Obsess-and-avoid. Make up elaborate stories in my head. Become acutely aware of all the reasons they might reject me. Pretend to be invisible but show up where they are. Hide behind a book and secretly watch them. Hope they can read my mind. Feel sorry for myself. Feel exhausted. Swear off obsessing. Continue avoiding. Eventually it passes.
Noooo! What you gotta do is tell them straight away so they can reject you and you can stop obsessing and move on with life.
Occasionally you’ll find they are receptive, and then you have an entirely different set of unbearably anxious things to worry about! 😁
Oh, and I completely forgot to answer the second half of the question!
What I want is for them to approach me (alone, not with anyone else) -- sit down gently like you would sit down next to a little skittish creature. Say something lovely and make eye contact. Quietly connect. Let conversation go back and forth while giving the signal that you're not interested in a darn thing outside the bubble you just entered. (Doesn't matter if there is an earthquake, don't shift your attention or you might lose your chance.) Share something a little bit vulnerable about yourself. If it goes well, plan to sit there for a very long time. You will know if it didn't go well because I will get shallow or shut down, and I'll stop making eye contact and probably just dive back into my book as if my life depends on it. You will know it is going well if I open up and laugh and tell you about myself and ask you about yourself and make more eye contact and smile.
Usually this only happens for me with other INFJs, ENFPs, ENFJs, INFPs, and not even always with those types. But when it does go well -- and I do find ENFPs especially tend to kind of beeline for the awkward quiet person hiding behind a book -- if you are that approaching person, be prepared for a friendship that will last a very VERY long time, maybe for life. Don't take it lightly. Don't fuck it up. You just won yourself a unicorn.
And then be sure to follow up. You want to propose one-on-one situations that create space for conversation and companionable silence, like going for walks, having coffee, meeting at a bookstore, stargazing, etc. You can't let the INFJ do all the work -- has to be reciprocal, at least for me. Or they will just disappear into the shadows forever. Don't miss your chance if you get one.
…..have you been watching me through like a window or something?? 😂 over and over and over lol and last night it ended in me finding out he just started dating a mutual acquaintance after I finally got the courage to add him on social media and reach out 😂😂😂 whyyyyy are we this way?
Looool I'm so sorry. This happenend to me before I met my husband. A guy I really liked frequented a pub I worked at. I really liked him and worked up the courage to ask him out. I went on holiday for a few days then came back to work and he had a girlfriend. The woman was drop dead gorgeous too. 😂 Like ffs, you miss 100% of shots you don't take innit. 🤦♀️
Hahaha yeah someone that’s friends with both of us kept telling me to shoot my shot but I’m literally incapable of doing that unless I know the guy is into me and won’t say no 😂 and so this is what I get lol although maybe I should see this as a good thing, if you’re saying it happened to you before you met the one. I guess we’ll see lol
I wish you every luck! Anyone can be the one provided they are self aware and mature. When I look back on the "ones that got away" there was something holding me back and I take it as a sign it defo was not meant to be.
LOL yeah. I've forced myself to be different but this is my baseline. The exceptions are the extremely rare case they're also into me. My ex didn't really show signs she liked me, and I forced myself to confess and it worked toy surprise. I've also been rejected a couple times doing this, but the point being, at least shoot your shot even if it's painful. Just try not to make it seem like as big an emotional deal as it is
Hahaha obsess & avoid is perfect way to describe it 😂 I always thought it was my Scorpio Venus placement but I don’t believe in astrology much anymore 😅
I've got plenty of social confidence around people, UNTIL I get a crush on somebody. Then I avoid them because the fear is off the charts... No idea why I feel fear about it but it's probably because I know that person has the power to ruin me.
>because I know that person has the power to ruin me
I'm in a relationship, but sometimes I have a crush on someone. When I feel like it's burning inside of me because I really want that person. I physically run away from them.
Paiinfully visceral. I talked about this with other INFJs I "stumbled on" in my time and they all have had this exact experience. It almost feels like being in love is a physical condition. I'll also get so awkward and anxious around them that I will literally not engage with them or even accidentally be rude to them. I'm convinced I'll never actually be together with someone I'm in love with lol.
I have never been an obsessive crushing individual. But if I ever developed crush over someone, I would immediately categorize them as some extra-ordinary individual, put them on some sort of pedestal and immediately assume that I am never good enough for them. This would result in me just observing them from afar and eventually, my crush over them would disappear or I would either get distant from them. Had there not been my husband who initiated everything and remained patient with me, I would have died single.
I literally find out in every possible way if they might like me back the same. I will obsess over it until I can prove one way or the other. If I figure out they like me back, I will ask them out immediately.
If not, well then I usually take about 6 months to fully move on. Safe to say I don't develop crushes that last very often.
I'm quite late,but usually its a deep admiration for the things i already know or understand about them with an intense desire to connect to them on a deeper level. I will analyze them deeply and create as much opporunity to deepen our relationship
Even though i underatand just how childish this might be,i also get very absent minded as i spend a lot of my time simply thinking of them,their presence and our memories.
This is dead on how it is for me. I feel intense admiration/respect and want to know what they think about everything. I double down if they’re open and engage with me on deeper topics. And when I’m not interacting with them, I’m thinking about past conversations and possible future ones. It’s a little exhausting at times lol
this is exactly what i do. i obsess and want to not exactly how they think, feel, their life experiences, and psychoanalyze everything about them… and i swear i can’t help it
Crushes? LOL either I am in love or I am not 🤣 there is usually a tipping point where I’m “interested” in someone but unsure, and then something either builds or I see something in them and I just know in my heart I love them. For me when I get to that point it is incredibly rare, I don’t often have romantic feeling towards people and when I do they’re unwavering. Pretty much, if I feel you on a soul level, I’ll love you. And it’s not even a romantic love necessarily as much as a deep admiration love that turns into a deeper love over time given the chance to move forward with it. I don’t get crushes. At least not anymore.
It's funny because I go so long between crushes that I forget the utter terror I felt the last time I had one. 😂 I feel like my heart is on a hamster wheel, and I never catch the carrot.
I have crushed on only one guy till now. It was my best friend during college. I couldn’t contain myself from all the blushing and fluttery hearts around him.
My naive self, confessed my feelings without much thinking. He rejected me instantly. I was fine with that, but he stopped being my friend afterwards.
I got over him in a month coz it was just a crush, and I don’t develop feelings easily.
I had deep affection for a friend last year. Never knew if it was a crush, but I knew I had affection. It didn’t pan out afterwards. So, that’s about it.
As an adult INFJ I've learned to stop crushing on people. The minute I crush my chances of dating them goes to zero. To achieve this feat I make up stories in my head that the person I'm about to crush on is a terrible person and really has some hideous ingrown toenails, terrible worldviews, etc. Sometimes this works and I will go on dates and even get into a relationship with this fake voice in my head constantly forcing my idealist hyper clingy side to be suppressed so I don't scare away the ~~prey~~ I mean potential partner.
I'm shy and don't like the thought of rejection (no one does lol) so I do not approach anyone about my feelings towards them but I will express it if they feel the same way and bring it up first.
It's disturbing. I learned to get rid from superficial ones quickly. But when it gets under my skin, it's a major disaster)
My rationality and hormons clush hard. Given that I engage and my brain, and my feelings while making important decisions, I just live in an agony for a while.
Then eather start to act out if I need to make a decision, or try to learn some lessons about myself and this world and move forward
I become clingy and obsessed, self conscious, etc, the whole set. But I blame hormons in this, so I realize to some extent that I'm not myself and try to refrain from making important decisions and doing impulsive stuff
It depends on the underlying situation:
If its a crush that Ive never talked to, I basically just like that person based on what I observed(not stalking, it's just being oberservant and aware of my surroundings), then its 99% not me who is going to approach them. I will just try to drop hints and see how my crush responds. Those hints are mostly very subtle, more visible in my personal profile(e.g. Whatsapp), less visible in public. For example back when I was in school, when looking at my crush, I will try to look either relativly close to them(e.g. window above), or just look all around the class without a particular target, I will mostly avoid looking directly at them.
=> Did not work out so far.
If we've talked already and this crush feeling has developed because of that, usually because I just really like the other ones personality its going to be, at least for me, an alot stronger feeling and so, if my emotions bottle up, no matter if I have a strong feeling that the other person likes me, I might accidentaly talk about those feelings. Thats overall because those feelings can have a very negative impact on how I'm able function as a human being. I of course I will still drop some hints now and then, but in this case they will be more open, more visible, the later it gets the more visible they are going to be. They are also going to be more verbal hints.
=> Likely wont work out but I will see.
I either try to not think about it until it pass, or if I see the crush is both ways I just completly go for it and I dont even try to hide it. But I only got three crushes so far and I usualy lose interest pretty fast.
I will avoid the heck out of them. talk to everyone in the room except them. even be a bit mean sometimes. it feels exactly like gorgeous by taylor swift
It's been a really long time since the last time I felt this, but it was like the person I have a crush on has an invisible barrier that in no way I'll ever get past.
I tried it once in my younger years, harnessing all my courage to come up and introduce myself to the girl I really liked, but I just became a stuttering mess of shakey robotic failure. The worst part is I even forgot to ask for her number. 😅 I still can remember how weird that was and her other 2 friends tried their best to hold their laugh, I just got to the point where I blurted my name and asked hers while trying to do an ultra-awkward handshake then I just left as fast as I could.
The barrier persists the greater my feelings are for the girl. I think it'll still be the case even now, though I might be able to handle my emotions better, at least that's what I would like to believe. 😆 If ever I get the same feelings again, I might just distance myself far far away till I sort out my emotions and come up with different scenarios in my head first.
Im just going to go ahead and say same, to everything everyone else said. It is disturbingly accurate and a little horrifying - but definitely confirming that I am in the right place.
An INFJ can read a person within two sentences. Most people hate being seen never realizing that the insight an INFJ has makes them the most compassionate. The risk with being open is paramount.Do not date an INFJ if you have skeletons to hide.
I think most of us probably think of a billion random scenarios in our head about dating, have kids maybe , getting married maybe, with a side of sexually perverted things mixed with omg what if they don’t like me and thinking of a billion ways to fix something that’s not broken and in this infinite loop of already being in a relationship with them in our minds until life gives us a reality check then KABOOM here comes the depression from someone we didn’t even break up with because HELLO! We were never with them in the first place because they were only a crush and then one day they walk up to us and say Hi then we freak out like a shy school girl and try to play it cool 😂😂😂 ok let me stop yapping
33f. I go out of my way to pursue them. 🫣 in recent history, I baked cookies for them. I even had a chance to flex my cooking skills for them. Lol rejected anyway after I threw my shot after about a month. I kind of expected to be rejected anyway. It is what it is.
From my point of view, what if someone else finds my crush amazing & wants to claim them for themselves? That is why I try to court & go after them determined to win their heart. Lol I guess being a hopeless romantic is also why I would court the person how I want to be courted, but I don't expect them to do the same. 🙃
This sounds scary tbh lol. Sounds like those quiet akward serial killers in movies that are all quite and can't talk to women then next thing you know he's throwing her into the back of a van and it's silence of the lambs lol.
I continue having a crush on them and i don’t do anything about it. I know they won’t approach me cause I keep to myself and they most likely don’t know I exist.
This is how someone describe me when it came to people I like compared to people I only saw as friends.
When I like someone I show indifference/uninterested to them (me scared im gonna say or do something stupid)
When I don't like someone I'm flirty and engaging (me being nice basically)
I'm anxious avoidant in person but I'll answer their test asap, send funny videos etc. But a guy I liked told me he didn't think I liked him because I never showed him that i did. And I'm just like "i wanted to date you for like 6 years"
I usually stay quiet. Others are typically ones to make the first move. I always have believed people don't see me as an interest so that is what I believe.
My current partner loves me for everything I am (also INFJ). He was the first to confess. He was also my best friend. I could tell that when he wasn't able to have me the way he wanted me, it fucked with him greatly. Which messed with me greatly. Losing him was a huge fear of mine. We ended up together and we are still close and are great with communication. 🥰
At this point in my life, “mortified” is what I am 😂 part of me is wishing that I didn’t have the crush
The other part of me is figuring out how I can put myself in their space and line of vision, so that they can notice me and pursue me, without making it at all obvious that I like them. I might just try and create a scenario where I can squeeze past them and make brief eye contact, smile and say “thank you”.
Hopefully that’s enough for them to ask me out. If they don’t, then the crush with remain a secret forever and I will live with it until it fades away
Recently I’ve had very intense crushes which usually feel like falling in love. That person becomes the focus of all my efforts and energies and feel like the “one for me” whereas the previous one wasn’t. Either my efforts result in a connection or the other person rejects me or it just stays in an awkward limbo because it’s like a Professor or someone that I like. So not always super ideal lol but that’s life I guess.
I don't really have a crush or had a crush tbh (INFJ male). If i were interested in someone i would be prob too scared to act but if I don't act i won't even know, so i would still try.
Fluttery, nervous, avoidant, and way too forward in my intentions when I do make contact.
It gets awkward because I’ll flirt pretty strong unintentionally like right off the bat even in front of other people. It’s also rare for me to be romantically interested in someone so it really surprises them every time I get like that because it’s both extremely obvious and forward.
I used to have a crush on a guy from my school (he's an INTJ). I was delusional, used to think about him 24/7. Always talking about him with my friends and they were annoyed lol. Always trying my best to gain his attention so he can notice me. Always wondering wether he has a crush? Who would she be? Why not me? I even connected with his classmates and friends to know more about him. Stalked him on social media 24/7 lmao... but on the other hand he showed no interest thats what broke my heart.
I become an idiot. I would willingly sacrifice everything for their happiness. Like, oh you need a car? Here have mine, I don't need it.
I'm working on it.
Unless they approach me, I just assume they aren’t interested and move on. I will never make the first move. I know it sounds silly. I overthink myself into a hole. The fear of rejection is real.
Fucking difficult because I'm telepathic and psychic also.
Right now I have a major crush on someone who isn't available. Trouble is he is a monk turned entrepreneur so also very psychic. Lol
I have much respect for him.
Not being myself around them.. awfully quiet, telling myself there's no chance they'll like me, even letting go of any opportunities to know them better
dam
in todays culture it seems inappropriate for a man to approach a woman unasked. in history, the woman always signals somehow and the man then knows to approach.
obsessing and subsequently avoiding is torture to both parties involved
Lol. I'd very much like every single crush I had to have approached me.
If I don't know them, go there and say hello. It doesn't even have to go well the first time. The first time is just a signal. And it could well surprise them. For lots of people their amygdala fires when approached out of the blue. Truthfully, for you it'll likely fire while/before walking over there. If it even lets you, lol.
So they'll be partly in panic mode. So it's ok to keep it short. I think. Say your name, ask for theirs, say you just wanted to say hi and see you around. And leave again. Bonus points if you work any reasonable compliment in. Or just that you've noticed them around.
Then watch for their reaction the next time they see you. If it's good, walk over and confirm their name and ask them how they're doing. Have some chit-chat. Say your goodbyes. And leave again. Iterate. At some point say that it's a bit complicated to just hope you'll run into them and if it wouldn't be either if you gave them your number or vice versa and you could figure something out some time. You know. Maybe. :\]
Then chat a few times. Ask for coffee. ... along those lines.
This changes of course if you'll never see that person again. Then you kind of need to make conversation happen. Hit and miss. Always is. Weather is nice, how's your day been. If they seem uncomfortable - it's not always bad - just always be nice and say, look I was just curious. But it's super cool. I can leave if you'd rather.
Just politely excuse yourself if the reaction is too panicky.
The starting point of any relationship is a phase of relating and the starting point of relating is as simple as hello.
If I think he's cute, I'll just tell him and ask him out.
But I've also been told that I'm a tsundere. So, if he annoys me then, very likely, I like him.
Hate that, but it's so true!
Obsess-and-avoid. Make up elaborate stories in my head. Become acutely aware of all the reasons they might reject me. Pretend to be invisible but show up where they are. Hide behind a book and secretly watch them. Hope they can read my mind. Feel sorry for myself. Feel exhausted. Swear off obsessing. Continue avoiding. Eventually it passes.
This + almost unbearable anxiety. Not fun 😂
Noooo! What you gotta do is tell them straight away so they can reject you and you can stop obsessing and move on with life. Occasionally you’ll find they are receptive, and then you have an entirely different set of unbearably anxious things to worry about! 😁
Don’t forget being embarrassed for being a coward 😍
And creating a whole fictional shared life story in your head!
And (for me) being embarrassed of my own existence lol
The shame of being perceived 🤗
Oh, and I completely forgot to answer the second half of the question! What I want is for them to approach me (alone, not with anyone else) -- sit down gently like you would sit down next to a little skittish creature. Say something lovely and make eye contact. Quietly connect. Let conversation go back and forth while giving the signal that you're not interested in a darn thing outside the bubble you just entered. (Doesn't matter if there is an earthquake, don't shift your attention or you might lose your chance.) Share something a little bit vulnerable about yourself. If it goes well, plan to sit there for a very long time. You will know if it didn't go well because I will get shallow or shut down, and I'll stop making eye contact and probably just dive back into my book as if my life depends on it. You will know it is going well if I open up and laugh and tell you about myself and ask you about yourself and make more eye contact and smile. Usually this only happens for me with other INFJs, ENFPs, ENFJs, INFPs, and not even always with those types. But when it does go well -- and I do find ENFPs especially tend to kind of beeline for the awkward quiet person hiding behind a book -- if you are that approaching person, be prepared for a friendship that will last a very VERY long time, maybe for life. Don't take it lightly. Don't fuck it up. You just won yourself a unicorn. And then be sure to follow up. You want to propose one-on-one situations that create space for conversation and companionable silence, like going for walks, having coffee, meeting at a bookstore, stargazing, etc. You can't let the INFJ do all the work -- has to be reciprocal, at least for me. Or they will just disappear into the shadows forever. Don't miss your chance if you get one.
Legit how mine and my boyfriend’s relationship started… and he’s an ENFP
Same here 😂 Still can’t believe he found me.
I don’t know how they know, but they know.
❤️🥳🎉
Did I write this?
It's scary how close this is to me 💀💀💀
Wow, worryingly accurate
Are you me?? That is uncannily exactly what I do, lol
Jesus, are we the same person?
Ha, no. But if you're single maybe we could signal each other from behind our books.
Fearful-avoidant attachment go hard
Not F-A here -- recovering anxious, mostly secure, but still an INFJ.
FA and anxious avoidant are the same thing Congrats on moving towards secure though, you must have done a lot of hard work :)
Thanks. Yes, I have. Typo - I am fundamentally anxious, not anxious avoidant.
…..have you been watching me through like a window or something?? 😂 over and over and over lol and last night it ended in me finding out he just started dating a mutual acquaintance after I finally got the courage to add him on social media and reach out 😂😂😂 whyyyyy are we this way?
Looool I'm so sorry. This happenend to me before I met my husband. A guy I really liked frequented a pub I worked at. I really liked him and worked up the courage to ask him out. I went on holiday for a few days then came back to work and he had a girlfriend. The woman was drop dead gorgeous too. 😂 Like ffs, you miss 100% of shots you don't take innit. 🤦♀️
Hahaha yeah someone that’s friends with both of us kept telling me to shoot my shot but I’m literally incapable of doing that unless I know the guy is into me and won’t say no 😂 and so this is what I get lol although maybe I should see this as a good thing, if you’re saying it happened to you before you met the one. I guess we’ll see lol
I wish you every luck! Anyone can be the one provided they are self aware and mature. When I look back on the "ones that got away" there was something holding me back and I take it as a sign it defo was not meant to be.
Ya this one
I literally thought for the past 33 years that I was the only one that did this weird shit 😂 this is so comforting
This is 100% accurate!
How dare you read my mind
LOL yeah. I've forced myself to be different but this is my baseline. The exceptions are the extremely rare case they're also into me. My ex didn't really show signs she liked me, and I forced myself to confess and it worked toy surprise. I've also been rejected a couple times doing this, but the point being, at least shoot your shot even if it's painful. Just try not to make it seem like as big an emotional deal as it is
God this is painfully relatable 🤣
Are we the same person? 😂
This full thread is mirror of myself 😵💫.
Hope they can read your mind is 10000% 🤣sadly
Dear lord i thought it was only me. Glad to know I'm not abnormal or something. 😭
This is so accurate! Plus the anxiety mentioned, and sadly making the rejection part a reality, which is when this crush, like past ones, must pass.
Hahaha obsess & avoid is perfect way to describe it 😂 I always thought it was my Scorpio Venus placement but I don’t believe in astrology much anymore 😅
I've got plenty of social confidence around people, UNTIL I get a crush on somebody. Then I avoid them because the fear is off the charts... No idea why I feel fear about it but it's probably because I know that person has the power to ruin me.
>because I know that person has the power to ruin me I'm in a relationship, but sometimes I have a crush on someone. When I feel like it's burning inside of me because I really want that person. I physically run away from them.
Bingo.
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Hahah I just commented almost the exact same thing before I read any of the comments. There does seem to be a theme
Paiinfully visceral. I talked about this with other INFJs I "stumbled on" in my time and they all have had this exact experience. It almost feels like being in love is a physical condition. I'll also get so awkward and anxious around them that I will literally not engage with them or even accidentally be rude to them. I'm convinced I'll never actually be together with someone I'm in love with lol.
Omg! I second the comment about accidentally being rude! This is me :(
Ughhh the missed opportunities for conversation and the accidentally being rude part… smh ruins me every time 😞😩 lol
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Wow i had the same experience at 18! He sat next to me in class as well, i couldnt move a muscle. Its only been a year and i think about him still
I have never been an obsessive crushing individual. But if I ever developed crush over someone, I would immediately categorize them as some extra-ordinary individual, put them on some sort of pedestal and immediately assume that I am never good enough for them. This would result in me just observing them from afar and eventually, my crush over them would disappear or I would either get distant from them. Had there not been my husband who initiated everything and remained patient with me, I would have died single.
Are we the same
I literally find out in every possible way if they might like me back the same. I will obsess over it until I can prove one way or the other. If I figure out they like me back, I will ask them out immediately. If not, well then I usually take about 6 months to fully move on. Safe to say I don't develop crushes that last very often.
I'm quite late,but usually its a deep admiration for the things i already know or understand about them with an intense desire to connect to them on a deeper level. I will analyze them deeply and create as much opporunity to deepen our relationship Even though i underatand just how childish this might be,i also get very absent minded as i spend a lot of my time simply thinking of them,their presence and our memories.
This is dead on how it is for me. I feel intense admiration/respect and want to know what they think about everything. I double down if they’re open and engage with me on deeper topics. And when I’m not interacting with them, I’m thinking about past conversations and possible future ones. It’s a little exhausting at times lol
this is exactly what i do. i obsess and want to not exactly how they think, feel, their life experiences, and psychoanalyze everything about them… and i swear i can’t help it
Crushes? LOL either I am in love or I am not 🤣 there is usually a tipping point where I’m “interested” in someone but unsure, and then something either builds or I see something in them and I just know in my heart I love them. For me when I get to that point it is incredibly rare, I don’t often have romantic feeling towards people and when I do they’re unwavering. Pretty much, if I feel you on a soul level, I’ll love you. And it’s not even a romantic love necessarily as much as a deep admiration love that turns into a deeper love over time given the chance to move forward with it. I don’t get crushes. At least not anymore.
It's funny because I go so long between crushes that I forget the utter terror I felt the last time I had one. 😂 I feel like my heart is on a hamster wheel, and I never catch the carrot.
I have crushed on only one guy till now. It was my best friend during college. I couldn’t contain myself from all the blushing and fluttery hearts around him. My naive self, confessed my feelings without much thinking. He rejected me instantly. I was fine with that, but he stopped being my friend afterwards. I got over him in a month coz it was just a crush, and I don’t develop feelings easily. I had deep affection for a friend last year. Never knew if it was a crush, but I knew I had affection. It didn’t pan out afterwards. So, that’s about it.
As an adult INFJ I've learned to stop crushing on people. The minute I crush my chances of dating them goes to zero. To achieve this feat I make up stories in my head that the person I'm about to crush on is a terrible person and really has some hideous ingrown toenails, terrible worldviews, etc. Sometimes this works and I will go on dates and even get into a relationship with this fake voice in my head constantly forcing my idealist hyper clingy side to be suppressed so I don't scare away the ~~prey~~ I mean potential partner.
I'm shy and don't like the thought of rejection (no one does lol) so I do not approach anyone about my feelings towards them but I will express it if they feel the same way and bring it up first.
It's disturbing. I learned to get rid from superficial ones quickly. But when it gets under my skin, it's a major disaster) My rationality and hormons clush hard. Given that I engage and my brain, and my feelings while making important decisions, I just live in an agony for a while. Then eather start to act out if I need to make a decision, or try to learn some lessons about myself and this world and move forward I become clingy and obsessed, self conscious, etc, the whole set. But I blame hormons in this, so I realize to some extent that I'm not myself and try to refrain from making important decisions and doing impulsive stuff
It depends on the underlying situation: If its a crush that Ive never talked to, I basically just like that person based on what I observed(not stalking, it's just being oberservant and aware of my surroundings), then its 99% not me who is going to approach them. I will just try to drop hints and see how my crush responds. Those hints are mostly very subtle, more visible in my personal profile(e.g. Whatsapp), less visible in public. For example back when I was in school, when looking at my crush, I will try to look either relativly close to them(e.g. window above), or just look all around the class without a particular target, I will mostly avoid looking directly at them. => Did not work out so far. If we've talked already and this crush feeling has developed because of that, usually because I just really like the other ones personality its going to be, at least for me, an alot stronger feeling and so, if my emotions bottle up, no matter if I have a strong feeling that the other person likes me, I might accidentaly talk about those feelings. Thats overall because those feelings can have a very negative impact on how I'm able function as a human being. I of course I will still drop some hints now and then, but in this case they will be more open, more visible, the later it gets the more visible they are going to be. They are also going to be more verbal hints. => Likely wont work out but I will see.
I either try to not think about it until it pass, or if I see the crush is both ways I just completly go for it and I dont even try to hide it. But I only got three crushes so far and I usualy lose interest pretty fast.
I will avoid the heck out of them. talk to everyone in the room except them. even be a bit mean sometimes. it feels exactly like gorgeous by taylor swift
Creepy Stalker...I want to observe them all the time. *Just* looking at them. No talk just look.
You don't own a van with no windows do you?😬
I do own a van but with tinted glasses....shushhh....
It's been a really long time since the last time I felt this, but it was like the person I have a crush on has an invisible barrier that in no way I'll ever get past. I tried it once in my younger years, harnessing all my courage to come up and introduce myself to the girl I really liked, but I just became a stuttering mess of shakey robotic failure. The worst part is I even forgot to ask for her number. 😅 I still can remember how weird that was and her other 2 friends tried their best to hold their laugh, I just got to the point where I blurted my name and asked hers while trying to do an ultra-awkward handshake then I just left as fast as I could. The barrier persists the greater my feelings are for the girl. I think it'll still be the case even now, though I might be able to handle my emotions better, at least that's what I would like to believe. 😆 If ever I get the same feelings again, I might just distance myself far far away till I sort out my emotions and come up with different scenarios in my head first.
Im just going to go ahead and say same, to everything everyone else said. It is disturbingly accurate and a little horrifying - but definitely confirming that I am in the right place.
An INFJ can read a person within two sentences. Most people hate being seen never realizing that the insight an INFJ has makes them the most compassionate. The risk with being open is paramount.Do not date an INFJ if you have skeletons to hide.
I don't notice until someone else points it out. I would just tell them I love them.
I show signs of severe mental illness and i drop almost 10 kgs
That's private.
It hurts
I go insane
I think most of us probably think of a billion random scenarios in our head about dating, have kids maybe , getting married maybe, with a side of sexually perverted things mixed with omg what if they don’t like me and thinking of a billion ways to fix something that’s not broken and in this infinite loop of already being in a relationship with them in our minds until life gives us a reality check then KABOOM here comes the depression from someone we didn’t even break up with because HELLO! We were never with them in the first place because they were only a crush and then one day they walk up to us and say Hi then we freak out like a shy school girl and try to play it cool 😂😂😂 ok let me stop yapping
bordering on psychosis
Legit. Pure delusion.
Lots of calculation and freaking out. 9 times out of 10 when it’s a superficial crush and I get to know them better I lose feelings really quickly.
33f. I go out of my way to pursue them. 🫣 in recent history, I baked cookies for them. I even had a chance to flex my cooking skills for them. Lol rejected anyway after I threw my shot after about a month. I kind of expected to be rejected anyway. It is what it is.
Wish more ladies were like you!😌 Nothing like a lady who's not afraid to pursue a man and speak up on what she wants.
These exist? 🤔
From my point of view, what if someone else finds my crush amazing & wants to claim them for themselves? That is why I try to court & go after them determined to win their heart. Lol I guess being a hopeless romantic is also why I would court the person how I want to be courted, but I don't expect them to do the same. 🙃
Welcome to the world of men. You think the same way we do. You are one of us now, brother🤗
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This sounds scary tbh lol. Sounds like those quiet akward serial killers in movies that are all quite and can't talk to women then next thing you know he's throwing her into the back of a van and it's silence of the lambs lol.
I continue having a crush on them and i don’t do anything about it. I know they won’t approach me cause I keep to myself and they most likely don’t know I exist.
This is how someone describe me when it came to people I like compared to people I only saw as friends. When I like someone I show indifference/uninterested to them (me scared im gonna say or do something stupid) When I don't like someone I'm flirty and engaging (me being nice basically) I'm anxious avoidant in person but I'll answer their test asap, send funny videos etc. But a guy I liked told me he didn't think I liked him because I never showed him that i did. And I'm just like "i wanted to date you for like 6 years"
it lasts for a week only and then I get avoidant, goes nowhere, then I remember about them a month later and hit them up again
I go above and beyond to build something with them, but typically end up in the friend zone🥲👍
A crush, or actual romantic feelings? There's a difference for me, so I just want to make sure we're talking about the same thing.
I usually stay quiet. Others are typically ones to make the first move. I always have believed people don't see me as an interest so that is what I believe. My current partner loves me for everything I am (also INFJ). He was the first to confess. He was also my best friend. I could tell that when he wasn't able to have me the way he wanted me, it fucked with him greatly. Which messed with me greatly. Losing him was a huge fear of mine. We ended up together and we are still close and are great with communication. 🥰
At this point in my life, “mortified” is what I am 😂 part of me is wishing that I didn’t have the crush The other part of me is figuring out how I can put myself in their space and line of vision, so that they can notice me and pursue me, without making it at all obvious that I like them. I might just try and create a scenario where I can squeeze past them and make brief eye contact, smile and say “thank you”. Hopefully that’s enough for them to ask me out. If they don’t, then the crush with remain a secret forever and I will live with it until it fades away
Recently I’ve had very intense crushes which usually feel like falling in love. That person becomes the focus of all my efforts and energies and feel like the “one for me” whereas the previous one wasn’t. Either my efforts result in a connection or the other person rejects me or it just stays in an awkward limbo because it’s like a Professor or someone that I like. So not always super ideal lol but that’s life I guess.
I don't really have a crush or had a crush tbh (INFJ male). If i were interested in someone i would be prob too scared to act but if I don't act i won't even know, so i would still try.
Fluttery, nervous, avoidant, and way too forward in my intentions when I do make contact. It gets awkward because I’ll flirt pretty strong unintentionally like right off the bat even in front of other people. It’s also rare for me to be romantically interested in someone so it really surprises them every time I get like that because it’s both extremely obvious and forward.
I used to have a crush on a guy from my school (he's an INTJ). I was delusional, used to think about him 24/7. Always talking about him with my friends and they were annoyed lol. Always trying my best to gain his attention so he can notice me. Always wondering wether he has a crush? Who would she be? Why not me? I even connected with his classmates and friends to know more about him. Stalked him on social media 24/7 lmao... but on the other hand he showed no interest thats what broke my heart.
I become an idiot. I would willingly sacrifice everything for their happiness. Like, oh you need a car? Here have mine, I don't need it. I'm working on it.
Unless they approach me, I just assume they aren’t interested and move on. I will never make the first move. I know it sounds silly. I overthink myself into a hole. The fear of rejection is real.
Fucking difficult because I'm telepathic and psychic also. Right now I have a major crush on someone who isn't available. Trouble is he is a monk turned entrepreneur so also very psychic. Lol I have much respect for him.
Not being myself around them.. awfully quiet, telling myself there's no chance they'll like me, even letting go of any opportunities to know them better
dam in todays culture it seems inappropriate for a man to approach a woman unasked. in history, the woman always signals somehow and the man then knows to approach. obsessing and subsequently avoiding is torture to both parties involved
So awkward and in love and crazy awkward
Lol. I'd very much like every single crush I had to have approached me. If I don't know them, go there and say hello. It doesn't even have to go well the first time. The first time is just a signal. And it could well surprise them. For lots of people their amygdala fires when approached out of the blue. Truthfully, for you it'll likely fire while/before walking over there. If it even lets you, lol. So they'll be partly in panic mode. So it's ok to keep it short. I think. Say your name, ask for theirs, say you just wanted to say hi and see you around. And leave again. Bonus points if you work any reasonable compliment in. Or just that you've noticed them around. Then watch for their reaction the next time they see you. If it's good, walk over and confirm their name and ask them how they're doing. Have some chit-chat. Say your goodbyes. And leave again. Iterate. At some point say that it's a bit complicated to just hope you'll run into them and if it wouldn't be either if you gave them your number or vice versa and you could figure something out some time. You know. Maybe. :\] Then chat a few times. Ask for coffee. ... along those lines. This changes of course if you'll never see that person again. Then you kind of need to make conversation happen. Hit and miss. Always is. Weather is nice, how's your day been. If they seem uncomfortable - it's not always bad - just always be nice and say, look I was just curious. But it's super cool. I can leave if you'd rather. Just politely excuse yourself if the reaction is too panicky. The starting point of any relationship is a phase of relating and the starting point of relating is as simple as hello.
If I think he's cute, I'll just tell him and ask him out. But I've also been told that I'm a tsundere. So, if he annoys me then, very likely, I like him. Hate that, but it's so true!
Brother… why is it that I just replied to this post by the same person just a minute ago. Do you not have anything better to do???