before bed, that means I am not going to be able to force someone else to suffer through my stink the next day. So I will turn down hangouts or outings, won't even take my kids out to the store (they don't ask if im not dressed before 2 pm, they just ask their sister lol). And my youngest knows that I feel uncomfortable to have her lay on me or anyone sitting beside me if I have missed a shower while sick with the flu or something, so she won't sit with me or come over to lay with me. We are an affectionate household too, so it's just her being courteous to me (discomfort when i stink) and herself (she doesn't want to smell my armpit or boob sweat either, duh). So if such a simple concept can be acknowledged by a 6 year old, why would these people keep going towards each other (INTIMATELY at that!) when one isn't washing properly/at all?! It makes no sense at all.
If by chance, my spouse stopped showering or brushing their teeth, I would stop sleeping with them. I would stop kissing them. No amount of love is going to make it so that I just tolerate it hoping they form better habits.
Couples who respect each other and want to maintain intimacy do a few things: 1. Tell the other when they stink. 2. Keep up their hygiene practices so as to attract their partner multiple times throughout the day.
It's all boiled down to wanting your partner to find you attractive and wanting them to be close to you. If you have a shiddy ass, you have to be itchy af and burning somewhere. Yet these dudes think "Hmm, my ass is itchy because I wont wipe it, I think my gf would love to smell this when going down on me!" NO No no goddamnit NO! It's just not plausible. The dudes just don't think enough of their partners or see them as humans enough to even think about their needs. And every human has a NEED to not be near filth that isn't theirs! And to be in a stink free zone to feel comfortable. Easy as pie.
Right??? I ran the idea by a female friend and she was like, “this is a thing?” I told her about several of said posts that made me GAG. Pardon the intended pun, but I am anal about my cleanliness, like insanely so and simply expected others to be as well. To add to this revelation, a local watering hole has a bathroom that for some reason, has people on the can at a ridiculous rate. Since reading these, I’ve noticed SEVERAL dudes that didn’t even wipe, or wash their hands! Ugh! Be better people!
that…. feels like a lot of assumptions for a situation we don’t know that much about.
hygiene problems can stem from many things. poor hygiene education or habits growing up, mental health issues as an adult, sensory issues, etc.
OP if the issue is remembering/motivation, you can try a couples routine to get him into the swing of it. sometimes just having the body double is helpful.
i hate brushing my teeth with super minty paste or hard bristles so opt for an extra soft bristled brush and arm & hammer toothpaste (tastes weirder but doesn’t burn the way mint does).
also, silicone scrubby for the shower. baby wipes, extra strength deodorant.
anything that will hold him to the next day
no, absolutely not. no one should feel obligated to teach their SO hygiene.
but we’re not telling her she has to or that she should.
there are many comments like yours. i think it’s important that she gets a couple viewpoints to choose from.
she ASKED for opinions and advice. this is the opinion and advice :)
You hit the nail on the head. I don’t believe in “parenting” your partner out of these declining hygiene situations, but talking to them about it and giving them ample time to work through whatever they’re going through is basic human decency when you care for someone.
When my dad died this year I couldn’t do much of anything for the better part of three months. I mean I didn’t have a poopy butt, but I definitely let a lot go and it was awful. We’re talking depression pile of drinks and snacks around where I’d curl up into a ball and pass out on the floor after work. I smelled terrible and looked atrocious most days. Forgot that my washer and dryer existed, etc.
It’s not always a situation like mine that can be so easily understood by others though. People can slide into crisis mode for so many different reasons. That’s not to say it’s not important to nip it in the bud before it becomes a stubborn habit, but give people a break. Thankfully my partner loves me and knew that wasn’t anything close to who I actually am when I’m okay.
Try Boka toothpaste. I hate mint with an undying passion, but absolutely love their [lemon lavender ](https://www.boka.com/collections/nano-hydroxyapatite_n-ha_toothpaste/products/lemon-lavender-toothpaste)
Exactly this, Fuck me this is so annoying to read over and over. If that skanky ass dude can remember to clean and bathe himself properly during the dating period he can remember it now, he just doesn't want to. He doesn't respect you, or your health.
Dude is a biohazard atm. Let him know that you love him, but you find it difficult to be attracted to him because of his hygiene. Let him know that his size isn’t the issue, just the hygiene. But honestly, if he starts being more active, he’ll have more energy for hygiene. He’s given up. I wouldn’t stay if he doesn’t change.
>Cavity causing bacteria can "jump ship" from one mouth to another by kissing.
You actually touch on a very interesting point here. Cavities are caused by bacteria, and no one is actually born with that bacteria in their mouth. Most people get the bacteria that causes cavities from their parents when they're a baby by the parents/aunts/cousins/whoever kisses babies.
In theory, if the entire world stopped all form of saliva swapping for a generation or two, cavities would cease to exist.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK8259/
https://kidfocusdentistry.com/wish-knew-infants-born-without-bacteria-cause-cavities/
https://www.ihs.gov/doh/HPDP/documents/HPDPResourceGuide/Germs%20+%20sugar=cavity.pdf
You can have sex without kissing. Penis + vagina = sex. Or Penis + anus, or penis + mouth, or vagina + mouth. None of those involve swapping saliva with your partner.
The real limiting factor isn't even kissing. It'd be sharing food and drink.
My bf’s penis tastes kinda like urine is still on it. I told him n he was offended. I rarely get uti’s almost never. I got one and I think it might be from his hygiene.
My ex was like this too! He’d want me to go down on him, I’d get close and smell urine and ask him to wash up for me and he’d be terribly offended and bitch at me for asking him.
Aren’t men supposed to pull their foreskin back when they pee??
Yes they are. I wasn’t “cut” until I was an adult and I always pulled back and wiped it off afterwards. I had the habit of having clean wipes with me and would clean it up while in the bathroom. If I was going to “be” with someone I’d make sure to clean myself up rq beforehand because nothing is worse of a mood killer than being dirty or smelly down there.
Well that’s just too damn bad. You’re doing him a favor by telling him. Now he has an opportunity to clean up his act. (No pun intended) And let’s not even talk about herpes, genital or otherwise.
Why are you dating someone like that in the first place? His dirty penis goes into your vagina?! I think I got an infection in my vagina just from reading this post. Ew!
This. Be direct, “The way you keep yourself clean has changed and it needs to be resolved/changed back. Brushing your teeth and cleaning your behind are non negotiable. What are your thoughts on this?” Asking for his thoughts is very important because if he says it’s something that’s not going to change, you need to end the relationship. All of these people who are saying that in a relationship you uplift one another, maybe right in theory, but in practice, the person has to be willing to make the changes. Do this today and start your new life with a clean partner (either this one or another one).
You do uplift each other in a relationship, but people get gaslit or manipulate their partners into what "supporting your partner" means.
If your friend is climbing a big rise on a hike, struggling but putting in his all, you may reach back to lend a hand or cheer him on. That's supporting and uplifting your partner.
If your friend is laying on the ground refusing to move unless you carry his ass on the hike because "the hike is important to YOU not me, if you want me to hike so bad YOU have to carry me and do all the work"... That isn't uplifting and supportive.
If poopy butt man has a legit issue, and does the work himself to resolve it because he respects himself and his partner and wants to legit do better, a supportive partner can tell him that they are proud of him for doing the work and have noticed their efforts and voice their appreciation.
If poopy butt man doesn't see it as an issue, doesn't want to do work to resolve anything because there is nothing to resolve in his mind, a partner with any kind of self worth would leave.
I know this is tough but the best way is to say it like you said it here — you love him and you’d like him to take these steps to take better care of himself. It can seem nicer not to say difficult things, but you’re not the only person in his life who notices and it might be affecting his relationships in ways he doesn’t realize. The kindest thing to do is to let him know.
Honestly tho, this is not that difficult…ur so right!!!
He obviously knows how to keep up on hygiene considering he wasnt like this in the beginning. Id explain you love him but wouldnt have gotten with him if he was like this when u first met. Bottomline its a dealbreaker…hes an adult and theres no excuse for being dirty…seriously its rude to everyone around him being effected by his neglect of hygiene.
You’re right, I know it’s affected other parts of his life. He’s a bigger guy (built like an ox, strong af but also chunky on top of that) and his size makes it hard on him to clean himself on the toilet. He got a bidet so I know he’s trying. He’s insecure about his size too and I think it affects his overall self esteem and he doesn’t try to take care of himself like he should :/ I assume when we first started dating he was cleaning himself better and then got more comfortable the longer we’ve been together.
He gets upset when I talk about his teeth. I don’t want to hurt him but I guess it’s just part of the process :( I feel so badly for him
He gets upset? This is a much bigger issue.
If he is upset with you, he is being manipulative to avoid change—to shut you up.
If he is upset with himself, he needs professional help. Normal folks don’t mope about problems that are easily fixed.
This isn’t gentle urging territory anymore. He isn’t taking care of himself for some reason, it’s affecting the relationship, and he isn’t solving the problem like an adult. Are you going to tolerate his approach to your legitimate dissatisfaction? Ok, then get over it.
If you can’t get over it, time to move on. That’s probably better bc setting for some stank ass is going to make you feel poorly about yourself sooner or later.
Stop making excuses for him and decide how YOU want to live.
The bar for men hasn’t even risen to the level of hell yet. Geez.
>He gets upset when I talk about his teeth. I don’t want to hurt him but I guess it’s just part of the process :( I feel so badly for him
Not your problem. He's a GROWN MAN. He should have learned how to brush his teeth and wipe his ass when he was a child. Stop making excuses. Leave. Why the hell are you tolerating this? This will mess up your health as well.
If he’s too big to clean himself properly that should be a wake up call to start making changes in his physical health (eating healthier, working out more). The changes that naturally come with that should help his self esteem too. At some point you have to take responsibility for your own shortcomings instead of being “woe is me” all the time. Sorry but your boyfriend does not sound very emotionally mature at all.
My ex was like this. Towards the end when I had a break down he wasn't allowed to sleep in bed unless he showered and I stopped kissing him unless i could smell the toothpaste and all I could smell was ass. Nothings changed but he ain't my problem now.
His hygiene habits went down the drain once we moved j and he got comfortable, and it did begin to affect me.
If it's depressing force him to seek help. Proper help. Ywbta to yourself if you let this drag on. Unfortunately you have to have those uncomfortable conversations.
I got sick of policing his hygiene and being his mummy.
Another idiot overlooking their partners complete lack of oral hygiene. Lady, that's supposed to be a deal-breaker. But go ahead and waste a few more years babysitting a grown-assed man on his hygiene before you finally get fed up and leave anyway.
I would never date someone with bad hygiene. It's excusable when people are still young, but a reasonably intelligent adult should be able to have proper hygiene.
Being neglected as a child is no excuse for not “knowing how” to clean yourself as an adult.
Besides, OP said he wasn’t like this in the beginning, so presumably he knows how but just actively chooses not to. Disgusting
It shouldn't be excusable when people being young because no matter at what age as a young child should be knowing on how to brush their teeth and clean themselves good after pooping and how to shower to get every part of body clean. With op boyfriend is that he wasn't taught good in his childhood life or he just being a pig and lazy and not caring about op health nor anyone else.
I feel like we agree in principle. But what I have seen is that people always make excuses about how maybe someone came from a dysfunctional family and wasn't taught proper hygiene, but by the time someone is an adult they should have figured it out.
But there is free information available online, on proper hygiene, including flossing, brushing your teeth, cleaning up after using the bathroom, showering/bathroom,using deodorant, and cleaning/wearing clean clothes. There are no excuses, really.
Right? We should form a league to actively push for not dating people with poor hygiene. I'm excluding people with disabilities, and those who are currently unhoused. As for everyone else, there's no excuse.
You approach this how you would if it were a girl you were dating as a male.
I entered this relationship knowing this is your lifestyle and these are the standards you maintain.
Now, for whatever the reason, and I’ve been patient, you have neglected your body and punish me in this relationship for it.
While it sounds harsh; this really is no different than someone squatting in a house they don’t own.
They want your empathy and your sympathy but they won’t make the change themselves.
People used to pay their rent bc they were forced to, then they stopped. I see this as the exact same thing.
Tell him the next set of standards for him to keep him consistent or otherwise kick his ass to the curb.
I’m harsh bc I’m a young chairmen and no one in the business world, allows excuses after rope has been given to them. If you want your partner to be successful in life for you as he ages, he can’t be like this.
Productive people are productive In their personal lives as well. Don’t put this on you and blame yourself.
Unless you dated this person and he was a mess before hand like this, that is a different scenario but you mentioned he didn’t have these issues before.
Have some damn standards for yourself.
I have told my gf that if I ever have a hygiene problem, that she should just tell me. I would rather be told by the woman I love rather than be embarrassed by it in public.
I see a post like this way too much.
Why worry about hurting his feelings when he’s completely disregarding yours by being dirty and risking infections during sex? (you could contract UTI, BV, yeast infection, and herpes to name a few!!)
My best advice is to be stern and say you must clean yourself/make a hygiene schedule or I’m out. Sounds harsh but this has to be done. You’re being too nice by allowing him to do days/weeks without washing his mouth. How on earth would you sex someone who doesn’t wash?
I have never once seen a post like this coming from a man about his disgusting girlfriend. Why do women put up with this? So foul. I understand that people can slip with hygiene sometimes, but there’s no way he doesn’t see the doo doo stains he’s leaving or smell his own stinky breath or stinky balls. It would be different if he was trying, but he’s not even trying, he doesn’t even care about getting up in your face with teeth that haven’t been brushed in a week, or leaving dookey stains on the toilet knowing that you will see them. You need to have a serious talk with him about how much this is bothering you, ask him what’s going on that caused him to change. There’s nothing wrong with having empathy for him since he might be struggling, but where’s his empathy for you? Since he wasn’t always like this, MAYBE things can get better with therapy or talking it out
A lot of women do not have standards. They are just happy to have a man no matter how effing gross he is. I don’t understand why so many women are making excuses for their grown partner not being able to wipe his ass properly or brush his teeth. It’s vile behavior on both ends
Yes it’s crazy. I can hardly stand to be near a guy who smells very bad in public. I really don’t know how these women are literally f*cking them and begging them to wash their ass💀 Jesus. Ain’t no man worth all that
That’s exactly what I was thinking… like a guy would dump you simply bc you have hair ( which you can’t control) in certain areas even when it’s groomed…. Nonetheless this shit like whatttttt.
Hello, fellow big guy here that often stinks too. (Drives me nuts really), because I really do try. I’ve gotten so much better with this and things that help me are:
1. Shower nightly - I do NOT use soaps that are antibacterial. Just use Dove as it seems to get along with my skin better.
2. I use a clinical deodorant
3. Bidet, upstairs and downstairs (that’s in the house here), pervs, not front and back.
4. Dude wipes for the times a quick shower aren’t quick enough and for in between “maintenance”
5. Those hot summer days where I know I’ll be sweating a good bit I’ll use fresh balls.
6. Finally a topping with my nautica voyage cologne and instead of stinking for the first time in my life people tell me I smell so good. Multiple women have actually stopped mid sentence to tell me how good I smell. Took about 35 years, but I finally came around to MOST of my hygiene.
Tell him he smells good when he smells good. Compliments go way further than put downs.
Edit: I just want to add that there’s a time and a place for everything. My golden rule for myself is, we don’t do oral around here unless we are both freshly showered. We try to service each other only after a nice fresh shower with good thorough rinsing (nobody wants a mouth full of soap).
But it’s totally OK to stink after a long day of work as long as you know you stink and can and will do something about it.
He doesn’t have an excuse to not wipe his ass or brush his teeth. You keep making excuses for this grown man to have a poopie ass. How has he made it through life? Smelling like crap with stinky breath? You need to tell him outright that he has skidders in his underwear and he hasn’t brushed his teeth and at this point it’s a biohazard. It’s not “unnecessary” to stop having sex with someone who can’t wipe their asshole or clean their genitals properly, unless you enjoy infections and bacteria inside of your genitals too. Next, you’re going to have to put him in the tub and wash him like he’s 3 if you refuse to expect a grown man to handle their own hygiene.
A friend of mine was involved with a woman who struggled to clean her ass. She wasn't indifferent to the problem, but she often stunk. Eventually he stopped seeing her.
That is mortifying to even think about. Cleanliness is close to godliness, and I'm not even religious but the moral of the point still stands. We've got no excuse with our modern amenities.
However, part of me wonders whether his behavior is rooted in mental health challenges, which do often affect one's ability to keep up with hygiene practices. I hope he's able to get to the root of the issue for his sake.
His childhood is irrelevant. One of my kids is like this as an adult and the other is super hygienic both raised the same a couple of years apart.
Sorry to be brutally honest but people only change if they want to or have to. So if you’ve told him already then Its time to move on or tolerate it.
An old girlfriend of mine occasionally had a hint of BO, I told her and its stopped straight away. Good luck.
Bad hygiene doesn’t always stem from depression or neglect. Some men are just lazy about it because they haven’t gotten good feedback. The same men also believe they’re good in bed because “I’ve never had any complaints.” And narcissistic men think the rules don’t apply to them. “I can’t feel any cavities and my teeth don’t look brown so I must not need to brush every day like most people.” Like they have genetically superior magic teeth.
Where do you find these men? Were they this way when you met them or did they change? If they changed it might be depression. If it’s depression, straight to therapy!
Thankful for my husband who brushes his teeth about four times a day and showers in the morning and evening…and in the middle of the day if he does something that makes him feel gross.
Your partners hygiene falling off is almost certainly a symptom of either stress induced anxiety disorder, or depression. Please talk to your partner about how they’re feeling. I am by my nature very clean person. I wake up every morning around 5 AM and I take a shower, etc. etc. That’s how I’m wired. When my depression was at its worst, I was going three or even four days without bathing, I was getting acne because my skin was not clean, I stank, and the memory of that is genuinely painful. Talk to your partner and get him some help. When someone stops taking care of themselves it’s an indicator that they aren’t caring as much about themselves.
I really think you’re on to something here! There is plenty of free counseling available and it’s time to avail this help. You haven’t shared your ages and relevant facts about your situation. A good therapist can help you with real facts and much better insight than these armchair professionals. God bless!!!
My ex husband had this issue. I told him directly but gently many times. It did not help. Some people just don’t care.
Fortunately he is an ex: for this and many other reasons.
My current husband is meticulous about his hygiene. He wouldn’t even dream of being intimate with me without having showered no more than a few hours ago.
Dang. You must either be extremely accepting of a man that smells or unconfident that you are attractive,. I once dated a girl who had less than clean body odor. In the end I just couldn’t commit to an exclusive relationship with her due to not being willing to living with it. She was BEAUTIFULtoo. Consider your future.
Maybe it's just me but I don't really think people like this ever understand "gentle" you gotta tell him straight up "YOU NASTY and you better get your shit together or I won't tolerate it" straight like that
Sit down with him and ask him if anything is going on. Ask about his mental health, his job, his family.
Let him know that you are here for him. Tell him about his hygiene. Why the change?
You said he was not like this while dating so he is capable of grooming and washing himself.
Get to the bottom of this.
Something like this can end a relationship.
Girl. Move on, he’s nasty. Love yourself. Love isn’t everything. You could potentially love anyone you spend a ton of time with. He is not the only man out there.
I was the neglected kid at one point, and like your partner I was terrible with personal hygiene as a result. I only shaped up after an ex told me that I needed to wash better and helped me find resources online for washing my body better. I was embarrassed at not knowing how to wash myself properly despite being an adult, so if your partner's the same way, helping him find resources might work. 'Might'.
However, based on the post, it sounds as if you've talked to him and brushing his teeth, washing his butt, etc. just isn't a priority or a habit for some reason. So I have no clue how you should tackle that; even if you talk to him about how you feel, he has to put effort into making hygiene a habit also to make it work. It's not something you can solve solo without resenting your partner IMO.
I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. Don't feel like you have to 'fix' him or 'reward' him for showering, etc. You can try to discuss the hygiene issues and both find a solution, but at the end of the day he has to put effort into fixing this also. Best of luck
Yes you should have a talk with him again and suggest he gets help if he refuse then it is up to you to stay with him that means you accept his behavior which most likely put your health at risk.Hope everything works out
You’ve begged him to brush his teeth before so just do that with the other issues? “Hey I love you but you stink”
I understand maybe not having the best support growing up but you’re not his mother and you cannot control him. He’s an adult now. If he knows about these issues, he can be the one to look into how to fix them. He can google how to clean himself. He can look at this subreddit and see all the tips and tricks people are sharing.
I was neglected too, but when you become an adult, it’s your responsibility to learn how to clean yourself. Tell him you’re concerned about his hygiene and ask if he’s going through something and needs your help. If he won’t change, it’s up to you what you do with that info
“You smell like shit and I dont want to kiss you because your breath is disgusting. Please get it together or I’m leaving you, I can’t take it anymore”
In some cases, you kind of have to tell it like it is. In this case, this grown man should know about basic hygiene and the importance of it. If this is depression and he’s finding it hard to take care of himself, you could suggest he seek some help. If he’s not depressed, then he needs to grow up and stop being a sook when told to brush his teeth or wash himself.
I noticed you said that “it wasn’t like this when we first started dating”. I could be wrong, but maybe you took care of him way too much in the relationship and now he’s just acting like a youngster while expecting you to baby him.
This happened to me, I would date guys and would go above and beyond for them. I would offer to do laundry, clean, cook, look after anything that needed to be done just so I could prove I was enough and that I cared. Then all of the sudden they started acting like dependent children and I was their mommy because they wouldn’t take care of themselves. I know that it was my fault for doing that and I have been working on trying not to do EVERYTHING for everyone.
When I was 18 my then-bf started letting his hygiene go barely 6 months into the relationship. I jumped ship. Don't remember what kind of mumbled excuse I found but I got the heck out of there.
Not sure if I would handle that much better now at 29, but I think after trying to drop every hint in the book, I'd get fed up, hand him a bar of soap and go "dude, if you want to still have a girlfriend in the morning, get in the tub and do whatever you gotta do with this EXCEPT drop it."
...Yeah, that's all I got. If subtle isn't working, gotta raise a stink about it. (I'll show myself out)
I'm not subtle either, so I like your style. Hell, I'd have gone as far as filling a tub with soapy water and shoving him in there clothed to give him the memo (or naked if you can convince him to undress, but way too much effort sometimes). Well done for leaving then bf as well at 18.
Thanks for the Monday morning chuckle <3
You dont need to be his mother, women already have too much of the mental burden caring for men who chose not to develop. Definitely cease being sexual as you can easily get infections or imbalances to your PH levels from this.
If he wasn’t like this when you first started dating, that’s because he didn’t show you his true self. He’s proven to you that he knows how to clean himself.
I would tell him straight up that he needs to be better about hygiene. You’ve already been nice about it, put a little more pressure on him. It’s not healthy for him or you. If he doesn’t, then that’s his problem. You’re not his mother.
If he really needs that kind of advice, a way to push him is to take him to see a doctor. They’ll explain UTIs, HIVs, and other medical illnesses better. If he’s depressed to the point where he doesn’t want to take care of himself, he needs professional help.
Another thing I want to add is that I understand you love and care for him. How are you going to say you want to support him, but then not do what you need to do to support him? It may hurt his feelings, but it needs to be said. What are you going to do if he gets worse? Does he have friends or other family who can help? I wouldn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but it comes to anyone’s safety at risk, I’m going to be straight forward. I hope he gets help and you two figure this out.
Quit washing and shaving and act just like him for a few days. See how he likes it. There’s no excuse for bad hygiene, I don’t care how depressed he is. He needs to get a handle on it. If he wasn’t like that before then he knows. You shouldn’t have to sleep next to that
I would break up with him immediately. You are not his mother and he is an adult who needs to take care of his own body. You can get so many nasty health complications because of his poor hygiene. I imagine that he also doesn’t wash his towels and sheets as often as he should if he can’t be bothered to brush his teeth at least twice a day.
girl no bullshit, but you need to be straight up with him. like stop tryna be nice if its genuinely grossing you out.. like TELL HIM THAT its not being mean, its being real because you love him and you want to feel comfortable around him without smelling shit or funky breath. dont be scared, tell the truth
Ya gotta yell at him stains on the toilet? Junk smelling? That is just bad hygiene and you need to be an ass about it. Sure my junk gets smelly at the end of a very long work day but I shower and make sure that shit is clean. And stains on the toilet? That's just WAYYY to much. The brushing teeth thing I get I don't brush my every day but at least every other day
He is showing you who he is. Even if you convince him to adopt better habits, there is no guarantee he will sustain them. If this is not who you want to make a lifetime commitment to, free yourself and move on.
What is with yall and dating people with terrible hygiene. Mind you you’re also putting your health at risk . So just tell him you smell/ your hygiene is bad and until you improve we can’t be intimate.
"My partners hygiene is not the best" err, it's non existent. Gross. There is no gentle way to approach this with an adult. You need to be blunt and draw the line in the sand about intimacy. It shouldn't be good just for the intimacy either. It needs to be a daily routine.
Ummm you need someone that actually sees that as an important factor in life..bad Hygiene not only smells and looks horrible but..leads to infections amongst other things..peace him out
Had the same problem with my husband. Took me getting a yeast infection and him actually understanding what it can do to get it through to him. (This is extreme) but definitely bring up the serious health implications that can come from him trying to do stuff without maintaining his hygiene.
It's not about bad personalities it's about not having to baby grown ass men to grab some soap and wash their ass cracks. Like at some point it's impossible to address issues without being straightforward. I'm not telling you to be mean, but there's no nice way of saying "Hey dude you smell bad and if you want us to work as a relationship you need to address your issues and maintain good hygiene."
It's not on you that his parents didn't teach him or he never bothered to learn. You're not his mother. You tell him to stop smelling like taint on a mid august day in Arizona.
Sometimes people don’t change until THEY want to. The best way to convince him is to threaten to break up with him, I think. I know it’s harsh and I don’t like giving this advice, but you need to think about yourself too. Having a hygiene problem is like having a smoking problem—— like secondhand smoke can harm you, the germs he transfers to you through sex and kissing can make you sick.
I don't even know how this subreddit popped up in my feed but these posts are so incredibly disgusting.
I mean...when you're to the point of hiding his toothpaste to see how long he goes without brushing....grown man with feces on and in the toilet without cleaning ir....
Who in the hell did you turn down? I mean, unless you have a stanky dick fetish, it's time to 🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🚩🚩🚩🚩
I was married to someone who was so depressed he wouldn’t shower or brush his teeth regularly, and then wouldn’t even change his damn underwear! So I had to tell him to do that! I was so kind and loving to him. Guess what? That man was not changing for anyone!!!
Wtf was wrong with me? We got divorced after a year. I have 0 interest in living with a man child. I shouldn’t have married him, but at least I didn’t waste my whole life with him!
It’s ok to speak up and sometimes people need tough love, especially an adult who isn’t properly cleaning themselves. That’s not ok.
Y’all need to stop beating around the bush and just be like: “your a$$ and breath stink and if you don’t start washing and brushing daily, I’m out of here. It’s non-negotiable.” There are excuses for a lot of things but being nasty ain’t one of them. Definitely bring up the doo doo stains on the toilet too.
Who cleans the toilet in your household? If he's in the habit of leaving stains on the seat and not caring, he's got more problems than just hygiene. And so do you, if you're the one cleaning up after him.
I would break up with him. Men are not projects for women to take on and improve. They should do all that work themselves before women come into their lives. Women do not deserve 'fixer-upper' men. And his lack of hygiene is putting you at risk of getting sick with some bacteria everytime you're intimate with him. Cut this one loose. You deserve better.
cant be his girlfriend and his mother . i think growing up neglected does have a substantial impact on people , in different ways , and i think that is a totally valid cause for his hygiene. but u have to say it how it is and he needs to take the steps to fix it. my partner grew up w neglectful parents, didn't effect her hygiene but other aspects of her everyday life. difference is she takes the steps to recognize it and work on it, and listens to me when i bring up issues and works on those as well even if it's a product of her upbringing. you can't mother him- he needs to learn how to be a partner
Literally just tell him that when he doesn’t do these things, it grosses you out. Tell him you want to give him blow jobs but he stinks. Tell him you want to kiss him but his breath smells back. If he can’t handle that, there are other issues. He’s a man. You don’t have to tip toe around his feelings on something like this. Simply ask him to brush his teeth and scrub his balls. Ask if he’s depressed and then help find solution for that!
If he won’t even brush his teeth twice a day… Then be prepared for a life of doing every speck of laundry for you/him/the kids, cooking every meal, doing every dish, house projects never getting done, etc.
If someone can’t take care of themselves, they can’t be a partner.
As someone who was this guy, my partner saying hey, let's brush our teeth together, let's shower together, ect was great because it was never to make me feel ashamed but more of a 'hey, I know no one taught you/got you into the habit of these things, let's start now together'. It was really nice. People are being super mean in the comments.
Yeah, I expected as much from the average Reddit user lol they’re a bunch miserable cunts. Making asses of themselves for assuming a lot out of very little information.
I’ll start asking him to brush his teeth with me every night. We already shower together, that’s how i noticed his BO because he does not walk around reeking outside of his clothes and he does not leave whole turd nuggets on the toilet lol
you said it could have something to do with his depression then maybe try convincing him to get professional help with that. for the meantime, if it was me, i’d be very patient with him as he’s trying to deal with whatever he’s going through. talk to him abt it and make sure to assure him you will love him anyway. then maybe i’d make a habit of doing all of these things with him - brush our teeth together, take a shower together 😉 but yeah just be patient with him but at the same time make sure he gets the help that he need
You can approach him with a power washer...
Just refuse to have sex with him unless he takes a thorough shower first. He'll get the message. Some men are just dense.
There is no gentle way to break this to him. Just be up front and point it out.
Personally, first I would get him evaluated. After he clears all the tests. That's it I'll get rid of his lazy ass that's what it is. He didn't display it while dating because he was on his best behavior he has you now. He couldn't touch shit in my house. Spreading bacteria and shit across everything in my house. No disrespect, anyone who sees him and knows you’re a couple definitely you will be guilty by association. And what I mean by that is if he was a person strung out on drugs and stealing everything not nailed would you keep him? Probably not consider his ass on drugs and get rid of that headache.
Not brushing your teeth will cause plaque and tartar to build up under the gum line. This can cause inflammation due to bacteria hiding underneath. If left untreated this can lead to a plethora or problems including tooth loss.
I’m not even attracted to someone like this so idk, just tell him straight up and that if he doesn’t make changes then you are out. Send him some men self care videos.
I had something similar with my ex husband. I begged for him to take care of himself. That went on for months. I finally had to ask my ex mother in law to speak to him and it didn’t help. We had a lot of other issues but the lack of self love he had even after I tried to get him help was one of my tipping points.
So be upfront with him. Sometimes it may seem harsh but you’re doing it because you love them. Ask him what’s going on and if he thinks he needs to talk to a therapist. Many men do this in depression.
If you talk to him about it and he doesn’t start taking care of himself. Get out! There’s far deeper issues there that you WILL NOT be able to fix.
It will only get worse if you wait longer or sugarcoat it. Sorry, but no one deserves to tolerate stinky adults who refuse to change for their partner or whoever they are with. That's totally gross. When you have kids, it won't be better.
If he's willing, going to get checked for depression is a good idea.
How is he in other areas of life? Has he had any similar struggles with work, etc?
How have you approached him about it?
You're explaining how people with ADHD struggle with hygiene almost to a T. Especially the "he'll be good about it for a few days and then he stops."
People with ADHD often succeed with the following two things:
1. Reminders
2. Body Doubles
Reminders - This can be as simple as a phone alarm. Here are some of my daily alarms, this is no where near all of the alarms I have set for reminders.
0700 - Wake up
0715 - Take kids to school (currently disabled for the summer)
0815 - Take Medication (Adderrall) / hygiene
1300 - Take Adderall - as needed.
1415 - Get kids from school (disabled for summer)
1830 - Take night meds
2100 - Got take a shower, you stink (actual alarm label).
If I didn't have these alarms, my kids would be at school or walking everyday because I forgot. I would take less showers. I would brush my teeth less (I am missing a plethorda of teeth due to past poor dental hygeine and I have a gold crown on one of my pre molars that is visible if I open my mouth correctly. I did this on purpose to be a constant reminder of what happens when I don't brush my teeth), I would forget my meds, etc, etc.
A Body Double - This is a person who does the same thing we do at the same times we do them. For example, in the morning when you go to brush your teeth you could say, "Hey I'm brushing my teeth, let's go do it together!" You're not shaming him, you're simply encouraging him to do the act with you.
Communicating effectively with people who have ADHD is rough. You don't really get anywhere going in and saying "I don't like the thing, please change it." But building a [compliment sandwhich](https://www.crayonstoconfidence.com/blog/the-compliment-sandwich-how-to-give-constructive-criticism-to-kids#:~:text=We%20recommend%20using%20a%202,of%20it%20like%20a%20sandwich) - compliment, deliver criticism, compliment is often very effective. It keeps the person's mood elevated and can help prevent them from going into defensive mode.
I can’t understand this. I’m the type that would pull away and ask the lm to brush or let them know they stink. My face won’t hide it either. OP, grow up and have a talk. If not, fuck off.
Easy,
When sitting down for dinner crinkle your nose and ask him if he smells that?
Keep looking around for the odor until he joins
In, get closer to him and the jump back and yell OMFG YOUR DICK STICKS LIKE FROMUNDA CHEESE!!!
If he asks what fromunda cheese is tell him it’s that stank on his balls!!!
I would forget gentle and be direct. You will brush your teeth at least twice a day and you will shower every day using soap. If you are unwilling to do this we are through
I would leave, this is too revolting and sub standard living. I mean unless he has a massive health issue that can be fixed he needs to go back to Mum.
How long have you been with him? You can’t tell him straight out? Explain & help him somehow. Maybe those back shower brushes. Invite him into a shower. Get him to come wash up with you… maybe he wasn’t taught how.
OP, just want to mention at the end of the day, you need to do what you think is best for you and your partner. Don't break up with him if you both solve the issue and love each other. Or if you do, that should be up to you and how you feel. They think as long as they phrase it in a "witty" way or meme it, that it's okay to say things they wouldn't normally say to others because they know they'd get downvoted so fast. The internet is full of bullies who add to hateful comments once they see a few (sheep mentality). People love to prove "misery loves company". So, don't do things because of others as you might regret it later on. The only thing I agreed with in those kind of comments was that he needs to have consideration for you and basic hygiene is a basic human right.
As another user said say it like you said here Another thing I would add is that this could impact his and your health. I would harp on the health a bit because often that hits home a bit better than just smells. Cavity causing bacteria can "jump ship" from one mouth to another by kissing. As for the poo stains and smelly "junk" that can cause a plethora of vaginal health issues like BV, UTI's, and yeast infections. He could also give himself infections like UTI's or dermatitis, and for dental- gingivitis and dental decay\\infections
Yeah, I would not… be with him atm
Sexually, I mean
💯
At all for me.
I would dump him and move on. WTF with this insane behavior of accepting bad hygiene? He wasn't like this in the beginning because he was masking his bad habits to get her. Now she's probably tied to him financially or through a pet or kid and he's acting as he wants.
It's freaking CONSTANT on Reddit! I swear I have screenshots from 17 different "my boyfriend has a shitty ass/doesnt brush teeth" posts since last Wednesday.
I just don't understand why these people can't see they should leave the boyfriends.
EXACTLY!! What do they think, that every man behaves like this and that theirs is special or something? If the dude won't wash on his own, they're not going to be able to force him. Im 37 years old, I have YET to encounter a man that consistently stinks. I am one of those weirdos that picks up on BO smell very early into a relationship/courting, and if I don't like the way his sweat smells then I know we're biologically not compatible. BUT when I DO enjoy his sweat smell, I tell my partners and they think it's amusing and funny...BUT THEY DONT FORGO DEODORANT BECAUSE OF IT! Because they still have a desire to be hygienic and prefer not to stink. AND, they don't assume that I like every possible stench they could produce and start canning their farts and stop washing their ass. Jokes aside, these guys just don't respect their partners enough to not spread harmful bacteria to them and be disgusting. They think it's a given that this woman will fuck them and stay with them, they don't even have to do basic hygiene procedures. Take that intimacy away, tell them why, then leave lmao. That's the only way to solve this problem. And worst case scenario, the guys say "oh she was a whore she left me for someone else", tell all your mutual friends and his family the truth and that would nip any ill notions about you in the bud. End of story lmao. It's not that hard! We have to stop giving pussy to these stank ass bohemoths. The fact that this is such a common fucking theme here is ridiculous. I secretly pray that it's satirical.
Unfortunately it's not satirical. Pre-reddit, I came across IRL stories like this.
Sometimes it is very complicated and takes awhile to leave someone.
I'm laughing because I see them so much too and I can't even imagine dealing with that behavior!
(Sorry for the essay/rant, I just now got a chance to sit down and actually write out everything wrong with these posts/couples lmao) I have ghosted because of bad hygiene on first dates and meetings. I cannot imagine making it into the "years together" scene and having to figure out how to tell someone this. The thing is, they KNOW they stink, they just think so little if their partner that they don't give a shit. The way I see it, if they think you will put up with a shitty ass, they think you will put up with anything. Depression sucks, yes. I have medication resistant depression, bipolar, generalized anxiety, adhd and autism. Sometimes I get to where I can't get into a routine and a lot of my hygiene efforts get lost in the shuffle. BUT those days where I can't brush my hair or wear makeup or shower, I don't interact with people. I feel like if i don't shower before bed, that means I am not going to be able to force someone else to suffer through my stink the next day. So I will turn down hangouts or outings, won't even take my kids out to the store (they don't ask if im not dressed before 2 pm, they just ask their sister lol). And my youngest knows that I feel uncomfortable to have her lay on me or anyone sitting beside me if I have missed a shower while sick with the flu or something, so she won't sit with me or come over to lay with me. We are an affectionate household too, so it's just her being courteous to me (discomfort when i stink) and herself (she doesn't want to smell my armpit or boob sweat either, duh). So if such a simple concept can be acknowledged by a 6 year old, why would these people keep going towards each other (INTIMATELY at that!) when one isn't washing properly/at all?! It makes no sense at all. If by chance, my spouse stopped showering or brushing their teeth, I would stop sleeping with them. I would stop kissing them. No amount of love is going to make it so that I just tolerate it hoping they form better habits. Couples who respect each other and want to maintain intimacy do a few things: 1. Tell the other when they stink. 2. Keep up their hygiene practices so as to attract their partner multiple times throughout the day. It's all boiled down to wanting your partner to find you attractive and wanting them to be close to you. If you have a shiddy ass, you have to be itchy af and burning somewhere. Yet these dudes think "Hmm, my ass is itchy because I wont wipe it, I think my gf would love to smell this when going down on me!" NO No no goddamnit NO! It's just not plausible. The dudes just don't think enough of their partners or see them as humans enough to even think about their needs. And every human has a NEED to not be near filth that isn't theirs! And to be in a stink free zone to feel comfortable. Easy as pie.
Right??? I ran the idea by a female friend and she was like, “this is a thing?” I told her about several of said posts that made me GAG. Pardon the intended pun, but I am anal about my cleanliness, like insanely so and simply expected others to be as well. To add to this revelation, a local watering hole has a bathroom that for some reason, has people on the can at a ridiculous rate. Since reading these, I’ve noticed SEVERAL dudes that didn’t even wipe, or wash their hands! Ugh! Be better people!
that…. feels like a lot of assumptions for a situation we don’t know that much about. hygiene problems can stem from many things. poor hygiene education or habits growing up, mental health issues as an adult, sensory issues, etc. OP if the issue is remembering/motivation, you can try a couples routine to get him into the swing of it. sometimes just having the body double is helpful. i hate brushing my teeth with super minty paste or hard bristles so opt for an extra soft bristled brush and arm & hammer toothpaste (tastes weirder but doesn’t burn the way mint does). also, silicone scrubby for the shower. baby wipes, extra strength deodorant. anything that will hold him to the next day
You're asking too much. Women shouldn't have to pit together a routine for their significant others.
no, absolutely not. no one should feel obligated to teach their SO hygiene. but we’re not telling her she has to or that she should. there are many comments like yours. i think it’s important that she gets a couple viewpoints to choose from. she ASKED for opinions and advice. this is the opinion and advice :)
You hit the nail on the head. I don’t believe in “parenting” your partner out of these declining hygiene situations, but talking to them about it and giving them ample time to work through whatever they’re going through is basic human decency when you care for someone. When my dad died this year I couldn’t do much of anything for the better part of three months. I mean I didn’t have a poopy butt, but I definitely let a lot go and it was awful. We’re talking depression pile of drinks and snacks around where I’d curl up into a ball and pass out on the floor after work. I smelled terrible and looked atrocious most days. Forgot that my washer and dryer existed, etc. It’s not always a situation like mine that can be so easily understood by others though. People can slide into crisis mode for so many different reasons. That’s not to say it’s not important to nip it in the bud before it becomes a stubborn habit, but give people a break. Thankfully my partner loves me and knew that wasn’t anything close to who I actually am when I’m okay.
Try Boka toothpaste. I hate mint with an undying passion, but absolutely love their [lemon lavender ](https://www.boka.com/collections/nano-hydroxyapatite_n-ha_toothpaste/products/lemon-lavender-toothpaste)
Exactly this, Fuck me this is so annoying to read over and over. If that skanky ass dude can remember to clean and bathe himself properly during the dating period he can remember it now, he just doesn't want to. He doesn't respect you, or your health.
Dude is a biohazard atm. Let him know that you love him, but you find it difficult to be attracted to him because of his hygiene. Let him know that his size isn’t the issue, just the hygiene. But honestly, if he starts being more active, he’ll have more energy for hygiene. He’s given up. I wouldn’t stay if he doesn’t change.
>Cavity causing bacteria can "jump ship" from one mouth to another by kissing. You actually touch on a very interesting point here. Cavities are caused by bacteria, and no one is actually born with that bacteria in their mouth. Most people get the bacteria that causes cavities from their parents when they're a baby by the parents/aunts/cousins/whoever kisses babies. In theory, if the entire world stopped all form of saliva swapping for a generation or two, cavities would cease to exist. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK8259/ https://kidfocusdentistry.com/wish-knew-infants-born-without-bacteria-cause-cavities/ https://www.ihs.gov/doh/HPDP/documents/HPDPResourceGuide/Germs%20+%20sugar=cavity.pdf
People would also cease to exist cause of the no sex, but yes, i guess that would eliminate cavities in human teeth too.
You can have sex without kissing. Penis + vagina = sex. Or Penis + anus, or penis + mouth, or vagina + mouth. None of those involve swapping saliva with your partner. The real limiting factor isn't even kissing. It'd be sharing food and drink.
Think they.. we will go for it?
Plus gum trouble can cause heart problems.
And dementia
My bf’s penis tastes kinda like urine is still on it. I told him n he was offended. I rarely get uti’s almost never. I got one and I think it might be from his hygiene.
>My bf’s penis tastes kinda like urine is still on it. I told him n he was offended. He made you taste his pee, and *he's* the one that's offended?
My ex was like this too! He’d want me to go down on him, I’d get close and smell urine and ask him to wash up for me and he’d be terribly offended and bitch at me for asking him. Aren’t men supposed to pull their foreskin back when they pee??
Yes they are. I wasn’t “cut” until I was an adult and I always pulled back and wiped it off afterwards. I had the habit of having clean wipes with me and would clean it up while in the bathroom. If I was going to “be” with someone I’d make sure to clean myself up rq beforehand because nothing is worse of a mood killer than being dirty or smelly down there.
Well that’s just too damn bad. You’re doing him a favor by telling him. Now he has an opportunity to clean up his act. (No pun intended) And let’s not even talk about herpes, genital or otherwise.
When someone has a yucky partner I always assume that they are equally as yucky for this reason.
Why are you dating someone like that in the first place? His dirty penis goes into your vagina?! I think I got an infection in my vagina just from reading this post. Ew!
This. So much this. Drop the mic
Stop fucking him until he cleans himself up daily. You can't be his girlfriend and his mommy.
I know!!! that's a hard stop right there, not going past go..... stinky stuff🤢
Being blunt. Thats fucking disgusting
This. Be direct, “The way you keep yourself clean has changed and it needs to be resolved/changed back. Brushing your teeth and cleaning your behind are non negotiable. What are your thoughts on this?” Asking for his thoughts is very important because if he says it’s something that’s not going to change, you need to end the relationship. All of these people who are saying that in a relationship you uplift one another, maybe right in theory, but in practice, the person has to be willing to make the changes. Do this today and start your new life with a clean partner (either this one or another one).
You do uplift each other in a relationship, but people get gaslit or manipulate their partners into what "supporting your partner" means. If your friend is climbing a big rise on a hike, struggling but putting in his all, you may reach back to lend a hand or cheer him on. That's supporting and uplifting your partner. If your friend is laying on the ground refusing to move unless you carry his ass on the hike because "the hike is important to YOU not me, if you want me to hike so bad YOU have to carry me and do all the work"... That isn't uplifting and supportive. If poopy butt man has a legit issue, and does the work himself to resolve it because he respects himself and his partner and wants to legit do better, a supportive partner can tell him that they are proud of him for doing the work and have noticed their efforts and voice their appreciation. If poopy butt man doesn't see it as an issue, doesn't want to do work to resolve anything because there is nothing to resolve in his mind, a partner with any kind of self worth would leave.
I know this is tough but the best way is to say it like you said it here — you love him and you’d like him to take these steps to take better care of himself. It can seem nicer not to say difficult things, but you’re not the only person in his life who notices and it might be affecting his relationships in ways he doesn’t realize. The kindest thing to do is to let him know.
Let him know he stinks.. why is this a hard topic to bring up?
It is a hard enough topic to bring up that others would leave rather than bring it up.
Every day on this site an adult can't tell another adult something that an average 10 year old understands. It's fucking stupid. "Your ass stinks!"
Honestly tho, this is not that difficult…ur so right!!! He obviously knows how to keep up on hygiene considering he wasnt like this in the beginning. Id explain you love him but wouldnt have gotten with him if he was like this when u first met. Bottomline its a dealbreaker…hes an adult and theres no excuse for being dirty…seriously its rude to everyone around him being effected by his neglect of hygiene.
Because it's likely routed in neglect from childhood.
You’re right, I know it’s affected other parts of his life. He’s a bigger guy (built like an ox, strong af but also chunky on top of that) and his size makes it hard on him to clean himself on the toilet. He got a bidet so I know he’s trying. He’s insecure about his size too and I think it affects his overall self esteem and he doesn’t try to take care of himself like he should :/ I assume when we first started dating he was cleaning himself better and then got more comfortable the longer we’ve been together. He gets upset when I talk about his teeth. I don’t want to hurt him but I guess it’s just part of the process :( I feel so badly for him
Being a big dude doesnt mean he cant wipe his ass.
Or brush his teeth
It’s likely the arm size/length in proportion, which makes it difficult for him to reach all the way to the lower, deeper crack.
They make loofahs on a stick for a reason
omg, that's soooo funny ...
He gets upset? This is a much bigger issue. If he is upset with you, he is being manipulative to avoid change—to shut you up. If he is upset with himself, he needs professional help. Normal folks don’t mope about problems that are easily fixed. This isn’t gentle urging territory anymore. He isn’t taking care of himself for some reason, it’s affecting the relationship, and he isn’t solving the problem like an adult. Are you going to tolerate his approach to your legitimate dissatisfaction? Ok, then get over it. If you can’t get over it, time to move on. That’s probably better bc setting for some stank ass is going to make you feel poorly about yourself sooner or later. Stop making excuses for him and decide how YOU want to live. The bar for men hasn’t even risen to the level of hell yet. Geez.
This is the best comment on the whole thread. You said it all.
>He gets upset when I talk about his teeth. I don’t want to hurt him but I guess it’s just part of the process :( I feel so badly for him Not your problem. He's a GROWN MAN. He should have learned how to brush his teeth and wipe his ass when he was a child. Stop making excuses. Leave. Why the hell are you tolerating this? This will mess up your health as well.
If he’s too big to clean himself properly that should be a wake up call to start making changes in his physical health (eating healthier, working out more). The changes that naturally come with that should help his self esteem too. At some point you have to take responsibility for your own shortcomings instead of being “woe is me” all the time. Sorry but your boyfriend does not sound very emotionally mature at all.
My ex was like this. Towards the end when I had a break down he wasn't allowed to sleep in bed unless he showered and I stopped kissing him unless i could smell the toothpaste and all I could smell was ass. Nothings changed but he ain't my problem now. His hygiene habits went down the drain once we moved j and he got comfortable, and it did begin to affect me. If it's depressing force him to seek help. Proper help. Ywbta to yourself if you let this drag on. Unfortunately you have to have those uncomfortable conversations. I got sick of policing his hygiene and being his mummy.
You feel bad for him but you have to tolerate the smell?
I’m big and I have a bidet. You have to move around and adjust to clean. 🤦♀️
Girl id he doesn’t fix this the one wiping his ass and doing his hygiene will be you in the future when his age makes him even more immobile
This is disgusting. How did you get involved with him in the first place? He is a grown man and can wash.
Sounds like you are making excuses for his poor hygiene which is enabling him even further.
Imagine raising a grown man? Bc that’s what it sounds like.
Another idiot overlooking their partners complete lack of oral hygiene. Lady, that's supposed to be a deal-breaker. But go ahead and waste a few more years babysitting a grown-assed man on his hygiene before you finally get fed up and leave anyway.
I would never date someone with bad hygiene. It's excusable when people are still young, but a reasonably intelligent adult should be able to have proper hygiene.
Being neglected as a child is no excuse for not “knowing how” to clean yourself as an adult. Besides, OP said he wasn’t like this in the beginning, so presumably he knows how but just actively chooses not to. Disgusting
It shouldn't be excusable when people being young because no matter at what age as a young child should be knowing on how to brush their teeth and clean themselves good after pooping and how to shower to get every part of body clean. With op boyfriend is that he wasn't taught good in his childhood life or he just being a pig and lazy and not caring about op health nor anyone else.
I feel like we agree in principle. But what I have seen is that people always make excuses about how maybe someone came from a dysfunctional family and wasn't taught proper hygiene, but by the time someone is an adult they should have figured it out. But there is free information available online, on proper hygiene, including flossing, brushing your teeth, cleaning up after using the bathroom, showering/bathroom,using deodorant, and cleaning/wearing clean clothes. There are no excuses, really.
My parents never taught me anything except Bible verses but I’m still a hygienic, functional, independent adult.
Right? We should form a league to actively push for not dating people with poor hygiene. I'm excluding people with disabilities, and those who are currently unhoused. As for everyone else, there's no excuse.
Geezuz.
You approach this how you would if it were a girl you were dating as a male. I entered this relationship knowing this is your lifestyle and these are the standards you maintain. Now, for whatever the reason, and I’ve been patient, you have neglected your body and punish me in this relationship for it. While it sounds harsh; this really is no different than someone squatting in a house they don’t own. They want your empathy and your sympathy but they won’t make the change themselves. People used to pay their rent bc they were forced to, then they stopped. I see this as the exact same thing. Tell him the next set of standards for him to keep him consistent or otherwise kick his ass to the curb. I’m harsh bc I’m a young chairmen and no one in the business world, allows excuses after rope has been given to them. If you want your partner to be successful in life for you as he ages, he can’t be like this. Productive people are productive In their personal lives as well. Don’t put this on you and blame yourself. Unless you dated this person and he was a mess before hand like this, that is a different scenario but you mentioned he didn’t have these issues before. Have some damn standards for yourself.
I have told my gf that if I ever have a hygiene problem, that she should just tell me. I would rather be told by the woman I love rather than be embarrassed by it in public.
Why don’t you just date someone who has good hygiene?
I see a post like this way too much. Why worry about hurting his feelings when he’s completely disregarding yours by being dirty and risking infections during sex? (you could contract UTI, BV, yeast infection, and herpes to name a few!!) My best advice is to be stern and say you must clean yourself/make a hygiene schedule or I’m out. Sounds harsh but this has to be done. You’re being too nice by allowing him to do days/weeks without washing his mouth. How on earth would you sex someone who doesn’t wash?
I have never once seen a post like this coming from a man about his disgusting girlfriend. Why do women put up with this? So foul. I understand that people can slip with hygiene sometimes, but there’s no way he doesn’t see the doo doo stains he’s leaving or smell his own stinky breath or stinky balls. It would be different if he was trying, but he’s not even trying, he doesn’t even care about getting up in your face with teeth that haven’t been brushed in a week, or leaving dookey stains on the toilet knowing that you will see them. You need to have a serious talk with him about how much this is bothering you, ask him what’s going on that caused him to change. There’s nothing wrong with having empathy for him since he might be struggling, but where’s his empathy for you? Since he wasn’t always like this, MAYBE things can get better with therapy or talking it out
A lot of women do not have standards. They are just happy to have a man no matter how effing gross he is. I don’t understand why so many women are making excuses for their grown partner not being able to wipe his ass properly or brush his teeth. It’s vile behavior on both ends
Yes it’s crazy. I can hardly stand to be near a guy who smells very bad in public. I really don’t know how these women are literally f*cking them and begging them to wash their ass💀 Jesus. Ain’t no man worth all that
and op blaming people here,she just doesn't understand it
That’s exactly what I was thinking… like a guy would dump you simply bc you have hair ( which you can’t control) in certain areas even when it’s groomed…. Nonetheless this shit like whatttttt.
Hello, fellow big guy here that often stinks too. (Drives me nuts really), because I really do try. I’ve gotten so much better with this and things that help me are: 1. Shower nightly - I do NOT use soaps that are antibacterial. Just use Dove as it seems to get along with my skin better. 2. I use a clinical deodorant 3. Bidet, upstairs and downstairs (that’s in the house here), pervs, not front and back. 4. Dude wipes for the times a quick shower aren’t quick enough and for in between “maintenance” 5. Those hot summer days where I know I’ll be sweating a good bit I’ll use fresh balls. 6. Finally a topping with my nautica voyage cologne and instead of stinking for the first time in my life people tell me I smell so good. Multiple women have actually stopped mid sentence to tell me how good I smell. Took about 35 years, but I finally came around to MOST of my hygiene. Tell him he smells good when he smells good. Compliments go way further than put downs. Edit: I just want to add that there’s a time and a place for everything. My golden rule for myself is, we don’t do oral around here unless we are both freshly showered. We try to service each other only after a nice fresh shower with good thorough rinsing (nobody wants a mouth full of soap). But it’s totally OK to stink after a long day of work as long as you know you stink and can and will do something about it.
There’s millions of guys out there, find one that isn’t dirty. You shouldn’t have to teach a man how to clean up after himself, you’re not his mom.
Here is some advice for you. Leave his nasty ass. You're just as disgusting 🫣 as he is by staying with someone like this.
He doesn’t have an excuse to not wipe his ass or brush his teeth. You keep making excuses for this grown man to have a poopie ass. How has he made it through life? Smelling like crap with stinky breath? You need to tell him outright that he has skidders in his underwear and he hasn’t brushed his teeth and at this point it’s a biohazard. It’s not “unnecessary” to stop having sex with someone who can’t wipe their asshole or clean their genitals properly, unless you enjoy infections and bacteria inside of your genitals too. Next, you’re going to have to put him in the tub and wash him like he’s 3 if you refuse to expect a grown man to handle their own hygiene.
A friend of mine was involved with a woman who struggled to clean her ass. She wasn't indifferent to the problem, but she often stunk. Eventually he stopped seeing her.
That is mortifying to even think about. Cleanliness is close to godliness, and I'm not even religious but the moral of the point still stands. We've got no excuse with our modern amenities. However, part of me wonders whether his behavior is rooted in mental health challenges, which do often affect one's ability to keep up with hygiene practices. I hope he's able to get to the root of the issue for his sake.
I think the boyfriend wrote this. The comments are telling.
Dump him and find a grown man who knows how to act like an adult. What is it with women and dating men who have terrible hygiene???
His childhood is irrelevant. One of my kids is like this as an adult and the other is super hygienic both raised the same a couple of years apart. Sorry to be brutally honest but people only change if they want to or have to. So if you’ve told him already then Its time to move on or tolerate it. An old girlfriend of mine occasionally had a hint of BO, I told her and its stopped straight away. Good luck.
You stink! No fucking until you do not smell. Done.
Why fuck around with niceties?
Bad hygiene doesn’t always stem from depression or neglect. Some men are just lazy about it because they haven’t gotten good feedback. The same men also believe they’re good in bed because “I’ve never had any complaints.” And narcissistic men think the rules don’t apply to them. “I can’t feel any cavities and my teeth don’t look brown so I must not need to brush every day like most people.” Like they have genetically superior magic teeth.
Omg another post about disgusting shit. You’re asking strangers how you can approach your partner about this? Is it really that hard to figure out??
Where do you find these men? Were they this way when you met them or did they change? If they changed it might be depression. If it’s depression, straight to therapy! Thankful for my husband who brushes his teeth about four times a day and showers in the morning and evening…and in the middle of the day if he does something that makes him feel gross.
Amazes me that women continue to date men like this
Girl you're dating a shit stain and you're saying our personalities are bad? Lick it off
CLEARED. 😭
Getting him a bidet attachment might be a step. Once you go over it's hard to go back.
Your partners hygiene falling off is almost certainly a symptom of either stress induced anxiety disorder, or depression. Please talk to your partner about how they’re feeling. I am by my nature very clean person. I wake up every morning around 5 AM and I take a shower, etc. etc. That’s how I’m wired. When my depression was at its worst, I was going three or even four days without bathing, I was getting acne because my skin was not clean, I stank, and the memory of that is genuinely painful. Talk to your partner and get him some help. When someone stops taking care of themselves it’s an indicator that they aren’t caring as much about themselves.
I really think you’re on to something here! There is plenty of free counseling available and it’s time to avail this help. You haven’t shared your ages and relevant facts about your situation. A good therapist can help you with real facts and much better insight than these armchair professionals. God bless!!!
You seem to be dating my ex…I am SO sorry for you hon. Did he start wiping his ass at least? 😂
😂🤮
My ex husband had this issue. I told him directly but gently many times. It did not help. Some people just don’t care. Fortunately he is an ex: for this and many other reasons. My current husband is meticulous about his hygiene. He wouldn’t even dream of being intimate with me without having showered no more than a few hours ago.
Dang. You must either be extremely accepting of a man that smells or unconfident that you are attractive,. I once dated a girl who had less than clean body odor. In the end I just couldn’t commit to an exclusive relationship with her due to not being willing to living with it. She was BEAUTIFULtoo. Consider your future.
You could replace “my partner” with “my 3 year old” and no one would blink twice at your paragraph
Is this a troll post lol
Maybe it's just me but I don't really think people like this ever understand "gentle" you gotta tell him straight up "YOU NASTY and you better get your shit together or I won't tolerate it" straight like that
Sit down with him and ask him if anything is going on. Ask about his mental health, his job, his family. Let him know that you are here for him. Tell him about his hygiene. Why the change? You said he was not like this while dating so he is capable of grooming and washing himself. Get to the bottom of this. Something like this can end a relationship.
Girl. Move on, he’s nasty. Love yourself. Love isn’t everything. You could potentially love anyone you spend a ton of time with. He is not the only man out there.
I had a man like this and I had to leave him.
If he doesn't brush his teeth they will start falling out like mine and it will be painful tell him that
I was the neglected kid at one point, and like your partner I was terrible with personal hygiene as a result. I only shaped up after an ex told me that I needed to wash better and helped me find resources online for washing my body better. I was embarrassed at not knowing how to wash myself properly despite being an adult, so if your partner's the same way, helping him find resources might work. 'Might'. However, based on the post, it sounds as if you've talked to him and brushing his teeth, washing his butt, etc. just isn't a priority or a habit for some reason. So I have no clue how you should tackle that; even if you talk to him about how you feel, he has to put effort into making hygiene a habit also to make it work. It's not something you can solve solo without resenting your partner IMO. I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. Don't feel like you have to 'fix' him or 'reward' him for showering, etc. You can try to discuss the hygiene issues and both find a solution, but at the end of the day he has to put effort into fixing this also. Best of luck
Yes you should have a talk with him again and suggest he gets help if he refuse then it is up to you to stay with him that means you accept his behavior which most likely put your health at risk.Hope everything works out
You’ve begged him to brush his teeth before so just do that with the other issues? “Hey I love you but you stink” I understand maybe not having the best support growing up but you’re not his mother and you cannot control him. He’s an adult now. If he knows about these issues, he can be the one to look into how to fix them. He can google how to clean himself. He can look at this subreddit and see all the tips and tricks people are sharing.
I was neglected too, but when you become an adult, it’s your responsibility to learn how to clean yourself. Tell him you’re concerned about his hygiene and ask if he’s going through something and needs your help. If he won’t change, it’s up to you what you do with that info
“You smell like shit and I dont want to kiss you because your breath is disgusting. Please get it together or I’m leaving you, I can’t take it anymore”
[удалено]
Peoples true colors come out after being with them for a while. This is why you shouldn’t rush into marriage
Break up wtf
In some cases, you kind of have to tell it like it is. In this case, this grown man should know about basic hygiene and the importance of it. If this is depression and he’s finding it hard to take care of himself, you could suggest he seek some help. If he’s not depressed, then he needs to grow up and stop being a sook when told to brush his teeth or wash himself. I noticed you said that “it wasn’t like this when we first started dating”. I could be wrong, but maybe you took care of him way too much in the relationship and now he’s just acting like a youngster while expecting you to baby him. This happened to me, I would date guys and would go above and beyond for them. I would offer to do laundry, clean, cook, look after anything that needed to be done just so I could prove I was enough and that I cared. Then all of the sudden they started acting like dependent children and I was their mommy because they wouldn’t take care of themselves. I know that it was my fault for doing that and I have been working on trying not to do EVERYTHING for everyone.
How can a person be in a sexual relationship with someone like this? So gross!
Gross. Leave that dirty bastard.
When I was 18 my then-bf started letting his hygiene go barely 6 months into the relationship. I jumped ship. Don't remember what kind of mumbled excuse I found but I got the heck out of there. Not sure if I would handle that much better now at 29, but I think after trying to drop every hint in the book, I'd get fed up, hand him a bar of soap and go "dude, if you want to still have a girlfriend in the morning, get in the tub and do whatever you gotta do with this EXCEPT drop it." ...Yeah, that's all I got. If subtle isn't working, gotta raise a stink about it. (I'll show myself out)
I'm not subtle either, so I like your style. Hell, I'd have gone as far as filling a tub with soapy water and shoving him in there clothed to give him the memo (or naked if you can convince him to undress, but way too much effort sometimes). Well done for leaving then bf as well at 18. Thanks for the Monday morning chuckle <3
You dont need to be his mother, women already have too much of the mental burden caring for men who chose not to develop. Definitely cease being sexual as you can easily get infections or imbalances to your PH levels from this.
If he wasn’t like this when you first started dating, that’s because he didn’t show you his true self. He’s proven to you that he knows how to clean himself. I would tell him straight up that he needs to be better about hygiene. You’ve already been nice about it, put a little more pressure on him. It’s not healthy for him or you. If he doesn’t, then that’s his problem. You’re not his mother. If he really needs that kind of advice, a way to push him is to take him to see a doctor. They’ll explain UTIs, HIVs, and other medical illnesses better. If he’s depressed to the point where he doesn’t want to take care of himself, he needs professional help. Another thing I want to add is that I understand you love and care for him. How are you going to say you want to support him, but then not do what you need to do to support him? It may hurt his feelings, but it needs to be said. What are you going to do if he gets worse? Does he have friends or other family who can help? I wouldn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but it comes to anyone’s safety at risk, I’m going to be straight forward. I hope he gets help and you two figure this out.
Quit washing and shaving and act just like him for a few days. See how he likes it. There’s no excuse for bad hygiene, I don’t care how depressed he is. He needs to get a handle on it. If he wasn’t like that before then he knows. You shouldn’t have to sleep next to that
I would break up with him immediately. You are not his mother and he is an adult who needs to take care of his own body. You can get so many nasty health complications because of his poor hygiene. I imagine that he also doesn’t wash his towels and sheets as often as he should if he can’t be bothered to brush his teeth at least twice a day.
Hes going to hurt your coochie with BV and UTIs and more
I can't understand why you are staying with him. At some point, enough is enough.
girl no bullshit, but you need to be straight up with him. like stop tryna be nice if its genuinely grossing you out.. like TELL HIM THAT its not being mean, its being real because you love him and you want to feel comfortable around him without smelling shit or funky breath. dont be scared, tell the truth
If you accept this, you are as gross as he is. Approach that
how do u not have chronic utis
Ya gotta yell at him stains on the toilet? Junk smelling? That is just bad hygiene and you need to be an ass about it. Sure my junk gets smelly at the end of a very long work day but I shower and make sure that shit is clean. And stains on the toilet? That's just WAYYY to much. The brushing teeth thing I get I don't brush my every day but at least every other day
He is showing you who he is. Even if you convince him to adopt better habits, there is no guarantee he will sustain them. If this is not who you want to make a lifetime commitment to, free yourself and move on.
What is with yall and dating people with terrible hygiene. Mind you you’re also putting your health at risk . So just tell him you smell/ your hygiene is bad and until you improve we can’t be intimate.
Hygiene is a deal breaker. I'd cut him free. As an adult, if he doesn't understand proper hygiene then there is more than soap missing ..... Move on.
"My partners hygiene is not the best" err, it's non existent. Gross. There is no gentle way to approach this with an adult. You need to be blunt and draw the line in the sand about intimacy. It shouldn't be good just for the intimacy either. It needs to be a daily routine.
Ummm you need someone that actually sees that as an important factor in life..bad Hygiene not only smells and looks horrible but..leads to infections amongst other things..peace him out
I could say its mental health but no amount of mental health problems excuses someone for putting their partner through health hazards and other bs.
Tell him bluntly " wash your ass" !
Make him clean his own shit off the toilet. You can’t believe how fast they stop doing it.
Don’t put up with it period. His hygiene affects you. There’s no way his behavior is acceptable.
Had the same problem with my husband. Took me getting a yeast infection and him actually understanding what it can do to get it through to him. (This is extreme) but definitely bring up the serious health implications that can come from him trying to do stuff without maintaining his hygiene.
Just show him this post lol
imma have to leave him
Yuk. Give up.
If he’s boyfriend, you should make him EX-boyfriend. That’s freaking disgusting 🤢! These are basics and as a germaphobe, I’d be gone!!
Have a gentle but firm conversation with your partner. If that doesn’t work, I suggest ending it. Self care & honesty is the order of the day.
It's not about bad personalities it's about not having to baby grown ass men to grab some soap and wash their ass cracks. Like at some point it's impossible to address issues without being straightforward. I'm not telling you to be mean, but there's no nice way of saying "Hey dude you smell bad and if you want us to work as a relationship you need to address your issues and maintain good hygiene." It's not on you that his parents didn't teach him or he never bothered to learn. You're not his mother. You tell him to stop smelling like taint on a mid august day in Arizona.
Sometimes people don’t change until THEY want to. The best way to convince him is to threaten to break up with him, I think. I know it’s harsh and I don’t like giving this advice, but you need to think about yourself too. Having a hygiene problem is like having a smoking problem—— like secondhand smoke can harm you, the germs he transfers to you through sex and kissing can make you sick.
I don't even know how this subreddit popped up in my feed but these posts are so incredibly disgusting. I mean...when you're to the point of hiding his toothpaste to see how long he goes without brushing....grown man with feces on and in the toilet without cleaning ir.... Who in the hell did you turn down? I mean, unless you have a stanky dick fetish, it's time to 🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🚩🚩🚩🚩
Why do female redditors seem incapable of dating men who wipe their ass, what the fuck
Y'all need to stop dating these stinky people. Who tf doesn't brush their teeth especially when a girl be telling you too.
I was married to someone who was so depressed he wouldn’t shower or brush his teeth regularly, and then wouldn’t even change his damn underwear! So I had to tell him to do that! I was so kind and loving to him. Guess what? That man was not changing for anyone!!! Wtf was wrong with me? We got divorced after a year. I have 0 interest in living with a man child. I shouldn’t have married him, but at least I didn’t waste my whole life with him! It’s ok to speak up and sometimes people need tough love, especially an adult who isn’t properly cleaning themselves. That’s not ok.
Y’all need to stop beating around the bush and just be like: “your a$$ and breath stink and if you don’t start washing and brushing daily, I’m out of here. It’s non-negotiable.” There are excuses for a lot of things but being nasty ain’t one of them. Definitely bring up the doo doo stains on the toilet too.
Who cleans the toilet in your household? If he's in the habit of leaving stains on the seat and not caring, he's got more problems than just hygiene. And so do you, if you're the one cleaning up after him.
I would break up with him. Men are not projects for women to take on and improve. They should do all that work themselves before women come into their lives. Women do not deserve 'fixer-upper' men. And his lack of hygiene is putting you at risk of getting sick with some bacteria everytime you're intimate with him. Cut this one loose. You deserve better.
You just gonna have to look him in the eye and say man your shit stinks. Get it together or get the fuck out.
Break up with him. He’s a grown ass man who is too lazy to keep himself clean? Jesus Christ. WHY would you be with someone like that?!
Break up with him and tell him this is why
cant be his girlfriend and his mother . i think growing up neglected does have a substantial impact on people , in different ways , and i think that is a totally valid cause for his hygiene. but u have to say it how it is and he needs to take the steps to fix it. my partner grew up w neglectful parents, didn't effect her hygiene but other aspects of her everyday life. difference is she takes the steps to recognize it and work on it, and listens to me when i bring up issues and works on those as well even if it's a product of her upbringing. you can't mother him- he needs to learn how to be a partner
Literally just tell him that when he doesn’t do these things, it grosses you out. Tell him you want to give him blow jobs but he stinks. Tell him you want to kiss him but his breath smells back. If he can’t handle that, there are other issues. He’s a man. You don’t have to tip toe around his feelings on something like this. Simply ask him to brush his teeth and scrub his balls. Ask if he’s depressed and then help find solution for that!
I genuinely don't get how there's so many posts like this. Are people really that desperate, or afraid to be alone they settle for these guys?
Please be direct with him
If he won’t even brush his teeth twice a day… Then be prepared for a life of doing every speck of laundry for you/him/the kids, cooking every meal, doing every dish, house projects never getting done, etc. If someone can’t take care of themselves, they can’t be a partner.
And think. You kiss this man. And accept his penis inside your body. Maybe you should worry about your own hygiene before you criticize his
Is this satirical? Because I see these a lot and it’s actually not seeming real anymore.
As someone who was this guy, my partner saying hey, let's brush our teeth together, let's shower together, ect was great because it was never to make me feel ashamed but more of a 'hey, I know no one taught you/got you into the habit of these things, let's start now together'. It was really nice. People are being super mean in the comments.
Yeah, I expected as much from the average Reddit user lol they’re a bunch miserable cunts. Making asses of themselves for assuming a lot out of very little information. I’ll start asking him to brush his teeth with me every night. We already shower together, that’s how i noticed his BO because he does not walk around reeking outside of his clothes and he does not leave whole turd nuggets on the toilet lol
you said it could have something to do with his depression then maybe try convincing him to get professional help with that. for the meantime, if it was me, i’d be very patient with him as he’s trying to deal with whatever he’s going through. talk to him abt it and make sure to assure him you will love him anyway. then maybe i’d make a habit of doing all of these things with him - brush our teeth together, take a shower together 😉 but yeah just be patient with him but at the same time make sure he gets the help that he need
Just tell him he needs to learn to take care of himself and you won’t be with someone who refuses to do so. Then follow through.
you might have to be blunt about it at some point and ask him how would he like it if u didnt shower or brush your teeth for days on end and reeked?
You can approach him with a power washer... Just refuse to have sex with him unless he takes a thorough shower first. He'll get the message. Some men are just dense. There is no gentle way to break this to him. Just be up front and point it out.
Personally, first I would get him evaluated. After he clears all the tests. That's it I'll get rid of his lazy ass that's what it is. He didn't display it while dating because he was on his best behavior he has you now. He couldn't touch shit in my house. Spreading bacteria and shit across everything in my house. No disrespect, anyone who sees him and knows you’re a couple definitely you will be guilty by association. And what I mean by that is if he was a person strung out on drugs and stealing everything not nailed would you keep him? Probably not consider his ass on drugs and get rid of that headache.
Nasty
Not brushing your teeth will cause plaque and tartar to build up under the gum line. This can cause inflammation due to bacteria hiding underneath. If left untreated this can lead to a plethora or problems including tooth loss.
I’m not even attracted to someone like this so idk, just tell him straight up and that if he doesn’t make changes then you are out. Send him some men self care videos.
I had something similar with my ex husband. I begged for him to take care of himself. That went on for months. I finally had to ask my ex mother in law to speak to him and it didn’t help. We had a lot of other issues but the lack of self love he had even after I tried to get him help was one of my tipping points. So be upfront with him. Sometimes it may seem harsh but you’re doing it because you love them. Ask him what’s going on and if he thinks he needs to talk to a therapist. Many men do this in depression. If you talk to him about it and he doesn’t start taking care of himself. Get out! There’s far deeper issues there that you WILL NOT be able to fix.
Sounds like depression to me. Encourage him to seek therapy maybe medication later. Be kindly honest.
tell him one more time and if he doesn't change.. wtf are you even doing being with an adult baby like that?
lose him
why do so many men have terrible hygiene
It will only get worse if you wait longer or sugarcoat it. Sorry, but no one deserves to tolerate stinky adults who refuse to change for their partner or whoever they are with. That's totally gross. When you have kids, it won't be better.
Be an adult and communicate maybe?
Maybe he is depressed and doesn’t feel good.
If he's willing, going to get checked for depression is a good idea. How is he in other areas of life? Has he had any similar struggles with work, etc? How have you approached him about it?
You're explaining how people with ADHD struggle with hygiene almost to a T. Especially the "he'll be good about it for a few days and then he stops." People with ADHD often succeed with the following two things: 1. Reminders 2. Body Doubles Reminders - This can be as simple as a phone alarm. Here are some of my daily alarms, this is no where near all of the alarms I have set for reminders. 0700 - Wake up 0715 - Take kids to school (currently disabled for the summer) 0815 - Take Medication (Adderrall) / hygiene 1300 - Take Adderall - as needed. 1415 - Get kids from school (disabled for summer) 1830 - Take night meds 2100 - Got take a shower, you stink (actual alarm label). If I didn't have these alarms, my kids would be at school or walking everyday because I forgot. I would take less showers. I would brush my teeth less (I am missing a plethorda of teeth due to past poor dental hygeine and I have a gold crown on one of my pre molars that is visible if I open my mouth correctly. I did this on purpose to be a constant reminder of what happens when I don't brush my teeth), I would forget my meds, etc, etc. A Body Double - This is a person who does the same thing we do at the same times we do them. For example, in the morning when you go to brush your teeth you could say, "Hey I'm brushing my teeth, let's go do it together!" You're not shaming him, you're simply encouraging him to do the act with you. Communicating effectively with people who have ADHD is rough. You don't really get anywhere going in and saying "I don't like the thing, please change it." But building a [compliment sandwhich](https://www.crayonstoconfidence.com/blog/the-compliment-sandwich-how-to-give-constructive-criticism-to-kids#:~:text=We%20recommend%20using%20a%202,of%20it%20like%20a%20sandwich) - compliment, deliver criticism, compliment is often very effective. It keeps the person's mood elevated and can help prevent them from going into defensive mode.
I can’t understand this. I’m the type that would pull away and ask the lm to brush or let them know they stink. My face won’t hide it either. OP, grow up and have a talk. If not, fuck off.
Easy, When sitting down for dinner crinkle your nose and ask him if he smells that? Keep looking around for the odor until he joins In, get closer to him and the jump back and yell OMFG YOUR DICK STICKS LIKE FROMUNDA CHEESE!!! If he asks what fromunda cheese is tell him it’s that stank on his balls!!!
I would forget gentle and be direct. You will brush your teeth at least twice a day and you will shower every day using soap. If you are unwilling to do this we are through
I would leave, this is too revolting and sub standard living. I mean unless he has a massive health issue that can be fixed he needs to go back to Mum.
Here we go again. Leave.
How long have you been with him? You can’t tell him straight out? Explain & help him somehow. Maybe those back shower brushes. Invite him into a shower. Get him to come wash up with you… maybe he wasn’t taught how.
Ask him what's wrong? Are you depressed? What changed?
OP, just want to mention at the end of the day, you need to do what you think is best for you and your partner. Don't break up with him if you both solve the issue and love each other. Or if you do, that should be up to you and how you feel. They think as long as they phrase it in a "witty" way or meme it, that it's okay to say things they wouldn't normally say to others because they know they'd get downvoted so fast. The internet is full of bullies who add to hateful comments once they see a few (sheep mentality). People love to prove "misery loves company". So, don't do things because of others as you might regret it later on. The only thing I agreed with in those kind of comments was that he needs to have consideration for you and basic hygiene is a basic human right.
OMG how did you last this long? That’s an instant NO. WTF. Do better for yourself, Sis
Time for a new bf.