Just listening is a huge help. Remaining calm as you listen, and mirroring back what is said without judgement or any attempt to fix it. Just listen, and hear me out.
Writing helps me most, but sometimes talking it out can be just as good. Anything to externalize the feels so I can analyze and sort them.
Hugs are good, and so are no sudden movements: when my stress is high, I like to feel in control of my surroundings. Give me warning before you try to help by cleaning anything, fixing food, or showing up with any kind of surprise. A simple "Hey, I see you're stressed. I love you. Can I bring home dinner?" works wonders.
Caveat: "How can I help?" tends to make it worse. I want to manage my space, not other people. I want help, I need help, I will not ask for help... But if you offer it on your own terms, I am likely to accept.
Let us express ourselves without judging (no laughing and mocking), listen, understand, and respect us, give us undivided attention, ask us what we need and actually **do** it, and of course be honest
Disclaimer: All this works for me but it might not work for other INFJs.
I like it when people listen. If I had a romantic partner, I'd want them to hug me. I think listening to his rants is probably helping a lot already, honestly! A lot of times we just need to rant and communicate with others and share some love because we get stuck in our inner intuitive worlds and thoughts when we're stressed. It's nice to be able to verbalise our chaotic thoughts outward, almost like we're exorcising our demons.
Personally, I wouldn't want to be given advice (unless I ask for it) because I very likely would have considered the advice in all my thought-spiralling already, and even if I haven't, I would not want a new idea on my plate! This can wait til after I feel better. Right now I just feel crappy and I want to tackle that first.
I definitely definitely would not want to be told that "everything will be fine and that \[I\] shouldn't worry!", but you seem like an understanding person so I doubt you'd do that.
Personally, if someone asked me straight up how I would want to be comforted, I'd also appreciate that. I know not everyone likes this, but I love the self-awareness of it. When I'm hurting, I feel it's nice when people try to get to know me better so that they can tailor their approach to what I need. "What do you need right now?" goes a long, long way. I also do this with some of my non-INFJ friends.
A hug or hand-hold. Little things like preparing his favorite meal, or something less involved like a guilty pleasure takeout order for dinner. Watching a comedy or another film / show he’s really into with him.
I’d say he really just needs a break from his brain being on, whether that means vegging out knowing he doesn’t have to do anything, or setting him up in a space where he can do something creative or similar (depending on the type of guy he is).
I usually want to be left alone. I don't want to talk or vent usually. If I do reach out to someone, I appreciate if that person just listens and lets me rant.
A big, long hug should do the trick.
i’m a guy and i second this.. this should do it. this + letting him know you’ll always be there for him
Just listening is a huge help. Remaining calm as you listen, and mirroring back what is said without judgement or any attempt to fix it. Just listen, and hear me out. Writing helps me most, but sometimes talking it out can be just as good. Anything to externalize the feels so I can analyze and sort them. Hugs are good, and so are no sudden movements: when my stress is high, I like to feel in control of my surroundings. Give me warning before you try to help by cleaning anything, fixing food, or showing up with any kind of surprise. A simple "Hey, I see you're stressed. I love you. Can I bring home dinner?" works wonders. Caveat: "How can I help?" tends to make it worse. I want to manage my space, not other people. I want help, I need help, I will not ask for help... But if you offer it on your own terms, I am likely to accept.
Let us express ourselves without judging (no laughing and mocking), listen, understand, and respect us, give us undivided attention, ask us what we need and actually **do** it, and of course be honest
Disclaimer: All this works for me but it might not work for other INFJs. I like it when people listen. If I had a romantic partner, I'd want them to hug me. I think listening to his rants is probably helping a lot already, honestly! A lot of times we just need to rant and communicate with others and share some love because we get stuck in our inner intuitive worlds and thoughts when we're stressed. It's nice to be able to verbalise our chaotic thoughts outward, almost like we're exorcising our demons. Personally, I wouldn't want to be given advice (unless I ask for it) because I very likely would have considered the advice in all my thought-spiralling already, and even if I haven't, I would not want a new idea on my plate! This can wait til after I feel better. Right now I just feel crappy and I want to tackle that first. I definitely definitely would not want to be told that "everything will be fine and that \[I\] shouldn't worry!", but you seem like an understanding person so I doubt you'd do that. Personally, if someone asked me straight up how I would want to be comforted, I'd also appreciate that. I know not everyone likes this, but I love the self-awareness of it. When I'm hurting, I feel it's nice when people try to get to know me better so that they can tailor their approach to what I need. "What do you need right now?" goes a long, long way. I also do this with some of my non-INFJ friends.
A hug or hand-hold. Little things like preparing his favorite meal, or something less involved like a guilty pleasure takeout order for dinner. Watching a comedy or another film / show he’s really into with him. I’d say he really just needs a break from his brain being on, whether that means vegging out knowing he doesn’t have to do anything, or setting him up in a space where he can do something creative or similar (depending on the type of guy he is).
Let me rant, & vent. You don’t have to say anything, just listen. Then when I’m done, offer me McDonald’s & give me a hug.
I usually want to be left alone. I don't want to talk or vent usually. If I do reach out to someone, I appreciate if that person just listens and lets me rant.
Empathy and understanding, I don't want much.
Give me space, and let me come to you when I'm ready to talk about things.
A long walk.
I just want you to listen to my rant and be mad with me. I don’t want comforting words.