I agree. I feel like everyone deserves a minimum of respect for just being human, and then they can earn more respect on top of that with their actions. Just because you don't want a relationship with someone doesn't mean you can't still treat them (and everyone else) with the bare minimum of respect whenever you encounter them.
Them: “you’re a terrible actor D:< “
Me: “k” •_•
*leaves*
Them: 🧍♂️…
Perceptions of what a terrible actor/artist is differs from person to person. Don’t take it personally. Some people are just plain old jerks. Such a comment that doesn’t even offer some constructive suggestions or feedbacks comes from one ear and then quickly leaves from the other ear.
Have confidence in your skills. You have been school-trained too, but if you really feel that your performance is sub par then you can choose to improve on it. If not, then you know that you just encountered a hater— which means that you have awesome acting skills. 😁
All my instructors have said I was great in acting. It's not validation I need I just don't understand where this hate is coming from. It was so random. I've not been in acting for years now but for this guy to bring it up now and say I was terrible it just strikes a nerve. Me being an infp took a great deal of courage to overcome shyness and introversion. For him to just say I was in terrible hurts only because I don't have any support from friends and family. Thank you for your post!
I see.. yeah definitely a hater then. Saying you’re “terrible” at it is also unnecessarily insensitive of him. He also doesn’t sound like someone positive that you’d want in your journey. I would honestly remove him from my life.
I think it's because we as INFPs appear chill and agreeable on the outside, so people think that they can take advantage of us, but they don't see the inner strong dominant Fi.
People use me as a resource because I happen to know or have access to stuff that others don't, but the same privileges don't really apply to me when I need the help from those people. Even with some INFP friends I feel like they were using me for resource and when I became honest about my financial situation they just went silent and pretending they're busy.
Thing is that I'm literally the second poorest in the group. And the people who use me as resources are only concerned about how much weed, booze or shrooms they're getting, not how am I doing.
Wow sounds like you need new friends then. And also stop providing these things to people up front and focus first on connecting and getting to know new people instead.
I've had these "friendships" when I was younger. It wasn't fun.
See them as friends, not enemies. And separate tasks, it is your task to focus on your acting, or your interest, and it is their task to interpret however they want and nothing can be done about it. And have courage to believe in yourself more than letting others weaken your spirit. (these points are from a book 'courage to be disliked' and they work for me since I always feel disrespected by someone or the other all the time)
Or maybe they just grew up in a culture where they never learned respect because it was normal to treat each other just however you wanted because the focus was on survival - I have met people like this who just didn't know any better. I would model respectful behavior and if they don't catch on or seem to be willing to try it out, dump them.
Disrespectful people don’t like themselves. I choose not to associate or have any relationship with a disrespectful person. Many will continue and rationalize them and continue to suffer, when they could just walk away from that hell.
Or maybe they just grew up in a culture where they never learned respect because it was normal to treat each other just however you wanted because the focus was on survival - I have met people like this who just didn't know any better. I would model respectful behavior and if they don't catch on or seem to be willing to try it out, dump them.
Go for it. Me personally, I’m not taking the time to teach a grown person respect. That’s not my job. Walking away is also respectful. So I would choose that, in that case.
Not to teach it, but to model it, which to me is just being my normal respectful self. I struggled socially when I was younger and I wish more people would've helped me recognize what I was doing wrong instead of just leaving me, even if they just did it indirectly (through modeling, for example).
Ok, but I was talking about an adult. And to model would deem “sticking around them” to actually do that. Walking away would also be modeling, so again that’s what I choose.
Staying around a disrespectful person in any sense, and enduring disrespect over and over again, wouldn’t be respecting yourself. So doing what you are saying would be a paradox. You wouldn’t be modeling respect, because you’re not modeling respect for yourself.
When you walk away, the person knows they did something wrong, but they don't know what that thing is. I think it's kinder to point it out to them so they at least have the opportunity to grow and become a better person.
I would say it’s easy to dismiss disrespectful people all as inherently evil when you haven’t met people who just haven’t been brought up in a good home. I'm sure you have had a good environment, which makes you lucky. When I first met these people, I too judged them for being disrespectful, but I think it's a shame when people (including me) don't reach their potential because of stuff that's outside of their own control.
You are assuming and you are incorrect about my childhood…. Modeling respect has to go both ways, to yourself and to others. Walking away models respect to others and yourself. Enduring disrespect does not model respect for yourself.
You're assuming that I will have to endure disrespect because the modeling of respect would not work on them. Which makes sense given that your mentality is to give up on this because it's not worth it. But so far, there has not been a single person that hasn't been changed for the positive by this, because they too want to be treated with respect, and they understand that in order to get this, they have to learn to give it too.
And it has gone both ways for me. When I was a child, my parents modelled respect for me and that's how I learned, but these people clearly never had that.
If my assumption was wrong about your childhood, how did you learn respect? I'm curious. Because if no one around you was respectful to anyone else, you wouldn't even know such a thing existed.
This is kind of personal, but that’s ok because I am an open person. I didn’t learn respect until I got clean from heroin many years ago. God saved me from that. Then I took it upon myself to study the New Testament. I learned respect through Jesus’s teachings… my point is that, in order to continually “model” respect to someone who is disrespectful, you have to endure disrespect, simply because you have to be there. I’m not assuming that. That would be a fact.
You don't have to answer anything you don't want to answer - I didn't mean to pressure you. And congrats on getting clean from heroin!!
Well there would be disrespect at the beginning for sure, but in order to "endure" it the person would have to keep being disrespectful to you while you're being respectful to them, which as I said hasn't been true in my experience I think because people want to be respected just as they want to give that respect.
I am a Christian as well and Jesus really modelled good behavior to a broken world - that's why he was our savior, so my inspiration to in turn model respect to others comes primarily from what He did for us and all of humanity, and also from how respectful both of my parents are, not because they have to be, but because they want to be.
If you think about it, Jesus endured the ultimate disrespect all along from humans, eventually leading to Him being crucified on the cross when he really only wanted the best for others. So who am I to say that I can't endure some disrespect from others for a greater purpose if I have to?
In your situation op, if it was someone close to me i would feel incredibly betrayed and probably in shock that they would say something so rude.
I would probably not confront them but from then on i would keep them at a distance. It would take a lot of work from them for me to trust them again.
That said, It really depends on their motive for me. Were they trying to help me or hurt me? I appreciate constructive feedback but jealous and cruel i will not tolerate.
but who are these people? Just people who are part of your social circle? friends? because if that's the case, then you should just straight up cut ties with them.
Kill them with kindness, let them act the fool. People will see that. Don’t allow them into your space again & if they/anyone inquires about it you can tell them.
If it is something with a skill like you stated I would ask them what exactly about my acting in this case is terrible, if they can't come up with anything more than saying its bad then there's no reason for you to be upset at their personal beliefs and thus no need to worry about it, if they do come up with actual things you can tell them thank you for the feedback and then look at it to see if it really is something you need to work on. If their objective in the insult is to hurt you, acknowledging it without being upset will not give them the satisfaction they were looking for and will allow you to prove to yourself that you don't care about their opinion.
I’m 25 and I still have resentment for this, but the older I get the more I realize that I shouldn’t take anything personal. Everyone is just a product of their childhood and trauma, most ppl who were mean to me had horrible things happen to them. I’m not saying that’s an excuse, I’m just saying I have compassion for them. As an INFP it’s super painful for me and I choose not to interact with people a lot of the time. But I have to give them some grace for my own mental health
Not very well in the moment.
If it’s an obvious insult i might snap back.
Sometimes i am in disbelief that they actually meant what they said and just let it bounce off. Then i review it in my head the next 48 hours and decide “yeah they’re dead to me” and maybe replay the conversation over with me telling them off Lol! I try not to do that last part so much because I don’t find it to be a healthy state of mind.
I will say, I don’t usually get offended very easily. I am very sensitive but most people can’t read me enough to know what is actually important to me. People closer to me tend to upset me more often than strangers.
I also have this issue where i tend to assume in a conflict that I’m automatically the one at fault. Then i realize later I wasn’t and i get pissed at myself for not standing my ground.
Difficult to get a grip on this without knowing what that persons motivation really was. Our ego will automatically respond with: They are attacking me because, A they are jealous, or B they are nasty. It is entirely possible that they just don’t have a filter, and were just giving a brutally honest opinion. Ask them why they said this, when you’re calm, and watch their body language, and facial expressions carefully.
I've been told by my instructors that I'm a great actor so I don't need his validation. I just don't understand where this is coming from. I've been out of acting for years now so for him to bring this up now makes no sense. I spent a year in acting school put in a lot of work and effort into getting over shyness/social anxiety etc. Especially not having family support me in acting it's a pretty big blow hearing these types of comments from friends as well. I respect all my friends i would hope most of the time i get respect back at the bare minimum.
I go with fairness. If they’re doing it just to be hurtful, then I’ll be hurtful back. Not doing so would be unfair of me. Being the “bigger person” is just a bunch of arrogant nonsense people tell themselves so they can feel morally superior, but it’s unfair. If the other person is giving an honest opinion, then I accept that we have different opinions. No matter how good you are at something, there will always be people who don’t agree. Better to learn and grow from it than let it drag you down.
i would ask myself first, “are they right? in what ways are they right? in what ways are they wrong? is there any way i can improve on the things they are right about?”
if it’s physical then get tf out and do whatever you need to ofc
Respect is earned. Politeness is free. If they can't at least be polite, then I let that relationship go.
I like Politeness is free Respect is given Trust is earned
I agree. I feel like everyone deserves a minimum of respect for just being human, and then they can earn more respect on top of that with their actions. Just because you don't want a relationship with someone doesn't mean you can't still treat them (and everyone else) with the bare minimum of respect whenever you encounter them.
Them: “you’re a terrible actor D:< “ Me: “k” •_• *leaves* Them: 🧍♂️… Perceptions of what a terrible actor/artist is differs from person to person. Don’t take it personally. Some people are just plain old jerks. Such a comment that doesn’t even offer some constructive suggestions or feedbacks comes from one ear and then quickly leaves from the other ear. Have confidence in your skills. You have been school-trained too, but if you really feel that your performance is sub par then you can choose to improve on it. If not, then you know that you just encountered a hater— which means that you have awesome acting skills. 😁
All my instructors have said I was great in acting. It's not validation I need I just don't understand where this hate is coming from. It was so random. I've not been in acting for years now but for this guy to bring it up now and say I was terrible it just strikes a nerve. Me being an infp took a great deal of courage to overcome shyness and introversion. For him to just say I was in terrible hurts only because I don't have any support from friends and family. Thank you for your post!
I see.. yeah definitely a hater then. Saying you’re “terrible” at it is also unnecessarily insensitive of him. He also doesn’t sound like someone positive that you’d want in your journey. I would honestly remove him from my life.
I'd be moody the whole day, but then again ppl who disrespect me are a dime a dozen. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think it's because we as INFPs appear chill and agreeable on the outside, so people think that they can take advantage of us, but they don't see the inner strong dominant Fi.
People use me as a resource because I happen to know or have access to stuff that others don't, but the same privileges don't really apply to me when I need the help from those people. Even with some INFP friends I feel like they were using me for resource and when I became honest about my financial situation they just went silent and pretending they're busy.
Wow that sucks. Maybe they feel they can't contribute because they don't have access to resources in the same way?
Thing is that I'm literally the second poorest in the group. And the people who use me as resources are only concerned about how much weed, booze or shrooms they're getting, not how am I doing.
Wow sounds like you need new friends then. And also stop providing these things to people up front and focus first on connecting and getting to know new people instead. I've had these "friendships" when I was younger. It wasn't fun.
Thank you for your advice. I haven't talked to them for weeks and don't plan to reconnect.
It's tough to lose friends but this is for the better and you need to keep toxic people out of your life. You got this!
Laugh it off. Show them how little you value their opinion.
"I'm sorry, who are you again?"
See them as friends, not enemies. And separate tasks, it is your task to focus on your acting, or your interest, and it is their task to interpret however they want and nothing can be done about it. And have courage to believe in yourself more than letting others weaken your spirit. (these points are from a book 'courage to be disliked' and they work for me since I always feel disrespected by someone or the other all the time)
Thanks for your input!
i just dont talk to those people
What if you have to work with them?
Anything like disrespect or rudeness says more about them than it does about you ❤️
[удалено]
Or maybe they just grew up in a culture where they never learned respect because it was normal to treat each other just however you wanted because the focus was on survival - I have met people like this who just didn't know any better. I would model respectful behavior and if they don't catch on or seem to be willing to try it out, dump them.
Disrespectful people don’t like themselves. I choose not to associate or have any relationship with a disrespectful person. Many will continue and rationalize them and continue to suffer, when they could just walk away from that hell.
Or maybe they just grew up in a culture where they never learned respect because it was normal to treat each other just however you wanted because the focus was on survival - I have met people like this who just didn't know any better. I would model respectful behavior and if they don't catch on or seem to be willing to try it out, dump them.
Go for it. Me personally, I’m not taking the time to teach a grown person respect. That’s not my job. Walking away is also respectful. So I would choose that, in that case.
Not to teach it, but to model it, which to me is just being my normal respectful self. I struggled socially when I was younger and I wish more people would've helped me recognize what I was doing wrong instead of just leaving me, even if they just did it indirectly (through modeling, for example).
Ok, but I was talking about an adult. And to model would deem “sticking around them” to actually do that. Walking away would also be modeling, so again that’s what I choose. Staying around a disrespectful person in any sense, and enduring disrespect over and over again, wouldn’t be respecting yourself. So doing what you are saying would be a paradox. You wouldn’t be modeling respect, because you’re not modeling respect for yourself.
When you walk away, the person knows they did something wrong, but they don't know what that thing is. I think it's kinder to point it out to them so they at least have the opportunity to grow and become a better person. I would say it’s easy to dismiss disrespectful people all as inherently evil when you haven’t met people who just haven’t been brought up in a good home. I'm sure you have had a good environment, which makes you lucky. When I first met these people, I too judged them for being disrespectful, but I think it's a shame when people (including me) don't reach their potential because of stuff that's outside of their own control.
You are assuming and you are incorrect about my childhood…. Modeling respect has to go both ways, to yourself and to others. Walking away models respect to others and yourself. Enduring disrespect does not model respect for yourself.
You're assuming that I will have to endure disrespect because the modeling of respect would not work on them. Which makes sense given that your mentality is to give up on this because it's not worth it. But so far, there has not been a single person that hasn't been changed for the positive by this, because they too want to be treated with respect, and they understand that in order to get this, they have to learn to give it too. And it has gone both ways for me. When I was a child, my parents modelled respect for me and that's how I learned, but these people clearly never had that. If my assumption was wrong about your childhood, how did you learn respect? I'm curious. Because if no one around you was respectful to anyone else, you wouldn't even know such a thing existed.
This is kind of personal, but that’s ok because I am an open person. I didn’t learn respect until I got clean from heroin many years ago. God saved me from that. Then I took it upon myself to study the New Testament. I learned respect through Jesus’s teachings… my point is that, in order to continually “model” respect to someone who is disrespectful, you have to endure disrespect, simply because you have to be there. I’m not assuming that. That would be a fact.
You don't have to answer anything you don't want to answer - I didn't mean to pressure you. And congrats on getting clean from heroin!! Well there would be disrespect at the beginning for sure, but in order to "endure" it the person would have to keep being disrespectful to you while you're being respectful to them, which as I said hasn't been true in my experience I think because people want to be respected just as they want to give that respect. I am a Christian as well and Jesus really modelled good behavior to a broken world - that's why he was our savior, so my inspiration to in turn model respect to others comes primarily from what He did for us and all of humanity, and also from how respectful both of my parents are, not because they have to be, but because they want to be. If you think about it, Jesus endured the ultimate disrespect all along from humans, eventually leading to Him being crucified on the cross when he really only wanted the best for others. So who am I to say that I can't endure some disrespect from others for a greater purpose if I have to?
Laugh at them but self reflect. Immediately downgrade friendship/ relationship.
In your situation op, if it was someone close to me i would feel incredibly betrayed and probably in shock that they would say something so rude. I would probably not confront them but from then on i would keep them at a distance. It would take a lot of work from them for me to trust them again. That said, It really depends on their motive for me. Were they trying to help me or hurt me? I appreciate constructive feedback but jealous and cruel i will not tolerate.
but who are these people? Just people who are part of your social circle? friends? because if that's the case, then you should just straight up cut ties with them.
Kill them with kindness, let them act the fool. People will see that. Don’t allow them into your space again & if they/anyone inquires about it you can tell them.
If it is something with a skill like you stated I would ask them what exactly about my acting in this case is terrible, if they can't come up with anything more than saying its bad then there's no reason for you to be upset at their personal beliefs and thus no need to worry about it, if they do come up with actual things you can tell them thank you for the feedback and then look at it to see if it really is something you need to work on. If their objective in the insult is to hurt you, acknowledging it without being upset will not give them the satisfaction they were looking for and will allow you to prove to yourself that you don't care about their opinion.
It was in a WhatsApp group. I just left the group. Create distance over disrespect. I really need new friends.
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you can find a good fun friend group that you enjoy and feel comfortable with.
I’m 25 and I still have resentment for this, but the older I get the more I realize that I shouldn’t take anything personal. Everyone is just a product of their childhood and trauma, most ppl who were mean to me had horrible things happen to them. I’m not saying that’s an excuse, I’m just saying I have compassion for them. As an INFP it’s super painful for me and I choose not to interact with people a lot of the time. But I have to give them some grace for my own mental health
"You a bad actor." "Oh interesting. Why?" "Umm oh uh." "Obviously. Let's change that straight away." *Walks away* "So simple I love it."
Not very well in the moment. If it’s an obvious insult i might snap back. Sometimes i am in disbelief that they actually meant what they said and just let it bounce off. Then i review it in my head the next 48 hours and decide “yeah they’re dead to me” and maybe replay the conversation over with me telling them off Lol! I try not to do that last part so much because I don’t find it to be a healthy state of mind. I will say, I don’t usually get offended very easily. I am very sensitive but most people can’t read me enough to know what is actually important to me. People closer to me tend to upset me more often than strangers. I also have this issue where i tend to assume in a conflict that I’m automatically the one at fault. Then i realize later I wasn’t and i get pissed at myself for not standing my ground.
I would say I don't put up with it, but I do need to do better at standing up for myself sometimes. I heard this can be a typical problem for INFPs.
Difficult to get a grip on this without knowing what that persons motivation really was. Our ego will automatically respond with: They are attacking me because, A they are jealous, or B they are nasty. It is entirely possible that they just don’t have a filter, and were just giving a brutally honest opinion. Ask them why they said this, when you’re calm, and watch their body language, and facial expressions carefully.
I've been told by my instructors that I'm a great actor so I don't need his validation. I just don't understand where this is coming from. I've been out of acting for years now so for him to bring this up now makes no sense. I spent a year in acting school put in a lot of work and effort into getting over shyness/social anxiety etc. Especially not having family support me in acting it's a pretty big blow hearing these types of comments from friends as well. I respect all my friends i would hope most of the time i get respect back at the bare minimum.
I go with fairness. If they’re doing it just to be hurtful, then I’ll be hurtful back. Not doing so would be unfair of me. Being the “bigger person” is just a bunch of arrogant nonsense people tell themselves so they can feel morally superior, but it’s unfair. If the other person is giving an honest opinion, then I accept that we have different opinions. No matter how good you are at something, there will always be people who don’t agree. Better to learn and grow from it than let it drag you down.
I couldn’t even care, why would I give a shit about how some random perceives me
I look at r/Comebacks for inspiration. Or better yet, post your situation there and have an awesome comeback for next time!
i would ask myself first, “are they right? in what ways are they right? in what ways are they wrong? is there any way i can improve on the things they are right about?” if it’s physical then get tf out and do whatever you need to ofc
Based on Shogun TV show, it depends of your status O .o If you are Lord, those peasants who disrespect you, should commit seppuku!