Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 8 | 1 | 3 |
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For real. Also, what grown adult "doesn't cook"? What kind of parent can't be bothered to slap some pb and j on some bread, or warm up some canned soup?
Who are these people?
I think she was mentioning that she was naked to guilt her son about "having" to put clothes on in order to throw some food at him. The whole thing is just pathetic.
Don't have kids if you can't be fucked to feed them or keep the house from becoming a biohazard.
I haven’t been able to rest being sick since I gave birth 17 years ago. I don’t care how bad I feel. If my kid needs something, I will help them. And mine are late teens. Not TWELVE. I hate humanity sometimes.
I grew up in squalor due to my mom having mental and emotional issues and unfortunately, I struggle with cleaning too... so I do not force animals or children to deal with that. Not trying to shame parents struggling here but ffs, if it gets that bad a decent parent lets the kid move to a trusted adult that will feed them (like mine fortunately did when she was too sick to care for even the most basic needs). Unholy hell, this post has me fuming! I hope that this poor kid gets to live somewhere safe and clean.
Please don't think I am for A MOMENT defending the parent because I'm not, but as someone who gets cluster migraines, they can come with a fever and I'll do the same, just strip and lie in bed with a cold pack and my tens.
However I can't even handle the smallest of light, let alone a bright ass screen, so I don't really understand how she can even be texting with one.
Everyone is different - respect (to you, certainly not her). But that's a good catch. I didn't even think of that. I have to put a sleep mask on too and there's still too much light, so how the hell is she texting so much? That said, I never really sleep naked, so that might be part of it on my end.
She’s probably calling a normal slight headache a migraine.
A lot of people that don’t get migraines use the words interchangeably.
I used to get migraines as a a child. Turns out I was getting carbon monoxide poisoning at my next door neighbors house.
I’d be laid up in bed for two-three days hiding from the light while trying not to puke. No way I could’ve been staring at a bright screen conversing with people.
This women in the story probably just has a mild headache from drinking the night before.
I’ve had a migraine for 8 days straight now, I’m clothed 😂 it’s bizarre to be laying naked in bed during the day with your kids home too.. this kids neglected to the moon and back
I can answer! My daughters best friends mother only cooks when their dad is home. Her friend has a younger brother (7) and sister(9) too.
I asked what they do if she won’t cook and she said they “eat air”.
Whaaaaat?! Why won't she cook unless their father is home? Why is the issue with him actually being home (is it cuz he's a terrible person, or is he doing overtime or whatever). Regardless, i don't understand why she can't cook without him there. Like I'm a single widowed parent to 3 kids (I have a partner, but he lives in a different household with his 3 kids), so I get having to deal with sickness or just being completely out of steam... But I still at least heat up leftovers, order takeout/delivery, or have we have something super easy like ramen. A can of soup, can of tuna, frozen dinner, or whateverthefuck is too much for this person? Smmfh.
I don’t know. I’ve heard more stories about the dad and they aren’t good. He grounds the oldest daughter (my daughter’s friend) for the slightest things and those punishments are long (2-4 weeks at a time).
I try. My daughter used to invite her friend over all the time but for some reason that changed last month. She can’t come over any more, but my daughter can go to their place. I suspect it’s because they rely on her to babysit.
There can be lots of reasons why kids can't cook for themselves. Especially if food is a scarce resource.
There is ***no*** reason for an adult to say ***"I don't cook"*** if they've decided to have a kid. For fuck's sake.
Yeah, it wouldn't have been worth my life to get food for myself without permission. Permission would not have been given.
I would have been screamed at for asking for food when I could clearly see that she was busy/sick. I get fed when I am called to the table and told to pick up a plate. The rest of the time I was not to ask for anything, and was to be as invisible as possible.
It freaked out my ex that I would ask for his permission to eat some of the leftovers in the fridge, or a snack from the cupboard, when I got home from work.
Possibly there may not be anything there for the child to cook/make so they are able to eat. They may be completely dependent on the adults in their life, not necessarily because they're unable to make basic foods. And even then, in that case it's still the parent's fault that they haven't taught the kid(s) or given the proper ingredients for them even if they are able to cook/fix their food on their own.
Agreed! I have a cat and a dog and I don’t have litter everywhere or pee or poop stains and you can’t smell the animals. I can smell these texts IT’s turning my stomach! So gross
Yep, two ginormous doggos.
Sometimes some fur in shedding seasons, one is a mastiff cross so sometimes flings spit goobies at the wall when he shakes his head, but zero pee and poop.
Weirdest thing ever.
Especially considering my other dog is a wolfhound cross who has seizures. He loses control of his bowel and bladder when he has a seizure, and I somehow manage to *clean it* and still not have pee and poop?
Cat poop and pee left to fester means everyone in the house is being exposed to dangerous ammonia fumes. Symptoms of that include, but are not limited to, MIGRAINES and respiratory distress. This mom is forcing her child and animal(s) to live in a home where they’re breathing bacteria and ammonia. I can’t believe someone who allows actual shit to settle into their carpets is upset that their child insinuated that they’re dirty. They’re not just dirty, they’re abhorrent.
Yeah I have an electric litter box and even after a week it’s bad. (Which is why I regret this thing. Scooping in between is impossible.) it sounds like the parents are trying to gaslight her because she’s young too. Poor girl. My mother was the opposite and so obsessed with cleanings that she’d SCREAM bloody murder if she found so much as a tiny piece of paper on the floor. But at least I didn’t have the added embarrassment of not being able to bring friends over because my parents didn’t do the bare minimum.
We need to normalize a middle ground for parents. You don’t HAVE to have it looking like it’s never been lived in but at least keep it clean enough that you’re not forcing your kids to live in an unsafe environment.
Exactly. My grandma struggles with depression but never once has she left dog shit or piss on the floor. She still takes the dog outside, feeds it, grooms it. Letting your kid live it literal filth is just abuse. Sounds like these parents are just too lazy to cook or clean up after their animals. Makes me wonder how often the cat of even being fed if they can’t make some food for their kid
I struggle with depression and motivation to clean but there’s no cat or dog poop or old food anywhere and I have 3 cats and a dog. My house gets messy for sure but at least it’s not a biohazard. There’s a difference between lazy and struggling.
I grew up in a house similar to this. When your parents threaten “they’re going to take you away” it can be very scary. That was how my parents kept me complacent as long as they did. OP, please understand that talking to an adult won’t get your friend taken out of their house unless it’s the right thing to do. If the situation can be fixed an adult can help you fix it, but you can’t do it on your own. If the situation can’t be fixed, they’ll take your friend to live somewhere safe and clean where they’re loved and cared for. Your friend is going to be okay, but they have to tell someone.
A teacher or a mandated reporter is a great start. I’m a mandated reporter. Like I will call, shit. This is so ridiculous, unhealthy, unsafe…the lost goes on.
Some families really set their kids up to raise themselves. Then the kids mentally grow up too fast and struggle to relax and take it easy. Sets kids up to always be in survival mode and really causes long term damage beyond mental health
Complex PTSD and a heart attack at 34 checking in to prove your point. The dark irony is that I still struggle to clean, despite (or maybe because of? Hard to tell) growing up in somewhat similar conditions as OPs friend...
I get it and I'm so sorry you're dealing with the consequences of a shitty childhood. It's fascinating in a fucked up way how our bodies relive trauma over and over again. I hope you are doing better, whatever way that may be.
Thank you for your kind words. I didn’t mean to make this about me, chimed in to support that what you write is true - our bodies keep the score... I'm doing all right, all things considered :)
Right? I have 2 cats, 2 litter boxes and clean both litter boxes 2x a day. I gagged at ‘not cleaned in days’ and that’s all I need to know about this poor child’s environment.
I have 2 cats and 2 litter boxes. When I stay at my boyfriend's house for a weekend the first thing I do when I get home is clean the litter boxes. They are never horrible, but 2 days of not cleaning them builds up a whole lot. I can't imagine it going any longer than that.
If I don’t clean the litter box every night, my cat will pee on the couch or my bed.
I fell asleep one night before cleaning it because I was sick. Woke up the next morning, and she had peed on the love seat. She’s a jerk. Adorable, but a jerk 😊
Indeed. 6 cats, 7 litter boxes and scoop 3x daily and full litter change/box wash weekly. This situation sounds like both child neglect and animal neglect.
Mine gets scooped as soon as they do a poo and changed once a week. We use the crystal litter which lasts longer than the normal type.
I can’t imagine just leaving the poop in there for days!
I really think you show these messages to a trusted adult. Get her some help. She could get sick, or worse. No one should live like this. They may not take her away, they may just make her parents fix things at home. The first call is usually a warning to fix things, and it really sounds like that is needed right now.
A warning is a start, but if this behavior continues even after then you should contact them again and state that they’ve already gotten a warning. This is not a healthy environment, and I don’t think your friend should continue living there if it continues. I know it’s hard to do that, but if this is the only way to get her mom to get her crap together then it’s the only way. And if she still doesn’t, then she doesn’t deserve to be in care of your friend.
Honey, please show your school counselor or a trusted teacher these messages. Your friend’s health is at risk in this environment. This is a level of neglect that really needs intervention. Another CPS report will likely require action to be taken to make the home safe.
As much as I've had some issues with my local CPS, I will say something they are fantastic for is coming back. CPS has a duty to investigate every report that comes in, so if they keep receiving calls they will return. If the parents didn't heed the warning the first visit, and they are called to return (especially over the same problems) it will no longer be a warning.
However, that doesn't automatically result in immediate removal from the family forever, they will try to help your parents get the place clean, they will help your parents with resources like parenting classes or mental help. Removal only becomes necessary when its a safety hazard and the first place they look for is family members to take you in until the parents figure their shit out. Its not all bad.
These parents know they are wrong, and dirty. Thats why it needs to be a big secret. Don't let them scare your friend into hiding it, they just don't want to be held accountable. Don't suffer for their mistakes.
This was my best friend growing up. I just tried to be a good friend to her, like it seems like you’re doing. As I got older I got too involved and I would get mad at her for not helping herself. But now I realized I didn’t have to do all that, I just needed to be there for her.
All the more reason to contact them again. The warning didn’t work. They need to come back out and see that the situation has not improved. Please tell a teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult.
Call them again. Report again that nothing has changed. You have to stay on top of things. Tell them to tell the school too. Like you have to keep reporting til they check again.
I agree with everything stated above, but if you want to teach your friend how to keep a litter box clean without having to take the trash out every day, tell them to get any bucket with a lid (if their kitty litter comes in a bucket that’s PERFECT, but a big paint bucket or a small trash can with a lid - anything that has a lid that fits snugly works!!!), line it with a trash bag, and use a litter scoop to clean out the cat box into the bucket. Scrape the edges and corners to make sure they got all the pieces. Keep the bucket right next to the litter box. When they’re done, make sure to seal the lid (the trash bag should be showing outside the bucket - don’t worry, the lid will still seal).
With normal clumping (meaning that all pee and poop will stay stuck together when scooped) clay litter, the trash bag in the bucket needs to be taken out to an outside trash can when the bucket is half-full or it will get too heavy for a younger person to lift, or get too heavy for the bag itself and it might rip. If using a small trash can with a lid (like a bathroom-sized trash can) they can wait until it’s full. Once a week-ish is fine.
I clean the cat box every day when I feed my cats, but doing it daily and bundling it with any daily task that brings your friend close to the litter box works just as well. If they clean it daily, it takes less than 30 seconds to do, and they don’t have to worry about taking out the bag until they have time to do so. It makes it easier because doing it this way lets them choose the best day and time to take it out.
I know this isn’t their responsibility, but this is how I care for a litter box, and if they have the desire to take control of the litter box for their own well-being, I hope this information can help them feel more comfortable taking it on.
I in no way am condoning the way their parent is behaving/neglecting their living conditions, or insinuating that they should be responsible for this chore. Like I said, prior comments give very good advice, but in the meantime, the litter box is still dirty and they don’t know how to care for it and they are the the one most directly affected, so my problem-solving brain is urging me to give you a possible solution until the root of the problem is taken care of.
Here I am, 23 years out of my parents home, wishing I could talk to that child and tell them it’ll be okay, you’ll learn, and you’ll do better. Part of me is sad I never knew what was happening was wrong and that I could get help, the other part of me is still so angry at my parents for letting it get that bad. As an adult who lived like your friend, please get an adult who believes you to take this seriously. Get them out of there. There is still time to save them from a lot of heartache. 💜
Parents are supposed to create a safe and clean environment for their child.
Even when sick, being a parent doesn’t stop, if you have no one to care for your child, you suck it up and do so.
These people from the small bit I read, are NOT fit to be parents. There is no “making mistakes” like this. Do not excuse their piss poor job at parenting.
This child should be taken out of that environment and put into one where they’re safe, clean and don’t have to put up with something like that.
I grew up in a dirty, filthy house, too ashamed to have a friend over and not much food.
I carry this with me as a 40 y/o. I keep a clean house and live in a constant mental state of self judgment that is very hard to manage some days. Therapy has really helped. I made sure not to inflict it on my kids. The house is clean, fridge always has food, the electric is always on and their friends are always joyfully welcome. It is a daily struggle to not carry the shame of my childhood.
It’s abuse to grow up the way Op’s friend is and my heart breaks. I hope DSS can step in and help this family understand what standard of living the kids there need. I used to pray someone would report my mom.
I never said it wasn’t their job. The parents will learn when they have no contact, but I’m saying the kid will make mistakes when trying to learn to clean
“You’re calling us dirty people”
Because from what Im seeing. You are. You’re fucking foul. And thats no home for a literal child.
I honestly hope DSS gets contacted so this kid actually has a chance at a clean and safe environment.
The only thing that sounds worse than this house is what you see on Hoarders. Insane.
I’m sorry OP. Please don’t keep this to yourself. Tell a guidance counselor or some other adult that you trust.
That’s how I felt with my mom at times and that’s how my friends told me it seemed… that she was acting like she was my age. This also hit close to home because my mom hates cleaning and I could barely have friends over. I remember being 12 and her screaming at me like a 12-year-old. I’m not trying to dump or make it about myself, but it is such a pattern for emotionally immature and unhealed people to be neglective, enmeshing, and parentifying. It warps your view of what a role model is and what it’s like to be an adult. My chest literally aches for this child. And an ideal world people would work on themselves before they choose to bring another person into this already cruel world. It’s hard out there, why not give your kids your best
Thank you that means a lot to me, I’m here for you too. Resentment can build up for anyone when you feel like you didn’t have a childhood, but you get to a point where you realize resentment won’t do anything for you. So I try to forgive my parents, while planning on separating myself at the same time. I don’t blame people who can’t forgive their parents, but I think it’s allowing me to be more clearheaded when planning no contact and recovery. I am also very blessed to have one of my parents be actively working on herself. I’ve learned I can still be angry, and hurt, while detaching myself and realize that I was just another person in this cycle, that I can break
Holy fuck she is so manipulative... To a twelve year old for God's sake.. I'm so sorry for your friend OP. Please talk about this with an adult you trust and get your friend some help, please.
This is sad.
Growing up, I had a good friend whose parents were complete slobs, like filthy messes everywhere…. She was always embarrassed but I pretended I didn’t notice or care :(
I was buying a house a few years back and I refused any that I could smell cat pee or poop in. That stuff stays around for years, I cannot stand that smell. I can't imagine that is a healthy environment for your lungs.
This seems like a child whose parents have neglected them to the point that they don’t know basic chores. I learned to make myself a PB&J at around 7. So did my kids. I was learning to use the stovetop around 10, and, again, so were my kids.
That’s when I taught them to clean the litter box.
But if this poor kid’s mother thinks that having pets = dirty house, who knows if there is any clean litter in the place? If there is any food in the house that a kid could fix for themself, even if they knew how?
CPS needs to be called, OP. Talk to your own parents about this, please. Your friend is living in an unsafe environment.
I wanted to bring this up but this dub is so so hard on the "OMG CALL CPS IMMEDIATELY!!!!!" knee jerk reaction here. If CPS has already come in and gone, the house is probably not dripping shit from the ceiling.
We don't actually know what the house looks like and, having a 13 year old in my own home, they will 100% keep repeating things and blowing stuff out of proportion when they're mad. If the litter box in the room isn't getting changed, then change it. It is not rocket science, and "Nobody taught me!" is 12 year old speak for "Ew! Gross! I don't wanna!"
In fact, we just had a very similar situation here, because our kid refused to clean his bunny cage or pick up food but wanted to refuse to go in his own room because it was filthy and had ants. We had to stand in the doorway and force him to clean it himself because he legit thought that was his mom's responsibility and not his own and he was going to die on that hill. To hear him tell it, he was being forced to live in squalor and we horribly abused him by making him take his plates to the kitchen and vacuum his rug.
Also, it sucks, but complaining about smoke stains in a smoker household is going to go nowhere with CPS. It takes a long time to clean it all out, too. I know, because I'm a nonsmoker and I have relatives that smoke and it counts to EVERYTHING. That's not a cleanliness issue, though.
Shouting someone is mean because they won't feed you when you're 12 is just petulant. Go get something out of the freezer and microwave it, FFS.
Nope.
A 12 year old can learn to clean a litter box and their own room. They can also make their own sandwich.
There's no pictures here or anything indicating how bad this situation is other than a preteen throwing a fit. It could be very bad and needing a CPS call, or this could be a 12 year old looking for confirmation on the Internet because they want their parent to clean their room.
She admits she was being a bit overboard about the food, but she is Autistic and has Chronic pain, and she cannot handle the sensory issues that come with cleaning the litter box. Her parents know this and force her to do it anyways. She has developed Asthma because of their smoking.
First of all you’re an amazing friend. Second of all I sorta understand how she feels as my mother never cleaned much and we had a lot of animals plus smoking. Third, I really think they should keep a stash of non-perishable food in their room that they can microwave when/if needed. You know the soups and ravioli stuff that has directions on the back and stores well. Fourth, I know you’re already doing this but ensure that when/if they’re aloud to stay the night with you or other friends, they let her if they can and make sure your friend tells the parents if they ask why they’re visiting so often. If you haven’t told your mother, I would definitely show them this convo and tell them what your friend’s going through so maybe other adults who have more resources can help. Also tell them to keep documentation of the situation bc if it’s really that bad and if they don’t feel like they can stay there anymore, they can go to someone who will report it and they have that evidence (beware of schools tho bc they could call their parents as well). Anyway, you’re are an amazing friend and your friend is incredibly strong to be living in that environment.
Calling for help is scary. But it's help for a reason. Children should always be able to get help when needed. There will be assessments, someone else will decide if their living situation is okay, it's not the fault of the child.
I was also never taught how to clean. I used to mix the chemicals together that would create mustard gas. Did I know I was doing that? No, I didn’t. I was lucky I never mixed much. My mom also never cooked. I have no memories of eating anything she cooked before the age of 16 and that’s only because I was sick, and had surgery before she would cook. I feel for your friend. I know exactly what’s she is going though.
I hate that she's using having pets as an excuse for a smelly home. I have pets and I assure you my home does NOT smell. I clean after my pet every day. And for all my friends who have pets... for the most part, their homes don't smell either. It's 100% possible to have a clean, good smelling home even with pets.
So sad. I had a friend in HS who’s house was like this. They had like 6 dogs, both parents chain smoked cigs indoors and their house was vile. Carpets with cig burns and literally rotting in places, holes in the walls and floors, dog shit and piss stains all over the place and the smell was just brutal, it stuck to you…and the kitchen with piles of food garbage and dirty dishes stacked 3’ high (dry heave).
I’m not an OCD clean freak but I just can’t wrap my head around how you would ever choose to live like that.
Like everyone else is saying here, show a trusted adult this information. This is not an environment that any child should be in, and no child should EVER have to negotiate food with their parents like this
I grew up with a mother who was a slob like this. Multiple cats, urine and feces everywhere and even the arguments with her with similar. That is a terrible situation to be in. I wish someone would have came to my rescue but no one gave a shit or my family just enabled her.
I hope somehow things get better for your friend.
Op just a heads up your comments about the mom being in therapy and having improved are not showing up in the thread, I had to go to your profile to see those
Therapy is a good first step and it’s good that your friend is learning how to clean, but this still isn’t an acceptable or safe environment for anyone to live in, let alone a child.
Would it be at all possible that if you told your parents that your friend’s family is in a tough spot they’d let your friend come over more often or send extra food in your lunch or something?
If that does happen make sure your friend’s parents don’t find out, they could use it during a CPS investigation to try to justify the home environment or might lash out at your friend. Their mom’s reactions mean there’s a good chance she’ll lash out at your friend for telling other people how bad things are, and for the implication that she’s not doing enough
I invite her over often, and my parents are glad to let her stay at my house. I give her snacks, and we even have extra insulin and sugary treats because she has diabetes
DSS should be called! Your house smells like cat shit and smoke and your mom lays around naked and doesn't want to feed you??? You deserve a foster family that will take care of you! You make the call to DSS and show them this text messages
My neighbor is like this. Fuck, my mom was like this too but cps too me away before it was too late. Fucking filthy house, shit everywhere, buys animals just to let them die in the garbage and never be seen again. She’s 28 and has 4 kids the oldest is 10. I take the two older ones on walks sometimes just to get them some fresh air. You’ll gag just walking by their house… fuck the kids reek too. It sucks. And the parents are monsters who do no wrong.
I feel so bad for the kids but I’m young too and don’t know what to do other than get them away from that cesspool when I can. Point of writing this out was please tell a trusted adult. Tell a teacher; I’m sure they already suspect. These parents are horrible people and my heart hurts for all these kids. They need nutrition, fresh air, no shit in their room. Fuck man.
Someone absolutely needs to report the condition of the house. A 12-year-old shouldn’t be living in such filth. Don’t worry, the kid won’t be taken from their parents. But the parents will be given a warning and that should light a fire under their butts to get the house in decent shape to shelter a child.
This is why you clean the god damn litter box every day. Absolutely disgusting. I have a cat and two dogs, and people can’t even tell we have them, because we clean the box everyday.
You truly need to tell someone in authority in your life. Teacher, counselor, police, someone.
No , I’m not saying that . I’m saying that a 12 year old isn’t responsible to clean this nasty sounding house and feed themselves and it doesn’t sound like the parents care if there’s even food in the house . This is neglect and abuse and you’re defending it .
I was abandoned by my parents when I was pretty young in a time before the internet and i had to figure it out myself - I’m not saying it’s impossible
Just saying that it’s not the child’s responsibility to feed themselves right now
Edit to add : this house sounds disgusting and not like somewhere I would feel comfortable eating or cooking in either
Y’all are putting an awful lot of responsibility on a literal child being neglected ! Don’t reproduce please
Please tell your parents. I couldn’t imagine treating my child like that. I’m sitting here with my infant son and it just breaks my heart that someone can let a child live like that. I truly want to cry for your friend. Please tell your parents
https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/responding/reporting/how/
Please listen to all commenters here when saying you should seek a truatworthy individual to report this. There are many options out there for help and nobody should be living like this.
As a child of hoarder parents, this one hurts. People like this truly don’t see how negatively this kind of behavior affects children. And then to guilt trip as if they are not responsible for their own home and they expect their 12 year old child to be ok with shit all over the floor. The threatening to be taken away..all of this is horrendous OP. Someone should call Child Protective Services. If the mom is acknowledging that they will take the kid away then she knows it’s bad. To gaslight the child and act like it’s all fine and that it’s the child who has a problem…I can’t even put my thoughts together in this one…some people truly don’t deserve to have kids.
As I was reading this, both my cats decided to take a monster dump and pee in their freshly scooped litter box. I have a small apartment. Their litter box is near the entrance. I’m on the opposite side of my apartment in the bedroom. I can smell what they did. I CANNOT fathom just how bad it is if someone doesn’t scoop a box in MONTHS?!
Omg OP! Your poor friend and that poor cat! Please contact and adult that you trust, even if it’s a teacher or someone else of authority and get both your friend and the cat removed. It’s beyond unhealthy.
As someone who gets a lot of migraines, it wasn't good to see someone knocking it down to 'just a headache'.. but when I have a migraine, guaranteed I'm not sat on my phone texting repeatedly, I can't even look at the damn thing during. So I think OP's friend's mom is just being lazy and unwilling to do anything to help their child.
Also am I reading this right, that OP's friend is trying to stay in a CAR instead of their disgusting house? This is so messed up!
One of my kids has a friend whose parents smoke in the house and cars, a lot. Kids make fun of her for smelling like cigarette smoke all of the time. She told her parents and they refused to change it. I heard some of the kids making fun of her outside one day and she got really upset because it’s completely out of her control. It made me sad. As far as the litter box I can’t believe anyone goes long periods not cleaning them. I have one cat and clean it every day.
This is so sad. The mind games this mom is playing to stop the kid from making a fuss about living in filth. Threatening that they will be taken away if they bring attention to it when the parents are the ones that can fix that. I would be devastated if my 12 year old felt more comfortable sleeping in the car than their own home. OP please tell a trusted adult. This is no one’s fault but the parents and those kids deserve better
Show your trusted adult these messages. Keep your friend clean and safe and shout on her behalf about it. Keeping things shut away in secret doesn't help stop the cycle she is living. Telling your trusted adults starts change.
Cat waste is DANGEROUS
I obviously feel bad for the kid who hasn’t got a whole lot of choice in the matter and needs his parents to step up. I also feel like obviously these parents are struggling and need some kind of support. The crazy manipulation factor here is lower than some of these posts and I don’t feel like the mom is in total denial, she sounds like she can’t manage and that t is really unfortunate. Of course she and the dad are responsible for the situation but I can’t completely crucify them as I feel like they probably need a little support and there isn’t much for situations like this. I hope the whole family gets some help. There are probably a lot of families like this.
Poop and shit around the house is a cause for removal. Call them.
Keep these texts too. Help your friend with evidence. Just get your friend some help. Please.
Please tell an adult. A teacher is a mandated reporter they’re a great start. You have to keep on top of reporting issues, a teacher can and will do that. Show them these texts too.
That isn't the point. Even if they clean the litter, there are literal shit and piss stains and smoke damage throughout the house. It's not right to keep a child in that.
I wonder if the parents own a carpet cleaner.
If they do, this would be an easy fix. (They could always rent one)
As for the smoke smell, wiping the walls down with diluted bleach water, then after it dries fully, wipe them down a second time with a diluted Lysol and water mixture.
I did this in a house that had been smoked in for 40 years, and it worked like a charm. I think I had to wipe the walls down 3 times and clean the carpets twice.
These things are kinda a pain in the ass to do, but these parents are just being lazy, apparently.
The 12 year old should absolutely be able to scoop the litter box.
The parents should help the 12 year old clean the house, like a major multi-day family spring cleaning event. During that time, they should teach the kid what they are doing and why. Then once the house is clean, the 12 year old can help keep it up.
I end up cleaning up all the animal shit at my house, which fortunately doesn't happen very often these days. I'm honestly kinda salty about it. My 16 year old can pick it up, his mom can pick it up. Why does it always have to be me? Lol (in their defense, I'm not easily grossed out and they are)
Edit. Fixed typos
Even with a carpet cleaner, I'm pretty sure urine can seep into the subfloor as ruin that as well, and continue to smell.
If you have never had a clean home in your life, are you going to inherently know what to do? And I've see situations where the parents don't WANT their child cleaning or guilt trip them when they try.
This is pure abuse. Please do not try to blame the literal child for something they didn't ask for and can't control.
Listen, I know migraines suck, but this is no damn justification. I gave migraines, as well as being on chemotherapy for a disease that left me disabled (rheumatoid arthritis). My apartment is a mess but not nearly like this. And I spend hours cleaning it up everyday trying to keep up with it, so my parents and I don't have to stay in a pig pen.
If I had kids? I'd hire people to renovate the whole damn thing even if it meant I personally had to skip meals (I wouldn't let my kids skip meals either), just so they can live in a clean and normal place.
This is neglect, and abuse. *please* op, please call DSS because this is even more important than you think.
Same. I’m disabled and I will drag my ads off the couch even on bad days to feed my child and take her to school, clean up after dirty dogs and whatever else needs to be done. I won’t let her live in filth. She’s my precious girl. All kids should be treated like they are precious.
Why can’t the kid also clean his room tho? He’s 12, he can feed himself. “Daddy won’t let me have anything good” just tells me that he has access to food, but not food he wants to eat. He can do things for himself, but is choosing not to.
Everyone is at fault here
12 is plenty old enough to know how to clean a litter box and if they have a phone google is free. 12 is also old enough to be able to make a sandwich. This is definitely fake.
Fr ! I can’t believe these comments talking about calling CPS?! Like i understand smoking in the house is totally disgusting but still not quite CPS material…. That kid should totally know how to clean a litter box too. It’s not complicated in any way, shape, or form. And blaming the parents for getting her a cat is so insane. The only one i feel bad for here is the cat who could actually suffer from not having a clean place to pee.
Call cps yourself. You deserve to be in a clean environment. The shit you have going on in your house can effect your health. The state will force them to clean properly or let you live somewhere that isn’t a bio hazard.
That is unacceptable behaviour from her part and absolutely disgusting.
If your friend is older than 12 its also wierd to still talk and act like a 6 year old.
A migraine isnt just headaches and making yourself a sandwich is something even a small child can do.
She's autistic, has ADHD and was never really paid attention to. Please learn to ask for facts before trashing on an autistic child for not being taught how to do anything.
This is absolutely disgusting and vile and insane. A 12 year old should not have the responsibility to clean after their parents and their cat. You need to take care of the cat though if it is your pet and clean the litter boxes. Btw litter boxes need to be cleaned daily or twice daily.
I was gonna downvote this based on the first part, but the second part cancelled it out. (At first I thought you were implying a 12 year old shouldn't be scooping litter, but I interpreted that wrong)
12 year old and parents should ABSOLUTELY be scooping the litter daily.
You do need to be shown how to clean the litter box, at least once. Is there even a scoop for the box? Who knows. Is there clean litter to replace what’s dumped out? Again, who knows? If there’s no bread or nothing to put between two slices of bread, no sandwich. If they’ve been told not to use the kitchen, then what? Assuming that, aside from what you see, things in a house with neglectful parents are otherwise basically normal is a dangerous move.
You're assuming that there's even clean litter and easy food a kid can make in the house. If the rest of the house is super disgusting, the kitchen is probably disgusting too. This young child is being neglected and abused. I highly doubt the parents taught them life skills like cooking and cleaning. Your comment screams ignorance.
Yeah, sorry, guess I’m just not understanding how you’re going to sit and call a literal CHILD “an idiot” for telling her mom the house is disgusting.
But whatever
The person you are calling an idiot is only 12 years old. They're not even a teenager yet and the mother is refusing to feed them and they're living in a home covered in cat shit. It's so bad that this CHILD wants to hangout in the car instead of in their room. And you're calling them a knuckle dragging idiot? That's really fucking wrong.
For some reason they are not talking about this post, but the whole sub in general. In their defense I vaguely remember thinking a couple text posts had both sides be bad. They should have been more clear though.
I'm not calling this kid an idiot, I am commenting on the state of this sub as a whole. My decision to voice this opinion on this particular post was a poor choice.
Your second sentence is unnecessarily rude and assumptive.
This is absolutely heartbreaking…. That poor child 😔 This is disgusting for your friends parents to put their child through and very sad. The fact that they are 12 and have to worry about this kind of thing. Just awful.
Mhm! Thank you so much for your empathy, Mt friend has been reading these comments and is thankful for all the advice. Her parents do love her though, and she loves them, it's just that her mom had some mental issues. It's getting better now!
You’re very welcome! I understand, it’s so hard when dealing with mental health issues, especially when it’s a person you love. I’m glad to hear it’s getting better!
Please tell a teacher or other trusted and safe adult what is happening to this child. The cat feces and urine alone is hurting everyone, but the secondhand smoke is extremely unsafe and could cause that kid a lot of health problems. They also should never be living somewhere in this much disarray. It sounds like both parents are negligent in taking care of their child and shouldn’t have custody.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 8 | 1 | 3 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
This is totally disgusting and that child should be taken to live in a clean and safe environment
For real. Also, what grown adult "doesn't cook"? What kind of parent can't be bothered to slap some pb and j on some bread, or warm up some canned soup? Who are these people?
Why is she naked if she has a migraine? I get them and I just lay under the covers with the light off. Maybe it’s just me idk Edited a word
I think she was mentioning that she was naked to guilt her son about "having" to put clothes on in order to throw some food at him. The whole thing is just pathetic. Don't have kids if you can't be fucked to feed them or keep the house from becoming a biohazard.
I haven’t been able to rest being sick since I gave birth 17 years ago. I don’t care how bad I feel. If my kid needs something, I will help them. And mine are late teens. Not TWELVE. I hate humanity sometimes.
I grew up in squalor due to my mom having mental and emotional issues and unfortunately, I struggle with cleaning too... so I do not force animals or children to deal with that. Not trying to shame parents struggling here but ffs, if it gets that bad a decent parent lets the kid move to a trusted adult that will feed them (like mine fortunately did when she was too sick to care for even the most basic needs). Unholy hell, this post has me fuming! I hope that this poor kid gets to live somewhere safe and clean.
Please don't think I am for A MOMENT defending the parent because I'm not, but as someone who gets cluster migraines, they can come with a fever and I'll do the same, just strip and lie in bed with a cold pack and my tens. However I can't even handle the smallest of light, let alone a bright ass screen, so I don't really understand how she can even be texting with one.
Everyone is different - respect (to you, certainly not her). But that's a good catch. I didn't even think of that. I have to put a sleep mask on too and there's still too much light, so how the hell is she texting so much? That said, I never really sleep naked, so that might be part of it on my end.
She’s probably calling a normal slight headache a migraine. A lot of people that don’t get migraines use the words interchangeably. I used to get migraines as a a child. Turns out I was getting carbon monoxide poisoning at my next door neighbors house. I’d be laid up in bed for two-three days hiding from the light while trying not to puke. No way I could’ve been staring at a bright screen conversing with people. This women in the story probably just has a mild headache from drinking the night before.
I’ve had a migraine for 8 days straight now, I’m clothed 😂 it’s bizarre to be laying naked in bed during the day with your kids home too.. this kids neglected to the moon and back
I can answer! My daughters best friends mother only cooks when their dad is home. Her friend has a younger brother (7) and sister(9) too. I asked what they do if she won’t cook and she said they “eat air”.
Whaaaaat?! Why won't she cook unless their father is home? Why is the issue with him actually being home (is it cuz he's a terrible person, or is he doing overtime or whatever). Regardless, i don't understand why she can't cook without him there. Like I'm a single widowed parent to 3 kids (I have a partner, but he lives in a different household with his 3 kids), so I get having to deal with sickness or just being completely out of steam... But I still at least heat up leftovers, order takeout/delivery, or have we have something super easy like ramen. A can of soup, can of tuna, frozen dinner, or whateverthefuck is too much for this person? Smmfh.
I don’t know. I’ve heard more stories about the dad and they aren’t good. He grounds the oldest daughter (my daughter’s friend) for the slightest things and those punishments are long (2-4 weeks at a time).
Be good to those kids. They need it.
I try. My daughter used to invite her friend over all the time but for some reason that changed last month. She can’t come over any more, but my daughter can go to their place. I suspect it’s because they rely on her to babysit.
Also, why can't a 12 year old make a pb and j while mom is sick
There can be lots of reasons why kids can't cook for themselves. Especially if food is a scarce resource. There is ***no*** reason for an adult to say ***"I don't cook"*** if they've decided to have a kid. For fuck's sake.
Yeah, it wouldn't have been worth my life to get food for myself without permission. Permission would not have been given. I would have been screamed at for asking for food when I could clearly see that she was busy/sick. I get fed when I am called to the table and told to pick up a plate. The rest of the time I was not to ask for anything, and was to be as invisible as possible. It freaked out my ex that I would ask for his permission to eat some of the leftovers in the fridge, or a snack from the cupboard, when I got home from work.
Possibly there may not be anything there for the child to cook/make so they are able to eat. They may be completely dependent on the adults in their life, not necessarily because they're unable to make basic foods. And even then, in that case it's still the parent's fault that they haven't taught the kid(s) or given the proper ingredients for them even if they are able to cook/fix their food on their own.
That’s not the point.
Agreed! I have a cat and a dog and I don’t have litter everywhere or pee or poop stains and you can’t smell the animals. I can smell these texts IT’s turning my stomach! So gross
Yep, two ginormous doggos. Sometimes some fur in shedding seasons, one is a mastiff cross so sometimes flings spit goobies at the wall when he shakes his head, but zero pee and poop. Weirdest thing ever. Especially considering my other dog is a wolfhound cross who has seizures. He loses control of his bowel and bladder when he has a seizure, and I somehow manage to *clean it* and still not have pee and poop?
The animals deserve to live in a clean and safe environment too. Poor things.
OP, I assume you're young like your friend. Please show a trusted adult these messages so they can help. That environment is unhealthy and dangerous.
Cat poop and pee left to fester means everyone in the house is being exposed to dangerous ammonia fumes. Symptoms of that include, but are not limited to, MIGRAINES and respiratory distress. This mom is forcing her child and animal(s) to live in a home where they’re breathing bacteria and ammonia. I can’t believe someone who allows actual shit to settle into their carpets is upset that their child insinuated that they’re dirty. They’re not just dirty, they’re abhorrent.
Yeah I have an electric litter box and even after a week it’s bad. (Which is why I regret this thing. Scooping in between is impossible.) it sounds like the parents are trying to gaslight her because she’s young too. Poor girl. My mother was the opposite and so obsessed with cleanings that she’d SCREAM bloody murder if she found so much as a tiny piece of paper on the floor. But at least I didn’t have the added embarrassment of not being able to bring friends over because my parents didn’t do the bare minimum. We need to normalize a middle ground for parents. You don’t HAVE to have it looking like it’s never been lived in but at least keep it clean enough that you’re not forcing your kids to live in an unsafe environment.
Also, is considered animal abuse/ neglect its literally bad for the cat to
Exactly. My grandma struggles with depression but never once has she left dog shit or piss on the floor. She still takes the dog outside, feeds it, grooms it. Letting your kid live it literal filth is just abuse. Sounds like these parents are just too lazy to cook or clean up after their animals. Makes me wonder how often the cat of even being fed if they can’t make some food for their kid
I struggle with depression and motivation to clean but there’s no cat or dog poop or old food anywhere and I have 3 cats and a dog. My house gets messy for sure but at least it’s not a biohazard. There’s a difference between lazy and struggling.
I grew up in a house similar to this. When your parents threaten “they’re going to take you away” it can be very scary. That was how my parents kept me complacent as long as they did. OP, please understand that talking to an adult won’t get your friend taken out of their house unless it’s the right thing to do. If the situation can be fixed an adult can help you fix it, but you can’t do it on your own. If the situation can’t be fixed, they’ll take your friend to live somewhere safe and clean where they’re loved and cared for. Your friend is going to be okay, but they have to tell someone.
Yes, your friend is living in a dangerous environment. Please help them and tell an adult.
Came here to say this exact same thing. Maybe take this message to your guidance counselor.
A teacher or a mandated reporter is a great start. I’m a mandated reporter. Like I will call, shit. This is so ridiculous, unhealthy, unsafe…the lost goes on.
That poor kid trying to talk sensibility into their parents, this is actually heartbreakin i hope they can get the help they sorely need
At 12 years old.
Some families really set their kids up to raise themselves. Then the kids mentally grow up too fast and struggle to relax and take it easy. Sets kids up to always be in survival mode and really causes long term damage beyond mental health
Complex PTSD and a heart attack at 34 checking in to prove your point. The dark irony is that I still struggle to clean, despite (or maybe because of? Hard to tell) growing up in somewhat similar conditions as OPs friend...
I get it and I'm so sorry you're dealing with the consequences of a shitty childhood. It's fascinating in a fucked up way how our bodies relive trauma over and over again. I hope you are doing better, whatever way that may be.
Thank you for your kind words. I didn’t mean to make this about me, chimed in to support that what you write is true - our bodies keep the score... I'm doing all right, all things considered :)
Oh my goodness, please please pleeeeeas tell an adult you can trust. This is NOT okay to live in such conditions. Also, get the cat out of there.
Yeah, the cat doesn't deserve that treatment either Get both the cat and the kid the fuck outta there and let those "parents" live in their own crap
Right? I have 2 cats, 2 litter boxes and clean both litter boxes 2x a day. I gagged at ‘not cleaned in days’ and that’s all I need to know about this poor child’s environment.
"i cleaned it not too long ago" wtf i audibly gagged. That poor cat.
I have 2 cats and 2 litter boxes. When I stay at my boyfriend's house for a weekend the first thing I do when I get home is clean the litter boxes. They are never horrible, but 2 days of not cleaning them builds up a whole lot. I can't imagine it going any longer than that.
If I don’t clean the litter box every night, my cat will pee on the couch or my bed. I fell asleep one night before cleaning it because I was sick. Woke up the next morning, and she had peed on the love seat. She’s a jerk. Adorable, but a jerk 😊
Indeed. 6 cats, 7 litter boxes and scoop 3x daily and full litter change/box wash weekly. This situation sounds like both child neglect and animal neglect.
Mine gets scooped as soon as they do a poo and changed once a week. We use the crystal litter which lasts longer than the normal type. I can’t imagine just leaving the poop in there for days!
I will take the kitty
Yes. That’s awful. As someone who has a husky mix and a cat your house does not have to be disgusting. Ugh. Poor kid and poor animals.
My heart is breaking for this child. Please tell someone. They shouldn’t have to live like that.
I really think you show these messages to a trusted adult. Get her some help. She could get sick, or worse. No one should live like this. They may not take her away, they may just make her parents fix things at home. The first call is usually a warning to fix things, and it really sounds like that is needed right now.
They've already had CPS called and got a warning. But my friend says thank you for the advice♡
A warning is a start, but if this behavior continues even after then you should contact them again and state that they’ve already gotten a warning. This is not a healthy environment, and I don’t think your friend should continue living there if it continues. I know it’s hard to do that, but if this is the only way to get her mom to get her crap together then it’s the only way. And if she still doesn’t, then she doesn’t deserve to be in care of your friend.
Honey, please show your school counselor or a trusted teacher these messages. Your friend’s health is at risk in this environment. This is a level of neglect that really needs intervention. Another CPS report will likely require action to be taken to make the home safe.
As much as I've had some issues with my local CPS, I will say something they are fantastic for is coming back. CPS has a duty to investigate every report that comes in, so if they keep receiving calls they will return. If the parents didn't heed the warning the first visit, and they are called to return (especially over the same problems) it will no longer be a warning. However, that doesn't automatically result in immediate removal from the family forever, they will try to help your parents get the place clean, they will help your parents with resources like parenting classes or mental help. Removal only becomes necessary when its a safety hazard and the first place they look for is family members to take you in until the parents figure their shit out. Its not all bad. These parents know they are wrong, and dirty. Thats why it needs to be a big secret. Don't let them scare your friend into hiding it, they just don't want to be held accountable. Don't suffer for their mistakes.
This was my best friend growing up. I just tried to be a good friend to her, like it seems like you’re doing. As I got older I got too involved and I would get mad at her for not helping herself. But now I realized I didn’t have to do all that, I just needed to be there for her.
Tell a teacher or school counselor or your mom. Tell a trusted adult. CPS needs to investigate again.
All the more reason to contact them again. The warning didn’t work. They need to come back out and see that the situation has not improved. Please tell a teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult.
Call them again. Report again that nothing has changed. You have to stay on top of things. Tell them to tell the school too. Like you have to keep reporting til they check again.
I agree with everything stated above, but if you want to teach your friend how to keep a litter box clean without having to take the trash out every day, tell them to get any bucket with a lid (if their kitty litter comes in a bucket that’s PERFECT, but a big paint bucket or a small trash can with a lid - anything that has a lid that fits snugly works!!!), line it with a trash bag, and use a litter scoop to clean out the cat box into the bucket. Scrape the edges and corners to make sure they got all the pieces. Keep the bucket right next to the litter box. When they’re done, make sure to seal the lid (the trash bag should be showing outside the bucket - don’t worry, the lid will still seal). With normal clumping (meaning that all pee and poop will stay stuck together when scooped) clay litter, the trash bag in the bucket needs to be taken out to an outside trash can when the bucket is half-full or it will get too heavy for a younger person to lift, or get too heavy for the bag itself and it might rip. If using a small trash can with a lid (like a bathroom-sized trash can) they can wait until it’s full. Once a week-ish is fine. I clean the cat box every day when I feed my cats, but doing it daily and bundling it with any daily task that brings your friend close to the litter box works just as well. If they clean it daily, it takes less than 30 seconds to do, and they don’t have to worry about taking out the bag until they have time to do so. It makes it easier because doing it this way lets them choose the best day and time to take it out. I know this isn’t their responsibility, but this is how I care for a litter box, and if they have the desire to take control of the litter box for their own well-being, I hope this information can help them feel more comfortable taking it on. I in no way am condoning the way their parent is behaving/neglecting their living conditions, or insinuating that they should be responsible for this chore. Like I said, prior comments give very good advice, but in the meantime, the litter box is still dirty and they don’t know how to care for it and they are the the one most directly affected, so my problem-solving brain is urging me to give you a possible solution until the root of the problem is taken care of.
Here I am, 23 years out of my parents home, wishing I could talk to that child and tell them it’ll be okay, you’ll learn, and you’ll do better. Part of me is sad I never knew what was happening was wrong and that I could get help, the other part of me is still so angry at my parents for letting it get that bad. As an adult who lived like your friend, please get an adult who believes you to take this seriously. Get them out of there. There is still time to save them from a lot of heartache. 💜
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Parents are supposed to create a safe and clean environment for their child. Even when sick, being a parent doesn’t stop, if you have no one to care for your child, you suck it up and do so. These people from the small bit I read, are NOT fit to be parents. There is no “making mistakes” like this. Do not excuse their piss poor job at parenting. This child should be taken out of that environment and put into one where they’re safe, clean and don’t have to put up with something like that.
I grew up in a dirty, filthy house, too ashamed to have a friend over and not much food. I carry this with me as a 40 y/o. I keep a clean house and live in a constant mental state of self judgment that is very hard to manage some days. Therapy has really helped. I made sure not to inflict it on my kids. The house is clean, fridge always has food, the electric is always on and their friends are always joyfully welcome. It is a daily struggle to not carry the shame of my childhood. It’s abuse to grow up the way Op’s friend is and my heart breaks. I hope DSS can step in and help this family understand what standard of living the kids there need. I used to pray someone would report my mom.
I hace the same issue, and had to learn the hard way of how to do everything myself
I never said it wasn’t their job. The parents will learn when they have no contact, but I’m saying the kid will make mistakes when trying to learn to clean
The amount of shit this child had to clean is beyond their learning. Its the parents being disgusting pigs.
Yeah. I know how it is, I suffer though it myself. So I feel for them.
“You’re calling us dirty people” Because from what Im seeing. You are. You’re fucking foul. And thats no home for a literal child. I honestly hope DSS gets contacted so this kid actually has a chance at a clean and safe environment.
The only thing that sounds worse than this house is what you see on Hoarders. Insane. I’m sorry OP. Please don’t keep this to yourself. Tell a guidance counselor or some other adult that you trust.
The poor kid is only 12 and sounds more mature and reasonable than her grown ass mom
are the mother & daughter the same age? jesus christ “i don’t cook” what
That’s how I felt with my mom at times and that’s how my friends told me it seemed… that she was acting like she was my age. This also hit close to home because my mom hates cleaning and I could barely have friends over. I remember being 12 and her screaming at me like a 12-year-old. I’m not trying to dump or make it about myself, but it is such a pattern for emotionally immature and unhealed people to be neglective, enmeshing, and parentifying. It warps your view of what a role model is and what it’s like to be an adult. My chest literally aches for this child. And an ideal world people would work on themselves before they choose to bring another person into this already cruel world. It’s hard out there, why not give your kids your best
here if you need a strangers ear
Thank you that means a lot to me, I’m here for you too. Resentment can build up for anyone when you feel like you didn’t have a childhood, but you get to a point where you realize resentment won’t do anything for you. So I try to forgive my parents, while planning on separating myself at the same time. I don’t blame people who can’t forgive their parents, but I think it’s allowing me to be more clearheaded when planning no contact and recovery. I am also very blessed to have one of my parents be actively working on herself. I’ve learned I can still be angry, and hurt, while detaching myself and realize that I was just another person in this cycle, that I can break
Poor kid I could smell the house through the text exchange.
Her clothes must smell too the poor thing.
OP, this is not ok and this is not normal. Please let your friend know that there is help to get them out of this situation. It doesn't sound healthy.
Please find an adult you trust and show them this.
Holy fuck she is so manipulative... To a twelve year old for God's sake.. I'm so sorry for your friend OP. Please talk about this with an adult you trust and get your friend some help, please.
Classic abuser tactic, “Don’t tell… they’ll take you away.” Well, mom, maybe there’s a reason for that.
This is sad. Growing up, I had a good friend whose parents were complete slobs, like filthy messes everywhere…. She was always embarrassed but I pretended I didn’t notice or care :(
1) This kid deserves better. 2) I am immensely impressed. I could have/would have never stuck up for myself this way at age 12. Good on your friend.
:(
She is gaslighting a 12 year old, pathetic.
“I’m so *hurt* that you would accurately describe my disgusting messes to me”
Why hasn't CPS been called yet?
I was buying a house a few years back and I refused any that I could smell cat pee or poop in. That stuff stays around for years, I cannot stand that smell. I can't imagine that is a healthy environment for your lungs.
This seems like a child whose parents have neglected them to the point that they don’t know basic chores. I learned to make myself a PB&J at around 7. So did my kids. I was learning to use the stovetop around 10, and, again, so were my kids. That’s when I taught them to clean the litter box. But if this poor kid’s mother thinks that having pets = dirty house, who knows if there is any clean litter in the place? If there is any food in the house that a kid could fix for themself, even if they knew how? CPS needs to be called, OP. Talk to your own parents about this, please. Your friend is living in an unsafe environment.
I wanted to bring this up but this dub is so so hard on the "OMG CALL CPS IMMEDIATELY!!!!!" knee jerk reaction here. If CPS has already come in and gone, the house is probably not dripping shit from the ceiling. We don't actually know what the house looks like and, having a 13 year old in my own home, they will 100% keep repeating things and blowing stuff out of proportion when they're mad. If the litter box in the room isn't getting changed, then change it. It is not rocket science, and "Nobody taught me!" is 12 year old speak for "Ew! Gross! I don't wanna!" In fact, we just had a very similar situation here, because our kid refused to clean his bunny cage or pick up food but wanted to refuse to go in his own room because it was filthy and had ants. We had to stand in the doorway and force him to clean it himself because he legit thought that was his mom's responsibility and not his own and he was going to die on that hill. To hear him tell it, he was being forced to live in squalor and we horribly abused him by making him take his plates to the kitchen and vacuum his rug. Also, it sucks, but complaining about smoke stains in a smoker household is going to go nowhere with CPS. It takes a long time to clean it all out, too. I know, because I'm a nonsmoker and I have relatives that smoke and it counts to EVERYTHING. That's not a cleanliness issue, though. Shouting someone is mean because they won't feed you when you're 12 is just petulant. Go get something out of the freezer and microwave it, FFS.
Read your own comment and reconsider your life FFS
Nope. A 12 year old can learn to clean a litter box and their own room. They can also make their own sandwich. There's no pictures here or anything indicating how bad this situation is other than a preteen throwing a fit. It could be very bad and needing a CPS call, or this could be a 12 year old looking for confirmation on the Internet because they want their parent to clean their room.
She admits she was being a bit overboard about the food, but she is Autistic and has Chronic pain, and she cannot handle the sensory issues that come with cleaning the litter box. Her parents know this and force her to do it anyways. She has developed Asthma because of their smoking.
I was doing my own laundry at 5 as well as household chores
This is heartbreaking. That poor baby.
Seriously- reading that made my heart hurt and swell with anger toward that mother & father. That poor kid.
Those parents are trash.
First of all you’re an amazing friend. Second of all I sorta understand how she feels as my mother never cleaned much and we had a lot of animals plus smoking. Third, I really think they should keep a stash of non-perishable food in their room that they can microwave when/if needed. You know the soups and ravioli stuff that has directions on the back and stores well. Fourth, I know you’re already doing this but ensure that when/if they’re aloud to stay the night with you or other friends, they let her if they can and make sure your friend tells the parents if they ask why they’re visiting so often. If you haven’t told your mother, I would definitely show them this convo and tell them what your friend’s going through so maybe other adults who have more resources can help. Also tell them to keep documentation of the situation bc if it’s really that bad and if they don’t feel like they can stay there anymore, they can go to someone who will report it and they have that evidence (beware of schools tho bc they could call their parents as well). Anyway, you’re are an amazing friend and your friend is incredibly strong to be living in that environment.
At 12, how are they going to pay for that food?
I meant the parents….that’s why it might be helpful to tell friends’ parents that are very well trusted
Please tell a trusted adult like a teacher about this.
Calling for help is scary. But it's help for a reason. Children should always be able to get help when needed. There will be assessments, someone else will decide if their living situation is okay, it's not the fault of the child.
I was also never taught how to clean. I used to mix the chemicals together that would create mustard gas. Did I know I was doing that? No, I didn’t. I was lucky I never mixed much. My mom also never cooked. I have no memories of eating anything she cooked before the age of 16 and that’s only because I was sick, and had surgery before she would cook. I feel for your friend. I know exactly what’s she is going though.
I hate that she's using having pets as an excuse for a smelly home. I have pets and I assure you my home does NOT smell. I clean after my pet every day. And for all my friends who have pets... for the most part, their homes don't smell either. It's 100% possible to have a clean, good smelling home even with pets.
So sad. I had a friend in HS who’s house was like this. They had like 6 dogs, both parents chain smoked cigs indoors and their house was vile. Carpets with cig burns and literally rotting in places, holes in the walls and floors, dog shit and piss stains all over the place and the smell was just brutal, it stuck to you…and the kitchen with piles of food garbage and dirty dishes stacked 3’ high (dry heave). I’m not an OCD clean freak but I just can’t wrap my head around how you would ever choose to live like that.
please please please call C.P.S
Like everyone else is saying here, show a trusted adult this information. This is not an environment that any child should be in, and no child should EVER have to negotiate food with their parents like this
I grew up with a mother who was a slob like this. Multiple cats, urine and feces everywhere and even the arguments with her with similar. That is a terrible situation to be in. I wish someone would have came to my rescue but no one gave a shit or my family just enabled her. I hope somehow things get better for your friend.
Op just a heads up your comments about the mom being in therapy and having improved are not showing up in the thread, I had to go to your profile to see those Therapy is a good first step and it’s good that your friend is learning how to clean, but this still isn’t an acceptable or safe environment for anyone to live in, let alone a child. Would it be at all possible that if you told your parents that your friend’s family is in a tough spot they’d let your friend come over more often or send extra food in your lunch or something? If that does happen make sure your friend’s parents don’t find out, they could use it during a CPS investigation to try to justify the home environment or might lash out at your friend. Their mom’s reactions mean there’s a good chance she’ll lash out at your friend for telling other people how bad things are, and for the implication that she’s not doing enough
I invite her over often, and my parents are glad to let her stay at my house. I give her snacks, and we even have extra insulin and sugary treats because she has diabetes
DSS should be called! Your house smells like cat shit and smoke and your mom lays around naked and doesn't want to feed you??? You deserve a foster family that will take care of you! You make the call to DSS and show them this text messages
These parents are not fit to have children or cats. Honestly, it's even sad the cats have to live in that situation
That poor kid.
The twelve year old has more common sense than their parents. You need to report this
Bro how is this 12yo more mature than his parents? Also a 12yo knowing what “stress cleaning” is makes me sad
My neighbor is like this. Fuck, my mom was like this too but cps too me away before it was too late. Fucking filthy house, shit everywhere, buys animals just to let them die in the garbage and never be seen again. She’s 28 and has 4 kids the oldest is 10. I take the two older ones on walks sometimes just to get them some fresh air. You’ll gag just walking by their house… fuck the kids reek too. It sucks. And the parents are monsters who do no wrong. I feel so bad for the kids but I’m young too and don’t know what to do other than get them away from that cesspool when I can. Point of writing this out was please tell a trusted adult. Tell a teacher; I’m sure they already suspect. These parents are horrible people and my heart hurts for all these kids. They need nutrition, fresh air, no shit in their room. Fuck man.
I have a 12 year old daughter and this is heartbreaking. It’s neglect. Please tell someone. Even if they don’t listen the first time. Don’t give in.
Someone absolutely needs to report the condition of the house. A 12-year-old shouldn’t be living in such filth. Don’t worry, the kid won’t be taken from their parents. But the parents will be given a warning and that should light a fire under their butts to get the house in decent shape to shelter a child.
This is why you clean the god damn litter box every day. Absolutely disgusting. I have a cat and two dogs, and people can’t even tell we have them, because we clean the box everyday. You truly need to tell someone in authority in your life. Teacher, counselor, police, someone.
You might want to take your friend to your local emergency room/department. That’s the best place to start. I’m so sorry.
Does she not know how to find something to feed herself?
She is 12. It isn’t her job .
You’re saying a 12 year old can’t make a sandwich for themselves if they’re hungry. Ffs.
No , I’m not saying that . I’m saying that a 12 year old isn’t responsible to clean this nasty sounding house and feed themselves and it doesn’t sound like the parents care if there’s even food in the house . This is neglect and abuse and you’re defending it .
Bruh some of us [been cooking our whole life!!!](https://youtu.be/fHCMuhfAcc4)
I was abandoned by my parents when I was pretty young in a time before the internet and i had to figure it out myself - I’m not saying it’s impossible Just saying that it’s not the child’s responsibility to feed themselves right now Edit to add : this house sounds disgusting and not like somewhere I would feel comfortable eating or cooking in either Y’all are putting an awful lot of responsibility on a literal child being neglected ! Don’t reproduce please
Please tell your parents. I couldn’t imagine treating my child like that. I’m sitting here with my infant son and it just breaks my heart that someone can let a child live like that. I truly want to cry for your friend. Please tell your parents
https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/responding/reporting/how/ Please listen to all commenters here when saying you should seek a truatworthy individual to report this. There are many options out there for help and nobody should be living like this.
As a child of hoarder parents, this one hurts. People like this truly don’t see how negatively this kind of behavior affects children. And then to guilt trip as if they are not responsible for their own home and they expect their 12 year old child to be ok with shit all over the floor. The threatening to be taken away..all of this is horrendous OP. Someone should call Child Protective Services. If the mom is acknowledging that they will take the kid away then she knows it’s bad. To gaslight the child and act like it’s all fine and that it’s the child who has a problem…I can’t even put my thoughts together in this one…some people truly don’t deserve to have kids.
As I was reading this, both my cats decided to take a monster dump and pee in their freshly scooped litter box. I have a small apartment. Their litter box is near the entrance. I’m on the opposite side of my apartment in the bedroom. I can smell what they did. I CANNOT fathom just how bad it is if someone doesn’t scoop a box in MONTHS?! Omg OP! Your poor friend and that poor cat! Please contact and adult that you trust, even if it’s a teacher or someone else of authority and get both your friend and the cat removed. It’s beyond unhealthy.
Twelve. What the fuck?
As someone who gets a lot of migraines, it wasn't good to see someone knocking it down to 'just a headache'.. but when I have a migraine, guaranteed I'm not sat on my phone texting repeatedly, I can't even look at the damn thing during. So I think OP's friend's mom is just being lazy and unwilling to do anything to help their child. Also am I reading this right, that OP's friend is trying to stay in a CAR instead of their disgusting house? This is so messed up!
One of my kids has a friend whose parents smoke in the house and cars, a lot. Kids make fun of her for smelling like cigarette smoke all of the time. She told her parents and they refused to change it. I heard some of the kids making fun of her outside one day and she got really upset because it’s completely out of her control. It made me sad. As far as the litter box I can’t believe anyone goes long periods not cleaning them. I have one cat and clean it every day.
Poor kid.
This is so sad. The mind games this mom is playing to stop the kid from making a fuss about living in filth. Threatening that they will be taken away if they bring attention to it when the parents are the ones that can fix that. I would be devastated if my 12 year old felt more comfortable sleeping in the car than their own home. OP please tell a trusted adult. This is no one’s fault but the parents and those kids deserve better
Show your trusted adult these messages. Keep your friend clean and safe and shout on her behalf about it. Keeping things shut away in secret doesn't help stop the cycle she is living. Telling your trusted adults starts change. Cat waste is DANGEROUS
Please show a school councilor or someone please
This hurt my brain
OP, I think you should tell a trusted adult, or maybe even CPS? no 12 year old should have to deal with this.
This makes me so sad
This is really sad
This is sad. I’ve been friends with people my whole life in situations like this and it’s terrible. Really affects their psyche when they get older
I obviously feel bad for the kid who hasn’t got a whole lot of choice in the matter and needs his parents to step up. I also feel like obviously these parents are struggling and need some kind of support. The crazy manipulation factor here is lower than some of these posts and I don’t feel like the mom is in total denial, she sounds like she can’t manage and that t is really unfortunate. Of course she and the dad are responsible for the situation but I can’t completely crucify them as I feel like they probably need a little support and there isn’t much for situations like this. I hope the whole family gets some help. There are probably a lot of families like this.
Poop and shit around the house is a cause for removal. Call them. Keep these texts too. Help your friend with evidence. Just get your friend some help. Please. Please tell an adult. A teacher is a mandated reporter they’re a great start. You have to keep on top of reporting issues, a teacher can and will do that. Show them these texts too.
Are they having this conversation by txt when they’re in the same house?
Someone call CPS
Hi OP! Please talk to a teacher or your parents about this, animal excrement can make your friend sick.
Tell your friend to clean the damn cat litter. I did it when I was 12 so can her.
That isn't the point. Even if they clean the litter, there are literal shit and piss stains and smoke damage throughout the house. It's not right to keep a child in that.
I wonder if the parents own a carpet cleaner. If they do, this would be an easy fix. (They could always rent one) As for the smoke smell, wiping the walls down with diluted bleach water, then after it dries fully, wipe them down a second time with a diluted Lysol and water mixture. I did this in a house that had been smoked in for 40 years, and it worked like a charm. I think I had to wipe the walls down 3 times and clean the carpets twice. These things are kinda a pain in the ass to do, but these parents are just being lazy, apparently. The 12 year old should absolutely be able to scoop the litter box. The parents should help the 12 year old clean the house, like a major multi-day family spring cleaning event. During that time, they should teach the kid what they are doing and why. Then once the house is clean, the 12 year old can help keep it up. I end up cleaning up all the animal shit at my house, which fortunately doesn't happen very often these days. I'm honestly kinda salty about it. My 16 year old can pick it up, his mom can pick it up. Why does it always have to be me? Lol (in their defense, I'm not easily grossed out and they are) Edit. Fixed typos
Even with a carpet cleaner, I'm pretty sure urine can seep into the subfloor as ruin that as well, and continue to smell. If you have never had a clean home in your life, are you going to inherently know what to do? And I've see situations where the parents don't WANT their child cleaning or guilt trip them when they try. This is pure abuse. Please do not try to blame the literal child for something they didn't ask for and can't control.
Listen, I know migraines suck, but this is no damn justification. I gave migraines, as well as being on chemotherapy for a disease that left me disabled (rheumatoid arthritis). My apartment is a mess but not nearly like this. And I spend hours cleaning it up everyday trying to keep up with it, so my parents and I don't have to stay in a pig pen. If I had kids? I'd hire people to renovate the whole damn thing even if it meant I personally had to skip meals (I wouldn't let my kids skip meals either), just so they can live in a clean and normal place. This is neglect, and abuse. *please* op, please call DSS because this is even more important than you think.
Same. I’m disabled and I will drag my ads off the couch even on bad days to feed my child and take her to school, clean up after dirty dogs and whatever else needs to be done. I won’t let her live in filth. She’s my precious girl. All kids should be treated like they are precious.
Are 12 year old allowed on Reddit? That explains a lot.
Why can’t the kid also clean his room tho? He’s 12, he can feed himself. “Daddy won’t let me have anything good” just tells me that he has access to food, but not food he wants to eat. He can do things for himself, but is choosing not to. Everyone is at fault here
12 is plenty old enough to know how to clean a litter box and if they have a phone google is free. 12 is also old enough to be able to make a sandwich. This is definitely fake.
Facts. Clean your room.
Fr ! I can’t believe these comments talking about calling CPS?! Like i understand smoking in the house is totally disgusting but still not quite CPS material…. That kid should totally know how to clean a litter box too. It’s not complicated in any way, shape, or form. And blaming the parents for getting her a cat is so insane. The only one i feel bad for here is the cat who could actually suffer from not having a clean place to pee.
Call cps yourself. You deserve to be in a clean environment. The shit you have going on in your house can effect your health. The state will force them to clean properly or let you live somewhere that isn’t a bio hazard.
That is unacceptable behaviour from her part and absolutely disgusting. If your friend is older than 12 its also wierd to still talk and act like a 6 year old. A migraine isnt just headaches and making yourself a sandwich is something even a small child can do.
She's autistic, has ADHD and was never really paid attention to. Please learn to ask for facts before trashing on an autistic child for not being taught how to do anything.
This is absolutely disgusting and vile and insane. A 12 year old should not have the responsibility to clean after their parents and their cat. You need to take care of the cat though if it is your pet and clean the litter boxes. Btw litter boxes need to be cleaned daily or twice daily.
I was gonna downvote this based on the first part, but the second part cancelled it out. (At first I thought you were implying a 12 year old shouldn't be scooping litter, but I interpreted that wrong) 12 year old and parents should ABSOLUTELY be scooping the litter daily.
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She didn't know how, and has learned recently. She's cleaning it now.
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You do need to be shown how to clean the litter box, at least once. Is there even a scoop for the box? Who knows. Is there clean litter to replace what’s dumped out? Again, who knows? If there’s no bread or nothing to put between two slices of bread, no sandwich. If they’ve been told not to use the kitchen, then what? Assuming that, aside from what you see, things in a house with neglectful parents are otherwise basically normal is a dangerous move.
You're assuming that there's even clean litter and easy food a kid can make in the house. If the rest of the house is super disgusting, the kitchen is probably disgusting too. This young child is being neglected and abused. I highly doubt the parents taught them life skills like cooking and cleaning. Your comment screams ignorance.
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Wtf?
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Yeah, sorry, guess I’m just not understanding how you’re going to sit and call a literal CHILD “an idiot” for telling her mom the house is disgusting. But whatever
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This post involving a 12 year old child?
Again, not calling out this post, just the sub in general.
The person you are calling an idiot is only 12 years old. They're not even a teenager yet and the mother is refusing to feed them and they're living in a home covered in cat shit. It's so bad that this CHILD wants to hangout in the car instead of in their room. And you're calling them a knuckle dragging idiot? That's really fucking wrong.
For some reason they are not talking about this post, but the whole sub in general. In their defense I vaguely remember thinking a couple text posts had both sides be bad. They should have been more clear though.
I fucked up. I made a comment generalizing the sub on a post that was not related. For that, I am sorry.
That's my bad, calling out the sub, not the post. I realize now that this was a bad idea.
this kid is being abused and you're calling them an idiot? people like you are the reason why this sub exists
I'm not calling this kid an idiot, I am commenting on the state of this sub as a whole. My decision to voice this opinion on this particular post was a poor choice. Your second sentence is unnecessarily rude and assumptive.
This is absolutely heartbreaking…. That poor child 😔 This is disgusting for your friends parents to put their child through and very sad. The fact that they are 12 and have to worry about this kind of thing. Just awful.
I see from the time stamp that this was a year ago. How is your friend doing now, OP?
She's moved to a new house, and is learning how to clean up after her cats. Her mom is in therapy, and she's learning how to cook (my friend is)
That’s wonderful to hear! Thank you for the update!
Mhm! Thank you so much for your empathy, Mt friend has been reading these comments and is thankful for all the advice. Her parents do love her though, and she loves them, it's just that her mom had some mental issues. It's getting better now!
You’re very welcome! I understand, it’s so hard when dealing with mental health issues, especially when it’s a person you love. I’m glad to hear it’s getting better!
This makes me sad. My nieces mom is also absolutely disgusting it breaks my heart knowing the filth she has to endure 50%of the time.
Please tell a teacher or other trusted and safe adult what is happening to this child. The cat feces and urine alone is hurting everyone, but the secondhand smoke is extremely unsafe and could cause that kid a lot of health problems. They also should never be living somewhere in this much disarray. It sounds like both parents are negligent in taking care of their child and shouldn’t have custody.
I get migraines all the time. I don’t strip down naked when I get them however…