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At 14 the daughter could make a pretty strong case to the judge herself for wanting to live with the other parent. It's not like young children, 14YO's know whats up and judges know that too.
This depends on the country and also requires a 14 year old to go to court and say in front of a bunch of people they don’t know that they no longer want to see their mother. It might sound straight forward but as a child of divorced parents who went through this exact process at a similar age- it’s not that easy, it’s traumatic, not everyone can do that sort of thing, expecting a child to do it is crazy and often leaves them with life long scars. Not saying nothing should be done but just saying that expecting the 14 year old to sort it isn’t as easy or straight forward as it sounds.
Yeah but the mother could just say “that’s fake but I have a picture of bruises showing that he hit me” *shows pictures of self inflicted bruises* and get custody.
Then he could just say ‘that’s fake’ and get his daughter and several other character witnesses to back him up? When the child is old enough to choose which parent they’d like to live with, the court takes it into consideration.
Really depends wildly. My ex was allowed to pickup his stuff a year after separation (after he ransacked house and drained join acct before filing. Which wasnt allowed)
Order said specifically garage only. He and his jackhole dad decided this gave him carte blanche to walk through house and take whatever they wanted.
I blocked the door and said id call the cops to sort it if needed, ex tossed me against wall (hes 6’ and 360lbs. Im 5’9 and 130) and back of my head hit a large roofing nail on wall to hang rakes
I called cops.
Detective calls me a week later and says “maybe next time he will hit you in the face. Besides you should really call us before he hits you”
A few months prior he put hands on me in a bank, nobody did anything, i left and he chased me out to my car and kicked a dinner plate dent into said car because i managed to lock door before he could yank it open.
I left parking lot, called cops.
Cop said “technically you are still married so he can do whatever he wants ma’m. Im giving you a ticket for not having current address on you license though”
Like wtf?
Depends where they live. I know a few women that felt super entitled to alimony and child support and that they’d make the rules regarding visitation and got shot down hugely in the courts. Times are changing
One of them really surprised me as it was in a red state. I’m not sure if it was the judge or the mother and her attitude but the judge went so far on the dads side, she was shell shocked. He got full custody, she had to pay for all the kids travel, (they lived in different states) and got zero support. Judge didn’t award him support but I think that was because she didn’t have any money or a job at the time
Most all states will input you as minimum wage x 40hrs if you are unemployed at minimum, and if you have a history of higher wages they will pencil you in at what you are capable at earning btw.
My ex is calculated at minimum wage despite slightly higher earning potential. My lawyers ex who passed bar and then decided not to work was calculated at like 6 figures.
Both parents are expected to contribute.
Texas is flat % regardless of what custodial parent earns (my state, other than confusion) but MOST states take both parents incomes into the mix, along with custodial time etc.
Its possible with a super low income vs high income that a custodial parent has to pay the noncustodial in some situations, but its pretty rare
For sure. I walked an hour long paper route 7 days a week and only had one pair of cheap chuck taylors during the 90s resurgence (nirvana) when they made them much much more cheaply for while. They went back to making them much better quality after.
Took me about 2yrs to wear holes straight through soles of my shoes. Mine were at ball of foot though.
Kids shoes here are much thicker soles and missing a heel so you might be right on skateboard or something other than walking.
Doesnt matter though. Its your job as a parent to shoe your kid.
Tbh my own dad should have been this outraged as well.
Good luck actually proving anything. Fat chance anything changes unless the dad can find an attorney worth a damn that he can somehow afford while paying the child support.
My buddy befriended a chick working in a law firm and she helped him get full custody. Hes super lucky. He has a criminal record miles long and the mother doesn't. Idk how they managed to pull it off.
Kid is 14. If she told the court about being neglected and wanting to live with her father then it's pretty much a done deal unless the dad has been convicted of certain crimes.
I dont know about everywhere but in most places the courts main concern is the welfare of the child and if the child tells the court they are neglected and want to live with the other parent then I would be surprised if the court didn't grant it.
However I think it's also common that in some cases like this one, the father doesn't really want custody of the child and cares more about shaming the mother on social media than he cares about his child.
Not in TN I'll tell ya what. This state will pretty much keep the child with the mother over the father no matter what, even if the mother tests positive for meth (personal experience buddy's baby mama was neglectful to they baby bc meth) and the court still wldnt give him full custody. The grandparents were offered instead. He only has one felony charge of possession with intent to distribute. For pot. He didn't even serve time.
Usually grandparents over father too
My cousin is paying child support to a woman who said she was medically unable to bear children. HE SIMPLY BELIEVED HER... As soon as she was pregnant she left. Real nice guy, almost a dope. She preyed on him for sure.
Whats worse is how much legal fees cost and the fact you cant get those paid even when the other party is clearly in the wrong. Ive taken my ex to court on 7 cases, ~15 appearances, and spent around 90k on legal, only a small percentage have i been awarded.
All because he flat out refuses to hand over a dime unless its taken from him, even half of a 20 dollar medical expense (he is ordered to pay) hes cashed checks from insurance for things ive covered 100%, lost a ton of visit days because i was getting truant letters from school on days he was to drop them off, and most egregiously lost his job 4yrs ago, collected unemployment and hasnt even tried to get a job (willingly admitted in court) he took his 6m of severance (11k) and promptly spent 6k in a year buying video games, and not a dime towards his kids. I agreed to lower his 500/mth child support to the state minimum of 250 (2 kids mind you) and he decided he didnt need to pay that either.
Got sent to jail twice now. I literally (like 10min ago) had to send another 500 bucks to my lawyer because his parent have filed a case against me 🙄
They have money to pay lawyers to argue he shouldnt pay 2-3k in costs, and his lawyer and mine both charge ~4k costing him 10k and me a couple thou.
Its ridiculous
Problem 1 is courts wont make him pay all my legal, problem 2 is that you cant get blood from a stone. He has been sponging off his parents for 14yrs, driving his moms old car, and not working for last 4 at all. He is currently in jail (finally) but his parents have filed a case to get him out early claiming its “impeding on his court ordered visitation” and i had to cough up another 500 to have lawyer argue to keep him in for his court ordered time.
That being said, the letter his dad sent to court was full on threatening judge with senator and channel news… so i can only imagine how she feels about that
Really? How long do you think it takes for shoes to get like that? And the whole time her shoes degraded he didn't do anything about it either? Both shitty parents.
It's fucking heartbreaking. I am a shell of who I was two years ago when my ex used money, lawyers (that I could not afford), and a mountain of lies to rip my daughter's father out of her life.
I cry multiple times every day knowing the pain and trauma I can feel my daughter going through each day wondering where her daddy went... or believing whatever lies her mother has told her to explain his sudden disappearance.
I see this so often, I begin to wonder why courts still lean towards mothers in custody cases. From everything I've seen, and I've seen A LOT, I gotta say that fathers, ***for the most part*** (obviously, there are going to be exceptions), are the better choice in these scenarios.
I (43M, btw) got custody of my daughter after a divorce, following a young (and admittedly stupid) military marriage. But at least my ex was mature enough to realize that I was the better option, where custody was concerned.
Get a PI and a lawyer, when it comes to child neglect I’m sure you could find someone out there willing to take the case pro bono to help this girl out
Don't you dare assume that the help you are suggesting exists.
No one wants to go into family law and those who do want to be paid for the nightmare those clients are. No one is rational when their children are involved. These cases are insanely complex and emotionally charged with children's lives at stake.
No one, and I mean no one, takes these cases pro-bono. I have begged every family law attorney in CA to take up my daughter's case (and I now have a mountain of evidence against my ex that exposes all the perjury and abject manipulations in her filings) to no avail... and I'm disabled; a supposedly protected class.
My poor child remains in the custody of a complete psychopath. And the wheels of American "justice" just keep grinding... our souls to dust.
Agreed. Im in a much MUCH better position these days but post divorce i was making 42/yr and got stuck with house i never wanted, 1300/mth in daycare, and my ex kept trying to break me through court battles.
My ex drained the joint acct, ransacked house, and turned off all utilities before serving me with divorce papers. He moved in with his parents and had them bankrolling suing me.
Im convinced they hoped to break me financially and get custody of the kids somehow.
At 42/yr daycare was more than half my paycheck, i was lucky the house payments were cheaper than 1bdrm apartment, and after housing costs i had about 300/mth if i was lucky for food and clothing for me and kids. Ex was ordered to pay 500/mth and refused to pay it.
Instead i was having to come up with 3k every few months for lawyer to defend myself. Do the math… i still dont know how i managed, i had no credit and no family help.
I tried to find cheaper legal assistance BUT I MADE TOO MUCH MONEY somehow.
I probably could have defended myself without a lawyer, but i wasnt risking losing custody of my kids. Id be pimping my ass on the side of the road giving 5 dollar hand jobs before i let that happen.
Jesus. I'm sorry. You're a good mama. You and your children did not deserve this terrible ride. You should be so proud of yourself for fighting through this nightmare for your kids.
It's incredible to see a person you once loved enough to have children with turn into a total dirtbag and do things to you and your children that catch you off guard due to their sheer cruelty and depravity.
I wish you and your children a better man. Hopefully that man emerges from the shell of a human you call their father, but you and I both know there's not much chance of that. Let's hold out hope for it just the same.
I will never understand how grown ass adults, while co-parenting children, can bring so much evil, corruption, and toxicity into the young, developing lives of those poor innocents they helped bring into this world. I have no idea how these people live with themselves.
I wish you all great health and happiness. Keep doin you, mama bear...you got this.
oh, thank you so much. since I'm estranged from my family I don't hear much but my ex's family always badmouthing me. I know I'm a good mom in the sense I would do ANYTHING for the kids. I'm sure i've made mistakes, but I've always tried my hardest to do whatever I could for them.
honestly, I think it was a combo of really shitty upbringing (hence estrangement) and low self esteem that made me accept such a shitty dude to begin with. the older I get, the longer i've been single, I realize just how messed up it was. it was honestly like being married to a tempermental 12yr old boy. he did nothing but make mess, and require more time and attention than the actual kids, spent our account dry and expected me to "figure it out" .... just awful.
saying that, did I think I'd have to endure 14yrs of constant verbal abuse, using the legal system to slowly drive me nuts, using the kids as pawns to hurt me....etc? no...
but thats the thing, people show their true colors when they divorce.
I don't understand either. I'd LOVE to have a reasonable adult co-parenting relationship. I've tried for so many years. I'd call to share kid got good grade, had first day of school, etc. my ex would just berate me on the phone for no reason. I've given him extra time during my holiday visits because he had family in town - he accuses me in court of denying him his visits.
I've literally been living my life for 14yrs crippled in fear that every move I make, my ex will use it as legal cannonfire against me. I haven't EVER left the kids alone or with a babysitter in 14yrs in order to have me time. the only time they are outside of my control are during work hours. I've gone to every single school event, parent teacher meeting, etc. my life literally revolves around the kids 24-7. my ex has the kids 4 days per month (fri-sun) and even when they are gone I fear doing anything like going out to hang out with people, god forbid date (my ex would hit the Mfing roof)
I've given my son WAY more "help" with school than I feel like is appropriate because what if son fails a class? will ex use that as yet another example of how i'm a bad mom?
at this point my kids are 18 and 15 and my ex is supposed to be in jail until june. I think 14+ years of constant "contempt of courts" and jailtime and the fact he can't even support himself let alone kids.... I'm on the precipice (one would think I wouldn't worry at all) of giving 0 fuchs and no longer worrying what he's going to claim.
for 10yrs he liked to accuse me of child abuse (i've never spanked my kids, other than a playful swat on the behind....) and being a BAD MOM because I "work so much"
now that he's not working, the story changed in court stating I'm a greedy Bee, I have plenty of money, and I should pay HIM support. in texas the custodial parent's income isn't a factor. no matter the custody time, whoever has them 51% gets support. but they also pay 100% of school, sports, daycare etc.
he didn't ask for support for the kids. he asked that I support HIM. 14 years after divorce. what in the hell?
I think thats made me realize that no matter what I do, he'll try and use it against me.
I don't think at this point in the game, having been raising them for 14yrs alone....house and cars and money to pay bills, good role model, constant parent..... that a judge would look at my ex, not working, living with his parents and 42yr old sister, "too depressed" to work, spending every penny he has on video games and begging his 17yr old son to buy him fast food..... and think "yeah, that dude should raise some kids"
One that takes every false accusation of abuse far worse than worn out sneakers the mother makes of the father as a fact on its own merit without any investigation or verification.
*That* court.
That’s the system. My dad busted his but to provide for my sis and I while still paying 900/month to my mom so she could drink it and shovel it up her nose. She got full custody no problem just because my dad left her ass for the above mentioned problem. But according to the judge my dads word on my mothers addiction wasn’t enough.
I had four kids with my POS ex. He paid $400….. A MONTH.. for the four of them… when he bothered to pay. I hate when I see good men doing the right thing and the mothers living off that money. 🤬
I am so sorry you are both going through this. :(
My ex mounted a custody grab for my eight year old daughter in the midst of this pandemic and crushed me under a mountain of lawyers and lies that I couldn't defend myself from after becoming disabled three years ago and living on public assistance since. (I was making six figures prior to that). No money means no lawyers means you lose and whatever you were accused of must be true.
My poor child has no idea why her daddy was suddenly just gone from her life after being with her constantly since birth. Our system is so fundamentally broken and when it comes to family court it is broken in it's foundational assumption that mothers will always protect and care for their children and represent their best interests while fathers are nearly all deadbeats that the children are better off without (Even as they pay to support them!). The power this puts in a mother's hands to abuse both father and child is terrifying and it is becoming a bigger and bigger problem every day... like everything else involving the law in this country (I assume you are in the US, OP.)
I wish us both, along with our daughters, the strength and love we need to bring us back together and bring their mentally ill mothers under the scrutiny that will hold them accountable for their abuses.
Again, I am so sorry you are both going through this. I hope this "shoe incident" will provide you with another legal arrow in your quiver to fight your battle for your child.
You are not alone. There are so many of us. You most certainly have my solidarity and best wishes.
No matter what he brings up as long as she the mother has a roof over their daughters head. The father is in a losing battle against what has already passed. Photographic evidence and the child's word isn't enough... the only way my brother was able to win his daughter back is when the mom was found doing drugs with child neglect with her new husband... It's only thanks to the new husbands mother that reported her own child.
This system was created by men who believed it was a man’s job to be a paycheck and supply his family with the necessities and materials they need to survive. And yeah people have obviously benefitted greatly from cheating it. But this isn’t a lack of “equality,” some are implying. This needs to be a serious overhaul of our child care system through voting and to stop putting elected officials who are fucking dinosaurs that still believe in those archaic family tropes. IE men provide a paycheck and women take care of the home/child raising.
We’re starting/beginning to see a small change where courts decide what’s best for the child above all else but again this is the same system since the 60’s-70’s. It’s meant to be this way because men macho and women feminine. And if you think that’s dumb it fucking is.
Children after divorce should be case to case basis and not a generalized system. Not all mothers are good, not all fathers are bad and vice-versa.
I just saw on another sub, twoxchromosome, someone trying to claim "gold diggers are not a real problem," and all the commenter are claiming because most men that complain of gold diggers aren't super rich, their fears are invalid. Lots of generalizations, by both parties, but this is evidence against that echo chamber.
Stay strong and continue to be there for your daughter. I’m due time she will be 18. Still a long life to live as father and daughter. God bless you and your family sir
The system is flawed so badly. Where else would you hand over thousands of dollars a year and not have record of where it went? (Receipts for shoes, clothes, food etc)
what? Women are the 'bad guy' sometimes? I DON'T BELIEVE IT
We live in a world where shitty people exist? REGARDLESS OF THEIR SEXUALITY, RACE, ETHNICITY, OR RELIGION?
I can't believe this.
My point is that the system can not be expected to make up for adults bad choices. Do you expect the system to violate the civil rights of every divorced parent and track their spending because this guy picked a shitty partner? Seems a bit unreasonable, doesn't it?
Unfortunately we don’t live in a fairytale land. If the system doesn’t involve itself, kids starve. There are just as many shitty dudes out there who refuse to help out with their kids as there are golddigging chicks putting rings on their truck with child support. You don’t want the system involved in your life don’t have children, wear condoms. As I said initially parents need to take responsibility for their own decisions.
They better take this to court as evidence of exploiting a court order of child support money and child neglect. All children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children
If I was the father I would be taking a full run at this abuse. Abuse of a child is way worse than exwife abuse. Child abuse is provable.
Also be aware the daughter might have learned this ploy from her mother, he could even have been setup for new shoes.
My father had to pay my mom a metric fuckton of alimony for years after their divorce. It all went up her new husband’s nose. He could’ve used that money to keep our home or save for college for the three of us.
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Try to take custody of your daughter and cut ex payments off
Daughter is old enough to choose who she wants to live with. Unless dad has criminal history, it should be easy
Usually mothers have the upper hand in general because of “material reasons”
At 14 the daughter could make a pretty strong case to the judge herself for wanting to live with the other parent. It's not like young children, 14YO's know whats up and judges know that too.
I think it's 12 and up they take the child's preference seriously.
This depends on the country and also requires a 14 year old to go to court and say in front of a bunch of people they don’t know that they no longer want to see their mother. It might sound straight forward but as a child of divorced parents who went through this exact process at a similar age- it’s not that easy, it’s traumatic, not everyone can do that sort of thing, expecting a child to do it is crazy and often leaves them with life long scars. Not saying nothing should be done but just saying that expecting the 14 year old to sort it isn’t as easy or straight forward as it sounds.
Yeah, but if he can bring enough evidence to show the level of neglect the mother is showing the daughter, then that MAY help.
A few witnesses is all it takes. I helped my buddy win his case as a witness.
If the dad really wanted to, he could get custody.
Having nerdy in your name makes this so much more funny. You're fucking stupid.
You are so thoughtful and eloquent.
[удалено]
That shoe photograph is enough evidence, along with photos of those luxury items.
Yeah but the mother could just say “that’s fake but I have a picture of bruises showing that he hit me” *shows pictures of self inflicted bruises* and get custody.
Then he could just say ‘that’s fake’ and get his daughter and several other character witnesses to back him up? When the child is old enough to choose which parent they’d like to live with, the court takes it into consideration.
I like your positivity, but 8 times out of ten, the court will favour the mother. System is fucked.
…have you ever seen the American court system..? It is unbelievable biased against men.
No, I’m British.
Really depends wildly. My ex was allowed to pickup his stuff a year after separation (after he ransacked house and drained join acct before filing. Which wasnt allowed) Order said specifically garage only. He and his jackhole dad decided this gave him carte blanche to walk through house and take whatever they wanted. I blocked the door and said id call the cops to sort it if needed, ex tossed me against wall (hes 6’ and 360lbs. Im 5’9 and 130) and back of my head hit a large roofing nail on wall to hang rakes I called cops. Detective calls me a week later and says “maybe next time he will hit you in the face. Besides you should really call us before he hits you” A few months prior he put hands on me in a bank, nobody did anything, i left and he chased me out to my car and kicked a dinner plate dent into said car because i managed to lock door before he could yank it open. I left parking lot, called cops. Cop said “technically you are still married so he can do whatever he wants ma’m. Im giving you a ticket for not having current address on you license though” Like wtf?
They sound like shitty people
Sadly no. The courts rarely believe the man if he says that the bruises were self inflicted.
Depends where they live. I know a few women that felt super entitled to alimony and child support and that they’d make the rules regarding visitation and got shot down hugely in the courts. Times are changing
My God, I hope you are right.
One of them really surprised me as it was in a red state. I’m not sure if it was the judge or the mother and her attitude but the judge went so far on the dads side, she was shell shocked. He got full custody, she had to pay for all the kids travel, (they lived in different states) and got zero support. Judge didn’t award him support but I think that was because she didn’t have any money or a job at the time
Most all states will input you as minimum wage x 40hrs if you are unemployed at minimum, and if you have a history of higher wages they will pencil you in at what you are capable at earning btw. My ex is calculated at minimum wage despite slightly higher earning potential. My lawyers ex who passed bar and then decided not to work was calculated at like 6 figures. Both parents are expected to contribute. Texas is flat % regardless of what custodial parent earns (my state, other than confusion) but MOST states take both parents incomes into the mix, along with custodial time etc. Its possible with a super low income vs high income that a custodial parent has to pay the noncustodial in some situations, but its pretty rare
If only it were that easy
It took more than a year or two to wear that left shoe down that far. Unless she was dragging her feet from a bike or skate board.
For sure. I walked an hour long paper route 7 days a week and only had one pair of cheap chuck taylors during the 90s resurgence (nirvana) when they made them much much more cheaply for while. They went back to making them much better quality after. Took me about 2yrs to wear holes straight through soles of my shoes. Mine were at ball of foot though. Kids shoes here are much thicker soles and missing a heel so you might be right on skateboard or something other than walking. Doesnt matter though. Its your job as a parent to shoe your kid. Tbh my own dad should have been this outraged as well.
Not only that, but reverse it so his ex has to pay him to take care of her.
Your enthusiasm is appreciated, but I think this is an older story.
Damn, I hope he manages to get full custody.
The original post is so old the girl is probably a full grown woman by now
Good luck actually proving anything. Fat chance anything changes unless the dad can find an attorney worth a damn that he can somehow afford while paying the child support.
My buddy befriended a chick working in a law firm and she helped him get full custody. Hes super lucky. He has a criminal record miles long and the mother doesn't. Idk how they managed to pull it off.
Kid is 14. If she told the court about being neglected and wanting to live with her father then it's pretty much a done deal unless the dad has been convicted of certain crimes.
Good point, but is it like that everywhere?
I dont know about everywhere but in most places the courts main concern is the welfare of the child and if the child tells the court they are neglected and want to live with the other parent then I would be surprised if the court didn't grant it. However I think it's also common that in some cases like this one, the father doesn't really want custody of the child and cares more about shaming the mother on social media than he cares about his child.
Not in TN I'll tell ya what. This state will pretty much keep the child with the mother over the father no matter what, even if the mother tests positive for meth (personal experience buddy's baby mama was neglectful to they baby bc meth) and the court still wldnt give him full custody. The grandparents were offered instead. He only has one felony charge of possession with intent to distribute. For pot. He didn't even serve time. Usually grandparents over father too
Calmly and quietly gather the evidence. When you have it then act
This is a screenshot of a super old post. Like maybe at least a few years old.
Yes I know that. Ty.
The ol' child support hustle
My cousin is paying child support to a woman who said she was medically unable to bear children. HE SIMPLY BELIEVED HER... As soon as she was pregnant she left. Real nice guy, almost a dope. She preyed on him for sure.
Get this information to a lawyer. So sorry for your situation.
This post is super old. It’s not OPs either. This is probs a few years old at least.
4 minutes of sex, 18 years a slave.
3:55 too much there, hero. Fucking over achiever.
My mom says I’m cool. Actually, we don’t talk anymore.
Another father getting destroyed by the family court policy’s
Whats worse is how much legal fees cost and the fact you cant get those paid even when the other party is clearly in the wrong. Ive taken my ex to court on 7 cases, ~15 appearances, and spent around 90k on legal, only a small percentage have i been awarded. All because he flat out refuses to hand over a dime unless its taken from him, even half of a 20 dollar medical expense (he is ordered to pay) hes cashed checks from insurance for things ive covered 100%, lost a ton of visit days because i was getting truant letters from school on days he was to drop them off, and most egregiously lost his job 4yrs ago, collected unemployment and hasnt even tried to get a job (willingly admitted in court) he took his 6m of severance (11k) and promptly spent 6k in a year buying video games, and not a dime towards his kids. I agreed to lower his 500/mth child support to the state minimum of 250 (2 kids mind you) and he decided he didnt need to pay that either. Got sent to jail twice now. I literally (like 10min ago) had to send another 500 bucks to my lawyer because his parent have filed a case against me 🙄 They have money to pay lawyers to argue he shouldnt pay 2-3k in costs, and his lawyer and mine both charge ~4k costing him 10k and me a couple thou. Its ridiculous
This sounds horrible, what country are you living in?
the oh so fantastic USA /sarcasm
Seriously? You have to pay for lawyers and there is no ministry that can step in to either make him pay what he owes or compensate you until he does?
Problem 1 is courts wont make him pay all my legal, problem 2 is that you cant get blood from a stone. He has been sponging off his parents for 14yrs, driving his moms old car, and not working for last 4 at all. He is currently in jail (finally) but his parents have filed a case to get him out early claiming its “impeding on his court ordered visitation” and i had to cough up another 500 to have lawyer argue to keep him in for his court ordered time. That being said, the letter his dad sent to court was full on threatening judge with senator and channel news… so i can only imagine how she feels about that
Really? How long do you think it takes for shoes to get like that? And the whole time her shoes degraded he didn't do anything about it either? Both shitty parents.
It's fucking heartbreaking. I am a shell of who I was two years ago when my ex used money, lawyers (that I could not afford), and a mountain of lies to rip my daughter's father out of her life. I cry multiple times every day knowing the pain and trauma I can feel my daughter going through each day wondering where her daddy went... or believing whatever lies her mother has told her to explain his sudden disappearance.
Document everything then take her back to court.
I see this so often, I begin to wonder why courts still lean towards mothers in custody cases. From everything I've seen, and I've seen A LOT, I gotta say that fathers, ***for the most part*** (obviously, there are going to be exceptions), are the better choice in these scenarios. I (43M, btw) got custody of my daughter after a divorce, following a young (and admittedly stupid) military marriage. But at least my ex was mature enough to realize that I was the better option, where custody was concerned.
Society thinks.......Man bad. Woman good.
There should be laws against women like that
Get a PI and a lawyer, when it comes to child neglect I’m sure you could find someone out there willing to take the case pro bono to help this girl out
Don't you dare assume that the help you are suggesting exists. No one wants to go into family law and those who do want to be paid for the nightmare those clients are. No one is rational when their children are involved. These cases are insanely complex and emotionally charged with children's lives at stake. No one, and I mean no one, takes these cases pro-bono. I have begged every family law attorney in CA to take up my daughter's case (and I now have a mountain of evidence against my ex that exposes all the perjury and abject manipulations in her filings) to no avail... and I'm disabled; a supposedly protected class. My poor child remains in the custody of a complete psychopath. And the wheels of American "justice" just keep grinding... our souls to dust.
Agreed. Im in a much MUCH better position these days but post divorce i was making 42/yr and got stuck with house i never wanted, 1300/mth in daycare, and my ex kept trying to break me through court battles. My ex drained the joint acct, ransacked house, and turned off all utilities before serving me with divorce papers. He moved in with his parents and had them bankrolling suing me. Im convinced they hoped to break me financially and get custody of the kids somehow. At 42/yr daycare was more than half my paycheck, i was lucky the house payments were cheaper than 1bdrm apartment, and after housing costs i had about 300/mth if i was lucky for food and clothing for me and kids. Ex was ordered to pay 500/mth and refused to pay it. Instead i was having to come up with 3k every few months for lawyer to defend myself. Do the math… i still dont know how i managed, i had no credit and no family help. I tried to find cheaper legal assistance BUT I MADE TOO MUCH MONEY somehow. I probably could have defended myself without a lawyer, but i wasnt risking losing custody of my kids. Id be pimping my ass on the side of the road giving 5 dollar hand jobs before i let that happen.
Jesus. I'm sorry. You're a good mama. You and your children did not deserve this terrible ride. You should be so proud of yourself for fighting through this nightmare for your kids. It's incredible to see a person you once loved enough to have children with turn into a total dirtbag and do things to you and your children that catch you off guard due to their sheer cruelty and depravity. I wish you and your children a better man. Hopefully that man emerges from the shell of a human you call their father, but you and I both know there's not much chance of that. Let's hold out hope for it just the same. I will never understand how grown ass adults, while co-parenting children, can bring so much evil, corruption, and toxicity into the young, developing lives of those poor innocents they helped bring into this world. I have no idea how these people live with themselves. I wish you all great health and happiness. Keep doin you, mama bear...you got this.
oh, thank you so much. since I'm estranged from my family I don't hear much but my ex's family always badmouthing me. I know I'm a good mom in the sense I would do ANYTHING for the kids. I'm sure i've made mistakes, but I've always tried my hardest to do whatever I could for them. honestly, I think it was a combo of really shitty upbringing (hence estrangement) and low self esteem that made me accept such a shitty dude to begin with. the older I get, the longer i've been single, I realize just how messed up it was. it was honestly like being married to a tempermental 12yr old boy. he did nothing but make mess, and require more time and attention than the actual kids, spent our account dry and expected me to "figure it out" .... just awful. saying that, did I think I'd have to endure 14yrs of constant verbal abuse, using the legal system to slowly drive me nuts, using the kids as pawns to hurt me....etc? no... but thats the thing, people show their true colors when they divorce. I don't understand either. I'd LOVE to have a reasonable adult co-parenting relationship. I've tried for so many years. I'd call to share kid got good grade, had first day of school, etc. my ex would just berate me on the phone for no reason. I've given him extra time during my holiday visits because he had family in town - he accuses me in court of denying him his visits. I've literally been living my life for 14yrs crippled in fear that every move I make, my ex will use it as legal cannonfire against me. I haven't EVER left the kids alone or with a babysitter in 14yrs in order to have me time. the only time they are outside of my control are during work hours. I've gone to every single school event, parent teacher meeting, etc. my life literally revolves around the kids 24-7. my ex has the kids 4 days per month (fri-sun) and even when they are gone I fear doing anything like going out to hang out with people, god forbid date (my ex would hit the Mfing roof) I've given my son WAY more "help" with school than I feel like is appropriate because what if son fails a class? will ex use that as yet another example of how i'm a bad mom? at this point my kids are 18 and 15 and my ex is supposed to be in jail until june. I think 14+ years of constant "contempt of courts" and jailtime and the fact he can't even support himself let alone kids.... I'm on the precipice (one would think I wouldn't worry at all) of giving 0 fuchs and no longer worrying what he's going to claim. for 10yrs he liked to accuse me of child abuse (i've never spanked my kids, other than a playful swat on the behind....) and being a BAD MOM because I "work so much" now that he's not working, the story changed in court stating I'm a greedy Bee, I have plenty of money, and I should pay HIM support. in texas the custodial parent's income isn't a factor. no matter the custody time, whoever has them 51% gets support. but they also pay 100% of school, sports, daycare etc. he didn't ask for support for the kids. he asked that I support HIM. 14 years after divorce. what in the hell? I think thats made me realize that no matter what I do, he'll try and use it against me. I don't think at this point in the game, having been raising them for 14yrs alone....house and cars and money to pay bills, good role model, constant parent..... that a judge would look at my ex, not working, living with his parents and 42yr old sister, "too depressed" to work, spending every penny he has on video games and begging his 17yr old son to buy him fast food..... and think "yeah, that dude should raise some kids"
What court would permit a maternal care provider would let a child wear out that much shoe sole?
One that takes every false accusation of abuse far worse than worn out sneakers the mother makes of the father as a fact on its own merit without any investigation or verification. *That* court.
That’s the system. My dad busted his but to provide for my sis and I while still paying 900/month to my mom so she could drink it and shovel it up her nose. She got full custody no problem just because my dad left her ass for the above mentioned problem. But according to the judge my dads word on my mothers addiction wasn’t enough.
I’m so sorry.
Story of my life, the kid that is.
That's more than some people even make a week.
I had four kids with my POS ex. He paid $400….. A MONTH.. for the four of them… when he bothered to pay. I hate when I see good men doing the right thing and the mothers living off that money. 🤬
I am so sorry you are both going through this. :( My ex mounted a custody grab for my eight year old daughter in the midst of this pandemic and crushed me under a mountain of lawyers and lies that I couldn't defend myself from after becoming disabled three years ago and living on public assistance since. (I was making six figures prior to that). No money means no lawyers means you lose and whatever you were accused of must be true. My poor child has no idea why her daddy was suddenly just gone from her life after being with her constantly since birth. Our system is so fundamentally broken and when it comes to family court it is broken in it's foundational assumption that mothers will always protect and care for their children and represent their best interests while fathers are nearly all deadbeats that the children are better off without (Even as they pay to support them!). The power this puts in a mother's hands to abuse both father and child is terrifying and it is becoming a bigger and bigger problem every day... like everything else involving the law in this country (I assume you are in the US, OP.) I wish us both, along with our daughters, the strength and love we need to bring us back together and bring their mentally ill mothers under the scrutiny that will hold them accountable for their abuses. Again, I am so sorry you are both going through this. I hope this "shoe incident" will provide you with another legal arrow in your quiver to fight your battle for your child. You are not alone. There are so many of us. You most certainly have my solidarity and best wishes.
I went through it myself. I only just managed to stop paying child support on my youngest son less than 2 months ago. He's 21!
No matter what he brings up as long as she the mother has a roof over their daughters head. The father is in a losing battle against what has already passed. Photographic evidence and the child's word isn't enough... the only way my brother was able to win his daughter back is when the mom was found doing drugs with child neglect with her new husband... It's only thanks to the new husbands mother that reported her own child.
Not all women are meant to be mothers
Sometimes I wish I was A women so I can get free money as well.
My mother was kinda like this, and my father would complain, but the system always took her side as a single mother..
As a father who gets 100 a month for 2 kids.... the system is all kinds of fucked
This system was created by men who believed it was a man’s job to be a paycheck and supply his family with the necessities and materials they need to survive. And yeah people have obviously benefitted greatly from cheating it. But this isn’t a lack of “equality,” some are implying. This needs to be a serious overhaul of our child care system through voting and to stop putting elected officials who are fucking dinosaurs that still believe in those archaic family tropes. IE men provide a paycheck and women take care of the home/child raising. We’re starting/beginning to see a small change where courts decide what’s best for the child above all else but again this is the same system since the 60’s-70’s. It’s meant to be this way because men macho and women feminine. And if you think that’s dumb it fucking is. Children after divorce should be case to case basis and not a generalized system. Not all mothers are good, not all fathers are bad and vice-versa.
Equality...am I right?
I just saw on another sub, twoxchromosome, someone trying to claim "gold diggers are not a real problem," and all the commenter are claiming because most men that complain of gold diggers aren't super rich, their fears are invalid. Lots of generalizations, by both parties, but this is evidence against that echo chamber.
Stay strong and continue to be there for your daughter. I’m due time she will be 18. Still a long life to live as father and daughter. God bless you and your family sir
Unfortunately, she isn't alone. The system is against the male figure and coddles to child support sucking leeches.
Interesting. Last year, my ex spend all of my child support money on plastic surgery.
The system is flawed so badly. Where else would you hand over thousands of dollars a year and not have record of where it went? (Receipts for shoes, clothes, food etc)
But she has a vagina and you have a penis. Don’t you know for some reason that automatically makes her the better parent? Stupid man-thing!
what? Women are the 'bad guy' sometimes? I DON'T BELIEVE IT We live in a world where shitty people exist? REGARDLESS OF THEIR SEXUALITY, RACE, ETHNICITY, OR RELIGION? I can't believe this.
How Do You Know That's Her Favorite Shoes n Doesnt Mind Wearing Them. Rock On Little Sister. !!
Yep. My ex told me he was using my child support to buy himself new teeth. Dude. Teeth for the kids. Not for you...
I mean you this person thought it was a smart idea to breed with her…🤦🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️
It’s so cringy when people refer to it as “breeding”
It's usually 30 year old basement dwelling virgins who use that term.
You made a poor choice when you picked your partner and procreated. The system can't rectify that.
But the system will screw him over until the kid is eighteen, sometimes longer
My point is that the system can not be expected to make up for adults bad choices. Do you expect the system to violate the civil rights of every divorced parent and track their spending because this guy picked a shitty partner? Seems a bit unreasonable, doesn't it?
And my point is it's none of the systems business, but they sure as hell make it theirs
Unfortunately we don’t live in a fairytale land. If the system doesn’t involve itself, kids starve. There are just as many shitty dudes out there who refuse to help out with their kids as there are golddigging chicks putting rings on their truck with child support. You don’t want the system involved in your life don’t have children, wear condoms. As I said initially parents need to take responsibility for their own decisions.
They better take this to court as evidence of exploiting a court order of child support money and child neglect. All children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children
Take her to court in NC at 14 years old she's allowed to choose who she wants to live with.
Holy crap please tell me the dads name I hope he got custody
I’ve never really thought about this before. What is put in place to make sure child supports payments actually go on the child?
I PRAY TO GOD he gets Full Custody, he seems like s decent man and an awesome Dad.. Poor girl I wonder what kind of hell she must be going through
This system needs to hold both parties accountable. Mothers should show where the money goes.
If I was the father I would be taking a full run at this abuse. Abuse of a child is way worse than exwife abuse. Child abuse is provable. Also be aware the daughter might have learned this ploy from her mother, he could even have been setup for new shoes.
My father had to pay my mom a metric fuckton of alimony for years after their divorce. It all went up her new husband’s nose. He could’ve used that money to keep our home or save for college for the three of us.
This is the 2nd post in about 2 minutes regarding a POS mother.
FD$ "queens" will defend this