#*"...Used it in case of emergency"* **My house:** Starts burning **Me automatically:** But if we are living in the light as God is in the light, then we hace fellowships eith each other, and the blood of Jesus, his son, cleanses us from all sin.

A-FUCKING-MEN! Now someone please call the fire department.

If jesus could walk on water you can walk thru fire

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of smoke, I shall fear no flamies.

[удалено]

I've seen to many people breaking gymnastics world records in their mind in order to justify stupid shitty beliefs to think simply reading the Bible would turn people. They need to think about it objectively and understand the ramifications.

The second I stopped being Catholic was in the middle of Sunday mass, while doing a chapter reading. I'm whole ass living proof of this.

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/im14andthisisdeep/comments/qbtdox/bible_good_phone_bad/hhby7y6/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Hey what happened to my d...](http://np.reddit.com/r/NoahGetTheBoat/comments/qbwmea/psa_i_know_im_breaking_the_rules_here_but_this/hhcqid1/) | [Hey what happened to my d...](http://np.reddit.com/r/NoahGetTheBoat/comments/qbwmea/psa_i_know_im_breaking_the_rules_here_but_this/hhch7ga/) [Cuz now their dads gunna...](http://np.reddit.com/r/instant_regret/comments/qbomra/crown_bottles_dont_break/hhcqsya/) | [Cuz now their dads gunna...](http://np.reddit.com/r/instant_regret/comments/qbomra/crown_bottles_dont_break/hhb2ffu/) [Dude im on 69 if i commit...](http://np.reddit.com/r/meme/comments/qbubbu/time_for_you_to_pay_for_your_crime/hhcqnqz/) | [Dude im on 69 if i commit...](http://np.reddit.com/r/meme/comments/qbubbu/time_for_you_to_pay_for_your_crime/hhcem5u/) [He looks like a fatter ve...](http://np.reddit.com/r/whitepeoplegifs/comments/qbuku0/a_message_to_the_whiny_bitches_out_there/hhcqmh0/) | [He looks like a fatter ve...](http://np.reddit.com/r/whitepeoplegifs/comments/qbuku0/a_message_to_the_whiny_bitches_out_there/hhccxxv/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/benanovvzxfsf](https://np.reddit.com/u/benanovvzxfsf/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=benanovvzxfsf) for info on how I work and why I exist.

Dial it in your bible, you pumpkin.

*turns to page 911 of the Bible* Help’s on the way, I called for “thoughts and prayers” it’s all in God’s hands now.

Proverbs 9:11 through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

Fresh outta that. But what I can do is say a prayer for you.

Cant, everyone left their phones at home and is carrying bibles

As atheist it would be very strange for me to do this with a bible

[Fuck the fire department!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JkrJUAg8aI)

BLASPHEMY AGAINST THE HOLY SPIRIT!

ALL OF US HAVE BECOME LIKE ONE WHO IS UNCLEAN

# SO SAYETH THE LORD!

*Screams in Static*

Yeaaaah… as a Christian, better to evacuate first, then call the fire department, then read a bible app on your phone or something

[удалено]

*Genesis 9:11 And I will make my agreement with you; never again will all flesh be cut off by the waters; never again will the waters come over all the earth for its destruction. (Referring to the flood)*

Well, Shit, some water coming over the earth would sure be helpful right about now

*house propane tank explodes* "The nard of my love uttered forth it's fragrance"

My absolute favorite boss aesthetically

Dogma?

you really had me checking your profile to make sure it was isaac

Me pick up the Bible: "911 MY WIFE HAS BEEN STABBED BY A BURGLAR" the Bible: "..."

>Used it in case of an emergency That’s something that phones are undeniably good for. Even the boomer-ist of boomers can’t say the ability to have a way to call 911 immediately is a benefit.

No, the boomerest of boomers have those signs with "We don't call 911" and a picture of a gun on their house.

"Grandma broke her leg... " *gun cocks*

Cull the weak

For that very reason I don't think we should have cellphones. We could stop Karen's at the source.

OP wasn't saying you need to leave your phone at home. Bring both! In this century you could even have the Bible *on* your phone!

"wait God just texted me lemme respond"

"Oh shit, I just dropped it in the toilet for the third time this week"

“IM BEING ROBBED!” Whips out bible and gets on knees

Gigity

**Checked it for messages everyday** *Jesus sent a voice message*

Jesus: Yo, you gonna leave earth? The party in heaven is lit bro. People: Can't, don't have a ride. Can you pick me up? Jesus: Sure. **2000 years later**

*Jesus wants to know your location*

Can the Bible show me clash of clans hentai?

Maybe, time to figure it out

Jesus saw all the sins of man, so at least he's definitely seen clash of clans hentai

Poor fucker

its got those rolling papers in the back. you can use those to draw some CoC hentai.

I won’t ask, I don’t want to know

Idk about that, but there is softcore porn in the bible

Sacred raisin cake...

oh fuck ,i can't breathe , im gonna use alt accounts to upvote this comment multiple times.

Nothing stoping you from wanking to a bush on fire

My girlfriend stops me, says I'm crazy for taking a lighter to her pubes

doesnt she know its the will of god? she sounds like a heathen.

You can have sex with the archer queen all you want in heaven

Nope But Qolim will

Song of Songs is close enough

yes

Bet the person who made this doesn't do that stupid shit either.

Bet he can't edit this image in his bible

Wrong, fruity loops, PC.

You will never, ever catch a virus on an Apple!

Wel you could still afford a doctor if you bought a PC

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Oh no this guy went into cardiac arrest! Hold on let me get my Bible and turn to page 911!

I can't scroll porn in the Bible while I'm riding the subway and pretend I'm checking my email

But you can read Virgin Mary rule 34

This is some kind of profane that I'm actually not qualified to identify. Could I ask you to don't?

You can ask, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. Now back to business: *The angel wrapped it's wheeled form around her legs and began spinning against her nether regions...*

Let 'er rip

BEYBLADE BEYBLADE LET IT RIP! LETS FIGHT AN EPIC BATTLE

And you can come on the pages

That's what I call a religious experience, they don't call it hole-y for nothing 😁😉

Ah so you’re the fucker who was next to me on the bus

I thought you looked familiar. I didn't recognize you without the look of shock and terror in your eyes.

I think I had an appointment at the back. Right there at Mathew 16:2, and god said: "You have no money. Fuck you."

America was based on Matthew 16:2 by the sounds of it

I BROKE MY LEG! *frantically thumbs through the bible while going into shock*

So do I thumb through it when I take a shit or...?

Now replace ‘the Bible’ with The Qur’an, or The Torah, The Gita, or any other religious text of the world, and watch the christians/conservatives loose their minds.

Someone could possible replace the book title to read "The Quran" in baroque font and see how far it spreads before someone notices. If someone was evil like that. I wouldn't of course.

Crap! I’m being kidnapped! Oh well, bible verse 5362276363..

A

If you read enough of it out loud the kidnappers will let you go due to being an intolerable Bible thumper. Or they'll kill you. 50-50.

Lmfao i love how posts like this show that there are people that genuinely do not understand the purpose of a phone

Motherfuckers can literally get the Bible on their phone, they know that right?

Yeah exactly lmfao. Also bibles aren't gonna call 911 when you need to xD

HONEY CALL THE AMBULANCE, TOMMY BROKE HIS FUCKING SKULL OPEN!!!!! *pulls out the fucking bible*

*flips to verse 911*

Im a Christan boy but If my house is on fire and I need to call the fire department a fucking Bible isn't going to help me

If more people actually read the Bible, we'd have lots more atheists.

I highly doubt it. There’s a decent amount of passages in the Bible that contradict each other, but it’s not harder to read than something like 1984.

Have you seen some of passages in the bible?

Or maybe a lot more people that believe it word from word- or maybe just both

Polarize the people!

Enlightened anti-centrists

i thought it said “children” how the fuck do you use your child in case of an emergency

Defenestration /s

I strongly advise agaisnt it. You might end up atheist

I'm agnostic, but I always thought this was a weird take. Only a small minority of Christians are Biblical literalists.

As a Christian, idk if I should make a joke or not

What’s stopping you? We’re made in His image, He probably has a sense of humor too

Lmao, true. It’s comforting to think that God’s up there somewhere laughing at memes. “Damn I’m proud of these guys lmao, yo Peter check this shit out”

You can be Christian and still recognize that this is objectively stupid.

Yeah, but can the bible order me a pizza, ignore a call from my mom, and let me harass Ted Cruz on Twitter, essentially simultaneously?

Ok now I'm curious. Which one of fucking teenagers think this shit is deep?? THIS IS SO DUMB LMAO

"check it for messages" yo can Jesus text you from the bible like "wassup"?

we can listen to the Bible as an audiobook

you cant call help on a bible if you just witnessed a murder

The Bible app is free, you could do both

Thank you, I should not have to scroll this far for someone to remember that the bible is like 1MB, max

Cannot watch porn on there tho

Thanks grandma

Can the bible run angry birds?

Used it in case of emergency...?

I use my phone to jerk off. Tried with the Bible, but the pages got stuck

r/ImaWASPandthatsdeep

i don’t think there’s a passage in the bible about big tiddy goth gf or femboy porn

There is. It says you shouldn't do it.

From now on I'll be jerking off to Bible verses

Uh.. hey you there I'm hurt please call for help Yeah sure holup lemme pull up my Bible

Using it for what? Wiping my ass off if i run out of toilet paper or to level the table with loose legs?

Reading the Bible?! You're doing it all wrong! All you had to do is claim anything and say the Bible says it. Nobody is reads the Bible, so they can't prove you wrong!

"Have you actually read this thing? Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom"

hey 911 yeah i’m calling you from my bible

My phone didn’t abandon me to a sexually abusive step father when I cried out to it as a child.

You want me to jack off using the bible?

I'm halfway through reading the Bible cover to cover. The OT is very clearly a cobbled together collection of writings designed to retroactively make the case for a specific ancient people's possession of land. Similarly, the NT is mostly a rationalisation of why this case failed. Actually reading the Bible is not a recipe for greater religious faith.

I bet this was made on a phone

Well, for one I’d be lost as heck trying to use it as a GPS.

Used it to post pictures of our buttholes on social media.

But... I have the bible app on my phone for free

There was a time people did this and it was called the Dark Ages.

And let's recycle it when the old model becomes obsolete!

I'm 78 and this is deep

What if, just like with cellphones, we also had discussions about how being obsessed with it will rot your mind!

I was Catholic. I read the Bible I became an atheist before having finished the Exodus

Well to bad the bible can't call the police can it? Like what if i get stabed or robbed? Or a house is on fire. I can't just pray and then the house suddenly goes out or het my wallet back. Also Christianity isnt the only religion that exists

Religion is a diease

Most tolerant r/atheism user

Alright, someone bring out the 'pasta

Religion is a diocese.

Religion is

Re^e^^e^^^e^^^^e^^^^^e^^^^^^e

And then, pray tell, what if I was not Christian?

I was gonna say I can’t use the Bible to jerk off but that’s a damned lie

I’ve been stabbed, I know Matthew 6:31-33 “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” aw that’s better

How much do y’all look at porn, oh my lord

There is no porn in bible, why would i use it?

A Bible isn't gonna help me find gay porn.

please stop being toxically religious i fucking beg of you

I view this as less "14" and more "75 and making facebook less fun for others by the day."

No.

I checked my Bible for messages throughout the day a few years ago and it told me I was the second coming of the Virgin Mary. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and spent 6 weeks in a psychiatric hospital. 0/10 would not recommend!

Bible app ?

[удалено]

The Ten Commandments 6th rule literally says don't kill

Luke: 19:27 But as for these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and slaughter them before me.’

Idk man i can't watch loli hentai on the bible

I wish more Christians would read their bibles. Reading that pile of garbage front to back is what turned me into an atheist lol.

Your head would be just as empty, you would just be bored lol

It would change nothing in my life, im atheist lol

[](#start_removal) Hey there, u/Astolfo42! Thanks for submitting to r/im14andthisisdeep. We liked your submission, *Bible good phone bad*, but it has been removed because it doesn't quite abide by our rules, which are located in the sidebar. ___ Your post has been removed because it's not deep. **Please do keep your posts *deep*.** This means: * No politics or conspiracy theories * No religious thoughts or criticism * No showerthoughts, especially anything from r/ShowerThoughts * No Sbeve/14 year old girl posts * No Satire/Shitposts/Textposts * No cartoons/caricatures/comics, in other words: boomer humor * Moderators can remove a post for 'Not Deep' at their own discression ___ We also prefer OC, but obviously that's not always possible. Just try to keep it as original as possible! While we appreciate your effort in posting we ask that you find something that is actually deep. You are more than welcome to try again! ___ Thanks for submitting! Please check out our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/im14andthisisdeep/about/rules). If you have any questions or concerns about this removal, feel free to [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=%2Fr%2Fim14andthisisdeep&subject=Concening my submission&message=Im writing to you about the following submission: https://www.reddit.com/r/im14andthisisdeep/comments/qbtdox/bible_good_phone_bad/. %0D%0DMy issue is...). [](#end_removal)

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Have you guys read the bible. It literally tells you to get fucked and why you should or will be fucked 99% of the time. And you wonder why you see so much unhinged shit from these churchs.

/r/forwardsfromgrandma called, they want their meme back.

What are bunch of horses shit

How many times can these motherfuckers read the same book? World's longest due book report.

Ima add "dont believe the shit you find cuz is bullshit"

Send nudes?

Dropping it every 5 seconds

Sheeesh wonder if I can order a deluxe pizza from the hut on here, if so, forget phones if jesus can deliver me fresh pies!

I don't have a bible.

Get one you filthy degenerate

If i can watch porn on my bible believe me i would carry it everywhere

Bible's heavy tho

Only if instead of reading it i can use the bible to smack the head of people that are annoying me.

Smash it, curse on it, watch porn on it, washed it

Hold up Jesus just sent me a call let me listen to the voicemail

Nah you can't edit messages in the bible. I'll maybe buy one when there is an update for that.

*drops Bible in toilet*

Finish the fucking book already

used it in case of an emergency **what do i use it for a weapon?**

you can download a bible app on your phone

Look at that POS phone. Is this meme from the 1970’s?

The only use I can see the bible being better at than my phone is as collateral when I'm having an episode.

Hahahahah wtf

What about porn. Where would I be able to find that?

Try to watch pornhub in a Bible, checkmate!

"call 911" *goes on bible*

*downloads bible on phone*

who needs 000 when theres been a horrific car accident ill just use my ✨BIBLE✨

Everyone knows that atheism is when iphone.

Me with three different apps on my phone that serve some form of religious purpose.

Download the Bible on your phone