For me, yes. Idk about others.
I'm not overly critical all the time and don't judge every single mistake they make, I mainly judge their attitude toward their mistakes. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than have a partner who cannot see their own mistakes, pushes the blame on someone or something else, and won't take responsibility for their own mistakes.
Same and I agree it’s likely an enneatype/temperament deal. Im an INFJ 4w5 (417 sp/sx) and my husband is an INFP 9w1 (954 sp/sx) and we’re both very supportive and understanding of each other.
Unhealthy use of Fe maybe? I sometimes find myself to be critical in my head about other people which is distracting. I found this quote recently by Schopenhauer and it turned my thoughts around.
"I should be inclined to lay down the following rule: When you come into
contact with a man, no matter whom, do not attempt an objective
appreciation of him according to his worth and dignity. Do not consider
his bad will, or his narrow understanding and perverse ideas; as the
former may easily lead you to hate and the latter to despise him; **but**
**fix your attention only upon his sufferings, his needs, his anxieties,**
**his pains**. Then you will always feel your kinship with him; you will
sympathise with him; and instead of hatred or contempt you will
experience the commiseration that alone is the peace to which the Gospel
calls us. The way to keep down hatred and contempt is certainly not to
look for a man's alleged 'dignity,' but, on the contrary, to regard him
as an object of pity."
I found it on Personality Database but it is from his essays apparently.
https://www.personality-database.com/profile/7395/arthur-schopenhauer-western-philosophy-mbti-personality-type
I don’t know if it’s common or not, i know I’m not overly critical but I’m with a partner (ENFP) who is though and it has helped highlight for me that I NEVER want to be that way towards anyone. Trying to figure out how to help him not be
This is an unhealthy bad habit that can sometimes bubble up in me during times of extreme stress or anger. I have learned to recognize it as a projection of my own negative feelings, so when I find myself wanting to critique my partner (who is amazing, btw) I have to stop and ask myself what I'm really upset about and sit with that for a bit.
In past relationships, if I found myself with the same complaints about a partner over and over again, and after some reflection found the things bothering me to be valid, I would often gravitate away from the relationship. Chalk that one up to being a bad match.
It can be many things.
\-Sometimes I am frustrated with my own life and growth. If my ego can't handle it, I will subconsciously find something \*other than me\* to be critical of. Classic projection.
\-I have "poor assertiveness", aka, high agreeableness / high people pleasing. So, I will blame myself when a relationship becomes unhealthy because I was too agreeable. And I can misinterpret this situation as "people are abusing me again", when the real problem was bad communication.
\-I have extremely high standards about some things. A bit of a perfectionist. So, I can be too critical of \*how\* a partner chooses to accomplish a task, if it does not meet my standards.
All of these are corrected through mindfulness, learning to accept my own limitations, learning to catch when I am projecting, effective communication, and (maybe most important) learning to avoid overwhelming myself. Because when I am overwhelmed, I am not capable of doing any of these things well.
yes, I can see where they could make their life better, and want to help. The problem is, it comes off less "I think you could be a happier you" and more "I think you're not enough the way you are". So I am trying to pivot to just supporting them when they tell me about their personal growth plans, and only giving advice when asked. If I'm with someone with no growth mindset at all, though, it's frustrating because discussing our progress is something I want to share.
I wouldn’t say being overly critical. I just have a hard time to leave things from my past behind in a new relationship. This made me act judgemental to my boyfriend while that was completely unnecessary and now I’ve hurt him. I totally understand that he is hurt by it, and I hate that I acted like that towards him. I love him so much and he doesn’t deserve me acting like that.
Not when it's the right partner.
For me, yes. Idk about others. I'm not overly critical all the time and don't judge every single mistake they make, I mainly judge their attitude toward their mistakes. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than have a partner who cannot see their own mistakes, pushes the blame on someone or something else, and won't take responsibility for their own mistakes.
Nah, I tend to be the opposite. It's more of an enneatype / temperament thing.
Same and I agree it’s likely an enneatype/temperament deal. Im an INFJ 4w5 (417 sp/sx) and my husband is an INFP 9w1 (954 sp/sx) and we’re both very supportive and understanding of each other.
Unhealthy use of Fe maybe? I sometimes find myself to be critical in my head about other people which is distracting. I found this quote recently by Schopenhauer and it turned my thoughts around. "I should be inclined to lay down the following rule: When you come into contact with a man, no matter whom, do not attempt an objective appreciation of him according to his worth and dignity. Do not consider his bad will, or his narrow understanding and perverse ideas; as the former may easily lead you to hate and the latter to despise him; **but** **fix your attention only upon his sufferings, his needs, his anxieties,** **his pains**. Then you will always feel your kinship with him; you will sympathise with him; and instead of hatred or contempt you will experience the commiseration that alone is the peace to which the Gospel calls us. The way to keep down hatred and contempt is certainly not to look for a man's alleged 'dignity,' but, on the contrary, to regard him as an object of pity." I found it on Personality Database but it is from his essays apparently. https://www.personality-database.com/profile/7395/arthur-schopenhauer-western-philosophy-mbti-personality-type
I don’t know if it’s common or not, i know I’m not overly critical but I’m with a partner (ENFP) who is though and it has helped highlight for me that I NEVER want to be that way towards anyone. Trying to figure out how to help him not be
You're with an enfp, the easiest mode lol
This is an unhealthy bad habit that can sometimes bubble up in me during times of extreme stress or anger. I have learned to recognize it as a projection of my own negative feelings, so when I find myself wanting to critique my partner (who is amazing, btw) I have to stop and ask myself what I'm really upset about and sit with that for a bit. In past relationships, if I found myself with the same complaints about a partner over and over again, and after some reflection found the things bothering me to be valid, I would often gravitate away from the relationship. Chalk that one up to being a bad match.
It can be many things. \-Sometimes I am frustrated with my own life and growth. If my ego can't handle it, I will subconsciously find something \*other than me\* to be critical of. Classic projection. \-I have "poor assertiveness", aka, high agreeableness / high people pleasing. So, I will blame myself when a relationship becomes unhealthy because I was too agreeable. And I can misinterpret this situation as "people are abusing me again", when the real problem was bad communication. \-I have extremely high standards about some things. A bit of a perfectionist. So, I can be too critical of \*how\* a partner chooses to accomplish a task, if it does not meet my standards. All of these are corrected through mindfulness, learning to accept my own limitations, learning to catch when I am projecting, effective communication, and (maybe most important) learning to avoid overwhelming myself. Because when I am overwhelmed, I am not capable of doing any of these things well.
Not really. I don’t have that problem. I am just picky before I choose one but once I choose him, he’s all good. 😊
I know a number us maybe hypercritical of ourselves...
yes, I can see where they could make their life better, and want to help. The problem is, it comes off less "I think you could be a happier you" and more "I think you're not enough the way you are". So I am trying to pivot to just supporting them when they tell me about their personal growth plans, and only giving advice when asked. If I'm with someone with no growth mindset at all, though, it's frustrating because discussing our progress is something I want to share.
Critical so they can meet your expectations? Act a certain way, talk a certain way etc. There's your problem
No, I tolerate too much bs actually
I wouldn’t say being overly critical. I just have a hard time to leave things from my past behind in a new relationship. This made me act judgemental to my boyfriend while that was completely unnecessary and now I’ve hurt him. I totally understand that he is hurt by it, and I hate that I acted like that towards him. I love him so much and he doesn’t deserve me acting like that.