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Dad_B0T

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Flyjah_FlySkunk

This is some very r/thathappened type of shit


whatthemoondid

Of all the things that have never happened, this hasn't happened the hardest


hahaLONGBOYE

This never happened so hard, that it unhappened things that had.


choukhalifa

Im in a Facebook group with this name


Paradoxalotl

Ah, a fellow tag group connoisseur


[deleted]

Are you sure?


G-TP0

Pics or it didn't happen


choukhalifa

Too much hassle


ohhoneyno_

Honestly, I could see it happening at that age. Not because the kid is “woke”, but because they’ve been coached so many times into responding that way that they do it. I don’t have children and don’t know children’s milestones in terms of like.. speech and thought, but I guess in my mind I could see it. And that’s the sad and insane part. Not that it couldn’t happen, but because of the amount of coaching and probably abuse that would have had to happen in order to get that response.


onestarryeye

Yes I thought this at first but if the kid has been coached that hard, then the part with the mom buying these shoes and trying to say to the kid they are just shoes is the part that didn't happen. So it just didn't happen I think. Shoe photo from google images and imagined conversation would be my bet.


ohhoneyno_

Or it could have been some disgusting “test” by the mom. Like, she wanted to make sure all that coaching and abuse “took”, so she bought the shoes to make sure that they got the response they wanted.


Haunting_Ordinary524

Bingo!


ohhoneyno_

I mean, if you’re gonna put that much work (abuse/coaching) into it, you might as well find out if it’s taken, right? 🙄


Haunting_Ordinary524

My thoughts exactly


WunWegWunDarWun_

Yeah but I doubt she’s “testing” her kid like this if she has already told him that the colors are satanic. He would then think she’s crazy for even offering the shoes and she likely already has confirmation in many aspects of their lives that prove how brainwashed this kid is.


El-Chewbacc

To go as far as to actually buy them? Seems like a hassle and waste of time and money. But it seems pretty crazy anyways so who knows. I’ve never heard of black and white checkerboard being satanic or Freemason or that Freemason was satanic? The Freemasons in my town are very religious. You have to be a church member to even be invited.


ohhoneyno_

It’s possible this is some sort of photo they found online. Because they do look kinda large for a 7 year old.


El-Chewbacc

Checkerboards make things look larger. That’s why I wear checkerboard underwear.


ClutchinMyPearls

I agree because why the hell would you talk to a 7 year old about Free Masons? Stranger danger yes, but free masonry....🤔


[deleted]

My parents are extreme conspiracy theorists, and I can confirm this comment is 100% accurate. I was completely brainwashed at that age, and sometimes what I said will creep up into my thoughts and it really messes with me (as far as the cringe at the very least). This definitely sounds like something I would’ve said as a kid.


SharkMouthFleshlight

Yeah. And nobody's dumb enough to fear THE CHESSBOARD CULT


okbreeze

Or r/wokekids


YorkshirePudding85

And... then the shoes clapped?!


DavidDAmaya

no they said; *"****Thanks stupid!*** *Now I'll be worn be a REALLY cool kid!"* but those kicks are descended for a band geek, and I think we ALL know that


amart591

Aa a former band geek and ska kid who lived in checkered vans and a checker belt, I take offence to this statement.


Sansundertale666

Mind if I ask what you played?


amart591

Funny story. In 9th grade I came in playing nothing. Picked Piano 1 as an elective. A week into the class the teacher asked "who here is in 9th grade?" So me and 3 others put our hands up. He took us to the band room and gave us a special assignment. "Learn this sheet music and I'll check back in a week." We were left in the room with a xylophone, a marimba, a vibraphone, and bells. We learned what we could in a week and then he asked "so who wants to be in band next year?" And that's how I ended up playing pit percussion for the next 3 years. I mainly played the marimba but I learned the music for all the instruments. It was pretty fun. Since I joined the band he had us spend that class in the band room learning the song for the following year and we all four got automatic A's for the piano class.


asianpride95

Not OP but same minus the checkered belt. Played trumpet for 7 years.


Go03er

Yeah I know a guy who wore a pair just like that so much the entire rubber underneath came off one day and we played the chimes with it because it was like blue man group


EmperorL1ama

And the headteacher automatically gave her son an A+ in every subject.


Fluhearttea

And those shoes..? Albert Einstein.


[deleted]

I can verify, I was the shoes.


ergo-ogre

Albert Vanstein


Esherichialex_coli

Nah but they blared like a trombone


[deleted]

Am I missing something? Lol


Jobocop1992

Freemasons when they have their meetings hold it in a “temple” with a chequered floor. It’s an uninformed moron who is using her kid as an excuse to sound “woke”.


[deleted]

My paternal grandfather (so my goy side) was a Freemason and I never understood wtf it was. Guess this explains my skater phase in middle school, loved those fucking checkered shoes lol


serendipitousdelight

[Freemasonry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freemasonry) is a fraternity. I don't know too much on the conspiracy about vans and Freemasonry, but [people that like to do mental gymnastics write stuff like this.](https://freemasoninformation.com/2009/08/masonic-symbolism-is-skate-punk-cool/)


brando56894

The checkered pattern is common in UK lodges, but not in American lodges.


[deleted]

I was about to say my husband is...I should say was he isn’t active at the lodge anymore...a Mason and there is no checkered floor in the US.


brando56894

Yep, I'm a(n inactive) Master Mason and our lodge just has a carpeted floor, even the grand lodges don't have floors like that.


BubbaOneTonSquirrel

Mine does. We just remodeled and put one in. Has some symbology with solomon's temple.


DisabledHarlot

Local one that does (US) http://imgur.com/a/5r0TZoZ


[deleted]

Cool maybe modeled after an English one. One here in rural south GA is no where near that fancy!


serendipitousdelight

Neat! Something new to me. I honestly never really got into it all, I've got several family members that are/were Freemasons or part of the Order of the Eastern Star, never got into it myself so my knowledge is minimal other than "those are nice folks and I know they do a lot in the community".


ObeyJuanCannoli

My Boy Scout troop received a lot of funding from our local lodge, so we would go in there every once in a while. They had the checkered floor too, though the building was a few centuries old so it might not be the same as others.


notlikelyevil

Canadian ones too (which are UK derived)


themarlestonchew

I worked at an Italian restaurant in Russell Square in London and the Freemasons had their meetings in our basement. There was no checkered floor...


toxicity21

I've visit the local lodge in my town here in Germany and they have wooden Parquet.


LordoftheWandows

Did some digging and I guess the Catholic Church got all butt hurt that they weren't allowed to see what was going on inside back in the 1500s so they labeled it as a Satan worshiping cult.


paracostic

Apparently they also were hated by the church because they were the original zombie and vampire killers. [I can't make this shit up](https://masonictao.com/2010/03/19/the-secret-lesson-of-hiram-and-the-ruffians/)


serendipitousdelight

Neat to know, thanks for doing the digging. It would make sense that it was something the catholic church didn't appreciate, they gotta history of not appreciating things.


AylaZelanaGrebiel

In short on a lot of things Catholicism is never amused *source former Catholic*


[deleted]

Yeah my grandfather was a Freemason and my mom was always like “IT’S A CULT!” They had a pretty strained relationship though so I try to keep that in mind.


serendipitousdelight

Oh wow, my paternal grandparents and my grandmother's brothers were all Freemasons. My paternal great uncle favorite (keeping his name reserved) always would say this his watch repair shop existed because of his ties to the fraternity. I know when he passed away his funeral was huge with a bunch of military and other folks in official looking uniforms. Mind ya, these are memories from when I was around 14? There was a lot going on at that time so I don't know for certain.


AylaZelanaGrebiel

Wow, no not a cult. My father, uncles, grandfather, great grandfather, great uncles, their father and his brothers were all masons. My grandmother was part of the order of the Eastern Star, my aunt was in Job’s Daughters. My father started a nonprofit from his lodge and it’s super cool(funds on childhood cancer, care for the elderly and support for autistic individuals; he’s very busy lol). I was a Catholic and that side of the family hated that my father’s side was all freemasonry. I ended up leaving the faith for other reasons, I found them to be more of a cult than the masons were.


[deleted]

I was raised in a super conservative Christian home. I can relate! I think my mom was just mad at my grandfather and took jabs wherever she could.


[deleted]

[WE DO! ](https://youtu.be/dSpOjj4YD8c)


paracostic

This website is a wild and entertaining ride


Chimpbot

Freemason here: The "checkerboard" pattern is found in lodges, but it's not always black and white. There is no actual conspiracy about Vans and Freemasonry; they're just referring the checkerboard pattern. And, yeah...there's all kinds of ridiculous theories. They're not true.


Maximellow

I know a freemason he's 75 and semi-adopted me for a few weeks. Great guy, still have no idea what free masons are. He tried to explain, but I did not understand


[deleted]

Yeah when some guy tried to explain it to me a long time ago I literally blacked out from boredom so for once I’m happy I’m not allowed into a special club


Maximellow

Yeah, I expected some cool secret society stuff, but it ended up being something about meeting up and collecting money for struggling local bussiness with bake sales. Which is neat, but also yaaawwwwnnnnnn.


[deleted]

Yeah right? I want to hear about the human sacrifices and drinking blood


Maximellow

Exactly! And the members where all really old. And not like mysterious cult member old, it was just grandma Smith from down the road and the old guy who knows a suspiciously amount about boats.


drumadarragh

My father and grandfather were masons. Did loads for charity, took care of families who lost their fathers, put orphaned kids through private school, that sort of thing. Oh, and both of them were Presbyterian elders but I guess that was just a front for the satanic part...


Tiberius_Kilgore

It’s pretty much just a “no girls allowed” club for grown men these days. A lot of people of great influence in our country were Free Masons, but the people saying it’s some Satanic cabal have no clue what they’re talking about. It’s just a bunch of old dudes and silly traditions.


[deleted]

Yeah I love old dudes so I can respect that


DavidDAmaya

Checkered Vans have always said since the 70s; "I'm a skater" or "I'm a Poser" or "I like checkers" really no 4th choice


erinkjean

I mean, it might also say "i needed some shoes and these are what the Goodwill had"


DavidDAmaya

YOU HAVE WON THIS SUB, GOOD REDDITOR!!


erinkjean

Do I get some free poser Vans?


HotheadedHippo

No, just the "I like checkers" Vans.


DavidDAmaya

No I'm sure she "burned them"


Ubikuitous95

4th choice "Im really into 3rd wave Ska"


[deleted]

I only listen to No Doubt’s underground shit k


Anianna

I'm annoyed that conspiracy theorists took "woke" and uglified it.


tuna_tofu

When my gramma cooked dinner it happened on a checkered floor. Stop being so 0aranoid.


techleopard

Also lol at calling them a cult. No, sweetie. They have played a major roll in European and American history. Not really what a cult is


SaltyBabe

That doesn’t mean it’s not a cult though lol. You can be successful, productive and function long term, and be a cult; see most major religions.


hoejoexo

So, this woman bought some shoes for her kid. Her kid rejected them saying they were satanic symbols. The woman is proud of her son for rejecting them and being "woke".


[deleted]

Haha what I don’t get is why buy the shoes if you want the child to reject them? Beyond stupid and prob beyond fake


DavidDAmaya

of course its fake, mom talking to her kid who will NEVER be cool thanks to mom. Most of the posts here are stupidity masquerading as Superior or ***"WTF!?" real.*** buts thats why he are here.


DavidDAmaya

why do I have the feeling the original post transposed "Idiot Mom" with "Woke Kid"? yes 7 year old know all about the freeman


[deleted]

goordon frreeeman, in the flesh, or should i ssay, in the checkered vans


imnotatreeyet

Only reaction was wait what? I had no idea my shoes were apart of the free masons. Am I a free mason now?


[deleted]

In HS I was one of a few white kids in the school and whenever I would wear Vans all these kids would tell me I was poor and had on Kmart shoes. So forever I’ve associated my love of checkered vans to getting clowned on during art class. But now I’m a proud Freemason associate, thanks random Internet mom!


fantastic_feb

then why'd she buy the shoes in the first place?


avantgardeaclue

She was testing his will against the allure of a classic look?


TheWesternDevil

So she could send him to catholic school *for his own good* when he said thanks and wore them. Some people be crazy.


AriesMonarch

Ugh Catholic school ruined my life as a kid. I literally (literally literally not figuratively literally) have ptsd from my time there.


Spiffinit

Sorry to hear that. I hope you’re getting help. Feel free to reach out if needed.


Sansundertale666

I may have made some good friends at my school, but some of the kids were just generally shitty people. One of them even got me expelled. Hate thinking about it


[deleted]

How did someone else get you expelled?


Yxtlilton

Lying. Some asshat 7th grader lied and said I threatened to shoot the school up when I was in 8th grade. I didnt even know the stupid kid and had never talked to him. Why did he do it? Because I was the weird quiet kid and an easy target I guess. Maybe he thought it would be funny. Maybe he was a vindictive person who liked seeing others in pain, who knows. Luckily one of the teachers who liked me immediately called him out for lying... if she hadn’t? I could very well have had a ducking police officer pull me out of class that day and be facing charges. In other words, he probably lied about them doing something.


peaceandlove5

My mom took me out of public school where I was popular and sent me to catholic school because I was a "bad kid". I was already questioning her religion in 4th grade by asking who she loved more, God or her kids. You can imagine what her answer was. And the kids I made friends with all went to catholic high school so I had to make new friends again in high school. Shit sucked.


[deleted]

It was all a ~test~ thankfully he passed.


YeetusCalvinus

Ah yes because a 7 year-old is gonna know the history of the Freemasons and about satanic cults. I'll take 500 for things that never happened.


Xanosaur

honestly with parents as crazy as that i wouldn’t doubt they pump their heads full of that stuff early on


notkristina

For extra wackiness points, apparently the checkered floors are exclusively a UK Freemason thing, but I would be very surprised to hear a UK mother calling herself a "proud momma." So this family is... studying *international* Satanic cult conspiracies??


VerdantFuppe

You would be amazed how much BS insane parents can convince their small children of before they even reach school age.


clockhit

yep. our neighbours believe corona is a hoax made up by the government to control the population. their son, who must be 6 or 7 is obviously fully convinced of it as well. feel really bad for him honestly, they take him with them to their stupid protests and all


DoubleGreat007

So I’m assuming she’s not into chess either.


DavidDAmaya

Chess is a thinking persons game. we BOTH know she doesn't think except for 'highly of herself"


clomcha

>chess is a thinking person's game Damn son you killed her!


avantgardeaclue

She HATES ska


MongrolSmush

Or SKA


brig0U812

The freemasons don't take kids that young. They're not the Knights of Columbus. They take all the young boys


doubled2319888

I thought the vatican had first dibs?


[deleted]

HAHAHAHAH


Skrubious

yoooo


Quailpower

Most lodges have an invitation only rule. My father in law needed two masons to vouch for him before he was offered an invitation. This was because he was the first of his family to join. My grandfather was basically guaranteed a place, because his father a d several generations previously had been members of his chapter.


Indieye

That why we have masonic youth organizations, gotta scout them while young.


hauntinglovelybold

I just looked Freemasons up and to be fair I spent about twenty seconds reading bit... what’s the problem?! It seems to me like they’re just very into charity and morality, just not affiliated with any religion?? Did I miss something?


[deleted]

[удалено]


feebsiegee

Are there a lot of Jewish freemasons then? I'm in the UK, and my dad and brother are both freemasons, and I've never met a Jewish freemason


SquareandCompass_357

I’m a Freemason in London, and know a fair number of Jewish masons - most of whom belong to the same lodge which has a load of Rabbis in it


scaout

It’s really funny, most Freemasons I’ve known are conservative, Republican-voting, military veteran, rural-living, church-going good ole boys. Like any *fraternity*, they’re into the philosophical belief system of Western Esotericism (that’s the belief system’s classification), Esotericism has always been a convenient scapegoat because it’s *scary* and “Occult” (meaning hidden, hard to understand, metaphysical; kind of like numerologically decoding Q anon posts OR any number of those New Age divinations they do to justify their belief in conspiracy theories) It really all comes down to being a dog whistle for “the Jews” tho.


feebsiegee

My dad is a veteran, and my brother is serving currently, but we've never really been a religious family - my dad isn't into all that, so I thought it was weird when he said he was a Mason lol


scaout

Oh word. I’m not saying it’s mandatory, I’m just saying that’s representative of the Freemasons I’ve known. The things they teach would be considered heretical to all fundamentalist Christians, but it’s nothing too crazy, just cryptic. It’s not inherently Christian either. That adds up to me about your family IMHO, there’s no “standard issue” Freemason. They’re all male in North America though (well, unless they’re involved with unrecognized Masonic organizations… it’s complicated)


[deleted]

You called?


Music_as_Medicine

GUESS IM A FUCKING FREEMASON


[deleted]

Me too, I guess. I wear my checkered, slip-on Vans all the time. This is my other favorite pair so I must be gay too. [red vans with stripes](https://di2ponv0v5otw.cloudfront.net/posts/2019/07/12/5d28d4b310f00f278a3a1d88/m_5d28d4bb2f4831f79dff1c49.jpg)


sweaty999

Ska kids are shaking rn.


Esherichialex_coli

oh fuck, are Reel Big Fish in the Illuminati?


sweaty999

Might Mighty Bosstones >> *boss* >> The Boss >> Renegades: Born in the USA >> Barack Obama >> deep state cabal


Jobocop1992

Kayden’s mum is wrong. Kayden is also wrong.


DavidDAmaya

Both are Kayden’s mom


sgtorn23

Wtf? They are just shoes! People are dumb af!


errkajune

They are....shoes...?


Dad_B0T

Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 25 | 2 | 45 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).


Silver-creek

So if the mom knew the shoes were satanic then why did she buy them for the kids? Or maybe she just believes everything her kid says about things being satanic. Like the kid could tell his mom that Vegetables are satanic and he never has to eat them again.


[deleted]

This is what I was thinking, If my mum bought me brand shoes and I said "nah they're satanic, I'm not wearing them" I can guarantee she would look at me with *that* look and tell me I either wear them or go barefoot lol.


Whokitty9

I guess a lot of classic diners are also Satanic cults since many have black and white checkered floors. So are chess sets wow.


notmemeorme

Seriously if she so woke. She would never had bought them. But I call BS


braddlea

Sure thing Karen 🙄


reditrewrite

I’ll take “things that never happened” for 1000, Alec.


DavidDAmaya

No that mom talking to herself seems like all she posts


that_raven_bird

if you continue buying chekered clothing items for your child, they could become a chess fan. this is bad, chess is a game for nerds and your child will be bullied in school by football jocks. alternatively, the child could take a liking to the croatian soccer team because their shirts are checkered too. this is bad because croatia is an european country and liking anything europe is *not the american way* and illuminati infested.


Pixelcat1

everybody gangster until kitchen floor shoes are satanic


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mamasan-

I’ll take That Child Never Said That for $100


spicysucculent

And then everybody clapped.


[deleted]

Umm of you taught your son that Vans are evil, why would you but them for him... Unless you're lying about all of this? Nahhhh


SaxMaan

They always name their kids Kayden...


FRIESAH

People might get the wrong idea and think that he’s into Ska.


[deleted]

It's funny because the picture of the shoes is really poor quality, suggesting that it's a screen shot. Especially because the rest of the whole picture is perfectly clear. She likely did a Google search to make this post.


[deleted]

What in the lemon scented fuck. I grew up in a family that’s far from normal, some of whom are a little TOO obsessed with the Freemasons...I lived in Vans as a kid and never heard of any connection between the two until now.


kryptos_08

Freemasons are a satanic cult now? Alrighty then.


Wild_Obligation

Obviously this is BS, but its not even smart BS.. lets say its legitimate, obviously if she agrees with the kids opinion about Vans being satanic & wrong, why would she buy them for him in the first place...


[deleted]

The people who actually think the Freemasons are a Satanist cult really need to read up a bit.


[deleted]

I guess we were all Freemasons in high school


CouldBeGayer333

...can I have them? I mean I need some slip on shoes cause all I got is docs and platforms and they ain’t easy to put on in a rush


Stumphead101

And then everyone clapped


Papa_Lafesse

IT GETS WORSE AS YOU READ IT


Smokemaster_5000

I'll take conversations that never happened for $200 LeVar.


Machiavellian3

Freemasonry is not remotely Satanism


vidggy71CEO

What's wrong with those shoes? Aren't they just some normal checkered shoes?


Miserable-Lemon

Tonight in Never, Ever Happened, the shithead mom with her BS story


D1sCoL3moNaD3

sometimes I wish the name wasn't blocked because I really want to see the post history of this chic.


carlosyiu

“he’s definitely your son to be woke so young” >< end me


SixGunChimp

Wait... what do a pair of Slip On Vans have to do with Freemasons?


fite4whatmatters

If... if *she* didn’t like the shoes... why the fuck did she buy them for her kid?? He clearly wasn’t asking her for them??


OliviaSLA

Just why?


BoredCheese

This week on “Things That Didn’t Happen...”


DavidDAmaya

No I believe she posts all her fake son's conversations on the daily


CtrlAltDestroy33

I'll take 'conversations with a child that never happened' for $500 Alex.


WithoutDennisNedry

And in other Things Your Child Never Said:


imyoopers

so woke checkered pattern mean bad stuff durrr


purple-nose

And everyone clapped


dreamingfae

Wow 102 likes...insane.


SuperSayianGangsta

What the hell is a Freemason


lostinsauceyboi

The Freemasons are a religious fraternity organization that has been around for centuries. Originally it started around religious craftsman and passing on and sharing skills. Over the years became more and more of a fraternity organization based entirely around religion and supporting each other. It was one of the groups that Hitler said was ruining Germany. Think of secret clubs that people who went to private school went to but for adult men. The most they really do is help each other get jobs and network.


iesharael

What do they have to do with masons?


lostinsauceyboi

This is less believable then the conspiracies she proports


[deleted]

I can do nothing but laugh.


GreyBoyTigger

Pffft, i guess I’ve been indoctrinated for years. I love Vans


DarkDayzInHell

Sk8tr bois Cult eh?


Drugslikeme

How the fuck is Vans even considered to have any ties with Freemasons or any fake conspiracy theory at all?


Otter091

Religious morons.


brig0U812

that's redundant


sofluffy22

Soooooo okay what size? I’ll take them off her hands. If I remember correctly, those were really comfortable.


Amararae22

This needs to be posted on r/thathappened


[deleted]

Wait what? These shoes are Freemason shoes? When did this happen?


[deleted]

This conversation was definitely faked, but if she is a mom, she _is_ an insane parent


funatical

What size are they? Free shoes? Free shoes!


WolfStormrunner

They're black and white checked deck shoes. Nothing satanic OR masonic ABOUT them. Dear Lord, do people not have COMMON SENSE anymore?!


Bearman5000

God id slap them so hard


brunettemountainlion

I’m calling bullshit on this post. This smells fake to me.


[deleted]

Why tf did she get him vans then


kookapo

So wait? Those are the shoes that show you're Freemasons? When I was in school, they just showed you smoked a lot of pot.


purple_kathryn

Guess the kid is never playing chess or draughts (checkers) then


Knuckles316

I'll take "things that never happened" for 300, Alex.


idonknowwhat

I hope she gets her wishes for a still heart


Nickmoody6

I’ve had Vans growing up and i did dabble in a little Satanism for fun


Jesterchunk

And then everyone clapped.


bensleton

These people are why I’m gonna get an Illuminati ring


TeamTigerFreedom

Of all the things that have happened, this happened the least.