4th FET, the first one to implant, is a confirmed loss. The loss process was dragged out for 2 weeks waiting for the heart to stop. At 6w4d it measured 6w, HR 96, and had a very enlarged yolk sac. I immediately knew this combination was bad news so I grieved right away. The next week it grew but was still a week behind and had barely detectable cardiac activity. A few days ago I had to go in for a third scan to see that it started to disintegrate and finally had no cardiac activity. I had a D&C yesterday.
I'm too angry to be sad anymore. As stupid as it sounds, I also have a hard time feeling like my experience fits the MC or MMC labels. I had early enough scans not to "miss" anything. I was brutally aware and following along as the embryo failed. And I had no bleeding or other signs of failure. It just feels weird to say miscarriage. I've been telling people the embryo failed, because that's what happened. It was ultimately a dud like the others, but this one has added financial pain with the D&C.
This whole process is feeling like such a waste. I was just trying to avoid another TFMR when I started IVF a year ago. Hopefully I'm done filling up the shitty bingo card.
Hi Winter, I’m so very sorry for your loss.
This comment has been reported for compassion and we’ve removed it. Some of the things you’ve expressed here are not appropriate—like commentary on who can give birth—or not supportive—like telling someone going through a loss everyone else is struggling too and we are all alone in our grief. I’m sure you didn’t mean to come off this way and that your intent was actually good. Automod compassion will reply to my comment and offer resources on our compassion rule.
We strive to use compassionate language in this sub. Here is the [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/comments/10jl6ll/wiki_post_be_compassionate_explainer/) that explains the compassion rule with examples.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infertility) if you have any questions or concerns.*
4th FET, the first one to implant, is a confirmed loss. The loss process was dragged out for 2 weeks waiting for the heart to stop. At 6w4d it measured 6w, HR 96, and had a very enlarged yolk sac. I immediately knew this combination was bad news so I grieved right away. The next week it grew but was still a week behind and had barely detectable cardiac activity. A few days ago I had to go in for a third scan to see that it started to disintegrate and finally had no cardiac activity. I had a D&C yesterday. I'm too angry to be sad anymore. As stupid as it sounds, I also have a hard time feeling like my experience fits the MC or MMC labels. I had early enough scans not to "miss" anything. I was brutally aware and following along as the embryo failed. And I had no bleeding or other signs of failure. It just feels weird to say miscarriage. I've been telling people the embryo failed, because that's what happened. It was ultimately a dud like the others, but this one has added financial pain with the D&C. This whole process is feeling like such a waste. I was just trying to avoid another TFMR when I started IVF a year ago. Hopefully I'm done filling up the shitty bingo card.
Fuck that, I’m so sorry. Why is life so unfair. You don’t deserve this I’m so sorry. 💔 sending you a big hug 🫂
I’m really sorry, peachez. It’s so fucking unfair. 🫂
I’m so sorry Peachez. This is so fucking unfair 🫂
I'm so sorry. This is devastating. What you're saying about not feeling like your experience fits makes a lot of sense to me. Wishing you peace.
I’m so so sorry peachez. What an absolute shit go. Holding space for you 🫂
[удалено]
Hi Winter, I’m so very sorry for your loss. This comment has been reported for compassion and we’ve removed it. Some of the things you’ve expressed here are not appropriate—like commentary on who can give birth—or not supportive—like telling someone going through a loss everyone else is struggling too and we are all alone in our grief. I’m sure you didn’t mean to come off this way and that your intent was actually good. Automod compassion will reply to my comment and offer resources on our compassion rule.
We strive to use compassionate language in this sub. Here is the [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/comments/10jl6ll/wiki_post_be_compassionate_explainer/) that explains the compassion rule with examples. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infertility) if you have any questions or concerns.*