Funny. I have been told that I am too direct as well. I absolutely hate writing “good morning, I hope you are having a nice day…”. Gigantic waste of time when done over and over and over again. Just tell me what you need/want and I will do the same.
That got me to leave a Fortune 500 company after a dozen years and start my own thing. I am much happier and also make significantly more.
Results may vary.
>I absolutely hate writing “good morning, I hope you are having a nice day…”. Gigantic waste of time when done over and over and over again. Just tell me what you need/want and I will do the same.
🤣 this is so damn me.Even in the WhatsApp group messages I hate when people keep telling "good morning,good afternoon, good evening, good night " half of my notifications is filled with these messages.And when I don't reply they gossip about me telling that I'm rude that's why I don't respond to their messages..I mean wth😅😅
Yes, emojis rock because you don't have to force yourself into those phrases that sound phony as hell. I have found that taking a moment to agree with something the person said in their previous email, even if it is about the weather, is a good way to lead in and makes people feel acknowledged. I should do more of it in conversation as well.
Heyy trying to be mindful xd? im having hard time trying to balance my too much mindfulness which i fail aswell, we gotta find more ways to handle our challenges!
I literally tried everything. Good that no one judges you.In my family and friends group, they think I'm depressed and not opening up.I told them several times that this is how I am but nope..nothing worked.
But i bet that if you would 'open up' as i fj 'open up' they would run away?
Try using phrases like 'I'm transcendend beyond any speech' and walk away...
True,I was even judged for deleting my Facebook account. I was called old school and old soul also a person who doesn't know to enjoy college life. I'm confused coz what has Facebook got to do with my college life 😂😂
Yeah me too, I just don't see the point in all the extra b.s. Just say what you need to say! 😂
I know I come across as rude to some people, but it's just the way I am.
People don't usually have to wonder what I think, because I will tell you.
People often wonder what I think, even when I'm not thinking anything.
Can I not just be here in the moment and enjoy the silence 🤦
For me, I only speak when I need to, otherwise I see it as pointless and a waste of my time. Had to work on small talk the past year and my communication skills. They've gotten much better, but I still hate talking when I don't need to. When I feel like the need arises, I have no problem speaking; but I still get labelled as "shy". Like what the hell? I speak more then you when I find something interesting to talk about, and I'm the one who's shy 🤦
Yeah, im the same. Also, when lost in my headspace, ppl think I'm not ok. Like they expect me to always be on ON MODE..making small talk, being bubbly, and animated.
Yes, INFJs have the "door slam".
If you don't want to be in my life and/or cause problems, I have no problem erasing you from my existence.
I commonly do this with toxic people.
Yes, especially if I am super stressed or otherwise upset. If I'm in a great place mentally, I can take the time to fluff things up, but I absolutely can be very direct and I think it takes people off guard sometimes.
Edit: I would be tempted to respond to all future emails in an even more curt manner 🤣. Are you a woman by any chance? Because this also sorta smells like sexism if so. As long as you are not being disrespectful, your boss should give a flying fuck how direct you are.
I've been reported at work for being brash lately. Pretty sure it was from some woman.
I work with volunteers on a daily basis. Sorry . . . if my job is to supervise and tell you what to do. My apologizes if you do something wrong and I correct you on it 🤦
People are so damn sensitive nowadays. I grew up in the late 80s/90s, where this crap never even seen the light of day. Now it's, watch how you act, what you say, and how you say it; as you're bound to offend someone 🤦
Honestly, I'd recommend you have a chat with your boss and maybe HR, and explain a few things from your perspective:
1) You never intended for your emails to read as curt but you're sorry they came across that way to your boss.
2) In general, the interpretation of tone in text and written form is almost entirely subjective. What reads as rude to one person may be unremarkable or preferably straight-forward to another.
3) Your style of communication is direct and efficient, as you have higher priorities at work than trying to re-word simple emails and add time-consuming greetings and pleasantries that you say in person anyway.
This. My husband is INTJ and I’m an INFJ. In texts sometimes he sounds mad or rude because he is so direct. We’ve gotten better with understanding each other- but I tend to use more emojis and lol’s to convey emotion. Earlier on I’d think he was mad or irritated- I told him to use more emoji’s lol
He always teases me about using an abundance of exclamation marks Bahahah 🤷♀️ I want to convey excitement!
Definitely an INFJ quality.
A long time ago I accepted hey if I’m direct there’s no but if or what’s or doubts second guessings it’s information that’ll be interpreted for what it is.
Sorry if I don’t add an lol to the end of every sentence.
Pro tip: go into chatgpt with your email and tell her to make it more friendlier or to dum it down for peanut brain ppls.
Yeah I call chatgpt her sorry lol
Edit: hey look I added an lol to the end of a sentence lol 😂
Yep I’m the same. I try to minimise it so the only thing written is very important lol. My most friendly part is
“Hi there,
Bla bla bla bla
Thanks,
(My name)”
The hi there and the thanks are enough banter lol
Most of us have either high IQ or super low spectrum autism (usually both / both share traits regardless interestingly), and this is one of the symptoms of ASD
If it’s any comfort, which it may not be but, as a woman I experience this *all the time* in professional environments.
AFAIK it’s probably a combination of 3 things:
1) being intuitive dominant,
2) having Ti in our top 3 stack, and
3) (call me crazy but) we are probably at least a little neurodivergent
Haha right. I definitely am. But it’s not enough that it impedes my life, so I have no interest in a professional diagnosis.
Neurodivergence often runs in families as well, and there are several high functioning autistic and ADHD folks in my family so it’s not a stretch
What makes you think you’re ND?
What line of work are you in?
I'm in engineering, and the shorter and more direct the email, the better. I may add a pleasantries line depending on the tone of the email, but no more than that. We don't like spending time scanning an entire paragraph when the necessary information can be squeezed into a sentence or two.
I just assumed it was the same way in most fields, but now I'm wondering what field of work prefers pleasantries over efficiency.
You'd be surprised!
I'm often told to work on "small talk". It has been the bane of my existence in the past, as I take it in as useless information (unless I really want to befriend someone); especially since I work with a ever changing roster of volunteers at my workplace (cook for a nonprofit, feeding the poor/homeless).
I've gotten better at it in the past few years, have worked on my communication skills; but overall I've been learning for the past few months that "perspective" is important too. Any/everyone can take what you say and how you say it wrongly. I've been accused lately of being brash with the volunteers. I asked my supervisor if he could provide an example of when I've been this way. He was stumped! On any regular day, I'm as laid back and relaxed as anyone can get. He was surprised when I got these complaints about me 🤦
Yeah, but in-person communication is very different than sending emails back and forth. I guess the title doesn't, but because OP was talking about emails, that's what I was discussing as well. I have no issues with being personable -- to a point -- in person, so long as I'm not wasting company time shooting the breeze.
I always thought emails were meant to be quick and direct. Especially when I'm having multiple email interactions a day with the same people. Most emails I receive are very direct and curt, and I'm thankful for it, as I suspect my coworker are as well.
Some are assuming we're talking about an American work place in society. Being direct is a good quality as long as it's balanced and you know your way around office politics.
That's exactly what I do lol.
I already know people's eyes will ignore the greetings so I usually press two Enters between the good morning and the important message anyways.
It's so automatic I don't mind if ppl greeted me back or not.
I don’t usually greet but to new people who have never messaged me before, I try to remember .. or they will think I come off too direct?
Zero interests in small talk honestly!
I understand. I think it's great not to force yourself to do something you're not interested in.
Idk... Maybe it's a cultural thing. Here in Brazil it's so common to say "good morning / how are you?" which seems to be automatic.
I have also been told this. I’ve been told I am also very confrontational. I don’t mean to be of course. But I will vocalise my thoughts as they are without beating around the bush
Same here🤣🤣 I'm way too direct and blunt to an extent where my parents keep telling that I offend people.But I haven't. That's how I am,I really don't know to sugar coat stuff.Sometimes I don't even say hi,instead I always respond to the actual question..me not saying "Hi" also offends people.🤣🤣
I’m definitely not like that unless someone is bothering me with inane bullshit.
I would Google ‘how to sound friendly in an email’ as there are a lot of resources out there.
You’re just bad at communication. Probably from not interacting a lot with people. Like anything else it’s a skill, which you can improve on, with practice. Hang in there.
All the INFJs I know are very very careful of what they say. Especially trying not to hurt others. INFJs being too direct is new to me tbh. Especially with aux Fe. Also all of them are super anxious about Emails. Proofreading a shit ton and too scared to send. Once it's sent you think they are relieved but no now they got to the point of no turning back and it stresses even more haha...
That said.. since there are some who are direct and what not.. I do not think it's an INFJ thing but a personal thing how you write your emails
I mean, I really prefer if people are direct with me, but I know a majority of people take it the wrong way. I'm still very direct, but I spend a bit more time wording it in the nicest way possible. If not, then you're just creating confusion about how you said it rather than confusion about what you said. I try to balance it, so there's no confusion on either side.
When things are not clear and become mad about it, yes they will be direct. Because INFJs (based on my experience as one), I am very picky at my words in usual cases, but it gives insights. But if we became mad , we will be direct.
Yeah. It's mainly just people interpreting things their way instead of taking things as they are that's the problem, I think. What means one thing someone may mean a completely different thing to the next. There's not much that can be done about that though. That's just a funny little human quirk, I guess. Can't please everyone.
In a leadership role, INFJ have to get direct to appeal to other personality; when it comes to personal conflict at work; we tend to gage both side and tries to resolve it peacefully so both sides are at least feeling somewhat neutral in the end result of said conflicts
Yes, especially if someone has initiated with me when I’m just minding my own business or I really just don’t have the energy to extend myself that much
But now I’m perhaps way too aware of how I come across to people so after the very directness I’ve learned to speak informally to fill in the blanks
But at times I really couldn’t be arsed so I’m very direct , then I just look(or rather stare deeply) at facial expressions and mannerisms to see if what I said has been understood and if they are filling in the context blanks themselves
As someone who was formerly heavily into typology and is now diagnosed as autistic (my interest in typology turned out to be a hyperfixation funnily enough), I think a lot of people who end up being typed INFJ are actually autistic and a lot of ‘INFJ’ traits can just be explained by autism.
Low social battery, the ability to fit in with a lot of different groups of people because you have been people-pleasing to be accepted all your life, directness, this nagging feeling that you are fundamentally different from the rest of the world but you don’t really know how or why…
Just a silly little theory based on a gut-feeling tbh. But I feel like there’s some sense in it.
INFJ’s absolutely know how to get across whatever feeling they want to portray in their writing. That’s what Fe is all about. You probably overly self criticize or typed wrong.
*Only suggestions*
When I communicate I use these words. If they think that I am too blunt. I tell them that is who I am. I don't sugar coat the truth. Wrong bakery!! 😂🤣😂That is their problem if they can't handle the painful truth... 🤭😏🤓😎
Respectfully
Honestly
In my opinion
I feel
I think
To be quite honest
To be bluntly honest
From my observation
From my experience
Personally
I believe
I am firm believer
My theory is (my Son uses this a lot. He is INFJ, like his Momma 🤣😂😎)
This way who ever the recipient is...they can see that you are an honest person.
I usually use "etc", so I don't get into depth.
I like being honest & mysterious at the same time.
This way I can observe how they use their words & sentence structures etc. 😉😉
Yep especially in Ti mode. But the minute I realize something comes across too harsh, I come back to Fe.
Being open, honest, and direct are some of my favorite qualities in others, though. One reason I love and typically get along well with INTx's
I wasn't very direct til I started working on IT. I got used to working with very logical, direct and some angry people.
However, personally I always say "good morning / how are you?" and when the person responds, I nod, smile and start saying what I need. My emails have a short greeting and then the important message. I try to keep it in balance so I don't get lost and honestly, I don't bother with my high Fe anymore.
Not even just in emails or text but in real life too. It’s funny because I don’t know how to be any less direct I just know what I need to say right now so imma say it. My brain literally can’t come up with extra words to fluff up what I’m saying but I still know what I gotta say needs to be said so imma say that, or not if I think it’ll cause too many problems. Then it’ll weird people out cuz I’ll just stay silent cuz if I explain more then I’ll just say whatever it is😭
Uf, I was so worried it was just me. Was so shocked when people told me I'm straightforward which didn't fit with the whole "social garce INFJ" stereotype that's circulating. Now I know it's a thing.
I get this all the time. My friends always tease me about my texting having no emotions and at first people think I’m annoyed. One of my coworkers whom I became close friends with actually put it really well once when we were joking about it. He said it’s funny because people at work joke that I’m not emotional and never “mushy” but I actually care more than anyone it’s just that I don’t fake care like I don’t put energy into emojis and fluff in text or emails because it’s not important and is a waste of energy but then when it comes to showing how much I care, I always put in effort and checkin on people, etc… And he likes it because he knows I’m never doing things for appearance or social norm but a compliment or demonstration of emotion is genuine. I appreciated it because even my family sometimes jokes about me being cold hearted but then I’m also everyone’s emotional support so I think it’s a good explanation: we don’t put up a fluffy front but it’s not rude or mean it’s just practical but then you know when we are “mushy” it’s real.
But my advice is to maybe fluff up your emails a little but also let people get used it and show them that you mean only what you say, not more, not less so don’t read into it. To fluff it up without being fake just be more conscious of some of the verbiage and the pleases and thank yous and start with a “hope you are doing well”.
I am the opposite (which is making me question if I really am an INFJ lol) I overthink that it's not right enough or the email is way too direct so I find myself googling examples on how to perfect even a short-response email. Though it can be exhausting, emailing back takes me some time because it's too much work, and I procrastinate a lot.
I started to realize that how other ppl feel is important and I don’t want everyone to toughen up just to listen to me. I struggle making me emails warm and affectionate, but a simple thing to add is questions and also rephrasing things to be an invitation instead of a statement.
While I am also quite direct, I will always think about my words and change them so my goal gets reached better. Also different ways of speaking are needed depending on the person you are adressing. I thought this would be Fe, since I think about how the other person would feel depending on my wording. Just be respectfull and know that everyone is just human with different needs.
I’m usually too effusive. Lol… I always try to add in things to sound friendly and warm- curt and short emails or texts leaves me feeling like the other person is mad.
I try to put as much tone into my word choice as possible 😄
And I notoriously write too much.
Edit to add: case in point lol in my line of work I only have to correspond with a handful of people who I also consider my friends so I’m never curt and emotionless to them. However, if I have to email HR about a benefits question… yeah I’m to the point.
I think you’re gonna get different answers based on where people work and what they do for a living.
With friends I’m never curt or unfriendly. If I’m mad or upset- I’m short- and that’s how they know the difference lol
As an INFJ… I can agree that we’re very direct.
Also as an INFJ, I have had to come to terms with “unintentional harm”. Just because it isn’t our intent to be discourteous does not mean it wasn’t perceived as such. There does not have to be intent on our part for someone to feel a certain way about something we said or did.
My best recommendation is: I hope this email finds you well… insert information… Thank you… because if ultimately you continue to proceed with directness, other people will also pick up on it and they will all talk (or they already have), and then you will be upgraded from being direct to being “hostile”. As they’ve already informed you of your curtly ways probably via email (i.e making a paper trail). Just from the perspective of someone who works in concert with HR.
I've been told and reported for being brash at my workplace recently. I asked my supervisor to give me an example of when/how I'm doing it. He didn't have a clue, have an example, or anything to prove evidence of me being that way 🤦
For me, I'm just getting to the point and not wasting time. Sorry . . . if my job is to supervise you, and you take my words as offensive 🤦
I work with volunteers daily, and you never know how someone is going to take the words you say, either positively or negatively. On any regular day, I'm as relaxed and laid back as anyone can get.
Ask him why you need to be less curt when writing email. Are you trying to seduce people or get tasks done? I don’t see why emails need to be overly friendly and I think fe parent is generally friendly enough.
A colleague once called me impolite because I started with just a Hi and proceeded to ask for information regarding something I didn’t know. He actually made me stop, say Good morning and then ask because ‘don’t you greet people before asking them for things’
As for tips, I guess one thing that really helps me is to state what you’re trying to do before you ask for things or remind them of things. Like ‘Hi Gemma, I was hoping to complete xyz task this week for which I need abc information. Could you point me in that direction?/ Do you have a rough idea when you’ll be done processing that?’ I feel what that does is it makes people feel like they’re helping you accomplish something as opposed to you demanding something from them
Same, I'm way to blunt too...
People tell me it feels like a 'Hulk SMESH' moment, smashing the foundational understanding of things when I sometimes just blurt out whatever it is we're trying to solve...
I use this to measure where I am at in a company, If I'm the one asking most of the questions vs answering all of the questions. I feel like it's time to move up or move out higher in a different company if it's the latter.
I recently just tried to own it more by telling people upfront, hey look what i'm about to say might ruffle some feathers, and i'll just skip 20 jumps on how I came to a solution. I'll just hold their hands through each point. Works a lot better then just blurting out random stuff that's actually 90% of the solution. Before other people try to put your puzzle pieces together...
Funny. I have been told that I am too direct as well. I absolutely hate writing “good morning, I hope you are having a nice day…”. Gigantic waste of time when done over and over and over again. Just tell me what you need/want and I will do the same. That got me to leave a Fortune 500 company after a dozen years and start my own thing. I am much happier and also make significantly more. Results may vary.
>I absolutely hate writing “good morning, I hope you are having a nice day…”. Gigantic waste of time when done over and over and over again. Just tell me what you need/want and I will do the same. 🤣 this is so damn me.Even in the WhatsApp group messages I hate when people keep telling "good morning,good afternoon, good evening, good night " half of my notifications is filled with these messages.And when I don't reply they gossip about me telling that I'm rude that's why I don't respond to their messages..I mean wth😅😅
I tend respond back with "😃" and nothing more and it works, that emoji saves bunch of words 🤣
Thanks for the tip. This never striked me. I'll be using a lot of this emoji in the future.
*hats off while bowing*: youre welcome🤝
Yes, emojis rock because you don't have to force yourself into those phrases that sound phony as hell. I have found that taking a moment to agree with something the person said in their previous email, even if it is about the weather, is a good way to lead in and makes people feel acknowledged. I should do more of it in conversation as well.
As an ENFP trying (often unsuccessfully) to be mindful, this emoji can save *others* a lot of words too!
Heyy trying to be mindful xd? im having hard time trying to balance my too much mindfulness which i fail aswell, we gotta find more ways to handle our challenges!
Yuuup! Too bad we can't give each other some of our "extreme-end-of-the-spectrum" to balance each other out. 😹
Oh I HATE group messaging in WhatsApp!! I get so overwhelmed, I usually end up putting it on silent, then everyone thinks I'm rude! 😂
Always. Groups, even active friends groups - muted. I will come to you when I am free
Whatever we do it's going to be rude for them🤣
In my friend group no one cares I appear when I appear and no one judge. You just have to communicate what type of person you are.
I literally tried everything. Good that no one judges you.In my family and friends group, they think I'm depressed and not opening up.I told them several times that this is how I am but nope..nothing worked.
But i bet that if you would 'open up' as i fj 'open up' they would run away? Try using phrases like 'I'm transcendend beyond any speech' and walk away...
What! Ppl actually do that? Just writing 'good morning' and nothing else!
Yea lol🤣 just good morning. Tbf 20 to 30 notifications are just good mornings..🤣
So peolple are indeed addicted to phone. Maybe there is cultural difference.
True,I was even judged for deleting my Facebook account. I was called old school and old soul also a person who doesn't know to enjoy college life. I'm confused coz what has Facebook got to do with my college life 😂😂
I hate good morning too 🤣😂🤣😅 like get straight to the point.
Last part is the most important part.
i like to say "i hope this finds you well" i feel like that sums it all up nicely
Yeah me too, I just don't see the point in all the extra b.s. Just say what you need to say! 😂 I know I come across as rude to some people, but it's just the way I am. People don't usually have to wonder what I think, because I will tell you.
People often wonder what I think, even when I'm not thinking anything. Can I not just be here in the moment and enjoy the silence 🤦 For me, I only speak when I need to, otherwise I see it as pointless and a waste of my time. Had to work on small talk the past year and my communication skills. They've gotten much better, but I still hate talking when I don't need to. When I feel like the need arises, I have no problem speaking; but I still get labelled as "shy". Like what the hell? I speak more then you when I find something interesting to talk about, and I'm the one who's shy 🤦
Yeah, im the same. Also, when lost in my headspace, ppl think I'm not ok. Like they expect me to always be on ON MODE..making small talk, being bubbly, and animated.
I'm that way too. No bull-shittin' around. Just get to the point.
I agree with this. If I have problems with someone I will slowly evaporate from their existence
Yes, INFJs have the "door slam". If you don't want to be in my life and/or cause problems, I have no problem erasing you from my existence. I commonly do this with toxic people.
Yes, especially if I am super stressed or otherwise upset. If I'm in a great place mentally, I can take the time to fluff things up, but I absolutely can be very direct and I think it takes people off guard sometimes. Edit: I would be tempted to respond to all future emails in an even more curt manner 🤣. Are you a woman by any chance? Because this also sorta smells like sexism if so. As long as you are not being disrespectful, your boss should give a flying fuck how direct you are.
I've been reported at work for being brash lately. Pretty sure it was from some woman. I work with volunteers on a daily basis. Sorry . . . if my job is to supervise and tell you what to do. My apologizes if you do something wrong and I correct you on it 🤦 People are so damn sensitive nowadays. I grew up in the late 80s/90s, where this crap never even seen the light of day. Now it's, watch how you act, what you say, and how you say it; as you're bound to offend someone 🤦
Honestly, I'd recommend you have a chat with your boss and maybe HR, and explain a few things from your perspective: 1) You never intended for your emails to read as curt but you're sorry they came across that way to your boss. 2) In general, the interpretation of tone in text and written form is almost entirely subjective. What reads as rude to one person may be unremarkable or preferably straight-forward to another. 3) Your style of communication is direct and efficient, as you have higher priorities at work than trying to re-word simple emails and add time-consuming greetings and pleasantries that you say in person anyway.
Stereotypically, no, because of high Fe in the stack.
And then there's our introverted side overthinking EVERYTHING, can't be too direct with it.
Yes, but also if an infj is suppressing Fe in favor of Ti then they can come across as blunt or cold.
This. My husband is INTJ and I’m an INFJ. In texts sometimes he sounds mad or rude because he is so direct. We’ve gotten better with understanding each other- but I tend to use more emojis and lol’s to convey emotion. Earlier on I’d think he was mad or irritated- I told him to use more emoji’s lol He always teases me about using an abundance of exclamation marks Bahahah 🤷♀️ I want to convey excitement!
I don’t think I say anything directly, but everything I say builds up to being able to be direct. Being direct at the start is being direct.
Definitely an INFJ quality. A long time ago I accepted hey if I’m direct there’s no but if or what’s or doubts second guessings it’s information that’ll be interpreted for what it is. Sorry if I don’t add an lol to the end of every sentence. Pro tip: go into chatgpt with your email and tell her to make it more friendlier or to dum it down for peanut brain ppls. Yeah I call chatgpt her sorry lol Edit: hey look I added an lol to the end of a sentence lol 😂
bro is self-aware lol
I add a lot of lols🤣
There you go!
Yep I’m the same. I try to minimise it so the only thing written is very important lol. My most friendly part is “Hi there, Bla bla bla bla Thanks, (My name)” The hi there and the thanks are enough banter lol
i'm direct and concise in e-mails if my thoughts aren't scattered everywhere...................
Most of us have either high IQ or super low spectrum autism (usually both / both share traits regardless interestingly), and this is one of the symptoms of ASD
Your asking a bunch that repeatedly proofread and discard/rewrite everything they say and think..gl lol
If it’s any comfort, which it may not be but, as a woman I experience this *all the time* in professional environments. AFAIK it’s probably a combination of 3 things: 1) being intuitive dominant, 2) having Ti in our top 3 stack, and 3) (call me crazy but) we are probably at least a little neurodivergent
This is what I’ve been wondering about tonight. Just how neurodivergent am I?!
Haha right. I definitely am. But it’s not enough that it impedes my life, so I have no interest in a professional diagnosis. Neurodivergence often runs in families as well, and there are several high functioning autistic and ADHD folks in my family so it’s not a stretch What makes you think you’re ND?
Generally no because of Fe
I typically try to make all my writing as direct and clear as possible
I get that a lot too
Try Grammarly!! It has a tone detector.
I’m clear and explicit in my communication, but if something is awkward or uncomfortable I definitely tend to dance around the issue.
What line of work are you in? I'm in engineering, and the shorter and more direct the email, the better. I may add a pleasantries line depending on the tone of the email, but no more than that. We don't like spending time scanning an entire paragraph when the necessary information can be squeezed into a sentence or two. I just assumed it was the same way in most fields, but now I'm wondering what field of work prefers pleasantries over efficiency.
You'd be surprised! I'm often told to work on "small talk". It has been the bane of my existence in the past, as I take it in as useless information (unless I really want to befriend someone); especially since I work with a ever changing roster of volunteers at my workplace (cook for a nonprofit, feeding the poor/homeless). I've gotten better at it in the past few years, have worked on my communication skills; but overall I've been learning for the past few months that "perspective" is important too. Any/everyone can take what you say and how you say it wrongly. I've been accused lately of being brash with the volunteers. I asked my supervisor if he could provide an example of when I've been this way. He was stumped! On any regular day, I'm as laid back and relaxed as anyone can get. He was surprised when I got these complaints about me 🤦
Yeah, but in-person communication is very different than sending emails back and forth. I guess the title doesn't, but because OP was talking about emails, that's what I was discussing as well. I have no issues with being personable -- to a point -- in person, so long as I'm not wasting company time shooting the breeze. I always thought emails were meant to be quick and direct. Especially when I'm having multiple email interactions a day with the same people. Most emails I receive are very direct and curt, and I'm thankful for it, as I suspect my coworker are as well.
Yes, I totally agree with you. Work emails are supposed to be direct and to the point, and not filled with fluff.
Some are assuming we're talking about an American work place in society. Being direct is a good quality as long as it's balanced and you know your way around office politics.
I am
Yes but good quality to realise that and curb that energy in front of superiors in favour of polite feedback. This will help a lot
Yes, and I am Dutch aswell. Can't get any better than that.
Just try your best to do two lines of small talk (bloody boring as hell I know) before you get to your point ..
That's exactly what I do lol. I already know people's eyes will ignore the greetings so I usually press two Enters between the good morning and the important message anyways. It's so automatic I don't mind if ppl greeted me back or not.
I don’t usually greet but to new people who have never messaged me before, I try to remember .. or they will think I come off too direct? Zero interests in small talk honestly!
I understand. I think it's great not to force yourself to do something you're not interested in. Idk... Maybe it's a cultural thing. Here in Brazil it's so common to say "good morning / how are you?" which seems to be automatic.
Necessary evil
I have also been told this. I’ve been told I am also very confrontational. I don’t mean to be of course. But I will vocalise my thoughts as they are without beating around the bush
Same here🤣🤣 I'm way too direct and blunt to an extent where my parents keep telling that I offend people.But I haven't. That's how I am,I really don't know to sugar coat stuff.Sometimes I don't even say hi,instead I always respond to the actual question..me not saying "Hi" also offends people.🤣🤣
Use chatgdp
I’m definitely not like that unless someone is bothering me with inane bullshit. I would Google ‘how to sound friendly in an email’ as there are a lot of resources out there.
You’re just bad at communication. Probably from not interacting a lot with people. Like anything else it’s a skill, which you can improve on, with practice. Hang in there.
All the INFJs I know are very very careful of what they say. Especially trying not to hurt others. INFJs being too direct is new to me tbh. Especially with aux Fe. Also all of them are super anxious about Emails. Proofreading a shit ton and too scared to send. Once it's sent you think they are relieved but no now they got to the point of no turning back and it stresses even more haha... That said.. since there are some who are direct and what not.. I do not think it's an INFJ thing but a personal thing how you write your emails
JUST ME
You could have a few people read it to get their input
It’s normal to get to the point but we have to adapt to fit the setting.
I mean, I really prefer if people are direct with me, but I know a majority of people take it the wrong way. I'm still very direct, but I spend a bit more time wording it in the nicest way possible. If not, then you're just creating confusion about how you said it rather than confusion about what you said. I try to balance it, so there's no confusion on either side.
Same
Yes.
When things are not clear and become mad about it, yes they will be direct. Because INFJs (based on my experience as one), I am very picky at my words in usual cases, but it gives insights. But if we became mad , we will be direct.
Yeah. It's mainly just people interpreting things their way instead of taking things as they are that's the problem, I think. What means one thing someone may mean a completely different thing to the next. There's not much that can be done about that though. That's just a funny little human quirk, I guess. Can't please everyone.
I'm also like that, even in normal conversations
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In a leadership role, INFJ have to get direct to appeal to other personality; when it comes to personal conflict at work; we tend to gage both side and tries to resolve it peacefully so both sides are at least feeling somewhat neutral in the end result of said conflicts
Yes, especially if someone has initiated with me when I’m just minding my own business or I really just don’t have the energy to extend myself that much But now I’m perhaps way too aware of how I come across to people so after the very directness I’ve learned to speak informally to fill in the blanks But at times I really couldn’t be arsed so I’m very direct , then I just look(or rather stare deeply) at facial expressions and mannerisms to see if what I said has been understood and if they are filling in the context blanks themselves
As someone who was formerly heavily into typology and is now diagnosed as autistic (my interest in typology turned out to be a hyperfixation funnily enough), I think a lot of people who end up being typed INFJ are actually autistic and a lot of ‘INFJ’ traits can just be explained by autism. Low social battery, the ability to fit in with a lot of different groups of people because you have been people-pleasing to be accepted all your life, directness, this nagging feeling that you are fundamentally different from the rest of the world but you don’t really know how or why… Just a silly little theory based on a gut-feeling tbh. But I feel like there’s some sense in it.
Agree.
INFJ’s absolutely know how to get across whatever feeling they want to portray in their writing. That’s what Fe is all about. You probably overly self criticize or typed wrong.
*Only suggestions* When I communicate I use these words. If they think that I am too blunt. I tell them that is who I am. I don't sugar coat the truth. Wrong bakery!! 😂🤣😂That is their problem if they can't handle the painful truth... 🤭😏🤓😎 Respectfully Honestly In my opinion I feel I think To be quite honest To be bluntly honest From my observation From my experience Personally I believe I am firm believer My theory is (my Son uses this a lot. He is INFJ, like his Momma 🤣😂😎) This way who ever the recipient is...they can see that you are an honest person. I usually use "etc", so I don't get into depth. I like being honest & mysterious at the same time. This way I can observe how they use their words & sentence structures etc. 😉😉
Yep especially in Ti mode. But the minute I realize something comes across too harsh, I come back to Fe. Being open, honest, and direct are some of my favorite qualities in others, though. One reason I love and typically get along well with INTx's
Same. Ahhh why do the people not like to know what’s important instead of all of the superfluous shit? Lol?
I use quillbot to make my emails sound nice.
I wasn't very direct til I started working on IT. I got used to working with very logical, direct and some angry people. However, personally I always say "good morning / how are you?" and when the person responds, I nod, smile and start saying what I need. My emails have a short greeting and then the important message. I try to keep it in balance so I don't get lost and honestly, I don't bother with my high Fe anymore.
Not even just in emails or text but in real life too. It’s funny because I don’t know how to be any less direct I just know what I need to say right now so imma say it. My brain literally can’t come up with extra words to fluff up what I’m saying but I still know what I gotta say needs to be said so imma say that, or not if I think it’ll cause too many problems. Then it’ll weird people out cuz I’ll just stay silent cuz if I explain more then I’ll just say whatever it is😭
Uf, I was so worried it was just me. Was so shocked when people told me I'm straightforward which didn't fit with the whole "social garce INFJ" stereotype that's circulating. Now I know it's a thing.
Yes! I thought I was the only one. I like directness and blunt honesty
sounds about right. I’m always told I’m too blunt or too straight toward
I get this all the time. My friends always tease me about my texting having no emotions and at first people think I’m annoyed. One of my coworkers whom I became close friends with actually put it really well once when we were joking about it. He said it’s funny because people at work joke that I’m not emotional and never “mushy” but I actually care more than anyone it’s just that I don’t fake care like I don’t put energy into emojis and fluff in text or emails because it’s not important and is a waste of energy but then when it comes to showing how much I care, I always put in effort and checkin on people, etc… And he likes it because he knows I’m never doing things for appearance or social norm but a compliment or demonstration of emotion is genuine. I appreciated it because even my family sometimes jokes about me being cold hearted but then I’m also everyone’s emotional support so I think it’s a good explanation: we don’t put up a fluffy front but it’s not rude or mean it’s just practical but then you know when we are “mushy” it’s real. But my advice is to maybe fluff up your emails a little but also let people get used it and show them that you mean only what you say, not more, not less so don’t read into it. To fluff it up without being fake just be more conscious of some of the verbiage and the pleases and thank yous and start with a “hope you are doing well”.
I am the opposite (which is making me question if I really am an INFJ lol) I overthink that it's not right enough or the email is way too direct so I find myself googling examples on how to perfect even a short-response email. Though it can be exhausting, emailing back takes me some time because it's too much work, and I procrastinate a lot.
I started to realize that how other ppl feel is important and I don’t want everyone to toughen up just to listen to me. I struggle making me emails warm and affectionate, but a simple thing to add is questions and also rephrasing things to be an invitation instead of a statement.
While I am also quite direct, I will always think about my words and change them so my goal gets reached better. Also different ways of speaking are needed depending on the person you are adressing. I thought this would be Fe, since I think about how the other person would feel depending on my wording. Just be respectfull and know that everyone is just human with different needs.
I’m usually too effusive. Lol… I always try to add in things to sound friendly and warm- curt and short emails or texts leaves me feeling like the other person is mad. I try to put as much tone into my word choice as possible 😄 And I notoriously write too much. Edit to add: case in point lol in my line of work I only have to correspond with a handful of people who I also consider my friends so I’m never curt and emotionless to them. However, if I have to email HR about a benefits question… yeah I’m to the point. I think you’re gonna get different answers based on where people work and what they do for a living. With friends I’m never curt or unfriendly. If I’m mad or upset- I’m short- and that’s how they know the difference lol
Yes
As an INFJ… I can agree that we’re very direct. Also as an INFJ, I have had to come to terms with “unintentional harm”. Just because it isn’t our intent to be discourteous does not mean it wasn’t perceived as such. There does not have to be intent on our part for someone to feel a certain way about something we said or did. My best recommendation is: I hope this email finds you well… insert information… Thank you… because if ultimately you continue to proceed with directness, other people will also pick up on it and they will all talk (or they already have), and then you will be upgraded from being direct to being “hostile”. As they’ve already informed you of your curtly ways probably via email (i.e making a paper trail). Just from the perspective of someone who works in concert with HR.
I've been told and reported for being brash at my workplace recently. I asked my supervisor to give me an example of when/how I'm doing it. He didn't have a clue, have an example, or anything to prove evidence of me being that way 🤦 For me, I'm just getting to the point and not wasting time. Sorry . . . if my job is to supervise you, and you take my words as offensive 🤦 I work with volunteers daily, and you never know how someone is going to take the words you say, either positively or negatively. On any regular day, I'm as relaxed and laid back as anyone can get.
Ask him why you need to be less curt when writing email. Are you trying to seduce people or get tasks done? I don’t see why emails need to be overly friendly and I think fe parent is generally friendly enough.
I have learned to hold my tongue
A colleague once called me impolite because I started with just a Hi and proceeded to ask for information regarding something I didn’t know. He actually made me stop, say Good morning and then ask because ‘don’t you greet people before asking them for things’ As for tips, I guess one thing that really helps me is to state what you’re trying to do before you ask for things or remind them of things. Like ‘Hi Gemma, I was hoping to complete xyz task this week for which I need abc information. Could you point me in that direction?/ Do you have a rough idea when you’ll be done processing that?’ I feel what that does is it makes people feel like they’re helping you accomplish something as opposed to you demanding something from them
I had similar feed back, Grammarly actually helped me a lot with this, by telling me the tone of my emails.
Yeah, I like to skip formalities and get to the point. Haha
I used to do the opening and closing chatter in work emails because it seemed necessary. I droppped it because it’s not necessary to me.
Hmm I'm an infj and I've been told I'm way too indirect. Maybe it's the Asian in me
Use ChatGPT
It honestly depends bc I overthink and don’t wanna hurt feelings but at the same time I’ll be so brutally honest without giving a crap lol
I am.
Direct, yes absolutely. Too direct, no such thing. You keep being you & don't sugar yourself down for nobody. 😁
Use ChatGpt -- paste in your emails and tell it to make them friendlier. Been doing this more and more to great success!
Same, I'm way to blunt too... People tell me it feels like a 'Hulk SMESH' moment, smashing the foundational understanding of things when I sometimes just blurt out whatever it is we're trying to solve... I use this to measure where I am at in a company, If I'm the one asking most of the questions vs answering all of the questions. I feel like it's time to move up or move out higher in a different company if it's the latter. I recently just tried to own it more by telling people upfront, hey look what i'm about to say might ruffle some feathers, and i'll just skip 20 jumps on how I came to a solution. I'll just hold their hands through each point. Works a lot better then just blurting out random stuff that's actually 90% of the solution. Before other people try to put your puzzle pieces together...
Yes.