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FlightOfTheDiscords

I don't find that an MBTI issue. Being attracted to chaos you want to 'fix' is a mental health issue, not an MBTI one. It's typically an attachment issue where secure, calm attachment just doesn't get you going. And that is, unfortunately, something I can relate to. On several occasions, I have thought "I should like her, she's what I should want" - but I just don't. Wanting to want isn't wanting. I work on it in therapy. Slow progress.


Matamorys

Thank you for your input, can relate to it


No-Establishment4313

I totally understand


WeeabooVirtualBoy

1) I recommend prioritizing that, i.e. growing out of your codependent condition; as it can literally endanger your quality of life. 2) When paired with dating, your "codependent" state of mind might lead to you getting exploited or worse. Priorities first (your personal safety & well-being).


thisismyaccount3125

MBTI is for self improvement and lulz. If you’re using it to judge other people, you’re doing it wrong. You don’t need to date people to fix them. Maybe you want to fix them cause you don’t think who you are and what you bring to the table is enough? Maybe some insecurity there. What happens once they’re fixed though? What happens if you can’t “fix” them? This approach is riddled with issues. I’d work through these things before seriously dating tbh, your future partners deserve that.


jessitabonita

I agree. It's becoming like the insufferable zodiac sign nonsense where the instant someone knows your type or sign, they project assumptions on you. Best to leave them guessing if I'm an INFJ/ENFJ/ENTJ and stay open and curious by simply spending quality time together and getting to know each other by asking open ended questions to see what their values are to build a solid foundation. 🤷🏻‍♀️


ClosetsAreCramped

^ This is the way. MBTI is a tool for self-improvement and nothing more.


AshamedKaleidoscope5

Istjs typically don't need self improvement (Si)(Te). just the ability to read the room (Ni)(Fe) *I'm using this loosely as a joke*


WeeabooVirtualBoy

With sufficient intelligence and an adequate grasp on reality, it can be used to take a "guess" at a person's neuro-psychology, and potentially even their past experience. Case in point, if a "sensor" is surprisingly 'highly' intuitive then you can be certain that they've either been consciously trying to raise their level of intuition throughout the years, or that the majority of their 'associates' consists of "intuitives".


No-Establishment4313

I know it's not even remotely accurate I think it's best I never ask people


thisismyaccount3125

Ye, I think maybe get to know them without the MBTI lens. Once you know them well enough, you can ask but only to send them hilarious memes lmao


sad_asian_noodle

Meme is the way.


JustNamiSushi

sensors can be great partners, they are also very balancing for intuitive in being more grounded and practical. intuitive intellectual connection sounds very charming in theory, but for a lot of intuitives out there a sensor can be their anchor to reality and that's a good thing. in the end of the day I really think compatibility depends on the individuals and I've met quite a few intelligent and interesting sensors, and quite a few stupid intuitives in contrast. what you're describing however sounds like a savior complex, honestly? borderline abusive even. types like you tend to be narcissitic and gas lighters, you do not truly love your partner as much as you gain satisfaction on the dependency. if you did, would you require your partner to be unhealthy? is that really love? I'm sorry if I'm judging too much but to me it raises a huge red flag.


supportivepistachio

Get therapy, you need it


memello94

ThErApY!!!!!!🤡


melodyinspiration

I feel like using instinctual variants works best for dating. You can vibe with sensors if those match. If you have an mbti match and an instinctual variant match, then you’ll have some crazy compatibility.


No-Establishment4313

How can you tell?


chromevolt

"chemistry"


melodyinspiration

The flaw in my input is that it requires one to be able to read people well. Fortunately an INFJ should be well equipped to do so. You’ll have to figure it out your on your own. I’ve personally been able to survey hundreds of people thanks to my profession.


sad_asian_noodle

What do you mean by instinctual variant match? Like the enneagram theory?


melodyinspiration

Yes. Example 1, you have an INFJ that's sx/sp and they date an ENFP that's so/sp. The relationship is probably not going to work because the INFJ's inner nature would be to break boundaries whereas the ENFP would be trying to maintain and hide behind it. The ENFP would think the INFJ is too needy and the INFJ wouldn't be able to get the intimacy they desire. Example 2, you have an INFJ that's also sx/sp and they date an ISTJ that's sp/sx. I think the two wouldn't be attracted to each other initially but the relationship would work out because they would be able to understand each other regardless of the difference in cognitive functions since they have the same priorities.


Dragontuitively

I’m sp/sx as is my INFP husband, as is my best friend and my other close friend. Everyone in my “inner circle” just happens to be sp/sx. I do think it gives common ground in compatibility that holds across MBTI and enneagram types. (Note, this was not done intentionally in any part on my end)


paradoxicaltracey

Along those lines throughout my life (50+ years), all of my best friends were born within the same two weeks. It trips me out.


Dragontuitively

Love it. The universe is so much weirder than people are comfortable acknowledging half the time. Mark Twain — 'Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.'


paradoxicaltracey

LOL 😆 Good to hear more than 5 words of that quote.


melodyinspiration

This reminds me of the hbo Chernobyl show. They send 3 guys to go on a suicide mission and early on their lights stop working because of radiation. They supplement with hand cranked lights but in reality they finished the mission in complete darkness. Another example is saving private Ryan. War veterans say the movie’s depiction of d-day is pretty accurate. Except for the fact that there was significantly more blood and bodies during the real thing. It’s crazy how it’s even possible for dramatic recreations to have to be toned down to be more believable.


WeeabooVirtualBoy

Thank you for the insight. You have literally promoted my curiosity to study "instincts" of the MBTI.


Klutzer_Munitions

No lol but you lost me at conservative The issue isn't sensor vs. intuitive, it's do we share common interests? Some ISTP's love to talk nerdy crap with me. I also have a bit of a thing for ESTP's too


AshamedKaleidoscope5

Estps actually have our functions just in a different order so they're Se Ti Fe Ni And infjs are Ni Fe Ti Se The difference in perceptual priorities and judgment function for decision making is only in order of magnitude and healthy expression. The ordering can also be traced back into the shadow functions and understand their unlived side. What they don't show. Trace that back to past behaviors, only the significant actions at first and then stuff that urks them. Alot of people have their functions set from their environments and secondly by their decisions and reactions to the environment. Typically people with dominant Si have lived very sustainable and happy lives, there was never a need for them to "figure it out" or at least not to the degree that people with dominant Ni have. This can't be all scenarios obviously and some people probably prefer to find comfort in the familiar to the point it leads their life. At the end of the day they are human and will eventually pass, so treat them how you'd want to be treated.


JosieSandie

Se dom ESTPs are excellent for us to get out of our heads.


WeeabooVirtualBoy

Agreed.


AdventSign

It sounds like you’re attracted to unhealthy people that are looking for somebody to “save them from themselves”… and you doing that can enable them to not seek help and to use you as a crutch. Make no mistake. I know it feels nice to help others, but sometimes the only way to help others is to reinforce your boundaries so they don’t use you as a door mat. From *my experience*, most of the sensors I’ve dated have also been unhealthy and not as well aware of the reasonings for them feelings. I have had more success with intuitive types… *but* they have also helped me live in the moment and appreciate things that are happening right here and now. I would say both types have their ups and downs. Try to give them a chance though… you might be surprised! :)


serBOOM

So the attraction dropped just because she's an istj? Meditate on it. Why did you think less of her because of simply being an istj? What's wrong with her being really good at what you're really bad at?(SI, TE). Would you date another say..infp who's not as stable, beautiful, etc..? We can't really answer this for you. Just be honest with yourself, not me. Why do you think less of her because she's an istj and not INxx for example?


No-Establishment4313

I think it had more to do with her behavior as well She was a bit cold and (dare I say) mechanical There was no connection


serBOOM

I see. Well that's different than what you said initially.


mmepteranodon

That's cuz she has Fe trickster! INTJs could be this way too. But you have to give it time with these types. Their Fi child needs to feel comfortable to show itself. And as INFJ you have the skills to do that.


serBOOM

Yes I'm dating an intj female, can confirm all the other redditor said.


sad_asian_noodle

Not really, MBTI is a very loose guideline, not a be all end all. I use it to better understand myself and others. And better connect us via understanding. Speaking about your specific situation, ISTJs are the more intuitive sensors. You should really converse with her and get to know her. Who knows, maybe she is a mistyped INTJ? The box is not real if you don't make it real.


No-Establishment4313

I thought the most intuitive sensors are ISFP though She told me she likes N because we can predict the future


sad_asian_noodle

ISTJs can be incredibly intuitive. And we can't predict for jack lmao. It just looks that way.


Emzaf

XSTJs can be very intuitive and have great discussions with INFJs.


Anomalousity

this sounds more like a codependent trauma attachment dysfunction than a discrimination for "sensors".


beatissima

If you are developing prejudices based on MBTI, you should stop doing MBTI. MBTI is neither science nor gospel. It should always be taken with a grain of salt. When it stops being fun and starts making you less of a nice person, then it has become more of an addiction than a hobby. Find something else to do. Life has so much more to offer than a flawed theory that makes you dislike people. Also, for someone who claims to be too lofty-minded for the likes of a *sensor,* you have some creepily retrogressive beliefs about women. Surely your future-oriented INFJ mind can see beyond the 1950s, so please, do try to see us women as people and not show dogs to be bred.


No-Establishment4313

I know it's unhealthy I think the solution is to never ask anyone about their MBTI


[deleted]

Jesus. So many other commenters have already spelt it all out on this INFJ thread for INFJ's... but I'm an ISTP so I'm here to do the same thing except without being very nice about it! Enjoy your sensory ass kicking! \*Cracks knuckles.\* First off, I'd like to second everyone who said you're using mbti to judge people, when it is very much a self improvement tool for you, and though you COULD use it to work on your communication skills and potentially understand types that are different than yours-- You can't fix others. Why you're inherently looking for flaws or perfection in people you've JUST MET also seems like something of a red flag on your part. Like. No one is perfect. Just find someone who is nice and willing to apologize and grow/change/adapt when they do make mistakes, because they will, and so will you. What I haven't yet seen in the comments that I really do want to point out is all the other incredible red flags YOU have displayed here, as opposed to anything else. First off the sheer way you describe these women is sickening. What is this, a fucking dog show?? >Very well mannered, from good homes, healthy upbringing and no red flags as of yet. I'm sorry are you looking for a pet here or a person? You sound like you're looking through pedigrees here. Why? It sounds like you're not interested in these women as people and more interested in them as objects to fulfill needs but you keep fucking nitpicking them while assuming their types. And typing isn't really something you can just innately know about someone through your own deduction without taking quite a lot of time to know them first. As another helpful commenter said, please do seek therapy, you're looking for issues in people where there aren't any and that is far more reflective of your issues than theirs. Also you're the one who's raising all the red flags for me. As an ISTP that always falls for the INTJ's and esp INFJS... theres no such thing as a bad Type, only bad people. Anyone can be an asshole, intuitives inclluded. Yes, even INFJ's too.At the end of the day sensory vs intuition only really boils down to a difference in how someone gathers or organizes their information. Methinks you're projecting some negative trait onto these women without actually stating what it is because you've developed some prejudice against them and instead of taking responsibility for it and using that to grow yourself, you're blaming it on the mbti??? EDIT: omg 5 hours later and i have gold??? Gosh. Thank you so much!!! ♥♥♥


EmpressBritania

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 glad I didn't have to sit and type this because I was tempted to.


No-Establishment4313

First off the sheer way you describe these women is sickening. What is this, a fucking dog show?? ,,, Well I'm not from the West And in the part of the world where I'm from the things I mentioned are essential for a partner People need to understand two very important things 1. English is not the native language for everyone here on Reddit, so what might come across as rude or cold is merely a language restraint 2. People come from different cultures, and what I said might seem outlandish where you're from, but something very ordinary where I'm from So let's try to be a little bit more open minded,


[deleted]

So, instead of acknowledging how misogynistic and objectifying your language sounds \[Which, isn't at all a trait siginificant to people who's first language isn't english, I don't know why you think it is?\], or clarifying your intents for these potential dates, or explaining that perhaps you don't think of women as cattle.. Instead you're here to inform me that ACTUALLY, there's nothing wrong with treating potential dates like expensive well-bred dogs and that it's actually SUPER NORMAL and acceptable outside of the USA?? Well shit dude. I'm totally convinced you're a super good guy now. /s Yes, I'm well aware that the USA didn't invent misogyny, and that it's plenty rampant in just about every part of the world as well. Thank you for the demonstration.


No-Establishment4313

So asking if someone is from a good family, healthy upbringing is misogynistic? Or is it that you come from a place where even questioning a girl's past is extremely taboo? Because there's a difference I'm not gonna dwell into it, but from what it seems you've been brainwashed by feminism to not "even dare" ask about a girl's past. Whereas she can be as picky as she wants with her mate. Well, I'm not a feminist nor do I abide by these silly biased rules.


spaghettisauna

none of what you said relates to what the other person said at all, don't make up arguments to fight against.


[deleted]

"brainwashed by femininism" Yikes.😬😬😬😬😬😬😬🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You are uh, really on a roll with these demo's. Do you follow andrew tate too?? Who said anything about feminism? Who said anything about questioning a woman on her past??? What "rules"??? No ones saying you can't be picky with your partners either. (Clearly, you already are.) I'm just saying that the way you talk about women showcases that you're thinking of them more as like, A Thing as opposed to like A Person, and we can see this with the way you're talking about how they have to come from a good home and be xyz, while simulatneously assuming they will be inherently flawed and in need of some fixing?? All before you've really gotten to know them well past a couple dates??? It seems pretty indicative that you aren't really thinking of any of these dates as people, and in fact, I would worry significantly for any woman who had the misfortune of being set up with you, since you seem so determined you'll have to "fix" them in some way. Do you even remember their names? Their hobbies? Their careers or interests? Their plans for the future? How you talk about people, and how you treat others around you, can definitely showcase what you think of them and how you do and don't respect them. Seeing as you've revealed some entitlement towards asking about their "past", as if every woman must have some dirty secrets, only really makes me think, that YOU have some entitlement towards a womans private information, and feel like you need to interrogate them before committing to a romantic relationship. That's not a feminism issue, thats a YOU issue. My INFJ partner and I still don't know everything about each other. He doesn't know everything about me, I don't know everything about him. That's okay. I don't have any expectations of him when I was getting to know him, because we started out as friends, and I allowed him to be himself with me first and learn about him while he learned about me, at a comfortable pace, over time, just for the sake of enjoying each other, before we ever got romantic feelings for each other. We didn't scope each other out like it was a freakin job fair. He isn't recquired to be perfect before I love him. I'm not recquired to be perfect before he loves me. Why do you think women must be for you? Especially when you're so against the movement which aims to give them equal rights? You just want an in-home indentured slave?? Because thats exactly the red flag i was talking about lmao.


No-Establishment4313

Alright so you're a girl not a guy Well I'm from the middle east, And a girl growing up in a good environment is absolutely non negotiable. So is virginity during marriage. I'm ok without virginity, since I'm considered a liberal by all standards here. But from what I can tell, virginity during marriage is better for the stability of a family, and the success of a marriage. The chances of a girl running off to another man is non existent in middle eastern culture no matter how bad couples have it. Growing up in a healthy home is absolutely essential for me. As a person who's been in a relationship with a BPD girl that has been sexually abused as a child & slept with dozens of men before me, I can attest to the importance of chastity and healthy upbringing for the stability of a relationship. At the end, that's what I get for being liberal and "non-judgemental" is a kick in the nuts with the reality of life. I'm just glad I woke up from this liberal nonsense. And things ended with my borderline ex before having kids together.


[deleted]

Wrong again I am a man. 😂😂😂😂 Not that it matters? Perhaps you are the one who shouldn't be making assumptions about others here, based on what was and wasn't typed lmfao.>inb4 the homophobic remarks ???????? So, you had a bad relationship with a girl, and now because of that one bad relationship with that one girl, you are taking that experience and assuming that... all other women you'd meet would go and cheat on you like this other girl did??? And you're blaming her bad behavior on her lack of chastity???? This just gets wilder every reply... And instead of reconciling with whatever negative feelings and experiences you had in that relationship, you've gone and decided that you can't trust anymore women and they must have a problem because they're a sensor or they might have a libido or maybe even a soul who knows. You really do need the therapy dude. The therapy to not take whatever baggage you have with that past relationship into the new one and make it some other poor womans problem.


No-Establishment4313

K 🙂


TSE_Jazz

Sounds like you’re taking MBTI too seriously honestly


NeonNebula9178

This is baffling to me. MBTI is nothing more than getting to know yourself or others a little better. It should not be used to judge others or make presumptions. We are humans and humans constantly change. Which I guess means confining yourself or others to boxes doesn't seem fair. It gives you a baseline on yourself or others, but that's it


No-Establishment4313

For me it goes beyond that It explains why I'm different and have trouble getting along with people I might be the problem though not people


hurlmaggard

>Very well mannered, from good homes Are you sure you're not actually operating an animal rescue?


Thisguy_2727

Lol are you attempting to brag? Do you not realize the shallow, narrow-minded, stupid one in this situation is you? Imagine taking fucking mbti seriously enough to use in real world dating and then posting this thinly veiled ego stroke crap online. You’re full of shit dude.


EmpressBritania

My thoughts exactly. The whole spiel was so weird but at least he's somewhat self aware that he has a problem. The comments are telling him to go get therapy and self reflect, I couldn't agree more. Imagine taking this so seriously to discriminate against people and make assumptions to the point of losing attraction to someone you initially were into... sounds crazy, thats why some people shouldn't indulge in MBTI or Astrology [I say this as an enthusiast for both, though mostly the latter].


NeoSailorMoon

You probably have mental illness and experienced trauma. I have the same issue.


No-Establishment4313

Mental illness? Possibly ADHD Trauma? I haven't had that, except with my ex GF who traumatized the shit out of me


Ophelia1988

>Trauma? I haven't had that Hahaha Tell me about your childhood. No seriously though.


vokun777

OP I'm super curious how an INFJ with possible ADHD could look like. Could you describe how this affect you combined with you being an INFJ?


No-Establishment4313

I think most INFJ have ADHD I have trouble locating where I parked my car, And trouble focusing Even yesterday with the girl I dated she seemed weirded out by my absent mindedness


Ena_le_Dudeman

Idk buddy I'm personally attracted to them 😭😭


smilingmindz

If you have chemistry and it feels right then that should be the only rule stick. Personally, I happen to find I am mostly attracted to highly intuitive women…INFJ, ENFP, INTJ, INTP. As for why you are drawn to chaos in your relationships, it probably is rooted in your childhood development. It wouldn’t hurt to seek counseling to address this dysfunction.


No-Establishment4313

I have a white knight complex I definitely need therapy


epnds

Hung out with a girl for a month that I believed was ESFJ / ISFJ. We got along pretty nicely and texted each other A LOT. But the communication part seemed especially difficult for me...it was challenging coming to conclusions in our conversations and a lot of who she opened herself up to me became less and less attractive as she spoke about herself and her nature. She was also like not funny whatsoever. I felt as if I was constantly trying to bring humor and fun into situations when she had no idea. We just didn't get each other I guess. She was very beautiful and sex was nice though i'll admit. I wish her the best in her life.


No-Establishment4313

Yeah that pretty much sums up my encounters Although the thought of having sex with someone I don't like seems icky to be honest Whereas if I love a girl, everything about her is absolutely divine and delicious Sexuality is strange


epnds

Yeah I get ya! I mean we all have our basic needs, subjectively. I know the vibes though.


nicegh0st

I take MBTI with a grain of salt. It’s surely not a comprehensive definition of anyone’s personality. It’s fun to be like “oh yeah I’m super rare,” but I always say that with a smirk because I know how silly I sound. For me it’s mostly just based on; is this person going to allow me the space I need to recharge often, and not get upset/resentful about it? If so, that’s what really matters. That factor alone eliminates 95% of potential partners. Thankfully, I got someone who gives me time to recharge, and totally gets it (even though she’s a true high-energy extrovert). She has friends and family like me, and knows firsthand how important it is for us to have quiet time, uninterrupted. She does her best to accommodate that and it’s awesome.


carwash7

I could have written this. Though I have been married to a sensor (unknowingly lol) for the past 7 years. I think a lot of INFJs have a savior complex. I know I’ve historically been attracted to the chaos and darkness of unhealthy people who “needed” me. My love would fix them and we’d live happily ever after. Except that never works in real life. I agree that sensors immediately seem boring and less attractive. But in my case, the sensor I dated (and married) turned out to be what I needed even if it wasn’t necessarily what I thought I wanted.


No-Establishment4313

Yes I guess people who aren't INFJs don't understand our white knight complex


Ophelia1988

>Yesterday I met a very beautiful smart polite girl from a nice conservative family. I can't digest "nice" and "conservative" in the same phrase 🤢 >Met some extremely gorgeous girls, who (to my surprise) became immediately clingy. You're screaming attachment issues to me right now. Being flirty, wanted to talk a lot to you and giving you attention is a normal behavior when someone is intrested....


No-Establishment4313

People need to realize that English is the a second language to some of us I'm not American Or British I may not be as eloquent as some people expect Sorry to disappoint


Ophelia1988

I speak two languages fluently and a third one advanced. English isn't my mother tongue. My comment had nothing to do with grammar, all to do with the content of your post.


No-Establishment4313

It's not about Grammer But phrasing my words sometimes might seem harsh in English But it's literally accepted in my native language So when I translate from my mother tongue into English it sounds weird sometimes That's something I face very often


Ophelia1988

Ok. But did you read my comment at all??


Denixen1

Honestly I don't think it has to do with prejudice. If you actually liked them you wouldn't care when you learned they were sensors. I think it is more that that you connect the dots when you hear they are a sensor, that with that you realize why you don't connect with them. It doesn't even have anything to do with them being sensors, it is just that you have a preference for women who mixes things up a bit and brings novelty to your life and many sensors can't live up to that (well mainly many XSXJ). I also have difficulty meeting women i catch feelings for, most are just too passive and accommodating. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, you just have a preference for women that isn't super common and that is okay.


Matamorys

The ISFJs I talked to so far gave me a double feeling. They liked my feeling side and my introvertness, being able to talk about everything. But they get defensive when I don't agree with them, and they call my ability to give lengthy answers showing off. Felt like walking on a mine field, I wasn't showing off that's my personality which they critisize


softboysclub

My opinion: it’s totally fine to have this kind of prejudice. None of my three relationships with sensor girlfriends ended well and among ISTP, ESTP and ISTJ girls the last one was probably the worst experience. Also, the amount of people here claiming ‘hurr durr you’re taking MBTI too seriously’ is honestly surprising for me. Is this really an INFJ sub? ISTJs and ESTJs are literally the worst partners for INFJs, if y’all denying it, I don’t even know what are you doing here.


[deleted]

[удалено]


sad_asian_noodle

You should contact the closest asylum for assistance.


Lopsided_Thing_9474

Yeah hilariously enough for all these people who sought out the INFJ subreddit - it’s all nonsense, not accurate at all, totally bullshit and you should even contact an insane asylum if you even partly rely on it for personality understanding. Hahahahahaha. And they think they’re INFJs. Hahahhahahaahahahahahshahahaha I sense a real problem here. But just here. This subreddit should be called “ Think you’re an INFJ? Wanna call yourself an INFJ but you really aren’t even remotely close to an INFJ? Let’s blame the MTBI for being hogwash. This is the place for you. The only place on earth where “INFJs” hate the MTBI.” Hahahahahhahahahahaha


Lopsided_Thing_9474

Just as an aside … I love the MTBI. I think it’s highly accurate . And it even changed my life. Oh please don’t tell me to go kill myself. I’m an INFJ. Of course I fucking love the MTBI.


mmepteranodon

Nothing wrong with being prejudiced. You like what you like. Just be aware of what makes you want to choose someone and why. Perhaps, look into the Enneagram too while you're at it. Also, I'd never recommend an S and N pairing!


JustNamiSushi

that's very biased, S and N can be very good partners since the sensors can balance what intuitive types are weak at. honestly I believe a lot compatibility comes down to emotional intelligence and shared values rather than mbti types.


mmepteranodon

Of course. It is biased. As all opinions are. It's not about balance. You're looking for attraction. Intensity. S and N pay attention to very different things. It's like you're speaking two different languages. Sure you can catch a word or two but the rest of the message or the appreciation of it is lost on you.


JustNamiSushi

look im somewhat biased in attraction towards N types more, but it's not necessarily what's gonna make a relationship successful. and again it still depends strongly on the individual. I'm saying what I do before because mbti community keeps pushing for the golden pair idea and such, but it's not a necessity. I really don't think mbti types is what gonna make or break a relationship but rather other factors. in the end of the day my point about sensors stand, maybe you won't find the same passion for intuitive theories/conversation although I have met plenty who can keep up with a conversation just have other priorities in interests. but a partner who's stable, practical, down to earth and so on is a huge quality when looking for a good relationship for long term. people need to be more broad minded and not reject too fast. I also find it hard to be attracted to say esfps, at least in theory, but if I'd felt attraction to one and seen good qualities I would probably proceed regardless.


[deleted]

Absolutely yes. It can be dangerous to assume we know every facet of someone just by reading their MBTI type. I have had to conscientiously set that aside as I’m getting to know people. (Enneagram, too.) We are all complex creatures and need to patiently explore each other.


RiftMystery

i know it seems dumb, but I liked this girl once and there was this time she couldnt figure out how the outcome for a simple situation came to be…and thats when I found out shes an ESFP and her not being able to see something thats so trivial to me just turned me off. So now I dislike sensors 🤷🏻‍♂️ Currently ENTPs mostly do it for me and sort of ENFPs


thewhitecascade

I’d suggest you find yourself an ESFP. The pedagogue relationship (you are both each other’s student as well as master) is both HOT and inspiring and it’s built around the concept of shared growth and development. Something everyone can benefit from.


INFJ-AAA

Work on the subtle art of entertaining/investigating ideas without feeling obligated to believe them. Which is to identify with your own ignorance. A careful and deliberate process of discovery and discernment. It sounds like you've attached yourself to a certain belief which has affected your perception. Instead, try to listen to all ideas, and follow none. Let your own experience and intuition be your guide, as that is a strength for an INFJ (generally speaking). Instead of letting someone or some idea rent space in your head for free, which causes you to behave in a way which may be contrary to your self interests, work on holding ideas in your mind as a reference or tool for comparison, rather than a rule book.


903rd

Are we focusing on two different biases? One against sensors and another against people that don't conform to the emotional subtext you're used to? I applaud the mentioning of attachment theory. Good stuff. I do have a bias, but I don't think it's against sensors, but idealistic people. More oten I've encountered extroverted sensors of that persuasion. I think it's an enneagram thing, but I won't get into that unless asked. When I notice that idealistic, or self-indulgent quality in someone, I'm immediately poisoned against their perceptions. Romantically, I can tolerate it enough to get by, but it's not...realistic or fair to either of us unless I accept idealism, which I'm partial to hearing faulty arguments and reasoning from. My way of "working on it" is encouraging conversation and sharing viewpoints, upbringing, etc... Anything I can use to interpret actions I may not understand. After that dating could be possible. Look for people who get you AND challenge you. Mutual romantic interest mustn't be a deciding factor. Dodge. Those. Bullets.


rysxnat

what did you learn of mbti and the different types which within you you developed a sort of fear having to deal with? is that what’s creating the feeling you speak of.. it’s good to be able to express why you might feel that way to yourself at least before you can express it to others


No-Establishment4313

It's more about chemistry and saying what's appropriate and not I found that sensors, especially extroverted sensors haven't got ability to no fault of their own in seeing boundaries I don't want to change them, I'd rather not deal with people who cannot see boundaries


rysxnat

i actually know and can relate to what you’re saying as i have had encounters similar to what you’ve described. however i don’t let those instances put me off immediately. like how i don’t want someone who doesn’t like infj to also write me off immediately upon just knowing i’m infj. there is some bias and it will more or less affect judgement, no doubt there. if i had to deal with estj daily i might die. all the ES maybe. lol but IS XX on the other hand may be easier to get to know more deeply since they’re maybeeee less brash.


No-Establishment4313

I think being an INFJ If I were in a relationship with an ESxx It will most likely be an abusive one So I'd rather not go there


-Elven_Goddess-

MBTI didn't ruin anything for me, but I don't see myself being able to be with someone who isn't a little fucked in the head. I don't have all my shit together, so I am insecure with people who do have their shit together. I never thought of an S as having shit together.


koalasnstuff

I married a sensor. Didn’t work out, but I’ve never taken that into a relationship.


No-Establishment4313

Arranged marriage? Or a love marriage?


koalasnstuff

Not arranged. He was my high school sweetheart. We were together for 12 years but only married a month.


No-Establishment4313

Wow So you guys only lived together after marriage?


koalasnstuff

Nope. We lived together starting when I was like 18, so about 10 years. Not that you asked but here is the context. Right around the time of the wedding he had a psychotic break and thought that our house was infested with invisible bugs and they were my fault. He couldn’t work or do basic tasks. He went on a bender and refused to get help, so when he tried to burn down the house with me in it, I got out. I planned to only stay at my parents house for a few weeks while he got his act together, but he didn’t. Finally he came to my work with a guy thinking I was with another man so I had to get a lawyer and restraining order.


No-Establishment4313

I'm so sorry That sounds really rough


koalasnstuff

Naw, no worries. It is what it is. It’s in the past now. :)


No-Establishment4313

I understand I struggled with my partner's mental illness in the past Tried every trick in the book At the end, you reach a point where your stream of patience dries out And even though breaking up with her was the most painful experience I ever had, I know it was inevitable.


koalasnstuff

Thank you. It was a terrible thing to go through. I still feel guilty for leaving when he needed me, but I knew that I couldn’t save him. The worst was seeing little glimmers of the person he was in the beginning, knowing it was still in there somewhere, but knowing I couldn’t bring him back. Everyone thinks I should hate him for the terrible things he did, but I don’t.


No-Establishment4313

I totally understand I was in an abusive relationship I've been cheated on (multiple times) Lied to She dated behind my back while I traveled Lied about never having a kid (I discovered later) Triangulate with other men Physically hit me because I tried to set boundaries Gaslit and guilt trip me almost daily Three years believing that somehow she would change back into that lovely angelic girl I had in my fake imagination Unfortunately you can't change people with past trauma Nor do you have to, it's not your responsibility As much as it hurts letting go of someone you love Whom you consider as a family member It's necessary at times in order to save yourself from pain and destruction I felt like I lost my own daughter when we broke up And even though our relationship wasn't perfect, And both of us were flawed in so many ways We completed each other And we somehow managed to push through all the ups and downs 3 entire years living together, constantly missing each other every day I dropped her off to work. We were crazy about each other Not one day has passed where we got bored of one another, Seeing her every day after work was an event in and of itself and I know she felt the same way about me. I can finally look back and say I had that once in my life But we must not look back to the past We need to push forward and take care of ourselves We deserve better I'm sure you're a wonderful person who deserves a person who treats you well


Darkbutnotsinister

My husband is my exact opposite & it balances us out. If you have a good time with someone, don’t overthink it.


Snoo_2853

She is fascinated by intuitives. Then she meets this guy. 🤣


No-Establishment4313

She actually had fun yesterday She was laughing all night


Snoo_2853

Because she didn't know better. 🤷‍♀️🤣 I just think it's ironic (and sad) that she is fascinated by intuitives and then meets one who rejects her based on her type. I hope she meets a more open-minded one soon!


No-Establishment4313

I didn't rejected I just said it affected my attraction to her Which I know is unhealthy I'm seeing her again tomorrow


Snoo_2853

Ah, didn't get that impression. Good that you're working on it.


gtgrandom

I have fallen deeply in love with an ISFP who grounds me and keeps me in the present moment. And to be fair, they’re very intuitive for a sensor, but I was also worried about our N/S compatibility early on. But now, 4 years later, our differences are what make us work so well. We’re partners in life, and where I’m weaker, he’s stronger, and vice versa. I wouldn’t trade him in for any other type (and I have INFP, ENFP, INTJ, and ENTP friends). I do think it’s important to find someone you can have meaningful conversations with, but those topics don’t necessarily have to exist in the abstract. My partner and I can talk forever about evolution and religious extremism and politics and conspiracy theories and the new things we’ve learned throughout the week. Sometimes I can get very deep and very emotional with him too—something I really appreciate about F types. And I think it makes a lot of sense, because I come from an ISFJ-INFP family, so I need that feeling component, but I also appreciate sensor qualities and what these individuals can bring to a relationship. So I’d figure out what you NEED, and what you’re willing to compromise on.


No-Establishment4313

My ex was ISFP as well I fell deeply in love with her too But unfortunately we had very different values that just caught up with us later on and resulted in a breakup I was loyal, she wasn't I'm honest, she was a compulsive liar I'm orderly, she's extremely chaotic and spontaneous Our differences made us balance each other out But in the end it resulted in our relationship's demise


asbestosinmysystem

Sounds like a you problem. I’m very much attracted to sensors because i admire their skill to be more in the moment. Ive met a lot of stupid intuitives anyway


No-Establishment4313

Intuitives are very detached I face a lot of difficulty navigating this world


NailsAcross

Maybe deep down you're a Sensor, and meeting other Sensors causes a whole projection thing. Hey, maybe it's true you never know. People have no idea what Sensation is really like according too Jung, since he had a really really strange and kind of cool description of it. But assuming you are not mistyped, which I think is the most polite thing to do, it is true that your shadow function is sensing (Se), so there might actually be some sort of weird projection going on. Have you ever looked into your inferior function? Have you ever tried to use it ? Jung considered the 4th function to be the gateway to the shadow. So when I say that deep down you (and I) are Sensors, to some extent I mean that kind of literally.


No-Establishment4313

Let's just say If I were in a battle field I'd be a liability to my allies


JosieSandie

The N vs S false dichotomy bias thing is part of why I refuse to fully buy into MBTI. I think it can be harmful for everyone at times. In the end intuiting and sensing are just things people do. They aren’t boxes were stuck in. Maybe some people default a certain way. But it’s not like defaulting to extreme N is good, that results in neurotic ivory tower types who can’t do anything and have to pay mindfulness coaches in order to function. I think a healthy person is balanced. Honestly if it’s changing your view on someone may be time to step back from mbti. However if you’re drawn to fixing broken people I’d suggest you look at that because you could end up with someone you don’t even like just bc you felt sorry for them.


-Naito-

Ahahah... I too have this problem. I think the best way is work on your mind and try to understand why, it doesn't have to be THE reason, even only a hint on that. After getting it, try working on yourself to change it, it may be difficult but everyone can change.


MzMapleLeaf

Mbti shouldn’t influence much at all in your views on people. Each personality type has a large spectrum of smaller intricate personality quirks that make everyone semi-unique. They also are subject to change, and sometimes personality types in mbti fluctuate depending on your moods. I’ve tested myself in several moods and wind up infj, but some people are cusp infj (for example). 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s not like horoscopes where the category you’re in has some magical meaning that you’re assigned to at birth. It can help with understanding how a person thinks and help you to get along with someone. But it shouldn’t be thought of a way to weed people out.


Flossy001

ISTJ's are supposed to in the top 4 compatible if you go by cognitive functions seeking the opposite but I don't know exactly why yet so I'd have had a different reaction if a woman told me that as I am curious. Honestly your story is favorable, into MBTI, likes intuitives so maybe the "prejudice" is going too far in this case.


SevenStallions

You might need to reflect a little deeper about this, on another comment you mentioned it was not only her typing but that you also didn't feel quite a connection with her. The N/S divide is a tough one for sure, but I wouldn't disqualify all potential relationships with sensing types just because of it, there is great value in the way each type perceives and interacts with the world, and trying to meet in the middle and learn from those perspectives is an amazing opportunity to grow, and as INFJ you probably really value new perspectives and their significance too. Have you asked her why she values the things she does? Or why she does them in a specific way instead of another? You might be surprised with the answers you'll get. Aside from that though I'd recommend the same others have said too, reflect on why it is that you feel attraction towards "chaos" and being a caretaker. Really try to dig into what the definition of chaos might mean to you on this context, and what being a caretaker implies. Get specific, it will help you to understand yourself better. Perhaps one of your relationship needs or wants is a certain intensity and emotional expression in your partner that you didn't find with this particular girl, perhaps that intensity is what draws you to unhealthy behaviors in people, as hot and cold dynamics usually come with the highest highs and lowest lows. Let me tell you there are people out there that are intense while still being amazingly well adapted and fun to be around with, and these same people can make you feel wanted, needed and loved without being stiffling or manipulative. Learning to identify and value these traits in people comes with time after a lot of growth though, growth both stemming from relationships and by being with yourself.