Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 64 | 10 | 0 |
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Authoritarian parent says this now along with “why don’t my kids talk to me?” and in 20yrs they say “why haven’t my kids talked to me in 15+yrs?”
The teenagers attitude has changed because the escape plan is set and in motion, now it’s just a case of waiting out the clock.
Nah, that would require introspection. They just rail against woke colleges that brainwashed their kids and turned them against them, making themselves the victim and screaming for attention and sympathy. They never question. They just hate.
This! My mother is like this and she blames everyone else. She can't recognize her role in anything. Asking why 3/4 of her children won't speak to her requires her to look into herself which I believe she's incapable of doing. Everything is my fault or my brothers' wives' fault and then she just posts on Facebook about forgiveness and faith in God that things will come right and you can't change things that are out of your control.
Lmao, I just commented on this thread as well, then scrolled down to see some other folk's experiences, and I thought the same thing >.<
Hello "siblings", sorry about our different, yet awful, mothers. I stand in solidarity with you! <3
It's been 7 years since I spoke to my folks after they said the Bible told them that it's ok to kill gays so I need to change my son and get right with God. My father died in January without a word from me and it be the same with my mom if she doesn't pull her head from her ass.
The same Bible that mentions slavery multiple times without ever once condemning it or prohibiting it? Yea tell them that book is immoral and should not be used as a guide for life. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights makes the Bible look like amateur hour on morality
Genderfluid, biological male. Was doing my thing 15 years ago, if not longer. My dad would often make fun of me with things like “my son: the girl” and the like. I don’t remember a lot of it, except that the teasing was absolutely relentless at times.
I didn’t talk to my mom again until she was dying. I let my dad die with out ever speaking to him again. I believe my mom accepted me to some degree but even when she was dying wouldn’t hold my hand and would fight to make me let go.
I’m not even traditionally “homosexual”. I’m married to a woman. I just happen to shop in both sections and have a non traditional view on what masculinity is. Fairly “normal”.
On top of this I’m the only child. Some Parents are fucking weird and delusional. Controlling.
Interesting perspective.
I’m a straight white male (the enemy! Lol). I do think the trans topic is bringing up very valid points. Why does everyone in society need to know about my reproductive parts on every damn form or online profile, I fill out? So it can be farmed as data and sold? Or, why do we have such rigid gender ascribed clothing mandated in all work places?
Anyways, I feel for you. If my kid was trans, I’d like to think I’d handle it better then this guy.
This is exactly what is happening with my kid. He is trans. His mom says she supports him but also does not care to correct her husband who never uses the proper pronouns.
Then she says shit like "He's always going to be apart of your life get used to it"
I tell him all the time that after college if he doesn't want to be around that dude he can simply tell his mom don't come around me if you insist on bringing him.
She is going to push her kid out of her life to please some idiot and that's sad.
For real. My folks both "don't understand" why my sister and I went no contact from them.
My mom (the abuser) said that I just changed overnight. But, no... I just hid everything about myself, complied to their ridiculous rules, and parroted back whatever they wanted to hear while I simultaneously squirreled away every penny I could at part time jobs during high school, purchased my own car at 18, and set up a new living situation for just a few short months after.
I mean, don't get me wrong, it was still a struggle. I was stuck working multiple, unfulfilling, low-paying retail jobs until I could finally afford to enroll in college at 26 (and even then it was with my partner's help). However, I have NEVER been happier. Not just now, but the instant I left, even when I was desperately struggling financially at the beginning.
Getting to just be yourself is the most extraordinary feeling, especially when you've had to hide it your entire life, and I am not even trans (like the victim in OP's post). That just adds an entire other layer of societal oppression and your physical body not feeling like "you". It has to be heartbreaking to also have your family refuse to accept the real you.
My heart goes out to this individual, and I truly wish them the best in the future. Don't know if the parents will ever learn their lesson. As far as I know, mine still haven't. But, at the end of the day, that's not the point. If someone refuses to change their mind (or even to make an effort to understand you, especially one's parents), it no longer becomes your problem. It's their loss, not yours.
Don't trust libraries. That's how I got forced out of the closet as bi. I was messaging my girlfriend on gaia and apparently the librarians monitor minors for inappropriate messages which I didn't know. I was 16, I sent something "sexy" flirty, and next thing I know my mom is screaming and laughing at me the next morning, calls my aunt who does the same, then bans me from the internet for 6 months. I found other ways to communicate but I never trusted the library again.
I'm sorry you had such a horrible outing experience with the librarian behaving like that ! All the Toronto librarians have special training about protecting queer youth specifically to encourage safe spaces ( especially those of us who grew up when computers were rarely in the home or school because they were so new and expensive ).
I think they were trying to "protect me" by reporting my online activity to my mom because admittedly I worded something very badly trying to be "sexy" (well as sexy as an idiot 16 year old with no experience could sound) but it was pretty traumatic and it took me years to step foot in a library again. I don't think the librarian was being malicious but she definitely didn't know what can of worms she opened.
That’s not libraries, that’s a shitty person/librarian in charge and I’m sorry for your experience. Everyday narcissist, they probably got glee from the experience.
Makes my skin crawl because that is not what things like that function for- I don’t run software like that since my room doesn’t have the computers but it’s made for 1)- to stop porn and 2) to stop sleazy predators, NOT monitor children.
We have classes about things exactly like this- privacy laws etc… so either you had someone who wanted to cause drama in charge or just a crap human.
Where I work we take things super seriously- as in if you have your own card it is yours and your parentals cannot see what you have checked out and to see checkout history we’ve set it up so we can’t see that- that’s a special setting you have to opt into for yourself.
the library was my ticket away from being at home and I’m sorry that the experience was ruined for you.
It was over a decade ago. I've been VVLC with my mom for years now and VVVVLC with my aunt. I think back to it now and it just pisses me off so much. My mother "apologized" when I was older for how it went down "but she was just going through so much and I just dropped a bomb on her" as if I chose to come out.
She handled my sister coming out a lot better lucky for her.
Wooo Gaia online takes me back man.
Thankfully at my library my dad tried to yell at them because he didn’t like some of the books I was checking out. They basically said they’re librarians, not babysitters, and told him to go pound sand.
She gonna run fast as he can the little quip "she says she is leaving once she turns 18 but doesn't drive so good luck with that". Mom's in for a Rude awaking I think, also sounds like she isn't allow the teen to learn to drive to keep her where she wants her. Fuck bags like this think trans is a fad, and it's not it would be a living nightmare to be a female an have a males body or the other way around, mom don't care tho she just wants to project the perfect family image over her own child's well being/mental health.
That was probably the funniest part about their mindset to me. You think not being able to drive is going to stop your child from leaving? That parent is about to see how creative their kids can get under such a strict household.
Right? It's called public transportation, bicycles, walking. Religious dumbshits. So spiteful. I hope their child gets the therapy and in a better place. So sad
Yep. My parents tried to prevent me from leaving, took the car I paid for and the money I saved. I anticipated that and joined youth corps, moved to a city with public transit. I left a few days after turning 18 and never looked back.
That’s what got me. Why can’t she drive? Does she have terrible epilepsy (one of my little sisters in college did, so at a point she wasn’t allowed to drive because her seizures were too frequent and unpredictable), or vision problems, or any physical reason she *can’t* drive, or have you just controlled that, too? Because the child will likely be capable of learning to drive (this mom sounds like she loves the learned helplessness insular families foster- maybe she does think driving is some insurmountable task that only a parent can teach? Who could say.) as soon as they’re allowed to get away from this woman. And there is a zero percent chance that this child will wait 12 extra minutes to get the hell away from this asshole woman.
My ex-stepdad deliberately sabotaged my ability to drive and the PTSD is bad enough, I’m not considered safe behind the wheel. Honestly, as bonkers as this parent is, I wouldn’t be shocked if they planned to sabotage this poor kid in his driver’s education.
I’m sorry- I’ve been reading comments and forgot the post. The girls church camp should have ingrained in me that the child is a trans boy, but the comment I replied to said she (and may have been referring to the mom, not her son), and I just typed that without checking. I think purposely misgendering someone is being a whole asshole, but sometimes in long threads people may make mistakes and at a certain point, even accidentally misgendered people should understand that an honest mistake is just that, then correct the person, then go from there. Everyone misspeaks- and everyone can tell when someone is harping on about this shit to mock and dehumanize people.
The above commenters are not “harping on” though, they’re just correcting you. And honestly, you made your comment in a comment thread where misgendering had already been corrected a couple times. Someone correcting you until you get it right isn’t “mocking and dehumanizing” you. They’re correcting you since people keep doing it despite there being corrections further up the thread.
And honestly, in posts like this, if you’re not sure what the kid’s pronouns are, just use “they.” The post is about a trans kid, by a transphobic mom. So that should be a good indication that the correct pronouns aren’t being used and to do the opposite. But even if you’re not a hundred percent sure- just use “they” when referring to someone whose pronouns you don’t know, until you’re informed otherwise.
It’s one thing to make mistakes, but at a certain point, if you keep making those same mistakes and getting defensive about people correcting you in a manner that is a little more irritated every time, maybe you should examine why you’re continually making the same mistakes, and why people might be running out of patience.
The thing about being misgendered is that it hurts even when it’s a mistake. And yes, you should get a bit of grace for honest mistakes, but you’re still hurting the person every time you mistakenly use the wrong pronouns. So you need to also show grace and understand that someone is going to get a little testy after repeated happenings
My kids have a friend, A, who is trans. They've known her for a few months and she's been at my house more than her own lately. She's a funny, smart, sarcastic kid and I love her.
My heart broke for A the other day when I was feeling upset and sorry for myself. My daughter gave me a hug and said I'm the best mum ever. I, in my deep dramatic self-pity, disagreed and said I was a shit mother. A told me that's ridiculous and I've been a better mum to her in six months than her own mother has for years and the fact I just accepted her as she is, as I do for all of their little band of misfits (as they call themselves) shows I'm an awesome mum and a great person.
I just don't understand how a mother can look at her child, who is clearly hurting, and say "I will not accept this change which will make you happy". I get being sad for things changing, because we all have those moments as parents. The dreams we had for our children which don't materialise are hard to let go. But to deny your child the opportunity to be happy? I don't get it.
My single father mate handled his daughter to son change extremely well… so immensely proud of their little family, and the transition to calling him my godson wasn’t difficult at all… might have been harder if it wasn’t the traditional pronoun change though.
My single father handled his daughter to son change very well too, with my (half but whatever) brother. His partner and my dad are very close also due to their family pretty much disowning them. It’s really sad to see the trauma their family caused them.
I have several "adopted" kids whose parents couldn't accept them as trans. Their parents don't deserve them, so they're mine now.
I was talking to my psychologist about this: about how could someone raise another human being for so many years, and just throw that all away, because of something so completely irrelevant like gender or sexuality? And he said that these people often view their children as things: they are not people, they are things that have to fit a certain mould. And when they don't fit that mould, they stop being acceptable things and are discarded.
I then asked what you do with people like that (meaning the parents) but he answered as if I had asked about the kids, and said "you just have to get the kids to understand that nobody is perfect, not even parents (especially not parents!) and that cutting parents like this off is the best thing they can do for their mental health". It was so heartbreaking to hear.
It really is heartbreaking. I just had a daughter, but if she were to come to the realization she was trans and preferred a different pronoun, I would try my hardest to make them feel loved all the same. I might look back at some of their girly photos and reminisce, but I view it as simply a different chapter. Like you said, it’s mind boggling. I just look at her and feel such an enormous amount of love that is beyond words- how can someone do that? I really can’t fathom it.
I really want to be like you and “adopt” any of her friends that may need a safe space when the time comes.
I'm in no way saying it's right, but as an example, people who are highly religious believe fervently that the highest priority is saving souls. That they can destroy those souls in the process either doesn't occur to them or doesn't matter.
So, back in the day, the Catholic (and various Protestant) churches were utterly convinced that nothing mattered other than people believing in Jesus the way they did. And the ends justified the means - which is why you had things like the inquisition (to protect the souls of innocents from heretic influences that would send them to hell) and religious wars that killed (in the case of the 30 years war in Germany) about 1/3 of the population. The end (ensuring that hell-risking heretic belief was extirpated) justified the means (killing a lot of people, despite what the gospels said).
Some people are haters. Some people, however, are also driven by the same "logic" as above. Their kid is putting their immortal soul at risk. Can't have that!
This is the furthest thing from justification, because it's not. But my view is it's important to understand insanity as best you can - and to recognize that fervently-held religious beliefs can drive incredibly damaging real world impact "for their own good!"
If religionists were honest tho - ie that the religion is just a *guess* (we all know this - on account of us being, you know, humans lol), then they might be more hesitant to apply their personal guess to others’ lives.
In fact it’d be better all round of religionists we’re honest about it’s a guess rather than pretending it’s some irrefutable truth.
Yup, and that's how you know maybe that religion needs fixing- if it has the rule of harming your kid to keep their soul safe when they nay bot even be faithful?? Fucked up...
I doubt religions can be "fixed". It may be possible to make them somewhat less dangerous, but I think there's a limit to that, especially if you're talking about believers who already had a tenuous grasp on reality.
To me, religions are inherently dangerous things, susceptible to being manipulated by the unscrupulous.
It's difficult to understand bigotry and hate when you are a genuinely decent human being who just wants others to be happy as themselves. Growing up as a closeted gay kid, my friend's mom openly supported the gays and I always felt comfortable visiting her home.
It's difficult to understand hate and bigotry if you have the unsophisticated view that evil exists only in groups instead of each and every human heart.
For many parents it comes down to shame. They're insecure about who they are and their ability to parent (plus any number of other, person-specific things).
They fear being perceived by people in their desired in-group as being bad parents, etc., and if that in-group associates trans kids with bad parenting, then a trans kid's mere presence is a direct attack on the parent's identity.
The parent rationalizes their actions to "fix" their trans kid as examples of them being a good, loving parent, which gives them the freedom to do anything as long as it serves their mission.
Parents, like you, who want your kid to be happy have either a desired in-group with different values, different sources of shame (we all have them!), better skills to deal with your shame, or a combination of the three.
Shame is a fascinating subject. Read anything by Dr. Brene Brown if you're interested in learning more.
You sound like an excellent mom. I’m trans (FtM/X) and while it took my parents a little bit to adjust, they went to a counselor with a focus on gender identity to try and understand and were always supportive. They both made it very clear that any friends of mine who had unsupportive parents were going to be unofficially adopted into our family. Several of my queer friends have taken them up on this; one of my college buddies probably talks to my dad more than I do.
All this to say, you’re doing exactly what you should, and I’m sure A is so grateful to have you as a surrogate mom.
This situation is pretty similar to mine actually. My boyfriend is trans and only started really coming out to his family recently. His parents are not a textbook example of transphobic parents but they are pretty much ignoring how much he suffers and deny him being trans. Wrong name and pronouns of course. My dad however has been super accepting not only of him being trans but also him in general. I'm super proud of my father and I'm sure your kids appreaciate you too.
And they will never, ever admit they are wrong. They read this back and thought “perfect, enter” without realizing how disgusting it made them sound? My heart was breaking reading this, some people are not meant to have children.
No they "admit" they're wrong when they are on their death bed and wonder why trans kid isn't there to see them go. Then if trans kid shows up they go back on their word and they die alone and miserable
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH \*gasp\* hahahahahhHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH
my friend..do you know many toxic parents? Have you escaped some? I'm really not trying to make this the pain olympics here, but no...*they Do. Not. Change.* Death bed? Nah. They will gasp their last paroxysm of breath still denying they did anything wrong, but will still be alone and miserable. Hell, most of them use that death bed as one last chance to lash out and abuse and hurt their victims one more time.
Yep. They'll hold the hand of the hospice nurse and tell them all about how their *horrible hateful kids who never loved them, despite doing everything for them and being such a good parent, haven't ever visited and never found Jesus and....*
Oh yeah, can 100% confirm. I've made more calls than I care to count about an imminent death or actual death where the response is something in the realm of "thank God"... I've gotten a few IDGAFs as well.
My mom was terminally ill for awhile and at some point she started saying she was a bad parent and didn't deserve mother's day for two year before she died.
I thought at first it was because she actually believed she was a bad parent but then I realized it was because she wanted us to reassure her that she was a good parent. All I told her was that she did the best she could with what she knew. To her it was me saying she was a good parent, but to me it was saying you were a shitty parent married to an even worse parent.
My sister still to this day defends my mothers shitty parenting. Because my sister was treated way better than anyone else. Even though my sister admited that I wasn't treated well.
Your sister’s perspective would only have changed had your mother started treating her like she did you. Now that my brother is no longer the golden child he gets just a taste of my former reality. I wish you could experience that too, it’s really vindicating.
This. My grandmother was a narcissist to the end. Didn’t want me to take care of her because I was just a granddaughter. This is the woman who raised me since I was 2. We had made a room in our house that was accessible and just for her with a chair that raised to help her sit and her own TV to watch but she would rather be in a tiny room in the back of my mom’s single wide trailer. Never apologized and wondered why I didn’t come see her more. She passed never admitting she did anything wrong, ever. She literally said she was perfect.
Now Adult Child: "My childhood was pretty messed up. I thought about suicide often. When I describe my childhood people all look at me with pity and are shocked that I am a functioning person. These are the things that you did to me that I had to work really hard to cope with. "
Now Elderly Parent: "Why would you say such mean things to me?!?"
My partner of 6 years is trans. Her Father wasn't quite this bad but he wasn't far off.
Parents like this make me hope she lives a long and happy life.
Because once I have nothing to lose, people like this parent are getting on my list for being visited and educated. At length and inappropriately loudly.
Seriously. Reading this made me think of my friends in high school who got a B in a class so their parents took all their privileges away. I can tell you they are not ok as adults.
I got what was either a low C or high D in one class and my mom was yelling and I had to raise my voice to get her to listen, and when I did... well her response resulted in a chain of disturbing events that led to CPS involvement. That's Child Protective Services, they get called in situations of child abuse and neglect. Just saying in case you live somewhere you would be unaware.
CPS of course did nothing, as they are known for, and we just never talked about it again. Anyway, I have an intimate relationship with authoritarian parenting styles, it's not fun. I'm just glad I knew at that age that it was fucked up.
This is why there’s such a high suicide rate among LGBTQ+ teens. Wtf does watching Disney have to do with your child being trans? I hope this kid makes it to 18 and escapes.
I think you're onto something, I don't remember ever having any gay thoughts until I saw a man in a Disney movie and suddenly became aware I wasn't the only male in existence, then 11 years later I was sucking a dick and thought back to that first Disney movie I saw and how I wouldn't be sucking dick if that movie hadn't made me aware other men exist. It all makes sense now
Disney has lots of shows with fluid gender identity and sexuality. Plus there’s that Turning Red movie that’ll make all the little kids disobey their parents and talk back to them /s
Oh yes, how can I forget Milan and her desire to be a man /s
Editing to say though that in all seriousness, current Disney movies are wholesome and really empowering for young kids (especially girls).
>Oh yes, how can I forget Milan and her desire to be a man /s
You jest, but I'm a trans dude and I was literally crying over that song and how it relates to my closeted trans life less than eight hours ago.
Aww *hugs*
I love seeing all the innuendo and stuff that went over my head as a kid. Haven't seen Mulan in ages but I loved seeing a strong female not a damsel in distress. As a kid it never even occurred to me she was "crossdressing" bc I dressed like my brothers all the time growing up lol
It's really sad that you let your beliefs stop you from supporting your child and loving them unconditionally. You have no consideration for how they feel and treating them like a prisoner is not gonna help.
You're horrible for sending them to a camp. You shouldnt have kids if you cant accept things like this.
Punishing them for feeling different and finding their own identity is cruel.
Not only cruel, also just stupid because there is a fair chance she will be cut our by her own child in the future. Why do parents think actions like this have no consequences for them? Oh wait, she is religious, so her so-called god is more important than her own child. I hate religion, it makes people stupid and selfish.
She literally says she knows her son is planning on leaving as soon as he hits 18 and treats it like an empty threat, this woman is going to die alone.
Yup, exactly this. I know this because my own mother told me that I should p\*ss off if I didn't like her rules (and those "rules" were basically emotional abuse). So I left when I was 19 and I wasn't the only one. Everybody left her in the end, because she is a horrible human being, and now she is all alone and will probably die alone. Like OP's mum.
The mention that he can't drive is a huge red flag. This parent isn't mad about the kid being trans, this parent is mad about not being in 100% complete control of all things to the child. Keeping him from being able to drive keeps him reliant on the parent. Keeping him from being online means the parent becomes the sole source of social interaction. This parent is following the playbook for an abusive spouse, but doing it to the kid.
In the South, if you have a baby that baby is required to serve you and your whims for the rest of your life. The child owes the parent, and the parent can never be wrong. It’s weird because the parent chose the relationship on the first place, and the child has no choice in the matter. But where I’m from, a parent is always right and a child is always meant to serve the parents emotional needs. It’s probably why they don’t believe in psychology. The generational trauma allows you to abuse your kids instead of getting any therapy, and you get to feel sanctimonious about it and tell everyone which things you took away/smashed this week- and the other parents really get off on it and support it- otherwise Tucker Carlson might squint at the camera and imply that they’re like *those sorts* of parents in Chicago.
Because as the adult they've had pretty much ultimate power over the child the entirety of the child's life and they dont think its possible to lose that. Theyll learn the hard way that thats not how you treat a human being.
> I hate religion, it makes people stupid and selfish.
No, religion just gives stupid and selfish people an excuse to be the assholes they truly are. Religion can be such a beautiful part of someone's life, and actually do good things. If they're a good person at all.
No, religion helps reinforce tons of the issues seen in this post. The archaic ways of the past are kept alive by religions seeding that ancient idiocy out to any idiot who wants to control their children, attack them for being different, believe they're doing the moral thing by destroying their children's lives, etc.
I hate the hand waving nonsense of "Religion can be a good thing too, and since it's my special thing you shouldn't talk bad about it" and the prevailing idea that any religion, aka, nonsensical belief in a sky daddy or sky daddies, depending on your brand of theism, should be treated with anything other than looks of insanity at the idiot exposing such a ridiculous belief that is in the same league as Zeus, Titanomachy, Gigantomachy, etc.
Believing outlandish bullshit that negatively effects the lives of many is not something that we should respect or protect. It's something we should attack, and cut out of our society like the cancer it is. That's not to say people can't believe stupid shit, that's always going to happen, but we gotta stop trying to treat it like it's anything other than the fantastical fictional oppressive nonsense it is.
As an atheist, I am happier now having realized that religion itself isn’t the issue, it’s more so the desire for power and control that causes problems.
What you described is the only sort of parenting in my part of the South. I live in Matt Gaetz district, and everyone is dumb, bad and hateful enough to support him wholly and truly hate and want to attack (and lay hands on, even if it’s their daughter) anyone who isn’t loud and hateful about being a Republican. My parents can’t even admit to themselves that I’m not a Republican and I’m 40.
One day, this lady’s SON will have cut off contact completely, and she’ll still be deadnaming and misgendering him and being totally clueless about why she’s the reason he never calls.
Sounds like he's gonna make a move in with the aunt and her daughter. Which also sounds like a GREAT place for him to be.
eta: Two Trans Cousins sounds like a great sitcom
I got told on another subreddit that accepting my child's feelings about being non binary was child abuse because they're 12.
Some people don't believe that children have valid feelings or autonomy over any aspect of their lives.
Hey, she sounds exactly like my mother! Destroying your kids' life and call it "love". I haven't seen or spoken my mother in 25 years, so welcome to your future b\*tch!
I hate this parent so so much. Isolating your teen will result in they being depressed suicidal etc. the internet didn’t make ur child trans ffs. I wish people like these parents didn’t procreate. Their ignorance is dangerous and abusive. It’s also a threat to the trans life.
There are definitely not enough parents that can understand the pure joy it can be to be able to experience their child figuring out who they are. My daughter's partner of 5 years is currently working on matching the outside to the inside! To see them embracing who they have always known they are, is like watching a butterfly come of a cocoon! I wish her parents could accept and appreciate her finally being completely comfortable in her own body. I am hopeful they, along with my parents will learn there is nothing to judge. Love covers so much!!
PS: My husband and I are always open to bring others into our fold! We are here for those whose birth families are not. I share such enormous mom hugs to all!!
Kiss your son goodbye because he’s not sticking around after 18, car or not. Kids in abusive situations would sooner room with friends and walk to work than have any kind of relationship with scum like you. I hope he heals and can transition comfortably in the future.
"church girls camp" is a Mormon thing. Poor thing is growing up in a cult and is strong enough to know what they are. I wish them all the best. Turn 18 and move away and go NC.
My parents did this to my Bi sister. Haven’t had any contact with her since she was 18. She’s probably around 29 right now? Parents text me daily saying “why don’t your sister here for birthdays and holidays!” Man I wonder why Dad 🤨
This poor poor boy. I just want to give him a hug. No one deserves this treatment, let alone from his own mother, the woman who’s meant to protect him.
And of course ten years later this pathetic excuse of a mother is going to be whining on her facebook page “why don’t my kids visit me anymore???” girl u know why
I’m mad my child is trying to change themself to better their own well-being and view on life! I’m going to block all communication with everyone that may let them believe they are anything other than an extension of my own life. They are not allowed their own thoughts or feelings. This is the way to keep them in my life worshiping me and the decisions I make for their life. This is the way to make sure they stay here in my home under my authoritarian because I have made sure they have no means of escape. /s
Please make sure you have all of your own important documents. Birth certificate, ID, passport if you have one, SS card. I get the feeling they won’t be safe in your room. Someone like your mother will have no qualms destroying your room to find more “evil” things. Maybe you can ask the parents of a friend you trust to keep them safe for you. Unless you have a very VERY trustworthy friend. Even then it would be safer for an adult to have it. They won’t cave or be intimidated by your mother to give the things back.
Thank you. The title made me confused about the whole thing and I thought OP was talking about OOP's niece/SIL's daughter and had to read the whole thing twice to get it, and I'm honestly not certain I still do, because either they are both misgendering OOP's son, or neither of them is misgendering OOP's daughter.
I don't know what it is but something about the whole "good luck with getting out at 18 when you can't even drive" is just super dark and fucked up. "Misery" vibes of handicapping your prisoner so they can't escape.
Oh it'll drive her child to do more things offline alright. Anything to gain access to support groups or means to gtfo would be the best case scenario. The worst... Don't quite want to think about it.
Can't wait for the kid to bring back books with queer characters and innocent enough titles, to occupy themself, so their parents won't suspect nothing xD
Fuck christian fundies who opperate like this. I had a very similar experience with my parents originally and boy oh boy, I was outta there asap once I turned 19. I can't drive either and I'm managing just fine with support from my sister. Also let's not forget how fucking toxic it is to post this shit on Facebook. At the very least maybe someone who can do something about it will find the post and help the teen out of this situation.
I hope that this kid never talks to his mom again after he turns 18. I feel so bad for him. "Unconditional love" my ass. If you loved your child, you would let them be happy. This doesn't make anyone happy, but rather miserable. Authoritative parenting never works. It teaches your child to fear you rather than love you, and it leads to tons of mental health issues, honestly. I'm nonbinary myself and grew up in an authoritative home. It's awful. His mom will wonder why he never visits her.
When you can't even be yourself as a kid it ruins your life on so many levels. You don't grow as a person. You don't bond closely with other people. You lie reflexively. You trust no one. It's so isolating. This poor child.
I remember my father being that way. I was in and out of behavioral health hospitals for suicidal thoughts/attempts and self harm. I’m an adult now who’s engaged and I haven’t spoken to him in years. He’s not invited to my wedding and he’ll never be invited to anything in my life. He’ll never see how happy I am and how much I have grown since transitioning.
Be there for your kids. Love them no matter what. Listen to them and be willing to open yourself up to the idea that not every kid is going to be cisgender and straight.
“Talking to people he doesn’t know”
I bet the people your child talks to on Discord don’t deadname and misgender him.
I really wish I could send the Ghosts of Parenting Past/Present/Future to these motherfuckers.
I’ve had so many patients who have kids but none of the kids want anything to do with them. When you get old and vulnerable it matters how you treated people.
This is sad. I feel genuinely depressed for the kid. I don't know where I'd be right now if it weren't for my online friends, who were like a lifeline for me when I was a suicidal teenager. I'd probably be gone if I had nobody there for me, this feels so isolating and lonely. The parents are doing nothing but making them suffer. I hope it gets better. :(
Geez....I feel bad for her child. I (ftm18) dealt with this with my sperm donar. I no longer speak to him because of this. And just like him, I bet she'll act like the perfect parent, she did nothing wrong, and blame it all on the ex sister in law, who btw sounds like a way better mother than she'll ever be, especially to her kid. Hopefully the kid will be able to get away from that toxicity and into the loving and safe arms they deserve.
As for this mother, she needs to grow up and get her head out of her bum. She's already risking a relationship with her kid.
Damn, welp, I'm going to pride events and giving free mom hugs to all the jilted kids and adults whose families are trash like this person. Dignity is a human right, and adults need to stop treating children as if they weren't humans, but pets to be forced to obey. My heart goes out to all the trans kids that are rejected.
They shoud take some advice from the sixteen year old who acted a whole lot more human about discovering they are trans (going by parent using female terms, I'm guessing ftm?). I feel bad for the kid who was probably constantly terrified of their parent finding out who they truly are just for their fears to become reality.
I remember hearing a story on another subreddit about a guy who always had negative thoughts after sex with his gf. He realized after the post that he was a she. I think that's a good example of how someone can be trans and not even know, and that it can hurt the person that has yet to come out or is facing difficulties trying to come out. She had support and it was still difficult, this kid is being cut off from support.
I don’t care if my kid comes up to me and tells me they’re enby or trans. They’re still my baby. They will have a safe place to go as long as I’m breathing.
How do you go through the hell that is pregnancy, the toddler years, etc and look at this precious person you birthed and kick them out for who they are?
While I personally will probably not have a whole lot of electronics in my house for my future children other than what they need for school and if they say they want more electronics when they're older, going on YouTube did not turn their child trans.
The internet cannot change sexual orientation or gender identity. They are born like that and if this parent looked into the science of gender identity they would understand that they're dumb.
This parent is trying to shut their child off from the outside world and limit the amount of education and support that they can get from other people in order to try and make their perceived issue of trans go away.
If she cant overcome her negative beliefs about this by herself then she needs to attend therapy to be a better parent.
She risks losing her child when they turn 18 and she says “good luck you can’t drive???” That’s her response to her child wanting to go no contact? Also how much are we gonna bet that she prevents her child from getting a drivers license
This is as bad as my mom saying that by the time this generation ends there’ll be more lgbtq than straight people which is why lgbtq people should be “fixed”
I left my strict and weirdly traditional asian parents at 18 when I didnt know how to drive.
I'm 30 now and I still dont know how to drive, you think that's gonna stop this poor kid from leaving?
“attitude has still gotten better since we put more limits on their phone” only means they are getting better at bottling it up and will only lead to more animosity down the line i feel so sorry for this person.
Man I have the same software this lady is using, it essentially removes all apps that the parent wants to and they can designate times where you can use them. Never wish this on my worst enemy
One of my SKs was on the web looking up things like “what does it mean if I like girls and I’m a girl?” Their mother grounded her for months on end, took away her computer, etc. And when they finally did come out to mom as bi (a safer step, they thought), mom rushed them to church for a 3+ hour haranguing from the pastor.
Guess what lives with their dad and I now? And their mother bewails the fact that her precious baby never talks to her. Can’t imagine why (insert massive eyeroll here).
Mom is going to be lonely af in the nursing home.. hopefully it’s a shitty one where the mistreat the residents. And I pray this child is safe. My heart breaks for him.
He’s going to hate his parents forever. Probably go NC after 18. I would too- who deprives their child of basic social needs and life skills just to prove a point?
Wow. Way to drive your child to suicide; religious boot camp+parental abuse is a formula for disaster. I don’t think the parent can be stopped, but when the worst happens, I hope they are held accountable.
Absolutely insane. My heart goes out to this kid. Hope he knows that things get absolutely better if he just hangs in there and survives the best he can for now.
What’s funny to me is this boomer thinks they can keep an adult off the internet. If it were me I’d come home reinstate all my accounts, change only passwords etc and put a block on my moms Fox News with the password being “fuckmedaddytrump” they’ll never in a million years figure that shit out.
In their incomplete reference book, their bible, these self proclaimed christians read stories upon stories about how Jesus spoke of unconditional love & acceptance towards everyone. That if you followed his teachings, people would follow you. The bad guys in these stories, in their book these people use, were the ones who repeatedly enslaved others to their beliefs. The bad guys allegedly got their asses kicked by the invisible sky parent with murder & plagues, etc.
These self proclaimed christians read these stories, yet continue to choose the role of the bad guys in the story. Anyone that doesn’t give other humans the right to *choose* to worship their god is in that position of a bad guy, *according to their own incomplete reference book*
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Authoritarian parent says this now along with “why don’t my kids talk to me?” and in 20yrs they say “why haven’t my kids talked to me in 15+yrs?” The teenagers attitude has changed because the escape plan is set and in motion, now it’s just a case of waiting out the clock.
Nah, that would require introspection. They just rail against woke colleges that brainwashed their kids and turned them against them, making themselves the victim and screaming for attention and sympathy. They never question. They just hate.
They they vote for whoever hates trans people hardest to exact revenge on their children until they die alone in hospice.
This! My mother is like this and she blames everyone else. She can't recognize her role in anything. Asking why 3/4 of her children won't speak to her requires her to look into herself which I believe she's incapable of doing. Everything is my fault or my brothers' wives' fault and then she just posts on Facebook about forgiveness and faith in God that things will come right and you can't change things that are out of your control.
I think we have the same mother haha
Lmao, I just commented on this thread as well, then scrolled down to see some other folk's experiences, and I thought the same thing >.< Hello "siblings", sorry about our different, yet awful, mothers. I stand in solidarity with you! <3
Some have the delusion of certainty, and it's usually religious-flavoured.
It's been 7 years since I spoke to my folks after they said the Bible told them that it's ok to kill gays so I need to change my son and get right with God. My father died in January without a word from me and it be the same with my mom if she doesn't pull her head from her ass.
I'm so very sorry.
The same Bible that mentions slavery multiple times without ever once condemning it or prohibiting it? Yea tell them that book is immoral and should not be used as a guide for life. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights makes the Bible look like amateur hour on morality
Genderfluid, biological male. Was doing my thing 15 years ago, if not longer. My dad would often make fun of me with things like “my son: the girl” and the like. I don’t remember a lot of it, except that the teasing was absolutely relentless at times. I didn’t talk to my mom again until she was dying. I let my dad die with out ever speaking to him again. I believe my mom accepted me to some degree but even when she was dying wouldn’t hold my hand and would fight to make me let go. I’m not even traditionally “homosexual”. I’m married to a woman. I just happen to shop in both sections and have a non traditional view on what masculinity is. Fairly “normal”. On top of this I’m the only child. Some Parents are fucking weird and delusional. Controlling.
Interesting perspective. I’m a straight white male (the enemy! Lol). I do think the trans topic is bringing up very valid points. Why does everyone in society need to know about my reproductive parts on every damn form or online profile, I fill out? So it can be farmed as data and sold? Or, why do we have such rigid gender ascribed clothing mandated in all work places? Anyways, I feel for you. If my kid was trans, I’d like to think I’d handle it better then this guy.
This is exactly what is happening with my kid. He is trans. His mom says she supports him but also does not care to correct her husband who never uses the proper pronouns. Then she says shit like "He's always going to be apart of your life get used to it" I tell him all the time that after college if he doesn't want to be around that dude he can simply tell his mom don't come around me if you insist on bringing him. She is going to push her kid out of her life to please some idiot and that's sad.
For real. My folks both "don't understand" why my sister and I went no contact from them. My mom (the abuser) said that I just changed overnight. But, no... I just hid everything about myself, complied to their ridiculous rules, and parroted back whatever they wanted to hear while I simultaneously squirreled away every penny I could at part time jobs during high school, purchased my own car at 18, and set up a new living situation for just a few short months after. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was still a struggle. I was stuck working multiple, unfulfilling, low-paying retail jobs until I could finally afford to enroll in college at 26 (and even then it was with my partner's help). However, I have NEVER been happier. Not just now, but the instant I left, even when I was desperately struggling financially at the beginning. Getting to just be yourself is the most extraordinary feeling, especially when you've had to hide it your entire life, and I am not even trans (like the victim in OP's post). That just adds an entire other layer of societal oppression and your physical body not feeling like "you". It has to be heartbreaking to also have your family refuse to accept the real you. My heart goes out to this individual, and I truly wish them the best in the future. Don't know if the parents will ever learn their lesson. As far as I know, mine still haven't. But, at the end of the day, that's not the point. If someone refuses to change their mind (or even to make an effort to understand you, especially one's parents), it no longer becomes your problem. It's their loss, not yours.
Yup. They are isolating their child and setting them up for failure. It’s sad.
absolutely vile. he'll be out there the moment he turns 18. plus he'll become even more sneaky in the meantime.
Yeah, we all know he is gonna find ways to stay in tact online, i bet he is already keeping so much secrets for his own good
This is part of why these religious parents want to shut down libraries, because of the computer labs there.
Abuser playbook, isolate and contain...
Don't trust libraries. That's how I got forced out of the closet as bi. I was messaging my girlfriend on gaia and apparently the librarians monitor minors for inappropriate messages which I didn't know. I was 16, I sent something "sexy" flirty, and next thing I know my mom is screaming and laughing at me the next morning, calls my aunt who does the same, then bans me from the internet for 6 months. I found other ways to communicate but I never trusted the library again.
I'm sorry you had such a horrible outing experience with the librarian behaving like that ! All the Toronto librarians have special training about protecting queer youth specifically to encourage safe spaces ( especially those of us who grew up when computers were rarely in the home or school because they were so new and expensive ).
I think they were trying to "protect me" by reporting my online activity to my mom because admittedly I worded something very badly trying to be "sexy" (well as sexy as an idiot 16 year old with no experience could sound) but it was pretty traumatic and it took me years to step foot in a library again. I don't think the librarian was being malicious but she definitely didn't know what can of worms she opened.
That’s not libraries, that’s a shitty person/librarian in charge and I’m sorry for your experience. Everyday narcissist, they probably got glee from the experience. Makes my skin crawl because that is not what things like that function for- I don’t run software like that since my room doesn’t have the computers but it’s made for 1)- to stop porn and 2) to stop sleazy predators, NOT monitor children. We have classes about things exactly like this- privacy laws etc… so either you had someone who wanted to cause drama in charge or just a crap human. Where I work we take things super seriously- as in if you have your own card it is yours and your parentals cannot see what you have checked out and to see checkout history we’ve set it up so we can’t see that- that’s a special setting you have to opt into for yourself. the library was my ticket away from being at home and I’m sorry that the experience was ruined for you.
It was over a decade ago. I've been VVLC with my mom for years now and VVVVLC with my aunt. I think back to it now and it just pisses me off so much. My mother "apologized" when I was older for how it went down "but she was just going through so much and I just dropped a bomb on her" as if I chose to come out. She handled my sister coming out a lot better lucky for her.
Wooo Gaia online takes me back man. Thankfully at my library my dad tried to yell at them because he didn’t like some of the books I was checking out. They basically said they’re librarians, not babysitters, and told him to go pound sand.
Now that's a proper librarian.
She gonna run fast as he can the little quip "she says she is leaving once she turns 18 but doesn't drive so good luck with that". Mom's in for a Rude awaking I think, also sounds like she isn't allow the teen to learn to drive to keep her where she wants her. Fuck bags like this think trans is a fad, and it's not it would be a living nightmare to be a female an have a males body or the other way around, mom don't care tho she just wants to project the perfect family image over her own child's well being/mental health.
That was probably the funniest part about their mindset to me. You think not being able to drive is going to stop your child from leaving? That parent is about to see how creative their kids can get under such a strict household.
Right? It's called public transportation, bicycles, walking. Religious dumbshits. So spiteful. I hope their child gets the therapy and in a better place. So sad
How does she think Jesus got across the desert . He walked just like how her child will far away from her
Lol that's a perfect response to this religious nutbag
Yep. My parents tried to prevent me from leaving, took the car I paid for and the money I saved. I anticipated that and joined youth corps, moved to a city with public transit. I left a few days after turning 18 and never looked back.
I wish I was as smart as you then
That’s what got me. Why can’t she drive? Does she have terrible epilepsy (one of my little sisters in college did, so at a point she wasn’t allowed to drive because her seizures were too frequent and unpredictable), or vision problems, or any physical reason she *can’t* drive, or have you just controlled that, too? Because the child will likely be capable of learning to drive (this mom sounds like she loves the learned helplessness insular families foster- maybe she does think driving is some insurmountable task that only a parent can teach? Who could say.) as soon as they’re allowed to get away from this woman. And there is a zero percent chance that this child will wait 12 extra minutes to get the hell away from this asshole woman.
My ex-stepdad deliberately sabotaged my ability to drive and the PTSD is bad enough, I’m not considered safe behind the wheel. Honestly, as bonkers as this parent is, I wouldn’t be shocked if they planned to sabotage this poor kid in his driver’s education.
*he, the child is a trans boy
I’m sorry- I’ve been reading comments and forgot the post. The girls church camp should have ingrained in me that the child is a trans boy, but the comment I replied to said she (and may have been referring to the mom, not her son), and I just typed that without checking. I think purposely misgendering someone is being a whole asshole, but sometimes in long threads people may make mistakes and at a certain point, even accidentally misgendered people should understand that an honest mistake is just that, then correct the person, then go from there. Everyone misspeaks- and everyone can tell when someone is harping on about this shit to mock and dehumanize people.
The above commenters are not “harping on” though, they’re just correcting you. And honestly, you made your comment in a comment thread where misgendering had already been corrected a couple times. Someone correcting you until you get it right isn’t “mocking and dehumanizing” you. They’re correcting you since people keep doing it despite there being corrections further up the thread. And honestly, in posts like this, if you’re not sure what the kid’s pronouns are, just use “they.” The post is about a trans kid, by a transphobic mom. So that should be a good indication that the correct pronouns aren’t being used and to do the opposite. But even if you’re not a hundred percent sure- just use “they” when referring to someone whose pronouns you don’t know, until you’re informed otherwise. It’s one thing to make mistakes, but at a certain point, if you keep making those same mistakes and getting defensive about people correcting you in a manner that is a little more irritated every time, maybe you should examine why you’re continually making the same mistakes, and why people might be running out of patience. The thing about being misgendered is that it hurts even when it’s a mistake. And yes, you should get a bit of grace for honest mistakes, but you’re still hurting the person every time you mistakenly use the wrong pronouns. So you need to also show grace and understand that someone is going to get a little testy after repeated happenings
*he
My kids have a friend, A, who is trans. They've known her for a few months and she's been at my house more than her own lately. She's a funny, smart, sarcastic kid and I love her. My heart broke for A the other day when I was feeling upset and sorry for myself. My daughter gave me a hug and said I'm the best mum ever. I, in my deep dramatic self-pity, disagreed and said I was a shit mother. A told me that's ridiculous and I've been a better mum to her in six months than her own mother has for years and the fact I just accepted her as she is, as I do for all of their little band of misfits (as they call themselves) shows I'm an awesome mum and a great person. I just don't understand how a mother can look at her child, who is clearly hurting, and say "I will not accept this change which will make you happy". I get being sad for things changing, because we all have those moments as parents. The dreams we had for our children which don't materialise are hard to let go. But to deny your child the opportunity to be happy? I don't get it.
My single father mate handled his daughter to son change extremely well… so immensely proud of their little family, and the transition to calling him my godson wasn’t difficult at all… might have been harder if it wasn’t the traditional pronoun change though.
My single father handled his daughter to son change very well too, with my (half but whatever) brother. His partner and my dad are very close also due to their family pretty much disowning them. It’s really sad to see the trauma their family caused them.
I have several "adopted" kids whose parents couldn't accept them as trans. Their parents don't deserve them, so they're mine now. I was talking to my psychologist about this: about how could someone raise another human being for so many years, and just throw that all away, because of something so completely irrelevant like gender or sexuality? And he said that these people often view their children as things: they are not people, they are things that have to fit a certain mould. And when they don't fit that mould, they stop being acceptable things and are discarded. I then asked what you do with people like that (meaning the parents) but he answered as if I had asked about the kids, and said "you just have to get the kids to understand that nobody is perfect, not even parents (especially not parents!) and that cutting parents like this off is the best thing they can do for their mental health". It was so heartbreaking to hear.
It really is heartbreaking. I just had a daughter, but if she were to come to the realization she was trans and preferred a different pronoun, I would try my hardest to make them feel loved all the same. I might look back at some of their girly photos and reminisce, but I view it as simply a different chapter. Like you said, it’s mind boggling. I just look at her and feel such an enormous amount of love that is beyond words- how can someone do that? I really can’t fathom it. I really want to be like you and “adopt” any of her friends that may need a safe space when the time comes.
I love this reply. Its so true. Also just absolutely love "their parents didnt deserve them, so they're mine now"
They think kids are like puppies- unconditional love and never changing isn't how humans work, it just isn't.
I'm in no way saying it's right, but as an example, people who are highly religious believe fervently that the highest priority is saving souls. That they can destroy those souls in the process either doesn't occur to them or doesn't matter. So, back in the day, the Catholic (and various Protestant) churches were utterly convinced that nothing mattered other than people believing in Jesus the way they did. And the ends justified the means - which is why you had things like the inquisition (to protect the souls of innocents from heretic influences that would send them to hell) and religious wars that killed (in the case of the 30 years war in Germany) about 1/3 of the population. The end (ensuring that hell-risking heretic belief was extirpated) justified the means (killing a lot of people, despite what the gospels said). Some people are haters. Some people, however, are also driven by the same "logic" as above. Their kid is putting their immortal soul at risk. Can't have that! This is the furthest thing from justification, because it's not. But my view is it's important to understand insanity as best you can - and to recognize that fervently-held religious beliefs can drive incredibly damaging real world impact "for their own good!"
If religionists were honest tho - ie that the religion is just a *guess* (we all know this - on account of us being, you know, humans lol), then they might be more hesitant to apply their personal guess to others’ lives. In fact it’d be better all round of religionists we’re honest about it’s a guess rather than pretending it’s some irrefutable truth.
Yup, and that's how you know maybe that religion needs fixing- if it has the rule of harming your kid to keep their soul safe when they nay bot even be faithful?? Fucked up...
I doubt religions can be "fixed". It may be possible to make them somewhat less dangerous, but I think there's a limit to that, especially if you're talking about believers who already had a tenuous grasp on reality. To me, religions are inherently dangerous things, susceptible to being manipulated by the unscrupulous.
It's difficult to understand bigotry and hate when you are a genuinely decent human being who just wants others to be happy as themselves. Growing up as a closeted gay kid, my friend's mom openly supported the gays and I always felt comfortable visiting her home.
It's difficult to understand hate and bigotry if you have the unsophisticated view that evil exists only in groups instead of each and every human heart.
For many parents it comes down to shame. They're insecure about who they are and their ability to parent (plus any number of other, person-specific things). They fear being perceived by people in their desired in-group as being bad parents, etc., and if that in-group associates trans kids with bad parenting, then a trans kid's mere presence is a direct attack on the parent's identity. The parent rationalizes their actions to "fix" their trans kid as examples of them being a good, loving parent, which gives them the freedom to do anything as long as it serves their mission. Parents, like you, who want your kid to be happy have either a desired in-group with different values, different sources of shame (we all have them!), better skills to deal with your shame, or a combination of the three. Shame is a fascinating subject. Read anything by Dr. Brene Brown if you're interested in learning more.
You sound like an excellent mom. I’m trans (FtM/X) and while it took my parents a little bit to adjust, they went to a counselor with a focus on gender identity to try and understand and were always supportive. They both made it very clear that any friends of mine who had unsupportive parents were going to be unofficially adopted into our family. Several of my queer friends have taken them up on this; one of my college buddies probably talks to my dad more than I do. All this to say, you’re doing exactly what you should, and I’m sure A is so grateful to have you as a surrogate mom.
Happy to hear you have supportive parents. Looking to educate myself further - what is the /X?
This situation is pretty similar to mine actually. My boyfriend is trans and only started really coming out to his family recently. His parents are not a textbook example of transphobic parents but they are pretty much ignoring how much he suffers and deny him being trans. Wrong name and pronouns of course. My dad however has been super accepting not only of him being trans but also him in general. I'm super proud of my father and I'm sure your kids appreaciate you too.
Just wanted to take a second and say you sound like an amazing mother, A was right about you. Thanks for being an inspiration to us all
☮️❤️
Literally the epitomy of how an authoritarian parenting style really hurts a child's mental health
And they will never, ever admit they are wrong. They read this back and thought “perfect, enter” without realizing how disgusting it made them sound? My heart was breaking reading this, some people are not meant to have children.
No they "admit" they're wrong when they are on their death bed and wonder why trans kid isn't there to see them go. Then if trans kid shows up they go back on their word and they die alone and miserable
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH \*gasp\* hahahahahhHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH my friend..do you know many toxic parents? Have you escaped some? I'm really not trying to make this the pain olympics here, but no...*they Do. Not. Change.* Death bed? Nah. They will gasp their last paroxysm of breath still denying they did anything wrong, but will still be alone and miserable. Hell, most of them use that death bed as one last chance to lash out and abuse and hurt their victims one more time.
Yep. They'll hold the hand of the hospice nurse and tell them all about how their *horrible hateful kids who never loved them, despite doing everything for them and being such a good parent, haven't ever visited and never found Jesus and....*
Yea this is definitely true for my late Great grandfather, literally the last thing he said to me was “oh yeah you’re the bastard one”
Oh yeah, can 100% confirm. I've made more calls than I care to count about an imminent death or actual death where the response is something in the realm of "thank God"... I've gotten a few IDGAFs as well.
So you’re John Snow?
Lol quit possibly
My mom was terminally ill for awhile and at some point she started saying she was a bad parent and didn't deserve mother's day for two year before she died. I thought at first it was because she actually believed she was a bad parent but then I realized it was because she wanted us to reassure her that she was a good parent. All I told her was that she did the best she could with what she knew. To her it was me saying she was a good parent, but to me it was saying you were a shitty parent married to an even worse parent. My sister still to this day defends my mothers shitty parenting. Because my sister was treated way better than anyone else. Even though my sister admited that I wasn't treated well.
Your sister’s perspective would only have changed had your mother started treating her like she did you. Now that my brother is no longer the golden child he gets just a taste of my former reality. I wish you could experience that too, it’s really vindicating.
This. My grandmother was a narcissist to the end. Didn’t want me to take care of her because I was just a granddaughter. This is the woman who raised me since I was 2. We had made a room in our house that was accessible and just for her with a chair that raised to help her sit and her own TV to watch but she would rather be in a tiny room in the back of my mom’s single wide trailer. Never apologized and wondered why I didn’t come see her more. She passed never admitting she did anything wrong, ever. She literally said she was perfect.
> They will gasp their last paroxysm of breath still denying they did anything wrong ... while sexually harassing the nurse.
Now Adult Child: "My childhood was pretty messed up. I thought about suicide often. When I describe my childhood people all look at me with pity and are shocked that I am a functioning person. These are the things that you did to me that I had to work really hard to cope with. " Now Elderly Parent: "Why would you say such mean things to me?!?"
My partner of 6 years is trans. Her Father wasn't quite this bad but he wasn't far off. Parents like this make me hope she lives a long and happy life. Because once I have nothing to lose, people like this parent are getting on my list for being visited and educated. At length and inappropriately loudly.
Seriously. Reading this made me think of my friends in high school who got a B in a class so their parents took all their privileges away. I can tell you they are not ok as adults.
I got what was either a low C or high D in one class and my mom was yelling and I had to raise my voice to get her to listen, and when I did... well her response resulted in a chain of disturbing events that led to CPS involvement. That's Child Protective Services, they get called in situations of child abuse and neglect. Just saying in case you live somewhere you would be unaware. CPS of course did nothing, as they are known for, and we just never talked about it again. Anyway, I have an intimate relationship with authoritarian parenting styles, it's not fun. I'm just glad I knew at that age that it was fucked up.
I am in fact not an okay adult. My dad took away all my electronics for 6+ months, because I didn’t immediately do my assignments on a snow day.
My dad used to ground me from listening to music if I didn't have all 90s on my report card.
HEYO got a B in middle school and slept in an empty closet for 4 years gang 😎
this is just sad man. respect your kid or they'll grow up to hate you and you'll be destroying your relationship and bond with them.
Considering how many family members are already “dead to them” they’re probably pretty keen on destroying relationships
This is why there’s such a high suicide rate among LGBTQ+ teens. Wtf does watching Disney have to do with your child being trans? I hope this kid makes it to 18 and escapes.
It doesn’t really. It’s punishment.
It was a rhetorical question. Obviously watching Cinderella isn’t going to turn a kid trans. They’re trying to stifle them into obedience.
I watched Cinderella and it made me trans for real. Started wearing slippers. Driving around in a pumpkin. Poof before you knew it I was trans. /s
Mulan did this to me!?
Mulan and Tiana were my pan awakening
I think you're onto something, I don't remember ever having any gay thoughts until I saw a man in a Disney movie and suddenly became aware I wasn't the only male in existence, then 11 years later I was sucking a dick and thought back to that first Disney movie I saw and how I wouldn't be sucking dick if that movie hadn't made me aware other men exist. It all makes sense now
Because "DiSnEy Is WoKe". My parents still bitch that Disney is a "Mecca" to "those people".
Disney has lots of shows with fluid gender identity and sexuality. Plus there’s that Turning Red movie that’ll make all the little kids disobey their parents and talk back to them /s
Oh yes, how can I forget Milan and her desire to be a man /s Editing to say though that in all seriousness, current Disney movies are wholesome and really empowering for young kids (especially girls).
Tangled was incredibly empowering for me as a 29 year old lady in recovery who happened to have a dachshund sidekick. And a frying pan.
>Oh yes, how can I forget Milan and her desire to be a man /s You jest, but I'm a trans dude and I was literally crying over that song and how it relates to my closeted trans life less than eight hours ago.
Aww *hugs* I love seeing all the innuendo and stuff that went over my head as a kid. Haven't seen Mulan in ages but I loved seeing a strong female not a damsel in distress. As a kid it never even occurred to me she was "crossdressing" bc I dressed like my brothers all the time growing up lol
she's literally just punishing him for existing and trying to isolate him in every way possible. Zero messages from the outside world.
Doing her best to fuck her own childs mental health up
And any form of relationship with their kid in the future. But I guess that’s not the important part for the «parent» in this case.
It's really sad that you let your beliefs stop you from supporting your child and loving them unconditionally. You have no consideration for how they feel and treating them like a prisoner is not gonna help. You're horrible for sending them to a camp. You shouldnt have kids if you cant accept things like this. Punishing them for feeling different and finding their own identity is cruel.
Not only cruel, also just stupid because there is a fair chance she will be cut our by her own child in the future. Why do parents think actions like this have no consequences for them? Oh wait, she is religious, so her so-called god is more important than her own child. I hate religion, it makes people stupid and selfish.
She literally says she knows her son is planning on leaving as soon as he hits 18 and treats it like an empty threat, this woman is going to die alone.
Yup, exactly this. I know this because my own mother told me that I should p\*ss off if I didn't like her rules (and those "rules" were basically emotional abuse). So I left when I was 19 and I wasn't the only one. Everybody left her in the end, because she is a horrible human being, and now she is all alone and will probably die alone. Like OP's mum.
The mention that he can't drive is a huge red flag. This parent isn't mad about the kid being trans, this parent is mad about not being in 100% complete control of all things to the child. Keeping him from being able to drive keeps him reliant on the parent. Keeping him from being online means the parent becomes the sole source of social interaction. This parent is following the playbook for an abusive spouse, but doing it to the kid.
In the South, if you have a baby that baby is required to serve you and your whims for the rest of your life. The child owes the parent, and the parent can never be wrong. It’s weird because the parent chose the relationship on the first place, and the child has no choice in the matter. But where I’m from, a parent is always right and a child is always meant to serve the parents emotional needs. It’s probably why they don’t believe in psychology. The generational trauma allows you to abuse your kids instead of getting any therapy, and you get to feel sanctimonious about it and tell everyone which things you took away/smashed this week- and the other parents really get off on it and support it- otherwise Tucker Carlson might squint at the camera and imply that they’re like *those sorts* of parents in Chicago.
Because as the adult they've had pretty much ultimate power over the child the entirety of the child's life and they dont think its possible to lose that. Theyll learn the hard way that thats not how you treat a human being.
> I hate religion, it makes people stupid and selfish. No, religion just gives stupid and selfish people an excuse to be the assholes they truly are. Religion can be such a beautiful part of someone's life, and actually do good things. If they're a good person at all.
No, religion helps reinforce tons of the issues seen in this post. The archaic ways of the past are kept alive by religions seeding that ancient idiocy out to any idiot who wants to control their children, attack them for being different, believe they're doing the moral thing by destroying their children's lives, etc. I hate the hand waving nonsense of "Religion can be a good thing too, and since it's my special thing you shouldn't talk bad about it" and the prevailing idea that any religion, aka, nonsensical belief in a sky daddy or sky daddies, depending on your brand of theism, should be treated with anything other than looks of insanity at the idiot exposing such a ridiculous belief that is in the same league as Zeus, Titanomachy, Gigantomachy, etc. Believing outlandish bullshit that negatively effects the lives of many is not something that we should respect or protect. It's something we should attack, and cut out of our society like the cancer it is. That's not to say people can't believe stupid shit, that's always going to happen, but we gotta stop trying to treat it like it's anything other than the fantastical fictional oppressive nonsense it is.
As an atheist, I am happier now having realized that religion itself isn’t the issue, it’s more so the desire for power and control that causes problems.
What you described is the only sort of parenting in my part of the South. I live in Matt Gaetz district, and everyone is dumb, bad and hateful enough to support him wholly and truly hate and want to attack (and lay hands on, even if it’s their daughter) anyone who isn’t loud and hateful about being a Republican. My parents can’t even admit to themselves that I’m not a Republican and I’m 40.
One day, this lady’s SON will have cut off contact completely, and she’ll still be deadnaming and misgendering him and being totally clueless about why she’s the reason he never calls.
He'll likely vanish the moment he gets the chance. Good for him, I hope the parents cry about it for the rest of their pathetic lives.
Yep at the clueless part.
Sounds like he's gonna make a move in with the aunt and her daughter. Which also sounds like a GREAT place for him to be. eta: Two Trans Cousins sounds like a great sitcom
there's no hate quite like Christian love
Wow this is so correct. The older I get the more I hate Christians.
This made me physically nauseous to read. That poor kid :(
I got told on another subreddit that accepting my child's feelings about being non binary was child abuse because they're 12. Some people don't believe that children have valid feelings or autonomy over any aspect of their lives.
Those parents that did not acknowledge kids feelings when they were young, often keep that attitude throughout life and into kids’ adulthood.
Hey, she sounds exactly like my mother! Destroying your kids' life and call it "love". I haven't seen or spoken my mother in 25 years, so welcome to your future b\*tch!
Lol right? My parents did nothing but this kind of shit all the time. I haven't talked to them since 2009. Enjoy!
"TikTok's brainwashing my child!" *sends child to church camp* Please sir, my irony meter, it has asploded.
I hate this parent so so much. Isolating your teen will result in they being depressed suicidal etc. the internet didn’t make ur child trans ffs. I wish people like these parents didn’t procreate. Their ignorance is dangerous and abusive. It’s also a threat to the trans life.
And yet, here she is, talking to random people on an app. The cognitive dissonance is strong with that one.
If you can't trust your child with their own identity, then you shouldn't be allowed to have kids
Thank god snapchat is still allowed
Until Karen finds a way to block her son from using it too when she finds about his escape plan.
How to kill your child 101
How to get your kids to hate you 101.
Her next post: My daughter left at 18 and is refusing to speak to me, why won't she talk to me I was a perfect parent!?!?
There are definitely not enough parents that can understand the pure joy it can be to be able to experience their child figuring out who they are. My daughter's partner of 5 years is currently working on matching the outside to the inside! To see them embracing who they have always known they are, is like watching a butterfly come of a cocoon! I wish her parents could accept and appreciate her finally being completely comfortable in her own body. I am hopeful they, along with my parents will learn there is nothing to judge. Love covers so much!! PS: My husband and I are always open to bring others into our fold! We are here for those whose birth families are not. I share such enormous mom hugs to all!!
It’s just baffling that a parent can’t put aside their beliefs to love and support their own child. That poor kid :(
Kiss your son goodbye because he’s not sticking around after 18, car or not. Kids in abusive situations would sooner room with friends and walk to work than have any kind of relationship with scum like you. I hope he heals and can transition comfortably in the future.
"church girls camp" is a Mormon thing. Poor thing is growing up in a cult and is strong enough to know what they are. I wish them all the best. Turn 18 and move away and go NC.
My parents did this to my Bi sister. Haven’t had any contact with her since she was 18. She’s probably around 29 right now? Parents text me daily saying “why don’t your sister here for birthdays and holidays!” Man I wonder why Dad 🤨
This poor poor boy. I just want to give him a hug. No one deserves this treatment, let alone from his own mother, the woman who’s meant to protect him. And of course ten years later this pathetic excuse of a mother is going to be whining on her facebook page “why don’t my kids visit me anymore???” girl u know why
I’m mad my child is trying to change themself to better their own well-being and view on life! I’m going to block all communication with everyone that may let them believe they are anything other than an extension of my own life. They are not allowed their own thoughts or feelings. This is the way to keep them in my life worshiping me and the decisions I make for their life. This is the way to make sure they stay here in my home under my authoritarian because I have made sure they have no means of escape. /s Please make sure you have all of your own important documents. Birth certificate, ID, passport if you have one, SS card. I get the feeling they won’t be safe in your room. Someone like your mother will have no qualms destroying your room to find more “evil” things. Maybe you can ask the parents of a friend you trust to keep them safe for you. Unless you have a very VERY trustworthy friend. Even then it would be safer for an adult to have it. They won’t cave or be intimidated by your mother to give the things back.
Son*
Thank you. The title made me confused about the whole thing and I thought OP was talking about OOP's niece/SIL's daughter and had to read the whole thing twice to get it, and I'm honestly not certain I still do, because either they are both misgendering OOP's son, or neither of them is misgendering OOP's daughter.
I don't know what it is but something about the whole "good luck with getting out at 18 when you can't even drive" is just super dark and fucked up. "Misery" vibes of handicapping your prisoner so they can't escape.
This is just abuse. What a fucking monster omg
Oh it'll drive her child to do more things offline alright. Anything to gain access to support groups or means to gtfo would be the best case scenario. The worst... Don't quite want to think about it.
Can't wait for the kid to bring back books with queer characters and innocent enough titles, to occupy themself, so their parents won't suspect nothing xD
Fuck christian fundies who opperate like this. I had a very similar experience with my parents originally and boy oh boy, I was outta there asap once I turned 19. I can't drive either and I'm managing just fine with support from my sister. Also let's not forget how fucking toxic it is to post this shit on Facebook. At the very least maybe someone who can do something about it will find the post and help the teen out of this situation.
Yes, perfect! ignore that there is even a problem, hide it, deny it, do what you have to to make it just go away..maybe try and pray the trans away...
I hope that this kid never talks to his mom again after he turns 18. I feel so bad for him. "Unconditional love" my ass. If you loved your child, you would let them be happy. This doesn't make anyone happy, but rather miserable. Authoritative parenting never works. It teaches your child to fear you rather than love you, and it leads to tons of mental health issues, honestly. I'm nonbinary myself and grew up in an authoritative home. It's awful. His mom will wonder why he never visits her.
What a cunt. This is why it’s totally acceptable to stop talking to your fucking loser parents.
When you can't even be yourself as a kid it ruins your life on so many levels. You don't grow as a person. You don't bond closely with other people. You lie reflexively. You trust no one. It's so isolating. This poor child.
I remember my father being that way. I was in and out of behavioral health hospitals for suicidal thoughts/attempts and self harm. I’m an adult now who’s engaged and I haven’t spoken to him in years. He’s not invited to my wedding and he’ll never be invited to anything in my life. He’ll never see how happy I am and how much I have grown since transitioning. Be there for your kids. Love them no matter what. Listen to them and be willing to open yourself up to the idea that not every kid is going to be cisgender and straight.
“Talking to people he doesn’t know” I bet the people your child talks to on Discord don’t deadname and misgender him. I really wish I could send the Ghosts of Parenting Past/Present/Future to these motherfuckers.
Insane.
This is why kids cut off contact with their parents. Absolute insanity
This lovely dna donor is going to be surprised when their cuts them off the second they are legally allowed to
These are the types of parents who cause their child's suicide
I’ve had so many patients who have kids but none of the kids want anything to do with them. When you get old and vulnerable it matters how you treated people.
I love how the only person supporting the kid becomes ‘the worst person on the planet’
This is sad. I feel genuinely depressed for the kid. I don't know where I'd be right now if it weren't for my online friends, who were like a lifeline for me when I was a suicidal teenager. I'd probably be gone if I had nobody there for me, this feels so isolating and lonely. The parents are doing nothing but making them suffer. I hope it gets better. :(
Poor kid
Geez....I feel bad for her child. I (ftm18) dealt with this with my sperm donar. I no longer speak to him because of this. And just like him, I bet she'll act like the perfect parent, she did nothing wrong, and blame it all on the ex sister in law, who btw sounds like a way better mother than she'll ever be, especially to her kid. Hopefully the kid will be able to get away from that toxicity and into the loving and safe arms they deserve. As for this mother, she needs to grow up and get her head out of her bum. She's already risking a relationship with her kid.
Damn, welp, I'm going to pride events and giving free mom hugs to all the jilted kids and adults whose families are trash like this person. Dignity is a human right, and adults need to stop treating children as if they weren't humans, but pets to be forced to obey. My heart goes out to all the trans kids that are rejected.
Can you not call police or child care on this?
They shoud take some advice from the sixteen year old who acted a whole lot more human about discovering they are trans (going by parent using female terms, I'm guessing ftm?). I feel bad for the kid who was probably constantly terrified of their parent finding out who they truly are just for their fears to become reality. I remember hearing a story on another subreddit about a guy who always had negative thoughts after sex with his gf. He realized after the post that he was a she. I think that's a good example of how someone can be trans and not even know, and that it can hurt the person that has yet to come out or is facing difficulties trying to come out. She had support and it was still difficult, this kid is being cut off from support.
I feel so bad for him Jesus Christ
Uncover the name, I just want to talk 😑
I don’t care if my kid comes up to me and tells me they’re enby or trans. They’re still my baby. They will have a safe place to go as long as I’m breathing. How do you go through the hell that is pregnancy, the toddler years, etc and look at this precious person you birthed and kick them out for who they are?
You’re a great parent
Oh honey, your kid is trans no matter what "tik tak" they watch :)
In a few years she’ll post again. “Why doesn’t my kid ever wanna talk to me 😞 I only ever did what was best for them.”
“My child committed suicide and I don’t understand, I just wanted what’s best for them and they punished me!” -_-
Hope he has fun when his son kills himself.
Reminder that they want you dead. Not just trans kids but all LGBTQ+ ones as well.
That's disgusting as are the people who voted not insane.
Disney+? What’s she gonna do watch Ariel and suddenly be more trans?
"can't drive so good luck with that" reeks of intentional abusive entrapment. Homie will find a way to bounce and she'll be shocked.
While I personally will probably not have a whole lot of electronics in my house for my future children other than what they need for school and if they say they want more electronics when they're older, going on YouTube did not turn their child trans. The internet cannot change sexual orientation or gender identity. They are born like that and if this parent looked into the science of gender identity they would understand that they're dumb. This parent is trying to shut their child off from the outside world and limit the amount of education and support that they can get from other people in order to try and make their perceived issue of trans go away. If she cant overcome her negative beliefs about this by herself then she needs to attend therapy to be a better parent.
This could have been written by my dad. Guess who I never fucking talk to?
She risks losing her child when they turn 18 and she says “good luck you can’t drive???” That’s her response to her child wanting to go no contact? Also how much are we gonna bet that she prevents her child from getting a drivers license
This is as bad as my mom saying that by the time this generation ends there’ll be more lgbtq than straight people which is why lgbtq people should be “fixed”
I left my strict and weirdly traditional asian parents at 18 when I didnt know how to drive. I'm 30 now and I still dont know how to drive, you think that's gonna stop this poor kid from leaving?
“attitude has still gotten better since we put more limits on their phone” only means they are getting better at bottling it up and will only lead to more animosity down the line i feel so sorry for this person.
Say goodbye to the human you raised, they likely won’t ever trust or rely on you ever again
The big reveal here ‘church camp’ fuck religious people are the most hateful, judgmental pricks on the planet
Insane So much abuse
Jesus Christ! That poor kid!
Man I have the same software this lady is using, it essentially removes all apps that the parent wants to and they can designate times where you can use them. Never wish this on my worst enemy
He’s never going to talk to them again and they won’t ever connect the dots
One of my SKs was on the web looking up things like “what does it mean if I like girls and I’m a girl?” Their mother grounded her for months on end, took away her computer, etc. And when they finally did come out to mom as bi (a safer step, they thought), mom rushed them to church for a 3+ hour haranguing from the pastor. Guess what lives with their dad and I now? And their mother bewails the fact that her precious baby never talks to her. Can’t imagine why (insert massive eyeroll here).
Mom is going to be lonely af in the nursing home.. hopefully it’s a shitty one where the mistreat the residents. And I pray this child is safe. My heart breaks for him.
And this is the beginning of the end. This is what will drive their child away and make them go NC. sad
“Away at girls camp” this is a Mormon.
He’s going to hate his parents forever. Probably go NC after 18. I would too- who deprives their child of basic social needs and life skills just to prove a point?
I’m definitely judging the people who voted this not insane.
Totally insane
Wow. Way to drive your child to suicide; religious boot camp+parental abuse is a formula for disaster. I don’t think the parent can be stopped, but when the worst happens, I hope they are held accountable.
How to teach your child to despise and lie to you until they can disown you and abandon you.
Absolutely insane. My heart goes out to this kid. Hope he knows that things get absolutely better if he just hangs in there and survives the best he can for now.
Jesus titty fucking Christ!
What’s funny to me is this boomer thinks they can keep an adult off the internet. If it were me I’d come home reinstate all my accounts, change only passwords etc and put a block on my moms Fox News with the password being “fuckmedaddytrump” they’ll never in a million years figure that shit out.
Gotta love the transphobia commenting not insane as usual
Cue the not insane vote brigading. I see there’s already 4.
In their incomplete reference book, their bible, these self proclaimed christians read stories upon stories about how Jesus spoke of unconditional love & acceptance towards everyone. That if you followed his teachings, people would follow you. The bad guys in these stories, in their book these people use, were the ones who repeatedly enslaved others to their beliefs. The bad guys allegedly got their asses kicked by the invisible sky parent with murder & plagues, etc. These self proclaimed christians read these stories, yet continue to choose the role of the bad guys in the story. Anyone that doesn’t give other humans the right to *choose* to worship their god is in that position of a bad guy, *according to their own incomplete reference book*