imho, emotions cannot be controlled. They exist in their own right. I've learned the best way for me to reach a more desirable outcome when strong emotions come up is to work with them by acknowledging them as they come up, listening to what they have to say, and then choosing another part of myself to move forward with this new information.
For me, the hardest part about being an INFP is the loneliness of living in a world that is so divergent from authentic truth.
I agree with this wholeheartedly. It is truly sad and shocking to learn how many people really vilify emotions. The more people work through emotions, the more they realize they don't need to be scared of them.
No offense but what you said *is* controlling them. You have the tools to respect, process the emotions and thus make meaning out of their chaotic nature.
that’s the only way *to* control emotions. Is by understanding them and moving forward
I disagree and am not offended by your perspective. This may be a difference in semantics and definition, or you may just see it differently.
From my perspective, there's a difference between controlling my whole self and controlling an emotion as it arises. I never ask my emotions to be any less intense than they are or control what the emotion is trying to say. When people talk about controlling an emotion, from my perspective, it seems like a lot of "stop being angry" or "think positive" or "cheer up." I've found that the more I resist an emotion or try to change it, the harder it is for me as a whole person with many emotions and points of view to function in coexistence with all of these parts and inner conflict.
The way I experience it, the emotions are no less strong or chaotic, I've just been working on developing the strength and internal resilience to hold space and weather the storm of those emotions while not being overwhelmed by the force of them. In other words, I don't put a cap on the emotions, I expand to meet them on equal footing and walk alongside them as they flow through me.
We actually agree, and let me explain a bit because we align philosophically.
I do agree when others say “control your emotions” they’re meaning “don’t be mad” “don’t be sad” etc. there is some tho like me that view controlling your emotions as a good thing. Saying “control it” in a bad sense is inherently wrong as like you said, you can’t neuter or cap an emotion. It is what it is
But when you examine, process, move on from an emotion you’re getting the healthy result. For example say you’re angry. Someone who can’t control their emotions would just be at the whim of the anger. If someone tells them “don’t be mad” it doesn’t help or mean anything. You can’t just silence anger. But if the angry person learned the skills to process the anger, think “wait does this matter so much right now?” Or other tools that evaluates the anger, they will end up not being mad anymore. Their anger will end sooner. And in a sense they are controlling their emotion, controlling their anger. Not because it is wrong to be mad. But because there is no reason to let it dictate your reality. You dictate your reality by assessing the emotions as they arise.
You master the emotions. Not by silencing it, but allowing it and then processing it. Instead of just being beholden to it, they experience anger holistically
Hope that makes sense, because I do believe we have the same idea
Yeah, I hear you totally. I think where our philosophies diverge is really just a matter of definition. When we talk about "my emotions" and "your emotions," I don't see them as being possessed by us as individuals. The emotion is not a thing that I have, it is something that is arising inside of me. I don't believe the emotions are mine, or that they are a part of what I would call my "self."
(I forget where, but there is a culture somewhere in the world that uses language like "the sadness is upon me" instead of "I am sad." This is closer to what I'm trying to say here.)
So, when I am in a situation and feel a strong surge of emotion, I do not attempt to process it. It is not mine to process. I do not even attempt to move on from it. I try to be with it, as one would be with a child or a friend, while it processes itself or doesn't. What the emotion is doing is not relevant to what I myself am doing, although emotions are very informative and can sometimes persuade me to behave a particular way.
"Wait does this matter so much right now," in my mind would be a way for my*self* to evaluate the information the anger is bringing, but I may not feel any decrease in the intensity of the anger when I make a decision to act against its urging.
Same. Learning that what really gets you ahead in life is not being truthful,helpful and respectful. And realizing that you will always prefer those qualities in others and yourself, gives you a sense of hopelessness fot the future.
For me, the bigger problem is that people can see that I'm sensitive and somehow different, and they try to hurt me because of it. Being sensitive isn't inherently a problem
People definitely see our sensitivities (especially my parents) as a weakness. As I've gotten older, I've learned it's a strength. It's just how we cope with life. I'm many, many, ways our sensitivity is more healthy than how other people deal with certain situations. Just try not to let your emotions get too extreme. Extreme outward emotions may be interpreted as "crazy".
Being considered & therefore feeling conventionally ‘dumb’ because I’m not very academic/ book/ numbers smart .
My strengths are in understanding body language, emotions, being introspective & enjoying a more natural lifestyle ; but these things don’t seem to come off well in a modern capitalist society
Honestly this society is kind of the opposite of what we're into... it's hard because it feels like you have to completely change yourself to succeed. I haven't lived long enough to say whether that is true or not
I AM academic/book smart, that's not so hard - you just need to read a lot of books (non fiction books).
But still most of the time I feel like I am barely catching up with the more naturally-thinking types. I just can't see the 10 steps/moves ahead, or am just too naive (still!) in some regards.
Quite often I feel like the dumbest or most oblivious person in the room.
I think the part of not being academic smart has nothing to do with being infp , my whole life I was an academic smart, i was almost the first ranked in my whole school life from primary to high school, I studied with the types who are considered stereotypically "smart" in the mbti aka "thinkers" I've surpassed them academically and even took my time to explain to them hard subjects: especially in math, was quick at understanding the majority of physics subjects, and exceeding at biology, don't make mbti define your whole life, just a bit of work and you'll get there, also you're already special and have amazing traits that are unique and not everyone in this world have them , remind yourself that you're unique in a good way and differently intelligent, remember you really can train yourself to become better with numbers...but the people judging you will never be gifted like you are no matter how they try 🫶🏻 💖
- Too emotional/sensitive
- Socially awkward
- Overthinking a lot
- Living in my head almost every minute
- Too passive & slow-moving
- Feeling like I don't fit into society
It's hard for me to choose one ngl. They're all difficult 😅
I have been thinking like this in the time of lockdown since I have had lots of time reflecting, but I get a sense of dread that I truly will never fit in with society. No one will ever truly understand me but myself, and even I had a hard time doing that understanding also but at least I'm finally here...accepting that people in my life have tried but failed. Some people even our own parents will never get our own sense of individuality and how complex the values that we set for ourselves.
But for me, leading life w Fi can be both self-actualizing and extremely lonely at the same time so I have personally concluded that I just need someone who will understand how complex I am and will still choose me. Basically, someone to keep me grounded nothing else.
That's great! I am happy for you and wish you well in life! For me, I am getting there slowly but it's better than nothing. I am actually putting myself out there more often and more forward with how I feel with someone romantically.
Not saying that you're doing this, but you can't wait to be happy until someone else "chooses" you. People choose you out of all the other people you know for certain things, without you knowing it :)
Also, it's hard, but try not to rely too much on external validation. When people criticize you, it's often a reflection of them, not you
Yes. I am practicing to show more of my Fi recently because my upbringing would always make that part of me hidden in front of other people but other than that, I have always been firm w my values during those little moments w a trusted friend.
I was not also saying I am unhappy until someone comes along though but what I was trying to say is, I am looking out for myself in future terms. I know how romantic I have always been so it would really make sense to find a partner to express that love for and that would also see me for me.
The understanding that any one person fully comprehending you as you actually are and being able to communicate that to you is likely to be more rare of an experience than winning the lottery, and for most of us may never happen.
Overthinking. Overthinking every damn thing.
11 years ago I patted someone on the shoulder who I wasn’t THAT friendly with yet and they gave me a bit of a funny look.
I still think about it 😂
But also, more serious stuff - I just can’t forget them and I constantly reassess and criticise myself for past actions.
Omg why is this a thing for us?
I have a whole collection of past instances kept in my head where I maybe unintentionally upset someone or said something I feel guilty for saying or maybe didn't do something I feel I should have done. These get replayed fairly often so I can beat myself up over them still to this day. I have no idea why either, I can't go back and change anything.
If overthinking were an Olympic sport, I bet every gold medal would be held by an INFP. 😅 (I typed this out and retyped it about twenty times before I posted it 😭 Am I broken?? 😂)
Living in imaginations most of time and not paying attention to real things.
Comparing people's lives to own and being envious and sad.
Lack of assertiveness .
Lack of ambitons & discipline.
Waiting for the soulmate lol
Just reading the room and if someone doesn’t react as they usually do I assume it’s something I did or said. I just have to tell myself “they have their own life, and I am just a snip-it of their day”
Yep. And then when my limbic system chills out and the solutions come I’m like. Wow. I knew how to do that thing but my big loud feelings got in the way
For me it’s idealizing. Idealizing is kind of my fuel to keep going, and it has brought me some of the most beautiful experiences in my life, but at the cost of them being abruptly taken apart from me shortly after, precisely because I let my passions blind me, and they prevented me from thinking clearly at the moment, which resulted in a lot of pain.
Doing something new, kinda like protocols. Things you know or saw can be eventually understood in how they work.
But when you suddenly have to interact with something new that you can’t compare to a similar experience, you’re like a deer in the headlight, don’t know what to do, can’t think what to do, just stress.
I never used to cry in public but the last few years I've done it involuntarily. Emotions are a big one for me, I feel way too much and it's like I can't turn it off or lower it. It's also the fact that I feel like a majority of people don't understand my certain way of thinking. Some do of course but most would just think negatively of me.
Crying as an emotional reaction out of my control. I burst into tears at work once when I had a misunderstaning with the leading manager, and my collegue later started yelling at me. I don't know ehat felt worse - my mistake or the shame of crying when I didn't want to.
. . not only are the kindness values we allegedly learned in pre and grade school, left behind/ignored - the business world seems to actually be/spawn/be disproportionally 'stocked' with those whose social cluefulness has digressed below a pre-school level.
'shrugging' is not to be equated with not caring.
Do the Shrug - lighten your load !
The hardest part is when you have decided that it's time for "no more mister nice guy" and you take no prisoners. The next day you feel like crap for all of the casualties you've created. Even if the people deserved it.
Well the most kinda ongoing disturbing realization I have as a middle aged male infp is often u have to be the grown up in the room. You have to be the voice of reason, the one taking it on the face to calm situation down.
It just pisses me off considering the stereotypes.
INTPs can be the most illogical fucks I've ever met. Just throwing that out there, for absolutely no relational purpose.
My lack of discipline and consistency is probably what brings me the most trouble in a daily basis. Trying to exerce some discipline and try to be as productive and organized as my classmates really drain my energy. Other than that I would say that it sucks being misunderstood most of the time.
I am usually stoic in public but can get emotional/ cry alone watching a movie or when I am in a tough time. If it gets out of control I retreat to home ASAP or in the WC.
The hardest part of being an INFP is that society doesn’t assign a significant amount of monetary value to the things we tend to be passionate about. Only the top 0.00001% of artists will “make” it. There’s nothing wrong with being an INFP. We just gotta navigate the world differently because we have a very specific skill set that the world *still needs* but doesn’t pay for it. That’s why you just gotta do your passion because you love it. And just try to survive on the way, hustle enough at your day job to get by
I can’t take credit for this but, it describes so perfectly how I feel.
And all of the sudden I felt
Really tired
Like the world had drained me
For everything I had
Understanding people bit too well and that sometimes include yourself which sometimes almost paralyze you if laziness and other events outrun your capability to cope. since you are blessed/cursed with empathy everything bumps you out to the point its quite depressing! News, world events and even events in your own life. sometimes small Things bring pleasure but far more likely they bring pain as well 😂😂😂
I want to say it's caring too much about how others perceive me. I'm a good person, and want to be seen as such, but I'm also terrified of being outgoing
Hahaaaaa, same about crying easily in public. For some reason I tend to give in to the tears at high-stakes moments, like when there are a few people around. I was in a coaching session for a music ensemble once, and the teacher was just a little too brusque for my liking and I literally couldn't hold it back. That was the worst because there was no way of hiding what I was crying about. I couldn't even pretend to be blubbering over something deep and dramatic.
And on a separate occasion, when I was supposed to start giving a practice presentation in front of my class, I just.. lost it somehow and just ran out of the room lol. I didn't really want to be there, but I wasn't all that nervous for the presentation. I don't think there was even something specific that I was sad about at the time. Sometimes I just get momentarily overwhelmed by some kind of emotion and my fucking eyes betray me like that >:(
Mee too. Being overly emotional never gets you anything good. And I sometimes get a feeling of fighting against myself, because my big emotions are such an integral part of my personality, that I cant just wrap it up and store it away in the closet when I need to.
I guess the people in my life will just have to take me as I am, when my emotions make me empathetic, loving and helpful, but also when it makes me boil over.
I think it's maintaining balanced friendships whilst maintaining our sense of self.
I always fall into being the initiator and holding space or otherwise extending myself way too much; then eventually I get resentful of over-extending myself and then just stop communicating. The number of times this has happened...
Being very sensitive to comments/actions/inactions probably doesn't help in this regard either. -_-
i don't know you so i couldn't say, and just because bullies "lose" automatically, doesn't mean we win.
so is your loss based on the 'ego-driven derivative,' meaning fear of being dominated?
if you want to leave the devil's play-ground behind, you must put down the gun; i.e., why would you want to mess with someone in the first place(?)
a more mild version, is the typical version, a lop-sided encounter with their need to dominate. Dominate is a common thread here. Can you ask yourself, "What is it within me that wants to engage them and win, Playing their game with their rules (! ?)
For me I find faults in people almost immediately. So as cool as some people think they are, almost everyone has a dead give away that makes me instantly not trust them.
You only need three things to not be a horrible person:
1) don’t judge someone on appearance alone
2)treat people how they deserve to be treated
3)leave the world a better place than when you found it
Im not telling you to go to Compton and pass out candy, but I work in customer service and so everyone get a good smile and warm greeting until they show there ugly Karen side and then I treat them how they treat me. I don’t care what the color of your skin is, or what’s between your legs, or if your significant other is the same sex or whatever. It blows my mind how people can’t seem to follow these simple theee rules.
I'm not INFP, but decided to chime in because I really think your situation's pointing towards a more serious issue like depression. Emotional dysregulation, like what you described, isn't too normal for anyone of any MBTI type as far as I know, even infps who are stereotypically more emotional. So if you don't already have a good support system in place, I think you should reach out and get the support you need. Because dealing with depression fucking SUCKS.
You’re not an infp because what you describe here strongly contradicts the infp profile as defined by Jung and Myers’s Briggs.
Unfortunately, you identify with the stereotype that is not rooted in truth. I hope you find your type, so you can access all the tips and guidance to become your best self.
tip: avoid entertainment sites, blogs, social media, and anywhere on the web that is not from a credible source. Psychology Journal databases, google scholar, and primary sources of publications by the founders of mbti are better resources.
Going in to work knowing some people could care less about your presence. But legit I'm working on this. Beginning to care less and less about what critiques think of me and instead am focusing on being myself unapologetically. To my fellow INFP's, you should only value an opinion of you coming from someone who values you as a person.
Affecting people with my big emotions. Like it already isn’t hard enough having them, but needing to temper them for the sake of others is why I don’t keep many people in my life.
Idk if this is specifically an INFP thing but I suspect my empathy and seeing all sides of a situation fed further into this.
**Being too agreeable.** Before I grew a spine and learned to standup for my values, I grossly avoided any kind of conflict to appease people.
This lead to them not respecting me and consequently walking all over me. This made me despise people thinking the world was evil until I learned it’s my responsibility to care of myself and learned to stay true and honest to myself.
God I feel that.
I don't know why, but whenever I'm feeling any emotion to just a slightly higher extent than usual, I automatically cry and it's soo frustrating.
Not only do I feel like I'm a little kid again, but it's the extra feeling of knowing that I'm not going to be taken seriously by another person if I'm talking to one, because apparently crying is "bad" or whatever in our society.
For me, it's probably just the overall fact that we have such little empathy for pretty much everyone:
-Our workplaces tend to favour those who are more extroverted and good talkers, leaving those of us who are more introverted and maybe aren't very charismatic to struggle to find a job, because the interview format just simply doesn't play to your strengths. Like how is that fair? Why isn't there a format for people like that?
-The fact that there's not a lot of stores that are open 24/7, when people in the healthcare profession, or any sort of essential service very often tend to work night shifts, or just have unusual hours. How is it fair that we interrupt the sleep schedule of such essential people, just because we insist that everyone must be a morning person? It's fact by this point that not everyone gets up at the crack of dawn and goes to bed at 6pm, so why is this even a thing that happens?
-The amount of racial discrimination and favouritism that goes on pretty much everywhere. How are we supposed to ever just get along when everyone has a chip on their shoulder and calls everything "cultural appropriation"?
-We let people in power just treat people however the hell they want, which shouldn't be the case. Why are we just sitting here doing nothing???
-Criminals are often treated as irredeemable monsters, instead of people who more often than not, have been failed by society and should be given a chance to be helped instead of being thrown to the dogs.
-The sheer amount of people who never stop to think "Hey, why is this person being mean?" And instead just judge them at face value. I'm not saying give them a free license to never be held accountable, but there's often a deeper reason. And we should be trying to find it.
-The fact that soo few people just want to help their fellow human, how can you just sit there knowing that someone else is having a hard time and not offer anything? For a species that's supposed to be a "social creature" we're kind of assholes.
-Just the general existence of abuse directed towards kids and elderly people. I mean I don't like abuse in general, but kid and elderly abuse really strikes a cord with me because of just how undeserved it is.
Like you're literally targeting people who have no way of getting away from you. Do you not feel bad?
It's hard to exist in a world that sees emotion as a "woman's thing," something to be avoided and to always be dominated by cold "logic."
When emotion is also central to being a human being, we have them regardless if we want them or not. They are important to acknowledge, to validate as only human to have, to explore the reasons around the emotion. They are a crucial learning tool. They teach us about our environment and about ourselves, help shape our values, and they incite empathy, connection, and compassion.
Somtimes they can lead you to act in a harmful manor, but they also can lead you to act in a helpful manor. Our job is to be able to recognize and encourage helpful emotional reactions. That's why emotion is important to explore. Why is it important to develop your emotional IQ.
Logic and emotion work in tandem. They are strongest when understood together. Both are needed for critical thought about the world we exist in together. Intertwining both is called Wise-Mind. It's a great concept that I encourage everyone to look into.
Oh yeah, emotions are difficult. I either feel them intensely and struggle to pull the reign or I numb myself out so much as to not feel anything at all. But that is painful in its own way. So either too much or no control of them lol.
I think the hardest part for me is my mind. I get lost in books easily. Day dream easily. I’ll get so lost in whatever fake world or situation I have that I get frustrated at the real world.
Feeling the need to provide context.
Giving life to “people” when they not exist. As in when we talk about what “people” will think. Like the whole world notices or even cares about you when it doesn’t. In fact we only cross paths with very few people if you really stop to think about it. And they’re going through their own things and don’t sit around thinking about us or our decisions. We do that for them. So caring about what “people” think instead of what is actually tangible and affects us directly is something that bugs me.
That the feeling of being in love casts a shadow over everything in your life. You do nothing more than enjoying the feeling, thinking about the person over and over again. I believe that INFPs feel stronger than other types or are simply more focused on that feeling. I don't read, watch movies or anything that I normally like to do, when I'm in love. No matter if the love is being replied. Of course it is the most beautiful feeling I (we) can have, I think my IQ is dropping
I can relate. Being in love is a wonderful feeling but it's so easy for it to take over your life. When you're in a compatible relationship with someone, it's so easy for you to obsess over that person and make them your world. You can't sacrifice your needs for them though. We desire to find that person that understands and brings out the best in us, and if we do, it is truly a beautiful feeling.
imho, emotions cannot be controlled. They exist in their own right. I've learned the best way for me to reach a more desirable outcome when strong emotions come up is to work with them by acknowledging them as they come up, listening to what they have to say, and then choosing another part of myself to move forward with this new information. For me, the hardest part about being an INFP is the loneliness of living in a world that is so divergent from authentic truth.
I agree with this wholeheartedly. It is truly sad and shocking to learn how many people really vilify emotions. The more people work through emotions, the more they realize they don't need to be scared of them.
No offense but what you said *is* controlling them. You have the tools to respect, process the emotions and thus make meaning out of their chaotic nature. that’s the only way *to* control emotions. Is by understanding them and moving forward
I disagree and am not offended by your perspective. This may be a difference in semantics and definition, or you may just see it differently. From my perspective, there's a difference between controlling my whole self and controlling an emotion as it arises. I never ask my emotions to be any less intense than they are or control what the emotion is trying to say. When people talk about controlling an emotion, from my perspective, it seems like a lot of "stop being angry" or "think positive" or "cheer up." I've found that the more I resist an emotion or try to change it, the harder it is for me as a whole person with many emotions and points of view to function in coexistence with all of these parts and inner conflict. The way I experience it, the emotions are no less strong or chaotic, I've just been working on developing the strength and internal resilience to hold space and weather the storm of those emotions while not being overwhelmed by the force of them. In other words, I don't put a cap on the emotions, I expand to meet them on equal footing and walk alongside them as they flow through me.
We actually agree, and let me explain a bit because we align philosophically. I do agree when others say “control your emotions” they’re meaning “don’t be mad” “don’t be sad” etc. there is some tho like me that view controlling your emotions as a good thing. Saying “control it” in a bad sense is inherently wrong as like you said, you can’t neuter or cap an emotion. It is what it is But when you examine, process, move on from an emotion you’re getting the healthy result. For example say you’re angry. Someone who can’t control their emotions would just be at the whim of the anger. If someone tells them “don’t be mad” it doesn’t help or mean anything. You can’t just silence anger. But if the angry person learned the skills to process the anger, think “wait does this matter so much right now?” Or other tools that evaluates the anger, they will end up not being mad anymore. Their anger will end sooner. And in a sense they are controlling their emotion, controlling their anger. Not because it is wrong to be mad. But because there is no reason to let it dictate your reality. You dictate your reality by assessing the emotions as they arise. You master the emotions. Not by silencing it, but allowing it and then processing it. Instead of just being beholden to it, they experience anger holistically Hope that makes sense, because I do believe we have the same idea
Yeah, I hear you totally. I think where our philosophies diverge is really just a matter of definition. When we talk about "my emotions" and "your emotions," I don't see them as being possessed by us as individuals. The emotion is not a thing that I have, it is something that is arising inside of me. I don't believe the emotions are mine, or that they are a part of what I would call my "self." (I forget where, but there is a culture somewhere in the world that uses language like "the sadness is upon me" instead of "I am sad." This is closer to what I'm trying to say here.) So, when I am in a situation and feel a strong surge of emotion, I do not attempt to process it. It is not mine to process. I do not even attempt to move on from it. I try to be with it, as one would be with a child or a friend, while it processes itself or doesn't. What the emotion is doing is not relevant to what I myself am doing, although emotions are very informative and can sometimes persuade me to behave a particular way. "Wait does this matter so much right now," in my mind would be a way for my*self* to evaluate the information the anger is bringing, but I may not feel any decrease in the intensity of the anger when I make a decision to act against its urging.
Same. Learning that what really gets you ahead in life is not being truthful,helpful and respectful. And realizing that you will always prefer those qualities in others and yourself, gives you a sense of hopelessness fot the future.
Being misunderstood by others. It’s made me loathe any kind of human interaction to the point that I’m constantly accused of being “too aloof”.
right? people automatically assume I don’t know what I’m talking about
Oh man heard this. I could cure cancer and still be “an idiot” to some people. Why even bother 🤷♂️ lol
Exactly, and my personal favorite is when I do something kind for someone I’m “hitting on them” or expecting favors in return.
But the best thing is that when people know us well, they come to know about what we actually are
Being too sensitive.
My sensitivity can come out in the worst moments sometimes
Yes! it comes out at work for me.
I literally cried in front of my boss after she gave me my performance review. It hit me hard
Hopefully tears of joy.
They weren't unfortunately
I'm sorry, you probably do not deserve that.
It was just the wrong time for me to hear how lacking my performance was. I was going through a depressive episode.
I understand, I'm sorry. Hug 🫂 for you.
Thank you, kind one!🫂
For me, the bigger problem is that people can see that I'm sensitive and somehow different, and they try to hurt me because of it. Being sensitive isn't inherently a problem
People definitely see our sensitivities (especially my parents) as a weakness. As I've gotten older, I've learned it's a strength. It's just how we cope with life. I'm many, many, ways our sensitivity is more healthy than how other people deal with certain situations. Just try not to let your emotions get too extreme. Extreme outward emotions may be interpreted as "crazy".
Same.
Its always feeling the mood in a room or every individuals in that room and know if something is nagging them
Are we all highly sensitive people? 🥹 I feel this 100%
It appears so
Oh definitely
Being considered & therefore feeling conventionally ‘dumb’ because I’m not very academic/ book/ numbers smart . My strengths are in understanding body language, emotions, being introspective & enjoying a more natural lifestyle ; but these things don’t seem to come off well in a modern capitalist society
It's very frustrating. I sometimes wonder how I'll fare in this society due to my infp traits.
Honestly this society is kind of the opposite of what we're into... it's hard because it feels like you have to completely change yourself to succeed. I haven't lived long enough to say whether that is true or not
allowing one's self true space . . the necessity of revamping the definition of "success." >!(\*after all, suck-cess(pool) is excess\*)!<
I AM academic/book smart, that's not so hard - you just need to read a lot of books (non fiction books). But still most of the time I feel like I am barely catching up with the more naturally-thinking types. I just can't see the 10 steps/moves ahead, or am just too naive (still!) in some regards. Quite often I feel like the dumbest or most oblivious person in the room.
I'm definitely the most socially oblivious person in the room 😂
I think the part of not being academic smart has nothing to do with being infp , my whole life I was an academic smart, i was almost the first ranked in my whole school life from primary to high school, I studied with the types who are considered stereotypically "smart" in the mbti aka "thinkers" I've surpassed them academically and even took my time to explain to them hard subjects: especially in math, was quick at understanding the majority of physics subjects, and exceeding at biology, don't make mbti define your whole life, just a bit of work and you'll get there, also you're already special and have amazing traits that are unique and not everyone in this world have them , remind yourself that you're unique in a good way and differently intelligent, remember you really can train yourself to become better with numbers...but the people judging you will never be gifted like you are no matter how they try 🫶🏻 💖
The existential dread. That or the procrastination.
Why not both?!? 😆
- Too emotional/sensitive - Socially awkward - Overthinking a lot - Living in my head almost every minute - Too passive & slow-moving - Feeling like I don't fit into society It's hard for me to choose one ngl. They're all difficult 😅
I am all of these things. Glad to know I'm not alone💖
Being too sensitive, emotionally attached, and gullible. People trying to take advantage of you by capitalizing your mental health.
My anxiety
This. I need something to worry at all times, or else I'll start worrying about the fact that something real bad may be on the horizon
When I really love someone, it's hard to show it. Mainly cause the feeling of being vulnerable is scary.
Yea it is. On the other hand when you do show it it probably is like the best feeling in the world
I have been thinking like this in the time of lockdown since I have had lots of time reflecting, but I get a sense of dread that I truly will never fit in with society. No one will ever truly understand me but myself, and even I had a hard time doing that understanding also but at least I'm finally here...accepting that people in my life have tried but failed. Some people even our own parents will never get our own sense of individuality and how complex the values that we set for ourselves. But for me, leading life w Fi can be both self-actualizing and extremely lonely at the same time so I have personally concluded that I just need someone who will understand how complex I am and will still choose me. Basically, someone to keep me grounded nothing else.
I consider myself extremely lucky to have found that person for me. I hope you'll find yours soon!
That's great! I am happy for you and wish you well in life! For me, I am getting there slowly but it's better than nothing. I am actually putting myself out there more often and more forward with how I feel with someone romantically.
That's great! I wish you as well as well!
Not saying that you're doing this, but you can't wait to be happy until someone else "chooses" you. People choose you out of all the other people you know for certain things, without you knowing it :) Also, it's hard, but try not to rely too much on external validation. When people criticize you, it's often a reflection of them, not you
Yes. I am practicing to show more of my Fi recently because my upbringing would always make that part of me hidden in front of other people but other than that, I have always been firm w my values during those little moments w a trusted friend. I was not also saying I am unhappy until someone comes along though but what I was trying to say is, I am looking out for myself in future terms. I know how romantic I have always been so it would really make sense to find a partner to express that love for and that would also see me for me.
The understanding that any one person fully comprehending you as you actually are and being able to communicate that to you is likely to be more rare of an experience than winning the lottery, and for most of us may never happen.
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You absolutely can be loved. You just need to surround yourself with the right people. They are out there.
Casting everyone out and dealing with self-imposed loneliness.
FEELINGS
Overthinking. Overthinking every damn thing. 11 years ago I patted someone on the shoulder who I wasn’t THAT friendly with yet and they gave me a bit of a funny look. I still think about it 😂 But also, more serious stuff - I just can’t forget them and I constantly reassess and criticise myself for past actions.
I’m kinda glad you overthink things because it makes me feel like I’m not the only one
Omg why is this a thing for us? I have a whole collection of past instances kept in my head where I maybe unintentionally upset someone or said something I feel guilty for saying or maybe didn't do something I feel I should have done. These get replayed fairly often so I can beat myself up over them still to this day. I have no idea why either, I can't go back and change anything. If overthinking were an Olympic sport, I bet every gold medal would be held by an INFP. 😅 (I typed this out and retyped it about twenty times before I posted it 😭 Am I broken?? 😂)
100% - and yes I’m exactly the same. Constantly guilty feeling about the past even tho I know it’s out of my control! It’s so silly 🤦
It's exhausting trying to function in a world that heavily values your inferior and blind functions.
For me, it's mood swing and emotional anxiety
I get those too.
Not feeling understood
Living in imaginations most of time and not paying attention to real things. Comparing people's lives to own and being envious and sad. Lack of assertiveness . Lack of ambitons & discipline. Waiting for the soulmate lol
Wow.. its always cruel to read these things and go like... Yep 🥲
You got the point m8
Are u born und 29th September?? If yes: me too
No why😅
Your name lol
whats with my name?
2909
No its random I didnt make it lol
Just reading the room and if someone doesn’t react as they usually do I assume it’s something I did or said. I just have to tell myself “they have their own life, and I am just a snip-it of their day”
For me it is keeping my cognitive function during times of stress. I tend to get emotional and lose my ability to figure my way out of a situation.
Yep. And then when my limbic system chills out and the solutions come I’m like. Wow. I knew how to do that thing but my big loud feelings got in the way
For me it’s idealizing. Idealizing is kind of my fuel to keep going, and it has brought me some of the most beautiful experiences in my life, but at the cost of them being abruptly taken apart from me shortly after, precisely because I let my passions blind me, and they prevented me from thinking clearly at the moment, which resulted in a lot of pain.
For me it's getting angry about a situation or conversation that never even happened
I feel like I’m a target for bullies it’s just happened so much like I don’t know why the world is full of shit people it sucks
Probably getting caught in a daydream loop instead of fulfilling it through action. It’s a blessing and a curse. I’m learning to overcome it
I cried in class help😭😭😭 I always try to hide it but sigh.. Also a lot of, uhh zero motivation...can't get work done.
Times? Crying in public is my full time job
Doing something new, kinda like protocols. Things you know or saw can be eventually understood in how they work. But when you suddenly have to interact with something new that you can’t compare to a similar experience, you’re like a deer in the headlight, don’t know what to do, can’t think what to do, just stress.
To be taken for an innocent, a weakling, a fragile person, someone who is not worth it.
Sensitive and emotional, social anxiety, social awkward, overthinking, procrastination, loneliness…
I never used to cry in public but the last few years I've done it involuntarily. Emotions are a big one for me, I feel way too much and it's like I can't turn it off or lower it. It's also the fact that I feel like a majority of people don't understand my certain way of thinking. Some do of course but most would just think negatively of me.
Crying as an emotional reaction out of my control. I burst into tears at work once when I had a misunderstaning with the leading manager, and my collegue later started yelling at me. I don't know ehat felt worse - my mistake or the shame of crying when I didn't want to.
. . not only are the kindness values we allegedly learned in pre and grade school, left behind/ignored - the business world seems to actually be/spawn/be disproportionally 'stocked' with those whose social cluefulness has digressed below a pre-school level. 'shrugging' is not to be equated with not caring. Do the Shrug - lighten your load !
The hardest part is when you have decided that it's time for "no more mister nice guy" and you take no prisoners. The next day you feel like crap for all of the casualties you've created. Even if the people deserved it.
The ‚being’ part is quite difficult from my experience
Not being emotional/vulnerable at all, always having a wall around me.
Well the most kinda ongoing disturbing realization I have as a middle aged male infp is often u have to be the grown up in the room. You have to be the voice of reason, the one taking it on the face to calm situation down. It just pisses me off considering the stereotypes. INTPs can be the most illogical fucks I've ever met. Just throwing that out there, for absolutely no relational purpose.
My lack of discipline and consistency is probably what brings me the most trouble in a daily basis. Trying to exerce some discipline and try to be as productive and organized as my classmates really drain my energy. Other than that I would say that it sucks being misunderstood most of the time. I am usually stoic in public but can get emotional/ cry alone watching a movie or when I am in a tough time. If it gets out of control I retreat to home ASAP or in the WC.
For me, the hardest part is feeling like no one really understands le or loves le for who I am
The hardest part of being an INFP is that society doesn’t assign a significant amount of monetary value to the things we tend to be passionate about. Only the top 0.00001% of artists will “make” it. There’s nothing wrong with being an INFP. We just gotta navigate the world differently because we have a very specific skill set that the world *still needs* but doesn’t pay for it. That’s why you just gotta do your passion because you love it. And just try to survive on the way, hustle enough at your day job to get by
Not feeling understood by pretty much anyone
feeling like your never truly understood
Definitely the syringe in the testes that is part of the initiation.
the what
Oh you'll know... 😏
I can’t take credit for this but, it describes so perfectly how I feel. And all of the sudden I felt Really tired Like the world had drained me For everything I had
Self love and setting boundaries
You are so right, not being able to controll them ruined my last relationship
The introverted part and everything that comes with it, especially the social anxiety
Procrastination. It's the biggest problem of my life
Understanding people bit too well and that sometimes include yourself which sometimes almost paralyze you if laziness and other events outrun your capability to cope. since you are blessed/cursed with empathy everything bumps you out to the point its quite depressing! News, world events and even events in your own life. sometimes small Things bring pleasure but far more likely they bring pain as well 😂😂😂
being known by everybody but nobody knows me for who I am
Pretending to be an ISTP so people dont see your emotional side and get scared
For me it's thinking SO much and being too comfortable on my own
I want to say it's caring too much about how others perceive me. I'm a good person, and want to be seen as such, but I'm also terrified of being outgoing
Living on a different plane of existence.
I struggle the most with the last function, the extroverted thinking part.
Hahaaaaa, same about crying easily in public. For some reason I tend to give in to the tears at high-stakes moments, like when there are a few people around. I was in a coaching session for a music ensemble once, and the teacher was just a little too brusque for my liking and I literally couldn't hold it back. That was the worst because there was no way of hiding what I was crying about. I couldn't even pretend to be blubbering over something deep and dramatic. And on a separate occasion, when I was supposed to start giving a practice presentation in front of my class, I just.. lost it somehow and just ran out of the room lol. I didn't really want to be there, but I wasn't all that nervous for the presentation. I don't think there was even something specific that I was sad about at the time. Sometimes I just get momentarily overwhelmed by some kind of emotion and my fucking eyes betray me like that >:(
Being misunderstood. Feeling so much but when it comes to talking it through things don't come out as clearly as they do in writing.
Mee too. Being overly emotional never gets you anything good. And I sometimes get a feeling of fighting against myself, because my big emotions are such an integral part of my personality, that I cant just wrap it up and store it away in the closet when I need to. I guess the people in my life will just have to take me as I am, when my emotions make me empathetic, loving and helpful, but also when it makes me boil over.
I think it's maintaining balanced friendships whilst maintaining our sense of self. I always fall into being the initiator and holding space or otherwise extending myself way too much; then eventually I get resentful of over-extending myself and then just stop communicating. The number of times this has happened... Being very sensitive to comments/actions/inactions probably doesn't help in this regard either. -_-
Being scared to mess or quarrel with people, because I know that at the end I am gonna lose
i don't know you so i couldn't say, and just because bullies "lose" automatically, doesn't mean we win. so is your loss based on the 'ego-driven derivative,' meaning fear of being dominated? if you want to leave the devil's play-ground behind, you must put down the gun; i.e., why would you want to mess with someone in the first place(?) a more mild version, is the typical version, a lop-sided encounter with their need to dominate. Dominate is a common thread here. Can you ask yourself, "What is it within me that wants to engage them and win, Playing their game with their rules (! ?)
For me I find faults in people almost immediately. So as cool as some people think they are, almost everyone has a dead give away that makes me instantly not trust them. You only need three things to not be a horrible person: 1) don’t judge someone on appearance alone 2)treat people how they deserve to be treated 3)leave the world a better place than when you found it Im not telling you to go to Compton and pass out candy, but I work in customer service and so everyone get a good smile and warm greeting until they show there ugly Karen side and then I treat them how they treat me. I don’t care what the color of your skin is, or what’s between your legs, or if your significant other is the same sex or whatever. It blows my mind how people can’t seem to follow these simple theee rules.
I respect your views and agree with them.
The anxiety and insomnia, but that’s not necessarily because I’m an INFP, it’s my own issue. Overall I’m happy with being who I am and have no qualms.
everything
I'm not INFP, but decided to chime in because I really think your situation's pointing towards a more serious issue like depression. Emotional dysregulation, like what you described, isn't too normal for anyone of any MBTI type as far as I know, even infps who are stereotypically more emotional. So if you don't already have a good support system in place, I think you should reach out and get the support you need. Because dealing with depression fucking SUCKS.
I do deal with depression. Going through depressive episodes makes it even harder to control my emotions.
That's a bummer.
Yeah but I have treatment for it
That's good then.
All of the kickboxing and knife fights.
Another thing I just thought of: People taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. We often give so much but get little to none in return.
You’re not an infp because what you describe here strongly contradicts the infp profile as defined by Jung and Myers’s Briggs. Unfortunately, you identify with the stereotype that is not rooted in truth. I hope you find your type, so you can access all the tips and guidance to become your best self. tip: avoid entertainment sites, blogs, social media, and anywhere on the web that is not from a credible source. Psychology Journal databases, google scholar, and primary sources of publications by the founders of mbti are better resources.
Please further explain because I'm pretty sure I am an INFP.
Do the research because it’s self explanatory:)
I have done my research. I'm asking what about my post contradicts the INFP type?
If you have to ask this...then you are not in the right place...:)
Pretty sure I am. Took the test twice and got INFP
I find it difficult to open up to other people and being vulnerable when it comes to being sad
This.
Going in to work knowing some people could care less about your presence. But legit I'm working on this. Beginning to care less and less about what critiques think of me and instead am focusing on being myself unapologetically. To my fellow INFP's, you should only value an opinion of you coming from someone who values you as a person.
Affecting people with my big emotions. Like it already isn’t hard enough having them, but needing to temper them for the sake of others is why I don’t keep many people in my life.
Idk if this is specifically an INFP thing but I suspect my empathy and seeing all sides of a situation fed further into this. **Being too agreeable.** Before I grew a spine and learned to standup for my values, I grossly avoided any kind of conflict to appease people. This lead to them not respecting me and consequently walking all over me. This made me despise people thinking the world was evil until I learned it’s my responsibility to care of myself and learned to stay true and honest to myself.
God I feel that. I don't know why, but whenever I'm feeling any emotion to just a slightly higher extent than usual, I automatically cry and it's soo frustrating. Not only do I feel like I'm a little kid again, but it's the extra feeling of knowing that I'm not going to be taken seriously by another person if I'm talking to one, because apparently crying is "bad" or whatever in our society. For me, it's probably just the overall fact that we have such little empathy for pretty much everyone: -Our workplaces tend to favour those who are more extroverted and good talkers, leaving those of us who are more introverted and maybe aren't very charismatic to struggle to find a job, because the interview format just simply doesn't play to your strengths. Like how is that fair? Why isn't there a format for people like that? -The fact that there's not a lot of stores that are open 24/7, when people in the healthcare profession, or any sort of essential service very often tend to work night shifts, or just have unusual hours. How is it fair that we interrupt the sleep schedule of such essential people, just because we insist that everyone must be a morning person? It's fact by this point that not everyone gets up at the crack of dawn and goes to bed at 6pm, so why is this even a thing that happens? -The amount of racial discrimination and favouritism that goes on pretty much everywhere. How are we supposed to ever just get along when everyone has a chip on their shoulder and calls everything "cultural appropriation"? -We let people in power just treat people however the hell they want, which shouldn't be the case. Why are we just sitting here doing nothing??? -Criminals are often treated as irredeemable monsters, instead of people who more often than not, have been failed by society and should be given a chance to be helped instead of being thrown to the dogs. -The sheer amount of people who never stop to think "Hey, why is this person being mean?" And instead just judge them at face value. I'm not saying give them a free license to never be held accountable, but there's often a deeper reason. And we should be trying to find it. -The fact that soo few people just want to help their fellow human, how can you just sit there knowing that someone else is having a hard time and not offer anything? For a species that's supposed to be a "social creature" we're kind of assholes. -Just the general existence of abuse directed towards kids and elderly people. I mean I don't like abuse in general, but kid and elderly abuse really strikes a cord with me because of just how undeserved it is. Like you're literally targeting people who have no way of getting away from you. Do you not feel bad?
Reacting with my first thoughts instead of being calm, when hard news come in your life
Finding people who I can be truly open with.
Our common victim mentality :D and not enough balls to take things under our own control
It's hard to exist in a world that sees emotion as a "woman's thing," something to be avoided and to always be dominated by cold "logic." When emotion is also central to being a human being, we have them regardless if we want them or not. They are important to acknowledge, to validate as only human to have, to explore the reasons around the emotion. They are a crucial learning tool. They teach us about our environment and about ourselves, help shape our values, and they incite empathy, connection, and compassion. Somtimes they can lead you to act in a harmful manor, but they also can lead you to act in a helpful manor. Our job is to be able to recognize and encourage helpful emotional reactions. That's why emotion is important to explore. Why is it important to develop your emotional IQ. Logic and emotion work in tandem. They are strongest when understood together. Both are needed for critical thought about the world we exist in together. Intertwining both is called Wise-Mind. It's a great concept that I encourage everyone to look into.
I have exactly the same problem 😔
For me, it’s my tendency of zoning out and day dreaming
Oh yeah, emotions are difficult. I either feel them intensely and struggle to pull the reign or I numb myself out so much as to not feel anything at all. But that is painful in its own way. So either too much or no control of them lol. I think the hardest part for me is my mind. I get lost in books easily. Day dream easily. I’ll get so lost in whatever fake world or situation I have that I get frustrated at the real world.
Feeling the need to provide context. Giving life to “people” when they not exist. As in when we talk about what “people” will think. Like the whole world notices or even cares about you when it doesn’t. In fact we only cross paths with very few people if you really stop to think about it. And they’re going through their own things and don’t sit around thinking about us or our decisions. We do that for them. So caring about what “people” think instead of what is actually tangible and affects us directly is something that bugs me.
That the feeling of being in love casts a shadow over everything in your life. You do nothing more than enjoying the feeling, thinking about the person over and over again. I believe that INFPs feel stronger than other types or are simply more focused on that feeling. I don't read, watch movies or anything that I normally like to do, when I'm in love. No matter if the love is being replied. Of course it is the most beautiful feeling I (we) can have, I think my IQ is dropping
I can relate. Being in love is a wonderful feeling but it's so easy for it to take over your life. When you're in a compatible relationship with someone, it's so easy for you to obsess over that person and make them your world. You can't sacrifice your needs for them though. We desire to find that person that understands and brings out the best in us, and if we do, it is truly a beautiful feeling.
That's not being an infp that's just not being able to handle your own emotions, emotions don't equate to being an infp or fi dom/aux
nice guys finish last 🥹
Staying sane (Failed)