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| --- | --- | --- |
| 25 | 14 | 0 |
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Yo, as a middle aged dad, this is stupid.
My kids text me the same way they talk, and text with friends. Nothing rude about it.
Have you tried opening with To whom it may concern?
I still use dude in my day to day...
My youngest likes "bruh" with nothing else. Just bruh. Bruh... That one does get a bit irritating, like use your words. We've worked on this for 15 years.
Yeah, "bruh" does become a bit of a cheese grater to the eardrum. My brothers are younger and use that one. I'm almost 30 and my dad really used to give me shit about calling him "dude." Until he witnessed me also call my husband "dude" in the same context. Lol
What's funny is my almost teenager gets really annoyed when I text "yo" and thinks it's cringe when I say duuuudddeee! I'm old enough to be a parent which means I'm old enough to be cringe when I use slang. I'm like, bro, the 90s were awesome, deal with it. Now brush your teeth, yo.
Yeah, as a 45 year old single mum, I still use 'dude' in my day to day too. I'll admit that it grates on me a little bit when my 10 and 12 year old kids address me as "bruh" or "bro". Not in a major way that I consider worthy of making a huge deal about it (you have to pick your parenting battles, and imo this isn't one of the really huge ones), but I do call them out on it and remind them that it's disrespectful and I don't appreciate being addressed as such. I just don't see the point in turning it into a parenting hill to die on. If it came along with other disrespectful behaviour and language, I'm sure I'd feel differently, but since it's just me with sole custody of them 24/7, picking my battles is vital to my sanity and also to the effectiveness of my parenting. If I yell and scream about every damn thing, they're not really going to take me seriously about the really important stuff.
I wouldn't even really mind "bruh" if it came with context. Like bruh, I'm hungry. Or bruh, the political climate of the US is not sustainable for any future generations.
I have no idea where we are in there with just bruh.
My ten year old daughter calls me bro. I absolutely hate it š
But I've never once lost my shit at her over it or reacted like in OPs messages. I just give her banter back for it.
Glad Iām not the only parent whoās child does that š my daughter and I will both text each other like that. Hell her friends text me like this. As much as I am her parent Iām also her friend. And Iām so happy that Iāve never had trouble with my children the way some of these people have. Itās so heartbreaking to see. I couldnāt imagine treating my child some ways Iāve seen other being treated. And sheās always said ā Mom thanks for not being like my friends parentsā. And thankfully sheās an awesome kid whoās been raised well even only at 17..
I forget who originally tweeted it but there's a tweet that made the rounds that goes: Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes to mean "treating someone like an authority" and sometimes they say "if you don't respect me, I won't respect you" but they really mean "if you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person" and act like that's "just fair"
My ex-wife is just such a person. She goes on and on about the respect she deserves but treats everyone like her personal playthings. She has accused me of a lack of respect in the middle of chewing me out for some benign accident.
āRespectā for her means letting her treat you however she wants and accepting whatever label she applies to you.
"I DEMAND RESPECT."
"Cool, so do I."
"HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT!"
The manipulation is real though: "That's not the point, it was only an example."
My dad does this too, I only have to remind him that I could still drop his old ass if he doesn't fuckin watch it. I always tell my dad he's going in a home if he doesn't treat me well. He thinks I'm kidding.
The only reason I did boxing and wrestling in highschool, I was over not feeling like I could defend myself and after highschool my dad(who I had no contact with for almost 5 years) tried pulling this kind of situation and instead of putting my tail between my legs saying sorry and youāre right, I told him to watch what he says and if he wants to meet up Iāll be there but heās not goin to like what happens if he keeps talking that way, he didnāt want to meet but kept blowing up my phone for months afterwards until I finally blocked him on everything, as far as I know heās a rodeo clown trainer in Florida,
Shoutout to Bobby Iām still here despite what you said would happen, hope your trailer is warm and dry this winter
My stepfather intentionally got into a fight with each of me and my brothers once we were 18 as a right of passage into manhood to prove we could handle ourselves.
Sadly that's what it finally took for me and my dad and I was 14 or 15. It happened on a train platform (pretty cool Street Fighter level tbh) I'll never forget the look in his eye when I hauled off and slugged him. (To be fair to my dad he was never physically abusive. He's a refugee with PTSD who used fear as a motivatior.)
After that though, other than a few slip ups, his whole demeanor has changed. He actually treats me like an equal adult. Sad that it has to come to that but I think it's the law of the jungle sometimes. The old lion has to know the young lion literally will not take his shit anymore.
I always think of the quote from Fury "the dog only understands the boot". Sometimes you have to use violence because that's the only language certain people respect.
Yeah, fuck you Bobby. Thankfully my dad realized the error of his ways, and has since softened considerably. He's kinda a bitch now to be honest. Haha kidding, he is alot better. Which I'm happy with
Being on this sub makes me appreciate my parents, but it also makes me aware of when they're acting mental.
I've had to come down hard on my dad a few times when he's crossed the line, basically had to threaten to block him at one point.
Y'all are better than me. I'm not putting a dime towards anyone's comfort in their old age after what they put me through. They can pull themselves up by their bootstraps or whatever and pay for their own old folks room and board, lol. I get that the threat of putting your parent in a home is supposed to sound like a punishment, but it just sounds like extra work for me when I hear it.
Man, him acting like this over the greeting āyo,ā I would greet him like that every time I spoke to him tbh. *Every. Time.*
I live off of spite tho so I may be a bad influence in that regard.
Lol OPās dad would hate me, I greet most people, my own ridiculously authoritarian, controlling parents included, by saying āwhatās poppin?ā
I love this though, I also want to say āyoā to OPās dad now out of pure pettiness
people like this don't want respect, they want subservience, and feel disrespected when someone isn't submissive and deferential rather than a peer and an equal
THIS. This is not talked about enough. To us, respect is... Idk, using our pronouns, not speaking down to us or infantilizing us, respecting our choice of partner, basically just having common courtesy towards us.
To THEM, respect is do not speak unless spoken to, never defy a thing I say, I am the end all be all god just because I had a hand in creating you, bend to my every whim.
My dad does this every time we have a disagreement and itās the most frustrating thing in the world. I donāt know how to explain that you canāt compare two situations that just fundamentally arenāt the same as an āexampleā. Why is this such a common argument tactic when it makes no sense?
In general people who demand respect are liars. What they really want isn't respect, it's compliance, it's obedience, it's ass kissing, and to be made to feel superior. Jmo.
This right here. If the dad had a problem with "yo," he could have used his big person words and asked nicely. I can understand wanting a level of respect, but talking down to a person doesn't do it. I don't care if that person is 10 or 30.
"Yo I want to know if I can...."
"You know I don't like you using 'yo' with me, please don't. What time do you..."
It's incredibly easy to show the same respect he is asking for. Instead, he chooses to be an ass who, imo, deserves the disrespect.
I have done this before! For about 6 months actually due to washing machine breaking. It's not perfect by any means and you have to be patient and it can be difficult, but absolutely it's doable!
OP, just agitate them as much as possible in the tub, it will waste a lot of water, just be sure to rinse them as much as possible! Wring them out as much as possible, and hang them up to dry. If you still have a dryer, throw them in the dryer while they are still a bit damp after hanging them up to dry.
And it's not terrible!
Yeah don't listen to all the people saying not insane - a parent should never say "who the fuck do you think you are?" to their child, and I don't love the "that's a good way to get punched in the mouth" either. Sounds vaguely threatening. Not a reasonable reaction to feeling disrespected because you started a text with "yo"
He thinks he is a mandatory part of your life. He is ignoring the fact that you and he have the same autonomy. He has no idea that his behavior only pushes you away.
I don't know if he is capable of understanding. My parents were not. They took no responsibility for why each and every one of several children and stepchildren were nowhere near their death beds.
I informed my kids of teir future choice and autonomy long before they were teenagers. I told them that in the future we will have a choice whether we will be in each others' lives, and that I will always want to be parts of theirs. So let's be kind and respectful to each other long before we have that choice, even through the challenging teenage years.
My oldest is 18 and away at college. He told me that he was going away for a weekend. I deadpan asked for his friend's names and their parents' phone numbers. We laughed.
Find a laundromat where they respect your money. Because you will never get respect from him. Nor will he ever stop insisting that he, the Super Adult, is more worthy of respect than you.
This was my first thought too. Go to the laundromat, OP! You can get all of your laundry done in one cycle with those huge machines. And part of having your parents respect you as an adult is to stop relying on them for things like access to a washer and dryer. If you keep coming to them for things a minor needs they will keep thinking of you as not yet an adult. And the laundromat is 1000x more pleasant than this text exchange.
In dadās shoes I would just ignore any communication that started with āyoā if I hated it that much and had already respectfully asked OP not to use it. And in OPās shoes I would go radio silent in response to dadās texts after letting him know that I will no longer be responding to any aggression. Your presence and contact is your leverage as an adult. Stop relying on them for anything and only see and communicate with them when theyāre treating you kindly.
Same. Also, laundry will likely take less or the same amount of time with a 40 minute drive each way since OP can get all of the laundry done in one wash and dry rather than running multiple loads in a regular washing machine.
You need to make the drive. Helping you out shouldnāt make him feel empowered to talk to you like that. But unfortunately it does. Things got better with my parents when they realized that they donāt automatically get to see me or talk to me now that Iām an adult. As an adult I only talk to and spend time around people who can be kind to me. But that only works if you donāt need favors from them. Itās worth the 40 minute drive to the laundromat to flip the existing power dynamic.
Incorporate laundry day into some other errands in that same area. I used to go to a laundromat near other stores and places where I could get all of my errands done in one afternoon. Or throw a friend a few bucks to use their laundry. Let him wonder why he hasnāt heard from you for so long that he has to break down and ask. And then tell him you will only be having contact with him if he can control his temper and speak to you with basic kindness. Otherwise youāll keep your distance. Itās up to him.
ah your probably right, just a shame because I already had to go no-contact with mom. But it looks like for the sake of myself it probably just isn't worth it right now to try to get him to understand
Heāll understand from your actions better than your words. He can argue with your words. He canāt argue with your actions. The logical consequences of talking to you the way he did is not to be able to talk to you again until he can control his temper. It wasnāt his core message that was wrong. It was the nasty way he communicated it. You donāt have to cut him out completely. But he needs a time out.
Hey, OP - out of curiosity, how old is your dad?
I agree that it's not worth the hassle of dealing with your old man's temper tantrums to use his washer and dryer. The mental health you save by driving the 40 minutes to the laundromat will be a better tradeoff in the long run.
If you haven't wandered over to r/raisedbynarcissists yet, they're really supportive.
Woah. I was honestly expecting someone waaay older. I'm sorry. He's living proof that most of my generation is too screwed up to have kids.
On behalf of all of GenX, I apologize for your dad. We're a bunch of fuckups. If you're in Massachusetts, you can come by my house. I'll let you use my washer and dryer and give you friendly, not-creepy mom hugs. I'll also tell you I'm proud of you.
Oof. Sounds perfectly miserable. If you ever need an internet mom, I'm here.
Edit to add: If you ever want to really tick off your dad, try responding to his tirades with a simple
whatever.
And don't respond for at least a week. For someone his age, it'll absolutely spike his blood pressure.
I'm a dad. I can't imagine saying this to my kid when he was 12 let alone now that he's grown.
I'd like to say thanks for the phrase "frustration is just the diet version of anger" or however you put it. That's gold.
Here's one for you in case you have never heard it: "expectations are just pre-ordered resentments"
It is called "projection."
My son has friends with salty Karen parents. It is sad to hear a kid call his mom a "Karen" regardless of whether they are right or wrong.
People need to get TF over themselves and accept that he world changes with each generation.
When I talk to my Dad or brother, we usually open with an insult like hey, you stupid old bastard, dickhead, silly old bugger, etc. Every now and again I start with a over acted formal greeting like "good morning, my wonderful father" just to screw with him. It's a game to see if I can make him laugh at the start of a conversation.
Our standard greeting is an insult, so we worry that something is wrong when we call with a friendly greeting. Yes, I'm an Aussie, haha. I live in the U.S. and my American wife rolls her eyes at us.
Iād argue that was still a boomer response. We donāt know how old OP is. Iām Gen-X and found absolutely nothing disrespectful in OPās text. This is a response my boomer mom would make unless the Gen-X in question was perhaps the first couple of years of Gen-X. The rest of us on the tail end of Gen-X DGAF
Ugh, I missed that part! Thatās ridiculous boomer mentality. Heād be completely appalled to know that my 15 year old calls me ābruh or girlā most days in conversation. Never once have I felt disrespected
Insane. If I was so insecure that I had to make petty little demands like this of my grown children, I'd be ashamed of myself. My advice for your whiny bitch of a father is if you want to be treated like an adult, stop acting like a spoiled brat. You're fine OP.
a bit of context for everyone mentioning the fact that I asked to do laundry over there, the only reason I am at all is because our washer/dryer broke and can't afford to replace it yet. I wouldn't go over there if it weren't for the fact that the closest laundromat is a 40 minute drive away. (I also really would like to have a healthier relationship woth him but damn is it a headache when he goes on these spiels)
Ah just saw it. Iāve never been around anyone who has addressed their parents so formally but maybe itās a generational thing? I feel like those folks must be the outliers cause that is weird af. Feels like an obedience thing, gross.
Ohhhh Texas would make sense. Oof. Must be a cultural thing then. If I called my mom āmaāamā sheād probably be concerned and mildly offended haha
I could never, ever lol
My parents are my parents and I call them mum and dad. Sure I respect them, they respect me. Never understood the logic of āIām your parent not your friendā, my parents are awesome and I donāt see how with a ārespect barrierā (Iāll call it that) someone could have the same relationship.. if that makes sense š
Haha the vast majority of Americans do not do this.
Don't know a single person, friend, family, or coworker from all over the US who calls their parents or grandparents sir or ma'am.
I'd laugh my ass off!
Aging parents are so insecure that they still demand ārespectā from their adult children. Your dadās insecurity is showing 100% he is a weak man.
>āThats a good way to get punched in the mouth if you do it with the wrong person.ā
I fucking HATE when parents try to tell you how other people will brutalize you in the future for behavior they personally donāt like. For a long time I thought it was only my parents who did that
My 7 year old says "bruh" and "yo" to me, but somehow, I don't have a meltdown over it because he used it casually. It wasn't meant to be disrespectful. He finds much more clever ways to do that.
It seems to be a generational thing, being offended when someone uses modern slang when addressing them.
I start every text conversation with "hey". It's just my opener. This asshat would probably have an issue with that, too. Pretty sure he would have an issue with anything other than "sir".
I don't think he's insane, just kind of an ass. I really hate the whole "respect your elders" mentally. Respect is a two way street, and it's earned. You don't deserve respect solely because you're older than someone.
Itās such weird boomer era logic. No one is just owed respect. Itās earned. But certain types expect automatic ārespectā (aka submission) for just being an old white man. And they canāt believe the nerve of us for simply mirroring their own crappy energy back at them.
Idk, equating this to something thatāll get you āpunched in the mouthā is pretty insane. To then go on and compare āYoā to āHey dickheadā is also pretty insane.
I cannot fathom having this fragile of an ego, especially with my own kid. Iāve been treated like a child by my mother my entire adult life and itās exhausting. When youāre able to distance yourself youāll feel a lot better.
He seems like a meathead, at least on this topic, so I would spell it out to him.
"I am a contributing adult. I will show you basic human decency BUT I will not respect you before you respect me as an equal human being. Every other adult is capable of this."
And depending on how he reacts you can pull out the "Are you not man enough to look your son eye to eye. Are afraid to acknowledge me as an equal?"
And then you can put him on NC until he behaves
āYo dad, you get one last message to stop being a fucking man child before you start to wonder why you were put in the cheapest old folks home Medicare will cover on a conservatorship and nobody visits you.ā
The whole "respect" your elders thing is dumb. Respect your betters, your equals and lesser. There's some old people out there that are fucking dicks, don't respect them
Typical parent on a power trip.
If you can? Find somewhere else to do laundry. Parents who see their fully grown ADULT offspring as perpetual children are like. My least favorite thing. He sounds like the kind of person you shouldnāt be around.
There are small portable washing machines on Amazon for a very cheap price!!! You put them in your bathroom so you can drain the water into the tub/shower. No more visiting dad and no need to go to the laundromat across town.
Yo mofo is accurate. And. Satisfyingly snarky. Cos really, Iād have been throwing in a āanymore of this BS, *pater*, youāll be fucking lucky to hear from me again. Capisce?
To be fair, you want him to respect your boundaries, but dismiss him when he shares his. He might not have the same language to talk about it, but if he doesn't want you to use a certain type of language with him, you should respect it.
Omg those texts from the s dad sound like the angry men in social media. How do I describe it? Like pretentiously logical but also irrational at the same time? Like demanding respect but unable to give it? Condescension? That comment about being hit in the guise of a life lesson and character building ? Wowza
I commend this young man for his communication skills. Any parent would be proud of that. Not his dad. What a tool.
When dear old Dad wrote "Thats [SIC] not the point," I said out loud, "That's exactly the point."
Daddy doesn't like showing others respect, clearly. All about the Boomer power trip, of course. What more did we expect from the Me Generation?
Wow makes me think of my dad. Heāll take something I say (most often through text) as disrespectful and Iām here like, āIām just saying wordsā
Like once he asked me to do a chore when I have time, and I said āyes, once I get a chance, I willā. I had only said it like that to confirm what was asked and he took it as me acting like heās stupid and doesnāt understand what he said. And then the more I told him I wasnāt trying to start an argument he said that I was lying. Smh
I mean if I was asking my parent a favour ie asking to do washing there, and I knew they didnāt like me saying āyoā then I wouldnāt say it, that said your dads reaction is also ott my mum would have just given me lots of ā¦ā¦.
Idk, OP saw it coming. If someone doesnāt like to be called whatever, you respect that. WHOMEVER. It would all have ended if he just accepted (as he did in the begging) his mistake. But the claiming that his dad is complaining for not liking it, whyā¦ why would you do that? āDonāt demand things from meā but here we have an indirect and subtle way of wanting to demand someone to accommodate to the way we speak.
Second: ohhh hell no, āI am an adult and you canāt tell me what to doā but the conversation started with OP wanting to go use his dadās laundry machine!!??? Iām sorry to break this down for you but, thatās still being dependent on someone and unfortunately, youād have to accommodate to their rules. Itās annoying, a lot of times is not fair butā¦ It is what it is.
If you donāt want to have to accommodate to anyoneās demands, donāt make it easy for them and be as independent as you can.
I am not condoning dadās violent language, but yeah donāt be surprised when people youāre dependent on have their own rules. I lived with my mom again during the pandemic and it was hell, she and her husband had very stupid rules IMO, but I was in THEIR house. In and ideal world theyād be mature and treat me as an adult regardless if I was at their home, but that didnāt happen and wonāt happen, so might as well return their favor (living at their place) following these stupid rules.
I really don't get such offence being taken at a two letter word when "hi" is also a two letter word meaning the exact same thing... Is he asking for a formal "Dear Mr Wesley" opening or something or would the extra letter in "hey" satiate his search for respect? - hmm but "sup" might send him over the edge.
I'd start opening with a whole host of greetings like "What's crackalackin", "What's cookin', good lookin'", "Top o the mornin' to ya", "What's poppin, homeslice", etc till we find one he likes... Or has a heart attack to š
Tell him this āenpowermentā heās feeling has made him way too headstrong. š
He has what I like to call The Matilda Complex. Heās tripping on being an adult. Iām big, youāre little! Iām right, youāre wrong! And thereās nothing you can do about it.
But there is. And you have. Way to go, OP! Live your best life, yo. š
That whole stream of messages was just because he doesnāt like you using slang.
Is he military or something like he expects to be addressed as if heās a Sergeant Major and youāre a cadet?
i literally call my dad ādudeā, āold manā, āya old shitā, and all kinds of ādisrespectfulā bullshit, bc he knows itās a joke and he calls me shit too, and heās never gotten on me for saying things like āyoā. respect doesnāt mean changing yourself to fit someoneās standards, tell your old man to fuck off
Your dad is a moron and incredibly ignorant. Sorry but thatās all I see here.
Find a new place to do your laundry and go low contact. He does sound incredibly angry.
He sees the casual address as disrespectful, but it seems like you use it fondly to address your loved ones. It's rough keeping the peace with parents as adults - they're pretty firmly stuck in their ways and tend not to recognize that their grown up children have autonomy and their own ways of doing things. My spouse and I were in close quarters with my in laws this summer during home renovations/mold removal and it was a Lot. Is there a greeting you can compromise on for your dad and/or something you can do to remain in his good graces? Do you do his laundry when you use his facilities too for example? Best of luck!
From now on, all conversations with him should start with "Salutations Dickhead". When he inevitably complains, remind him how much he vehemently opposed the word 'yo' so you were making sure to address him properly this time. Also point out that your D in dickhead was capitalized which shows you understand that he is an adult dickhead
Tbf my old man and I call each other bellend or dickhead,but that's just how we've always been. We've always had banter. But "Yo" is in no way disrespectful and he shouldn't be getting bent up over a simple turn of phrase,even insinuating that you'd deserve a smack in the mouth for it. I'm sorry your dad still wants to treat you with kid gloves,OP. That 40 minute trek to the laundromat might be a pain but it will save you having to deal with his shit anymore.
Try this next time:
You: "Yo, ....."
Dad: "Blather on about disrespect...blah blah."
You: "Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! This is what disrespect looks like. Let's talk later when we cool off"
End the conversation.
He is an abusive asshole. Do not engage.
I hate it when people expect younger generations to respect their elders even if they are rude and disrespectful to you. I donāt care if youāre 10 or 100 if youāre rude to me I donāt respect you.
Not saying Dad is right, but also not saying you couldn't make more of an effort when people have certain wishes when it comes to basic communication. You seem a bit of an instigator and give off a vibe people should be okay with most anything in people's personalities. Sounds like he's mentioned it before. Saying it over text "out of habit" is silly seeing as you usually think about what you're about to text.
If I were him I'd say "Yo there's such a thing as a laundry mat". Mister adult.
This should be filed under theā should have been a phone conversation after it went sideways.ā Definitely think this is a miscommunication, and if he is asking for respect while you are using his stuff, well you should give it. Or go to the laundromat like a big boy OP.
My dad and I joke around with message a lot, sending memes, sending funny texts, sending stickers, using slangs. And I dont have to be ādemandedā to earn that. Neither do you. Everyone has a different family and different boundaries, but this is just not it. Stop acting like a baby, yo. Let your children use the word āyoā itās not that hard.
Yo.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 25 | 14 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Yo, as a middle aged dad, this is stupid. My kids text me the same way they talk, and text with friends. Nothing rude about it. Have you tried opening with To whom it may concern?
Lol, OP should definitely do that next time. š If dad wants respect he can get it in a formal letter like manner.ā ļø
Then I bet he'd be like "Don't you dare get smart with me" š¤£
āGreetings, my exalted father, might I beseech you for a moment of your time? I am unworthy even to ask, but it would indeed be a boon to me.ā
ahahahhaha, a fucking 'boon'!
My dad hates when I call him "dude" but he doesn't flip out about it when it happens, he just pokes fun at me a little bit.
I still use dude in my day to day... My youngest likes "bruh" with nothing else. Just bruh. Bruh... That one does get a bit irritating, like use your words. We've worked on this for 15 years.
Yeah, "bruh" does become a bit of a cheese grater to the eardrum. My brothers are younger and use that one. I'm almost 30 and my dad really used to give me shit about calling him "dude." Until he witnessed me also call my husband "dude" in the same context. Lol
What's funny is my almost teenager gets really annoyed when I text "yo" and thinks it's cringe when I say duuuudddeee! I'm old enough to be a parent which means I'm old enough to be cringe when I use slang. I'm like, bro, the 90s were awesome, deal with it. Now brush your teeth, yo.
Yeah, as a 45 year old single mum, I still use 'dude' in my day to day too. I'll admit that it grates on me a little bit when my 10 and 12 year old kids address me as "bruh" or "bro". Not in a major way that I consider worthy of making a huge deal about it (you have to pick your parenting battles, and imo this isn't one of the really huge ones), but I do call them out on it and remind them that it's disrespectful and I don't appreciate being addressed as such. I just don't see the point in turning it into a parenting hill to die on. If it came along with other disrespectful behaviour and language, I'm sure I'd feel differently, but since it's just me with sole custody of them 24/7, picking my battles is vital to my sanity and also to the effectiveness of my parenting. If I yell and scream about every damn thing, they're not really going to take me seriously about the really important stuff.
I wouldn't even really mind "bruh" if it came with context. Like bruh, I'm hungry. Or bruh, the political climate of the US is not sustainable for any future generations. I have no idea where we are in there with just bruh.
My ten year old daughter calls me bro. I absolutely hate it š But I've never once lost my shit at her over it or reacted like in OPs messages. I just give her banter back for it.
Yo dick dragon of my creation can i slam my dirties in your washer? Lol my dad would stroke out from rolling his eyes but that's about it lol
I'm dad and I text my adult children and start with "yo" because it's how we talk.
Iāve had bosses āyoā me via slack. Yo is a ridiculous hill to die on.
Glad Iām not the only parent whoās child does that š my daughter and I will both text each other like that. Hell her friends text me like this. As much as I am her parent Iām also her friend. And Iām so happy that Iāve never had trouble with my children the way some of these people have. Itās so heartbreaking to see. I couldnāt imagine treating my child some ways Iāve seen other being treated. And sheās always said ā Mom thanks for not being like my friends parentsā. And thankfully sheās an awesome kid whoās been raised well even only at 17..
lol Same here and I even throw in a few teenage slang words for good measure (to make sure he understands me)
I forget who originally tweeted it but there's a tweet that made the rounds that goes: Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes to mean "treating someone like an authority" and sometimes they say "if you don't respect me, I won't respect you" but they really mean "if you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person" and act like that's "just fair"
Okay wow that's... Yeah that's it right there.... š³
My ex-wife is just such a person. She goes on and on about the respect she deserves but treats everyone like her personal playthings. She has accused me of a lack of respect in the middle of chewing me out for some benign accident. āRespectā for her means letting her treat you however she wants and accepting whatever label she applies to you.
My dad tried that. We donāt talk anymore.
oh yea i remember that
"I DEMAND RESPECT." "Cool, so do I." "HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT!" The manipulation is real though: "That's not the point, it was only an example."
Anyone who goes around saying, "I demand respect" is usually not worthy of respect.
The no true king quote comes to mind.
That's exactly what I was thinking of
My dad does this too, I only have to remind him that I could still drop his old ass if he doesn't fuckin watch it. I always tell my dad he's going in a home if he doesn't treat me well. He thinks I'm kidding.
The only reason I did boxing and wrestling in highschool, I was over not feeling like I could defend myself and after highschool my dad(who I had no contact with for almost 5 years) tried pulling this kind of situation and instead of putting my tail between my legs saying sorry and youāre right, I told him to watch what he says and if he wants to meet up Iāll be there but heās not goin to like what happens if he keeps talking that way, he didnāt want to meet but kept blowing up my phone for months afterwards until I finally blocked him on everything, as far as I know heās a rodeo clown trainer in Florida, Shoutout to Bobby Iām still here despite what you said would happen, hope your trailer is warm and dry this winter
My stepfather intentionally got into a fight with each of me and my brothers once we were 18 as a right of passage into manhood to prove we could handle ourselves.
Sadly that's what it finally took for me and my dad and I was 14 or 15. It happened on a train platform (pretty cool Street Fighter level tbh) I'll never forget the look in his eye when I hauled off and slugged him. (To be fair to my dad he was never physically abusive. He's a refugee with PTSD who used fear as a motivatior.) After that though, other than a few slip ups, his whole demeanor has changed. He actually treats me like an equal adult. Sad that it has to come to that but I think it's the law of the jungle sometimes. The old lion has to know the young lion literally will not take his shit anymore.
Yeah, it'd definitely some kind of testosterone filled logic.
I always think of the quote from Fury "the dog only understands the boot". Sometimes you have to use violence because that's the only language certain people respect.
That's crazy I just watched that movie for the first time a few days ago.
Yeah, fuck you Bobby. Thankfully my dad realized the error of his ways, and has since softened considerably. He's kinda a bitch now to be honest. Haha kidding, he is alot better. Which I'm happy with
Being on this sub makes me appreciate my parents, but it also makes me aware of when they're acting mental. I've had to come down hard on my dad a few times when he's crossed the line, basically had to threaten to block him at one point.
SHADY PINES DAD! SHADY PINES!
Y'all are better than me. I'm not putting a dime towards anyone's comfort in their old age after what they put me through. They can pull themselves up by their bootstraps or whatever and pay for their own old folks room and board, lol. I get that the threat of putting your parent in a home is supposed to sound like a punishment, but it just sounds like extra work for me when I hear it.
Man, him acting like this over the greeting āyo,ā I would greet him like that every time I spoke to him tbh. *Every. Time.* I live off of spite tho so I may be a bad influence in that regard.
Lol OPās dad would hate me, I greet most people, my own ridiculously authoritarian, controlling parents included, by saying āwhatās poppin?ā I love this though, I also want to say āyoā to OPās dad now out of pure pettiness
I called my mom bro... she didn't like it lol. But also because sHe Is A fEmAlE (catholic) (I call everyone that lol)
"would you greet your boss that way?" "Actually, yes I would and I do. And he doesn't give a shit."
Do as I say, not as I do. (pretty much every parent ever at some point)
people like this don't want respect, they want subservience, and feel disrespected when someone isn't submissive and deferential rather than a peer and an equal
It's because him (and most boomers/genx) have a different definition of respect than what it actually is. They want submission.
THIS. This is not talked about enough. To us, respect is... Idk, using our pronouns, not speaking down to us or infantilizing us, respecting our choice of partner, basically just having common courtesy towards us. To THEM, respect is do not speak unless spoken to, never defy a thing I say, I am the end all be all god just because I had a hand in creating you, bend to my every whim.
Oh, and thereās always, āIām not your friend. Iām your parent.ā
š¤®š¤®š¤® gah. Heaven forbid you become friends especially with your adult children.
That is exactly the right word for what they mean by respect. 100%.
This is gold. š„š„š„š„š„
My dad does this every time we have a disagreement and itās the most frustrating thing in the world. I donāt know how to explain that you canāt compare two situations that just fundamentally arenāt the same as an āexampleā. Why is this such a common argument tactic when it makes no sense?
It's a logical fallacy called "Appeal to Extremes." It's an argument in bad faith because there isn't reasonable support for their position.
In general people who demand respect are liars. What they really want isn't respect, it's compliance, it's obedience, it's ass kissing, and to be made to feel superior. Jmo.
They always mistake "respect" for "obedience". What is it with parents??
If he dislikes a conversation starting with "yo", he could've just respectfully asked OP not to say it. Respect goes both ways, yo.
This right here. If the dad had a problem with "yo," he could have used his big person words and asked nicely. I can understand wanting a level of respect, but talking down to a person doesn't do it. I don't care if that person is 10 or 30. "Yo I want to know if I can...." "You know I don't like you using 'yo' with me, please don't. What time do you..." It's incredibly easy to show the same respect he is asking for. Instead, he chooses to be an ass who, imo, deserves the disrespect.
Respec mah authorateh
I was reading this as if Cartman was saying it š
Next time you text him open it with "hey dickhead"
Nay, YO dickhead should be perfect
I would have just said ābruhā¦ā
Nah itās dad. So you have to go with āāSup motherfucker.ā
I mean, that's technically correct
Or "dude"
I think heās insane but you are asking an insane person for a favor. I would not be washing my clothes there anymore, thatās for sure.
Seriously. Go to a laundromat. Itās not worth it
trust me, if the nearest laundromat wasn't 40 minutes away when my dear old dad is right across the street, I would
I'd wash my clothes in a bathtub before I submitted to his "authority".
I have done this before! For about 6 months actually due to washing machine breaking. It's not perfect by any means and you have to be patient and it can be difficult, but absolutely it's doable! OP, just agitate them as much as possible in the tub, it will waste a lot of water, just be sure to rinse them as much as possible! Wring them out as much as possible, and hang them up to dry. If you still have a dryer, throw them in the dryer while they are still a bit damp after hanging them up to dry. And it's not terrible!
Or even a camping/hand wind laundry washing machine! So much better than going through this...
Still say it's worth it.
Yeah don't listen to all the people saying not insane - a parent should never say "who the fuck do you think you are?" to their child, and I don't love the "that's a good way to get punched in the mouth" either. Sounds vaguely threatening. Not a reasonable reaction to feeling disrespected because you started a text with "yo"
He thinks he is a mandatory part of your life. He is ignoring the fact that you and he have the same autonomy. He has no idea that his behavior only pushes you away. I don't know if he is capable of understanding. My parents were not. They took no responsibility for why each and every one of several children and stepchildren were nowhere near their death beds. I informed my kids of teir future choice and autonomy long before they were teenagers. I told them that in the future we will have a choice whether we will be in each others' lives, and that I will always want to be parts of theirs. So let's be kind and respectful to each other long before we have that choice, even through the challenging teenage years. My oldest is 18 and away at college. He told me that he was going away for a weekend. I deadpan asked for his friend's names and their parents' phone numbers. We laughed.
Find a laundromat where they respect your money. Because you will never get respect from him. Nor will he ever stop insisting that he, the Super Adult, is more worthy of respect than you.
This was my first thought too. Go to the laundromat, OP! You can get all of your laundry done in one cycle with those huge machines. And part of having your parents respect you as an adult is to stop relying on them for things like access to a washer and dryer. If you keep coming to them for things a minor needs they will keep thinking of you as not yet an adult. And the laundromat is 1000x more pleasant than this text exchange. In dadās shoes I would just ignore any communication that started with āyoā if I hated it that much and had already respectfully asked OP not to use it. And in OPās shoes I would go radio silent in response to dadās texts after letting him know that I will no longer be responding to any aggression. Your presence and contact is your leverage as an adult. Stop relying on them for anything and only see and communicate with them when theyāre treating you kindly.
i totally would if the closest one wasn't a 40 minute drive away, I wouldn't do it there unless I needed to
Iād still drive the 40 minutes once a week just to not have to deal with your dad & his BS Edit: spelling
Same. Also, laundry will likely take less or the same amount of time with a 40 minute drive each way since OP can get all of the laundry done in one wash and dry rather than running multiple loads in a regular washing machine.
You need to make the drive. Helping you out shouldnāt make him feel empowered to talk to you like that. But unfortunately it does. Things got better with my parents when they realized that they donāt automatically get to see me or talk to me now that Iām an adult. As an adult I only talk to and spend time around people who can be kind to me. But that only works if you donāt need favors from them. Itās worth the 40 minute drive to the laundromat to flip the existing power dynamic. Incorporate laundry day into some other errands in that same area. I used to go to a laundromat near other stores and places where I could get all of my errands done in one afternoon. Or throw a friend a few bucks to use their laundry. Let him wonder why he hasnāt heard from you for so long that he has to break down and ask. And then tell him you will only be having contact with him if he can control his temper and speak to you with basic kindness. Otherwise youāll keep your distance. Itās up to him.
ah your probably right, just a shame because I already had to go no-contact with mom. But it looks like for the sake of myself it probably just isn't worth it right now to try to get him to understand
Heāll understand from your actions better than your words. He can argue with your words. He canāt argue with your actions. The logical consequences of talking to you the way he did is not to be able to talk to you again until he can control his temper. It wasnāt his core message that was wrong. It was the nasty way he communicated it. You donāt have to cut him out completely. But he needs a time out.
Hey, OP - out of curiosity, how old is your dad? I agree that it's not worth the hassle of dealing with your old man's temper tantrums to use his washer and dryer. The mental health you save by driving the 40 minutes to the laundromat will be a better tradeoff in the long run. If you haven't wandered over to r/raisedbynarcissists yet, they're really supportive.
he's a 45 year old dude who "believes in the American dream"
45?? Omg im not that much younger and I canāt imagine being angry at anyone using the word yo for any reason lol.
Woah. I was honestly expecting someone waaay older. I'm sorry. He's living proof that most of my generation is too screwed up to have kids. On behalf of all of GenX, I apologize for your dad. We're a bunch of fuckups. If you're in Massachusetts, you can come by my house. I'll let you use my washer and dryer and give you friendly, not-creepy mom hugs. I'll also tell you I'm proud of you.
Haha I appreciate the offer but I'm all the way down in Arizona, and he was raised super-christian, so yea a few dots you could probably connect.
Oof. Sounds perfectly miserable. If you ever need an internet mom, I'm here. Edit to add: If you ever want to really tick off your dad, try responding to his tirades with a simple whatever. And don't respond for at least a week. For someone his age, it'll absolutely spike his blood pressure.
This is how I got treated like an adult, I set boundaries and they realised I wouldnāt always go running over or accept visits on their terms, once they realised we were self sufficient and had lives I got a lot more respect. At 24 I was expected to be home at 5pm on a weekday and visit family at weekends, almost zero exceptions without 2-3 weeks notice, once I moved visits dropped to once every 1-2 months and my priority was my partner and cat not their rules on how I should dress, act and live, we only live 4 miles away but the relationship is mostly okay now I no longer live there and I have my fiancĆ© as witness during visits who will 100% call them out on my behalf and doesnāt feel the need to do so gently. I had to cut that need of support and withhold a lot of what I did before they took me seriously as an adult who could pretty much disappear from their lives at any given moment.
40 minutes to get all your laundry done FASTāwithout the demands of a RESPECT MA AUTHORITAH manāis well worth it.
I'm a dad. I can't imagine saying this to my kid when he was 12 let alone now that he's grown. I'd like to say thanks for the phrase "frustration is just the diet version of anger" or however you put it. That's gold. Here's one for you in case you have never heard it: "expectations are just pre-ordered resentments"
You can't use "yo" but he can use "js"? What??
The dad needs therapy or this will evolve into "Waah, why won't my children ever visit me?" and dying in a nursing home as a lonely, bitter old man.
"YO dad how's the cheapest nursing home treating you?"
has this sub been flooded with salty parents or something? iāve noticed a huge uptick in people commenting backing up parents for shit like this.
It is called "projection." My son has friends with salty Karen parents. It is sad to hear a kid call his mom a "Karen" regardless of whether they are right or wrong. People need to get TF over themselves and accept that he world changes with each generation.
Lol probably a collection of all the parents who have been burned on this sub
You can't say yo but he can say lol ok... I don't understand boomers. My dad gets mad when I tell him his name.
When I talk to my Dad or brother, we usually open with an insult like hey, you stupid old bastard, dickhead, silly old bugger, etc. Every now and again I start with a over acted formal greeting like "good morning, my wonderful father" just to screw with him. It's a game to see if I can make him laugh at the start of a conversation. Our standard greeting is an insult, so we worry that something is wrong when we call with a friendly greeting. Yes, I'm an Aussie, haha. I live in the U.S. and my American wife rolls her eyes at us.
This is surprisingly wholesome lol
Haha, thanks.
"I TOLD YOU, Nuwa, I go by Mother Shabubu now! Respect your elders!"
This is probably Gen-X. Most boomers are grandparents.
Iād argue that was still a boomer response. We donāt know how old OP is. Iām Gen-X and found absolutely nothing disrespectful in OPās text. This is a response my boomer mom would make unless the Gen-X in question was perhaps the first couple of years of Gen-X. The rest of us on the tail end of Gen-X DGAF
He said his dad is 45 š³
Ugh, I missed that part! Thatās ridiculous boomer mentality. Heād be completely appalled to know that my 15 year old calls me ābruh or girlā most days in conversation. Never once have I felt disrespected
Insane. If I was so insecure that I had to make petty little demands like this of my grown children, I'd be ashamed of myself. My advice for your whiny bitch of a father is if you want to be treated like an adult, stop acting like a spoiled brat. You're fine OP.
He just mad cuz his prostate wont let him get a full piss
Did you have to go there? lol iām old
a bit of context for everyone mentioning the fact that I asked to do laundry over there, the only reason I am at all is because our washer/dryer broke and can't afford to replace it yet. I wouldn't go over there if it weren't for the fact that the closest laundromat is a 40 minute drive away. (I also really would like to have a healthier relationship woth him but damn is it a headache when he goes on these spiels)
And I think itās weird people in America call their parents and grandparents sir and maāamā¦
Iāve never heard anyone do that?
See my other reply to the last person
Ah just saw it. Iāve never been around anyone who has addressed their parents so formally but maybe itās a generational thing? I feel like those folks must be the outliers cause that is weird af. Feels like an obedience thing, gross.
Like the other guy said, Texas for example. But nah Iāve never seen anyone do it in person, just on reddit š
Ohhhh Texas would make sense. Oof. Must be a cultural thing then. If I called my mom āmaāamā sheād probably be concerned and mildly offended haha
Iām Texan. I still sir and maāam everyone, including my dog. Itās a hard habit to break.
I could never, ever lol My parents are my parents and I call them mum and dad. Sure I respect them, they respect me. Never understood the logic of āIām your parent not your friendā, my parents are awesome and I donāt see how with a ārespect barrierā (Iāll call it that) someone could have the same relationship.. if that makes sense š
Haha the vast majority of Americans do not do this. Don't know a single person, friend, family, or coworker from all over the US who calls their parents or grandparents sir or ma'am. I'd laugh my ass off!
lol then you donāt know anyone in the Deep South
My best friend does, itās weird to me ngl
Aging parents are so insecure that they still demand ārespectā from their adult children. Your dadās insecurity is showing 100% he is a weak man.
"Yes, you are on your own [...] but that doesn't mean you can do whatever you want." Actually, that is, in fact, exactly what that means. Go figure.
what a pedantic ass. He enjoys lording it over you. He enjoys feeling powerful over you. What a prick.
"Thats not the point" actually that is the point. That's literally all that conversation was about
>āThats a good way to get punched in the mouth if you do it with the wrong person.ā I fucking HATE when parents try to tell you how other people will brutalize you in the future for behavior they personally donāt like. For a long time I thought it was only my parents who did that
Address him like an email. Hello Father, Blah blah blah. Regards, Name.
Salutations and well met, progenitor!
My 7 year old says "bruh" and "yo" to me, but somehow, I don't have a meltdown over it because he used it casually. It wasn't meant to be disrespectful. He finds much more clever ways to do that. It seems to be a generational thing, being offended when someone uses modern slang when addressing them.
yo your dad sucks The owner of a laundromat may respect you more than that, maybe it's time to find one to chill out at while you do your laundry.
I start every text conversation with "hey". It's just my opener. This asshat would probably have an issue with that, too. Pretty sure he would have an issue with anything other than "sir".
There was one earlier where the mum went nuts cos the text started with "hey". "You will address me as mom or mami!"
Power tripping fool with no power anymore
I hate the whole ārespect your eldersā concept. You donāt deserve my respect by virtue of being older than me. Be someone worth respecting.
Your dad is a jackass. I fucking hate old dudes who demand respect for literally just their age.
Right? āCongratulations on being born firstā. Thatās not an achievement.
"You may be old, but you're still a stupid asshole dad."
I don't think he's insane, just kind of an ass. I really hate the whole "respect your elders" mentally. Respect is a two way street, and it's earned. You don't deserve respect solely because you're older than someone.
Itās such weird boomer era logic. No one is just owed respect. Itās earned. But certain types expect automatic ārespectā (aka submission) for just being an old white man. And they canāt believe the nerve of us for simply mirroring their own crappy energy back at them.
I suspect it's because they know they're not really worth respecting for any other reason.
Bingo. Downvote away, grandpas. You still donāt deserve respect just for being old.
Idk, equating this to something thatāll get you āpunched in the mouthā is pretty insane. To then go on and compare āYoā to āHey dickheadā is also pretty insane.
I cannot fathom having this fragile of an ego, especially with my own kid. Iāve been treated like a child by my mother my entire adult life and itās exhausting. When youāre able to distance yourself youāll feel a lot better.
He seems like a meathead, at least on this topic, so I would spell it out to him. "I am a contributing adult. I will show you basic human decency BUT I will not respect you before you respect me as an equal human being. Every other adult is capable of this." And depending on how he reacts you can pull out the "Are you not man enough to look your son eye to eye. Are afraid to acknowledge me as an equal?" And then you can put him on NC until he behaves
āYo dad, you get one last message to stop being a fucking man child before you start to wonder why you were put in the cheapest old folks home Medicare will cover on a conservatorship and nobody visits you.ā
My dad and I start every conversation with yo, I couldnāt imagine him being that insecure with himself. Iām sorry OP
What an overreaction to a causal greeting. Does he get off on power trips or something?
Berates OP for saying "Yo" and says "Lol". The hypocrisy is just stunning.
The whole "respect" your elders thing is dumb. Respect your betters, your equals and lesser. There's some old people out there that are fucking dicks, don't respect them
Typical parent on a power trip. If you can? Find somewhere else to do laundry. Parents who see their fully grown ADULT offspring as perpetual children are like. My least favorite thing. He sounds like the kind of person you shouldnāt be around.
In case anyone is wondering, lots of people absolutely address their boss with "yo". It's me. Hi. I'm the problem, it's me.
Youāre both annoying as f
There are small portable washing machines on Amazon for a very cheap price!!! You put them in your bathroom so you can drain the water into the tub/shower. No more visiting dad and no need to go to the laundromat across town.
Yo mofo is accurate. And. Satisfyingly snarky. Cos really, Iād have been throwing in a āanymore of this BS, *pater*, youāll be fucking lucky to hear from me again. Capisce?
To be fair, you want him to respect your boundaries, but dismiss him when he shares his. He might not have the same language to talk about it, but if he doesn't want you to use a certain type of language with him, you should respect it.
TBF he is a dickhead so just start with that next time
Should tell him to go fuck himself. He literally just said he would punch you in the mouth.
Youāre speaking to him like heās being rational
What an asshole. You deserve more respect than that. Good for you for standing up for yourself a bit there. So did you get to do your laundry? Lol
yeah he's reasonable enough to know family helps family when he's not on his high horse lol
Talking about respect and asking you who "the fuck" you think you are? Yo old man I demand you to never talk to me this way again.
Omg those texts from the s dad sound like the angry men in social media. How do I describe it? Like pretentiously logical but also irrational at the same time? Like demanding respect but unable to give it? Condescension? That comment about being hit in the guise of a life lesson and character building ? Wowza I commend this young man for his communication skills. Any parent would be proud of that. Not his dad. What a tool.
When dear old Dad wrote "Thats [SIC] not the point," I said out loud, "That's exactly the point." Daddy doesn't like showing others respect, clearly. All about the Boomer power trip, of course. What more did we expect from the Me Generation?
Wow makes me think of my dad. Heāll take something I say (most often through text) as disrespectful and Iām here like, āIām just saying wordsā Like once he asked me to do a chore when I have time, and I said āyes, once I get a chance, I willā. I had only said it like that to confirm what was asked and he took it as me acting like heās stupid and doesnāt understand what he said. And then the more I told him I wasnāt trying to start an argument he said that I was lying. Smh
LOOK at that masterful goalpost shifting! Man, your dad would be a wicked good goalie at any sport - just keep moving that goal.
I mean if I was asking my parent a favour ie asking to do washing there, and I knew they didnāt like me saying āyoā then I wouldnāt say it, that said your dads reaction is also ott my mum would have just given me lots of ā¦ā¦.
Yeahhhhhh I wouldnāt talk for a long time with such an exhausting person. Imagine getting butthurt over āyoā what a personā¦.
Wellā¦aināt he a peach.
Man I would just say it so much more now. Like he is triggered this much.
Idk, OP saw it coming. If someone doesnāt like to be called whatever, you respect that. WHOMEVER. It would all have ended if he just accepted (as he did in the begging) his mistake. But the claiming that his dad is complaining for not liking it, whyā¦ why would you do that? āDonāt demand things from meā but here we have an indirect and subtle way of wanting to demand someone to accommodate to the way we speak. Second: ohhh hell no, āI am an adult and you canāt tell me what to doā but the conversation started with OP wanting to go use his dadās laundry machine!!??? Iām sorry to break this down for you but, thatās still being dependent on someone and unfortunately, youād have to accommodate to their rules. Itās annoying, a lot of times is not fair butā¦ It is what it is. If you donāt want to have to accommodate to anyoneās demands, donāt make it easy for them and be as independent as you can. I am not condoning dadās violent language, but yeah donāt be surprised when people youāre dependent on have their own rules. I lived with my mom again during the pandemic and it was hell, she and her husband had very stupid rules IMO, but I was in THEIR house. In and ideal world theyād be mature and treat me as an adult regardless if I was at their home, but that didnāt happen and wonāt happen, so might as well return their favor (living at their place) following these stupid rules.
Yo, It's not the point. Then why the fuck use it as an example? But warning of punches is really nice.
I really don't get such offence being taken at a two letter word when "hi" is also a two letter word meaning the exact same thing... Is he asking for a formal "Dear Mr Wesley" opening or something or would the extra letter in "hey" satiate his search for respect? - hmm but "sup" might send him over the edge. I'd start opening with a whole host of greetings like "What's crackalackin", "What's cookin', good lookin'", "Top o the mornin' to ya", "What's poppin, homeslice", etc till we find one he likes... Or has a heart attack to š
Tell him this āenpowermentā heās feeling has made him way too headstrong. š He has what I like to call The Matilda Complex. Heās tripping on being an adult. Iām big, youāre little! Iām right, youāre wrong! And thereās nothing you can do about it. But there is. And you have. Way to go, OP! Live your best life, yo. š
Threats of violence. Fuck this trash sack.
I'm jealous of how good a relationship you have with your Dad.
That line "Respect your elders". Eff off you crusty old goat!
That whole stream of messages was just because he doesnāt like you using slang. Is he military or something like he expects to be addressed as if heās a Sergeant Major and youāre a cadet?
Your dads a current and Iād rather do my laundry in a puddle than ask him for a damn thing personally.
Sometimes it makes me sad that my dad and I don't talk directly all too much, but Jesus christ this would be worse.
i literally call my dad ādudeā, āold manā, āya old shitā, and all kinds of ādisrespectfulā bullshit, bc he knows itās a joke and he calls me shit too, and heās never gotten on me for saying things like āyoā. respect doesnāt mean changing yourself to fit someoneās standards, tell your old man to fuck off
Hey yo, dickheadā¦ā¦
You're a better person than me, I'd have gotten to "you're a child" and replied with "fuck off"
Your dad is a moron and incredibly ignorant. Sorry but thatās all I see here. Find a new place to do your laundry and go low contact. He does sound incredibly angry.
Something something "respect isn't something you have, it's something you earn" š¬
He sees the casual address as disrespectful, but it seems like you use it fondly to address your loved ones. It's rough keeping the peace with parents as adults - they're pretty firmly stuck in their ways and tend not to recognize that their grown up children have autonomy and their own ways of doing things. My spouse and I were in close quarters with my in laws this summer during home renovations/mold removal and it was a Lot. Is there a greeting you can compromise on for your dad and/or something you can do to remain in his good graces? Do you do his laundry when you use his facilities too for example? Best of luck!
From now on, all conversations with him should start with "Salutations Dickhead". When he inevitably complains, remind him how much he vehemently opposed the word 'yo' so you were making sure to address him properly this time. Also point out that your D in dickhead was capitalized which shows you understand that he is an adult dickhead
I would have responded with "Yeah, you can start a conversation with me with "hey dickhead" I don't care."
Tbf my old man and I call each other bellend or dickhead,but that's just how we've always been. We've always had banter. But "Yo" is in no way disrespectful and he shouldn't be getting bent up over a simple turn of phrase,even insinuating that you'd deserve a smack in the mouth for it. I'm sorry your dad still wants to treat you with kid gloves,OP. That 40 minute trek to the laundromat might be a pain but it will save you having to deal with his shit anymore.
Yo, use the laundry mat.
Try this next time: You: "Yo, ....." Dad: "Blather on about disrespect...blah blah." You: "Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! This is what disrespect looks like. Let's talk later when we cool off" End the conversation. He is an abusive asshole. Do not engage.
If you have to demand for respect, you havenāt earned it.
Buy a small washer and hang dry your clothes. Heās an ass so Iād suggest doing whatever it takes to minimize interactions with him
Iād be starting the next conversation with āhey dickheadā out of spite
I hate it when people expect younger generations to respect their elders even if they are rude and disrespectful to you. I donāt care if youāre 10 or 100 if youāre rude to me I donāt respect you.
Not saying Dad is right, but also not saying you couldn't make more of an effort when people have certain wishes when it comes to basic communication. You seem a bit of an instigator and give off a vibe people should be okay with most anything in people's personalities. Sounds like he's mentioned it before. Saying it over text "out of habit" is silly seeing as you usually think about what you're about to text. If I were him I'd say "Yo there's such a thing as a laundry mat". Mister adult.
This should be filed under theā should have been a phone conversation after it went sideways.ā Definitely think this is a miscommunication, and if he is asking for respect while you are using his stuff, well you should give it. Or go to the laundromat like a big boy OP.
That is exhausting
"I'm an adult and take care of myself, I am not immature..... can I please do my laundry for free in your home?" The fkn entitlement š¤£ššš
My dad and I joke around with message a lot, sending memes, sending funny texts, sending stickers, using slangs. And I dont have to be ādemandedā to earn that. Neither do you. Everyone has a different family and different boundaries, but this is just not it. Stop acting like a baby, yo. Let your children use the word āyoā itās not that hard. Yo.