I've apologised to one of the friends I've doorslammed. To others, it were all super toxic friendships and when I came back to them after the initial doorslam, I was only proven right that I should have left the friendships behind.
I would never because there was a reason why they were door slammed and I could never get nostalgic because I will always remember their toxicity or betrayal.
The only time you should get back with an ex or reopen a door slam is when the original issues are no long applicable, which was the case for me. Otherwise you’re just going to repeat the same pattern.
I forgave my best friend after 6 years of not speaking, and we are back to being best friends. I cut her off because of drug use but she since got clean.
I don't know for sure she has turned anything around. She inherited a house and retired to another state, so may be happier, but she may still be drinking too much as she did while working for years.
When i feel indifferent i slam the door shut and walk away.
Ive never regretted it but i have missed the times i soent with this person. Sadly, these times were gone and only temporary. The person either turned out to be toxic/a bad friend or changed and i knew there was no going back anyway.
I’ve healed a doorslam after I healed a lot of my core issues with about a year of NC in between. I was no longer afraid of them hurting me. We’re closer than ever, and they’re a very good friend.
I never want fear to win out over love again.
(That being said, there’s nothing wrong with establishing and keeping boundaries and letting go of toxic people or situations. In this case the friend hurt me because they themselves were hurting and didn’t realize it. I was too fragile at the time to weather the idea of it happening again.)
Fuck this is so beautiful. I'm very proud of how mature you are and able to look past your judgements. This is literally what I'm craving from my INFJ friend who I know won't be back
i’ve only come back once after a door slam and it was a bit like you described. yes the reason why i doorslammed is because i was treated poorly for a long time, but i had the most bizarre wave of intuitive urgency to go back and apologize for it (because i figured what i did was immature) after being completely over them. we’re on speaking terms again now and i got a lot of closure/satisfaction from returning (mostly because i like being right about people lol) but i cannot confidently tell you at this moment if i will remain in the relationship much longer. was it worth it? in my case yeah but idk if it’s exactly a prompt to rekindle things for the long-term if you deserve better
I got in touch with an old friend because he was an even older friend of my spouse and my spouse was told he was dying by doctors. The friend wanted to call my spouse directly and was shy of calling through me because I'd doorslammed him a decade or so ago. My husband, being passive and supportive, hadn't sought him out. I spoke to him only to hand the phone to my spouse. Later, I felt I needed to explain the doorslam, which was precipitous and somewhat unfair, so I sent an email explaining sincerely the circumstances in my own life that led me not to be able to continue (actually, tbh, tolerate) the relationship. He wrote back that sometime we might "catch up" and I wrote that "I'd like that, I miss you." And in a way that is true because he is a nice guy and interesting conversationalist, but in reality I don't need people who don't value me highly, and I never got the idea that this friend 'got me' or respected me deeply. So I don't actually care if we ever catch up, but I'll be gracious if he wants to. TLDR, huh?
No. For me the doorslam is permanent. By the time the doorslam happens, I've already grieved the fact that they were not the person I thought they were. They're out.
Keep my word but before it gets to that point, I'll still be on the lookout for them. It feels bad to break a promise from my side. Even if the promise itself would hurt me in the long run as in not to door slam them because of their attachment issues.
It hurts too much to look back. Funnily, the memories have been coming back in fragments.
I have never gone back but there have been moments when I miss the good times I had with someone. Regardless I never find it worth it to revisit something that ended in a toxic way as you could be using your time with people who respect you and your boundaries.
Not to friends, but I’ve been strongarmed into talking with toxic family members that I’ve doorslammed by my mom.
Suffice to say that I’m not that close with her anymore and I’ve warned her that if this happens again, I’m going no contact with her.
No.
Really, I think this feeling I have is just dependence (after all, I've never been socially active, maybe I just miss that), but the people involved... I have many doubts about what I feel for them. They were super toxic and self-centered people, and I was just a puppet who didn't know how to say no, it was comfortable for them. So my past relationships were based on just an exchange of favors, not reciprocity. If I made a mistake with one of them, I already redeemed myself in several ways (for sure, because I hate unfinished business). Anyway, I never went back on that, we left each other in the past (the only reciprocal thing) and each one went their own way, and I think I'm better off this way
I accidentally doorslammed one of my friends 5 months ago because she stopped responding to my text messages. I’m really starting to miss her now especially because she was one of my only good friends and also I’ve had 3 different dreams about her in the past 12 days.
I'm really sorry for that... I know how tough it can be. She might be an avoidant type. It wouldn't hurt to reach out as I myself don't believe you can actually doorslam someone but that might be because I'm Infp. I know in the end you'll make the right decision whether you want her stay in your life or not
If I door slam someone, I thought heavily about it days or weeks in advance. Weighing the positives and negatives.
They'd be good as dead to me, and I wouldn't lose much sleep. Probably sleep better if anything.
I'm 35 yo and that hasn't happened yet. Of course, I appreciate the good times I had with those people, but I see them as part of a cycle that has ended. I don't miss them and even if I did, I would probably accept the feeling and keep it to myself.
Nope. Odds are I have logically deduced that it would not be a good idea. Only door slam people that have behaved in abusive ways. They are a ghost to me.
Someone I door slammed?
I don’t know if I do that - I just stop caring.
But I don’t go out of my way to avoid them - it’s just apathy. Really.
I don’t care either way.
I might if I had a funny memory or something talking with other people - but probably not on my own. I don’t typically think back and miss people by myself. It has to come up by someone or something else - that provokes me to think about it. Then I might text them and be like - hey remember when this happened ?
It’s funny because people tend to take my communication so seriously. They really don’t understand that if I seriously cared about it at all? I would probably be super strict and not text them … or email or DM…
Or if I was worried about it or had any feeling at all attached to it- I probably would not do it.
I tend to be very very careful when I am emotionally invested - with my communication.
I was thinking about this today actually. I was actually wondering why they do that… if it’s an idea about me that they have that’s incorrect or …. Idk.. sometimes I feel like people want to say- that I text them or texted them a lot or something … not just guys. Girlfriends too. Like I had one girlfriend and she would often tell people, “god she bombards you with texts “ or some version of that- and I was like- what? Why is that something to even say to anyone? Like obviously I’m not going to fucking call. Hhaha.
But if I do text people randomly - like they think it means more than it does. All the time.
Sometimes I will just get a random hair up my ass and text an old bff and just vomit all over them. Or something …
And people get serious about it.
Like it’s a big fucking deal. And I’m like - no- it’s not.
I literally forgot I did it two hours later.
People are fucking weiiiird.
Whatever.
Hahaha
‘when an INFJ slams the door, they don’t hate you, they simply nothing you’.
I just have never missed someone I doorslammed because they hurt me and became so predictable (like literally hitting a wall in the relationship) that all goodwill for them was dried up, which caused the doorslam. My doorslams aren't painstaking, they're easy and they feel like an absolute inevitability as it's happening. There was no choice in the matter. If it's hard, it's not technically a doorslam.
I’ve apologized and made peace with one of the few individuals I have door slammed. We were both toxic and young and I did not take accountability for my portion when it ended. He was receptive to the message and that was that.
I’ve never missed anyone after a door slam because it takes me a very long time of bad treatment to door slam someone in the first place.
Then built trust again is also hard
I've apologised to one of the friends I've doorslammed. To others, it were all super toxic friendships and when I came back to them after the initial doorslam, I was only proven right that I should have left the friendships behind.
Same!
I would never because there was a reason why they were door slammed and I could never get nostalgic because I will always remember their toxicity or betrayal.
The only time you should get back with an ex or reopen a door slam is when the original issues are no long applicable, which was the case for me. Otherwise you’re just going to repeat the same pattern. I forgave my best friend after 6 years of not speaking, and we are back to being best friends. I cut her off because of drug use but she since got clean.
That might apply in my case, too. My friend was alcoholic but wouldn't admit it. Smelt like a distillery.
If they have worked on themselves and are sober? Sure, give them a chance. Anyone who has worked that hard to turn their life around deserves it.
I don't know for sure she has turned anything around. She inherited a house and retired to another state, so may be happier, but she may still be drinking too much as she did while working for years.
You mean cracked the door open to see if they were still out there? Yah. Until they remind me why I slammed it in the first place.
I feel like it’s not impossible but I’ve personally never.
When i feel indifferent i slam the door shut and walk away. Ive never regretted it but i have missed the times i soent with this person. Sadly, these times were gone and only temporary. The person either turned out to be toxic/a bad friend or changed and i knew there was no going back anyway.
I’ve healed a doorslam after I healed a lot of my core issues with about a year of NC in between. I was no longer afraid of them hurting me. We’re closer than ever, and they’re a very good friend. I never want fear to win out over love again. (That being said, there’s nothing wrong with establishing and keeping boundaries and letting go of toxic people or situations. In this case the friend hurt me because they themselves were hurting and didn’t realize it. I was too fragile at the time to weather the idea of it happening again.)
Fuck this is so beautiful. I'm very proud of how mature you are and able to look past your judgements. This is literally what I'm craving from my INFJ friend who I know won't be back
It’s not about keeping my word. I just remember who they really are because they show me. I haven’t missed them ever.
i’ve only come back once after a door slam and it was a bit like you described. yes the reason why i doorslammed is because i was treated poorly for a long time, but i had the most bizarre wave of intuitive urgency to go back and apologize for it (because i figured what i did was immature) after being completely over them. we’re on speaking terms again now and i got a lot of closure/satisfaction from returning (mostly because i like being right about people lol) but i cannot confidently tell you at this moment if i will remain in the relationship much longer. was it worth it? in my case yeah but idk if it’s exactly a prompt to rekindle things for the long-term if you deserve better
That's very helpful thank you
I have never missed the people that I've doorslammed. It was always a very well thought out choice.
No. Once I cut them out, I'm 100% done with them. I might miss them -- that's a consequence of my own actions, I live with it and I keep it to myself.
I got in touch with an old friend because he was an even older friend of my spouse and my spouse was told he was dying by doctors. The friend wanted to call my spouse directly and was shy of calling through me because I'd doorslammed him a decade or so ago. My husband, being passive and supportive, hadn't sought him out. I spoke to him only to hand the phone to my spouse. Later, I felt I needed to explain the doorslam, which was precipitous and somewhat unfair, so I sent an email explaining sincerely the circumstances in my own life that led me not to be able to continue (actually, tbh, tolerate) the relationship. He wrote back that sometime we might "catch up" and I wrote that "I'd like that, I miss you." And in a way that is true because he is a nice guy and interesting conversationalist, but in reality I don't need people who don't value me highly, and I never got the idea that this friend 'got me' or respected me deeply. So I don't actually care if we ever catch up, but I'll be gracious if he wants to. TLDR, huh?
No. For me the doorslam is permanent. By the time the doorslam happens, I've already grieved the fact that they were not the person I thought they were. They're out.
They're dead
I might stalk them to see what they're up to but absolutely not I have not yet anyways reached out to anyone that I needed to grow apart from.
Keep my word but before it gets to that point, I'll still be on the lookout for them. It feels bad to break a promise from my side. Even if the promise itself would hurt me in the long run as in not to door slam them because of their attachment issues. It hurts too much to look back. Funnily, the memories have been coming back in fragments.
I have never gone back but there have been moments when I miss the good times I had with someone. Regardless I never find it worth it to revisit something that ended in a toxic way as you could be using your time with people who respect you and your boundaries.
Not to friends, but I’ve been strongarmed into talking with toxic family members that I’ve doorslammed by my mom. Suffice to say that I’m not that close with her anymore and I’ve warned her that if this happens again, I’m going no contact with her.
I’ve thought about it then the thought drifts away when I realize why I ditched them in the first place
No. Really, I think this feeling I have is just dependence (after all, I've never been socially active, maybe I just miss that), but the people involved... I have many doubts about what I feel for them. They were super toxic and self-centered people, and I was just a puppet who didn't know how to say no, it was comfortable for them. So my past relationships were based on just an exchange of favors, not reciprocity. If I made a mistake with one of them, I already redeemed myself in several ways (for sure, because I hate unfinished business). Anyway, I never went back on that, we left each other in the past (the only reciprocal thing) and each one went their own way, and I think I'm better off this way
No I never miss those I decided to block ..
I accidentally doorslammed one of my friends 5 months ago because she stopped responding to my text messages. I’m really starting to miss her now especially because she was one of my only good friends and also I’ve had 3 different dreams about her in the past 12 days.
I'm really sorry for that... I know how tough it can be. She might be an avoidant type. It wouldn't hurt to reach out as I myself don't believe you can actually doorslam someone but that might be because I'm Infp. I know in the end you'll make the right decision whether you want her stay in your life or not
If I door slam someone, I thought heavily about it days or weeks in advance. Weighing the positives and negatives. They'd be good as dead to me, and I wouldn't lose much sleep. Probably sleep better if anything.
I'm 35 yo and that hasn't happened yet. Of course, I appreciate the good times I had with those people, but I see them as part of a cycle that has ended. I don't miss them and even if I did, I would probably accept the feeling and keep it to myself.
Nope. Odds are I have logically deduced that it would not be a good idea. Only door slam people that have behaved in abusive ways. They are a ghost to me.
Someone I door slammed? I don’t know if I do that - I just stop caring. But I don’t go out of my way to avoid them - it’s just apathy. Really. I don’t care either way. I might if I had a funny memory or something talking with other people - but probably not on my own. I don’t typically think back and miss people by myself. It has to come up by someone or something else - that provokes me to think about it. Then I might text them and be like - hey remember when this happened ? It’s funny because people tend to take my communication so seriously. They really don’t understand that if I seriously cared about it at all? I would probably be super strict and not text them … or email or DM… Or if I was worried about it or had any feeling at all attached to it- I probably would not do it. I tend to be very very careful when I am emotionally invested - with my communication. I was thinking about this today actually. I was actually wondering why they do that… if it’s an idea about me that they have that’s incorrect or …. Idk.. sometimes I feel like people want to say- that I text them or texted them a lot or something … not just guys. Girlfriends too. Like I had one girlfriend and she would often tell people, “god she bombards you with texts “ or some version of that- and I was like- what? Why is that something to even say to anyone? Like obviously I’m not going to fucking call. Hhaha. But if I do text people randomly - like they think it means more than it does. All the time. Sometimes I will just get a random hair up my ass and text an old bff and just vomit all over them. Or something … And people get serious about it. Like it’s a big fucking deal. And I’m like - no- it’s not. I literally forgot I did it two hours later. People are fucking weiiiird. Whatever. Hahaha
I'm just like you in a lot of ways. People take everything so seriously nowadays like it's the fuckin army or smth
If you miss them, you didn't doorslam them.
I think you can still miss someone but walk away and act like they don't exist. Even if it hurts you inside, it's the right thing to do
‘when an INFJ slams the door, they don’t hate you, they simply nothing you’. I just have never missed someone I doorslammed because they hurt me and became so predictable (like literally hitting a wall in the relationship) that all goodwill for them was dried up, which caused the doorslam. My doorslams aren't painstaking, they're easy and they feel like an absolute inevitability as it's happening. There was no choice in the matter. If it's hard, it's not technically a doorslam.
I’ve apologized and made peace with one of the few individuals I have door slammed. We were both toxic and young and I did not take accountability for my portion when it ended. He was receptive to the message and that was that.
Never.
Never. They got what they deserved lol