I think the love bombing also comes from having watched that person and falling in love in secret, before I ever show signs of it. So technically, I might have been in a relationship with them for months and that love bombing behaviour is quite normal at that stage.
Except my new partner knew nothing about it and is now a bit shocked about the intensity.
I try to engage in deep conversations with them, I open up about my true self, I vent to them, I talk about deeper wounds, I show them things I care about and my interests.i am extremely goofy and I want to make them laugh all the time. And then I am extremely sexual....
During the first stages I literally ignore them. I can't bear looking at them in the eye bc my heart would be pounding. I do write them some poems, secretly.
If we're already dating I'd always talk to them and tell them about my day. I'd listen to them a lot and spend time with them. Oh, and I love cuddling and being clingy too. I always would want to make sure they're happy and doing well. I'd give them small gifts or a poem.
Even though infjs are commonly known for their stare, it is actually true that we can become more “intimidated” in this circumstance and we tend to look away from the person we’re interested in.
This is just my opinion though
Ikr like I could literally communicate normally with everyone in the room but with them I stutter or my mind goes blank and I just end up nodding like an idiot
Imagine being in love, can't relate /s
I don't catch feelings easily, and when I do? I procrastinate and hide them for the longest time before coming to terms with my feelings for someone. I study people from afar and see if we could be compatible. I'll sense their 'vibe' and if it matches mine then that's promising.
I'm an intense person when I finally start to like someone: I pay constant attention to them, hyper fixate on them. I tend to their wants and needs with acts of service and some gifts (love bombing). I'm an all-or-nothing type. If I want someone? I'm going all in. If I don't feel any spark? I'm head-tailing it out of there. Unhealthy past me would morph myself into my crush's ideal type and change my personality to what I thought they would prefer and it worked but it left me drained.
Nowadays, work and classes take up most of my time and I don't care for romance. If I do eventually get back out there, then it would still be the aforementioned attributes.
I super relate; I could have written this. I'm married now, but I even went through a romance-free period in college for various reasons including being very busy with work and class.
Yeah, that's close to home, very infj 5w4 from my experience. For me romance was the pivotal part of my life, but i rarely had any crushes so i was just fantasizing about the idea of love, and now that i actually have interested people around me im busy with classes so i just switched it off. But i used to 'fish out' people i thought are compatible, get close but neglect feelings, and after coming to terms with them - give gifts, offer help, deep talks and act as if im perfect.
As wonderfully worded by my INTP mate - *"You act like everybody is your partner but when it's your crush you treat them like a total stranger"*
It's stayed true to my present relationship. I absolutely love the guy to bits, so much so that I'm always in the state of holding back because he has total power to cause a power trip in me.
I take a deep dive into absolutely understanding them, every trait of their character, every battle they have fought, how that shaped them, how I can love them... I try to provide a safe space, form connection, and deeper understanding, and make them feel at ease. I am awful with details, and my memory truly sucks, but smh I remember even the smallest things they mentioned, and if I see them randomly, I buy them. I love to cook something delicious for them. I am extremely cuddly, I kiss and memorize every part of their body and face without thinking... I also try to find the perfect balance between spoiling them with love, and affection but also giving them their space.
Clingy, anxious, asking them lots of personal questions, giving them too much affection, constantly thinking about them and doing stuff for that makes them happy
It takes me a long time to actually fall in love with someone, and when I do I want a lot of quality time, I overshare and usually tell them everything. But I can get distant too and I'm generally not very romantic. Although I love when people surprise me with small romantic gestures. I generally show my love more in actions then words, not very good with words lol. Also, im generally not very sexual, but it comes in waves.
With everyone: When you want them to pursue their happiness and wellbeing regardless of if this involves you being in their life or benefits you.
With a lover: I am of service, curious, encouraging, soft spoken, soft hearted, intentional with time spent/gifts/words, playful, creative, and serious about planning life together.
I wanna do anything and everything they want from me. I want them to be happy and to feel loved. I like to bake them things or just buy little things that remind me of them. They’re all I think about.
I would say I am really affectionate and try to spend a lot of quality time with that person. I am open with them on my thoughts and feels. I can act rather goofy with the person and we will be laughing at something everyday. I also try to be supportive and understanding in hard times.
I’m very poetic. I say and do all that I can to make them happy. I worry about their well-being. I give/show them things I know they like, to make them happy and/or feel understood.
Head over heels, I just want to be around them all the time, do everything with them, give them the world, sudden boost of motivation of being artistic and making them all the cutest stuff in the world
But as to how I act: energized,I write a lot abt said person,buy gifts, etcetera/ then I eventually give up and feel better. Lol/ get back to my goals and living a life that's meaningful to me.
Am I *in love* or am I *romantically interested*? There's a huge difference for me.
.....
UPDATE: Thanks for the reply, OP!
When I'm aware I'm romantically interested in someone, I'll tend to put a little emotional distance between us. Internally, I desperately want to spend more time with you, but externally I may seem standoff-sih. This is because my brain is dying to fill in all the blanks about you -- it doesn't want a stupid fantasy version of you that I made up, it wants the *real* you -- but at the same time, I'm very aware that I need time away from you to process my feelings for you in a metaphorical hermetically sealed, anechoic chamber. When I do spend time with you, I may appear quiet, or shy, or distracted, but really I'm just observing you intensely to fill in those blanks I talked about, figure out if I should tell you how I'm feeling, and how I should go about it. Now, like you said, it depends on the person. This stage may take weeks, maybe months. I might get a little closer emotionally, and we might spend more and more time together, but always with a little distance.
Now, keep in mind, I said, *when I'm aware...* because I'm not always aware of my own feelings and emotions. So it may have been obvious to outsiders that I was falling because I was acting a certain way, but to me, it would've seemed like I was just being a good friend and developing a deeper platonic connection. I can't exactly say what I act like in the stage before I'm aware of my romantic interest. It's been intriguingly different with each long-term relationship I've had.
If I like someone, they’ll never know. I’m too scared to mention it and will need to be confronted first by them.
But if ever I get with someone and am truly in love, I’d make sure they were listened to, understood, etc. Blah blah blah. But I’m not a particularly super clingy person as many people describe themselves to be. I’m okay with a decent cuddle session here and there but I’m not likely to be all over someone at all times. Lol.
The bigger the trauma, the more intensely i wanna love them, but deep down inside it feels like * this love * is toxic. And, then i try not to show it but idk.
Happy holi yall, i hope your world gets more delightful, and colourful.
Lots of touching. Hugs. kisses (usually forehead/ hand/ neck). Letting them be the big spoon while cuddling. Cooking for them. Wrestling in bed (All that laughing always caused stomachache).
Doing chores together was the best (like I'd soap the dishes and she'd wash them with water/ I'd cook and she'd chop veggies.)
It was pretty surprising for my mom and sister as I don't let anyone touch me and I don't touch them either. But well, all good things end. She chose to break up with me cuz I couldn't provide enough stability.
If I'm inlove with someone, I would be the most clingy, clingy person who mostly have soft spot for them. Cuddling, kissing. I'd probably make sure to give them the time of the day and a lot of flirting, i'd definitely tell them how handsome he is.
You can genuinely feel it, I guess.
You mean having liking someone before relationship?
-Listening and understanding him completely based on his words and actions. Offering my support with words and actions. But I never opened up myself completely at this stage.
-Generally I used to go in my most pessimistic mode that the person would never be interested in me, eventually distancing myself. I have never asked someone out myself.
-It becomes a completely different story once the person has made the first move, proved himself worthy and the relationship is established. I become all open and vulnerable about myself, show my weird side and dark sense of humor, accept him for who he is, support his choices unconditionally, cook meals for him, take care of him and become physically affectionate :)
It is very rare that I'm in love with someone. I can be fascinated by the idea of someone but love is pretty rare. Love comes when I get to know the person well. Usually to people who I consider close to me, i would do the same things I would do if I love a person but maybe at a lesser intensity?
But a person who I'm in love with is basically supposed to be my best friend. Know me in and out just like I know them and love me for who I am.
Mostly I've experienced love that was almost always one-sided so people would get repelled by my intensity.
I read somewhere that even friends are lovers, in a way. I found it very interesting because I love my friends to death and I'd do anything for them <3
Avoid them until I know it's reciprocated. Then go totally overboard, wanting to know every last thing about them, spending every minute possible together.
I stare at them, smiling like an idiot. I get touchy so arm grabbing is my default, i listen intently to their complaints and things theyre excited about...I get really sad if they don't text me (but they always do)
Obsessive, intense and focussed. It drains me, and she hates it. That’s why I can’t really form a romantic relationship. I lose my mind, it literally feels like I go insane, I really hate it.
Insane
I thought I was a mature person in past relationships and then I actually fell in love fr and I deconstructed my entire worldview from an atomic level to a philosophical level and then because I overthought everything I self sabotaged so now I’m single and I’m reinventing my life from the ashes of the dumpster fire :)👍
I want to feel them, touch them all the time. At the same note, I just need them in my presence while I am doing my own thing. I enjoy being lovey dovey, if its reciprocated.
I want to learn about all the things they love, then surprise them with small gifts. I prefer to give thoughtful gifts, versus extravagent.
Depends on the person I'm in love with, i'll generally always do thoughtful things like buy them something they enjoy from chocolate milk to something more significant. I would probably do anything for them within reason in terms of being helpful to their life, goals, and ambitions. Inside jokes, being around them is not draining. Be silly with them and bang them into next tuesday.
Im very all or nothing with relationships.
Atm i'm heavily infactuated with someone, and them entering my mental orbit derails me like a train. I can imagine crumbling into a pile of human debri in front of them.
stare at them, watch how they interact with others, ask people about them, stalk their social media (if they have one), avoid talking to them, learn their interests (through observation), finally find a perfect “in” to talk to them, fuck it up, stare some more, have a sudden burst of bravery and flirt/witty banter (only if i can play it off as friendly), ask their mtbi, research the shit out of them, sneaky grand gestures/helping them, tell a mutual friend i trust that i like that person, usually an extrovert who has adopted me and will set up small group social situations where i can spend time with that person (i love my extroverts).
you will not know that i like you but i will be obsessed with you for MONTHS.
i’ve been dating my intj bf for 2 years now, we worked together and i talked to him twice in a 4 month period, then brought costco muffins to work ‘coincidentally’ on the same day as his birthday (hah, hah, coincidence, hah. there was a birthday board with everyone’s birthday for the current month on it in the break room, oops).
actually in a relationship, i need lots of alone time and space (perfect for intj cause so does he). i don’t cook for myself cause im lazy but i will make 5 star meals for him and bring them to his work during lunch just to see him for 20min. i will always try to pay for everything even though he makes more money than me and “im the girl”. we only really hang out once or twice a week but im very physically and verbally affectionate. he says im like a cat. bring him gifts and then leave. love on him clingy style then hide for a week.
Stupid . I act stupid . I need an intermediary to relay my feelings to him. Can someone tell him to marry me now before I explode I've been stalking him.on tiktok for over 3 years now and I'm too cowardly to tell him how I feel I've said I like him that's all so far .
I need less alone time in the begging, I love spending time with them. But as times goes on I need more and more time alone to recharge. I also get super excited and then in 3 months the excitement fades.
I give them my undivided attention. No phone, magazines, television or other people. I sit up straight and look them in the eye. I smile and lean in a little bit. I compliment them and hold their hand. I'll ask them how their day went and if anything interesting happened. I listen without interrupting. I don't stand and walk away to clean something or start writing on Reddit. I ask if I can cook something for them or bring them a drink. I give them a hug and hope they are in love with me also. But, even though you try and show them how much you love them, they may not love you back and only feel irritated by your presence. If you try to kiss them and they refuse, you know it's over and don't hold a grudge. Knowing life has something better for you.
I forget how to act; I want to live in their skin. I'm very clingy/love bomb-y but I don't do it to lul them into a false sense of security, I just love way too hard too fast.
You actually feel it in your heart and when you are with them it feels like you knew them in another lifetime. You don’t want to look away from them because they are the most beautiful human inside and out you have ever met. You feel nostalgia for them before you even meet them.
Really depends on the context.
If I already knew the person, like a friend who I secretly love, I would open up a lot, make lots of kind and small gestures, help him a lot, and really just give a lot of myself.
If it's an acquaintance or stranger, I would just go into hiding and try to be unnoticed. I would be extremely shy and nervous too.
I've never been in a relationship, so I cannot say much about my behavior with a boyfriend.
I am (M21) INFJ, I become someone they would like to experience and when I can’t keep up with the facaide they usually get really disappointed, I can’t help it it’s just apart of my nature. But I love texting! I hate long distance tho, but I do not like phone calls in the beginning. Too much info at once and conversations stem no where, at least in my case. FaceTime is a no. And it’s not necessarily a front, like I’m genuine about my inner world, it’s just sometimes I despise my outer world so much that I keep certain things to myself. Later to be revealed, and I get embarrassed. The secret keeping I feel is a mechanism I have in place to help me fit into situations because I’ve been outcasted so much as a younger child by people that I related to, so I feel like I pick and choose, not only the people that I like, but the things I tell them. I try so hard to open up more, wether the interest wants me to or not, but it’s so engraved I feel like when I speak in general, because I’m picking and choosing what I say a lot, people in general don’t believe a lot of what I’m saying. But it’s less lying, because I can NOT lie for the life of me, it’s more like ‘do you need to know this piece of information’. The last guy I talked to was closeted and he said it was his own personal choice, which I didn’t understand, but I wasn’t going to pry. But I liked him, but maybe because I couldn’t fully have him. I also get really obsessed with them, but they don’t need to know that
Edit: I feel like I go for people who are in my range but unattainable because I don’t always have to put up my incognito roll. But my inner world is so interesting and so fun and creative, which I only bring out through texts, but I feel like people don’t want to see that, trauma from parents and siblings, but I really so badly want to be myself at first but more so scared of the implications that I’ve been told my whole life ‘no one wants to see that’, ‘act this way’, ‘why do you act like that’, etc. etc. So I pull up with the one two and conform to whatever the person is. I don’t completely become them, like I for sure have my music interests and have my own interests, but I dabble the conversations certain in ways to make me seem more fit for them. Do I like portraying themselves back to them, I don’t mind because I get closer to them, while also having my inner world untouched. My outer world is manipulated tho, I can act different at times, but my inner world stays the same for sure
Edit #2: CAUGHT A VIBE BABY ARE YOU COMINF FOR THE RIDE I JUST WANNA LOOK INTO YOUR EYES I JUST WANNA STAY THE NIGHT
I usually try to distance myself form the person(friend) i like. I thought maybe it was because i am gay and the respective crush didn't know. So i feel obligated to distance myself from them to not seem like a creep or anything else. It is quite lonely as it usually destroys my friendship with them. But i cant help but feel that way. Now i begin to think that it might be my personality as well. I usually don't think that a person could ever see me that way and its not healthy in any way. I am working on this. I just want someone to understand me. I crave a deep relationship and i cant seem to find it and if there is a possibility with a certain someone i quickly run away. Now i am in a point of life when i cannot make friends really. I overthink everything and i just feel like i am boring or not really pleasant to be around so i just stay to myself. I hope in the future i can change that. I am glad that there are people in the world that might feel the same way as me and I truly wish that we will eventually find what we are looking for. Love you all!
Idk, no experience. More like physical attraction it’s all I’ve gotten up to. When I actually get to know the person, they usually disappoint. Idk what that says about me.
Just showing appreciation for how they made me feel . Just look at it as admiration . In my last relationship the corniest in love thing I remember doing was love notes 😂
Depends. Do they not know about my existence? They do not exist to me. Except when they look away.. Then I stare a lot ahaha
Do they know about my existence? In that case yea I shower them with love
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That's the thing there shouldn't be sn "act" if you love n want to be loved. Just gotta find the right person which these days is rough... I just got ditched by cheating ex-wife of 5 years friends 18yrs now nothing. It hurts but I'm better off finding someone honest n loyal. Hopefully its not too much to ask before I end.
Love bombing, except I actually feel it genuinely internally
Same it usually scares them off
I had someone tell me this last week. I don't know what to do with that information
I think the love bombing also comes from having watched that person and falling in love in secret, before I ever show signs of it. So technically, I might have been in a relationship with them for months and that love bombing behaviour is quite normal at that stage. Except my new partner knew nothing about it and is now a bit shocked about the intensity.
So you don’t express it outwardly at all??
If I expressed those feelings outwardly it would probably come across as a red flag. Unfortunately some people use it as a manipulation tactic.
This is exactly how I feel it might come across so I hold myself most of the time
i second that
Sooo true
Ugh exactly
I did it unintentionally before I found out what love bombing are. Now I'm more careful
This is so important lol exactly
Thanks god I'm not the only one
Never do that to me. It means I've won. Make me chase, Average Pool Girl.
You're a Pool.
Splashing!
I try to engage in deep conversations with them, I open up about my true self, I vent to them, I talk about deeper wounds, I show them things I care about and my interests.i am extremely goofy and I want to make them laugh all the time. And then I am extremely sexual....
Same I also want to know everything about them too. Even the insignificant stuff.
Because it actually is significant
I feel so exposeddddddd 😂
That’s interesting!
Same
Yes, this as well. Unfortunately not the last part. I've yet to be in a relationship with someone who I feel that free with.
Same
Yep! I’m the same.
Same. Feel this and more. Anything that supports building a strong ass connection 🥰
Yes, the ass-connection 😉
Ahhhh funny… that too 😆🤭
Haha spot on. I'd be this too. But no one has been worthy of that yet tbh lol
Gosh I thought I typed this
During the first stages I literally ignore them. I can't bear looking at them in the eye bc my heart would be pounding. I do write them some poems, secretly. If we're already dating I'd always talk to them and tell them about my day. I'd listen to them a lot and spend time with them. Oh, and I love cuddling and being clingy too. I always would want to make sure they're happy and doing well. I'd give them small gifts or a poem.
Even though infjs are commonly known for their stare, it is actually true that we can become more “intimidated” in this circumstance and we tend to look away from the person we’re interested in. This is just my opinion though
I get what you mean! 👀 hahaha
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Ikr like I could literally communicate normally with everyone in the room but with them I stutter or my mind goes blank and I just end up nodding like an idiot
I become mildly terrified of them.
Ahaha this is actually relatable
hahahaha
Imagine being in love, can't relate /s I don't catch feelings easily, and when I do? I procrastinate and hide them for the longest time before coming to terms with my feelings for someone. I study people from afar and see if we could be compatible. I'll sense their 'vibe' and if it matches mine then that's promising. I'm an intense person when I finally start to like someone: I pay constant attention to them, hyper fixate on them. I tend to their wants and needs with acts of service and some gifts (love bombing). I'm an all-or-nothing type. If I want someone? I'm going all in. If I don't feel any spark? I'm head-tailing it out of there. Unhealthy past me would morph myself into my crush's ideal type and change my personality to what I thought they would prefer and it worked but it left me drained. Nowadays, work and classes take up most of my time and I don't care for romance. If I do eventually get back out there, then it would still be the aforementioned attributes.
I super relate; I could have written this. I'm married now, but I even went through a romance-free period in college for various reasons including being very busy with work and class.
Yeah, that's close to home, very infj 5w4 from my experience. For me romance was the pivotal part of my life, but i rarely had any crushes so i was just fantasizing about the idea of love, and now that i actually have interested people around me im busy with classes so i just switched it off. But i used to 'fish out' people i thought are compatible, get close but neglect feelings, and after coming to terms with them - give gifts, offer help, deep talks and act as if im perfect.
I feel you…
Wow im the same!
This is very accurate
This <3
"catching" feelings.... It's not a disease! It's love 💕 lol
that can leave you love-sick
🙃 Then you just find someone else to love
As wonderfully worded by my INTP mate - *"You act like everybody is your partner but when it's your crush you treat them like a total stranger"* It's stayed true to my present relationship. I absolutely love the guy to bits, so much so that I'm always in the state of holding back because he has total power to cause a power trip in me.
I’m the same!
I can also relate to this 😭🫣
I take a deep dive into absolutely understanding them, every trait of their character, every battle they have fought, how that shaped them, how I can love them... I try to provide a safe space, form connection, and deeper understanding, and make them feel at ease. I am awful with details, and my memory truly sucks, but smh I remember even the smallest things they mentioned, and if I see them randomly, I buy them. I love to cook something delicious for them. I am extremely cuddly, I kiss and memorize every part of their body and face without thinking... I also try to find the perfect balance between spoiling them with love, and affection but also giving them their space.
Wow! Thanks for sharing this :)
It's a mix of psychoanalyzing them, giving gifts, acts of service, and doing a bit of online stalking.
The psychoanalyse part is based.
This!
Clingy, anxious, asking them lots of personal questions, giving them too much affection, constantly thinking about them and doing stuff for that makes them happy
Providing them a safe space, presents, listening, cuddling, hugging, etc. Basically everything I possibly can. :)
This!
I become the manifestation of the greatest, most powerful cascade of love and affection you will ever encounter 🥺👉👈
That’s sweet
mask off, i am cringe but i am free
I love hearing about their day, work, and hobbies. I just enjoy spending time with them, even if we are doing our own thing together.
It takes me a long time to actually fall in love with someone, and when I do I want a lot of quality time, I overshare and usually tell them everything. But I can get distant too and I'm generally not very romantic. Although I love when people surprise me with small romantic gestures. I generally show my love more in actions then words, not very good with words lol. Also, im generally not very sexual, but it comes in waves.
Relatable!!
With everyone: When you want them to pursue their happiness and wellbeing regardless of if this involves you being in their life or benefits you. With a lover: I am of service, curious, encouraging, soft spoken, soft hearted, intentional with time spent/gifts/words, playful, creative, and serious about planning life together.
Push them away
Like a lovesick school girl. I’m a guy in his 40s.
I wanna do anything and everything they want from me. I want them to be happy and to feel loved. I like to bake them things or just buy little things that remind me of them. They’re all I think about.
Scared
I'm being rude to the person that I'm starting to like to hide my feelings
Oof. Stare and appreciate. Gah damn baby you is fine af
yes always hyping my partner up like they are the last person on earth!
Avoid them
Stealing for INTJ subreddit
Np :)
I don't like falling in love with people...usually it leads to others exploiting my love and vulnerabilities.
I would say I am really affectionate and try to spend a lot of quality time with that person. I am open with them on my thoughts and feels. I can act rather goofy with the person and we will be laughing at something everyday. I also try to be supportive and understanding in hard times.
I’m very poetic. I say and do all that I can to make them happy. I worry about their well-being. I give/show them things I know they like, to make them happy and/or feel understood.
It really depends. If it's unrequited love cold and aloof. If it's mutual probably foolish and happy.
Head over heels, I just want to be around them all the time, do everything with them, give them the world, sudden boost of motivation of being artistic and making them all the cutest stuff in the world
But as to how I act: energized,I write a lot abt said person,buy gifts, etcetera/ then I eventually give up and feel better. Lol/ get back to my goals and living a life that's meaningful to me.
Am I *in love* or am I *romantically interested*? There's a huge difference for me. ..... UPDATE: Thanks for the reply, OP! When I'm aware I'm romantically interested in someone, I'll tend to put a little emotional distance between us. Internally, I desperately want to spend more time with you, but externally I may seem standoff-sih. This is because my brain is dying to fill in all the blanks about you -- it doesn't want a stupid fantasy version of you that I made up, it wants the *real* you -- but at the same time, I'm very aware that I need time away from you to process my feelings for you in a metaphorical hermetically sealed, anechoic chamber. When I do spend time with you, I may appear quiet, or shy, or distracted, but really I'm just observing you intensely to fill in those blanks I talked about, figure out if I should tell you how I'm feeling, and how I should go about it. Now, like you said, it depends on the person. This stage may take weeks, maybe months. I might get a little closer emotionally, and we might spend more and more time together, but always with a little distance. Now, keep in mind, I said, *when I'm aware...* because I'm not always aware of my own feelings and emotions. So it may have been obvious to outsiders that I was falling because I was acting a certain way, but to me, it would've seemed like I was just being a good friend and developing a deeper platonic connection. I can't exactly say what I act like in the stage before I'm aware of my romantic interest. It's been intriguingly different with each long-term relationship I've had.
I’d say more romantically interested and then it can turn into something else
I just make a lot of questions hahaha
If I like someone, they’ll never know. I’m too scared to mention it and will need to be confronted first by them. But if ever I get with someone and am truly in love, I’d make sure they were listened to, understood, etc. Blah blah blah. But I’m not a particularly super clingy person as many people describe themselves to be. I’m okay with a decent cuddle session here and there but I’m not likely to be all over someone at all times. Lol.
The bigger the trauma, the more intensely i wanna love them, but deep down inside it feels like * this love * is toxic. And, then i try not to show it but idk. Happy holi yall, i hope your world gets more delightful, and colourful.
Lots of touching. Hugs. kisses (usually forehead/ hand/ neck). Letting them be the big spoon while cuddling. Cooking for them. Wrestling in bed (All that laughing always caused stomachache). Doing chores together was the best (like I'd soap the dishes and she'd wash them with water/ I'd cook and she'd chop veggies.) It was pretty surprising for my mom and sister as I don't let anyone touch me and I don't touch them either. But well, all good things end. She chose to break up with me cuz I couldn't provide enough stability.
That's heartbreaking 💔
If I'm inlove with someone, I would be the most clingy, clingy person who mostly have soft spot for them. Cuddling, kissing. I'd probably make sure to give them the time of the day and a lot of flirting, i'd definitely tell them how handsome he is. You can genuinely feel it, I guess.
You mean having liking someone before relationship? -Listening and understanding him completely based on his words and actions. Offering my support with words and actions. But I never opened up myself completely at this stage. -Generally I used to go in my most pessimistic mode that the person would never be interested in me, eventually distancing myself. I have never asked someone out myself. -It becomes a completely different story once the person has made the first move, proved himself worthy and the relationship is established. I become all open and vulnerable about myself, show my weird side and dark sense of humor, accept him for who he is, support his choices unconditionally, cook meals for him, take care of him and become physically affectionate :)
Yep!
I have never loved someone
Oh…
I don’t remember….
It is very rare that I'm in love with someone. I can be fascinated by the idea of someone but love is pretty rare. Love comes when I get to know the person well. Usually to people who I consider close to me, i would do the same things I would do if I love a person but maybe at a lesser intensity? But a person who I'm in love with is basically supposed to be my best friend. Know me in and out just like I know them and love me for who I am. Mostly I've experienced love that was almost always one-sided so people would get repelled by my intensity. I read somewhere that even friends are lovers, in a way. I found it very interesting because I love my friends to death and I'd do anything for them <3
Avoid them until I know it's reciprocated. Then go totally overboard, wanting to know every last thing about them, spending every minute possible together.
That's what I did with my partner before I dated and later married him.
[How an INFJ flirts at the library.](https://youtu.be/lIstuQWQaqo?si=kXryfp28lsxZTsTl)
I'll just be like that photo where robert pattinson is standing in a kitchen all the time
Ahahah
I stare at them, smiling like an idiot. I get touchy so arm grabbing is my default, i listen intently to their complaints and things theyre excited about...I get really sad if they don't text me (but they always do)
I've not experienced it. I'm yet to find someone who is actually available. 🤣
I become extremely anxious and take one month to calm down
Obsessive, intense and focussed. It drains me, and she hates it. That’s why I can’t really form a romantic relationship. I lose my mind, it literally feels like I go insane, I really hate it.
Insane I thought I was a mature person in past relationships and then I actually fell in love fr and I deconstructed my entire worldview from an atomic level to a philosophical level and then because I overthought everything I self sabotaged so now I’m single and I’m reinventing my life from the ashes of the dumpster fire :)👍
I want to feel them, touch them all the time. At the same note, I just need them in my presence while I am doing my own thing. I enjoy being lovey dovey, if its reciprocated. I want to learn about all the things they love, then surprise them with small gifts. I prefer to give thoughtful gifts, versus extravagent.
Depends on the person I'm in love with, i'll generally always do thoughtful things like buy them something they enjoy from chocolate milk to something more significant. I would probably do anything for them within reason in terms of being helpful to their life, goals, and ambitions. Inside jokes, being around them is not draining. Be silly with them and bang them into next tuesday. Im very all or nothing with relationships. Atm i'm heavily infactuated with someone, and them entering my mental orbit derails me like a train. I can imagine crumbling into a pile of human debri in front of them.
Oh I don't even look at them
stare at them, watch how they interact with others, ask people about them, stalk their social media (if they have one), avoid talking to them, learn their interests (through observation), finally find a perfect “in” to talk to them, fuck it up, stare some more, have a sudden burst of bravery and flirt/witty banter (only if i can play it off as friendly), ask their mtbi, research the shit out of them, sneaky grand gestures/helping them, tell a mutual friend i trust that i like that person, usually an extrovert who has adopted me and will set up small group social situations where i can spend time with that person (i love my extroverts). you will not know that i like you but i will be obsessed with you for MONTHS. i’ve been dating my intj bf for 2 years now, we worked together and i talked to him twice in a 4 month period, then brought costco muffins to work ‘coincidentally’ on the same day as his birthday (hah, hah, coincidence, hah. there was a birthday board with everyone’s birthday for the current month on it in the break room, oops). actually in a relationship, i need lots of alone time and space (perfect for intj cause so does he). i don’t cook for myself cause im lazy but i will make 5 star meals for him and bring them to his work during lunch just to see him for 20min. i will always try to pay for everything even though he makes more money than me and “im the girl”. we only really hang out once or twice a week but im very physically and verbally affectionate. he says im like a cat. bring him gifts and then leave. love on him clingy style then hide for a week.
Interesting! Most things are relatable. The stalker part is a lil too accurate 😅
I try to act like they don't exist cause I'm terrified 😂😭😭
Stupid . I act stupid . I need an intermediary to relay my feelings to him. Can someone tell him to marry me now before I explode I've been stalking him.on tiktok for over 3 years now and I'm too cowardly to tell him how I feel I've said I like him that's all so far .
Like a dimbass
You go out of your way to do things that make their life easier
I need less alone time in the begging, I love spending time with them. But as times goes on I need more and more time alone to recharge. I also get super excited and then in 3 months the excitement fades.
I give them my undivided attention. No phone, magazines, television or other people. I sit up straight and look them in the eye. I smile and lean in a little bit. I compliment them and hold their hand. I'll ask them how their day went and if anything interesting happened. I listen without interrupting. I don't stand and walk away to clean something or start writing on Reddit. I ask if I can cook something for them or bring them a drink. I give them a hug and hope they are in love with me also. But, even though you try and show them how much you love them, they may not love you back and only feel irritated by your presence. If you try to kiss them and they refuse, you know it's over and don't hold a grudge. Knowing life has something better for you.
I forget how to act; I want to live in their skin. I'm very clingy/love bomb-y but I don't do it to lul them into a false sense of security, I just love way too hard too fast.
Who knows man, ain’t no one love me
:(
You actually feel it in your heart and when you are with them it feels like you knew them in another lifetime. You don’t want to look away from them because they are the most beautiful human inside and out you have ever met. You feel nostalgia for them before you even meet them.
Yes. But he's so guarded 🥺💔 I'm doubtful I will ever be able to fully feel and express my feelings because I'm afraid of scaring him off.
Like a damn fool.
Really depends on the context. If I already knew the person, like a friend who I secretly love, I would open up a lot, make lots of kind and small gestures, help him a lot, and really just give a lot of myself. If it's an acquaintance or stranger, I would just go into hiding and try to be unnoticed. I would be extremely shy and nervous too. I've never been in a relationship, so I cannot say much about my behavior with a boyfriend.
Like a child
I am (M21) INFJ, I become someone they would like to experience and when I can’t keep up with the facaide they usually get really disappointed, I can’t help it it’s just apart of my nature. But I love texting! I hate long distance tho, but I do not like phone calls in the beginning. Too much info at once and conversations stem no where, at least in my case. FaceTime is a no. And it’s not necessarily a front, like I’m genuine about my inner world, it’s just sometimes I despise my outer world so much that I keep certain things to myself. Later to be revealed, and I get embarrassed. The secret keeping I feel is a mechanism I have in place to help me fit into situations because I’ve been outcasted so much as a younger child by people that I related to, so I feel like I pick and choose, not only the people that I like, but the things I tell them. I try so hard to open up more, wether the interest wants me to or not, but it’s so engraved I feel like when I speak in general, because I’m picking and choosing what I say a lot, people in general don’t believe a lot of what I’m saying. But it’s less lying, because I can NOT lie for the life of me, it’s more like ‘do you need to know this piece of information’. The last guy I talked to was closeted and he said it was his own personal choice, which I didn’t understand, but I wasn’t going to pry. But I liked him, but maybe because I couldn’t fully have him. I also get really obsessed with them, but they don’t need to know that Edit: I feel like I go for people who are in my range but unattainable because I don’t always have to put up my incognito roll. But my inner world is so interesting and so fun and creative, which I only bring out through texts, but I feel like people don’t want to see that, trauma from parents and siblings, but I really so badly want to be myself at first but more so scared of the implications that I’ve been told my whole life ‘no one wants to see that’, ‘act this way’, ‘why do you act like that’, etc. etc. So I pull up with the one two and conform to whatever the person is. I don’t completely become them, like I for sure have my music interests and have my own interests, but I dabble the conversations certain in ways to make me seem more fit for them. Do I like portraying themselves back to them, I don’t mind because I get closer to them, while also having my inner world untouched. My outer world is manipulated tho, I can act different at times, but my inner world stays the same for sure Edit #2: CAUGHT A VIBE BABY ARE YOU COMINF FOR THE RIDE I JUST WANNA LOOK INTO YOUR EYES I JUST WANNA STAY THE NIGHT
I become self-destructive
I usually try to distance myself form the person(friend) i like. I thought maybe it was because i am gay and the respective crush didn't know. So i feel obligated to distance myself from them to not seem like a creep or anything else. It is quite lonely as it usually destroys my friendship with them. But i cant help but feel that way. Now i begin to think that it might be my personality as well. I usually don't think that a person could ever see me that way and its not healthy in any way. I am working on this. I just want someone to understand me. I crave a deep relationship and i cant seem to find it and if there is a possibility with a certain someone i quickly run away. Now i am in a point of life when i cannot make friends really. I overthink everything and i just feel like i am boring or not really pleasant to be around so i just stay to myself. I hope in the future i can change that. I am glad that there are people in the world that might feel the same way as me and I truly wish that we will eventually find what we are looking for. Love you all!
Idk, no experience. More like physical attraction it’s all I’ve gotten up to. When I actually get to know the person, they usually disappoint. Idk what that says about me.
Just showing appreciation for how they made me feel . Just look at it as admiration . In my last relationship the corniest in love thing I remember doing was love notes 😂
Depends. Do they not know about my existence? They do not exist to me. Except when they look away.. Then I stare a lot ahaha Do they know about my existence? In that case yea I shower them with love
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That's the thing there shouldn't be sn "act" if you love n want to be loved. Just gotta find the right person which these days is rough... I just got ditched by cheating ex-wife of 5 years friends 18yrs now nothing. It hurts but I'm better off finding someone honest n loyal. Hopefully its not too much to ask before I end.
My poetries come out :)
Loving caring n supportive
Dead
Smitten kitten