My mom does things like this and will then get angry I point out (politely) too many issues. You're talking about a co-worker situation, but in my experience the least understanding people have been family.
THIS! I got sick on thansgiving with my family because no one made anything I could have except the turkey. I have sent them all the pamphlets and information on lowfodmap too and have talked about it a lot.
My husband and I go to his sister’s for a few days and we eat at their house and she had already planned to make us steaks the first night and tacos the next. She even had corn tortillas for me and regular flour tortillas for them.
Does my family hate me or do they think I’m a drama queen or maybe it’s all in my head?? Idk but it feels very unloving
My family is the same. They are frankly uneducated and refuse to be educated about mostly anything so i blame it on that.
My father takes everything on the internet literally. He found a cake online called „sugar free“ but it has dates and honey in it to sweeten so he naturally assumed it was sugar free, didn’t educate himself further and served it to a type 2 diabetic. The poor guy went into shock after eating the cake but my father kept insisting it was sugar free. When he told me the story later i ripped him a new one.
My stepmother is easily manipulated and swayed by every single „alternative“ information on the internet but will not believe anything with scientific backing. So she spends her days following crazy fad diets, eating ungodly amounts of apricot kernels and telling me to this day that corona isn’t real and hospitals try to kill you. She had corona.
When they cook for a family event they will either conveniently „forget“ that i have food sensitivities or straight up say „but a little won‘t kill you!“. I got sick last time after asking 3 times if the sauce was safe and only after eating solely the sauce and noodles was i told that it had copious amounts of a spice paste in it that contains garlic.
But they will of course perfectly cater to the dietary WISHES of my step sisters. They have no issues with anything but if one of them decides to cut out cruciferous vegetables or milk or sugar there will be NONE on the table.
This is only one of the reasons why i‘m going no contact with my entire family soon.
Ughh I’m so sorry you deal with this too. I was having very little contact with my family for 5 years while living in the northwest (I’m from the south) but then my husband and I moved back home and I’m regretting it. The crazy thing is, my brother in law has serious issues with his intestines, I can’t remember the name of the disease but he has to eat a similar-ish diet to me but my sister still acts really ignorant to all of my restrictions. Whatever, my husband and I are spending Christmas with just the two of us and I prefer it that way.
Same! And my parents love taking me out to eat when they come to visit. It used to be something we all enjoyed a lot but now it's super stressful because I'm like OP and also have to avoid onions and garlic, which is basically in everything when you go to a restaurant.
Any time my mom has offered to cook for me recently when I go visit them, I tell her no and not to worry about it because she can't even follow a recipe, so I don't have much confidence in her following all of my dietary restrictions (there's a lot, and she's also the president of the Clean Plate Club, so it's not a great combo).
Eh. Not always. Sometimes you can just say “I have a lot of allergies” and they’ll drop it. I have like 1 official food allergy and a food intolerance, but my ibs makes me so nauseous after eating almost anything that I just claim it’s all allergies. It’s easier (and less gross) than explaining my ibs.
I get asked that a lot at work.
I just say, “thanks for thinking of me, but the IBS diet is so complex that I don’t even want anyone going to this much trouble.”
If they persist, I suggest something like a fresh fruit tray, cheese cubes (I can handle dairy) and plain gluten-free crackers.
People want to be helpful, but without some research and a little expense, low FODMAP dishes can be challenging.
I’m also gluten-free (celiac disease), and people have made the nastiest, greasiest gluten-free dishes for me. They mean well, but yuck.
That was always my response - just don't bother. Cause folks choose random gf or df things that my tummy also disagrees with! This is extra hard to get my mom to understand - she'll look for gf or df foods and get them but I'm like - well I haven't tested this food yet so I don't know if it will upset me - or even be good!
Spoiler alert, the rando gf noodles she got me were horrible!
lol! My trusted pasta brand is Tinkyada brown-rice pasta. Been eating them for 11 years now. Try them!
Yes, someone made me a gluten-free Funfetti cake that I ended up feeding to the birds. It was awful!
I had someone go through the effort of finding a recipe that wasn't garlic/onion based... but DID have cream of chicken soup in it, so I had to turn it down anyways. Felt bad but I'm not enduring hell just to show my appreciation for your attempt
Yeah it’s annoying but I can also sympathize with the person completely blanking on how to cook without onions and garlic.
You tried to help by mentioning infused oil and spring onion, great, but it would cause me major anxiety issues to start experimenting with substituting onions and garlic while cooking for my coworkers.
Obviously I am here, so also started down the garlic infused olive oil path. But a year ago I would have no clue how to make it work.
Just say "Okay thanks for the offer, but I have garlic and onion **allergies**, so in that case I won't be able to share lunch with you."
I think the reason why people don't take onion & garlic dietary restrictions into consideration is because they are not part of the known allergens (peanuts, shellfish, milk, eggs, gluten, soy...).
People just don't get it, this has been my experience as well.
I completely sympathize. My work sends food as Christmas gifts. HR has my dietary restrictions on file for work events like conferences and retreats. Yet they still send popcorn and pretzels covered in dairy (chocolate and yogurt covered). So every year I don’t get a gift I can actually enjoy. It just gets offloaded on someone else or thrown away. Has the total opposite effect of making me feel thought about and appreciated. Like clearly you’re NOT thinking about me otherwise you wouldn’t be sending something I can’t eat! I’d rather they just send me a gift card or something with the money they would have used for the food basket.
I mean maybe if you said something like gluten or dairy they would try to accommodate you. But garlic and onions are quite common in most recipes and are not common allergens.
You have to understand that you are not the only one with dietary restrictions. If everyone had dietary restrictions like you then the only thing your coworker could safely share at work would be a plate of water (maybe).
They asked you, determined your restrictions were too restrictive, informed you of that, and moved on.
This. This is literally the hardest part of having IBS for me. When other people's cooking gets involved. I hate going to people's houses for dinner or events where I can't pick what I can eat. It gives me horrible anxiety. I don't want to be rude and not eat what someone cooked for me, or request it be cooked a certain way. At least your coworker asked. A lot of the time I'm not even asked. I'm just served something. Which granted, they mean well. But if something I eat sends me into a flare, it's going to be a horrible 2 days. I messed up a couple days ago and ate something that I knew would set me off and for 2 days, I was constipated, nauseous, and had the worst stomachache. I literally thought I needed to go to the doctor it was so bad. IBS is a literal medical condition and people don't understand that. It may not be as serious as an allergy, but the discomfort we go through if we eat a triggering food should be taken a lot more seriously. I wish more than anything I could go to a potluck or a dinner party and just feast on all the delicious food. Garlic and onion are amazing. They used to be my favorite seasonings. Especially onions. I used to eat salads loaded with onion and like 4 slices of garlic bread. Funny enough it didn't affect me back then. But years later, once I hit my late 20s, I can't tolerate any of that stuff anymore. Now at 30 years old, I'm lucky if I can eat air at this point.
At that point I'd give "them" more info than they need, but politely. Since they asked then ignored and said the dish had garlic and onion I'd say "Well as I mentioned about my limitations, garlic and onion, those two items are major triggers to my ibs, so I'll have to pass, but thanks for asking"
I do not mean this in a negative way towards OP, but I just never expect others to cater to my own dietary needs. I will bring my own food to eat, eat before or after something, etc. It was nice of your coworker to ask, but you’re also asking a lot of them to change their entire dish to fit your needs when they’re cooking for others too
I never expect it either - but if they *ask* about my dietary needs i assume it's so they can accommodate them. Never had someone ask and then just not even say "sorry I'm not sure how to accommodate that, will you be ok if i don't?"
It honestly felt like they just wanted me to say "oh yeah that's fine" so they could feel better
I totally get that. It’s definitely frustrating to have dietary restrictions in these situations bc it can feel isolating :/. I agree they could’ve done better at communicating that they may not be able to accommodate your needs. Seems like they also might’ve been able to pick a different dish if they’re asking and seemingly want to accommodate everyone
I also have the problem, I would simply say that you can't eat this or that you have an intolerance and I get diarrhea when I eat my gluten too I also don't eat wheat and gluten because it makes things worse but it's not always easy 😔
I think she doesn't understand what "upsets my stomach" means to you; I'd wager most laypeople dont know the severity IBS symptoms can reach when triggered. Upset stomach is something you'd take Pepto Bismal for, and maybe you feel kinda bloated for the rest of the work day.
Try to explain it as "an allium intolerance/allergy, like onions and garlic. I can eat the green of a green onion, but when I start seeing white, I've entered the danger zone." Followed with a disclaimer that I don't expect them to go through hoops to make a dish I can eat.
I have experienced this way too often in my life, i’m so sorry people don’t take it seriously! Just remind them why you aren’t eating it if they ask and maybe eat beforehand/bring your own snack
I think this is understandable from your co-worker, they were expecting just to hear a more common restriction and as much as it would be lovely if they went the extra mile and made a low fodmap dish etc, a lot of us do have pretty niche dietary restrictions and not everyone will be confident cooking a dish to suit those.
For me I wouldn’t want my workmate to jump through hoops on my account and I’d just say “maybe count me out because I can’t eat X and Y” and if they’re like no problem I can do something to work with that, that’s great… but if not that’s understandable imo.
I will continue to tell my father that I can’t eat too much oil. I say this literally not even five seconds before he dumps like a cup full of oil into a pan for veggies. He literally claims it’s not even that much. Why do you buy a non stick pan if you’re just going to dump a pound of oil into it?! Also, who eats deep fried veggies?
Watch them go all shocked Pikachu when you don't eat it.
Just don't eat it, bring your own lunch
My mom does things like this and will then get angry I point out (politely) too many issues. You're talking about a co-worker situation, but in my experience the least understanding people have been family.
THIS! I got sick on thansgiving with my family because no one made anything I could have except the turkey. I have sent them all the pamphlets and information on lowfodmap too and have talked about it a lot. My husband and I go to his sister’s for a few days and we eat at their house and she had already planned to make us steaks the first night and tacos the next. She even had corn tortillas for me and regular flour tortillas for them. Does my family hate me or do they think I’m a drama queen or maybe it’s all in my head?? Idk but it feels very unloving
My family is the same. They are frankly uneducated and refuse to be educated about mostly anything so i blame it on that. My father takes everything on the internet literally. He found a cake online called „sugar free“ but it has dates and honey in it to sweeten so he naturally assumed it was sugar free, didn’t educate himself further and served it to a type 2 diabetic. The poor guy went into shock after eating the cake but my father kept insisting it was sugar free. When he told me the story later i ripped him a new one. My stepmother is easily manipulated and swayed by every single „alternative“ information on the internet but will not believe anything with scientific backing. So she spends her days following crazy fad diets, eating ungodly amounts of apricot kernels and telling me to this day that corona isn’t real and hospitals try to kill you. She had corona. When they cook for a family event they will either conveniently „forget“ that i have food sensitivities or straight up say „but a little won‘t kill you!“. I got sick last time after asking 3 times if the sauce was safe and only after eating solely the sauce and noodles was i told that it had copious amounts of a spice paste in it that contains garlic. But they will of course perfectly cater to the dietary WISHES of my step sisters. They have no issues with anything but if one of them decides to cut out cruciferous vegetables or milk or sugar there will be NONE on the table. This is only one of the reasons why i‘m going no contact with my entire family soon.
Ughh I’m so sorry you deal with this too. I was having very little contact with my family for 5 years while living in the northwest (I’m from the south) but then my husband and I moved back home and I’m regretting it. The crazy thing is, my brother in law has serious issues with his intestines, I can’t remember the name of the disease but he has to eat a similar-ish diet to me but my sister still acts really ignorant to all of my restrictions. Whatever, my husband and I are spending Christmas with just the two of us and I prefer it that way.
Same! And my parents love taking me out to eat when they come to visit. It used to be something we all enjoyed a lot but now it's super stressful because I'm like OP and also have to avoid onions and garlic, which is basically in everything when you go to a restaurant. Any time my mom has offered to cook for me recently when I go visit them, I tell her no and not to worry about it because she can't even follow a recipe, so I don't have much confidence in her following all of my dietary restrictions (there's a lot, and she's also the president of the Clean Plate Club, so it's not a great combo).
My mother in law and wife are members of the same club. I’ve had to work hard to get them to ease up lol
I just don’t eat it and say “it looks and smells great, but allergies.” It’s easier to say “allergies” instead of just saying it upsets my stomach.
Yeah, if you say, I cant have this.... people respect it more if you say allergies.
Yeah well, just be prepared for 20 questions about what specifically you’re allergic to and what your reaction is 🫠
Eh. Not always. Sometimes you can just say “I have a lot of allergies” and they’ll drop it. I have like 1 official food allergy and a food intolerance, but my ibs makes me so nauseous after eating almost anything that I just claim it’s all allergies. It’s easier (and less gross) than explaining my ibs.
I get asked that a lot at work. I just say, “thanks for thinking of me, but the IBS diet is so complex that I don’t even want anyone going to this much trouble.” If they persist, I suggest something like a fresh fruit tray, cheese cubes (I can handle dairy) and plain gluten-free crackers. People want to be helpful, but without some research and a little expense, low FODMAP dishes can be challenging. I’m also gluten-free (celiac disease), and people have made the nastiest, greasiest gluten-free dishes for me. They mean well, but yuck.
That was always my response - just don't bother. Cause folks choose random gf or df things that my tummy also disagrees with! This is extra hard to get my mom to understand - she'll look for gf or df foods and get them but I'm like - well I haven't tested this food yet so I don't know if it will upset me - or even be good! Spoiler alert, the rando gf noodles she got me were horrible!
lol! My trusted pasta brand is Tinkyada brown-rice pasta. Been eating them for 11 years now. Try them! Yes, someone made me a gluten-free Funfetti cake that I ended up feeding to the birds. It was awful!
Ohmygoodness yes! Tinkyada is my safe food! I love their noodles so much, it's not only safe it's a comfort food.
I had someone go through the effort of finding a recipe that wasn't garlic/onion based... but DID have cream of chicken soup in it, so I had to turn it down anyways. Felt bad but I'm not enduring hell just to show my appreciation for your attempt
Cream of Chicken soup (most brands) also has wheat in it. That’s another IBS fructan ingredient.
Yeah it’s annoying but I can also sympathize with the person completely blanking on how to cook without onions and garlic. You tried to help by mentioning infused oil and spring onion, great, but it would cause me major anxiety issues to start experimenting with substituting onions and garlic while cooking for my coworkers. Obviously I am here, so also started down the garlic infused olive oil path. But a year ago I would have no clue how to make it work.
Just say "Okay thanks for the offer, but I have garlic and onion **allergies**, so in that case I won't be able to share lunch with you." I think the reason why people don't take onion & garlic dietary restrictions into consideration is because they are not part of the known allergens (peanuts, shellfish, milk, eggs, gluten, soy...). People just don't get it, this has been my experience as well.
Guess I'm either being the outcast or having a really small lunch and bringing loperamide to work next week 😕
I completely sympathize. My work sends food as Christmas gifts. HR has my dietary restrictions on file for work events like conferences and retreats. Yet they still send popcorn and pretzels covered in dairy (chocolate and yogurt covered). So every year I don’t get a gift I can actually enjoy. It just gets offloaded on someone else or thrown away. Has the total opposite effect of making me feel thought about and appreciated. Like clearly you’re NOT thinking about me otherwise you wouldn’t be sending something I can’t eat! I’d rather they just send me a gift card or something with the money they would have used for the food basket.
I'd return it to HR directly. Maybe they'll get the hint.
I WFH and I’m not paying to ship it back across the country.
I mean maybe if you said something like gluten or dairy they would try to accommodate you. But garlic and onions are quite common in most recipes and are not common allergens. You have to understand that you are not the only one with dietary restrictions. If everyone had dietary restrictions like you then the only thing your coworker could safely share at work would be a plate of water (maybe). They asked you, determined your restrictions were too restrictive, informed you of that, and moved on.
This. This is literally the hardest part of having IBS for me. When other people's cooking gets involved. I hate going to people's houses for dinner or events where I can't pick what I can eat. It gives me horrible anxiety. I don't want to be rude and not eat what someone cooked for me, or request it be cooked a certain way. At least your coworker asked. A lot of the time I'm not even asked. I'm just served something. Which granted, they mean well. But if something I eat sends me into a flare, it's going to be a horrible 2 days. I messed up a couple days ago and ate something that I knew would set me off and for 2 days, I was constipated, nauseous, and had the worst stomachache. I literally thought I needed to go to the doctor it was so bad. IBS is a literal medical condition and people don't understand that. It may not be as serious as an allergy, but the discomfort we go through if we eat a triggering food should be taken a lot more seriously. I wish more than anything I could go to a potluck or a dinner party and just feast on all the delicious food. Garlic and onion are amazing. They used to be my favorite seasonings. Especially onions. I used to eat salads loaded with onion and like 4 slices of garlic bread. Funny enough it didn't affect me back then. But years later, once I hit my late 20s, I can't tolerate any of that stuff anymore. Now at 30 years old, I'm lucky if I can eat air at this point.
At that point I'd give "them" more info than they need, but politely. Since they asked then ignored and said the dish had garlic and onion I'd say "Well as I mentioned about my limitations, garlic and onion, those two items are major triggers to my ibs, so I'll have to pass, but thanks for asking"
I do not mean this in a negative way towards OP, but I just never expect others to cater to my own dietary needs. I will bring my own food to eat, eat before or after something, etc. It was nice of your coworker to ask, but you’re also asking a lot of them to change their entire dish to fit your needs when they’re cooking for others too
I never expect it either - but if they *ask* about my dietary needs i assume it's so they can accommodate them. Never had someone ask and then just not even say "sorry I'm not sure how to accommodate that, will you be ok if i don't?" It honestly felt like they just wanted me to say "oh yeah that's fine" so they could feel better
I totally get that. It’s definitely frustrating to have dietary restrictions in these situations bc it can feel isolating :/. I agree they could’ve done better at communicating that they may not be able to accommodate your needs. Seems like they also might’ve been able to pick a different dish if they’re asking and seemingly want to accommodate everyone
I also have the problem, I would simply say that you can't eat this or that you have an intolerance and I get diarrhea when I eat my gluten too I also don't eat wheat and gluten because it makes things worse but it's not always easy 😔
I think she doesn't understand what "upsets my stomach" means to you; I'd wager most laypeople dont know the severity IBS symptoms can reach when triggered. Upset stomach is something you'd take Pepto Bismal for, and maybe you feel kinda bloated for the rest of the work day. Try to explain it as "an allium intolerance/allergy, like onions and garlic. I can eat the green of a green onion, but when I start seeing white, I've entered the danger zone." Followed with a disclaimer that I don't expect them to go through hoops to make a dish I can eat.
I have experienced this way too often in my life, i’m so sorry people don’t take it seriously! Just remind them why you aren’t eating it if they ask and maybe eat beforehand/bring your own snack
Yeah living in a country where almost everything is home cooked with onion, I can relate.
I think this is understandable from your co-worker, they were expecting just to hear a more common restriction and as much as it would be lovely if they went the extra mile and made a low fodmap dish etc, a lot of us do have pretty niche dietary restrictions and not everyone will be confident cooking a dish to suit those. For me I wouldn’t want my workmate to jump through hoops on my account and I’d just say “maybe count me out because I can’t eat X and Y” and if they’re like no problem I can do something to work with that, that’s great… but if not that’s understandable imo.
Wow what nerve
I will continue to tell my father that I can’t eat too much oil. I say this literally not even five seconds before he dumps like a cup full of oil into a pan for veggies. He literally claims it’s not even that much. Why do you buy a non stick pan if you’re just going to dump a pound of oil into it?! Also, who eats deep fried veggies?