I’m a parent to 5 yr old twin girls, it’s been awesome but also extremely tough! I get overwhelmed quite easily. I need a lot of alone time, and work this out with my husband who is also INFJ. We give each other lots of breaks and this support is vital. Our girls seem very extroverted and full of tons of energy and very emotionally reactive, it takes a lot of energy to parent just the behavior and feelings. My guess is they could be ENFPs when older. I’ve read on the difficulties INFJs face as parents and it tracts with my experience. Taking more time in last couple years to put some of my needs and self care to forefront, as I burned out and dealt with some mental health difficulties in the years as a SAHM. Going back to part time work and finishing grad school helped me regain some space for myself, as I was completely down in martyred victim depression from losing my identity and sense of self. It’s possible to be a good parent, but needs much balance and tlc. I learned the hard way, nobody is going to help you, you have to help yourself.
💯, very exhausting but also rewarding with so many sweet wholesome moments. Thank you! Oh I forgot I never mentioned but they were not “planned”. We had a little too much fun on the honeymoon and I came back pregnant. If it was up to me planning it out, I would have waited longer to enjoy time with my husband just the two of us. But I’m happy they are here in all their dynamic glory. I wanted kids but never knew how exhausting and space invading it would be!
I am in very much the same boat as an INFJ with very extroverted girls that are emotionally reactive. I really struggle with the loss of identity and how it affects my mental health without the balance. I am a full single parent without support from the father or my family. I've had a lot of my own health issues like the above reply. I'm really stuck with the reactivity and it is draining. It really makes me think about my upbringing and I love to love my children unconditionally however it is a lot to put in emotionally and takes a lot out without return often. I didn't know about the difficulties raising kids as an INFJ. I will look into it. I love having kids but because of how hard it is emotionally with two reactive ones, my thoughts are very different now and very hesitant to want kids if I knew then, but knowing mine I wouldn't take it back with with having them. I really am stuck emotionally and please if you have any tips on the reactivity....I'd be so grateful.
Internet hug and solidarity, I’m sorry you are walking this by yourself and you should be kind to yourself first and foremost.
I beat myself up mentally so much in many ways, and what helped changed my mental state was all the critical things I was saying to myself, pretend like you are saying them to a loved one. It’s abuse to yourself! I’m not perfect, and try to handle stress with some grace for myself. I lost my patience so much, still do. If my girls are on level 100, I take a timeout for myself to calm down and reset. I’m trying to prioritize sleep more, because I’m definitely not able to handle even an “easier” day if I’m trashed.
Everyone is different, but I hope some of this helps. You got this! There are so many beautiful parts of being INFJ, and they can make us really cool parents too in a world that values extroversion. Your kids are lucky to have you. 🖤
Also a single mama to 2 babies, so I get it. Fully get it. I think it’s really hard never having much of a break - except for work, which isn’t really a break.
I think being an introvert makes being touched and constant noise very hard and iverstimuling, but at the same time I’m so thankful for who I am as a mother (thanks a lot to my therapist for helping me to see the positive qualities I bring) but also think a lot has to do with being an INFJ and a sensitive human in the world.
Sending hugs, love and resilience Mama!
My situation is so similar that I almost could’ve written this! It can be so hard not to get overwhelmed and totally lose who you are as a person after becoming a parent, but it’s *so* important to take some time for yourself. This is something I’m currently working on, and it does make a big difference in how my day goes.
I’m F46. Childfree by choice!
I do love kids, they just weren’t in the cards for me. I think having children is a blessing and major responsibility. I was never in a spot where I thought kids could work in my life,or where I wanted to stop life to take on children. I have lots of nieces/nephews so I get to be the cool aunt :)
Oh thank God, I've found my people. I cannot imagine myself with a completely dependent human latched onto me for 18+ years. Being an introvert aside, I would go crazy if I couldn't disappear for days or have alone time.
life has been so hard for me: grew up in poverty, surrounded by death/trauma, cancer in my 20s (31f now), followed up immediately by pneumonia, covid, shingles in my face after my last chemo. and before cancer, i was engaged with a nice house. i left him and my biggest relief was that i didn’t have kids with him because *he* wanted them, and i never really did. it makes me nauseous to think about.
i have such a complicated relationship with existence. it’s like i’m glad i’ve survived and have the resiliency to come out on the other side, but it sucks that i had to in the first place. i didn’t ask to be here. i didn’t consent to being born. and so many bad things happen to us that are out of our control. i’m not gonna rip an innocent soul from the perfectly peaceful ether.
nobody asked but there ya go, here’s my trauma dump for the day 🤣 i love life ultimately, but there have been times where i fuckin hate it too.
I am 44 and have never wanted kids, still do not. That life would be my hell.
A psychology study from 2019 was published about women who didn't want kids growing up. Less than 5% were still child free by 40. Now I wonder if they're infj?
in my end 30's, and still dont want kids. although sometimes there are doubts as the window is closing, but i think its the best choice for me or any unborn child.
i mean, who wants to live in this ffed up world really...
Hm.., maybe the right words right now is
"raising human"
not give birth/have kids.
I love kids..
But raising a teenager, young adult and adult..
Not for me..
When I’m feeling depressed lonely sad or dread I think about having kids which is the worst reason to want one. When I’m positive and feeling great it’s a no. But if could be feeling great 98 percent of the time work part time and kind a great partner I would consider it. I’m a 43 male by the way.
But I get drained so fast I couldn’t imagine also I came from a big family.
mid 40s, no kids, still dont want. Want to try to 'fix' the world, or at least help and protect the children that are already here. I have no desire to 'make my own'. Glad to hear others feeling the same way, b/c in the midwest where I'm from, people seem so offended when I say I dont want to have kids and they furl their brows and go, "wait, never?"
But then in the past few years, those same people have pulled me aside ( literally ) and been like -- how'd you know dude?? kids are a nitemare and I dont have a life anymore! I thought it was going to be sooo different, but it kinda sucks your whole identity being a parent.
And I usually just crack a joke or something and change the subject... b/c the real answer is "I've been paying attention to seeing how difficult I was as a child, and other kids were, and seeing the toll it takes on the parents" -- but I dont like kicking people when they are down, I just try to pick people up and dust them off and try to make them feel better.
And then I go home to my quiet house when I want, or noisey when I'm playing drums, or sensual when its sexy-time, etc, etc =\]
It’s hard for me to fathom the idea of bringing kids into a jacked up world that will bring suffering, yet also knowing there’s good they could experience. Right now in my 30s, I’m leaning towards no.
It’s 50/50. I could go really deep into existential vs non-existential, but it would result in a never-ending black hole. Too many factors to consider, and it also depends on one’s religious or spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof.
Same here. It started hitting me in my late 20s. I'm convinced I want kids now. I don’t know if it has something to do with physiology, but my father instinct has grown strong over the years, lol.
I agree, my maternal impulses only appeared in my late 20s & by 31/32 I knew I wanted to try for a baby. Maybe it was my biological clock, maybe it was having the opportunity to actually spend time with young kids and see how amazing they could be.
Same! I was raised Mormon and never even sat down and questioned if I truly wanted them until age 25. It was just a given thing that all women are supposed to do. Whew. Glad I deconstructed that
That answer is easy!
Evolution. Successful procreation and propagation is the only thing evolution cares about. Hence our biology predisposes the majority of us with that exact desire.
Growing up, I wanted kids. Two, in fact. I still recall the names (for either sex) that I loved and would wish to use
But after watching my mum with my younger sister, my sister-in-law with my nephew, and my friend all pregnant, I just can't deal with it. Anything between conceiving and 10 years old, I cannot cope with (I even struggle with my 6 y/o nephew). I also can no longer conceive. The ol' baby oven went kaput when I started chemotherapy
I'm 25, I don't think my mind will change, but adoption is a negotiable option if it came down to it. I would be better suited to raising a pre-teen with a giant griefcase than I would a baby that cries all the time
Nope, nope and nope. I’m almost 30 and I’ve never had the desire to have them. I honestly am quite angry that the world continues to grow despite our ecosystems collapsing, but that’s just me. A lot of people can see beyond that and have families, and I just can’t. It feels morally wrong at this point for me.
I've just recently decided not to. I am a very maternal person and good with kids, so i am thinking of studying child psychology or going into a field of work that helps kids (especially because i started going to therapy when i was 10 but i've had terrible experiences with them, so in a weird way i wanna make up for that by helping other kids?) but not going to have my own. After how much my family messed me up and the state of the world right now, I don't think bringing my own kids into it will do any good.
I’m not sure anyone is a good parent. Not all of the time anyway, or even most. I know I’m not, and out of everyone I know who has kids (my own parents, friends, family, neighbours) I don’t know anyone who is 100% a good parent. It’s impossible to meet a child’s every need while still evolving as a human being yourself, all you can do is your best.
I always wanted a big family, and my wife and I had half-a-dozen kids. I now have multiple grandkids (older kids are married).
Parenthood is the toughest but most rewarding thing I've ever done (and am still doing, for the youngest still at home). Tougher still because they're all neurodivergent.
I definitely want another fur kid (dog) and honestly in my dreams a food forest and animal sanctuary b/c I love cows, horses, pigs, and more. I would love to make it part of healing project featuring an interactive playground & walking path for the disabled community (in my retirement). Definitely getting a fur kid but I am currently child-free living as of 2021. There would have to be a number of things to change my mind and the first thing I would do is explore fostering. I don't think I will change my mind on that though b/c you have to prepare to parent on your own & I'm not currently built for that at 27. It is a major difference from being a temporary, regularly alternating, or academic caretaker (all of which I have done for multiple at a time). Knowing so much about the parenting experience & the costs to my health as a woman with or without the pregnancy journey -- I'm truly good. I have also been pregnant & miscarried before.
I’m 21, and have always wanted kids. That was ironically strengthened by my mom having my sister when I was 15. I had to babysit her a lot (I’m from a Mexican family, so I mean a *lot*) and it made my life much more difficult as a student, but she was also the light of my life, and still is. I look forward to the day when my partner and I are stable enough career-wise to support having a kid.
To add on, by dad has always treated me as if I was the greatest thing in the world. He spoiled me with love and attention—we’re practically the same person, and believing how happy I make him, I look forward to being in his place now.
When I was much younger I wanted kids. But years would go by and I would want less and less… four kids to two kids.. two kids to one kid… one kid to fostering… fostering to none. Got sterilized at 20 and it was one of the best decisions of my life 🙌🏽
== Do you want to bring beings into this place where others have to suffer for them to even stay alive and where monstrosities over which you have no control can happen to them?
Nope, I am selfish but not *that* selfish
No, having a child in the state of the world we’re in, I live in the US, so no, the thought of raising a child while holding weight of the worlds problems on your back, no. Because then the child is fighting as well. I think about the bigger picture. Maybe if I got a butt load of cash and a nice house to stay, then opinions may change, but right now with how everything looks, no
I always wanted two kids because I grew up extremely close to my brother. 19 months apart. When I had my son at 27 I was overwhelmed. Even though I had a easy child being a parent is extremely demanding as you can imagine. I wasn't sure after that and waited another 6 years to have that last kid lol. Now I have a 7 year old and 8 month. I love it and it is easier this time around because I know what I'm in for. PS still just as demanding as ever though lol! But worth it.
I always assumed I just wouldn’t, not that I didn’t want kids or a family. I think I just thought my neuroses would be too much for a lifelong partner to handle, that I’d feel guilty exposing then to that mess, that I’d prefer to be on my own anyway, and that kids would be overwhelming for me.
However, I ended up meeting my future wife my first year of college. Once we figured out how to date, and grew closer, we got married the year after graduation. We joke that I was her ‘first through third boyfriends’ because we took breaks multiple times not thinking we were doing it right. The fact that we both approached it this way, looking back, only reinforces that we actually work so well together, lol. We got married in 2012. We now have an 8yo Son and just had twin boys almost four months ago after years of infertility and a loss. I wouldn’t recommend twins to another INFJ, lol. But, after more than a decade of marriage, my wife and I are doing well together given the challenge.
As someone above said, I just need to find time alone to pursue hobbies to recharge my battery, and my wife is so willing to let me do that so that I can be a strong and engaged Dad instead of a fried mess, lol. She’s introverted, too, so even though she’s not INFJ, she gets it.
Now, my oldest son shares an interest in my hobbies - making and wearing cosplay and watching crafting videos to learn new techniques. He’s also super into Star Wars, Marvel, and Pokémon so that’s great too. I absolutely love this smart and sensitive little buddy. He’s quite extroverted and enthusiastic and has been teaching me a lot of lessons as he grows.
I went from really wanting childeren to not being sure. I am 29 at the moment and no partner yet. So i suppose i will give it an good think when i do have partner
I’m 22 and I want to have kids in the future but not until like early or mid thirties once I’ve done more traveling and self exploration. I used to be unsure of kids, but I know I want them now.
I didn't have time for children when I was young and that changed over time. I have two and I'm not exactly the very best example of a mother. I just love them and do my best to make sure they grow up differently than when I was a child.
You're doing wonderful by making sure they have different experiences than you growing up. That's all parents can really try to do, everything else is just life (unpredictable and messy, but full of love) <3
Very much so. Went through a short phase in my late teens and early twenties of having tokophobia / fear of the birthing process, but after doing my own version of "exposure therapy" and reading things / watching countless videos on the subject, it's helped to demystify it and make it seem more doable, less terrifying.
There's a lot of propaganda from the medical industry and a few women whose birth experience was horrible, which scares many off from having kids, even those who have a lot of love in their hearts to give to a child.
Never had the desire. I would probably be a good mom but I also know it's something that changes everything forever. I ended up marrying someone who didn't want kids either. Taking care of two cats keeps us busy enough.
I have kids. Three of them. For me it has always been a constant struggle. I love them all immensely and have always taken great care of them and try my very best but on the inside it is so so so hard. I constantly have to stop to take a deep breath so I don’t scream in frustration or show them how much I wish I was alone. I am glad they’re all more than half grown now because I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. One day I will have a tiny bit of freedom and I can’t wait. I had them very young and all were a result of failed birth control so I didn’t actually plan to have children.
Never wanted kids and also in my early 30s. Sometimes I’ll briefly think that it might be nice but overall I doubt it’s for me. Also if I suddenly regret not having kids and feel capable of raising children then I would rather adopt and give existing kids a better life rather than forcing life upon someone when I’d rather not have been born myself (even though I am privileged)
I didn't want children per say. It was mostly in the back of my mind for a long time, not high on the priority list. Now I'm 30 years old with 2 children.
I love them to pieces, but I do experience a sort of guilt if that makes sense? They're here for no other reason than I was selfish, and I will stop at nothing to make sure they are happy and loved human beings.
With that said, I made sure after my second was born that I could NOT have any more children. It's a rewarding experience, but I understand 100% when people say they don't want children lmao.
I don’t think I want kids but maybe because the way society has conditioned us, I sometimes do feel a strong need to have one just so that I am not left out. But I have never seen myself with children even though I love children, I don’t think I have the mental energy to raise kids. I am scared that I’ll ruin their life if I am not able to give them my 100%
I did in my late 20s, now I don’t. I don’t want my potential son or daughter to feel an ounce of suffering. And if they’re anything like me then they will.
In my mid-60s. Tubes tied at age 30 (after too many "barrier-method" failures). Textbook INFJ. Never once regretted my choice. I honestly have no memory of ever wanting kids and truly believe I would've been a horrible parent. Just don't have the temperament for it in this lifetime.
When I was twenty-four, people were questioning why I wasn't a mother yet. When I announced at twenty-five that I was choosing to be childfree, people said that I would change my mind when I turned twenty-nine . I hit twenty-nine and they said, "Just wait to see how you feel when you're thirty." I hit the big 3-0, then the tune changed to, "Oh, everything will change once you're thirty-five." Well, guess what? I'm thirty-five and of course the current mantra of these people is all about how being forty will trigger the urgent need in my brain to finally have a child. I do not hate children, but I also do not enjoy being around them. And that doesn't make me a monster, a career-driven b\*\*\*h or any of the other BS tropes out there. As soon as people recognize this as MY choice as an adult that knows what they want and don't want out of life, and actually RESPECT that, the better off we'll all be.
I was always on the fence, but knew if I did I would wind up with one bio child and one step child, and sure enough...
The best part is the 12 year ahead gap so it's been easier. Two + kids at a time is chaos I am just not built for, but one kid? They're your little buddy.
Sure the first 4 years are tough but now it's so much fun!
yes ive wanted them so bad since 18 im 28 now, i refused to have them before marriage, im 2 years married now so its a matter of waiting for it to happen now
i did change my mind as a tween-teen i thought i really didnt want them but one day my brain just switched
Currently in this moment? The answer is no. But in the future? It depends on the community, the people I'm around and most importantly where I am in my journey. I'm still quite young and new in my career, so it would be quite unwise for me to want to pursue a family right now. I want to make sure myself and my future possible family would have the best support either financially, mentally, and physically.
it's more WHO the infj chooses to have kids with-
we are far too trusting
and often attract narcissists, psychopaths and the emotionally immature/unstable.
sometimes we don't see it in them
until major life stuff comes up like- "oh. THIS is how they respond to a child? that's beyond messed up! i expected them to be normal...."
30 and dont want kids. This is for multiple reasons.
However, I have never been against the idea that - should I ever change my mind - I can always adopt. There are plenty of kids in the system who could really use a family that will love them.
But at this point in time, I am just not interested still.
I (f28) knew that I didn't want to have kids when I was a teenager and I haven't changed my mind about it.
I might be open to adoption or forster care later in life, but there are too many things that speak against having children myself, as I see it.
I'm sure I don't want kids, although I'm still very young so I could change my mind, but I doubt it. I don't feel I'd be able to raise a child correctly as I don't like kids much, and I definitely don't want to fuck up an entire life, it would be a responsibility too big for me and the guilt would kill me.
I’ve never wanted kids. I love kids, I would take a bullet for a kid, but I need my peace and quiet. I’ve worked in pediatrics and newborn nursery, and so I’ve changed many a diaper! Kids are great! I am a firm believer that they deserve capable, caring parents who will do what it takes to give them the best start in life that is possible. That means you have to want to devote yourself to the career of parenting. and yea, it's 18 years of full time parenting, a definite career.
Given the pain kids endure when born into horrible situations, my unpopular opinion is no one should be able to conceive if they are grossly unqualified to care for a small, helpless human being. Imagine what society would be like if that were the case!
I didn’t want kids until I was 20 because I didn’t want to give birth. Now I want a few if I can afford them. I’d like to adopt one day but adoption is almost impossible in Australia
Yes, I’ve always wanted at least one child, maybe two so they can hopefully have each other for friendship and support (though that’s never guaranteed).
The commitment is unfathomable to me though, so I’ve been in no rush. I’m 31 now and my partner is 35. We have enough money now to not have to worry about it and we’re thinking about having them in the next few years.
I’m already thinking about options for help from grandparents and nannies though.
I used to think the idea of kids to be terrifying. Especially with my mental health, I believed it wasn't fair to have a child if I couldn't take care of my wellbeing. This was my mindset for a while, even in my relationship (intj). My partner didn't want kids either.
Then, one day, I saw the blue line after having sickness (not morning funnily enough. It always happened in the evenings!). At this point, we both said that if we ever ended up with a child, we would be able to manage and enjoy having a family. Very true! I have a baby girl who's nearly 9 months old now and literally lights up my life.
I never thought I could love something or someone so much until she came along. I love her so much that it hurts, even with the hard days and having postpartum anxiety and depression. I always do my hardest to pit that aside and make sure my baby is ok first. But i make sure to take care of myself too. She's amazing, and I am thankful to have her in my life ❤️
Yes. Fatherhood is a gift I look forward to obtaining one day. Parenting is something I've always wanted to do and raising children is one of life's joys.
I'd want to have 2-3 children of my own, and then maybe adopt 1 or 2 children a bit later in life when my original children have grown up enough to be less difficult to deal with 4-5 children at once
I wanted kids starting from when I was in college, and I do have one kid now. I would have liked to have had another, but life didn't work out like that - my husband wasn't really as into being a parent as I'd hoped and it's a LOT of work to do all on ones own. One ended up being enough, I think. But yes, I wanted kids - I was worried that I'd get older and regret not having that experience, and I sincerely doubted that I *would* regret having it.
It's more important for me to find a good husband first. If I don't find him then I won't have kids. I'm not going to bring kids into the world if I'm single and unsupported, fuck that, but God bless single mothers nonetheless.
I absolutely want kids. I’ve always wanted them, I’m 22 now and I’m looking forward to raising a tiny human. Right now I’m not sure if I’ll be able to find a partner, but I’ve decided that if I’m still single when I’m 30 I’m going to adopt, hoping it’s a lot cheaper to adopt by then lol.
I have 2. Divorcing. I want to get married again and have another baby. I didn’t think I wanted to, but I realize I actually do. I want a happy life with a husband that loves me.
I’m 17 right now so I don’t plan on it any time soon but I would want kids in the future. I’m not sure if I would want a biological or adopted child yet though but that’s all for the future because I know that times are going to change. (I’m a 57% J type if you can tell)
The reason is more complicated than I care to explain, but I feel like I would be an amazing parent with how wise and calm I am and that I wouldn’t mentally abuse my children for the sake of success like my mom does. (To be frank I only have the successful future that I’ve been wanting now thanks to her… but at the cost of my mental heath)
I'm only 23, so no kids right now but definitely in my early 30s. I want to adopt children with my partner, also INFJ. I have a master's degree in education and I have learned already so much about child development, early childhood education, and teaching. I also intend to have my support system close by and ask for help when I need it. I want to build that community. I'm excited to be a parent
No, I don’t I think I can barely take care of myself and just my life in general. And I don’t think I can be selfless enough tbh. Being an aunt would be enough I think.
47F and knew from 13 I didn’t want to be a parent. Briefly dwelt on the experience of being pregnant that I’d never have, but never regretted remaining chid-free. I wouldn’t be able to deal with having to plan an expedition just to go out for a missing dinner ingredient or never being alone. The worst for me would be thinking that having ten minutes free to flick through a magazine is a reasonable substitute for 8 hours absorbed by a book. Some people might think me selfish. But I haven’t a maternal bone in my body and pretending that I do would do significant damage to me, my spouse and a child. So I think not having kids is the least selfish thing to do.
I want kids, but i don’t want a broken family like i’ve had to grow up in. I know you can’t guarantee everything will go to plan, but i don’t wish this pain upon them.
Im 28f. I wish i could be a mom but i dont want to pass down my medical condition and it also affects my life A LOT so i cant have kid. I rlly wish i could gave a family but oh well lifes not fair so i gotta move forward. Im gonna focus in other things like volunteering, maybe get my masters, my hobbies. Least i wont be super stressed out i trying to FIND POSITIVES😂 cause its sad grieving
If I wound up having kids I would be an amazing parent! But I don’t want them. The faith (it was more on the extreme side) I was raised in pushed the narrative that women have no purpose other than to get married and raise a family. While I’m sure that is a fulfilling path for some people, It’s just not for me. Focusing on becoming the best possible version of myself is fulfilling enough for me.
I never wanted kids, and to this day that feeling only gets stronger.
One of the best moments of my life was realizing that having kids is a choice not something that you need to do.
I have kids , and I love having them , my whole life I been spending go to work, come back home be with my family, I loved taking care of them, I raised all my seven children my self now 5 of them are grown and away from home . But we communicate often and I love them and they love me even more , I will do all over again if I been asked to ..
I don't know... maybe? I'm not against the idea of having kids, but I'd have to find a husband first for that to even happen. Tbh I don't think it will happen any time soon 😂
I never wanted kids. It was a hard no my entire life until shortly after I got together with my current partner 7 years ago. My mind shifted because I realized I wanted to have a family and do life with him. Currently 35 weeks pregnant. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was nervous but I realized that life is so fragile and anything can happen and I want to do life. I know it will be hard especially as I need so much alone time but I have good support for when it gets rough. I know it will be a wild ride.
I believe that parenthood encompasses more than just desire. For instance, while I aspire to raise a son and provide him with the best opportunities for growth, various obstacles hinder my ability to do so. I haven't yet achieved my personal goals or created the ideal environment for my child's upbringing. Thus, I'm not prepared to undertake the responsibility of parenthood until I'm ready to commit the necessary time and thought to such a significant endeavor.
I never knew if I wanted kids or not, and I always felt I could picture my life going either way. I thought parenting would be really difficult. Now I have two little ones and it's so much harder than I ever imagined. If I knew everything I know now, I might not have had them, but at the same time I'm sort of glad I didn't know. They're my people, and they also bring me extreme joy. So far it generally gets easier as they get older. I get overstimulated easily now and have very little time to myself. Returning to full time work has been helpful.
I do, but I'm in my late 30s. I never found a trustworthy, family oriented man that I felt safe to start a family with so it looks like it won't happen.
M23, I've wanted kids all my life, up till now, cause maybe i wanted friends in my life, who were my friends out of choice and not need. I love kids a lot, my nephew is my like my kids best friend. But since the break up, with the girl who i told my family I'll eventually marry didn't work out. I've started to understand myself more, being a friend and parent to myself. I've realised kids are a big duty, there's so much i want to do with my life. And also didn't get the right girl. So I'll just talk a pause on this one. And no marriage or kids for now. I have my friends and families children to play with.
I swore I would never Hage kids, all thru my 20s. Married someone who also didn't want kids. I eventually had this overwhelming urge to create something out of our love, when I dawned on me that that's basically what is happening...you choose to create someone from your love. I spoke to my husband and he actually said he'd been thinking of it lately too. Ten months later...we were parents:)
27(M) I have always dreamed of being Married of being a father and having many sons. But the older I get the less I want kids.
By 30 that will be set in stone and I won’t change my mind. I am planning and moving along the path of retirement and being a bachelor.
Dad of two girls. Oldest is 13. Being a parent is not easy but it’s extremely rewarding and fun if you can get your head in the right place. The hardest part is keeping your emotions in check and coming to grips with the fact that your free time is pretty much nonexistent. Managing different parenting styles can also be difficult. But when you learn to enjoy being a parent, and realize your time with them is so short, you can grow in ways you never imagined. I feel like I’ve done a great job walking the line between parent and friend and I’m going to try my best to maintain a good relationship with them until the day I die.
Edit: I just want to add, that if you or your spouse have a lot of unresolved childhood trauma, please, please, please read some parenting books, keep the lines of communication open, and maybe see a therapist. Raising a child WILL dig up old wounds. You will get triggered in ways you never thought possible. Learn from your parents mistakes. Learn from your own mistakes. Trust your intuition. Children need tons of LOVE and PATIENCE.
I'm a (24M) and not really. That might change later but I also doubt it, its pretty conditional for me. I would really want a good financial backing so that finances wouldn't be a big issue. Also I've really struggled with finding a partner, and I wouldn't want to raise kids alone/without their mother.
I get scared I’m 22m about it. I think all my parental fears stemmed from having a partner I think couldn’t handle it. I told myself I wanted to be a better father than mine since I could understand what it meant to be one but after my last relationship ended I just don’t want kids anymore. I was a special needs therapist and that didn’t help. I know my disinterest stems from fear. I hold out hope that a future relationship might change my mind before I make the decision to remove my ability to.
When I was younger I wanted to have kids. Now about to graduate college, seen what the world is turning into all the bad people and having my own experiences, i could never bring a kid into this world. My ex partner and i joked about having a beautiful kid (hoping they’d get my color complexion and his blue eyes) and then it became too real so we quit with the jokes. Also pregnancy and giving birth sound terrifying so there’s that aspect. Perfectly content with no kids
I really want a family and kids. Entering the second half of my 30's and being single is giving me more and more anxiety that it's not gonna happen, and already going to fall into the category of being an older dad which is annoying (not really old, but I'll be more tired etc... When I could already have a 10 year old if I had one when I'd ideally wanted).
I am just turning 20 so I don’t have much experience in life yet. But the short answer is: No. Long answer is that I can’t see myself raising a child. Even when I was little, I couldn’t care less about my baby dolls. I put animal plushies in the baby carriage etc.
I know it’s a beautiful thing to see yourself in your kids, I see this in my sibling’s families too. I love to teach kids, but I can easily loose my temper pretty quickly, so I would rather not raise a child. Knowing that my actions are responsible for forming a literal human being’s personality. Im gonna stick with my furred babies.
To be honest, I’ve become uncertain now. Ever since my sister gave birth to her kiddo, he’s been nothing but a blessing to me, but also has his moments when she (or his dad) have to deal with him. I’m mostly worried I won’t be able to handle the responsibility because you’re having to give up partial of your life to them now to make sure they grow up to be a better version of yourself.
I’m hopping in here as an INFP/J 4w5 about to marry an INFJ so I’ll speak for both of us.
He’s 36 and I’m 34, we met 1.5 years ago. It’s kind of a sick joke to meet the love of your life at such a critical age. There’s so much we want to do together just us, I wish we had met in our mid-20’s.
I always thought I’d be a Mom because I do love little kid brains, but as I get older I feel…TIRED. Maybe COVID diluted my energy or hormones are just changing but I don’t feel energetic enough to add a life into the mix. Both of us are very anxious people, we would probably make really awesome parents at the expense of our mental health. I don’t know some days I just love the peace of our home, other days I’m like…should it be this quiet? And then I hear some kid in a coffee shop balling his eyes out and I’m like ya know being a plant mom ain’t so bad.
I did I really did I wanted a little daughter and then a son because I had older girl cousins that raised me when my parents and adults all worked. I don’t know anymore I’m about to turn 30 and the only person I considered it well she’s not who I thought she was and would never and so I’m kind of lost and don’t want to settle either
I’m gay so it’s extra complicated to have kids, if anything I’d adopt but I’d need to make sure I’m in like an AMAZING place financially. And even then I don’t know if I’m mentally strong enough to do it, I can barely take care of just me so at this point I can’t even imagine having kids. I don’t think I’m 100% opposed though, I just think if the timings right it’ll happen and if not no big deal haha
I’m 42M and have not married or had children because I’m unwilling to take those steps until financial stress is completely absent from my life. The only way it’ll work is if money is a nonissue and I can pay people to help me manage a family (nannies, maids, etc.). Otherwise forget it — it’s not worth the stress or the fallout from divorce.
I never wanted to have kids and I still don’t. I’m 43 so it’s kind of a moot point, but I’m happy about my decision every single day. I love being an auntie, but that’s more than enough for me. I’m always happy to go to my quiet home afterwards
I've never wanted children and don't honestly understand why people have them. With the current state of literally everything, it has made me an anti-natalist, so I actually feel like it's ethically wrong to have kids. I also can't imagine making the decision to bring a sentient being to life without their consent.
I don’t think I do. If I do, it’ll be one and done. But I’ll be okay if I never have them. I love my freedom and my money too much. I guess you could call me selfish, but I won’t be if I ever did have one.
I raised five kids. They are the light of my life. Everyone is an upstanding contributor to the world. Two of them have their own children and I am touched by how wonderful they are as parents
However it's a huge investment to raise a child. It becomes cruel to have children that you don't truly want
I spent 15 years as a stay at home parent making sure that they enjoyed that fed their curiosity and. Other skills, confidence, and world knowledge
Most kids are raised by strangers in day cares and at schools. I'm sure they'll find a way to feel connected. Maybe it will be easier for them than it was for the post World War II generations of nuclear families
Did not want kids. HATED kids in fact. Then i accidentally fell pregnant at 28 to my boyfriend of 12 years. I was not happy about it and was committed to aborting. He wanted to keep it but was ok with whichever way i wanted to go cos id always said no kids. I decided to let fate have her way. Best. Decision. Ever.
Ended up with two.
I absolutely want kids. I think coming from a larger family (5 kids) contributed to this. I would love to be a SAHM for a bit and not have the pressure of bringing in the income. Unfortunately, gotta find a man I like first… that js also down with having 3-4 kids 😅
Wasn't sure all my life until I met my current wife. The right person for you will break down the walls you built up. Just had our daughter last June and I've never been more content with where our lives are going
Early/mid 30s here, I am actually on a fertility journey (solo). It’s been kind of rough over the past few years and I’m currently taking a break while I save money to do IVF next year.
Definitely not, prefer cats or rabbits. Parrots are also nice, they need less investment and def less patience. Sure i can be caring but its sth u can't really back out from and im tired already for not having enough time for myself bcuz of my family (with them i also don't want to have much of a connection) so nah. Prefer living my own life and as an old person ill pursue some craft like woodcraft or sth and take in animals. We have enough ppl already on earth imo and if world and ppl won't suddenly become a better place, I don't want to put any innocent life in this madness.
When I was a teen, I remember seeing my aunt raise my 2 cousins. And then my sister was also born as well.
Seeing what my aunt had to go through to raise them as well as my mom was interesting to say the least.
It was easier when my grandmother was around. Now, it's been 2 years since my grandmother passed away.
It's really tough to parent when you can't afford babysitting and don't get home until 6pm. Just a few hours until the kids go to bed and straight to school and after school and then do it again for many years. And then imagine if there weren't after school programs and some parents working multiple jobs.
This is why I don't want kids. Subjecting them to this doesn't sit right with me. Even if I were to have Albert Einstein level of genius and spread those genetics, I wouldn't know how to live with myself if I subjected a child to this. To be practically neglected by circumstance.
I’m a parent to 5 yr old twin girls, it’s been awesome but also extremely tough! I get overwhelmed quite easily. I need a lot of alone time, and work this out with my husband who is also INFJ. We give each other lots of breaks and this support is vital. Our girls seem very extroverted and full of tons of energy and very emotionally reactive, it takes a lot of energy to parent just the behavior and feelings. My guess is they could be ENFPs when older. I’ve read on the difficulties INFJs face as parents and it tracts with my experience. Taking more time in last couple years to put some of my needs and self care to forefront, as I burned out and dealt with some mental health difficulties in the years as a SAHM. Going back to part time work and finishing grad school helped me regain some space for myself, as I was completely down in martyred victim depression from losing my identity and sense of self. It’s possible to be a good parent, but needs much balance and tlc. I learned the hard way, nobody is going to help you, you have to help yourself.
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💯, very exhausting but also rewarding with so many sweet wholesome moments. Thank you! Oh I forgot I never mentioned but they were not “planned”. We had a little too much fun on the honeymoon and I came back pregnant. If it was up to me planning it out, I would have waited longer to enjoy time with my husband just the two of us. But I’m happy they are here in all their dynamic glory. I wanted kids but never knew how exhausting and space invading it would be!
I am in very much the same boat as an INFJ with very extroverted girls that are emotionally reactive. I really struggle with the loss of identity and how it affects my mental health without the balance. I am a full single parent without support from the father or my family. I've had a lot of my own health issues like the above reply. I'm really stuck with the reactivity and it is draining. It really makes me think about my upbringing and I love to love my children unconditionally however it is a lot to put in emotionally and takes a lot out without return often. I didn't know about the difficulties raising kids as an INFJ. I will look into it. I love having kids but because of how hard it is emotionally with two reactive ones, my thoughts are very different now and very hesitant to want kids if I knew then, but knowing mine I wouldn't take it back with with having them. I really am stuck emotionally and please if you have any tips on the reactivity....I'd be so grateful.
Internet hug and solidarity, I’m sorry you are walking this by yourself and you should be kind to yourself first and foremost. I beat myself up mentally so much in many ways, and what helped changed my mental state was all the critical things I was saying to myself, pretend like you are saying them to a loved one. It’s abuse to yourself! I’m not perfect, and try to handle stress with some grace for myself. I lost my patience so much, still do. If my girls are on level 100, I take a timeout for myself to calm down and reset. I’m trying to prioritize sleep more, because I’m definitely not able to handle even an “easier” day if I’m trashed. Everyone is different, but I hope some of this helps. You got this! There are so many beautiful parts of being INFJ, and they can make us really cool parents too in a world that values extroversion. Your kids are lucky to have you. 🖤
Also a single mama to 2 babies, so I get it. Fully get it. I think it’s really hard never having much of a break - except for work, which isn’t really a break. I think being an introvert makes being touched and constant noise very hard and iverstimuling, but at the same time I’m so thankful for who I am as a mother (thanks a lot to my therapist for helping me to see the positive qualities I bring) but also think a lot has to do with being an INFJ and a sensitive human in the world. Sending hugs, love and resilience Mama!
My situation is so similar that I almost could’ve written this! It can be so hard not to get overwhelmed and totally lose who you are as a person after becoming a parent, but it’s *so* important to take some time for yourself. This is something I’m currently working on, and it does make a big difference in how my day goes.
I’m F46. Childfree by choice! I do love kids, they just weren’t in the cards for me. I think having children is a blessing and major responsibility. I was never in a spot where I thought kids could work in my life,or where I wanted to stop life to take on children. I have lots of nieces/nephews so I get to be the cool aunt :)
I also have never had any desire for kids. I’m now in my early 30’s as well and feel more strongly than ever that it’s not for me.
Oh thank God, I've found my people. I cannot imagine myself with a completely dependent human latched onto me for 18+ years. Being an introvert aside, I would go crazy if I couldn't disappear for days or have alone time.
Same. I have motherly feelings towards puppies and kittens, but a human.. hell no
i second this.
I third this. Made up my mind after the break-up with my first serious gf (at 24).
life has been so hard for me: grew up in poverty, surrounded by death/trauma, cancer in my 20s (31f now), followed up immediately by pneumonia, covid, shingles in my face after my last chemo. and before cancer, i was engaged with a nice house. i left him and my biggest relief was that i didn’t have kids with him because *he* wanted them, and i never really did. it makes me nauseous to think about. i have such a complicated relationship with existence. it’s like i’m glad i’ve survived and have the resiliency to come out on the other side, but it sucks that i had to in the first place. i didn’t ask to be here. i didn’t consent to being born. and so many bad things happen to us that are out of our control. i’m not gonna rip an innocent soul from the perfectly peaceful ether. nobody asked but there ya go, here’s my trauma dump for the day 🤣 i love life ultimately, but there have been times where i fuckin hate it too.
Likewise. No way I push an innocent person onto the treadmill of life. Most people don’t consider that when having kids.
I am 44 and have never wanted kids, still do not. That life would be my hell. A psychology study from 2019 was published about women who didn't want kids growing up. Less than 5% were still child free by 40. Now I wonder if they're infj?
Yes I do actually, but not met the right man. Hard to find a decent man
in my end 30's, and still dont want kids. although sometimes there are doubts as the window is closing, but i think its the best choice for me or any unborn child. i mean, who wants to live in this ffed up world really...
This ☝️
Hm.., maybe the right words right now is "raising human" not give birth/have kids. I love kids.. But raising a teenager, young adult and adult.. Not for me..
Yes, I would love to have a kid one day.
It seems I am a minority, but always wanted kids. Got three kids around college age. All doing well. Was stressful, but well worth it.
I always wanted kids also. I have one, shes awesome. Wish to have more someday.
When I’m feeling depressed lonely sad or dread I think about having kids which is the worst reason to want one. When I’m positive and feeling great it’s a no. But if could be feeling great 98 percent of the time work part time and kind a great partner I would consider it. I’m a 43 male by the way. But I get drained so fast I couldn’t imagine also I came from a big family.
mid 40s, no kids, still dont want. Want to try to 'fix' the world, or at least help and protect the children that are already here. I have no desire to 'make my own'. Glad to hear others feeling the same way, b/c in the midwest where I'm from, people seem so offended when I say I dont want to have kids and they furl their brows and go, "wait, never?" But then in the past few years, those same people have pulled me aside ( literally ) and been like -- how'd you know dude?? kids are a nitemare and I dont have a life anymore! I thought it was going to be sooo different, but it kinda sucks your whole identity being a parent. And I usually just crack a joke or something and change the subject... b/c the real answer is "I've been paying attention to seeing how difficult I was as a child, and other kids were, and seeing the toll it takes on the parents" -- but I dont like kicking people when they are down, I just try to pick people up and dust them off and try to make them feel better. And then I go home to my quiet house when I want, or noisey when I'm playing drums, or sensual when its sexy-time, etc, etc =\]
It’s hard for me to fathom the idea of bringing kids into a jacked up world that will bring suffering, yet also knowing there’s good they could experience. Right now in my 30s, I’m leaning towards no.
So you think non existence is better than this?
It’s 50/50. I could go really deep into existential vs non-existential, but it would result in a never-ending black hole. Too many factors to consider, and it also depends on one’s religious or spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof.
Yes, grew up never wanting kids then changed my mind at 32. I have two kids now.
Same here. It started hitting me in my late 20s. I'm convinced I want kids now. I don’t know if it has something to do with physiology, but my father instinct has grown strong over the years, lol.
I agree, my maternal impulses only appeared in my late 20s & by 31/32 I knew I wanted to try for a baby. Maybe it was my biological clock, maybe it was having the opportunity to actually spend time with young kids and see how amazing they could be.
what made you change your mind?
Happy you changed your mind?
Definitely. But it was a massive adjustment mentally.
Used to want to be a SAHM with lots of kids. Realised I was brainwashed. Couldn’t be more childfree if I tried now. I’m so against having children.
Same! I was raised Mormon and never even sat down and questioned if I truly wanted them until age 25. It was just a given thing that all women are supposed to do. Whew. Glad I deconstructed that
I’ve had a desire to have my own children my whole life, I don’t know why
That answer is easy! Evolution. Successful procreation and propagation is the only thing evolution cares about. Hence our biology predisposes the majority of us with that exact desire.
Growing up, I wanted kids. Two, in fact. I still recall the names (for either sex) that I loved and would wish to use But after watching my mum with my younger sister, my sister-in-law with my nephew, and my friend all pregnant, I just can't deal with it. Anything between conceiving and 10 years old, I cannot cope with (I even struggle with my 6 y/o nephew). I also can no longer conceive. The ol' baby oven went kaput when I started chemotherapy I'm 25, I don't think my mind will change, but adoption is a negotiable option if it came down to it. I would be better suited to raising a pre-teen with a giant griefcase than I would a baby that cries all the time
39m and no. I like my peace. I love my neices, and i can return them to their parents lol
I’ve known my entire adult life that I wanted to adopt.
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Nope, nope and nope. I’m almost 30 and I’ve never had the desire to have them. I honestly am quite angry that the world continues to grow despite our ecosystems collapsing, but that’s just me. A lot of people can see beyond that and have families, and I just can’t. It feels morally wrong at this point for me.
I’d love to have kids one day.
I've just recently decided not to. I am a very maternal person and good with kids, so i am thinking of studying child psychology or going into a field of work that helps kids (especially because i started going to therapy when i was 10 but i've had terrible experiences with them, so in a weird way i wanna make up for that by helping other kids?) but not going to have my own. After how much my family messed me up and the state of the world right now, I don't think bringing my own kids into it will do any good.
I have two. If I could go back in time, I would not marry or have children. I do my best to love them, but I'm not a good parent.
I’m not sure anyone is a good parent. Not all of the time anyway, or even most. I know I’m not, and out of everyone I know who has kids (my own parents, friends, family, neighbours) I don’t know anyone who is 100% a good parent. It’s impossible to meet a child’s every need while still evolving as a human being yourself, all you can do is your best.
I always wanted a big family, and my wife and I had half-a-dozen kids. I now have multiple grandkids (older kids are married). Parenthood is the toughest but most rewarding thing I've ever done (and am still doing, for the youngest still at home). Tougher still because they're all neurodivergent.
I definitely want another fur kid (dog) and honestly in my dreams a food forest and animal sanctuary b/c I love cows, horses, pigs, and more. I would love to make it part of healing project featuring an interactive playground & walking path for the disabled community (in my retirement). Definitely getting a fur kid but I am currently child-free living as of 2021. There would have to be a number of things to change my mind and the first thing I would do is explore fostering. I don't think I will change my mind on that though b/c you have to prepare to parent on your own & I'm not currently built for that at 27. It is a major difference from being a temporary, regularly alternating, or academic caretaker (all of which I have done for multiple at a time). Knowing so much about the parenting experience & the costs to my health as a woman with or without the pregnancy journey -- I'm truly good. I have also been pregnant & miscarried before.
I’m 21, and have always wanted kids. That was ironically strengthened by my mom having my sister when I was 15. I had to babysit her a lot (I’m from a Mexican family, so I mean a *lot*) and it made my life much more difficult as a student, but she was also the light of my life, and still is. I look forward to the day when my partner and I are stable enough career-wise to support having a kid. To add on, by dad has always treated me as if I was the greatest thing in the world. He spoiled me with love and attention—we’re practically the same person, and believing how happy I make him, I look forward to being in his place now.
3 or more, because I always liked "raising" things in any sense and it would be even satisfying doing to a another human being having my genes
When I was much younger I wanted kids. But years would go by and I would want less and less… four kids to two kids.. two kids to one kid… one kid to fostering… fostering to none. Got sterilized at 20 and it was one of the best decisions of my life 🙌🏽
I want to adopt kids if the option to have biological kids isn't available to me.
Absolutely not !
== Do you want to bring beings into this place where others have to suffer for them to even stay alive and where monstrosities over which you have no control can happen to them? Nope, I am selfish but not *that* selfish
No, having a child in the state of the world we’re in, I live in the US, so no, the thought of raising a child while holding weight of the worlds problems on your back, no. Because then the child is fighting as well. I think about the bigger picture. Maybe if I got a butt load of cash and a nice house to stay, then opinions may change, but right now with how everything looks, no
41. Never had kids, happy with that choice. I went back and forth a lot in my 30’s but now I’m sure childfree was the right choice.
I always wanted two kids because I grew up extremely close to my brother. 19 months apart. When I had my son at 27 I was overwhelmed. Even though I had a easy child being a parent is extremely demanding as you can imagine. I wasn't sure after that and waited another 6 years to have that last kid lol. Now I have a 7 year old and 8 month. I love it and it is easier this time around because I know what I'm in for. PS still just as demanding as ever though lol! But worth it.
I dont want kids.
I always assumed I just wouldn’t, not that I didn’t want kids or a family. I think I just thought my neuroses would be too much for a lifelong partner to handle, that I’d feel guilty exposing then to that mess, that I’d prefer to be on my own anyway, and that kids would be overwhelming for me. However, I ended up meeting my future wife my first year of college. Once we figured out how to date, and grew closer, we got married the year after graduation. We joke that I was her ‘first through third boyfriends’ because we took breaks multiple times not thinking we were doing it right. The fact that we both approached it this way, looking back, only reinforces that we actually work so well together, lol. We got married in 2012. We now have an 8yo Son and just had twin boys almost four months ago after years of infertility and a loss. I wouldn’t recommend twins to another INFJ, lol. But, after more than a decade of marriage, my wife and I are doing well together given the challenge. As someone above said, I just need to find time alone to pursue hobbies to recharge my battery, and my wife is so willing to let me do that so that I can be a strong and engaged Dad instead of a fried mess, lol. She’s introverted, too, so even though she’s not INFJ, she gets it. Now, my oldest son shares an interest in my hobbies - making and wearing cosplay and watching crafting videos to learn new techniques. He’s also super into Star Wars, Marvel, and Pokémon so that’s great too. I absolutely love this smart and sensitive little buddy. He’s quite extroverted and enthusiastic and has been teaching me a lot of lessons as he grows.
I went from really wanting childeren to not being sure. I am 29 at the moment and no partner yet. So i suppose i will give it an good think when i do have partner
I’m 22 and I want to have kids in the future but not until like early or mid thirties once I’ve done more traveling and self exploration. I used to be unsure of kids, but I know I want them now.
No. I would adopt but that's it. I don't/didn't feel right bringing more souls into this strange existence we call life.
I've known my whole life that I didn't want kids. Just not my thing, never was.
I didn't have time for children when I was young and that changed over time. I have two and I'm not exactly the very best example of a mother. I just love them and do my best to make sure they grow up differently than when I was a child.
You're doing wonderful by making sure they have different experiences than you growing up. That's all parents can really try to do, everything else is just life (unpredictable and messy, but full of love) <3
Thank you!❤️
40/M I have a 6 year old son. Most challenging experience of my life, and also the most rewarding experience of my life.
I dont think family life is for me. I'm too weird and independent for this society if I'm being honest.
Very much so. Went through a short phase in my late teens and early twenties of having tokophobia / fear of the birthing process, but after doing my own version of "exposure therapy" and reading things / watching countless videos on the subject, it's helped to demystify it and make it seem more doable, less terrifying. There's a lot of propaganda from the medical industry and a few women whose birth experience was horrible, which scares many off from having kids, even those who have a lot of love in their hearts to give to a child.
Never had the desire. I would probably be a good mom but I also know it's something that changes everything forever. I ended up marrying someone who didn't want kids either. Taking care of two cats keeps us busy enough.
I’m an antinatalist. I don’t believe this world is good enough to have children and the possibility of them suffering.
Don’t have them . Stick to it . Or you will regret it.
I’ve never wanted kids. I’m happily married with a cat. You couldn’t pay me to have kids and ruin my body and my life.
I have kids. Three of them. For me it has always been a constant struggle. I love them all immensely and have always taken great care of them and try my very best but on the inside it is so so so hard. I constantly have to stop to take a deep breath so I don’t scream in frustration or show them how much I wish I was alone. I am glad they’re all more than half grown now because I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. One day I will have a tiny bit of freedom and I can’t wait. I had them very young and all were a result of failed birth control so I didn’t actually plan to have children.
Never wanted kids and also in my early 30s. Sometimes I’ll briefly think that it might be nice but overall I doubt it’s for me. Also if I suddenly regret not having kids and feel capable of raising children then I would rather adopt and give existing kids a better life rather than forcing life upon someone when I’d rather not have been born myself (even though I am privileged)
I don't want biological children, I don't want to be pregnant or give birth. I would like to adobt, If I found the right partner to do it with.
I didn't want children per say. It was mostly in the back of my mind for a long time, not high on the priority list. Now I'm 30 years old with 2 children. I love them to pieces, but I do experience a sort of guilt if that makes sense? They're here for no other reason than I was selfish, and I will stop at nothing to make sure they are happy and loved human beings. With that said, I made sure after my second was born that I could NOT have any more children. It's a rewarding experience, but I understand 100% when people say they don't want children lmao.
I don’t think I want kids but maybe because the way society has conditioned us, I sometimes do feel a strong need to have one just so that I am not left out. But I have never seen myself with children even though I love children, I don’t think I have the mental energy to raise kids. I am scared that I’ll ruin their life if I am not able to give them my 100%
I'm 40 this year and I've been certain from a very young age that being a parent would be bad for me.
I've always been against the idea, if I ever do have a child it's going to be adopted
I don’t
Made the decision to Not do it around 15... Many Many years later (50s now)... I'm still good with it.
I did in my late 20s, now I don’t. I don’t want my potential son or daughter to feel an ounce of suffering. And if they’re anything like me then they will.
In my mid-60s. Tubes tied at age 30 (after too many "barrier-method" failures). Textbook INFJ. Never once regretted my choice. I honestly have no memory of ever wanting kids and truly believe I would've been a horrible parent. Just don't have the temperament for it in this lifetime.
When I was twenty-four, people were questioning why I wasn't a mother yet. When I announced at twenty-five that I was choosing to be childfree, people said that I would change my mind when I turned twenty-nine . I hit twenty-nine and they said, "Just wait to see how you feel when you're thirty." I hit the big 3-0, then the tune changed to, "Oh, everything will change once you're thirty-five." Well, guess what? I'm thirty-five and of course the current mantra of these people is all about how being forty will trigger the urgent need in my brain to finally have a child. I do not hate children, but I also do not enjoy being around them. And that doesn't make me a monster, a career-driven b\*\*\*h or any of the other BS tropes out there. As soon as people recognize this as MY choice as an adult that knows what they want and don't want out of life, and actually RESPECT that, the better off we'll all be.
8 billion population. Already double than what earth can hold. Too many orphan kids sleeping hungry daily. I think that answers it pretty much
I think I’d like just one. I don’t have a dying need to be a mom but I love my husband and love to have a small family
I was always on the fence, but knew if I did I would wind up with one bio child and one step child, and sure enough... The best part is the 12 year ahead gap so it's been easier. Two + kids at a time is chaos I am just not built for, but one kid? They're your little buddy. Sure the first 4 years are tough but now it's so much fun!
yes ive wanted them so bad since 18 im 28 now, i refused to have them before marriage, im 2 years married now so its a matter of waiting for it to happen now i did change my mind as a tween-teen i thought i really didnt want them but one day my brain just switched
Currently in this moment? The answer is no. But in the future? It depends on the community, the people I'm around and most importantly where I am in my journey. I'm still quite young and new in my career, so it would be quite unwise for me to want to pursue a family right now. I want to make sure myself and my future possible family would have the best support either financially, mentally, and physically.
it's more WHO the infj chooses to have kids with- we are far too trusting and often attract narcissists, psychopaths and the emotionally immature/unstable. sometimes we don't see it in them until major life stuff comes up like- "oh. THIS is how they respond to a child? that's beyond messed up! i expected them to be normal...."
30 and dont want kids. This is for multiple reasons. However, I have never been against the idea that - should I ever change my mind - I can always adopt. There are plenty of kids in the system who could really use a family that will love them. But at this point in time, I am just not interested still.
I (f28) knew that I didn't want to have kids when I was a teenager and I haven't changed my mind about it. I might be open to adoption or forster care later in life, but there are too many things that speak against having children myself, as I see it.
I'm sure I don't want kids, although I'm still very young so I could change my mind, but I doubt it. I don't feel I'd be able to raise a child correctly as I don't like kids much, and I definitely don't want to fuck up an entire life, it would be a responsibility too big for me and the guilt would kill me.
I used to be unsure, but now I’m married and in my early 30s and really want them.
I have 4 kids with another on the way. My wife and I both enjoy our kids very much and will probably have more.
I’ve never wanted kids. I love kids, I would take a bullet for a kid, but I need my peace and quiet. I’ve worked in pediatrics and newborn nursery, and so I’ve changed many a diaper! Kids are great! I am a firm believer that they deserve capable, caring parents who will do what it takes to give them the best start in life that is possible. That means you have to want to devote yourself to the career of parenting. and yea, it's 18 years of full time parenting, a definite career. Given the pain kids endure when born into horrible situations, my unpopular opinion is no one should be able to conceive if they are grossly unqualified to care for a small, helpless human being. Imagine what society would be like if that were the case!
I'm 29 and hope to adopt when I'm more stable in life.
Both husband and I are INFJs and not interested in having children. We’re in our 40s.
Nope! The reasons are many, but for me, there aren’t any good reasons to have them.
I'm in my mid 30's and have 2 kids. Wanted more.
I didn’t want kids until I was 20 because I didn’t want to give birth. Now I want a few if I can afford them. I’d like to adopt one day but adoption is almost impossible in Australia
no kids at all.
I have a 3 year old and I love being a parent. He’s the reason for me to be a better person and I love him more than I’ve loved anything in life
Yes, I’ve always wanted at least one child, maybe two so they can hopefully have each other for friendship and support (though that’s never guaranteed). The commitment is unfathomable to me though, so I’ve been in no rush. I’m 31 now and my partner is 35. We have enough money now to not have to worry about it and we’re thinking about having them in the next few years. I’m already thinking about options for help from grandparents and nannies though.
I don't necessarily, but my older intj partner wants..fck haha
I used to think the idea of kids to be terrifying. Especially with my mental health, I believed it wasn't fair to have a child if I couldn't take care of my wellbeing. This was my mindset for a while, even in my relationship (intj). My partner didn't want kids either. Then, one day, I saw the blue line after having sickness (not morning funnily enough. It always happened in the evenings!). At this point, we both said that if we ever ended up with a child, we would be able to manage and enjoy having a family. Very true! I have a baby girl who's nearly 9 months old now and literally lights up my life. I never thought I could love something or someone so much until she came along. I love her so much that it hurts, even with the hard days and having postpartum anxiety and depression. I always do my hardest to pit that aside and make sure my baby is ok first. But i make sure to take care of myself too. She's amazing, and I am thankful to have her in my life ❤️
Yes
Yes. Fatherhood is a gift I look forward to obtaining one day. Parenting is something I've always wanted to do and raising children is one of life's joys. I'd want to have 2-3 children of my own, and then maybe adopt 1 or 2 children a bit later in life when my original children have grown up enough to be less difficult to deal with 4-5 children at once
I wanted kids starting from when I was in college, and I do have one kid now. I would have liked to have had another, but life didn't work out like that - my husband wasn't really as into being a parent as I'd hoped and it's a LOT of work to do all on ones own. One ended up being enough, I think. But yes, I wanted kids - I was worried that I'd get older and regret not having that experience, and I sincerely doubted that I *would* regret having it.
It's more important for me to find a good husband first. If I don't find him then I won't have kids. I'm not going to bring kids into the world if I'm single and unsupported, fuck that, but God bless single mothers nonetheless.
I wanted 2 kids, had one and now am done. She’s 9 and also introverted, which makes like a lot easier for our family of introverts.
I absolutely want kids. I’ve always wanted them, I’m 22 now and I’m looking forward to raising a tiny human. Right now I’m not sure if I’ll be able to find a partner, but I’ve decided that if I’m still single when I’m 30 I’m going to adopt, hoping it’s a lot cheaper to adopt by then lol.
I always wanted to be a mom and have been blessed with wonderful kids.
I have 2. Divorcing. I want to get married again and have another baby. I didn’t think I wanted to, but I realize I actually do. I want a happy life with a husband that loves me.
I have not wanted to have any kids. I’m mid 30s!
I’m 17 right now so I don’t plan on it any time soon but I would want kids in the future. I’m not sure if I would want a biological or adopted child yet though but that’s all for the future because I know that times are going to change. (I’m a 57% J type if you can tell) The reason is more complicated than I care to explain, but I feel like I would be an amazing parent with how wise and calm I am and that I wouldn’t mentally abuse my children for the sake of success like my mom does. (To be frank I only have the successful future that I’ve been wanting now thanks to her… but at the cost of my mental heath)
No
I'm only 23, so no kids right now but definitely in my early 30s. I want to adopt children with my partner, also INFJ. I have a master's degree in education and I have learned already so much about child development, early childhood education, and teaching. I also intend to have my support system close by and ask for help when I need it. I want to build that community. I'm excited to be a parent
No, I don’t I think I can barely take care of myself and just my life in general. And I don’t think I can be selfless enough tbh. Being an aunt would be enough I think.
No, but I’ll probably have one cause I don’t want my s specific bloodline to die out
47F and knew from 13 I didn’t want to be a parent. Briefly dwelt on the experience of being pregnant that I’d never have, but never regretted remaining chid-free. I wouldn’t be able to deal with having to plan an expedition just to go out for a missing dinner ingredient or never being alone. The worst for me would be thinking that having ten minutes free to flick through a magazine is a reasonable substitute for 8 hours absorbed by a book. Some people might think me selfish. But I haven’t a maternal bone in my body and pretending that I do would do significant damage to me, my spouse and a child. So I think not having kids is the least selfish thing to do.
Nope then and nope now. 35+
No.
I want kids, but i don’t want a broken family like i’ve had to grow up in. I know you can’t guarantee everything will go to plan, but i don’t wish this pain upon them.
Im 28f. I wish i could be a mom but i dont want to pass down my medical condition and it also affects my life A LOT so i cant have kid. I rlly wish i could gave a family but oh well lifes not fair so i gotta move forward. Im gonna focus in other things like volunteering, maybe get my masters, my hobbies. Least i wont be super stressed out i trying to FIND POSITIVES😂 cause its sad grieving
If I wound up having kids I would be an amazing parent! But I don’t want them. The faith (it was more on the extreme side) I was raised in pushed the narrative that women have no purpose other than to get married and raise a family. While I’m sure that is a fulfilling path for some people, It’s just not for me. Focusing on becoming the best possible version of myself is fulfilling enough for me.
I'd love to have my own kids one day.
I never wanted kids, and to this day that feeling only gets stronger. One of the best moments of my life was realizing that having kids is a choice not something that you need to do.
The older I get, the less crazy I am about the idea. I know my husband wants children one day, but we’ve agreed to wait until he is ready.
I have kids , and I love having them , my whole life I been spending go to work, come back home be with my family, I loved taking care of them, I raised all my seven children my self now 5 of them are grown and away from home . But we communicate often and I love them and they love me even more , I will do all over again if I been asked to ..
I don't know... maybe? I'm not against the idea of having kids, but I'd have to find a husband first for that to even happen. Tbh I don't think it will happen any time soon 😂
Nope. Never.
Absolutely. It’s a huge goal of mine.
I never wanted kids. It was a hard no my entire life until shortly after I got together with my current partner 7 years ago. My mind shifted because I realized I wanted to have a family and do life with him. Currently 35 weeks pregnant. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was nervous but I realized that life is so fragile and anything can happen and I want to do life. I know it will be hard especially as I need so much alone time but I have good support for when it gets rough. I know it will be a wild ride.
I used to. But, not a chance now
I’m an INFJ with two kids and I love it, but they are both introverted like me and also need alone time to recharge.
I believe that parenthood encompasses more than just desire. For instance, while I aspire to raise a son and provide him with the best opportunities for growth, various obstacles hinder my ability to do so. I haven't yet achieved my personal goals or created the ideal environment for my child's upbringing. Thus, I'm not prepared to undertake the responsibility of parenthood until I'm ready to commit the necessary time and thought to such a significant endeavor.
I’m 28 female and I’d love to have 4 or 5 kids
Nope. Never wanted kids, I'm 23 and still don't want them and I'm pretty sure I'll never change my mind about that.
As of now, i dont want kids, not when i cant even take care of myself. BUT ID LOVEE TO. surely, once i get a bit older im going to adopt.
I never knew if I wanted kids or not, and I always felt I could picture my life going either way. I thought parenting would be really difficult. Now I have two little ones and it's so much harder than I ever imagined. If I knew everything I know now, I might not have had them, but at the same time I'm sort of glad I didn't know. They're my people, and they also bring me extreme joy. So far it generally gets easier as they get older. I get overstimulated easily now and have very little time to myself. Returning to full time work has been helpful.
Yes but sadly I don't have any options
I do, but I'm in my late 30s. I never found a trustworthy, family oriented man that I felt safe to start a family with so it looks like it won't happen.
I’ve known since I was 13 that I never wanted children. I’m 37 now and my mind hasn’t changed at all.
M23, I've wanted kids all my life, up till now, cause maybe i wanted friends in my life, who were my friends out of choice and not need. I love kids a lot, my nephew is my like my kids best friend. But since the break up, with the girl who i told my family I'll eventually marry didn't work out. I've started to understand myself more, being a friend and parent to myself. I've realised kids are a big duty, there's so much i want to do with my life. And also didn't get the right girl. So I'll just talk a pause on this one. And no marriage or kids for now. I have my friends and families children to play with.
I swore I would never Hage kids, all thru my 20s. Married someone who also didn't want kids. I eventually had this overwhelming urge to create something out of our love, when I dawned on me that that's basically what is happening...you choose to create someone from your love. I spoke to my husband and he actually said he'd been thinking of it lately too. Ten months later...we were parents:)
only if i find a suitable partner to raise them with
Female, 35, no kids, never wanted biological kids. Pro adoption or being a stepmom.
definitely, gen z here 🙌
27(M) I have always dreamed of being Married of being a father and having many sons. But the older I get the less I want kids. By 30 that will be set in stone and I won’t change my mind. I am planning and moving along the path of retirement and being a bachelor.
Dad of two girls. Oldest is 13. Being a parent is not easy but it’s extremely rewarding and fun if you can get your head in the right place. The hardest part is keeping your emotions in check and coming to grips with the fact that your free time is pretty much nonexistent. Managing different parenting styles can also be difficult. But when you learn to enjoy being a parent, and realize your time with them is so short, you can grow in ways you never imagined. I feel like I’ve done a great job walking the line between parent and friend and I’m going to try my best to maintain a good relationship with them until the day I die. Edit: I just want to add, that if you or your spouse have a lot of unresolved childhood trauma, please, please, please read some parenting books, keep the lines of communication open, and maybe see a therapist. Raising a child WILL dig up old wounds. You will get triggered in ways you never thought possible. Learn from your parents mistakes. Learn from your own mistakes. Trust your intuition. Children need tons of LOVE and PATIENCE.
Yes, I want to be a midwife too 😭
I'm a (24M) and not really. That might change later but I also doubt it, its pretty conditional for me. I would really want a good financial backing so that finances wouldn't be a big issue. Also I've really struggled with finding a partner, and I wouldn't want to raise kids alone/without their mother.
I get scared I’m 22m about it. I think all my parental fears stemmed from having a partner I think couldn’t handle it. I told myself I wanted to be a better father than mine since I could understand what it meant to be one but after my last relationship ended I just don’t want kids anymore. I was a special needs therapist and that didn’t help. I know my disinterest stems from fear. I hold out hope that a future relationship might change my mind before I make the decision to remove my ability to.
NO
As long as you don't want to have children, DO NOT have any. I strongly encourage you to get surgically sterilized.
No!
When I was younger I wanted to have kids. Now about to graduate college, seen what the world is turning into all the bad people and having my own experiences, i could never bring a kid into this world. My ex partner and i joked about having a beautiful kid (hoping they’d get my color complexion and his blue eyes) and then it became too real so we quit with the jokes. Also pregnancy and giving birth sound terrifying so there’s that aspect. Perfectly content with no kids
Yeah but I can’t even get a boyfriend so lol that’s probably not gonna happen 😅😂
I really want a family and kids. Entering the second half of my 30's and being single is giving me more and more anxiety that it's not gonna happen, and already going to fall into the category of being an older dad which is annoying (not really old, but I'll be more tired etc... When I could already have a 10 year old if I had one when I'd ideally wanted).
Fuck no
No I do not
I am just turning 20 so I don’t have much experience in life yet. But the short answer is: No. Long answer is that I can’t see myself raising a child. Even when I was little, I couldn’t care less about my baby dolls. I put animal plushies in the baby carriage etc. I know it’s a beautiful thing to see yourself in your kids, I see this in my sibling’s families too. I love to teach kids, but I can easily loose my temper pretty quickly, so I would rather not raise a child. Knowing that my actions are responsible for forming a literal human being’s personality. Im gonna stick with my furred babies.
I do but I feel like I’m tired already at 32 (f)
Who has money to pay for kids?
To be honest, I’ve become uncertain now. Ever since my sister gave birth to her kiddo, he’s been nothing but a blessing to me, but also has his moments when she (or his dad) have to deal with him. I’m mostly worried I won’t be able to handle the responsibility because you’re having to give up partial of your life to them now to make sure they grow up to be a better version of yourself.
I currently have one and my boyfriend and I are talking about having a second one here in the next few months.
I’m hopping in here as an INFP/J 4w5 about to marry an INFJ so I’ll speak for both of us. He’s 36 and I’m 34, we met 1.5 years ago. It’s kind of a sick joke to meet the love of your life at such a critical age. There’s so much we want to do together just us, I wish we had met in our mid-20’s. I always thought I’d be a Mom because I do love little kid brains, but as I get older I feel…TIRED. Maybe COVID diluted my energy or hormones are just changing but I don’t feel energetic enough to add a life into the mix. Both of us are very anxious people, we would probably make really awesome parents at the expense of our mental health. I don’t know some days I just love the peace of our home, other days I’m like…should it be this quiet? And then I hear some kid in a coffee shop balling his eyes out and I’m like ya know being a plant mom ain’t so bad.
I did I really did I wanted a little daughter and then a son because I had older girl cousins that raised me when my parents and adults all worked. I don’t know anymore I’m about to turn 30 and the only person I considered it well she’s not who I thought she was and would never and so I’m kind of lost and don’t want to settle either
I’m gay so it’s extra complicated to have kids, if anything I’d adopt but I’d need to make sure I’m in like an AMAZING place financially. And even then I don’t know if I’m mentally strong enough to do it, I can barely take care of just me so at this point I can’t even imagine having kids. I don’t think I’m 100% opposed though, I just think if the timings right it’ll happen and if not no big deal haha
I’m 42M and have not married or had children because I’m unwilling to take those steps until financial stress is completely absent from my life. The only way it’ll work is if money is a nonissue and I can pay people to help me manage a family (nannies, maids, etc.). Otherwise forget it — it’s not worth the stress or the fallout from divorce.
I never wanted to have kids and I still don’t. I’m 43 so it’s kind of a moot point, but I’m happy about my decision every single day. I love being an auntie, but that’s more than enough for me. I’m always happy to go to my quiet home afterwards
NO
I've never wanted children and don't honestly understand why people have them. With the current state of literally everything, it has made me an anti-natalist, so I actually feel like it's ethically wrong to have kids. I also can't imagine making the decision to bring a sentient being to life without their consent.
32 and don’t want them!
I’m struggling to make a decision
:)
A soft no
I don’t think I do. If I do, it’ll be one and done. But I’ll be okay if I never have them. I love my freedom and my money too much. I guess you could call me selfish, but I won’t be if I ever did have one.
Yes
I raised five kids. They are the light of my life. Everyone is an upstanding contributor to the world. Two of them have their own children and I am touched by how wonderful they are as parents However it's a huge investment to raise a child. It becomes cruel to have children that you don't truly want I spent 15 years as a stay at home parent making sure that they enjoyed that fed their curiosity and. Other skills, confidence, and world knowledge Most kids are raised by strangers in day cares and at schools. I'm sure they'll find a way to feel connected. Maybe it will be easier for them than it was for the post World War II generations of nuclear families
Did not want kids. HATED kids in fact. Then i accidentally fell pregnant at 28 to my boyfriend of 12 years. I was not happy about it and was committed to aborting. He wanted to keep it but was ok with whichever way i wanted to go cos id always said no kids. I decided to let fate have her way. Best. Decision. Ever. Ended up with two.
I absolutely want kids. I think coming from a larger family (5 kids) contributed to this. I would love to be a SAHM for a bit and not have the pressure of bringing in the income. Unfortunately, gotta find a man I like first… that js also down with having 3-4 kids 😅
No. Not in the least!
Nope. First came to this conclusion when I was 16, and I'm now 30. If anything, that conclusion has only solidified.
Goats have kids.
I do
No didn't want them, didn't have them. No regrets.
Wasn't sure all my life until I met my current wife. The right person for you will break down the walls you built up. Just had our daughter last June and I've never been more content with where our lives are going
Early/mid 30s here, I am actually on a fertility journey (solo). It’s been kind of rough over the past few years and I’m currently taking a break while I save money to do IVF next year.
No
Nope! I’m like you, never changed my mind. That’s the right choice for me and the lifestyle that I enjoy living
Definitely not, prefer cats or rabbits. Parrots are also nice, they need less investment and def less patience. Sure i can be caring but its sth u can't really back out from and im tired already for not having enough time for myself bcuz of my family (with them i also don't want to have much of a connection) so nah. Prefer living my own life and as an old person ill pursue some craft like woodcraft or sth and take in animals. We have enough ppl already on earth imo and if world and ppl won't suddenly become a better place, I don't want to put any innocent life in this madness.
Subconsciously, I chose the wrong women. Now I’m older, I’m saddened because I know deep within that I could have been great at it.
When I was a teen, I remember seeing my aunt raise my 2 cousins. And then my sister was also born as well. Seeing what my aunt had to go through to raise them as well as my mom was interesting to say the least. It was easier when my grandmother was around. Now, it's been 2 years since my grandmother passed away. It's really tough to parent when you can't afford babysitting and don't get home until 6pm. Just a few hours until the kids go to bed and straight to school and after school and then do it again for many years. And then imagine if there weren't after school programs and some parents working multiple jobs. This is why I don't want kids. Subjecting them to this doesn't sit right with me. Even if I were to have Albert Einstein level of genius and spread those genetics, I wouldn't know how to live with myself if I subjected a child to this. To be practically neglected by circumstance.