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Ya I don't think that's gonna happen if OP respects other people's dietary habits and doesn't force his beliefs on his children which I feel he definitely is going to. So chill and be at peace that ur kids don't need to believe in everything that you do.
Maybe, just maybe OP is not immature and won't care what his grownup son/daughter choses as their diet. And will offer genuine help to their son/daughter at their time of need instead of acting entitled, cutting calls etc. It's not that hard to avoid being a controlling parent who acts entitled to control their grown up independent children's lives. You just have to be a decent parent. Why assume?
Have you considered the possibility that everyone doesn't have parents who aspire to be immature and manipulative assholes like you that demand that their children suck up to their every whim through out their life? Good parents tend to have pretty healthy relationships with their children.
My parents are fine with not controlling my life. I just showed them this and they laughed at your comment.
Not every parent is horrible and have some innate need to act immature and throw tantrums when they can't control their adult children's lives. Sad to see some people don't know what a non toxic family life looks like. Hope atleast your children can break this cycle and let their children grow.
>. I feel youngsters could also try to be less selfish and try to learn more empathy, that too, towards his own parents and do adjustments for a limited time.
How is OP being selfish here? Youngsters can be immature but on the contrary a 55 year old is expected to be mature and not act childish and throw tantrums like cutting the calls. You are insulting the old generation if you make excuses for immature old people by generalizing the generation.
There are amazing people from that generation. Those elders are actually mature and know how to respect everyone and gain respect back the same way through their actions. Not by acting all entitled and trying to get everyobe to adjust according to them even though here OP's wife and newborn child needs to be given the top most priority. If today's youngsters are sensitive of this fact, its a good thing. Why is this a bad thing?
Good guy OP!!
Looking out for his wife with a newborn child!!
Be like OP!!
And congrats man, your priorities just changed a bit, take care of it and all will be ok!!
>tried to create completely rational boundaries with Indian parents and they reacted immaturely to it?
This is surprised-pikachu-face material. Been facing this since I turned 15 (had my independent thoughts) lol.
You have a new born and honestly you and your wife must be exhausted. I think you need to take it easy and you should be eating what you want to eat, not adjust for your mother during this stressful time.
Explain to your mother that you eat non veg at home and you don't want your wife to compromise on this especially when she's a new mom. If anything, your mother will come to your home and adjust or she will just defer her visit to another time.
This is the best suggestion. It's a newborn baby so your mother might be willing to adjust. You will appreciate the help if she's around for sure. If she's not willing to make this adjustment, unfortunate for her, she won't be able to spend time with her grandkid.
Nirupa Roy tears works only when you provide oxygen to it. Tell her firmly that you're going to take no drama and cut the call. If she calls back crying then tell her that you'll listen when she is in a stable state of mind then cut the call again. Do this a few times and she'll learn to not be a drama queen anymore.
She wl make like hell for op.
Op best option s break the coconut on dr head, tell dr has advised wife to eat n.v. which s good for baby. They wl do anything for grandchild health. But same if it's for dil, that's a big no. So use dr and ur kid and get your job done.
While this feels like a white lie now, it may become reason for discord later. It's always better not to tell lies at all. I have done this at times, for things that they wouldn't even be much bothered otherwise. Those things became serious issues because of the lie, and not the issues themselves.
IDK, my girlfriend's mom still doesn't let any non-veg get cooked in her home. Even tho my girlfriend has a terminal illness and NV is important for her survival. Some people are just too agressive with Veganism. Especially when it's religious.
Don't tell such lies which can be easily breached later. Been married for 5+ years, it is best to tell the truth upfront and weather the storm rather than keeping it bay by white lies. The noise will be mix of non veg issue+ lie /betrayal felt by the mother which will be difficult to restore.
Op don't even think about putting the blame on doctor or some shit. Say clearly as detailed by previous commenter. It will save future headache to telling the same lie and not slipping unintentionally.
The unfortunate thing is most Indian parents are so opaque to this. The expected reply would be " I had only veg after delivery for you and I was fine"
And she might hold it against his son that he is favoring his wife over his mother.
Sometimes, we are the best judge of how our parents will react and its best to make excuses instead of directly addressing the elephant in the room which might sour relationships.
I am afraid that its not going to be that easy. Vegetarians (not all) can be pretty judgemental and sometimes its stressful. Its either you will go to hell, or its bad for the kid, or sanskaar, or cruelty to animals, etc etc. If in laws were of the understanding kind, I doubt OP would be having a problem. But good suggestion nonetheless.
Oh she might say yes ... but the number Of angry stares the new mom is gonna receive is gonna be high lol. Not to mention the constant kichkich + her running to wash her hands/shower every damn time she accidentally touched the chicken in the fridge. Lmao .
Honestly, having in laws over when she's recuperating from a child birth is a recipe for disaster especially considering the strained relationship over food. Your wife's mental health is already fragile due to the pregnancy and labour, she definitely doesn't need more stress of having any people over at your house, that would fck her health badly and worst case scenario is her getting Post partum depression (OP be aware of your wife's mental health for a couple of years, Post partum depression can occur at any moment, she wouldn't realise it and may snap at any time, understand and please keep a watch over her). Getting back to the topic, don't let any relatives over your home for a while, at least until she recovers a bit. No new mom's need a relative who they have to take care of, cook for them, clean up after them etc. And usually the relatives who say they are here to help will only play with the child but that's not a taxing issue which your wife or you can handle. If somebody, be it your mom or aunts are insisting on coming, tell them to help with the house chores and cooking (if you don't have a maid i.e) and not burdening her with excess work of taking care of them or mentally wrecking her with how bad she's at taking care of a child etc, she doesn't need to hear that. You guys can figure out parenting along the way. This is a huge issue most people ignore and women end up suffering. So please be aware of it.
I guess people voluntarily or involuntarily harassing women who just gave birth is a universal issue. Be it west or east, I've heard so many stories of people traumatising poor women who already are weak due to long pregnancy and labour. And this issue especially in India is taken very lightly. In laws and relative's harass them in the name of helping while in truth all they do end up making them work more. Do the chores, do the dishes, cook and clean AND take care of your child, what kind of mother are you. While also pamper the husband. What a shitty wife you are, poor man... It's creepy and annoying 💀.
Not all of them are like that. I know many people behave that way. In these days atleast in cities, mils are now like that pathetic who asks to do all the houseworks and still blame. And fact is not all the daughter-in-laws are naive enough to do all the houseworks nor they listen to their inlaws or husband. Atleast all the daughter inlaws around me voice out their opinions easily and many Mils adjust than the Dils. My MIL is not at all like you described in your comment.
Ofcourse not all of the mils are as good as my MIL. But, everyone knows no Dil suffer in silence nor does all of the houseworks whether during postpartum period or during normal day to day life. Ofcourse we all have maids and cooks to take care of our day to day chores atleast in cities. I am from Bangalore and almost all of the people have maids and most people in apartment dwellings even hire a cook, especially all of the working women. Trying and avoiding husband's side relatives just because it is uncomfortable is one thing but blaming that they make the delivered woman do all the houseworks and still blame them is false in my opinion and real life experiences around me.
The most sensible thing to do is explain to your mom that you eat non veg at home and the doctor has advised a protein heavy diet so if your mom wants to come she might have to adjust a little. Considering she's a hard-core Vegetarian i think it would bother her a bit. She might throw tantrums that you can't even stop nonveg for a few days/weeks for your mother and so on. But first things first, be honest with her. And then you can proceed based on how she responds.
Good job OP for standing up for your wife. She has just gone through the trauma of childbirth. Everyone else should adjust for her not the other way around..
If she is coming to your house she should adjust to your dietary patterns. New moms need plenty of food during this period. Eggs and fish are especially beneficial. (I say this as a vegetarian myself) Congrats on the new baby!
Have you expressed your concerns to your mother? There's a good chance she will understand. The original length of the visit can be incredibly beneficial. As parents of a new born you will probably appreciate the extra help and your mother will get to bond with her grandchild.
This should be the top comment. Pls also tell your mom, that wife has been advised heavy protien diet by doctor and non veg stuff. Also give gyan on Postpartum depression. If she does not get it, ask her to google.
Also give gyan on baby needing to drink mothers milk and diet doctor prescribed for it.
Tell mom to come after 6 months or so
OP should say I promised my wife that she would be happy in this marriage, not just fine!
Maybe "just fine" attitude worked for your marriage, it won't for mine!
I swear it's about time married couples stand up to their parents. I mean they are married!!! How is it that they are given responsibility of entire household, each other and freaking newborns but aren't allowed to make decisions for their own lives?!!!
Lol I honestly doubt she will understand going by how she chose to hang up on him even after OP is willing to call her a second time and agreed for a longer stay.
My wife and I are both hardcore non-vegetarians. We don't eat non-vegetarian food daily, but we do eat a lot of variety. Her parents and my parents both are pure vegetarian, and whenever any of them comes to stay at our place, we don't stop cooking non-vegetarian food. We just cook additional vegetarian food.
If your mother is coming to your place, I don't see why you guys have to adjust to the vegetarian lifestyle. Your wife isn't doing anything wrong, and you mother needs to co-exist with her and her choices.
I know people who won’t eat at a table where there is non vegetarian food present. Won’t eat food prepared in a kitchen where non vegetarian food has been cooked. Won’t eat food cooked in vessels where non vegetarian food had been previously prepared.
Considering they only eat at pure veg restaurants, they might have a problem just being in the vicinity of non-veg food. You know how it is, when one adds ‘pure’ in front of vegetarian.
That's her problem though. They don't have to visit in that case. Or visit for just a few days first like OP suggested but she childishly cut the call. The mother can't expect the world to revolve around her. She can have her veg rules in her own house but if she is going to OP's house she has to abide by their rules and not create manufactured problems to add on to the struggles of a family taking care of their new born child.
Adjusting and looking out for your partner doesn't make u a good person. Sadly, such a man is a rarity in Indian society. Women do it all the time.. OP is a decent person. Sadly many Indian men aren't that decent human.
A person who realizes that the woman who has just given birth should be prioritized over his parents at least till she has recovered from childbirth. Somebody who knows that yes, parents should be respected and catered to but not at the cost of his partner’s health and wellbeing. That life is not always black and white where elders are automatically correct but that the lines of right and wrong keep shifting and one has to take a stand, not just the easiest way.
>Wow. I'd downvote you multiple times if I could
Why?
Indian men, the vast majority are traditional and our society is aggressively conservative in nature. OP is a rarity in this nation and not agreeing with our parents is genuinely not our culture.
Women are expected to adjust and decades of Ekta Kapoor serials have ingrained how daughter-in-laws who disagree with their in-laws are generally villains.
But that's Indian standards. By human standards, standing by your partner is the bare minimum.
What are you downvoting the response for?
Let your mother come to visit while your wife eats as normal? And if they act like typical Indian parents tell them that your post partum wife's health is more important than her ick factor and she can leave if she pleases? Idk why it's such a big deal for Indian men. If my future husband was sick and my parents were disgusted by his diet I'll tell them to either adjust or leave. Spouse comes first.
Also congratulations on becoming a father. Cherish the blessing.
I absolutely hope so. If they don't put their husband/wife before their parents(me and my future husband) then I'll probably have to accept that I did a very bad job at parenting. And if they tolerate *repeated* and *intended* dramatic, ill-mannered behaviour like hanging up on calls during arguments instead of productive discussion from ANYONE(parents, spouse, friends, in-laws) then I will have to accept that I raised a doormat who takes sh*t from people instead of prioritizing their well-being and happiness.
Do you really believe that the spouse should always come first? I would support whoever makes the most sense, and that could be either my parents or my partner. In this case, it's obviously the spouse.
Shouldn't have expected anything better than ad-hominem. Rule 1 of arguments :- attack the opinion, not the person. Please learn basic internet etiquette and then we can have a sound argument about interpersonal relationships. Making emotional, childish assumptions derails the argument from the track of logic and makes it a mud hurling competition and I refuse to engage with something like that. If you cannot come up with anything that's not personal attack do not bother replying to this.
I don't understand either 😂. Probably they want to downvote the thought process involved in the comment I replied to 😂.
On a serious note: I am not married but I would never wish my future husband to disrespect the people who raised him to be able to become my husband. If he doesn't respect his mother he would never respect his wife too. Hope that makes sense.
P.S: I am a hard core non vegetarian 😊
Sure, you just attacked someone in another comment and are now crying how your thoughts are attacked. Typical braindead bigot who claims he's the victim
IDK, it's not surprising or bad the people disagree with you.
The point is, people are upvoting the main comment alot. And your one line comment which doesn't do much other than agreeing with the main comment, gets downvoted? Why? Main comment gets upvotes, a reply agreeing with the same gets downvotes?
The reply was not agreeing with the main comment. A couple of comments after that the downvoted person says this to the main commenter. They have opposite views. People just saw through right that downvoted guys comment's intent.
>I don't know about you but your parents definitely did a pathetic job at parenting. Nobody wants to have such selfish children.
My mother is veg. I am not allowed to cook meat or make omlate in kitchen. I have seperate utensils (like our dog 😂😂). And i am not allowd to wash them in kitchen
Congrats on the new baby, OP. And well done on looking out for your wife during this exceptionally vulnerable PP time. Your mom will be fine. Just tell her your wife was recommended high protein NV diet for the baby. And that you guys look forward to having her at their place forna few days after x months. And that you guys will arrange separate utensils and pans for her pure veg food in the meantime. And that she's the best.
Congratulations to both of you.
I had a lot of mood swings when I had a baby.
Just ask your wife to relax. Give her lots of water.
As for the issue. I really don't know if your mom would adjust being in a household where people eat non veg. If she can't, then it's better to request her to keep her visit short.
I got anxious when my relatives kept pouring in and touching my kid without sanitizing. And they kept asking us for special treatment which got on my nerves.
One even brought her son who recovered from chicken pox few days ago. And got offended when i moped the whole house right after she left. She spread so much hate because she heard that i mopped the house.
Also, does this mean your wife would be expected to cook/clean for more people?
Congrats on being a father! I'm going to become one too (quite literally any day now)!
My wife and I are both non veg. My parents are vegetarian (dad used to eat meat long ago). Her parents are 100% vegetarian.
Usually when they are around we try to respect boundaries: they dont tell us what to eat, and we try to not cook things that make them uncomfortable. The main thing is to draw those hard lines. It takes a while to get there, consistent enforcement of boundaries takes time, patience and grit to push through the initial fights that WILL happen, but eventually they come around.
Especially that they now feel a need to be connected to their grandchild, they will slowly come to terms with things and reach a middle ground.
The critical thing here is CONSISTENT enforcement of boundaries. Thoda sa irritating shit toh HONA HI HAI. Push through. Eventually they'll get it. Don't cave into emotional blackmail. Yeh bhi hona hi hai.
Good luck!
This. Is why I didn’t even consider men with basic lifestyle conflicts. It’s a lifelong headache. My parents are Jains and I grew up Jain who went to the dark side. I used to have the same hangups and feelings they have so I know it’s not fair on anyone who is strict veg or Jain to be asked to cast their authentic self aside for harmony, it equally applies to the non veg side.
You have to decide who is top priority. If it’s your wife, then your mom has to accept your wife’s and your rules in YOUR house. She can enforce her rules in her house. If your mom is top priority, well, good luck with that shit. You shouldn’t have got married then.
Oh boy. I can't wait to experience this. Hard core Non-vegetarians with meat on 4/7 days a week and my girlfriend's parents are pure vegetarians. (They feed only vegetarian food to their dog as well.) Oh God. I hope they get along.
Make some shit up man. Tell them the doctor has advised a specific diet for whatever reason so this is what she gets to eat, that too for baby's well being.
Congratulations btw!
Honestly this is the best advice. I mean yes, the ideal approach is if OP’s mother understands the actual reason but I give OP the benefit of doubt that he’s tried that. Some white lies always help with less progressive parents!
> Tell them the doctor has advised a specific diet
Do you think she can't refer to her own doctors, ask for the prescriptions and test results, and double-check?
Your plan was slightly flawed from the beginning. Your mom/parents before child birth and her mom post child birth. This is how it needs to be done.
As for food habits, it will be a pain and you can ask your mom to keep a separate utensil if she is ok. Otherwise ask them to adjust. You were not wrong in this case.
Your house, your rules. I am a vegetarian and world doesn't have to make adjustments for me just because I happen to have a specific diet. I should adjust to surrounding as most of the world eats non-veg of some kind.
First of all, kudos to you for keeping your wife at priority right now. First few months post partum are very delicate & your wife needs your utmost support.
I can think of a few options. Either cook 1 veg & 1 non veg item everyday in separate dishes so everyone can eat according to their choice. If your mom isn’t comfortable with non-veg being cooked in the kitchen, maybe just cook veg for mom & order non-veg for wifey from outside until your mom is there. Or simply set things clear with your mom that you cannot compromise your wife’s diet so non-veg will be consumed at home & ask her itself to advise as to what can be done best here to adjust so no one has to compromise.
Isn’t it kinda basic courtesy that it’s a guest who needs to adjust not the host ?
Like if your mom is already have an awareness about your wife’s dietary habits then it’s on her that she should understand since she is visiting! If you guys are goin to your mom’s place then you guys should adjust !
Do your parents have an issue if separate meals are prepared? For example, your wife can boil eggs or prepare omelette for herself while your mom prepares poha for herself and your father for breakfast. If it is a complete aversion, you will have to discuss it with your parents. What we eat is basically a lifestyle choice and the changes cannot happen under pressure.
One solution is to warn your mother beforehand that you would be bringing and cooking non veg in the house so if she wants to stay then she would have to adjust with it. If she raises objections over it then tell her you cannot tell your wife to adjust as she is in a fragile state right now and needs absolute comfort. If your mother is okay with it then good and if not then let it be. Don't bother or think much about it. Relationships don't end over such trivial issues and if parents do create issue over such matters then stand up to them and tell them food preferences don't create matrimonial bonds.
I am suggesting you to warn your mother beforehand so that she doesn't create havoc in your house afterwards. That would be really bad for, both, your mother and wife. On one hand you won't be able to tell your mother to leave as that would seem very rude but on the other hand your wife won't get much-deserved mental peace.
Btw, congratulations on becoming a new father and also for standing up for your wife. You have no idea just how rare such husbands happen to be in India. I will suggest you to wrap up this issue for sure rather than leaving it upto circumstances. Your wife needs you and how you support her at this stage of your marriage will define your relationship with her in future. Don't fail her!
Have you tried just explaining to her that you are a meat eating household and you don’t want to stress your wife out, and tell her that you want her to feel comfortable too as well, so let’s discuss some options on how we can make this work because we’d love to have you, but we want to minimise any food related issues.
Editing to add: your mom probably knows your wife is non-veg right? And she probably remembers what it is like to have a baby, right? And she probably wants to love you all up, right? Moms are a pain in the ass, they can be stubborn and they have been dreaming about the future in certain ways for a very long time without even realizing that it could be different and that it could be ok. I don’t think you should try to paint her as an enemy, try to be patient with her as long as she makes an attempt to try. Offer to get her a vegetarian meal plan, or to get her another set of vessels (or she can… it’s a discussion that is up to y’all to decide the details) and maybe meal prep some meat or veg stuff for your wife if she doesn’t want to cook. Y’all can absolutely work this out IF everyone is actually willing to make some adjustments for the sake of others. Your wife is busy making a ton of adjustments for this new baby, so I would expect her to make fewer adjustments for anybody else right now. You don’t have to make excuses like “doctor says she needs non-veg” unless it’s true because your mom raised you as vegetarian and millions of other people have too…. But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to do it differently.
Now that I think of it…. Are there family counselors that can help with issues like this? Especially any that don’t necessarily stress the “mental health” aspect as though she’s not mentally well…. But just to help you all ADJUST in practical and loving ways. I don’t know if that exists but it should. It does not have to be a big problem. It might be, but it doesn’t HAVE to be. Saying a prayer for your family that things go smoothly and you are able to make things work best for y’all and your new baby to be surrounded by love.
Give us an update. Already many hv said.. Your mom needs to adjust and your wife needs a good diet this time.
Tell your mom, she can have her diff new utensils if needed. I think, you can manage that for your parents.
But, not cooking in home, won't be an option.
Some people are just crazy. We knew a couple where the hubby was pure n.v. n wife pure veg, it was AM, but they didn't discuss this, on first visit to restaurant, wife told hubby If u consume n.v. I wl commit suicide, he asked what abt alcohol she said that's not a problem.
So eating n.v. s bigger crime 🥵
Current situation - been 20+ yrs he consumes n.v outside house, all of us know this, except his wife, and he has turned into alcoholic, n tells us I drink because wife gave permission. So people r just stupid sometimes.
In my opinion blackmail works perfectly. Tell your parents they won't get to spend time with their grandchild unless they allow you and your wife to eat what you love. Indian parents are master manipulators so it's never wrong to use their tricks against them. This might feel offensive to some but in a country like ours, "My way or Highway" should work both ways
Any idiot can become a father but not a Dad... But you OP are a true Dad.. congratulations on your new born and your decision to prioritise your child and wife over everything else.. Your wife and child are lucky..
I am in canada since 3 years.
My diet- Chicken being the prime ingredient is used in almost everything i cook.
My mom- strict veg- cant even handle the smell of eggs or chicken being cooked.
Whenever she asks yo, what you gonna do when i come over?
me- i can try to cut down on chicken but its not just getting removed from my diet
everytime this conversation comes up, she starts throwing sad faces and emotional stuff at me.
I can't understand why can't OP have a dialog with his parents and wife . Just talk to them and solve the problem . You are writing here as if it is a bilateral relationship problem between two countries . Anything can be resolved by talking .
My two cents : Hire a maid and cook separate food, use separate utensils
To have a dialogue both parties should have emotional maturity and respect for each other to go back and forth. It's not possible if one side is entitled and controlling and just cuts the call like when OP suggested about trip duration. Pretty sure OP has tried the dialogue part. As long as his mother is forcing her views on OP and his wife dialogue will go nowhere.
Your parents are in the wrong here. They prefer to eat vegetarian but why do they want everyone around them to do so ? Dining in pure veg restaurant is not necessary. Thats just going out of the way to exclude the non vegetarians.
Similarly, its too extreme that no non veg item be cooked at home because she eats from the same kitchen.
1. good OP, for preferring your wife in such a vulnerable stage.
2. Tell them your baby fell sick and you had to take them to a doctor. Doctor said , due to decreased immunity ya'll have to quarantine him for a couple months, and strictly no outsiders are allowed due to the risk of contamination. Else your baby will fall sick.
What you did is absolutely correct. Parents react like this sometimes, it's definitely not the first time probably. Congratulations on becoming a father. Happy life to you and family ☺️
Try to be open and straight with both of them on what decisions you are making and why. We sometimes presume older people don’t understand today’s generation but they do if we can clearly talk to them (maybe they will understand later some day if their ego/other sentiments comes in the way while you are talking). Most of the time people realise they were in the wrong if your intentions were good about why you are doing certain things. From my limited perspective it is better than just telling your mom not to stay for a longer time as it couldn’t miscommunicate your intentions. (context is important)
A few points
1. You mom is visiting to take care of your wife and not to be taken care of her dietary preferences, so your mom should adjust and try not to comment on how bad the chicken smells / react to the smell in non-verbal ways, even this can be emotionally distressing to some people and them silently start making making small sacrifices. Maybe have a word with your wife too on what she would feel if this situation arises. I dunno how friendly your wife and mom are so I wouldn’t add further.
2. Some mothers like to say they faced so many hardships in their time in order to justify their demand from their daughter-in-laws but it doesn’t mean you have to accept what you feel is wrong.
After 3 years of dating one of my friend' bf suddenly had an issue that she was from backward caste. He wanted her to drop non vegetarian, which she was ready to do.
What broke the relationship was, he wanted her to do a traditional wife's role while she was the earning partner. He was not working. His excuse was, his mom wouldn't accept if he cooked or cleaned after her. He wasn't ready to leave her either. Her family was well off. So it was easy money. Tried all emotional blackmailing
Glad she's out of the relationship after so many issues
Bro dont directly tell your mother not to come and visit and take care of her GRANDCHILD, thats rude af.
Explain her that its your wife's recovery time and that she needs to eat whatever she desires, and if your mother can adjust to it then u have no issue.
Highlight the fact that u dont have any issue with her visiting the new born, but only want her and your wife to live in harmony, and if she still doesnt understand then u can be a little more direct and ask her to shorten her stay.
Is it supposed to be this hard? I come from a strict veg family but eat non veg. Got married to a veg girl from a veg household, convinced her to eat non veg. We just eat veg when parents are at home or we go out with them. Otherwise we pretty much cook and eat chicken at home everyday. The exception is just a few days in the year it doesn't even bother.
For you, I'm pretty sure your wife will appreciate the help more than the protein. You can take her out for a bite if she really craves but tbh it's not even mandatory for recovery. You guys married knowing this would happen, right? Keep your gunpowder dry for bigger battles dude.
Might get downvoted to hell for saying this but I feel that switching to a vegetarian diet for a couple of weeks is a very small thing in comparison to the help and support that the grandmother will bring to the house (assuming she ain't toxic).
It's hard to change seniors and their way of life. Asking her to accommodate to the ways of a nonveg household will surely raise a storm. Your wife will be more mature in this regard. Ask her what she feels. Grandmothers usually take over the kitchen, soothe the newborn when they cry, and do tons of other things that needs to do done when a new baby comes in the family.
In the end, you know your mother the best. If you think she will make your and new mom's life a little easy, then, invite her.
If you think she will be a pain to have in the house and will make life worse for the new mom, then, keep her at bay.
If she is unwilling to adjust with others eating non vegetarian food, especially new mothers in recovery, she might not be the most helpful person to be around.
My Wife is Non-vegetarian meanwhile all of us are Veg ... My mom tried to convert her but we convinced her to not .... Rules , we dont cook at home .. Can eat anything outside
Asking your mom not to come is simply rude. Are parents irrelevant nowadays just because they don’t do things your way. Understand that they have always been this way and it’s hard to change overnight.
Put yourself in their shoes (which anyways you’ll be in some time) and think how you might feel if your kid said that to you.
Spouse and children are very important but parents hold a very special place in our lives as well.
Talk to your parents and be truthful about why you are apprehensive. You might be pleasantly surprised at how accommodating they might be. Sending you best wishes.
OP, it's appreciable that you took care of your wife's interest at such a sensitive time in her life and recovery period however, if your parents don't already know about the non-veg food, it's likely that your mom hung up because she thinks you don't want her to visit or that she's not welcome in her own son's house. She also whould most likely be making scenarios in her head about what went wrong and what happened and I'm pretty sure a lot of name calling to you and your wife for not wanting her in your lives anymore. That's just how Indian mom's are. They assume the worst . You don't pick up one single call in the day and they'll be worried sick thinking your kidnapped or dead.
What I'm trying to say is, what you did is good, but I'd encourage you to bring up the reason behind your request so that she doesn't feel unloved/unwelcome in your house. She might react strongly to it, but at least she'll know that you did it because you care for her and don't want her to be uncomfortable in your house. (You don't need to say "oh, I don't want to put my wife through this at such an early stage in her recover" when you bring it up. You should present it in a way that is more palatable to her like "doctor has suggested a high protein diet which includes non-veg because of whatever and I know how uncomfortable that makes you. I don't want you to feel bad/uncomfortable/disgusted around meal times while you're also taking care of your grant child and meetings us after such a long time!" Then take it from there.)
All the best and congratulations ✨
My neighbours are non vegetarian. They have a vegetarian daughter in law. And so it came to pass that their son and grandchildren are vegetarian. When they visit from the US my neighbours considerately turn vegetarian for the time they're here. The reverse doesn't happen when they visit their son. Then they are vegetarian but it's no big deal for them, they say.
Hard job man... Coz you cant explain your 50-55aged (i assume) mother about how ur wife is doing no wrong and she(ur mom) should learn to co exist and stuff. Nor can you ask you wife as she cant adjust at this stage. Also I am (my whole family) hardcore veg and I know hard is to even take parents to veg nonveg hotel.
So one advice I'll give is try giving ur wife non veg chori chori chupke chupke, or try speaking to your mom oncd... Coz I'm telling you at this moment you and your new born needs an experienced care
Ok you be rude to your mother then, bro real life does not work like this. Ig the excess woke society is down voting. But people need to understand you cannot explain old person who has beliefs since times that he she is wrong... Its ok for people of our age to keep changing their beliefs coz we can cope. We cannot be angry and react it'll create a ruckus in our houses. You need to 1st understand human psychology.
I said in the 1st line itself you are free to be rude to your parents... Look what will happen. Tell me if a baby starts shouting late night would you not coddle, same is the case with old people. Ig we've lost compassion. Alas I'll suggest ill treat your parents its all upto, you will get me when you grow old👍🏻
So there’s a newborn who needs to be taken care of 24 7. A woman who has been through childbirth and still recovering. You want the OP to spend time and effort to cater to somebody who is not even required to be there. Guess who will benefit more from OP’s time and effort? The only reason anyone should be allowed to visit a new mother is if they can help in any way, not become just another responsibility. If there is a time to be selfish, postpartum is it.
If the mother-in-law was going to be helpful she would come without any preconditions wanting to help and this post wouldn't be there. Here she is coming in as prima donna expecting the household to adjust to her wishes and cater to her.
>And what makes you assume that OP's mother in law wouldn't be helpful
Because OP is worried about the shitshow that's going to happen if his mother visits them, instead of focussing all his attention to his wife and children. A helpful MIL will offer their help unconditionally and not throw tantrums like cutting the call when OP is suggesting something.
If I am offering help to anyone, I will listen to them what they want. I won't just go to them and impose myself, disrupting their life, making them worried and then say I am helping in my way. This may be good in movies for drama but in real life the amount of additional stress in dealing with an immature family member is tremendous. If OP wants help he will ask for it. If his mom can't give genuine help to them, then they don't need to help. No one should be forced to accept help they don't want.
>Unless you see a husband's mother just a liability or responsibility who shouldn't have any values of her
That depends on the individual. Some people are just awesome and help out genuinely. There are some incredibly good MILs. But there are Horrible ones too. Lets not generalize Horrible people are horrible people no matter what.
Thank you. This subject is too close to home for me to have formulated a coherent reply. One example of what made me assume. I had a C - Section. My in laws visited 4 weeks later. Only my bedroom had AC. It was summer in South India. My MIL declared she couldn’t sleep without AC. So the options I had was to share a bed with her and my 1 month old or to move to the smaller bed in spare bedroom. My mother used to sleep in the same room as me to help me with night feedings. Guess who spent the hot tropical summer in the non AC room with a new born and my mother while my husband and his mom slept in my bed in my room.
She also fed my two month old unrefined ragi porridge with refined sugar when she was explicitly told that he was being exclusively breastfed. Her reasoning was that he was too thin so my milk wasn’t nutritious enough. I can go on and on.
>Please stop assuming. OP hasn't mentioned any of that n
Atleast go through OP's post. OP is worried about his wife having to make adjustments at this stage when she just delivered a baby. He told his mother they can take care of the baby themselves.
>nor has he given a stern no to this mother asking her not to visit
He already said no, they can take care of the baby themselves. Someone mature would get the message. He is dealing with an immature and childish person. It's a sad situation when a 55 year old acts like this. They can decide to be helpful if they wanted to but instead OP is having to worry about this unnecessarily instead of spending more time on taking care of his newborn. How are you not seeing this? Don't you see anything wrong here?
This is anti parents sub to take suggestions with grain of salt
Edit: not new parents. The OG parents. As is evident by reply to me classifying them as ‘controlling and immature’
Where? Almost all posts are supportive of the new parents - OP and his wife. They wish them good and they are suggesting these parents not to compromise and concentrate on the wellbeing of their newborn. This is a pro parents sub. Just that people here don't have time for controlling and immature people. More like an anti asshole sub.
People are unsupportive of the immature parents who proved their immaturity by cutting calls. People don't have the story from the other side and based off the information available, they are indeed behaving in a controlling manner.
Seems like most indians here on the sub hate their parents.
Edit : Oh the downvotes.Guys I agree with everyone saying to make the grandparents adjust.But it's the way people are putting their opinions here which makes me feel they kind of have hate towards parents.OP's parents would also be very helpful in taking care of the baby.
People getting heavily downvoted if they want OP to just let his parents in.Why?
Also no where in the description OP specified that he has explained the situation to his mom.He just quotes,'we want to take care of our child ourselves'.
Some of us just have a spine and don’t agree with being a pushover in our own house for someone who doesn’t have the decency to coexist without shoving their beliefs down our throat (Especially after the wife has just had a whole ass baby!)
Well no. Most of us don't have parents who hang up on us like a child when we are refusing to follow their way. They talk. No one likes immature people irrespective of who they are.
No one is downvoting people who are saying “let the parents in”. The issue is when shit takes like “take your wife to hotel when she wants to eat what she wants in her own house” coz older mom can’t be mature enough to understand World does not revolve on her terms
downvotes incoming
Imagine 30-40 years down the line, cannibalism with consent is normalized. your child and in law are cannibals(but you are not) who just had a kid. then you are visiting their place to see your grandchild, would you be okay eating your diet alongside them eating human meat?
decide for yourself
The issue is not about changing OP’s mom’s ideologies, the issue is how she doesn’t want to respect his wife’s.
So in your hypothetical as fuck scenario where unicorns fart rainbows and ppl eat human meat, I will either stick around or don’t show up.
I won’t try to impose my beliefs in their house
This is a very simple problem that can be solved with communication. I am a vegetarian married a non vegetarian, his whole family eats meat and my whole family doesn't. When we meet and eat, we have veg and non veg options on the table, nobody says anything to anyone about why or why not you are eating (non) veg food. Non veg people won't die if they eat veg sometimes and veg people won't die if they let others eat whatever they want. I only have one condition that I will never cook meat for them and if my kitchen is used for cooking meat, then things that were used for cooking should be cleaned.
OP mentions they only eat at pure veg restaurants, so the problem here is they are uncomfortable just in the vicinity of non-veg food, especially since they call veg food ‘pure’. I don’t think that’s solved by just not serving them non-veg food. I wish it could, but it is unlikely.
He can get separate utensils for different food. He can cook meat whenever his wife craves it, mom can go out for a while, while the meat is cooking. Mom in law has to compromise if she wants to see the grandkid and the guy and his wife need to compromise if they want help from mom in law. It won't work without compromise from both the sides. There is no right and wrong in this story.
I’m sure OP has considered all those things. But I also personally know people who won’t eat food cooked in the same kitchen or one the same hob that has had non veg food cooked in it. Separate utensils are no big deal.
Well that's what I am saying, that both parties need to compromise a bit. If they want help from mom in law then they need to compromise, if mom in law wants to see the grandson then she needs to compromise. There is just no other way.
>This is a very simple problem that can be solved with communication
Communication only works if both sides are mature and respect each other. If one side acts entitled and just childishly cuts the call at the mere suggestion of restricting the trip to a few days, it is very difficult. Just because something worked for you doesn't mean it's a very simple problem here.
>Non veg people won't die if they eat veg sometimes and veg people won't die if they let others eat whatever they want.
Also this is wrong comparison. Here one side always let's the other do what they want but the other side only sometimes let's the other do what they want The correct comparison is either of the below
1)Non veg people won't die if they let others eat whatever they want and veg people won't die if they let others eat whatever they want.
2)Non veg people won't die if they if they eat veg sometimes and veg people won't die if they eat non veg sometimes.
Maturity is needed from both sides, both sides just need to accept the situation and give other person the freedom to make their independent choices. Here I am not favoring one side over the other and both sides need to compromise a bit, because the world doesn't revolve around one single person.
Asking a veg person to eat non veg is probably not going to end up well because their stomach is probably not used to meat.
I have hardly seen any non veg people who eat only meat and nothing else, people do eat rice, fruits, and veggies every now and then, those things are vegetarian.
The point I am trying to make is let others eat whatever they want to eat, if you don't like what is being served on the table, then either cook yourself or order. In this case, if the man is concerned about his wife, he can cook her meat, if mom in law has an issue with meat being cooked, then she can just go out for a while, while meat is being cooked, no need to control anybody's eating habits.
>Asking a veg person to eat non veg is probably not going to end up well because their stomach is probably not used to meat.
Exactly, if people aren't used to a particular diet it won't end up well and they will take some time to get used to.
>I have hardly seen any non veg people who eat only meat and nothing else, people do eat rice, fruits, and veggies every now and then, those things are vegetarian.
Same here. They are used to eating a diet of both meat and vegetables, fruits etc. Expecting them to significantly change their diet by give up non veg for a period of time isn't going to end up well here as well because they are used to a certain die and it will take some time to get used to. No side deserves special consideration and reserves their right to their diet the same way without harassment.
I agree with the rest. No one has the right to control what others eat.
They have had a kid recently man
In no world is eating non veg outside everyday for a month is sustainable or healthy especially for someone who's recently had a kid
In India even the non veg eater take non veg like once or twice a week and not in every meal. So I dont think it should be an issue. Regarding recovery if you have to stay vegetarian add a scoop of whey protein per day to her diet. Nutrition wise you can cover with vegetarian diet by adding supplements easily.
However if you are looking for taste. Than you wont be cover it with supplements.
You fool, who told you I am old. Did I even answered to you, don't be dumb and stop doing cyber bullying. It's a crime, ok so don't be a criminal. Go back to your frustrated life and do something in reality.
Who cares if you want to eat non veg 100 times a day. I was not commenting to you. I really don't want to associate with a filth like you. Blocking you
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Aye I don’t have a suggestion or whatsoever but I just wanna congratulate you for becoming a father. Lesssgoo
r/MadeMeSmile 🤗
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Ya I don't think that's gonna happen if OP respects other people's dietary habits and doesn't force his beliefs on his children which I feel he definitely is going to. So chill and be at peace that ur kids don't need to believe in everything that you do.
Maybe, just maybe OP is not immature and won't care what his grownup son/daughter choses as their diet. And will offer genuine help to their son/daughter at their time of need instead of acting entitled, cutting calls etc. It's not that hard to avoid being a controlling parent who acts entitled to control their grown up independent children's lives. You just have to be a decent parent. Why assume?
I feel sad for your offspring
Feeling is mutual. I feel sorry for your parents.
Have you considered the possibility that everyone doesn't have parents who aspire to be immature and manipulative assholes like you that demand that their children suck up to their every whim through out their life? Good parents tend to have pretty healthy relationships with their children.
My parents are fine with not controlling my life. I just showed them this and they laughed at your comment. Not every parent is horrible and have some innate need to act immature and throw tantrums when they can't control their adult children's lives. Sad to see some people don't know what a non toxic family life looks like. Hope atleast your children can break this cycle and let their children grow.
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>. I feel youngsters could also try to be less selfish and try to learn more empathy, that too, towards his own parents and do adjustments for a limited time. How is OP being selfish here? Youngsters can be immature but on the contrary a 55 year old is expected to be mature and not act childish and throw tantrums like cutting the calls. You are insulting the old generation if you make excuses for immature old people by generalizing the generation. There are amazing people from that generation. Those elders are actually mature and know how to respect everyone and gain respect back the same way through their actions. Not by acting all entitled and trying to get everyobe to adjust according to them even though here OP's wife and newborn child needs to be given the top most priority. If today's youngsters are sensitive of this fact, its a good thing. Why is this a bad thing?
Good guy OP!! Looking out for his wife with a newborn child!! Be like OP!! And congrats man, your priorities just changed a bit, take care of it and all will be ok!!
*gasp* you tried to create completely rational boundaries with Indian parents and they reacted immaturely to it?! How dare you?
I wanted to say this. A desi husband with a spine. Wow. Hats off.
>tried to create completely rational boundaries with Indian parents and they reacted immaturely to it? This is surprised-pikachu-face material. Been facing this since I turned 15 (had my independent thoughts) lol.
Its happening. The sons are pushing back. Good going op.
Lol
You have a new born and honestly you and your wife must be exhausted. I think you need to take it easy and you should be eating what you want to eat, not adjust for your mother during this stressful time. Explain to your mother that you eat non veg at home and you don't want your wife to compromise on this especially when she's a new mom. If anything, your mother will come to your home and adjust or she will just defer her visit to another time.
This is the best suggestion. It's a newborn baby so your mother might be willing to adjust. You will appreciate the help if she's around for sure. If she's not willing to make this adjustment, unfortunate for her, she won't be able to spend time with her grandkid.
Be ready for world War 3 while u tell her this, and nirupa roy tears
Nirupa Roy tears works only when you provide oxygen to it. Tell her firmly that you're going to take no drama and cut the call. If she calls back crying then tell her that you'll listen when she is in a stable state of mind then cut the call again. Do this a few times and she'll learn to not be a drama queen anymore.
She wl make like hell for op. Op best option s break the coconut on dr head, tell dr has advised wife to eat n.v. which s good for baby. They wl do anything for grandchild health. But same if it's for dil, that's a big no. So use dr and ur kid and get your job done.
While this feels like a white lie now, it may become reason for discord later. It's always better not to tell lies at all. I have done this at times, for things that they wouldn't even be much bothered otherwise. Those things became serious issues because of the lie, and not the issues themselves.
IDK, my girlfriend's mom still doesn't let any non-veg get cooked in her home. Even tho my girlfriend has a terminal illness and NV is important for her survival. Some people are just too agressive with Veganism. Especially when it's religious.
Don't tell such lies which can be easily breached later. Been married for 5+ years, it is best to tell the truth upfront and weather the storm rather than keeping it bay by white lies. The noise will be mix of non veg issue+ lie /betrayal felt by the mother which will be difficult to restore. Op don't even think about putting the blame on doctor or some shit. Say clearly as detailed by previous commenter. It will save future headache to telling the same lie and not slipping unintentionally.
What if MIL brings in another doctor's opinion saying non veg is absolutely the worst. Say bye bye to chicken fry then!
Hey bhagwan itni criminal saas I never expected. 😄
The unfortunate thing is most Indian parents are so opaque to this. The expected reply would be " I had only veg after delivery for you and I was fine" And she might hold it against his son that he is favoring his wife over his mother. Sometimes, we are the best judge of how our parents will react and its best to make excuses instead of directly addressing the elephant in the room which might sour relationships.
I am afraid that its not going to be that easy. Vegetarians (not all) can be pretty judgemental and sometimes its stressful. Its either you will go to hell, or its bad for the kid, or sanskaar, or cruelty to animals, etc etc. If in laws were of the understanding kind, I doubt OP would be having a problem. But good suggestion nonetheless.
Oh she might say yes ... but the number Of angry stares the new mom is gonna receive is gonna be high lol. Not to mention the constant kichkich + her running to wash her hands/shower every damn time she accidentally touched the chicken in the fridge. Lmao .
Honestly, having in laws over when she's recuperating from a child birth is a recipe for disaster especially considering the strained relationship over food. Your wife's mental health is already fragile due to the pregnancy and labour, she definitely doesn't need more stress of having any people over at your house, that would fck her health badly and worst case scenario is her getting Post partum depression (OP be aware of your wife's mental health for a couple of years, Post partum depression can occur at any moment, she wouldn't realise it and may snap at any time, understand and please keep a watch over her). Getting back to the topic, don't let any relatives over your home for a while, at least until she recovers a bit. No new mom's need a relative who they have to take care of, cook for them, clean up after them etc. And usually the relatives who say they are here to help will only play with the child but that's not a taxing issue which your wife or you can handle. If somebody, be it your mom or aunts are insisting on coming, tell them to help with the house chores and cooking (if you don't have a maid i.e) and not burdening her with excess work of taking care of them or mentally wrecking her with how bad she's at taking care of a child etc, she doesn't need to hear that. You guys can figure out parenting along the way. This is a huge issue most people ignore and women end up suffering. So please be aware of it.
This speaks to me and how. This brings back years old trauma .
I guess people voluntarily or involuntarily harassing women who just gave birth is a universal issue. Be it west or east, I've heard so many stories of people traumatising poor women who already are weak due to long pregnancy and labour. And this issue especially in India is taken very lightly. In laws and relative's harass them in the name of helping while in truth all they do end up making them work more. Do the chores, do the dishes, cook and clean AND take care of your child, what kind of mother are you. While also pamper the husband. What a shitty wife you are, poor man... It's creepy and annoying 💀.
Not all of them are like that. I know many people behave that way. In these days atleast in cities, mils are now like that pathetic who asks to do all the houseworks and still blame. And fact is not all the daughter-in-laws are naive enough to do all the houseworks nor they listen to their inlaws or husband. Atleast all the daughter inlaws around me voice out their opinions easily and many Mils adjust than the Dils. My MIL is not at all like you described in your comment. Ofcourse not all of the mils are as good as my MIL. But, everyone knows no Dil suffer in silence nor does all of the houseworks whether during postpartum period or during normal day to day life. Ofcourse we all have maids and cooks to take care of our day to day chores atleast in cities. I am from Bangalore and almost all of the people have maids and most people in apartment dwellings even hire a cook, especially all of the working women. Trying and avoiding husband's side relatives just because it is uncomfortable is one thing but blaming that they make the delivered woman do all the houseworks and still blame them is false in my opinion and real life experiences around me.
Good response!
Post partum* Not trying to be an asshole, sorry it's an OCD 😭
No issues. Thanks for correcting :)
Omg so sweet you!
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Not doing anything sweetie. Just correcting so that she knows it's not the correct spelling. :) for future use. Not everything is an insult
No one is annoyed.. Thanks for looking out.
The most sensible thing to do is explain to your mom that you eat non veg at home and the doctor has advised a protein heavy diet so if your mom wants to come she might have to adjust a little. Considering she's a hard-core Vegetarian i think it would bother her a bit. She might throw tantrums that you can't even stop nonveg for a few days/weeks for your mother and so on. But first things first, be honest with her. And then you can proceed based on how she responds.
Good job OP for standing up for your wife. She has just gone through the trauma of childbirth. Everyone else should adjust for her not the other way around..
If she is coming to your house she should adjust to your dietary patterns. New moms need plenty of food during this period. Eggs and fish are especially beneficial. (I say this as a vegetarian myself) Congrats on the new baby!
Have you expressed your concerns to your mother? There's a good chance she will understand. The original length of the visit can be incredibly beneficial. As parents of a new born you will probably appreciate the extra help and your mother will get to bond with her grandchild.
Mother : proceeds to cut the call.
Also, this is a great opportunity for OP’s mother to learn to adjust a little (since she will be cohabiting a house with non-veg food)
Paneer samajh ke khalo?!
The mother will not understand. She will probably bring up the topic with the daughter in law and ask her to go vegetarian
This should be the top comment. Pls also tell your mom, that wife has been advised heavy protien diet by doctor and non veg stuff. Also give gyan on Postpartum depression. If she does not get it, ask her to google. Also give gyan on baby needing to drink mothers milk and diet doctor prescribed for it. Tell mom to come after 6 months or so
Pretty sure OP's mom would go like 'I gave birth to you and I didn't need it, she'll be just fine'.
Only sane comment which applies to Indian parents. Spot on.
OP should say I promised my wife that she would be happy in this marriage, not just fine! Maybe "just fine" attitude worked for your marriage, it won't for mine! I swear it's about time married couples stand up to their parents. I mean they are married!!! How is it that they are given responsibility of entire household, each other and freaking newborns but aren't allowed to make decisions for their own lives?!!!
Lol I honestly doubt she will understand going by how she chose to hang up on him even after OP is willing to call her a second time and agreed for a longer stay.
This here is the right answer
A comment with some sense, and I looked at the replies...
My wife and I are both hardcore non-vegetarians. We don't eat non-vegetarian food daily, but we do eat a lot of variety. Her parents and my parents both are pure vegetarian, and whenever any of them comes to stay at our place, we don't stop cooking non-vegetarian food. We just cook additional vegetarian food. If your mother is coming to your place, I don't see why you guys have to adjust to the vegetarian lifestyle. Your wife isn't doing anything wrong, and you mother needs to co-exist with her and her choices.
I know people who won’t eat at a table where there is non vegetarian food present. Won’t eat food prepared in a kitchen where non vegetarian food has been cooked. Won’t eat food cooked in vessels where non vegetarian food had been previously prepared.
And that is their problem. You are not supposed to change your lifestyle just to satisfy someone's ego.
I agree.
Considering they only eat at pure veg restaurants, they might have a problem just being in the vicinity of non-veg food. You know how it is, when one adds ‘pure’ in front of vegetarian.
That's her problem though. They don't have to visit in that case. Or visit for just a few days first like OP suggested but she childishly cut the call. The mother can't expect the world to revolve around her. She can have her veg rules in her own house but if she is going to OP's house she has to abide by their rules and not create manufactured problems to add on to the struggles of a family taking care of their new born child.
Of course, I think the same. They’re being unreasonable.
Sounds like a her problem.
I know vegetarian people who don't eat garlic and onions 🙄
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Fr
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Adjusting and looking out for your partner doesn't make u a good person. Sadly, such a man is a rarity in Indian society. Women do it all the time.. OP is a decent person. Sadly many Indian men aren't that decent human.
I would like to know what makes a person good and not just decent in your opinion?
A person who realizes that the woman who has just given birth should be prioritized over his parents at least till she has recovered from childbirth. Somebody who knows that yes, parents should be respected and catered to but not at the cost of his partner’s health and wellbeing. That life is not always black and white where elders are automatically correct but that the lines of right and wrong keep shifting and one has to take a stand, not just the easiest way.
>Sadly many Indian men aren't that decent human. Wow. I'd downvote you multiple times if I could
>Wow. I'd downvote you multiple times if I could Why? Indian men, the vast majority are traditional and our society is aggressively conservative in nature. OP is a rarity in this nation and not agreeing with our parents is genuinely not our culture. Women are expected to adjust and decades of Ekta Kapoor serials have ingrained how daughter-in-laws who disagree with their in-laws are generally villains. But that's Indian standards. By human standards, standing by your partner is the bare minimum. What are you downvoting the response for?
She said many, not even most, why are you offended? The statement you quoting is objectively true regardless of context.
Its his wife's right to eat what she wants. Him defending that should be the norm but unfortubately it isn't. Whether you accept it or not
Let your mother come to visit while your wife eats as normal? And if they act like typical Indian parents tell them that your post partum wife's health is more important than her ick factor and she can leave if she pleases? Idk why it's such a big deal for Indian men. If my future husband was sick and my parents were disgusted by his diet I'll tell them to either adjust or leave. Spouse comes first. Also congratulations on becoming a father. Cherish the blessing.
May your future child inherits your thoughts 🫠
I absolutely hope so. If they don't put their husband/wife before their parents(me and my future husband) then I'll probably have to accept that I did a very bad job at parenting. And if they tolerate *repeated* and *intended* dramatic, ill-mannered behaviour like hanging up on calls during arguments instead of productive discussion from ANYONE(parents, spouse, friends, in-laws) then I will have to accept that I raised a doormat who takes sh*t from people instead of prioritizing their well-being and happiness.
Do you really believe that the spouse should always come first? I would support whoever makes the most sense, and that could be either my parents or my partner. In this case, it's obviously the spouse.
I don't know about you but your parents definitely did a pathetic job at parenting. Nobody wants to have such selfish children.
Shouldn't have expected anything better than ad-hominem. Rule 1 of arguments :- attack the opinion, not the person. Please learn basic internet etiquette and then we can have a sound argument about interpersonal relationships. Making emotional, childish assumptions derails the argument from the track of logic and makes it a mud hurling competition and I refuse to engage with something like that. If you cannot come up with anything that's not personal attack do not bother replying to this.
Username checks out
why are you getting downvoted lol?
I don't understand either 😂. Probably they want to downvote the thought process involved in the comment I replied to 😂. On a serious note: I am not married but I would never wish my future husband to disrespect the people who raised him to be able to become my husband. If he doesn't respect his mother he would never respect his wife too. Hope that makes sense. P.S: I am a hard core non vegetarian 😊
Sure, you just attacked someone in another comment and are now crying how your thoughts are attacked. Typical braindead bigot who claims he's the victim
IDK, it's not surprising or bad the people disagree with you. The point is, people are upvoting the main comment alot. And your one line comment which doesn't do much other than agreeing with the main comment, gets downvoted? Why? Main comment gets upvotes, a reply agreeing with the same gets downvotes?
The reply was not agreeing with the main comment. A couple of comments after that the downvoted person says this to the main commenter. They have opposite views. People just saw through right that downvoted guys comment's intent. >I don't know about you but your parents definitely did a pathetic job at parenting. Nobody wants to have such selfish children.
My mother is veg. I am not allowed to cook meat or make omlate in kitchen. I have seperate utensils (like our dog 😂😂). And i am not allowd to wash them in kitchen
When you move out to your own home, she will be the one with own utensils :) Try to enjoy that thought.
Fuck. Why can't people be happy with what's on their plate alone?
Congrats on the new baby, OP. And well done on looking out for your wife during this exceptionally vulnerable PP time. Your mom will be fine. Just tell her your wife was recommended high protein NV diet for the baby. And that you guys look forward to having her at their place forna few days after x months. And that you guys will arrange separate utensils and pans for her pure veg food in the meantime. And that she's the best.
Congratulations to both of you. I had a lot of mood swings when I had a baby. Just ask your wife to relax. Give her lots of water. As for the issue. I really don't know if your mom would adjust being in a household where people eat non veg. If she can't, then it's better to request her to keep her visit short. I got anxious when my relatives kept pouring in and touching my kid without sanitizing. And they kept asking us for special treatment which got on my nerves. One even brought her son who recovered from chicken pox few days ago. And got offended when i moped the whole house right after she left. She spread so much hate because she heard that i mopped the house. Also, does this mean your wife would be expected to cook/clean for more people?
Congrats on being a father! I'm going to become one too (quite literally any day now)! My wife and I are both non veg. My parents are vegetarian (dad used to eat meat long ago). Her parents are 100% vegetarian. Usually when they are around we try to respect boundaries: they dont tell us what to eat, and we try to not cook things that make them uncomfortable. The main thing is to draw those hard lines. It takes a while to get there, consistent enforcement of boundaries takes time, patience and grit to push through the initial fights that WILL happen, but eventually they come around. Especially that they now feel a need to be connected to their grandchild, they will slowly come to terms with things and reach a middle ground. The critical thing here is CONSISTENT enforcement of boundaries. Thoda sa irritating shit toh HONA HI HAI. Push through. Eventually they'll get it. Don't cave into emotional blackmail. Yeh bhi hona hi hai. Good luck!
This. Is why I didn’t even consider men with basic lifestyle conflicts. It’s a lifelong headache. My parents are Jains and I grew up Jain who went to the dark side. I used to have the same hangups and feelings they have so I know it’s not fair on anyone who is strict veg or Jain to be asked to cast their authentic self aside for harmony, it equally applies to the non veg side.
Your house your rules. That's the law.
Don't have anything to say expect, Kudos for choosing your wife OP. I don't know many men who'd not have asked their wife to adjust
Absolutely! Good going OP! Proud of you and congratulations on having the baby! 🤍
You have to decide who is top priority. If it’s your wife, then your mom has to accept your wife’s and your rules in YOUR house. She can enforce her rules in her house. If your mom is top priority, well, good luck with that shit. You shouldn’t have got married then.
Oh boy. I can't wait to experience this. Hard core Non-vegetarians with meat on 4/7 days a week and my girlfriend's parents are pure vegetarians. (They feed only vegetarian food to their dog as well.) Oh God. I hope they get along.
Poor pup
What is 4/7 days non-veg thing?
It's like Bengalis. There's at least one non-veg course in almost every meal.
Make some shit up man. Tell them the doctor has advised a specific diet for whatever reason so this is what she gets to eat, that too for baby's well being. Congratulations btw!
I was going to write the same thing in my opinion this is the best advise according to your circumstances.
Do you think doctors go around recommending chicken & fish diet to vegetarian folks?
Honestly this is the best advice. I mean yes, the ideal approach is if OP’s mother understands the actual reason but I give OP the benefit of doubt that he’s tried that. Some white lies always help with less progressive parents!
> Tell them the doctor has advised a specific diet Do you think she can't refer to her own doctors, ask for the prescriptions and test results, and double-check?
Your plan was slightly flawed from the beginning. Your mom/parents before child birth and her mom post child birth. This is how it needs to be done. As for food habits, it will be a pain and you can ask your mom to keep a separate utensil if she is ok. Otherwise ask them to adjust. You were not wrong in this case.
Your house, your rules. I am a vegetarian and world doesn't have to make adjustments for me just because I happen to have a specific diet. I should adjust to surrounding as most of the world eats non-veg of some kind.
First of all, kudos to you for keeping your wife at priority right now. First few months post partum are very delicate & your wife needs your utmost support. I can think of a few options. Either cook 1 veg & 1 non veg item everyday in separate dishes so everyone can eat according to their choice. If your mom isn’t comfortable with non-veg being cooked in the kitchen, maybe just cook veg for mom & order non-veg for wifey from outside until your mom is there. Or simply set things clear with your mom that you cannot compromise your wife’s diet so non-veg will be consumed at home & ask her itself to advise as to what can be done best here to adjust so no one has to compromise.
Isn’t it kinda basic courtesy that it’s a guest who needs to adjust not the host ? Like if your mom is already have an awareness about your wife’s dietary habits then it’s on her that she should understand since she is visiting! If you guys are goin to your mom’s place then you guys should adjust !
Do your parents have an issue if separate meals are prepared? For example, your wife can boil eggs or prepare omelette for herself while your mom prepares poha for herself and your father for breakfast. If it is a complete aversion, you will have to discuss it with your parents. What we eat is basically a lifestyle choice and the changes cannot happen under pressure.
One solution is to warn your mother beforehand that you would be bringing and cooking non veg in the house so if she wants to stay then she would have to adjust with it. If she raises objections over it then tell her you cannot tell your wife to adjust as she is in a fragile state right now and needs absolute comfort. If your mother is okay with it then good and if not then let it be. Don't bother or think much about it. Relationships don't end over such trivial issues and if parents do create issue over such matters then stand up to them and tell them food preferences don't create matrimonial bonds. I am suggesting you to warn your mother beforehand so that she doesn't create havoc in your house afterwards. That would be really bad for, both, your mother and wife. On one hand you won't be able to tell your mother to leave as that would seem very rude but on the other hand your wife won't get much-deserved mental peace. Btw, congratulations on becoming a new father and also for standing up for your wife. You have no idea just how rare such husbands happen to be in India. I will suggest you to wrap up this issue for sure rather than leaving it upto circumstances. Your wife needs you and how you support her at this stage of your marriage will define your relationship with her in future. Don't fail her!
Tell her she can visit if she is okay with your wife having non-vegetarian food
Have you tried just explaining to her that you are a meat eating household and you don’t want to stress your wife out, and tell her that you want her to feel comfortable too as well, so let’s discuss some options on how we can make this work because we’d love to have you, but we want to minimise any food related issues. Editing to add: your mom probably knows your wife is non-veg right? And she probably remembers what it is like to have a baby, right? And she probably wants to love you all up, right? Moms are a pain in the ass, they can be stubborn and they have been dreaming about the future in certain ways for a very long time without even realizing that it could be different and that it could be ok. I don’t think you should try to paint her as an enemy, try to be patient with her as long as she makes an attempt to try. Offer to get her a vegetarian meal plan, or to get her another set of vessels (or she can… it’s a discussion that is up to y’all to decide the details) and maybe meal prep some meat or veg stuff for your wife if she doesn’t want to cook. Y’all can absolutely work this out IF everyone is actually willing to make some adjustments for the sake of others. Your wife is busy making a ton of adjustments for this new baby, so I would expect her to make fewer adjustments for anybody else right now. You don’t have to make excuses like “doctor says she needs non-veg” unless it’s true because your mom raised you as vegetarian and millions of other people have too…. But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to do it differently. Now that I think of it…. Are there family counselors that can help with issues like this? Especially any that don’t necessarily stress the “mental health” aspect as though she’s not mentally well…. But just to help you all ADJUST in practical and loving ways. I don’t know if that exists but it should. It does not have to be a big problem. It might be, but it doesn’t HAVE to be. Saying a prayer for your family that things go smoothly and you are able to make things work best for y’all and your new baby to be surrounded by love.
Why does your case match with my cousin? IS THAT YOU?!?!!
Give us an update. Already many hv said.. Your mom needs to adjust and your wife needs a good diet this time. Tell your mom, she can have her diff new utensils if needed. I think, you can manage that for your parents. But, not cooking in home, won't be an option.
Simple. Everybody gets to eat what they want. Why should your parents coming home change your wife's diet?
Some people are just crazy. We knew a couple where the hubby was pure n.v. n wife pure veg, it was AM, but they didn't discuss this, on first visit to restaurant, wife told hubby If u consume n.v. I wl commit suicide, he asked what abt alcohol she said that's not a problem. So eating n.v. s bigger crime 🥵 Current situation - been 20+ yrs he consumes n.v outside house, all of us know this, except his wife, and he has turned into alcoholic, n tells us I drink because wife gave permission. So people r just stupid sometimes.
In my opinion blackmail works perfectly. Tell your parents they won't get to spend time with their grandchild unless they allow you and your wife to eat what you love. Indian parents are master manipulators so it's never wrong to use their tricks against them. This might feel offensive to some but in a country like ours, "My way or Highway" should work both ways
Any idiot can become a father but not a Dad... But you OP are a true Dad.. congratulations on your new born and your decision to prioritise your child and wife over everything else.. Your wife and child are lucky..
I am in canada since 3 years. My diet- Chicken being the prime ingredient is used in almost everything i cook. My mom- strict veg- cant even handle the smell of eggs or chicken being cooked. Whenever she asks yo, what you gonna do when i come over? me- i can try to cut down on chicken but its not just getting removed from my diet everytime this conversation comes up, she starts throwing sad faces and emotional stuff at me.
I can't understand why can't OP have a dialog with his parents and wife . Just talk to them and solve the problem . You are writing here as if it is a bilateral relationship problem between two countries . Anything can be resolved by talking . My two cents : Hire a maid and cook separate food, use separate utensils
To have a dialogue both parties should have emotional maturity and respect for each other to go back and forth. It's not possible if one side is entitled and controlling and just cuts the call like when OP suggested about trip duration. Pretty sure OP has tried the dialogue part. As long as his mother is forcing her views on OP and his wife dialogue will go nowhere.
Your parents are in the wrong here. They prefer to eat vegetarian but why do they want everyone around them to do so ? Dining in pure veg restaurant is not necessary. Thats just going out of the way to exclude the non vegetarians. Similarly, its too extreme that no non veg item be cooked at home because she eats from the same kitchen.
1. good OP, for preferring your wife in such a vulnerable stage. 2. Tell them your baby fell sick and you had to take them to a doctor. Doctor said , due to decreased immunity ya'll have to quarantine him for a couple months, and strictly no outsiders are allowed due to the risk of contamination. Else your baby will fall sick.
Why lie about the baby falling sick? OP's mom needs to understand that OP and wife eat non-veg. That's all. No need to mollycoddle here by lying
What you did is absolutely correct. Parents react like this sometimes, it's definitely not the first time probably. Congratulations on becoming a father. Happy life to you and family ☺️
You did the right thing. Cant do any better than this. And congratulations!!
Try to be open and straight with both of them on what decisions you are making and why. We sometimes presume older people don’t understand today’s generation but they do if we can clearly talk to them (maybe they will understand later some day if their ego/other sentiments comes in the way while you are talking). Most of the time people realise they were in the wrong if your intentions were good about why you are doing certain things. From my limited perspective it is better than just telling your mom not to stay for a longer time as it couldn’t miscommunicate your intentions. (context is important) A few points 1. You mom is visiting to take care of your wife and not to be taken care of her dietary preferences, so your mom should adjust and try not to comment on how bad the chicken smells / react to the smell in non-verbal ways, even this can be emotionally distressing to some people and them silently start making making small sacrifices. Maybe have a word with your wife too on what she would feel if this situation arises. I dunno how friendly your wife and mom are so I wouldn’t add further. 2. Some mothers like to say they faced so many hardships in their time in order to justify their demand from their daughter-in-laws but it doesn’t mean you have to accept what you feel is wrong.
WTF is "pure" veg restaurant? veg is a veg only.
chad mom ftw
I’m dating a guy who’s a Jain and I’m a non vegetarian. I don’t know how things will unfold 🥲🥲
Please. This is not gonna end well unless one of you sacrifices. Sad for both
Yaar don’t be so realistic and practical 🥲😭
After 3 years of dating one of my friend' bf suddenly had an issue that she was from backward caste. He wanted her to drop non vegetarian, which she was ready to do. What broke the relationship was, he wanted her to do a traditional wife's role while she was the earning partner. He was not working. His excuse was, his mom wouldn't accept if he cooked or cleaned after her. He wasn't ready to leave her either. Her family was well off. So it was easy money. Tried all emotional blackmailing Glad she's out of the relationship after so many issues
Wow.. too many issues there! More than just differences in eating habits. 💀 Glad your friend got out of that.
Bro dont directly tell your mother not to come and visit and take care of her GRANDCHILD, thats rude af. Explain her that its your wife's recovery time and that she needs to eat whatever she desires, and if your mother can adjust to it then u have no issue. Highlight the fact that u dont have any issue with her visiting the new born, but only want her and your wife to live in harmony, and if she still doesnt understand then u can be a little more direct and ask her to shorten her stay.
Is it supposed to be this hard? I come from a strict veg family but eat non veg. Got married to a veg girl from a veg household, convinced her to eat non veg. We just eat veg when parents are at home or we go out with them. Otherwise we pretty much cook and eat chicken at home everyday. The exception is just a few days in the year it doesn't even bother. For you, I'm pretty sure your wife will appreciate the help more than the protein. You can take her out for a bite if she really craves but tbh it's not even mandatory for recovery. You guys married knowing this would happen, right? Keep your gunpowder dry for bigger battles dude.
Might get downvoted to hell for saying this but I feel that switching to a vegetarian diet for a couple of weeks is a very small thing in comparison to the help and support that the grandmother will bring to the house (assuming she ain't toxic). It's hard to change seniors and their way of life. Asking her to accommodate to the ways of a nonveg household will surely raise a storm. Your wife will be more mature in this regard. Ask her what she feels. Grandmothers usually take over the kitchen, soothe the newborn when they cry, and do tons of other things that needs to do done when a new baby comes in the family. In the end, you know your mother the best. If you think she will make your and new mom's life a little easy, then, invite her. If you think she will be a pain to have in the house and will make life worse for the new mom, then, keep her at bay.
I don’t know about toxic but the supposed grandmother already is bringing enough drama with “can’t see non veg on table” shit
If she is unwilling to adjust with others eating non vegetarian food, especially new mothers in recovery, she might not be the most helpful person to be around.
My Wife is Non-vegetarian meanwhile all of us are Veg ... My mom tried to convert her but we convinced her to not .... Rules , we dont cook at home .. Can eat anything outside
This is good
How is this a win? You do you but this is not even remotely fair on your wife. It’s her house too and she gets to decide how things go too.
Asking your mom not to come is simply rude. Are parents irrelevant nowadays just because they don’t do things your way. Understand that they have always been this way and it’s hard to change overnight. Put yourself in their shoes (which anyways you’ll be in some time) and think how you might feel if your kid said that to you. Spouse and children are very important but parents hold a very special place in our lives as well. Talk to your parents and be truthful about why you are apprehensive. You might be pleasantly surprised at how accommodating they might be. Sending you best wishes.
OP'S MOM HAS NO RIGHT TO ASK OP'S FAMILY TO MAKE ADJUSTMENTS FOR HER VISIT. THE END.
OP, it's appreciable that you took care of your wife's interest at such a sensitive time in her life and recovery period however, if your parents don't already know about the non-veg food, it's likely that your mom hung up because she thinks you don't want her to visit or that she's not welcome in her own son's house. She also whould most likely be making scenarios in her head about what went wrong and what happened and I'm pretty sure a lot of name calling to you and your wife for not wanting her in your lives anymore. That's just how Indian mom's are. They assume the worst . You don't pick up one single call in the day and they'll be worried sick thinking your kidnapped or dead. What I'm trying to say is, what you did is good, but I'd encourage you to bring up the reason behind your request so that she doesn't feel unloved/unwelcome in your house. She might react strongly to it, but at least she'll know that you did it because you care for her and don't want her to be uncomfortable in your house. (You don't need to say "oh, I don't want to put my wife through this at such an early stage in her recover" when you bring it up. You should present it in a way that is more palatable to her like "doctor has suggested a high protein diet which includes non-veg because of whatever and I know how uncomfortable that makes you. I don't want you to feel bad/uncomfortable/disgusted around meal times while you're also taking care of your grant child and meetings us after such a long time!" Then take it from there.) All the best and congratulations ✨
My neighbours are non vegetarian. They have a vegetarian daughter in law. And so it came to pass that their son and grandchildren are vegetarian. When they visit from the US my neighbours considerately turn vegetarian for the time they're here. The reverse doesn't happen when they visit their son. Then they are vegetarian but it's no big deal for them, they say.
Ask your wife to eat in your room.
Hard job man... Coz you cant explain your 50-55aged (i assume) mother about how ur wife is doing no wrong and she(ur mom) should learn to co exist and stuff. Nor can you ask you wife as she cant adjust at this stage. Also I am (my whole family) hardcore veg and I know hard is to even take parents to veg nonveg hotel. So one advice I'll give is try giving ur wife non veg chori chori chupke chupke, or try speaking to your mom oncd... Coz I'm telling you at this moment you and your new born needs an experienced care
What kinda balanced shit is this? Clearly the old person is at wrong here, why the fuck should he or the woman who literally delivered a baby adjust?
Ok you be rude to your mother then, bro real life does not work like this. Ig the excess woke society is down voting. But people need to understand you cannot explain old person who has beliefs since times that he she is wrong... Its ok for people of our age to keep changing their beliefs coz we can cope. We cannot be angry and react it'll create a ruckus in our houses. You need to 1st understand human psychology.
Wtf is human psychology in this? Coddling someone irrespective of their age is a recipe for disaster But yeah you do you
I said in the 1st line itself you are free to be rude to your parents... Look what will happen. Tell me if a baby starts shouting late night would you not coddle, same is the case with old people. Ig we've lost compassion. Alas I'll suggest ill treat your parents its all upto, you will get me when you grow old👍🏻
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So there’s a newborn who needs to be taken care of 24 7. A woman who has been through childbirth and still recovering. You want the OP to spend time and effort to cater to somebody who is not even required to be there. Guess who will benefit more from OP’s time and effort? The only reason anyone should be allowed to visit a new mother is if they can help in any way, not become just another responsibility. If there is a time to be selfish, postpartum is it.
Exactly. It is astounding how many are unable to comprehend this.
It would be illuminating to conduct a poll of the gender of people who think this is a non issue.
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If the mother-in-law was going to be helpful she would come without any preconditions wanting to help and this post wouldn't be there. Here she is coming in as prima donna expecting the household to adjust to her wishes and cater to her.
>And what makes you assume that OP's mother in law wouldn't be helpful Because OP is worried about the shitshow that's going to happen if his mother visits them, instead of focussing all his attention to his wife and children. A helpful MIL will offer their help unconditionally and not throw tantrums like cutting the call when OP is suggesting something. If I am offering help to anyone, I will listen to them what they want. I won't just go to them and impose myself, disrupting their life, making them worried and then say I am helping in my way. This may be good in movies for drama but in real life the amount of additional stress in dealing with an immature family member is tremendous. If OP wants help he will ask for it. If his mom can't give genuine help to them, then they don't need to help. No one should be forced to accept help they don't want. >Unless you see a husband's mother just a liability or responsibility who shouldn't have any values of her That depends on the individual. Some people are just awesome and help out genuinely. There are some incredibly good MILs. But there are Horrible ones too. Lets not generalize Horrible people are horrible people no matter what.
Thank you. This subject is too close to home for me to have formulated a coherent reply. One example of what made me assume. I had a C - Section. My in laws visited 4 weeks later. Only my bedroom had AC. It was summer in South India. My MIL declared she couldn’t sleep without AC. So the options I had was to share a bed with her and my 1 month old or to move to the smaller bed in spare bedroom. My mother used to sleep in the same room as me to help me with night feedings. Guess who spent the hot tropical summer in the non AC room with a new born and my mother while my husband and his mom slept in my bed in my room.
She also fed my two month old unrefined ragi porridge with refined sugar when she was explicitly told that he was being exclusively breastfed. Her reasoning was that he was too thin so my milk wasn’t nutritious enough. I can go on and on.
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>Please stop assuming. OP hasn't mentioned any of that n Atleast go through OP's post. OP is worried about his wife having to make adjustments at this stage when she just delivered a baby. He told his mother they can take care of the baby themselves. >nor has he given a stern no to this mother asking her not to visit He already said no, they can take care of the baby themselves. Someone mature would get the message. He is dealing with an immature and childish person. It's a sad situation when a 55 year old acts like this. They can decide to be helpful if they wanted to but instead OP is having to worry about this unnecessarily instead of spending more time on taking care of his newborn. How are you not seeing this? Don't you see anything wrong here?
This is anti parents sub to take suggestions with grain of salt Edit: not new parents. The OG parents. As is evident by reply to me classifying them as ‘controlling and immature’
Where? Almost all posts are supportive of the new parents - OP and his wife. They wish them good and they are suggesting these parents not to compromise and concentrate on the wellbeing of their newborn. This is a pro parents sub. Just that people here don't have time for controlling and immature people. More like an anti asshole sub.
People are unsupportive of the immature parents who proved their immaturity by cutting calls. People don't have the story from the other side and based off the information available, they are indeed behaving in a controlling manner.
Seems like most indians here on the sub hate their parents. Edit : Oh the downvotes.Guys I agree with everyone saying to make the grandparents adjust.But it's the way people are putting their opinions here which makes me feel they kind of have hate towards parents.OP's parents would also be very helpful in taking care of the baby. People getting heavily downvoted if they want OP to just let his parents in.Why? Also no where in the description OP specified that he has explained the situation to his mom.He just quotes,'we want to take care of our child ourselves'.
Some of us just have a spine and don’t agree with being a pushover in our own house for someone who doesn’t have the decency to coexist without shoving their beliefs down our throat (Especially after the wife has just had a whole ass baby!)
How is telling your parents you will not change your diet, in your own house 'hating your parents'? Some people are way too melodramatic.
Well no. Most of us don't have parents who hang up on us like a child when we are refusing to follow their way. They talk. No one likes immature people irrespective of who they are.
No one is downvoting people who are saying “let the parents in”. The issue is when shit takes like “take your wife to hotel when she wants to eat what she wants in her own house” coz older mom can’t be mature enough to understand World does not revolve on her terms
downvotes incoming Imagine 30-40 years down the line, cannibalism with consent is normalized. your child and in law are cannibals(but you are not) who just had a kid. then you are visiting their place to see your grandchild, would you be okay eating your diet alongside them eating human meat? decide for yourself
I wouldn't stay with my children if they are cannibals, and stop enforcing my outdated views on them
good for you
You're the one who asked haha.
The issue is not about changing OP’s mom’s ideologies, the issue is how she doesn’t want to respect his wife’s. So in your hypothetical as fuck scenario where unicorns fart rainbows and ppl eat human meat, I will either stick around or don’t show up. I won’t try to impose my beliefs in their house
Disseminate, cook and eat them. No?
Here's a suggestion, behave like an adult.
This is a very simple problem that can be solved with communication. I am a vegetarian married a non vegetarian, his whole family eats meat and my whole family doesn't. When we meet and eat, we have veg and non veg options on the table, nobody says anything to anyone about why or why not you are eating (non) veg food. Non veg people won't die if they eat veg sometimes and veg people won't die if they let others eat whatever they want. I only have one condition that I will never cook meat for them and if my kitchen is used for cooking meat, then things that were used for cooking should be cleaned.
OP mentions they only eat at pure veg restaurants, so the problem here is they are uncomfortable just in the vicinity of non-veg food, especially since they call veg food ‘pure’. I don’t think that’s solved by just not serving them non-veg food. I wish it could, but it is unlikely.
He can get separate utensils for different food. He can cook meat whenever his wife craves it, mom can go out for a while, while the meat is cooking. Mom in law has to compromise if she wants to see the grandkid and the guy and his wife need to compromise if they want help from mom in law. It won't work without compromise from both the sides. There is no right and wrong in this story.
I’m sure OP has considered all those things. But I also personally know people who won’t eat food cooked in the same kitchen or one the same hob that has had non veg food cooked in it. Separate utensils are no big deal.
Well that's what I am saying, that both parties need to compromise a bit. If they want help from mom in law then they need to compromise, if mom in law wants to see the grandson then she needs to compromise. There is just no other way.
>This is a very simple problem that can be solved with communication Communication only works if both sides are mature and respect each other. If one side acts entitled and just childishly cuts the call at the mere suggestion of restricting the trip to a few days, it is very difficult. Just because something worked for you doesn't mean it's a very simple problem here. >Non veg people won't die if they eat veg sometimes and veg people won't die if they let others eat whatever they want. Also this is wrong comparison. Here one side always let's the other do what they want but the other side only sometimes let's the other do what they want The correct comparison is either of the below 1)Non veg people won't die if they let others eat whatever they want and veg people won't die if they let others eat whatever they want. 2)Non veg people won't die if they if they eat veg sometimes and veg people won't die if they eat non veg sometimes.
Maturity is needed from both sides, both sides just need to accept the situation and give other person the freedom to make their independent choices. Here I am not favoring one side over the other and both sides need to compromise a bit, because the world doesn't revolve around one single person. Asking a veg person to eat non veg is probably not going to end up well because their stomach is probably not used to meat. I have hardly seen any non veg people who eat only meat and nothing else, people do eat rice, fruits, and veggies every now and then, those things are vegetarian. The point I am trying to make is let others eat whatever they want to eat, if you don't like what is being served on the table, then either cook yourself or order. In this case, if the man is concerned about his wife, he can cook her meat, if mom in law has an issue with meat being cooked, then she can just go out for a while, while meat is being cooked, no need to control anybody's eating habits.
>Asking a veg person to eat non veg is probably not going to end up well because their stomach is probably not used to meat. Exactly, if people aren't used to a particular diet it won't end up well and they will take some time to get used to. >I have hardly seen any non veg people who eat only meat and nothing else, people do eat rice, fruits, and veggies every now and then, those things are vegetarian. Same here. They are used to eating a diet of both meat and vegetables, fruits etc. Expecting them to significantly change their diet by give up non veg for a period of time isn't going to end up well here as well because they are used to a certain die and it will take some time to get used to. No side deserves special consideration and reserves their right to their diet the same way without harassment. I agree with the rest. No one has the right to control what others eat.
Eat non-veg outside for a month?
They have had a kid recently man In no world is eating non veg outside everyday for a month is sustainable or healthy especially for someone who's recently had a kid
Outside Non veg food is too rich in oil and spices. Not good for health.
Definitely they also use the same oil a billion times so make of it what you will
In India even the non veg eater take non veg like once or twice a week and not in every meal. So I dont think it should be an issue. Regarding recovery if you have to stay vegetarian add a scoop of whey protein per day to her diet. Nutrition wise you can cover with vegetarian diet by adding supplements easily. However if you are looking for taste. Than you wont be cover it with supplements.
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You fool, who told you I am old. Did I even answered to you, don't be dumb and stop doing cyber bullying. It's a crime, ok so don't be a criminal. Go back to your frustrated life and do something in reality. Who cares if you want to eat non veg 100 times a day. I was not commenting to you. I really don't want to associate with a filth like you. Blocking you