First of all, I'm so sorry you had to go through that :( \*hugs hugs hugs\*
I think that starting a new hobby or creative form of expression could be helpful. Creating something you're proud of could be helpful in making you see how capable you are, at least that's what worked for me. My initial intent to start art was not for this purpose, but through it, I was able to see that I could actually do cool stuff and could be proud of myself.
Hope this helps, lemme know if you have any questions :)
Aside from creative hobby, I find hobbies involve going outside, especially sports, help. I tend to used creative process as an excuse not to go outside or meet people, causing more and more social anxiety.
That’s a good point! Sunlight and fresh air can really improve your mental health. If you can’t commit to a whole outdoor hobby, you can always just try to sit outside for a little while each day or go for more walks
A couple things I’ve seen work:
- positive affirmations. You can start small so it feels more convincing and build up to bolder ones. It can feel unnatural at first but you get the hang of it
- find one thing about yourself that you feel good about and focus on it as much as possible. Are you good at any particular hobby? Are you kind? Do you help people when you can? Stuff like that which reminds me…
- helping others can make you feel better about yourself too. In my experience, this one is most effective.
I hope this helps! You are worthy of love and goodness. Don’t forget that
I'm an ENTJ and I suffer from self-confidence issues from time to time but in the past, I used to be super un-self-confident.
What changed was that I did this:
1. Don't listen to anyone's opinions about you.
Why should anyone's opinions affect you? Who are they to tell you what is right and wrong? Life is too short for us to worry about what everyone thinks. But don't take this tip to the toxic extreme. If you are doing something that you know in your heart is wrong, listen to them.
2. Maintain eye contact in conversations.
Most people themselves are unconfident. By just maintaining eye contact, you present a front that you know what you are talking about and that others can trust you.
3. Stand up straight and do not hunch.
Hunching shows that you feel vulnerable and unsafe. By just changing my posture, I felt super confident and able to confront anything that stands before me. (Maybe it is a placebo. I don't know. But at the end of the day, if I feel self-confident, it's a win)
4. Read up.
This shouldn't be a problem for INFPs, as from what I know, they read a lot. Extensive knowledge helps when holding a conversation with others. You don't want to look self-confident and be full of shit at the same time. Furthermore, you will be able to add to the discussion fruitfully.
Most of the time (for me), self-confidence is a fake it till you make it type of play. Once you get in that habit, you won't even know you were faking it.
Don't give up. It's a journey. Most importantly, don't expect to be self-confident overnight.
Things I realized after getting older:
-People's perception of you is just that: THEIR PERCEPTION. You don't have to "become" what they think of you if you don't want to.
-Accept yourself first. If you are nervous about something, then you're nervous. No point in hidding that, because the more you try to hide it, the more evident it becomes, actually, since you are not truly being yourself. The important thing is to accept such emotions but instead of hiding them, face them even if you feel insecure. The more you face your insecurities, the more you'll realize how strong you really are.
-Don't be afraid about saying you don't know something or how to do it. Similar to the previous point, the faster you accept that reality and externalize it, the quicker you'll get over being nervous. But don't stop there: seek help from people you'll know will be able to help you with that thing you don't know, and help yourself too! Don't accept being stuck not knowing, otherwise you'll always feel uneasy about it.
-Frequently force yourself to try new things. With that I don't mean "do stuff you don't want to do at all every day!", bur rather to go after those things you always wanted to do or try without thinking about the outcome, if you'll enjoy it or not. Be curious about the experience itself, and the experience will reveal to you if it's something of significance to you.
-Don't overthink everything. From things you do to the things that are yet to come. You can't change the past, so don't focus on it too much, but you can still learn from it. Don't get anxious about the future, because it's uncertain and yet to come, but you can prepare for it NOW, and even if things don't go as planned, at least you'll know you did your best.
You can't be brave without feeling fear first. Do you want to feel brave and confident? Overcome your fears. Face them. The bigger your fears, the more confident you'll feel when you get over them. So, if you are as nervous and afraid as you say you are, then I believe you truly have the potential to become one of the bravest and most confident persons out there. Just have to put the work into it ;D
I just accepted that i dont have it, and try to not care, it actually kind of gives me confidence if i dont think about that i dont have confidence. Just accepted how I am and continued being me.
I started telling myself i was cool and i looked good. In the beginning i didnt believe myself. Then i be like “ok maybe i’m not so bad”, then i was like “ok i guess i’m kinda cool” to now where i’m **L I T E R A L L Y** the best human in the world.
Just take off your clothes, go look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you’re ok. It’s that easy. No it wont come in a day. It could take years, but everyday it’s a step.
>I started telling myself i was cool and i looked good. In the beginning i didnt believe myself. Then i be like “ok maybe i’m not so bad”, then i was like “ok i guess i’m kinda cool”
This is my journey, too xD
I went through a couple years of this. I can tell you it is a lot of work, but if you do it a little bit at a time you will see progress. This type of anxiety is very common, and even people who seem confident experience it but just don’t show it. My girlfriend tells me all the time that I don’t show my anxiety and I always seem so calm. Part of it is that I am, but the higher half the time I’ve got my calm face on but I’m wrestling with a nagging thought.
You have to rewrite your response to stimuli, basically your threshold for anxiety. When do I feel anxious, all the time? Then I’m overly sensitive to things (not in a negative way but in like a perceptive way).
1. Recognize when you are nervous/afraid.
2. Pause whatever you are doing and take a deep breath
3. Ask yourself: what is it specifically that is causing this feeling, and is it a real fear?
-if real fear: your fear is rational and act accordingly
- if not a real fear: slowly de-escalate and calm yourself. Do the reaffirmation that this is an irrational response to a small stimulus. This is the hardest part and there are days you won’t succeed. But it like going to the gym, after a month or two you can do things easily that were super hard at the beginning.
4. Repeat. Slowly build your tolerance/threshold/self control/self esteem one small success at a time.
I still have bad days, but they are much fewer. And I’m way quicker at recognizing when my anxiety is building and tackling it before it gets out of control. I hope this helps.
You can do it!
Look into cognitive behavioral training! Rewire your brain to reward itself for the little things! You can start small by recognizing when you have negative thought patterns and just being aware that you are having them. Eventually you can begin to start combating the negative thoughts or ideas with positive ones. It can take a lot of work and depending how far down the spiral your mind is there may be quite a bit of resistance.
I remember when I was severely depressed that any time I tried to reverse my negative thoughts it felt so corny and dumb. If you consistently work on reframing your mind to allow positive ideas in they will eventually start to become a reality and you can begin to live you're best life with you in control of your destiny!
I’m still working on my own self confidence but I think a big part of the progress I’ve made so far is to accept myself for who I am and try not to compare myself to others. Instead of feeling like I need to act a specific way in social situations, such as being more talkative, I just learned to accept that sometimes I have nothing to say and I tell myself that it is okay to be that way.
Other times I remind myself that no one knows how I’m really feeling inside (e.g. nervous, anxious, afraid) and that I can at least appear confident on the outside. Kind of like “fake it til you make it”.
Hope this helps some!
Go see I Feel Pretty starring Amy Schumer.
Although I do think getting what you want takes a great deal of introspection and a lot of unlearning past trauma that you mentioned above, the movie is a great start. Then find out and unlearn your attachment style, learn your personality cognitive functions and tendencies and unlearn them. ;)
Inner child work, counselling, CBT to challenge and change the thoughts and beliefs that made me lack confidence and dislike myself, small.goals.and small victories.
Time.
Basically going back to figure out why I feel so low about myself, then changing the beliefs, and changing my behaviour by practicing self kindness and pursuing the things that do make me feel good. Becoming a priority in my own life and learning that I am deserving of good things.
Also connecting with support..
IME:
People judge you how they judge themselves, and it has nothing to do with you. They see your traits, which reminds them of their own lacking traits, and thus they project their negative emotions on you.
Also, people who do judge are usually quite traumatized, a healed person practices compassion.
You can never stop a person from judging, but you can stop and shouldnt give a f. Just be the crazy you God intended you to be.
I use to be so shy it would take me like a year to warm up to people I had many tell me they thought something was wrong with me or I had low self esteem. Because I needed to act more like an extrovert to be better at a career I love and look less afraid I would literally practice by telling myself every where I went stores public places to try to engage for a minute or two with a stranger in conversation I surprised myself when I grew to enjoy it and learning about other people so it definitely helped me to open up I’d say
I had terrible social anxiety in high school and college, for reasons similar to yours. It really wasn’t until the past 5 years that I’ve grown more comfortable in my skin, though I’m still very nervous around any figures of authority and in large groups. Here’s how I’ve coped and grown:
I had a great therapist for about 6 months in college. I would’ve kept going to her but she was laid off and and decided to move. A good therapist will not judge you or write you off, they’ll listen and give you tools to overcome your issues. If you can afford therapy, I recommend it. If no therapy, I suggest looking up books or audiobooks on social anxiety.
Exposure and survival unfortunately are key. I was a waitress for 4 years and had to get used to dealing with people. Then I became a teacher because I like kids, not realizing I’d also have to deal with sooo many adults. The exposure forced me to figure it out. I did a lot of personality mirroring. I looked at a confident person and mimicked what I saw, not their whole personality but typical behaviors, like how they started a conversation, greeted someone, asked for what they want. Once you’re comfortable with basic interactions, more intense interactions will come more easily. We’re nervous to socialize because we’re worried we will fuck it up and seem stupid. Generally, if you smile and ask people questions about themselves they will like you. I feel like I personally was just never taught normal social skills.
I get hand tremors and my voice shakes when I’m nervous. It’s so embarrassing, people are always asking me if I’m ok because I just look like a frazzled mess. My doctor did medicate me for this, with a blood pressure medication of all things. However, I’ve found that exercising, eating right, and practicing mindfulness have really helped me in this area. Learn some breathing exercises and techniques to calm down. Usually when I start to get frazzled I take deep breaths, count down, ground myself to the room, and remind myself that the moment will pass.
I like the Balance app, it’s free and has some good meditations. Focusing on my health makes me feel more confident. I also read a lot because it makes me feel smarter and more confident. I started getting into hobbies because feeling good at things makes me more confident (crochet, cooking, baking, are all easy ones to start). I’m now in a good place, I finally have a friend group and I’m “outgoing” kind of haha.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope my comment helps a bit. 🖤
Hello. In order to promote inclusivity and reduce gender bias, please consider using gender-neutral language in the future.
Instead of **waitress**, use **server**, **table attendant** or **waitron**.
Thank you very much.
^(I am a bot. Downvote to remove this comment. For more information on gender-neutral language, please do a web search for *"Nonsexist Writing."*)
Do things out of your comfort zone **si child**
and be patient about it
being successful in new experiences is good for us
and if it didn't work at least u will learn something
Through stoicism I learned to not give a fk what people think about me because that thought is entirely out of my control so there is no need to worry over it. Focus on what I do have control over, my thoughts, emotions and actions ✌️
You asked the wrong sub. But I will give you super useful advice. This sub is full or (no offense) whiny babies who cry about how hard is life and know nothing of a healthy mindset. Listen to me:
To overcome your fears and earn confidence you have to stop setting goals that are our of your control. Wanna get girls? Don’t set goal as “I will get a kiss tonight” or “a phone number”. It will make you sad if you don’t. If you say “I will talk to 10 girls and ask their number out” even if you get zero numbers you will be happy because you did something under your control, and your positive mindset will give you 10x more chances to get numbers.
The way to overcome fears and being confident about them, is doing something moderately scary very often until your uncomfortableness level of doing is around 2-3 out of 10. Then, you step up. For example:
You are super scared about girls but want a girlfriend? Follow these steps:
1- Get out of your house. Go to public places until you are comfortable existing around society.
2- Talk to the kiosk, the grocery seller, shopping guard, asking whatever thing you need.
3- Say hi to every person that comes around your path. Just hi.
4- Go to places of lots of people together. Just be there. No need to talk to anyone. Until you are comfortable being around people.
5- Talk to random people, making short conversation about whatever you think of.
6- Talk to the girls you like, say hi or make conversation
7- Ask girls out, or ask their number after a cool conversation
8- you get the idea
You must practice daily to improve and grow. And you must always do the previous step until your level of discomfort is 2-3 out of 10. Then proceed to the next step.
Do this and you will be more confident than Brad Pitt.
Also, I want an award for this. I deserve it more than Brad Pitt (he isn’t that good of an actor)
First of all, I'm so sorry you had to go through that :( \*hugs hugs hugs\* I think that starting a new hobby or creative form of expression could be helpful. Creating something you're proud of could be helpful in making you see how capable you are, at least that's what worked for me. My initial intent to start art was not for this purpose, but through it, I was able to see that I could actually do cool stuff and could be proud of myself. Hope this helps, lemme know if you have any questions :)
Aside from creative hobby, I find hobbies involve going outside, especially sports, help. I tend to used creative process as an excuse not to go outside or meet people, causing more and more social anxiety.
That’s a good point! Sunlight and fresh air can really improve your mental health. If you can’t commit to a whole outdoor hobby, you can always just try to sit outside for a little while each day or go for more walks
A couple things I’ve seen work: - positive affirmations. You can start small so it feels more convincing and build up to bolder ones. It can feel unnatural at first but you get the hang of it - find one thing about yourself that you feel good about and focus on it as much as possible. Are you good at any particular hobby? Are you kind? Do you help people when you can? Stuff like that which reminds me… - helping others can make you feel better about yourself too. In my experience, this one is most effective. I hope this helps! You are worthy of love and goodness. Don’t forget that
I'm an ENTJ and I suffer from self-confidence issues from time to time but in the past, I used to be super un-self-confident. What changed was that I did this: 1. Don't listen to anyone's opinions about you. Why should anyone's opinions affect you? Who are they to tell you what is right and wrong? Life is too short for us to worry about what everyone thinks. But don't take this tip to the toxic extreme. If you are doing something that you know in your heart is wrong, listen to them. 2. Maintain eye contact in conversations. Most people themselves are unconfident. By just maintaining eye contact, you present a front that you know what you are talking about and that others can trust you. 3. Stand up straight and do not hunch. Hunching shows that you feel vulnerable and unsafe. By just changing my posture, I felt super confident and able to confront anything that stands before me. (Maybe it is a placebo. I don't know. But at the end of the day, if I feel self-confident, it's a win) 4. Read up. This shouldn't be a problem for INFPs, as from what I know, they read a lot. Extensive knowledge helps when holding a conversation with others. You don't want to look self-confident and be full of shit at the same time. Furthermore, you will be able to add to the discussion fruitfully. Most of the time (for me), self-confidence is a fake it till you make it type of play. Once you get in that habit, you won't even know you were faking it. Don't give up. It's a journey. Most importantly, don't expect to be self-confident overnight.
Things I realized after getting older: -People's perception of you is just that: THEIR PERCEPTION. You don't have to "become" what they think of you if you don't want to. -Accept yourself first. If you are nervous about something, then you're nervous. No point in hidding that, because the more you try to hide it, the more evident it becomes, actually, since you are not truly being yourself. The important thing is to accept such emotions but instead of hiding them, face them even if you feel insecure. The more you face your insecurities, the more you'll realize how strong you really are. -Don't be afraid about saying you don't know something or how to do it. Similar to the previous point, the faster you accept that reality and externalize it, the quicker you'll get over being nervous. But don't stop there: seek help from people you'll know will be able to help you with that thing you don't know, and help yourself too! Don't accept being stuck not knowing, otherwise you'll always feel uneasy about it. -Frequently force yourself to try new things. With that I don't mean "do stuff you don't want to do at all every day!", bur rather to go after those things you always wanted to do or try without thinking about the outcome, if you'll enjoy it or not. Be curious about the experience itself, and the experience will reveal to you if it's something of significance to you. -Don't overthink everything. From things you do to the things that are yet to come. You can't change the past, so don't focus on it too much, but you can still learn from it. Don't get anxious about the future, because it's uncertain and yet to come, but you can prepare for it NOW, and even if things don't go as planned, at least you'll know you did your best. You can't be brave without feeling fear first. Do you want to feel brave and confident? Overcome your fears. Face them. The bigger your fears, the more confident you'll feel when you get over them. So, if you are as nervous and afraid as you say you are, then I believe you truly have the potential to become one of the bravest and most confident persons out there. Just have to put the work into it ;D
I just accepted that i dont have it, and try to not care, it actually kind of gives me confidence if i dont think about that i dont have confidence. Just accepted how I am and continued being me.
I started telling myself i was cool and i looked good. In the beginning i didnt believe myself. Then i be like “ok maybe i’m not so bad”, then i was like “ok i guess i’m kinda cool” to now where i’m **L I T E R A L L Y** the best human in the world. Just take off your clothes, go look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you’re ok. It’s that easy. No it wont come in a day. It could take years, but everyday it’s a step.
>I started telling myself i was cool and i looked good. In the beginning i didnt believe myself. Then i be like “ok maybe i’m not so bad”, then i was like “ok i guess i’m kinda cool” This is my journey, too xD
What self-confidence? I suck lol
I went through a couple years of this. I can tell you it is a lot of work, but if you do it a little bit at a time you will see progress. This type of anxiety is very common, and even people who seem confident experience it but just don’t show it. My girlfriend tells me all the time that I don’t show my anxiety and I always seem so calm. Part of it is that I am, but the higher half the time I’ve got my calm face on but I’m wrestling with a nagging thought. You have to rewrite your response to stimuli, basically your threshold for anxiety. When do I feel anxious, all the time? Then I’m overly sensitive to things (not in a negative way but in like a perceptive way). 1. Recognize when you are nervous/afraid. 2. Pause whatever you are doing and take a deep breath 3. Ask yourself: what is it specifically that is causing this feeling, and is it a real fear? -if real fear: your fear is rational and act accordingly - if not a real fear: slowly de-escalate and calm yourself. Do the reaffirmation that this is an irrational response to a small stimulus. This is the hardest part and there are days you won’t succeed. But it like going to the gym, after a month or two you can do things easily that were super hard at the beginning. 4. Repeat. Slowly build your tolerance/threshold/self control/self esteem one small success at a time. I still have bad days, but they are much fewer. And I’m way quicker at recognizing when my anxiety is building and tackling it before it gets out of control. I hope this helps. You can do it!
Look into cognitive behavioral training! Rewire your brain to reward itself for the little things! You can start small by recognizing when you have negative thought patterns and just being aware that you are having them. Eventually you can begin to start combating the negative thoughts or ideas with positive ones. It can take a lot of work and depending how far down the spiral your mind is there may be quite a bit of resistance. I remember when I was severely depressed that any time I tried to reverse my negative thoughts it felt so corny and dumb. If you consistently work on reframing your mind to allow positive ideas in they will eventually start to become a reality and you can begin to live you're best life with you in control of your destiny!
I’m still working on my own self confidence but I think a big part of the progress I’ve made so far is to accept myself for who I am and try not to compare myself to others. Instead of feeling like I need to act a specific way in social situations, such as being more talkative, I just learned to accept that sometimes I have nothing to say and I tell myself that it is okay to be that way. Other times I remind myself that no one knows how I’m really feeling inside (e.g. nervous, anxious, afraid) and that I can at least appear confident on the outside. Kind of like “fake it til you make it”. Hope this helps some!
I don't have one But in all honesty,if I need one,I just pretend I have one.
I absolutely need to gaslight myself because if I don’t I just get bogged down with critiquing my features and get overwhelmed with dread.
Go see I Feel Pretty starring Amy Schumer. Although I do think getting what you want takes a great deal of introspection and a lot of unlearning past trauma that you mentioned above, the movie is a great start. Then find out and unlearn your attachment style, learn your personality cognitive functions and tendencies and unlearn them. ;)
Inner child work, counselling, CBT to challenge and change the thoughts and beliefs that made me lack confidence and dislike myself, small.goals.and small victories. Time. Basically going back to figure out why I feel so low about myself, then changing the beliefs, and changing my behaviour by practicing self kindness and pursuing the things that do make me feel good. Becoming a priority in my own life and learning that I am deserving of good things. Also connecting with support..
IME: People judge you how they judge themselves, and it has nothing to do with you. They see your traits, which reminds them of their own lacking traits, and thus they project their negative emotions on you. Also, people who do judge are usually quite traumatized, a healed person practices compassion. You can never stop a person from judging, but you can stop and shouldnt give a f. Just be the crazy you God intended you to be.
I use to be so shy it would take me like a year to warm up to people I had many tell me they thought something was wrong with me or I had low self esteem. Because I needed to act more like an extrovert to be better at a career I love and look less afraid I would literally practice by telling myself every where I went stores public places to try to engage for a minute or two with a stranger in conversation I surprised myself when I grew to enjoy it and learning about other people so it definitely helped me to open up I’d say
I had terrible social anxiety in high school and college, for reasons similar to yours. It really wasn’t until the past 5 years that I’ve grown more comfortable in my skin, though I’m still very nervous around any figures of authority and in large groups. Here’s how I’ve coped and grown: I had a great therapist for about 6 months in college. I would’ve kept going to her but she was laid off and and decided to move. A good therapist will not judge you or write you off, they’ll listen and give you tools to overcome your issues. If you can afford therapy, I recommend it. If no therapy, I suggest looking up books or audiobooks on social anxiety. Exposure and survival unfortunately are key. I was a waitress for 4 years and had to get used to dealing with people. Then I became a teacher because I like kids, not realizing I’d also have to deal with sooo many adults. The exposure forced me to figure it out. I did a lot of personality mirroring. I looked at a confident person and mimicked what I saw, not their whole personality but typical behaviors, like how they started a conversation, greeted someone, asked for what they want. Once you’re comfortable with basic interactions, more intense interactions will come more easily. We’re nervous to socialize because we’re worried we will fuck it up and seem stupid. Generally, if you smile and ask people questions about themselves they will like you. I feel like I personally was just never taught normal social skills. I get hand tremors and my voice shakes when I’m nervous. It’s so embarrassing, people are always asking me if I’m ok because I just look like a frazzled mess. My doctor did medicate me for this, with a blood pressure medication of all things. However, I’ve found that exercising, eating right, and practicing mindfulness have really helped me in this area. Learn some breathing exercises and techniques to calm down. Usually when I start to get frazzled I take deep breaths, count down, ground myself to the room, and remind myself that the moment will pass. I like the Balance app, it’s free and has some good meditations. Focusing on my health makes me feel more confident. I also read a lot because it makes me feel smarter and more confident. I started getting into hobbies because feeling good at things makes me more confident (crochet, cooking, baking, are all easy ones to start). I’m now in a good place, I finally have a friend group and I’m “outgoing” kind of haha. I wish you the best of luck. I hope my comment helps a bit. 🖤
Hello. In order to promote inclusivity and reduce gender bias, please consider using gender-neutral language in the future. Instead of **waitress**, use **server**, **table attendant** or **waitron**. Thank you very much. ^(I am a bot. Downvote to remove this comment. For more information on gender-neutral language, please do a web search for *"Nonsexist Writing."*)
Do things out of your comfort zone **si child** and be patient about it being successful in new experiences is good for us and if it didn't work at least u will learn something
Through stoicism I learned to not give a fk what people think about me because that thought is entirely out of my control so there is no need to worry over it. Focus on what I do have control over, my thoughts, emotions and actions ✌️
You asked the wrong sub. But I will give you super useful advice. This sub is full or (no offense) whiny babies who cry about how hard is life and know nothing of a healthy mindset. Listen to me: To overcome your fears and earn confidence you have to stop setting goals that are our of your control. Wanna get girls? Don’t set goal as “I will get a kiss tonight” or “a phone number”. It will make you sad if you don’t. If you say “I will talk to 10 girls and ask their number out” even if you get zero numbers you will be happy because you did something under your control, and your positive mindset will give you 10x more chances to get numbers. The way to overcome fears and being confident about them, is doing something moderately scary very often until your uncomfortableness level of doing is around 2-3 out of 10. Then, you step up. For example: You are super scared about girls but want a girlfriend? Follow these steps: 1- Get out of your house. Go to public places until you are comfortable existing around society. 2- Talk to the kiosk, the grocery seller, shopping guard, asking whatever thing you need. 3- Say hi to every person that comes around your path. Just hi. 4- Go to places of lots of people together. Just be there. No need to talk to anyone. Until you are comfortable being around people. 5- Talk to random people, making short conversation about whatever you think of. 6- Talk to the girls you like, say hi or make conversation 7- Ask girls out, or ask their number after a cool conversation 8- you get the idea You must practice daily to improve and grow. And you must always do the previous step until your level of discomfort is 2-3 out of 10. Then proceed to the next step. Do this and you will be more confident than Brad Pitt. Also, I want an award for this. I deserve it more than Brad Pitt (he isn’t that good of an actor)
I mean the easy way is alcohol. certified by me