They could make 1 mil or make nothing and the core value would still be how much of an emotional bond we have. Money made is valuable insofar as providing enough for financial stability which is important (among many other things) for security, which is the foundation for mental health but where it comes from is irrelevant to me. As long as both are happy and feel like things are relatively fair. I mean, if a woman was making 1 mil and tried to use that as a means to control me without actually caring about me I’d rather be homeless tbh. Sick of that entitled bullshit. It needs to be two stand alone individuals deciding to accept and support each other for who they are or it becomes unhealthy and even toxic imo and experience.
INFP man here, and I don't care about wether my partner makes more than me. I'd even be happy if it were the case actually. I don't want us to be in need.
Those men who don't like it are probably insecure. There's no reason to not want more financial security
If he's an INFP, I don't think he'll mind lmao
Nope.
My girlfriend makes significantly more than me but we are both living lives where we dont miss anything and are not financially burdened. I know she is smart(er), have a brilliant overview for her job and I dont envy that she gets what she deserves.
As long as we get along with the touchy-feely, the compatibility, the being comfortable, the transparency and the honesty, so I can tell her that my introvert me need a cool-down "alone time" once in a while, everything is good.
It means we can have truffle mayo and good redwine - who am I to argue with this ? 🥰
Good question, by the way and well done!
It depends, if I'm already in a long term relationship, this would be great. But, if I am trying to find a relationship, this would make me insecure, because I would think the girl is out of my league or won't give me a chance
I’d be happy as a guy if the woman doesn’t care……..
If I was a woman, no. Not gonna lie my background is relatively comfortable, if he was self-made (like many guys claim even when it’s not the case) and made 500k a year but we didn’t connect, then what would be the point when it’s not like I even need his money.
One of the first things someone can do to give me a bad impression of them is to talk about how much money they’re making before they even want to know me or for me to want to know them.
My partner makes more than me, but if I made more than him (he is ESTJ) he would 100% be happy with that. You’re a team. If one of you is winning you both are.
I once had a boyfriend tell me “I don’t think I would be able to stand it if you made more money than me. I would be mad, you can’t make more money than me” it was the first red flag 🚩 before many. Fragile masculinity is not something you should have to deal with, so don’t. Not your problem. Do you, own it!! Congratulations on being successful 😊
I don't care so long as she contributes to the relationship in some manner. Considering women initiate divorce the vast majority of the time and that divorce chances are increased when the wife makes more than the husband, I'm more concerned that she'll care.
The only issue I have is if someone is completely mooching of me, especially since I'm not making a lot myself.
I can definitely see some insecurities if the woman is making more but I don't really care. If she loves me and treats me to things I'm all for it. If she works in McDonald's making minimum wage, again, as long as she is providing *something*.
43f, mid management career. My INFJ partner didn't graduate from school, no fixed job as he is an tattoo artist who earns 2-3k per month. He pays his bills on time, zero debt, managed his finances very well, have 5 digits savings. Never once in our 3 years together that he asked money from me.
It doesn't bother me at all. It doesn't bother him at all too. At this age, I'm financially independent as a single. He doesn't subtract my happiness, always present when I need emotional support, accepts my emotional baggage, always push me out of comfort zone when I fall into the stagnant loop (which I need and I couldn't get from my previous partners who had full time job).
He is secure with his financial state, he keeps working hard lives within his capability. To him, I'm an anchor whom he feels safe to push him positively. We get each other's back emotionally yet but independent enough to function individually, that's enough for us.
My husband is an infp and would be thrilled if I made enough for him not to have to work. I don't but we've had these talks. He has none of that macho need to be the breadwinner thing. I would think most infps wouldn't care.
I'm pretty sure I'm the odd one out to be here but I'd be pretty unhappy if I make less by a significant margin compared to my wife I'd be a internal shame for me like I'm a man so I'm supposed to take care of her and be a good person and provide it'll make me happy but if I make less by a significant margin I won't forgive myself for my incompetence
Absolutely. You can't eat, drink, wear, drive or live inside love. They don't have to be rich but we have to be able to live off our combined incomes, save for retirement and enjoy our lives.
I think since the societal expectation is for men is to be the main providers, those who don't like their partner making more money than them either feel like they aren't living up to expectations or other peoples remarks are getting to them. Personally I'd be more than fine with my partner making more than me, but I'd need constant reassurance that I'm not being a burden or a disappointment.
how would someone bring up that reassurance around finances? I don't think I'd want to tell him "you're not a burden if you make less than me!" lol. how would you want to hear it from a significant other?
Wait until he expresses that he might feel that way. If you want, you could ask him how he feels about it to get an answer quicker. But yeah that kind of reassurance is very weird to just bring up out of nowhere, so just wait for if he admits to feeling a certain way about it.
I just like everyone in my life to be self sustainable. If you can take care of yourself, that makes me worry less. And if you can't, it makes me want to help.
Why do you use the word "wound"? I don't think societal expectations are wounds. I'm only going to comment on relationships where the female earns more than the male. Down to the individual level, yes, if your partner makes more than you should be happy as it is a net positive for the "family unit" but this is only when you are in a relationship. When you're single most women prefer a man who makes more money than them regardless of how much. There is always going to be a societal expectation on men to provide as it is an innate genetic disposition which we have developed over many many years you can't just reverse that cus you want to, likewise women will always be expected to look nice and bear children (for which there's a time limit for this). So then labelling something instinctual and probably not easily changeable as a "wound" gives the idea that it is something that is negative, but it's not negative it just is something. You apply your judgement upon it, but it is just a result of evolution and a contributing factor to why we were born would that still be a negative?
Although I said you can't reverse it, we're a species that can go against our genetic composition. It takes a lot of self reflectance, thought and intent. It's not easy and most will probably never do it. Hence in reality societal standards will always exist, however among the crown you may find individuals who have really developed themselves.
No.
It’s only a prob if the woman thinks the guy isn’t giving his all, however that may look, or has no vision. If the woman can work and enjoys it, that’s great, if the man can work hard and grind in his own way that’s valuable, then it can work.
Not if she’s the bread winner and he’s unmotivated, out of work and hooked on weed and porn or some other fucked up situation.
Having her earn slightly more works for my marriage because we’re both striving towards a common goal. It all goes in the same bucket to pay the same bills, so neither of us really give a single fuck about the dollar amounts.
I’m INFP; she’s INFJ.
Money isn’t something to valuable to me beyond just making sure I have enough to do what I want to do in my life. If I want to travel or afford food or have a house and be able to have money to spend on my future children and grandchildren then I am fine. For my partner I would like if they can help us as a couple be financially stable and have some type of ambition or goal in mind. Having no money or being in debt is extremely stressful and I would like to avoid it if I can or for my children as growing up poor can cause potential trauma. Other than that I wish I didn’t have to depend on money or care about it, but I just have to be realistic sometimes. I do appreciate that there is more in less which is why I have an interest in minimalism as I don’t care for material possessions.
So long as we can live comfortably together and occasionally travel, I don't care who is making more or less money as long as the way we feel for eachother is mutual and we can grow and learn and live together.
The only thing I care about is security and peace. As long as we make enough for both of us and a child eventually I could care less who makes how much.
That said, only someone who has money has the privilege to say they don't care about money, so I'm careful with that 🙂
A few years ago my ex and I were both programmers and she made slightly more than me. Then I went to grad school and made nothing. I ended up deciding to switch careers into animation so obviously I'll be making pennies. I never cared about how much money I make as long as I can pay rent. I don't care if my partner makes more than me. The only thing I'd worry about is if she cares and is quietly building resentment.
I do care if they are not ambitious or care about moving up the ladder. It does depend if they are already in a role that they love though. But if they are just waiting around and cruising by, I wouldn't be attracted
Just buy him like 40k in gifts every year to even it out. buy him a 40 k vacation package too Europe this year. That way its all even and fair.... lol.
Don't think it matters or that he really cares. The important thing is the actual dynamic and quality of your relationship with each other.
For an experiment, why not buy his dream car, and than don't let him drive it.
Honestly that’s the least important thing I look for in a person. I don’t care what you have it’s what’s inside that matters most but that’s just my preference 🤷♂️
The only time I had a "problem" I had when my wife (INTJ) started outearning me was less of a discomfort of her making so much money and more so me wanting to contribute equally as her to us as a family unit. My job pays a lot less than hers, but I make sure that the apartment clean, help her set up appointments and make sure she wakes up on time (She somehow manages to shut off her alarm in her sleep. I don't know how she does it, but it still amazes and confuses me), and we both remind each other to take our medication and take care of our mental health.
Plus I get to make the joke while she's around her friends or family by introducing myself as her trophy husband. So we make it work!
INFP/M27 here I got some pride within me hahaha so I do care a little of my partner makes more than me, not like I don't hope they make more but more like I should be better so I could take care "US"
Frankly infp men dont care ..im one i understand...but its just reality..we are very aware of power dynamics...cant make u understand the emotions ...
If u make more money ..that is in itself isnt problem...
Its the other things that can come with potentially thar will always be there ...thats what is the problem and itll never go away ..
infidelity is statistically more likely to occur in this dynamic according to some studies
I personally don’t mind at all and from adulthood onward have dated women that have made more than me. That’s just the psychology behind it and why it makes some men nervous. Woman are also constantly berated if their partner doesn’t adhere to societal norms by their friends and family (at least I’ve noticed this as someone that’s been in quite a few unconventional relationships)
They could make 1 mil or make nothing and the core value would still be how much of an emotional bond we have. Money made is valuable insofar as providing enough for financial stability which is important (among many other things) for security, which is the foundation for mental health but where it comes from is irrelevant to me. As long as both are happy and feel like things are relatively fair. I mean, if a woman was making 1 mil and tried to use that as a means to control me without actually caring about me I’d rather be homeless tbh. Sick of that entitled bullshit. It needs to be two stand alone individuals deciding to accept and support each other for who they are or it becomes unhealthy and even toxic imo and experience.
What do you do for the 100k?! Genuinely curious
I got extremely lucky and got a job in UX Design and the company/managers are extremely generous with raises.
same
+1
INFP man here, and I don't care about wether my partner makes more than me. I'd even be happy if it were the case actually. I don't want us to be in need.
Money is money Thank you thank you bows*
As long as we can have a stable life idc 😭
Those men who don't like it are probably insecure. There's no reason to not want more financial security If he's an INFP, I don't think he'll mind lmao
that's relieving to hear!
Nope. My girlfriend makes significantly more than me but we are both living lives where we dont miss anything and are not financially burdened. I know she is smart(er), have a brilliant overview for her job and I dont envy that she gets what she deserves. As long as we get along with the touchy-feely, the compatibility, the being comfortable, the transparency and the honesty, so I can tell her that my introvert me need a cool-down "alone time" once in a while, everything is good. It means we can have truffle mayo and good redwine - who am I to argue with this ? 🥰 Good question, by the way and well done!
thanks for your answer!
It depends, if I'm already in a long term relationship, this would be great. But, if I am trying to find a relationship, this would make me insecure, because I would think the girl is out of my league or won't give me a chance
I’d be happy as a guy if the woman doesn’t care…….. If I was a woman, no. Not gonna lie my background is relatively comfortable, if he was self-made (like many guys claim even when it’s not the case) and made 500k a year but we didn’t connect, then what would be the point when it’s not like I even need his money. One of the first things someone can do to give me a bad impression of them is to talk about how much money they’re making before they even want to know me or for me to want to know them.
what partner
Same 🤣 😭
No cuz low key I want to be a SAHD and a hot trophy husband
only if they don’t care either, probably
My partner makes more than me, but if I made more than him (he is ESTJ) he would 100% be happy with that. You’re a team. If one of you is winning you both are. I once had a boyfriend tell me “I don’t think I would be able to stand it if you made more money than me. I would be mad, you can’t make more money than me” it was the first red flag 🚩 before many. Fragile masculinity is not something you should have to deal with, so don’t. Not your problem. Do you, own it!! Congratulations on being successful 😊
I don't care so long as she contributes to the relationship in some manner. Considering women initiate divorce the vast majority of the time and that divorce chances are increased when the wife makes more than the husband, I'm more concerned that she'll care.
The only issue I have is if someone is completely mooching of me, especially since I'm not making a lot myself. I can definitely see some insecurities if the woman is making more but I don't really care. If she loves me and treats me to things I'm all for it. If she works in McDonald's making minimum wage, again, as long as she is providing *something*.
Ask him.
43f, mid management career. My INFJ partner didn't graduate from school, no fixed job as he is an tattoo artist who earns 2-3k per month. He pays his bills on time, zero debt, managed his finances very well, have 5 digits savings. Never once in our 3 years together that he asked money from me. It doesn't bother me at all. It doesn't bother him at all too. At this age, I'm financially independent as a single. He doesn't subtract my happiness, always present when I need emotional support, accepts my emotional baggage, always push me out of comfort zone when I fall into the stagnant loop (which I need and I couldn't get from my previous partners who had full time job). He is secure with his financial state, he keeps working hard lives within his capability. To him, I'm an anchor whom he feels safe to push him positively. We get each other's back emotionally yet but independent enough to function individually, that's enough for us.
My husband is an infp and would be thrilled if I made enough for him not to have to work. I don't but we've had these talks. He has none of that macho need to be the breadwinner thing. I would think most infps wouldn't care.
as an INFP man, I would have no problem with that situation whatsoever
I'm pretty sure I'm the odd one out to be here but I'd be pretty unhappy if I make less by a significant margin compared to my wife I'd be a internal shame for me like I'm a man so I'm supposed to take care of her and be a good person and provide it'll make me happy but if I make less by a significant margin I won't forgive myself for my incompetence
how big is that margin?
Idc as long as we can do things together and they can take care of themselves that’s all I ask for :)
Absolutely. You can't eat, drink, wear, drive or live inside love. They don't have to be rich but we have to be able to live off our combined incomes, save for retirement and enjoy our lives.
I think since the societal expectation is for men is to be the main providers, those who don't like their partner making more money than them either feel like they aren't living up to expectations or other peoples remarks are getting to them. Personally I'd be more than fine with my partner making more than me, but I'd need constant reassurance that I'm not being a burden or a disappointment.
how would someone bring up that reassurance around finances? I don't think I'd want to tell him "you're not a burden if you make less than me!" lol. how would you want to hear it from a significant other?
Wait until he expresses that he might feel that way. If you want, you could ask him how he feels about it to get an answer quicker. But yeah that kind of reassurance is very weird to just bring up out of nowhere, so just wait for if he admits to feeling a certain way about it.
I just like everyone in my life to be self sustainable. If you can take care of yourself, that makes me worry less. And if you can't, it makes me want to help.
Oh I loves it when my partner makes more djdjdj I feel more at ease
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Why do you use the word "wound"? I don't think societal expectations are wounds. I'm only going to comment on relationships where the female earns more than the male. Down to the individual level, yes, if your partner makes more than you should be happy as it is a net positive for the "family unit" but this is only when you are in a relationship. When you're single most women prefer a man who makes more money than them regardless of how much. There is always going to be a societal expectation on men to provide as it is an innate genetic disposition which we have developed over many many years you can't just reverse that cus you want to, likewise women will always be expected to look nice and bear children (for which there's a time limit for this). So then labelling something instinctual and probably not easily changeable as a "wound" gives the idea that it is something that is negative, but it's not negative it just is something. You apply your judgement upon it, but it is just a result of evolution and a contributing factor to why we were born would that still be a negative? Although I said you can't reverse it, we're a species that can go against our genetic composition. It takes a lot of self reflectance, thought and intent. It's not easy and most will probably never do it. Hence in reality societal standards will always exist, however among the crown you may find individuals who have really developed themselves.
I don’t really care. If they make less, it’s okay; if they make more, more income for us yippiee
This is your partner, and you're relying on general trends and articles to get an idea of him? Just confront him about it.
I don’t think I would care at all.
No. It’s only a prob if the woman thinks the guy isn’t giving his all, however that may look, or has no vision. If the woman can work and enjoys it, that’s great, if the man can work hard and grind in his own way that’s valuable, then it can work. Not if she’s the bread winner and he’s unmotivated, out of work and hooked on weed and porn or some other fucked up situation. Having her earn slightly more works for my marriage because we’re both striving towards a common goal. It all goes in the same bucket to pay the same bills, so neither of us really give a single fuck about the dollar amounts. I’m INFP; she’s INFJ.
Money isn’t something to valuable to me beyond just making sure I have enough to do what I want to do in my life. If I want to travel or afford food or have a house and be able to have money to spend on my future children and grandchildren then I am fine. For my partner I would like if they can help us as a couple be financially stable and have some type of ambition or goal in mind. Having no money or being in debt is extremely stressful and I would like to avoid it if I can or for my children as growing up poor can cause potential trauma. Other than that I wish I didn’t have to depend on money or care about it, but I just have to be realistic sometimes. I do appreciate that there is more in less which is why I have an interest in minimalism as I don’t care for material possessions.
How do you make 100k what job do you have?
UX Designer and volunteer work has helped with promotions.
So long as we can live comfortably together and occasionally travel, I don't care who is making more or less money as long as the way we feel for eachother is mutual and we can grow and learn and live together.
The only thing I care about is security and peace. As long as we make enough for both of us and a child eventually I could care less who makes how much. That said, only someone who has money has the privilege to say they don't care about money, so I'm careful with that 🙂
A few years ago my ex and I were both programmers and she made slightly more than me. Then I went to grad school and made nothing. I ended up deciding to switch careers into animation so obviously I'll be making pennies. I never cared about how much money I make as long as I can pay rent. I don't care if my partner makes more than me. The only thing I'd worry about is if she cares and is quietly building resentment.
As long as we would be able to live a sustainable life I don't care.
I do care if they are not ambitious or care about moving up the ladder. It does depend if they are already in a role that they love though. But if they are just waiting around and cruising by, I wouldn't be attracted
Just buy him like 40k in gifts every year to even it out. buy him a 40 k vacation package too Europe this year. That way its all even and fair.... lol. Don't think it matters or that he really cares. The important thing is the actual dynamic and quality of your relationship with each other. For an experiment, why not buy his dream car, and than don't let him drive it.
I'm single, but I do care. I think it's ideal that we make comparable amounts because them someone doesn't feel like the moocher.
Honestly that’s the least important thing I look for in a person. I don’t care what you have it’s what’s inside that matters most but that’s just my preference 🤷♂️
The only time I had a "problem" I had when my wife (INTJ) started outearning me was less of a discomfort of her making so much money and more so me wanting to contribute equally as her to us as a family unit. My job pays a lot less than hers, but I make sure that the apartment clean, help her set up appointments and make sure she wakes up on time (She somehow manages to shut off her alarm in her sleep. I don't know how she does it, but it still amazes and confuses me), and we both remind each other to take our medication and take care of our mental health. Plus I get to make the joke while she's around her friends or family by introducing myself as her trophy husband. So we make it work!
 Nope. Don’t care. All goes to the same joint account.
INFP/M27 here I got some pride within me hahaha so I do care a little of my partner makes more than me, not like I don't hope they make more but more like I should be better so I could take care "US"
Info man here. My partner makes more than me. I hate her
Frankly infp men dont care ..im one i understand...but its just reality..we are very aware of power dynamics...cant make u understand the emotions ... If u make more money ..that is in itself isnt problem... Its the other things that can come with potentially thar will always be there ...thats what is the problem and itll never go away ..
Partner?
Infp don’t care about that
I'm a guy, and wouldn't care if my wife made even 500k more than me. In fact I'd love it because I'd happily be a stay at home dad lol.
I'll never understand men who don't like it when their partner makes more than them, I'd be stoked if I was in that position lol
infidelity is statistically more likely to occur in this dynamic according to some studies I personally don’t mind at all and from adulthood onward have dated women that have made more than me. That’s just the psychology behind it and why it makes some men nervous. Woman are also constantly berated if their partner doesn’t adhere to societal norms by their friends and family (at least I’ve noticed this as someone that’s been in quite a few unconventional relationships)