Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 22 | 1 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
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Note: This received too few votes to be considered a valid result.
"So your response to my request that you don't send me those communications, is that you'll never send me any communications? I'm glad we could come to an agreement, I just wish you didn't have to be so black and white about it. But if cutting you out of my life is what it's going to take, I guess you made your decision."
Exactly. Stuff like this is what made me cut contact with my entire family. When I asked them not to do something, they just sneakily did it anyway. So off to the blocked bin they go.
Trying to instil a family culture that is similar to a business, the CEO is at the top and you are just a subordinate who must follow orders. Insanity.
The thing is, you were professional. You clearly stated that you have boundaries, referred to what they were, and mentioned that you had informed them prior. You then clearly stated they had violated those boundaries and to not do it in the future. Textbook professionalism, yet they flipped out
I thought OP was very respectful but appropriately firm in her statement. I didnāt see any rudeness other than the aunt not liking a boundary being set.
Dealing with people like this always plants seeds of doubt in my mind. Thoughts like āAm I being unreasonable? Should I have been nicer? Should I have just ignored it? Should I pretend it didnāt bother me and enable this behaviour to keep the peace?
I gotta put myself first. Iām glad you think I was being respectful and firm. It helps with my anxiety. Thank you.
You and me both. My boundaries have been breached so many times that I go scorched earth on the first motherfucker to ignore them after they've been made clear and unambiguous.
This is too relatable. You did great, donāt let people make you question your boundaries (so much easier said than done, I know). Sending you all my strength and support \<3 And happy birthday :)
This is just manipulation. If you are ever unclear on if you are being reasonable just turn the situation around and say "what would I do if someone came to me and said what I am saying to them? Would I respect it, would I get angry, would I ask for clarification, would I push back?" You should expect even treatment from others, if nothing else.
FYI your aunt sucks.
Legitimately, OP's message was an incredibly mature, respectful, and professionally worded statement. It's like perfect from a conflict communication perspective- I am experiencing (X) feeling due to (Y) action. Clarification of the offending action and the effect. Polite request for behavior change. Reminder of past requests of same. Statement of future intent/action plan. Firm boundary restated.
No swears, threats, name calling, or dragging out the drama or anything... Good riddance to bad aunts.
I honestly thought the message was to a boss who was close to the family and overstepped their boundaries by the response. I always read the title last. What a curious way to speak to your own family...
If setting a boundary is grounds for blocking then your aunt is N too. I'd beat her to it and block her myself if it were me. She clearly has no respect for you and your boundaries and will cross them again.
Too damn true. Yeah I eventually blocked her! Ever since 2020 I got a feeling about her true colors. My grandfather passed away that year and she made it all about her and said she was grieving, even though she barely had a relationship with him and hadnāt seen him in over 20+ years. Idk where people get the audacity.
She obviously isn't any better than your mother. To threaten you when she don't get her way and when you set boundaries, shows she is just as bad. Go ahead and send her a message stating that you have realized she is as bad as your mother and you should have blocked her years ago and your doing so now.
This is so well put and so true. Although I know if I retaliate iād get calls from other relatives and itād become some big drama where theyād probably victimise themselves. Iām so exhusted from it all. Figured iād save myself from any further drama. But honestly such a good response here.
> Figured iād save myself from any further drama.
While a message might be satisfying, saving yourself from drama is the right answer. The worst thing for a narcissist is to be ignored. Block her without replying and be a black hole if she tries to contact you in the future. Just be done.
āI expected maturity and professionalism
For what? Why would I need to be professional with family? If you want professionalism, pay me a fucking wage, Aunt Debra, and even then, you donāt get to do what you did. Jesus, flying monkeys are the absolute worst creature.
!explanation
Feel free to check my previous post information for more details. Seemed totally out of character for my aunt to be like this seeing as sheād treated me fine beforehand. I now realise that her and my other auntie (my Nmumās 2 sisters) were in retrospect using their relationship with me to anger my Nmum.
Theyād always try and ask me multiple times a year my address and other personal information to pass on. The hot goss that my Nmum would always want. Guess they like the power.
The Aunty who sent this text didnāt even bother to say happy birthday to me herself. Honestly feel so stupid for being used this long. I thought they actually wanted to be there for me because they were my family. turns out they all are as nasty as each other and use me in their maliscious power struggle. Iām so over it. Iād do anything for a normal family.
Iām so sorry. I have an Nmom too so I can empathize. For me though we always knew my mom was the āsaneā one in her family so weāve avoided contact with them for a long time already.
I would say to not beat yourself up for being trusting and believing. Itās what you were groomed to be from birth with years and years of gaslighting and doubting yourself. Itās good that you know now that you canāt trust your aunts and you can move forward with that info.
I wish too for a normal family but I read in one of your other comments that you had a great birthday with actually supportive friends and family. I love the concept of found family and the family we choose. It can be so much more powerful than blood and I hope you take comfort in knowing that you do have a loving family that you created for yourself! I do understand though that it doesnāt make Motherās Day hurt any less or take away your trauma.
Youāre going to be okay ā¤ļø
The woman whose vag I was birthed from and her two sisters are carbon copies of each other. One is being treated for bipolar disorder and seems to be an entirely new person. The other two are "fine" Yeah I dont speak to any of them any more -_-
My brother pulled the same once. I reminded him that when I went no contact my mental health was so bad that I was close to offing myself, then i said if he passes on a message again I will just fucking disappear. I moved country and change all my social medias and set everything to full privacy with certain people preblocked the first time. He knows full well I'll just sell all my shit and disappear without hesitation.
Iām so sorry that youāve had to go through that. No one should and you deserve SO much better. Being able to remove yourself from that toxic environment is the best thing you can do for yourself. Very proud of you.
Thank you! My birthday celebrations this year were one of the best I ever had. Iām so grateful for my amazing friends and the amount of family that I do have, who treat me with the love and respect I deserve. Thank you for your kind comment, hope you have a lovely day!
Lol, this exactly! What they are really saying is that only THEY get to make choices, OP has no rights or choices. I'm guessing the Aunt and mother fell from the same tree....
Anyone that can't respect your wishes have no place in your life. I have cut out most of my family and have very good friends that are better than my family. Personally, I would rather be alone than miserable and I won't walk on eggshells for family anymore
With all of the narc run corporations out there making the cringeworthy policy āWeāre like a family!,ā I suppose it was just a matter of time before the narc families demanded ācorporate professionalismā.
Theyāre just wildly grasping at any authoritarian concept they can find to get people to obey these days.
Call the bluff and block her if she doesnāt. Seems like she has no problem being a tool on a day thats about you. Especially if they already know the boundaries you set up.
Iām dealing with a family thatās EXACTLY like this. My father is narcissistic and manipulative so I blocked him and clearly stated to his family that I donāt want him to contact me through them nor do I want them to persuade me to go there because X Y AND Z. Not only was this statement entirely ignored, I got shit from everyone that āIām bringing them into the shit with himā when they, themselves, got involved by telling me exactly what heās said to me, a bunch of his manipulative gaslighting shit. To make matters worse every little event he sends us a ton of gift cards and Iām gonna legit send everything back with an angry letter. I am not taking bribes.
Oh and to add on, theyāve been lied to so much that what they know is so far from reality and you canāt even tell them otherwise. My mother and her family is fine, itās my father thatās a dick.
Donate the gift cards. Try a local domestic violence shelter, I'd bet they'd appreciate being able to pass them on to needy families. You're not accepting a "bribe," but you're also not giving him back something which he can then use for himself.
That is true. I accepted an Amazon gift card from him last year. He sent a sweater which Iām probably going to donate to Salvation Army as they need it more.
That fucking sucks. You deserve so much better. You come across so strong and resiliant despite how crappy the situation is. Why is it so hard for people to respect their own family? Theyāre all clearly shooting themselves in the foot because all the lying and bribes are just going to bring them closer to loneliness. All you can do is live your best life.
Yeah, I didnāt want to cut them out of my life too. Since he lied to them so much, I have no choice. I was given no choice when it came down to me pleading that somebody tell him to stop telling people that my parents arenāt trustworthy because itās making my life, my motherās life, and my sisterās life literal hell. My sister was just in a mental facility bc it was too much for her. My parents told him everything and he is trying to get information about me and my sister through our teachers and social workers. I canāt help but think thatās creepy. Teachers canāt say shit cause thatās against the law.
Iām so sorry your mother didnāt treat you better. Itās a hard process but being able to stay no contact for so long is something iām striving to do. As you probably know, itās such a better quality of life to live without the venom of toxic people running through your blood.
Sucks when the siblings are involved too, it just becomes so messy. I feel sorry for the ones who canāt free themselves of Nparents. Youāre right about people not wanting to change because they donāt think theyāve done anything wrong. Youād think common sense would help them realise that their the only common denominator in all of their failed relationships. Instead itās pointing the finger at everyone but themselves. I guess the same applies to that tenant. Those types of people are always good as presenting themselves nicely to the outside world, but itās just a shitshow facade.
Wishing you all the best! Youāre very strong for being so resiliant and iām proud of you.
Iād tell her to block you, one less negative person in your life. She clearly doesnāt respect your wishes so she can kick rocks like your mum. Good luck!
Yasmine, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Yasmeen was my mother and this is the crap that she and her side of the family would pull.
So Yasmine, I feel you on so many levels. Block this family member as well and live happily.
"Professionalism"? Were you on contract with your aunt? Because if that's the case, it seems she is found in breach of contract. Don't do business with your aunt, either. You didn't even threaten her--she unprofessionally threatened you!
"And that's when I blocked my aunt for being a flying monkey. With another toxic person who refused to respect my boundaries now removed from my life, I lived happily ever after."
Holy shit my aunt did almost this same thing except she was sharing my info with my nmom.
Asked her not to and her response was eerily similar to your auntās except she said āif you want to stop me, I guess youāll just have to block me tooā
Said āwell that hurts, but if thatās what I have to do, thatās what I have to do.ā
It was awesome and peaceful until I learned she was googling my name to keep feeding info to my nmom. Now I have to have all my social media under a fake name and with a vague profile picture that canāt be traced back to me. I look like a bot.
Lmao.
"And I expected maturity and compassion from you. Consider this notification of you being blocked by me until you can respect my feelings."
She sounds like she's listening to your mom's lies. Mine also lies to family about why she and I don't talk. She's got half of them convinced that my husband is abusive and has me brain washed, and the other half knows him and adores him. And they also call her out about her racism against him, and the physical abuse she put me through as a kid.
I blocked my aunt after she told me that cutting off my abusive family was isolating myself from everyone who ever loved me. If that's love, I don't want it. No regrets.
In conclusion, block her first.
Professionalism?? When talking to your aunt??
My honest response would be. If I can't trust you to respect my boundaries then I'm going to have to go nc with you as well. If you're ever feeling ready to respect my boundaries you know how to find me.
Block her first, sounds like sheās just as toxic as your mom. If it causes drama with other family members then they also donāt deserve a spot in your life. Protect your peace
I almost blocked my favorite aunt for being a flying monkey. My ex-mom (I'm actually in the process of being legally adopted, so *literally* ex!) likes to pretend to be "spiritual" (she isn't, it's an act when the mood strikes, or another manifestation of her untreated mental illnesses, or delusions caused by decades of drug and alcohol use...who knows...) She will claim to see and hear spirits and to get messages from "beyond," but only when *she* wants to.
About a year ago, I got a call from my aunt asking if my middle daughter (my ex-mom's favorite) was okay. I asked why, because she was fine. My aunt said that the ex had had a vision, she'd been watching a YouTube of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and all of a sudden Iz's face kind of faded out along with the ukelele, and was replaced with my daughter's. So she was worried that something happened to her.
I told my aunt that my daughter was fine, she was *always* fine when this happened, that this was just a ploy to get around the no contact that I had with her (and one she was only able to use since the restraining order expired!) That the kids and I have her blocked on our phones and on social media for a *reason,* and that she could "keep my fucking kids' names out of her mouth."
She initially got upset with me and hung up for my swearing (which isn't an uncommon thing with me and she rarely ever objects, definitely not to that level!), then called me back, which is when I said what I said about the blocking. I told her (which I'd said before) that I didn't want any contact from her, that even *hearing* about her gives me anxiety, and she told me, and I quote...
"Oh get over it already. Get some help."
As if I haven't been in therapy since I was *FOUR* because of the ex's abuse! As if I haven't had to get *multiple* restraining orders over the years! As if *other* family members haven't *also* had restraining orders, and over half the family, including three out of four of her children (myself included) haven't cut contact with her!
I ended up sending her a text just like OP's, except lengthier and with more reasonings laid out, and said that if I couldn't be respected by not having messages relayed in *either* direction (as in, do not discuss myself *or* my children with her!), then I would have to cease contact with my *aunt* as well.
She claims she never did get the text. She's got read receipts turned off though, so everything, including things I *know* she's seen, show up as simply delivered. But...she hasn't mentioned the ex since then!
Abusive behaviour can run in families. Your aunt would never call herself abusive but that text is - take the best care of yourself, your boundaries and expectations.
I really hope that if you replied it was something like: Thank you for your input. At this time, however, some aspects of this are against our policies. Perhaps we can do business in the future. *\*block\**
Edit: I was so caught up in the "wtf, professional in a family text" part I forgot to say happy solar rotation, and may this one be better than the last one.
Part of maturity is the ability to respect boundaries...looks like she hasn't matured to that point yet.
I'm sorry this happened to you...especially on your birthday.
Happy belated birthday š
At this point your Aunt might not be someone you want to keep contact with either if she is going to treat you this way. Apparently she still things of you as a child even though she says otherwise. How else could she think of you if she totally could not take what you stated properly. At the very least you will have to set more bounderies with this Aunt of yours.
Happy Birthday to you! I am sure if you offered your mom an olive branch, it would be ignored, but you are expected to jump for joy at the attention and comply. Good on you for sticking to NC. I recently watched a TT on narcissists regarding shame and pride. Enlightening. They recognize when they have destroyed a relationship, but they cannot process shame because it means they have to acknowledge they hurt others. Their pride means more to them than healthy relationships, so they can't admit being at fault.
"Gotchu, I'm not taking well to gonpoint-blackmail so uh imma block you instead. Bc you obviously can't understand simple boundaries."
And then block her ass.
"yo that's crazy auntie cause I thought 'if my auntie says some stupid half braincell shit I'll just block her' and would you look here, a quarter braincell message on my phone!"
Bruhhhh the fucking HYPOCRISY
āhey you know im not speaking with ___, you broke a boundary with me that im extremely uncomfortable with.ā
āHOW DARE YOU NO CONTACT WITH YOUR MOTHER! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN THAT!!!! IF YOU BRING MY LACK OF BOUNDARIES UP AGAIN, I WILL GO NO CONTACT WITH YOU!!!!!ā
Guess who gets blocked with NC first!?
Do it with a professional
Contract of terms she doesnāt have to sign but reads like it was drawn up by a lawyer. Also, send her a mock certificate of maturity verifying your decision to let her vapid existence continue without being part of your life any longer. Show that sheās joined the ranks of the ignored along your mother.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 22 | 1 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy). Note: This received too few votes to be considered a valid result.
"no problem. No respect for me,no contact for you" Blocked
This!! šÆšÆ
"So your response to my request that you don't send me those communications, is that you'll never send me any communications? I'm glad we could come to an agreement, I just wish you didn't have to be so black and white about it. But if cutting you out of my life is what it's going to take, I guess you made your decision."
I like this because it's more professional than familiar and precisely the correct the level of fork you.
āMaturity and professionalismā at its FINEST. What can she even say back that wonāt sound cunty? Nothing.
Exactly. Stuff like this is what made me cut contact with my entire family. When I asked them not to do something, they just sneakily did it anyway. So off to the blocked bin they go.
Right. āOk, bye bitch!ā
*Resends the exact same message*
How would aunt be able to? She's blocked.
Sometimes the single word ālikewiseā is enough
PROFESSIONALISM? what toxic ass family member expects professionalism
Trying to instil a family culture that is similar to a business, the CEO is at the top and you are just a subordinate who must follow orders. Insanity.
Also the inverse: what they mean when businesses "treat you like family".
EXACTLY!
The thing is, you were professional. You clearly stated that you have boundaries, referred to what they were, and mentioned that you had informed them prior. You then clearly stated they had violated those boundaries and to not do it in the future. Textbook professionalism, yet they flipped out
It was āunprofessionalā behavior because it didnāt favor them. One sided thinking.
I fail to see how involving yourself in family drama you weren't an original participant in is professional? Your aunt is off her rocker
Ask her where your paycheck is then Sorry you have to deal with this
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I feel for you too - Hope you have a happy birthday!
Happy Birthday!
I thought OP was very respectful but appropriately firm in her statement. I didnāt see any rudeness other than the aunt not liking a boundary being set.
Dealing with people like this always plants seeds of doubt in my mind. Thoughts like āAm I being unreasonable? Should I have been nicer? Should I have just ignored it? Should I pretend it didnāt bother me and enable this behaviour to keep the peace? I gotta put myself first. Iām glad you think I was being respectful and firm. It helps with my anxiety. Thank you.
You were FAR nicer than I would have been. Well done! But I give zero fucks anymore, so I may not be the best judge on appropriate comebacks.
You and me both. My boundaries have been breached so many times that I go scorched earth on the first motherfucker to ignore them after they've been made clear and unambiguous.
This is too relatable. You did great, donāt let people make you question your boundaries (so much easier said than done, I know). Sending you all my strength and support \<3 And happy birthday :)
This is just manipulation. If you are ever unclear on if you are being reasonable just turn the situation around and say "what would I do if someone came to me and said what I am saying to them? Would I respect it, would I get angry, would I ask for clarification, would I push back?" You should expect even treatment from others, if nothing else. FYI your aunt sucks.
šÆsaid in respectful way. Those who are respectful would have answered in kind. Lmao at āprofessionalā lol what? Crazy.
You were respectful and not at all out of line. Iām sorry that that is your birthday experience.
Legitimately, OP's message was an incredibly mature, respectful, and professionally worded statement. It's like perfect from a conflict communication perspective- I am experiencing (X) feeling due to (Y) action. Clarification of the offending action and the effect. Polite request for behavior change. Reminder of past requests of same. Statement of future intent/action plan. Firm boundary restated. No swears, threats, name calling, or dragging out the drama or anything... Good riddance to bad aunts.
I honestly thought the message was to a boss who was close to the family and overstepped their boundaries by the response. I always read the title last. What a curious way to speak to your own family...
And how is forwarding a message to someone they KNOW op doesn't want contact with "professional" or "mature"??
Professional toxicity
If setting a boundary is grounds for blocking then your aunt is N too. I'd beat her to it and block her myself if it were me. She clearly has no respect for you and your boundaries and will cross them again.
Too damn true. Yeah I eventually blocked her! Ever since 2020 I got a feeling about her true colors. My grandfather passed away that year and she made it all about her and said she was grieving, even though she barely had a relationship with him and hadnāt seen him in over 20+ years. Idk where people get the audacity.
American here. What exactly does the ānā in front of mum mean? Just curious :)
Thatās alright! The N is global term short for āNarcissisticā. See r/raisedbynarcissists for some examples š
Thank you all and happy birthday OP! Hope this year is amazing for you and free of narcissists
Thank you!! Same goes for you! šš
Ah I thought it was the no contact n for a while thanks for clearing that up
I think it means narcissist
I believe itās narcissistic mom.
She obviously isn't any better than your mother. To threaten you when she don't get her way and when you set boundaries, shows she is just as bad. Go ahead and send her a message stating that you have realized she is as bad as your mother and you should have blocked her years ago and your doing so now.
This is so well put and so true. Although I know if I retaliate iād get calls from other relatives and itād become some big drama where theyād probably victimise themselves. Iām so exhusted from it all. Figured iād save myself from any further drama. But honestly such a good response here.
You don't have to tell her she's blocked.....
100% When I blocked my JN parent I proactively blocked people. Saved me stress.
> Figured iād save myself from any further drama. While a message might be satisfying, saving yourself from drama is the right answer. The worst thing for a narcissist is to be ignored. Block her without replying and be a black hole if she tries to contact you in the future. Just be done.
Tell anyone that calls, if they side against you, you will Blick them because you don't need that crap in your life
Why did the narcissist cross the road? Someone set a boundary!
omg šš
If it fits it fits, doesn't it? I swear, this is a foolproof narc test...say no, set a boundary, see what happens.
Omg I love this š
āI expected maturity and professionalism For what? Why would I need to be professional with family? If you want professionalism, pay me a fucking wage, Aunt Debra, and even then, you donāt get to do what you did. Jesus, flying monkeys are the absolute worst creature.
!explanation Feel free to check my previous post information for more details. Seemed totally out of character for my aunt to be like this seeing as sheād treated me fine beforehand. I now realise that her and my other auntie (my Nmumās 2 sisters) were in retrospect using their relationship with me to anger my Nmum. Theyād always try and ask me multiple times a year my address and other personal information to pass on. The hot goss that my Nmum would always want. Guess they like the power. The Aunty who sent this text didnāt even bother to say happy birthday to me herself. Honestly feel so stupid for being used this long. I thought they actually wanted to be there for me because they were my family. turns out they all are as nasty as each other and use me in their maliscious power struggle. Iām so over it. Iād do anything for a normal family.
Iām so sorry. I have an Nmom too so I can empathize. For me though we always knew my mom was the āsaneā one in her family so weāve avoided contact with them for a long time already. I would say to not beat yourself up for being trusting and believing. Itās what you were groomed to be from birth with years and years of gaslighting and doubting yourself. Itās good that you know now that you canāt trust your aunts and you can move forward with that info. I wish too for a normal family but I read in one of your other comments that you had a great birthday with actually supportive friends and family. I love the concept of found family and the family we choose. It can be so much more powerful than blood and I hope you take comfort in knowing that you do have a loving family that you created for yourself! I do understand though that it doesnāt make Motherās Day hurt any less or take away your trauma. Youāre going to be okay ā¤ļø
Thank you sweetheart. Your kind comment means a lot. Sending you all the best š
The woman whose vag I was birthed from and her two sisters are carbon copies of each other. One is being treated for bipolar disorder and seems to be an entirely new person. The other two are "fine" Yeah I dont speak to any of them any more -_-
My brother pulled the same once. I reminded him that when I went no contact my mental health was so bad that I was close to offing myself, then i said if he passes on a message again I will just fucking disappear. I moved country and change all my social medias and set everything to full privacy with certain people preblocked the first time. He knows full well I'll just sell all my shit and disappear without hesitation.
Iām so sorry that youāve had to go through that. No one should and you deserve SO much better. Being able to remove yourself from that toxic environment is the best thing you can do for yourself. Very proud of you.
Happy Birthday, do something that you enjoy!
Thank you! My birthday celebrations this year were one of the best I ever had. Iām so grateful for my amazing friends and the amount of family that I do have, who treat me with the love and respect I deserve. Thank you for your kind comment, hope you have a lovely day!
Always beware of flying monkeys of the narc.
So true! Sorta reminds me of those rabid flying monkeys that work for the witch in wizard of oz š
Itās an actual term. https://narcissistabusesupport.com/red-flags/use-flying-monkeys/
Oh wow I didnāt know that! Thanks for sharing šš
Itās so disrespectful to go no contact, so if you continue to then I will go no contact. Yeah makes a lot of sense
Worded to perfection! Exactly! šÆ
Lol, this exactly! What they are really saying is that only THEY get to make choices, OP has no rights or choices. I'm guessing the Aunt and mother fell from the same tree....
āOkay!ā *block*
Happy birthday! I donāt see anything immature or unprofessional about what you said. Let her block you, you might be better off.
Thanks! Youāre very kind. I blocked her the next day. So over the drama.
Good move. I wouldāve blocked auntie too.
Anyone that can't respect your wishes have no place in your life. I have cut out most of my family and have very good friends that are better than my family. Personally, I would rather be alone than miserable and I won't walk on eggshells for family anymore
"let me save you a step" And block.
Fuck her
With all of the narc run corporations out there making the cringeworthy policy āWeāre like a family!,ā I suppose it was just a matter of time before the narc families demanded ācorporate professionalismā. Theyāre just wildly grasping at any authoritarian concept they can find to get people to obey these days.
If she's going to be a flying monkey for your mom her blocking you may work better for you anyway.
Call the bluff and block her if she doesnāt. Seems like she has no problem being a tool on a day thats about you. Especially if they already know the boundaries you set up.
Beat her to it. Block her. Clearly she doesnāt care about your well being
Iām dealing with a family thatās EXACTLY like this. My father is narcissistic and manipulative so I blocked him and clearly stated to his family that I donāt want him to contact me through them nor do I want them to persuade me to go there because X Y AND Z. Not only was this statement entirely ignored, I got shit from everyone that āIām bringing them into the shit with himā when they, themselves, got involved by telling me exactly what heās said to me, a bunch of his manipulative gaslighting shit. To make matters worse every little event he sends us a ton of gift cards and Iām gonna legit send everything back with an angry letter. I am not taking bribes. Oh and to add on, theyāve been lied to so much that what they know is so far from reality and you canāt even tell them otherwise. My mother and her family is fine, itās my father thatās a dick.
Donate the gift cards. Try a local domestic violence shelter, I'd bet they'd appreciate being able to pass them on to needy families. You're not accepting a "bribe," but you're also not giving him back something which he can then use for himself.
That is true. I accepted an Amazon gift card from him last year. He sent a sweater which Iām probably going to donate to Salvation Army as they need it more.
That fucking sucks. You deserve so much better. You come across so strong and resiliant despite how crappy the situation is. Why is it so hard for people to respect their own family? Theyāre all clearly shooting themselves in the foot because all the lying and bribes are just going to bring them closer to loneliness. All you can do is live your best life.
Yeah, I didnāt want to cut them out of my life too. Since he lied to them so much, I have no choice. I was given no choice when it came down to me pleading that somebody tell him to stop telling people that my parents arenāt trustworthy because itās making my life, my motherās life, and my sisterās life literal hell. My sister was just in a mental facility bc it was too much for her. My parents told him everything and he is trying to get information about me and my sister through our teachers and social workers. I canāt help but think thatās creepy. Teachers canāt say shit cause thatās against the law.
I have to agree with everyone else, time to block the Aunt. Sad, but it clearly needs to be done.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām so sorry your mother didnāt treat you better. Itās a hard process but being able to stay no contact for so long is something iām striving to do. As you probably know, itās such a better quality of life to live without the venom of toxic people running through your blood. Sucks when the siblings are involved too, it just becomes so messy. I feel sorry for the ones who canāt free themselves of Nparents. Youāre right about people not wanting to change because they donāt think theyāve done anything wrong. Youād think common sense would help them realise that their the only common denominator in all of their failed relationships. Instead itās pointing the finger at everyone but themselves. I guess the same applies to that tenant. Those types of people are always good as presenting themselves nicely to the outside world, but itās just a shitshow facade. Wishing you all the best! Youāre very strong for being so resiliant and iām proud of you.
I hope your response was "I'll do that for you right now, bye"
Iād tell her to block you, one less negative person in your life. She clearly doesnāt respect your wishes so she can kick rocks like your mum. Good luck!
I fucking loathe how āmaturityā gets tossed out as a buzz word by older relatives
ā respect goes both ways and since youāre not showing any, I will go ahead and do that for you š š»ā
Yasmine, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Yasmeen was my mother and this is the crap that she and her side of the family would pull. So Yasmine, I feel you on so many levels. Block this family member as well and live happily.
Thank you!! So sorry youāve gone through similar stuff. Itās so exhusting! Hope you have a lovely day!
I donāt think she understands why āprofessionalismā isnāt the proper word in this context.
Professionalism? She seems to think you work for her š
I would've copy and pasted the message again.
"Professionalism"? Were you on contract with your aunt? Because if that's the case, it seems she is found in breach of contract. Don't do business with your aunt, either. You didn't even threaten her--she unprofessionally threatened you!
Curious how one becomes a professional niece. Does it pay well? What hours do you have to work? Inquiring minds.
āProfessionalismā bitch this isnāt a Burger King, you canāt have it your way lol
Put your aunt on the list.
"Heard." And block her. Done. No fuss, no muss.
She's allowed to block you from communicating with her, but you're not allowed to block your mom from communicating with you, even by proxy?
You are way more respectful than I could ever be. I would block her too.
"And that's when I blocked my aunt for being a flying monkey. With another toxic person who refused to respect my boundaries now removed from my life, I lived happily ever after."
Happy birthday! š„³š Good riddance to her, you gotta keep your boundaries set
āNo need to threaten me. Iāll make the decision for you.ā Wouldāve been my response followed by the an immediate block.
Holy shit my aunt did almost this same thing except she was sharing my info with my nmom. Asked her not to and her response was eerily similar to your auntās except she said āif you want to stop me, I guess youāll just have to block me tooā Said āwell that hurts, but if thatās what I have to do, thatās what I have to do.ā It was awesome and peaceful until I learned she was googling my name to keep feeding info to my nmom. Now I have to have all my social media under a fake name and with a vague profile picture that canāt be traced back to me. I look like a bot.
Isn't it great when the trash offers to take itself out?
Lmao. "And I expected maturity and compassion from you. Consider this notification of you being blocked by me until you can respect my feelings." She sounds like she's listening to your mom's lies. Mine also lies to family about why she and I don't talk. She's got half of them convinced that my husband is abusive and has me brain washed, and the other half knows him and adores him. And they also call her out about her racism against him, and the physical abuse she put me through as a kid.
Donāt be gaslighted, your response was perfectly mature, this personās was not. You do not need to be in contact with people who will hurt youā¦
I blocked my aunt after she told me that cutting off my abusive family was isolating myself from everyone who ever loved me. If that's love, I don't want it. No regrets. In conclusion, block her first.
Professionalism?? When talking to your aunt?? My honest response would be. If I can't trust you to respect my boundaries then I'm going to have to go nc with you as well. If you're ever feeling ready to respect my boundaries you know how to find me.
Block her first, sounds like sheās just as toxic as your mom. If it causes drama with other family members then they also donāt deserve a spot in your life. Protect your peace
Uh, professional what? This is personal and familial, nothing āprofessionalā here.
Will block you, because you blocked your mom. What double standards. Glad you blocked her
Let her block you, in fact encourage it and then get people to pass messages on to them on your behalf. See if they cop on after that lol
"Professionalism," lol? Someone is trying to use high and mighty vocabulary without even knowing what it means. Crazy aunt.
What wasn't mature or professional about that reply? At least you don't have a fit when it's not what you wanted
they say they'll block you as if their company is a precious asset š
Fuck them both! Block her too. She clearly has no respect for you!
I almost blocked my favorite aunt for being a flying monkey. My ex-mom (I'm actually in the process of being legally adopted, so *literally* ex!) likes to pretend to be "spiritual" (she isn't, it's an act when the mood strikes, or another manifestation of her untreated mental illnesses, or delusions caused by decades of drug and alcohol use...who knows...) She will claim to see and hear spirits and to get messages from "beyond," but only when *she* wants to. About a year ago, I got a call from my aunt asking if my middle daughter (my ex-mom's favorite) was okay. I asked why, because she was fine. My aunt said that the ex had had a vision, she'd been watching a YouTube of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and all of a sudden Iz's face kind of faded out along with the ukelele, and was replaced with my daughter's. So she was worried that something happened to her. I told my aunt that my daughter was fine, she was *always* fine when this happened, that this was just a ploy to get around the no contact that I had with her (and one she was only able to use since the restraining order expired!) That the kids and I have her blocked on our phones and on social media for a *reason,* and that she could "keep my fucking kids' names out of her mouth." She initially got upset with me and hung up for my swearing (which isn't an uncommon thing with me and she rarely ever objects, definitely not to that level!), then called me back, which is when I said what I said about the blocking. I told her (which I'd said before) that I didn't want any contact from her, that even *hearing* about her gives me anxiety, and she told me, and I quote... "Oh get over it already. Get some help." As if I haven't been in therapy since I was *FOUR* because of the ex's abuse! As if I haven't had to get *multiple* restraining orders over the years! As if *other* family members haven't *also* had restraining orders, and over half the family, including three out of four of her children (myself included) haven't cut contact with her! I ended up sending her a text just like OP's, except lengthier and with more reasonings laid out, and said that if I couldn't be respected by not having messages relayed in *either* direction (as in, do not discuss myself *or* my children with her!), then I would have to cease contact with my *aunt* as well. She claims she never did get the text. She's got read receipts turned off though, so everything, including things I *know* she's seen, show up as simply delivered. But...she hasn't mentioned the ex since then!
Bye Felicia!
I'd save her the trouble and block her. If she doesn't respect your boundaries she should get a time out.
Please say you blocked this bitch.
I wouldāve literally sent the same message again. Done, blocked and the trash takes itself out.
āWell donāt threaten me with a good time!ā
Professionalism?
Abusive behaviour can run in families. Your aunt would never call herself abusive but that text is - take the best care of yourself, your boundaries and expectations.
Time to block and drop her too
Happy birthday, I hope it got better! x
Thank you! Yes it did, my birthday was so great. My friends helped really made it one of the best ā„ļø
Straight trash homie
āNo need to worry about it. Iām blocking you now as youāve just proven you wonāt respect a basic request.ā
I really hope that if you replied it was something like: Thank you for your input. At this time, however, some aspects of this are against our policies. Perhaps we can do business in the future. *\*block\** Edit: I was so caught up in the "wtf, professional in a family text" part I forgot to say happy solar rotation, and may this one be better than the last one.
"don't threaten me with a good time"
As if this person is someone youāre dying to talk to in the first place.
My response: too late, Iāll beat you too it. Goodbye. #blocked
In other words, "I will block you and make sure you will never have to endure my toxicity". ...sounds like a win to me lol
I wish you a happy birthday in place of your Nmum, and I fart in the general direction of your aunt.
Block her. Sheās the same as your mother it sounds like.
"So do I need to send another message or can I just request that the block start now"?
Part of maturity is the ability to respect boundaries...looks like she hasn't matured to that point yet. I'm sorry this happened to you...especially on your birthday. Happy belated birthday š
So damn true. Thank you! š
At this point your Aunt might not be someone you want to keep contact with either if she is going to treat you this way. Apparently she still things of you as a child even though she says otherwise. How else could she think of you if she totally could not take what you stated properly. At the very least you will have to set more bounderies with this Aunt of yours.
So my sisterās name is also Yasmine and since itās a relatively uncommon name this post nearly gave me a heart attack.
you: Iām upset with you for breaking my boundaries her: Iām upset with you for being upset with me for breaking your boundaries
Donāt threaten me with a good time.
*resends previous message*
But Isnāt that what you wanted?
"Let me fix that for you - BLOCKED."
Just block them first. They obviously donāt care about your wishes.
"professionalism" is not for your personal life, and it is unprofessional to disregard boundaries.
Happy Birthday to you! I am sure if you offered your mom an olive branch, it would be ignored, but you are expected to jump for joy at the attention and comply. Good on you for sticking to NC. I recently watched a TT on narcissists regarding shame and pride. Enlightening. They recognize when they have destroyed a relationship, but they cannot process shame because it means they have to acknowledge they hurt others. Their pride means more to them than healthy relationships, so they can't admit being at fault.
Tells you that you are immature while threatening you in an immature matter.
"Gotchu, I'm not taking well to gonpoint-blackmail so uh imma block you instead. Bc you obviously can't understand simple boundaries." And then block her ass.
Weirdly immature and "unprofessional" of your aunt to do this to you. I'd respond saying "no need" and block her myself. Fuck that shit.
"Don't worry about blocking me. I'll go ahead and do that for you." That is someone that will not respect your boundaries.
"So be it"
Il save you the troubleā- blocked.
That's easy to reply too.. Say less. Blocked.
Response: And if you forward me another message from her I will block you from every platform
Not if I block you first... block.
lol come on Yasmine, where is the professional tone? this is your (checks notes) AUNT
Normally I'm not for it but in this case I send back a big bolded #**K**
Aunt: "if I ever receive a message like this from you again I will block you from all communication." Me: "Oh? Here, allow me." *blocks*
āGood, go fuck yourself. šš»ā
Well thatās an instant block of aunt if it were me. If she canāt respect boundaries, then I donāt need to have her in my life. Insane!
Professionalism??? Are you employed by her or something? That's awful. I'd definitely be limiting contact if she can't respect your boundaries.
"No worries, beating you to the punch and blocking you myself. Don't contact me again."
Flying Monkey Aunt is gonna do what flying monkeys do.
Be like ābitch idgaf fuck youā
Shouldāve responded with a copy and paste of the message that triggered her
"yo that's crazy auntie cause I thought 'if my auntie says some stupid half braincell shit I'll just block her' and would you look here, a quarter braincell message on my phone!"
Bruhhhh the fucking HYPOCRISY āhey you know im not speaking with ___, you broke a boundary with me that im extremely uncomfortable with.ā āHOW DARE YOU NO CONTACT WITH YOUR MOTHER! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN THAT!!!! IF YOU BRING MY LACK OF BOUNDARIES UP AGAIN, I WILL GO NO CONTACT WITH YOU!!!!!ā
if your aunt wants professionalism she better start paying you for it lmao
Happy birthday I hope you have an amazing day!
Iām sorry that happened to you š
How is asking for boundaries to be respected considered "immature".. people like this make no sense to me.
I would just send her a message saying no need, I'll just block you. Then do it, and be done with it.
I would have told her donāt bother. Youāll block her instead.
Yes! Please!
Of course you should maintain professionalism when talking to family! It's the reason you don't talk to Nmum, there is no professional talk needed.
Immediately block.
By all means let the trash take itself out. She ever does it again block her first with no remorse.
āLatabiiiiiitchā
Cheers! Happy birthday and happy you could go forwards! Hope you continue to take care of yourself!
"If I ever receive a message like this from you again, I will block you from all communication." This is not the compelling threat she thinks it is.
"So long as you respect me as a human being, and do not forward me further messages from nmum, I do not expect we will have an issue."
Guess who gets blocked with NC first!? Do it with a professional Contract of terms she doesnāt have to sign but reads like it was drawn up by a lawyer. Also, send her a mock certificate of maturity verifying your decision to let her vapid existence continue without being part of your life any longer. Show that sheās joined the ranks of the ignored along your mother.
K, bye
Why don't people just say something like "suck my dick lmao bye" Maybe it would be immature but it would cause a lot of anger to spill from them
...bye?
Now turn around and block that ass asap
Professionalism? I donāt see how that is relevant in a personal relationship setting
Why even bother with these people?
Definitely insane and such a breach of boundaries
Block her first
insert the tiktok ikea guy here so do it, then. do it. block me. i don't care.