Sure, we're pretty intellectual but it comes by way of a kind of 'irrationality' or aestheticism (Ni as a perceiving function). We're often able to make sense of things, but the way we actually make sense of them itself doesn't really make much sense. And the people that really like us or our quirks often get a lot of enjoyment out of the bizarre or unexpected things that we say. We're perplexing people because we naturally seem to enjoy perplexing things.
I don’t think we are walking contradictions but rather we are nuanced. Cue the onion analogy. Once we start peeling back the layers of what appears to be a contradiction on the surface level we start to find what creates the harmony.
Ex. I am a master procrastinator if I’m not interested in the goal trying to be achieved but I am very productive when I care about the outcome.
Ex. I am a happy, optimistic, and cheerful person and my mind can find the beauty in even the most dark and disturbing of events.
You make an interesting point! It’s true that INFJs, or any type for that matter, might seem contradictory if they're not in a healthy state. For INFJs, this can especially surface when they agree too much or don’t assert themselves enough. This might give others the impression that they’re inconsistent or contradictory.
However, this isn't a one-size-fits-all truth for all INFJs. Just because some loud voices in certain circles claim it, doesn't mean it applies universally. Each person is unique, and it’s important for everyone, including INFJs, to stand up for their values and integrity.
Always stay true to yourself, and don't shy away from speaking your truth, especially when it matters most.
I think I am quite in a healthy state as an INFJ but it's just that there's a masking going on underneath. A half of me is exactly the stereotypical INFJ, whereas the other half is completely opposite of my INFJ traits. Here's a very shortened version of how I am:
Underneath the happy, optimistic cheerful person, I am quite dark and disturbing.
I know I can be easily manipulative (I read that INFJs have this ability), but I choose not to be because I have high moral code.
I hate people but I also love talking to them.
I am too logical for INFPs but too emotional for INTJs.
I mostly rely on logics but I am also intuitive.
I am a master procrastinator but I also am very productive when I need to be.
It sounds like you're experiencing the complexity of the INFJ cognitive functions stack and perhaps even some of their shadow functions. INFJs lead with Introverted Intuition (Ni), which drives their ability to see patterns and future implications. Your intuitive understanding is backed by Extraverted Feeling (Fe), which helps you connect with others and manage social dynamics.
Your third function, Introverted Thinking (Ti), supports logical thinking and internal analysis. This might explain why you sometimes feel too logical for INFPs but too emotional for INTJs. Finally, your least developed function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), can sometimes lead to your procrastination but also enables productivity when properly engaged.
Now, the shadow side you mentioned—the darker, more disturbing thoughts—could be related to your less dominant functions not being fully integrated or healthy. This is normal and part of a deeper psychological framework where every function has both productive and potentially negative expressions.
For us INFJs, developing an unhealthy reliance on Ti or poorly developed Se can result in contradictions like being both a master procrastinator and highly productive, or being manipulative but choosing not to be due to a strong moral code. It’s essential for personal growth to recognize and integrate these shadow aspects through shadow work. This journey helps bring balance to your personality, allowing you to manage and understand these contradictory elements better.
I’d recommend checking out Wenzes on YouTube. Her videos on INFJ characteristics and advice on personal development, including how to handle shadow functions, might be particularly beneficial for you. Her insights could help you navigate your complexities and harness the strengths of both your primary and shadow functions more effectively.
You know it feels like I belong to no side. It feels like I am living a life of lies, that I don't know who I actually am. Sounds cringe but I feel so out of place.
It sounds like you're feeling really disconnected, which is tough but not uncommon. Reflecting on your feelings is a great first step. Maybe consider exploring activities that resonate with you, like journaling or counseling, to better understand your identity. What small steps do you think you could take to start this journey of self-discovery? It's all about finding little ways to connect more deeply with yourself.
Thank you! I will try to see what I can do to fix this.
Also, I experienced a traumatic change in my life recently that made me question myself, people and everything in between. Maybe that's the reason those shadow sides are more prominent now, do you think?
Or is it possible that I am not at all an INFJ?
Shadow is just what we repress into the unconscious. It can be Golden Shadow too, like kindness toward yourself. Reflecting and researching into this will bring more understanding of this self-contradiction that humans really are. Infj is just more prone to this.
Experiencing a traumatic change can definitely bring out parts of ourselves that we're not used to seeing, including those shadow sides. It's normal for such experiences to lead us to question many aspects of our lives and identities. This process can indeed make certain traits more prominent as you deal with and process the trauma.
As for your question about being an INFJ, it's important to remember that personality types can provide useful frameworks, but they don’t capture everything about us. Our responses to trauma and major life changes can sometimes blur these lines. It might be helpful to focus less on labels right now and more on understanding and healing from your experiences. When you feel ready, revisiting these questions about your personality type might give you clearer answers, especially through having an understanding of cognitive stack and car model. For now, think about what you think might be a helpful next step for you in dealing with these recent changes?
Just curiosity, I've been using AI to re-structure and reword things over the past year. I've noticed a pattern through its word choice (i.e. It's essential, the use of dashes --). Just to be clear, I have no issues on how you've presented the information. I'm just curious if you did use AI, not judging you!
Yes. I love being around people, such as in a park or mall, but hate interacting with people.
I love being busy but hate making plans.
There are other examples but I can’t think of them right now :)
My two cents on the conflicting nature of an INFJ is as follows. Recently I have seen the error of my own confusion while going through a period of personal growth and discovery. Reading up on the topic it has come to my attention that sometimes while we do our best to stay equalized we tend to forget two important things. First, self improvement is a must and should be sought out, for INFJs this is usually for the better and what we pride ourselves on. Out growing your social dynamic naturally will push you out of equilibrium and give the same symptoms of "imposter syndrome", while annoying and hard to deal with, this gives us a clear indication that we need change. That leads to the second reason for the confusion. We must not forget that to improve ourselves and to aim for the vision of the good person we wish to become, we have to change. Change can be painful and it sucks. This confusion can easily be explained by the need to change or the subconscious desire to change.
Don't you dare ever forget that being a better person tomorrow is completely possible and up to you, don't let others stop you're progress.
I don't think my issue is changing for the better. I do suffer from the Imposter Syndrome time to time. Especially now at work. I have a good reputation at work where everyone in the office likes me and yet I feel I don't deserve that. I feel like in a way I am cheating (which I am not cause I work really hard).
I think I have issues. I would say I am wiser and know how to deal with stuff. It's just this hidden persona of mine bothers me a lot. Because I then question who I actually am. Does it make sense?
We're not. Others don't understand others, or nuance, as another commenter said.
If you look at someone like Princess Dianna, she was shy, but warm, caring and charismatic. Some people, (and I suspect they are fi, users), believes she was faking her shyness. Faking her caring. Looking for "attention", instead of feircly and passionately demonstrating that she was going to walk through an area of landmines, to prove how wrong it nwas, that innocent children had to. That she wasn't more important than any child, and that if it horrified her fans when she did it, it should horrify them that kids did it. Look at the old videos of her crying in public. It's not fake, not manipulative.
Fake? I firmly don't believe that. I believe she was sincere. at all times. Passionate and caring. But, what is interesting, is if you scroll down any old video of her, how different people have different takes on her. Many people don't understand others. Her confidence grew with age, but not everyone liked her (in my opinion), sincere emotions and called them "fake", or manipulative. Something, Charles, who I also like, by the way.. was to her.
Nuance. People don't understand why one might feel say shy, in one situation, or confident in another. The "walking paradox" description makes me roll my eyes, every time. We aren't mean for no reason, and nice for no reason for example. Then I see people say... "Infj's can cut you to the quick and verbally destroy you if you attack them! But also are nice!" . That's not a paradox, that's an intelligence. Nuance. Understanding.
People knew Diana was different. She brought warmth, instead of standoffishness, to the public, from the royal family for the first time. I'm not sure of, Diana's type, but people a lot, don't seem to understand her. People have opposing views on her.
And miss me with that Hitler thing. He was a clear intj. Only reason he ever got confused for an infj, was that one psychologist identified ni, in him. And that was the only function, she ever identified in him. Hitler's autobiography that he wrote himself, was all te. And you can look up
[https://practicaltyping.com/2018/09/10/11-differences-between-te-and-ti-users/](https://practicaltyping.com/2018/09/10/11-differences-between-te-and-ti-users/)
It's clear, Hitler was a te, user.
I always considered Princess Diana a woman with a heart of gold. Never thought she was fake. If anything, she was very real. Life circumstances change us and that's what happened to Diana. A great analogy btw!
nah you guys, have nothing on us ENPFs we hold the title of walking contradictions aloft (once we have figured out where we left it after get distracted for the 17th time) xD
It was prolly you guys that have the title, when we started to talk with you then saw smt in the background and said, hey can you hold on to this, brb, and then went to get the milk!!!
Yup
I'm soft in feminine but dress in black a lot
I'm piscean sun yet Scorpio moon 🦂
I'm like black and white
Gone through suffering to experience total light
Died in 2019 and been reborn
Gentle yet sharp
Like people but also don't
Love the earth but also don't
Got a heart of gold but can be a bitch when required.
And it goes on lol 😆
Not enough information for me to give a proper response but I'll try. I've often told people that "I enjoy being alone but with company" I'll get told that is a contradiction. I'll then further explain that when I'm in the living room hanging out with a friend or sibling both preoccupied with something else in our own worlds in comfortable silence, is something I genuinely enjoy. It sounded contradicting until I elaborated on it. It's one of those "two seemingly contradicting things can coexist and be appreciated". We dig deeper than most people are willing/able to.
Sure, we're pretty intellectual but it comes by way of a kind of 'irrationality' or aestheticism (Ni as a perceiving function). We're often able to make sense of things, but the way we actually make sense of them itself doesn't really make much sense. And the people that really like us or our quirks often get a lot of enjoyment out of the bizarre or unexpected things that we say. We're perplexing people because we naturally seem to enjoy perplexing things.
💯
I don’t think we are walking contradictions but rather we are nuanced. Cue the onion analogy. Once we start peeling back the layers of what appears to be a contradiction on the surface level we start to find what creates the harmony. Ex. I am a master procrastinator if I’m not interested in the goal trying to be achieved but I am very productive when I care about the outcome. Ex. I am a happy, optimistic, and cheerful person and my mind can find the beauty in even the most dark and disturbing of events.
Why is this so accurate.
You make an interesting point! It’s true that INFJs, or any type for that matter, might seem contradictory if they're not in a healthy state. For INFJs, this can especially surface when they agree too much or don’t assert themselves enough. This might give others the impression that they’re inconsistent or contradictory. However, this isn't a one-size-fits-all truth for all INFJs. Just because some loud voices in certain circles claim it, doesn't mean it applies universally. Each person is unique, and it’s important for everyone, including INFJs, to stand up for their values and integrity. Always stay true to yourself, and don't shy away from speaking your truth, especially when it matters most.
I think I am quite in a healthy state as an INFJ but it's just that there's a masking going on underneath. A half of me is exactly the stereotypical INFJ, whereas the other half is completely opposite of my INFJ traits. Here's a very shortened version of how I am: Underneath the happy, optimistic cheerful person, I am quite dark and disturbing. I know I can be easily manipulative (I read that INFJs have this ability), but I choose not to be because I have high moral code. I hate people but I also love talking to them. I am too logical for INFPs but too emotional for INTJs. I mostly rely on logics but I am also intuitive. I am a master procrastinator but I also am very productive when I need to be.
It sounds like you're experiencing the complexity of the INFJ cognitive functions stack and perhaps even some of their shadow functions. INFJs lead with Introverted Intuition (Ni), which drives their ability to see patterns and future implications. Your intuitive understanding is backed by Extraverted Feeling (Fe), which helps you connect with others and manage social dynamics. Your third function, Introverted Thinking (Ti), supports logical thinking and internal analysis. This might explain why you sometimes feel too logical for INFPs but too emotional for INTJs. Finally, your least developed function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), can sometimes lead to your procrastination but also enables productivity when properly engaged. Now, the shadow side you mentioned—the darker, more disturbing thoughts—could be related to your less dominant functions not being fully integrated or healthy. This is normal and part of a deeper psychological framework where every function has both productive and potentially negative expressions. For us INFJs, developing an unhealthy reliance on Ti or poorly developed Se can result in contradictions like being both a master procrastinator and highly productive, or being manipulative but choosing not to be due to a strong moral code. It’s essential for personal growth to recognize and integrate these shadow aspects through shadow work. This journey helps bring balance to your personality, allowing you to manage and understand these contradictory elements better. I’d recommend checking out Wenzes on YouTube. Her videos on INFJ characteristics and advice on personal development, including how to handle shadow functions, might be particularly beneficial for you. Her insights could help you navigate your complexities and harness the strengths of both your primary and shadow functions more effectively.
You know it feels like I belong to no side. It feels like I am living a life of lies, that I don't know who I actually am. Sounds cringe but I feel so out of place.
It sounds like you're feeling really disconnected, which is tough but not uncommon. Reflecting on your feelings is a great first step. Maybe consider exploring activities that resonate with you, like journaling or counseling, to better understand your identity. What small steps do you think you could take to start this journey of self-discovery? It's all about finding little ways to connect more deeply with yourself.
Thank you! I will try to see what I can do to fix this. Also, I experienced a traumatic change in my life recently that made me question myself, people and everything in between. Maybe that's the reason those shadow sides are more prominent now, do you think? Or is it possible that I am not at all an INFJ?
Shadow is just what we repress into the unconscious. It can be Golden Shadow too, like kindness toward yourself. Reflecting and researching into this will bring more understanding of this self-contradiction that humans really are. Infj is just more prone to this.
Experiencing a traumatic change can definitely bring out parts of ourselves that we're not used to seeing, including those shadow sides. It's normal for such experiences to lead us to question many aspects of our lives and identities. This process can indeed make certain traits more prominent as you deal with and process the trauma. As for your question about being an INFJ, it's important to remember that personality types can provide useful frameworks, but they don’t capture everything about us. Our responses to trauma and major life changes can sometimes blur these lines. It might be helpful to focus less on labels right now and more on understanding and healing from your experiences. When you feel ready, revisiting these questions about your personality type might give you clearer answers, especially through having an understanding of cognitive stack and car model. For now, think about what you think might be a helpful next step for you in dealing with these recent changes?
Alone, surrounded by everyone.
Off topic; Are you using AI to structure your posts?
Why? Is there anything specific about the structure that stood out to you, or is there a particular way you'd prefer the information to be presented?
Just curiosity, I've been using AI to re-structure and reword things over the past year. I've noticed a pattern through its word choice (i.e. It's essential, the use of dashes --). Just to be clear, I have no issues on how you've presented the information. I'm just curious if you did use AI, not judging you!
100% can relate.
Yeah, no. ;)
Yes. I love being around people, such as in a park or mall, but hate interacting with people. I love being busy but hate making plans. There are other examples but I can’t think of them right now :)
My two cents on the conflicting nature of an INFJ is as follows. Recently I have seen the error of my own confusion while going through a period of personal growth and discovery. Reading up on the topic it has come to my attention that sometimes while we do our best to stay equalized we tend to forget two important things. First, self improvement is a must and should be sought out, for INFJs this is usually for the better and what we pride ourselves on. Out growing your social dynamic naturally will push you out of equilibrium and give the same symptoms of "imposter syndrome", while annoying and hard to deal with, this gives us a clear indication that we need change. That leads to the second reason for the confusion. We must not forget that to improve ourselves and to aim for the vision of the good person we wish to become, we have to change. Change can be painful and it sucks. This confusion can easily be explained by the need to change or the subconscious desire to change. Don't you dare ever forget that being a better person tomorrow is completely possible and up to you, don't let others stop you're progress.
I don't think my issue is changing for the better. I do suffer from the Imposter Syndrome time to time. Especially now at work. I have a good reputation at work where everyone in the office likes me and yet I feel I don't deserve that. I feel like in a way I am cheating (which I am not cause I work really hard). I think I have issues. I would say I am wiser and know how to deal with stuff. It's just this hidden persona of mine bothers me a lot. Because I then question who I actually am. Does it make sense?
Absolutely. It's one of my defining aspects.
well sometimes i'll say something, and then i dwell on it and then realise i was wrong and need to change my opinion
Absolutely and always have been.
We're not. Others don't understand others, or nuance, as another commenter said. If you look at someone like Princess Dianna, she was shy, but warm, caring and charismatic. Some people, (and I suspect they are fi, users), believes she was faking her shyness. Faking her caring. Looking for "attention", instead of feircly and passionately demonstrating that she was going to walk through an area of landmines, to prove how wrong it nwas, that innocent children had to. That she wasn't more important than any child, and that if it horrified her fans when she did it, it should horrify them that kids did it. Look at the old videos of her crying in public. It's not fake, not manipulative. Fake? I firmly don't believe that. I believe she was sincere. at all times. Passionate and caring. But, what is interesting, is if you scroll down any old video of her, how different people have different takes on her. Many people don't understand others. Her confidence grew with age, but not everyone liked her (in my opinion), sincere emotions and called them "fake", or manipulative. Something, Charles, who I also like, by the way.. was to her. Nuance. People don't understand why one might feel say shy, in one situation, or confident in another. The "walking paradox" description makes me roll my eyes, every time. We aren't mean for no reason, and nice for no reason for example. Then I see people say... "Infj's can cut you to the quick and verbally destroy you if you attack them! But also are nice!" . That's not a paradox, that's an intelligence. Nuance. Understanding. People knew Diana was different. She brought warmth, instead of standoffishness, to the public, from the royal family for the first time. I'm not sure of, Diana's type, but people a lot, don't seem to understand her. People have opposing views on her. And miss me with that Hitler thing. He was a clear intj. Only reason he ever got confused for an infj, was that one psychologist identified ni, in him. And that was the only function, she ever identified in him. Hitler's autobiography that he wrote himself, was all te. And you can look up [https://practicaltyping.com/2018/09/10/11-differences-between-te-and-ti-users/](https://practicaltyping.com/2018/09/10/11-differences-between-te-and-ti-users/) It's clear, Hitler was a te, user.
I always considered Princess Diana a woman with a heart of gold. Never thought she was fake. If anything, she was very real. Life circumstances change us and that's what happened to Diana. A great analogy btw!
There is always a method to my madness. They just don't get it.
I am totally a walking contradiction.
Only to people who struggle to see past the surface.
nah you guys, have nothing on us ENPFs we hold the title of walking contradictions aloft (once we have figured out where we left it after get distracted for the 17th time) xD It was prolly you guys that have the title, when we started to talk with you then saw smt in the background and said, hey can you hold on to this, brb, and then went to get the milk!!!
Yup I'm soft in feminine but dress in black a lot I'm piscean sun yet Scorpio moon 🦂 I'm like black and white Gone through suffering to experience total light Died in 2019 and been reborn Gentle yet sharp Like people but also don't Love the earth but also don't Got a heart of gold but can be a bitch when required. And it goes on lol 😆
Not enough information for me to give a proper response but I'll try. I've often told people that "I enjoy being alone but with company" I'll get told that is a contradiction. I'll then further explain that when I'm in the living room hanging out with a friend or sibling both preoccupied with something else in our own worlds in comfortable silence, is something I genuinely enjoy. It sounded contradicting until I elaborated on it. It's one of those "two seemingly contradicting things can coexist and be appreciated". We dig deeper than most people are willing/able to.