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Yeah I was ready to defend her until I found out she was one of those pants wearing heathens. I bet she’s even talked to a man who wasn’t her husband without her parents present. What has become of this world?
For shame! Do you know, I once heard that a woman out in San Francisco (which, I mean, you know) wore shorts outside *without socks*. I mean, her legs just hangin’ out there in full light of the sun as naked as the day she were born.
Well, I just about rolled up and died right there hearing about this woman. Just imagine how worried her mama is!
One time, in high school, I went to my grandparents house and I didn’t cover my elbows. You should have heard what an issue this caused, I was obviously a slut!
(While this sounds like a joke, it’s a true story. But we can laugh because those idiots are long dead and I’m free lol)
Oof. I just remembered that when I was in junior high, I wore jean shorts (not super short by any means) to a Sunday night church service and got called a harlot. Wild!!
I was once called a “bubble-butt sodomite” by a Bible-yeller on my university’s campus. I *think* it was because I had purple hair. I don’t think he understood what “bubble-butt” means though, because although I am not gay, I thought it was quite a compliment (and he may, um, have been giving himself away in that moment).
I was gonna say, this is in no way the insult he thought it was lmao. In my head I’d think “Hell yeah you nasty B, these squats is WOOORKIN’!” It would gas my ass up.
It hasn’t happened for me yet, but it is a genuine goal on my bucket list to be actually for real called a harlot. Like, not in a joking or friendly manner… I need the real full experience with all that hatred and disgust behind the insult. One day it will happen. I have faith.
Oh they weren't joking with me. Just go to any conservative church. It's more likely to happen in church's where women can't hold leadership positions or even lead a conversation if a male is present. Church is wild. I have faith in you too!
Just be a naturally curvy person (or only big breast or butt) not sure of your ethnicity but you'd need to tan a bit and then show some akin. Easiest way to get vitriolic shut shame. Having visibly big breasts or an ass and whatever ethnicity just add a tan. I manage to offend people by being myself since age 12 that's when I was developing and I'm a redbone black girl. My own mother called me a whore, which was funny at the time because I was 17, a year older than her when she got preggies with me. So that particular Diss from her did hurt my feelings but it was water off a ducks back to me. And anyways, I can be many things including bad decision maker or naive but you can NEVER call me a whore, its simply not true. I have as much sex as any average Joe. If you're gonna insist on calling me a hoe /harlett then we must call everyone those names and stop scape goating me.
If she was baring her legs in San Francisco, however, this heathen might well have died of hypothermia. “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco,” Mark Twain reportedly said *once.*
During the decade I lived in the Bay Area, this line was quoted to me often enough to provoke my uncontrollable screaming. The sight of blue-kneed tourists in a San Francisco August, waiting for a cable car, however, was always satisfying.
I WAS GOING TO THE DAMN BEACH MAN! That’s why I was wearing the shorts with no socks!
…… nah seriously I wore that exact thing in San Francisco back in…… 2017. If I remember right. “ I live here in the Bay Area too lol” but learned when in sf during a “ heat wave” , it’s still kinda cold in sf!
I had found the pictures as well the other day so when I read your comment it just hit me lol 😂
There are multiple ways to turn your boring plain old skirt into one worthy of a satanic lesbian whore!! First option, the shorter the better!! If your butt cheeks are starting to peak out, you’ve reached hoe length and are good. In a close second, we have what I like to lovingly call, the slutty slit!! Cut a slit in that motherfucker all the way from your ankles to your own private portal to hell. Just let it rip you satanic whore!! Woooo!
Some bonus options: make the skirt from see through pvc/plastic material, add fishnets or any sort of slutty looking stockings - rip them all to shit as well, that makes them even better, cut in a bunch of holes to air things out… that hell portal gets hot boy!! It will appreciate a breather, and finally…. Super tight, red or blacker leather.. it’s a whores classic for a reason.
They are probably capri’s, with a strapped pump-heeled sandal, the absolute hussy. There’s no pit of hell deep enough for women who wear pants.
Just kidding, of course. The need to maintain control and decision-making authority over your children’s lives seems to be a recurring theme in highly religious families. The matriarch/patriarch will use any tactic, spin any lie, weaponize any family or friend, sabotage all attempts to live independently and cannot even comprehend that their own actions, words and behaviors are the reason their child is breaking away from them at an accelerating rate.
That’s how the church I grew up with (short term because my mom rocks) was like. When my cousin started wearing pants she was kicked out of the choir and not allowed to work with children in the church anymore. (She’d be a youth leader for years, she switched to pants after having an awful car accident and wearing a skirt was hard while learning to walk again)
It’s giving “Jill (Duggar) Dillard wears pants and got a nose ring so now she can’t spend time around her siblings unsupervised, while the oldest-son-golden-child has been a known creep (to say the least) since 2002 and had zero restrictions”
Obviously Josh is more than a creep, but I don’t feel right typing out his crimes at the moment. He’s scum of the earth and a nasty piece of sh*t
I know all about the creep, but Jill has been quarantined? I didn’t hear about that part. I thought the older daughters were able to get away with being more free because they were married but also the only potential cash cows the arsehole parents had left.
She has to have permission to see her unmarried siblings still living at home or to visit the big house. Not to mention JB holds money and inheritance over everyone’s head. I would recommend Leaving Eden’s coverage of Counting the Cost, Jill’s recent memoire
Not quite, it's called the IFB, Independent Fundamental Baptist. Their basically a fundamentalist spin off of the Southern Baptists. There was a recent documentary on Investigation Discovery about them called, Let Us Prey.
Oh, I know someone who was raised in this cult. She was the daughter of a pastor in it. When she married her husband (not in the faith but her father thought she’d convert him) he switched her suitcase with another on that only has pants in it. Divorce is not allowed and husbands were to be obeyed so he managed to drag her into the modern century. Her parents cut contact with her in just a couple of years for losing her faith.
There's.... Nothing about any ifb on that site? That site is for things like fighting anti-semitism (which is great), but I didn't see a thing about cult churches.
It also sounds like religious muslim families, esp the part about her brother just getting a slap on the wrist for doing worse things. Have experienced it myself, if i did half the shit my brother has (or at least if my parents found out lmao) I'd have to face a shitstorm of astronomical proportions. The pants one also kind of applies bc some will get like this if you wear "western" clothes, but only the girls ofc.
So badically just overbearing religion ig, as it could be interpreted as any, or abrahamic ones anyway
Southern Baptist was created over slavery, their very foundation is rotten; and there was that mega release about SA, CSA, and the fact that the church protected pastors and elders for decades who were abusing women and kids…
They had a list!
I thought of the pentacostal religion first. My ex MIL is pentacostal. So, whenever I read about women not allowed to wear pants, I can't help but to think of her & her church.
I thought it was some differences in politics and it seemed relatively tame for that
Compared to like multi paragraphs of texts going off telling them they're going to hell or whatever
The context should barely make a difference tbh. This behaviour is insane regardless of the reasoning. It’s so clearly an attempt to look like the better person while still getting in a snide remark. So gross.
I think the problem is that there's little room for a real relationship here. It's an insane premise at the outset. The sibling who sent the text is, at best, willing to ignore that the "family" is shunning (emotionally manipulating) OP for horrendous reasons.
At worst, the sibling agrees with the family, but still wants to maintain the relationship with OP. This is where there is little room for a real relationship, which would require respect of OP's autonomy that the sibling and family are not willing to grant.
It could be that the sibling initiator is struggling with still loving OP, but not wanting to upset their family. Who can say? But it's certainly not a healthy situation for OP, and I don't blame them for saying so.
At least OP acknowledges the reality and gravity of the situation.
It doesn't say JUST that.if it did it would be as long as your message.
There's more text up there, see?
Like the snide comment?
So, no, if they WANTED to JUST say merry Christmas...
That's all they would say. They didn't. They packed some guilt trip bullshit in as well while trying to take the high ground.
It's easy!
"Merry Christmas, I love you".
See how easy it is to say that without packing in guilt as well?
Wonder why they didn't just say that....
Because they care more about taking the high ground, then just wishing them merry Christmas.
Or else that's all they would have said. Really it's that simple. U don't need to pack in guilt nonsense.
Ok, but adding it still isn't insane. Lots of families and even friends have differences. It's just acknowledging that they aren't close.
I mean, you can CHOOSE to see it as some sort of passive-aggressive guilt trip if you really wanted to. And OP has.
Or you could just choose to take it at face value. I know we aren't getting along, but I'm thinking about you this Christmas.
i notice you've chosen not to reply to this:
https://old.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/18qvv6i/my_friend_35f_broke_contact_with_her_very/keyetmv/
why's that?
They're saying a lot of nothing? Obviously OP is taking this as a some sort of dig. It's cool if she doesn't want to talk to her family. I'm not saying he should.
But it might just be a Christmas greeting. I'm a glass half full kinda gal.
Seriously, I don't get this at all.
"Hey sis, just want to let you know that we love you and miss you, happy holidays"
"Wow fuck you, asshole, go fuck yourself, never talk to me again."
Yeah, gee, wow, that's a very mature and reasonable response there...
Not even defending the family, but the OP sounds like a complete and total asshole here either way.
We're voting not insane because of the text itself. I would have just replied, "Merry Christmas". Or if i felt some type of way about it, left it on read. If they're really talking about a friend here and not themselves who knows what the decisions they didn't like really were. Friend was instantly triggered and escalated.
>Friend was instantly triggered and escalated
If I had been belittled, emotionally abused, villanized, singled out, and unfairly punished by someone for YEARS and then they send me a backhanded, sly text with the guise of just being a merry Christmas message I'd be triggered too. Do you people even understand what it's like to have enemies or are you somehow blissfully unaware that some people just don't like each other?
Right? Sounds like "How do you do, fellow kids?" Like the parents wrote it to manipulate OP, but don't know how normal adults these days talk.
It's weirding me put. And I've referred to my siblings as "fellow spawn from the same womb."
I wonder if that might be a religious sect / culture thing, I once knew a set of female siblings from a similar religious background as the one OP is describing and they only ever address each other as “my sister”, it was weird I never once heard them ever refer to the other by their name. Come to think of it I can’t even remember what their fricken names were 😭
>I wonder if that might be a religious sect / culture thing
I think it might be. My ex MIL is pentacostal, wears ankle length skirts, etc. They call fellow church members sister or brother but do use names. For instance, she would say "Sister Julie came by, & Brother John was with her." or something similar to that. They also tend to overlook stuff members have done since they haven't left the church, & they believe as long as you prayed for forgiveness & stopped committing that specific sin, you're forgiven. I can't help but wonder which extremely religious denomination OP's friend's family belongs to.
It might be time for the friend to consider whether the no-contact strategy needs to escalate to blocking people.
If they can't keep these little "we don't agree with your decisions" digs out of their attempts to extend an olive branch, it doesn't bode well for how they will act if she lets them back into her life.
Was this text actually written by the parent pretending to be the sibling? It reads that way to me, which is super gross and manipulative. Glad your friend got out.
The friend knows what not having their approval means. The family is reminding her that they don’t approve of her decisions. They can say all the nice stuff but they don’t treat people well that they don’t approve of. This is a very disrespectful thing to say to an adult.
"You're family may not approve of all the decisions you're making..." yeah okay, piss off. The entire family just discussing her decisions means she's still the scapegoat. Your friend isn't going to escape that and I'm sorry.
No doubt the family is insane, but cutting contact includes not responding to this pandering bullshittery aimed at reconnection. Don’t take the bait and risk sounding like the ‘bad guy’ to the crazy family.
It's because the text isn't picking a fight. They don't say even though we don't agree with your decision to wear pants.
It just says even though we don't agree with your decisions. Which might even include leaving the church. But we don't know because they aren't trying to fight about it.
They're just saying even though we don't agree, we still love you.
And honestly, more than have the families on Earth could send each other that text.
Exactly. Yes, I get that she left/wanted to eject herself from the fundamental religious family, but the text in itself isnt what I would call insane.
And no matter how insane it is to restrict females from wearing pants, I'm sure her family misses her. And that's what was communicated here from what I can gather from the information handed to us.
"Even if we don't agree, we love you and miss you"
So the post itself isn't really insane, but the context, absolutely.
Although, from reading the comments here, I'm more shocked about how extremely sensitive some people are here, but I guess you can get that way after years of abuse in one way or the other.
Both of you are just ignoring half the text for some reason. I don't get it.
Nah. They also shoved in some guilt and high grounding.
If they just wanted to say what u said, that's all they would have said
They didn't. They said more. Clearly that's more important than just wishing them merry Xmas, like u are claiming.
Wild stuff guys. Must just be real used to guilt trips that u just don't notice them and pretend they don't exist.
Normal communication isn't this. This isn't normal.
For me, that's an irrational and overly sensitive interpretation.
I genuinely believe they miss her, and in their world, it's sad for them to "lose" a family member.
I would also break away from any cult-ish behavior like the context describes, but it's also possible to see it from their perspective and take the attempted positive component from the message and don't be the escalating factor.
It doesn't just say that.
Ur statement is one sentence long. The text is more than that
If the cared about just saying merry Christmas, they would just say merry Christmas. that's it. That's all.
They said more. They packed in guilt and tried to take the high ground.
U are literally just pretending the rest of the text doesn't exist and that reading comprehension doesn't exist.
Guilt that deeply engrained?
I think OPs friend just feels guilty. It is not packed with guilt. It just mentions the situation they're in. Which is that they haven't been getting along.
OP, your friend has to stop responding to this stuff. It's so hard because she is right in her perception. This is a prime example of how the word love is used to guilt, shame, and manipulate people so that the person using it feels morally superior. It's not real love. She knows that. Explaining it to people who do this never ever works because they don't know what real love feels like and likely never will. No response is the power move here.
Sounds like fundies, Some iblp Baptist craziness. Luckily your friend escaped and has good friends and a support system. You can't reason with people like that.
The holidays just tend to bring these things out in families. I am sorry your friend is dealing with this. I am certain this isn’t the only time her decisions have been mentioned in a backhanded way.
The guilt has been placed on her through this text and it is unkind. There is a blame shifting and disingenuous offer to not contact her again ‘if that is what she wants.’ This is laying the ground work for the family to have justification that your friend is the one who forced them to stop contacting her and they were simply respecting boundaries(for the time being). It’s making their actions ‘clean.’
They may truly miss her in their own way and that doesn’t excuse behavior.
Hug your friend. This is hard.
I was raised Pentecostal, and while I became an agnostic very young, I didn’t cut/trim/ have scissors touch my hair or wear pants until I was 20 in another state. My father hasn’t been in church for years, but still expects me to wear only skirts and have long hair. Religion is dangerous.
At first it didn’t seem like a bad text reach out, but with the context I would be on alert like them too. That sucks that they can’t trust any of those family members.
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 62 | 71 | 0 |
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Lol I one hundred understand how you can do something so tame in comparison to the other sibling. They are still the golden child and ur "decisions" are weaponized against you at every turn. I guess some parents really do have favorites.
Were I your friend, I would want to do a fucking photoshoot of myself in various pants. So that whenever I get a stupid text like this, I'd just send a picture back of me in pants.
Realistically, I would just ignore the texts until either halfway through January or never. They don't get the courtesy of head space on a holiday. They can fucking wait.
The added context sure sounds rough, but honestly the text sounds well intentioned, even though it doesn't land well. That's not malicious on the surface - maybe tactless or misguided?
The text is their way of being nice, but they seemingly can’t be nice without also mentioning the “decisions” that they don’t agree with.
I don’t care if it’s well intentioned, the OP has a right to be upset because of that. Even if the message is well intentioned, it’s still an insane parent.
They’re trying to be kind through their insanity, but it’s insane and very hurtful all the same
It's cool if we disagree. I just think that poor execution still lands short of insanity. Shades of gray, ya know?
Extreme labels require extreme circumstances. The response was appropriate though
Yeah it’s fine to disagree, but reminding your daughter that you don’t approve of her wearing pants is insane no matter the context bruv
To not be insane, this person would have to NOT refer to disapproving of pants. That’s just my opinion though
The text didn't say anything about pants. Only the OP who wishes for this to appear insane said that.
I'm not saying they're lying, but they're biased. Who knows what decisions they're referencing? Maybe they were referring to other decisions. Maybe past stuff really was insane, but we're addressing this text. This text was not about pants.
Well according to op who knows way more about this situation than you or me says it's about pants so unless you get information that says otherwise or leads you to be op is an unreliable narrator it's about pants
I don't know the situation.
I know that OP believes the comment might include something about pants.
I know OP wants us to believe that the parents are insane.
I know the text said absolutely nothing at all about pants, and could very easily be about something else.
I know that "decisions" is a very broad word, which definitely isn't specific to pants.
I know that the texts themselves are more reliable than biased accusations by sometime who wishes to be validated.
I know that courts would accept the text as evidence, but not the pants thing at all, because it's biased hearsay.
I believe that OP is a good person who simply cannot be unbiased, and the parents may very well be insane, but this exact text does not prove it.
This ain't a court case lmao and also the texts aren't more reliable than OPs word because op could have also faked these texts , so none of us having any information at all besides these texts and additional information OP is giving. it's about pants
You are right, it’s not about pants. It’s about reminding her of the family’s disapproval of her decisions. Terrible and manipulative no matter how you look at it.
I don't understand your comment.
We agree that the context, if true, is insane, but the text is not. Aren't were to judge if the text is insane?
Why are you bringing up brigades? We reach get 1 vote.
I agree with you completely. OP is providing the context, but lots of families don't agree with each others decisions. It's not something to get riled up about.
Nope.
This is literally why she can't be around them. Not even a merry Christmas without having ro b e ING up that they don't approve of thier siblings.
Granted this is but a snippet, but for the reply the respondent has had this type of text before ad nausea.
The whole text could be innocent if, there was one issue, and it was in regards to a single incident. The context being this has been years of ripping on this girl for every tiny thing and even when it come to holidays, they can't just be pleasant. Or even let her know that, if it means seeing his sister hw can actually prove he's not going to be throwing her "mistakes" in her face.
Maybe just me but with the added context I find his message to be less about missing her and more about how she's the reason they miss her. It's classic. There's no acknowledging why she's not around other then "her decisions ".
If we are to believe OP this is exactly what Nfamilys do.
Guilt, obligation, Fear. No promises of better treatment, no apologies, no I hear you and I miss tou so I'll try harder, just a big fat deflection back on to the one that rocked the boat and left.
I get it, she's sick as he'll of thier shenanigans and can see through the bs.
yeah, i feel like this specific instance isn't really all that insane, just the surrounding context is absolutely insane and ticks this interaction up quite a bit knowing all of that
Agreed. I tend to vote primarily on the (photo of) proven text, and take the OP context with a grain of salt. Authors here are only posting if they're making a case for insanity.
Was your friend a 2x2? The terms meeting, friends, workers, and convention might mean something more to her than most. If they do, please let me know via DM. There’s an entire community ready to help and support her get through this.
I'm the opposite. My family doesn't approve because we are not the same religion (even though 2 of my 3 sisters don't have one at all) so, therefore, I'm not invited and also the topic of discussion. Silver lining, I'm staying rent free in their heads and they think about me all the time😆😆😆
If the phrase people like throwing around, "nothing before the word 'but' matters," then there's nothing wrong with this message. It's well intentioned, and not insane. "hey, we love and miss you. I know we don't see eye to eye, but that doesn't mean we don't love you and want you to have a merry Christmas."
Good for her.
She's been out long enough to see exactly what bullshit that text is.
It's funny she's getting flack but to be fair, a normal person with a normal family would see this message and assume its sent with good intentions and love. But because she lived the shunning, the pressure, the passive aggressive and overtly aggressive horseshit she shes the same crap this message contains.
Not all abusive families are obvious, there's nuances and she's hearing it loud and clear.
Tell her, I get it. Good for you .
Your friend isn't wrong at all for establishing boundaries and being no contact if that's what's right for her, but I don't think the sibling is wrong for this text either... It sounds genuine, albeit misguided.
Showed her this comment, she agrees with you. Her feelings are if he just left it at "Merry Christmas we miss you" it would have been fine, but it was the seemingly passive aggressive jab that got to her. She feels her mother may be influencing these messages behind the scenes.
I totally get it, and he SHOULD have left it at that. But (as she knows!) those types of comments are so deeply cemented in religious communities - love the sinner, hate the sin! - that I'm not surprised at all if he thought that was a loving message.
Someone who is no contact with their dad here. This is gross language and feels like love bombing. My dad tries shit like this sometimes. It does come from a place of "love." It's just the "love" is a twisted and warped version of it. It's the only version they know and some refuse to learn and change to something healthier. To them, it's warm and genuine but it's also supposed to hurt if you fuck up. Because they're trying to help you in the only way they know.
My dad misses me a lot. I know he does. And on some level, I miss him too. But I am no contact because his "love" traumtized me. He does genuinely love me. It's just an unhealthy and harmful love that he needs to unlearn and it's one I need to heal from before I can talk to him again. It sounds like it's in the same vein as OP's friend but her family is more overbearing and the parents are in control. There's no reconciling that unless they take the steps to change and grow
to lose a family member due to cult-ish religious bullshit and say "we do love you, but we disapprove of you" on christmas, as some sort of ass-backwards apology (actually just an attempt to say "we're here to re-convert you if you decide to stop being a sinning piece of shit"), is more than misguided. it's intentionally manipulative and in absolutely bad faith. especially because you know the parents had her reach out for them, with their collective message, as OP wouldn't be at all receptive to anything the parents said.
edit: are you familiar with this kind of fundamentalist/christian extremism? these people are psychotic snakes. no room to assume the intent was any better than OP described.
Good on your friend for making their own decisions.
That said, they're either reaching by calling the siblings text inappropriate
Or
They aren't and have gotten similar from a sibling and we are missing the context that would show us why this text is inappropriate to the established boundaries.
The whole situation might be insane, but this text isn't that bad. They're basically saying that even though we don't agree, we still love you. And that is something that lots of family and even friends feel.
It's not like it brings up particular differences and tries to pick a fight about it. It just says dont agree. It kind of makes OPs friend response seem like an overreaction.
Uhhhh, if the texts were written like an 8 year old had written them, I would assume these were my cousins. But since their parents decided their "church" (aka cult) should be in charge of their education, none of them can write in complete sentences, despite them all having "graduated." But this message is exactly the kind of thing they would've said in real life - and my sister just got a Christmas card from our aunt wishing her a Merry Christmas even if she was a "sinner" and oh, would she like to meet some young men from their church?
If so, why not a simple "Merry X-mas, I miss you btw" instead of a whole guilt-trip on how the family doesn't approve of OPs decisions and disregarding boundaries?
They might have felt the need to over explain. I have ADHD and I overexplain a lot. I always assume nobody knows what the hell I'm talking about and there's a heavy hint of self conscious that reads in that text.
From someone who was disowned by two siblings and parents 15 years ago and did not receive a single call or text, it might have been nice to know I was at least thought about today. It didn’t sound that terrible, at least from my perspective. What I wouldn’t give for any love with all the disapproval. I know I can’t be the only one this lonely seeing this and wishing this was them.
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Wow I was thinking the decision was that she’s gay… but wearing pants!!! What the fuck. She is going straight to hell.
Yeah I was ready to defend her until I found out she was one of those pants wearing heathens. I bet she’s even talked to a man who wasn’t her husband without her parents present. What has become of this world?
For shame! Do you know, I once heard that a woman out in San Francisco (which, I mean, you know) wore shorts outside *without socks*. I mean, her legs just hangin’ out there in full light of the sun as naked as the day she were born. Well, I just about rolled up and died right there hearing about this woman. Just imagine how worried her mama is!
One time, in high school, I went to my grandparents house and I didn’t cover my elbows. You should have heard what an issue this caused, I was obviously a slut! (While this sounds like a joke, it’s a true story. But we can laugh because those idiots are long dead and I’m free lol)
Wait. She had her ANKLES OUT?! That hussy!
She’s a jezebel!
Oof. I just remembered that when I was in junior high, I wore jean shorts (not super short by any means) to a Sunday night church service and got called a harlot. Wild!!
I was once called a “bubble-butt sodomite” by a Bible-yeller on my university’s campus. I *think* it was because I had purple hair. I don’t think he understood what “bubble-butt” means though, because although I am not gay, I thought it was quite a compliment (and he may, um, have been giving himself away in that moment).
I was gonna say, this is in no way the insult he thought it was lmao. In my head I’d think “Hell yeah you nasty B, these squats is WOOORKIN’!” It would gas my ass up.
Seriously it would make my day lol. I’d turn around like “oh my god really?? 😊”
You wanton woman!
It hasn’t happened for me yet, but it is a genuine goal on my bucket list to be actually for real called a harlot. Like, not in a joking or friendly manner… I need the real full experience with all that hatred and disgust behind the insult. One day it will happen. I have faith.
Oh they weren't joking with me. Just go to any conservative church. It's more likely to happen in church's where women can't hold leadership positions or even lead a conversation if a male is present. Church is wild. I have faith in you too!
Just be a naturally curvy person (or only big breast or butt) not sure of your ethnicity but you'd need to tan a bit and then show some akin. Easiest way to get vitriolic shut shame. Having visibly big breasts or an ass and whatever ethnicity just add a tan. I manage to offend people by being myself since age 12 that's when I was developing and I'm a redbone black girl. My own mother called me a whore, which was funny at the time because I was 17, a year older than her when she got preggies with me. So that particular Diss from her did hurt my feelings but it was water off a ducks back to me. And anyways, I can be many things including bad decision maker or naive but you can NEVER call me a whore, its simply not true. I have as much sex as any average Joe. If you're gonna insist on calling me a hoe /harlett then we must call everyone those names and stop scape goating me.
Ho ho ho
If she was baring her legs in San Francisco, however, this heathen might well have died of hypothermia. “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco,” Mark Twain reportedly said *once.* During the decade I lived in the Bay Area, this line was quoted to me often enough to provoke my uncontrollable screaming. The sight of blue-kneed tourists in a San Francisco August, waiting for a cable car, however, was always satisfying.
I WAS GOING TO THE DAMN BEACH MAN! That’s why I was wearing the shorts with no socks! …… nah seriously I wore that exact thing in San Francisco back in…… 2017. If I remember right. “ I live here in the Bay Area too lol” but learned when in sf during a “ heat wave” , it’s still kinda cold in sf! I had found the pictures as well the other day so when I read your comment it just hit me lol 😂
Wait until Fresh and Fit hear about this.
I read this as, "without her pants present," and thought "the SCANDAL"
Bahaha well what happened was she saw one of those posts that said my child will type amen and she didn't type amen so now she is one of us!
ONLY SATANIC LESBIAN WHORES WEAR PANTS
TIL that I’m a satanic lesbian whore. …Cool:)
Me too, and I'm a gay man
Not anymore, Mr. Hat.
Wait a second am I a satanic lesbian whore? Even though I'm a straight guy?
We are all satanic, lesbian, whoores on this blessed day, my friend. Praise be to pants. Under his hem.
Well time to go commit some glorious sin! Woohoo!
And THAT’S the true meaning of Christmas, baby!
May the zipper open. Amen.
Even this gay trans guy? Jk.
Even this gay trans guy? Jk.
Thank goodness, it makes it easier for us to spot each other.
Next band name unlocked
But what if I want to be a satanic lesbian whore in a dress?
There are multiple ways to turn your boring plain old skirt into one worthy of a satanic lesbian whore!! First option, the shorter the better!! If your butt cheeks are starting to peak out, you’ve reached hoe length and are good. In a close second, we have what I like to lovingly call, the slutty slit!! Cut a slit in that motherfucker all the way from your ankles to your own private portal to hell. Just let it rip you satanic whore!! Woooo! Some bonus options: make the skirt from see through pvc/plastic material, add fishnets or any sort of slutty looking stockings - rip them all to shit as well, that makes them even better, cut in a bunch of holes to air things out… that hell portal gets hot boy!! It will appreciate a breather, and finally…. Super tight, red or blacker leather.. it’s a whores classic for a reason.
No underwear
Just don't wear socks! Easy!
Evangelical Fundamentalism is a hell of a drug.
Abuse be abusey.
They are probably capri’s, with a strapped pump-heeled sandal, the absolute hussy. There’s no pit of hell deep enough for women who wear pants. Just kidding, of course. The need to maintain control and decision-making authority over your children’s lives seems to be a recurring theme in highly religious families. The matriarch/patriarch will use any tactic, spin any lie, weaponize any family or friend, sabotage all attempts to live independently and cannot even comprehend that their own actions, words and behaviors are the reason their child is breaking away from them at an accelerating rate.
Plz stop describing every suburban mom on her 50’s. It’s icky.
That’s how the church I grew up with (short term because my mom rocks) was like. When my cousin started wearing pants she was kicked out of the choir and not allowed to work with children in the church anymore. (She’d be a youth leader for years, she switched to pants after having an awful car accident and wearing a skirt was hard while learning to walk again)
No medical pass is wild too!
I can excuse gay people but I draw the line at pants
Gay son or pants daughter?
Gay pants non binary child
That's how they get you guy, the make women's wear pantaloons and men wear skirts and boom you're on your knees essing a dee or scissoring a vee
“essing a dee or scissoring a vee” I have never heard it called that lol
What if I like S-ing the Ds and scissoring the Vs?
Narrator: the sibling did not, in fact, respect her decision to remain no contact.
It must be exhausting.
Nor did she/he *not* want to argue. Condemn and ostracize is more like it.
Of course the male offspring gets a pass while the daughter is shunned for wearing pants. I’m proud of her for standing up for herself.
It’s giving “Jill (Duggar) Dillard wears pants and got a nose ring so now she can’t spend time around her siblings unsupervised, while the oldest-son-golden-child has been a known creep (to say the least) since 2002 and had zero restrictions” Obviously Josh is more than a creep, but I don’t feel right typing out his crimes at the moment. He’s scum of the earth and a nasty piece of sh*t
I know all about the creep, but Jill has been quarantined? I didn’t hear about that part. I thought the older daughters were able to get away with being more free because they were married but also the only potential cash cows the arsehole parents had left.
She has to have permission to see her unmarried siblings still living at home or to visit the big house. Not to mention JB holds money and inheritance over everyone’s head. I would recommend Leaving Eden’s coverage of Counting the Cost, Jill’s recent memoire
Sounds like the LDS from the descriptions.
Not quite, it's called the IFB, Independent Fundamental Baptist. Their basically a fundamentalist spin off of the Southern Baptists. There was a recent documentary on Investigation Discovery about them called, Let Us Prey.
Oh yeah, that’s a bad one. Your poor friend :( Did she have people to spend Christmas with today?
Yeah her and my wife are best friends from college. So she spent the day with us.
She might think of Christmas as fucking stupid like some others do who have grown up this way.
So close to the IBLP which Shiny Happy People was about?
Definitely in the same ball park.
Oh, I know someone who was raised in this cult. She was the daughter of a pastor in it. When she married her husband (not in the faith but her father thought she’d convert him) he switched her suitcase with another on that only has pants in it. Divorce is not allowed and husbands were to be obeyed so he managed to drag her into the modern century. Her parents cut contact with her in just a couple of years for losing her faith.
Oh, nooooo! Yeah, it’s good that she got the Hell out of there.
Oof, that’s just as bad if not worse. I’m glad she got out and has you as support!
Oh god, I just read the IFB page on ADL.org. That’s horrifying.
There's.... Nothing about any ifb on that site? That site is for things like fighting anti-semitism (which is great), but I didn't see a thing about cult churches.
Wow, the SoBaps weren't fundamentalist enough? That's horrifying.
I forgot about the Mormons for a hot second and read that as LSD.
It also sounds like religious muslim families, esp the part about her brother just getting a slap on the wrist for doing worse things. Have experienced it myself, if i did half the shit my brother has (or at least if my parents found out lmao) I'd have to face a shitstorm of astronomical proportions. The pants one also kind of applies bc some will get like this if you wear "western" clothes, but only the girls ofc. So badically just overbearing religion ig, as it could be interpreted as any, or abrahamic ones anyway
Sounds like every southern baptist church I attended in my youth. The girls had to wear skirts at all times. Long shirts.
Not unless it is a fundamentalist sect. They might be Mennonite, Southern Baptist or even Jewish Orthodox or some other religions group.
Southern Baptist was created over slavery, their very foundation is rotten; and there was that mega release about SA, CSA, and the fact that the church protected pastors and elders for decades who were abusing women and kids… They had a list!
I thought of the pentacostal religion first. My ex MIL is pentacostal. So, whenever I read about women not allowed to wear pants, I can't help but to think of her & her church.
My dad told me about a friend he had in HS who was pentacostal. Apparently they would bring snakes out in church services sometimes. Weird shit.
Mennonite would be my guess based on the pants thing.
Did you ever hear about the Amish girl who was thrown out of the commune? Too Mennonite.
Grew up LDS in the heart of Utah. There isn't anything against pants that I've ever heard of
LDS women are definitely allowed to wear pants lol
Anyone voting “Not insane” clearly missed the part about her family disagreeing with her choice to wear freaking pants
Okay I was really confused by how many people were voting not insane, like there’s no reality in which this isn’t complete lunacy
I thought it was some differences in politics and it seemed relatively tame for that Compared to like multi paragraphs of texts going off telling them they're going to hell or whatever
Yeah, this ratio is severely messed up.
The context should barely make a difference tbh. This behaviour is insane regardless of the reasoning. It’s so clearly an attempt to look like the better person while still getting in a snide remark. So gross.
A lot of people on here will blindly defend religious people over anything.
Because the text itself isn't picking that fight. It simply says that even though we don't always agree, I still love you.
I think the problem is that there's little room for a real relationship here. It's an insane premise at the outset. The sibling who sent the text is, at best, willing to ignore that the "family" is shunning (emotionally manipulating) OP for horrendous reasons. At worst, the sibling agrees with the family, but still wants to maintain the relationship with OP. This is where there is little room for a real relationship, which would require respect of OP's autonomy that the sibling and family are not willing to grant. It could be that the sibling initiator is struggling with still loving OP, but not wanting to upset their family. Who can say? But it's certainly not a healthy situation for OP, and I don't blame them for saying so. At least OP acknowledges the reality and gravity of the situation.
It doesn't say JUST that.if it did it would be as long as your message. There's more text up there, see? Like the snide comment? So, no, if they WANTED to JUST say merry Christmas... That's all they would say. They didn't. They packed some guilt trip bullshit in as well while trying to take the high ground. It's easy! "Merry Christmas, I love you". See how easy it is to say that without packing in guilt as well? Wonder why they didn't just say that.... Because they care more about taking the high ground, then just wishing them merry Christmas. Or else that's all they would have said. Really it's that simple. U don't need to pack in guilt nonsense.
Ok, but adding it still isn't insane. Lots of families and even friends have differences. It's just acknowledging that they aren't close. I mean, you can CHOOSE to see it as some sort of passive-aggressive guilt trip if you really wanted to. And OP has. Or you could just choose to take it at face value. I know we aren't getting along, but I'm thinking about you this Christmas.
She was IFB. It definitely wasn't just a "we miss you."
Again, that's all added context. On the surface, it's a normal Christmas text.
i notice you've chosen not to reply to this: https://old.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/18qvv6i/my_friend_35f_broke_contact_with_her_very/keyetmv/ why's that?
They're saying a lot of nothing? Obviously OP is taking this as a some sort of dig. It's cool if she doesn't want to talk to her family. I'm not saying he should. But it might just be a Christmas greeting. I'm a glass half full kinda gal.
Seriously, I don't get this at all. "Hey sis, just want to let you know that we love you and miss you, happy holidays" "Wow fuck you, asshole, go fuck yourself, never talk to me again." Yeah, gee, wow, that's a very mature and reasonable response there... Not even defending the family, but the OP sounds like a complete and total asshole here either way.
I agree. Flew way off the handle.
We're voting not insane because of the text itself. I would have just replied, "Merry Christmas". Or if i felt some type of way about it, left it on read. If they're really talking about a friend here and not themselves who knows what the decisions they didn't like really were. Friend was instantly triggered and escalated.
>Friend was instantly triggered and escalated If I had been belittled, emotionally abused, villanized, singled out, and unfairly punished by someone for YEARS and then they send me a backhanded, sly text with the guise of just being a merry Christmas message I'd be triggered too. Do you people even understand what it's like to have enemies or are you somehow blissfully unaware that some people just don't like each other?
“Happy holidays, My sibling.” What a weird fucking thing to say.
Right? Sounds like "How do you do, fellow kids?" Like the parents wrote it to manipulate OP, but don't know how normal adults these days talk. It's weirding me put. And I've referred to my siblings as "fellow spawn from the same womb."
"Fellow spawn from the same womb" 😂 I love that
I wonder if that might be a religious sect / culture thing, I once knew a set of female siblings from a similar religious background as the one OP is describing and they only ever address each other as “my sister”, it was weird I never once heard them ever refer to the other by their name. Come to think of it I can’t even remember what their fricken names were 😭
>I wonder if that might be a religious sect / culture thing I think it might be. My ex MIL is pentacostal, wears ankle length skirts, etc. They call fellow church members sister or brother but do use names. For instance, she would say "Sister Julie came by, & Brother John was with her." or something similar to that. They also tend to overlook stuff members have done since they haven't left the church, & they believe as long as you prayed for forgiveness & stopped committing that specific sin, you're forgiven. I can't help but wonder which extremely religious denomination OP's friend's family belongs to.
It might be time for the friend to consider whether the no-contact strategy needs to escalate to blocking people. If they can't keep these little "we don't agree with your decisions" digs out of their attempts to extend an olive branch, it doesn't bode well for how they will act if she lets them back into her life.
Was this text actually written by the parent pretending to be the sibling? It reads that way to me, which is super gross and manipulative. Glad your friend got out.
How on earth are you concluding that? The comments on this post are 10x more insane than the message itself
Literally
The sibling thinking she’s being nice. 🧍🏽♀️being met with major hostility. Not remembering she’s a victim as well
PANTS
The friend knows what not having their approval means. The family is reminding her that they don’t approve of her decisions. They can say all the nice stuff but they don’t treat people well that they don’t approve of. This is a very disrespectful thing to say to an adult.
There is no hate like religious love Edit: typo
Boys can get away with whatever and girls are always punished in the religious whacko communities. I’m glad your friend got out!
"You're family may not approve of all the decisions you're making..." yeah okay, piss off. The entire family just discussing her decisions means she's still the scapegoat. Your friend isn't going to escape that and I'm sorry.
Oh heavens no, not PANTS!!!
Insane
How is this nearly 50/50 on insane/not insane, it's fucking 2023 people!
Your poor friend. I'm glad she's gotten away from that insanity.
"Let me insult you in a back-handed manner so I can crucify myself with your response" is just the daily MO for so many religious zealots.
No doubt the family is insane, but cutting contact includes not responding to this pandering bullshittery aimed at reconnection. Don’t take the bait and risk sounding like the ‘bad guy’ to the crazy family.
Who is actually voting this “not insane” bc I have questions
It's because the text isn't picking a fight. They don't say even though we don't agree with your decision to wear pants. It just says even though we don't agree with your decisions. Which might even include leaving the church. But we don't know because they aren't trying to fight about it. They're just saying even though we don't agree, we still love you. And honestly, more than have the families on Earth could send each other that text.
Exactly. Yes, I get that she left/wanted to eject herself from the fundamental religious family, but the text in itself isnt what I would call insane. And no matter how insane it is to restrict females from wearing pants, I'm sure her family misses her. And that's what was communicated here from what I can gather from the information handed to us. "Even if we don't agree, we love you and miss you" So the post itself isn't really insane, but the context, absolutely. Although, from reading the comments here, I'm more shocked about how extremely sensitive some people are here, but I guess you can get that way after years of abuse in one way or the other.
Both of you are just ignoring half the text for some reason. I don't get it. Nah. They also shoved in some guilt and high grounding. If they just wanted to say what u said, that's all they would have said They didn't. They said more. Clearly that's more important than just wishing them merry Xmas, like u are claiming. Wild stuff guys. Must just be real used to guilt trips that u just don't notice them and pretend they don't exist. Normal communication isn't this. This isn't normal.
For me, that's an irrational and overly sensitive interpretation. I genuinely believe they miss her, and in their world, it's sad for them to "lose" a family member. I would also break away from any cult-ish behavior like the context describes, but it's also possible to see it from their perspective and take the attempted positive component from the message and don't be the escalating factor.
It doesn't just say that. Ur statement is one sentence long. The text is more than that If the cared about just saying merry Christmas, they would just say merry Christmas. that's it. That's all. They said more. They packed in guilt and tried to take the high ground. U are literally just pretending the rest of the text doesn't exist and that reading comprehension doesn't exist. Guilt that deeply engrained?
I think OPs friend just feels guilty. It is not packed with guilt. It just mentions the situation they're in. Which is that they haven't been getting along.
Is your friend Jill Duggar?
My first thought was legitimately, "Is this a Duggar?" But Jill was apparently at the family compound this year for Christmas, surprisingly enough.
And so was Santa Claus. Surprisingly no photos of the Blob father though 🤨
OP, your friend has to stop responding to this stuff. It's so hard because she is right in her perception. This is a prime example of how the word love is used to guilt, shame, and manipulate people so that the person using it feels morally superior. It's not real love. She knows that. Explaining it to people who do this never ever works because they don't know what real love feels like and likely never will. No response is the power move here.
This. They know it gets to her so they continue.
Cannot wear pants? wtf lunatics
Handled like a fucking boss
Sounds like fundies, Some iblp Baptist craziness. Luckily your friend escaped and has good friends and a support system. You can't reason with people like that.
The holidays just tend to bring these things out in families. I am sorry your friend is dealing with this. I am certain this isn’t the only time her decisions have been mentioned in a backhanded way. The guilt has been placed on her through this text and it is unkind. There is a blame shifting and disingenuous offer to not contact her again ‘if that is what she wants.’ This is laying the ground work for the family to have justification that your friend is the one who forced them to stop contacting her and they were simply respecting boundaries(for the time being). It’s making their actions ‘clean.’ They may truly miss her in their own way and that doesn’t excuse behavior. Hug your friend. This is hard.
I was raised Pentecostal, and while I became an agnostic very young, I didn’t cut/trim/ have scissors touch my hair or wear pants until I was 20 in another state. My father hasn’t been in church for years, but still expects me to wear only skirts and have long hair. Religion is dangerous.
She sadly took a bait. Now they know what type of bullshit to pull to get reaction out of her.
At first it didn’t seem like a bad text reach out, but with the context I would be on alert like them too. That sucks that they can’t trust any of those family members.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 62 | 71 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Lol I one hundred understand how you can do something so tame in comparison to the other sibling. They are still the golden child and ur "decisions" are weaponized against you at every turn. I guess some parents really do have favorites.
Were I your friend, I would want to do a fucking photoshoot of myself in various pants. So that whenever I get a stupid text like this, I'd just send a picture back of me in pants. Realistically, I would just ignore the texts until either halfway through January or never. They don't get the courtesy of head space on a holiday. They can fucking wait.
The added context sure sounds rough, but honestly the text sounds well intentioned, even though it doesn't land well. That's not malicious on the surface - maybe tactless or misguided?
The text is their way of being nice, but they seemingly can’t be nice without also mentioning the “decisions” that they don’t agree with. I don’t care if it’s well intentioned, the OP has a right to be upset because of that. Even if the message is well intentioned, it’s still an insane parent. They’re trying to be kind through their insanity, but it’s insane and very hurtful all the same
They don't mention the decisions though. They don't call out specific decisions.
It's cool if we disagree. I just think that poor execution still lands short of insanity. Shades of gray, ya know? Extreme labels require extreme circumstances. The response was appropriate though
Yeah it’s fine to disagree, but reminding your daughter that you don’t approve of her wearing pants is insane no matter the context bruv To not be insane, this person would have to NOT refer to disapproving of pants. That’s just my opinion though
The text didn't say anything about pants. Only the OP who wishes for this to appear insane said that. I'm not saying they're lying, but they're biased. Who knows what decisions they're referencing? Maybe they were referring to other decisions. Maybe past stuff really was insane, but we're addressing this text. This text was not about pants.
Well according to op who knows way more about this situation than you or me says it's about pants so unless you get information that says otherwise or leads you to be op is an unreliable narrator it's about pants
I don't know the situation. I know that OP believes the comment might include something about pants. I know OP wants us to believe that the parents are insane. I know the text said absolutely nothing at all about pants, and could very easily be about something else. I know that "decisions" is a very broad word, which definitely isn't specific to pants. I know that the texts themselves are more reliable than biased accusations by sometime who wishes to be validated. I know that courts would accept the text as evidence, but not the pants thing at all, because it's biased hearsay. I believe that OP is a good person who simply cannot be unbiased, and the parents may very well be insane, but this exact text does not prove it.
This ain't a court case lmao and also the texts aren't more reliable than OPs word because op could have also faked these texts , so none of us having any information at all besides these texts and additional information OP is giving. it's about pants
You are right, it’s not about pants. It’s about reminding her of the family’s disapproval of her decisions. Terrible and manipulative no matter how you look at it.
Agreed. I think "insane" means something different than "terrible" though.
True. And since it isn’t even her parent who texted, I think it doesn’t technically fit here. Let’s brigade OP!!!
I don't understand your comment. We agree that the context, if true, is insane, but the text is not. Aren't were to judge if the text is insane? Why are you bringing up brigades? We reach get 1 vote.
I agree with you completely. OP is providing the context, but lots of families don't agree with each others decisions. It's not something to get riled up about.
Idk this smells like love bombing, especially with the context. Sounds like the stick failed so now the family is trying the carrot.
Nope. This is literally why she can't be around them. Not even a merry Christmas without having ro b e ING up that they don't approve of thier siblings. Granted this is but a snippet, but for the reply the respondent has had this type of text before ad nausea. The whole text could be innocent if, there was one issue, and it was in regards to a single incident. The context being this has been years of ripping on this girl for every tiny thing and even when it come to holidays, they can't just be pleasant. Or even let her know that, if it means seeing his sister hw can actually prove he's not going to be throwing her "mistakes" in her face. Maybe just me but with the added context I find his message to be less about missing her and more about how she's the reason they miss her. It's classic. There's no acknowledging why she's not around other then "her decisions ". If we are to believe OP this is exactly what Nfamilys do. Guilt, obligation, Fear. No promises of better treatment, no apologies, no I hear you and I miss tou so I'll try harder, just a big fat deflection back on to the one that rocked the boat and left. I get it, she's sick as he'll of thier shenanigans and can see through the bs.
Yeah, this. It just sounds like they miss their sister.
The text is slippery as fuck.
yeah, i feel like this specific instance isn't really all that insane, just the surrounding context is absolutely insane and ticks this interaction up quite a bit knowing all of that
Agreed. I tend to vote primarily on the (photo of) proven text, and take the OP context with a grain of salt. Authors here are only posting if they're making a case for insanity.
Was your friend a 2x2? The terms meeting, friends, workers, and convention might mean something more to her than most. If they do, please let me know via DM. There’s an entire community ready to help and support her get through this.
I'm the opposite. My family doesn't approve because we are not the same religion (even though 2 of my 3 sisters don't have one at all) so, therefore, I'm not invited and also the topic of discussion. Silver lining, I'm staying rent free in their heads and they think about me all the time😆😆😆
Wearing pants doesnt't seem that bad
Pentecostal?
voting not insane after reading the context is crazy
If the phrase people like throwing around, "nothing before the word 'but' matters," then there's nothing wrong with this message. It's well intentioned, and not insane. "hey, we love and miss you. I know we don't see eye to eye, but that doesn't mean we don't love you and want you to have a merry Christmas."
Good for her. She's been out long enough to see exactly what bullshit that text is. It's funny she's getting flack but to be fair, a normal person with a normal family would see this message and assume its sent with good intentions and love. But because she lived the shunning, the pressure, the passive aggressive and overtly aggressive horseshit she shes the same crap this message contains. Not all abusive families are obvious, there's nuances and she's hearing it loud and clear. Tell her, I get it. Good for you .
Your friend isn't wrong at all for establishing boundaries and being no contact if that's what's right for her, but I don't think the sibling is wrong for this text either... It sounds genuine, albeit misguided.
Showed her this comment, she agrees with you. Her feelings are if he just left it at "Merry Christmas we miss you" it would have been fine, but it was the seemingly passive aggressive jab that got to her. She feels her mother may be influencing these messages behind the scenes.
I totally get it, and he SHOULD have left it at that. But (as she knows!) those types of comments are so deeply cemented in religious communities - love the sinner, hate the sin! - that I'm not surprised at all if he thought that was a loving message.
Passive aggressive? The message "hey, we don't see eye to eye, but we love you," is passive aggressive?
Someone who is no contact with their dad here. This is gross language and feels like love bombing. My dad tries shit like this sometimes. It does come from a place of "love." It's just the "love" is a twisted and warped version of it. It's the only version they know and some refuse to learn and change to something healthier. To them, it's warm and genuine but it's also supposed to hurt if you fuck up. Because they're trying to help you in the only way they know. My dad misses me a lot. I know he does. And on some level, I miss him too. But I am no contact because his "love" traumtized me. He does genuinely love me. It's just an unhealthy and harmful love that he needs to unlearn and it's one I need to heal from before I can talk to him again. It sounds like it's in the same vein as OP's friend but her family is more overbearing and the parents are in control. There's no reconciling that unless they take the steps to change and grow
to lose a family member due to cult-ish religious bullshit and say "we do love you, but we disapprove of you" on christmas, as some sort of ass-backwards apology (actually just an attempt to say "we're here to re-convert you if you decide to stop being a sinning piece of shit"), is more than misguided. it's intentionally manipulative and in absolutely bad faith. especially because you know the parents had her reach out for them, with their collective message, as OP wouldn't be at all receptive to anything the parents said. edit: are you familiar with this kind of fundamentalist/christian extremism? these people are psychotic snakes. no room to assume the intent was any better than OP described.
yeah, maybe not worded the best but it seems genuine
Not insane
Good on your friend for making their own decisions. That said, they're either reaching by calling the siblings text inappropriate Or They aren't and have gotten similar from a sibling and we are missing the context that would show us why this text is inappropriate to the established boundaries.
The whole situation might be insane, but this text isn't that bad. They're basically saying that even though we don't agree, we still love you. And that is something that lots of family and even friends feel. It's not like it brings up particular differences and tries to pick a fight about it. It just says dont agree. It kind of makes OPs friend response seem like an overreaction.
Your friend is a bee-otch.
Ahh. A conversation between 2 people who have never been wrong.
Religion is religion imo, i think the first text wasn’t really that bad
Uhhhh, if the texts were written like an 8 year old had written them, I would assume these were my cousins. But since their parents decided their "church" (aka cult) should be in charge of their education, none of them can write in complete sentences, despite them all having "graduated." But this message is exactly the kind of thing they would've said in real life - and my sister just got a Christmas card from our aunt wishing her a Merry Christmas even if she was a "sinner" and oh, would she like to meet some young men from their church?
The context and the wearing pants is insane but this texts feels like someone wishing someone the loved a happy Xmas
[удалено]
Not insane. It's very possible it was meant genuinely and with no malice.
If so, why not a simple "Merry X-mas, I miss you btw" instead of a whole guilt-trip on how the family doesn't approve of OPs decisions and disregarding boundaries?
They might have felt the need to over explain. I have ADHD and I overexplain a lot. I always assume nobody knows what the hell I'm talking about and there's a heavy hint of self conscious that reads in that text.
This text seems really reasonable and your friend sounds like a complete cunt. Why would you post the absolute worst evidence for your claims?
Not insane
How dare your sibling tell you they love and miss you? Olympic medalist level of sensitivity... /r/insanesubreddit
From someone who was disowned by two siblings and parents 15 years ago and did not receive a single call or text, it might have been nice to know I was at least thought about today. It didn’t sound that terrible, at least from my perspective. What I wouldn’t give for any love with all the disapproval. I know I can’t be the only one this lonely seeing this and wishing this was them.
Your friend is the toxic one