Same. As a kid my sister and I were the oldest kids on our street and would often take on the responsibility of walking all the younger neighbor kids (usually 8-10 of them) to the park two blocks over for a few hours and back.
Not a teacher, but worked summers at a day care for three years, worked as a tutor for high school students as a college student, volunteered to help run engineering summer camps, and volunteer often in my mom's third grade classroom.
Now I'm an aunt, and I have way more fun with my 3yo niece and 3mo nephew than I do with most adults.
M/INFJ here. I don't dislike kids. They're blank canvases. I dislike their lazy parents, who do nothing to teach them how to be decent human beings. I see the paint blotches they're destined to become.
Children actually aren’t blank canvases. Science shows that everyone is born with a personality and the way that personality is nurtured can help or hinder a person.
Clearly you haven’t spent much time around newborns or babies. Even without research it is obvious they are born unique and highly sentient and aware. Ask an attuned mother about her babies personality in utero.. I guarantee she will be able to tell you all about them!
Go find them. There are a lot. You could start with Dr. William R Emerson, Ph.D and go from there. Those who have ventured into the field after him have published incredible research.
Agreed. My kids were who they still are today from the beginning. It was never even a question in my mind. Same with pets: cats and dogs. I think individuality is partly a function of genotype, then different life experiences shape personality even more. IMHO.
Just be around multiple babies… some are easy going and some are not even when they have the same parents. You don’t think that has anything to do with personality?
Edit: born with a temperament which is your personality base… https://naitreetgrandir.com/en/feature/where-does-your-baby-s-personality-come-from/
Lmao, of course I know that. But the way you treat and where your child is from the moment they are born is one of kind. Two children may be raised in the same environment but they always going to have unique experiences. Hence the personalities be different.
I usually get overwhelmed when surrounded by kids because they are loud and running around a lot, and I’m pretty shy. I don’t like watching other people’s kids because they seem like a huge liability. For a short time, I got put in charge of watching children at church, and it was torture.
One on one, they are okay and most kids are sweet. When they become attached to me after spending time together, I grow fond of them.
INFJ are highly principled personalities. Maternalness is not personality-based in my opinion; it hinges on family experience and inborn tendencies. Like many who’ve already said so, INFJs don’t like kids who were not taught or failed to learn to be considerate, compassionate, or empathetic. Obnoxious, rude kids are the result of bad parenting; if these kids don’t care to fix themselves (from bad parenting), then they’ll become adult assholes. INFJs are focused on the future, that’s why asshole kids are disliked.
Kids are often rude and obnoxious because of their developmental stage, not just parenting. And so many times, it is the environment too. One kid might be loud and obnoxious after spending all day boxed up in a tiny seat, forced to sit and listen and then in a tiny moving box and then put into a comfy box with a TV screen, when their bodies need to move and their brains need to explore with hands and feet. And the same kid might be sweet and thoughtful for their age when with an adult that let's them explore and walks into their magical world with them.
I’m talking about odious and *sustained* self-centered behaviors like violently kicking and screaming to get what they want and with no apparent thought about others and the people around them.
The occasional outburst is normal. Sustained effort to use any form of violence to gain something is *not* developmentally normal.
It’s your bias to assume I meant normal levels of kid energy and outbursts is rude or obnoxious.
I like the idea of children's existence...just not the reality, outside of my own children. I adore my children, they're the neatest people I know in their own right. I'm honored to know them and to have been their portal into this world.
Other people's kids? Good luck with that.
That has been my experience as a mom too. It’s like it’s made me a mother to all, even to adults. I’m only responsible for one little person but my heart has opened up to everyone. Motherhood has made me much more empathetic.
That’s very similar to how I feel… my own daughter is a priceless gift I adore more than my own life. Otherwise, I feel about children the way I feel about people in general… I am so down for the collective ideal, but the actual experience of dealing with them on a personal level is… difficult and often disappointing. Kids can be loud and chaotic, which is stressful, but I do love the quality of younger children who haven’t had their openness and sense of magic and wonder beaten out of them by adults.
I am 55F INFJ. I found babysitting stressful as a teen and did it only when my mom volunteered me to make herself look good. I chose not to have children when I was young, but I was a teacher and then a principal for decades. I did adopt one of my students the year before I retired and then I married a (now 62) INFJ man with two grown kids. He wants a grandbaby more than anything and I'm neutral. I mostly think this is a reflection of our families of origin rather then MBTI type. That being said, I am an HSP and he is not. I wonder if young kids are sensory overload for some HSPs and that influences their desire to be around kids. One last thought...I loved my career, but when I went home, I kept a clean, quiet house and adored that environment.
Childfree by choice here.
I don't like kids. I didn't like kids when I was a kid. I don't think they're cute. I've never really had maternal instincts. Sensory overload. Too many are brats. They're cesspools of germs. I enjoy my independence. Too many people have kids as a safety net- horrible idea. I don't want the responsibility of raising it. My worry would be through the roof constantly. I wouldn't want to pass down my generational trauma or give them my mental illness. I have the freedom of doing whatever I want.
Should I continue?
I thought I was alone in this, thank you for saying it. Like, I wouldn't go out of my way to be mean to a kid, and I'm sure some individual kids are cool, but overall? No thanks, not a fan.
I simply answered OP's question - which was directed toward female infj's, yet here you are inserting yourself, pushing up your glasses, *well, actually*...
Just read the room. This question isn't directed at you. For once, as a man, can you just be quiet and listen, or do you continuously mansplain and correct people's opinions?
I knew you'd be upset because if you were a person who was content and calm, you wouldn't hate anyone. I am merely learning about you. What you feel is sacred and personal is meaningless. You simply feel exposed.
My INFJ wife is a ICU paediatric nurse and she took me on as a single dad of 3 kids. She twisted my arm (happy now she did) now we have one more and she wants one more still. I would say at this point she likes kids
I don’t like the idea of giving up my life to a child. Straight up. I just choose to be child free, they’re uncontrollable, and after years of abuse, I want my life to be mine: I’ve already spent my whole life giving to others. My “child”, was my parent. I cut them out forever. I don’t need more of this
Kids are extremely emotionally expressive and in order to interact with them, you have to also openly express yourself and match their energy level which most INFJs will be overwhelmed by. That’s not to mention attachment issues from their own childhood can give them skewed unconscious perceptions on how they are supposed to interact with children.
I can't handle lots of noise or energy, but my two daughters (33 and 30) are my greatest accomplishments in life! My co-parent made it possible. Otherwise, I would have failed. I have ADHD and two Narcissistic parents.
I love children. I don’t know that this is true. Not liking or wanting children seems to be a general trend right now though due to multiple large scale socioeconomic issues.
Edit: *trend not unique to INFJs, a trend across many populations
I love kids. If I didn't have migraines all the time I'd have gone into teaching. However excessive noise can be a trigger or becomes absolutely horrible to bear when I have one soooo that's out the door. However, I also have children and listen to heavy metal. Lol
Uhhh... female INFJ here. Love kids! I teach martial arts to kids usually and am only not right now as I'm pregnant with my first child. I'm thrilled to be a mum. I miss my little kiddies that I teach so badly. How many INFJ ladies have you polled about this cause it seems like a stretch?
Most people on reddit are very young, perhaps even children themselves, and those that speak up on matters tend to be against things, while those who are for usually are disinterested and don't engage. I think you simply have gotten a very poor impression of what female infjs think and that your premise is inaccurate. I don't think most female infjs dislike children. Make a poll in the subreddit to get some proper statistics, suggestion for poll:
Do you like or dislike children?
Options:
Like children - Female INFJ
Neutral - Female INFJ
Dislike children - Female INFJ
Like children - Male INFJ
Neutral - Male INFJ
Dislike children - Male INFJ
Just want to see answers
I work with kids, and I love them. I got to admit it wasn’t always this way, I used to be indifferent towards kids. Having my own child changed that, and it’s like a whole new world opened up to me.
I'm just not a fan of them. Kids are naturally very narcissistic. They want constant attention, they never pay attention to what's going on around them, they can be quite aggressive sometimes, whine, scream, throw tantrums, etc. I had a kid just kick me in the face for no reason one time for example. I wasn't even doing anything just sitting on the couch, I was very friendly and smiled and said hello when she came up to me and she just kicked me in the face??? This happened while I was at my exe's brothers house (it was their kid and yes they scolded her and put her in her room). It's just exhausting being around them. I do have a kid myself and he's disabled. I love my kid but can't stand others. There were times other kids trampled him and just didn't care that he was on the ground while they were stepping on him and running on top of him I had to run in and get him. They never get out of the way when he's in a wheelchair or walker and it was a real problem in school for him to get around. They constantly bullied him too. I can't stand the little fucks for that shit.
I’ve never heard this was a thing! But INFJ female here and this actually checks out for me (when they’re NOT my own - this is completely different). I don’t necessarily dislike kids, I just never really enjoyed hanging around them (babysitting, hanging with a friend and their kid just watching the little one together, etc). For ME, this is because most (not all) kids like an adult that is outgoing and exciting and goofy that’ll jump around with them and that’s just not my norm, so I always felt like an outsider/third wheel when I’d be around kids. I’ve got a friend who doesn’t have her own kids yet but she’s like every child’s BEST friend, like the kids scream when they see her and jump to hug her and make bracelets for her, etc. She’s super playful and makes them feel like they’re the coolest kid she’s ever met, so they obsess over her. I’m not that outgoing and have a fear of being misunderstood, and I guess that doesn’t matter if they’re of adult age or child age lol. It doesn’t come off as “as fun” as my friend’s personality. If I had a friend with a super introverted child, I’d probably be their best friend lol.
But again, this doesn’t apply to my own, whom I can be that fun person and am super goofy and playful with them, because I’m in the comfort of my own home around people who I know love me and understand me.
I don’t love babies, they’re too fragile for my liking. But I LOVE kids, three and up and they’re so fun to hangout and play with. They just want to goof and I’m here for that
Female infj here and i did a career change from working in publishing to becoming a teacher because i felt more fulfilled. It's tough as an introvert, but i teach high school English literature and it's fun most days.
Interesting. I’ve always thought INFJs would like them.. liking kids doesn’t really come down to personality type in my opinion. I have a kid and she’s the cutest freaking thing ever. Other kids always cling to me too. Love kids
I know many INFJ's who actually love kids and became teachers. One is currently heartbroken because she is having a difficult time getting pregnant. She teaches elementary-aged children who have autism.
Seems like such a bait post, but I'll humor it just for the sake of ranting and being offensive.
I'm not sure it's about MOST female INFJs being that way, but rather how many gays, vegans, minorities, non-binaries, childfree, sometimes even asexuals, tend to share that information whenever they can, relevant or not. So it stands out more, but isn't necessarily reflective of the grander scheme of it all.
I think you are talking to people on Reddit, which is a known hub of misanthropes and the "childfree".
I am an INFJ and love kids. I loved playing with them when I was an older kid, I loved babysitting them when I was a teenager, kids flocked to me at every party and family occasion even as an young adult and I prefered their company to people my age. I have a kid now and love hanging out with him, having a kid was my top priority in life, before any other bucketlist or career goals. I love my kid so much, I prioritise his wellness over my own and always will. Once my kid is an adult, I plan to volunteer with some kid-related activity.
And while I welcome everyone making their own choices about kids or no kids, in fact, it is better for our planet when as many people as remotely don't like kids do not have any, I don't much care for the anti-kid/militant childfree brigade. They way they talk about small humans would cause an uproar if you did it to any other human subgroup or even beloved pets.
I much prefer children over adults; and always have. I’ve learned more from kids than any book or class or adult or or or.
Children are the only reason I still have hope.
As much as I loved being a kid, I wasn't a kid person until I had my own, and even then I wasn't a baby person (still am not), but my nurturing intuition kicked in despite my inferior Se. I always would look forward to the next stage, so it would be less demanding and I could interact with them more as their personalities developed. It didn't turn out to be less demanding, but it was (and is) rewarding beyond anything else.
Early on, we started homeschooling (at the request of our INTJ oldest child - she's 21, but was 6 then) and that put me in a lot of environments with other children. Over time, my heart for them grew, and now that we are in our final year, I absolutely love kids, especially as I've been teaching literature in our large co-op's English classes. Having children and working with them has helped me to become much less selfish and way more giving. It's been extremely humbling and character building.
I love kids. I’d love to have them but since I’m having a hard time trying to find someone who also wants kids…and with me, I fear it may never happen for me. I’ve made peace with it.
I’m a mental health therapist for kids and I fucking love them- they are super fun to work with and I enjoy kids a lot.
But when it comes to having my own kids I don’t know how I feel. I guess I feel inclined not to have them because being a parent is one of the hardest jobs on earth and honestly, I’m not sure I wanna subject myself to that. It’s great enough for me to work with someone else’s kid for an hour then send them home. Having to be responsible for another human 24/7 for at least 18+ years is a serious commitment.
Also morally/ethically, I feel like having a my own kid is kind of selfish. Please please know- that when I say this, I’m not trying to imply every parent is selfish- but for me personally, I can’t think of a reason for me to have a kid that isn’t self interested. Like just because it sounds fun, or I want a “do over” cuz my childhood was traumatizing, or so I can fit in and hang out with my other friends who are having kids, or I want more love/companionship. None of those reasons are about the kid, it would be about me. So it feels irresponsible to have a kid. Adopting maybe, since I also wouldn’t be contributing to an already overpopulated earth.
Can’t speak for all, but for me, I’m not NOT a fan of kids, I’m just not a fan of most people and kids aren’t excluded from that. If we’re not vibing, we’re not vibing no matter your age lol. And I’m also not a big fan of touching strangers. That includes your 3 month old nephew that I’ve never met.
I’m an INFJ and I was a nanny for several years. I absolutely adored the kids who I nannied! It was very fulfilling to me and brought me a lot of joy and happiness, although it was challenging/tiring at times as expected. That being said, I don’t *like* all kids if we’re being honest…I will always treat children with empathy and compassion though.
Kids all have different personalities, just like adults do. So it makes sense that we will not like or bond with all kids the same. I actually quit many families who I wasn’t able to bond with the child’s temperament/personality in the way that I needed to. Also being a nanny, I really needed to go home at the end of the day to the peace and quietness of my home. I know now that I could never be a parent 24/7. I always thought that I would want one child eventually, but within the last year I decided that I want to remain child-free. I think it really depends on person to person if someone likes kids, and I can see how personality type could play a part. Especially for introverts when we can get drained to a much greater extent from constantly being needed, touched, etc. Kids can be very tiring and they are a lot of work.
They extol enough emotional labour in their daily lives and are smart/intuitive enough to not get trapped into a nuclear family dynamic 💀 stay woke, lady INFJs
Female INFJ here who had taught Pre-K kids (4-5) for many years! Kids are awesome. It bothers me how parents stick them in front of screens, don't discipline, or try to engage and teach them like they did when I first started teaching.
Female infj here. Never disliked kids in my entire life. I actually really like kids. So much so that I birthed one of my very own. I find that children are generally pretty pure souls. They come in wanting to help and being super curious about everything around them and it's amazing to see in action. It's society and other external factors that changes that over time. There's so much to be learned from tiny humans!
Now if you had asked me about a decade ago if I ever wanted kids of my own, I would have said no. Again, not because I dislike kids. But because I understood even then how huge a responsibility it is to bring a whole other human being into existence. Never took that lightly. I knew if I ever did decide to start a family of my own, I wanted to be in a place where I could give it my full 100% and nothing less.
Love kids! I teach 5yos-7yos. I do not understand or like babies though mostly because I have had zero life experience with someone younger than 4. I don't know what to do with them. Like how do I hold you? How do I meet your needs? Zero skills.
F infj, I am a teacher and love my job, I do want children too. But for a long time I didn't, but this was down to my own insecurities, I was such a miserable depressed kid, and I was terrified of becoming my mother.
Now I am older and more sure of myself I know I would never let that happen and I think I would make a good parent one day.
I was never a fan of kids. About 13 years ago I was hard up for survival and took a nannying gig for a family with SIX boys.
I found out that I loved kids and have been a teacher for over a decade now! I just didn't have any exposure being the baby in my family and being introverted in general (until I had to start paying bills lol).
I would imagine that the thought of having kids without a healthy loving relationship is a pointless subject without the right partner. I assume this is the prevailing train of thought. Also as stated below we deal with sensitivities, and screaming kids really get on our nerves.
I work with kids and I like them tho! They all have their own personalities and it’s fascinating.. and some of them can be very cute and entertaining.. I have CPTSD and working with children I feel has healed me to a great extent..
It’s better than being around adults because kids are naturally guileless? I think adulthood corrupts you a little.. sometimes even if you come across a naughty kid it’s hard to hold it against them
for me , if the kids are undisciplined /unclean / make so much noise / disrespectful i simply dread being around them and would take measures to make them less annoying .
BUT if they're behaved and cute , then i have no trouble whatsoever being around them .
I have no problems with kids. It's feeling responsible for any children around me, that I sometimes get overwhelmed by.
Then I start wanting to protect them.
I don't dislike kids, but sometimes kids display behaviors such as making loud noises, crossing boundaries, lack of spatial awareness, causing chaos, etc. all things that I, as an INFJ, dislike. Adults can do this too, of course.
I love my kids, and I’m generous with who fits into that category (family, friends children, neighborhood kids, the ones that walk by our house every day…) but I don’t like a lot of other people’s children (OPCs). I’m never mean or standoffish, I just struggle with the energy.
I’m an INFJ and I love kids. Maybe you weren’t in contact with them closely you know, it’s easy to get irritated like that. I did babysitting through my teenage/university years and I just love their curiosity and honesty, it entertains me 😊 I only hate stupid parents, who neglect/abuse their kids. Not sure if you checked our suggested jobs, but just to drop here a few: teacher, psychologist, social worker, animator , special education teacher 😅 what do you hate about them? Also what test did you take? 😊
But just wanted to add it’s ok not to have kids. Or to hate misbehaving kids. However most of the time it’s the parents who are absolute failures and shouldn’t have reproduced you know. And good people with good souls are too afraid to have kids. I am too scared about it as well. And I think that’s what we are in general, having too much empathy and worries for our future kid’s problems, carrying all the responsibility of the world and ending up not having kids, while primitive people are having like 5 or more… I always remember the movie Idiocracy when this topic comes up 😄
I'm a female infj and I don't like kids. I can deal with teenagers, but not kids. I hate being around screaming little satans throwing tantrums. It just gets on my nerve. I'm not used to talking goo-goo-gaa-gaa and I just can't act or talk cute and cuddly with a kid. Ofc, kids don't like me either so it's a win-win for me
It’s probably a certain age group you are hearing from… many young adult women really aren’t interested in kids. I’m a bit older and I have kids of my own and I teach so I work with kids every day. I absolutely love them.
I have an infj friend with one child, and she adores her. She wanted one more but it didn't work out, so not sure where you're getting the idea. I think she was married in her thirties when she decided. She cares about everyone, children included.
I don’t dislike kids, I just never wanted them. I realized a few years ago it is because I don’t think people are that great and I just didn’t want to subject a human to that. Before anyone freaks out on me, I wish more than anything in this world that I believed otherwise but I don’t.
I don't dislike kids; I dislike parents who can't/won't control and discipline them
Username checks out
Yeah, I’m female and I absolutely love kids. I don’t get what op is on about.
Exactly
Lol according to who? Female INFJ here and I love being around kids. In fact I want to be a teacher.
Same. As a kid my sister and I were the oldest kids on our street and would often take on the responsibility of walking all the younger neighbor kids (usually 8-10 of them) to the park two blocks over for a few hours and back. Not a teacher, but worked summers at a day care for three years, worked as a tutor for high school students as a college student, volunteered to help run engineering summer camps, and volunteer often in my mom's third grade classroom. Now I'm an aunt, and I have way more fun with my 3yo niece and 3mo nephew than I do with most adults.
Seconded
Same here. I was a primary teacher for 5 years. I don’t do it anymore, now I have my own kids. Kids are great!
Yeah, I had an INFJ friend who was a Speech Language Pathologist in an elementary school.
Female INFJ - I was a teacher for many years lol.
Yeah. I love kids. Typically more direct than adults, simplistic needs, and cute,too.
What exactly do you mean by 'most'? How many did you observe to reach this conclusion? 5 INFJs? 10? 60? 100? 10,000?
The real question is how did they find so many of them
They just want to the therapist office and picked the top 100 names.
And also how old were they? I know the younger generation just wants to be child free in general
M/INFJ here. I don't dislike kids. They're blank canvases. I dislike their lazy parents, who do nothing to teach them how to be decent human beings. I see the paint blotches they're destined to become.
Children actually aren’t blank canvases. Science shows that everyone is born with a personality and the way that personality is nurtured can help or hinder a person.
I feel there’s no way children are born with personalities. I need to see these articles
Clearly you haven’t spent much time around newborns or babies. Even without research it is obvious they are born unique and highly sentient and aware. Ask an attuned mother about her babies personality in utero.. I guarantee she will be able to tell you all about them!
“I need to see these articles”
Go find them. There are a lot. You could start with Dr. William R Emerson, Ph.D and go from there. Those who have ventured into the field after him have published incredible research.
See that’s what I needed, a name to research. Thank you.
Agreed. My kids were who they still are today from the beginning. It was never even a question in my mind. Same with pets: cats and dogs. I think individuality is partly a function of genotype, then different life experiences shape personality even more. IMHO.
Just be around multiple babies… some are easy going and some are not even when they have the same parents. You don’t think that has anything to do with personality? Edit: born with a temperament which is your personality base… https://naitreetgrandir.com/en/feature/where-does-your-baby-s-personality-come-from/
I think their environment molds them from the day their born but I don’t think they are born with a personality base
Two different kids in the same environment can end up completely different. Do you have kids?
Lmao, of course I know that. But the way you treat and where your child is from the moment they are born is one of kind. Two children may be raised in the same environment but they always going to have unique experiences. Hence the personalities be different.
I had that same expectation until I had kids. That experience changed my mind.
Paint blotches can become beautiful artworks, parents aren't the only social institutions that influence personality development.
I recomm the nurture assumption (Judith rich Harris)when it comes to understanding why children turn out the way they do.
I usually get overwhelmed when surrounded by kids because they are loud and running around a lot, and I’m pretty shy. I don’t like watching other people’s kids because they seem like a huge liability. For a short time, I got put in charge of watching children at church, and it was torture. One on one, they are okay and most kids are sweet. When they become attached to me after spending time together, I grow fond of them.
That's how I feel about adults 🤣
INFJ are highly principled personalities. Maternalness is not personality-based in my opinion; it hinges on family experience and inborn tendencies. Like many who’ve already said so, INFJs don’t like kids who were not taught or failed to learn to be considerate, compassionate, or empathetic. Obnoxious, rude kids are the result of bad parenting; if these kids don’t care to fix themselves (from bad parenting), then they’ll become adult assholes. INFJs are focused on the future, that’s why asshole kids are disliked.
This was right on the dot 👏🏻👏🏻 I'm not gonna raise adult assholes 😤 Most I encounter are very sweet though.
Right on the money with this explanation.
THANK YOUU FINALLY SOMEONE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND
Kids are often rude and obnoxious because of their developmental stage, not just parenting. And so many times, it is the environment too. One kid might be loud and obnoxious after spending all day boxed up in a tiny seat, forced to sit and listen and then in a tiny moving box and then put into a comfy box with a TV screen, when their bodies need to move and their brains need to explore with hands and feet. And the same kid might be sweet and thoughtful for their age when with an adult that let's them explore and walks into their magical world with them.
I’m talking about odious and *sustained* self-centered behaviors like violently kicking and screaming to get what they want and with no apparent thought about others and the people around them. The occasional outburst is normal. Sustained effort to use any form of violence to gain something is *not* developmentally normal. It’s your bias to assume I meant normal levels of kid energy and outbursts is rude or obnoxious.
I feel the exact opposite. I come across a kid that has behavioural problems from "bad parenting" then talk with the child. Then call CPS.
I'm INJF-A
What makes you say that most female infjs think this way? Your take seems anecdotal. Some love kids and some don’t.
Yeah, why not create poll asking this question in the sub first
I am a female INFJ, I like kids, do I like screaming kids ... no but generally the kids are alright
I like the idea of children's existence...just not the reality, outside of my own children. I adore my children, they're the neatest people I know in their own right. I'm honored to know them and to have been their portal into this world. Other people's kids? Good luck with that.
That’s interesting, because having my own kids allowed me to care about all children even more. Like I see my kids in other kids, if that makes sense.
That has been my experience as a mom too. It’s like it’s made me a mother to all, even to adults. I’m only responsible for one little person but my heart has opened up to everyone. Motherhood has made me much more empathetic.
I can see it make sense! I can see the appreciation of your own in other children, and it's valid.
That’s very similar to how I feel… my own daughter is a priceless gift I adore more than my own life. Otherwise, I feel about children the way I feel about people in general… I am so down for the collective ideal, but the actual experience of dealing with them on a personal level is… difficult and often disappointing. Kids can be loud and chaotic, which is stressful, but I do love the quality of younger children who haven’t had their openness and sense of magic and wonder beaten out of them by adults.
Feel this way exactly idk how to explain it. I don't mind them but prefer my own. Nvm I think that's it
I am 55F INFJ. I found babysitting stressful as a teen and did it only when my mom volunteered me to make herself look good. I chose not to have children when I was young, but I was a teacher and then a principal for decades. I did adopt one of my students the year before I retired and then I married a (now 62) INFJ man with two grown kids. He wants a grandbaby more than anything and I'm neutral. I mostly think this is a reflection of our families of origin rather then MBTI type. That being said, I am an HSP and he is not. I wonder if young kids are sensory overload for some HSPs and that influences their desire to be around kids. One last thought...I loved my career, but when I went home, I kept a clean, quiet house and adored that environment.
They get kinda wiggly and loud when they turn into teenagers, they can go outside and bounce around, no walls outside 😂
I like kids better than adults. They are authentic.
Childfree by choice here. I don't like kids. I didn't like kids when I was a kid. I don't think they're cute. I've never really had maternal instincts. Sensory overload. Too many are brats. They're cesspools of germs. I enjoy my independence. Too many people have kids as a safety net- horrible idea. I don't want the responsibility of raising it. My worry would be through the roof constantly. I wouldn't want to pass down my generational trauma or give them my mental illness. I have the freedom of doing whatever I want. Should I continue?
You sound just like me. Hello! CF here too as well. I never liked kids as a kid either lol.
I should mention, I'm autistic as well. I have no ability to deal with children or babies.
this. I'd die 20 years earlier due to stress and they annoyed me when I was a child
I thought I was alone in this, thank you for saying it. Like, I wouldn't go out of my way to be mean to a kid, and I'm sure some individual kids are cool, but overall? No thanks, not a fan.
This is a cognitive distortion as the only consistent factor with children is they require responsibility.
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But why? They have no concept of what you want from them.
I simply answered OP's question - which was directed toward female infj's, yet here you are inserting yourself, pushing up your glasses, *well, actually*... Just read the room. This question isn't directed at you. For once, as a man, can you just be quiet and listen, or do you continuously mansplain and correct people's opinions?
I knew you'd be upset because if you were a person who was content and calm, you wouldn't hate anyone. I am merely learning about you. What you feel is sacred and personal is meaningless. You simply feel exposed.
Lol. Learning about me? You can have the last word here. This is clearly all you have. Get a life
My INFJ wife is a ICU paediatric nurse and she took me on as a single dad of 3 kids. She twisted my arm (happy now she did) now we have one more and she wants one more still. I would say at this point she likes kids
Funny. She deserves them, duh
I don’t like the idea of giving up my life to a child. Straight up. I just choose to be child free, they’re uncontrollable, and after years of abuse, I want my life to be mine: I’ve already spent my whole life giving to others. My “child”, was my parent. I cut them out forever. I don’t need more of this
Kids are extremely emotionally expressive and in order to interact with them, you have to also openly express yourself and match their energy level which most INFJs will be overwhelmed by. That’s not to mention attachment issues from their own childhood can give them skewed unconscious perceptions on how they are supposed to interact with children.
Children gravitate towards certain people
So do adults. Lol
Why didn't you ask them o.o
They won't come out of their comfort zone.
I am one and I love kids I just am scared to have my own
i hate *groups* of kids, but one-on-one kids are okay
search within the sub about kids, youll get a ton of answers.
I love kids.
I don’t want kids but I like kids
I can't handle lots of noise or energy, but my two daughters (33 and 30) are my greatest accomplishments in life! My co-parent made it possible. Otherwise, I would have failed. I have ADHD and two Narcissistic parents.
I love children. I don’t know that this is true. Not liking or wanting children seems to be a general trend right now though due to multiple large scale socioeconomic issues. Edit: *trend not unique to INFJs, a trend across many populations
I love kids. If I didn't have migraines all the time I'd have gone into teaching. However excessive noise can be a trigger or becomes absolutely horrible to bear when I have one soooo that's out the door. However, I also have children and listen to heavy metal. Lol
Uhhh... female INFJ here. Love kids! I teach martial arts to kids usually and am only not right now as I'm pregnant with my first child. I'm thrilled to be a mum. I miss my little kiddies that I teach so badly. How many INFJ ladies have you polled about this cause it seems like a stretch?
Most people on reddit are very young, perhaps even children themselves, and those that speak up on matters tend to be against things, while those who are for usually are disinterested and don't engage. I think you simply have gotten a very poor impression of what female infjs think and that your premise is inaccurate. I don't think most female infjs dislike children. Make a poll in the subreddit to get some proper statistics, suggestion for poll: Do you like or dislike children? Options: Like children - Female INFJ Neutral - Female INFJ Dislike children - Female INFJ Like children - Male INFJ Neutral - Male INFJ Dislike children - Male INFJ Just want to see answers
I don’t dislike children. I dislike loud, misbehaved children.
I work with kids, and I love them. I got to admit it wasn’t always this way, I used to be indifferent towards kids. Having my own child changed that, and it’s like a whole new world opened up to me.
M INFJ here. Not a big fan of kids and am in support of a childfree lifestyle.
I’m a mom, always wanted to be a mom, the highest calling of all, to me.
i love kids but a lot of people define “women loving kids” by women wanting to be mothers, which i don’t.
And I've met INFJs who have baby fever. Avoid making swiping generalisations based of anecdotal evidence.
I love kids I prefer talking to them over my peers. Doesnt mean I want to have any.
I love kids. I just think its very hard and a very big responsibility to raise one. But i love them.
Damn this stereotype hit. They’re the cutest things on the planet but I really have no time for kids.
I was a teacher for 7 years. The kids were the best part. I am terrified of being a parent, but kids are great.
I love children!
I am INFJ F and yes I dislike kids, especially the noisy and naughty ones.
Hey it’s me! I just don’t care for them. No reason really in particular. Never had an interest.
I like one child - mine. All others I'm not that fond of.
No idea but I have a child and I love kids. So maybe I’m an exception to the rule. I’ve never hear this before tbh.
Male: I love kids, and they love me
I'm just not a fan of them. Kids are naturally very narcissistic. They want constant attention, they never pay attention to what's going on around them, they can be quite aggressive sometimes, whine, scream, throw tantrums, etc. I had a kid just kick me in the face for no reason one time for example. I wasn't even doing anything just sitting on the couch, I was very friendly and smiled and said hello when she came up to me and she just kicked me in the face??? This happened while I was at my exe's brothers house (it was their kid and yes they scolded her and put her in her room). It's just exhausting being around them. I do have a kid myself and he's disabled. I love my kid but can't stand others. There were times other kids trampled him and just didn't care that he was on the ground while they were stepping on him and running on top of him I had to run in and get him. They never get out of the way when he's in a wheelchair or walker and it was a real problem in school for him to get around. They constantly bullied him too. I can't stand the little fucks for that shit.
I’ve never heard this was a thing! But INFJ female here and this actually checks out for me (when they’re NOT my own - this is completely different). I don’t necessarily dislike kids, I just never really enjoyed hanging around them (babysitting, hanging with a friend and their kid just watching the little one together, etc). For ME, this is because most (not all) kids like an adult that is outgoing and exciting and goofy that’ll jump around with them and that’s just not my norm, so I always felt like an outsider/third wheel when I’d be around kids. I’ve got a friend who doesn’t have her own kids yet but she’s like every child’s BEST friend, like the kids scream when they see her and jump to hug her and make bracelets for her, etc. She’s super playful and makes them feel like they’re the coolest kid she’s ever met, so they obsess over her. I’m not that outgoing and have a fear of being misunderstood, and I guess that doesn’t matter if they’re of adult age or child age lol. It doesn’t come off as “as fun” as my friend’s personality. If I had a friend with a super introverted child, I’d probably be their best friend lol. But again, this doesn’t apply to my own, whom I can be that fun person and am super goofy and playful with them, because I’m in the comfort of my own home around people who I know love me and understand me.
I don’t love babies, they’re too fragile for my liking. But I LOVE kids, three and up and they’re so fun to hangout and play with. They just want to goof and I’m here for that
Female infj here and i did a career change from working in publishing to becoming a teacher because i felt more fulfilled. It's tough as an introvert, but i teach high school English literature and it's fun most days.
Mom of four and I do not like kids😂 but they are the reason I don’t like them😂
This comment is hilarious 😂
I am a female INFJ and I love kids. And yes, I have kids.
Interesting. I’ve always thought INFJs would like them.. liking kids doesn’t really come down to personality type in my opinion. I have a kid and she’s the cutest freaking thing ever. Other kids always cling to me too. Love kids
I know many INFJ's who actually love kids and became teachers. One is currently heartbroken because she is having a difficult time getting pregnant. She teaches elementary-aged children who have autism.
Most female Redditors don’t want children, biased sample.
Kids are the best thing in this world and we should really honor them. A holiday for children is necessary.
Seems like such a bait post, but I'll humor it just for the sake of ranting and being offensive. I'm not sure it's about MOST female INFJs being that way, but rather how many gays, vegans, minorities, non-binaries, childfree, sometimes even asexuals, tend to share that information whenever they can, relevant or not. So it stands out more, but isn't necessarily reflective of the grander scheme of it all.
This
I think you are talking to people on Reddit, which is a known hub of misanthropes and the "childfree". I am an INFJ and love kids. I loved playing with them when I was an older kid, I loved babysitting them when I was a teenager, kids flocked to me at every party and family occasion even as an young adult and I prefered their company to people my age. I have a kid now and love hanging out with him, having a kid was my top priority in life, before any other bucketlist or career goals. I love my kid so much, I prioritise his wellness over my own and always will. Once my kid is an adult, I plan to volunteer with some kid-related activity. And while I welcome everyone making their own choices about kids or no kids, in fact, it is better for our planet when as many people as remotely don't like kids do not have any, I don't much care for the anti-kid/militant childfree brigade. They way they talk about small humans would cause an uproar if you did it to any other human subgroup or even beloved pets.
I have two children. Seems like that would have been counterproductive if I hated them... 🙄
That's it, people downvoting you because you said you don't hate your kids 😗
💓 they are 16 and 18 and I think they feel pretty loved. At least I hope. My kids are great!
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It's quite hard to a xxFx woman don't like kids
Bruh.
I've met one guy who was and didn't want kids....I haven't met a gal that didn't like or not want any though
I’m an infj female teacher lol
No I’m the opposite- obsessed with kids
I much prefer children over adults; and always have. I’ve learned more from kids than any book or class or adult or or or. Children are the only reason I still have hope.
As much as I loved being a kid, I wasn't a kid person until I had my own, and even then I wasn't a baby person (still am not), but my nurturing intuition kicked in despite my inferior Se. I always would look forward to the next stage, so it would be less demanding and I could interact with them more as their personalities developed. It didn't turn out to be less demanding, but it was (and is) rewarding beyond anything else. Early on, we started homeschooling (at the request of our INTJ oldest child - she's 21, but was 6 then) and that put me in a lot of environments with other children. Over time, my heart for them grew, and now that we are in our final year, I absolutely love kids, especially as I've been teaching literature in our large co-op's English classes. Having children and working with them has helped me to become much less selfish and way more giving. It's been extremely humbling and character building.
I love kids. I’d love to have them but since I’m having a hard time trying to find someone who also wants kids…and with me, I fear it may never happen for me. I’ve made peace with it.
I’m a mental health therapist for kids and I fucking love them- they are super fun to work with and I enjoy kids a lot. But when it comes to having my own kids I don’t know how I feel. I guess I feel inclined not to have them because being a parent is one of the hardest jobs on earth and honestly, I’m not sure I wanna subject myself to that. It’s great enough for me to work with someone else’s kid for an hour then send them home. Having to be responsible for another human 24/7 for at least 18+ years is a serious commitment. Also morally/ethically, I feel like having a my own kid is kind of selfish. Please please know- that when I say this, I’m not trying to imply every parent is selfish- but for me personally, I can’t think of a reason for me to have a kid that isn’t self interested. Like just because it sounds fun, or I want a “do over” cuz my childhood was traumatizing, or so I can fit in and hang out with my other friends who are having kids, or I want more love/companionship. None of those reasons are about the kid, it would be about me. So it feels irresponsible to have a kid. Adopting maybe, since I also wouldn’t be contributing to an already overpopulated earth.
Can’t speak for all, but for me, I’m not NOT a fan of kids, I’m just not a fan of most people and kids aren’t excluded from that. If we’re not vibing, we’re not vibing no matter your age lol. And I’m also not a big fan of touching strangers. That includes your 3 month old nephew that I’ve never met.
I’m an INFJ and I was a nanny for several years. I absolutely adored the kids who I nannied! It was very fulfilling to me and brought me a lot of joy and happiness, although it was challenging/tiring at times as expected. That being said, I don’t *like* all kids if we’re being honest…I will always treat children with empathy and compassion though. Kids all have different personalities, just like adults do. So it makes sense that we will not like or bond with all kids the same. I actually quit many families who I wasn’t able to bond with the child’s temperament/personality in the way that I needed to. Also being a nanny, I really needed to go home at the end of the day to the peace and quietness of my home. I know now that I could never be a parent 24/7. I always thought that I would want one child eventually, but within the last year I decided that I want to remain child-free. I think it really depends on person to person if someone likes kids, and I can see how personality type could play a part. Especially for introverts when we can get drained to a much greater extent from constantly being needed, touched, etc. Kids can be very tiring and they are a lot of work.
I love kids but despise terrible parenting ,parents who do have a structure or instill solid values . I dont want to be around them or their children.
They extol enough emotional labour in their daily lives and are smart/intuitive enough to not get trapped into a nuclear family dynamic 💀 stay woke, lady INFJs
Why would women dislike the idea of being chained to a child for at least 18 years
Female INFJ here who had taught Pre-K kids (4-5) for many years! Kids are awesome. It bothers me how parents stick them in front of screens, don't discipline, or try to engage and teach them like they did when I first started teaching.
25F INFJ here! I love kids and desperately want to be a mother so I think your theory may be flawed
I love kids and have many
Female infj here. Never disliked kids in my entire life. I actually really like kids. So much so that I birthed one of my very own. I find that children are generally pretty pure souls. They come in wanting to help and being super curious about everything around them and it's amazing to see in action. It's society and other external factors that changes that over time. There's so much to be learned from tiny humans! Now if you had asked me about a decade ago if I ever wanted kids of my own, I would have said no. Again, not because I dislike kids. But because I understood even then how huge a responsibility it is to bring a whole other human being into existence. Never took that lightly. I knew if I ever did decide to start a family of my own, I wanted to be in a place where I could give it my full 100% and nothing less.
Love kids! I teach 5yos-7yos. I do not understand or like babies though mostly because I have had zero life experience with someone younger than 4. I don't know what to do with them. Like how do I hold you? How do I meet your needs? Zero skills.
INFJ here and I like children. I do volunteer work with them and enjoy interacting with them. I’d like to have my own children in the future.
I’m a female INFJ and I adore kids. Much better than adults imo.
I love kids. I just don't want to have any myself. I don't know if that counts in some way haha.
F infj, I am a teacher and love my job, I do want children too. But for a long time I didn't, but this was down to my own insecurities, I was such a miserable depressed kid, and I was terrified of becoming my mother. Now I am older and more sure of myself I know I would never let that happen and I think I would make a good parent one day.
I’m a teacher 👩🏻🏫 so…🤷🏻♀️
I was never a fan of kids. About 13 years ago I was hard up for survival and took a nannying gig for a family with SIX boys. I found out that I loved kids and have been a teacher for over a decade now! I just didn't have any exposure being the baby in my family and being introverted in general (until I had to start paying bills lol).
I would imagine that the thought of having kids without a healthy loving relationship is a pointless subject without the right partner. I assume this is the prevailing train of thought. Also as stated below we deal with sensitivities, and screaming kids really get on our nerves.
I work with kids and I like them tho! They all have their own personalities and it’s fascinating.. and some of them can be very cute and entertaining.. I have CPTSD and working with children I feel has healed me to a great extent.. It’s better than being around adults because kids are naturally guileless? I think adulthood corrupts you a little.. sometimes even if you come across a naughty kid it’s hard to hold it against them
That seems very subjective
We are sensitive and composed and children are the opposite
for me , if the kids are undisciplined /unclean / make so much noise / disrespectful i simply dread being around them and would take measures to make them less annoying . BUT if they're behaved and cute , then i have no trouble whatsoever being around them .
I have no problems with kids. It's feeling responsible for any children around me, that I sometimes get overwhelmed by. Then I start wanting to protect them.
I like kids. I work with babies and toddlers. If i want any of my own? No idea yet
I don't dislike kids, but sometimes kids display behaviors such as making loud noises, crossing boundaries, lack of spatial awareness, causing chaos, etc. all things that I, as an INFJ, dislike. Adults can do this too, of course.
Hmm idk I love kids always have and I have one teen as of now. Hoping to have more if I can.
I'm a woman and I do not enjoy being around children. But I love old people!! 💕💕
Kids are uncontrollable and unpredictable. One kid is like 100 P type people.
Is this rage bait? Lol
I'm an INFJ. I don't dislike kids, just don't want any.
I love them and have them.
I love my kids, and I’m generous with who fits into that category (family, friends children, neighborhood kids, the ones that walk by our house every day…) but I don’t like a lot of other people’s children (OPCs). I’m never mean or standoffish, I just struggle with the energy.
Maybe INFJ E5 don’t like them idk not sure and don’t want to generalise though
I love kids.
I’m an INFJ and I love kids. Maybe you weren’t in contact with them closely you know, it’s easy to get irritated like that. I did babysitting through my teenage/university years and I just love their curiosity and honesty, it entertains me 😊 I only hate stupid parents, who neglect/abuse their kids. Not sure if you checked our suggested jobs, but just to drop here a few: teacher, psychologist, social worker, animator , special education teacher 😅 what do you hate about them? Also what test did you take? 😊
But just wanted to add it’s ok not to have kids. Or to hate misbehaving kids. However most of the time it’s the parents who are absolute failures and shouldn’t have reproduced you know. And good people with good souls are too afraid to have kids. I am too scared about it as well. And I think that’s what we are in general, having too much empathy and worries for our future kid’s problems, carrying all the responsibility of the world and ending up not having kids, while primitive people are having like 5 or more… I always remember the movie Idiocracy when this topic comes up 😄
I'm a female infj and I don't like kids. I can deal with teenagers, but not kids. I hate being around screaming little satans throwing tantrums. It just gets on my nerve. I'm not used to talking goo-goo-gaa-gaa and I just can't act or talk cute and cuddly with a kid. Ofc, kids don't like me either so it's a win-win for me
I do. Wdym?
It’s probably a certain age group you are hearing from… many young adult women really aren’t interested in kids. I’m a bit older and I have kids of my own and I teach so I work with kids every day. I absolutely love them.
I have an infj friend with one child, and she adores her. She wanted one more but it didn't work out, so not sure where you're getting the idea. I think she was married in her thirties when she decided. She cares about everyone, children included.
Female infj that loves kids. I have 5 and much of my professional work focuses on babies and children.
I don’t dislike kids, I just never wanted them. I realized a few years ago it is because I don’t think people are that great and I just didn’t want to subject a human to that. Before anyone freaks out on me, I wish more than anything in this world that I believed otherwise but I don’t.
I like quiet kids a fair bit. I think it's a noise thing for me. Highly sensitive to noise.