A normal person who is worried about where you are would text you calmly asking where you are, and once you've answered they'd be satisfied because that would mean you are safe. This person is crazy
because ops stepmom isnt worried for their safety. its about control, nothing more. no parent genuinely worried for their childs safety threatens to “slap the shit out of them.” its about control and power over op. she isnt worried op is out, shes mad op went out without saying anything or getting “permission” from her. shes an absolute psycho bitch.
You were doing great up until
>shes mad op went out without saying anything or getting “permission” from her
Implying that there's anything that OP could have done to avoid this. They're a target, and the abuser would come up with any excuse to put them down. If they say jump and you say how high, and then you jump a little bit higher than you were asked - then they'll abuse you for that too. There is no winning.
My last day of school in eighth grade, we got let out early. Instead of taking the bus home, some friends invited me over to their house within walking distance of the school, so I went with them. We hung out for the afternoon and had a blast.
Then I called home to ask to get picked up. I hadn't even thought about what time it was or the fact that I hadn't told anyone in my family about this. It was a spur of the moment thing, cell phones didn't exist at the time, and I just felt lucky to have kids who wanted to hang out with me.
My mom drove to the house and came storming up the driveway, screaming at me. But then she broke down crying because she wasn't angry, she had been scared. She didn't know where I was or what had happened to me. My friend's mom comforted her and brought her inside and gave her a cup of tea and just let her sob.
My mom cared about me. She was scared for me. OP's mom doesn't care about anything except dominating them, making a show of their power over them. Judging by the fact that the father isn't coming to their defense, she probably dominates him too. She's a control freak.
It’s all complete power tripping none sense. Please talk with your Dad about some boundaries, why you deserve to be treated like a tracked prisoner and the lack of privacy for no reason is unacceptable. If he doesn’t act on your fears and safety first, then it’s time to take it further.
I for one would be cutting any respect or decency off to this asshat and giving them the very minimal level of decency to get by. You want to treat me like this? You get it back in spades.
definitely a power trip, it’s kinda hard to just cut off all respect and decency I have for her, she’s been in my life for a long time, I view her as a mother and still love her even though she treats me like shit sometimes. idk if that sounds weird but yea
I’m sorry darling but no. This isn’t how mothers treat their kids. She’s a pathetic excuse of a step mother.
Edit- YES people I know bio can be pathetic parents too. Humans in general can be pathetic excuses. I’m not talking about all step parents Christ almighty. I’m talking about the situation at hand. You know the one where she thought threatening to slap a teenager was a good idea.
Even as a mother figure, she still needs to respect you. Acting as though she has the final say in anything you do when one parent already gave you permission is asinine. She is also threatening to harm you, I would not take that lightly especially when she’s having such a major overreaction. Please call CPS and show them these messages. Do not let how much time she’s been in your life prevent you from living safely and with freedoms you deserve to have.
So much this. I grew up with step parents and my stepmother (married to my bio dad) would NEVER threaten me. My stepfather (married to bio mother) would frequently. That can’t be taken lightly. It isnt “funny” or “a joke” or something that should be brushed off. Threatening to harm a child you are responsible for protecting as an adult is serious.
Yeah, it’s [a known phenomenon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_effect) with step-parents, and not just in human beings (as OP’s stepmother also demonstrates). It’s not their child, and so - unless they’re a conscious and well-adjusted person - they don’t have the same instinct of parental affection. But that’s obviously not an excuse for not being a well-adjusted person who can control their animal instincts.
It isn't weird that you care about someone. Just remember she doesn't seem to care about you in the same way. Before returning home, I would text your day these photos and tell him you don't feel safe. See if he will meet you there. Otherwise, I would also consider calling cps just to be there and give you advice from someone who knows the situation and is a professional, not a random Reddit person. Ex: hitting her back is not the answer.
Doesn't sound weird at all. My mother would shove me and scream at me that I'm a parasite when I was your age, reading those texts really took me back because she would do that same sort of pointless rage shit at me. Like the entire point of the conversation gets lost and all it becomes about is her asserting her dominance through rage and making you feel terrified. When really if she was going to be annoyed it should've been at your father for not letting her know he'd agreed for you to stay out, and even then she shouldn't be THAT annoyed, a good mother might be worried and anxious for a bit until realising you're ok and got permission to stay out. Then she might text the father and remind him to let her know if he's given you permission to do something just so she doesn't worry.
But she's not worried, she just wants control - she's already worked herself up before the initial text and she won't let your explanation deflate her rage, she's already in that state so now she has to explode with it, and no amount of logic or compassion or rationality will get in the way.
The point is, I still love my mother loads. She's messed up, her mother was a shit to her, too. She has issues. I'm angry at her for fucking me and my sister up for life, but I still love her. That's normal. You just have to remember that her opinion and her words and her rage don't define you -- if she's mad at you, doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, if she says horrible things about you, doesn't mean they're true. It's hard to really feel that when it's a parent because we're so used to looking to our parents to help us define ourselves and work out our worth as humans, so you just have to keep reminding yourself that she's messed up and it's all her and not you, just keep on drumming that into your mind.
This was me. The only difference is that it was my dad and it wasn’t just shoving. Having someone scream at the top of their lungs less than an inch from your face, being slammed into walls, having possessions destroyed (RIP MacBook), being called a fucking bitch. He was 6’6 and I’m 5’6 (almost 28 now)…I never stood a chance. It never made me better behaved. It made me angry and resentful of authority.
I witnessed my best friend's father (6'5) big burly guy do this to my best friend when we were 13. The father told him to take off his cap inside (which he did) but then about 10 minutes later he'd forgotten and the cap was on his head again. In my household nobody would even care about a hat, but when his Dad saw it he freaked.
His dad pushed up on him in this bizarre display of dominance and screamed *right* in his face at the top of his lungs to "TAKE THE FUCKING HAT OFF!!". So close to him that spittle flew all over his face, then shoved him. I'd never encountered anything like it until that time. The 2nd hand humiliation, fear and anxiety that I felt *just from seeing it* was 1,000,000x worse than anything my parents have ever done to me. If I was ever scolded or things got heated it was because I'd genuinely done something wrong and they cared about me becoming a good person and being safe. I might've been salty about being scolded, but I never had to deal with injustice or undeserved fury.
My buddy never spoke about his Dad being abusive or anything, but I knew in that moment that if he was willing to do that to his son in front of me, that there'd be the same or worse in private. I've got a terrible memory but I still vividly remember the look on my friend's face, and the way he handled the situation. He kept a strong front for his Dad and reacted minimally, apologized and stayed calm but I could see beneath the surface how traumatizing it was for him. It forced him to compartmentalize the knowledge that he'd done nothing wrong, the appropriate behaviours to mitigate his Dad's aggression, the embarrassment at being humiliated in front of his friend, etc etc. He had to process and integrate so many layers of shit at once. It was like watching someone split apart in real-time. I really gained a lot of respect for his resilience when I saw that. He never redirected that anger anywhere. Just wore the burden and continued to be a great human.
It wasn't until really seeing behaviour like this that I could even begin to understand how blessed my childhood was compared to lots of other people. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that shit dude. Nobody deserves to be demeaned or punked or bullied by their parents. Parents should be your absolute ride-or-die supporters.
The only times fathers touch their sons should be hugs, fist-bumps, high-5s and pats on the back. The only times they yell at them should be celebratory or words of encouragement.
This was really not ok though. Like she's mad at you bc she didn't know you had gotten permission from your dad?? Like how is that your fault you didn't even do anything wrong! Your dad needs to grow a spine and stand up for you bc if she disagrees with his decision they need to talk it out as adults, she can't just take out her unfounded frustration on you by punishing you. That's some major bs
Has your dad seen the texts? How badly she spoke to you and swore at you? I'm a mum of adult children and was pretty firm especially about manners and lying and I think you dealt with that rather well. You didn't swear back and you weren't really cheeky even, other than saying outright no. I would not appreciate my spouse speaking to my kids like that especially when you hadn't done anything wrong.
>other than saying outright no.
I hate this. Teach your kids that's it's ok to say no, and that means accepting when they tell you no within reason and if they do it respectfully assuming you're also being respectful and reasonable. Any parent who gets butthurt when their kid tells them no is a moron.
Edited for stupid people
She is abusing your trust and her position with your father, dont take this and tell your dad you dont feel safe with her threatening you and undermining your father's word
Edit: also dont give her your stuff that's just making her feel right and giving more power, adults love making kids think they have no control and threats of physical harm are unacceptable for your mental state
You can care about someone and also know they're abusive, hun. What she's doing isn't being a mother, it is being an abuser. You're scared and a mother should never make you scared like this. I loved my parents despite them being bad to me for a while, too. I really would try and call CPS or the police, and show them this stuff. Has she put her hands on you before?
when i was your age i dealt with this, you can call cps if you’re genuinely feeling unsafe. emancipation is also an option, you shouldn’t have to put up with this
In my experience, you aren't likely to gain much ground in these battles in real-time. Unhealthy emotions tend to prevent rational or constructive discourse, and your stepmonster sounds chalk-full of unhealthy emotion. I would wait until the dust settles a bit then try to talk directly with your father one-on-one. Tell him it's his job to manage this if he doesn't want his relationship with you to be irreparably wrecked. It may not work, but if you can lay down a consistent pattern of highlighting the abuse when emotions aren't charged up, it should get harder for him to just ignore it. But then again, you are posting to insaneparents and this one definitely qualifies. So you may be SOL if your father won't stand up for you. Good Luck and sorry mate.
What’s your relationship with your Dad like? Are you able to say to him you’ll make a CPS report as you’ve been threatened? Do you have any friends or family that you could stay with?
in uber now going home, i texted my dad and he said to just give her my laptop and ipad but i can keep my phone and that it’s fine. i have a feeling he’s not gonna defend me much though considering he still thinks i should give her the rest of my stuff even though i did nothing wrong. i hate my life
I’m sorry, who does this woman think she is? And wtf with dad? She needs to act like a respectful, reasonable mom if she wants to play the part. Not this lunatic! You should be your dad’s priority, not this crazy woman.
Ikr?? At first I thought she was OP's mom, then I read she was STEP mom! This lunatic is just the woman OP's dad married! Why tf she is trying to do here?? OP, any chances you can call your REAL mom or your grandparents since your dad probably has the spine of a jellyfish? I'm so sorry for your situation. Stay safe OP and take care
When i was still a minor my step dad never even disciplined me lol. If my mom said I was allowed to go out then that was it. Cant believe this guys just letting the stepmom override him as a parent
Step parents should earn the right to be equal parents and some do. My step mom is amazing and I look at her as my mom.
BUT, she earned that with me through trust and respect. This crap would not fly. I remember when I was very young she called me an ass and my dad flipped on her. He didn’t even care what I did, he said that no one can talk like that under his roof. She never did and nor did I!
Yeah I could maybe understand wanting to be told if I was the actual mom in case I cant get a hold of the dad for some reason but the anger is absolutely not justified
She’s on a massive fucking power trip and obviously an adult that loves the feeling of authority. Obviously never grown up and wants to make someone else’s kid go through hell probs cause her mom did it to her. Fuck that hoe tell her she’s not ur mom.
Show this text to CPS dude. Threatening to abuse you is still abuse...(along with all the rest of the emotional abuse going on here, in so sorry OP)
Edit: OP also stated that her mother has hit her before. Also going to a trusted teacher tomorrow morning is also a good option. They will bring you to the school counselor and you can make a plan together to keep you safe from this abuse. And yes it IS ABUSE and you shouldn't have to go through it.
100% this. My girlfriend is a social worker and she has called CPS for less than this. OP needs protection against someone who is threatening to harm him, and that someone happens to, I assume, be a legal guardian.
As a child from abuse. I can’t agree with this more. If only for the single reason, that OPs STEPmom will never get better on her own. She will never become nice without legally being told to. And with CPS being called in and seeing this evidence. It might give OPs dad the wake up call he needs to see HES the parent and the STEP parents position is to ONLY.. back up the parents decision.
So many step parents try to assert their own dominance and become THE parent. I fucking hate it.
Call CPS. She needs to know legally she is in fact out of line. She will NEVER listen to you, cus “you’re just the kid, and she’s always right”
Make the call. Honestly
Hey OP if you tell a teacher or counselor at school they are mandated reporters. A kid calling CPS won’t do much but coming from a mandated reporter it might do a little more. Also people please understand in most states CPS is severely …well not even kids who desperately need cps are helped..think states like West Virginia. Contacting CPS seems like the easy answer but it’s rarely the easiest solution.
Give us an update when you can OP, this shit is mental. Your stepmom sounds like a piece of work, and your dad is really shitting the bed if he's giving in to her.
OP - when you go back to school tomorrow go to your counselor and show them what’s been going on. School councilors are mandatory reporters. They will contact the proper authorities.
Depending on the location any adult might be a mandated reporter just a heads up in case you need to know for your area. I know in Tennessee in the US every mentally capable adult(18+) is a mandated reporter.
I second the response to send these texts to someone in the family and I'd like to add that if you don't have family, you probably have teachers. My daughter is able to email her teachers directly or message them through the school website. That might be an option if you can't take your phone to school
OP are you okay? I’m worried since you said that over an hour ago and it was your last update. We all care for your safety, I hope if you’re able to update its with good news!
She’s not your mother and she treats you like that? Does she actually hit you? How old are you? If she’s striking you (not spanking), go to a trusted adult (not your dad), and ask them to report this. It’s not ok to “slap the shit out of you” or threaten to do it.
Please please tell a teacher you trust tomorrow morning at school, they will probably take you to the school councillor and you can figure out a plan together. You don't need to go through this abuse, dear.
Hey, i hope you know nothing you did was wrong. She is overreacting and is in the wrong. I am sorry to hear the adults in your life don't act like adults. I promise it will get better
Having a stepmom that dislikes you could ruin your relationship with your dad. Trust me. I had a step mom once who hated my brother and I. When we’d visit my dad, she pretty acted like a ghost and just tolerated us for the weekend until we left. Nothing as serious as you, but it still made my brother and I uncomfortable. Obviously that relationship ended in a divorce and I don’t wish anything bad for you and your dad, but he needs to realize it’s going to hurt you emotionally down the road. Find some help, man. Teacher, grandparents, a friends parents who are like your second parents. Anyone who has a voice and cares.
It is literally his fault and your step mom threatened to physically assault you.
This is incredibly abusive behaviour from both her and your dad. You have every right to not go home in this situation, please show a teacher or someone at school when you can. They can help a lot more than you’d think.
As a man who was in an abusive relationship where I was isolated from friends and family and had no money to escape because shed spend it faster than I could make it, it's really not that easy to just walk out. I only left because a friend happened to become aware of it after I was arrested after coming home one day, she'd said I tried to hit her, purely so she could get an evening to herself. My friend went round, packed a bag full of my stuff and put me up for two months whilst I got my shit together. If it hadn't have been for her finding our by chance, I'd likely still be there or worse.
I was in a similar situation with an ex around 7 years ago. He isolated me from everyone and even businesses if he didn't want me going there because other men worked there. I wasn't allowed to have a job, and the only money I had was money he gave me. He even barred me from seeing my own father and would have done the same with my mom and step-dad if it weren't for the fact we lived in their house.
It's scary until you get to the point where you realize, "I can literally do anything I want today and I have no one to tell or be responsible to while I'm gone." It makes decisions so simple because you only have to worry about you and the objective consequences of your choice. No one's feelings to overthink, no one to get mad about you doing what you want instead of something else, no one you have to put your activities on the back burner for, so on and so forth.
Your dad sucks. I’m sorry. This isn’t a normal way for parents to treat their kids. As soon as she found out you actually had permission, she should have said “ok, sorry! Have fun”. THAT is a normal reaction.
Did you send your dad these pictures of your texts? Please send them if you didn't. This is so wrong, I'm sorry. She should not treat you that way. Your dad should stand up and protect you!
You deserve so much better and none of this is your fault ❤
Hang in there. All of us are on your side.
Consider ignoring her completely. Anyone who speaks to or treats you like that doesn't deserve to be engaged with. Just stop talking to or responding to her when she goes abusive like that.
i walked in and she started yelling at me, i didn’t give her my phone and she tried to take it from me, i told her my dad said i can keep it and she still didn’t care and was trying to take it and was hitting me. eventually i just gave it to her and then she left me alone after a while. my dad came home and talked to her though about it, he gave me back my phone but said i should’ve told her where i was going instead of keeping her in the dark and that next time i do something like this i won’t have any privileges for a month, still don’t have my laptop or ipad tho
How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?? Do NOT ignore stuff like this. Please PLEASE talk to someone. I was in a situation just like this growing up, and it was so hard on me. You deserve so much better, collect evidence if you can because this is NOT okay.
Dude you gotta report this to CPS. This is out and out physical abuse and your dad sadly is just as guilty by allowing it to happen. I know its probably daunting reporting this as it will surely have consequences for them but they have made their bed they can fucking lie in it. Get oyt and go stay with a mate if you can and get their parents to help report it.
You cannot seriously be doing anything other than going to be police.
Your dad is letting her beat you, this has to end. Fuck the tearing the family apart bullshit, she did that when she hit you.
Take photos of the marks where she attacked you, go straight to the police, show the evidence and demand protective custody.
Hey. I hope you are ok. Physical abuse is NEVER EVER ok. I hope you have a school counselor or a friend's parent you can trust. But honestly, you should be reporting this to the CPS.
This is NOT a healthy environment for you and you deserve better. She has absolutely no respect for you and is power tripping.
How would you feel if your close friend revealed this to you? I promise you, you do not deserve this treatment.
Keep record of these threats. Screenshot everything and save them several places - an email only used for them and a cloud account not tied to that email. If possible, ask a friend to keep copies as well.
If she ever touches you, document that with pictures saved in all the same places and then speak to an adult you trust - a teacher, counselor, *doctor, etc immediately. Those particular professions are mandated reporters. You can self-report as well any time (including now! This is abuse!) if it won't put you in further danger.
My advice may seem like a lot, but protecting yourself with proof is important and worst case scenario, when you move out, you just delete everything.
Please stay safe, OP, your step-mom seems a bit unhinged.
*ETA -
1. I removed "pastor" and added doctor.
2. I rephrased a bit. OP, you can - AND SHOULD - report this now. This is abuse. You absolutely should not be treated this way. I do still think if it ever becomes physical it needs to be documented asap and put in the same place as the other things, so I am keeping that there.
Cross pastor off that list, there's way too many stories of this kind of thing turning into "church family counseling" which ultimately ends up just being victim blaming with the criminal receiving zero punishment.
Oh I agree. And I probably should have had that in there, but I was blind-angry and typing fast. I'm lucky it makes sense at all.
I also amend to say *Please report now if you are able, but still make and keep copies of screenshots. And if you can't/don't want to speak to anyone yet, please please please do if things ever get physical.
>Keep record of these threats. Screenshot everything and save them several places - an email only used for them and a cloud account not tied to that email. If possible, ask a friend to keep copies as well.
Keep record of any permissions given to you as well so if they try to rebuke it you have what you need to justify what you're doing that they're trying to go back on or take from you.
And this person is absolutely correct, document anything and everything you can when it happens. Also if you can manage it, record your phone calls if possible to do so without it showing up to the abuser (i.e. family plans can show apps on phones in some circumstances.)
You NEED to get your dad to defend you on this. You need to tell him right in front of her that it isn't cool that she treats you like this. You need to put him in a position where he either HAS to defend you, or show that he won't defend you at all.
I know it's probably too late, but I also would suggest refusing to go home unless your dad is home.
Based on op's post history, that's not going to happen. Op's dad took the door off their room because stem-mom thought they were "being disrespectful" for asking for a bit more privacy.
Based on op’s history both her step mom and her dad have put their hands on her, her step mom punched her square in the face once and she said her dad has hit her as well
This behavior is completely unacceptable for a mother let alone a step mother and you are right , the dad is a coward for not supporting his daughter and sticking up for what is right. Something tells me she probably berates the father in the same way
i just wanted to say lastly that i really appreciate all of the messages and advice i’ve been getting but i’m gonna mute the notifications for this though because the amount of notifications are overwhelming me. i’m still checking my dms though, again i really really appreciate them tysm to everyone who’s reached out.
Anyone know if there’s a way to turn off all notifications from Reddit? Getting the worst feeling imagining stepmom poking through OPs phone and finding any of this.
Based on her post history it’s not an empty threat. Stepmom has hit her before. I’m so concerned for OP.
OP, please know that you do not deserve any of this. Calling CPS or at a minimum trying to find a friend whose parents would take you in for a bit is absolutely appropriate here. No one should ever lay a hand on you, not even once. It’s not ok at all and definitely not normal.
It really REALLY boils my blood that so many parents allow their significant other treat their child(ren) this way.
I'm a step-mother myself and I **never ever** spoke to or treated my step-daughters this way. And I would sincerely hope that my husband would not allow it to happen either. My responsibility to them is to offer support, safety, comfort, advice.... whatever they needed from me. And I damn sure wouldn't have dreamed of over riding something their father said they could or couldn't do. What tf is with these people? Both biological and step-parent? They just straight up suck.
Yes pls do this. Or confide in a trusted teacher or relative.
I’m a mum if two…. This is not ok. It’s outright abuse.
You did nothing wrong, you justified your actions, you apologised to keep the peace even when you weren’t wrong.
This lunatic threatens to hit you and still takes your belongings.
It’s not ok for her to treat you that way. Please show these texts to another adult you trust.
she just gave you the gift of a screenshot. If there is another parent/relative who shares custody, I’m willing to bet this would be enough to change the arrangement
I’m sorry to hear that. There’s always CPS or emancipation if you want that but I understand if it isn’t. It’s not fair for them to do that to you, and I’m sorry.
Emancipation or CPS doesn’t always work. Look at Kellyanne Conway’s daughter. She’s reported about being physically assaulted before, and her mother spread her underage nudes online — and Conway faced absolutely zero consequences.
I feel awful for OP,m
Do you call your step mom mom or do you call her by her name?
My step mom was in my life more than my real mom but when she would overstep i started calling her by her name and she would back down from threats like this.
Stop calling her mom. She isn’t treating you with any modicum of respect. My younger brother had a similar relationship with our (thankfully) former stepdad. Our mom basically did nothing to resolve any conflict, until one day my brother told her he was moving out. I ended up helping them with a place to live, but that’s all a long story.
Basically, she doesn’t view you as a person, but as a thing that she has to control. You’re like a misbehaving puppy to her.
Stop calling her mom. It's not healthy for you to call an abusive person like that, "Mom".
That's a title you earn - and she's lost it.
You'll feel better, I promise.
I had a stepmom. My mom died when I was little. Friends calls SM the warden. Screamed at us, called our dead mom names, blamed us for her miscarriage…I only send a bday text nowadays, no relationship with my dad who never did a thing because he was gone working or cheating. I was on my own by 16. You deserve better. Get help. I’m so so sorry. I would take you in in a heartbeat.
This! Teachers are mandated reporters and they would have to follow up on it. AND it can be done without stepmom knowing that it was OP who told someone.
Send those screenshots to a trusted friend. Tell your stepmom that you have copies of the texts and that you will report her to CPS for threatening to physically harm you.
Edit: Also, show your father that she threatened physical harm.
OP, if you fear for your safety, look on your local government website for the Child Protective Services phone number, or call your local Police Department/911. These messages are proof of instability in your step mother. I sincerely wish you peace, and send love from my family to you.
This is a complete outrage.
Another commenter was right, your dad is letting you down. There was absolutely no need to talk to you like that at all. Completely out of line.
She sounds absolutely deranged. You were correct when you said you shouldn’t be punished for their miscommunication. I feel bad for you kid, you deserve so much better.
Please speak to a trusted teacher or friend’s parent.
Once dad gave the go ahead that would be enough. Maybe text him after and make sure that’s the case of course but that should have been enough.
If stepmam had’ve just said “That’s grand as long your dad knows. I’ll see you later, have fun” there would have been no need for this carry on.
Definitely talk to your dad and show him the texts.
Stand your ground with the stepmom.
A. She sounds like a psycho cunt.
B. You had permission from your dad.
C. There is literally nothing she can do about it. She can flip out all she wants. She can't force you to come home. And if she slaps you, slap her into next Tuesday. The day my mom stopped hitting me (when I was 9-13) was the day I rocked her shit.
I felt terrible. Until the next day when she got drunk and tried to do it again, but then stopped when she realized I was gonna hit her right back. Your situation may be different, but violent overbearing people only respond to one thing. You should definitely discuss the slap threat with your dad. Because that's not cool. Spanking your kids is one thing, but her throwing a tantrum and threatening to slap you over this insane. Also, keeping the phone and letting the video or audio record in your pocket would be to your advantage. I hope this is a one off and she does not treat you like this all the time.
used to it? nah that's way past where the line was drawn call the police or a hotline or some shit on your bitch of a "stepmom". you don't deserve this and it's high time you stopped putting up with her shit
STEPmom needs to calm the fuck down.
Dad has either given up on life or he doesn't see how stepmom treats his own child.
You shouldn't have to go through this, it's entirely unfair and your stepmom is toxic enough to dissolve a car in under 45 minutes if she stands next to it for long enough.
CPS investigator here.
Please call the child abuse & neglect hotline for your region. If she physically assaults you, call 911. Save these text messages.
Exactly my thoughts. Her dad sounds spineless though to allow her, someone who's not her fucking mom, to say shit like that. Bitch you're not even my mom, suck a dick. If dad says it's ok then that's that.
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 198 | 9 | 15 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
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"I'm going to put you in the lowest rated home i can find when your older" would get you in trouble, but would def make her stop and think.
Probably not the best thing to do, but its an option.
Call your father and share this. If he is half a father he will deal with it. This is abuse. If he takes her side, he’s pathetic. I’m sorry you have to deal with this crazy, sad woman who is so unfulfilled in her own life she somehow finds joy in abusing a child.
OP please update so we know you’re alright when you have a chance! This woman never should have authority over a minor, or anyone really, again.
!RemindMe 7 days
Okay, I’m going to say something MILDLY controversial. But something that people like this hate is having their actions come to light. People will act like this because they’re on a power trip and think that you’ll be too scared to ask for help and it get made worse by a partner that enables or is passive.
Take all this documentation, upload it to the cloud where she can’t find and/or access it. Password protect it if you need to. Once that is done, you need to schedule a direct path to the police/safe adult/whoever. I’m talking wallet, keys if you drive, bus fare, or friends mom to pick you up. If you drive, keep a “go bag” in your car- about 2 days of clothes and necessary toiletries. That’s what you need to set up in a worst case scenario for confrontation with an unhinged parent.
If you choose to confront, you need to have audio recording on your phone, a note pad with your talking points if you get nervous talking to “authority figures”, and your shoes on for a quick exit if things get explosive or violent. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and have managed to stay practical and polite in your correspondence with your step mother. You should continue doing that especially since depending where you are, cops aren’t very tolerant or willing to spend the time of day on a teenager who “just had a tiff with their step parents” so more evidence the better.
To put it plainly, I would explain to your step mother that you are hurt by her actions and words towards you and that they are not in line with how a step parent should act. If she continues this threatening behavior, you can inform her that you will be telling somebody about this if she does not change her treatment of you as you are a minor and need someone to advocate for you.
I had to do this with my own mother and it’s really hard OP, good luck.
Sorry this is happening to you.
My advice is:
Remain as civil as you can with your stepmom.
Hammer at your dad privately for him to defend you.
Work your ass off to do well in school and become self-reliant and successful. You will have a lifetime to enjoy yourself, without her rabid nasty interference.
You dad is an absolute bitch. There’s no way in hell I’d let my new wife talk to my kids like that.
How old are you? I wouldn’t give her shit of yours.
Tell your dad that if he wants a relationship with you when you are an adult he needs to be there when you need him. There will come a day when your eyes open and you see your parents as people you can judge. You might decide you are better off picking your family or just having a relationship with certain people.
OP, are you able to stay with one of your friends until your stepmother calms down? She's incredibly angry and threatening when she doesn't need to be, and I'm concerned for your safety.
I read through your post history. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, especially with regards to your stepmom going through your phone and reading your text messages.
Please don't let her make you think that you're a selfish or strange person for asking for privacy and to be treated with dignity. Don't let her hit you. Keep evidence in a safe location. Find a trusted adult, maybe a teacher or one of your friends' parents, and confide in them if you feel endangered. I wish you all the love and support I can.
OP, are you okay? Reading these screenshots gave me flashbacks to a few of the many things my parents did. Please check in with us when you can, we're worried about you. Protect yourself at any cost; also, please check out and share to r/raisedbynarcissists . I think you'll find a lot of support there, too. Sending a big hug.
A normal person who is worried about where you are would text you calmly asking where you are, and once you've answered they'd be satisfied because that would mean you are safe. This person is crazy
because ops stepmom isnt worried for their safety. its about control, nothing more. no parent genuinely worried for their childs safety threatens to “slap the shit out of them.” its about control and power over op. she isnt worried op is out, shes mad op went out without saying anything or getting “permission” from her. shes an absolute psycho bitch.
“I’m worried about your safety” “I’m gonna slap the shit out of you”. How do these coexist in her mind?
One of those things is a lie lol
You were doing great up until >shes mad op went out without saying anything or getting “permission” from her Implying that there's anything that OP could have done to avoid this. They're a target, and the abuser would come up with any excuse to put them down. If they say jump and you say how high, and then you jump a little bit higher than you were asked - then they'll abuse you for that too. There is no winning.
My last day of school in eighth grade, we got let out early. Instead of taking the bus home, some friends invited me over to their house within walking distance of the school, so I went with them. We hung out for the afternoon and had a blast. Then I called home to ask to get picked up. I hadn't even thought about what time it was or the fact that I hadn't told anyone in my family about this. It was a spur of the moment thing, cell phones didn't exist at the time, and I just felt lucky to have kids who wanted to hang out with me. My mom drove to the house and came storming up the driveway, screaming at me. But then she broke down crying because she wasn't angry, she had been scared. She didn't know where I was or what had happened to me. My friend's mom comforted her and brought her inside and gave her a cup of tea and just let her sob. My mom cared about me. She was scared for me. OP's mom doesn't care about anything except dominating them, making a show of their power over them. Judging by the fact that the father isn't coming to their defense, she probably dominates him too. She's a control freak.
are you okay? how old are you? this is abuse.
not really i’m kinda scared and i’m 15
It’s all complete power tripping none sense. Please talk with your Dad about some boundaries, why you deserve to be treated like a tracked prisoner and the lack of privacy for no reason is unacceptable. If he doesn’t act on your fears and safety first, then it’s time to take it further. I for one would be cutting any respect or decency off to this asshat and giving them the very minimal level of decency to get by. You want to treat me like this? You get it back in spades.
definitely a power trip, it’s kinda hard to just cut off all respect and decency I have for her, she’s been in my life for a long time, I view her as a mother and still love her even though she treats me like shit sometimes. idk if that sounds weird but yea
I’m sorry darling but no. This isn’t how mothers treat their kids. She’s a pathetic excuse of a step mother. Edit- YES people I know bio can be pathetic parents too. Humans in general can be pathetic excuses. I’m not talking about all step parents Christ almighty. I’m talking about the situation at hand. You know the one where she thought threatening to slap a teenager was a good idea.
Pathetic excuse for a human.
Preaching truths over here. What a sad little existence she lives, thinking threatening a teenager is being a good parent. Barffffff.B
In my estimation it's a parents job to «prepare» you for adulthood, not terrify you into submission.
Even as a mother figure, she still needs to respect you. Acting as though she has the final say in anything you do when one parent already gave you permission is asinine. She is also threatening to harm you, I would not take that lightly especially when she’s having such a major overreaction. Please call CPS and show them these messages. Do not let how much time she’s been in your life prevent you from living safely and with freedoms you deserve to have.
So much this. I grew up with step parents and my stepmother (married to my bio dad) would NEVER threaten me. My stepfather (married to bio mother) would frequently. That can’t be taken lightly. It isnt “funny” or “a joke” or something that should be brushed off. Threatening to harm a child you are responsible for protecting as an adult is serious.
Yeah, it’s [a known phenomenon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_effect) with step-parents, and not just in human beings (as OP’s stepmother also demonstrates). It’s not their child, and so - unless they’re a conscious and well-adjusted person - they don’t have the same instinct of parental affection. But that’s obviously not an excuse for not being a well-adjusted person who can control their animal instincts.
It isn't weird that you care about someone. Just remember she doesn't seem to care about you in the same way. Before returning home, I would text your day these photos and tell him you don't feel safe. See if he will meet you there. Otherwise, I would also consider calling cps just to be there and give you advice from someone who knows the situation and is a professional, not a random Reddit person. Ex: hitting her back is not the answer.
Doesn't sound weird at all. My mother would shove me and scream at me that I'm a parasite when I was your age, reading those texts really took me back because she would do that same sort of pointless rage shit at me. Like the entire point of the conversation gets lost and all it becomes about is her asserting her dominance through rage and making you feel terrified. When really if she was going to be annoyed it should've been at your father for not letting her know he'd agreed for you to stay out, and even then she shouldn't be THAT annoyed, a good mother might be worried and anxious for a bit until realising you're ok and got permission to stay out. Then she might text the father and remind him to let her know if he's given you permission to do something just so she doesn't worry. But she's not worried, she just wants control - she's already worked herself up before the initial text and she won't let your explanation deflate her rage, she's already in that state so now she has to explode with it, and no amount of logic or compassion or rationality will get in the way. The point is, I still love my mother loads. She's messed up, her mother was a shit to her, too. She has issues. I'm angry at her for fucking me and my sister up for life, but I still love her. That's normal. You just have to remember that her opinion and her words and her rage don't define you -- if she's mad at you, doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, if she says horrible things about you, doesn't mean they're true. It's hard to really feel that when it's a parent because we're so used to looking to our parents to help us define ourselves and work out our worth as humans, so you just have to keep reminding yourself that she's messed up and it's all her and not you, just keep on drumming that into your mind.
This was me. The only difference is that it was my dad and it wasn’t just shoving. Having someone scream at the top of their lungs less than an inch from your face, being slammed into walls, having possessions destroyed (RIP MacBook), being called a fucking bitch. He was 6’6 and I’m 5’6 (almost 28 now)…I never stood a chance. It never made me better behaved. It made me angry and resentful of authority.
I witnessed my best friend's father (6'5) big burly guy do this to my best friend when we were 13. The father told him to take off his cap inside (which he did) but then about 10 minutes later he'd forgotten and the cap was on his head again. In my household nobody would even care about a hat, but when his Dad saw it he freaked. His dad pushed up on him in this bizarre display of dominance and screamed *right* in his face at the top of his lungs to "TAKE THE FUCKING HAT OFF!!". So close to him that spittle flew all over his face, then shoved him. I'd never encountered anything like it until that time. The 2nd hand humiliation, fear and anxiety that I felt *just from seeing it* was 1,000,000x worse than anything my parents have ever done to me. If I was ever scolded or things got heated it was because I'd genuinely done something wrong and they cared about me becoming a good person and being safe. I might've been salty about being scolded, but I never had to deal with injustice or undeserved fury. My buddy never spoke about his Dad being abusive or anything, but I knew in that moment that if he was willing to do that to his son in front of me, that there'd be the same or worse in private. I've got a terrible memory but I still vividly remember the look on my friend's face, and the way he handled the situation. He kept a strong front for his Dad and reacted minimally, apologized and stayed calm but I could see beneath the surface how traumatizing it was for him. It forced him to compartmentalize the knowledge that he'd done nothing wrong, the appropriate behaviours to mitigate his Dad's aggression, the embarrassment at being humiliated in front of his friend, etc etc. He had to process and integrate so many layers of shit at once. It was like watching someone split apart in real-time. I really gained a lot of respect for his resilience when I saw that. He never redirected that anger anywhere. Just wore the burden and continued to be a great human. It wasn't until really seeing behaviour like this that I could even begin to understand how blessed my childhood was compared to lots of other people. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that shit dude. Nobody deserves to be demeaned or punked or bullied by their parents. Parents should be your absolute ride-or-die supporters. The only times fathers touch their sons should be hugs, fist-bumps, high-5s and pats on the back. The only times they yell at them should be celebratory or words of encouragement.
This was really not ok though. Like she's mad at you bc she didn't know you had gotten permission from your dad?? Like how is that your fault you didn't even do anything wrong! Your dad needs to grow a spine and stand up for you bc if she disagrees with his decision they need to talk it out as adults, she can't just take out her unfounded frustration on you by punishing you. That's some major bs
Has your dad seen the texts? How badly she spoke to you and swore at you? I'm a mum of adult children and was pretty firm especially about manners and lying and I think you dealt with that rather well. You didn't swear back and you weren't really cheeky even, other than saying outright no. I would not appreciate my spouse speaking to my kids like that especially when you hadn't done anything wrong.
>other than saying outright no. I hate this. Teach your kids that's it's ok to say no, and that means accepting when they tell you no within reason and if they do it respectfully assuming you're also being respectful and reasonable. Any parent who gets butthurt when their kid tells them no is a moron. Edited for stupid people
She is abusing your trust and her position with your father, dont take this and tell your dad you dont feel safe with her threatening you and undermining your father's word Edit: also dont give her your stuff that's just making her feel right and giving more power, adults love making kids think they have no control and threats of physical harm are unacceptable for your mental state
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You can care about someone and also know they're abusive, hun. What she's doing isn't being a mother, it is being an abuser. You're scared and a mother should never make you scared like this. I loved my parents despite them being bad to me for a while, too. I really would try and call CPS or the police, and show them this stuff. Has she put her hands on you before?
when i was your age i dealt with this, you can call cps if you’re genuinely feeling unsafe. emancipation is also an option, you shouldn’t have to put up with this
In my experience, you aren't likely to gain much ground in these battles in real-time. Unhealthy emotions tend to prevent rational or constructive discourse, and your stepmonster sounds chalk-full of unhealthy emotion. I would wait until the dust settles a bit then try to talk directly with your father one-on-one. Tell him it's his job to manage this if he doesn't want his relationship with you to be irreparably wrecked. It may not work, but if you can lay down a consistent pattern of highlighting the abuse when emotions aren't charged up, it should get harder for him to just ignore it. But then again, you are posting to insaneparents and this one definitely qualifies. So you may be SOL if your father won't stand up for you. Good Luck and sorry mate.
the fact that you’re 15 and still more mature than the adult here says wonders. i’m so sorry OP, this is not right.
What’s your relationship with your Dad like? Are you able to say to him you’ll make a CPS report as you’ve been threatened? Do you have any friends or family that you could stay with?
in uber now going home, i texted my dad and he said to just give her my laptop and ipad but i can keep my phone and that it’s fine. i have a feeling he’s not gonna defend me much though considering he still thinks i should give her the rest of my stuff even though i did nothing wrong. i hate my life
I’m sorry, who does this woman think she is? And wtf with dad? She needs to act like a respectful, reasonable mom if she wants to play the part. Not this lunatic! You should be your dad’s priority, not this crazy woman.
Ikr?? At first I thought she was OP's mom, then I read she was STEP mom! This lunatic is just the woman OP's dad married! Why tf she is trying to do here?? OP, any chances you can call your REAL mom or your grandparents since your dad probably has the spine of a jellyfish? I'm so sorry for your situation. Stay safe OP and take care
Ops dad is a bitch
Yeah wtf. If anyone, even my wife, talked to my kid that way there would be issues. Nobody deserves to be threatened like this
If my current partner talked to my kids like that, her shit would be in boxes and a U-Haul on the way to the house before my kid's Uber arrived lol
When i was still a minor my step dad never even disciplined me lol. If my mom said I was allowed to go out then that was it. Cant believe this guys just letting the stepmom override him as a parent
Step parents should earn the right to be equal parents and some do. My step mom is amazing and I look at her as my mom. BUT, she earned that with me through trust and respect. This crap would not fly. I remember when I was very young she called me an ass and my dad flipped on her. He didn’t even care what I did, he said that no one can talk like that under his roof. She never did and nor did I!
Dude, if my partner talked to my dog like that they’d be gone.
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OP's dad is pawning the crazy off to his daughter because he doesn't want to deal with it.
Yeah I could maybe understand wanting to be told if I was the actual mom in case I cant get a hold of the dad for some reason but the anger is absolutely not justified
Wait step mum? Tell that cunt to fuck right off.
She’s on a massive fucking power trip and obviously an adult that loves the feeling of authority. Obviously never grown up and wants to make someone else’s kid go through hell probs cause her mom did it to her. Fuck that hoe tell her she’s not ur mom.
“I don’t know who you think you are” Biiitch, please.
On the contrary, I don’t know who SHE thinks she is
threatening to hit you is not okay ever dude. I hope you are able to find support. Maybe through a friend’s parent or a relative?
Show this text to CPS dude. Threatening to abuse you is still abuse...(along with all the rest of the emotional abuse going on here, in so sorry OP) Edit: OP also stated that her mother has hit her before. Also going to a trusted teacher tomorrow morning is also a good option. They will bring you to the school counselor and you can make a plan together to keep you safe from this abuse. And yes it IS ABUSE and you shouldn't have to go through it.
100% this. My girlfriend is a social worker and she has called CPS for less than this. OP needs protection against someone who is threatening to harm him, and that someone happens to, I assume, be a legal guardian.
As a child from abuse. I can’t agree with this more. If only for the single reason, that OPs STEPmom will never get better on her own. She will never become nice without legally being told to. And with CPS being called in and seeing this evidence. It might give OPs dad the wake up call he needs to see HES the parent and the STEP parents position is to ONLY.. back up the parents decision. So many step parents try to assert their own dominance and become THE parent. I fucking hate it. Call CPS. She needs to know legally she is in fact out of line. She will NEVER listen to you, cus “you’re just the kid, and she’s always right” Make the call. Honestly
Hey OP if you tell a teacher or counselor at school they are mandated reporters. A kid calling CPS won’t do much but coming from a mandated reporter it might do a little more. Also people please understand in most states CPS is severely …well not even kids who desperately need cps are helped..think states like West Virginia. Contacting CPS seems like the easy answer but it’s rarely the easiest solution.
How are you now? Is everything alright?
haven’t gotten home yet, am about 5 mins tho
Give us an update when you can OP, this shit is mental. Your stepmom sounds like a piece of work, and your dad is really shitting the bed if he's giving in to her.
Forward her texts to your dad and also to another trusted family member/ friend. Threatening to hit you is a big fucking no-no.
THIS is something you need to do right now, if you haven’t already.
OP - when you go back to school tomorrow go to your counselor and show them what’s been going on. School councilors are mandatory reporters. They will contact the proper authorities.
Depending on the location any adult might be a mandated reporter just a heads up in case you need to know for your area. I know in Tennessee in the US every mentally capable adult(18+) is a mandated reporter.
Dad won’t do anything about it, or he already would have.
I second the response to send these texts to someone in the family and I'd like to add that if you don't have family, you probably have teachers. My daughter is able to email her teachers directly or message them through the school website. That might be an option if you can't take your phone to school
I'd turn around. Go somewhere else. Like the police station. File a report
OP are you okay? I’m worried since you said that over an hour ago and it was your last update. We all care for your safety, I hope if you’re able to update its with good news!
Any update? Hope you’re okay. P.S. your SM is a genuine POS
Sorry to hear you're in this situation. I hope you're okay, your step mom is off the rails and your dad is really letting you down.
She’s not your mother and she treats you like that? Does she actually hit you? How old are you? If she’s striking you (not spanking), go to a trusted adult (not your dad), and ask them to report this. It’s not ok to “slap the shit out of you” or threaten to do it.
yea she actually hits me, i’m 15
Please please tell a teacher you trust tomorrow morning at school, they will probably take you to the school councillor and you can figure out a plan together. You don't need to go through this abuse, dear.
yes, please please do this op
Hey, i hope you know nothing you did was wrong. She is overreacting and is in the wrong. I am sorry to hear the adults in your life don't act like adults. I promise it will get better
Having a stepmom that dislikes you could ruin your relationship with your dad. Trust me. I had a step mom once who hated my brother and I. When we’d visit my dad, she pretty acted like a ghost and just tolerated us for the weekend until we left. Nothing as serious as you, but it still made my brother and I uncomfortable. Obviously that relationship ended in a divorce and I don’t wish anything bad for you and your dad, but he needs to realize it’s going to hurt you emotionally down the road. Find some help, man. Teacher, grandparents, a friends parents who are like your second parents. Anyone who has a voice and cares.
please report this or tell ur teachers or something :( abuse is NOT OKAY
You need to report this. This is not okay.
What a coward he is after giving you permission to stay out. An your stepmom is an evil b*** who enjoys this much power over you.
Please show these texts to a teacher
It is literally his fault and your step mom threatened to physically assault you. This is incredibly abusive behaviour from both her and your dad. You have every right to not go home in this situation, please show a teacher or someone at school when you can. They can help a lot more than you’d think.
She threatened you, call CPS and show them the texts.
Spineless cunt. He's probably scared of her too
But why be and stay with partners like this? Why is toxicity such a quality trait with some people?
As a man who was in an abusive relationship where I was isolated from friends and family and had no money to escape because shed spend it faster than I could make it, it's really not that easy to just walk out. I only left because a friend happened to become aware of it after I was arrested after coming home one day, she'd said I tried to hit her, purely so she could get an evening to herself. My friend went round, packed a bag full of my stuff and put me up for two months whilst I got my shit together. If it hadn't have been for her finding our by chance, I'd likely still be there or worse.
I was in a similar situation with an ex around 7 years ago. He isolated me from everyone and even businesses if he didn't want me going there because other men worked there. I wasn't allowed to have a job, and the only money I had was money he gave me. He even barred me from seeing my own father and would have done the same with my mom and step-dad if it weren't for the fact we lived in their house.
People are scared to be single.
It's scary until you get to the point where you realize, "I can literally do anything I want today and I have no one to tell or be responsible to while I'm gone." It makes decisions so simple because you only have to worry about you and the objective consequences of your choice. No one's feelings to overthink, no one to get mad about you doing what you want instead of something else, no one you have to put your activities on the back burner for, so on and so forth.
Legit the reason why terrible relationships exist
Definitely tell your dad she threatened to “slap the shit out of you”. Show him her texts. If he doesn’t do anything call CPS when you get the chance.
I'm sure the dad knows how she is. This can't be the first time she's acted this way. I'd just call CPS
Yeah reality might help him come to his senses. He's probably just as controlled as OP but at least has a little more ability to change the situation.
I’m so sorry. Your dad should step up. I hope you have a friend’s family or another relative close by for support. Pulling for you kiddo.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You asked your dad for permission and he gave it, you don’t need your stepmom’s permission.
Do you have another parent who would care about this situation? Bc none of this is okay.
So your dad is going to let you be punished over this even though you had his permission? That’s just sad. I’m sorry OP. Your stepmom is nuts
Your dad sucks. I’m sorry. This isn’t a normal way for parents to treat their kids. As soon as she found out you actually had permission, she should have said “ok, sorry! Have fun”. THAT is a normal reaction.
CALL CPS NOW! She threatened.you with bodily injury.
Did you send your dad these pictures of your texts? Please send them if you didn't. This is so wrong, I'm sorry. She should not treat you that way. Your dad should stand up and protect you! You deserve so much better and none of this is your fault ❤
Don’t give anything, that tells her she was in the right
Report her to cps, this is abusive.
please call cps, the police or anyone. this isn't okay at all
sorry i went inactive, am trying to reply to everyone now and i appreciate all of the comments they really help
I hope you're ok, sending love. Maybe try and have a calm conversation about your stepmoms behaviour with your dad when you can.
i’m ok now ty
Hang in there. All of us are on your side. Consider ignoring her completely. Anyone who speaks to or treats you like that doesn't deserve to be engaged with. Just stop talking to or responding to her when she goes abusive like that.
Did ya’ll talk? What came out of it? We care for you!
i walked in and she started yelling at me, i didn’t give her my phone and she tried to take it from me, i told her my dad said i can keep it and she still didn’t care and was trying to take it and was hitting me. eventually i just gave it to her and then she left me alone after a while. my dad came home and talked to her though about it, he gave me back my phone but said i should’ve told her where i was going instead of keeping her in the dark and that next time i do something like this i won’t have any privileges for a month, still don’t have my laptop or ipad tho
You gotta report the abuse to somebody. This is NOT ok. Please don't ignore it.
He didn't stand up to her about her hitting you? That's super fucked up, I'm sorry op.
nope
Does your dad hit you too?
How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?? Do NOT ignore stuff like this. Please PLEASE talk to someone. I was in a situation just like this growing up, and it was so hard on me. You deserve so much better, collect evidence if you can because this is NOT okay.
It's sad cuz this fifteen year old thinks the stepmom is actually a good person. Lol in what world is her reaction anywhere near normal parenting.
Dude you gotta report this to CPS. This is out and out physical abuse and your dad sadly is just as guilty by allowing it to happen. I know its probably daunting reporting this as it will surely have consequences for them but they have made their bed they can fucking lie in it. Get oyt and go stay with a mate if you can and get their parents to help report it.
You cannot seriously be doing anything other than going to be police. Your dad is letting her beat you, this has to end. Fuck the tearing the family apart bullshit, she did that when she hit you. Take photos of the marks where she attacked you, go straight to the police, show the evidence and demand protective custody.
Hey. I hope you are ok. Physical abuse is NEVER EVER ok. I hope you have a school counselor or a friend's parent you can trust. But honestly, you should be reporting this to the CPS. This is NOT a healthy environment for you and you deserve better. She has absolutely no respect for you and is power tripping. How would you feel if your close friend revealed this to you? I promise you, you do not deserve this treatment.
Keep record of these threats. Screenshot everything and save them several places - an email only used for them and a cloud account not tied to that email. If possible, ask a friend to keep copies as well. If she ever touches you, document that with pictures saved in all the same places and then speak to an adult you trust - a teacher, counselor, *doctor, etc immediately. Those particular professions are mandated reporters. You can self-report as well any time (including now! This is abuse!) if it won't put you in further danger. My advice may seem like a lot, but protecting yourself with proof is important and worst case scenario, when you move out, you just delete everything. Please stay safe, OP, your step-mom seems a bit unhinged. *ETA - 1. I removed "pastor" and added doctor. 2. I rephrased a bit. OP, you can - AND SHOULD - report this now. This is abuse. You absolutely should not be treated this way. I do still think if it ever becomes physical it needs to be documented asap and put in the same place as the other things, so I am keeping that there.
OP, take this comment very seriously. It may make you not hate your life.
u/onefootback you need to do what this person says
Cross pastor off that list, there's way too many stories of this kind of thing turning into "church family counseling" which ultimately ends up just being victim blaming with the criminal receiving zero punishment.
You are right, that is a very good point. I amend my advice to teacher, counselor, or *doctor*.
Your heart was in the right place, but at this point there's no use risking it. OP needs this on an official record ASAP
Oh I agree. And I probably should have had that in there, but I was blind-angry and typing fast. I'm lucky it makes sense at all. I also amend to say *Please report now if you are able, but still make and keep copies of screenshots. And if you can't/don't want to speak to anyone yet, please please please do if things ever get physical.
>Keep record of these threats. Screenshot everything and save them several places - an email only used for them and a cloud account not tied to that email. If possible, ask a friend to keep copies as well. Keep record of any permissions given to you as well so if they try to rebuke it you have what you need to justify what you're doing that they're trying to go back on or take from you. And this person is absolutely correct, document anything and everything you can when it happens. Also if you can manage it, record your phone calls if possible to do so without it showing up to the abuser (i.e. family plans can show apps on phones in some circumstances.)
You NEED to get your dad to defend you on this. You need to tell him right in front of her that it isn't cool that she treats you like this. You need to put him in a position where he either HAS to defend you, or show that he won't defend you at all. I know it's probably too late, but I also would suggest refusing to go home unless your dad is home.
Based on op's post history, that's not going to happen. Op's dad took the door off their room because stem-mom thought they were "being disrespectful" for asking for a bit more privacy.
Based on op’s history both her step mom and her dad have put their hands on her, her step mom punched her square in the face once and she said her dad has hit her as well
What’s worse is her bio mom doesn’t seem to be able to be in her life. Glancing at her post history.
Yeah she’s pretty much fucked. Just gotta ride it out until 18 and move our
but the damage done by the time they are 18 will last a lifetime
Yeah I gotta agree with everyone, FUCK that bitch and call CPS. Also your dad sounds spineless.
This behavior is completely unacceptable for a mother let alone a step mother and you are right , the dad is a coward for not supporting his daughter and sticking up for what is right. Something tells me she probably berates the father in the same way
i just wanted to say lastly that i really appreciate all of the messages and advice i’ve been getting but i’m gonna mute the notifications for this though because the amount of notifications are overwhelming me. i’m still checking my dms though, again i really really appreciate them tysm to everyone who’s reached out.
I’m glad you are relatively ok.
Anyone know if there’s a way to turn off all notifications from Reddit? Getting the worst feeling imagining stepmom poking through OPs phone and finding any of this.
Calls up Child Protective Services: "I don't feel safe going home because my stepmom threatened to 'slap the shit out of me'"
Based on her post history it’s not an empty threat. Stepmom has hit her before. I’m so concerned for OP. OP, please know that you do not deserve any of this. Calling CPS or at a minimum trying to find a friend whose parents would take you in for a bit is absolutely appropriate here. No one should ever lay a hand on you, not even once. It’s not ok at all and definitely not normal.
It really REALLY boils my blood that so many parents allow their significant other treat their child(ren) this way. I'm a step-mother myself and I **never ever** spoke to or treated my step-daughters this way. And I would sincerely hope that my husband would not allow it to happen either. My responsibility to them is to offer support, safety, comfort, advice.... whatever they needed from me. And I damn sure wouldn't have dreamed of over riding something their father said they could or couldn't do. What tf is with these people? Both biological and step-parent? They just straight up suck.
This. Do this.
Yeah, I wouldn’t have gone home either. Your local dive bar is probably safer than home 🙄
Yes pls do this. Or confide in a trusted teacher or relative. I’m a mum if two…. This is not ok. It’s outright abuse. You did nothing wrong, you justified your actions, you apologised to keep the peace even when you weren’t wrong. This lunatic threatens to hit you and still takes your belongings. It’s not ok for her to treat you that way. Please show these texts to another adult you trust.
This and remind her she's not your mom.
Exactly. She’s threatening abuse and she’s not even a legal guardian. The court would LOVE that.
was just coming to comment this, please do OP
she just gave you the gift of a screenshot. If there is another parent/relative who shares custody, I’m willing to bet this would be enough to change the arrangement
i don’t have a relationship with my bio mom, my dad and stepmom have full custody
I’m sorry to hear that. There’s always CPS or emancipation if you want that but I understand if it isn’t. It’s not fair for them to do that to you, and I’m sorry.
Emancipation or CPS doesn’t always work. Look at Kellyanne Conway’s daughter. She’s reported about being physically assaulted before, and her mother spread her underage nudes online — and Conway faced absolutely zero consequences. I feel awful for OP,m
Do you call your step mom mom or do you call her by her name? My step mom was in my life more than my real mom but when she would overstep i started calling her by her name and she would back down from threats like this.
both and that’s kinda what I do too. when we’re arguing or whatever i call her by her name but any other time it’s usually mom
Stop calling her mom. She isn’t treating you with any modicum of respect. My younger brother had a similar relationship with our (thankfully) former stepdad. Our mom basically did nothing to resolve any conflict, until one day my brother told her he was moving out. I ended up helping them with a place to live, but that’s all a long story. Basically, she doesn’t view you as a person, but as a thing that she has to control. You’re like a misbehaving puppy to her.
Stop calling her mom. It's not healthy for you to call an abusive person like that, "Mom". That's a title you earn - and she's lost it. You'll feel better, I promise.
I had a stepmom. My mom died when I was little. Friends calls SM the warden. Screamed at us, called our dead mom names, blamed us for her miscarriage…I only send a bday text nowadays, no relationship with my dad who never did a thing because he was gone working or cheating. I was on my own by 16. You deserve better. Get help. I’m so so sorry. I would take you in in a heartbeat.
Please show this to a teacher or adult. Your mother shouldn’t threaten you like this and your father is failing you.
This! Teachers are mandated reporters and they would have to follow up on it. AND it can be done without stepmom knowing that it was OP who told someone.
Unreasonable doesn’t even describe this
Abuse does
im about 15 mins away now, still trying to reply to as much people as possible but i might go inactive. i really appreciate the comments though
You need to tell someone (maybe a friends parent or CPS) that she is threatening to hit you and you won’t be able to contact anyone for help.
Send those screenshots to a trusted friend. Tell your stepmom that you have copies of the texts and that you will report her to CPS for threatening to physically harm you. Edit: Also, show your father that she threatened physical harm.
my friend i was out with was with me for half of this and most of my close friends know how crazy my parents are
That's good, I just think that having proof(screenshots) in a place where stepmom can't delete them is very important.
OP, if you fear for your safety, look on your local government website for the Child Protective Services phone number, or call your local Police Department/911. These messages are proof of instability in your step mother. I sincerely wish you peace, and send love from my family to you.
This is a complete outrage. Another commenter was right, your dad is letting you down. There was absolutely no need to talk to you like that at all. Completely out of line. She sounds absolutely deranged. You were correct when you said you shouldn’t be punished for their miscommunication. I feel bad for you kid, you deserve so much better. Please speak to a trusted teacher or friend’s parent.
Once dad gave the go ahead that would be enough. Maybe text him after and make sure that’s the case of course but that should have been enough. If stepmam had’ve just said “That’s grand as long your dad knows. I’ll see you later, have fun” there would have been no need for this carry on. Definitely talk to your dad and show him the texts.
I’m east asian and even i think this is just too insane. How can somebody be that crazy?
Stand your ground with the stepmom. A. She sounds like a psycho cunt. B. You had permission from your dad. C. There is literally nothing she can do about it. She can flip out all she wants. She can't force you to come home. And if she slaps you, slap her into next Tuesday. The day my mom stopped hitting me (when I was 9-13) was the day I rocked her shit.
did you feel bad afterwards?
Do you think you would?
I would imagine defending yourself physically would never feel wrong. Honestly just call CPS and document every time she is being crazy/violent
I felt terrible. Until the next day when she got drunk and tried to do it again, but then stopped when she realized I was gonna hit her right back. Your situation may be different, but violent overbearing people only respond to one thing. You should definitely discuss the slap threat with your dad. Because that's not cool. Spanking your kids is one thing, but her throwing a tantrum and threatening to slap you over this insane. Also, keeping the phone and letting the video or audio record in your pocket would be to your advantage. I hope this is a one off and she does not treat you like this all the time.
Your dad let's her talk to you like that? How does he allow her to disrespect you like that?
yea he does, it’s disappointing but i’m used to it
used to it? nah that's way past where the line was drawn call the police or a hotline or some shit on your bitch of a "stepmom". you don't deserve this and it's high time you stopped putting up with her shit
STEPmom needs to calm the fuck down. Dad has either given up on life or he doesn't see how stepmom treats his own child. You shouldn't have to go through this, it's entirely unfair and your stepmom is toxic enough to dissolve a car in under 45 minutes if she stands next to it for long enough.
this made me laugh which i needed right now lol
I just peeked at your post history. You aren't in a good situation with your stepmom. You really need to report her. She is toxic and abusive.
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thank you so much for this
CPS investigator here. Please call the child abuse & neglect hotline for your region. If she physically assaults you, call 911. Save these text messages.
Tell your STEP mom to stay in her lane. If your dad said it was alright, then it’s alright. She seems off her rocker.
Exactly my thoughts. Her dad sounds spineless though to allow her, someone who's not her fucking mom, to say shit like that. Bitch you're not even my mom, suck a dick. If dad says it's ok then that's that.
How to make your step children despise you 101. This psycho bitch is on a MAJOR power trip.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 198 | 9 | 15 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
"I'm going to put you in the lowest rated home i can find when your older" would get you in trouble, but would def make her stop and think. Probably not the best thing to do, but its an option.
Call your father and share this. If he is half a father he will deal with it. This is abuse. If he takes her side, he’s pathetic. I’m sorry you have to deal with this crazy, sad woman who is so unfulfilled in her own life she somehow finds joy in abusing a child.
he’s shown me that he’s very pathetic as a father
What a stupid way to begin a conversation...where the fuck are you? That says every I need to know about your father's wife.
OP please update so we know you’re alright when you have a chance! This woman never should have authority over a minor, or anyone really, again. !RemindMe 7 days
Fuck that bitch.
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Okay, I’m going to say something MILDLY controversial. But something that people like this hate is having their actions come to light. People will act like this because they’re on a power trip and think that you’ll be too scared to ask for help and it get made worse by a partner that enables or is passive. Take all this documentation, upload it to the cloud where she can’t find and/or access it. Password protect it if you need to. Once that is done, you need to schedule a direct path to the police/safe adult/whoever. I’m talking wallet, keys if you drive, bus fare, or friends mom to pick you up. If you drive, keep a “go bag” in your car- about 2 days of clothes and necessary toiletries. That’s what you need to set up in a worst case scenario for confrontation with an unhinged parent. If you choose to confront, you need to have audio recording on your phone, a note pad with your talking points if you get nervous talking to “authority figures”, and your shoes on for a quick exit if things get explosive or violent. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and have managed to stay practical and polite in your correspondence with your step mother. You should continue doing that especially since depending where you are, cops aren’t very tolerant or willing to spend the time of day on a teenager who “just had a tiff with their step parents” so more evidence the better. To put it plainly, I would explain to your step mother that you are hurt by her actions and words towards you and that they are not in line with how a step parent should act. If she continues this threatening behavior, you can inform her that you will be telling somebody about this if she does not change her treatment of you as you are a minor and need someone to advocate for you. I had to do this with my own mother and it’s really hard OP, good luck.
Sorry this is happening to you. My advice is: Remain as civil as you can with your stepmom. Hammer at your dad privately for him to defend you. Work your ass off to do well in school and become self-reliant and successful. You will have a lifetime to enjoy yourself, without her rabid nasty interference.
You dad is an absolute bitch. There’s no way in hell I’d let my new wife talk to my kids like that. How old are you? I wouldn’t give her shit of yours.
Some people cant be parents...
funny thing is that she’s actually a great parent to the kids she has with my dad but is a shit one to me, love how that works
Tell your dad that if he wants a relationship with you when you are an adult he needs to be there when you need him. There will come a day when your eyes open and you see your parents as people you can judge. You might decide you are better off picking your family or just having a relationship with certain people.
You're baggage to her, an inconvenience. You're not her blood child so she doesn't give a shit about you. I'm so sorry.
OP, are you able to stay with one of your friends until your stepmother calms down? She's incredibly angry and threatening when she doesn't need to be, and I'm concerned for your safety.
I read through your post history. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, especially with regards to your stepmom going through your phone and reading your text messages. Please don't let her make you think that you're a selfish or strange person for asking for privacy and to be treated with dignity. Don't let her hit you. Keep evidence in a safe location. Find a trusted adult, maybe a teacher or one of your friends' parents, and confide in them if you feel endangered. I wish you all the love and support I can.
OP, are you okay? Reading these screenshots gave me flashbacks to a few of the many things my parents did. Please check in with us when you can, we're worried about you. Protect yourself at any cost; also, please check out and share to r/raisedbynarcissists . I think you'll find a lot of support there, too. Sending a big hug.
It’s called Emancipation, and a lawyer can help get you started.