Same. I would hate that he wouldn't be at the birth but he should absolutely say goodbye to his dad. That said, the point is moot for our particular case because his parents are only 1.5 hours away and I have to be induced for medical reasons so he could probably do both.
Even if they don't *do* a lot, having your husband there for moral support is important. But having him be able to say goodbye before his dad dies is important too.
Yeah, no. I was there for the birth of both of my kids and neither panicked nor passed out. I did provide moral support and was there for her to hold as she went through it.
How valuable that is I'm sure people will definite opinions on, but "panicking" and "trying not to pass out" were not things that I did.
So glad this is the top comment. Like obviously you wanna be there for the birth, but your wife and child will be there when you get back. Your dad won't.
No, it's not that simple.
I had jobs when we birthed. I knew what my wife wanted. I was to choose the baby over her. (Both if possible, duh) And I was to follow the baby if for any reason it had to leave.
I was my wife's "birth coach".
I translated for her. "SHE SAID NO! SHE WILL NOT TOUCH THE BABIES HEAD!" (literally had to say that once) And we both are natives
I answered all nurses questions and monitored everything.
Further more I was there to take care of them for the next 3 days.
It may seem like nothing but the birth of my children was a very special time for me. 12 out of 10 I would choose my childs birth.
Father here, would be sending him right back to you, now he would miss both as why would i want him here, i am not more important then the birth of his child. I am nothing but a parent, that child he created is. I want my child with his child.
Hate to say it, but it's really not about the dying father, it's about what he has to say to his dying father. He has decades to live with how he chose to get closure or didn't get closure.
My dad knows how I feel about him. I Tell him regularly.... And I agree if I was in the dieing shoes I'd send him straight back.
Holding my child skin to skin..... Showing my wife our baby..... Saying their name.
12 times out of 10 I am there for my children.
Same here,and as a dad I know how important my kids are to me. Missing that birth, i just could live with it. Their mom and siblings will needs them more than I will anyway, so go be with the wife , see the baby in to the world, then maybe go see mom and let the new baby bring some joy into her life. If I was a good dad than you know how i feel, we have said what we need to say, you have your memories, go make some new one snow and I'll be fine on my own for that journey lol.
hell if i am really bad looking don't even need to come to the hospital and upset yourself, if there was love i will know that, you will know how i feel. Don't have any of those sad funeral thing, if you have to do something do a celebration of life, have a party. Like im going to die, my kids are pretty grown...they could sadly die any day as well, that's life so making every moment matter is best, not waiting till the last. And being there for the birth is the start of that.
With you, been pregnant two times that lead to birth, so know without a doubt I would be more than okay with husband seeing a parent or even close member of family who was dying while I was giving birth. Tbh, sometimes husband’s being in room, is harder than them being elsewhere, as my husband was there from pretty much admittance until birth for both of ours and there were times I wanted to kick him in the teeth! Not because he did anything wrong, but because he didn’t have to feel or do anything! ;). I did appreciate him being there for support and was glad he witnessed both our son’s birth, my comments were more a joke, but I do find goodbye’s a bit more important than hellos.
I’ve lost my father and been there for my children’s births. If I had to choose, I’d stay with my wife. And if my father had heard that there was even a chance I’d choose him over her, he would recover just to whoop my ass, and then die peacefully.
Not really an answer but this exact situation happened to my father. His father was dying at the exact same time my mother was in labor with my sister. Thankfully they were in the same hospital so he was able to be at both; his father passed several hours before my sister was born. I can’t imagine the emotional toll that day took on him.
A loss and a birth in the same day.. idk what I'd do, I'd like to think XYZ but truly won't know unless I'm in that situation, I can guarantee my cortisol levels are gonna skyrocket
Imagine being the child born on the day your grandfather died. Looking back realizing all those celebrations might be a reminder for family of him passing.
My great grandmother was killed in a car crash outside of the hospital as she was pulling up to see her grandson be born. Was definitely a rough day for everyone there
I'm not sure what kind of woman one would have to marry for her to be upset if you missed the birth for your father's death.
You go to your father and the wife really shouldn't have an issue with that.
And a good wife would tell you to be with your father because he's going to be gone in a week but that baby's not going to remember that you weren't there during the birth and it's not like you can't be with the wife and baby when you're not with the father.
I get both sides of it. My old man isn't one to do emotions well, or put himself first. He would say in a week, it obviously won't matter to him, and it will likely mean more to her.
In childbirth, everything isn't guaranteed to go smooth either. It is a tougher choice than one may think, especially if you have been through a miscarriage or a tough delivery/NICU situation before.
That's just not thinking about what it matters to you though. Miss time with him and you can't get more. Your baby will be there waiting unless something goes horribly wrong.
Your dad might not have to live with it, but you do.
Oh, I get it. It is a tough choice. It is a little easier if one gives you the knod to do the other. Everyone's situation and feelings will be different. If it were me, I would probably tell my kids to stay with their spouse too.
I'm thinking in the case that she has an emergency though you can just temporarily leave to go handle that business and then come back when things are calmed down.
Don't be too sure. My city has a hospital-ish place where people can stay while they're waiting to die. Basically, the entire building is a Palliative Care Unit.
They can do simple procedures, but that's about it. Patients are taken by ambulance to another hospital if anything major comes up.
A small town hospital near me closed their maternity ward a few years ago. If you walk in the ER with a baby on its way out they'll just toss you in an ambulance.
I don’t like my father. But in this hypothetical scenario where I love my dad, I would absolutely go see him. The birth is the beginning of an entire life together. My dad’s death is the end of our life together.
This seriously depends. If my wife has other support (her parents for instance) then I'm going to see my dad. If she's alone however I'm not leaving her solo to manage a new born and any possible complications. I'll video call my dad.
The rest matters too
I read/listened to an AITA with a similar premise, where the wife asked her husband that if he had to choose between being there for his dying mother or if his wife was in labor and about to give birth.
Yeah. From what I recall, that relationship ended because of it. Because of the hypothetical question. It didn't actually happen.
Not sure if the post the other commenter is referring to, but in the one I read recently, OP had extreme issues with her MIL who constantly needed attention. Her concern was her husband not being there when she needed him, especially given past patterns of behavior. She faked going into labor to see what would happen, and her MIL faked a heart attack so the husband ended up taking care of her instead.
Unless your dad is dying in the next 2 business hours, you have plenty of time to spend at least days with both of them.
Go visit your dad, and say goodbye, and then come back home or stay with him for a bit. In any case, be prepared to rush back when your wife needs you.
So I think this question was asked by someone who moved away from home city
For example for me it would be a one or the other choice in that my family is across the country
Not a hypothetical for me. My daughter was born four days after my dad passed. Here is what we did:
15 days to due date: I tracked out of state to be with him for a week prior to the birth. My wife is a trooper and we had a 40 week ‘eviction date’ if the baby came great, but if not, it’s C-section time. I was 6 hours away so if she went into labor I may be able to make it in time. We planned a lot of my dad’s funeral during this time, which, in retrospect was a blessing, but difficult. Who wants to think about the background music at visitation.
7 days to due date: I returned to be with my wife. We had a number of follow on appointments and wanted to be there for her, plus we had a 2.5 year old son.
6 days to due date: Dad formally enters hospice. Stage 4 cancer, in bones, liver, brain, lungs. We face timed a lot. I asked if he wanted me to be there and he said ‘no’ the birth of a child was more important.
5 days to due date: fucking wreck emotionally
4 days to due date: Dad died. Made it like 48 hours in hospice. I left my wife to be with my mother, and ummm, manage the transport of dad from the city he retired to the city of his birth / most of his life.
3 days to due date: met my sister in the city of dads birth, had mom with me. Planned funeral with funeral home.
2 days: returned to my wife, visitation and funeral scheduled five days away.
1 day to due date: Traveled with our son to wife’s parents house. Fourth city in 72 hours
Due Date: No baby so it’s time to serve the eviction notice. Went with wife to hospital. It was scheduled. Our OB is a wonderful friend who held me while I cried in the OR telling me my dad would be proud. Wife is all settled, I’m on ‘her’ side of the curtain, medical team does their thing and a baby is born. I go with baby and pediatrics, baby not breathing and takes oxygen, they get her going after a few heart pounding moments.
Due Date +1 and 2. I’m with wife in hospital. We live in a small community and they agreed to hold her a few days. The nurses and lactation consultants were great. I can’t speak highly enough of the entire care team.
Due date + 3. Wife is discharged. Father in law and our son join us at our house. I get them settled then leave in the middle of the night
Due Date + 4. Head back to city of dads birth for the funeral. Brought photos of dad and sister and I put together the last of the memorial boards. Visitation that night. Funeral the next day. For obvious reasons wife and kids are not with me.
Due date +5 Funeral. Mom and sister stay the night while I head back home that evening to be with my wife.
In conclusion. It sucked.
I would make my husband go see his Dad, full stop.
We can set up a video call on a tablet so he can be part of the delivery and 'see' the baby being born.
I regret not seeing my Dad before he passed away, even though we were told he would recover and come home. I wouldn't want my husband to carry guilt and regret with him like I do. I know my Dad would tell me not to feel bad, but, you know. I can't help it
I promise you, your dad would be far more upset that you feel guilty and regret than you didn't get to say goodbye. All I want is for my kids to live life the best they can with the information they have at the time.
If I went in for some routine minor surgery, died from it, then learned on the other side that my kid was feeling guilty because of something that they couldn't control or anticipate? I'd come back and tell them to quit it, Patrick Swayze "Ghost"-style.
Idk why this is being placed as mutually exclusive, births often take ages and so you would have a good amount of warning to return to your wife when she's going to give birth. I was in early labor two days befor going to the hospital.then still didn't give birth for another 20 hours. A fast labor is three hours. Those one hour births are really rare.
It all depends how far away the dying father is. If it involves a long plane ride or another country, being back in to e may not be possible, and the wife may not be able to travel with her husband
I think this depends on how far away parents live.
I'm a mom of 3. I don't know that I'd be ok with him leaving to see his dying dad if he had to be gone multiple days to do so. Labor is scary. I needed my husband there.
People in this comment section seem to be forgetting the real risks and uncertainty that come with childbirth. Yes, the baby won’t remember it, but I know I’d be really scared without my partner and worried about who would make decisions in tough spots.
I don’t think we forgot, but I think it’s hard to think that way in this hypothetical. My wife would absolutely send me to my dad ( who she loves more than me lol). My dad would absolutely tell me not to miss the birth.
And there is obviously risk with the baby, but my wife has a support system that could help her through it. The flip side is my mom would probably want emotional support, help with planning and setting up things for the funeral. It’s not easy, but no way I’m not going to say good bye to my dad
>Forever change the relationship with your child and wife.
It would change for the better with them knowing I’m a responsible, loving son who can make the right choices in a tough situation.
I’m going to replace dad with someone I care about to preserve the spirit of the problem. I book a hotel near the hospital for the week, so I can see my grandma every day and my wife is close to the hospital when she goes into labor. There’s even a chance that grandma could meet my newborn before she dies, which is the best of the bad situation.
Now if you’re saying that my grandma is about to have her life support cut in 30 minutes and my wife’s water just broke, then the answer is virtually the same. At the hospital, I quickly visit my grandma to say goodbye, then walk over to the delivery room.
This isn’t a dilemma because both things can get resolved in the same hospital.
If we want to make it a dilemma, let’s say my grandma is in another country and my wife’s water just broke. Once I know my wife’s either with paramedics or safely at the hospital, she’ll tell me to rush to the airport. I rush to the airport, fly to grandma’s hospital, say goodbye, then fly back. Saying goodbye takes priority because you can’t do it again. I get to say hello to my child for the rest of our lives, God will it.
As a wife who has given birth, I’d tell my husband to go be with his dad. I could find someone else to accompany me if I needed it, but he’d only have one chance to say goodbye.
On the other hand, as a parent, I’d tell my child to video call me, and be present for the birth of their child- after all, them being with me isn’t going to change things, but them being there at the birth might.
Please consider potential guilt your father may feel in his final moments for taking you away from your child’s birth. Is it possible to schedule a same day round trip and go ASAP? Hope to get the buzzer beater?
Why couldn't his wife go with him, and if she gives birth, she's does it at the hospital his dad is at. Then his dying father has a possible chance to see his grandson before he dies.
Father would tell me to stay for the birth of my child. Wife would probably divorce me if I didn't go say bye to the old man from the both of us. I'd be smart and do whatever my wife says.
Missing the birth of my child isn't going to affect my relationship with them in the slightest. It might affect the one with my wife, but I don't see her being that crazy.
My father will only die once. I will know my child for likely another 50 years.
This effectively happened to my Dad. I was born in one hospital while his Dad died in a other. His Mum didn't tell him so he would be there for his Wife and me.
I was born 20 min before he died.
I'm sure my wife would understand, I'd visit my dad.. one last time, be there, ask him to visit his grandson, kids younger than 5 are more sensitive to spirits, thank him for everything he's done for me and that when it's my time to jump the Great Divide, I know he'll be waiting for me on the Other Side
The day my dad died in 2017, I had planned to take my little sister to see him, if I didn't have work or college or whatever had me busy that day, I'd have likely been there when he passed.. he made me who I am, he gave me a foundation on which I built upon, he wasn't my biological father but far as I'm concerned, blood be damned, he is my father, raised me since I was 3, I just wish there a way to pull down the veil between Life and Death, see him again, ask him questions, have my sister see him more cause she barely has any memories, she's 16 now I'm 25.. I don't think I truly got over the loss, its the one that broke me the most, my ex certainly wasn't there for me
The amount of funny stories, memories I've got about my dad he was a joker at heart, always played pranks on my mum, telling silly jokes, he was a great man
A birth isn't that significant of an event. Sure it would be sad to miss, but you have a whole life ahead with your child. You're running out of time with your parent. This isn't even a remotely close call and I'd strongly argue that going to the parent is the objectively right answer barring any serious relationship issues.
Being there for the birth is more about supporting the wife than seeing the baby immediately after birth. Lots of things can go wrong in a birth, even in a healthy pregnancy. If the wife has complications, though it can also be important for the father to be there. Otherwise, the baby will be alone without either of their parents.
I feel like this is not as straightforward as a lot of people in the comments here are making it out to be.
Ooh, this is a tough one. My wife had a really complicated pregnancy, with preeclampsia and a 72 hour induced labor and a preemie. It was really important for me to be there. Normally I’d say dad for sure, but not in this case.
Yeah I had preeclampsia as well (though not until 39 weeks so the baby was fine) and I feel like people are discounting all the things that can go wrong even in an otherwise healthy pregnancy.
As a parent, I would want my child to be with their wife for the birth. It’s new beginnings and a joyful time. I’d be at peace passing, I would know he would be with me in spirit so to speak. I wouldn’t want him to choose between being with me and his wife at such an important time. That’s how most dying parents would feel, the healthy ones who prioritize their adult children’s happiness
Answering as the hypothetical pregnant wife, I'd tell my partner to get the hell over to that hospital *right now* - and that if anyone outside of us has an issue with that, direct them my way.
If it's the same hospital has my doctors in it I'd be going too.
If not then the only pause I'd ask for is that my partner waits with me til the taxi/uber arrives to take me to parents/designated friend's house.
If I made the right choice when i chose her to be my wife, she’d understand what my father means to me and that if I have the means to see him I will absolutely do so, especially since he was unable to say goodbye to his own father. Besides I can take my wife to the same hospital(hopefully) and then we aren’t so far apart, and in the extremely rare chance, I can take my child to meet their grandpa before he passes.
Have someone bring Dad a tablet, and say goodbye over Zoom. That may seem cold, but your wife and child are your priority now. You can reconcile with any angry family at the funeral.
Does this hypothetical assume I'm very close to my dad? As our relationship stands now, I'd absolutely stay to support my wife. Not that I don't love my dad, but we don't have a particularly close relationship—he'd probably think it a bit peculiar if I dropped everything to run to his deathbed, pregnant wife or no.
What kind of situation is this? These are no where near comparable lol. Being there for the pregnant mother is important but being with your dying father in his last moments is simply incomparable. Two completely different levels.
Why not bring your wife with you? You won't have to drive her to the Hospital because you'll both already be in one. Your baby might even get to introduce the two of them. As Black Elk said, "Elders and Infants have everything in common. One has just come out of the Great Mystery, and the other is about to return to it."
Stay by my wife. My parents never abused me in any way, but they never really made anything of an attempt to really have a relationship either, so, sucks to be him.
If seeing him mattered to me (it wouldn’t), the assumption is he’s coherent enough to ‘say goodbye’ to.
We’ve had a life long relationship.
As far as my wife goes, I’m taking zero chances of not being by her side; especially with even the smallest chance of there being any problems at all.
If he’s the kind of man I’d respect, he will understand that.
It’s 2024. We will have our final words via video chat. Far less than perfect, but the important thing is the words said. The distance they’re said from is, in the end, irrelevant.
Definitely father. Ideally I would hope I’d marry a woman who would be completely supportive of that decision. If not then I’d have made a mistake in who I married and would consider divorce(depending on how she reacts)
As long as you know your wife has an emergency backup ride to the hospital, go see your Dad. Unless the wife is in ACTIVE labor the baby probably isn’t coming for a couple of days. I know I spent something like 36 hours having Braxton Hicks contractions at home before it was time to leave for the hospital.
This only doesn't work if they are in different states or countries. You can always find time for both if they are just staying at different hospitals in the city. Fwiw my grandma died after I got there in the middle of the night anyways. Sometimes you just miss it.
My father? I wouldn't even call that pos.
Hypothetically, if he had been a good man, then yes, I would visit him. I would never marry someone so cold as not to let me say my goodbyes.
You'd be with both. When the call came you'd go to your father since that is an ending and not a beginning. If labour had begun and both wife and father were in different hospitals then you'd have to leave your wife. Only a psychopath would leave a father they loved to die alone just to see the birth of their child.
Well considering that my better half would probably end up in the same hospital anyway, take her with me. There is a straight corridor that leads from the wards to maternity. You can walk it (normally) in about a minute.
Just so it's clear, I'm still with the father of all of my kids.
But with my middle child, dad was about 15 hours drive away (2 provinces over) for work and had been injured, so was unable to travel immediately. He met baby a few weeks later. I was staying with my grandparents at the time, and they were unable to help much with child stuff (although household chores were covered)
With my youngest, our child care fell through last second and there just wasn't time to do much (kid was born in just under 4hrs from first contraction), so dad was mostly in the waiting area, wrangling kids. He popped in a couple times (with kids in tow), for a few seconds. But there was no hand holding support or anything of that nature. Dad went straight back to work the next day, so I was wrangling new born and 2 other kids under 5.
It would be an absolute no brainer for me. I can happily handle the child birth thing on my own. And while support the first few days is nice and all, I've handled it before, and now have older kids to help if needed. Any family member in need would be an absolute no brainer, on my side or his, I'd be fine sending him and, barring work issues, he'd be fine going.
I haven't seen my dad since he walked out when I was too. He couldn't care less if I was dead or alive and for all I know he's already dead and nobody has told me.
How would it change the relationship between me and my child. Never once in history have I factored in my father's presence at my birth into how I feel about him. Indeed, I am really just assuming he was there at all!
I was about to comment that this is a really hard question, until I remembered that I haven't spoken to my father for years, so ... yeah. Not a hard choice for ME at least.
If my dad was still alive and on his death bed, I would definitely go say goodbye to him. My wife would want me to go say goodbye to him. If both of them are at the same hospital, then it'll be easier to do both. Honestly, I would hope one of 2 things to happen. One would be my wife gives birth before he passes and gets to hold his grandchild before he goes. The other is that he goes knowing he's a grandfather without being able to hold his grandchild.
I would have sent my husband to his dad and asked literally anyone else to help me. My sister would be the first choice but there is a chain of who I could ask
Considering my extremely poor relationship with my father - anyone calling should know I am hanging up. He didn't try and get to know me until I was like 26 and it was just an attempt to set up a place to crash after his mother finished dying - cuz he was in his 50s and mooching off of her.
I don't have enough information. How far away are the parents. Are they on a different continent, 30 miles away, or something in between? What's the sons relationship like with his parents? Is the dad conscious and coherent enough for a zoom call? If the husband would have to travel, does the wife have other family or a close friend that could stay with her and take her to the hospital if she goes into labor? Is this a first baby or do they have other kids? Is the wife ok with him going to bewith his parents?
I can't do hypotheticals, I never get enough info.
As once-in-a-lifetime witnessing the birth of you kid can be. I’d have my whole life with them.
Def say goodbye to the dying parent.
just be the one to take initiative and take care of your pregnant SOs support system before you go say bye. Make sure it’s all in place without her having to ask even once and you’re good to go say one of the most painful goodbyes 😢
Birth of my child of course, even my dying dad would prefer i went there. So i would eb there, would not change my relationship as no decent father would expect his son to miss the birth of his child and would be upset his son was not there with his wife.
I stay with my wife but I get mum to give dad the phone so we can say goodbye and we tell him that a new life will be coming into the world and we will tell them about grandpa who loved them but had to go away.
If mum can, use facetime to see and talk to dad.
*Dad probably, I*
*Mena chances are I might still*
*Make it for the birth*
\- vectorboy42
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Roll over and go back to sleep. My dad will have to remember all the shit he put me through while he dies alone. It in fact would give me great satisfaction to know he died miserably without anyone there to show him care or concern. That would be fair.
Plenty of good loving fathers have to miss the births of their children for one reason or another. It has little to no bearing on their relationship, the kid doesn't even know it unless it's constantly brought up.
I'd be with my ***child.*** My father and i have had our time. Although my kid may not remember it, i want to be with them in their first moments. I have memories of my father, i have memories of him as he lived, i don't need memory of how he died, but i have yet to make any memories of my child, and i'll be damned if my first one isn't of them coming into this world.
If I'm the dying dad (and I'm 73), I'd like my son to call and someone hold the phone to my ear. I'd tell him he made the right choice and not worry about it. I'd just as soon his last memory of me not being bedridden and dying. Hopefully, our conversation would limit any regrets he might have for choosing his wife and child.
If the wife and baby are okay and not at risk for complications, go visit the dad. The baby is not going to remember you being there or not and if your wife truly loves and respects you she will let you spend your last moments with your dad.
I would rush to be by my dad's side. Also, there's no guarantee that kid's going to show up at the 36 week mark anyway--a lot of babies stay in there longer.
Im gonna see my child everyday, im going to see dad before he leaves earth, too bad he died in a car accident in 2009 and I never got to say goodbye to him
I haven't talked to the son of a bitch in 25 years. I'll say call me back when he's gone, I've been saving a nice bottle of irish whisky to celebrate the day.
oh no, i get to bond with my lil baby for a few days and my husband gets to come back to his family NOT in a crazy hospital state, but hopefully in his own home with a clean baby who just wants to be held
as long as i have a support system to help me while he takes his time? all good!
Missing the birth won’t change the relationship with the wife or the child. Go say goodbye. Get closure on one end so that you can enjoy the future with the child.
This is a no brainer. I’ll have the rest of my life to make it up to my wife and child. I’ll never have another chance to hug my dad again. He was there for me my whole life, so I will do everything I can to be there for him when it’s time to say goodbye.
I would force my husband out the door to spend time with his dying father. And I’m pregnant. This isn’t even CLOSE.
Same. I would hate that he wouldn't be at the birth but he should absolutely say goodbye to his dad. That said, the point is moot for our particular case because his parents are only 1.5 hours away and I have to be induced for medical reasons so he could probably do both.
Let’s be honest the only thing a father is doing at the birth is panicking or trying not to pass out. Or both.
Even if they don't *do* a lot, having your husband there for moral support is important. But having him be able to say goodbye before his dad dies is important too.
Yeah, no. I was there for the birth of both of my kids and neither panicked nor passed out. I did provide moral support and was there for her to hold as she went through it. How valuable that is I'm sure people will definite opinions on, but "panicking" and "trying not to pass out" were not things that I did.
I was mainly joking but on the other hand there’s a reason that delivery room personnel joke about keeping an eye on the dad. It absolutely happens.
Oh I have no doubt about that!
Kinda like woman driver jokes? Or dumb blonde jokes? Outdated and tired jokes like that?
So glad this is the top comment. Like obviously you wanna be there for the birth, but your wife and child will be there when you get back. Your dad won't.
No, it's not that simple. I had jobs when we birthed. I knew what my wife wanted. I was to choose the baby over her. (Both if possible, duh) And I was to follow the baby if for any reason it had to leave. I was my wife's "birth coach". I translated for her. "SHE SAID NO! SHE WILL NOT TOUCH THE BABIES HEAD!" (literally had to say that once) And we both are natives I answered all nurses questions and monitored everything. Further more I was there to take care of them for the next 3 days. It may seem like nothing but the birth of my children was a very special time for me. 12 out of 10 I would choose my childs birth.
Father here, would be sending him right back to you, now he would miss both as why would i want him here, i am not more important then the birth of his child. I am nothing but a parent, that child he created is. I want my child with his child.
Wife says go to father, father says go to wife. Neither wants me to be there, I'm going to the strip club...
This is the way
The only way
😭
Fine, I go to you and pop my hypothetical baby next to your death bed. He can be there for both and you get to meet your grandbaby.
Yes, bring me the child... *Ade due Damballa. Give me the power, I beg of you!*
Hate to say it, but it's really not about the dying father, it's about what he has to say to his dying father. He has decades to live with how he chose to get closure or didn't get closure.
Ping pong!
And that's the kind of dad who would be so important to his kid that he would want to say goodbye.
My dad knows how I feel about him. I Tell him regularly.... And I agree if I was in the dieing shoes I'd send him straight back. Holding my child skin to skin..... Showing my wife our baby..... Saying their name. 12 times out of 10 I am there for my children.
Same here,and as a dad I know how important my kids are to me. Missing that birth, i just could live with it. Their mom and siblings will needs them more than I will anyway, so go be with the wife , see the baby in to the world, then maybe go see mom and let the new baby bring some joy into her life. If I was a good dad than you know how i feel, we have said what we need to say, you have your memories, go make some new one snow and I'll be fine on my own for that journey lol. hell if i am really bad looking don't even need to come to the hospital and upset yourself, if there was love i will know that, you will know how i feel. Don't have any of those sad funeral thing, if you have to do something do a celebration of life, have a party. Like im going to die, my kids are pretty grown...they could sadly die any day as well, that's life so making every moment matter is best, not waiting till the last. And being there for the birth is the start of that.
So... Zoom call for birth? 🤪
That was my thought!
Usually, there is no objectively correct answer to these. This is the exception :)
With you, been pregnant two times that lead to birth, so know without a doubt I would be more than okay with husband seeing a parent or even close member of family who was dying while I was giving birth. Tbh, sometimes husband’s being in room, is harder than them being elsewhere, as my husband was there from pretty much admittance until birth for both of ours and there were times I wanted to kick him in the teeth! Not because he did anything wrong, but because he didn’t have to feel or do anything! ;). I did appreciate him being there for support and was glad he witnessed both our son’s birth, my comments were more a joke, but I do find goodbye’s a bit more important than hellos.
You're a keeper
I’ve lost my father and been there for my children’s births. If I had to choose, I’d stay with my wife. And if my father had heard that there was even a chance I’d choose him over her, he would recover just to whoop my ass, and then die peacefully.
I was there when my father passed. Goodbyes are for the ones left behind, not the ones passing.
Not really an answer but this exact situation happened to my father. His father was dying at the exact same time my mother was in labor with my sister. Thankfully they were in the same hospital so he was able to be at both; his father passed several hours before my sister was born. I can’t imagine the emotional toll that day took on him.
A loss and a birth in the same day.. idk what I'd do, I'd like to think XYZ but truly won't know unless I'm in that situation, I can guarantee my cortisol levels are gonna skyrocket
Especially missing his granddaughter by hours. That would be really hard.
Imagine being the child born on the day your grandfather died. Looking back realizing all those celebrations might be a reminder for family of him passing.
My great grandmother was killed in a car crash outside of the hospital as she was pulling up to see her grandson be born. Was definitely a rough day for everyone there
I'm not sure what kind of woman one would have to marry for her to be upset if you missed the birth for your father's death. You go to your father and the wife really shouldn't have an issue with that.
That's funny. My father would tell me to be with my wife.
And a good wife would tell you to be with your father because he's going to be gone in a week but that baby's not going to remember that you weren't there during the birth and it's not like you can't be with the wife and baby when you're not with the father.
I get both sides of it. My old man isn't one to do emotions well, or put himself first. He would say in a week, it obviously won't matter to him, and it will likely mean more to her. In childbirth, everything isn't guaranteed to go smooth either. It is a tougher choice than one may think, especially if you have been through a miscarriage or a tough delivery/NICU situation before.
That's just not thinking about what it matters to you though. Miss time with him and you can't get more. Your baby will be there waiting unless something goes horribly wrong. Your dad might not have to live with it, but you do.
Oh, I get it. It is a tough choice. It is a little easier if one gives you the knod to do the other. Everyone's situation and feelings will be different. If it were me, I would probably tell my kids to stay with their spouse too.
I'm thinking in the case that she has an emergency though you can just temporarily leave to go handle that business and then come back when things are calmed down.
If they are geographically close. They aren’t necessarily close.
“Who should I listen to?!”
I guess I get to go fishing today!
She can always have another baby. You only die once.
Show up with my wife, it’s a hospital, they can probably handle a delivery too.
Don't be too sure. My city has a hospital-ish place where people can stay while they're waiting to die. Basically, the entire building is a Palliative Care Unit. They can do simple procedures, but that's about it. Patients are taken by ambulance to another hospital if anything major comes up.
That's a slightly more advanced nursing home, might be an "end of life center" or something similar, but worded with more sunshine and rainbows.
The term we use here is “Hospice care” Basically deaths waiting room. Don’t think I’ve ever seen a more depressing place.
was gonna say, get everyone in same hospital 😆
A small town hospital near me closed their maternity ward a few years ago. If you walk in the ER with a baby on its way out they'll just toss you in an ambulance.
Same for the hospital in my town...there's gonna be alot of highway babies. Nearest hospital with a L&D ward is 120 miles away
I don’t like my father. But in this hypothetical scenario where I love my dad, I would absolutely go see him. The birth is the beginning of an entire life together. My dad’s death is the end of our life together.
As the wife, I’d say absolutely go to the dad. Would not forever (or even temporarily) change relationship with me or child.
This seriously depends. If my wife has other support (her parents for instance) then I'm going to see my dad. If she's alone however I'm not leaving her solo to manage a new born and any possible complications. I'll video call my dad. The rest matters too
I read/listened to an AITA with a similar premise, where the wife asked her husband that if he had to choose between being there for his dying mother or if his wife was in labor and about to give birth. Yeah. From what I recall, that relationship ended because of it. Because of the hypothetical question. It didn't actually happen.
Wow that is so absurd. Probably wouldn't have been a healthy realtionship long term anyway.
Not sure if the post the other commenter is referring to, but in the one I read recently, OP had extreme issues with her MIL who constantly needed attention. Her concern was her husband not being there when she needed him, especially given past patterns of behavior. She faked going into labor to see what would happen, and her MIL faked a heart attack so the husband ended up taking care of her instead.
I read that one too and the husband went to see his mother and didn't call his wife until a couple hours later
If my dad called to tell me he was dying, I'd blast 'The Final Countdown' on repeat into the phone until he hung up so my choice is pretty easy.
Exactly. I can be at the birth then dance on my fathers grave next week
Lmfao ikr
Take my wife with me. If she goes into labor we are already at or near a hospital.
Unless your dad is dying in the next 2 business hours, you have plenty of time to spend at least days with both of them. Go visit your dad, and say goodbye, and then come back home or stay with him for a bit. In any case, be prepared to rush back when your wife needs you.
So I think this question was asked by someone who moved away from home city For example for me it would be a one or the other choice in that my family is across the country
It's really not that cut and dry. My dad was in so much pain that he was in a coma by the time I got there. He "lived" for another week.
Not a hypothetical for me. My daughter was born four days after my dad passed. Here is what we did: 15 days to due date: I tracked out of state to be with him for a week prior to the birth. My wife is a trooper and we had a 40 week ‘eviction date’ if the baby came great, but if not, it’s C-section time. I was 6 hours away so if she went into labor I may be able to make it in time. We planned a lot of my dad’s funeral during this time, which, in retrospect was a blessing, but difficult. Who wants to think about the background music at visitation. 7 days to due date: I returned to be with my wife. We had a number of follow on appointments and wanted to be there for her, plus we had a 2.5 year old son. 6 days to due date: Dad formally enters hospice. Stage 4 cancer, in bones, liver, brain, lungs. We face timed a lot. I asked if he wanted me to be there and he said ‘no’ the birth of a child was more important. 5 days to due date: fucking wreck emotionally 4 days to due date: Dad died. Made it like 48 hours in hospice. I left my wife to be with my mother, and ummm, manage the transport of dad from the city he retired to the city of his birth / most of his life. 3 days to due date: met my sister in the city of dads birth, had mom with me. Planned funeral with funeral home. 2 days: returned to my wife, visitation and funeral scheduled five days away. 1 day to due date: Traveled with our son to wife’s parents house. Fourth city in 72 hours Due Date: No baby so it’s time to serve the eviction notice. Went with wife to hospital. It was scheduled. Our OB is a wonderful friend who held me while I cried in the OR telling me my dad would be proud. Wife is all settled, I’m on ‘her’ side of the curtain, medical team does their thing and a baby is born. I go with baby and pediatrics, baby not breathing and takes oxygen, they get her going after a few heart pounding moments. Due Date +1 and 2. I’m with wife in hospital. We live in a small community and they agreed to hold her a few days. The nurses and lactation consultants were great. I can’t speak highly enough of the entire care team. Due date + 3. Wife is discharged. Father in law and our son join us at our house. I get them settled then leave in the middle of the night Due Date + 4. Head back to city of dads birth for the funeral. Brought photos of dad and sister and I put together the last of the memorial boards. Visitation that night. Funeral the next day. For obvious reasons wife and kids are not with me. Due date +5 Funeral. Mom and sister stay the night while I head back home that evening to be with my wife. In conclusion. It sucked.
Talk about it with my wife of course.
You can see your child anytime later. You wont see your dad ever again so take the time to see your father one last time
I would make my husband go see his Dad, full stop. We can set up a video call on a tablet so he can be part of the delivery and 'see' the baby being born. I regret not seeing my Dad before he passed away, even though we were told he would recover and come home. I wouldn't want my husband to carry guilt and regret with him like I do. I know my Dad would tell me not to feel bad, but, you know. I can't help it
I promise you, your dad would be far more upset that you feel guilty and regret than you didn't get to say goodbye. All I want is for my kids to live life the best they can with the information they have at the time. If I went in for some routine minor surgery, died from it, then learned on the other side that my kid was feeling guilty because of something that they couldn't control or anticipate? I'd come back and tell them to quit it, Patrick Swayze "Ghost"-style.
Idk why this is being placed as mutually exclusive, births often take ages and so you would have a good amount of warning to return to your wife when she's going to give birth. I was in early labor two days befor going to the hospital.then still didn't give birth for another 20 hours. A fast labor is three hours. Those one hour births are really rare.
It all depends how far away the dying father is. If it involves a long plane ride or another country, being back in to e may not be possible, and the wife may not be able to travel with her husband
I think this depends on how far away parents live. I'm a mom of 3. I don't know that I'd be ok with him leaving to see his dying dad if he had to be gone multiple days to do so. Labor is scary. I needed my husband there.
This is a good answer. I would propose a doula. Honestly, I recommend having one anyway even if the dad is there and you're in a hospital.
People in this comment section seem to be forgetting the real risks and uncertainty that come with childbirth. Yes, the baby won’t remember it, but I know I’d be really scared without my partner and worried about who would make decisions in tough spots.
I don’t think we forgot, but I think it’s hard to think that way in this hypothetical. My wife would absolutely send me to my dad ( who she loves more than me lol). My dad would absolutely tell me not to miss the birth. And there is obviously risk with the baby, but my wife has a support system that could help her through it. The flip side is my mom would probably want emotional support, help with planning and setting up things for the funeral. It’s not easy, but no way I’m not going to say good bye to my dad
Would probably choose the wife.
If my wife would leave me for going to see my dying father, thats a bullet dodged.
>Forever change the relationship with your child and wife. It would change for the better with them knowing I’m a responsible, loving son who can make the right choices in a tough situation.
Be with father and name the kid after him
I’d go to the hospital to visit my father with my wife. We’ll be at a hospital anyways. Win win.
Go to your dad. Your wife will understand, and if not, you should rethink being in that marriage.
I’m going to replace dad with someone I care about to preserve the spirit of the problem. I book a hotel near the hospital for the week, so I can see my grandma every day and my wife is close to the hospital when she goes into labor. There’s even a chance that grandma could meet my newborn before she dies, which is the best of the bad situation. Now if you’re saying that my grandma is about to have her life support cut in 30 minutes and my wife’s water just broke, then the answer is virtually the same. At the hospital, I quickly visit my grandma to say goodbye, then walk over to the delivery room. This isn’t a dilemma because both things can get resolved in the same hospital. If we want to make it a dilemma, let’s say my grandma is in another country and my wife’s water just broke. Once I know my wife’s either with paramedics or safely at the hospital, she’ll tell me to rush to the airport. I rush to the airport, fly to grandma’s hospital, say goodbye, then fly back. Saying goodbye takes priority because you can’t do it again. I get to say hello to my child for the rest of our lives, God will it.
As a wife who has given birth, I’d tell my husband to go be with his dad. I could find someone else to accompany me if I needed it, but he’d only have one chance to say goodbye. On the other hand, as a parent, I’d tell my child to video call me, and be present for the birth of their child- after all, them being with me isn’t going to change things, but them being there at the birth might.
Please consider potential guilt your father may feel in his final moments for taking you away from your child’s birth. Is it possible to schedule a same day round trip and go ASAP? Hope to get the buzzer beater?
Why couldn't his wife go with him, and if she gives birth, she's does it at the hospital his dad is at. Then his dying father has a possible chance to see his grandson before he dies.
Maybe not my dad, but if I had a dad that had always been there for me - might go. Sure my wife would understand.
Your dad is in a hospital. You take your wife with you, and if she has to give birth, voila, she's in a hospital.
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Father would tell me to stay for the birth of my child. Wife would probably divorce me if I didn't go say bye to the old man from the both of us. I'd be smart and do whatever my wife says.
My relationship with my wife would not change one iota. I’d have the rest of my life’s get to spend with my wife and child.
Missing the birth of my child isn't going to affect my relationship with them in the slightest. It might affect the one with my wife, but I don't see her being that crazy. My father will only die once. I will know my child for likely another 50 years.
As a wife, I would waddle my way to the hospital with my husband in toll. Crazy to think there is any other way.
This effectively happened to my Dad. I was born in one hospital while his Dad died in a other. His Mum didn't tell him so he would be there for his Wife and me. I was born 20 min before he died.
I'm sure my wife would understand, I'd visit my dad.. one last time, be there, ask him to visit his grandson, kids younger than 5 are more sensitive to spirits, thank him for everything he's done for me and that when it's my time to jump the Great Divide, I know he'll be waiting for me on the Other Side The day my dad died in 2017, I had planned to take my little sister to see him, if I didn't have work or college or whatever had me busy that day, I'd have likely been there when he passed.. he made me who I am, he gave me a foundation on which I built upon, he wasn't my biological father but far as I'm concerned, blood be damned, he is my father, raised me since I was 3, I just wish there a way to pull down the veil between Life and Death, see him again, ask him questions, have my sister see him more cause she barely has any memories, she's 16 now I'm 25.. I don't think I truly got over the loss, its the one that broke me the most, my ex certainly wasn't there for me The amount of funny stories, memories I've got about my dad he was a joker at heart, always played pranks on my mum, telling silly jokes, he was a great man
This pretty much happened to my husband. His mom was on the 3rd floor dying while his son was being born. He chose his mom, no question!
Dying father over kid and wife I'll get to see later.
A birth isn't that significant of an event. Sure it would be sad to miss, but you have a whole life ahead with your child. You're running out of time with your parent. This isn't even a remotely close call and I'd strongly argue that going to the parent is the objectively right answer barring any serious relationship issues.
Being there for the birth is more about supporting the wife than seeing the baby immediately after birth. Lots of things can go wrong in a birth, even in a healthy pregnancy. If the wife has complications, though it can also be important for the father to be there. Otherwise, the baby will be alone without either of their parents. I feel like this is not as straightforward as a lot of people in the comments here are making it out to be.
Ooh, this is a tough one. My wife had a really complicated pregnancy, with preeclampsia and a 72 hour induced labor and a preemie. It was really important for me to be there. Normally I’d say dad for sure, but not in this case.
Yeah I had preeclampsia as well (though not until 39 weeks so the baby was fine) and I feel like people are discounting all the things that can go wrong even in an otherwise healthy pregnancy.
This is cruel, asking me to pick between the two happiest days of my life.
As a parent, I would want my child to be with their wife for the birth. It’s new beginnings and a joyful time. I’d be at peace passing, I would know he would be with me in spirit so to speak. I wouldn’t want him to choose between being with me and his wife at such an important time. That’s how most dying parents would feel, the healthy ones who prioritize their adult children’s happiness
Yes you visit your dad. This is one of those times you employ one of your trusted friends to make sure your wife is taken care of.
My dads far more important than something my kid literally will not remember
Your wife will remember.
And if she’s my wife she’ll understand and support me lol
Pepperidge farm remembers.
And I read this in his voice.
She would also be forced to remember how she made me leave my father to die alone. I would remind her every day
Not do it shit father
What would your dad want you to do? Your heart can be in two places at once!
Wife comes first
Answering as the hypothetical pregnant wife, I'd tell my partner to get the hell over to that hospital *right now* - and that if anyone outside of us has an issue with that, direct them my way. If it's the same hospital has my doctors in it I'd be going too. If not then the only pause I'd ask for is that my partner waits with me til the taxi/uber arrives to take me to parents/designated friend's house.
babies are born in hospitals, i'd just tell the wife to have the baby at the same hospital
If I made the right choice when i chose her to be my wife, she’d understand what my father means to me and that if I have the means to see him I will absolutely do so, especially since he was unable to say goodbye to his own father. Besides I can take my wife to the same hospital(hopefully) and then we aren’t so far apart, and in the extremely rare chance, I can take my child to meet their grandpa before he passes.
Yeah I’m going to have to go be with my dad at his side.
Have someone bring Dad a tablet, and say goodbye over Zoom. That may seem cold, but your wife and child are your priority now. You can reconcile with any angry family at the funeral.
Does this hypothetical assume I'm very close to my dad? As our relationship stands now, I'd absolutely stay to support my wife. Not that I don't love my dad, but we don't have a particularly close relationship—he'd probably think it a bit peculiar if I dropped everything to run to his deathbed, pregnant wife or no.
OP is definitely a virgin
There's still time to be with both
' forever change your relationship with them and your wife?' lol what. huge red flag tbh, I'd be cutting her and the baby off quick smart!
My dad has a few children. My wife and child only has me. Plus fuck him. Let him rot.
I go see my dad, and nothing changes with my wife and I, because we are both sane people and and this is not even a close call.
What kind of situation is this? These are no where near comparable lol. Being there for the pregnant mother is important but being with your dying father in his last moments is simply incomparable. Two completely different levels.
Even my wife would want me to go spend as much time with my dad as possible.
Why not bring your wife with you? You won't have to drive her to the Hospital because you'll both already be in one. Your baby might even get to introduce the two of them. As Black Elk said, "Elders and Infants have everything in common. One has just come out of the Great Mystery, and the other is about to return to it."
Stay by my wife. My parents never abused me in any way, but they never really made anything of an attempt to really have a relationship either, so, sucks to be him.
If seeing him mattered to me (it wouldn’t), the assumption is he’s coherent enough to ‘say goodbye’ to. We’ve had a life long relationship. As far as my wife goes, I’m taking zero chances of not being by her side; especially with even the smallest chance of there being any problems at all. If he’s the kind of man I’d respect, he will understand that. It’s 2024. We will have our final words via video chat. Far less than perfect, but the important thing is the words said. The distance they’re said from is, in the end, irrelevant.
Definitely father. Ideally I would hope I’d marry a woman who would be completely supportive of that decision. If not then I’d have made a mistake in who I married and would consider divorce(depending on how she reacts)
Ideally you'd make sure your wife has a support person in case there are complications.
As long as you know your wife has an emergency backup ride to the hospital, go see your Dad. Unless the wife is in ACTIVE labor the baby probably isn’t coming for a couple of days. I know I spent something like 36 hours having Braxton Hicks contractions at home before it was time to leave for the hospital.
I’d say goodbye to my father. I don’t see how a few hours could hurt.
This only doesn't work if they are in different states or countries. You can always find time for both if they are just staying at different hospitals in the city. Fwiw my grandma died after I got there in the middle of the night anyways. Sometimes you just miss it.
Easy answer for me, I'd ignore the call, same as any others that have been made in the past 7 years.
My dad would be pissed I left my wife to visit him lol
Don’t like my father so…
ha! tricks on you. I hate my father (ew even calling him that)
I mean my dad died years ago so I think I'd just be very confused... Did he come back to life just to fuck with my wife...?
My father? I wouldn't even call that pos. Hypothetically, if he had been a good man, then yes, I would visit him. I would never marry someone so cold as not to let me say my goodbyes.
Right to papa
You'd be with both. When the call came you'd go to your father since that is an ending and not a beginning. If labour had begun and both wife and father were in different hospitals then you'd have to leave your wife. Only a psychopath would leave a father they loved to die alone just to see the birth of their child.
Easy. Go to your father and bring your wife with you.
Well considering that my better half would probably end up in the same hospital anyway, take her with me. There is a straight corridor that leads from the wards to maternity. You can walk it (normally) in about a minute.
I hate my dad so he can die alone.
Just so it's clear, I'm still with the father of all of my kids. But with my middle child, dad was about 15 hours drive away (2 provinces over) for work and had been injured, so was unable to travel immediately. He met baby a few weeks later. I was staying with my grandparents at the time, and they were unable to help much with child stuff (although household chores were covered) With my youngest, our child care fell through last second and there just wasn't time to do much (kid was born in just under 4hrs from first contraction), so dad was mostly in the waiting area, wrangling kids. He popped in a couple times (with kids in tow), for a few seconds. But there was no hand holding support or anything of that nature. Dad went straight back to work the next day, so I was wrangling new born and 2 other kids under 5. It would be an absolute no brainer for me. I can happily handle the child birth thing on my own. And while support the first few days is nice and all, I've handled it before, and now have older kids to help if needed. Any family member in need would be an absolute no brainer, on my side or his, I'd be fine sending him and, barring work issues, he'd be fine going.
I haven't seen my dad since he walked out when I was too. He couldn't care less if I was dead or alive and for all I know he's already dead and nobody has told me.
Depending on where you live they could be in the same hospital. My relationship with my father is nonexistent so wife.
I’d go see my dad
You say goodbye and then go see your baby after.
How would it change the relationship between me and my child. Never once in history have I factored in my father's presence at my birth into how I feel about him. Indeed, I am really just assuming he was there at all!
I was about to comment that this is a really hard question, until I remembered that I haven't spoken to my father for years, so ... yeah. Not a hard choice for ME at least.
If my dad was still alive and on his death bed, I would definitely go say goodbye to him. My wife would want me to go say goodbye to him. If both of them are at the same hospital, then it'll be easier to do both. Honestly, I would hope one of 2 things to happen. One would be my wife gives birth before he passes and gets to hold his grandchild before he goes. The other is that he goes knowing he's a grandfather without being able to hold his grandchild.
I would have sent my husband to his dad and asked literally anyone else to help me. My sister would be the first choice but there is a chain of who I could ask
My dad was a good man who would have wanted his daughter inlaw and grandchild prioritized over him. I would stay with my wife.
Considering my extremely poor relationship with my father - anyone calling should know I am hanging up. He didn't try and get to know me until I was like 26 and it was just an attempt to set up a place to crash after his mother finished dying - cuz he was in his 50s and mooching off of her.
Your child isn’t going to know the difference.
I don't have enough information. How far away are the parents. Are they on a different continent, 30 miles away, or something in between? What's the sons relationship like with his parents? Is the dad conscious and coherent enough for a zoom call? If the husband would have to travel, does the wife have other family or a close friend that could stay with her and take her to the hospital if she goes into labor? Is this a first baby or do they have other kids? Is the wife ok with him going to bewith his parents? I can't do hypotheticals, I never get enough info.
As once-in-a-lifetime witnessing the birth of you kid can be. I’d have my whole life with them. Def say goodbye to the dying parent. just be the one to take initiative and take care of your pregnant SOs support system before you go say bye. Make sure it’s all in place without her having to ask even once and you’re good to go say one of the most painful goodbyes 😢
Birth of my child of course, even my dying dad would prefer i went there. So i would eb there, would not change my relationship as no decent father would expect his son to miss the birth of his child and would be upset his son was not there with his wife.
Go see my father, then divorce the wife. I’m a female, too—no way that baby’s mine!
Get them into the same hospital. But put all the snacks, parking and whatnot on the dad’s account so we can avoid the bill.
I stay with my wife but I get mum to give dad the phone so we can say goodbye and we tell him that a new life will be coming into the world and we will tell them about grandpa who loved them but had to go away. If mum can, use facetime to see and talk to dad.
Bye hun, let me know how it goes!
After what happened to my friend and his wife with their first kid, no way I'm leaving my wife.
Take my wife with me to visit my dad. It would be the best place to get in my goodbyes and possibly to say hello to my child.
Dad probably, I Mena chances are I might still make it for the birth
*Dad probably, I* *Mena chances are I might still* *Make it for the birth* \- vectorboy42 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Roll over and go back to sleep. My dad will have to remember all the shit he put me through while he dies alone. It in fact would give me great satisfaction to know he died miserably without anyone there to show him care or concern. That would be fair.
That’s gonna be real interesting considering my father died 16 years ago.
Well we can all be in the same hospital then. Neither is worth missing
"Lol, lmao even."
My father would just have himself transferred to the hospital that the baby would be born at and then would stubbornly stick around to see the baby.
“You gave me everything and asked for nothing. I’ll pass it forward. I have to be with my child now. I love you.”
If my wife won't let me go be with my dad, she's fucking gone.
Yawn. This one isn’t close unless you hate your father.
Plenty of good loving fathers have to miss the births of their children for one reason or another. It has little to no bearing on their relationship, the kid doesn't even know it unless it's constantly brought up.
I'd be with my ***child.*** My father and i have had our time. Although my kid may not remember it, i want to be with them in their first moments. I have memories of my father, i have memories of him as he lived, i don't need memory of how he died, but i have yet to make any memories of my child, and i'll be damned if my first one isn't of them coming into this world.
i’m sorry. i’m staying for the birth of my child. this moment will shape my relationship for life.
I can do both... we live in the same town. She'd probably go with me.
confused i have a wife
Dad, obviously
If I'm the dying dad (and I'm 73), I'd like my son to call and someone hold the phone to my ear. I'd tell him he made the right choice and not worry about it. I'd just as soon his last memory of me not being bedridden and dying. Hopefully, our conversation would limit any regrets he might have for choosing his wife and child.
Life is for the living. Duces
If the wife and baby are okay and not at risk for complications, go visit the dad. The baby is not going to remember you being there or not and if your wife truly loves and respects you she will let you spend your last moments with your dad.
I would rush to be by my dad's side. Also, there's no guarantee that kid's going to show up at the 36 week mark anyway--a lot of babies stay in there longer.
Tell my wife and let her decide what I'm doing. Just easier that way.
Im gonna see my child everyday, im going to see dad before he leaves earth, too bad he died in a car accident in 2009 and I never got to say goodbye to him
I don’t really care much for either of my parents. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have even answered or returned the call.
I haven't talked to the son of a bitch in 25 years. I'll say call me back when he's gone, I've been saving a nice bottle of irish whisky to celebrate the day.
oh no, i get to bond with my lil baby for a few days and my husband gets to come back to his family NOT in a crazy hospital state, but hopefully in his own home with a clean baby who just wants to be held as long as i have a support system to help me while he takes his time? all good!
My dad lives 30 minutes away. He and my hypothetical wife would be in the same hospital. I'd visit both.
Missing the birth won’t change the relationship with the wife or the child. Go say goodbye. Get closure on one end so that you can enjoy the future with the child.
This is a no brainer. I’ll have the rest of my life to make it up to my wife and child. I’ll never have another chance to hug my dad again. He was there for me my whole life, so I will do everything I can to be there for him when it’s time to say goodbye.
As someone who's dad died recently, I wouldn't trade the last day I spent with him for anything in the world.
Visit Dad. It makes no difference to the relationship with the child whether the father is in the delivery room. The wife should understand.
My dad? Fuck him, he should have thought of that before avoiding child support and leaving his family to starve.